1 00:03:09,970 --> 00:03:12,640 Back, back, back. 2 00:03:12,810 --> 00:03:15,640 How fucking far back do you go? 3 00:03:15,810 --> 00:03:18,850 My mom and dad were divorced before I was 2. 4 00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:23,570 And from then on, my father was almost uninvolved in my life... 5 00:03:23,730 --> 00:03:27,530 ...and my mother, much too involved. 6 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:32,660 She wanted to make up for all her mistakes through me. 7 00:03:32,830 --> 00:03:37,410 One night, there was something in my pants, like, blood. 8 00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:40,540 My mom said, "Oh, hell, your period. 9 00:03:40,710 --> 00:03:44,670 This is where all the trouble starts. " 10 00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:48,090 She was right. 11 00:04:16,370 --> 00:04:19,290 Now Mom and Dad really had something to fight over. 12 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,170 Me. 13 00:04:21,330 --> 00:04:24,590 Then one day, my dad disappeared. 14 00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:28,260 No number, no letters, just gone. 15 00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:30,630 I wrote to Seventeen magazine. 16 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,760 A long letter about us. 17 00:04:32,930 --> 00:04:35,890 They wanted to publish it as an article but kept asking: 18 00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:38,640 "Your dad going away? Does he come back? 19 00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:40,850 Does it have a happy ending?" 20 00:04:41,020 --> 00:04:44,270 In reality, it didn't, but I thought, "What the hell? 21 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,280 I'll give them what they want. " 22 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:48,860 This is it. 23 00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:50,950 Time to go. 24 00:04:51,110 --> 00:04:53,070 Mom, please... 25 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,240 No way are we gonna be late. 26 00:04:55,410 --> 00:04:56,660 We have hours. 27 00:04:56,830 --> 00:05:00,000 Honey, honey, you've got registration at 4. 28 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,420 Come on, now. 29 00:05:02,580 --> 00:05:06,380 Oh, Lizzie, you wanna take your rug. 30 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:10,010 - Mom! - What? Come on. 31 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,390 This is the most important day of your life. 32 00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:17,180 I thought that's when you got married. 33 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:21,600 No, honey, that's the worst day of your life. 34 00:05:22,270 --> 00:05:24,060 Yeah, she is so excited. 35 00:05:24,230 --> 00:05:26,230 Oh, Mom, she looks beautiful. 36 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,730 Pity, I was aiming for psychotic. 37 00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:31,650 Well, yeah. 38 00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:33,950 Grandma's so excited she's crying. 39 00:05:34,110 --> 00:05:36,200 It's a journalism scholarship, Mom. 40 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:40,540 Journalism, yeah. She wants to be a writer. 41 00:05:46,290 --> 00:05:49,750 The first few days, that's when everyone makes friends. 42 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,210 I know. 43 00:05:51,380 --> 00:05:55,890 - It gets harder later. - Mom, I think I'm old enough. 44 00:05:56,050 --> 00:05:57,930 Don't get upset. 45 00:05:58,100 --> 00:05:59,470 I'm not getting upset. 46 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,770 Why are you saying that I'm upset? 47 00:06:01,930 --> 00:06:04,190 I'm just trying to help. You know that. 48 00:06:04,350 --> 00:06:07,230 You know how proud I am of you, Lizzie. 49 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,730 You have so much potential. 50 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,070 Are you listening to me? 51 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,360 Lizzie? 52 00:06:15,530 --> 00:06:17,370 Lizzie. Lizzie, what are you doing? 53 00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:20,200 Come on, let's get this stuff down to the car. 54 00:06:20,370 --> 00:06:24,830 I don't have to go to Harvard to become a writer. 55 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,920 Lizzie, what are you talking about? 56 00:06:29,090 --> 00:06:31,050 At Harvard, you'll meet people. 57 00:06:31,210 --> 00:06:35,090 You'll get contacts. You'll get people to help you. 58 00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:37,970 I know what I'm talking about, Lizzie. 59 00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:41,720 I had my whole life ahead of me. 60 00:06:43,180 --> 00:06:45,940 You don't want to go to Harvard? 61 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,350 Well, you just... 62 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:50,480 ...wait until you have no choices left... 63 00:06:50,650 --> 00:06:52,320 ...where you've got nothing. 64 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,240 No one. No one who cares about you. 65 00:06:55,400 --> 00:07:00,450 - Then you see how you feel. - Mom, I didn't say I wasn't going. 66 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,580 Dr. Isaacs warned me. 67 00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:04,370 Mom, I said, I'm going. 68 00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:06,160 He told me you'd isolate... 69 00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:08,960 ...stay in your room all day. - I'm not isolating. 70 00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:12,550 Okay, I'm not gonna isolate. 71 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:16,800 I want things to be different. 72 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,390 Fine. 73 00:07:21,550 --> 00:07:23,770 That's all you need, then. 74 00:07:23,930 --> 00:07:27,390 That's what I've been talking about. 75 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:29,480 You'll see, Lizzie. 76 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:33,570 It'll be a whole other world up there. 77 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,280 Young, God, I was so young. 78 00:07:43,450 --> 00:07:47,830 You be careful. When I think of it, just a year older than you... 79 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,670 ...and I was already a housewife. 80 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,250 God, I was so bored I bought a monkey... 81 00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:58,420 ...just to have someone to talk to. 82 00:07:58,590 --> 00:08:01,800 But then you came along. 83 00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:29,710 Oh, my God. 84 00:08:29,870 --> 00:08:32,830 Lizzie, Lizzie, it's so... 85 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,420 Harvard. 86 00:08:42,140 --> 00:08:44,010 But you're on the fifth floor. 87 00:08:44,180 --> 00:08:45,760 I know. 88 00:08:45,930 --> 00:08:48,560 Well, how are we gonna manage, huh? 89 00:08:48,730 --> 00:08:51,310 I can do it, okay, Mom? Don't worry about it. 90 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,440 - No, no, no. - Hi. 91 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,820 May I be of assistance? 92 00:08:57,980 --> 00:09:01,530 Could you? Oh, that's too kind. 93 00:09:02,110 --> 00:09:04,700 My pleasure. 94 00:09:05,070 --> 00:09:07,490 Ever since she was in second grade... 95 00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:09,580 ...she was always writing. 96 00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:13,000 The man has "good catch" written all over his forehead. 97 00:09:13,170 --> 00:09:16,630 Any minute now she' gonna ask me to confirm it. 98 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,590 Lizzie. 99 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,170 I've always helped my mother pick up boyfriends. 100 00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:24,510 The only one I never got a say in was the one that mattered. 101 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:27,010 My dad. 102 00:09:27,180 --> 00:09:29,640 Now, that's quality. That's a father. 103 00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:33,020 Could you imagine your father? We'd still be in Manhattan. 104 00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:37,440 I told him you've already had things published. 105 00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:43,200 Don't you think you should be getting the car back? It's getting kind of late. 106 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,620 Yeah. 107 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:50,120 Don't forget to eat. 108 00:09:58,170 --> 00:10:01,670 - Bye, sweetheart. - Bye, Mom. 109 00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:10,810 Ever since I was a little kid, my mom and I always hung out together. 110 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:16,400 I didn't fit in with most kids in school. 111 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:21,820 They thought I was strange, so they made me feel like a stranger. 112 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:26,320 And my mother took advantage of it from an early age. 113 00:10:26,490 --> 00:10:30,450 Throwing me into plays, spelling bees, studying... 114 00:10:30,620 --> 00:10:34,830 ...writing, museums, concerts and even more writing. 115 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,830 She convinced me this would lead to the Holy Grail. 116 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,380 Harvard. A place where I would finally be surrounded by people... 117 00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:43,420 ...I had something in common with. 118 00:10:43,590 --> 00:10:45,590 I'm not gonna ask for much. 119 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:49,760 They don't have to be a Springsteen fan. 120 00:10:54,060 --> 00:10:57,150 Nice meeting you guys. 121 00:10:58,190 --> 00:10:59,400 - Hi. - Hi. 122 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:01,270 You're Elizabeth, right? 123 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:05,070 Yeah, I thought that I recognized you from the face book. 124 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,490 I read that article that you wrote about your parents' divorce. 125 00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:11,240 - That was brilliant. - Thank you. 126 00:11:11,410 --> 00:11:13,080 - I'm Ruby. - Hi. 127 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:17,210 - We're gonna be roommates. - Oh, cool. 128 00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:21,210 Seriously, you don't have any idea what that article meant to me. 129 00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:26,050 You telling the grisly truth about your parents, exposing all their lies. 130 00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:30,970 And then meeting with your father, reconciling with him. 131 00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:33,810 So inspiring. 