I come off the gear. She scoffs
this is difficult for me, as I think you know.
So what do you want?
These legs are going to be firmly crossed in future, are they?
I've told you, I want to change.
I'm not your old shell any more.
There's nothing for me out there any more.
I want to forget the life I've had.
Being in here helps me do that.
What's the harm in a little bottle of perfume?
If I got caught, I'd be in deep shit.
Don't be like that, miss.
It's not like I'm asking you to bring drugs in or anything.
Well, well, what have we here?
This is a PR disaster for larkhall, if you hadn't realised.
Breakfast time.
Are you decent in there?
She exclaims
you're supposed to be up and dressed by now.
Hang about. Sorry, what was that, love?
Up. Dressed. Out. Now.
Yes, sir.
I've been here almost a fortnight. Where have you been hiding yourself?
I've been on holiday.
Oh, really? Anywhere nice?
Rhyl.
Oh! You certainly know how to live, don't you?
Come on, out now. I mean it.
So do I, gorgeous.
I mean... Yes, sir.
I meant to tell you, I got a call from Simon yesterday.
Simon? Not your boss. Simon and Claire. Oh.
He asked if they could use the flat for a few days
when we're on our honeymoon.
What did you say? Well, I said fine.
It's not a problem, is it?
Whatever you say.
Well, hang on. I'm late.
All right for you, isn't it, Monica?
Soon be eating out in posh restaurants again, won't you?
Well, I don't really dare look too far forward yet.
I mean, it's not cut and dried. You'll win it easy.
Well, not necessarily.
If these appeal judges are anything like the one I had at my trial...
Yeah, yeah.
Here, sign this, zandra.
What is it?
It's a petition to miss Stewart saying we want our open visits back.
Like bloody right.
And you - you just better stay out of my way,
cos I could smack your face for what you said to that newspaper.
Drugs is evil. I was doing god's work.
So, like, god don't want mums to cuddle their own kids?
Yeah, well, I didn't mean that, did l?
Yeah, well, you should've stopped to think, shouldn't you?
You stupid cow.
You've got a good load of names on this, haven't you?
Yeah. Nikki's going to take it up to her.
You think she's really on our side really, don't you, Nik?
I wouldn't count on it. Eh?
I don't think Helen Stewart's on anyone's side except her own.
I thought you really liked her. Yeah? Well, think again.
But what about the petition?
I mean, me and ju was counting on you to get her to take it
to the top. Well, coming from me, all she'd do with it is rip it up.
Phone rings
dial tone
shit.
She sighs
chatter
Suddenly there's a rotten smell around here, ju.
Not kidding. Come on.
I'm sick of this. I should be getting cheers off this lot
for what I done to that screw, not blamed for everything else.
Well, maybe you just picked on the wrong screw, shell.
Should've gone for old bodybag.
It's all that cow Stewart's fault.
I should be back on enhanced now for helping her clean this place up.
Yeah, but it was you who planted the stuff in the first place.
So? They lock up loads of girls in here
for getting drugs planted on them, don't they?
Door slams
you want to come and pray with me after breakfast, shell?
No, I don't, nutter. Eh?
I'm giving up all your stupid god bollocks, crystal,
cos it don't change nothing.
Going to change where you go when you die, two-faced bitch.
Yeah, like I'm really going to miss an heaven full of Bible-bashers,
ain't I?
I'm going back to my room.
Snuff it, Wade. Stewart wants to see you.
Why? What for?
Get along and you'll find out, won't you?
Cheers, Yvonne.
It's nice to be signing something you want to for a change.
Yeah, I just wish a few of the screws would sign it, though.
Yvonne, you couldn't lend us one of these, could you?
Help yourself. There's plenty there.
Could I have a couple, then? Yeah, go on.
Cheers, Yvonne.
How about you, Denny, love? You want a few for later?
What, for real?
Yeah. They're there for the taking.
Does that go for us all, then? Help yourselves, girls.
Cheers.
Thank you, Glen.
Take a seat.
Lt's about your exam.
Now, I'll arrange for an invigilator to come in.
Thought you'd given up taking an interest in me, miss.
Oh, look... why have you been avoiding me, then?
