I need money.
Yes, it is a lovely morning, isn't it?
Sun is shining, the birds are chirping.
Only dentist I know who can't make money.
Oh, really?
What about her father?
As a dentist, my husband was very successful.
It was just that other stuff.
Yes, there's a word for that stuff. It's called embezzlement.
Speaking of which, how much do you need, dear?
5 should probably do it.
Thousand? For what?
You know what? Your father would be proud.
I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, you ladies have a lovely day.
I would, if you'd do me a favor and die.
Excuse me. Are you threatening me?
I didn't think so. Look, I changed my mind, okay?
Yes, I'll get you your money back.
Good morning, doctor.
Okay, good news, Monsieur Boulez. We're not gonna have to pull the tooth.
All we have to do is drill.
-No drill. -No drill?
No drill. I hate the drill.
So, you just gas me, pull the tooth out, and we'll still be friends. Okay?
Good.
I just want a hamburger and fries.
Okay, I'm gonna have a hamburger with no mayonnaise this time.
- No mayonnaise? - No mayonnaise! Not at all, okay?
She's gonna put mayonnaise on it.
Do you mind if I say something?
Leave the bitch!
- Excuse me? - Your wife.
Leave her. Find somebody else and just start over.
- Jill... - Oz, look, I know it's none of my business.
I know I've only been working for you for, whatever, 3 weeks.
But I'm telling you what I see, mister.
Your wife is not a good person.
You're expecting an argument?
Okay, so why do you torture yourself, then? Just divorce her.
Because I can't afford to. She'll take me to the cleaners.
I'm already paying her father's debt.
So she's just gonna ride it out till daddy's debt gets paid.
She's just charming, isn't she?
She can't help it. Her mother....
That's a nice way of...?
It's... Well, she's the Antichrist.
You know, you'll be doing the world a favor...
...if you'd just have her whacked.
And you know somebody who would do this?
Present company excluded?
Are we talking hypothetically, or do you want me to name a price?
Well, you should talk to my wife. You'd make a fortune.
- What makes you say that? - Life insurance.
I'm worth more dead than alive.
Yeah, just dining room. Take the plastic junk off of there.
Can you move any slower than this, fellas?
Hi. You must be our new neighbor. I'm Nicholas Oseransky. Call me Oz.
- Jimmy. - Hi.
Jimmy Jones.
- Have we met before? - No.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. I'd remember. I got a thing with faces.
That is so weird. You look so familiar. Where are you from?
Mr. Jones, where do you want this?
Order! Order!
Upstairs, back bedroom.
What were you saying?
- You all right? - Yes.
You sure? Because you look like you got some gas.
Well, I had a hamburger for lunch.
- They put mayonnaise on it? - Yes.
Can you tell me why they do that?
Every red-blooded American knows...
...that the only condiment you are ever supposed to put on a hamburger...
...is ketchup!
Or maybe some of that special sauce you like so much here in Canada!
Which I think has a little bit of mayonnaise in it, too.
But I swear to God, when they start slapping that mayonnaise on there, I could kill somebody.
I really, really didn't want to upset you.
Who's upset? I'm just... having a conversation here.
- I'm gonna go home. - Okay.
- Feel better. - Thank you.
- Oz! - Yes!
Thanks for stopping by...
...welcoming me to the neighborhood. Okay.
Pack up! Pack it up, we're leaving!
Jesus!
I just bumped into our new next-door neighbor. Do you have any idea who that is?
I suppose you're going to tell me.
That's Jimmy "the Tulip" Tudeski.
And that means something?
Jimmy "the Tulip" was a hitman for the Gogolak gang!
The Gogolak gang! The Hungarian gang back in Chicago that ran the North Side?
And that guy Jimmy right over there was Laszlo Gogolak's key enforcer!
Sexy.
Sophie, the man's killed 17 people.
Why the stupid name?
"The Tulip"? That's his flower of choice.
It's what he sent to his victim's funerals.
- I wonder what he's doing here. - Well, hiding out, most likely.
See, he ratted out Laszlo Gogolak.
Now Laszlo's spending the rest of his life in prison.
Jimmy only got 5 years, and Dave told me he refused Witness Protection.
Protection? From...?
Well, I'm sure Laszlo's son, Janni, wants to put, you know, one of those...
...you know, a price on his head.
You mean a contract?
A mob contract?
Feeling better?
Yes, thank you.
- Good. Let's go for a drive.
- A drive? - Yeah, a drive. Why?
Well, I don't know anyone else in town.
I figured we could go for a drive.
You could show me the sights, you know.
It won't kill you.
Promise?
- So I take it you're not Canadian. - Only by marriage.
- Where're you from? - Chicago.
Not "Chicago" Chicago.
I was born there, but I don't really know anything about Chicago anymore. Okay.
Yeah, totally oblivious to anything even related to Chicago.
I'm from Jersey.
New Jersey?
Yeah. New Jersey.
Well, if you're from Jersey, you're from Jersey.
And Jersey's another place I know absolutely nothing about.
- You always this nervous? - Yes.
Well, like virtually everything else that's wrong in my life...
...it all started with the little missus.
See, back home, her father and I ran a dental practice together.
- You're a dentist? - Afraid so.
You suicidal?
You see, now, why would you say that?
Well, I once read that dentists are prone to suicide.
Look, Jimmy, I may hate my life, but I certainly don't wanna die.
You better get used to it, because you're going to.
I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna strangle you!
Everybody dies.
Sooner or later. Tulip?
No!
So, you were saying your father-in-law....
Well, ironically, he was a suicide.
Stats don't lie.
He got caught molesting a patient.
An underage patient. An underage male patient.
Please, stop!
I know.
So, this kid starts to blackmail him, right?
