(SOFT MOANING)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(ALARM RINGS)
MAN: Oh!
That was good.
(INHALES)
Top dog, big dog, bad dog.
Who's the best dog?
It's my dog.
Who's the best dog?
It's my dog.
(FAX MACHINE RINGING) It's the big, bad dog.
Number one dog, dog at the top.
Slow down, Fido. We need to talk.
MAN: (ON PHONE) Yeah? Vince.
Did you see those Vita Girl numbers?
We hit that demographic dead on.
Yeah, looking good. Talk about what? Us.
VINCE: Man, look, we're 24 hours away
from fast food fame or oblivion.
Are you gonna sign off on that copy or not?
No. No? No? What do you mean no?
Look, Nelson, we've been killing ourselves with this.
Vince. Vince! What?
Meet you in 20. Nelson--
MAN: (ON TV) I remember a lot of things
about growing up. Summertime...
BOY: (ON TV) I'm starving. ...baseball...
MOM: (ON TV) Ready for the big game? BOY: You bet!
Go get 'em, champ.
MAN: (ON TV) And Dr. Diggity Dogs.
Us? Isn't there some kind of limit on "us" talks?
One, okay. Two, if necessary.
Three, cruel and unusual.
Great dog, big dog.
Forgot about my parents, didn't you?
I can't make it. I'm sorry.
Nelson, this is their third trip to the city.
You could make an effort.
This is important to me.
This account is very important to me.
Come on, it's Dr. Diggity.
It's practically an American institution.
American institution. Dr. Diggity.
An Ameri... No.
Do you know there are actually people
who don't work 24 hours a day?
They stop, relax, have lives.
I have a life, Angelica, and I'm late for it.
Look, I'm not sure I like the tagline anymore.
It's working too hard. Needs to be deadpan.
I want to keep playing with it.
Look, cut it out, man. The copy's good.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
(CHIMES)
That rule applies to mediocrity.
We want perfection.
What we want is a check, Nelson.
Bonuses, promotions. Man, you worry too much.
I worry because worrying about losing keeps you winning.
Congrats, Nelson. You got the ad age for the Pelican spot.
Give that to me. Give it, give it!
Look, it says "team." I'm "team." God!
Morning, Mr. Moss.
Thanks. Vince.
Beatrice, I'll have the... The tea.
Hey, did you hear Edgar Price is coming out of retirement?
Says he's tired of being ripped off,
might as well get back in the game, rip himself off?
Edgar Price, huh? Mmm-hmm.
He was the best.
Remember that Mercedes ad about a trillion years ago?
The car just floating in outer space,
come right at you, boom! Genius.
Check this out. What?
Balance.
How's my dream team? Got it locked up?
Sure, Chief, just finessing--
No, no, it's all locked up, it's locked up.
It's minor, minor details. Minor details.
See that? Uh-huh.
Make it happen. Right.
Red! Blood red!
I can't read this. Is English her second language?
I mean this is... Hey, Nelson.
You're gonna love these frames.
I took your idea, you know. I ran with it.
It's still you idea. It's just better.
Client will love it.
Ethnic. Ethnic?
Give me a bonfire. Make it 3/4.
More cleavage, more dogs.
Nelson, I've got three girls here.
Let's make this night.
Night? Night.
What's this? Porno?
Well, you said you wanted edge.
I don't feel it. There you are.
Blood red. VINCE: Blood red.
Did you forget your 1:00 at the DMV?
Reschedule.
Beatrice, I don't have time for this.
Wait until the presentation's over.
If you don't renew today,
they will suspend your license,
which means the next time you get pulled over
they can throw you in jail.
And I bet you don't have time for that, either.
Nobody beats the DMV, Nelson, not even you.
Bye-bye. I got it.
Yeah, yeah. Gotta feel it.
Yeah, I'm feeling it. Blood red.
Blood red! Let's go! Let's bleed!
(BABY CRYING)
Thank you.
All right, they'll be no talking,
eating, or drinking during the test.
If your personal hygiene becomes a distraction,
you'll be asked to leave.
Sorry.
If you need to use the bathroom,
raise your hand.
Could you pass me the Columbo, please?
Yeah, the salami.
Thanks.
PROCTOR: You cannot take the test with you to the bathroom.
If you do not come back from the bathroom,
you cannot pass the test.
You may begin.
Falling rock zone?
Oh, Christ.
(WHISPERING) Hey. Psst. Psst.
Number nine. True or false?
Oh.
I'm not there yet. Sorry.
But for 19--
Excuse me.
(TAPPING ON DESK)
Bring your test papers forward, please.
Me?
You.
With the scarf.
Yes.
I really wasn't cheating.
I mean, why would I cheat on a DMV test?
You may re-take the test in 30 days.
(SNORTS)
That's a joke, right?
Thirty days? That's a whole month.
Great.
Fine.
Guess I'm going.
Walking.
Hey, good luck.
WOMAN: (ON PHONE) Shane and Dunne. Nelson Moss for Vince.
Just a moment. VINCE: Yep?
Hey, did Ruben tweak the music?
No, he's said it's fine.
Shit!
Cut him. What?
Get Johnson McDonald.
Give him the sample. Tell him--
Nelson, you've lost your mind.
WOMAN: Hey! Hi! What time tomorrow?
VINCE: Come on, that's crazy.
WOMAN: How'd it go? Did you get your license?
VINCE: Look, what we've gotta do now-- Hey, Vince.
What? What do you think about this?
Barking mad for Dr. Diggity.
That sucks.
Congratulations. You can read.
Call you back. No, no, no--
Can I help you?
Hmm. Can you help me?
Yeah.
Hmm.
That's your van, isn't it?
Is this your car?
Wow! Nice.
And you can't drive. Right.
No.
And this is the way that you...
Right. Shit.
How much do you make a month?
Doesn't look like much.
I'll cover your expenses.
Here. Call my secretary. We'll work it out.
This quest for redemption, is it coming from true remorse,
or are you just scared my sitting on your car's
gonna cause a big dent?
The dent, I guess.
That's what I thought.
What are you doing?
Buying redemption.
Redemption's not for sale today, sorry.
Okay. Guess I'm going to hell.
Get off the car.
Okay.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Bye!
(TIRES SQUEALING)
♪ You told your great tale
♪ And it's always the same
♪ Quite a shame that it goes this way
♪ Is what you said
♪ How very bizarre ♪
Okay, here we go.
We're gonna get it.
Get it.
Okay. What is it?
It's a hot dog.
It's a hot hot dog.
MAN: (ON INTERCOM) Excuse me, Mr. Moss?
Mr. Moss?
It's a hot dog.
Ay! Yeah?
Yeah, Mr. Moss, uh, it's Manny from downstairs.
We have a bit of a situation here.
There is a certain lady here
who says some very strange
and personal things about you.
No, no, you cannot talk to Mr. Moss.
I've got it. It's okay.
No, you cannot talk to Mr. Moss. I can talk to him.
Look, I'm gonna talk to him, look.
Hey, how are you, big spender?
Remember me? I'm downstairs.
You wanna come down here?
I can't stop thinking about you.
Did he hear me?
MANNY: Yeah, he hear you, okay? You sure?
MANNY: Yeah, he hear you, okay? Hello!
Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll, uh...
What? I'll see you in five.
Okay, I'm down here.
MANNY: And then my wife, she says to me,
"Manny, you can fix nothing."
So then she leaves me for plumber.
WOMAN: No. Yeah. Plumber.
WOMAN: Aw. Oh!
Look at that, Manny.
My very own Prince Charming.
I don't think I've ever met
such a royal asshole in my entire life.
So...
Does your mom know you treat women like hookers,
or did she raise you to believe
that being nice means patronizing the whole world?
Uh-oh. I smell trouble.
Can I talk to you? Yeah.
Bye, Manny.
How'd you find me? I'm smart.
So, I need a ride.
Is this a joke?
Well, you're the reason why I can't drive,
so, you know, the least you can do is schlep me somewhere.
Come on. It'll be quick, painless. Where's your car?
Been a ball,
but some of us have to work.
Okay, please don't make me throw a tantrum.
Hi, would you like to get naked with us? We live here.
We have a tub full of fudge and vodka.
Ignore her! Come on, it's gonna be fun!
Ignore her, ignore her!
Hey, what are you doing?
You know what. You're a flasher.
You're a flasher! It's gotta be stopped.
Mr. Johnson, Mrs. Johnson.
Don't walk away, Mr. Johnson!
I'm gonna call the police.
He keeps flashing everybody in this building.
Hey, hey, what are you, nuts?
I live here.
Do you have any shame at all?
Well, I just want a ride.
Please?
Oh, by the way, I'm Sara Deever.
Nice to meet you.
Okay, well, you wanna get into the right lane up here.
Just put your indicator on-- I know how to drive.
Okay.
We want to take the 80 to Oakland, okay?
Oakland. Yeah.
You said this would be quick.
I also said it would be painless.
This is really nice of you to this for me, Nelson.
And I'm sorry if I went a little too far back there,
but I really did need this ride,
so I really appreciate it. Thanks.
Right here, right here.
What do you plan to do with that?
Commit a heinous crime, what else?
You'll wait for me, right?
Right?
Of course you will.
Shh.
What am I doing?
(MEOWING)
(ALARM BLARING)
Go. Go!
Go, go, go, go!
Whoo!
Oh, my God! That was go great!
Oh! Don't you feel like Bonnie and Clyde?
No, I don't feel like Bonnie and Clyde.
Why not? They got shot, okay?
Don't open it. I don't want to know.
Don't open it! Just relax, Nelson.
They're just five little furry friends.
Say, "Hi, Nelson."
Yeah, somebody was gonna do
nasty little experiments on your brains,
but I wouldn't have it.
Say, "No!"
What do you do, by the way?
I'm in advertising.
Advertising.
So, you enjoy it?
People tend to enjoy what they're really good at.
(DOG WHINING)
So, besides your job,
what else makes you miserable?
I mean, what do you do for fun?
I didn't think so.
No hobbies?
No diversions?
No kinky obsessions?
For one quick second there
I really thought that you were--
Just get in the car.
(HUFFS)
Hey, you want to come up for a cup of cocoa?
As scintillating as the evening's been,
I'm afraid not.
Okay.
How about I make you a deal?
You come up for one cup, and I'll never ask you
for another ride as long as I live.
No, thanks.
Okay. Thanks.
I'll see you tomorrow then, okay?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold on!
Hold on.
8:00, right? That's good for you.
You, me, Manny the doorman, that whole thing, huh?
Come in.
There you guys go, okay? Yeah.
Nelson.
I can help you.
See, I have a gift.
A special ability to help men with problems.
I don't have problems.
Ah. Now, see, that usually is the first sign.
Of what? Denial.
First of all, I think you work too much.
Really? Mmm-hmm.
And what do you know about work?
Plenty.
You admitted you do nothing else
and it doesn't make you happy,
so how's that for screwy logic?
I admitted nothing. I was silent.
No special interests, no pets. You hate dogs.
Busted.
Actually, I do have a pet, a fish.
A fish. Doesn't count.
Cold-blooded. Sorry.
Nope, you are a walking case study.
Look at you.
You're a workaholic at such an advanced stage
that your intimacy skills have withered away
to almost nothing.
Left untreated, Nelson,
you could become emotionally extinct.
Out of sheer perverse curiosity,
how does a lunatic like you help a guy like me?
You live in a box.
I could lift the lid.
Let some light in.
Wow, that's deep.
I feel almost cured just hearing it.
Well, if you want my help,
it will require a commitment on your part.
You have to live with me here for a month.
(LAUGHS)
No more, no less,
and no work allowed.
You don't even know me,
and you're inviting me to move in?
Mmm-hmm.
And how's my girlfriend supposed to feel about that?
Girlfriend?
You don't have a girlfriend.
I mean, it's something that you feel.
There's something very intimate
that a woman leaves on a man
that you definitely don't have.
Her name's Angelica.
Well, I feel sorry for Angelica.
Great.
I'll relay that to her when I leave,
which is, uh, right about now.
October's almost over.
We can start midnight.
First of November.
If you're brave enough to commit,
I will devote myself entirely to you.
Brave enough, but not stupid enough.
Now, listen up, Moonbeam.
Here's how it works.
No more harassment, no more rides,
no more extortion.
Next time you come into my building,
I really will call the cops.
This is your brand image, Mr. Leach.
We polled your primary demographic.
You know what 89% said?
Boring. Safe.
We need to drop a bomb.
We don't want hot dogs, safe.
What's in a hot dog? Don't tell me.
I don't want to know.
(MEN LAUGHING)
They're dangerous.
What are we selling here?
We're selling temptation,
desire, animal instincts,
gluttony, sin.
We want to show man as he really is...
A savage.
He needs fire. He needs food.
He hunts and gathers.
What does he get?
He gets a hot dog.
We're pagans. We love our rituals.
Our team hits the ball out of the park.
We're screaming, we're insane. What do we want?
We want a hot dog!
Let's go straight to your pre-teen demographic.
Kids, the little angels.
They're not angels. They're monsters!
We give them a tuna sandwich.
They don't want a tuna sandwich!
They want a hot dog!
We need women. We've got the mothers.
We want the daughters.
Let's ask that age-old question.
What does a woman really want?
You know. I know.
She wants a hot dog.
We're hot-blooded. We need sex.
We need a sinful, dangerous food.
What is it?
It's a hot dog!
It's a hot dog.
Dr. Diggity. It's a hot dog.
No.
(CHUCKLES) No?
What do you mean?
It's not for us.
You don't understand our company.
I don't understand?
(CLEARS THROAT)
What did you ask us for?
Edge.
This is edge.
We're going with Baker-Bohanen.
Excuse me, I think you're making a mistake.
Nelson.
I've seen your sales.
I mean, you're in big trouble.
Oh, no.
We are America's favorite hot dog, son.
Were. Were.
You're a dinosaur.
You're flatlining!
Ha! You're dead meat!
And you just went too far, you little punk,
so I'm gonna tell you what I really think of your campaign.
This is cheap, tasteless crap.
Oh, really? Well, that's funny.
Because so's your product. Nelson, stop it.
I make a wholesome hot dog, you prick!
It's mystery meat!
Hey, come on, Nelson, calm down!
You're killing me!
You're killing us! You're killing all of us!
Buddy! Hey, hey, buddy!
What the hell happened in there?
I know. Can you believe that asshole?
Baker-Bohanen. Hmmph.
Um, I... I've always said you're brilliant, Nelson.
A goddamn machine, but I knew that one of these days
you'd snap and we'd all burn.
What are you talking about, burn?
Do you have any idea what was at stake here?
How many millions of dollars you just lost?
You just dragged my agency's name through the gutter.
Hold on a second.
Gutter? I'm the best thing this agency's got.
Oh, oh, and that rabid dog routine
makes you the best? I don't think so,
Nelson, it makes you a wreck!
It makes you a liability.
You need a vacation, now.
Screw vacation.
Give me another account. Come on.
Nelson, did you hear me?
Take a vacation.
Short or permanent, your choice.
Are you threatening me?
(NELSON LAUGHS)
That's hilarious.
I'm two Clios ahead of the game, Ray.
You can't afford to lose me.
You're fired.
Say that again.
I don't think I heard you.
You're fired!
Hmm?
(DOOR SLAMS)
God, am I glad to see you.
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
(CLATTERING LOUDLY)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
MANNY: Mr. Moss?
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
You have a delive... Ah!
You have delivery.
Leave it!
Oh, no, I do not think you want me do that, Mr. Moss.
It's from the crazy lady from the other night.
She tell me I have to deliver in the flesh.
I said leave it!
Okay.
Uh...
Whew. Shh.
Whew.
(BARKS)
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
♪ I don't wanna rock, DJ
♪ But you're making me feel so nice
♪ When it's gonna stop, DJ ♪
Hey. Whoo!
Hey, do me a favor.
Stay out of my life.
Goodbye.
Is that Ernie?
It's Ernie. Yay!
I missed you so much. Hi.
Did you re-think my offer?
The last thing I feel like doing right now
is playing the Sara Deever Mad Hatter game.
What is this? What happened?
Nothing. Well, can I look at it?
Why? Because I'm a vampire.
Because it's bleeding, and maybe...
Maybe I can help you.
What are you after?
What do you want from me?
Ew.
You should come with me.
Why are you sending me dogs, huh?
So, what did you do today?
What'd I do today? Mmm-hmm.
I got fired.
They took the company car,
and my girlfriend left me.
Ah, perfect.
Define "perfect."
Well, it's the first of November.
Our month to be together.
You're actually serious about this, aren't you?
Oh, yeah. Very.
You think I'm just gonna drop everything.
I really don't wanna bust your bubble here,
but it sounds like you already have, Nelson.
Live here and let you mess with my head
for a whole month.
Well, I don't know if I would put it that way,
but... Yeah.
That's what I think you should do.
I'm sorry. I can't stand watches.
So this, whatever you call it...
Help. Help.
Mmm-hmm.
What are you doing?
Taking your shirt off.
Why?
So you can clean up.
Why?
Because you smell like puppy pee.
♪ There is a diamond
♪ Inside of me
Just for the night.
♪ That lights up the sky of my soul
♪ Black fell the diamond
♪ When I believed
♪ That all of the hurt
♪ Was my fault
♪ I'm opening the heart door
♪ Letting in the light
♪ Opening the heart door
♪ Giving life to me that died
♪ You ended us with that person
♪ Who comes home too late from the bar
♪ And I ended us... ♪
Hey.
Oh, whoa, wait.
Okay...
What?
(SIGHS)
Slower, you know?
Yeah.
Gentle.
Look at me.
Oh, it's not very comfortable.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing?
Hey, wait. Just go slow.
Just... What's wrong?
What's... What's wrong?
Where are you going? To hell with the whole goddamn thing!
What? Wait...
Nelson.
Nelson! Please wait!
(RAIN POURING)
Nelson, will you just wait a second?
I have no words to describe
how positively whacked you are.
What are you so pissed off about?
This has been the day from hell.
The absolute last thing I need
is you telling me what to do in the sack!
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I just-- Just what?
Making sure your, your little game
was going according to plan?
It's not a game. Really?
Then just what the hell is it, exactly?
I'm trying to help you.
I don't need help.
Nelson, it doesn't get much sweeter than this.
What I'm offering to you is a win-win situation.
Yeah? And what do you get out of it?
I get to help you.
I don't understand you. This whole thing.
You don't need to understand me.
You just need to let it happen.
Please, don't go.
Why not?
'Cause I know you don't want to.
Have you, uh, ever considered a career in sales?
No.
Well, you should.
You're relentless.
Nelson...
Would you like to be my November?
Yes.
(CAT MEOWS)
(BARKING)
How ya doing? What's your name?
Raquel. Raquel.
That's a beautiful name.
Could you put an extra shot
of chocolate in my mocha? Yeah.
(CELL PHONE RINGS) Chocolate's an aphrodisiac. Did you know that?
You look great in that smock. Yeah?
NELSON: Vince. Nelson, where the hell are you, man?
I've been calling you. What... Edgar Price.
Edgar Price.
Edgar Price? (STUTTERS) What?
Can you get us a meeting?
VINCE: You and me?
You and me.
Edgar Price's new company. Game?
Oh, that is brilliant, man. That's genius.
I will get us that meeting.
They stuck me with that loser, John Headley.
I can't keep going on like this.
Vince...
Call my cell with news.
VINCE: Yeah, absolutely. SARA: Hey!
Stop what you're doing right now.
Why?
Because it's the same boring thing
you do every day of your life.
And you can't do that with me.
What's wrong with your TV?
Good morning.
It doesn't work.
Of course it doesn't work. It's a planter.
Right.
Where are my clothes?
I gave 'em away.
You what?
I gave 'em away.
Oh, but...
Look at this.
Whoo! Oh, yeah, baby.
Freedom. No more suits.
I got you those.
Sara, this is not helpful.
Give me my shirt and pants back.
What? It's clothes.
It's just gonna cover your body anyway. What do you care?
Hey, um, do you like cheese?
(ERNIE WHIMPERS) Hey, there, Ernie. Hi.
Ernie. Are you sad? Do you miss your brother?
You'll stay with me till we find you some decent parents, okay?
Hey, by the way,
when do I get to meet your parents?
My parents are dead.
I'm sorry.
Sara, I'm not amused. I want my clothes back.
Now.
I told you. I gave them away.
I promise I'll never lie to you.
So...
Would you like vegan sausage, vegan bacon...
Yeah, well, that's all we got now. Huh?
I make it with a lot of vegan butter
so it gets really nice and black and crispy.
But if you don't like it that way,
I won't make it that way, okay?
Hey, hey!
Three hours sleep last night.
Tried valerian root. Melatonin.
The Shopping Channel.
You know what did the trick in the end? What?
Jimmy Cagney.
Public Enemy.
Violence as a tranquilizer, how twisted is that?
Ah.
You're looking very sexy today.
Yeah? Yeah.
Wow.
I do believe that is my favorite sweatshirt I see.
SARA: Mmm-hmm.
You must be November.
I must be November?
That's Nelson.
Hey, Nelson. Howdy.
I'm Chaz.
Hey.
You know what?
Keep the sweatshirt. Looks better on you.
Is this some kind of a communal, culty,
Squeaky-Charlie type of deal?
That's very good. He's very funny.
Much cooler than October.
What a wanker he was. All right, I gotta go.
Mmm. Mmm.
I love you, baby. I love you.
Are you sure you don't want any food?
And get fat like you? Ah.
See you around, Nelson.
NELSON: See ya.
I think I'll pull myself out of monthly rotation while I'm ahead.
What? Nelson.
Who the hell was that? Your pimp?
Chaz? Chaz lives downstairs.
We just look after each other.
I think Chaz can take care of himself.
He just needs a good night's sleep.
Hello, sweetheart how are you?
Hey, you guys. Nelson, these are...
Sorry.
I was trying to introduce you.
That's Al and Osiris. They own that bookstore.
They used to be really close friends with Jack Kerouac.
I don't care. I don't read.
Sara, can you spare 15 bucks?
Bruce, I just gave you those clothes.
Why you gotta be so greedy?
That's my shirt! Those are my pants!
Hey! Hey!
SARA: Doesn't it feel good to give?
Leave me alone! No.
You November?
Where am I?
Boy, you guys have to meet.
Nelson, this is Abner. Abner, Nelson.
Abner's gonna set a world record one day, right?
Yeah. What's today's project?
Standing on one leg. You wanna time me?
I have to break the current record of 300 hours.
No.
Loser.
Get a life.
Good one. (LAUGHS)
You let a 10-year-old wind you up?
Forget him. What about you?
You sleep with half the city,
get the whole neighborhood involved.
What? You'd prefer if I was a virgin?
Considering the alternative, yes.
I'm yours.
All yours.
Look, Sara, you're great.
You're a very sexy, smart, interesting,
somewhat unusual woman. But we, uh...
I always think it's best to clarify issues.
You are the most egotistical man I've ever met.
I am talking about a month.
The truth is, I don't have a month.
Time is money.
(SIGHS)
Okay, this... Let's just...
Just how long do you think you can put
this big, fat lucrative career of yours on hold?
(STUTTERS) Just...
God, what am I talking about?
You don't, you're are unemployed!
You don't have a job! You got fired, Nelson.
You have nothing to go back to.
You know, the more I think about it,
this project of yours feels like an excuse to get laid.
Sara. Sara, I'm sorry. I...
Sara, I didn't mean to... I didn't think you'd...
I...
I just don't understand why you're doing this is all.
I told you. I have my reasons.
Still friends?
Only if you give me what I want.
(CHUCKLES)
What?
Time.
All I can do is a day.
I'll take it.
Okay.
I'll take it.
Always a thrill to explore new career possibilities.
How much do you charge for this?
I don't do this for the money.
Why do you do it?
Because I like it.
You can take 'em off the leashes.
Come here. Oh, yes.
You're so excited, I know.
Yeah, go raise some hell. Come here.
Don't tell your mom, okay?
You can let 'em go, you know, Nelson.
Whoo!
Come on!
♪ He was your imaginary friend ♪
Yippee.
♪ You were partners till the end
♪ Then something bends and then it breaks
♪ Your worst mistake accepting
♪ Enemies on bended knees
♪ A litany of tragedies
♪ You're vexed It seems you're hexed
♪ And after sex
♪ He expects you'll let him off the hook
♪ Till something that you heard
♪ When you were sleeping
♪ Left you shaken while he stirred
♪ When you awaken you will
♪ Make him eat his words
♪ Right off the hook ♪
(LAUGHING)
Get off of me.
(BARKING)
Yeah.
So, tell me. When was the last time
you spent a whole day outside?
When my parents dragged me to Alcatraz
for the day at the age of nine.
Wow.
Now you tell me something. Anything.
What was so enlightening about what we did today?
Why is letting some dogs go wild
a better way to live than my way?
I mean, granted, it was mildly amusing.
But I gotta tell you, my third eye didn't open.
Well, these things take time,
and you don't have time.
No, seriously, it's a question of values.
Why is doing something fundamentally trivial
better than living a responsible life,
boring as that might seem to you?
And who made you the expert, the doctor, the guru?
Why do you have all the answers?
Well, I used to own this company called Sublime Pets.
Uh-huh.
No, I really did. And then I quit
because it wasn't fun anymore, you know?
NELSON: Was that before or after you toured as a stand-up comedienne?
Mmm-mmm. I never did that.
Well, this...
This will be really good for you.
Uh...
Sharpen your instincts.
No, no. (CHUCKLES)
Not those kind of instincts.
So the object of the game,
if you get your hands off me,
is...
I run around and you lose track of me,
then you... No, no peeking. Hands off.
Count to ten...
(WHISPERING) And come find me.
One, two, three, I'm gonna get you.
Four, five six, I know where you are.
Seven, eight, nine, ten.
(BARKS)
(WHIMPERS)
Oh! (LAUGHS)
Oh, Nelson, that was terrible.
You didn't even get close.
This is funny?
I'm sorry. You okay?
(ERNIE WHIMPERS)
Sara, you not going to be upset when I leave tonight?
I told you one day.
Yeah, of course.
Mitch was my October.
(SARA CHUCKLES)
He was so shy.
I think he was the shyest man I've ever met.
So,
we focused on strengthening his confidence.
And was the patient cured?
Oh, yeah. My, um...
My treatment was so effective
that we had to terminate the month early.
And what about September?
No. No September.
What?
You didn't think I was weird about it or something, did you?
And you and all these guys...
Does it really matter that much to you?
Why a month?
Because it's long enough to be meaningful
and short enough to stay out of trouble.
(SIGHS) Well...
It was delicious.
Thanks.
It's getting late.
Yeah. So, um...
Don't worry about this. I'll clean it up.
(ERNIE WHIMPERS)
What are you gonna do when you go home?
I don't know.
I don't usually map out my evenings.
You're gonna go home,
turn on your TV...
Get bored.
Turn on your computer...
Go through your work.
Get bored.
Surf the Net.
Get bored...
Then think of me.
♪ Are you breathing what I'm breathing
♪ Are your wishes the same as mine
♪ Are you needing what I'm needing
♪ I'm waiting for a sign
♪ My hands tremble
♪ My heart aches
♪ Is it you calling
Shh.
Ernie.
♪ Is it you calling
Try to be wrong once in a while.
It would do my ego good.
♪ I don't think I can face
♪ The consequences of falling ♪
NELSON: I still don't see why we couldn't take a cab.
Because I make the rules, Nelson.
Rules you must submit to utterly and completely.
You know, if you want to be a dominatrix that badly,
why don't we just go and buy you the leather and get it over with?
Ooh. I think I'm strangely aroused.
SARA: That's Abner.
Hi.
Is that you?
So, he's got a face.
It's a good one, too.
Did you wait long?
No. Good.
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
What is that? No, you didn't.
You did not bring that here! What can I say?
Yeah?
VINCE: Just call me genius. I don't mind.
What up, Vince?
What up? You. Me. Edgar Price.
November 17th. Friday. That's what up.
I'm your little rainmaker, brother.
You're a genius.
Well, it's about time you said so. Hey, hey!
Hey, I heard about Angelica, man. I'm sorry.
You know, as much as I despised her,
I knew she wasn't right for you.
Uh, so, do I smell new female friend?
What makes you say that?
What makes... You don't return my phone calls.
Come on, there's estrogen in the air. Don't insult me. I got a life.
Come on, who is she?
You wouldn't know her.
I would, yeah, but... I know, but would I despise her?
That's the question. On a scale of 9 to 10,
is she, what, a "9" or a "10" or a what?
Listen, I gotta run.
Great news on the Edgar Price thing.
Hold on to it, okay?
(BOAT HORN BLOWS)
Oh, that's really cool. Not.
What is it? Pokemon's dinghy?
All right, guys, let's do this!
All boats! All boats in the water!
Except for this kid's.
That's not a kid. That's a girl.
BOY: He is a girl. What's with that boat?
Maybe I should just forget about it.
Just ignore them, Abner.
BOY: Abner?
EVERYONE: Abner.
Hang in there, Ab.
All boats in the water.
All right, guys, let's do this.
(AIR HORN BLOWS)
BOY: Say your prayers, Abner.
Whoo!
Go, Abner.
SARA: Go, Abner!
Go, Abner!
Excuse me.
You wanna make 100 bucks?
Sure.
GIRL: I'm in second.
BOY: Look at that. GIRL: I'm in second.
Come on, Abner! Come on!
(CHUCKLING)
Hey, my boat's all...
What's going on?
(CROWD CHEERING)
Straight. Straight.
Come on, Abner! You can do it!
I guess I'm winning.
Hold on. That little creep is cheating.
No, I'm not. My boat's just better.
Go, Abner!
(AIR HORN BLOWS)
Oh!
I guess I won.
That was fun.
Next time, can we do it with cars?
Sure. No.
Bye. See ya, Abner.
Good night. Good night.
You know, that was really nice what you did today.
Thanks.
But it's not gonna help him.
What do you mean?
Well, he's gonna have a lot of obstacles in his life,
and he's gonna have to learn to deal with 'em.
Those kids were laughing at him.
You ever been laughed at?
Okay. Cheating's bad. I guess.
You're a father figure now.
Get out of here, father figure. The kid just met me.
Well, when you don't know your dad you're not that picky.
Look at that, Nelson. That's life.
It's just happening around us all the time.
I think that's so beautiful.
Tell me your secret dream.
I'm not much on that kind of thing.
Oh, come on. Everybody's got one.
One they only tell after a couple of drinks.
Tell me.
My father sold door-to-door.
Vacuum cleaners, life insurance.
For a while, he even sold plastic food.
We were, uh, kind of the joke of the neighborhood.
And believe me, the neighborhood
was a pretty grim joke itself.
Where'd you grow up?
Here. I, uh...
I still own the house, but... I never go there.
Anyway, uh...
Every night after dinner, he would...
Shut himself in the TV room
and listen to 45s.
Bobby Darin, Perry Como, Tony Bennett.
For a year or so...
I desperately wanted to be a singer.
'Cause you thought it would make him happy?
No, I...
I thought those guys...
Were everything he wasn't.
Successful, proud...
In control.
I'd like to hear you sing.
(CHUCKLES) That will never happen.
(LAUGHS)
Come on. One day.
One day you'll sing for me, right?
WOMAN: What are we doing?
The movie starts in 10 minutes. Maybe we should skip it.
I'll get you a cappuccino.
God, if I can find a cappuccino. Relax.
I hope that I can eat all this.
VINCE: Oh, my God.
Somebody went domestic on me.
Okay. Okay, wow. No, I get it. It all makes sense.
Mystery woman unveiled,
and what... Uh, what is this place?
What kind of bohemian backwater is...
Do they read poetry here?
Sara, Vince. Vince, Sara.
Hey.
Very nice to meet you.
I got to go. Bye, Abner.
Something I said? Vince, the movie.
Oh, that's my good friend, um...
Uh...
What, you can't remember her name?
Oh, she shouldn't care if I remember her name
as long as I remember to pick up the check, right?
That's incredible.
That is, I think, the most astute observation
of female behavior I've ever heard.
She's funny. You're funny. That's funny.
This is my very good friend Nelson,
and his very good friend, um...
Uh... Tell me.
Sara. Sara.
Hi. Lexy. Hi, nice to meet you.
Lexy, Sara. Sara, Lexy.
We all... We should all go out sometime,
get drunk and nasty. What do you say?
Hey, uh, quick order. One cappuccino to go.
Uh, quick answer. No quick orders.
Okay. Well, we love this place.
We'll be back every day.
I got to go take care of, uh, Lexy.
Remember the 17th, you, me and God.
Sara, very nice to meet you.
It was an honor.
Very entertaining.
"God." Wow.
We're going to be late,
and it's your fault.
He's actually a good guy, deep down.
Somewhere.
Yeah.
I just mean the glibness...
It kind of wears you out after a while.
(CHUCKLES)
Do you trust him?
Like friends do, you know?
Do you think he'll be there for you?
When?
Like a scary situation or something.
Well, you may have noticed I...
I don't put myself in scary situations.
(CHUCKLES)
Hey, you know what?
Why don't we go see that house you grew up in?
Wanna do that?
That's not too scary, is it?
It's just a house.
Come.
(BOBBY DARIN SINGING)
I've tried so hard not to come back here.
Come here.
(SINGING CONTINUES)
Sorry.
Ouch. (SARA GIGGLES)
Sara,
I know I don't know a lot of things,
but, uh, I do know how to slow dance.
You're terrible.
(BOTH SMIRK)
Here, here, let me show you.
Follow me.
Aah!
Whoa!
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Yes, one apple.
Oh, no, no. No pay, no pay.
You eat two. You too skinny.
I'm too skinny? Yeah, yeah.
Should be fat. Much better.
Whoo! Thank you.
...the party, and the sound,
and everything. I mean, I'm totally...
It's just insane.
I looked up your website the other night.
Your sister's pretty.
Looks a lot like you.
Yeah, well, it's not my website anymore.
It's not my anything anymore.
Why'd you quit?
It started out small and then it got big.
That's generally considered a good thing in business.
Yeah, well, everything got big.
Egos. Lives. Desires.
I didn't like the big me.
I wasn't very happy.
You want to know the most amazing part of it all?
What?
I got out before it got really big.
Can you imagine that?
No, I can't imagine you
with millions and millions of dollars.
(LAUGHS)
CHAZ: Did you change the beans or something?
SARA: Yeah.
It's hazelnut. You don't like it?
Honestly?
It tastes like camel piss.
Let's stick to the classics in future.
Excuse me.
Privacy. Heard of it?
Very impressive set of pecs you got there, Nelson.
Do you work out, then?
Me, I haven't got time.
Your pecs, on the other hand, darling,
are just edible.
(SCOFFS) Now, don't forget, dinner's at 8:00.
It's dressy, 'cause we're gonna eat,
and we are going dancing. SARA: Whoo!
We're gonna see if Last of the Mohicans here has got rhythm.
(LAUGHS)
Doesn't that guy know how to make his own coffee?
(LAUGHS)
You ready to go?
Yeah. Okay, good.
'Cause I told Chaz, Cherry we'd be on time.
Oh, we're calling everyone by their first and last names now?
I don't wanna waste my night with Chaz, Cherry.
I want to get naked with Sara Deever.
(SARA GIGGLES)
You look beautiful. Hmm.
Thank you, Nelson Moss.
Come on, you won't be bored. I promise.
Chaz, Cherry's a great cook.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Yoo-hoo! We're here.
Oh! Hallelujah!
And we're hungry. Ah, it's too late.
I sold you dinner to the homeless.
Nelson, look at you.
Didn't recognize you with your clothes on.
(SARA CHUCKLES)
Nelson, you've met Chaz.
This is Cherry. Enchante.
(MUSIC PLAYING IN BACKGROUND)
CHAZ: Oh, watch the nails.
Thanks very much.
Hmm. Wow.
Very, uh...
Pink Flamingos.
Oh, my God!
Sweetheart! He says I look like Divine.
Oh, that's awful.
Although you could lose a few pounds. Stop it.
Stop it. Bitch.
Brandy, this is Nelson.
Nelson, this is Brandy.
Hi. Oh, he is handsome.
Put it back in your pants.
Grab a drink, Nelson.
You all right? You seem a little bit uncomfortable.
Looking a wee bit peaky.
Come over here and let me loosen you up a little bit.
Just one top.
CHAZ: Hey, is the music, maybe?
No, it's great. 'Cause we've got some, um,
Michael Bolton, if you prefer.
Alabama. Ah, yeah. Yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT) No. Or is it the decor?
No, it's, uh...
(GIGGLING)
You're in dresses.
Well, this isn't a dress. This is a sequin sensation.
Cheers.
That's not a dress.
CHAZ: Oh, God, lassie. Come on.
BRANDON: Start in.
I'm hungry to have some delish.
Do you want those? Thanks very much.
Oh, God, they're absolutely beautiful.
Brandy, take care of them.
Very nice.
♪ A little lovin' from the oven ♪ (SNICKERS)
Couscous for everyone.
Wow. Did you make that?
Mmm-hmm.
Excuse me, what did you just say?
Well, making, buying...
It's all a very thin line. CHAZ: (LAUGHING) Oh, my God!
I don't believe it.
You know what's a very thin line
is your outfit. A thin line between
late Cher and early Howard Keel.
Mmm, mmm.
CHAZ: Eat up, 'cause where we're going,
you get in before 10:00, you get a decent place on the dance floor,
and boys get in free.
BRANDON: Did you bring your dancing shoes?
CHAZ: Can you dance with your shirt off, 'cause that happens
where we're going. (LAUGHING)
BRANDON: Are your nipples pierced?
Do you have a "mom" tattoo on your ass? CHAZ: Are you waxed?
(BRANDON AND CHAZ LAUGH)
CHAZ: You know what, you're not exactly a muscle Mary,
but somehow I think you're gonna cut it.
WEATHER MAN: Rain being included in tonight...
I'll go see what lover boy's doing.
You can talk about me when I'm gone.
We will.
(WHISPERING) A lot.
MAN 1: (ON TV) ...our guest tonight for the... MAN 2: ...spray once a day,
relieves nasal allergy symptoms...
You want an Advil?
How'd you know?
The couscous.
It was the couscous...
I'll be right back. Thanks.
WOMAN: (ON TV) ...averaging more experience
and more sales than other real estate agents.
Remax can help you find the...
Oh, God, I love this one.
It's brilliant.
I mean, the tartan's for shit. (CHUCKLES)
What's wrong with the tartan?
Oh, phew...
Scottish thing. But, I mean,
from concept to execution, it's just sublime.
There you go, sweetie. Okay. Thank you.
MAN: (ON TV) ...dot com.
Your home base for everything,
from fast searches to one-stop shopping.
Get whatever it is in the world you want.
Just an ad.
Oh, now, don't be modest.
I know you won a Gold Pencil for this.
How do you know that?
Well, I've got a day job as well, you know.
What do you do?
Work in the dreaded world of advertising.
Oh, really?
Oh, really. (LAUGHS)
What firm?
Baker-Bohanen.
Oh, my God. You're Chaz Whatley.
Oh, look. Baby's famous.
Don't even go there.
You've been that Chaz Whatley...
All this time?
Wait a second. You didn't get the Dr. Diggity account, did you?
Oh, my God. Nelson, just let it go.
Cherry doesn't care about things like that.
(SCOFFS) Oh, really?
Cherry doesn't care about things like that.
I bet Chaz cares about things like that.
Or do you two not talk to each other?
(LAUGHS)
I know Nelson cares about things like that.
She should have told me.
(PHONE RINGS)
This is... (CONTINUES RINGING)
This is awkward. I mean, if I'd known who you were,
I wouldn't have...
Hello? What?
You would have worn a dress?
Don't think so.
You would have been especially nice to me?
Yeah, something like that.
(LAUGHS) Thanks very much!
Shh.
SARA: He's not here right now.
I said, he's not here right now.
Why are you calling here?
How long have you been doing this?
How long have you been calling here?
I asked...
I can't... I can't talk.
I can't talk right now.
I said I can't talk to you right now.
(BEEPS)
Is everything okay?
Ten guesses who that was.
Oh, shit.
So...
How long has it been going on?
It's not what you think. How long have you been talking to her
behind my back? Sweetheart, do you really want to talk about this now?
No. I'm sorry.
Guys, I don't think I'm gonna go dancing tonight.
I feel so tired. No.
Come on, sweetheart, come on.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
What was that all about?
She gets migraines, you know.
Terrible headaches.
No, the phone call.
Who was that?
Her sister.
It's a long story, and I am not going to tell it.
Hey!
I'm sorry about what...
What happened down there. That's okay.
Gives me a little boost to know that you're not perfect.
(CHUCKLES)
Feeling better?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Chaz told me it was your sister on the phone.
Why does it upset you so much?
Remember talking about getting naked? (CHUCKLES)
Naked with Sara Deever. I think that's a good time
for that right now. Come on.
Don't dodge me. Talk to me. Come. No.
Come on. Come get naked with me. What happened?
That's not fair.
You expect me to be so honest,
so forthcoming.
I do.
Because it's your month, Nelson.
Not mine.
Come on, you don't want to hear about
stupid family stuff.
Don't be mad.
Please.
You're not feeling well, are you?
Maybe tomorrow we'll get naked.
And tonight,
we'll wear PJs.
(LAUGHS)
NELSON: Every woman I know spends $200 on a haircut.
You use a vacuum cleaner.
Quit trying to change the subject.
You made a commitment, Nelson.
Our time isn't over.
It's one meeting.
Why is going to some pow-wow
with this slicko guy Vince such a big deal?
Because it's probably the chance of a lifetime,
that's why.
Well, if it's a whole lifetime,
why don't you just postpone it for one more week.
Sara, when Edgar Price says he'll meet you,
you don't say, "Wait, how about next month?"
You say, "Thank you. I'll be there."
He's one of the greats.
Where's my phone?
I hate it.
SARA: Nelson!
Nelson!
Damn it!
VINCE: We can take anything and just...
Sell it, make it work. Exactly.
I mean, we've done very well with, uh,
Pelican Beer. Actually, I'm sure you're aware of the ad...
No, I wasn't.
It just actually won the Ad Age award for that... Oh, did you?
I think that was last year's spot.
So, we have a symbiosis, the two of us, as a team...
We know a lot of guys
who do this for the awards, Mr. Price.
Yeah, but that's not to say that we don't get the awards.
But still...
We're not about the acclaim.
Hand-holding and dinners, or...
Sending prostitutes to the client.
Prostitutes?
Who, uh, who sends prostitutes?
Who doesn't?
We're about the work.
If the work is great,
it speaks for itself.
That's all I need to know.
But are you married? Any kids?
Oh, no, we've avoided the family thing
for quite some time.
Uh, you know. Most of our lives.
Good. Because if you're worried about
quality of life or paternity leave
or any of that other New Age crap,
much as I like you, we can stop right here.
I want to be your full-time commitment.
I can do that.
(SIGHS) We still had a whole two weeks to go, you know?
What's two weeks?
You're gonna kick him out in the end anyway. Good shot.
Thanks.
You know what I should have done?
I should have locked him in there.
I should have tied him to the bed,
that's what I should have done.
You mean, you didn't?
Wouldn't have stopped him.
You know, you can't force people
to do things they don't want to do.
That's the whole point of this thing, isn't it?
Besides, I know guys like Nelson.
You might have bitten off more than you can chew this time.
Oh!
That's what I like about him.
It's also what scares the living hell out of me.
VINCE: Yeah, just so you know,
um, we've got a couple of great clients
in our hip pockets, plus some leads on some new accounts.
So we come to you fully loaded.
You're not selling me a car, Holland.
And frankly, I'm not overly impressed with you anyway,
but your reputation precedes you.
And if I have to take him to get you,
I will.
So, here's my offer.
It's good as long as we're at this table.
Ow! (CLATTERING)
Oh, my, I'm so...
Sorry. Excuse me.
That's okay.
Stop it.
You know, sweetie...
We are what we do in this world,
and you're a waitress.
All that requires is that you bring the food
and the drink to and from the table
without making a mess.
That's it.
So, when you screw up
something as incredibly simple as that,
it doesn't say a whole hell of a lot about you, does it?
I'm... I'm sorry.
If you gave her a penny for her thoughts,
you'd get change.
They ought to fire her.
I always say, a bad hire
strengthens the competition's hand.
A good general feeds off his enemy.
Actually Sun Tzu said that last line
in The Art of War.
You're right, Nelson.
You're very smart.
Nelson...
Take a look, buddy.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Not interested.
You don't like my offer?
It's not the offer I don't like.
(SIGHS) It's you.
(SCOFFS)
Nelson, wait... Nelson!
You know what, I'm... This is not...
I hope you can afford this.
Uh...
Shit.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
What the hell is wrong with you?
You just shit in God's face. Do you realize that?
If that's your God, you're in big trouble.
The guy's not for me.
He's not for you? Well, he is you, man!
You're cloned from the same DNA. What're you
talking about? I am nothing like that man.
If I am, shoot me! Well, where's the gun? Shoot me!
This is my career, too, Nelson!
You just blew it in there!
What is going on, man?
I know, I know what it is. It's the girl, isn't it?
Your mystery date. The new mystery woman.
What's her name?
What's her... Don't ignore me, Nelson!
What's her name?
Sara.
Don't you see what's happening, man?
She has got your balls in a jar,
and you don't even... I'm your friend.
I wouldn't lie to you. That's what's happening.
You blew it in there, Nelson. Vince...
I'm sorry I cost you-- I don't need your...
I don't need your pity, Nelson! You blew it!
You're a loser, Nelson!
Loser!
Fine. I don't need you, Nelson!
Have you ever heard
of a Falenopsis sanderiane?
It reminded me of you.
You got the job, didn't you?
Best offer anyone ever made me.
So when do you start?
We had a little problem agreeing on that.
He suggested immediately.
I suggested...
Never.
Never?
Never.
(ENYA SINGING "ONLY TIME")
Come on. Let's keep Ernie.
No.
He found a home. He's got to go.
But you love this little monster.
Soon, I'll have another little monster,
and I'll love him.
Cold, heartless woman.
Oh...
What about vegan turkey
stuffed with tofu and cranberries?
Hmm?
Ordering sounds better.
We're not ordering thanksgiving dinner.
It's the one time in life that it's good to be trad.
In that case,
are you inviting your family?
No.
Holiday fights are a little too traditional for my taste,
if you know what I mean.
What do you fight about?
Everything.
Religion, money, sex.
(SIGHS) Sara's decision.
Sara's unconventional ways.
Sara's lifestyle.
They think I'm a freak.
You are a freak.
(WATER RUNNING)
Anyway, boring subject.
I'm sure they miss you.
I know they do.
You know, there's a good tradition called "making up."
You could try it.
Yeah.
Someday I'll have to do that.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(ERNIE WHINES)
(BARKING)
You mind walking him down?
Sure.
Thanks.
Come on, boy.
Say goodbye to Sara.
(WHINES) Bye.
Hey!
Come on, puppy.
(ERNIE WHINES)
There.
Thanks. Yeah, sure.
See you, Ernie. (WHINES)
Hey.
Why can't she just keep one for a change?
I guess she helps more this way.
I been thinking.
Oh, yeah?
If you want to adopt me, you can.
I mean...
Father-son day's on Monday.
It would be good timing.
I don't quite know what to say, Abner.
I'll tell you what.
I can't adopt you, but...
I'll come with you to father-son day if you want.
Promise? Promise.
Wait till my mom hears!
OSIRIS: Dear heart, a little bit...
Yeah, up a little.
No, no, that's too high.
Okay, here's another bag for you.
(GASPS IN PAIN)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
(DOOR OPENS)
NELSON: Sara? (DOOR CLOSES)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
I have an announcement to make.
What's wrong?
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
What do you keep in there?
Nothing.
Nothing usually doesn't require a lock.
What's wrong?
So...
What's the big announcement?
Don't do the dodge.
Am I okay?
No, I'm not okay.
I miss Ernie.
And I've got a migraine.
So...
What's your big announcement?
Marry me.
What?
Will you marry me?
Sara, I stood on the street...
And I realized...
This is it.
Life will never be better...
Or sweeter than this.
I'm happy.
I'm in love.
Marry me.
That's incredibly sweet.
But you don't understand.
No. Yes, I do. It all makes sense.
I want you.
I want this life.
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
(RINGING)
(RINGING GOES OFF)
Marry me. (GASPS)
Marry me, Sara.
I can't.
Why not?
Because of me.
What about you?
For God's sake, Sara, please, just...
Just tell me what's wrong.
Tell me the truth.
(SOBBING) I can't.
Sara? (SARA WEEPS)
Sara.
(SARA MOANS)
Sara? (SARA GROANS)
(GROANING)
Jesus. No.
Sara. I'm fine.
No. Ugh! I'm fine.
I'm fine. I'm fine. What the hell's goin' on?
No, Nelson.
Nelson!
No! Nelson, no!
No.
Is this what you wanted to see?
(SOBBING) Is it?
Is this enough truth for you?
Does this make you happy?
Goddamn you! Sara!
You couldn't leave it alone! You couldn't leave it alone,
alone, could you? Sara, stop.
Couldn't leave it...
Just leave it alone!
Shh.
Sara!
Sara?
Sara. Sara?
(MONITOR BEEPING)
CHAZ: It's Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
It's a type of cancer.
You shouldn't have to find out like this.
I'm sorry, Nelson.
Look, she's gonna be asleep for hours.
You want to go for a walk,
have a chat or something?
Yeah. Yeah? Okay.
You said she stopped her treatments a year ago?
What about the pills?
Ah. That just gets her through the day.
She's still trying to beat it, you know.
She did it all for a year.
No, nothin' worked.
Well, look, I'm no doctor, but...
One year unchecked...
Wouldn't that... Yeah.
It's spread everywhere.
How could she get involved with me
and not tell me she was sick?
(SCOFFS)
I mean, what was she thinking?
She was thinking
you'd be the same as all the others.
She'd dumped me after a month.
You got to understand something, Nelson.
She's completely powerless.
But these rules, you know, they...
They give her the illusion,
and dignity, of control.
It's kept her alive.
The rift with her family. That's what it's about, then.
These rules.
Yeah.
They couldn't handle it, her family.
They wouldn't let go, you know.
They kept tryin' to run her disease.
So she took off.
And came here.
(CHUCKLES)
She told me
if she couldn't live a normal life,
she was determined to live an abnormal one
the best way she could.
I don't get it.
I, uh...
She loves life more than...
Anyone I've ever met.
How can she just give up?
Are you listening to anything I'm tellin' you?
She's not givin' up.
She's making the most of the time she's got left.
Don't mess with that.
(WHISPERING) I'm sorry.
I didn't want you to see any of this.
I wanted you
to know me
living life. You know?
Come here.
Will you do something for me?
(SHAKY SIGH)
Anything.
Will you get me out of here?
Take me home?
Okay. Mmm...
Hey...
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
(EXHALES SHARPLY) Jesus.
(DOOR OPENS)
They're here.
Hey, darlin'.
Hey, sweetie.
They told us you were sick. You look fabulous.
Oh, this is just a lie.
Okay. You look great.
Let me take you. Do you want a nice warm bath? Huh?
Come on, sweetie. We'll run you a bath.
And what's on the menu tonight?
Oh, we have a lovely appetizer.
Some nice codeine. Hmm?
Codeine? What else do we have?
A little Donnatal. CHAZ: Donnatal. That's your favorite.
(SARA CHUCKLES) BRANDON: Come on, girl.
Let's get you in here.
Okay. Sit.
Nice and easy.
Sara.
I know doctors I can call.
No doctors.
I'm gonna be fine, Nelson.
Lift your arm. But you can't be here.
I don't want you here.
You can't see this.
Please. (SOBS)
Go. CHAZ: Okay.
Okay, okay. He's going.
I can't stand by and do nothing,
just watch her...
Die?
That's why she wants you to go.
Go on.
(SIGHS)
Hey, Abner.
Today's not gonna be a great play day.
I know. It's gonna be father-son day.
Did you forget?
Oh, God, I'm sorry, Ab. I can't.
But you promised.
ABNER: I guess I don't have a dad.
I mean, I do...
But I don't know who he is.
So I brought Nelson.
We do stuff, and it's fun,
'cause he makes me feel smart.
I guess I feel like
if I got into trouble,
he'd take care of me.
Kind of like a best friend.
Just bigger.
TEACHER: Thank you, Abner.
(APPLAUSE)
I guess I'll see you tomorrow.
I don't know, Ab. I probably won't be around here tomorrow.
How come?
Gotta do some thinkin', make a tough decision.
Sara thinks you don't respect her choices?
Something like that?
What?
I don't know. You always see that stuff on TV.
I think you're the coolest kid I've ever met, Abner.
I'll see you, huh? See ya.
Take care, huh?
(SIGHS)
(ENYA SINGING "ONLY TIME")
Shit.
You all right?
Yeah. Yeah?
Yeah, I'm fine. Good.
You know, I was planning on
serving the pumpkin on the floor, so this is...
This is really good.
Oh, God, Chaz...
Please tell me we're gonna have fun.
(BOTH SIGH)
Thanksgiving is fun, right?
It's fun. It's...
It'll be a riot.
Here. Come here.
Give us a cuddle.
Thanks.
(SMOOCHES)
I need some fun.
Mmm.
You know, he asked me to marry him.
He's not the first.
No, but it was the first time I wanted to say yes. (CHUCKLES)
So why didn't you?
Because, Chaz... (SIGHS)
I let the whole thing go too far.
Oh, yeah? Too far for who?
Both of us.
Anyway...
No need to talk about it. He's gone.
Well, you did kick him out.
He'll be back if you let him.
I don't want him to come back.
Right.
You know, it's okay to break your own rules, Sara.
You fell in love.
That's great.
It may not be according to your master plan,
but you can't control everything.
Okay, just stop it.
I really don't need this right now, Chaz.
Jesus.
There's... There's no rule
that gives me the right to put him through
all of this...
This hell.
I don't...
(SIGHS)
It's just gonna hurt him in the end.
It'll hurt, whatever you do.
We all will.
Oh, but...
If I've learned anything,
it's that you should have the people who love you
around you
as long as you possibly can.
Yeah.
AL: Yeah, a toast. Toast.
SARA: Ah.
AL: Okay.
Happy we-stole-your-land- and-killed-your-people day.
Oh, Al!
That's a good one, Al. I'll drink to that.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
OSIRIS: Here's to ya.
Here you go, babe.
OSIRIS: Here's to you.
Merry Christmas!
Oh...
NELSON: Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas, Sara.
Well, I think it's Thanksgiving, isn't it?
Not for you.
You shouldn't have to wait.
(CHORTLES)
Uh... Is it just me,
or has anyone else got a sudden desire
for Chinese food?
Right on! Yeah.
Yes. Fine.
It's good to see you, Nelson.
Do you know how the Chinese
celebrate Christmas...
See you, sweetie. And Thanksgiving?
Well, at Thanksgiving,
what they do is...
Thought you'd never get here. Thanks.
BRANDON: Come on, let's go.
(DOOR CLOSES)
For you,
my sweet Sara,
I bring you
12 gifts of Christmas.
One!
The famous Columbo log,
the salami that started it all.
Two,
a kaleidoscope of a coiffure
for the barking mad pet crusader.
Number three,
a bullwhip,
for the dizzy dominatrix
so you can rule your world in style
and whip me into shape.
Four.
I present...
"Sara," a custom-made fragrance
capturing that special something
a woman leaves on a man.
Nelson, this is...
Only the beginning.
Five.
Why is Harriet so hairy?
(CHUCKLING)
The definitive guide
to understanding our transvestite friends.
(CHUCKLES)
Six.
Tiny bubbles,
for those leisurely soaks we love so much.
Oh...
Number seven...
A hundred muni train tokens,
for the many, many
great rides of your life.
Number eight.
A collection of music to swoon by.
Which, by the way,
happens to go very nicely with gift number nine.
Dance classes.
Mildred's Academy of Dance,
guaranteed to get you off my toes...
In a week.
You're sure? (CHUCKLES)
I'm positive.
Number 10.
For the gentle lady
who hates doing dishes.
A dishwasher!
(SARA SCREAMS)
Nelson, this is too much.
It's not enough.
Number 11.
Live and in your apartment,
back by popular demand,
I give you...
Ernie!
(GASPS) (ERNIE WHIMPERS)
No!
Hi! (WHIMPERING)
Hi, baby.
Hi.
Oh, I missed you.
And if this last gift doesn't prove how much I love you,
nothing will.
♪ Only know
♪ What I know
♪ The passing years will show
♪ You've kept my love so young
♪ So new
♪ And time after time
♪ You'll hear me say that I'm
♪ So lucky
♪ To be loving
♪ You ♪
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
(WHISTLING)
Whoo!
Every month is
November, Sara.
And I love you every day.
Nelson, there's...
This is our month.
It never has to end.
You know that-- I surrender all attempts to
control life...
Yours or mine.
I live for one thing...
To love you,
to make you happy,
to live firmly
and joyously in the moment.
November is all I know...
And all I ever wanna know.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
Out...
So it'll give you time to get your stuff together...
So you can go.
Our month Is over.
Sara, I'm not leaving.
(DOOR OPENS)
Sara.
Sara!
Sara, stop!
(SOBBING)
Sara!
Sara, stop running!
Sara!
Sara, please. (SOBBING)
I'm not leaving you.
I know you love me.
I do!
I've never felt anything like this!
I never thought I'd have the chance,
and you gave that to me, Nelson.
Then why are you doing this?
Because it's starting to happen.
I don't care!
Nelson, if you leave now, everything we had
will be perfect forever.
Sara, life isn't perfect.
All we have is how you'll remember me,
and I need that memory to be strong and beautiful.
Don't you see?
If I know that I'm remembered that way,
then I can face anything.
Anything.
God, Nelson, you're my immortality.
I want to take care of you, Sara.
I'm gonna be all right.
I'm going home.
They know I'm coming.
I need to do this.
It just doesn't seem--
Just like I need to know
that you'll go on and have a beautiful life,
the one you deserve.
I only want you.
You have me...
Forever.
Now let me go.
All right, Sara.
All right.
Close your eyes.
I love you, Nelson Moss.
I love you, Sara Deever.
Remember me.
(INHALING)
♪ The time has come
♪ What's done is done
♪ It's time to move on
♪ To another place
♪ Another space
♪ We recircle in some other song
♪ Don't ask why
♪ Don't ask how
♪ Still can't explain
♪ To say goodbye again
♪ Goodbye for now
♪ Till I see you again
♪ In the sunlight
♪ That's where I'll be
♪ In the moonlight
♪ Close your eyes
♪ And you will see me
♪ In the sunlight
♪ In the twilight
♪ I'll be the mornin' and the evenin' star
♪ I will be there with you
♪ Wherever you are
♪ I will be there with you
♪ Wherever you are
♪ Nobody moves me
♪ I've been through this life
♪ With no place that I can call my
♪ Own
♪ Thinkin' above me
♪ I never seem to find
♪ Anybody that can feel like
♪ Home
♪ And I try and I try
♪ Funny how it feels
♪ When there's nothin' to say
♪ Trapped with
♪ My ideals
♪ I can't contain
♪ I'm wrapped in cellophane
♪ Cellophane, cellophane
♪ I'm wrapped in cellophane
♪ Cellophane, cellophane
♪ I'm wrapped in cellophane
♪ Cellophane, cellophane
♪ And it knows my name
♪ Name, name
♪ Nobody told me
♪ Obsessive needs were always followin' me
♪ Around
♪ And you can't ignore me
♪ And look at my face and then tell me my place
♪ In town
♪ Then he's in and she's in
♪ And he's in and she in
♪ Funny how it feels
♪ When there's nothin' to say
♪ Trapped with
♪ My ideals
♪ I can't contain
♪ I'm wrapped in cellophane
♪ Cellophane
♪ I'm wrapped in cellophane
♪ Cellophane
♪ I'm wrapped in cellophane
♪ Cellophane
♪ And it knows my name
♪ Name, name, name
♪ And I try and I try and I try
♪ And I try and I try
and I try
♪ And he's in and she's in
♪ Funny how it feels
♪ When there's nothin' to say
♪ I'm wrapped in cellophane
♪ Cellophane
♪ Cellophane ♪