You know what I'm avoiding.
Why don't you tell me? Oh, for goodness' sake, Nikki.
All I've been trying to do is to help you to do yourself some good,
because I don't want you to waste your potential.
You had no right taking advantage of me.
Well, put me down the block, then. Go on.
Rule 47, subsection 16,
being disrespectful to the wing governor...
..By kissing her.
Or do you expect me to apologise?
Nikki, stop.
Honestly, I'm telling you, if you carry on like this,
one of us is going to have to leave larkhall.
I mean it.
Are you giving out cigarettes?
Cigarettes, miss?
Don't come all clever with me, atkins.
You know it's against the rules to give away your property.
Oh, and is it against the rules to show some Christian charity, miss?
I'm warning you, if I catch you again,
you're going straight on report, so think twice.
I'll do that, miss. Twice.
♪ Oh, lord, kum ba Yah... ♪
can't you save that for chapel?
Why? I'm not breaking any rules, am I?
Look, dear, when god was handing out the singing voices to your people,
you must've been somewhere else. Nobody wants to hear you.
But we all like a nice, happy, clappy tune... Sylvia.
Don't we, girls? Miss!
Cheers us up, don't it, miss?
Yeah. Look at us, miss.
See? It's good for us, miss.
It helps us cope with being on closed visits.
You'd better learn something, atkins.
While I'm on duty, I tell you what's good for you.
Now, get to your own rooms!
Move it!
Laughter
what did I tell you? Back to your cells now!
Hurry up. Come on! Move it!
That atkins woman, I knew she was trouble as soon as I saw her.
How's that? Too much money.
Too much having life her own sweet way.
Well, she certainly likes her early morning lie-ins.
I tell you, where she was on remand, did you know this?
22 pairs of shoes they found in her cell.
22? That's what we're up against.
22 pairs of shoes and a shelfload of Chanel,
according to her file. Oh?
Anyway, I was going to say, can you book her in to see me today?
I haven't had time to do her induction yet. Right.
And I'll need to allocate her a personal officer.
Oh, no.
VOCALISING
Hey, Jules.
Listen, how'd you fancy being in the larkhall tabernacle gospel choir?
Eh? The what? The what?
Well, it's like I was saying to the other girls -
if we can't have our open visits,
then we've got to let our tension out somewhere, haven't we?
Yeah. Yeah.
And if the screws don't like it,
then they'll have to sign our petition, won't they?
Oh, yeah. Yes.
Clever, isn't she? Yeah.
Bathroom's free. All right.
Are you ok, Nikki?
You're so lucky, knowing you're going to get out of this shithole.
Well...
San Francisco, that's where I'd be headed.
Just start a whole new life.
Then why don't you put your mind to it, Nikki?
You could appeal.
Well, I mean, surely someone would take your case.
What, lesbian cop killer?
Yeah, very tabloid-friendly, that.
Yvonne, every prisoner serving over 12 months
is allocated a personal officer.
What, you mean, like, I get one for meself?
Well, the idea is that you have a particular officer
looking out for your interests,
and to help you make the best use of your time in custody.
Oh, really?
Well, can I have that mr McAllister, then, please?
Strangely enough, you don't get to choose.
Eh?
Well, on the basis of availability,
I've allocated you senior officer hollamby.
Hollamby?
Is that a problem?
Well, it's lucky I get all the help I need from my husband and kids.
Well, I'm glad that you've got a supportive family, Yvonne.
Oh, I've got the best, love. Don't worry about me.
As long as you don't think they can help you by being rich.
You start in here on the same basic regime as every other new inmate.
£2.50 a week private cash, and that's your limit.
Are you lot just going to wait till I kill myself?
What?
I got bog all to live for on basic, haven't I?
It's a pity you lost your canary, then, isn't it?
Look, I want to know when I'm going to get put back on enhanced.
I mean, where's the justice?
I help you lot stop dangerous drugs getting brung in,
and what do I get for it?
You're very lucky you didn't get additional days.
They were your drugs, Michelle.
That screw was still sacked. That proves she was bent,
and I caught her for you.
You're wasting my time.
I want to know what I've got to do to get my privileges back!
I'm busy.
Oh, please, sir. You've got to give me some hope.
I know I've been stupid, but I've learnt my lesson now.
I hate it on basic.
I just want to know what I've got to do to get back off it.
You could put in a good word for me, couldn't you, sir?
I've only got one word for you.
You've just got it in for me cos I stitched your mate up, ain't you?
Well, you want to watch I don't tell
how you just felt me up in this office.
Get out.
I also want you to be clear that we are very strict about property here.
So if you can have a very careful look at your
"in possession property list" at the back of your hand-out.
Oh, I know that off by heart.
Then make sure that you understand there are no exceptions allowed.
Well, I kind of gathered that
by the three exclamation marks you got put there.
So there's nothing that you need clarifying?
Well, it still don't make a load of sense.
I mean, like this bit here.
I mean, does this really mean
that every prisoner can have a guitar?
It means exactly what it says.
Phone rings
Helen Stewart.
It's me. What were you trying to tell me about this morning?
Can I phone you back, please?
No, you can't. I don't care what you're doing.
I want to know where you're coming from.
Just a minute.
Yvonne, do you mind waiting outside the door?
There'll be an officer coming along to take you back to the wing.
Ok, love. Whatever you say.
Sean, do you mind not doing this to me at work?
If you talked to me at home, I wouldn't have to, would I?
Look, I'm just bloody stressed out, ok?
And now I've got you hassling me.
Oi. What are you doing in here?
Me, sir?
I'm listening to the wing governor having a row with her boyfriend.
What?
Are you going to tell on me, sir?
Has miss Stewart finished with you?
Looks like it.
Right. Then back on the wing, now. Move.
Listen, sweetheart, you only have to ask for what you want from me.
Cut the crap and start walking, or I'll put you on report.
You really are a hard man, aren't you?
Look, I'll call you back.
Well, you coming, love, or aren't you?
Next.
Atkins. Ac0047.
£2.50. What do you want?
Erm, I'll have a bottle of bolly
and a ten inch vibrator, please, miss.
Laughter
Do you want to lose your turn, atkins?
Oh, I'm sorry, miss. You mean, what do I want from you?
Well, I'll have £2.50 worth of fags, then, please.
Everybody who's signed up for the larkhall tabernacle gospel choir,
check the hobbies board for details of our first practice.
You'll have to come along and listen to us, miss.
Next.
Lindsay. Ac0039.
You've got £12.25.
I'll have £12 in phone cards,
and a packet of strong mints, please.
Good morning, laddy. Morning.
What you got for us, then?
12 what?
One dozen guitars for the larkhall tabernacle gospel choir,
care of the chaplain.
This is a list of the names l was given of the choir members.
But you weren't told anything about these? No.
Well, who actually gave you this list?
I mean, who's organising it?
One of your new girls, Yvonne atkins.
Oh, no. She seems very enthusiastic.
Where are they?
Courtesy of Yvonne atkins.
Atkins?
Over my dead body.
Daniella blood.
Wicked! Thanks, Yvonne.
I know you'll be a natural, love. Yeah!
Zandra plackett.
Thanks.
Julie johnston.
Thanks, rev.
Great.
Julie Saunders.
Cheers, darling.
She sighs
Oi, you two, move it. Don't argue.
Kum ba Yah?
Well, everyone will know that, won't they?
But we wanted to learn something from easy rider.
Then we could play it to biker boy. Biker boy.
Cos it's your birthday tomorrow, isn't it, sir?
How do you know that?
Oh, we know everything about you, sexpot.
Yeah, sexy.
Typical cancer, see? Typical.
Hard shell. Soft inside.
Why do you call him biker boy?
Ain't you seen him in his leathers?
I mean, easy ride, or what, eh, ju?
Ooh! Easy.
Er, what you doing?
I'm putting chairs out for guitar practice.
Oh, it's only a bit of fun, shell.
Do you fancy her or something? No.
Anything the matter, Denny?
She's too busy for this bollocks.
Bloody hell. The kid can talk for herself, can't she?
Tell her, Denny, my darling. Oh, leave it out, shell.
You want to be scared of me, atkins.
I don't do scared.