And this is the exact same time, the IRS decides to investigate him for tax fraud.
So, big Aaron needs money and fast, you know?
So, he goes to a, you know, a loan shark...
...takes out a sizable loan against our company...
...which I had no idea about...
- ...and then proceeds -- - To hit Vegas, Atlantic City, Reno.
Loses all the money and sticks you with the bill. Am I right?
You are right. That's exactly right.
So, you know, after the ensuing scandal and bankruptcy and embarrassment...
...my wife and her mother decided it would be best that we move back here.
You like living in Canada?
No, I live here with my wife.
You sure you're a dentist?
Yeah, why?
'Cause I've never met a dentist I liked.
Well, I try to keep things as painless as possible.
Me too.
Hey, It's been good. I'm glad we got to know each other.
You know what? Me too.
- You can go now. - Great.
Oz! Yes, dear?
Thank God you're home.
Thank God I'm home?
I had an idea. I figured out a way we can pay off daddy's debt.
You're getting a job. No.
No. Our new neighbor, you said there was a price on his head?
That's your plan? You're gonna murder our neighbor?
Here's what you're going to do. You're going to Chicago...
...you're going to find out who it is who is offering this price on his head --
Jimmy Tudeski's head?
Then you're going to tell them you know where he is...
...after you negotiate a finder's fee.
A finder's fee? On a murder contract?
Is there a problem?
Other than the fact that would make me a party to... a murder?
But he's a killer. You said so yourself.
That's another good reason not to do it, okay?
And whatever he's done, he's been to prison, he's paid his debt to society.
Well, now he can pay our debt too.
All right, look, I know this is gonna sound crazy...
...but I spent some time with the guy today...
...and he's... pretty nice, you know?
And besides, he hasn't done anything to me.
- He came on to me. - What?
He came on to me! That animal, he made a pass at me!
When?
Earlier, this morning, before you came home.
He said you guys haven't even met.
Who do you going to believe? A contract killer or your wife?
Do I have to answer that? - Nicholas!
- Okay, okay. Let's say...
...that he did make a pass at you.
The guy's been in prison for 5 years.
He's desperate. He'd sleep with a meat grinder.
You pig! You disgust me!
There's a known killer living right next door who might slaughter us in our sleep...
- ...and you won't even lift a finger?! - That's right!
I'm not gonna lift a finger because this is crazy.
You do this for me...
...and I give you your divorce.
And if you don't do this for me, I swear...
...I'll make your life so damn miserable...
...it'll make these past few years seem like a pleasure cruise.
I already booked your flight.
You leave tomorrow at 9 a.m.
You better start packing.
Okay, well, when are you coming back?
Because I have to reschedule all your appointments.
It shouldn't be more than a couple of days.
- Are you going alone? - Yes.
Good. Can you do me a huge favor while you're there?
Go out and get laid!
Jill!
And call me the second you get back.
Better yet, call me right after. Call me during. I want all the details.
All right, now, don't expect too much.
I'm not even sure if I'm gonna be able to make contact with these people.
I mean, it's not as if the Gogolaks have a 1-800 number or anything.
I know you'll do what you can.
What is this?
Good luck, my darling.
And hurry home.
Do they have vomit bags on the flight?
You're Jimmy Tudeski, aren't you? Jimmy the Tulip?
Don't worry, your secret's safe with me, sexy.
But you will never believe what my darling husband is up to.
You're back in Chicago?
Great.
Tell you what, meet me at Ekins Oyster Bar in 45 minutes.
- Dave, I'm telling you, you got nothing to worry about. - How can I not worry?
You tell me you're back in Chicago to rat Jimmy Tudeski out to Janni Gogolak--
But I'm not going to rat him out. You think I'm suicidal?
Well, you are a dentist.
Look, I have no intention of ratting anybody out, okay?
The only reason I'm here is because I want Sophie off my back, if you wanna know the truth.
All right, look, I've got a deadline.
I'll come by your hotel room as soon as I'm finished.
In the meantime, promise me you won't do anything stupid.
- Now, why would you even say that? - You married Sophie, didn't you?
So, I'll get the check, then?
I'm sorry. I must have the wrong --
What room are you looking for?
519.
You're in the right place. You Nicholas Oseransky?
Who are you?
We understand you have information regarding the whereabouts of Jimmy "the Tulip".
Who told you that, Dave?
- Who's Dave? - What did he tell you?
Forget about Dave.
For our immediate purposes, there is no Dave.
Dave does not exist.
So just answer my question.
Do you or don't you...
...have information regarding the whereabouts of Jimmy "the Tulip"?
I don't know what you're talking about, man.
Really?
Then I must have been misinformed.
I apologize.
It's okay.
Now...
...let's try this again.
We understand you have information regarding --
Who told you that?
Why do you wanna go cluttering your mind with the inconsequential?
What's important is...
...we know that you know where Jimmy Tudeski is.
Look, I really have no --
- Aren't you gonna cry out for help? - Would it do any good? No.
Who are you?
Franklin Figueroa.
A.K.A. Frankie Figs. I work for Janni Gogolak.
Oh, my God!
So where's Jimmy?
Look, I sw --
My brother, believe me, you don't want to dance with me all night.
And for a scumbag like Jimmy T? Save yourself the pain.
Look, I really have no --
I may know where he is.
Well, all right. But don't tell me. Let's go tell Janni.
- Okay. You mind if I piss a little blood first? - Please, by all means. Thanks.
My father...
...is a great man.
A man of vision...
...and character.
A man who stood up for his beliefs.
Unlike that rat-fuck!...
...piece of shit!...
...Tudeski.
Can you...
...ask Cynthia to join us, please?
- You want a drink? - Oh, no, thanks.
- Have a drink. - I'll have a scotch and soda, please.
I want you to understand...
...Frankie explained to me you're having a problem with your conscience.
Yes, well, it's just that none of this was my idea.
You think it was mine? No.
If I had my way, my father would still be running things...
...and I'd be somewhere like....
I don't know...
...Aruba.
Actually, Aruba's not that nice.
Excuse me?
You may like it.
See, I honeymooned there, and that's probably why I didn't like it.
The thing you got to remember is, when we're talking about Jimmy Tudeski...
...we're not talking about a human being.
We're talking about a rodent.
We're talking about...
...vermin.
- Where was I? - Vermin. I think vermin.
We're talking about someone -- Screw that!
Something...
...that doesn't deserve to be breathing...
...the air.
Janni, you're talking about yourself again?
Mr. Oseransky...
...this is Cynthia.
Jimmy's wife.
Cynthia, it seems that Mr. --
Doctor.
Excuse me?
Dr. Oseransky. He's a dentist.
Whatever.
It seems that our dentist friend here knows where Jimmy is. Oh!
Come to collect on the contract? No. Janni, just so you know...
...Since I'm the one that found this guy, I want it. The contract's mine.
Just as long as I'm in on the kill.
So long as I get full price.
I wanna see that spineless rat beg.
Money doesn't matter.
Well, now I've heard everything.
Don't you believe it.
This one? Kill you for a quarter.
Mr. Oseransky, Frankie will accompany you back to Canada.
You will lead him to the man you believe is Jimmy Tudeski.
- But, sir -- - Frankie, you'll let me know?
All right then.
Mr. Gogolak.
My wife would make my life even more miserable than it already is...
...if I didn't at least ask.
Is there gonna be any kind of finder's fee for this?
Finder's fee?
I tell you what.
Tell your wife we'll work something out.
Cynthia, don't rush off.
We should chat a little.
I'll call you in the morning. We'll leave first thing.
Doctor, you're not going to do anything stupid, like try leaving me in the lurch, are you? No.
What did you do? Who did you talk to?
What are you talking about?
- You know a guy named Frankie Figs? - I know of him.
Yeah? Well, when I came back from lunch, he was sitting in my room.
- Frankie Figs was in your room?! - Yes!
- And somehow he knew all about my knowing where Jimmy "the Tulip" is. - And what did he do?
Well, after he played congas on my kidneys for a while, he took me to see Janni Gogolak.
Oz, tell me you're kidding me.
Who did you tell? I want to know exactly who you told!
No one, I swear!
Well, then how --?
What am I gonna do?
I'll talk to you later. I got to go.
- Room service. - Yes, this is Dr. Oseransky in room 519.
I'm gonna need a bigger bottle of scotch.
- Yeah? - It's me.
Oz! How're you doing?
I don't know what to do. I've done something terrible.
Oh, come on, Oz. What could be so terrible?
You've got to get out of town. Get out of Canada.
Just get the hell out. I'm in Chicago.
Yeah, I heard about that.
Have you seen Janni yet?
How did you know that?
Relax.
I know about the whole thing, okay? Don't worry. But --
I'll explain everything to you when you get back, okay?
In the meantime, why don't you have a good time while you're down there? Live it up.
We'll talk when you get back.
If you say so, Jim --
Well, are you gonna invite me in, or am I gonna have to go downstairs and tell Janni's guys you're being impolite?
Janni's guys are downstairs?
Yes, come in.
I love a man with manners.
Janni sent me to see if you were on the level.
Janni's the trusting type.
So, do you or don't you?
Do I or don't I...?
Know where my wayward husband is.
- Mrs. Tudeski --
- Oh, Cynthia, please. Why be formal with the woman you're about to widow?
- You don't understand -- - What's not to understand?
You want your 30 pieces of silver, right?
See, my only question is, why didn't you just do the job yourself?
Why didn't I...?
Why didn't you kill Jimmy and try to collect on the contract?
What's the matter, you didn't have the stomach for it?
Or is your problem a little further... south?
- Have you vomited recently? - A minute ago.
- I was just gonna brush my teeth. - I'll wait. Okay.
Mrs. Tudeski....
Cynthia, none of this was my idea.
Oh, so you just happened to travel a 1000 miles to rat Jimmy out to Janni?
No! See, that's what I'm trying to say. None of this was my idea. It was my wife's plan.
She wanted me to come to Chicago and rat Jimmy out.
Look, maybe it would be best for everybody concerned if you just went back to Janni...
...and said that I'm crazy, that I've gone nuts.
I'm chemically imbalanced, you know? I'm wacko!
Maybe that would be the best thing.
Because....
Just tell him I'm acting exactly the way I'm acting right now.
But you do know where Jimmy is, don't you?
Look, Mrs. Tudeski, I don't want anybody to die.
And that is on the level.
What do you want?
What do I want?
I just want this all to end.
I am so damn scared.
It's room service. Before I vomited, I ordered scotch.
There you go.
Thank you.
What would you say to a drink?
I'd say, no ice, no water, in a tall glass.
What can I say? I was young.
Jimmy was like no man I'd ever met before.
Yeah, well, he's the first killer I've known.
There was no one like him at my daddy's country club. Lousy husband, though.
Cheated on me constantly.
So, why didn't you just...?
Divorce him?
Jimmy doesn't believe in divorce. Thinks it's a sin.
I know. A hit man with morals. Go figure.
So, now that he's out of prison, are you guys gonna get back together?
You mean assuming Frankie and Janni don't kill him first?
No. Jimmy and I are over.
And even if I wanted to make another go of it, which I don't...
...there'd always be that other thing between us.
What other thing?
The fact that he wants to kill me.
Why?
You're a sweet guy.
Money.