132 00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:39,770 Do you smoke? 133 00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:43,780 You know, I've never smoked in the daytime before. 134 00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:48,200 Well, we're at Harvard now. We can do whatever we want to. 135 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,620 Cool. 136 00:11:52,410 --> 00:11:55,370 We'll be like these beautiful, literary freaks. 137 00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:59,000 And brilliant and dark, sexy. 138 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,550 Trouble is, I'm deadly serious. 139 00:12:13,470 --> 00:12:16,520 Boys never used to notice me before. 140 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:20,900 I wasn't even on their list of alternatives. 141 00:12:45,090 --> 00:12:47,670 Ruby gets it. She gets me. 142 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:52,180 If she were a guy, everything would be perfect. 143 00:13:04,770 --> 00:13:07,650 When Lou Reed was 17 years old, he was diagnosed... 144 00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:11,490 ...as suffering from mood swings. 145 00:13:12,110 --> 00:13:16,830 He was subjected to electric-shock treatment three times a week. 146 00:13:16,990 --> 00:13:20,460 Each treatment hit him as a blinding white light... 147 00:13:20,620 --> 00:13:23,290 ...and therein lies his genius. 148 00:13:23,460 --> 00:13:25,330 To embrace his own psychic carnage... 149 00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:31,220 ...and create some of the greatest rock 'n' roll the world has ever heard. 150 00:13:59,790 --> 00:14:01,580 I feel his cold embrace... 151 00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,410 ...his sly caress. 152 00:14:03,580 --> 00:14:06,460 Lying in my room for days on end. 153 00:14:06,630 --> 00:14:09,460 Everything cold, dark, silvery. 154 00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:13,260 I'm scared he'll take me back to the depths of my own twisted desire... 155 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:17,010 ...to a place I'm too afraid to go to because maybe I'll never escape. 156 00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:20,930 I'll bet you got thousands at home. 157 00:14:23,180 --> 00:14:27,730 Cigarette packs, with tiny, little writing on them. 158 00:14:28,860 --> 00:14:30,980 Your life story? 159 00:14:31,150 --> 00:14:33,490 Diary? No? 160 00:14:33,650 --> 00:14:37,070 Come on, this is killing me. 161 00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:40,330 It's an assignment. 162 00:14:40,490 --> 00:14:44,620 You're the most conscientious student at Harvard. 163 00:14:44,790 --> 00:14:47,790 It's a music review. 164 00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:51,130 I'm trying to start a music column for The Crimson. 165 00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:53,970 That's great. 166 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,850 You wanna do some X? 167 00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:04,060 You've never done X. 168 00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:08,270 Acid goes to your head, right? 169 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,480 X goes to your heart. 170 00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:15,920 Hey. 171 00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:18,550 You okay? 172 00:16:22,350 --> 00:16:25,680 What are you doing in here? 173 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,640 Oh, no. 174 00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:33,230 Do you wanna go back inside? 175 00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:40,410 There's a guy out there. 176 00:16:40,570 --> 00:16:44,030 I think he's looking for you. 177 00:17:17,020 --> 00:17:19,740 His voice comes to me under the covers. 178 00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:24,160 "Come here, baby. " He's inside of me, where no one else has been... 179 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,290 ...in my dark and secret place. 180 00:17:27,450 --> 00:17:29,250 I let him take me there... 181 00:17:29,410 --> 00:17:31,120 ...but then my fear returns. 182 00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:33,250 I want him to stop. 183 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,880 How do you think it feels? And when do you think it stops? 184 00:17:37,050 --> 00:17:38,960 I don't want him in control. 185 00:17:39,130 --> 00:17:40,720 I want him to be gone. 186 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:42,510 I want him not to exist. 187 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,220 I mean, let's face it. 188 00:17:44,390 --> 00:17:47,720 "Lou Reed should be dead. " 189 00:17:49,810 --> 00:17:52,350 It's great. 190 00:18:00,610 --> 00:18:04,200 You gonna sleep with me tonight? 191 00:18:06,030 --> 00:18:07,950 Don't say I didn't warn you. 192 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:13,660 - What's that supposed to mean? - It means don't say I didn't warn you. 193 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,340 Great. 194 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:23,670 I've been wanting so badly for sex to happen the right way... 195 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:29,060 ...with the right person, at the right time, in the right place. 196 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,140 - It wasn't any big deal. - When is it, though? 197 00:18:33,310 --> 00:18:36,400 - It should've been. - Well, at least he's good-looking. 198 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,230 It was my first time. 199 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,230 Yeah, sure. 200 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,190 No, I'm serious. 201 00:18:44,110 --> 00:18:46,530 Are you kidding me? 202 00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:47,950 It's true. 203 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:50,330 No way, I don't believe you. 204 00:18:50,490 --> 00:18:55,580 I figured I should start having sex like a normal 19-year-old. 205 00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,540 I happen to think this calls for celebration. 206 00:18:58,710 --> 00:19:02,460 - We could have a party. - A party? 207 00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:08,340 It was meant to be subtle... 208 00:19:08,510 --> 00:19:10,180 ...but of course... 209 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:14,520 Elizabeth, this is great. Such a wild idea. 210 00:19:16,390 --> 00:19:19,190 Everyone got it. 211 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:24,110 Only not everyone was so pleased. 212 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,900 I wish I'd have thought of something like this. 213 00:19:27,070 --> 00:19:29,200 Thanks. 214 00:19:29,370 --> 00:19:32,290 I love your dress. 215 00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:44,420 Hey. 216 00:19:44,590 --> 00:19:48,130 How can you take something private and turn it into something public? 217 00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:51,890 It wasn't private to begin with. 218 00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:55,730 - It was good. It was interesting. - Interesting? 219 00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:57,520 I just mean it wasn't about me. 220 00:19:57,690 --> 00:20:01,940 You know, it wasn't special. It was just sex. 221 00:20:03,230 --> 00:20:06,150 Okay, that's cool. 222 00:20:06,610 --> 00:20:10,030 You don't look cool with it. 223 00:20:16,450 --> 00:20:20,120 I'd been saving my virginity for someone who truly loves me... 224 00:20:20,290 --> 00:20:22,790 ...who really knows the inside of me. 225 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,090 Noah wasn't it. 226 00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:28,260 He told me afterwards that, in terms of absolute value... 227 00:20:28,420 --> 00:20:31,430 ...sex and drugs were equally meaningless to him. 228 00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:35,350 Just two different ways to have fun. 229 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,600 Which is all well and good... 230 00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:42,150 ...until a girl tries to have the same approach. 231 00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:43,980 Lizzie? 232 00:20:44,150 --> 00:20:47,360 - Hey, have you guys seen Lizzie? - No. 233 00:20:47,530 --> 00:20:49,860 Lizzie? 234 00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:52,950 Lizzie? 235 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,030 Lizzie, you got a phone call. 236 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,120 - Who is it? - Rolling Stone. 237 00:20:57,290 --> 00:21:00,000 Rolling Stone? 238 00:21:01,540 --> 00:21:05,550 The college journalism award for 1985... 239 00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:09,630 ...goes to Elizabeth Wurtzel... 240 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:14,050 ...for her Harvard Crimson piece on Lou Reed. 241 00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:19,850 I want to forget everything that has happened to me before. 242 00:21:20,020 --> 00:21:23,350 I wanna freeze this moment. 243 00:21:24,310 --> 00:21:26,730 Forever. 244 00:21:34,570 --> 00:21:37,080 Thank you. 245 00:21:37,830 --> 00:21:39,540 - It's great. - No, you're great. 246 00:21:39,700 --> 00:21:41,330 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 247 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:45,000 I'm thinking about the bands coming to Cambridge who you can cover. 248 00:21:45,170 --> 00:21:48,090 It's rare we get somebody who's going to all the gigs... 249 00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:49,840 ...writing with such clarity. 250 00:21:50,010 --> 00:21:52,180 So I'm thinking he's coming on to me... 251 00:21:52,340 --> 00:21:55,390 ...and he's, like, an editor at Rolling Stone. 252 00:21:55,550 --> 00:21:57,640 And how old is he? 253 00:21:57,810 --> 00:21:59,810 - Oh, my God. - What? 254 00:21:59,970 --> 00:22:03,020 - It's my dad. - Oh, cool. 255 00:22:03,190 --> 00:22:04,850 Look at that. 256 00:22:05,020 --> 00:22:08,780 - What? - I can't believe he left us for that. 257 00:22:08,940 --> 00:22:10,780 What? What's the matter? 258 00:22:10,940 --> 00:22:13,030 I haven't seen him in four years. 259 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:14,570 Wait. I thought you said... 260 00:22:14,740 --> 00:22:17,700 I know what I said. 261 00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:29,670 Dad, when are you coming back to live with us? 262 00:22:31,340 --> 00:22:33,720 Well, I'm not, honey. You know that. 263 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:38,430 But Mom said that if you want to, she wants you to. 264 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,060 I'm sure your mom didn't say that, did she? 265 00:22:42,230 --> 00:22:44,640 She did. 266 00:22:44,890 --> 00:22:46,480 Honey, you know... 267 00:22:46,650 --> 00:22:50,150 ...it's just not gonna happen. 268 00:22:52,570 --> 00:22:56,950 Which doesn't mean that I love you any the less. 269 00:23:08,670 --> 00:23:10,460 Who does he think he is? 270 00:23:10,630 --> 00:23:15,260 He disappears for four fucking years. Then he thinks he can come here... 271 00:23:15,430 --> 00:23:18,390 ...and take pictures of his perfect Ivy League daughter? 272 00:23:18,550 --> 00:23:20,470 This place has nothing to do with him. 273 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,640 The least he can do is have the decency to understand that. 274 00:23:23,810 --> 00:23:25,770 You should say something to him. 275 00:23:25,940 --> 00:23:27,560 Like what? 276 00:23:27,730 --> 00:23:29,440 I don't know. 277 00:23:29,610 --> 00:23:32,360 How's your new life? How's your new fucking girlfriend? 278 00:23:32,530 --> 00:23:34,530 Lizzie, he's your father. He loves you. 279 00:23:34,690 --> 00:23:36,650 No, you don't know what it was like. 280 00:23:36,820 --> 00:23:39,240 When I was 8, we went to see The Last Waltz. 281 00:23:39,410 --> 00:23:41,120 He passed out on tranquilizers. 282 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,910 I had to sit through the movie three fucking times before he woke up. 283 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,670 What kind of a person does that? 284 00:23:49,210 --> 00:23:51,920 I didn't realize. 285 00:23:52,090 --> 00:23:53,340 That article... 286 00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:56,010 ...it was just wish fulfillment. 287 00:23:56,170 --> 00:23:58,800 I was writing about how I wanted things to be. 288 00:23:58,970 --> 00:24:00,680 The way people talked about it... 289 00:24:00,850 --> 00:24:04,680 ...the way you talked about it, it made it seem real. 290 00:24:04,850 --> 00:24:07,940 Well, maybe it can be. 291 00:24:08,390 --> 00:24:12,980 No. It's just a dream I held on to for way too long. 292 00:24:14,230 --> 00:24:18,070 I'm happy here. I don't need him anymore. 293 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,200 We should go. Are you coming? 294 00:24:21,370 --> 00:24:25,910 No. I promised my editor that article by next week. 295 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:58,240 Jesus, it's 4:00 in the morning. Do you mind? 296 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,360 I know. I'm sorry. 297 00:25:00,530 --> 00:25:03,870 Music helps me concentrate. 298 00:25:08,370 --> 00:25:11,620 Springsteen's like this garage-mechanic poet. 299 00:25:11,790 --> 00:25:15,670 You can feel the sweat in his voice, the grime in his guitar. 300 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:19,260 When he sings, I see steamy streets... 301 00:25:19,420 --> 00:25:21,300 ...lovers groping hands... 302 00:25:21,470 --> 00:25:23,010 ...busted fenders. 303 00:25:23,180 --> 00:25:28,220 The dirt is under his nails and the clairvoyance in his eyes. 304 00:25:36,190 --> 00:25:40,240 Jesus, Lizzie, you haven't slept in days. 305 00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:43,160 I had it perfect before. 306 00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,580 I know I can get it back. 307 00:25:47,870 --> 00:25:51,160 His words twist and grind and hammer out a story for the brain... 308 00:25:51,330 --> 00:25:54,080 ...but his guitar and voice go straight for your heart. 309 00:25:54,250 --> 00:25:59,880 Music bellows from his insides, and out comes the struggles of the world. 310 00:26:00,210 --> 00:26:02,720 Springsteen' like this garage-mechanic poet. 311 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,430 Music bellows from his insides. 312 00:26:11,430 --> 00:26:15,480 Out comes the struggles of the world, of knowledge that comes with perfec... 313 00:26:15,650 --> 00:26:18,860 It's like he feels with knowledge that goes back through ages... 314 00:26:19,030 --> 00:26:23,400 ...to a single chord in our brains. That beacon that can be touched... 315 00:26:23,570 --> 00:26:25,280 He has the power of pure emotion. 316 00:26:25,450 --> 00:26:30,410 Emotions so intense the body literally must do something... 317 00:26:46,390 --> 00:26:48,100 - Out comes the struggles... - Fuck. 318 00:26:48,260 --> 00:26:51,430 She still hasn't slept. 319 00:26:53,770 --> 00:26:55,900 Lizzie. 320 00:26:56,060 --> 00:26:58,190 Lizzie! 321 00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,860 I don't know how to say this to you, all right... 322 00:27:01,030 --> 00:27:03,820 ...but you are starting to smell. 323 00:27:03,990 --> 00:27:06,070 This is important. 324 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:10,120 Lizzie, it's not as important as your health. You gotta get some sleep. 325 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,750 Will you just fuck off? 326 00:27:12,910 --> 00:27:16,000 I just have to finish this. 327 00:27:16,170 --> 00:27:18,960 I can get you some downers, okay? 328 00:27:19,130 --> 00:27:21,880 - Yeah? - Yeah. 329 00:27:24,630 --> 00:27:27,640 Noah? Noah, come on, give it to me. Noah! 330 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:29,680 Lizzie, this is just scribbling. 331 00:27:29,850 --> 00:27:31,680 What? What the fuck? Asshole! 332 00:27:31,850 --> 00:27:34,600 Stop it. Noah, put her down. Put her... 333 00:27:34,770 --> 00:27:37,020 Jesus, she turned into the Harvard bag lady. 334 00:27:37,190 --> 00:27:39,360 - What are you doing? - She needs something. 335 00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,650 - What? - I don't know, some medical help. 336 00:27:41,820 --> 00:27:44,070 Ruby! 337 00:27:45,950 --> 00:27:50,450 It's okay. I got them, I got them. It's all right. 338 00:27:51,740 --> 00:27:53,200 Emotions so intense... 339 00:27:53,370 --> 00:27:56,460 Bodies fly into air... 340 00:27:58,580 --> 00:28:01,210 Lizzie. Lizzie, look. 341 00:28:01,380 --> 00:28:03,840 You gotta calm down, okay? 342 00:28:04,010 --> 00:28:08,890 That's not what you said when I had your dick in my mouth. 343 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,600 You had any drugs in the last 24 hours? 344 00:28:17,770 --> 00:28:19,770 No. 345 00:28:19,940 --> 00:28:23,320 Well, I guess I snorted some coke and smoked some pot... 346 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:27,240 ...but that was just to make the Ecstasy last longer. 347 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,950 Sure you're not forgetting anything? 348 00:28:30,110 --> 00:28:32,120 Maybe a few beers. 349 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:36,160 Did you ever think you might have a substance-abuse problem? 350 00:28:36,330 --> 00:28:40,080 The only substance problem I have is I need you to give me some tranqs... 351 00:28:40,250 --> 00:28:43,420 ...so I can come down off this fucking coke. 352 00:28:43,590 --> 00:28:46,670 And then what happens? 353 00:28:47,220 --> 00:28:51,220 So you don't like coming here, and you don't want to talk. 354 00:28:51,390 --> 00:28:54,060 You don't have to. You don't have to say anything... 355 00:28:54,220 --> 00:28:57,180 ...you don't want to say, but if you don't say anything... 356 00:28:57,350 --> 00:28:58,940 ...if you don't talk to me... 357 00:28:59,100 --> 00:29:01,810 ...I can't help you. 358 00:29:01,980 --> 00:29:05,150 You know, if you're gonna suggest therapy, don't. 359 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:07,320 I'm living proof it doesn't work. 360 00:29:07,490 --> 00:29:12,410 - So, what are you doing here? - My friends brought me here. 361 00:29:12,570 --> 00:29:15,410 Had nothing to do with you? 362 00:29:15,580 --> 00:29:18,450 Are you gonna give me something, doctor? 363 00:29:18,620 --> 00:29:19,790 No. 364 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,460 Not today. 365 00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:34,850 I'm falling. 366 00:29:35,010 --> 00:29:37,310 I can't even finish my article. 367 00:29:37,470 --> 00:29:40,180 Maybe Noah's right. It's all a scribble. 368 00:29:40,350 --> 00:29:44,110 I don't really have anything original to say. 369 00:29:44,270 --> 00:29:46,150 Writing can't save me. 370 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,280 Even Harvard can't save me. 371 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,950 How can I escape from the demons in my head? 372 00:29:53,110 --> 00:29:55,120 - I didn't. - So, what, did she blow you? 373 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:58,290 - Did you go...? What? - Yeah, she fucking blew me, all right? 374 00:29:58,450 --> 00:30:01,120 - But I was drunk. - You fucking shithead. 375 00:30:01,290 --> 00:30:04,710 How fucking could you? How fucking...? 376 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,460 Lizzie? 377 00:30:06,630 --> 00:30:09,300 Lizzie, stop. 378 00:30:09,550 --> 00:30:11,130 Lizzie! 379 00:30:11,300 --> 00:30:13,550 Lizzie, I'm gonna fucking kill you. 380 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,970 I'm gonna fucking kill you, you bitch. 381 00:30:16,140 --> 00:30:18,350 Sam told me. He told me everything. 382 00:30:18,510 --> 00:30:21,350 You losing your virginity, was that another fucking lie? 383 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:23,310 You don't understand. Okay? 384 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,730 You don't understand. It was an accident. 385 00:30:25,900 --> 00:30:28,730 An accident? You call that a fucking accident? 386 00:30:28,900 --> 00:30:31,860 It was... It was sort of, you know... 387 00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:36,070 - Come on, what? - An accidental blowjob. 388 00:30:36,700 --> 00:30:38,700 Oh, fuck you. 389 00:30:38,870 --> 00:30:40,540 I could fucking kill you, Lizzie. 390 00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:45,920 I swear to God, I could fucking kill you. How could you do that? 391 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,430 Hemingway has this classic moment in The Sun Also Rises. 392 00:30:56,590 --> 00:31:00,100 When someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt... 393 00:31:00,260 --> 00:31:04,520 ...all he can say is, "Gradually, then suddenly. " 394 00:31:04,690 --> 00:31:06,650 That's how depression hits. 395 00:31:06,810 --> 00:31:11,650 You wake up one morning afraid that you're going to live. 396 00:31:13,110 --> 00:31:15,410 I can't believe we're back to this. 397 00:31:15,570 --> 00:31:17,870 You think I wanna be like this? 398 00:31:18,030 --> 00:31:21,490 I don't know. I don't know, Lizzie. 399 00:31:21,660 --> 00:31:25,460 I thought everything was gonna be okay. 400 00:31:25,620 --> 00:31:29,290 I was so proud of you at Harvard. 401 00:31:30,630 --> 00:31:34,760 - Is it because I haven't visited you? - No, Mom. 402 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,720 I thought this was behind us. Then I get a phone call... 403 00:31:37,890 --> 00:31:41,720 Mom, this has nothing to do with you. 404 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:50,270 I mean, it's nothing you've done. 405 00:31:55,450 --> 00:31:57,160 Why did they move you here? 406 00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:00,120 I asked for a single room. 407 00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:01,910 Why? 408 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,580 Reasons of mental instability. 409 00:32:04,750 --> 00:32:07,580 I told them I just... I can't live with other people. 410 00:32:07,750 --> 00:32:10,290 You told... 411 00:32:11,090 --> 00:32:13,130 You said that? 412 00:32:13,300 --> 00:32:16,630 Oh, Lizzie. Your education. 413 00:32:17,050 --> 00:32:19,890 This opportunity. 414 00:32:20,300 --> 00:32:23,060 I'm sorry, Mom. 415 00:32:26,060 --> 00:32:29,600 You know, I just can't cope with this. 416 00:32:29,770 --> 00:32:31,560 It's just all too much. 417 00:32:31,730 --> 00:32:34,650 It's all so crazy. 418 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:39,990 I am not going to do this anymore! 419 00:32:45,410 --> 00:32:48,080 No, you listen to me. 420 00:32:48,250 --> 00:32:53,290 I raise her! I raise her all by myself with no help from you! 421 00:32:53,500 --> 00:32:57,670 No help from me? I'm the one that does everything, I never get credit! 422 00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:01,340 You make all the decisions, and they blow up in your face! 423 00:33:01,510 --> 00:33:04,100 - Do they not? - What are you talking about? 424 00:33:04,260 --> 00:33:06,810 You do nothing for her! You do nothing for her! 425 00:33:06,970 --> 00:33:09,140 You never even see her! 426 00:33:09,310 --> 00:33:13,190 You don't take her on vacations. You don't take her on the weekends. 427 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,780 What the hell do you ever do for her, Donald? 428 00:33:15,940 --> 00:33:19,950 I am her father. I put her in the clinic, and you're looking in Manhattan. 429 00:33:20,110 --> 00:33:23,780 You son of a bitch! Goddamn, I hate you! I hate you! 430 00:33:23,950 --> 00:33:27,500 I hate you, you son of a bitch! 431 00:33:31,620 --> 00:33:33,330 What is wrong with you? 432 00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:35,880 Nothing. 433 00:33:36,050 --> 00:33:39,050 Oh, God. You're not...? 434 00:33:39,220 --> 00:33:42,800 Pregnant? No, Mom, I'm not pregnant. 435 00:33:42,970 --> 00:33:45,510 Anyway, it's the '80s. That wouldn't be a problem. 436 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,220 Please, Lizzie, don't speak like that. 437 00:33:48,390 --> 00:33:50,940 What, then? 438 00:33:59,030 --> 00:34:02,570 I don't understand you, Lizzie. 439 00:34:08,540 --> 00:34:12,330 This place is filthy. I'll help you clean it up. 440 00:34:12,500 --> 00:34:14,920 Mom, no. 441 00:34:15,710 --> 00:34:19,550 I don't have a simple solution, okay? 442 00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:26,050 I don't know what to do, Lizzie. 443 00:34:26,220 --> 00:34:29,520 - I've taken a couple days off work. - No, you can't. 444 00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,350 I wanna help. 445 00:34:32,850 --> 00:34:38,440 - God knows I can't afford it, but... - I'm much better by myself. Okay? 446 00:34:38,730 --> 00:34:42,570 If I'd known you'd react like this... 447 00:34:43,450 --> 00:34:46,530 Look, I have to study. 448 00:34:46,820 --> 00:34:50,080 You know, I've been working really hard... 449 00:34:50,240 --> 00:34:55,580 ...and I've been having a difficult time. I just needed a few days. 450 00:34:56,250 --> 00:34:58,840 I'm so worried about you, Lizzie. 451 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,590 I promise I'll take care of myself. 452 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:03,420 Okay? 453 00:35:03,590 --> 00:35:06,090 And I'll come and see you. 454 00:35:06,260 --> 00:35:07,930 I've seen enough already. 455 00:35:08,100 --> 00:35:10,810 We'll spend time together in New York. 456 00:35:10,970 --> 00:35:13,230 Please? I promise. 457 00:35:13,390 --> 00:35:17,770 I just have all this work I have to finish here. 458 00:35:18,060 --> 00:35:21,280 Maybe for your birthday. 459 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,570 Yeah. Yeah. 460 00:35:23,740 --> 00:35:26,450 I promise I will be home for my birthday. 461 00:35:26,610 --> 00:35:28,780 We can celebrate. 462 00:35:28,950 --> 00:35:31,580 - We'll have a party. - Okay. 463 00:35:31,740 --> 00:35:35,290 I'll make those pear tarts that you like. 464 00:35:35,460 --> 00:35:38,460 That would be great. 465 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:45,050 Hey. 466 00:35:50,720 --> 00:35:52,810 Lizzie, I love you dearly. Really, I do. 467 00:35:52,970 --> 00:35:56,850 But you can only hang out in my room if you don't drink or do drugs. 468 00:35:57,020 --> 00:35:59,360 Come on, you can't be serious. 469 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:00,900 Totally. 470 00:36:01,070 --> 00:36:03,650 Just say no. 471 00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:08,950 But, Noah, there's no reason to be in your room sober. 472 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,710 I wanna explain to Noah how exhausted I am. 473 00:36:16,870 --> 00:36:18,880 Even in my dreams. 474 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,000 How I wake up tired. 475 00:36:21,170 --> 00:36:25,010 How I'm being drowned by some kind of black wave. 476 00:36:25,170 --> 00:36:26,970 But I can't write. 477 00:36:27,130 --> 00:36:31,600 And he really doesn't wanna know about it anyway. 478 00:36:42,940 --> 00:36:45,320 - Here you go. - Thank you. 479 00:36:45,490 --> 00:36:47,650 Hi. 480 00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:50,410 Hi. 481 00:36:57,460 --> 00:37:00,880 Ruby, this is crazy. We have to talk. 482 00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:04,340 You know, I'd really rather not. 483 00:37:04,500 --> 00:37:07,510 I'm sorry. You know that. 484 00:37:07,670 --> 00:37:10,390 And I have no excuse. 485 00:37:10,550 --> 00:37:14,140 So then, why? Why did you do it? 486 00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:17,850 I'm just really fucked up. 487 00:37:18,020 --> 00:37:19,730 I'm like a defective model... 488 00:37:19,890 --> 00:37:25,020 ...and you don't know that until you've been around me a while. 489 00:37:26,190 --> 00:37:31,030 You know, some days I wake up, and I just feel so flat-out, just fucked... 490 00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,370 ...that I'll do anything to feel different. 491 00:37:33,530 --> 00:37:35,950 Lizzie, when we're together, you're fine. 492 00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,710 - You're fun. You're... - I'm faking it. 493 00:37:38,870 --> 00:37:43,040 - Well, everybody does that. - Not like me. 494 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,960 Look, we all have bad days. 495 00:37:47,130 --> 00:37:51,590 This is what people say in situations when they don't know what to say. 496 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,470 Fuck. 497 00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:57,430 I don't know what to suggest either. 498 00:37:58,980 --> 00:38:01,690 People care about you, Lizzie. 499 00:38:01,850 --> 00:38:04,020 What I want is for someone to understand... 500 00:38:04,190 --> 00:38:05,480 ...but they don't, really. 501 00:38:05,650 --> 00:38:07,730 That makes the platitudes harder to bear. 502 00:38:07,900 --> 00:38:09,400 They do, people wanna help. 503 00:38:09,570 --> 00:38:12,660 All right? I wanna help you, but I don't know what to do. 504 00:38:12,820 --> 00:38:17,120 I don't need the company line right now, okay? 505 00:38:17,700 --> 00:38:19,790 Okay. 506 00:38:19,950 --> 00:38:22,960 Jesus. Listen to me. 507 00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:27,170 All I see is the dark side of everything. 508 00:38:27,710 --> 00:38:29,170 Poor Ruby. 509 00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:31,340 I kill her joy. 510 00:38:31,510 --> 00:38:34,590 Look at her sad, discouraged face. 511 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:38,010 I don't know what to say. 512 00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:42,600 How about, "Shit, call in the professionals"? 513 00:38:53,070 --> 00:38:56,280 So I guess this is the Freud part, where I don't say anything... 514 00:38:56,450 --> 00:38:59,790 ...and you don't say anything. All of a sudden, it's: 515 00:38:59,950 --> 00:39:04,000 "Obviously, you wish to sleep with your father. " 516 00:39:04,170 --> 00:39:07,130 So I'm to take it you don't wish to sleep with your father? 517 00:39:07,290 --> 00:39:09,460 No. 518 00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:15,430 And I don't wanna talk about my childhood either. 519 00:39:16,470 --> 00:39:19,760 I don't know why I'm here. 520 00:39:19,970 --> 00:39:23,060 Why might you be here? 521 00:39:25,020 --> 00:39:27,730 I can't write. 522 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:31,280 And what do you write about? 523 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,490 I write stories, poems, articles. 524 00:39:34,650 --> 00:39:38,490 I'm here on a journalism scholarship. 525 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:44,830 I've been writing forever. I have to. 526 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:49,130 How long has it been since you stopped writing? 527 00:39:49,290 --> 00:39:51,880 About a month. 528 00:39:52,050 --> 00:39:54,630 Do you remember the first thing you wrote? 529 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:56,300 A poem. 530 00:39:56,470 --> 00:39:58,720 A poem. About what? 531 00:39:58,890 --> 00:40:00,890 My dad. 532 00:40:01,060 --> 00:40:02,810 Can you remember anything it said? 533 00:40:02,970 --> 00:40:07,480 I told you, I don't wanna talk about my childhood. 534 00:40:09,190 --> 00:40:11,940 I just... I feel so stupid, sitting in therapy. 535 00:40:12,110 --> 00:40:14,780 People have much harder childhoods than mine. 536 00:40:14,940 --> 00:40:18,160 We're not talking about others. We're talking about you. 537 00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,370 I'll give her that much. 538 00:40:20,530 --> 00:40:23,330 I'm the problem. 539 00:40:24,910 --> 00:40:27,580 I worry about being in therapy. 540 00:40:27,750 --> 00:40:30,330 I worry about not being in therapy. 541 00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:34,010 I even worry I'm not entertaining enough for Dr. Sterling. 542 00:40:34,170 --> 00:40:37,550 I just keep thinking that if I could just be normal... 543 00:40:37,720 --> 00:40:41,720 ...if I could just get out of bed in the morning, everything would be okay. 544 00:40:41,890 --> 00:40:45,600 Well, what do you think normal is? 545 00:40:46,350 --> 00:40:50,400 Most people, they cut themselves, they put a Band-Aid on, keep going. 546 00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,400 And what do you do? 547 00:40:52,570 --> 00:40:54,400 I just keep bleeding. 548 00:40:54,570 --> 00:40:58,200 So you think being normal is having a wound, putting a patch on it... 549 00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:00,700 ...then go on with your life? 550 00:41:00,870 --> 00:41:03,120 Isn't that what functioning is? 551 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,290 Isn't that what living is? 552 00:41:05,450 --> 00:41:08,410 You know, you keep going, no matter what happens to you. 553 00:41:08,580 --> 00:41:12,130 Is that the way you wanna live? 554 00:41:37,610 --> 00:41:39,820 Mom. 555 00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,740 Oh, come on, now, honey. 556 00:41:43,910 --> 00:41:49,040 Why don't you tie up your hair anymore? Your face is so pretty. 557 00:41:51,460 --> 00:41:54,170 Here they are. 558 00:41:59,970 --> 00:42:03,010 Come on, now, Lizzie. 