It's over? I... I can't believe it.
Listen, Richard, we had a great time.
Maybe I even loved you, but times change.
I've got to think about me, I've got to think about my life.
The Guardian have been on the phone all morning.
They want me to write this new pop music column.
I'm going to Fuji to interview The Fugees, then Maui to interview Bowie
then Malaga to interview the Gallaghers.
I'll be meeting new people and I don't think I'll have time for you.
But... No, I'm sorry, I really am,
but I think this is best for the both of us.
In the long run... '..you'll thank me.
'I'm meeting loads of new people
'and right now, I really don't think that leaves any room
'in my life for you.
'It's over, Daisy.'
It's over? I can't...
I can't believe it. HE HANGS UP
SHE SIGHS
Richard's finished with me.
Well, it's hardly surprising, is it?
I mean, you were getting off with people behind his back.
How come he finished with you?
Cos I was getting off with people behind his back.
How did he find out ?
Well, I told him. You told me to tell him.
You said it would clear the air, you know.
Strengthen our relationship.
I didn't mean it!
Ah, you're evil.
I'm not the deceiver here. I'm not the cheating harpy.
You're so damaged.
Just cos Sarah hurt you,
you feel justified in wreaking your petty vengeance on womankind.
Yes.
Yes. And I'd do it again, I tell you.
I'd do it again in an instant.
HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY
Sorry. Sorry.
So, um, are you OK ?
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine, I suppose.
It was inevitable really.
Neither of us were giving it the time it deserved. It was my fault.
I just feel...
Tim!
What? You said you were fine.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Brian?
SHE TUTS
DOOR CLOSES
HE GIGGLES
Uh, no.
Ah!
Oh.
Help me. I'm stuck.
MARSHA UPSTAIRS: Why should I this, why should I that?!
Why do you control me?
Get responsibility in your life. What am I supposed to do?!
Leave me alone!
Don't think I'm going to tidy it for you, little harpy.
It'll remain in that state till you return. That is IF you return.
Quite frankly, I don't give two shits whether you come back or not.
DOOR SLAMS
Ooh! Hello, kitten. Fancy a dab of Rioja ?
Oh. Just a splash.
Can I borrow a teabag ?
Only if you bring it back.
You can have a teabag, Brian. You can't borrow one.
What're you playing?
Tomb Raider III.
She's drowning.
Yeah.
Is that the point of the game?
Depends what mood you're in, really.
What sort of mood are you in, then?
Well, I got a letter from my ex-girlfriend this morning,
three months too late, saying why she dumped me.
It was full of "You'll always be special"
and "I'll always love you" platitudes
designed to make me feel better whilst simultaneously
appeasing her deep-seated sense of guilt
for running off with slimy little city boy called Duane
and destroying my faith in everything which is good and pure.
So it didn't really work then? No, it made me want to drown things.
You've got some paint on you.
It's a literal tribute to the self-reflexivity of Rembrandt.
Did he like it?
He's dead. Bloody hell, that really backfired.
Tell me all about it, kitten.
I've split up with my boyfriend.
Oh, well. I can't say I'm surprised.
I heard Tim shouting at you a couple of nights ago. I was shocked.
What?
"You stupid cow."
Something about a key.
"You can't shoot straight, you big-titted bitch."
No. No, no. That was Lara Croft.
Sounded like Tim.
It was Tim. He was talking to Lara Croft
who's a game character. He gets very frustrated when he plays his games.
Is that what the problem was?
What do you mean?
Is that why you've split up? Cos he's got no patience.
'Shit!'
If we pretend we're a couple, this flat could be ours.
It's madness. It'll never work.
Trust me, Tim. She'll never find out.
(IMITATES) She'll never find out.
Shut up.
Think, think, think.
I'm thinking. I was thinking...
Could Tim and I...? Could we have...?
There! Right in front of you.
..a plate?
Dog ! A dog! Good one(!)
A dog ? A dog. A dog.
Cos if we had a dog, then it would help us stay together,
probably, because it would be like having a child
only, you know, hairier, smaller, wilder, quicker, smellier.
Well, I don't see why not.
Oh, good.
I've always wanted a dog, actually. SHE GROWLS
All right, mate. Yeah.
No, I'm looking forward to it.
I think we're going to kick some serious arse, mo'fo. Yeah.
All right. I'll see you later. Over and out.
SHE PANTS
Who was that?
It was Mike. We're going paintballing later on.
I thought he was banned. Only for six months.
How does that poor accountant feel about that?
WHIMPERING
BOMBS FALLING
I dunno.
SHE BARKS
What are you doing? Guess what? Marsha says that we can have a dog.
What?! We can have a dog. Isn't that great?
