1
00:00:01,243 --> 00:00:02,403
DOOR CREAKS

2
00:00:03,043 --> 00:00:07,043
THIS PROGRAMME CONTAINS
STRONG LANGUAGE

3
00:00:07,523 --> 00:00:09,523
# EERIE MUSIC

4
00:00:23,883 --> 00:00:25,683
MOANING

5
00:00:34,843 --> 00:00:36,843
You want a piece of me ?

6
00:00:37,043 --> 00:00:39,083
Come get some.

7
00:00:44,883 --> 00:00:46,683
MOANS

8
00:00:47,323 --> 00:00:49,123
Heads up !

9
00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:57,203
Oh, shit.

10
00:00:58,043 --> 00:00:59,243
Oh, hiya.

11
00:00:59,283 --> 00:01:01,123
Don't sneak up on me like that !

12
00:01:01,163 --> 00:01:04,483
Ooh ! Do you want a cup of tea ?

13
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:06,123
Yes.

14
00:01:11,443 --> 00:01:13,043
Ah !

15
00:01:33,043 --> 00:01:34,403
Tea.

16
00:01:34,443 --> 00:01:36,003
Thank you.

17
00:01:36,043 --> 00:01:37,763
Up early.

18
00:01:37,963 --> 00:01:43,003
Didn't go to bed.
Me and Mike met two Scottish guys who
gave us cheap speed.

19
00:01:43,043 --> 00:01:44,603
That's so tacky.

20
00:01:44,643 --> 00:01:46,843
They were so nice.

21
00:01:46,883 --> 00:01:50,763
If we'd said no they would have
beaten us to death with a pool cue.

22
00:01:50,803 --> 00:01:52,843
Where's Mike ?

23
00:01:53,443 --> 00:01:55,243
(IMITATES CAR)

24
00:01:56,643 --> 00:01:58,003
Dunno.

25
00:01:58,043 --> 00:02:00,083
Any post ?

26
00:02:00,283 --> 00:02:02,123
I did hear droppage.

27
00:02:02,363 --> 00:02:05,163
I'll get my rejection letters, then.

28
00:02:06,363 --> 00:02:09,123
I met this nice girl last night.

29
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:14,323
Ssh ! I'm supposed to be
your girlfriend. Marsha might hear.

30
00:02:14,523 --> 00:02:15,803
Don't be daft.

31
00:02:15,843 --> 00:02:18,363
You never know who's listening.

32
00:02:18,563 --> 00:02:20,563
Nobody's listening.

33
00:02:20,843 --> 00:02:23,003
"You never know who's listening."

34
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:25,443
"Nobody's listening."

35
00:02:28,683 --> 00:02:30,963
So, who was this girl, then ?

36
00:02:31,003 --> 00:02:36,003
Her name was Cassandra.
She was a psychic.
She gave me her phone number.

37
00:02:36,683 --> 00:02:39,203
That's our phone number.

38
00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,243
Man, she's good.

39
00:02:43,403 --> 00:02:49,483
(SIGHS) Rejection, rejection,
rejection. This is SHIT.
This is so shit !

40
00:02:51,163 --> 00:02:55,923
I'm a good writer, you know.
All I want is a chance to prove it.

41
00:02:55,963 --> 00:02:58,003
Is that too much to ask ?

42
00:02:59,003 --> 00:03:01,323
I really miss my boyfriend.

43
00:03:01,523 --> 00:03:04,283
I'm gonna go to Hull to see Richard.

44
00:03:04,323 --> 00:03:08,083
Don't try and stop me, Tim.
I really need this.

45
00:03:08,363 --> 00:03:09,723
Oh !

46
00:03:09,763 --> 00:03:11,763
It's from Flaps.

47
00:03:11,963 --> 00:03:15,843
Who ? The woman's magazine. I've got
an interview. Better get ready.

48
00:03:17,123 --> 00:03:18,563
What about Richard ?

49
00:03:18,603 --> 00:03:22,763
Who ? I'm going to the shops.
Want anything ?

50
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,163
Porn !

51
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:29,163
I'm not buying porn. Get it from
railway sidings like everybody else.