Oh! Are you... rich?
The money Laszlo Gogolak gave us as a wedding present.
Only it wasn't a wedding present.
Laszlo was just parking the money with us to hide it from the feds.
How much was it?
10 million dollars.
Hell of a parking space.
And the only way anyone could get the money was if Jimmy and Janni and I...
...all signed for it together.
And if you didn't have all 3 signatures, you'd need 2 signatures...
...and a death certificate.
- Or one signature and -- - 2 death certificates.
That's why Jimmy wants to kill you. Because if he kills you...
And Janni, let's not forget about Janni.
Then he gets the money. All of it.
The whole 9 yards.
What if you told him you didn't want the money?
I did tell him. I don't want a dime.
But he knows I don't want to be married to him anymore, and like I said, he doesn't believe in divorce.
But murder, he's okay with?
It's what he does.
Yeah, well, if it was me, 10 million wouldn't be enough.
So, How much would it take for you to kill your wife?
- I'm talking about you. Me, then. - What would be your price?
- That's what I'm saying.
I think you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life...
...and I cannot believe I am saying this out loud.
I'm sure that's just the scotch talking.
No, it's me.
I've spent the last 7 years of my life just sitting and waiting for something to happen.
I didn't even know what it was.
Until you walked in that room at Janni Gogolak's house.
I'm sorry. No, I've embarrassed you.
- I should go. - No.
Please.
You're a nice guy.
But I've got to go.
Let's go.
You know, the night's still young. You boys in any rush to get back?
Did you mean what you said?
I've got till midnight.
In the meantime....
- Promise me something. - Anything.
You'll go slow. I haven't made love in 5 years.
Neither have I.
I've been married.
It's almost time.
Again?
What did you have, oysters for lunch?
Actually, I did.
Jimmy knows I'm here.
Here with me?
Here in Chicago, talking with Janni.
How? How did he know that?
- Because I told him.
- You what? - He already knew.
- How? - Well, I'm guessing my darling wife.
- Is she trying to get you killed? Apparently. - I mean, that's the only thing I can come up with.
But when I talked to Jimmy...
...he didn't sound upset.
No, he wouldn't. He'd be your best friend right up until the moment he --
He's gonna kill me, isn't he?
And then when he's done with that, he's gonna come after you.
Well, I'm not gonna let that happen. I'm not gonna let Jimmy kill you.
- I'm gonna take Frankie to Canada and lead him to Jimmy. - So, Frankie can kill him?
Believe me, if there was any other way. But better Jimmy than you, right?
But, Oz, don't you get it? Either way, I'm dead.
Why?
As soon as Jimmy's dead, why would Janni wanna keep me alive?
He'd want to kill me to, so he can --
So, he can collect on the whole 10 million dollars.
Well, I'm not gonna let that happen.
I swear, I am not gonna let anybody kill you.
Under the circumstances, I think that's probably the most romantic thing I've ever heard.
Thanks.
You what?!
You told Jimmy? What the hell did you do that for?
I felt bad. I like him.
- I liked him. - So, you don't like him no more?
Well, it's a little hard to maintain a friendship with somebody who wants to kill you.
If you sold my ass out to Janni, then told me about it, I'd want to ice your ass, too.
I know.
- You know, I can close that gap for you. - Really? Yeah.
- You'd be in and out. - You're kidding!
- This thing right here? - Yeah, not a problem.
So did you do it? Did you do what I told you to do?
No! I'm not gonna answer that.
So, you did!
I can tell! You had sex!
Full-size car, please.
Who is she? Come on, I wanna hear all about it.
Look, I got to go, okay? Any emergencies, I got my beeper on.
- Okay, fine, be that way. - I don't need no insurance.
By the way, the hell bitch called. She said she and her mom went to Niagara Falls for a couple of days.
Yeah! Probably working on her alibi. I got to go.
Why don't you drive back to the hotel with me?
Unless, of course, you'd rather go home in broad daylight...
...with Jimmy right next door.
Yeah, I'll go with you.
Frankie Figs.
Jimmy T.
What's going on, man?
What's up, baby?
- How you doin', man? What's up, Frankie? - Welcome to Montreal.
- What up, partner? Good to see you again, man. - You're looking good. Thanks.
Oz, you look worried. Doesn't he look worried, Frankie?
He does, man.
Why don't you relax?
Come on, Frankie told me what a stand-up guy you've been.
Now, change your pants. We're going out.
I'm gonna keep the coke and the fries,
but I'm gonna send this burger back,
and if you put any mayonnaise on it,
I'm gonna come over your house and chop your legs off, set your house on fire,
and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out of your house. Okay, Pierre?
I'm fine.
You're fine?
Let me tell you something, Oz. You are not fine.
You know your wife wants you dead?
That much I've figured out.
I just thought you should know, because I'm not the first one she came to on this.
- The first...? - Hitter.
- There were others? - At least one.
Apparently that fell through, so she came to me.
Well... What did you tell her?
You mean, did I take the contract?
No. I didn't take the contract.
- How much did she offer you? - 10 grand.
No wonder you turned her down.
But you did turn her down, even though I went to Janni?
You didn't go to Janni. Jimmy sent me to come to you.
And I know that Frankie can be very persuasive.
- By the way, how's your urination? - Oh, fine. Thank you.
So why did you want me to go see Janni?
So you could tell him where I was.
So he could come back up here, and you could kill him?
Exacto.
By the way, I'd be happy to do your wife for you.
- Do my wife? - Tap her. Tap her?
- Whack her. - Whack her?
Oh! Oh! See, I thought you meant, you know....
Because she told me that you, you know, hit on her.
That's funny.
Why is that funny?
Actually I wasn't gonna tell you this...
...but the truth is, your wife came on to me.
And...?
Oz, we're friends.
Friends do not engage in sexual congress with each other's wives.
Besides,
I don't find your wife particularly that attractive.
- You just got out of prison? - Yeah.
You've been in prison for 5 years, and you don't find my wife attractive?
She's not a good person.
You've killed 17 people, and you don't think my wife is a good person?
It's not important how many people I've killed.
What's important is...
...how I get along with the people that are still alive.
- You gonna finish this? - Just take it.
I think we've given it long enough.
Why don't you give Janni a call? The sooner he gets here, the better.
So after you kill Janni, you're gonna go back to Chicago?
No, I'm done with Chicago.
What about your wife? Are you gonna get back together with her?
You're gonna kill her too?
For a hell of a lot more than 10,000 dollars.
Well, you can't do that!
Why not?
Because she's your wife!
Jimmy, you were right about him. This is one exceedingly sweet man.
Wife like he got and still he believes in wedding vows.
So do I, especially "till death do us part".
Oh, God. It's my beeper. I got to go to the office.
Well, wedding vows or not...
...I'd watch my back.
I'd say your wife's still shopping for a hitter.
Good luck.
You know what? On second thought, Mr. Tourette, I think we're gonna have to pull the tooth.
Oz, what is it? What's the matter? No, no, Oz! No, no, no, no!
Oz, don't do that! Oz! I am your friend. Talk to me.
Well, I have to talk to somebody, you know, because I'm just gonna do something --
Take your time.
That's good. Okay.
Well, first of all, I just found out that my wife is trying to have me killed.
- Who told you? - A friend.
- Anyone I know? - Oh, he's my next-door neighbor.
And here's the funny part. He's a hitman too.
Really? What's his name?
Jimmy. Jimmy Tudeski.
Jimmy "the Tulip"?
Jimmy "the Tulip" lives next to you? And you know him?
Oz, can you introduce me to him? Jill...
The man's a professional killer.
Oz, you don't understand. I've been wanting to meet this guy for years!
Please! Oz, come on.
Quick! Come on!
- What's this, Oz? - I don't know.
It is you.
Mr. Tudeski, you don't understand. I'm one of your biggest fans.
I've been following your career since I was a kid.
You're the reason I'm trying to get into the business.
And what business would that be?
Contract killing. It's what I wanna do.
And if I could just have one afternoon of your time, I know that I could learn so much from you.
So come in.
You too.
What's all this?
So, you know this girl?
- She's my assistant. - Did you know she was a hitter?
Actually, Mr. Tudeski, I'm still a virgin. I haven't killed anyone yet.
You know, professionally. Oz was supposed to be my first.
- Excuse me? - His wife hired me.
- What'd I tell you? - That was you?!
I was supposed to make it look like an accident, so I went to work for him...
...so I could, you know, familiarize myself with his habits.
- Good. Get to know him. - Smart. Thanks.
But then, after I got to know him, I... started to like him.
- First mistake. - I know!
You should get close, but not too close.
- Oz, why don't you go pour yourself a martini? - It's 4 o'clock in the afternoon.
Look, kid, don't give yourself too hard a time. You've got your whole career ahead of you.
I remember when I was first starting out. I hadn't really done that much.
You know, I'd done a couple of things, saw some money, was having some fun.
I was doing something I liked. Then I was recruited...
...by Laszlo Gogolak.
And one of the first things he wanted me to do was whack out one of his little cousins.
- Oh, is this the Stanley Posilansky incident? - Yeah.
Anyway, Laszlo doesn't want it to look like a hit. All right?
So, now I've got to get close to Stanley...
...who was this really charming, cute, funny little guy.
Very weird sense of humor. Made me laugh.
I really liked him as a person. You know what I mean?
You got too close.
Yeah, I got too close.
Moment of truth comes....
- Choked.
- Him? - Me. I choked.
Couldn't do it.
I actually....
I told him I was there to kill him.
Can you believe that? I said, "Run, Stanley, run!
Go, go. Run. Hide. Off you go."
We shake hands, part as friends.
I turn around to walk away.
This little weasel shoots me in the back.
And the bullet comes out right here.
So what did you do?
I didn't really like Stanley after that.
He took a really... really long time to die.
And this scar's a reminder. Never get too close.
Excuse me.
Excuse me!
Not to interrupt or anything, but you were gonna kill me?
That was the plan?
- What are you doing tonight? - No plans.
Want to help us out?
Me and Frankie Figs?
Wait. Are you offering me a job?
Only if you're interested.
It would be an honor. It would be, like, a dream come true.
Who's the mark?
Janni Gogo.
Janni Gogo?
Wow! Wow! Feel my arm. Goosebumps. Phone!
Your phone scared me.
There it is again!
- What is wrong with you? - I don't know. Yeah? Frankie. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Okay, good. See you soon.
- Good news? - Great news.
Apparently, Janni Gogo is on his way up here, and he's bringing my wife with him.
Your wife?
Your... Why?
Well, I'm sure Janni figures he'll take care of her when he takes care of me.
So, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna try to save her?
No. I want her dead too.
Really?
Yeah. You got a problem with that?
Why would I? It's not like I know her.
I can't believe you people.
I mean, here you're calmly talking about the murder of a beautiful, innocent woman...
...whose only crime, as far as I can see, is that she married you, Jimmy.
So, you know what? I'm not gonna listen to this anymore.
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna --
I'm gonna --!
I'm gonna go!
I'm gonna -- Does this slide?
Answer that.
That's my phone, thank you. Hello.
- Well, who was it? - They hung up.
Expecting a call?
Explain to me how that's any of your business.
Get her bag.
Plane's waiting, and I'm not.
Oh, my God!
You don't like the Walther?