SHE BARKS AND GROWLS
Stop it!
Why do you want a dog for?
You'll only end up seeing other dogs on the side.
Don't you want to get a dog? No.
Why not? What are you frightened of?
I'm not frightened of anything. Why would I be frightened?
MUSIC: Theme from Roobarb And Custard
HE SCREAMS
BARKING
You're scared of them, aren't you?
No!
Yes, you are.
All right, I had a minor phobia when I was a kid
How minor? I had to have counselling. Really? Sorry.
She said I had caniphobia. I was seven years old. I thought
"Great. Now I'm frightened of bamboo as well."
How many times did you go ? Three or four. Started to work.
I remember she said to me "You've got about as much chance
"of being struck by lightning as you have of being bitten by a dog."
So what's the problem?
Well, I was leaving the practice one day,
feeling really well-adjusted and happy
and this fucking great Alsatian just came haring down the road towards me,
jaws slung with bloody slather,
eyes lit by the fires of Hades' own eternal damned kingdom.
It leapt into the air. I remember thinking, "This is it.
"I'm seven years old and this is the end."
Fortunately, Lady Luck was smiling at me at day.
What happened?
I got struck by lightning.
What?! Yeah. It hurt, but scared the shit out of the dog.
So now you're scared of dogs and lightning.
And bamboo.
It's funny, really, you know.
I always really wanted a dog when I was little,
but I wasn't allowed one.
Really?
Play with me!
Oh, please play with me. Please.
I don't know, Daisy. I'm...
Look, I know I've sprung this on you and if you don't like it,
I'll understand.
I really need this, you know.
I'll do everything for it, you know.
I'll feed it and I'll walk it and I'll change its little hutch...
and if you still don't like it, then, well,...
...we'll kill it.
All right. Whoohoo!
But not a big one. OK.
Sorry, sorry.
It could be good for you. It could be the turning point.
Might help you finally conquer your fear.
Stop trying to get your own way
by turning everything into a psychodrama that somehow benefits me.
OK? I am my own person.
I will deal with my problems in whatever way I see fit.
Get it away from me!
# Heads and tails Heads and tails, heads and tails
Eyes and whiskers, paws and nose...#
Can't believe you brought me here. It's great, isn't it? It smells.
Twist! It smells. Hi!
Hello.
I'm Daisy Steiner. This is my friend, Twist.
Twist?
Mm. My parents were hippies.
I see. What can I do for you?
We'd like to buy a dog.
YOU'D like to buy a dog.
Yes, I'd like to buy a dog.
(There.)
Have you owned a dog before?
Mm. Sort of.
Sort of?
Come on, boy.
No.
Now, I want you to think very carefully before you choose a dog.
Can I afford to keep it?
Will I be able to take it for walks twice a day if not more?
Can I give it a secure, loving home?
Um...
SHE SNEEZES
MILITARY MARCH
OK, number one - don't eat the paintballs
Number two - this is just a game.
Take it too seriously and you're only going to be hurting yourself
It's not war.
It's just an exercise in teamwork and tactics.
If you go too far, you will get banned.
Groovy.
Shit.
SHE GASPS Ah.
He's been with us a while now. It's his last day here.
Why? Has somebody bought him?
Dogs only stay with us for a limited period.
Where do they go after that?
Heaven?
A gay club?!
No, Miss Steiner. We put them down.
All of them.
ECHOING: No!
No-oh-oh-oh!
Come on, Colin, we're taking you away from this place!
Colin? That's what I called my box.
# MILITARY MARCH
Hi, Dom. Yes. This is Duane Benzie.
This is Duane Benzie.
How're you doing? >
# BAYWATCH THEME
Tim, your girlfriend's very beautiful.
(Oh, thank you.)
# MUSIC FROM PSYCHO
Hi. I didn't expect to see you. You never struck me as the outdoor type.
Oh, you left some stuff at the flat.
Well, I think it's your stuff. The bag was full of comics and toys.
I was thinking I would drop it round in the car, save you the trip.
You stole my girlfriend.
(SIGHS) Tim, now come on.
I didn't want it to be like this.
It wasn't personal. You don't choose who you fall in love with.
When you get that feeling, it's like...
Sexual healing.
..like a force beyond your control.
What do they say about love and war?
One involves a lot of pain and the other one's war.
What team are you on? A or B?
We're B.
Me, too. Looks like we're fighting side by side.
Who knows, maybe that's what we need.
Later.
I've rehearsed that a thousand times.
Is it the first time since...?
Yes. Yes.
I was cool.
I could have smashed his face in or set fire to him but I didn't.
What will you do next time?
Set fire to him.