52
00:03:29,203 --> 00:03:33,523
I can't. I'm an adult.
I'm supposed to leave it there.

53
00:03:34,043 --> 00:03:35,843
Oh, hi, Bri.

54
00:03:41,163 --> 00:03:43,363
Brought your mop back.

55
00:03:47,323 --> 00:03:49,323
What're you playing ?

56
00:03:49,523 --> 00:03:53,723
It's a subtle blend of lateral
thinking and extreme violence.

57
00:03:54,403 --> 00:03:56,803
What ? Like It's A Knockout ?

58
00:03:58,803 --> 00:04:00,963
Did you want something ?

59
00:04:01,683 --> 00:04:03,563
No, not really.

60
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:09,483
Oh, there's a letter here for you.
Came yesterday.

61
00:04:10,003 --> 00:04:11,763
It's open.

62
00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:16,843
Yeah, I opened it by accident because
we've both got "i"s in our names.

63
00:04:22,243 --> 00:04:24,043
TICKING

64
00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:35,403
It's from Vulva.

65
00:04:35,603 --> 00:04:37,763
Another woman's magazine ?

66
00:04:37,803 --> 00:04:40,843
It's an old friend.
She's having a show tonight.

67
00:04:40,883 --> 00:04:43,203
Who's called Vulva ?

68
00:04:43,243 --> 00:04:44,683
Her real name's Ian.

69
00:04:44,723 --> 00:04:46,523
Her real name's Ian ?

70
00:04:46,563 --> 00:04:47,923
She's non-gender specific.

71
00:04:47,963 --> 00:04:50,283
He's a tranny ?

72
00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:52,163
More than that. Big, fat tranny ?

73
00:04:52,483 --> 00:04:54,763
Vulva.

74
00:04:54,803 --> 00:04:59,763
Had a multimedia-performance-art
partnership before she moved on.

75
00:04:59,803 --> 00:05:01,923
Such aesthetic wonders.

76
00:05:01,963 --> 00:05:03,923
Such vibrant times.

77
00:05:03,963 --> 00:05:05,963
Yeah, I can imagine.

78
00:05:07,043 --> 00:05:09,643
# QUIRKY AND CONFUSED MUSIC

79
00:05:13,763 --> 00:05:15,163
HORN

80
00:05:15,603 --> 00:05:17,843
No, no, we did valuable work.

81
00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:30,603
She was the beautiful one, really.
I just danced to her tune.

82
00:05:30,643 --> 00:05:35,243
It was purity. It was physical.
Not in the sexual sense.

83
00:05:35,283 --> 00:05:39,763
We were collaborative.
I don't expect you to understand.

84
00:05:39,803 --> 00:05:42,163
Most people just switch off.

85
00:05:42,203 --> 00:05:47,083
It's hard to hear
the story of a love affair between
two straight men.

86
00:05:47,123 --> 00:05:51,123
One of whom
is the most divine woman alive.

87
00:05:53,323 --> 00:05:55,443
So, are you gonna go ?

88
00:05:55,483 --> 00:05:57,443
I don't know.
I haven't seen her for ages.

89
00:05:57,483 --> 00:06:01,203
No, I meant are you gonna go... now ?

90
00:06:02,043 --> 00:06:03,723
Oh...yeah.

91
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:15,803
'Research, research, research,
research, research, research !'

92
00:06:16,003 --> 00:06:17,763
'OK.'

93
00:06:17,803 --> 00:06:22,003
'Ah, look at photos, ideas,
transfers and lipstick.'

94
00:06:22,043 --> 00:06:23,803
'Oh, good.'

95
00:06:23,843 --> 00:06:25,803
'Erm, yeah.'

96
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:29,643
'Photos, ideas, transfers and...
Oh !'

97
00:06:36,443 --> 00:06:38,403
DEEP GROANS

98
00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:43,723
Right.

99
00:06:44,043 --> 00:06:46,003
(Current affairs.)

100
00:06:46,043 --> 00:06:48,003
Current affairs, OK.

101
00:06:48,043 --> 00:06:52,043
What do you think
about current affairs, Daisy ?

102
00:06:52,243 --> 00:06:54,803
What do I think about them ?

