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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
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And now, the Game Show Network presents,
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Are We Talking About Jake
Gyllenhaal or Jared Leto?
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"I am oily-haired with
dinner-plate eyes."
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"I was in that one movie
about the weirdo."
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"I somehow look both
deathly ill and ripped."
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"I am a less successful
version of Tobey Maguire."
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Anyone? No?
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"You would totally believe any
story about me being a dick."
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I'm changing the channel.
I like both of them.
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Peter, did you see this?
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It says here that Carter Pewterschmidt
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has bought the
Pawtucket Patriot Brewery.
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Now what's that?
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It's where you work, Peter.
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Why the hell would Daddy
buy the brewery?
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Well, there's children in the
room... watch your swearing...
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But apparently, he's looking
to diversify his holdings.
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Wow, Dad. I guess that means
Grandpa's your new boss.
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Ah, crap. I don't want to work for him.
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I'd rather work for Doctor Frankenstein.
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- Igor, I did it!
- Hold on.
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You discovered the power
to create new life,
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and you created a guy?
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So I should've made a woman so
I could have sex with a corpse?
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I don't know, man.
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You just shouldn't have made a guy.
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All right, now that
I'm in charge of this brewery,
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there's gonna be some changes
around here.
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For one thing, no more T-shirts
or dungarees in the work place.
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Dungarees are jeans!
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Griffin? What are you doing here?
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I... I work here.
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You do? No way!
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Oh, this is gonna be fun.
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Effective immediately,
you're the guy at the office
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with a weird ski tan, but
you can't talk about it.
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Hey, what, did you go
skiing this weekend?
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I'm not allowed to talk about it.
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Aw, damn it.
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Morning, Brian.
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I'm afraid you ran a red light.
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Your license please.
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Ugh. I swear, Joe,
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the light was still gray
when I went through it.
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Mm-hmm. Are you aware this is expired?
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What?
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Brian, step out of the vehicle.
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Wha-Wha... What? What's going on?
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Well, the law's clear.
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I have to confiscate your license,
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and you're gonna have to walk home.
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Well, can't you at least give me a ride?
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No can do, amigo.
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Ugh. All right, I guess
I'll just call an Uber.
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Are you Brian?
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Ah, Griffin, there you are.
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I've decided that as your new boss,
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I'm gonna require you to
have a standing desk.
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Aw, but I'll look like such an ass!
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And that's not all.
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You got to constantly tell everybody
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what a good idea it is,
and how important it is,
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and how wrong they are
for having traditional desks.
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Can't I just work at it
and mind my own business?
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No, you have to be a freak about it.
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Maybe it can just be
my own personal choice,
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and-and I'm not judging
others for their choices.
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No. You being right means
everyone else is wrong.
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That's what your standing desk
is saying to the chair people.
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From now on,
you call them "chair people."
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Oh, and three times
a day you have to say,
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"Sitting is the biggest killer
in America."
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Good night, Peter.
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Good night,
gender-transitioned co-worker
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we had a whole meeting about.
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Mr. Pewterschmidt, what
you're ordering is illegal.
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I don't care about that.
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I want our beer cans made from
the cheapest material possible.
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But sir...
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What about those metal toilets
where prisoners make wine?
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Use those.
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But sir, if word got out
about this, it'd be one
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of the most notorious
developments in beer history,
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second only to Michelob Ultra
Dragon Fruit Peach.
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Peter, are you sure you heard
Mr. Pewterschmidt correctly?
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He actually said
he wanted cheap, toxic materials
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inserted into the brewery's
supply stream?
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Well, his eyes looked different
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how he said it, but that was the gist.
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Also, some of the brewery
workers say very hurtful things
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if a co-worker wears shorts.
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Follow the money.
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Mr. Griffin, it sounds like
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you've brought me an interesting story.
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What should I do with it, Ollie?
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Make it news!
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Ah, you got a standing desk, too?
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Sitting's bad!
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I know. They don't want
to hear it, though.
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Sir, there's
a reporter here to see you.
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Is it Kermit the Frog
when he's wearing a trench coat?
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That tells you he's a reporter.
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Sir, an anonymous whistleblower
in the brewery says
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you've personally ordered
the sourcing of cut-rate,
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potentially toxic canning materials.
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God, you're gorgeous.
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Mr. Pewterschmidt, I remind you,
this is on the record.
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You ever been with a man
who's got a prostate
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the size of a beefsteak tomato?
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Oh, crap, it's Carter!
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00:05:53,128 --> 00:05:54,821
I bet he's mad
I told the news about him.
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I'll just do what Superman does.
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Oh, hey, Carter.
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Hello, citizen. Have you seen Peter?
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Aw, he was just here!
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Daddy, what's this about?
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Did Peter screw something up at work?
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No, I'm here because
I've got important news.
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Lois, everyone, I've left your mother,
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and Tricia Takanawa
is moving in with me.
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Holy crap! What?!
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I wanted you to know.
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I'm in love!
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Well, good for you
for being honest, Carter.
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It's never good
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to keep something
that matters to you a secret.
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Tell her about the surf camp
in Belize, Peter.
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Tell her you're going.
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Tell her it's your dream,
and you deserve it.
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Tell her it'll make you a better father.
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What's that, Peter?
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00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,621
Ah, nothing. Just something stupid.
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You're leaving Babs
for Tricia Takanawa?!
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And I've never been happier!
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What about Mom? Where is Mom?
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The sanitarium. The sanitarium?!
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00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:03,757
Yeah. I told her I was leaving her,
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and she freaked out for no reason.
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And I'll tell you, I don't know
why they call it a "sanitarium."
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That place is a filthy hell hole.
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00:07:09,569 --> 00:07:11,570
Oh, my God! That's awful!
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Sorry. What'd you say?
I was texting Tricia.
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She just sent me
a picture of her smoothie.
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"Looks good, babe."
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All right, class, let's get started.
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Stewie, what are you doing?
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And why are you dressed like that?
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Because I'm your driver's
ed instructor, Brian.
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- You're what?
- That's right.
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I heard you lost your license,
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and I'm gonna help you get it back.
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Uh... okay.
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Now, we've got a lot to cover.
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But first, let's watch a safety video
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designed to terrorize you into
being a responsible motorist.
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Come on, kid with a bright future.
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I'll give you a no-seatbelt car ride
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after this teen kegger party.
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I don't know.
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I'm going to Harvard-Yale tomorrow.
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I'd hate to lose it all
because of making poor choices.
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Ah, come on, man. I just had
a couple of alcohol beers.
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00:08:04,324 --> 00:08:07,059
And I'm his girlfriend
'cause he has great genitals.
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And I'm impressed
with reckless behavior,
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so I'm going to reward him with
my mouth while he's driving.
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Now let's smoke a marijuana cigarette
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while I'm speeding because of a dare.
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Hey, careful. I'd hate
for you to be unresponsive
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to my pleasuring while you're
driving because of intoxication.
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Stewie, is this about anything
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but oral stuff while you're driving?
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It's about all facets
of driving safety, yes.
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I'm gonna fast-forward.
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What a waste.
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I'm a grizzled, seen-it-all veteran cop,
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and I'm shaking my head
at the senseless waste.
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Sir, we've done our police tests.
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The driver was being mouth-pleased
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at the moment of impact.
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Lois! Fat Ass!
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00:08:56,075 --> 00:08:59,077
Family, I want you to
meet Tricia Takanawa.
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Hello, everyone. So happy you came.
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00:09:02,382 --> 00:09:03,715
Yup, food's on the table,
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00:09:03,716 --> 00:09:05,417
and if anyone needs
some dirty underpants,
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00:09:05,418 --> 00:09:06,885
the vending machine's right over there.
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00:09:06,886 --> 00:09:08,186
How nice.
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00:09:08,187 --> 00:09:09,855
Right where my mother's
China cabinet used to be.
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00:09:09,856 --> 00:09:12,557
Lois, can I please have a dollar
for the vending machine?
199
00:09:12,558 --> 00:09:14,526
No, Peter. I'm getting our coats.
200
00:09:14,527 --> 00:09:16,260
We're leaving.
201
00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:22,534
No! Bill too crinkly!
202
00:09:22,535 --> 00:09:24,502
Try again!
203
00:09:25,805 --> 00:09:27,339
Bill too crinkly!
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00:09:27,340 --> 00:09:29,341
You dollar funny!
205
00:09:29,342 --> 00:09:31,376
This must be so difficult for you.
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00:09:31,377 --> 00:09:34,056
It is. There's a lot of choices here.
207
00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:35,213
But I ain't talking to you.
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00:09:35,214 --> 00:09:37,816
I thought you were supposed to
be doing a news story on Carter,
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00:09:37,817 --> 00:09:39,284
not shacking up with him.
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00:09:39,285 --> 00:09:41,720
The truth is all I ever wanted
211
00:09:41,721 --> 00:09:43,822
was to some day have a family of my own.
212
00:09:43,823 --> 00:09:47,192
And I realized Carter
could give me all of that.
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00:09:47,193 --> 00:09:48,794
A family all your own?
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00:09:48,795 --> 00:09:50,962
Yes. A family just like this,
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00:09:50,963 --> 00:09:54,066
in fact, with a fine son
just like you, Peter.
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00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:57,836
A son to whom I could one day
give a piece of sour plum candy.
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00:09:58,830 --> 00:10:00,441
Thank you, Mama Tricia!
218
00:10:00,442 --> 00:10:03,642
But a lazy son
who does not make me proud?
219
00:10:03,643 --> 00:10:06,945
Peter, that son deserves no candy.
220
00:10:08,881 --> 00:10:10,215
I swear, Mama Tricia,
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00:10:10,216 --> 00:10:13,027
I'm gonna make you the
proudest Tiger Mom of all!
222
00:10:13,028 --> 00:10:15,554
Not like how Jesus feels about his kid.
223
00:10:15,555 --> 00:10:17,723
Dad, I got bullied at school!
224
00:10:17,724 --> 00:10:19,391
They flipped up my lunch tray!
225
00:10:19,392 --> 00:10:20,859
Oh, that sucks.
226
00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:22,561
I wonder if that's the worst thing
227
00:10:22,562 --> 00:10:24,629
that ever happened to a guy?
228
00:10:24,630 --> 00:10:26,832
Whoa. Whoa!
229
00:10:26,833 --> 00:10:28,500
Billy, this guy in this book here...
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00:10:28,501 --> 00:10:31,610
He's really getting
the business... yikes!
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00:10:31,611 --> 00:10:34,061
Okay, I'm sorry. What
happened at school today?
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00:10:34,062 --> 00:10:35,607
You're kind of a dick, Dad.
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00:10:35,608 --> 00:10:37,876
Huh. I wonder if there's anyone in here
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00:10:37,877 --> 00:10:39,678
whose dad was a bigger dick.
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00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,279
Wow! Crazy!
236
00:10:45,852 --> 00:10:48,820
Uh, Mom, why is Dad
over there playing chess
237
00:10:48,821 --> 00:10:50,422
with Tricia Takanawa?
238
00:10:50,423 --> 00:10:52,524
Because, Chris, your idiot father
239
00:10:52,525 --> 00:10:54,259
thinks she's his new "Tiger Mom,"
240
00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:56,094
and he's trying to impress her.
241
00:10:56,095 --> 00:10:59,331
All right, Peter, it's time
to master the game of chess.
242
00:10:59,332 --> 00:11:00,732
Okay, that shouldn't be too hard.
243
00:11:00,733 --> 00:11:03,535
No. You will do it in the
traditional Japanese way...
244
00:11:03,536 --> 00:11:05,937
On a wacky game show
while a beautiful woman
245
00:11:05,938 --> 00:11:08,340
beats your scrotum with a reed.
246
00:11:08,341 --> 00:11:10,675
Ow. I don't know which way
the horse goes.
247
00:11:12,412 --> 00:11:14,778
Why is that guy laughing at me
and where is he?
248
00:11:15,548 --> 00:11:18,049
There was a time limit?
Nobody told me that.
249
00:11:19,485 --> 00:11:21,787
Time for "Good Door, Bad Door"!
250
00:11:21,788 --> 00:11:24,456
Wait. How bad is the bad door?
251
00:11:26,626 --> 00:11:29,027
Grandpa-san, how bad was the bad door?
252
00:11:29,028 --> 00:11:30,429
Not too bad.
253
00:11:30,430 --> 00:11:31,830
But shortly afterwards,
254
00:11:31,831 --> 00:11:33,665
I was almost eaten alive
by an escalator.
255
00:11:34,934 --> 00:11:36,735
The game is still going on?
256
00:11:36,736 --> 00:11:40,338
You lose chess!
257
00:11:45,011 --> 00:11:47,913
Peter, another way
to impress your Asian Tiger Mom
258
00:11:47,914 --> 00:11:50,348
is to put on this
old-fashioned baseball hat
259
00:11:50,349 --> 00:11:53,185
and assist Indiana Jones
on his next adventure.
260
00:11:53,186 --> 00:11:54,886
You got it, Mama Tricia.
261
00:11:54,887 --> 00:11:56,988
Okay, nice and slow, Doctor Jones.
262
00:11:56,989 --> 00:11:58,957
More alcohol and pot.
263
00:11:58,958 --> 00:12:01,159
Yeah, let's get you out
of the tub first, Doctor Jones.
264
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,994
I want to fly an old plane.
265
00:12:02,995 --> 00:12:04,463
I'm not sure that's a great idea.
266
00:12:04,464 --> 00:12:05,897
Not a new, safe one.
267
00:12:05,898 --> 00:12:07,299
Uh, yeah, yeah, I got that.
268
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:09,334
There's a
skeleton in my bedroom.
269
00:12:09,335 --> 00:12:10,836
That's your wife, Doctor Jones.
270
00:12:10,837 --> 00:12:13,104
Now maybe today we don't do the earring?
271
00:12:13,105 --> 00:12:15,639
No. Earring every day.
272
00:12:18,845 --> 00:12:20,212
All right, Brian, let's begin.
273
00:12:20,213 --> 00:12:21,546
Great, let's do it.
274
00:12:21,547 --> 00:12:22,681
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
275
00:12:22,682 --> 00:12:24,456
Stop! Demerit!
276
00:12:24,457 --> 00:12:25,317
What the hell?
277
00:12:25,318 --> 00:12:26,585
Where are your hands, Brian?
278
00:12:26,586 --> 00:12:28,153
Uh... on the steering wheel?
279
00:12:28,154 --> 00:12:29,954
Ten and two.
280
00:12:32,091 --> 00:12:33,926
All right, commence.
281
00:12:35,294 --> 00:12:37,362
IPDE, Brian, IPDE. What?
282
00:12:37,363 --> 00:12:40,899
IPDE... Identify,
Predict, Decide, Execute.
283
00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:43,068
You've got to constantly
be IPDE-ing everything
284
00:12:43,069 --> 00:12:44,536
in your target zone.
285
00:12:44,537 --> 00:12:45,971
I-I-I-I don't, I don't know
what you're saying.
286
00:12:45,972 --> 00:12:47,405
"Identify. Predict..."
287
00:12:47,406 --> 00:12:48,707
Yeah, you said that.
288
00:12:48,708 --> 00:12:50,108
- But it doesn't mean anyth...
- IPDE that.
289
00:12:50,109 --> 00:12:52,744
- Uh... it's a child with a ball.
- Very good.
290
00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:55,013
Identified. Now predict.
291
00:12:55,014 --> 00:12:56,648
- Predict what?
- IPDE.
292
00:12:56,649 --> 00:12:58,350
Yeah, you keep saying
that like it's a word.
293
00:12:58,351 --> 00:12:59,885
Those four letters don't make a word.
294
00:12:59,886 --> 00:13:01,753
It-it's not helping
me remember anything.
295
00:13:01,754 --> 00:13:03,388
Well, now you've got
an oncoming vehicle.
296
00:13:03,389 --> 00:13:05,357
Pay attention to your
four-to-six second zone.
297
00:13:05,358 --> 00:13:07,392
What? What is that?
Fo-four-to-six second...?
298
00:13:07,393 --> 00:13:08,860
IPDE the car, Brian. IPDE the car!
299
00:13:08,861 --> 00:13:10,061
What does that mean?
300
00:13:10,062 --> 00:13:11,596
Now, check your gauges with one eye
301
00:13:11,597 --> 00:13:13,265
while keeping
your other eye on the road.
302
00:13:13,266 --> 00:13:14,666
My eyes go in the same direction.
303
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,034
What's your tire pressure?
304
00:13:16,035 --> 00:13:17,702
I-I can't... I don't...
I-I'm in the car.
305
00:13:17,703 --> 00:13:19,037
Stop! Demerit!
306
00:13:19,038 --> 00:13:20,472
Stewie, I know how to drive.
307
00:13:20,473 --> 00:13:21,773
I've been driving for years.
308
00:13:22,909 --> 00:13:26,411
Ever hear of IPDE, jackass?
309
00:13:30,917 --> 00:13:33,385
I had a great day with the fat son.
310
00:13:33,386 --> 00:13:35,320
He's started to respond positively
311
00:13:35,321 --> 00:13:37,556
to the caning
of his buttocks and knuckles.
312
00:13:37,557 --> 00:13:39,324
Speaking of buttocks and knuckles,
313
00:13:39,325 --> 00:13:40,992
let's fool around.
314
00:13:40,993 --> 00:13:43,395
Mmm, sounds good.
315
00:13:43,396 --> 00:13:44,996
I wonder if I can tell you
316
00:13:44,997 --> 00:13:47,999
one of my deepest sexual fantasies?
317
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,001
All right. Let me just burp
through my nose for a second,
318
00:13:50,002 --> 00:13:51,369
I've been drinking seltzer.
319
00:13:52,772 --> 00:13:54,005
Okay, what do you got?
320
00:13:54,006 --> 00:13:56,141
Well, you're going
to think this is silly,
321
00:13:56,142 --> 00:13:58,710
but I love it when a man confesses
322
00:13:58,711 --> 00:14:01,379
to manufacturing improprieties.
323
00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:04,316
Oh, yeah? Well, then,
you're gonna love this.
324
00:14:04,317 --> 00:14:06,918
I ordered the brewery
to start making beer cans
325
00:14:06,919 --> 00:14:10,288
out of toxic, unsafe metal,
just to save a few bucks.
326
00:14:10,289 --> 00:14:12,190
Exactly what I wanted to hear.
327
00:14:12,191 --> 00:14:13,624
Thank you, Carter.
328
00:14:14,460 --> 00:14:15,894
And there you have it,
329
00:14:15,895 --> 00:14:17,896
Channel Five News audience.
330
00:14:17,897 --> 00:14:21,132
This has been Tricia Takanawa,
with my undercover exposé
331
00:14:21,133 --> 00:14:23,501
of Pawtucket Patriot Brewery.
332
00:14:23,502 --> 00:14:26,871
Up next... is Papa John dyeing
his eyebrows?
333
00:14:26,872 --> 00:14:28,873
I sleep with him to find out,
334
00:14:28,874 --> 00:14:31,810
though I'm fairly confident
the answer is yes.
335
00:14:31,811 --> 00:14:33,712
And... we're clear.
336
00:14:33,713 --> 00:14:35,480
What-What's going on?
337
00:14:35,481 --> 00:14:37,649
I finished my investigation.
338
00:14:37,650 --> 00:14:38,984
But... I don't understand.
339
00:14:38,985 --> 00:14:40,919
I... I thought we were in love.
340
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,593
I only let you think that.
341
00:14:42,594 --> 00:14:43,521
I'm sorry.
342
00:14:43,522 --> 00:14:45,623
It's time for me to go.
343
00:14:48,227 --> 00:14:49,060
Chris?
344
00:14:49,061 --> 00:14:50,295
Hi, Grandpa.
345
00:14:50,296 --> 00:14:51,896
I got an internship.
346
00:14:51,897 --> 00:14:54,432
You mean, you've been
working for Tricia?
347
00:14:54,433 --> 00:14:57,034
Hang on, I got to get
20 seconds of room tone.
348
00:14:58,137 --> 00:14:59,938
What's room tone?
349
00:14:59,939 --> 00:15:01,438
Oh, we got to start again.
350
00:15:06,508 --> 00:15:08,799
I miss her so much, Griffin.
351
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,782
Of all the women I've
institutionalized Babs over,
352
00:15:11,783 --> 00:15:13,970
she's the one who meant the most to me.
353
00:15:13,971 --> 00:15:14,885
I know.
354
00:15:14,886 --> 00:15:16,787
It's like, one day she's my Tiger Mom,
355
00:15:16,788 --> 00:15:18,455
and the next day she isn't,
356
00:15:18,456 --> 00:15:19,923
and the day before that first day,
357
00:15:19,924 --> 00:15:21,290
she also wasn't.
358
00:15:21,292 --> 00:15:23,293
But the point is she hurt us, Carter.
359
00:15:23,294 --> 00:15:25,028
We got to get her back.
360
00:15:25,029 --> 00:15:26,964
We need revenge.
361
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,033
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
362
00:15:30,034 --> 00:15:31,201
Coming up next,
363
00:15:31,202 --> 00:15:34,404
Nicki Minaj... is a bear?
364
00:15:34,405 --> 00:15:37,975
But first, congratulations to
our very own Tricia Takanawa.
365
00:15:37,976 --> 00:15:39,977
That's right, Tom.
Tricia's recent exposé
366
00:15:39,978 --> 00:15:41,712
on the Pawtucket Patriot Brewery
367
00:15:41,713 --> 00:15:43,380
has been nominated for a local Emmy.
368
00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:45,582
Mm, the "local" really hurts that.
369
00:15:45,583 --> 00:15:46,917
That's it, Griffin.
370
00:15:46,918 --> 00:15:48,619
That's how we'll get our revenge.
371
00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:50,354
You and I will go to the local Emmys,
372
00:15:50,355 --> 00:15:52,022
and we'll embarrass Tricia
on her big night
373
00:15:52,023 --> 00:15:53,457
in front of all her peers.
374
00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:55,092
That's a great idea!
375
00:15:55,093 --> 00:15:56,426
'Cause people need to know
376
00:15:56,427 --> 00:15:57,828
that she's an even bigger fraud
377
00:15:57,829 --> 00:15:59,463
than Robert Baden Powell,
378
00:15:59,464 --> 00:16:01,231
the founder of the Boy Scouts.
379
00:16:01,232 --> 00:16:03,500
Ma'am, I'd like to take
your son into the woods.
380
00:16:03,501 --> 00:16:05,969
What? That sounds suspicious.
381
00:16:05,970 --> 00:16:08,438
Well, what if I said we'd
both be wearing shorts
382
00:16:08,439 --> 00:16:10,474
and neckerchiefs, and
I'd give him little patches
383
00:16:10,475 --> 00:16:12,308
for doing what I say?
384
00:16:18,383 --> 00:16:19,983
So? How'd we do?
385
00:16:19,984 --> 00:16:21,518
Did you pass your driver's test?
386
00:16:21,519 --> 00:16:22,919
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think so.
387
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,154
You brought up IPDE?
388
00:16:24,155 --> 00:16:25,455
As a matter of fact, I did.
389
00:16:25,456 --> 00:16:26,556
He was impressed?
390
00:16:26,557 --> 00:16:28,291
No, he had no idea
what I was talking about.
391
00:16:28,292 --> 00:16:29,626
He tried to Google it on his phone
392
00:16:29,627 --> 00:16:31,862
and ended up spilling hot coffee
on his balls.
393
00:16:31,863 --> 00:16:33,764
I took him to the ER
and he said he'd pass me
394
00:16:33,765 --> 00:16:35,232
if I picked him up in an hour.
395
00:16:35,233 --> 00:16:36,867
So it did work.
396
00:16:36,868 --> 00:16:39,202
Well, congratulations, you're
getting your license back!
397
00:16:39,203 --> 00:16:40,570
I know, it's great.
398
00:16:40,571 --> 00:16:43,306
Now I'll be able to go to
those dog parties again.
399
00:17:10,468 --> 00:17:11,701
There's Tricia.
400
00:17:13,438 --> 00:17:15,238
Sweet. What's our plan??
401
00:17:15,239 --> 00:17:17,007
We put this in her drink.
402
00:17:17,008 --> 00:17:19,876
It'll make her instantly
"triple" herself.
403
00:17:19,877 --> 00:17:22,546
Tripling is when you vomit,
defecate, and orgasm,
404
00:17:22,547 --> 00:17:24,047
all at the same time.
405
00:17:24,048 --> 00:17:25,749
Wha... I-I don't...
406
00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:27,422
Why would that medicine even exist?