- I think you should go with what you're comfortable with. - It's what James Bond uses.
- Really? - Yeah.
Still, I like to buy American.
Is there any way I can stop you from doing this?
Oz, will you relax? I promise you, no one is gonna know you had anything to do with this.
- But that's not the point. - What is the point?
You're still kill your wife! Well...
Yeah. I've got a very good reason to kill my wife.
About 10 million very good reasons to kill my wife.
Okay, well, what if I said no?
You know, what if I said I wasn't gonna let you do it?
You know, you are the most chivalrous guy I have ever met in my life.
- Do you see why I couldn't kill him? - I love him.
Oz... Come on.
Will you relax? Just come on over here. Sit down in your favorite chair...
...have another martini.
Listen to me. Tonight is gonna happen whether you want it to or not.
And you're gonna help.
Me? Help?
Yeah. You help. You're gonna help.
You're gonna go with Frankie to meet Janni at the plane. because if you're not there...
...Janni will get suspicious, get back on the plane, and fly back to Chicago.
And we don't want that. - Jimmy!
- Oz. This is the way it's gotta be, okay?
And...
...I'm telling you this, like a friend, because...
...if you screw this up...
...I would hate to --
I would really hate to have to kill you.
I would hate it...
...more than mayonnaise. You know how much I hate mayonnaise.
- Yes, I do. - And besides, trust me, you want Janni Gogolak dead.
No, that's where you're wrong. I don't want anybody dead.
Well, if we don't make Janni Gogolak dead, he's gonna make you dead.
The Gogolaks do not like to leave witnesses laying around.
Oh, so now... Damn it, Jimmy! Why the hell did you have to go and move in next door to me?
Oz, do you know what kind of soil they have in this backyard?
I've been her two days and I got little tomato plants --
Oh, my God!
- Hey, why'd you stop? - Are you doing it tonight?
Tonight, whenever. Let's go. Kick it into gear here.
For 10,000?
Wait a minute. You said we were doing this for 15.
I changed my mind.
But if you think I should go and try to find somebody else, then --
No, no, no, no, no, no! Listen, why don't we make it...
...12-5?
I can live with 12-5. As long as my husband doesn't.
He won't.
I promise.
- Oh, you must be -- - Jill St. Clair.
And can I just say, Mr. Figueroa...
...that I think the job you did on Kevin Vincent...
...that and the Ronald Abramson hit, they were both just...
...they were works of art.
- Well, I see you've done your homework. - Well, I keep a scrapbook.
- Frankie! What's up, man? - Honey, why don't you go get Oz?
We'll run through this one more time, make sure we know what we're doing. Okay. Okay.
- She's a cute kid. - Got definite potential.
Time to rock and roll.
You know, I got this same car.
- Really? - No.
All right, nobody move.
Everybody quiet!
God, I'm gonna love this.
So... now what?
Now we wait until...
...he's asleep. Okay.
Sweet dreams, Jimmy.
Let's get started.
We got company.
Anybody we know?
Oz's wife and some guy.
Probably your replacement. The new hitter.
Well, there's nothing we can do about it now.
Keep an eye on them. Okay.
Love those pants on you.
So what is he, a bad guy, your husband?
No. Actually, everyone seems to like him.
Which might be the thing I hate most about him.
All right, so let's go over this one more time --
What the hell for?
I just wanna make sure we got everything right.
Is there any particular way you want him to die?
What do I care?
I'm out of the country, shopping for my funeral dress. Ha-ha-ha.
Dentist, get the blinds.
Today!
Oh, God!
Of all the times --
- You're married, right? - Yes.
Does your wife have any...
Feminine products?
Yes. Yes, she does.
They're right through there. I'll show you where they are.
Don't be long.
- "Don't blong"? - Don't be long.
Gotcha.
You make a little noise, he gets out of bed, he comes to see what the problem is...
...and you make him dead, okay? You understand me?
The dead part?
Then you ransack the house a little bit, so it looks like a bad burglary...
...and you get your ass back in this car...
...and we drive like hell back to Niagara Falls.
Where you're going to pay me my other 5,000 dollars?
My mother's there waiting with it.
Well, wait a minute. Your mother, she knows about this?
My mother wants this to happen as much as I do.
And I really, really want this to happen.
- They're gonna kill you. - They're gonna kill you.
- What? - What?
As soon as they're done with Jimmy, Janni's gonna come after you. That's why I came here, so I could warn you.
Oh, that is....
Janni's not going to kill anyone. Jimmy's over there right now waiting for them.
What? Jimmy? Jimmy and Frankie, they're in, You know, what do you call it?
- Cahoots? - Right, cahoots.
- And you, are you cahooting with them? - Well, I had no other choice. I had to pretend I was cahooting.
But listen, I have... I have a plan.
It's time. You two stay here.
Hey, you know these guys?
No. Who is that?
- Is that Janni Gogolak? - From the Gogolak gang.
It might be.
The guy they call Jimmy "the Tulip" lives next door.
Jimmy "the Tulip"? Damn!
This is a hit. Stay right here!
Who's that?
I don't know.
You smell great.
Shoot!
All right, you got a gun now. Do you wanna use it or not?
Kill him, major.
Yeah, kill him, major.
Go ahead. Show him how you're not afraid to die.
Shoot!
Looks like you don't want it enough, is what you want.
I guess he laughs when something's funny for a change.
One Rocco more or less isn't worth dying for.
Hi. Are you guys looking for someone?
Hi, Janni.
Watch your head!
You know this whole sneaking-into-the-house thing and thing to try to kill me?
You guys are really good. You're really....
Bye, Janni.
What's going on?
Oz just took off with your wife, and Sophie's hitter is right outside.
All right, I'll take care of him.