103
00:06:54,843 --> 00:06:59,443
I like them. I think they're good.
Right, what shall I wear ?

104
00:06:59,483 --> 00:07:01,243
Dress like a lesbian.

105
00:07:01,283 --> 00:07:04,883
How do lesbians dress ?
Like Suzi Quatro.

106
00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:11,563
It's not a lesbian magazine.
It's for go-getting women
with something to say, like...

107
00:07:11,763 --> 00:07:13,203
Suzi Quatro.

108
00:07:13,243 --> 00:07:14,843
Like me.

109
00:07:14,883 --> 00:07:19,323
Should I go reliable and frumpy
or stupid and glamorous ?

110
00:07:19,363 --> 00:07:21,003
Something in between.

111
00:07:21,043 --> 00:07:22,843
Frumpy and stupid.
Save you getting ready.

112
00:07:22,883 --> 00:07:25,643
I'm serious. This is...

113
00:07:25,683 --> 00:07:27,683
Look ! Daisy !

114
00:07:28,043 --> 00:07:30,043
Daisy, Daisy, Daisy.

115
00:07:32,763 --> 00:07:34,563
It's gonna be OK.

116
00:07:35,123 --> 00:07:39,403
Now have a big toke on this
South African drug spliff doobie.

117
00:07:39,443 --> 00:07:41,123
I dunno.

118
00:07:41,163 --> 00:07:43,243
Might make me paranoid.

119
00:07:44,043 --> 00:07:46,043
(SIGHS) All right.

120
00:07:51,043 --> 00:07:52,843
(GASPS)

121
00:07:53,043 --> 00:07:54,403
# "PSYCHO" THEME

122
00:07:54,443 --> 00:07:56,003
TICKS

123
00:08:01,643 --> 00:08:03,603
You all right ?

124
00:08:03,643 --> 00:08:05,283
Yuh.

125
00:08:09,043 --> 00:08:11,043
# GROOVY MUSIC

126
00:08:20,643 --> 00:08:26,803
Nearly didn't make it.
I was followed by a squirrel.
Saw it six or seven times.

127
00:08:26,843 --> 00:08:29,603
Maybe they were different squirrels.

128
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,643
(LAUGHS AND SIGHS)

129
00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:35,483
I like your shoes.

130
00:08:35,523 --> 00:08:36,923
Patrick Cox's.

131
00:08:36,963 --> 00:08:39,403
Oh, you borrowed them.

132
00:08:39,443 --> 00:08:41,443
Small feet for a bloke.

133
00:08:42,003 --> 00:08:45,403
(LAUGHS) Give Josh a big kiss
for me. See you Saturday.

134
00:08:45,443 --> 00:08:47,323
Daisy Steiner.

135
00:08:47,363 --> 00:08:48,643
(Me.)

136
00:08:48,683 --> 00:08:53,603
Hiya, Linda. Be with you in a minute.
Love the shoes. Patrick Cox's ?

137
00:08:54,043 --> 00:08:55,643
(Yes.)

138
00:08:57,843 --> 00:09:02,323
Maybe you should try
buying your own shoes in future.

139
00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:14,683
Hello, Vulva.

140
00:09:15,523 --> 00:09:17,123
Erm, come.

141
00:09:19,003 --> 00:09:20,563
Hi.

142
00:09:22,843 --> 00:09:24,683
Hello.

143
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:37,123
Yeah, hi, Vulva. Nice invitation.

144
00:09:37,523 --> 00:09:40,123
Mm ? Oh, yeah, hi.

145
00:09:40,443 --> 00:09:42,443
Vulva, hi. How are you ?

146
00:09:42,483 --> 00:09:47,203
How... How are you ? How are you ?
How... are... you ?

147
00:09:47,403 --> 00:09:50,323
Brian, painter. Damien, Damien,...

148
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:52,323
Damien Hirst. Hi.

149
00:09:52,523 --> 00:09:54,883
Vulva, I'm talking to Damien.

150
00:09:55,083 --> 00:09:57,883
Is it water with sheep in the box ?

151
00:09:58,163 --> 00:09:59,643
I paint.

152
00:09:59,843 --> 00:10:01,683
Work with... paint.

153
00:10:01,883 --> 00:10:04,643
I do big... big... big...

154
00:10:04,683 --> 00:10:06,603
Fucking loser.

155
00:10:06,963 --> 00:10:08,683
Big loser.

156
00:10:08,883 --> 00:10:10,763
Brian, painter, loser.

157
00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:13,843
Big FUCKING... loser !

158
00:10:18,123 --> 00:10:20,123
Take a seat.

159
00:10:21,043 --> 00:10:22,843
HEARTBEAT

160
00:10:24,643 --> 00:10:26,803
(ECHOING) Daisy, is it ?

161
00:10:27,323 --> 00:10:29,603
Ahh. Like a little flower.

162
00:10:29,643 --> 00:10:30,683
(EXAGGERATED LAUGH)

163
00:10:30,723 --> 00:10:36,323
I'm Yolanda. Tracey, our stylist,
and Catherine, head of marketing.

164
00:10:36,363 --> 00:10:38,683
You've met Sarah. She's admin.

165
00:10:38,883 --> 00:10:42,923
You'd work with Michelle and Tara
who aren't here.

166
00:10:42,963 --> 00:10:48,323
They're working on our first edition.
That's out by the end of the month.

167
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:53,163
We've already started our
launch campaign. Have you seen it ?

168
00:10:53,203 --> 00:10:54,203
I'm sorry ?

169
00:10:54,243 --> 00:10:57,323
Have you seen the launch campaign ?

170
00:10:58,963 --> 00:11:02,723
Our magazine reflects
the needs of today's women.

171
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:05,043
We want it big, hard and now.

172
00:11:05,243 --> 00:11:07,963
'Should have bought Huge Fat Cocks.'

173
00:11:08,163 --> 00:11:14,523
We need to know if you feel
you could honestly reflect
the needs of our demographic.

174
00:11:14,723 --> 00:11:19,683
The 20- to 40-year-old woman who
doesn't say no, who sees her home...

175
00:11:19,723 --> 00:11:22,323
# "MAGIC ROUNDABOUT" THEME

176
00:11:27,483 --> 00:11:28,883
Spunk !

177
00:11:29,243 --> 00:11:34,443
We don't want you to pigeonhole
yourself but are you a postfeminist ?

178
00:11:34,483 --> 00:11:38,283
Um...
Do you drink pints or shots ?

179
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:45,603
Well, I do drink a pint. I will
drink a pint but I have been known
to drink a vodka and tonic,...

180
00:11:45,643 --> 00:11:47,963
..you know, at a wedding.

181
00:11:49,323 --> 00:11:51,723
Well, thanks for coming.

182
00:11:53,123 --> 00:11:55,483
It's been really useful.

183
00:11:56,723 --> 00:11:58,323
(OK.)

184
00:11:59,643 --> 00:12:01,643
(SIGHS) (Right, well.)

185
00:12:02,643 --> 00:12:04,643
Girl power !

186
00:12:17,963 --> 00:12:20,603
Don't write me off, Vulva.

187
00:12:20,643 --> 00:12:22,603
I can be...

188
00:12:22,643 --> 00:12:24,243
conceptual.

189
00:12:24,283 --> 00:12:27,603
LAUGHING: I'm sorry, Brian.

190
00:12:27,643 --> 00:12:29,403
Please.

191
00:12:29,443 --> 00:12:34,923
It's your work. Abstract
expressionism. So mid-to-late-'80s.

192
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,963
LAUGHTER

193
00:12:54,843 --> 00:12:57,603
'There's no need
to stay longer than necessary.

194
00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:03,443
'Let's split up, look for
any survivors, get outta here.'

195
00:13:08,123 --> 00:13:09,723
SHE SIGHS

196
00:13:09,763 --> 00:13:11,763
HEY!

197
00:13:11,803 --> 00:13:13,883
How'd it go?

198
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:17,243
Yeah, great. Went well.
Anyone phone?

199
00:13:17,283 --> 00:13:18,923
Er, your boyfriend.

200
00:13:18,963 --> 00:13:20,203
Anyone important?

201
00:13:20,243 --> 00:13:22,123
No.

