See you later, have a good night, guys.
Jesus, Mo, what the hell are you doing?
Ah, the ole chicken mask trick.
Gets'em every time.
You scared me half to death, what is wrong with you?
It's good to see you too.
Doing a little redecorating?
My friends are here.
I'm in a raging hurry, okay?
Alright, I wouldn't want to keep
your little sorority sisters waiting.
I'll catch you in psych tomorrow, okay?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
this is like an emergency.
I really need you.
Oh my God.
Who is that?
Yo, that's that weird goth chick.
I heard she's a dyke.
Hey, a little lesbo action, dude.
I can get into that. - Yeah.
What the hell is she doing?
We've been waiting for her ass for like
five minutes.
Come on Riss, the nun's away.
All I need is a ride.
A ride, a ride where?
To the convent, that's where you're going, isn't it?
Heard you guys were trying to like,
paint your little letters on the convent
before the Kappa's beat you to it.
Yeah, and?
I need you to give me a ride there.
I just can't take you, Mo.
They won't understand.
Whatever, Clorissa.
You're always gonna be struggling to fit in.
They're never gonna accept you for who you are.
They're my friends.
They like me for who I am.
Seeing as how they like you so much,
I'm sure you wouldn't mind
if I told them about all of your tattoos,
or the nose ring you used to wear.
Your one night stand with Joey Ramone.
They won't believe you.
By the way, I was digging through my closet,
and I came across
this picture of you and I at the Misfits show.
I'm sure they'd love to see that,
it's a classic.
Oh did you,
ooh.
Look, I'm sorry we don't hang out anymore,
but do you think you can just blackmail me
into being your friend again?
Oh, get over yourself, Clorissa.
I need a ride and that's it.
And?
And I wanna see if the place is really haunted.
Oh, I thought you gave that up with like Menudo.
What your new friends don't like Menudo?
Would you get it
in gear, Riss?
I'm like getting wrinkles waiting here for you.
Hey, hey bring the lesbo along.
Ooh, lesbo, that's me.
This is great.
Okay, why?
Because Frijole hasn't got any
since he got booted from the house.
Yeah, after breaking the record
for longest pledgehood in history.
Wait, why would you even try to scam on a dyke?
You know you can't have her.
I'll turn her around man, just give me five minutes.
Watch. - Right dude,
you can't even turn a screw.
Dude, screw you.
I'll show you wannabe's what it's
like to be the mack of UCC.
- Frijole, you... - Watch and learn girl.
All I need is five minutes alone with her.
Fine, you wanna go that bad, jump in,
but I swear to God, if you say anything.
Don't worry, Riss, your secrets are safe with me.
Guys, this is Mo.
What's that short for? Morticia?
Are you a bulimic bitch?
Excuse me?
So Kaitlin, how was cheerleading practice?
Oh, it was fine.
They had us do the same routine like 99 times.
Hey, hey, it's that creaky old bitch's pad, man.
Who?
The town legend.
Crazy chick who lives in that house.
Ew, somebody lives in that house?
I guess anything's better than the loony bin.
Whataya mean?
That's Christine's house.
She made'em shutdown the convent.
Actually, she shut it down.
She went crazy and blew away the nuns.
Made our town famous.
Has anyone ever seen her?
No, she shoots at anyone who steps on her property.
For real?
Yeah, man, she shoots at people all the time.
I bet you I could fuck her.
Would you stop being such an asshole
and let's just get there already.
I just wanna check and see
if the freak wants to come with us.
Hey, baby, hey, we're gonna go
visit your friends tonight, you wanna come?
Shit, really?
Girl, just relax.
Come on baby,
we got room for one more.
Let's split.
Dude, quit being such a buzzkill, man.
There ain't no one living in there.
You know what, I don't care.
I'm just getting like really bad juju
from this place, okay?
Alright baby, this is your last chance.
Oh, shit.
Oh shit, man, go.
I am not overreacting,
I don't think this is gonna be a good Friday night,
getting attacked by some crazy lady.
Chill out, huh.