You should get dressed.
You know what? Better yet, stay just like that...
...and in 60 seconds, stick your head out that window.
Hey... Nice work.
Thanks, Jimmy. Will we ever see you again, Frank?
I hope so. Be right back.
You know, I can't think of nothing finer than a fine, naked woman holding a gun.
And you just all kinds of fine, now, ain't you?
Don't get any ideas.
Seriously sweet ass.
Can I help you?
Now you can get dressed. (Okay.)
- Where do you want this? - Just put it over there. All right.
What was Oz doing, going off with my wife like that?
- I can beep him. You can ask him. - Beep him.
Now, ain't this some shit?
All right, maybe he won't come after us. You know, maybe he'll just let us go.
Okay, maybe I can talk to him, reason with him.
I mean, we're friends now, right?
- That's what Harry Lefkowitz thought. - What happened to Harry Lefkowitz?
I don't want to know what happened to Harry Lefkowitz.
It's your beeper.
I know.
It's Jimmy.
Jimmy, it's me.
Oz, what the hell were you thinking, taking off with Cynthia like that?
I'm sorry, but I can't let you kill her.
What do you mean, you can't let me kill her? What? That's got nothing to do with you.
Jimmy, I'm in love with her.
Look, I don't --
What did you just say?
I love her.
Will you listen to yourself? What are you talking about, you love her? You just met her.
- He said he's in love with Cynthia. - No shit?
- So, she's the one! - She's the one, what?
- The one he shtupped in Chicago. - The one he --
My wife?
You shtupped my wife, Oz?
I wouldn't exactly, necessarily phrase it that way exactly.
No, no. Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight!
You went to Chicago and you engaged in sexual congress with my wife?!
- Is that what you're telling me?! - Jimmy, let me talk to him.
- Is that it? - Jimmy, Jimmy! Is that what you're --
- Jimmy, calm down! - I swear to God! --
He's a little upset. I've managed to upset a mass murderer.
Tell me where you are!
Find out where he is! Just stay right there!
This is crazy!
Oz, you stud, you.
Gonna be a dead stud.
Tell Jimmy I might've thought of a win-win way out of this.
Now, I know you guys got a couple of spare bodies lying around.
Yeah, yeah, and get this. One of them's a cop.
- What's he saying? - Uh-huh.
What's he saying?
Just tell him to stay where he is and I'll be right there.
Okay, so... Okay, sounds great. I'm just gonna run it by the boys and I'll beep you right back. Okay, bye.
Jimmy... When's the last time you went to the dentist?
You really meant it, didn't you?
What you said.
About what? Loving you?
Of course. What did you think this was all about?
Sex.
- I mean, great sex, but -- - It was pretty good.
Is that all this has meant to you?
Don't get me wrong, Oz. I like you a lot.
Well, that's great to hear, but I've got news for you.
I don't usually go around risking my life for people that just like me.
Well, I do like you.
But....
Then again, who knows? Maybe...
Maybe this feeling I've been having in the pit of my stomach...
...maybe it's love.
It's your beeper.
I know.
- Yeah? - It's me.
I'll tell you one thing, you got balls.
Yeah, who knew?
Jill told me your idea, and...
I think it's worth a try.
- Jimmy, thank you. - But just so you know...
...I am disappointed, Oz.
I am extremely...
...disappointed with you.
Believe me, you are the last person in the world I would ever want to disappoint...
...but everything I did was for love.
Yeah, whatever.
I'll see you at your office.
Okay, give me an hour.
Oh! And don't forget the corpse.
Merçi. Monsieur Boulez, remember to floss. De rien. C'est un plaisir, Monsieur Oz.
Stay on the boat.
Take this. If you don't hear from me in two hours, just go.
Disappear. Leave the country.
Oz... Be careful.
I'm Mr. Careful.
Oz... I just wanted to make sure it was you.
Everybody's inside.
By the way, huevos grandes, amigo.
The Great and Powerful Oz.
Why don't we get started?
So far, so good.
- Shit! Is he up? - Yeah, I got him.
That seems to... All right. Frankie, duct tape.
We did it.
Yeah, I think we're good.
- Barbecue?
- Barbecue.
It really turned out to be a nice night tonight.
Okay, I'll be right back.
- Who's this remind you of? - Old Charlie, baby.
All right. Okay!
Doctor...
...these men need to see you.
Excuse me.
Right this way, gentlemen.
Dr. Oseransky, I'm Sergeant Buchanan.
This is Officer Morrissey.
Yes, well, what can I do for you?
Are you the owner of a brown Toyota Corolla...
...license number Z-S-J-9-5-9?
Yes. Is there a problem?
Do you know where your vehicle is, sir?
I lent it to my neighbor. He went fishing.
This neighbor...
...he got a name?
Jimmy Jones.
Would you mind taking us to his place of residence?
Your car was found by the grain silo at the old port.
Two bodies were inside of it. There'd been a fire. Oh, my god!
The extent of the burns made any normal identification impossible.
So dental impressions were taken.
And from the dental records, we were able to establish that the bodies...
...were those of one Janni Pytor Gogolak...
...and James Stefan Tudeski.
Both of them were big shots in a Chicago crime syndicate. Mm-hm.
And you think this James...
Tudeski.
...is the Jimmy I know?
Well, that's what we intend to find out.
Isn't that Hanson's car?
Go have a look. Uh-huh.
Who's Hanson?
One of our men.
He was on an undercover assignment.
There was some concern earlier because he failed to check in this morning.
And your mother, she knows about this?
My mother wants this to happen as much as I do.
And I really, really want this to happen.
It's Hanson's car, all right. But no sign of Hanson.
But I found a tape.
Dr. Oseransky, could you tell us where your wife might be?
My wife? She's in Niagara Falls with her mother. Why?
Dr. Oseransky, I don't know how to tell you this...
...but it seems that your wife recently tried to hire a hitman to kill you.
A hitman?
Oh, my God!
There's no smoking in here.
So where is he, Mrs. Oseransky?
Questions for you, and you better have answers.
Hi, Mom.
You can ask me questions till you're blue in the face, but until I speak to my attorney --
You spoke to your attorney. He doesn't want to have anything to do with you.
Special Agent Hanson, Mrs. Oseransky. What did you do to him?
It wasn't me.
We have your voice on tape. His written reports.
We know you tried to hire him to kill your husband. So what happened?
He tried to back out?
He tried to back out and you killed him.
None of this would've happened if that girl had only done her job.
- What girl? - Jill! My husband's receptionist!
- Oh, yeah? Was she a contract killer too? - Yes! I hired her!
She is the killer!
This would be sad, if it wasn't so pathetic.
Do you wanna talk to her? No.
No, I don't think so.
I don't blame you.
You guys know a good divorce lawyer?
She did it! She's a killer! You've got to believe me.
All right, don't worry. I got all the "I"s dotted and all the "T"s crossed.
- Yeah, well, Jimmy's got his own way of spelling. - I will take care of Jimmy.
You're never gonna have to see him again.
While you and Jill are at the bank getting the money, Jimmy and I will be at the fine art museum.
Jimmy at a fine art museum?
There's people at a fine art museum. He's not gonna try anything.
All right, if you say so.
Where's Cynthia?
You and I are leaving.
Then I'll beep Cynthia, she'll get in touch with you on that phone over there, and tell you where to go.
Listen to him. Mr. Cloak-and-Dagger.
I'm being careful.
I'm a dentist. Yeah.
You boys play nice, now.
Take us to the art museum.
You really think if Cynthia doesn't come through, you're gonna be any safer at the art museum?
Hello. Yeah, yeah. I hope there was nothing special you wanted to see at the art museum today.
Why?
Because we're not going to the art museum. We're going to the marina.
The marina? Yeah.
I rented a boat for the day. Isn't that right, Frankie?
See?
I'm careful too.
You're Jill?
Nice to meet you.
Where's your gun?
What makes you think I have a gun?
Throw it in.
You have the certificates?
Let's go banking.
Everything seems to be in order. Where would you like the money sent?
I'd like it wire-transferred to a bank in the Caymans. The account number's 0 --
Can we just have a minute, please?
Certainly.
Thanks.
I'll be right over there.
We could just walk away, you know?
You and me. With the whole 10 million.
So, what do you think?
I think....
I know that if we did, Jimmy would kill Oz.
So what?
You're a lucky guy, Oz.
Why would you say that?
You're about to find out if the woman you love really loves you.
Want a beer?
If it was me...
...I was in her position...
...I'd just take the money and run.
So, what are you betting on?
I'm betting on love.
Love for you means money for me.
And like I said before, I'd really hate to have to kill you.
So, when are you gonna do it?
Let's just make sure we got the money first.
But you are intending to kill him?
Jimmy, listen.
He was there!
He was there when you killed Janni and a cop.
Now, I know you like this guy.
Yeah, I do.
But he's got to go. And if you ain't prepared to do it, Jimmy...
- ...then I'm just gonna have to -- - Hey, hey, Frankie, Frankie!
Let's not forget who you're talking to, okay?
Jimmy Tudeski may be dead...
...but he ain't exactly dead. You understand?
Glad to hear it.
Just drive the boat.
Think about it, Cynthia. We're talking about 5 million dollars apiece here.
Is Oz really worth that much to you?
The thing is...
...I think I love him.
You think? You think?!
Sweetheart, for 5 million dollars you'd better be damn certain.
I am.
I'm sorry, but I...
...I love him.
You do?
That's the right answer.
Yo, guy, you can get back here now.
Yeah. Yeah? Okay. Okay. We got the money.
Bye-bye, Oz.
But --
Sorry, Frankie.
I always liked you.
Why did you kill him?
Well, I had to kill one of you.
Well, then you definitely made the right decision.
But why did you have to kill him?
Well, if I didn't kill you, Frankie would have.
And he would've thought that I had gone soft...
...and eventually come after me and the money.
So...
...what about me?
I want the bulk of the money to be put into this account right here.
But I also want 1 million dollar to be placed in this account...
...under the name of Dr. Nicholas and Mrs. Cynthia Oseransky.
1 million --
What?
An early wedding present from Jimmy.
Not that Jimmy.
- Can we have another minute? - Certainly.
- Thanks. - I'll just....
Is this for real?
Yes, it's for real, but in order to get the money...
...you have to show up together and show them a copy of a validated marriage certificate.
Jimmy's giving me a divorce?
Don't you read the papers, lady? Jimmy Tudeski's dead.
- Oh! I don't know what to say. - Well, when the time comes...
...just say, "I do." Yo.
Maybe I am going soft. In the old days, I would have definitely killed you.
Ah, don't be so hard on yourself.
Or....
I don't know.
Maybe I have changed since my death.
I don't think that's what it is.
What do you mean?
You love her, don't you?
Cynthia?
Hi, Oz. Cynthia's waiting for you. She said you'd know where.
Say hi to my widow for me, will you?
Take care of yourself.
Marry me.
Jimmy told you.
What?
He didn't, did he?
You just...
...wanna marry me?
No, I don't just wanna marry you.
I wanna marry you more than anyone's wanted to marry anyone...
...in the history of the world.
Then would I be out of line if I told you...
...that I loved you?
And said yes?
I would love to marry you.
So you wouldn't mind spending the rest of your life with a poor dentist?
Something tells me we'll get by.