202
00:13:23,723 --> 00:13:25,923
EXAGGERATED SIGH

203
00:13:28,923 --> 00:13:31,083
You know when you said it went well?

204
00:13:31,123 --> 00:13:35,683
When you said "well",
did you mean shite?

205
00:13:38,243 --> 00:13:42,443
I froze up.
I just made a tit of myself.

206
00:13:42,483 --> 00:13:44,483
How much of a tit?

207
00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:47,683
I said, "Girl power".

208
00:13:50,923 --> 00:13:53,163
Did you do this?

209
00:13:58,123 --> 00:14:01,763
I mean, you know,
you might have impressed them.

210
00:14:01,803 --> 00:14:03,643
How?

211
00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:06,523
Tim? I'm thinking.

212
00:14:06,563 --> 00:14:09,643
Oh, shit. Shitting, shit it !

213
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:15,163
Don't be so dramatic. You don't know
you haven't got it. They might phone.

214
00:14:15,203 --> 00:14:17,563
PHONE RINGS

215
00:14:17,603 --> 00:14:19,523
Well, pick it up, then.

216
00:14:21,483 --> 00:14:24,363
Oh, hi, Mike. Yeah, I'll get him.

217
00:14:24,403 --> 00:14:27,243
It's your boyfriend.
He's not my boyfriend.

218
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,563
Hi, babe.

219
00:14:29,603 --> 00:14:32,843
Timmy?
I'm in Sheffield.

220
00:14:32,883 --> 00:14:35,763
Why? Fell asleep on the tube.

221
00:14:35,803 --> 00:14:37,843
The tube doesn't go to Sheffield.

222
00:14:37,883 --> 00:14:41,003
I must have changed at King's Cross.

223
00:14:41,043 --> 00:14:43,523
Don't fall asleep on the way back.

224
00:14:43,563 --> 00:14:45,163
'Mike?'

225
00:14:45,203 --> 00:14:46,603
Mike?

226
00:14:49,683 --> 00:14:51,643
What is it with you two?

227
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:54,163
You sound like his dad sometimes.

228
00:14:54,203 --> 00:14:56,363
Well, it's a long story.

229
00:14:58,683 --> 00:14:59,923
GENTLE MUSIC

230
00:15:10,923 --> 00:15:12,643
Brian?

231
00:15:12,683 --> 00:15:14,043
No, he's the weirdo downstairs.

232
00:15:14,083 --> 00:15:16,803
Oh, sorry, Brian. Yeah, come up.

233
00:15:16,843 --> 00:15:18,243
OK, bye.

234
00:15:18,283 --> 00:15:19,963
Brian's coming up.

235
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:23,003
Why did he phone?
Dunno. Why'd he paint his arse blue?

236
00:15:24,163 --> 00:15:27,163
You don't like him.
I do. He's just a bit pretentious.

237
00:15:28,443 --> 00:15:30,403
How do I look?
A bit pretentious?

238
00:15:31,603 --> 00:15:32,883
You look lovely.

239
00:15:32,923 --> 00:15:35,443
Should I lose the waistcoat?

240
00:15:35,483 --> 00:15:39,283
You should burn it, cos if you
lose it, you might find it again.

241
00:15:40,803 --> 00:15:41,883
Going out, Bri?

242
00:15:41,923 --> 00:15:45,443
He's seeing his transexual
ex-boy/girlfriend's play.

243
00:15:45,483 --> 00:15:47,123
That sounds great.

244
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:48,643
We'll come, won't we, Tim?

245
00:15:50,043 --> 00:15:52,603
Not my cup of tea.
No, it isn't.

246
00:15:52,643 --> 00:15:55,043
It'll be great.

247
00:15:55,083 --> 00:15:59,003
You'll hate it. Art.
Wankers, influential people.

248
00:15:59,043 --> 00:16:01,443
Free booze, though.
Mm, yeah.

249
00:16:01,483 --> 00:16:03,843
Let's go to the theatre.

250
00:16:03,883 --> 00:16:06,563
You won't get in.

251
00:16:06,603 --> 00:16:09,003
We've only got one invitation.

252
00:16:09,043 --> 00:16:10,363
That's OK. No...

253
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,803
Go on. There's not many here.

254
00:16:12,843 --> 00:16:16,923
They haven't got tickets.
I've told you. You can go in.

255
00:16:16,963 --> 00:16:19,483
It's ridiculous. They're not invited

256
00:16:19,523 --> 00:16:22,723
Look, leave it, Brian. Let's go in.

257
00:16:22,763 --> 00:16:27,203
We're not going to embarrass you.
We're here if you need us.

258
00:16:27,243 --> 00:16:29,163
Sorry. Sorry.

259
00:16:40,963 --> 00:16:42,683
BOTH: Shit.

260
00:16:42,723 --> 00:16:46,803
What're you doing here?
We're with Brian.

261
00:16:46,843 --> 00:16:49,683
So, how is it going with the flat?

262
00:16:49,723 --> 00:16:50,883
It's fine.

263
00:16:50,923 --> 00:16:53,283
Sorry. You come here for a big night
out

264
00:16:53,323 --> 00:16:55,083
and your landlady's spying on ya.

265
00:16:58,323 --> 00:17:01,763
Hello, Brian.
Haven't see you for a long while.

266
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:04,163
Been painting.

267
00:17:04,203 --> 00:17:06,643
You've just been avoiding me,
haven't you?

268
00:17:08,843 --> 00:17:11,483
BELL RINGS
Show's starting. I'll...

269
00:17:29,043 --> 00:17:31,083
BURST OF MUSIC

270
00:17:32,523 --> 00:17:34,483
Ssh.

271
00:17:36,043 --> 00:17:37,763
Macro.

272
00:17:37,803 --> 00:17:39,323
Biotic.

273
00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:43,643
Dust me clean.

274
00:17:43,683 --> 00:17:45,603
Breath?

275
00:17:45,643 --> 00:17:47,723
Liza!

276
00:17:47,763 --> 00:17:51,003
Using...a cleaning spray.

277
00:17:51,043 --> 00:17:53,563
Knee. A-jerk !

278
00:17:53,603 --> 00:17:55,603
Suck it in.

279
00:17:55,643 --> 00:17:57,963
Filter it out. Go on.

280
00:18:00,923 --> 00:18:04,763
METAL MUSIC AND WEEPING

281
00:18:09,603 --> 00:18:12,003
'Beautiful. Beautiful.'

282
00:18:13,763 --> 00:18:17,163
'I cannot believe
I said "Girl power".'

283
00:18:17,203 --> 00:18:19,843
'Hey, deadhead, take a bite o' peach'

284
00:18:19,883 --> 00:18:21,443
GUN COCKS AND FIRES

285
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,003
HE SCREAMS

286
00:18:32,163 --> 00:18:34,523
Hearing...

287
00:18:34,563 --> 00:18:36,443
aids.

288
00:18:40,403 --> 00:18:42,723
HIGHPITCHED GASP

289
00:18:45,283 --> 00:18:46,923
SCATTERED APPLAUSE

290
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,163
It's not finished.

291
00:18:51,803 --> 00:18:54,003
It's finished.

292
00:19:06,683 --> 00:19:09,163
Do you mind if I put my glass there?

293
00:19:09,203 --> 00:19:11,443
It's a free country.

294
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:14,323
I thought you were brilliant.

295
00:19:14,363 --> 00:19:15,603
And who are you, then?

296
00:19:15,643 --> 00:19:19,363
Daisy Steiner. Writer, journalist.

297
00:19:19,403 --> 00:19:22,483
Do you know any famous people?

298
00:19:22,523 --> 00:19:24,683
Mum's cousin went to school
with Enya.

299
00:19:24,723 --> 00:19:28,443
She was in the year above, but
they had the same percussion teacher

300
00:19:29,683 --> 00:19:32,243
I hate your mum and I hate you.

301
00:19:32,283 --> 00:19:34,843
That's brilliant. Brilliant.

302
00:19:38,523 --> 00:19:39,843
Vulva, hi.

303
00:19:39,883 --> 00:19:41,043
Brian, you came.

304
00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:43,083
Wouldn't miss it for the world.

305
00:19:43,123 --> 00:19:45,283
Are you still painting?

306
00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:50,003
Not exclusively.
I'm moving into multimedia pastures.

307
00:19:50,043 --> 00:19:51,963
A platter of organic processes

308
00:19:52,003 --> 00:19:56,003
mixed with a pinch of irony and
a side helping of self-deprecation.

309
00:19:58,043 --> 00:20:00,363
Sounds delicious.

310
00:20:00,403 --> 00:20:02,643
You should see the pudding.

311
00:20:14,443 --> 00:20:16,683
DISAPPOINTED: Oh, Brian, you came.

312
00:20:16,723 --> 00:20:18,523
No, I just spilt my drink.

313
00:20:18,563 --> 00:20:21,243
So nice to see you(!)

314
00:20:23,203 --> 00:20:29,923
Not... Multimedia... Platters...
Irony and self-deprecation.

315
00:20:29,963 --> 00:20:32,603
Sounds a little hard to swallow.

316
00:20:32,643 --> 00:20:34,403
There's pudding.

317
00:20:34,443 --> 00:20:36,883
Pu-dding!
I always loved your quirkiness.

318
00:20:38,643 --> 00:20:41,243
You must see I've moved on.

319
00:20:41,283 --> 00:20:46,683
My projects with Hoover are the most
incisive and effective I've done.

320
00:20:46,723 --> 00:20:50,683
I can't believe the shit
I used to do with you.

321
00:20:50,723 --> 00:20:54,483
That's the difference
between you and me.

322
00:20:54,523 --> 00:20:56,603
I could see into the distance.

323
00:20:56,643 --> 00:21:00,763
You, it has to be said,
were always short-sighted.

324
00:21:00,803 --> 00:21:05,363
There's a postmortem
at the Squid And Mashed Potato.

325
00:21:05,403 --> 00:21:10,043
SLOWING: I suppose
you could tag along.

326
00:21:10,083 --> 00:21:14,443
You make your mind up
and maybe I'll see you later.

327
00:21:17,883 --> 00:21:19,523
Music: Theme from Psycho

328
00:21:19,563 --> 00:21:21,123
VULVA SCREAMS

329
00:21:23,083 --> 00:21:26,483
There's no need to stay longer
than necessary.

330
00:21:26,523 --> 00:21:29,563
Look for survivors
and get out of here.

331
00:21:29,603 --> 00:21:33,683
I'm writing a novel, poetry,
children's book.

332
00:21:33,723 --> 00:21:35,163
And doing a skydiving course.

333
00:21:35,203 --> 00:21:37,283
Piss off!

334
00:21:37,323 --> 00:21:38,963
Come on.
What are you doing?

335
00:21:39,003 --> 00:21:41,563
Saving us.
It's Hoover.

336
00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:45,003
Bye.

337
00:21:45,043 --> 00:21:46,723
Bye, then.

338
00:21:48,243 --> 00:21:50,243
I'll see you later.

339
00:21:53,443 --> 00:21:55,443
HE SNORES

340
00:21:57,043 --> 00:21:59,283
So beautiful.

341
00:21:59,323 --> 00:22:00,363
Yeah.

342
00:22:01,643 --> 00:22:04,883
Like a kind of visual poetry.

343
00:22:04,923 --> 00:22:07,083
Wish I could do that.

344
00:22:07,123 --> 00:22:10,003
Sure you could if you had funding.

345
00:22:10,043 --> 00:22:13,123
Right hook. Bang.

346
00:22:13,163 --> 00:22:14,963
What?

347
00:22:15,003 --> 00:22:17,043
Should have done it long ago.

348
00:22:17,083 --> 00:22:21,003
In his drunken, childish way,
Tim saved me.

349
00:22:21,043 --> 00:22:25,123
I talk about expression.
I talk about the truth.

350
00:22:26,203 --> 00:22:31,163
But what truer expression is there
than the purity of a clenched fist?

351
00:22:32,683 --> 00:22:34,683
I am a man, Daisy.

352
00:22:35,683 --> 00:22:37,843
A man.

353
00:22:37,883 --> 00:22:40,803
Vulva treated me like a monkey!

354
00:22:40,843 --> 00:22:44,003
I'm more than that. I am a man.