(SWEETLY) Hello. Hello. Hello.
Ah, now you stay there and mummy's going to make a cup of tea.
Gonna be best friends. Gonna have such fun.
Do you want something to eat?
Yes, please.
Where is it then?
(GASPS)
The little dog?
Uh...
Is it the bandana? I look stupid.
Oh!
Shall I take it off?
Colin.
No, Daisy, it's Brian.
I think you're sitting on my dog.
Oh, my God.
Look, I'll count to three,
..and then stand up. OK?
I can't watch.
One,
two...
..three.
Go, go, go.
Ah! Ah!
The flag's north west.
How do you know? Seen it.
This is so exciting.
First time, kid? I'm 36.
First time, old man? Yeah. I fancy myself as a soldier.
I fancy myself.
I fancy you. Not here.
Have you done this before?
Could say that. The last time I did this, I wasn't using a paintball gun
You've seen combat? Yes, I have.
Where? On TV.
You said the last time you did this, you didn't use a paintball gun.
What did you use?
A big stick.
I'm going for the flag.
Why not? We must chose our moment carefully.
It's swarming with As. Not just in the jungle. They are the jungle.
What do you think this is - Vietnam?
Uh.
Son of a bitch.
(SWEETLY) He didn't mean it. You didn't mean it.
Say "I didn't mean it, Colin."
I didn't mean it, Colin.
No, like I said it.
(SWEETLY) I didn't mean it, Colin.
There. You're a good boy.
He's beautiful.
Reminds me of my dog - Pom-pom.
I didn't know you had a dog.
As a child. >
Used to spend hours playing together
I'd dress him up in period costumes and take amusing photographs.
Loved him so much. Was tragic really
Why?
We were playing in the street.
I was taking pictures of him dressed as an Elizabethan merchant.
Suddenly something caught his eye. Maybe it was a stray tomcat
or a brightly-coloured ball bouncing out of sight.
It may have been the stick I threw.
But he ran out into the main road, exploded under an articulated lorry.
It blew up?
No, the weight of the truck on his frail body
burst him like a cheap party balloon,
sending his ruff 40 feet in the air.
There, you see.
Such vibrant colours.
Uh. Ugh!
That was for me. It's now personal.
It was personal when he slept with your girlfriend.
Now it's more personal. Can't get more personal that that!
Mike! Just think about what you're saying!
You need a mental checkpoint to vet thoughts for insensitivity!
You hate me. You're only with me cos of what happened when we were little
# GENTLE MUSIC
Mike?
Mike!
Dasiy, this is a big responsibility.
Dogs are like kids - want, want, want.
He is a little life.
He has needs.
I know, Marsha. I do, I really do.
I'm not going to discard him once he's served his purpose.
He's a living thing. He's not just some kind of novelty toy.
Come on, Mr Colin, dance for me!
Come on, Colin. Dance, dance. Dance, dance!
(LAUGHS) Dance, dance!
Dance for me. Dance!
Mike.
PHONE
Saved by the bell.
Aren't you going to answer that?
I've got an answering service.
(THROATY) You have an answer for everything.
I can't believe you said that.
Neither... (COUGHS) Neither can I.
Tim, firing these guns at close range is dangerous.
You were about to shoot me!
In the back of the head. In the face, it's different.
Look, if we're gonna do this, let's at least be sporting about it.
What do you say? 20 paces?
OK.
Ha.
TRIGGER CLICKS
(LAUGHS) You see, Tim. That's the diffrence between you and I.
Organisation.
Careful thinking, forward planning.
That is why I sleep in the arms of a beautiful woman
and you spend your evenings alone in your bedsit
with cheap porn.
TIMMY!
It's not a bedsit. It's a flat.
(SCREAMS)
Yes!
Oh, Mike! Mike!
Jesus, no.
(SOBS)
MEDIC!
Is that you, Tim?
I'm here, mate. Hold on.
I'm tired, Tim.
Everything's gonna be fine, I promise.
I'm sorry I said those things. I wasn't thinking straight.
I can say stupid things myself sometimes.
I'm the stupid one. I've always been the stupid one.
What are you laughing at?
I guess I got to be a hero after all
Yeah, I guess you did.
I've got to sleep.
Stay with me.
Tired.
Bye, old friend.
No, Mike.
NO!
I really enjoyed that today.
Me, too. You always enjoy it.
I enjoyed it more than usual today.
I'm cleansed. It's been a good day.
The beauty of simulated violence.
Let's get Daisy and go down the pub. I haven't got a care in the world.
THUNDER Hey, se viene una tormenta.
What did you say?
I said there's a storm coming.
# EERIE MUSIC
DISTANT THUNDER
# DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC