1
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,052
[Cell door clangs]

2
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,420
Single file.

3
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:22,756
Stay to the right
of the line.

4
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:23,791
Take your time.

5
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:27,228
Take a good look.

6
00:00:27,295 --> 00:00:29,830
Hey, um, are you sure
they can't see us?

7
00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:31,065
One-way mirror,
ma'am.

8
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:35,969
Picture,
in 3...2...1.

9
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,438
[Camera shutter snaps]

10
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:43,944
* girls hit back *

11
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:46,780
* when you least expect *

12
00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:51,252
* where you most regret it *

13
00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:55,556
* girls think
they're misunderstood *

14
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:58,592
* but I know goddamned well *

15
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:02,830
* all the things they do
they do to nerve me *

16
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,398
* I don't mean to say it *

17
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:09,103
* but somebody needs
to put an end to girls *

18
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:15,109
* wish I didn't need them *

19
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:18,312
a heinous crime
has been committed here.

20
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,248
Should you decide
that your testimony

21
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,849
might jeopardize
your personal safety--

22
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,685
look, sipowicz,
i said I'd tell you
everything.

23
00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:29,790
I was just hoping
we could finish this up
before menopause kicks in.

24
00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:32,926
Let's start with the one
that thinks her butt
don't stink...

25
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:35,363
Diane Weston.

26
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:40,234
She's like
a damn poster child
for high school.

27
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:41,802
Morning, sunshine.

28
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,872
Remember, these are
the best days of your life.

29
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,009
So far.

30
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,878
Lisa: she's
the "a" squad captain.

31
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,346
She stole that title
from me.

32
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,182
You should charge her
with that.

33
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:56,250
Woman: alright, let's
take it from the top.

34
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:59,019
Man: and one, and two,
and one, and two...

35
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,288
One, and two--

36
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,290
hi, Bruce.
You look cute.

37
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,491
Tommy hilfiger.

38
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,893
I'm hoping
4th year's the charm.

39
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,027
Heh.

40
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:09,497
Outta my way, Bruce.
I'm up.

41
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:10,998
[Cries]

42
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,667
Lisa...
is that you?

43
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,105
I lost
a little weight.

44
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,140
Wow.

45
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:21,775
This really should've
been my year.

46
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,411
I had a lot of work done.

47
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,480
I mean, I had done a lot
of work over the summer.

48
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:28,916
You could tell
i made her nervous.

49
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:33,387
But they have to,
you know, spread
the talent around, so...

50
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:37,191
I've been on the "b" squad
for 4 years.

51
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,527
Now, the squad
as a whole...

52
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,695
They're closer
than Carolina cousins.

53
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:45,233
I mean, some people say
they're like cousins
or something,

54
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:48,502
but that's just mostly
the egg-offs in band.

55
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,241
Truth is
they're so close

56
00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:56,009
they all get
their monthly visit
from aunt Rose

57
00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:57,445
at the same time.

58
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,647
This one's Hannah wald.

59
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,015
She's like
this uberchristian,

60
00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,451
doesn't really say much.

61
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,553
In fact, if she wasn't
kind of pretty,

62
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,821
you'd go,
"hey, who's the tart?"

63
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:10,291
Then there's Cleo Miller.

64
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:13,461
Number
one: not a real c-cup.

65
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,128
I've been
in the locker room.

66
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,864
And number 2...

67
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:19,767
She has to see
the school shrink.

68
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,470
She's completely
obsessed

69
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,971
with conan o'brien.

70
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,675
Miller: dreams?

71
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:31,779
You mean like
where I'm in conan's
all-leather apartment?

72
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:34,548
Heh. I mean,
i don't know if he has one,

73
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,450
but that's why it's a dream.

74
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:41,789
And suddenly, we're
buck-naked and all oiled up.

75
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,924
I don't know
where the oil comes from,

76
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,926
but, again,
that's why it's a dream.

77
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,129
Lisa:
then there's Kansas hill,
the original bad seed.

78
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:53,367
Son of a blue-balled bitch,
i always get this one!

79
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,603
Mouth on her
could stop
a bull in heat.

80
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,571
She gets her brain
from her mother.

81
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,340
Kansas' mom's been in prison

82
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,775
ever since
the day she was born.

83
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:05,479
She was just lying there,
in labor with Kansas,

84
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:08,482
when she hears something
going on in the next bed.

85
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,651
Turns out
it's Kansas's dad

86
00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:12,853
taking a nurse's
temperature.

87
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:17,157
Stay with me.
I'm trying to be delicate.

88
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:19,327
Anyway, she whips out
a shotgun

89
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,329
and blows his ass
to kingdom come.

90
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,431
So, she got life
without parole

91
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,334
and now Kansas lives
with her grandparents.

92
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,035
And then there's Lucy.

93
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,070
Geek extraordinaire.

94
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,705
A walking left brain.

95
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:35,275
She's supposed to have
this genius IQ,
but the truth is

96
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:38,646
she's an obsessive-compulsive
little freak.

97
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,350
Ok, hands in,
ladies.

98
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,355
Today,
we're gonna cheer loud,

99
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,557
jump high,
and look pretty because...

100
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,659
All: cheerleaders kick...

101
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:54,094
Let's get going,
'cause no one ever got ahead

102
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,830
by sitting on their behind.

103
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:57,931
* oh, yeah *

104
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,767
Lisa: school year
started off like normal.

105
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,702
Principal Smith
gave his pep talk.

106
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:05,205
Smith: if you are
approached to buy drugs,

107
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:08,776
let someone
you trust know.

108
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:14,448
If you are thinking
of harming yourself,

109
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:16,450
or others...

110
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,186
Let someone know.

111
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:21,989
If it burns
when you urinate,

112
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,625
have milky seepage,

113
00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:28,862
or are being touched
by an uncle,

114
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,164
let someone know.

115
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,733
Uhh.

116
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,102
Girl: come on, you guys!

117
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,405
Let's hear it
for the Lincoln "a" squad!

118
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,740
[Cheering]

119
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,942
Lisa, voice-over:
"A" squad? Right.

120
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:45,212
I was doing
better dance numbers
in grade school.

121
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,880
It really burned my toast.

122
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:50,083
[Gary glitter's
rock and roll, part two]

123
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,854
[Clapping in unison]

124
00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:27,855
Now, I know it's my duty
to give you all the facts.

125
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:30,958
So I'm gonna have to say
that their cheer blew

126
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,393
like a bulimic
after Christmas dinner.

127
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,832
Their blatant disregard

128
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,368
for national high school
cheerleading association rules

129
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:44,371
made me sick.

130
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:46,574
Basket toss flips
and woolfall pyramids

131
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,910
over 2 people high
are strictly prohibited.

132
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:55,282
Yeah!

133
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,985
I made a complete report
and sent it in.

134
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:20,641
Crowd: hey!
Go, Lincoln!

135
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:24,177
Hey!
go, Lincoln!

136
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:27,014
Hey...go...lincoln!

137
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:31,051
And, finally,
the moment we'd all
been waiting for...

138
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,120
Man: transferring
from Truman high,

139
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,556
the new star quarterback

140
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:38,892
of our
mighty fightin' lincolns,

141
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,694
Jack bartlett!

142
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,563
Lisa: that's when
Jack and Diane met.

143
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:45,065
Nobody saw it coming...

144
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,200
Especially not Jack.

145
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,235
[Crowd gasps]

146
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,604
Pffft!
ha ha ha ha!

147
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,906
[No audio]

148
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,451
Jack was fine.

149
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,954
Oh, man, was he fine.

150
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,422
It was like
he was a bar of chocolate

151
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,825
and the whole school
was on the rag.

152
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,361
Everyone wanted
a piece of him.

153
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,364
Jack bartlett.

154
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:20,367
Jack Bart-lett.

155
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:21,869
Jack bartlett.

156
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,106
Is Jack bartlett
interested in me?

157
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,240
Girl: I'm sorry,

158
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,409
can someone else
please run the board?

159
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:32,079
It's creepy, it's wrong,
and it goes against
the teachings

160
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,947
of my lord and savior,
Jesus Christ.

161
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:36,316
Hannah, in order to get
real answers from netherworld,

162
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,952
you've got to have
a Christian virgin
run the board.

163
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,589
Your kind is pure. The devil
won't mess with you.

164
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,290
Well, uh, technically,

165
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:45,826
I don't think I'm
a virgin anymore.
What!

166
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:49,462
At church camp
this summer,
I'm pretty sure I had,

167
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,832
you know,
my first orgasm.

168
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:54,702
Any sentence
that starts with,
"at church camp..."

169
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,136
Ain't leading
to the big "o."

170
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,138
That's not true.
Those pictures of Christ,

171
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,808
all sweaty and bare-chested
on the cross,

172
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,210
always kinda made me hot.

173
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:06,847
I wanna know
what happened.

174
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:09,216
Ok, well, one night
around sunset,

175
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,251
I went horseback riding
with the nuns.

176
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,753
They went every night.

177
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:14,988
And we're trotting
pretty hard, you know?

178
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,924
All of a sudden,
i feel--

179
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:20,327
I feel just super-alive,
you know?

180
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,829
[Laughing]

181
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,698
Maybe I'll just ask
the question myself.

182
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,702
Is Jack bartlett
interested in me?

183
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,238
Hee.

184
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,806
He is.

185
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,146
Girl: hey, man,
is this thing, like, on?

186
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:42,482
Ok, I'm just here
to announce my candidacy

187
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,151
for the homecoming queen.

188
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:47,487
Uh, I plan
to spread the word on 4-h.

189
00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,222
It's all about
the cows, man...

190
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:52,059
Lisa, voice-over:
I'll be honest with you--
most of us realized

191
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,728
we didn't have
a whore's chance
in heaven with Jack,

192
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,529
the day of
the candidate speeches.

193
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,465
Youth...

194
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,400
And agriculture.

195
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,335
4-h! 4-h rules!

196
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,306
[Smattering of applause]

197
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:10,210
Boy: thank you, sir.

198
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,244
Diane:
good job.

199
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,146
[Feedback]

200
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,215
Um, as--as the a-v club
candidate--

201
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:18,986
I think, for the--
for the first time in 50 years--

202
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,221
uh, we should--
we should say no.

203
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:25,793
We should say no to
a football player as king.

204
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:28,595
Vote brains over brawn--

205
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,263
ha ha ha!

206
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,398
[Laughing]

207
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,733
Aw.

208
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,676
[Cheering]

209
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:50,718
Woo!

210
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,387
Lisa, voice-over:
It was the first time

211
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,456
most of us
even heard Jack speak.

212
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,591
Thanks, wow,
heh heh.

213
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,128
We weren't
disappointed.

214
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:03,463
Ok, guys.
Hey, guys...

215
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:04,898
Would you shut up
a minute?

216
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:05,899
[Cheering stops]

217
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:06,934
I was just joking.

218
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,136
[Laughter and applause]

219
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:13,073
Well, uh, I just think
it really rocks

220
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,342
that the football team
picked me as their

221
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,244
you know, um, candidate.

222
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,111
[Cheering]

223
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,346
Boys:
woof, woof, woof.

224
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:20,380
Yeah!

225
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,082
Girls:
we love you, Jack!

226
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,151
Well, I love you, too,
lunch ladies.

227
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:29,289
I just wanna say that
there's only 3 things
i want in life--

228
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:32,292
to someday become a senator
of this great state...

229
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,427
[Cheering]

230
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,296
I wanna lead
the mighty fightin' lincolns

231
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,165
to victory
at the homecoming game.

232
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:39,733
[Cheering]

233
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:40,968
Diane:
alright!

234
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,002
Ow!

235
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:46,273
And, uh, I want to go
to the homecoming dance

236
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,507
with Diane Weston.

237
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,743
[Audience gasps]

238
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:57,017
[Cheering]

239
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,051
Ha ha ha.

240
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,021
[Squealing]

241
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:16,236
Lisa: ugh, they were like
friggin' Barbie and Ken,

242
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,772
but without the pink,
remote-control corvette.

243
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:21,008
Overnight,
people were going, like...

244
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,510
Ohh, they're
the perfect couple.

245
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,913
They're so cute.

246
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,981
Lisa: I'm sure it gave
the Internet whacks

247
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:30,183
something to talk about
besides agent Scully

248
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,920
and their most recent
wet dream.

249
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:37,024
Now, I'm not one
to gossip...

250
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:44,097
But I think Jack and Diane
got so close, so fast,

251
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:47,801
because they discovered
how much they both loved...

252
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,169
Football.

253
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:52,005
Man, did they love
their football.

254
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,308
Cheerleaders:
hey, ho, let's go!

255
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,977
Hey, ho...

256
00:12:57,044 --> 00:12:58,946
Lisa: I don't know
about the "hey,"

257
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,448
but "ho"
is right on the money.

258
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,016
If they'd asked,

259
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,618
I easily could've
helped them with
some new material.

260
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:08,121
Green 88! Green 88!

261
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,557
Set, hut.

262
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:26,306
* hey, ho *

263
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,674
* let's go *

264
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,076
* hey, ho *

265
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,911
* let's go *

266
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,280
woo-hoo!

267
00:13:41,855 --> 00:13:46,927
I...love...you.

268
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:51,531
I...love...you.

269
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,574
[Whistle blows]

270
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,678
Woo! woo, yeah!

271
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:07,214
Ha ha!

272
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,681
Yeah!

273
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,417
Yeah, baby.

274
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,186
Oof!

275
00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,890
* hey, ho, let's go *

276
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,258
Lisa: right about here

277
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:20,493
is where it really
started to hit the fan.

278
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,963
Don't worry,
I'll clean this up a bit

279
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,933
if I have to appear
in court.

280
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,268
Especially
if we're on court TV.

281
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:34,241
[Gasps]

282
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:36,776
Excuse me, vendela,
have you seen Diane?

283
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:40,547
Because we were supposed
to go to the homecoming
dance tonight.

284
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,216
[Kissing noises]

285
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:44,217
Oh.

286
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,785
Mmm.

287
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:47,820
Oh, baby.

288
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,156
Mmm. oh!

289
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:52,425
Oh! oh!

290
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:53,626
Aw, look at this.

291
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:54,894
[All talking excitedly]

292
00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,196
Oh, my,
look at that.

293
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,898
Look at
those two.

294
00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:01,834
Alright. hold up.
I have an announcement
to make.

295
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,972
Me and Diane, uh...

296
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,707
Oh, what the hey?
We're getting married.

297
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:11,144
No! yes!
Ha ha ha!

298
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:14,081
[Everyone yelling excitedly]

299
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:16,916
Diane: but, well...

300
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:19,186
Not before
i have our baby.

301
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,490
Aaah!

302
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,458
So, when your dad said,

303
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:28,195
"i never want to see
your f-ing faces again,"

304
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,964
do you think he meant
"forever" forever

305
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,266
or just until
your mom wakes up?

306
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,935
[Sighs]
i don't know.

307
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,370
What was that sound
she made

308
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,107
right before
she hit the ground?

309
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:46,113
Well, if I had to guess,

310
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:48,381
I'd say that was
the sound of a mother

311
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,251
saying good-bye
to her little boy

312
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,853
and hello
to the young man

313
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,389
who's going to be
a daddy of his own.

314
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,528
Jack...do you know
what I see here?

315
00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,630
Spit from your dad?

316
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:07,034
Heh. I see a flower.

317
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,502
And you know,
even the most
beautiful flowers

318
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,438
still grow from dirt.

319
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:13,540
Yeah.

320
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,908
And while we're knee-deep
in it right now

321
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,245
and things may seem
pretty stinky,

322
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:22,149
in the long run
we're gonna grow
strong from this.

323
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:23,816
You think?

324
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,252
I sure do.

325
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,054
Diane...

326
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,824
I-I've loved you
since I first saw you.

327
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,226
[Sighs]

328
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:36,296
Right before you
kicked me in the head.

329
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,765
Oh, Jack.

330
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:41,301
[Breathing heavily]

331
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,272
[Moaning]

332
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,307
[Pop ballad starts]

333
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:53,046
* you can be happy
when everyone's singing *

334
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,248
* it's so fun *

335
00:16:56,683 --> 00:17:01,754
* just try
to remember... *

336
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,756
Lisa, voice-over:
Now...I don't think

337
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:07,327
Diane just up and told
the squad about the baby
that night,

338
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:10,597
but somehow they managed
to figure it out.

339
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:13,200
Diane: no, thanks.
Don't need one.

340
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,136
[Toilet flushes]

341
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,374
So?

342
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:24,244
Holy smoke.

343
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:26,946
You just became
a statistic.

344
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:29,048
Oh, my god.
I'm not the first.

345
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:30,950
But--but you're
not married.

346
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:34,354
Wait, did you say
you are pregnant
or you were pregnant?

347
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,089
You had it,
threw it out,

348
00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,924
now you're gonna
dance all night?

349
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,526
Fern: shut up, Cleo.

350
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,794
Di, how much
you need
for an abortion?

351
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:44,231
What?! no.
Not an abortion.

352
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,666
My church can
arrange for you
to go to Oregon

353
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,102
and take care
of an aunt
for 9 months.

354
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,537
They find your baby
a home,

355
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,905
you come back
a little dazed
and puffy

356
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:54,341
but everything's
fine.

357
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,809
Please, di,
don't be a whore
and a murderer.

358
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,845
[Girls gasp]

359
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,114
Lisa, voice-over:
Jack told the team
that night.

360
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,915
Jack: hey, guys,
i, uh...

361
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,552
I got Diane pregnant.

362
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:06,719
What?

363
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,455
Well,
alright!

364
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,623
You nailed
Diane Weston?

365
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:13,726
Ha! I'd never wash
my Johnson again.

366
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:14,761
[Laughing]

367
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:15,795
Hey.

368
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:16,929
Yeah.

369
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,298
Ha-hoo!

370
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,502
[Clears throat]

371
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,439
I didn't mean to
say "whore," Diane.

372
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:28,741
Just that I hear it
so much at church

373
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,344
it kind of came
flying out of
my head.

374
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,380
I know, Hannah.

375
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,948
Look...i'm not gonna
get an abortion.

376
00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:39,386
I've always planned
on getting married
and having kids.

377
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,921
I'm just going
a little out of order.

378
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,123
[Giggles]

379
00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:46,526
Kind of reminds me
of another young lady

380
00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:51,731
who found herself
with child, unmarried...

381
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,000
On a long, long road...

382
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,902
With no place to sleep.

383
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:59,972
Of course, that was
a long, long time ago.

384
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,041
But no matter what,

385
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:05,378
she held her head high
and said,

386
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:08,881
"papa, don't preach.

387
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:10,983
"I'm in trouble deep.

388
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:14,086
"Papa, don't preach,

389
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,155
"'cause I made up my mind.

390
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,090
"I'm keepin' my baby.

391
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:21,794
Yeah, I'm gonna keep
my baby."

392
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,898
The great one.

393
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,200
All: Madonna.

394
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,469
Cleo: we're here
for you, Diane.

395
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:32,672
You guys...

396
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:34,841
Thanks. oh...

397
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:39,212
I'll pray for you
every night.

398
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,513
We love you.

399
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:43,115
I love you guys.
You're the best.

400
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,052
Lisa, voice-over: I guess
their little fairy tale
could've ended there.

401
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,188
The only problem
was they didn't have
a place to live.

402
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:52,158
What? but all of
our paperwork's here.

403
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,693
My school records

404
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,428
and Jack's
football records.

405
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,464
Let me explain
something...

406
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,131
No, wait--
did I say...

407
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,667
"Cross my heart,
hope to die"

408
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,602
that we will never miss
a payment?

409
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:05,838
Uh, yes.
Yes, you did.

410
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:08,140
I think I know where
this one's going.

411
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,976
Um, listen...

412
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,779
I'm willing to
put up my papers
on my gto.

413
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:17,417
Now, she's got
a few miles on her,
but she looks great.

414
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:18,851
I'm sure, son,
but, um...

415
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:19,886
Oh, ow!

416
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,821
She's twisting
my arm.

417
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,923
I'm gonna throw in
the speakers, too.

418
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:27,193
Why don't you just have
your parents come
and get the loan

419
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,329
and then they can
give you the money?

420
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:31,197
With all
due respect, ma'am,

421
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:34,334
Jack and Diane bartlett...
[Giggles]

422
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,102
Do not
accept charity.

423
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:39,171
We are 2 young,
able-bodied Americans.

424
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,073
We're not looking for
a handout

425
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,542
we're looking for
a hand up.

426
00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:45,712
Give us food,
and we'll be hungry tomorrow

427
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:46,979
but give us corn--

428
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:49,382
the kind you plant,
not eat--

429
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,784
and we'll grow it

430
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:55,121
and uh, um...Cut it,

431
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:57,056
and, uh...

432
00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:58,691
You know, eat it.

433
00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,892
Hmm.

434
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,494
Now, if you're interested

435
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:04,331
in giving us a home loan,
i will sit back down.

436
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,766
If not,
have a nice day, ma'am.

437
00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:09,235
Sorry.
my hands are tied.

438
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:10,470
Oh!

439
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,443
Whew.

440
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:19,712
Lisa, voice-over: Somehow,
they managed to find
their dream house anyway.

441
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:22,048
More of a dump,
if you ask me.

442
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,082
We'll take it.

443
00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:24,451
[Baby crying]

444
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:28,488
Fine. settle down, ok?
Just keep in mind--

445
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:32,058
I manage the building, ok?
I don't own it
and don't fix squat.

446
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,494
And I also don't care
if things break, ok?

447
00:21:34,561 --> 00:21:36,128
All I care is
you little bastards

448
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:39,399
shove the rent under my door
on the first, you got that?

449
00:21:39,466 --> 00:21:40,800
You understand that?

450
00:21:40,867 --> 00:21:44,236
Ok. oh, yeah,
and one more thing.

451
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,905
You see any packages
outside my door,

452
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:49,241
you leave 'em
the hell alone. Capisce?

453
00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,477
Ugh...

454
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:57,216
Jack:
2 taco grr-rrandes!

455
00:21:57,283 --> 00:22:01,354
One bean burr-rrito.

456
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:05,825
A large taco chip.

457
00:22:05,892 --> 00:22:07,960
And guacamole.

458
00:22:08,027 --> 00:22:10,329
[Chattering]

459
00:22:10,397 --> 00:22:12,298
And that'll be...

460
00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:15,402
35 cents.

461
00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:21,508
We don't really have
fried rats in the buckets.

462
00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:25,478
I know. I checked.

463
00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:29,516
I'm gonna save you the time.

464
00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:31,551
I'm not gonna lie.
Don't believe in it.

465
00:22:31,618 --> 00:22:33,820
If you pick your ass,
I'm gonna tell people.

466
00:22:33,886 --> 00:22:36,055
Have no idea
how to run your register.

467
00:22:36,122 --> 00:22:37,557
You're
Jack bartlett, right?

468
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,392
Yeah.

469
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:41,828
So, you'd be, like,
hanging out with us

470
00:22:41,894 --> 00:22:43,863
every night after school,
then, right?

471
00:22:43,930 --> 00:22:46,365
Yeah. well, I mean, after
football practice, yeah.

472
00:22:46,433 --> 00:22:48,535
Football
practice?

473
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,372
Fantasmic.

474
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,575
You're so hired.

475
00:23:02,148 --> 00:23:03,182
[Chuckles]

476
00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:05,618
I'm on top
of the world!

477
00:23:11,758 --> 00:23:12,592
Errr!

478
00:23:12,659 --> 00:23:14,427
Hey, di,
if we have a girl,

479
00:23:14,494 --> 00:23:16,262
we should dress her
like little Debbie.

480
00:23:16,328 --> 00:23:17,897
Jack, honey,
I'm only eating for two.

481
00:23:17,964 --> 00:23:19,732
I know, but this food
reminds me

482
00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:21,601
how much I wanna
teach our baby,

483
00:23:21,668 --> 00:23:23,870
like cocoa puffs is good,
captain crunch is bad.

484
00:23:23,936 --> 00:23:25,705
It shreds the roof
of your mouth.

485
00:23:25,772 --> 00:23:26,939
You're not born
with knowledge.

486
00:23:27,006 --> 00:23:28,741
You hear
"trix are for kids."

487
00:23:28,808 --> 00:23:31,444
You think, "I'm a kid,
i guess they're for me."

488
00:23:31,511 --> 00:23:33,312
But your little
baby brain's got no idea

489
00:23:33,379 --> 00:23:36,215
that lucky charms are
a million times
better for you.

490
00:23:36,282 --> 00:23:37,750
Jack?

491
00:23:37,817 --> 00:23:40,653
Hey. pop quiz.
If you could be
count chocula

492
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,922
or trix the rabbit,
who would you be?

493
00:23:42,989 --> 00:23:44,991
Uh...trix.

494
00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:48,227
Me, too. God!
Will it never end?

495
00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:50,229
I love this lady!

496
00:23:50,296 --> 00:23:51,330
[Giggles]

497
00:23:51,397 --> 00:23:52,431
Ah!

498
00:23:52,499 --> 00:23:55,568
Jack, I think
i should get a job.

499
00:23:55,635 --> 00:23:58,437
No, but we agreed
your job's running
the baby machine.

500
00:23:58,505 --> 00:24:00,306
I know, but that
was before I realized--

501
00:24:00,372 --> 00:24:03,175
oh...i almost forgot gas
for the baby machine.

502
00:24:03,242 --> 00:24:06,479
I'm gonna get your snickers
and meet you in line, ok?

503
00:24:06,546 --> 00:24:08,848
Mmm. I love you.
Love you.

504
00:24:11,350 --> 00:24:12,719
[Sighs]

505
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:15,622
Woman on P.A.: Attention, Bob.
Cleanup on aisle 3.

506
00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:26,298
[Cash register beeping]

507
00:24:26,365 --> 00:24:28,367
Jack: hey, di!

508
00:24:28,434 --> 00:24:29,802
Hi, I'm a little
professor!

509
00:24:29,869 --> 00:24:32,271
Wouldn't it be cute
if ours looked like this?

510
00:24:32,338 --> 00:24:33,840
Yeah, you little
marsh--uh!

511
00:24:33,906 --> 00:24:35,074
Honey!

512
00:24:35,141 --> 00:24:37,544
Oh, I am really sorry.

513
00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:39,045
Jack...

514
00:24:44,450 --> 00:24:46,085
I never knew you
dreamed of working

515
00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:48,120
in a grocery store
bank branch.

516
00:24:48,187 --> 00:24:51,090
Baby, we are living
the great American
dream.

517
00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:52,391
Mm-hmm.

518
00:24:52,458 --> 00:24:53,826
If you reach
for the stars,

519
00:24:53,893 --> 00:24:58,230
you're bound to step--
mm! Jack, pull over.

520
00:24:58,297 --> 00:24:59,532
Mm. pull over.

521
00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:01,601
Oh, jeez! Ew!

522
00:25:01,668 --> 00:25:03,235
[Tires squeal]

523
00:25:05,204 --> 00:25:06,405
[Vomits]

524
00:25:06,472 --> 00:25:08,374
Why do they call it
morning sickness?

525
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:10,743
It's ok.
Get it all out.

526
00:25:10,810 --> 00:25:12,979
Have any breath mints?

527
00:25:13,045 --> 00:25:14,146
Oh...

528
00:25:14,213 --> 00:25:16,783
Jack: so,
she's in my hands, right?

529
00:25:16,849 --> 00:25:18,885
Warm to the touch.

530
00:25:18,951 --> 00:25:22,054
Now, it's at that second
that I think I control her--

531
00:25:22,121 --> 00:25:23,422
she's mine.

532
00:25:23,489 --> 00:25:25,424
But it's a false illusion.

533
00:25:25,491 --> 00:25:28,060
You know, it's like
in that movie backdraft.

534
00:25:28,127 --> 00:25:30,697
"No man controls fire."

535
00:25:32,231 --> 00:25:34,533
So, she's ready.

536
00:25:34,601 --> 00:25:35,702
I'm ready. Heh.

537
00:25:35,768 --> 00:25:37,670
She's ready.

538
00:25:37,737 --> 00:25:39,639
I yell...

539
00:25:39,706 --> 00:25:42,141
"42-58. hike!"

540
00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:45,311
Baa! touchdown.

541
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,148
[Shivers]

542
00:25:49,215 --> 00:25:50,983
[Guitar strumming]

543
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:53,953
* ready to go *

544
00:25:54,020 --> 00:25:56,255
where were we?

545
00:25:59,792 --> 00:26:03,095
* ready to go *

546
00:26:08,434 --> 00:26:10,336
[loud driving beat]

547
00:26:15,642 --> 00:26:17,777
[Pounding on door]

548
00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:24,050
I need a place
to keep this.

549
00:26:24,116 --> 00:26:26,518
So if anyone asks,
what do you know?

550
00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:28,721
That's right.
You don't know squat.

551
00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:32,391
* it's a crack, I'm back *

552
00:26:32,458 --> 00:26:34,126
* yeah, I'm standing
on rooftops... *

553
00:26:34,193 --> 00:26:35,828
[squeals]

554
00:26:35,895 --> 00:26:39,165
* baby, I'm ready to go *

555
00:26:39,231 --> 00:26:42,835
* I'm back
and ready to go *

556
00:26:42,902 --> 00:26:45,571
* from the rooftops,
shout it out *

557
00:26:45,638 --> 00:26:47,306
* it's a crack, I'm back *

558
00:26:47,373 --> 00:26:50,677
* yeah, I'm standing
on the rooftops having it *

559
00:26:50,743 --> 00:26:53,946
* baby, I'm ready to go *

560
00:26:54,013 --> 00:26:57,416
* I'm back and ready to go *

561
00:26:57,483 --> 00:27:01,553
* from the rooftops,
shout it out *

562
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:05,692
* baby, I'm ready to go *

563
00:27:05,758 --> 00:27:09,495
come on, Jack,
you promised.

564
00:27:09,561 --> 00:27:10,963
[Sighs] ok.
One question.

565
00:27:11,030 --> 00:27:13,733
Oh, me, me, me!
Mine's great.

566
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,068
[Deep voice] Proceed,
dungeon master quon.

567
00:27:18,004 --> 00:27:19,005
Ok, Jack.

568
00:27:19,071 --> 00:27:23,309
You know how you
and Diane slept together?

569
00:27:23,375 --> 00:27:25,077
Yeah.

570
00:27:25,144 --> 00:27:27,680
Well, now that you can't
sleep together

571
00:27:27,747 --> 00:27:29,248
but you still
sleep together,

572
00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:32,719
don't you ever
get just, like,
super horny?

573
00:27:32,785 --> 00:27:35,788
And if so,
how horny?

574
00:27:35,855 --> 00:27:38,758
I'll be quiet now
so I can listen
to your answer.

575
00:27:38,825 --> 00:27:40,526
Lisa: yeah, Jack.

576
00:27:40,592 --> 00:27:43,830
I'd love to hear
your answer.

577
00:27:43,896 --> 00:27:45,765
The answer's easy.

578
00:27:45,832 --> 00:27:47,266
Oh, uh...

579
00:27:47,333 --> 00:27:49,568
Lolitais
due back tomorrow.

580
00:27:49,635 --> 00:27:51,771
Same for 9 1/2 weeks

581
00:27:51,838 --> 00:27:53,639
and ditto on wild things.

582
00:27:53,706 --> 00:27:55,107
[Beep]

583
00:27:56,442 --> 00:28:00,346
Guys...i'm going
to be a dad.

584
00:28:00,412 --> 00:28:02,581
Dads don't get horny.

585
00:28:02,648 --> 00:28:03,950
[Sighs]

586
00:28:04,016 --> 00:28:05,785
Lisa, voice-over:
To the kids at school,

587
00:28:05,852 --> 00:28:07,920
Jack and Diane had it all.

588
00:28:07,987 --> 00:28:09,922
Their own apartment,
staying up late,

589
00:28:09,989 --> 00:28:11,323
eating whatever they wanted,

590
00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:13,059
plus Jack was getting
a discount

591
00:28:13,125 --> 00:28:16,295
on r-rated movies
at the video store.

592
00:28:16,362 --> 00:28:18,297
Hello? reality check.

593
00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:21,834
School, practice, work,
and lamaze class?

594
00:28:21,901 --> 00:28:25,171
It was really starting
to take its toll.

595
00:28:25,237 --> 00:28:27,974
[Crowd shouting]
2, 4, 6, 8...

596
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,277
Fighting lincolns
on to state!

597
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:35,414
Fight!

598
00:28:35,481 --> 00:28:37,083
Lincoln! fight!

599
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:44,290
Jack: blue 42! Blue 42!

600
00:28:47,126 --> 00:28:48,294
Hike!

601
00:29:00,907 --> 00:29:02,775
[Panting]

602
00:29:02,842 --> 00:29:05,144
[Grunting]

603
00:29:08,547 --> 00:29:10,482
Lisa: ok,
so they won state.

604
00:29:10,549 --> 00:29:13,185
B.f.d.

605
00:29:13,252 --> 00:29:14,286
The best part was

606
00:29:14,353 --> 00:29:16,989
Diane was really starting
to look like hell.

607
00:29:17,056 --> 00:29:20,092
Kansas: Diane?
Diane!

608
00:29:20,159 --> 00:29:21,760
Huh? what?

609
00:29:21,828 --> 00:29:25,097
I'm under the ice!
I'm under the ice!

610
00:29:27,633 --> 00:29:28,801
Huh?

611
00:29:33,039 --> 00:29:35,341
Oh, man, that was
a weird one.

612
00:29:35,407 --> 00:29:36,876
Another sex dream?

613
00:29:36,943 --> 00:29:39,678
Wayne gretzky.
Hat trick?

614
00:29:39,745 --> 00:29:41,213
He is the great one.

615
00:29:41,814 --> 00:29:42,781
Heh heh.

616
00:29:42,849 --> 00:29:44,650
Oh, my god.

617
00:29:44,716 --> 00:29:46,052
You've been robbed.

618
00:29:46,118 --> 00:29:48,654
No, I've been
pregnant.

619
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:50,289
Di, are you ok?

620
00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:53,792
We can skip
the girl party
this week.

621
00:29:53,860 --> 00:29:55,594
Everything's fine.

622
00:29:55,661 --> 00:29:57,096
I'm just having
a little trouble

623
00:29:57,163 --> 00:29:59,966
turning my frown
upside down.

624
00:30:00,032 --> 00:30:03,635
Want us to help
you pick up?

625
00:30:03,702 --> 00:30:06,805
Don't Martha
freaking Stewart me.

626
00:30:06,873 --> 00:30:10,342
You don't like it,
you try being
a pregnant teen.

627
00:30:11,043 --> 00:30:13,112
[Diane farts]

628
00:30:13,179 --> 00:30:14,713
Brendon!
go with them.

629
00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:16,682
They're in the vault,
man. Go! Go!

630
00:30:16,748 --> 00:30:18,484
Second man:
Who's Mr. duggan?

631
00:30:18,550 --> 00:30:19,618
Mr. duggan.

632
00:30:19,685 --> 00:30:21,387
You want to open
the vault?

633
00:30:21,453 --> 00:30:23,655
Or do you want me
to do it?

634
00:30:23,722 --> 00:30:25,157
Do whatever
they want, Terry.

635
00:30:25,224 --> 00:30:26,125
Oh.

636
00:30:26,192 --> 00:30:27,626
Take the keys.
Take them!

637
00:30:27,693 --> 00:30:29,095
Lucy: I'm confused.

638
00:30:29,161 --> 00:30:31,163
Pappas knew
the bank robbers
were surfers

639
00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:33,499
because he saw
a tan line?

640
00:30:34,867 --> 00:30:36,135
Luce,
it's point break.

641
00:30:36,202 --> 00:30:38,070
Just shut up
and look at Keanu.

642
00:30:38,137 --> 00:30:41,807
Di, what would you do
if you were in a holdup?

643
00:30:41,874 --> 00:30:43,442
Well...

644
00:30:43,509 --> 00:30:45,311
I guess I...

645
00:30:45,377 --> 00:30:47,914
I'd give them
all the money
they could hold

646
00:30:47,980 --> 00:30:49,715
and wish them
a good life.

647
00:30:49,781 --> 00:30:51,317
Because the Beatles
were wrong.

648
00:30:51,383 --> 00:30:53,986
Love isn't
all you need.

649
00:30:54,053 --> 00:30:55,854
Love won't
pay the rent,

650
00:30:55,922 --> 00:30:57,990
love won't buy
my baby diapers,

651
00:30:58,057 --> 00:30:59,825
love sure as hell
won't buy me

652
00:30:59,892 --> 00:31:01,260
my new dolce
& gabbana jeans

653
00:31:01,327 --> 00:31:03,462
when I lose
my baby weight.

654
00:31:05,932 --> 00:31:07,599
Pretty soon
we'll be broke,

655
00:31:07,666 --> 00:31:11,203
and I'll just
be another fat-ass
wearing chic jeans.

656
00:31:11,270 --> 00:31:12,738
[Sobbing]

657
00:31:12,804 --> 00:31:14,540
Ok, put
the snickers down.

658
00:31:14,606 --> 00:31:16,108
Come kick it
over here.

659
00:31:16,175 --> 00:31:17,977
Wait a minute!
Freeze that! Freeze that!

660
00:31:18,044 --> 00:31:19,811
Man on TV:
...Too much time!

661
00:31:19,878 --> 00:31:22,214
Cleo: yeah.
Can you imagine?

662
00:31:22,281 --> 00:31:24,850
Conan's head
on Keanu's body?

663
00:31:24,917 --> 00:31:26,785
Unstoppable.

664
00:31:26,852 --> 00:31:29,255
No! that's it!
A bank robbery.

665
00:31:29,321 --> 00:31:31,757
A big pile of money,
and my little family-to-be

666
00:31:31,823 --> 00:31:33,392
could get our heads
above water.

667
00:31:33,459 --> 00:31:34,826
I read about this.

668
00:31:34,893 --> 00:31:36,728
It's called
pregnancy insanity.

669
00:31:36,795 --> 00:31:39,098
Look, I might be moody...

670
00:31:39,165 --> 00:31:40,599
I might be gassy...

671
00:31:40,666 --> 00:31:43,235
But I am perfectly sane.
Think about it.

672
00:31:43,302 --> 00:31:47,773
In school they tell us
dreams can come true. Right?

673
00:31:47,839 --> 00:31:48,975
Right.
right.

674
00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:51,377
But they don't
tell us how.

675
00:31:51,443 --> 00:31:54,846
Thanks to Keanu,
I've figured it out.

676
00:31:54,913 --> 00:31:58,017
Money makes
your dreams come true.

677
00:31:58,817 --> 00:32:00,219
Listen, Kansas,

678
00:32:00,286 --> 00:32:02,688
I know you dream of
springing your mom someday.

679
00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:04,156
Stop, you're gonna
make me cry.

680
00:32:04,223 --> 00:32:06,092
If the o.J. Trial
taught us anything,

681
00:32:06,158 --> 00:32:09,128
it taught us,
in America, you can
cut somebody's head off

682
00:32:09,195 --> 00:32:10,829
and still be
found innocent...

683
00:32:10,896 --> 00:32:13,032
As long as
you have enough money.

684
00:32:13,099 --> 00:32:15,968
Well, your mom
only shot a guy.

685
00:32:16,035 --> 00:32:17,469
And Cleo?
I know you dream

686
00:32:17,536 --> 00:32:21,440
of an all-leather apartment
with conan.

687
00:32:21,507 --> 00:32:23,875
I overheard the school shrink
telling the lunch lady.

688
00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:25,344
Oh.

689
00:32:25,411 --> 00:32:27,946
Hannah, you could give
your share to the church,

690
00:32:28,014 --> 00:32:30,082
or maybe buy one of
those starving kids

691
00:32:30,149 --> 00:32:31,984
that Sally struthers
advertises.

692
00:32:32,051 --> 00:32:33,819
Or I could buy
my own horse.

693
00:32:33,885 --> 00:32:35,754
Or that.

694
00:32:35,821 --> 00:32:40,659
Guys, I just wanna provide
a future for my baby.

695
00:32:40,726 --> 00:32:42,294
I know my bank branch

696
00:32:42,361 --> 00:32:45,331
like the back of
my puffy little hand.

697
00:32:45,397 --> 00:32:47,599
I could open that safe
in my sleep.

698
00:32:51,003 --> 00:32:52,004
I'm in.

699
00:32:52,071 --> 00:32:53,239
Yes!
what?

700
00:32:53,305 --> 00:32:55,107
I'm in. This is
the closest thing

701
00:32:55,174 --> 00:32:57,043
to a damn family
I've ever had.

702
00:32:57,109 --> 00:32:58,977
If one needs something,
we all do.

703
00:32:59,045 --> 00:33:01,713
Stop it!
This is crazy.

704
00:33:01,780 --> 00:33:03,949
I'm in, too.
Cleo!

705
00:33:04,016 --> 00:33:05,484
Kansas is right.

706
00:33:05,551 --> 00:33:07,953
We're like sisters,
closer than sisters

707
00:33:08,020 --> 00:33:09,988
and you don't turn
your back on family.

708
00:33:10,056 --> 00:33:11,457
Come on, luce.

709
00:33:11,523 --> 00:33:14,593
People do it
in the movies all the time.

710
00:33:14,660 --> 00:33:15,961
And they get caught.

711
00:33:16,028 --> 00:33:18,397
That's right.
So all we have to do

712
00:33:18,464 --> 00:33:21,533
is watch a bunch
of movies and learn
from their mistakes.

713
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,603
You know, real cops
aren't half as smart
as Keanu.

714
00:33:24,670 --> 00:33:26,872
Forget it. I've got
a scholarship to Harvard

715
00:33:26,938 --> 00:33:28,940
hanging over my head.
I won't risk it.

716
00:33:29,007 --> 00:33:30,709
Conan went
to Harvard.
Shh.

717
00:33:30,776 --> 00:33:33,979
Lucy, are you sure you
have that scholarship?

718
00:33:34,046 --> 00:33:35,681
No.

719
00:33:35,747 --> 00:33:38,350
If you don't, can you
afford to go to Harvard?

720
00:33:38,417 --> 00:33:40,186
I don't know,
probably not.

721
00:33:40,252 --> 00:33:42,054
So then this isn't
crazy, is it?

722
00:33:42,121 --> 00:33:44,923
It's a sure bet.

723
00:33:44,990 --> 00:33:46,158
Well...

724
00:33:46,225 --> 00:33:47,293
Come on!
Come on!

725
00:33:47,359 --> 00:33:48,660
Come on!
Please?

726
00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:50,996
I guess we're all
in this together.

727
00:33:51,063 --> 00:33:52,331
But...but!

728
00:33:52,398 --> 00:33:55,033
We have to make
a smart plan.

729
00:33:55,101 --> 00:33:57,703
Of course. Of course.
Ok, hands in.

730
00:33:59,071 --> 00:34:01,640
Alright. we have
to cross our hearts,

731
00:34:01,707 --> 00:34:02,641
hope to die,

732
00:34:02,708 --> 00:34:04,543
stick a dirty needle
in our eye,

733
00:34:04,610 --> 00:34:08,347
that we will never,
ever, tell Jack.

734
00:34:08,414 --> 00:34:10,649
We all know
he can't tell a lie.

735
00:34:10,716 --> 00:34:14,353
That's why
he's gonna make
such a great senator.

736
00:34:14,420 --> 00:34:16,255
Cheerleaders kick...

737
00:34:17,623 --> 00:34:19,358
[Laughter]

738
00:34:19,425 --> 00:34:21,793
[Conan o'brien on TV]

739
00:34:23,129 --> 00:34:24,663
[Laughs]

740
00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:26,598
Conan: we have
2 very cool guests,

741
00:34:26,665 --> 00:34:29,268
I'm gonna start
with something I read
in the paper.

742
00:34:29,335 --> 00:34:31,970
It involves sex.
You hear me?

743
00:34:32,037 --> 00:34:33,905
[Cheering]

744
00:34:33,972 --> 00:34:35,441
Yeah. yeah.

745
00:34:35,507 --> 00:34:37,943
Yeah, don't worry.
Not with me.
Ha ha ha.

746
00:34:38,009 --> 00:34:39,545
Ha ha ha.

747
00:34:39,611 --> 00:34:42,814
* I don't wanna be a boy,
i wanna be a girl *

748
00:34:42,881 --> 00:34:45,884
* I wanna do things
that'll make your hair curl *

749
00:34:45,951 --> 00:34:49,221
* I wanna be evil,
i wanna be bad *

750
00:34:49,288 --> 00:34:52,224
* I wanna drive
my next-door neighbors mad *

751
00:34:52,291 --> 00:34:55,394
* I want to go wild,
want to go wild *

752
00:34:55,461 --> 00:34:57,062
* I want to party *

753
00:34:57,129 --> 00:34:58,397
* yeah *

754
00:34:58,464 --> 00:35:00,399
* 'cause we've got girl power *

755
00:35:00,466 --> 00:35:01,533
[school bell rings]

756
00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,602
The movie was
so amazing.

757
00:35:03,669 --> 00:35:05,537
He slices off
the guy's ear,

758
00:35:05,604 --> 00:35:07,606
and you see everything.
The bloody pink hole--

759
00:35:07,673 --> 00:35:09,475
Cleo, I already
threw up twice today.

760
00:35:09,541 --> 00:35:12,110
Can you get
to any relevant part
of the movie?

761
00:35:12,178 --> 00:35:14,846
They had nicknames,
like Mr. pink.

762
00:35:14,913 --> 00:35:17,316
I was thinking,
di, you could be
Mrs. pink.

763
00:35:17,383 --> 00:35:18,950
Could I be
Mrs. purple?

764
00:35:19,017 --> 00:35:20,752
And I could be Mrs. red

765
00:35:20,819 --> 00:35:22,154
this is so exciting.

766
00:35:22,221 --> 00:35:24,190
Kansas: di, how can
you eat all that?

767
00:35:24,256 --> 00:35:26,358
Cleo and Hannah:
She's eating for two.

768
00:35:26,425 --> 00:35:27,759
Jinx.

769
00:35:27,826 --> 00:35:29,027
Ahem.

770
00:35:29,094 --> 00:35:31,863
Page one is
a plot summary of heat.

771
00:35:31,930 --> 00:35:33,332
2 has my character
summaries,

772
00:35:33,399 --> 00:35:35,301
3 is my overall critique,

773
00:35:35,367 --> 00:35:38,003
and on 4 through 10
you'll find my nexis search

774
00:35:38,069 --> 00:35:40,071
of all prior analysis
of this film.

775
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:41,307
In summation,

776
00:35:41,373 --> 00:35:43,141
no part of heat
is really applicable

777
00:35:43,209 --> 00:35:44,876
to a grocery store
bank branch robbery.

778
00:35:44,943 --> 00:35:47,779
Jack: what the heck
is going on here?

779
00:35:47,846 --> 00:35:50,015
Mmm. Jack.
I can explain.

780
00:35:50,081 --> 00:35:52,284
Diane,
there's no excuse...

781
00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:54,620
For not taking
your prenatal vitamins.

782
00:35:55,854 --> 00:35:56,855
I love you.

783
00:35:56,922 --> 00:35:58,724
I love you.

784
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,995
Uh....cleo?

785
00:36:04,062 --> 00:36:05,397
Mm-hmm?

786
00:36:06,265 --> 00:36:07,866
Would you just
say my name?

787
00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:09,868
Ted.

788
00:36:09,935 --> 00:36:11,270
[Sighs]

789
00:36:11,337 --> 00:36:13,772
Well, it's a laugh riot
for the whole family,

790
00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:16,608
and Tim Conway is just about
as funny as they come,

791
00:36:16,675 --> 00:36:18,076
especially in
the scene where--

792
00:36:18,143 --> 00:36:19,911
wait a minute.

793
00:36:19,978 --> 00:36:22,614
You watched
the apple friggin'
dumpling gang?

794
00:36:22,681 --> 00:36:24,916
I'm only allowed
"g" movies.

795
00:36:24,983 --> 00:36:27,819
Am I the only one
who cares
about this?

796
00:36:27,886 --> 00:36:30,289
I mean,
at least I watched
dog day afternoon.

797
00:36:30,356 --> 00:36:31,890
Man: excuse me.

798
00:36:31,957 --> 00:36:34,360
Could you try to keep
your voice down, please?

799
00:36:34,426 --> 00:36:36,061
We're not introducing
anger into the womb.

800
00:36:36,127 --> 00:36:40,866
How would you like me
to introduce my foot
into your ass?!

801
00:36:40,932 --> 00:36:41,967
Kansas!

802
00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:43,302
I'm sorry,
Diane...

803
00:36:43,369 --> 00:36:45,337
But I'm not gonna watch
my dreams fade away

804
00:36:45,404 --> 00:36:48,740
because the virgin here
thinks she can get ideas
from kiddie movies.

805
00:36:48,807 --> 00:36:50,709
Those of us
who have parents

806
00:36:50,776 --> 00:36:53,512
know they have rules
because they care.

807
00:36:53,579 --> 00:36:54,713
Ooh.

808
00:36:56,648 --> 00:36:58,684
Are you sure you
wanna go there?

809
00:36:58,750 --> 00:37:00,319
Um...

810
00:37:01,219 --> 00:37:02,388
Maybe.

811
00:37:03,989 --> 00:37:05,056
Ow!

812
00:37:05,123 --> 00:37:06,258
Diane: you guys!

813
00:37:06,325 --> 00:37:08,460
[Shouting]

814
00:37:09,328 --> 00:37:10,729
How do you
like that?

815
00:37:10,796 --> 00:37:11,963
Diane Weston?

816
00:37:12,030 --> 00:37:13,131
Kansas, quit it!

817
00:37:13,198 --> 00:37:14,165
Kansas: ow!

818
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:15,401
Here.

819
00:37:16,768 --> 00:37:17,803
[Door opens]

820
00:37:17,869 --> 00:37:19,771
[Crying]

821
00:37:19,838 --> 00:37:21,773
God, we're sorry.

822
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:23,675
It's off.

823
00:37:23,742 --> 00:37:25,477
I can't take
the fighting,

824
00:37:25,544 --> 00:37:27,479
the backstabbing,
the open hostility.

825
00:37:27,546 --> 00:37:29,815
We're not acting
like cheerleaders.

826
00:37:29,881 --> 00:37:33,419
We're acting like
a bunch of sorority girls.

827
00:37:35,186 --> 00:37:38,357
I'm sorry
i ever started this.

828
00:37:38,424 --> 00:37:39,625
Di, it's not
your fault.

829
00:37:39,691 --> 00:37:41,360
We all wanted
to do this.

830
00:37:41,427 --> 00:37:42,694
Look...

831
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:45,364
Maybe I can watch
a pg movie.

832
00:37:45,431 --> 00:37:47,232
I'll just say I'm...

833
00:37:47,299 --> 00:37:50,168
Counting dirty words
for Sunday school.

834
00:37:50,235 --> 00:37:52,471
It's ok, Hannah.

835
00:37:52,538 --> 00:37:54,506
It was silly
to think we can learn

836
00:37:54,573 --> 00:37:56,375
to Rob a bank
from watching movies.

837
00:37:56,442 --> 00:37:58,209
Sex, you can learn
from movies.

838
00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:00,879
But robberies?
Forget about it.

839
00:38:00,946 --> 00:38:04,750
Besides, TV land had a little
houseon the prairie marathon,

840
00:38:04,816 --> 00:38:07,719
and the Ingalls
made baby Carrie's bed
from a dresser drawer.

841
00:38:07,786 --> 00:38:10,789
I guess
i could just do that.

842
00:38:10,856 --> 00:38:13,158
Oh, my god!

843
00:38:13,224 --> 00:38:15,193
The baby's got
2 heads.

844
00:38:15,260 --> 00:38:16,227
It's twins!

845
00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:18,397
[Laughs]

846
00:38:18,464 --> 00:38:20,732
I'm not just super fat!

847
00:38:20,799 --> 00:38:22,601
Oh, ok, we ain't
done with this.

848
00:38:22,668 --> 00:38:25,036
Those babies are gonna have
a good start in life.

849
00:38:25,103 --> 00:38:27,473
With a real crib--
one that costs a truckload.

850
00:38:27,539 --> 00:38:28,840
We gonna learn to Rob

851
00:38:28,907 --> 00:38:31,309
by the only people who
really know how to--

852
00:38:31,377 --> 00:38:32,711
criminals.

853
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:38,283
I'm gonna visit
my mom.

854
00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:39,551
[Buzzer ringing]

855
00:38:39,618 --> 00:38:41,753
Woman on P.A.:
Attention all inmates,

856
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:44,322
visiting hours will be over
in 20 minutes.

857
00:38:50,328 --> 00:38:52,330
You don't look nothing
like your picture.

858
00:38:52,398 --> 00:38:54,933
Grandma and grandpa
sent you a picture

859
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,668
of a neighbor girl.

860
00:38:56,735 --> 00:39:00,238
They didn't want
you to break out
and come kidnap me.

861
00:39:00,305 --> 00:39:01,940
Thank god.

862
00:39:02,007 --> 00:39:04,810
I was starting to think
i killed the wrong man.

863
00:39:07,078 --> 00:39:08,480
What did you
come here for?

864
00:39:08,547 --> 00:39:10,582
To tell me how
much you hate me?

865
00:39:10,649 --> 00:39:12,451
I don't hate you.

866
00:39:12,518 --> 00:39:14,486
I need your help.

867
00:39:15,554 --> 00:39:18,424
How in the hell
can I help you?

868
00:39:18,490 --> 00:39:20,492
My best friend
got pregnant.

869
00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:23,762
Before you?

870
00:39:23,829 --> 00:39:24,996
Whoo-hoo.

871
00:39:25,063 --> 00:39:28,800
Yeah, I know.
That's what I said, too.

872
00:39:28,867 --> 00:39:32,103
Anyway, we wanna
help her get some money
for the baby

873
00:39:32,170 --> 00:39:33,639
by robbing a bank.

874
00:39:34,506 --> 00:39:36,341
Well, shootfire,
Kansas.

875
00:39:36,408 --> 00:39:38,610
That's the sweetest thing
i ever heard.

876
00:39:38,677 --> 00:39:42,914
But we can't quite
figure out how to...
You know, how to do it.

877
00:39:42,981 --> 00:39:45,250
So you need my help?

878
00:39:45,316 --> 00:39:49,154
Oh, my god. This is like
you asking me for help
with your homework.

879
00:39:54,092 --> 00:39:55,126
Hey, mink.

880
00:39:55,193 --> 00:39:57,463
Come here.

881
00:39:58,964 --> 00:40:02,801
Kansas, I want you to
meet someone special.

882
00:40:05,471 --> 00:40:07,305
Cryin' out loud, mom.

883
00:40:07,372 --> 00:40:10,275
Like my life
ain't bad enough
'cause you're in here.

884
00:40:10,341 --> 00:40:13,445
Now I've gotta add "p.S.
My mom's a gay," too?

885
00:40:13,512 --> 00:40:16,147
Shut up, you mouthy
little twit.

886
00:40:16,214 --> 00:40:18,249
Don't "mouthy twit" me.
I'm outta here.

887
00:40:18,316 --> 00:40:20,385
Hey, wait. Sit down.

888
00:40:20,452 --> 00:40:22,353
Now, I'm sorry.

889
00:40:22,420 --> 00:40:24,422
Mama's a little
overamped...

890
00:40:24,490 --> 00:40:27,526
Didn't get her yard time
this morning.

891
00:40:27,593 --> 00:40:30,629
Mink ain't my bitch,
if that's what you think.

892
00:40:31,763 --> 00:40:34,533
She's a specialist...

893
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,502
In banks.

894
00:40:41,139 --> 00:40:42,608
[Humming]

895
00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:51,282
Them's some sweet skirts
you got there.

896
00:40:51,349 --> 00:40:52,884
Oh, thank you!

897
00:40:52,951 --> 00:40:54,553
Actually,
they're uniforms.

898
00:40:54,620 --> 00:40:56,454
We're cheerleaders.

899
00:40:56,522 --> 00:40:58,423
Mm-hmm.

900
00:40:58,490 --> 00:41:00,592
You sure are.

901
00:41:01,593 --> 00:41:02,861
Excuse me.

902
00:41:04,329 --> 00:41:05,631
Alright,
same time tomorrow,

903
00:41:05,697 --> 00:41:08,066
we have a visit with
our favorite aunts.

904
00:41:10,702 --> 00:41:13,905
Listen, robbing banks
is like pulling a trick.

905
00:41:13,972 --> 00:41:15,574
You gotta stay
in control,

906
00:41:15,641 --> 00:41:17,809
know how far you'll go
to get the dough,

907
00:41:17,876 --> 00:41:21,412
and always put
the rubber on yourself.

908
00:41:21,479 --> 00:41:23,281
Oh, pfft!
You know what I mean.

909
00:41:23,348 --> 00:41:25,951
And you gotta do it
the day after Christmas.

910
00:41:26,017 --> 00:41:27,218
Why?

911
00:41:27,285 --> 00:41:29,921
Banks don't have holiday
pickups, so vaults are full.

912
00:41:29,988 --> 00:41:32,323
Besides, everyone's
at home eatin' leftovers

913
00:41:32,390 --> 00:41:33,659
and beatin' their kids.

914
00:41:33,725 --> 00:41:36,427
Really? you were
cellmates with her?

915
00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:38,730
Oh, my god.
She was my hero!

916
00:41:38,797 --> 00:41:40,999
Did she tell you what
letterman's house was like?

917
00:41:41,066 --> 00:41:43,602
You gotta buy your gats
from the Terminator.

918
00:41:43,669 --> 00:41:45,203
Tell him itchy sent you.

919
00:41:45,270 --> 00:41:46,371
And gats are?

920
00:41:46,437 --> 00:41:48,640
Guns, cutie.

921
00:41:48,707 --> 00:41:50,776
You listen to Carol,
pussycat.

922
00:41:50,842 --> 00:41:52,744
Go rent national velvet.

923
00:41:52,811 --> 00:41:56,247
It's got some awesome
steeplechases in it.

924
00:41:56,314 --> 00:41:57,549
I'm gonna write
that down.

925
00:41:57,616 --> 00:41:59,651
So, although
their father said,

926
00:41:59,718 --> 00:42:00,886
"don't get outta
the car

927
00:42:00,952 --> 00:42:02,387
till I get back
with help,"

928
00:42:02,453 --> 00:42:04,690
they knew the sheriff's
voice when he yelled,

929
00:42:04,756 --> 00:42:08,059
"run to my voice!
And don't look back!"

930
00:42:08,126 --> 00:42:09,695
The twins did
as he said,

931
00:42:09,761 --> 00:42:11,362
but at the very
last second,

932
00:42:11,429 --> 00:42:14,265
they turned around
and saw the escaped
mental patient

933
00:42:14,332 --> 00:42:18,003
bouncing
their father's head
on top of the car.

934
00:42:18,069 --> 00:42:19,170
Aah!

935
00:42:19,237 --> 00:42:20,438
They jumped!

936
00:42:20,505 --> 00:42:22,440
That's just gas, sweetie.

937
00:42:22,507 --> 00:42:24,509
Oh...

938
00:42:24,576 --> 00:42:25,811
What are you working on?

939
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:30,081
Just some girly stuff
for the squad.

940
00:42:33,084 --> 00:42:34,185
Bzzz!

941
00:42:34,252 --> 00:42:36,121
[Simulates explosion]

942
00:42:38,089 --> 00:42:40,558
[Dogs barking]

943
00:42:47,098 --> 00:42:48,700
Well, whoever
gets out alive,

944
00:42:48,767 --> 00:42:51,837
have the authorities check
in the crawl space.

945
00:42:51,903 --> 00:42:55,240
Kansas, you should never
judge a book by its cover.

946
00:42:55,306 --> 00:42:57,342
[Coughing]

947
00:42:59,110 --> 00:43:01,713
Diane: I guess there's
an exception to every rule.

948
00:43:02,648 --> 00:43:04,215
Could I help you?

949
00:43:04,282 --> 00:43:06,017
You're
the Terminator?

950
00:43:06,084 --> 00:43:09,354
Did you come in here
to bust my balls?

951
00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:10,588
Huh?

952
00:43:10,656 --> 00:43:12,758
Well, I kill bugs
for a living.

953
00:43:12,824 --> 00:43:14,626
If god doesn't
beat you to it.

954
00:43:14,693 --> 00:43:16,127
No, wait, um...

955
00:43:16,194 --> 00:43:18,396
We're the "a" squad from
Lincoln high school.

956
00:43:18,463 --> 00:43:19,698
So, uh...

957
00:43:19,765 --> 00:43:22,533
So, we were told
you could fix us up.

958
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,170
Fix you up?

959
00:43:25,236 --> 00:43:26,237
Really?

960
00:43:26,304 --> 00:43:28,774
Yeah.
itchy sent us.

961
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:30,408
She did, did she?

962
00:43:30,475 --> 00:43:32,043
How is the old girl?

963
00:43:32,110 --> 00:43:34,512
Definitely old.

964
00:43:34,579 --> 00:43:37,548
Ha ha ha!
Yeah, that's my itchy.

965
00:43:37,615 --> 00:43:39,217
[Laughter]

966
00:43:40,485 --> 00:43:41,452
How many?

967
00:43:41,519 --> 00:43:42,954
Uh...

968
00:43:43,021 --> 00:43:45,623
Um, well, we'll each
probably want one, so...

969
00:43:45,691 --> 00:43:47,625
[Counting]
we'll take 5.

970
00:43:47,693 --> 00:43:49,594
5 should do it.
All right.

971
00:43:49,661 --> 00:43:51,930
And, uh, how much ammo
do you want?

972
00:43:51,997 --> 00:43:53,298
Ammo?

973
00:43:53,364 --> 00:43:55,266
How many bullets
do you need?

974
00:43:56,167 --> 00:43:58,169
Oh, bullets.

975
00:43:58,236 --> 00:43:59,170
No bullets.

976
00:43:59,237 --> 00:44:01,039
These are just
to scare people.

977
00:44:01,106 --> 00:44:03,474
Kinda like a round-off
back handspring whipback
double full.

978
00:44:03,541 --> 00:44:05,243
You never really use it.

979
00:44:05,310 --> 00:44:08,646
You just want
the opposing squad
to know you've got it.

980
00:44:08,714 --> 00:44:10,415
Ok.

981
00:44:10,481 --> 00:44:11,582
$1,500 cash.

982
00:44:11,649 --> 00:44:12,818
What?

983
00:44:12,884 --> 00:44:16,287
You good-for-nothing
bug zapper!

984
00:44:16,354 --> 00:44:19,157
Obviously that's
a little more than
our budget will allow.

985
00:44:19,224 --> 00:44:23,762
Um, basically,
we're looking for
something around $200.

986
00:44:23,829 --> 00:44:28,166
Oh, well,
why didn't you say so?

987
00:44:28,233 --> 00:44:32,037
For 200, I got some
real nice rubber bands

988
00:44:32,103 --> 00:44:33,905
and some sharp nails
in the back.

989
00:44:33,972 --> 00:44:36,341
I got 5 of them.
They come in pastel colors.

990
00:44:36,407 --> 00:44:40,746
Why don't you wait
right there and let me
go gift-wrap it for you.

991
00:44:43,915 --> 00:44:46,517
They are 1,500,
cash on the barrel.

992
00:44:46,584 --> 00:44:49,654
You take it
or you leave it.

993
00:44:49,721 --> 00:44:53,158
What kinda deal would ya make if
i told we're gonna tell police

994
00:44:53,224 --> 00:44:56,862
that you're selling
illegal guns...
To minors?

995
00:44:56,928 --> 00:44:58,329
To girl minors!

996
00:44:58,396 --> 00:45:00,932
Then I'd just
have to kill you.

997
00:45:02,233 --> 00:45:04,035
Ok, well...

998
00:45:04,102 --> 00:45:06,071
It was a pleasure
meeting you.

999
00:45:06,137 --> 00:45:07,873
Take care.

1000
00:45:07,939 --> 00:45:09,240
Let's go, you guys.

1001
00:45:09,307 --> 00:45:10,475
Hold it right there.

1002
00:45:10,541 --> 00:45:11,642
Oh, please.

1003
00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:13,378
We're not going
to tell anyone.

1004
00:45:13,444 --> 00:45:15,146
Maybe we can make a deal.

1005
00:45:15,213 --> 00:45:16,347
Look, buddy,

1006
00:45:16,414 --> 00:45:19,550
we're not gonna
trade sex for guns.

1007
00:45:19,617 --> 00:45:21,386
Unless Cleo...

1008
00:45:21,452 --> 00:45:22,520
Kansas!

1009
00:45:22,587 --> 00:45:23,955
I got a daughter.

1010
00:45:24,022 --> 00:45:27,525
And she's always dreamt
of being a cheerleader.

1011
00:45:27,592 --> 00:45:28,760
Aw.

1012
00:45:28,827 --> 00:45:30,061
Tell you what I'll do.

1013
00:45:30,128 --> 00:45:32,063
If you put her
on your squad,

1014
00:45:32,130 --> 00:45:34,199
and I mean put her
on the squad--

1015
00:45:34,265 --> 00:45:35,867
don't make her haul
your pompoms--

1016
00:45:35,934 --> 00:45:38,269
you give her
something to do.

1017
00:45:38,336 --> 00:45:40,371
Then I'll give you
the guns.

1018
00:45:41,472 --> 00:45:42,974
You're kidding.

1019
00:45:45,376 --> 00:45:46,344
[All laugh]

1020
00:45:46,411 --> 00:45:47,745
Hey, fern!

1021
00:45:47,813 --> 00:45:49,247
Fern, come here!

1022
00:45:49,314 --> 00:45:50,982
She's out siphoning off
the tanks.

1023
00:45:51,049 --> 00:45:53,618
It takes a second to
cap off that cyanide hose.

1024
00:45:53,684 --> 00:45:54,652
Honey?

1025
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:55,686
[Door opening]

1026
00:45:55,753 --> 00:45:56,721
There she is.

1027
00:45:56,788 --> 00:45:59,190
Here's my baby.

1028
00:45:59,257 --> 00:46:01,526
Fern, meet your
new best friends.

1029
00:46:04,629 --> 00:46:06,764
We'll be right back.

1030
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,269
Don't you take too long.

1031
00:46:11,336 --> 00:46:14,005
Let's do breathing
exercises, shall we?

1032
00:46:15,874 --> 00:46:17,976
Is Jack upset that
he can't be here?

1033
00:46:18,043 --> 00:46:19,610
We worked it out.

1034
00:46:19,677 --> 00:46:22,147
[Practicing breathing]

1035
00:46:23,348 --> 00:46:24,749
You're doing good,
sweetie.

1036
00:46:24,816 --> 00:46:26,551
Let's remember
our focal point.

1037
00:46:26,617 --> 00:46:28,753
[Groaning]

1038
00:46:28,820 --> 00:46:32,190
Ok, don't stop now. Come on,
we're gonna make it, baby.

1039
00:46:32,257 --> 00:46:34,625
[Breathing]

1040
00:46:34,692 --> 00:46:36,995
What a sad waste of man.

1041
00:46:37,062 --> 00:46:39,998
Ok, even with
all our savings,

1042
00:46:40,065 --> 00:46:41,699
it's still
only 654.

1043
00:46:41,766 --> 00:46:43,334
That's it?

1044
00:46:43,401 --> 00:46:45,971
Hey, I even
took my parents'
foster kid money.

1045
00:46:46,037 --> 00:46:47,805
Philippe's going
to be gathering rice

1046
00:46:47,873 --> 00:46:49,908
without pants
this month.

1047
00:46:49,975 --> 00:46:52,410
Ok, wait a second.
Hold on.

1048
00:46:52,477 --> 00:46:54,679
Now, what do we do
before a big game?

1049
00:46:54,745 --> 00:46:57,415
Use the bathroom 'cause
the port-a-potties on the field

1050
00:46:57,482 --> 00:46:58,583
are gross.

1051
00:46:59,951 --> 00:47:02,153
My fault. What do we do that
enables us

1052
00:47:02,220 --> 00:47:03,788
to be as great as we are?

1053
00:47:03,855 --> 00:47:07,258
I personally think
of how conan started
as a writer, and then--

1054
00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:08,293
we practice.

1055
00:47:08,359 --> 00:47:10,896
That's right.
Practice makes perfect.

1056
00:47:10,962 --> 00:47:12,964
I'm practicing
to have a baby right now.

1057
00:47:13,031 --> 00:47:14,632
If we do a practice job,

1058
00:47:14,699 --> 00:47:16,334
we'll not only
get the experience,

1059
00:47:16,401 --> 00:47:18,769
we'll also get money
we need for the guns.

1060
00:47:18,836 --> 00:47:20,105
I've got the perfect job,

1061
00:47:20,171 --> 00:47:23,508
and I've gotta pee,
so help me up.

1062
00:47:23,574 --> 00:47:25,210
[All grunting]

1063
00:47:25,276 --> 00:47:28,179
Hello. how many
would you like?

1064
00:47:28,246 --> 00:47:29,414
7.

1065
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:32,550
[Humming]

1066
00:47:35,486 --> 00:47:36,454
[Sighs]

1067
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:50,368
Hi.

1068
00:47:50,435 --> 00:47:51,702
Hello. how many?

1069
00:47:51,769 --> 00:47:53,404
2, please.

1070
00:47:56,807 --> 00:47:58,109
Oops!

1071
00:48:01,046 --> 00:48:02,914
[Coughing]

1072
00:48:02,981 --> 00:48:04,149
Oh!

1073
00:48:05,483 --> 00:48:07,585
Oh, please,
help me with her!

1074
00:48:10,588 --> 00:48:12,090
[Coughing]

1075
00:48:32,043 --> 00:48:34,045
What the kinda food
are they serving us

1076
00:48:34,112 --> 00:48:37,615
if they can turn
a profit on 200 bucks?

1077
00:48:40,851 --> 00:48:42,220
* watch her now *

1078
00:48:42,287 --> 00:48:43,654
* watch her now *

1079
00:48:43,721 --> 00:48:45,090
* walking away *

1080
00:48:45,156 --> 00:48:46,591
* walking away *

1081
00:48:46,657 --> 00:48:48,793
* nothing to say *

1082
00:48:48,859 --> 00:48:51,296
* she's just leaving *

1083
00:48:53,198 --> 00:48:54,932
* what did I do? *

1084
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,167
oh!

1085
00:48:57,802 --> 00:48:59,537
Uh, fern?
Yeah?

1086
00:48:59,604 --> 00:49:02,873
No more filling the tanks
before practice, ok?

1087
00:49:02,940 --> 00:49:04,109
Ok.

1088
00:49:07,979 --> 00:49:09,147
[Dog barking]

1089
00:49:11,382 --> 00:49:13,384
Kansas: ok,
let's get going.

1090
00:49:13,451 --> 00:49:16,054
My grandparents get back
from dinner at 4:30.

1091
00:49:20,358 --> 00:49:21,126
Ready?

1092
00:49:21,192 --> 00:49:22,660
Everybody: ok!

1093
00:49:23,728 --> 00:49:24,996
Kansas:
what the hell--

1094
00:49:25,063 --> 00:49:26,897
oh, no!

1095
00:49:26,964 --> 00:49:28,033
He Ikea'd us.

1096
00:49:28,099 --> 00:49:29,834
How many signs
do we need?

1097
00:49:29,900 --> 00:49:31,602
We're not supposed
to do this.

1098
00:49:31,669 --> 00:49:34,505
Look, maybe Lucy is right.
Maybe this is a sign.

1099
00:49:34,572 --> 00:49:36,407
Woman: Kansas?

1100
00:49:37,708 --> 00:49:39,044
That you down there?

1101
00:49:39,110 --> 00:49:41,046
Yeah, grandma.
Me and the squad.

1102
00:49:41,112 --> 00:49:43,214
You girls
talking about boys?

1103
00:49:43,281 --> 00:49:45,050
Practicing kissing
your hand?

1104
00:49:45,116 --> 00:49:46,284
[Girls giggle]

1105
00:49:47,085 --> 00:49:48,453
Yeah, you caught us.

1106
00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:50,288
Oh, well,
then I'll put some cookies

1107
00:49:50,355 --> 00:49:52,723
at the top of the stairs
for you girls.

1108
00:49:52,790 --> 00:49:54,192
Thanks,
that'd be great.

1109
00:49:55,793 --> 00:49:58,129
[Girls exhale]

1110
00:49:58,196 --> 00:50:00,031
This is great.
What do we do?

1111
00:50:00,098 --> 00:50:02,667
Threaten people with
a trunkful of parts?

1112
00:50:02,733 --> 00:50:04,135
I'm sorry, you guys.

1113
00:50:04,202 --> 00:50:06,137
When you're dealing with
south American rebels,

1114
00:50:06,204 --> 00:50:08,173
you kinda gotta take
what you can get.

1115
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:09,840
It's a trunkful of crap.

1116
00:50:09,907 --> 00:50:12,477
Do you guys know
what I don't see here?

1117
00:50:12,543 --> 00:50:13,644
What?

1118
00:50:13,711 --> 00:50:14,912
I don't see a problem.

1119
00:50:14,979 --> 00:50:17,382
I see a great,
big craft project

1120
00:50:17,448 --> 00:50:19,550
sitting right
in front of me.

1121
00:50:19,617 --> 00:50:22,787
So, Kansas,
get me some glue,

1122
00:50:22,853 --> 00:50:25,156
some tape,
and a nail file.

1123
00:50:30,261 --> 00:50:33,264
* so it's you *

1124
00:50:33,331 --> 00:50:35,666
* at my door *

1125
00:50:37,202 --> 00:50:39,070
* she is huge *

1126
00:50:40,538 --> 00:50:44,775
* she wore a taller
man's height or more *

1127
00:50:45,843 --> 00:50:49,480
* if it fails me *

1128
00:50:49,547 --> 00:50:51,382
* then it's love for sure *

1129
00:50:51,449 --> 00:50:54,719
* 'cause I'm here *

1130
00:50:54,785 --> 00:50:58,656
* 'cause I wanna be,
and I gotta be *

1131
00:50:58,723 --> 00:51:02,293
* and I'll stay *

1132
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:06,397
* 'cause I wanna stay
every day with you *

1133
00:51:11,769 --> 00:51:14,305
* she's so cool *

1134
00:51:14,372 --> 00:51:20,478
* she's so cool *

1135
00:51:20,545 --> 00:51:24,048
Lisa: meanwhile, the most
important event of my life

1136
00:51:24,115 --> 00:51:25,450
was about to take place.

1137
00:51:25,516 --> 00:51:28,486
Please join our "a" and "b"
squad cheerleaders

1138
00:51:28,553 --> 00:51:30,788
in a salute
to winter sports!

1139
00:51:39,997 --> 00:51:42,567
Lisa: the winter sports
pep rally is only, like,

1140
00:51:42,633 --> 00:51:46,371
the biggest cheerleading
event of the year.

1141
00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:49,307
I'd been practicing
for months.

1142
00:51:49,374 --> 00:51:51,842
This was my big chance
to show the whole school

1143
00:51:51,909 --> 00:51:55,880
that I really belonged
on the "a" squad.

1144
00:51:55,946 --> 00:51:57,882
[Feliz navidad being sung]

1145
00:52:09,660 --> 00:52:11,862
Lisa: I just want to say,
that normally,

1146
00:52:11,929 --> 00:52:13,398
I'm an excellent skater.

1147
00:52:13,464 --> 00:52:17,134
Some jealous--
who will remain nameless,

1148
00:52:17,202 --> 00:52:19,069
obviously sabotaged
my skates.

1149
00:52:19,136 --> 00:52:20,205
[Screaming]

1150
00:52:20,271 --> 00:52:21,506
I was completely humiliated

1151
00:52:21,572 --> 00:52:23,808
in front of
the entire student body.

1152
00:52:25,476 --> 00:52:27,612
Talk about adding
insult to injury...

1153
00:52:27,678 --> 00:52:30,248
At the last minute,
Diane finagled putting

1154
00:52:30,315 --> 00:52:33,751
that backwater,
mutant monkey girl
on top of the pyramid!

1155
00:52:33,818 --> 00:52:35,753
[People cheering]

1156
00:52:35,820 --> 00:52:37,388
No way!

1157
00:52:37,455 --> 00:52:39,990
It ruined the entire finale.

1158
00:52:40,057 --> 00:52:41,659
Ask anybody!

1159
00:52:51,669 --> 00:52:54,539
Conan o'brien...

1160
00:52:55,740 --> 00:52:57,675
Conan o'brien...

1161
00:52:59,344 --> 00:53:01,579
Conan o'brien.
Conan o'brien...

1162
00:53:01,646 --> 00:53:03,514
Come on, Cleo.
We're not gonna waste

1163
00:53:03,581 --> 00:53:06,116
this week's question
to the netherworld
on conan.

1164
00:53:06,183 --> 00:53:08,686
Who made up the
one-question-a-week
rule anyway?

1165
00:53:08,753 --> 00:53:11,155
Kansas: it's in the Bible,
so just shut up.

1166
00:53:11,222 --> 00:53:13,858
Ok, ok. Here goes...

1167
00:53:13,924 --> 00:53:15,926
Is the day
after Christmas

1168
00:53:15,993 --> 00:53:18,195
the best day
for the heist?

1169
00:53:18,263 --> 00:53:20,431
Ah...yes!

1170
00:53:20,498 --> 00:53:23,468
Girls, numerology
confirms it, too. Look!

1171
00:53:23,534 --> 00:53:25,035
So does
soldier of fortune.

1172
00:53:25,102 --> 00:53:28,473
"A great day
to go balls out
on the offensive."

1173
00:53:28,539 --> 00:53:30,641
Then it's time
for my mom's present.

1174
00:53:32,810 --> 00:53:36,647
"Be careful. Have fun.
Ski masks are so done.

1175
00:53:36,714 --> 00:53:38,516
"Wear these masks
to fight the power

1176
00:53:38,583 --> 00:53:41,519
and never bend over
in the shower."

1177
00:53:41,586 --> 00:53:43,488
Hey, Diane, you can be
mood-swing Betty.

1178
00:53:43,554 --> 00:53:44,689
Hannah,
you're virgin Betty

1179
00:53:44,755 --> 00:53:46,357
with optional
horse and saddle.

1180
00:53:46,424 --> 00:53:47,458
[Laughter]

1181
00:53:47,525 --> 00:53:49,960
And, fern,
you can be--

1182
00:53:50,027 --> 00:53:52,062
oh, god,
we forgot fern.

1183
00:53:52,129 --> 00:53:53,431
Oh, it's ok.

1184
00:53:53,498 --> 00:53:55,866
Mom and the girls
got them for the heist.

1185
00:53:55,933 --> 00:53:57,268
It's nothing personal.

1186
00:53:57,335 --> 00:54:00,104
Hey, I got to cheer
with you guys.

1187
00:54:00,170 --> 00:54:03,107
I'm happier than
a make-a-wish kid
at Disneyland.

1188
00:54:03,173 --> 00:54:05,610
Well, we'll all
sign your yearbook.

1189
00:54:08,846 --> 00:54:10,348
Here, take mine.

1190
00:54:11,616 --> 00:54:14,084
Look, I didn't know
how to tell you guys,

1191
00:54:14,151 --> 00:54:16,654
but I got
my scholarship.

1192
00:54:17,588 --> 00:54:19,290
I can't go
through with this.

1193
00:54:19,357 --> 00:54:21,392
But we went
hands in on this.

1194
00:54:21,459 --> 00:54:23,828
You're breaking
the national high school
cheerleading association's

1195
00:54:23,894 --> 00:54:25,796
pledge of allegiance
and conformity.

1196
00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:29,800
I'll turn in my pompoms
after Christmas.

1197
00:54:29,867 --> 00:54:32,303
You know,
you guys are insane
if you don't think

1198
00:54:32,370 --> 00:54:35,806
those criminals would
gladly turn you in
for a pack of lucky's.

1199
00:54:35,873 --> 00:54:38,108
Oh, yeah!
Well, unlike you,
those criminals

1200
00:54:38,175 --> 00:54:40,345
take an oath,
and they stick
with it.

1201
00:54:40,411 --> 00:54:41,779
You don't mess
with another inmate,

1202
00:54:41,846 --> 00:54:44,014
and you never mess
with her kid.

1203
00:54:44,982 --> 00:54:46,717
I'm sorry, Diane.

1204
00:54:51,288 --> 00:54:52,457
[Sighs]

1205
00:54:55,125 --> 00:54:56,994
I could take
Lucy's place.

1206
00:54:58,429 --> 00:55:00,331
You can be
Terminator Betty.

1207
00:55:00,398 --> 00:55:02,533
[Laughter]

1208
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:04,469
Fight the power!

1209
00:55:07,505 --> 00:55:10,975
* merry, merry Christmas *

1210
00:55:14,579 --> 00:55:17,748
* merry Christmas *

1211
00:55:17,815 --> 00:55:20,951
* merry, merry Christmas *

1212
00:55:24,288 --> 00:55:26,724
both: 1, 2, 3!

1213
00:55:29,727 --> 00:55:30,828
Oh, god!

1214
00:55:35,132 --> 00:55:36,467
Oh, honey...

1215
00:55:36,534 --> 00:55:38,469
Next Christmas,

1216
00:55:38,536 --> 00:55:40,204
I'm putting
a diamond in it.

1217
00:55:40,270 --> 00:55:43,273
I don't know
what to say.

1218
00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:45,109
Well,
say you love me.

1219
00:55:46,243 --> 00:55:47,478
I love you.

1220
00:55:47,545 --> 00:55:49,046
I love you, too.

1221
00:55:56,554 --> 00:55:58,188
[Both chuckle]

1222
00:55:58,255 --> 00:55:59,790
Oh, god, here's mine.

1223
00:55:59,857 --> 00:56:01,726
It's lame. It's not
romantic or anything.

1224
00:56:01,792 --> 00:56:04,762
No, no, no, shh.
I'm gonna love it.

1225
00:56:06,497 --> 00:56:08,332
Ah! a gift certificate...

1226
00:56:08,399 --> 00:56:11,536
For a new paint job
on the gto.

1227
00:56:11,602 --> 00:56:13,370
Yeah, I was thinking
that you'd wanna

1228
00:56:13,438 --> 00:56:15,606
change the color
after Christmas.

1229
00:56:16,941 --> 00:56:17,908
Wow.

1230
00:56:17,975 --> 00:56:18,843
You like it?

1231
00:56:18,909 --> 00:56:23,781
I sold the car
to buy you that ring.

1232
00:56:25,650 --> 00:56:26,817
You're kidding?

1233
00:56:26,884 --> 00:56:29,019
No! heh heh.

1234
00:56:29,086 --> 00:56:30,555
We don't have a car.

1235
00:56:30,621 --> 00:56:32,056
[Both laugh]

1236
00:56:32,122 --> 00:56:33,791
No.

1237
00:56:33,858 --> 00:56:36,326
Oh! oh, sweetie.

1238
00:56:36,393 --> 00:56:37,795
Sweetie...

1239
00:56:38,563 --> 00:56:40,631
[Thunder clap]

1240
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:45,503
Kansas,
listen to me.

1241
00:56:45,570 --> 00:56:47,538
Jack sold
our getaway car.

1242
00:56:47,605 --> 00:56:49,774
It's a gosh damn
gift of the magi thing.

1243
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:52,142
Oops, mommy's sorry,
sweet peas.

1244
00:56:52,209 --> 00:56:54,278
Swearing is
the surest way to--

1245
00:56:54,344 --> 00:56:56,647
[sighs]
oh, shoot!

1246
00:56:56,714 --> 00:56:58,849
Mommy needs
a getaway car.

1247
00:57:00,618 --> 00:57:01,952
[Horn honking]

1248
00:57:10,828 --> 00:57:11,796
Jump in!

1249
00:57:11,862 --> 00:57:12,630
We can't stop!

1250
00:57:12,697 --> 00:57:14,532
Both:
the brakes are bad!

1251
00:57:15,633 --> 00:57:16,701
Come on, Kansas,
hurry!

1252
00:57:16,767 --> 00:57:18,536
Fern, you've got
to slow down.

1253
00:57:18,603 --> 00:57:20,771
Lord, please don't let us
run over Kansas.

1254
00:57:20,838 --> 00:57:21,839
Help!

1255
00:57:21,906 --> 00:57:23,440
Get in! Quick!

1256
00:57:23,508 --> 00:57:25,776
The brakes
are broken.

1257
00:57:27,478 --> 00:57:28,846
Kansas!

1258
00:57:29,580 --> 00:57:30,948
Oh, my god!

1259
00:57:39,724 --> 00:57:42,860
[Girls screaming]

1260
00:57:49,266 --> 00:57:52,837
Hannah: uh, anyone bring
an extra pair of panties?

1261
00:58:19,530 --> 00:58:23,768
* spitting
in a wishing well *

1262
00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:25,936
* blown to hell, crash *

1263
00:58:26,003 --> 00:58:27,872
* on the last splash... *

1264
00:58:37,582 --> 00:58:38,816
who are you?

1265
00:58:38,883 --> 00:58:40,551
The friggin'
bionic woman?

1266
00:58:40,618 --> 00:58:42,386
I just pulled it,
and it came off.

1267
00:58:42,452 --> 00:58:45,690
This is great.
Now we have to enter
through the front door.

1268
00:58:45,756 --> 00:58:47,692
Look, it's not my fault.

1269
00:58:47,758 --> 00:58:49,794
Hey! god,
rule number 1--

1270
00:58:49,860 --> 00:58:52,129
you never
take off the mask,
you hear me?

1271
00:58:52,196 --> 00:58:54,899
No matter what happens,
you never take off
the mask.

1272
00:58:54,965 --> 00:58:57,234
[Weeping]
I'm sorry, Kansas.

1273
00:58:57,301 --> 00:58:59,303
Oh! god, no.

1274
00:58:59,369 --> 00:59:01,505
Rule number 2--
no names.

1275
00:59:01,572 --> 00:59:03,073
No names,
you retard!

1276
00:59:03,140 --> 00:59:05,643
For Pete's sake,
white trash Betty.

1277
00:59:05,710 --> 00:59:07,678
I didn't realize
the rules went into effect

1278
00:59:07,745 --> 00:59:09,847
before we entered
the supermarket.

1279
00:59:09,914 --> 00:59:11,582
Well, use your head,
stalker Betty.

1280
00:59:11,649 --> 00:59:12,683
Nyah!

1281
00:59:12,750 --> 00:59:14,919
Bettys, stop it.

1282
00:59:14,985 --> 00:59:17,354
"The best squad is one
that hopes for the best

1283
00:59:17,421 --> 00:59:19,657
and prepares for the worst."
National high school

1284
00:59:19,724 --> 00:59:22,559
cheerleading
association letterhead.

1285
00:59:22,627 --> 00:59:24,829
Now, let's give a hands in.

1286
00:59:27,632 --> 00:59:29,667
We're ready, we're prepared,

1287
00:59:29,734 --> 00:59:32,102
this is gonna be
the best bank robbery ever,

1288
00:59:32,169 --> 00:59:32,937
because...

1289
00:59:33,003 --> 00:59:36,641
All: cheerleaders kick...

1290
00:59:40,711 --> 00:59:42,179
[All scream]

1291
00:59:42,246 --> 00:59:43,480
Shh! it's me.

1292
00:59:43,547 --> 00:59:44,849
Diane: Lucy?

1293
00:59:44,915 --> 00:59:46,150
Kansas: what do you want?

1294
00:59:46,216 --> 00:59:48,986
I want to help.
I'm a part of this squad.

1295
00:59:49,053 --> 00:59:50,187
Oh, no.

1296
00:59:50,254 --> 00:59:52,857
You have committed
the ultimate sin.

1297
00:59:52,923 --> 00:59:56,260
You left your squad
to be with a guy.

1298
00:59:56,326 --> 00:59:58,528
And that guy is
the devil himself,

1299
00:59:58,595 --> 01:00:03,300
because only the devil
would turn you against
your sisters.

1300
01:00:03,367 --> 01:00:05,035
[All laugh]

1301
01:00:05,102 --> 01:00:06,804
Let's go.

1302
01:00:37,101 --> 01:00:38,068
What's this?

1303
01:00:52,883 --> 01:00:54,819
[Customers shriek]

1304
01:00:54,885 --> 01:00:57,654
Get on the ground now!

1305
01:01:00,691 --> 01:01:02,092
We got tape.
Don't worry.

1306
01:01:02,159 --> 01:01:03,694
I said down!

1307
01:01:11,401 --> 01:01:12,937
Woman: ok, uh. Hello?

1308
01:01:13,003 --> 01:01:15,439
Yeah. excuse me.
Yeah, hi.

1309
01:01:15,505 --> 01:01:18,809
Umm, are you robbing
the supermarket
or the bank branch?

1310
01:01:18,876 --> 01:01:20,010
The bank.

1311
01:01:20,077 --> 01:01:22,612
Ok, so...Do you want
everybody down

1312
01:01:22,679 --> 01:01:25,415
or just the people
at the bank?

1313
01:01:25,482 --> 01:01:27,752
All of you.
Bank branch.

1314
01:01:30,620 --> 01:01:32,256
All of you.
Bank branch.

1315
01:01:34,158 --> 01:01:36,526
Will you shut up?
I'll handle this.

1316
01:01:36,593 --> 01:01:38,095
Bank branch only!

1317
01:01:38,162 --> 01:01:40,998
Everybody else,
just go on about
your business.

1318
01:01:46,603 --> 01:01:48,205
Shit, this
ain't working.

1319
01:01:48,272 --> 01:01:49,974
Everybody down!

1320
01:02:21,238 --> 01:02:23,774
That's an illegal dismount.

1321
01:02:34,018 --> 01:02:35,853
Thinking:
oh, my god.

1322
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:38,122
An "a" squad
pompom string.

1323
01:02:38,188 --> 01:02:39,089
Ow!

1324
01:02:39,156 --> 01:02:40,724
Keep your eyes
on the ground.

1325
01:02:40,791 --> 01:02:41,758
This is great.

1326
01:02:41,826 --> 01:02:43,093
How are we doing?

1327
01:02:45,229 --> 01:02:47,031
Quick. big bills,
big bills.

1328
01:02:47,097 --> 01:02:50,767
Man: this here is bull dung!
That's what this is.

1329
01:02:51,635 --> 01:02:53,237
I'll find you.
Go on.

1330
01:02:54,771 --> 01:02:58,008
I ain't gonna let
some piece of dirt
Betty doll

1331
01:02:58,075 --> 01:03:00,244
tell me what to do.

1332
01:03:00,310 --> 01:03:02,579
No, sirree Bob.

1333
01:03:02,646 --> 01:03:04,281
[Gasps]

1334
01:03:04,348 --> 01:03:06,283
Freeze, scumbag!

1335
01:03:06,350 --> 01:03:09,119
Don't you never use the
lord's son's name in vain

1336
01:03:09,186 --> 01:03:11,388
around these parts
in the U.S.A.

1337
01:03:11,455 --> 01:03:12,957
[Yells]

1338
01:03:15,525 --> 01:03:17,394
What the heck?

1339
01:03:22,566 --> 01:03:24,034
Uh, I forgot
to tell you.

1340
01:03:24,101 --> 01:03:25,502
Sometimes when
the rebels

1341
01:03:25,569 --> 01:03:26,971
take the gun
off a corpse,

1342
01:03:27,037 --> 01:03:30,274
some live rounds
get left in
the clip.

1343
01:03:30,340 --> 01:03:32,042
Good to know.

1344
01:03:33,577 --> 01:03:35,212
[Sighs]

1345
01:03:37,581 --> 01:03:39,516
Cheese on a cracker.

1346
01:03:41,051 --> 01:03:43,287
Alright,
you guys, let's go.

1347
01:03:51,862 --> 01:03:53,197
[Grunts]

1348
01:03:55,799 --> 01:03:57,467
[Vomiting]

1349
01:04:05,642 --> 01:04:07,811
[Siren wailing]

1350
01:04:07,878 --> 01:04:09,679
I'm here live at
the scene of today's

1351
01:04:09,746 --> 01:04:12,349
highly unusual
bank robbery, speaking
with an eyewitness.

1352
01:04:12,416 --> 01:04:14,384
Can you tell us
what happened here today?

1353
01:04:14,451 --> 01:04:16,053
You're talking
to the right person,

1354
01:04:16,120 --> 01:04:17,321
I am walking evidence.

1355
01:04:17,387 --> 01:04:19,689
One of them stepped
right on my [beep].

1356
01:04:19,756 --> 01:04:21,926
Excuse me, can you
get a shot of me?

1357
01:04:21,992 --> 01:04:23,460
This is important, buddy.

1358
01:04:23,527 --> 01:04:26,030
Can you dust
my [beep] for prints?
It's important.

1359
01:04:26,096 --> 01:04:29,133
I can't believe you're
standing there, you idiot!

1360
01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:30,434
Wait, hold on, I forgot.

1361
01:04:30,500 --> 01:04:34,238
I have this. This is
really important...

1362
01:04:34,304 --> 01:04:36,140
That's nice.
Thank you for your time.

1363
01:04:36,206 --> 01:04:38,208
As you can see,
this crime here today

1364
01:04:38,275 --> 01:04:40,877
is affecting people
very seriously.

1365
01:04:40,945 --> 01:04:42,312
If you haven't heard,
today,

1366
01:04:42,379 --> 01:04:45,415
5 pregnant Betty
dolls robbed the bank.

1367
01:04:46,917 --> 01:04:49,653
Can you believe this?

1368
01:04:49,719 --> 01:04:51,555
We're like celebrities.

1369
01:04:51,621 --> 01:04:53,157
Better enjoy it now.

1370
01:04:53,223 --> 01:04:55,525
Because tomorrow some little
kid falls down a well,

1371
01:04:55,592 --> 01:04:58,162
and we're nothing
but a distant memory.

1372
01:05:01,265 --> 01:05:03,333
Disguises
incinerated.

1373
01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:05,535
[All cheer]

1374
01:05:05,602 --> 01:05:07,404
Oh, bad news, di.

1375
01:05:07,471 --> 01:05:10,607
There was one thing
we just couldn't fit

1376
01:05:10,674 --> 01:05:11,942
in the furnace.

1377
01:05:15,812 --> 01:05:17,747
Oh, my god.

1378
01:05:17,814 --> 01:05:19,716
Oh, you guys!

1379
01:05:19,783 --> 01:05:22,319
Thank you. Oh!

1380
01:05:23,820 --> 01:05:25,956
Can you believe
we did it?

1381
01:05:26,023 --> 01:05:29,659
I mean...
We did it.

1382
01:05:29,726 --> 01:05:31,628
We really
did it.

1383
01:05:31,695 --> 01:05:33,630
[Screaming]

1384
01:05:38,302 --> 01:05:40,304
Lisa: I guess no one
could have predicted

1385
01:05:40,370 --> 01:05:42,572
the storm
that was about to hit.

1386
01:05:42,639 --> 01:05:45,109
The only thing
people cared about,
thought about,

1387
01:05:45,175 --> 01:05:47,111
or talked about
was the robbery.

1388
01:05:47,177 --> 01:05:50,280
Judging by the way the robbers
practically flew up

1389
01:05:50,347 --> 01:05:52,449
to spray paint
the security cameras,

1390
01:05:52,516 --> 01:05:55,652
I think it was
an Asian gang.

1391
01:05:55,719 --> 01:05:57,454
Yeah. because as a people,

1392
01:05:57,521 --> 01:06:01,558
they tend to be quite tiny
and very acrobatic.

1393
01:06:04,394 --> 01:06:05,962
Lisa: that's all it took.

1394
01:06:06,030 --> 01:06:08,332
Next thing you know,
dim sum Charlie's

1395
01:06:08,398 --> 01:06:10,934
being hauled in
for questioning.

1396
01:06:11,001 --> 01:06:15,539
From there, the town just
turned into a freak show.

1397
01:06:15,605 --> 01:06:16,573
Aah!

1398
01:06:17,774 --> 01:06:18,942
Get her!

1399
01:06:19,009 --> 01:06:20,644
That's her! That's her!

1400
01:06:20,710 --> 01:06:22,346
I'll never forget
that face!

1401
01:06:22,412 --> 01:06:24,814
Lisa: this thing spread
faster than a canker sore

1402
01:06:24,881 --> 01:06:26,250
on the girls swim team.

1403
01:06:26,316 --> 01:06:27,917
Someone in Lincoln would
say something like...

1404
01:06:27,984 --> 01:06:30,754
They were dressed
like a bunch of
freakin' Betty dolls,

1405
01:06:30,820 --> 01:06:32,156
for [beep] sake.

1406
01:06:32,222 --> 01:06:34,558
They had these
[Beep] little voices,

1407
01:06:34,624 --> 01:06:37,161
and only a bunch of
[Beep] damn [beep]

1408
01:06:37,227 --> 01:06:39,329
Would shoot up
a union cap.

1409
01:06:39,396 --> 01:06:42,099
Lisa: all of a sudden,
it's on Jerry springer.

1410
01:06:42,166 --> 01:06:44,168
This thing was
definitely huge.

1411
01:06:44,234 --> 01:06:47,937
Welcome to the show.
Today, we're gonna meet
a number of transvestites

1412
01:06:48,004 --> 01:06:49,773
who don't just
dress up as women.

1413
01:06:49,839 --> 01:06:52,842
They like to dress up
as pregnant women.

1414
01:06:52,909 --> 01:06:54,711
[Crowd booing]

1415
01:06:56,146 --> 01:06:57,847
Announcer:
Eric karros...

1416
01:06:57,914 --> 01:07:00,617
Lisa: the country had come
down with Betty doll fever.

1417
01:07:00,684 --> 01:07:02,886
Announcer: left drive
over the left field wall,

1418
01:07:02,952 --> 01:07:04,754
into a waiting pack
of Bettys.

1419
01:07:07,157 --> 01:07:08,558
Lisa: and then
it finally happened--

1420
01:07:08,625 --> 01:07:10,427
the moment I had
been waiting for.

1421
01:07:10,494 --> 01:07:11,995
The little
pipsqueaks in blue

1422
01:07:12,062 --> 01:07:14,698
finally followed up
on my evidence.

1423
01:07:16,866 --> 01:07:18,235
Heh.

1424
01:07:20,570 --> 01:07:22,539
I'm Kurt loder
with an mtv news brief.

1425
01:07:22,606 --> 01:07:24,574
Authorities now believe
a group of teenage girls

1426
01:07:24,641 --> 01:07:26,743
are responsible for
the Betty doll bank robbery.

1427
01:07:26,810 --> 01:07:28,812
Stay tuned for my interview
with alanis morissette

1428
01:07:28,878 --> 01:07:32,416
on the negative influence
of the Betty doll
on young girls.

1429
01:07:37,521 --> 01:07:38,355
Hello?

1430
01:07:38,422 --> 01:07:40,490
It was Lucy.
Lucy went to the cops.

1431
01:07:40,557 --> 01:07:42,626
Remember, Kansas.
Every time you point
a finger,

1432
01:07:42,692 --> 01:07:44,694
you have 3 more
pointing back at you.

1433
01:07:44,761 --> 01:07:48,098
She's been the weak tit
on this mama cat
since the beginning.

1434
01:07:48,165 --> 01:07:49,333
[Call waiting beeps]
That you?

1435
01:07:49,399 --> 01:07:50,867
Hold on.
Call me later.

1436
01:07:50,934 --> 01:07:52,702
I gotta get some
smokes for grandma.

1437
01:07:52,769 --> 01:07:54,070
Don't use big bills.

1438
01:07:54,138 --> 01:07:56,706
For a pack of cigs?
I'll use her food stamps.

1439
01:07:57,741 --> 01:07:59,109
Hello?
we're dead.

1440
01:07:59,176 --> 01:08:00,377
They showed
this prison movie

1441
01:08:00,444 --> 01:08:02,312
to my youth group
on Sunday.

1442
01:08:02,379 --> 01:08:04,381
Hannah--
it wasn't like
the prison we saw.

1443
01:08:04,448 --> 01:08:06,116
The women had
to shave their heads

1444
01:08:06,183 --> 01:08:09,253
because they got lice
from the filthy lives
they lived.

1445
01:08:09,319 --> 01:08:12,522
Oh, no. I'm gonna be
someone's bald bitch!

1446
01:08:12,589 --> 01:08:14,791
[Call waiting beeps]
Oops. Hold on a second.

1447
01:08:14,858 --> 01:08:16,726
Hello?
di? it's luce.

1448
01:08:16,793 --> 01:08:19,696
Kansas just called
and said she's gonna
freak me up.

1449
01:08:19,763 --> 01:08:22,532
I heard
coughing and a thud,
and Kansas had to go.

1450
01:08:22,599 --> 01:08:24,934
I think her grandma
had another heart attack.

1451
01:08:25,001 --> 01:08:26,636
Why does she wanna
freak me up?

1452
01:08:26,703 --> 01:08:28,705
She thinks you went
to the police.

1453
01:08:28,772 --> 01:08:30,039
What? that's insane.

1454
01:08:30,106 --> 01:08:31,741
Why would I go
to the police?

1455
01:08:31,808 --> 01:08:33,577
[Call waiting beeps]
Relax. Gotta get that.

1456
01:08:33,643 --> 01:08:36,246
I'll see you
tomorrow. Hello?

1457
01:08:36,313 --> 01:08:38,282
My Sunday school teacher
says in prison,

1458
01:08:38,348 --> 01:08:40,150
women shove
broomsticks up your--

1459
01:08:40,217 --> 01:08:42,452
[call waiting beeps]
Hold on.

1460
01:08:42,519 --> 01:08:43,253
Yeah?

1461
01:08:43,320 --> 01:08:44,754
[Speaking Chinese]

1462
01:08:51,961 --> 01:08:53,730
Hello?

1463
01:08:55,098 --> 01:08:56,300
No. this is Diane.

1464
01:08:56,366 --> 01:08:58,067
I think you have
the wrong number.

1465
01:08:58,134 --> 01:09:01,238
[Call waiting beeps]
Oops. That's me.
Gotta go.

1466
01:09:01,305 --> 01:09:04,040
Wrong number? No!

1467
01:09:04,107 --> 01:09:05,775
Hello?
di?

1468
01:09:05,842 --> 01:09:09,112
I called to say
conan talked about us
again last night.

1469
01:09:09,179 --> 01:09:10,647
Thanks, Cleo.
See you tomorrow.

1470
01:09:13,950 --> 01:09:15,652
Morning, sunshine.

1471
01:09:15,719 --> 01:09:18,855
Remember, except for
the morning sickness,

1472
01:09:18,922 --> 01:09:20,424
the blinding back pain,

1473
01:09:20,490 --> 01:09:22,292
and the embarrassingly
unpredictable gas,

1474
01:09:22,359 --> 01:09:26,196
these are the best days
of your life, so far.

1475
01:09:27,997 --> 01:09:30,734
Hey, hey, hey.
Not so fast.

1476
01:09:30,800 --> 01:09:33,002
Following your dream
isn't a crime.

1477
01:09:33,069 --> 01:09:34,904
Nobody suspects you.

1478
01:09:34,971 --> 01:09:36,940
Nobody even has a clue.

1479
01:09:37,006 --> 01:09:38,775
Hmm.

1480
01:09:38,842 --> 01:09:41,945
* hey, pistolero *

1481
01:10:14,244 --> 01:10:16,346
hey, guys.

1482
01:10:16,413 --> 01:10:18,715
Someone not take
a shower today?

1483
01:10:18,782 --> 01:10:19,949
Kansas: hey, Lisa,

1484
01:10:20,016 --> 01:10:22,452
did you run into
Carmen electra last summer?

1485
01:10:22,519 --> 01:10:23,853
No.

1486
01:10:23,920 --> 01:10:28,124
Because it looks like you
got some of her tits on you.

1487
01:10:28,191 --> 01:10:31,728
This just came from
the national high school
cheerleading association.

1488
01:10:31,795 --> 01:10:34,163
You might wanna look it over
before you try more

1489
01:10:34,230 --> 01:10:36,165
cradle dismounts from
double-based partner stunts

1490
01:10:36,232 --> 01:10:40,870
that are over shoulder stand
level, without using 3 catchers.

1491
01:10:40,937 --> 01:10:45,709
Oh...or before you think about
robbing another bank.

1492
01:10:46,876 --> 01:10:49,045
What did she say?
How does she know?

1493
01:10:49,112 --> 01:10:50,947
Move it, people.

1494
01:10:51,014 --> 01:10:54,284
FBI. FBI. Freeze!

1495
01:10:58,655 --> 01:11:00,490
I'm sorry to
bother you, ma'am,

1496
01:11:00,557 --> 01:11:03,059
but is this
gonna take long?
It's game night.

1497
01:11:03,126 --> 01:11:04,694
Man: face front.

1498
01:11:06,496 --> 01:11:08,264
Are you sure
they can't see us?

1499
01:11:08,332 --> 01:11:09,933
One-way mirror,
ma'am.

1500
01:11:09,999 --> 01:11:13,269
Man: picture in 3, 2, 1.

1501
01:11:13,337 --> 01:11:14,704
[Gasping]

1502
01:11:17,874 --> 01:11:20,677
Excuse me, on law & order,
they get to make one call.

1503
01:11:20,744 --> 01:11:23,513
I need to call
the father of my babies.

1504
01:11:29,786 --> 01:11:31,488
It's a fungus.
Leave it alone.

1505
01:11:31,555 --> 01:11:32,489
[Phone ringing]

1506
01:11:32,556 --> 01:11:34,391
Nothing I can do. Hello?

1507
01:11:34,458 --> 01:11:37,827
Lisa, it's Diane.
We need to talk.

1508
01:11:39,696 --> 01:11:42,098
Lisa: and that's why
i came forward.

1509
01:11:42,165 --> 01:11:43,900
Even the kids
on the short bus

1510
01:11:43,967 --> 01:11:47,937
can see that all
the evidence points to
Diane and the "a" squad.

1511
01:11:48,004 --> 01:11:49,706
Oh, it sure does.

1512
01:11:49,773 --> 01:11:52,075
Your testimony will
prove invaluable--

1513
01:11:52,141 --> 01:11:54,778
unfortunately,
it wasn't them.

1514
01:11:54,844 --> 01:11:57,681
Heh. they were all waiting
in my suburban that day

1515
01:11:57,747 --> 01:12:02,085
while I ran into
the supermarket
for some cash.

1516
01:12:02,151 --> 01:12:05,389
We were on our way
to practice.

1517
01:12:05,455 --> 01:12:08,625
Well, better get going.

1518
01:12:08,692 --> 01:12:12,362
Nobody ever got ahead
by sitting on their behind.

1519
01:12:19,035 --> 01:12:20,269
[Car honking]

1520
01:12:20,336 --> 01:12:22,439
Hey! over here!

1521
01:12:22,506 --> 01:12:24,040
Is that Lisa?

1522
01:12:24,107 --> 01:12:26,576
What's she doing here?

1523
01:12:27,511 --> 01:12:29,746
Come on.

1524
01:12:33,049 --> 01:12:35,284
They let you guys
keep your mug shots?

1525
01:12:35,351 --> 01:12:38,955
I don't get it.
Why did you tell the cops
we were with you?

1526
01:12:39,022 --> 01:12:42,058
Look, guys, a failure to plan
is a plan for failure.

1527
01:12:42,125 --> 01:12:43,793
We needed an alibi.

1528
01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:46,496
I'm not gonna be
doing back handsprings
anytime soon.

1529
01:12:46,563 --> 01:12:48,798
What's in it
for her?

1530
01:12:48,865 --> 01:12:51,501
Well, the "a" squad
is going to need

1531
01:12:51,568 --> 01:12:53,202
a new captain soon.

1532
01:12:53,269 --> 01:12:54,571
You can't be serious!

1533
01:12:54,638 --> 01:12:58,374
Lisa really does
know all the rules.

1534
01:13:01,645 --> 01:13:03,647
Look! if it wasn't
for my alibi,

1535
01:13:03,713 --> 01:13:06,816
you'd all be doing college
by correspondence.

1536
01:13:08,184 --> 01:13:10,119
[Screaming]

1537
01:13:10,186 --> 01:13:12,121
Get away from me!

1538
01:13:13,156 --> 01:13:14,524
[Farting]

1539
01:13:14,591 --> 01:13:17,160
Ewww.
gross. Diane!

1540
01:13:18,495 --> 01:13:20,096
Diane: sorry,
it just slipped out.

1541
01:13:20,163 --> 01:13:21,498
Ok!

1542
01:13:21,565 --> 01:13:23,733
Lisa: funny how things
work out in the end.

1543
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:25,535
Diane turned in her pompoms,

1544
01:13:25,602 --> 01:13:28,004
and I'm the new
"a" squad captain.

1545
01:13:28,071 --> 01:13:30,607
After all,
national high school
cheerleading association

1546
01:13:30,674 --> 01:13:34,744
rule number one--
always stand behind
your fellow cheerleaders,

1547
01:13:34,811 --> 01:13:37,080
especially when they're
7 months pregnant,

1548
01:13:37,146 --> 01:13:40,416
locked in a holding tank,
and looking at 15 to life.

1549
01:13:40,484 --> 01:13:43,119
Actually, I made
that last little bit up,

1550
01:13:43,186 --> 01:13:45,622
but you know what I mean.

1551
01:13:53,697 --> 01:13:58,234
* well, she was
an American girl *

1552
01:13:58,301 --> 01:14:01,938
* raised on promises *

1553
01:14:02,005 --> 01:14:04,708
* she couldn't help thinkin'
that there *

1554
01:14:04,774 --> 01:14:09,546
* was a little more to life
somewhere else *

1555
01:14:09,613 --> 01:14:13,750
* after all,
it was a great big world *

1556
01:14:13,817 --> 01:14:17,521
* with lots of places
to run to *

1557
01:14:17,587 --> 01:14:20,389
* and if she had to die *

1558
01:14:20,456 --> 01:14:26,730
* tryin' she had one little
promise she was gonna keep *

1559
01:14:26,796 --> 01:14:30,667
* oh, yeah, alright *

1560
01:14:30,734 --> 01:14:32,636
* take it easy, baby *

1561
01:14:32,702 --> 01:14:35,271
* make it last all night *

1562
01:14:35,338 --> 01:14:39,709
* she was an American girl *

1563
01:14:42,411 --> 01:14:46,182
* well, it was kind of cold
that night *

1564
01:14:46,249 --> 01:14:49,919
* she stood alone
on her balcony *

1565
01:14:49,986 --> 01:14:53,857
* yeah, she could
hear the cars roll by *

1566
01:14:53,923 --> 01:14:58,895
* out on 441, like waves
crashin' on the beach *

1567
01:14:58,962 --> 01:15:02,566
* and for one desperate
moment there *

1568
01:15:02,632 --> 01:15:06,603
* he crept back
in her memory *

1569
01:15:06,670 --> 01:15:08,572
* god, it's so painful *

1570
01:15:08,638 --> 01:15:11,474
* when something
that's so close *

1571
01:15:11,541 --> 01:15:15,712
* is still so far
out of reach *

1572
01:15:15,779 --> 01:15:19,749
* oh, yeah, alright *

1573
01:15:19,816 --> 01:15:21,718
* take it easy, baby *

1574
01:15:21,785 --> 01:15:24,053
* make it last all night *

1575
01:15:24,120 --> 01:15:28,858
* she was an American girl *

1576
01:15:33,830 --> 01:15:37,100
* an American girl *

1577
01:15:41,938 --> 01:15:45,742
* an American girl *

1578
01:16:02,525 --> 01:16:04,160
* let's go *

1579
01:16:18,474 --> 01:16:20,910
* good morning, sunshine *

1580
01:16:20,977 --> 01:16:25,649
* what you wanna do today? *

1581
01:16:25,715 --> 01:16:28,217
* I'm so tired of working *

1582
01:16:28,284 --> 01:16:32,822
* I've got too many bills
to pay, that's ok *

1583
01:16:32,889 --> 01:16:36,860
* 'cause I've got
a real straight shot *

1584
01:16:36,926 --> 01:16:41,731
* you've got
a pretty good car *

1585
01:16:41,798 --> 01:16:44,033
* so pick a point
on the map *

1586
01:16:44,100 --> 01:16:46,169
* doesn't matter which one *

1587
01:16:46,235 --> 01:16:50,173
* we'll be rich
when the job gets done *

1588
01:16:50,239 --> 01:16:53,810
* you hold the bag,
and I'll hold the gun *

1589
01:16:53,877 --> 01:16:56,379
* fill up the tank *

1590
01:16:56,445 --> 01:16:58,882
* let's Rob a bank *

1591
01:17:00,984 --> 01:17:03,853
* I've got holes in my shoes *

1592
01:17:03,920 --> 01:17:07,390
* I've got holes
in my underwear *

1593
01:17:08,658 --> 01:17:11,394
* take a look in my wallet *

1594
01:17:11,460 --> 01:17:16,065
* there used to be some
money there, I don't care *

1595
01:17:16,132 --> 01:17:20,036
* 'cause I've got
a real straight shot *

1596
01:17:20,103 --> 01:17:25,141
* you've got
a pretty good car *

1597
01:17:25,208 --> 01:17:27,610
* so pick a point
on the map *

1598
01:17:27,677 --> 01:17:29,779
* doesn't matter which one *

1599
01:17:29,846 --> 01:17:33,382
* we'll be rich
when the job gets done *

1600
01:17:33,449 --> 01:17:37,053
* you hold the bag,
and I'll hold the gun *

1601
01:17:37,120 --> 01:17:39,689
* fill up the tank *

1602
01:17:39,756 --> 01:17:42,158
* let's Rob a bank *

1603
01:17:42,225 --> 01:17:45,394
* we can have
everything we want *

1604
01:17:45,461 --> 01:17:49,465
* ooooh
la, la, la, la *

1605
01:17:49,532 --> 01:17:52,068
* I can buy a new guitar *

1606
01:17:52,135 --> 01:17:54,704
* you can pay
your credit cards *

1607
01:17:54,771 --> 01:17:57,741
* let's Rob a bank *

1608
01:18:10,586 --> 01:18:14,758
* 'cause I've got
a real straight shot *

1609
01:18:14,824 --> 01:18:19,695
* you've got
a pretty good car *

1610
01:18:19,763 --> 01:18:21,965
* so pick a point
on the map *

1611
01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:24,801
* doesn't matter which one *

1612
01:18:24,868 --> 01:18:28,004
* we'll be rich
when the job gets done *

1613
01:18:28,071 --> 01:18:31,741
* you hold the bag,
and I'll hold the gun *

1614
01:18:31,808 --> 01:18:34,043
* fill up the tank *

1615
01:18:34,110 --> 01:18:36,079
* let's Rob a bank *

1616
01:18:36,145 --> 01:18:38,081
* point on the map,
doesn't matter which one *

1617
01:18:38,147 --> 01:18:39,715
* let's Rob a bank *

1618
01:18:39,783 --> 01:18:41,785
* we'll be rich
when the job gets done *

1619
01:18:41,851 --> 01:18:43,352
* let's Rob a bank *

1620
01:18:43,419 --> 01:18:46,823
* you hold the bag,
and I'll hold the gun *

1621
01:18:46,890 --> 01:18:49,458
* fill up the tank *

1622
01:18:49,525 --> 01:18:54,030
* let's Rob a bank *