355
00:22:44,043 --> 00:22:45,963
A monkey man.

356
00:22:46,003 --> 00:22:50,443
A beast with a mind,
a mind and fists.

357
00:22:50,483 --> 00:22:55,723
And I will not be subdued again.
Not by Vulva, NOT BY ANYONE!

358
00:22:57,563 --> 00:22:59,043
Hey, fella.

359
00:22:59,083 --> 00:23:00,363
TIM GRUNTS ANGRILY

360
00:23:00,403 --> 00:23:01,843
BRIAN WHIMPERS

361
00:23:05,243 --> 00:23:06,483
COCK CROWS

362
00:23:06,523 --> 00:23:07,723
DOOR SLAMS

363
00:23:12,443 --> 00:23:15,243
Morning, Slugger. Any letters?

364
00:23:17,803 --> 00:23:19,803
HE GROANS

365
00:23:19,843 --> 00:23:22,003
Uh.

366
00:23:22,043 --> 00:23:23,483
How do you feel?

367
00:23:23,523 --> 00:23:26,563
Like I'm gonna die.
Me, too.

368
00:23:26,603 --> 00:23:28,083
What happened last night?

369
00:23:29,323 --> 00:23:32,043
We saw an interesting play,

370
00:23:32,083 --> 00:23:35,323
drank a large amount of wine,
ate our weight in Twiglets...

371
00:23:35,363 --> 00:23:38,483
and you punched an artist
in the face.

372
00:23:38,523 --> 00:23:40,163
Shit.

373
00:23:40,203 --> 00:23:42,163
I'm not supposed to eat Twiglets.

374
00:23:42,203 --> 00:23:46,603
Why not?
They make me violent.

375
00:23:46,643 --> 00:23:49,083
It's from the magazine.

376
00:23:49,123 --> 00:23:52,883
Maybe they did like me
and my kookiness.

377
00:23:52,923 --> 00:23:57,883
I'd be the cute one. The ditzy one
who gets it wrong. The office clown.

378
00:23:57,923 --> 00:24:02,603
I'll be "Yolanda, lost the file!"
and she'll be "That's all right."

379
00:24:02,643 --> 00:24:05,203
"We just like having you here.

380
00:24:05,243 --> 00:24:08,283
"You're wild,
an asset to the office dynamic."

381
00:24:08,323 --> 00:24:10,163
It's a no.

382
00:24:10,203 --> 00:24:15,723
Oh, never mind. What do they know?
Nothing. They're just jealous.

383
00:24:15,763 --> 00:24:19,603
Of what?
Your tits.

384
00:24:19,643 --> 00:24:22,363
It's not about my tits any more,
Tim. I wish it were.

385
00:24:22,403 --> 00:24:26,283
You used to get a job wearing a
short skirt and showing cleavage.

386
00:24:26,323 --> 00:24:28,763
I have to prove
my intellectual worth.

387
00:24:30,603 --> 00:24:34,883
I have to be something.
I just don't know what.

388
00:24:34,923 --> 00:24:38,563
I feel like a rabbit, trapped
on a road to nowhere,

389
00:24:38,603 --> 00:24:42,203
FROZEN in
the headlights of the 21st century.

390
00:24:42,243 --> 00:24:45,283
Will you stop being so dramatic?

391
00:24:45,323 --> 00:24:48,043
Why do you make a performance
out of everything?

392
00:24:49,083 --> 00:24:50,523
Yeah!

393
00:24:52,203 --> 00:24:53,883
MUSIC: Theme from
The Magic Roundabout

394
00:24:53,923 --> 00:24:55,803
Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit!

395
00:24:57,243 --> 00:25:01,643
Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit,
rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit!

396
00:25:03,083 --> 00:25:05,603
Ooh, like a little flower.

397
00:25:08,363 --> 00:25:12,723
Thank you for coming,
it's been very useful(!)

398
00:25:19,243 --> 00:25:21,243
Been very useful!

399
00:25:29,443 --> 00:25:31,323
Rabbit, rabbit...

400
00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:33,763
(It's not as easy as it looks,
is it?)

401
00:25:33,803 --> 00:25:37,043
Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit...