< Oi! Get away from there.
Is it on?
Yeah.
Can he hear us?
No.
I love this guy!
Hello?
What are you doing?
What's that?
It's an axe.
Dangerous, isn't it?
Mike knows what he's doing.
Let's lose the axe.
I like the axe.
I like my face.
I like your face.
Keep the axe.
It is my pleasure to introduce to you the most effective battlebot
since Sir Killalot first killed a lot.
Ladies and gentlemen...
Private Iron.
Bloody hell.
It looks dangerous.
Only in the wrong hands.
D'you think he'll win?
Brian, look at him. We can't lose.
TV: "...our second semifinal has six more contenders..."
Daisy Steiner.
25-years-old.
'Ello.
You've had three employers in as many weeks.
Why do you think that is?
I dunno, I just can't work it out.
I think you can.
I got sacked.
Yes.
You have a problem with authority.
Several employers have reported a lack of concentration.
That you're belligerent
(SIGHS)
and talk when unauthorised.
Bollocks.
We're trying to help, but you've got to help us.
I know, I know.
It's me. It's always been a problem of mine.
It's like I've got two opposing forces inside me.
'My sensible side is polite, always does the right thing.'
Then there's my wreckless side.
'She's a rebel, she hates authority.'
'She knows what she wants and she'll do anything to get it.'
You better shape up, Daisy. You better understand.
You're right.
I've got you a placement. It's NeoNachos in town.
Oh, it's nice!
You'll be in the kitchen.
Right.
Try not to lose it.
I will try.
PHONE RINGING
You're not right. Shit!
Need something else.
Shit.
Sh... Hello?
Marty Berghouse, Reinhardt Gallery.
Paolo Vincenza has pulled out of the installation festival.
Oh.
Shot himself in the foot really.
Why did he pull out?
He shot himself in the foot. Terrible mess.
Would you fill in?
Me?
"Yes. It's tomorrow, OK?"
Er...
Great! See you tomorrow.
BELL RINGS
Hey!
He's looking great, isn't he?
Good weekend?
OK.
What d'you do?
You know, the usual.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the triumphant roboteers.
Dexter.
Thought about that rematch?
Yes and no.
What?
Yes, he's thought and no, he doesn't want one.
So that's a no?
We beat you fair and square, Dexter.
You were lucky!
We were better!
Whoah, we don't want trouble!
Maybe we did get lucky but we won. All is fair in love and Robot Wars.
I want another shot. I know where we can go.
Where?
You know where.
What if we get damaged? We've got the quarterfinals.
I hadn't thought of that(!)
Mike, come on.
See you. Think about what I said.
Say no.
That's a real shame!
It's always me, me, me, innit? I'm not a bleedin' bank!
Anyway, give us a call, love.
Oh, it's your mum, by the way.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Hello, Brian.
Hello.
You've not been here for a while.
I've just come to get my paint roller back.
The big one?
You got something exciting happening downstairs?
An installation at the Reinhardt.
Oh, that's great! We should celebrate.
I've got a bottle left from yesterday.
What was yesterday?
Sunday. When you installing?
Tomorrow.
Bloody hell, that's short notice!
You'd better get on then!
It'd be terrible if it were a half-baked pile of crap.
I'll come along.
I saved a bottle of champers for the big night. I'll resist it till then.
CORK POPS
Whoo!
Excuse me. Do you know how I close my locker?
Y-y-you c-c-can't l-l-lock it. T-t-tina keeps the keys.
Daisy.
B-B-Billy.
Glad to know you.
Staff meeting.
Is everybody here? Let's get started.
Any questions about the last meeting?
Billy?
Perhaps you'd like to start.
I have a question.
Yes...
Daisy?
Where can I get a key for my locker?
I have the keys.
If you would like to use your locker, I will do it for you.
That's not fair. What if you're not here?
Some of us don't find it so hard to remain in work,.. Daisy.
Right, any more questions?
Billy, you'll be downstairs today.
N-n-no. I can't.
< Y-y-you can't make me.
NN-No!
Meeting adjourned.
< NO!
OK, there we go. Let's pub.
Right, I will get my flak jacket.
Hello, Daisy.
All right.
How was work?
Awful.
Get fired?
Not yet.
Good.
How's it going?
Yeah, fine.
I thought you'd do more drawings.
Why?
So people would see your artwork.
EVIL LAUGHTER
Tim?
Yeah... I didn't feel like it.
What does TFU stand for?
The Fuckest Uppest.
Philippa Forrester would've loved it.
Didn't think she did it now.
No, she had a baby.
You be Philippa, I'll be me.
Interview me.
OK. Erm, that's very...
No! Do it properly.
This is a very large machine, Tim. Take you long?
Oh! Fast worker.
Come to my flat and we'll find out.
I think you've already answered my question!
< So you like my robot?
I love it.
What's this?
That's an axe. Feel the weight.
There's nothing more devastating than a big chopper.
Shh!
Don't cheapen this.
What's going on?
I'm coming to the pub.
Yeah. I think we should take the Private down to the shed.
What's up with Mike?
He usually likes to be Philippa.
Good night, little one. I'll see you in the morning.
Look at you sitting there so pretty and proud. Take that!
Think you're better than me? You're no better than pig crap.
You'll never be in Robot Wars!
(WHISTLES)
Oh shit!
I-i-it's true!
She sacked her for that?
Oh, what a bitch!
Ooh, look at me! I'm Tina, I've got the locker keys!
What is going on?
Nothing.
Really?
Well, I've decided to change the roster. You'll be downstairs today.
Follow me.
Take these. It'll m-m-make it easier.
This is Harris.
He'll show you the ropes.
Haven't seen you upstairs.
(CHUCKLES)
That's exactly what I said.
Brian!
Marty.
Good to see you.
Actually...
I see you've found your space.
Well...
I'm popping out. Trust you'll be OK.
Ah...
10am now, exhibition starts at 6.30pm.
Here's my mobile number.
Marty, I can't.
Well, good luck. Can't wait to see what you do.
MOBILE RINGS
Natasha!
Who would do it?
I think I can guess.
It's been trashed by someone who knows what he's doing.
So what now?
The runners-up go through.
And who's that?
(GASPS) Dexter and Cromwell!
< Exactly.
But who did this?
They did!
They wouldn't!
< Of course they would!
We can't give up.
We can't fix him.
We can. >
How?
We'll find a way.
We'll pull every favour, we'll work every hour.
We'll fix him and then we'll kick some arse!
Timmy.
Fetch me my tools.
Mike, what about the show?
WHIRRING
The show's over.
# ELECTRONIC MUSIC
TICKS
PHONE RINGS
Shit!
Just needs something else.
Done?
I want you to stay on tonight.
But...
Josie has called in sick. You wouldn't leave me in the lurch.
So mop the floor.
I can't do this.
Excuse me?
I'm sick of it.
Who do you think you are?
(SIGHS) I'm a writer, right?
I'm creative. I'm not a mopper.
They're all writers.
All the staff are writers.
Not Harris?
Haikus, I believe.
Charlie's an actor but he's writing some play.
Even Billy?
Even Billy.
I-I was published in '97.
It was just a short story. >
II, er,... came here in n-n-ninety-eight.
They're all creative, Daisy. Not just you.
Now, get creative with this.
LAUGHTER
Their robot! (LAUGHS)
Hello, boys.
Michael.
Sorry to hear about your robot. Crying shame, that.
What d'you mean, crying shame? You did it, you fuckin' plum.
Well, whoever did it is academic, isn't it?
You don't have a robot and we do, ergo we get to go on Robot Wars and you don't.
Is that so? You want a rematch?
You got one.
< Gentlemen, welcome to Robot Club.
< The first rule of Robot Club is you do not talk about Robot Club.
The second rule of Robot Club is you do not talk about...
Wait! I got that wrong.
The second rule is no smoking.
Why can't we smoke?
We can't talk about it!
All right!
First battle - Blue Thunder versus Metallicock.
Activate!
CHEERING
Hello! I've seen you here before. Always nice to meet an art lover.
I'm here for the free booze.
Great! I'm Marty Berghouse, I own the gallery.
Ooh! Cheers!
I'm Marsha Klein.
Are you enjoying the installation?
Oh, yeah. Very moving.
Mm. It certainly has something, doesn't it?
Loneliness, isolation, insecurity.
That's our Brian.
Cease!
Now for the Battle Royale. Private Iron versus War Bastard.
Cromwell!
EXPLOSION
What happened?
He's blew the motor.
BOTH: That's not fair!
That's not fair!
Welcome to the real world, Michael. Prepare to be annihilated!
It's time for the big guns, Timmy.
You're right, Mike.
Nice touch!
Thanks.
Aaagh!
RINGING
Brian. What can I say? Well done.
I'm amazed you lay there for the duration.
Great work!
Maybe we could talk about residency.
(CROAKILY) OK.
Great. Where are you off to now?
Hospital.
One of Damien's trendy bars!
(Catch you next week.)
Way to go, Brian. You was a knockout.
(GIGGLES)
What you laughing for?
I don't know.
Come on, Daisy, put your back into it.
Come on! You can do better than that.
Stop gawping, retards!
That's it!
I'm not gonna do this.
You have no choice.
You're not my boss.
I am!
It doesn't make you better than me.
I don't know what you get from being such a bitch
(SNIGGERS)
but I'm not here to help you.
These people are artists, they deserve respect.
Come on, guys, it doesn't have to be like this.
We could walk out and show this bitch
(ALL SNIGGER)
that we don't need her.
She needs us and she needs to realise it.
Now, who's with me?
Who's with me?
Anybody?
# TRIBAL MUSIC
Interesting night?
No more than usual.
Cheers, boys.
Juicy Fruit?
No, thanks.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd