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♪ ♪

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[spooky music]

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- Bonjour, art lovers.

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Tonight, for your
viewing enjoyment,

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we present a portrait
painted in shades of greed.

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- Ahh!
Another day,

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another whole bunch of dollars!

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[laughs]

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[metallic clinking]
Hmm?

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Ooh, a quarter!

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Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.

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Whew, come back here, you!

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Hey, hey, where are you going?

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[panting]

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[exhales]
Whew.

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[sighs]

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Eh?

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Yah!
[blubbering]

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[ding]

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[struggling efforts]

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Huh?

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Ooh, this quarter is
really making me work.

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[clinks]

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Huh?
Hey, get back here!

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Ugh!

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[grunting]

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- Greetings, stranger.
- Ahh!

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Welcome to my
Emporium of Wonders.

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Can I interest you
in a traditional

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Klopnodian Spladunker?

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Or perhaps a lightly
used Flooner?

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- No thanks, old timer.

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I just want me quarter.

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It seems to have hopped
into your pay phone here.

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- Oh, I see.

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Well I have no power
to retrieve your coin,

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but I can let you
have the payphone

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for the low, low price of...

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free.

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- Free?
I'll take it!

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- But be warned, that
payphone comes with a curse.

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[thunder booms]
[woman screams]

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- Really?
How much does the curse cost?

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- What?
No, the curse is free.

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It comes with the phone.

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- Well then!

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I'll take the curse, too!

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[chuckling]
- Heed my Kapritzka!

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Beware the call of the porch!

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Beware!

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Ah, forget it.

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- [grunting]

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Listen up, happy Krustomers!

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For the low price of
a quarter, now you, too,

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can make that important call

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while you're eating
a Krabby Patty!

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[ringing]

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Ahoy, there. Krusty Krab.

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Eugene Krabs,
proprietor, speaking.

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- [evil laughter]

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Give away your
Krabby Patties!

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Give them all away!

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- [gasps] What kind of obscene
phone call is this?

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When I find out who you are,
I'm gonna--

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Oh!

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Hey!

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[line trilling]

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Must give patties away.

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[cash register dings]

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[all exclaim]
No money.

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Patties free!

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- Free patties?

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Oh, Mr. Krabs!

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You finally found
your inner generosity.

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Hooray!

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Krabby Patties for everyone!

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Wha! Yow!

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The Krab is picking up the tab!

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[all hooting and hollering]

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- All free.

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[all cheering]

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[all munching]

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- [evil laughter]

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- [blubbering]

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Huh? What just happened?

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Oh, boy! A quarter!

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I knew this thing
would pay off!

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- Patties here!
- [yelps]

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- Free patties!

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Get your patties
while they're hot!

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Get 'em while they're free!

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- Free?
[woman screams]

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[grunts]

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SpongeBob! There's no free
lunches at the Krusty Krab!

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[all clamoring]
Have you gone insane?

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Get back in the kitchen
and stitch

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these patty halves
back together

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so we can sell 'em again.

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[sign poofs]

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- [groans]
It was too good to last.

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[ringing]

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- Krusty Krab, Eugene--
[groans]

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- [evil laughter]
Now give away your money!

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Every last cent!

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- Must give away money.

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[panting]

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[whistle blares]

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[all cheering]

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- Give away all money, Boy-O!

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- But you just said that--

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Oh, I knew you were
only kidding, Mr. Krabs!

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You really are generous!
[chuckles]

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- [muttering]

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[chuckles]
Another quarter!

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I love this phone!
[cash register dings]

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[all clamoring]
- Whoo! [laughing]

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Whee!
[all cheering]

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- SpongeBob!

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What are you doing
with me money?

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- Well, I thought you
told me to, Mr. Krabs.

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I--oh, I don't understand.

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[phone ringing]

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- Uh! Ooh!
- And now, Krabs,

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give away the Krusty Krab!

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[evil laughter]

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- [grunting]

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Yes!
With this laser cannon,

128
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I can finally blast Krabs!

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Huh?

130
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Homina-wha?

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- Here his deed to Krusty Krab.

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She's all yours.

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- Something doesn't
seem right here.

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But like Granny Plankton
always says,

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never look a gift snail
under the shell!

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I win!
[laughs]

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I'm the greatest!

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Huh?
[clank]

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Uh-oh.

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[hypnotic music]

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- Ooh!
[laughs]

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Huh?

143
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Ohh, what the--
where's me quarter?

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- [evil laughter]
- [grunting]

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- Perhaps generosity
is its own reward?

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- Never!
- [laughs]

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- [grunts, laughs]

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Huh? Ooh.

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- Uh--

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[both growling]

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- Huh?

152
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[gasps]

153
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- [laughing]

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- Hey, what's the big idea?

155
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And where is that quarter
you owe--

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- I'm free!
Ha-ha!

157
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[muttering] Um--

158
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Hey kid, lend me
a quarter for the bus?

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- Sure thing, Mr. Demon!

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- I'm finally free!

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[laughs]

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[phone ringing]

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- Well, this ain't so bad.

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Steady work,
and plenty of quarters!

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[laughs]
A crab could get used to this!

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[crashing]
Whoa!

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Hey! What's going on?
[thud]

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- [grunting]
[clanging]

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- Hey, Squidward,

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get that hunk of junk
out of here, would you?

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Come on.

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- Gladly.

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[crashing]

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- Hello, anyone wanna
make a call?

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Only costs a quarter.

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Ooh, barnacles!

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[foghorn blares]
[bell dinging]

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- Sometimes a free phone

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comes at a very high price,

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and sometimes the cheapskates

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are the ones who get stuck
with the bill

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here in "The Tidal Zone."

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[phone ringing]

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Hello?

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[grunts]

186
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Must give
away one more story.

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The story of a grandpa
adrift in space and time.

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The story of a sea star who
is lost in "The Tidal Zone."

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[dial tone blaring]

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- [yelling]