559 00:42:08,180 --> 00:42:10,690 Hi, honey! 560 00:42:14,610 --> 00:42:17,400 Is she home yet? 561 00:42:25,700 --> 00:42:30,500 I need someone to shut off my brain and turn on my heart. 562 00:42:30,660 --> 00:42:34,670 Well, I have long brown hair, dark eyes. 563 00:42:35,710 --> 00:42:38,460 You probably meet tons of girls in the men's bathroom. 564 00:42:38,630 --> 00:42:42,130 Oh, yeah, the Ecstasy goddess. 565 00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:45,680 Yes, I can't believe you remember that. 566 00:42:45,850 --> 00:42:48,180 Lizzie. 567 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:53,190 Can you hang on a sec? 568 00:42:53,350 --> 00:42:55,440 Grandma and Grandpa are here. 569 00:42:55,610 --> 00:42:58,230 Yes, I heard. 570 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:04,030 You know, the only reason I threw a birthday party was to make you happy. 571 00:43:05,660 --> 00:43:08,660 I don't understand how you can treat me like this. 572 00:43:08,830 --> 00:43:12,410 Can I have some privacy, please? 573 00:43:20,710 --> 00:43:22,720 That was my mother. 574 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,260 It's my birthday. She's throwing this big party for me. 575 00:43:26,430 --> 00:43:27,930 Cool. 576 00:43:28,100 --> 00:43:30,970 Well, no, actually, it's not. 577 00:43:31,140 --> 00:43:33,940 It's just me and my mother and my grandparents. 578 00:43:34,100 --> 00:43:35,690 I haven't even been out there yet. 579 00:43:35,850 --> 00:43:37,810 Aren't they missing you? 580 00:43:37,980 --> 00:43:40,150 Well, now you sound like a nice Jewish boy. 581 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:43,860 Well, I might, if I was Jewish. 582 00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:47,990 I just wanted to call and say hi. 583 00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:50,410 Let's meet up when you get back to school. 584 00:43:50,580 --> 00:43:53,200 Okay, that'd be great. 585 00:43:53,370 --> 00:43:56,370 Hey, happy birthday. 586 00:43:58,210 --> 00:44:00,710 Thank you. 587 00:44:02,260 --> 00:44:04,050 Rafe didn't seem to realize... 588 00:44:04,220 --> 00:44:08,430 ...he'd just been appointed to save my life. 589 00:44:09,890 --> 00:44:12,640 Rolling Stone magazine. 590 00:44:12,810 --> 00:44:15,810 It's the music magazine. 591 00:44:15,980 --> 00:44:18,900 That's wonderful, honey. 592 00:44:19,060 --> 00:44:24,360 They want her to work for them. Yeah. Paid work for Rolling Stone. 593 00:44:24,530 --> 00:44:27,320 They'll pay her? 594 00:44:32,830 --> 00:44:37,000 I think she was up writing late last night. 595 00:44:37,170 --> 00:44:39,830 Were you up writing late last night? 596 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:43,000 I haven't written anything in months. 597 00:44:43,170 --> 00:44:45,470 She's always working on something. 598 00:44:45,630 --> 00:44:47,720 She just doesn't like to talk about it. 599 00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:51,470 Like you've ever read any of it. 600 00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:57,640 Lizzie, this isn't very nice. 601 00:44:57,810 --> 00:45:00,480 You want one? 602 00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:12,410 What's wrong with her? 603 00:45:12,910 --> 00:45:15,580 Nothing. Ma, nothing's wrong with her. 604 00:45:15,750 --> 00:45:18,370 - She's drunk. - Of course I'm drunk. 605 00:45:18,540 --> 00:45:21,880 - She's just tired. - She's as skinny as a ghost. 606 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:25,710 She's overtired. They work so hard up there. 607 00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:28,720 - Lizzie. - Is she on drugs? 608 00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:31,010 - I wish I was on drugs. - Lizzie. 609 00:45:31,180 --> 00:45:33,260 - Did she say that she...? - No, Ma. 610 00:45:33,430 --> 00:45:35,770 It's okay. Everything is okay. 611 00:45:35,930 --> 00:45:38,980 Mom, believe me, if I was on drugs, I'd tell you. 612 00:45:39,140 --> 00:45:42,150 People don't behave this way if they're not on drugs. 613 00:45:42,310 --> 00:45:44,980 I fucking do. 614 00:45:55,910 --> 00:45:58,870 I'm so sorry, Mama. 615 00:46:08,090 --> 00:46:11,260 I dream about all the things I wish I'd said. 616 00:46:11,430 --> 00:46:14,760 The opposite of what came out of my mouth. 617 00:46:14,930 --> 00:46:18,220 I wish I'd said, "Mom, please forgive me. 618 00:46:18,390 --> 00:46:20,310 Please help me. 619 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:24,690 I know I have no right to behave this way. " 620 00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:39,080 - Hello. - Hey. 621 00:46:39,250 --> 00:46:41,910 - Hi. - How's my birthday girl? 622 00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,500 You're late. You're a day late. 623 00:46:44,670 --> 00:46:47,250 What can I say, you know how it is. 624 00:46:47,420 --> 00:46:51,340 Anyway, I thought I'd have to be dealing with your secretary by now. 625 00:46:51,510 --> 00:46:54,760 You're such a bigshot journalist, writing for Rolling Stone. 626 00:46:54,930 --> 00:46:56,720 - Did you read it? - You know... 627 00:46:56,890 --> 00:47:00,060 ...remember this, they're lucky to have you. 628 00:47:00,220 --> 00:47:02,850 These guys, they're smart. They're really smart. 629 00:47:03,020 --> 00:47:05,650 They know what they're doing. They can see talent. 630 00:47:05,810 --> 00:47:08,730 I'm probably gonna get assignments all over the country... 631 00:47:08,900 --> 00:47:10,820 ...so I could maybe come visit you. 632 00:47:10,990 --> 00:47:14,530 Who are you talking to, Lizzie? 633 00:47:14,700 --> 00:47:17,030 - It's no one. - Who is it? 634 00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:18,910 - It's no one. - Don't listen to her. 635 00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:21,660 Please, Mom. 636 00:47:21,950 --> 00:47:24,120 Look at you, the two of you. 637 00:47:24,290 --> 00:47:26,500 - Go on, you're so in love with him. - Mom. 638 00:47:26,670 --> 00:47:28,880 Can you hear that? Hear why I don't call? 639 00:47:29,050 --> 00:47:30,590 Where was he your childhood? 640 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:34,550 - Where...? - Stop it! Just stop it! 641 00:47:35,430 --> 00:47:37,930 I just wanted to talk to him! 642 00:47:38,100 --> 00:47:42,310 You know, Lizzie, I'm at the end of my rope. 643 00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:47,650 I've been working extra hours. I never go out. 644 00:47:47,810 --> 00:47:52,780 I never buy clothes. I spend all our money on your therapy. 645 00:47:53,110 --> 00:47:55,700 All our money? Daddy pays, Mom. 646 00:47:55,860 --> 00:47:58,780 You think he pays? 647 00:47:59,030 --> 00:48:01,540 You think he's paying? 648 00:48:01,700 --> 00:48:04,910 He doesn't pay one cent. 649 00:48:05,330 --> 00:48:08,540 Not one single red cent! 650 00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:11,920 That's not true. 651 00:48:12,090 --> 00:48:16,090 Oh, you want me to show you? Huh? You wanna see? 652 00:48:16,260 --> 00:48:20,180 You want to see how much I'm paying, still paying... 653 00:48:20,350 --> 00:48:22,930 ...on your last term bill? Huh? 654 00:48:23,100 --> 00:48:25,890 Here. Here, look at these. Look at these. 655 00:48:26,060 --> 00:48:29,770 - There, look at that, Lizzie. - I'm sorry, Mom. 656 00:48:29,940 --> 00:48:33,820 You wanna see how much I'm paying this Dr. Sterling? 657 00:48:33,990 --> 00:48:35,240 I'm sorry. 658 00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,780 No, you're not gonna talk your way out of this. 659 00:48:37,950 --> 00:48:40,990 Ask her who pays her! 660 00:48:43,490 --> 00:48:47,460 You know, it's my fault, for spoiling you the way I did. 661 00:48:47,620 --> 00:48:52,000 I kill myself to get you to Harvard, and you come back looking like a zombie. 662 00:48:52,170 --> 00:48:55,090 I know. I'm sorry. 663 00:48:55,970 --> 00:48:58,090 I'm so... 664 00:48:58,260 --> 00:49:00,930 Why won't he? 665 00:49:02,140 --> 00:49:06,520 - Why won't he? - I know. I know, honey. I know. 666 00:49:06,730 --> 00:49:10,150 I hate myself, and I hate the things I do. 667 00:49:10,310 --> 00:49:14,280 Lizzie, it's all right. It's all right. 668 00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:20,660 It's awful. It's so awful. 669 00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:25,200 And I hurt the people who love me. 670 00:49:25,370 --> 00:49:28,370 But when he calls... 671 00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:37,130 My God, a party? 672 00:49:37,300 --> 00:49:40,590 And your stupid pear tart! 673 00:49:47,850 --> 00:49:49,270 Why do you do this, Lizzie? 674 00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:53,230 Because I'm not your goddamn monkey! 675 00:49:57,860 --> 00:50:02,070 I'm sorry, Mom, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. 676 00:50:02,530 --> 00:50:05,370 I didn't mean it. 677 00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:08,580 I'm sorry. 678 00:50:16,670 --> 00:50:20,220 She threw the party for herself? 679 00:50:20,380 --> 00:50:21,840 No, I guess for Grandma. 680 00:50:22,010 --> 00:50:25,510 Why would she want to do that? 681 00:50:27,350 --> 00:50:30,810 To show her what a good little girl she was. 682 00:50:30,980 --> 00:50:33,860 That must really hurt. 683 00:50:34,020 --> 00:50:38,400 Look at her. This isn't a breakthrough, darling. 684 00:50:38,940 --> 00:50:42,700 My mom pays $ 100 an hour for this. 685 00:50:43,660 --> 00:50:48,950 This is the same bullshit. Insight time. It's like that stuff with that guy Rafe. 686 00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:52,040 I don't have to be Freud to know I have a fear of rejection. 687 00:50:52,210 --> 00:50:55,590 And I know where it comes from. I know it's from my dad. 688 00:50:55,750 --> 00:50:58,130 But it doesn't change anything. 689 00:50:58,300 --> 00:51:01,670 - I still can't go out with him. - Why not? 690 00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:04,640 I just told you. 691 00:51:06,050 --> 00:51:08,850 You didn't tell me anything about Rafe. 692 00:51:09,020 --> 00:51:13,810 Has he ever given you reason to believe he'd reject you? 693 00:51:21,530 --> 00:51:25,110 Do not show him how crazy you are. 694 00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,490 - A monkey? - Called Percy. 695 00:51:27,660 --> 00:51:29,160 I know, it beats me. 696 00:51:29,330 --> 00:51:31,950 - She needed someone to talk to. - Well, she had you. 697 00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:33,830 No, no, this was before. 698 00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:36,670 - Are you listening? - God, yes. 699 00:51:36,830 --> 00:51:38,380 I'm not boring you? 700 00:51:38,540 --> 00:51:41,420 Please, Lizzie. I met you in a men's room. 701 00:51:41,590 --> 00:51:45,680 - You're anything but boring. - What am I? 702 00:51:46,510 --> 00:51:48,810 Scary. 703 00:51:49,850 --> 00:51:53,390 So are we gonna go to this gig? 704 00:51:54,100 --> 00:51:56,520 I'm not sure. 705 00:51:56,690 --> 00:51:58,440 I don't really know where it is. 706 00:51:58,610 --> 00:52:02,190 You came to see a gig, and you don't know where it is? 707 00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:05,910 I said I came to see the gig... 708 00:52:08,660 --> 00:52:11,120 You know. 709 00:52:11,290 --> 00:52:15,080 - What? - Okay, now you're just being cruel. 710 00:52:15,250 --> 00:52:16,710 No, no, you said... 711 00:52:16,870 --> 00:52:20,420 I said I came to see the gig... 712 00:52:21,880 --> 00:52:25,130 ...but I came to see you. 713 00:52:45,150 --> 00:52:48,450 Waiting, waiting, waiting. 714 00:52:49,910 --> 00:52:53,580 Waiting for him to make the move. 715 00:52:56,040 --> 00:53:00,210 Doesn't he know? He's gotta be my salvation. 716 00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:11,760 It's lovely that he's caring... 717 00:53:11,930 --> 00:53:15,520 ...compassionate and politically correct. 718 00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:17,850 But I need him to kiss me. 719 00:53:18,020 --> 00:53:20,520 Right now. 720 00:54:06,230 --> 00:54:08,490 Ruby! 721 00:54:08,990 --> 00:54:11,240 Ruby. 722 00:54:16,330 --> 00:54:17,660 Hey. 723 00:54:17,830 --> 00:54:19,710 Hey. 724 00:54:19,870 --> 00:54:25,170 I didn't know you'd moved rooms. I thought you were still in here. 725 00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:30,760 Ruby was telling me about those articles you're planning to write. 726 00:54:30,930 --> 00:54:34,760 That stuff's always been easy for me. 727 00:54:38,060 --> 00:54:40,560 Dr. Sterling must have called him. 728 00:54:40,730 --> 00:54:43,480 Why else would he be here? 729 00:54:43,650 --> 00:54:46,690 Probably to see how dire the situation is. 730 00:54:46,860 --> 00:54:50,190 See if his little girl can get through the day still. 731 00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:52,410 Or... 732 00:54:52,570 --> 00:54:56,530 ...maybe he really did finally miss me. 733 00:54:56,700 --> 00:54:59,120 My girl. 734 00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:03,040 Dad, you know those medical bills? 735 00:55:03,210 --> 00:55:07,170 The ones for the psychiatric treatment? 736 00:55:07,710 --> 00:55:10,010 They keep sending them to Mom. 737 00:55:10,170 --> 00:55:12,840 So I guess you haven't paid. 738 00:55:13,010 --> 00:55:16,350 - I can't believe you're asking me this. - Oh, you have paid? 739 00:55:16,510 --> 00:55:18,430 You're all cold and distant. 740 00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:20,390 And... And... 741 00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:22,520 And now you're asking me what? 742 00:55:22,690 --> 00:55:24,650 What are you talking about? 743 00:55:24,810 --> 00:55:28,480 - If you don't know... - No. No, I don't know. 744 00:55:28,650 --> 00:55:32,280 - You made a promise. - You haven't written me. 745 00:55:32,450 --> 00:55:34,360 You never call me. 746 00:55:34,530 --> 00:55:36,700 It's like I don't even exist. 747 00:55:36,870 --> 00:55:41,410 - Who do you think you're talking to? - I even come and visit you. 748 00:55:41,580 --> 00:55:43,290 - Fuck you! - You watch that language! 749 00:55:43,460 --> 00:55:45,880 - Is that a way to talk to your father? - Listen. 750 00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:49,710 You're the one who left. You're the one who walked away for four years. 751 00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:52,920 You think I don't know that? Is that what you think? 752 00:55:53,090 --> 00:55:54,630 You think I don't feel it? 753 00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:59,310 Do you that think it's easy for me, away from you? 754 00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:01,180 I hate it. 755 00:56:01,350 --> 00:56:03,180 The effect it had on you. 756 00:56:03,350 --> 00:56:05,100 Your mother and myself. 757 00:56:05,270 --> 00:56:07,980 I hated watching you get trapped right in the middle. 758 00:56:08,150 --> 00:56:10,230 - In between the two of us. - Dad, please. 759 00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:12,110 Please! 760 00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:13,700 - You're my father. - Right. 761 00:56:13,860 --> 00:56:16,910 And you won't even pay my medical bills. 762 00:56:17,070 --> 00:56:20,330 Even though it won't cost you anything. 763 00:56:20,490 --> 00:56:24,410 All you have to do is sign the papers. 764 00:56:26,170 --> 00:56:28,250 It's 10 percent. 765 00:56:28,420 --> 00:56:31,460 - It's, like, nothing. - No. 766 00:56:31,630 --> 00:56:34,380 I lost my apartment, everything, when we got divorced. 767 00:56:34,550 --> 00:56:38,850 - It won't cost you anything. - Sorry, Lizzie. 768 00:56:39,300 --> 00:56:43,100 That's your mother's responsibility. 769 00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:47,810 What do you want me to do? You want me to slit my wrists... 770 00:56:47,980 --> 00:56:50,520 ...so that I'll qualify as a trauma case for...? 771 00:56:50,690 --> 00:56:53,150 This is killing me too. 772 00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:55,320 This is killing me. 773 00:56:55,490 --> 00:56:56,900 I mean, I feel so powerless. 774 00:56:57,070 --> 00:56:59,370 I look back at all the mistakes that I made. 775 00:56:59,530 --> 00:57:03,160 I made a lot of mistakes, and there's nothing I can do. 776 00:57:03,330 --> 00:57:06,290 What am I gonna do? 777 00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:14,300 Hey, you. 778 00:57:15,210 --> 00:57:17,380 Hi. 779 00:57:27,350 --> 00:57:29,480 Guess who? 780 00:57:29,650 --> 00:57:31,980 What are you doing? 781 00:57:32,150 --> 00:57:34,900 Nothing. Just walking. 782 00:57:35,070 --> 00:57:37,700 Walking with somebody. 783 00:57:37,860 --> 00:57:41,870 Oh, don't be ridiculous. I could be walking with a girl. 784 00:57:42,030 --> 00:57:45,870 Okay, fine, you're right. It's a boy. 785 00:57:46,200 --> 00:57:48,250 He's tall. 786 00:57:48,410 --> 00:57:50,540 Very tall. 787 00:57:50,710 --> 00:57:52,920 Of course he's taller than me. 788 00:57:53,090 --> 00:57:55,840 How tall are you? 789 00:57:56,010 --> 00:57:58,050 Tall enough. 790 00:57:58,220 --> 00:58:00,970 I'd say 6 feet. 791 00:58:01,550 --> 00:58:04,760 Long lashes, brown eyes. 792 00:58:05,100 --> 00:58:10,310 He's kind of got that sexy, intellectual, preppy thing going on. 793 00:58:12,730 --> 00:58:14,070 What? 794 00:58:14,230 --> 00:58:15,730 Oh, cool. Yeah, I will. 795 00:58:15,900 --> 00:58:17,990 I'll ask him as soon as I hang up. 796 00:58:18,150 --> 00:58:19,610 All right. Okay. 797 00:58:19,780 --> 00:58:22,240 Bye. Bye. 798 00:58:22,410 --> 00:58:26,910 Well, who now thinks of me as a sexy intellectual? 799 00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:29,460 My mom. 800 00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:32,380 She wants us to visit over the holidays. 801 00:58:32,540 --> 00:58:36,210 She just moved. I'm going anyway. 802 00:59:53,250 --> 00:59:57,210 Every time I'm with him, I see myself doing these horrible things. 803 00:59:57,380 --> 00:59:59,920 And I hate myself for it, but I just can't stop. 804 01:00:00,090 --> 01:00:02,050 Okay, let's say that you could. 805 01:00:02,220 --> 01:00:05,720 What would you do differently? 806 01:00:07,140 --> 01:00:10,810 So when I saw you with her, I just... 807 01:00:10,970 --> 01:00:12,180 I don't know. 808 01:00:12,350 --> 01:00:15,600 I know it's crazy, but... 809 01:00:16,350 --> 01:00:20,570 I can't help it. I just have these feelings. 810 01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:26,450 I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't realize. 811 01:00:28,660 --> 01:00:30,370 Hey, it's gonna happen. 812 01:00:30,540 --> 01:00:34,750 Beautiful women just throw themselves at me. 813 01:00:43,880 --> 01:00:45,970 - It's Earl Grey! - Shit, sorry. 814 01:00:46,130 --> 01:00:48,050 - I'll get you another. - Forget it. 815 01:00:48,220 --> 01:00:50,100 - It's no problem. - I don't want it. 816 01:00:50,260 --> 01:00:52,100 Could we get another Earl Grey here? 817 01:00:52,270 --> 01:00:54,890 - I said, I don't want it. - Would you relax, Lizzie?! 818 01:00:55,060 --> 01:00:57,650 - It's just a goddamn cup of tea. - Don't yell at me. 819 01:00:57,810 --> 01:01:00,940 Just don't be ridiculous, okay? 820 01:01:01,110 --> 01:01:03,070 You fucked her, didn't you? 821 01:01:03,230 --> 01:01:05,950 - What? Are you crazy? - Don't yell at me! 822 01:01:06,110 --> 01:01:09,530 I really don't know what the problem is. 823 01:01:09,700 --> 01:01:14,700 Why don't you just keep fucking her if that's what you want. 824 01:01:18,370 --> 01:01:21,630 - Just go away. - Lizzie. 825 01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:24,920 Hey. Lizzie, Lizzie. 826 01:01:25,090 --> 01:01:27,220 Lizzie. Come on. 827 01:01:27,380 --> 01:01:29,510 I'm sorry, okay? 828 01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:31,760 I'm so... I'm sorry. I didn't understand... 829 01:01:31,930 --> 01:01:36,480 ...how upset you are. It's not your fault, all right? 830 01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:39,650 It's my... It's my fault. 831 01:01:39,810 --> 01:01:42,690 You're gonna leave me, aren't you? 832 01:01:42,860 --> 01:01:45,860 No, I could never... 833 01:01:48,150 --> 01:01:50,700 I love you. 834 01:01:51,450 --> 01:01:53,660 Why? 835 01:01:58,750 --> 01:02:01,880 There's nothing you feel... 836 01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:06,300 ...that you don't feel right down to the bottom of yourself. 837 01:02:06,460 --> 01:02:09,380 You're incredible. 838 01:02:22,730 --> 01:02:27,940 I understand now how people sometimes want to kill their lovers. 839 01:02:29,150 --> 01:02:31,990 Eat their lovers. 840 01:02:32,530 --> 01:02:36,450 Inhale the ashes of their dead lovers. 841 01:02:36,870 --> 01:02:40,960 It's the only way to posses another person. 842 01:03:03,860 --> 01:03:07,070 My mom's gonna love you. 843 01:03:10,030 --> 01:03:13,280 - You want juice? - Sure. 844 01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:19,830 Lizzie, listen. 845 01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:23,500 I'm not gonna be able to make it back with you for the holidays. 846 01:03:23,670 --> 01:03:26,170 There's something that came up with my mom... 847 01:03:26,340 --> 01:03:29,380 ...and I need to... I need to go home. 848 01:03:29,550 --> 01:03:31,550 But it's the holidays. 849 01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:34,720 - I need you to be with me. - And I wish I could be. 850 01:03:34,890 --> 01:03:39,060 I just... I can't be in two places at once. 851 01:03:40,140 --> 01:03:42,310 Okay. I'll come with you. 852 01:03:42,480 --> 01:03:44,560 I'll help you with your mom. 853 01:03:44,730 --> 01:03:47,320 It's the right thing to do. My mom will understand. 854 01:03:47,480 --> 01:03:50,360 Your mom just moved apartments, Lizzie. 855 01:03:50,530 --> 01:03:52,900 But I wanna be with you. 856 01:03:53,070 --> 01:03:56,740 But right now your mom needs you. 857 01:04:00,580 --> 01:04:04,250 It's just... It's a really complicated situation. 858 01:04:04,420 --> 01:04:06,830 Lizzie, my mom... 859 01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:11,210 ...she isn't real easy with strangers. Okay? 860 01:04:11,710 --> 01:04:16,050 I am right in the middle of some shit that is not making me happy, Lizzie. 861 01:04:16,220 --> 01:04:18,010 I know, I know. 862 01:04:18,180 --> 01:04:21,220 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 863 01:04:22,140 --> 01:04:25,400 I just... I love you, and I wanna help. 864 01:04:25,560 --> 01:04:28,730 You are. Lizzie, you are helping me. 865 01:04:28,900 --> 01:04:30,270 Just... 866 01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:34,030 Just knowing that I'm gonna see you. 867 01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:37,450 We'll have all next term together, okay? 868 01:04:37,620 --> 01:04:40,370 - Okay? - Okay. 869 01:04:42,540 --> 01:04:44,120 So he asked me to help him. 870 01:04:44,290 --> 01:04:45,830 You know, to be strong for him. 871 01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:48,710 And I said, "Okay. " 872 01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:50,880 But I really did. I did the whole thing. 873 01:04:51,050 --> 01:04:54,670 I kissed him goodbye. I made it so easy for him. 874 01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:58,300 And it actually made it easier for me. 875 01:04:58,470 --> 01:05:03,060 - And we're both really happy. - Well, that's great. 876 01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:39,970 Wow. 877 01:05:42,390 --> 01:05:44,270 Did you get everything moved in okay? 878 01:05:44,430 --> 01:05:48,020 Sure. I mean, it's not too much. 879 01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:53,860 You know, it's a south-facing apartment. I get light all day long. 880 01:05:55,070 --> 01:05:58,740 And it's so much easier to clean. 881 01:06:01,030 --> 01:06:04,540 I think you'll like your room. 882 01:06:08,790 --> 01:06:10,580 Oh, yeah. 883 01:06:10,750 --> 01:06:14,550 So I'll just, you know, put my things away. 884 01:06:14,710 --> 01:06:19,590 - Haven't made you any dinner, honey. - Well, that's okay. 885 01:06:24,100 --> 01:06:26,270 I'll pay her back one day. 886 01:06:26,430 --> 01:06:29,190 I swear I will. 887 01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:50,330 - You said that your friend was... - He had a family emergency. 888 01:06:50,540 --> 01:06:54,000 - But he was going to come. - Yes. 889 01:06:54,170 --> 01:06:57,380 He just... He had to go back to Texas because... 890 01:06:57,550 --> 01:06:59,170 I don't know. 891 01:06:59,340 --> 01:07:02,140 His name's Rafe. 892 01:07:03,800 --> 01:07:05,430 That's a nice name. 893 01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:07,180 You'd really like him. 894 01:07:07,350 --> 01:07:09,930 He's good-looking and kind. 895 01:07:10,100 --> 01:07:12,400 And he's Jewish. 896 01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:16,770 And, you know, he works really, really hard. 897 01:07:18,820 --> 01:07:21,740 - Well, maybe next time. - Yeah. 898 01:07:21,900 --> 01:07:23,280 He wanted to meet you. 899 01:07:23,450 --> 01:07:25,990 He has a very close relationship with his mother. 900 01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:28,750 That's nice. 901 01:07:36,420 --> 01:07:39,010 I gotta make a call. 902 01:07:39,170 --> 01:07:41,880 Lizzie, don't. It's, like, the 10th time today. 903 01:07:42,050 --> 01:07:43,760 So? 904 01:07:43,930 --> 01:07:47,260 So you'll drive him crazy, piss him off. 905 01:07:47,430 --> 01:07:50,770 You don't know what you're talking about. 906 01:07:50,930 --> 01:07:53,690 Fuck you for saying that. 907 01:07:53,850 --> 01:07:55,480 Hello, Mrs. Stevenson? 908 01:07:55,650 --> 01:07:57,190 Hi, this is Lizzie. 909 01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:00,320 Lizzie. I'm a friend of Rafe's. 910 01:08:00,490 --> 01:08:03,360 Is he there? Oh, he's busy. 911 01:08:03,530 --> 01:08:07,200 Well, could you tell him it's urgent? 912 01:08:07,370 --> 01:08:09,870 Okay. Bye. 913 01:08:11,830 --> 01:08:15,380 Why won't he pick up the phone? 914 01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:19,460 I would never do this to him. 915 01:08:21,920 --> 01:08:24,590 So how is he? 916 01:08:24,800 --> 01:08:28,050 I don't know. He was out. 917 01:08:33,680 --> 01:08:36,400 I wonder if he lays awake at night missing me... 918 01:08:36,560 --> 01:08:39,650 ...the way I miss him. 919 01:08:44,570 --> 01:08:47,990 You ever love anybody, Ruby? 920 01:08:48,280 --> 01:08:50,870 I mean, really love somebody. 921 01:08:51,040 --> 01:08:53,960 You kidding? Sure. 922 01:08:54,460 --> 01:08:58,290 You think you have. You have no idea. 923 01:08:59,670 --> 01:09:02,760 I suppose that you do. 924 01:09:05,090 --> 01:09:08,050 Real love is total. 925 01:09:08,970 --> 01:09:11,220 It's like life or death. 926 01:09:11,390 --> 01:09:13,470 You know you'll die when you're apart... 927 01:09:13,640 --> 01:09:17,060 ...because the need is so pure. 928 01:09:17,230 --> 01:09:19,810 So complete. 929 01:09:21,940 --> 01:09:24,610 All you know is sex. 930 01:09:24,780 --> 01:09:28,870 Christ, you gave me a hard time about Sam. 931 01:09:29,450 --> 01:09:33,200 You never loved Sam. How could you? 932 01:09:37,750 --> 01:09:39,330 Oh, was I mean? 933 01:09:39,500 --> 01:09:44,090 You can't take it, the happening chick that you are? 934 01:09:46,420 --> 01:09:50,600 Lizzie, I'm not crying because you're mean. 935 01:09:51,100 --> 01:09:56,350 I just can't imagine how incredibly painful it must be to be you. 936 01:10:09,610 --> 01:10:12,950 Listen, I'm at the airport. 937 01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:18,370 No. No, I mean, I'm here... 938 01:10:18,540 --> 01:10:21,790 ...at the Austin Airport. 939 01:10:23,630 --> 01:10:24,960 Oh, my God. 940 01:10:25,130 --> 01:10:29,430 I've become the ultimate nightmare girlfriend. 941 01:10:30,340 --> 01:10:32,470 Maybe you should call your mom. 942 01:10:32,640 --> 01:10:35,520 Let her know you're okay. 943 01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:38,100 I can't. 944 01:10:40,140 --> 01:10:42,480 Lizzie. 945 01:10:43,110 --> 01:10:45,400 Look, you remember I told you... 946 01:10:45,570 --> 01:10:49,740 ...you coming here wasn't such a good idea? 947 01:10:50,030 --> 01:10:52,870 If you loved me enough. 948 01:10:53,030 --> 01:10:54,780 All right, look. 949 01:10:54,950 --> 01:10:59,330 There's something that I haven't told you about. 950 01:11:00,710 --> 01:11:03,920 - Oh, Christ, don't look at me like that. - Just tell me. 951 01:11:04,090 --> 01:11:06,880 - It's not what you think. - Bastard. 952 01:11:07,050 --> 01:11:09,760 - Cheap bastard. - It's my sister. 953 01:11:09,920 --> 01:11:13,220 It's my sister, all right! 954 01:11:20,560 --> 01:11:23,860 So you're from New York originally? 955 01:11:24,020 --> 01:11:28,230 Manhattan. I grew up on the Upper West Side. 956 01:11:36,200 --> 01:11:38,490 Rafe showed me copies of your articles. 957 01:11:38,660 --> 01:11:42,920 That's quite an achievement for a first year. 958 01:11:43,330 --> 01:11:45,040 Ellen. Ellen. 959 01:11:45,210 --> 01:11:48,250 Hey, stop. Come on, please. 960 01:11:48,420 --> 01:11:51,920 Hey, let's eat, okay. Come on. 961 01:11:54,720 --> 01:11:57,010 You promised me you'd go to bed, okay? 962 01:11:57,180 --> 01:11:58,970 Good, come on. That's it. 963 01:11:59,140 --> 01:12:00,890 Come on. Hey, come on. 964 01:12:01,060 --> 01:12:03,230 Come on. Stop. 965 01:12:03,390 --> 01:12:06,730 Ellen, you go to bed, and we'll go to the park tomorrow, okay? 966 01:12:06,900 --> 01:12:09,320 Come on. Come on, please? Just, please. 967 01:12:09,480 --> 01:12:13,450 Hey, you wanna go to the park tomorrow? 968 01:12:22,580 --> 01:12:25,080 Might have to take her to the doctor. 969 01:12:25,250 --> 01:12:29,920 This carries on much longer, I don't know what we're gonna do. 970 01:12:30,090 --> 01:12:32,630 What is it? 971 01:12:35,130 --> 01:12:38,140 You get off on this. 972 01:12:41,600 --> 01:12:43,850 What? 973 01:12:44,230 --> 01:12:47,270 This does it for you. 974 01:12:53,530 --> 01:12:57,660 - What are you talking about? - You hid her from me. 975 01:12:57,820 --> 01:12:59,740 Don't you think there's a reason? 976 01:12:59,910 --> 01:13:01,950 Don't you think that tells me something? 977 01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:03,410 Oh, Christ. 978 01:13:03,580 --> 01:13:05,580 You're some kind of creepy voyeur. 979 01:13:05,750 --> 01:13:09,500 - You like other people's misery. - You're sick. 980 01:13:09,670 --> 01:13:12,130 You're really... You're really sick. 981 01:13:12,300 --> 01:13:15,130 Tell me it's not true. 982 01:13:15,300 --> 01:13:17,970 Rafe, please. 983 01:13:18,470 --> 01:13:21,310 I'll get the car. 984 01:13:35,030 --> 01:13:37,410 Mom? How have you been? 985 01:13:37,570 --> 01:13:39,910 How do you think I've been? 986 01:13:40,070 --> 01:13:42,490 Christ, Lizzie, don't you ever think? 987 01:13:42,660 --> 01:13:45,750 I'm sorry. I just... I had to get to the airport right away. 988 01:13:45,910 --> 01:13:49,330 I would have told you. We've been having some problems. 989 01:13:49,500 --> 01:13:52,880 It's just been really hard, but we're patching things up. 990 01:13:53,050 --> 01:13:55,050 Yeah, he loves me. I know he does. 991 01:13:55,210 --> 01:13:57,470 It just... 992 01:13:57,630 --> 01:13:59,840 He's just got all this weird family stuff. 993 01:14:00,010 --> 01:14:03,060 He's trying to help them and me. 994 01:14:03,220 --> 01:14:06,230 And he's gotta help himself first. 995 01:14:06,390 --> 01:14:09,560 And when he does, everything's gonna be okay. 996 01:14:09,730 --> 01:14:12,980 - I'm sure. - I mean, I know we'll be fine. 997 01:14:13,150 --> 01:14:16,860 I know that. I mean, do you think? 998 01:14:18,450 --> 01:14:22,370 I'm no real help to you there, Lizzie. 999 01:14:23,580 --> 01:14:26,250 I know. I know. 1000 01:14:26,410 --> 01:14:30,000 Mama, I'm sorry you had to move. 1001 01:14:30,540 --> 01:14:33,500 I know, sweetheart. 1002 01:14:34,550 --> 01:14:37,970 - I'm gonna go now, okay? - Mom? 1003 01:14:38,130 --> 01:14:40,840 You call me... 1004 01:14:45,260 --> 01:14:47,480 Mom? 1005 01:14:47,930 --> 01:14:50,770 ...when you've... 1006 01:14:52,610 --> 01:14:55,480 ...seen Dr. Sterling. 1007 01:14:55,650 --> 01:14:57,400 Mom? 1008 01:14:57,570 --> 01:15:00,570 - Bye, honey. - Mom! 1009 01:15:12,210 --> 01:15:15,630 I should've listened to him. 1010 01:15:15,800 --> 01:15:19,220 He told me not to come here. 1011 01:15:19,760 --> 01:15:23,340 I'm more trouble than I'm worth. 1012 01:15:27,390 --> 01:15:30,020 Well, what about your reading? 1013 01:15:30,180 --> 01:15:32,270 No, no. 1014 01:15:32,440 --> 01:15:36,230 Honey, you gotta get some work done. 1015 01:15:38,480 --> 01:15:41,070 Lizzie, this isn't working. 1016 01:15:41,240 --> 01:15:43,740 I know, I know, I know. 1017 01:15:43,910 --> 01:15:46,530 As soon as I get back, I'll write your exam schedule. 1018 01:15:46,700 --> 01:15:50,750 There's no need, okay? There's no need... 1019 01:15:57,460 --> 01:16:00,170 Well, then, I'll call you. 1020 01:16:00,340 --> 01:16:03,800 No, no calls! No calls, okay? 1021 01:16:04,510 --> 01:16:07,220 Look, this is not working, all right? 1022 01:16:07,390 --> 01:16:08,680 This is not my life. 1023 01:16:08,850 --> 01:16:12,140 I don't want this anymore. 1024 01:16:13,480 --> 01:16:15,940 What do you want? Oh, you just woke up... 1025 01:16:16,110 --> 01:16:18,690 ...and decided you wanted to fuck freshmen girls... 1026 01:16:18,860 --> 01:16:22,070 ...and do lots of drugs? 1027 01:16:22,360 --> 01:16:25,450 Is that what you want? 1028 01:16:26,950 --> 01:16:28,660 Yeah. 1029 01:16:28,830 --> 01:16:32,500 Yeah, that's exactly what I want. 1030 01:16:33,620 --> 01:16:37,590 I want to party. I wanna have some fun. 1031 01:16:54,730 --> 01:16:57,110 You're the one who told me to trust somebody. 1032 01:16:57,270 --> 01:16:59,320 Look what happened! 1033 01:16:59,480 --> 01:17:01,780 - You trusting Rafe has nothing... - No! 1034 01:17:01,940 --> 01:17:04,030 All I want is for Rafe to come back... 1035 01:17:04,200 --> 01:17:06,240 ...and you're talking about pills? 1036 01:17:06,410 --> 01:17:08,910 Because things are more difficult for you now... 1037 01:17:09,080 --> 01:17:12,450 ...I think you could use help. - You said I was making progress. 1038 01:17:12,620 --> 01:17:14,750 Sometimes things are more painful before... 1039 01:17:14,910 --> 01:17:17,040 You said this would amount to something. 1040 01:17:17,210 --> 01:17:19,000 All this fucking pain! 1041 01:17:19,170 --> 01:17:22,510 And I am still saying that. 1042 01:17:25,510 --> 01:17:29,510 I can't believe you're pushing drugs after all of this. 1043 01:17:29,680 --> 01:17:32,430 I'm recommending that you try this medication... 1044 01:17:32,600 --> 01:17:37,810 ...so you can gain some perspective and not spin out of control. 1045 01:17:39,810 --> 01:17:43,480 Lizzie, isn't that what you want? 1046 01:17:50,280 --> 01:17:54,910 It takes two to six weeks before your system swerves. 1047 01:17:56,460 --> 01:17:58,960 I know you don't. 1048 01:17:59,130 --> 01:18:02,630 But I can see it working okay. 1049 01:18:06,050 --> 01:18:10,890 Your mother's been calling. She wants to come and see you. 1050 01:18:16,020 --> 01:18:18,140 Engine's beginning throttling down now... 1051 01:18:18,310 --> 01:18:19,850 ...at 94 percent. 1052 01:18:20,020 --> 01:18:23,520 Normal throttle for most of the flight, 104 percent. 1053 01:18:23,690 --> 01:18:26,650 Three engines are running normally. Three good fuel cells. 1054 01:18:26,820 --> 01:18:29,030 Three good APUs. 1055 01:18:29,200 --> 01:18:31,160 Velocity, 2257 feet per second. 1056 01:18:31,320 --> 01:18:33,240 Hey, what the hell are you doing? 1057 01:18:33,410 --> 01:18:35,620 - Nothing. - Trying to steal my purse. 1058 01:18:35,790 --> 01:18:40,500 - Challenger, go at throttle up. - Roger, go at throttle up. 1059 01:18:40,670 --> 01:18:43,750 The space shuttle Challenger exploded in a ball of fire... 1060 01:18:43,920 --> 01:18:45,800 ...after it left the launching pad. 1061 01:18:45,960 --> 01:18:47,670 - the fragments from the... 1062 01:18:47,840 --> 01:18:50,220 Officials are saying there is no evidence... 1063 01:18:50,390 --> 01:18:52,680 ...to indicate that the astronauts survived. 1064 01:18:52,850 --> 01:18:54,260 President Reagan... 1065 01:18:54,430 --> 01:18:57,890 - Challenger honored us with the manner in which they lived. 1066 01:18:58,060 --> 01:19:00,850 Material from the scattered craft is reported to be... 1067 01:19:01,020 --> 01:19:06,110 The worst accident in the history of American space program... 1068 01:19:07,030 --> 01:19:11,610 - was a sign that something had gone terribly wrong. 1069 01:19:12,870 --> 01:19:14,410 Ruby? 1070 01:19:14,580 --> 01:19:16,290 - Ruby? - Jesus. 1071 01:19:16,450 --> 01:19:19,040 Hold on. Hold on, all right? 1072 01:19:19,210 --> 01:19:22,420 Ruby, come on, this is serious. 1073 01:19:22,580 --> 01:19:24,540 - What? - My mother's been mugged. 1074 01:19:24,710 --> 01:19:29,170 I have to go to New York. You've gotta come with me. 1075 01:19:29,340 --> 01:19:31,380 No. 1076 01:19:31,550 --> 01:19:33,140 Ruby, come on. 1077 01:19:33,300 --> 01:19:36,260 I'm asking for your help. 1078 01:19:36,430 --> 01:19:38,850 Lizzie, I'm done helping. 1079 01:19:39,020 --> 01:19:41,390 You're done? How can you...? 1080 01:19:41,560 --> 01:19:43,770 I can't. 1081 01:19:43,940 --> 01:19:45,900 I've had it. 1082 01:19:46,070 --> 01:19:47,900 All right? I can't do it anymore. 1083 01:19:48,070 --> 01:19:49,280 This has gotta end. 1084 01:19:49,440 --> 01:19:53,700 Next week is just gonna be some other crisis. 1085 01:19:56,910 --> 01:19:59,750 One for the road. 1086 01:20:14,640 --> 01:20:17,720 She refused the intravenous Demerol. 1087 01:20:17,890 --> 01:20:20,770 She refuses painkilling drugs? 1088 01:20:20,930 --> 01:20:24,270 Can we possibly be related? 1089 01:20:24,650 --> 01:20:29,320 Looks like she's gonna be here for a few days, but she'll be just fine. 1090 01:20:29,480 --> 01:20:31,860 She'll need some help when she gets back home. 1091 01:20:32,030 --> 01:20:35,450 But everything will be okay. 1092 01:20:38,280 --> 01:20:40,370 It's scary. 1093 01:20:40,540 --> 01:20:45,080 For the first time, I'm being deprived of my tears. 1094 01:20:49,800 --> 01:20:53,220 I don't know what I'm doing. 1095 01:20:55,340 --> 01:20:57,220 I mean, let's face it. 1096 01:20:57,390 --> 01:21:01,560 Me being here to help is like a cruel joke. 1097 01:21:13,820 --> 01:21:17,740 Not even heights freak me out anymore. 1098 01:21:20,160 --> 01:21:22,750 You look a lot better. 1099 01:21:22,910 --> 01:21:26,250 That's what everybody says. 1100 01:21:29,040 --> 01:21:31,380 You know, Lizzie... 1101 01:21:31,550 --> 01:21:33,090 ...I'm fine. 1102 01:21:33,260 --> 01:21:37,050 And there's no reason why you can't go back up to Cambridge. 1103 01:21:37,220 --> 01:21:40,970 Mom, I've spoken with the nurses, and they say that you need... 1104 01:21:41,140 --> 01:21:44,850 Honey, you've got exams coming up. 1105 01:21:46,020 --> 01:21:49,310 You have to have somebody with you, even if it's just a few days. 1106 01:21:49,480 --> 01:21:53,530 I can take care of myself. I always have. 1107 01:21:54,280 --> 01:21:57,450 You're not going home alone. 1108 01:21:57,610 --> 01:21:58,910 It's the other cupboard. 1109 01:21:59,070 --> 01:22:01,580 I don't know. 1110 01:22:01,740 --> 01:22:04,160 Grandma. 1111 01:22:17,220 --> 01:22:22,010 I don't know what I would have done without Lizzie here. 1112 01:22:23,680 --> 01:22:27,060 - None of this would've happened... - Ma, don't say that. 1113 01:22:27,230 --> 01:22:30,690 ...if it hadn't been for her. 1114 01:22:46,750 --> 01:22:48,750 They're gone. 1115 01:22:48,920 --> 01:22:51,170 Yeah. 1116 01:22:51,330 --> 01:22:55,380 I didn't really feel like saying goodbye. 1117 01:23:01,430 --> 01:23:05,930 After all this time, I never asked you about Rafe. 1118 01:23:13,150 --> 01:23:15,730 That's over. 1119 01:23:16,610 --> 01:23:18,110 He... 1120 01:23:18,280 --> 01:23:21,820 He never wants to see me again. 1121 01:23:26,450 --> 01:23:30,040 You know, when Donald left me... 1122 01:23:31,210 --> 01:23:34,170 ...it seemed so incredible. 1123 01:23:34,340 --> 01:23:37,670 I just couldn't believe it. 1124 01:23:47,720 --> 01:23:51,560 I think I just forgot about you, Lizzie. 1125 01:23:51,730 --> 01:23:54,190 You know? 1126 01:23:54,900 --> 01:23:57,320 You were just a child. 1127 01:23:57,480 --> 01:23:59,990 So little. 1128 01:24:04,910 --> 01:24:07,830 But you needed me. 1129 01:24:09,000 --> 01:24:13,080 And that forced me to pay attention again. 1130 01:24:13,540 --> 01:24:16,590 You know what I mean? 1131 01:24:17,630 --> 01:24:20,920 I had to take care of you. 1132 01:24:22,510 --> 01:24:26,720 And in a way, you brought me back to life... 1133 01:24:26,930 --> 01:24:30,730 ...and you became everything for me. 1134 01:24:31,520 --> 01:24:34,850 I was so wrapped up in you. 1135 01:24:40,030 --> 01:24:44,280 But God, you were so full of promise, Lizzie. 1136 01:24:44,990 --> 01:24:49,080 And I wanted so much for you in your life. 1137 01:24:51,750 --> 01:24:56,080 And I couldn't see that it wasn't good for you. 1138 01:25:00,670 --> 01:25:03,130 You just... 1139 01:25:03,300 --> 01:25:06,090 I know you wanted me... 1140 01:25:06,260 --> 01:25:10,060 ...to be everything, and I can't be. 1141 01:25:14,600 --> 01:25:17,150 I can't be. 1142 01:25:25,780 --> 01:25:28,410 Look, Lizzie. 1143 01:25:28,570 --> 01:25:32,200 You don't have to be anything for me. 1144 01:25:32,370 --> 01:25:35,370 You don't have to be well for me. 1145 01:25:35,540 --> 01:25:38,290 You understand? 1146 01:25:40,040 --> 01:25:43,340 You don't have to pretend. 1147 01:25:46,630 --> 01:25:49,550 I'll be okay, Mom. 1148 01:25:52,770 --> 01:25:55,440 I'll be okay. 1149 01:25:55,980 --> 01:25:58,480 I promise. 1150 01:26:09,030 --> 01:26:11,700 I'll be okay. 1151 01:26:12,540 --> 01:26:15,540 And there's a reason. 1152 01:26:27,510 --> 01:26:31,680 I call this the crack house, where I come to score. 1153 01:26:31,850 --> 01:26:35,140 Dr. Sterling is my dealer. 1154 01:26:35,680 --> 01:26:40,520 It seems like everyone's doctor is dealing this stuff now. 1155 01:26:41,020 --> 01:26:45,150 Sometimes it feels like we're all living in a Prozac nation. 1156 01:26:45,320 --> 01:26:48,910 The United States of Depression. 1157 01:26:52,370 --> 01:26:55,870 I don't know who I am anymore. 1158 01:26:56,700 --> 01:26:59,620 I have this personality. 1159 01:26:59,790 --> 01:27:03,380 And it's fucked up, but it's me. 1160 01:27:04,460 --> 01:27:08,050 And I see myself becoming this person who does the right thing... 1161 01:27:08,220 --> 01:27:11,180 ...who says the right thing... 1162 01:27:11,340 --> 01:27:12,550 ...but that's not me. 1163 01:27:12,720 --> 01:27:15,810 - You feel different, don't you? - Of course I feel different. 1164 01:27:15,970 --> 01:27:18,270 I'm on medication. That's the point, isn't it? 1165 01:27:18,430 --> 01:27:20,520 Yeah, that was the point. 1166 01:27:20,690 --> 01:27:24,020 You're just not comfortable with who this new person is yet. 1167 01:27:24,190 --> 01:27:26,570 But I can't be this person without taking pills. 1168 01:27:26,730 --> 01:27:29,320 The pills are giving you breathing space. 1169 01:27:29,490 --> 01:27:32,700 This feels like everything's just being covered up. 1170 01:27:32,870 --> 01:27:36,080 I recommend you stay on the medication, but it's not my choice. 1171 01:27:36,240 --> 01:27:39,080 It's your choice. 1172 01:27:41,830 --> 01:27:45,500 Do you want to get off the pills? 1173 01:28:43,900 --> 01:28:45,480 Sweetheart, come here. 1174 01:28:45,650 --> 01:28:47,520 Come here, it's okay. 1175 01:28:47,690 --> 01:28:50,190 It's okay. 1176 01:29:20,770 --> 01:29:24,640 If only my life could be more like the movies. 1177 01:29:24,810 --> 01:29:27,940 I want an angel to swoop down like he does to Jimmy Stewart... 1178 01:29:28,110 --> 01:29:32,150 ...in It's a Wonderful Life and talk me out of suicide. 1179 01:29:32,320 --> 01:29:35,660 I've always waited for that one moment of truth to set me free... 1180 01:29:35,820 --> 01:29:38,120 ...and change my life forever. 1181 01:29:38,280 --> 01:29:40,830 But he won't come. 1182 01:29:40,990 --> 01:29:44,330 It doesn't happen that way. 1183 01:29:45,870 --> 01:29:48,330 All the drugs, all the therapy... 1184 01:29:48,500 --> 01:29:52,670 ...the fights, anger, guilt, Rafe, suicidal thoughts. 1185 01:29:52,840 --> 01:29:56,970 All of that was part of some slow recovery process. 1186 01:29:57,140 --> 01:30:00,220 The same way I went down, I came back up... 1187 01:30:00,390 --> 01:30:03,980 ...gradually, and then suddenly. 1188 01:30:08,400 --> 01:30:10,820 The pills weren't a cure-all, God knows... 1189 01:30:10,980 --> 01:30:13,320 ...but they gave me breathing space... 1190 01:30:13,480 --> 01:30:15,610 ...which allowed me to start writing again. 1191 01:30:15,780 --> 01:30:20,490 Only this time it wasn't as if my life depended on it.