Riss, you're such a spaz case.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
Alright kids, we got some painting to do.
You know, this place is all Amityville and shit.
Like, redrum, redrum.
It's only a movie, nimrod.
Yeah, hey, hey, I got a good one for you.
Alright, what kind of pussy does a priest get?
None.
None, get it?
Yeah, same kind you get, huh Frijole?
You're right dude, she wants you bad.
Yeah, laugh it up homey, just watch.
I'm gonna get some tonight, fo sho.
You just give me five minutes.
What are you doing here?
Oh, I finished the guys laundry early,
so they let me come along.
The guys?
You make it sound like they're
your big buddies or something.
They are my buddies,
they're gonna let me in the fraternity.
Don't you see they're just using you?
You're a joke to them sweetie,
they're never gonna let you in.
God, you sound just like mom.
Hey.
Can't you except that they're my friends, too?
Can't you just accept that they're my friends, too?
- Ah. - Oh, yeah.
Nice, nice.
Good one, Chad.
That one went all the way up my ass.
Good job, pal.
Yeah, you just go on ahead, I'll catch up.
Be right there.
Yo, bust it open, pledge.
I'm sorry, Biff, what?
I said bust down the door, now, now, now.
Yeah, hey, bust it down, pledge.
Okay, alright.
Bust it down,
Bust it down, okay.
Yeah, okay, bro.
Yeah, alright.
Um, okay is there a shovel or something around I can use?
A what? A shove?
Move your ass now, bitch.
Hey, hey, can you please take it easy on him?
Ah, sorry Riss,
but coddling your little brother,
ain't gonna make him a Lambda.
Oh, and body slamming him into a door will?
Just one more time, alright Clorissa?
Fine, whatever.
Please, I, ooh.
Good job man.
My ass is stuck.
Get out here, you fucking...
Climb inside.
I think I ruptured my spleen.
Hey, don't be a pussy, pledge,
climb inside.
Sounds to me like you're all a bunch of pussies.
Get out of my way.
Excuse me?
I think you heard me the first time.
Why don't you stick it in your ear.
This must be where it all happened.
Where what happened?
The abortion.
There is no abortion, I mean,
that's just urban legend, right?
Bullshit.
It was the scandal that closed this place down.
The last surgery ever performed here.
Christine O'Mally was 16 and pregnant.
Not a pretty situation back then.
Father Ryan and Mother Superior
kidnapped her in the middle of the night
and brought her here and strapped her down.
They performed an abortion right then and there.
No consent necessary.
Bet they used a wire hanger.
Ah, gross Kaitlin.
That's my girl.
Why would they do that?
I mean abortion's like the biggest sin in Catholicism.
Rumor has it the child was Father Ryan's.
That's fucked up.
Did the church punish Father Ryan?
Hardly, Christine busted into mass one day
and blew them away and then torched'em one by one.
Nuns in flames, I'll bet it was fucking beautiful.
So she became like, some serial nun killer?
Well she claimed they were the devil's disciples.
And thus began her 30 year vacation in the nuthouse.
They say that Father Ryan and the nuns
still haunt this building.
Seeking revenge.
Sounds like you saw one too many episodes of Elvira.
Man.
Nasty, dude.
Yo, get it the fuck outta here, pledge.
But, but, but.
No, don't but me, move it now.
Get it the fuck outta here, hear what I said?
Move it, move it, movie it, now, now, pledge.
That's right.
Biff.
This place is gross.
Let's just hurry and paint,
and then we can go somewhere romantic.
Ooh, now you're talking, now you're talking
Do you think devil worshipers really live here?
It's paint, knucklehead.
Ah.
What do you say, we do a little exploring of our own?
Don't you think we should all stay together?
Right, what was I thinking?
Hey, start that graffiti pledge.
Holy, the dog's trying to hump me.
You said you wanted some action, dude.
This isn't funny, he's really strong.
Whoa, whoa, boy, easy boy.
Yo, Brant, why don't you ah,
why don't you take Boozer for a little stroll.
Just let him go here,
the place is already a shit hole.
Let me repeat myself, pledge.
Why don't you take Boozer for a walk.
But,
Okay.
Come on, Boozer.
Looks like it's just you, me and the chronic, baby.
Yeah, lucky me.
I wonder if people really do
come here to devil worship?
It's another fucking stupid legend.
There's probably homeless people here too.
I don't know, I wouldn't exactly
call this place a shelter.
I wonder what it would be like to spend a night here?
Hmm, do you have a little hidden dark side?
Maybe.
What?
What's the matter?
There was
a nun,
and she was all gross
and fucked up.
Relax, you're just seeing shit.
Frijole's weed was probably laced with a little something.
But I swear, I saw a nun standing right there.
Okay, you're trippin' on the weed
and Morticia's story.
But it looked so real.
Relax, we're supposed to be having fun.
Well, I'm not.
Can we please just bail?
I mean, this place creeps me out.
Sexy, Riss.
You think we can get up to the bell tower from here?
Yeah, I think so.
What are you scared?
No.
So baby, do you know karate?
Cause like that ass is kickin'.
Please tell me you're not serious.
Come on baby, it's just you're so beautiful,
I'm struggling to find the right words.
So why don't you do us both a favor and quit talking.
Oh, what, you want me to be the strong, silent type?
I can do that.
Wait, just relax stud.
Come on baby, you know you want it.
Get off of me.
All chicks say that.
Yeah, I'm sure they do.
Yeah, but they never mean it.
Well, I do.
Look, frat boy,
I'm a virgin, and I'm certainly not losing it
to some player like you.
I'm saving myself for Marilyn Manson.
So you're a hater.
Well, that explains it baby,
but don't worry, you'll get nothing buy love from Frijole.
I thought I told you, relax.
Whoa, whoa, man.
I'm sensing some aggression here.
Yeah, you are, so fucking quit it.
You talk about sending mixed signals, man.
Virgin, my ass.
This is the police.
You have sixty seconds to vacate
the building with your - Fuck, holy
- hands above your head, - shit, man.
- or that's your ass. - Oh shit.
Look, I was not here.
Do you hear me? - No, no, no,
it's probably just the campus police.
Just be cool, okay.
No, no, no, no, no, I'm already on probation, okay?
Please just, just tell'em I cruised.
Whoa, whoa man, you want to lie to the five-o?
Well, come on, it'll be our little secret.
Just, all you have to do is just tell them that I went home.
I, uh,
I could make it worth your while.
That sounds good to me, baby.
You just tell me where and when.
Ah, back here,
um,
say an hour?
How do I know you'll show?
I don't know, you wanna a credit card?
I'll tell you what,
you give me your panties, and it's all good.
M, My panties?
It's a easy choice, baby doll,
panties or community college.
Panties or community college.
Yeah, okay, alright, alright.
Jesus Christ, what do you watch Sixteen Candles
like 8,000 times, you got it on loop at your house?
- What, yeah. - Bring your ass out now!
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about
motherfucker, woo.
Well, let me guess.
You all thought you'd be the ones
to finally desecrate the bell tower, didn't ya?
Is that what you thought?
No, we were just...
Who said you could talk, white boy?
I thought this...
Shut up.
I don't wanna hear another word from you, little punk.
You see,
every year
come homecoming game,
another group of kids tries to be
the one to get past us.
But that never happens.
Does it Starkey?
Hell no.
And this year ain't gonna be
no different kids, you got that?
Now are you sure there's no on else
left inside the building?
Is there anybody else, huh?
Huh?
Well there better not be,
cause if I so much as catch a scent
of anybody else in there,
I'm gonna lock your ass up so tight,
they gonna have to have a combination
to visit your nuts,
white boy.
So,
if you're sure,
that we're not gonna find anybody else inside.
Well there was another girl,
but she bailed and went home by herself.
Why the hell
would a young girl head home alone
in the middle of the night?
Why, why, why, why, why?
She said something about, her dorm had a curfew.
Well,
tonight is your lucky night, kids.