Mr fenner, excuse me. L need to see you, please.
What do you want?
I've got a problem I've got to talk to you about.
It's urgent.
Why am I so popular, eh?
He's too soft, that's what.
Sling it, dawn. You can finish that later.
What are you up to? I told you to never, ever do that.
You've been ignoring me.
You're bloody lucky I've been ignoring you.
I could beat you black and blue, the way you've pissed me about.
What have I done to you?
Only made me look a total arsehole.
It's like everyone's ganging up on me.
Even Denny's being horrible to me now.
What do you want me to do, go and top meself?
I'm past giving you good advice, darling.
Jim, don't be like that.
I miss you.
Don't you miss me, too?
I bet you do.
See? You still like me really, don't you?
I told you a long time ago, you ever cross me, that's it.
Why are you saying that?
Because you'd better bloody believe it.
What, you really think you could dump me?
Easy.
Well, you'd better think again, mr fenner,
cos I fixed lorna Rose, and I can fix you and all.
She screams
Just think what'd happen if I didn't protect you.
Someone could take a razor to your face,
and there wouldn't be an officer anywhere near.
She whimpers
Monica?
Oh, hello, Nikki.
All packed up for tomorrow, then?
Yes.
You really are, aren't you?
Even your toothbrush.
Nice and normal.
What about your suit?
You're not going to court like that, are you?
No, no. I was going to, erm...
Monica, you are going through with this appeal, aren't you?
Why are you asking me that?
Of course I am.
You're lying.
Why do I know you're lying to me, Monica?
I'm not lying.
Then why is your suit in the bottom of that bag?
You're not planning on wearing it at all, are you?
So what are you planning on tomorrow? Tell me.
Monica?
You're too late, Nikki.
Drink it, Monica.
Oh, god.
Listen, you selfish bloody bitch. You're going to drink this water.
Then you're going to wake up and start walking.
She splutters
discordant strumming
Look at old bodybag over there.
Got a face like a busted arsehole.
Laughter
what chord do you think that is, then?
Chord z?
There ain't no chord z.
Sounds like there are loads to me.
Ok, girls. Are we ready to give it a shot?
Yeah! Yes!
Ready as we're ever going to be.
Crystal, can you lead us in?
Let's just see what happens, shall we?
And listen, girls, I don't want you to be shy, ok?
I want you to give it all you've got.
And if it sounds bloody terrible,
we'll just keep at it till we get it right, right?
Right! Yeah!
One, two, three, four...
..Four. Turn. One, two, three, four.
Turn.
Surely she should've been sick after two glasses.
We need to get help, Nikki. Or we're going to lose her.
Put two sachets of coffee in. That will make her bloody sick.
Let her sit down, then.
Ok, Monica. Down the hatch.
Why don't you let me die?
Because we love you, you stupid cow.
Now, for Christ's sake, drink.
She gags
ok.
Now walk.
You know what to do. Sure, shell.
You all right, shell? What do you want?
I wish you'd come and sing with us, shell. We're all crap.
Yeah? Well, tough tits.
Sod off.
What happened to your face?
Nothing's happened to my face l can't fix, all right?
Go on. Piss off back to your new girlfriend.
This isn't good.
I'm really worried now, Nik.
Ok.
Ok, hold her.
Come on, girl.
Get her to the toilet! Go on.
Go for it, girl. Go on!
That's it! That's it!
She vomits oh, what a fantastic sound.
Fantastic!
♪ Kum ba Yah, my lord
♪ kum ba Yah, my lord
♪ kum ba Yah... ♪
hurry up with that tea, dawn, will you?
Phone rings
oh, shit.
Fenner.
Yeah, all right. Coming up now.
Keep that tea warm, will you, dawn?
♪ Kum ba Yah... ♪
right, that's it!
Stop it! Stop it right now!
Put these chairs away and get to your rooms.
We've still got a quarter of an hour yet.
Not tonight, you haven't.
And don't even contemplate arguing with me, atkins.
I'll argue with you, then.
I will, cos I can't stand listening to you, neither.
We want to be put back on open visits again, miss.
So if you want some peace, why don't you back our petition
and shut 'em all up?
Lock-up's in five minutes! Put these away! Now!
Come on, move it!
Flaming bah!
Remember, girls, guitars come under the heading "in-cell hobbies,"
so keep practising till lights out.
Cheering
sorry, Monica.
Julie's gone to make you some more coffee.
Oh, no. Oh, no. It'll be hot this time.
I just want to sleep.
Yeah, but we've got to make sure you're properly woke up
before you can sleep,
cos there'll still be some stuff left in your system.
Listen, Monica, it's going to be lock-up soon.
You're not going to try anything else?
I haven't got anything left.
Are you cross with us, Monica?
I made my choice.
I wanted to be with Spencer.
Here. Miss Stewart's outside. She's just locking up.
Quick, Monica, get this down you.
Monica groans please.
Knock at door
hello?
Hello, miss Stewart. Hello, miss Stewart.
What's going on in here?
Monica, she's been a bit unwell.
Yeah, I think it's just a bit of pre-trial nerves.
Yeah. Pre-trial nerves.
L think she'll be fine now, won't you, Monica?
Monica, you look terrible.
She looks a lot better than she did. Oh, she does.
Now that she's been sick. Sick.
Sick?
The two Julies tell me you're into motorbikes.
Do they?
What sort do you ride, sir?
Do you know anything about bikes?
Well, I know what I like the look of.
Well, I know what I can afford, so...
Goodnight.
She sighs
Did Monica take an overdose? What?
I want a straight answer, Nikki.
Straight?
She could've died, and you took that risk with her.
I don't understand you. How could you have been so irresponsible?
Oh, Jesus. What the hell were you thinking of?
You. What?
I did it to protect you.
♪ Kum ba Yah, my lord
♪ kum ba Yah, my lord... ♪
ok, where's that petition?
Hi.
Keep your coat on. We're going out.
Are we?
Jamie and luce called to see if we're on for a cheap and cheerful.
Is that ok? Fine.
You should talk to luce about your hen night.
I don't want a hen night.
Well, I'm having a stag night, and I'm buying a suit.
A suit? Yeah.
I thought, seeing as you're going to court tomorrow,
we could meet up and you could help me choose it.
Yeah? All right.
So, did you beat anyone up today?
Just the one.
Who, fenner?
No.
Nikki Wade.
What, your golden girl?
I think she thinks she's in love with me.
What?
Don't sound so surprised.
What happened?
She tried to drag me into her cell and kiss me.
What?
You mean she actually grabbed hold of you?
Yeah.
Well, that's assault.
Did anybody else see? No.
What are you going to do about it?
Avoid being alone with her.
Can't you get her transferred to another prison?
She won't try it again.
Come on, then, if we're going.
Hello, Nikki.
How you feeling?
I'm sorry to have put you and the Julies to so much trouble.
Why didn't you do it after lock-up, if you didn't mean to be saved?
I started worrying they might do a last minute cell search,
or if I didn't get on with it, I'd lose my nerve.
I don't know what to say.
Well, how about starting with, "I feel bloody ashamed of myself"?
Look around you, Monica.
Look at all these women stuck in here.
They'd give anything to be in your shoes today.
Look at the Julies.
Julie j, she's lost her three kids to that bastard husband.
Zandra, you've seen the hell she's been through -
beaten up, dumped by her fiance.
What a great start for a baby.
Denny, she's had her whole life wasted.
She'll be in and out of here forever.
And me, Monica.
Do you know what it feels like
having to face another ten years of this?
Now, we all struggle along, trying to make the best of things,
and when someone like you says you'd rather be dead than free...
..I'm sorry. Everyone who gets out of here gets out for all of us.
Anyway...
..The girls wanted to give you this good luck card.
Oh, Nikki. Shut up. You'll spoil your face.
Monica, are you ready?
Stay safe.
Nikki, look, don't think I condone what you did last night,
but I am grateful.
Oh, don't bother.
Take care, Monica, babe.
Be lucky, eh?
Good luck, Monica. We'll miss you. Good luck, Monica.
Oi, posh bitch. Good luck, mate.
See you.
No, it's not guitars this time, darling.
It's much bigger.
And I need it today.
Still want to be my main runner, Denny?
Of course I do, shell. You just say when.
Anything.
I need you to lean on your friend Tiffany for me.
Tiff? She's going out Friday, isn't she? Yeah.
I want you to get her to crutch a letter out and post it for me.
Can you do that, den?
Easy.
Come on, girls. We ain't got all day.
Move it!
Bye, zandra.
Yeah. Bye, Monica.
I've come to say I'm sorry. Will you let me?
You'd better be bloody sorry for what you threatened me.
I only said it cos of what you threatened me.
You don't think I meant it, do you?
You'd better not have, shell,
cos there's only one way we're going to get along.
That's my way. You got it?
Can I show you I'm really, really sorry?
I think you know how.
Julies! Everyone! This is it!
In the court of appeal today, Monica Lindsay,
the former financial adviser to fugitive businessman John law,
was freed from prison.
Yeah!
Cheering
she'd served seven months of a five-year sentence
imposed for laundering stolen funds on law's instructions.
Look, it's our Monica!
I'd like to make a brief statement.
Before I went to prison,
I imagined that criminal women were monsters or lunatics.
I was wrong.
Most of the women I met, and without whom I could not have survived,
are warm, intelligent, funny.
Many will have been separated from their children.
Some, like me...
..Will lose them forever.
Many are drug addicts who need rehabilitation.
Many women are the victims of abusive men.
They need love and support, not strip-searching and bullying.
In my opinion,
prison as punishment only makes bad situations worse.
Thank you.
There she is. Just in time for the verdict.
Sorry.
What do you think? Sean...
You've never seen me in a suit before, have you?
You don't think I need a tie, do you?
Look, can we leave this and go and get a drink?
Well, I'll just buy the suit if you like it.
No, I need to talk to you. Can we just go?
What is the matter?
Will you change? No.
I like this suit. Why don't you like it?
Please, Sean. Tell me, what is the matter?
Come on.
I said tell me, Helen.
I can't marry you.
I'm really sorry.
What are you talking about? Look, can we get out of here?
What do you mean, you can't marry me? Why not?
Because I don't love you.
I'm sorry.
♪ I'm not that chained up little person... ♪
well, hip hip hooray.
Oh, come on, Sylvia. You've got to be glad for her.
You'd better get down to the front gate.
They just phoned. Something's arrived for you.
♪ Now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me
♪ go on, now, go
♪ walk out the door
♪ just turn around now cos you're not welcome any more... ♪
Sorry, there's no-one here at the moment,
but if you want to leave a message for Helen or Sean,
please do so after the beep. Thanks.
It came with this.
I'm going back in.
Hi there. Mr green fingers, isn't it? Yeah.
Well, you'll never guess what she's got me doing now.
I'll call her and let her know you're here, sir.
Great.
♪ For someone who's loving me
♪ go on, now, go
♪ walk out the door
♪ just turn around now cos you're not welcome any more
♪ weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
♪ You think I'd crumble?
♪ You think I'd lay down and die?
♪ Oh, no, not I
♪ I will survive
♪ oh, as long as I know how to love
♪ I know I'll stay alive
♪ I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give
♪ and I'll survive
♪ I will survive
♪ it took all the strength I had not to fall apart
♪ kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
♪ and I spent oh, so many nights... ♪
phone rings
hello?
Gate here, ma'am. Mr parr's just arrived.
What? He's gone straight through to the gardens.
Shit.
♪ Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye? ♪
What do you think you're playing at?
Sorry, sir?
The Harley outside. It's from you, isn't it?
I don't know what you're talking about, sir.
Anyway, did you like it...
..Birthday boy?
♪ I've got all my love to give
♪ and I'll survive... ♪
hello! Look at this.
Look.
Isn't that miss Stewart's fiance?
What's he doing?
Hey, what's going on? Ju?
Sean, what are you doing?
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
Shouting and jeering
Helen!
♪ Monica, my lord, Monica
♪ my lord justice, Monica. ♪
Goodnight. Goodnight.
Oi, Julies!
Know any good busting up with your boyfriend songs?
You kidding? You kidding?
You name it. We know it.
We've lived it. We've lived it.
Yeah, but do you know the chords?
Laughter
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