If I see any of you little pricks around here again,
you're going downtown, you got that?
What's this?
What is this? What is this?
I, I don't know who's that is, man.
Oh, so now you wanna lie to me, huh white boy?
Oh, no, let me kill him Ray. - No, no.
- Let me kill'em. - No, Starkey, no.
He's not worth it, he's not worth it.
- Let me kill'em - No, no, no,
Starkey, no.
It's okay.
You know how it is, Ray.
You know how I feel about
this, the youth destroying their lives
with this marijuana substance.
I know, Starkey, I know.
You delinquent, degenerate ass kids,
get the hell outta here.
All of ya, get out.
Do what he says.
Before I bust a cap in your ass.
For your own good.
Man, they get dumber every year, don't they/
Oh man.
Don't you think we outta go in there and check it out.
And make sure that those kid weren't lying to us?
Get in the car, let's move it along.
Nah, none of these kids got enough balls
to stay in there man, don't worry about it.
Give me some of that.
Get along, little piggy.
Nice.
Oh, excuse me, can I get the shredded cheese on the side?
Frijole, did you really see Mo leave?
All I know is I saw her, alright.
I saw a whole lot of her.
Can you not be a pig for just one minute,
answer my question?
Don't be a hater, baby.
It's not very flattering.
Did you see her leave or not?
Take it easy, baby,
you know I like to avoid
that whole cuddling afterwards bullshit.
Damn girl,
relax.
She hid so she wouldn't have to deal with the cops.
Dude, goth chick's probably gonna go
all narcoleptic and shit with the dead.
That would be necrophiliac.
- Ooh. - Do you guys
get that we left her alone there?
So.
She wanted to stay.
So she could get raped or murdered.
Oh.
Enough with the drama, babe.
Can we please go back and get her?
Excuse me, are you smoking crack?
I mean, I don't think getting arrested
is gonna look good on my application to fashion school.
- Chad. - Hmm.
Are you coming with me?
Wait, Clorissa.
Calm down.
You units, do I have to handle absolutely everything?
Kaitlin, don't worry about it.
Clorissa, where are you going?
I have to pee.
Well I have to pee too, but I'm not gonna go in there.
Is this the ghetto?
Oh please, just don't sit down.
Fine, but I'm gonna need like a rabies shot.
So what's the deal, Clorissa?
Why do you give a shit about that weird ass chick?
Kaitlin, we left a girl alone
in an abandoned building.
Who knows what's happened?
I think you are way overreacting.
No, I'm not.
That place was freaky and you know it.
I don't care what you guys do,
I'm going back.
Fine, Riss, whatever.
Let's just hurry it up, okay?
Now is your little fit over with or is there more?
I'm done.
Thanks.
Good, because you definitely owe me one for this.
Oh God.
Dude, I wouldn't mind going back
for another round with that goth chick.
Dude, she was so fine.
Dude, I say we charge over
to that 50 kegger at the Lambda House.
Yeah, beer.
We can't go back there, bro.
We can get in a lot of trouble
Dude, if something happened to her,
you're name could be ruined.
Beer.
We wouldn't want Chadwick Senior
to hear that his star quarterback
has gone trespassing, now would we?
It's just not worth it.
Hello, are you guys listening to me?
50 kegs, man.
Five-zero.
Wouldn't you feel bad if something happened to her, man?
It's not my problem, man.
You guys suck dick.
Screw you.
I don't care what you guys think,
nothing is worth going back for.
Yeah, well I hate to tell you this,
but I left my entire stash there.
What?
You guys don't get it, 50 kegs.
We're risking way too much
for Clorissa's little Morticia friend.
It's Monica, okay Kaitlin?
Monica.
Ooh, want her address?
You guys, you guys, you guys, let's just get the stash
and get out of here.
And get Mo.
Right, and get Mo.
Look you guys, maybe if we separate we'll find her faster.
Great, Shag, you go with Thelma,
I'll go with Daphne.
Seriously, you guys, what the fuck?
Chad and I will go look in that hallway,
come on baby.
And, ah,
ah, we'll um, check out the bedrooms.
Later guys.
Yeah, late.
Boozer.
Boozer, get back here, boy.
Man, hey Brant, go get my dog, man.
Wait, I, I, don't think we should split up.
Dude, I got some business to take care of.
What are you talking about?
I got some homies meeting me here
to pick up a little herb.
They're meeting you here?
Yeah, yeah, and they'll probably bring
a couple of hotties with them,
so maybe I could hook you up if you go get my dog.
You mean sex?
- Yeah, dude. - With a girl?
Yes, here,
take my keys, go get my dog, wait there.
They'll come and find you, okay.
Yeah, that's great.
All good, it's all good.
I'll be busy shrooming, motherfuckers.
Who the fuck are you?
I have arrived.
Your virgin, my lord.
Ah, good. So this must be our sacrificial lamb.
And such a timely arrival.
Everything's ready sir.
Very good, my minion of evil.
So, girls on the left and boys on the right.
And now comes the time where we
worship my father Lucifer.
Sapphira, are you ready to give you soul
to the fires of darkness?
Yes, my lord, I am there for your command.
Well then, Sapphira,
you know Sapphira I don't know
if I've ever told you this before,
but you
definitely are the embodiment of lust.
A mere extension of your greatness, Saul.
Lucifer will not be disappointed.
Please tell me you guys aren't serious.
Oh, we're dead serious.
You white trash losers don't actually think
you're gonna accomplish anything
by killing me, do you?
Excuse me, silence infidel, or if not,
I shall personally and with thy own hands,
tear the tongue from your mouth,
for mocking the circle of biz... biz... the thirteenth coven.
The thirteenth coven?
Could you be anymore gothic pretentious?
How dare you speak to the prince of evil
that way, you slut.
The prince of evil?
You work at fucking Dairy Queen.
Liar.
Liar, my ass you served my cousin and me
a Snacker Wizard last week.
What the fuck is she talking about?
Lies, lies, lies.
Silence her, now.
Ha, ha, now then,
daughter of darkness,
the time has come to silence this woman for eternity.
Dairy Queen, Saul?
Saphirra, the time is nigh
for your first step into darkness.
So, why don't you take the dagger of despair,
and you know, plunge it into thy virginal heart.
Today.
Son of evil, lord of darkness,
I invoke thee master of the underworld.
I imprison your virgin in darkness.
We release her
To the sea below seas
release her against the 60 demons,
possess her eyes with the demons of the eyes,
possess her hands with the demons of the hands,
possess her heart with the demons of the heart,
we deliver thee o' lord of the plain,
human corpse with,
demons tear at her from every side,
rise, bitch rise.
Cool.
Was that a scream?
No.
Do you think Kaitlin and Biff
were trying to fuck with us?
They better fucking stop,
we don't need the cops to come back here.
You know how she gets when she's wasted.
What was that?
Huh, it was probably nothing.
No Chad, it was definitely something.
Let's just get out of here.
Hello?
Mo?
Is that you?
Again, let's just get outta here.
Well I think we should check it out.
Great, famous last words.
Oh, come on.
- Riss. - Oh Jesus,
Chad, you're the man here.
I'm not afraid.
Oh, then prove it tough guy.
See, it was nothing, I told you.
Alright, I just wanted to check it out.
Great, now can we get the fuck outta here?
- Get up, come on. - I'm fine.
- Shit.
Hey, what's up guys?
This is some good shit.
Yo, you, get me down from here, motherfucker.
Well, well, well,
what do we have here?
I,I always knew you were a creepy little thing, thing.
Whoa,
whoa, shit.
Whoa.
Fucking dominant chick.
You look all demonic and shit.
Yeah, no, that's cool.
That's cool.
Alright,
that's cool.
Damn, girl.
What you doing?
Alright, breath.
Do, do, do your thing.
Do what you got to do.
I can do this, and shit.
Boozer?
Booz?
Boozer?
Boozer, are you, are you in there?
He's not in there.
No, no.
Are you one of them?
Answer me, are you the spawn of the devil?
No, I'm a Lambda.
Does he bare the mark, master?
Whattaya, ah, hey whattaya doing?
Stop it. - His nipple, sire.
Is it the mark?
No, no, no, no,
it's just a mole.
He's clean. - Oh.
Are you guys alumni, or something?
What's going on?
The evil scarf, hurry up,
give me the evil scarf.
The scarf?
Oh, I
get it now.
You guys are Frijole's bros, huh?
Yeah.
Hey,
hey,
if you wanna hook up with
some of his dope, you know?
You better have a little action for the ole Brantster.
You know, action.
Action.
Oh daddy, oh, daddy.
Oh yeah, you know what I mean?
That's right, Brantster.
We are Frijole's boys,
and we are here to hook you up.
- Yes - Yes.
So,
let's hook you up.
- Alright. - Alright.
- Oh my God. - Yes.
Give me the scarf now please.
- I'm so excited. - I'd like you to stand
right here.
I'm just gonna put this
blindfold on you.
Blindfold? Okay.
Are the girls in the car or something?
Oh yes.
Alright, now listen very carefully
to the sound of my voice.
You will sleep now.
Fuck.
Did you hurt him, master?
Oh my fucking head, you fucking dick.
I'm trying to strike him unconscious.
Oh my fucking God, that hurt me.
What was that for?
I'm sorry, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
What the?
Come on, come back, okay, listen, listen to me carefully.
- What are you guys doing? - Shhh.
Just Listen, listen.
You will sleep now.
Fuck
me, you fucking dick.
I'm having no fun, you fucking dick.
- Wait, wait. - Just stand still,
make yourself home.
And,
you will
definitely sleep now.
Why did you do that master?
Cause I want to live.
And I have an idea.
What?
Perhaps, with another virginal sacrifice
we might be able to reverse the process
and send the demons back.
But, don't we need a virgin?
Oh,
well I think we found one.
Oh,
really.
We should have set up a meeting place.
Great time to think of that Kaitlin.
Well gee, I didn't expect to be
accosted by a slew of dead bugs, okay, Biff?
Can we exaggerate a little more?
Oh,
you know what, I don't wanna fight,
okay, it's not gonna get us anywhere.
Ew.
What now?
Oh my god.
Fuck.
It won't budge.
Help.
Riss.
Am I gonna be okay?
You look good.
Help!
Help.
Chad, Riss, they're right fucking behind me, come on move.
Move it, come on.
Oh God, we gotta get him outta here.
We gotta stop that bleeding first.
Biff, help me.
Jesus, fucking help her.
Help me.
Move, move, move.
We gotta get my brother.
Fucking.
Biff, we gotta get my brother.
I'm not going anywhere, alright.
They ate my fucking girlfriend, one of them,
they're not gonna get me.
Hurry up.
I'm fucking moving.
Shit.
Please, please.
I found it, boss.
Ew.
Okay, here you go.
Let's say, listen, Dickie-Boy,
I just found out from my father, Lucifer,
that I won't be performing the ritual.
Oh, really?
Something to do about the lord of darkness
is far past doing such crude work.
So...
So who's gonna do it?
Me?
But boss, am I worthy?
You, yes, he told me.
Your time is now,
sibling of Satan.
I won't fail you my dark one.
Where am I?
Hey, I can't see.
Shh,
just lie still.
But what's going on?
Come now, Brantster,
it's the surprise you've been waiting for.
So, just lay there.
Oh yeah,
yeah.
Ah-huh.
Rise, rise, rise.
What the hell are you doing?
Nothing, it's a surprise, shh.
Rise, rise.
Rise, rise, rise.
No, boss, I can't.
Hey guys,
um, I don't think this is for me.
No, it is for you and only you can have it.
This is your chance, Dickie-Boy,
prove yourself.
Do it.
I'm getting tired of this, guys.
Where's the hot chicks?
Dammnit, what is wrong with you?
Do it
or it will be you.
Oh my God.
Devil worshipers.
I'm sorry.
This is not going well.
Help me officer, help me, help me.
Don't be scared, don't be scared.
I cast you out, demon bitch.
Away with you damn creatures of the night.
Christine.
Hello.
Christine, it's the convent.
People are dying.
You need to help us.
Please.
Christine.
Bitch,
bitch.
Hello?
Stay right there, kid.
I've got a pump action Winchester leveled
at your chest.
If you don't believe me, take a step forward.
Are you her?
Are you Christine?
If you came to get acquainted,
you came to the wrong house.
You came to talk about the convent,
start yapping.
My friends are in trouble.
They're stuck in there.
I think some of'em maybe be dead.
Goddamnit.
You kids broke in there, didn't ya?
Let me guess the rest of the story.
You and your friends went there
to screw and smoke dope.
When suddenly you awoke the forces
of evil and they started killing everybody, right?
Well,
kind of.
Yeah, well,
save your sob story
for someone who gives a rat's ass.
But don't you see,
you're the only one who can help us.
Oh yeah, right.
Every five years or so you stupid kids
think it'd be great fun
to break into the convent and see where it all happened.
Then when all hell breaks loose,
you come looking for the chick who started it.
Well fuck that noise.
I've had it.
Not this time.
I don't need to clean up after everybody's mess.
But you have to help me,
my boyfriend, he's one of them,
and my brother's still inside.
Forget about'em, they're dead.
How do you know?
I know.
The demons can only inhabit recently deceased bodies.
Once they take you over it's too late, you're already dead.
But my brother might still be alive.
Not unless he's a virgin.
He's not a virgin, is he?
What does that have to do with anything?
Straight answer, is he a virgin?
Yeah.
Oh shit, that is just fucking great.
He's a virgin, that's perfect.
So?
They fucking love virgins.
Goddamn, demons, it' always something with a virgin.
What's happening?
You kids have any idea what you've done?
No, what?
Let me tell ya what really happened 40 years ago.
Sister Camilla was the first to see it
In the garden was a little girl.
Just standing there in the rain.
Sister Camilla thought she was another orphan.
She was the first one to get it.
The first one to get the demon.
It wasn't long before it spread.
Sister Joan was next.
Then it was Sister Abigail.
And on down the line.
Sister Kay.
Sister Marlene.
Sister O'Donoghue
Until there was none left.
The place had become the devil's convent.
The next day at school, everyone knew something was wrong.
I'd only been there a few weeks.
I was eight months pregnant and a runaway.
They took me in.
From that day on, they started acting weird.
Really weird.
Then after all of that,
nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Is that when they performed the abortion on you?
That's just the urban legend.
It's not what really happened.
What did happen?
I was lying in my bed,
my baby started coming.
Stop it.
No.
They wheeled me into the chapel
and started the process.
What process?
The process of taking my baby.
What did they do with it?
They were gonna use it
for one of their fucking sacrifices.
You see, the virgin's blood is powerful,
but a baby's blood,
way more powerful.
Why were they going to sacrifice it?
His body was gonna be the host for their new leader.
The son of the devil.
Unfortunately for them, I had a different plan.
No one is gonna take my baby.
That's why you went
in with a shot them, right?
Right.
Although small town legend
has it that I went crazy
because they made me have an abortion.
So your baby, did it live?
Yeah, he's a civil engineer in Peoria.
The point of the story is if these fuckers
get their hands on another virgin,
they can finally complete their little ceremony.
My brother's gonna be the new Antichrist?
Afraid so.
Mom's gonna be pissed.
Hello?
Clorissa?
Guys, is that you?
That's definitely not you.
Hello Brantster.
Now, where were we?
We were about to jab the dagger into his heart, my lord.
Ah, yes, very good my minion of evil,
except this time, let's get it right, shall we?
Now then you keep holding his body
while I recite the passage,
and then, and only then must you
thrust the ceremonial dagger into his vengeful heart.
- Yes, dark one. - Oh my God.
Stop it.
Rise
Rise.
Hurry up, they're coming.
Rise.
Rise,
Rise.
Now master, can I kill him?
No, not yet.
Now, now, now, you must kill him now.
The time is now, give me the dagger.
So, what are you gonna do?
What does it look like I'm doing?
Are you going in there by yourself?
No, I'm gonna be following you.
Hey, wait, um, uh,
uh, I mean, shouldn't we just call,
you know, 911 or something?
Oh, you wanted my help,
but you're too afraid to go in there yourself?
No,
- It's... - It's just nothing.
We got some demons to kill.
I've never even seen one of these before.
You'll figure it out.
Hop on.
Where are they taking us?
Don't you get it?
They're going to sacrifice us.
Sacrifice?
God, why?
Because you're a virgin.
I am, well, how do they know that?
How do you know that?
Oh please, you are just oozing virginity.
And the demons,
well the demons can probably just smell it on you.
Well then why are they taking you?
You mean you're a virgin.
That's Kevin, left, right, one, okay?
Okay.
So what's your plan?
I'm gonna walk in and blow the shit outta them.
Ah, what do you need me to do?
Just stay outta my way.
Right.
It's really quiet.
Yeah, well, that's never a good sign.
So, Christine, how do we kill these things?
Any questions?
Psst, hey Brant?
Yeah.
I have an idea.
What?
I think we should have sex.
Ex, excuse me?
I said, I think we should have sex.
Why?
Well,
if we had sex,
we wouldn't be virgins anymore.
Um,
no, I think I'd rather not.
It's our only chance.
Um,
well,
okay first off,
if we weren't virgins then they'd just kill us.
Oh.
That's a good point.
Hey Brant.
Yeah.
I'd still like to try.
We couldn't have sex even if we wanted to.
We're both tied up.
Now see look, I almost got my hands free.
Oh my,
help.
Help.
Do you know where you're going?
I'm going to the chapel.
Stop asking so many damn questions.
- What is it? - Dammit.
What? - They're right behind us.
Die you motherfuckers
What are you doing?
Just shut up and shoot.
Christine.
What are we gonna do?
I got no idea, kid.
But where do you think my brother is?
Oh, I'm sure they got him over at the chapel.
Well, then let's go.
Look kid, we're almost out of bullets,
the chapel's all the way over
on the other side of the convent.
Out of bullets?
Yeah.
What are we gonna do?
I'll be right back.
What?
Hold'em off 'til I get back.
Oh, okay.
Where are you going?
Don't worry about me dude,
I'm just movin' away.
Come on, Brant.
Brant.
Oh yes.
This is perfect. - [screams No.
You don't have to be afraid.
I'll be very gentle.
For the last time, no.
I would like to stay a virgin in that department.
Don't make this difficult.
No.
Oh God.
Oh.
Oh, no
Shit, this sucks, this sucks.
Our father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,
please start this fucking bike,
or we're all gonna bite the big one.
Jesus.
Okay, fuck.
Outta bullets.
Fucking crazy ass, ninja ass, psychotic fucking bitch.
Okay,
hi guys.
Want this.
Kaitlin.
Shit.
I know karate.
Let's go.
See, if you had just gone along with my plan
this wouldn't be happening.
That's no help to me now, is it, dude?
Clorissa.
Clorissa, you came back for me.
You're the best sister ever.
Psst.
Please,
help me too.
Godddamn it.
What's happening?
Are we too late?
Not if I can help it.
You and your brother get outta here.
- But, don't you... - Get outta here,
goddamn it.
Alright you motherfuckers.
This time I'm taking you to hell myself.
Hey, look it's Boozer.
Hey,
hey you made it.
You like me now.
Do you have the keys?
Yeah,
fuck.
So you wanna go to Denny's?
No.
You sure.
Yeah.
That should help you sleep tonight.
I can't imagine what you've been through.
The whole sorority house is just sick about it.
But on the bright side,
looks like you'll get a 4.0 for this semester.
I'm going to let you get some rest.
Sweet dreams.
What's up, buddy?
Boozer.
Down Boozer, down.