407
00:17:27,423 --> 00:17:28,251
Cosby.
408
00:17:28,252 --> 00:17:29,686
Now all we need is a distraction
409
00:17:29,687 --> 00:17:31,221
so we can spike her cocktail.
410
00:17:31,222 --> 00:17:32,989
Aha. You leave that to me.
411
00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:34,591
I know something that might distract
412
00:17:34,592 --> 00:17:36,159
all these news people.
413
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,794
Maybe if one of us just chuckles
414
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,162
for no apparent reason,
415
00:17:39,163 --> 00:17:40,797
everyone else will start chuckling.
416
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:42,032
Worth a shot.
417
00:17:51,409 --> 00:17:52,809
All right, they're all news chuckling!
418
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:54,044
Go, go, go!
419
00:18:02,053 --> 00:18:03,887
Okay. All Tricia's got to do now
420
00:18:03,888 --> 00:18:05,322
is take one sip and she'll blow it out
421
00:18:05,323 --> 00:18:06,590
of all three holes,
422
00:18:06,591 --> 00:18:07,991
right here in front of everyone.
423
00:18:07,992 --> 00:18:11,093
And that will make us feel
better about our life choices.
424
00:18:11,996 --> 00:18:13,230
Hello, Mother.
425
00:18:13,231 --> 00:18:15,165
I'm so happy you could be here tonight.
426
00:18:15,166 --> 00:18:16,433
Why happy?
427
00:18:16,434 --> 00:18:17,768
You no work for Channel Ten,
428
00:18:17,769 --> 00:18:19,035
just Channel Five.
429
00:18:19,036 --> 00:18:20,537
Only half as good.
430
00:18:20,538 --> 00:18:22,906
Mother, please,
I-I'm being honored tonight.
431
00:18:22,907 --> 00:18:25,342
What honor? Connie Chung
marry Maury Povich,
432
00:18:25,343 --> 00:18:27,244
form media super team.
433
00:18:27,245 --> 00:18:29,713
Where your Povich? You have no Povich.
434
00:18:29,714 --> 00:18:32,749
Wow. Tricia's mom is really
coming down hard on her.
435
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:35,252
Yeah, and with really
outdated references.
436
00:18:35,253 --> 00:18:36,620
You know,
437
00:18:36,621 --> 00:18:39,489
it's no wonder Mama Trish
was so tough on me.
438
00:18:39,490 --> 00:18:41,091
It's the only thing she knows.
439
00:18:41,092 --> 00:18:42,592
And where grandchildren?
440
00:18:42,593 --> 00:18:45,395
Who take care of me
when I 121 years old?
441
00:18:45,396 --> 00:18:47,864
Who take care of Irene? No one.
442
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:49,766
No one take care of Irene.
443
00:18:49,767 --> 00:18:51,268
I guess her name is Irene.
444
00:18:51,269 --> 00:18:53,837
Carter, I-I'm starting
to feel bad for Tricia.
445
00:18:53,838 --> 00:18:56,293
Maybe what she did to us
was wrong, but sheesh,
446
00:18:56,294 --> 00:18:58,742
look what her own life has been like.
447
00:18:58,743 --> 00:19:00,644
I-I don't, I don't think I can do this.
448
00:19:00,645 --> 00:19:02,879
Well, this stuff's already in her drink.
449
00:19:09,153 --> 00:19:12,588
Mama Tricia!
450
00:19:16,394 --> 00:19:19,762
No!
451
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,309
Where'd you get these?
452
00:19:32,310 --> 00:19:35,477
Oh, I see the guy.
453
00:19:38,616 --> 00:19:39,850
You're a weird guy, Griffin.
454
00:19:39,851 --> 00:19:41,051
Eh, I don't know.
455
00:19:41,052 --> 00:19:42,419
You know, I just been thinking,
456
00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:44,654
the way you and me fell
so fast for this lady,
457
00:19:44,655 --> 00:19:46,189
and for no reason?
458
00:19:46,190 --> 00:19:48,283
Maybe the problem ain't
Tricia, you know?
459
00:19:48,284 --> 00:19:49,494
Maybe it's us.
460
00:19:49,495 --> 00:19:50,260
What do you mean?
461
00:19:50,261 --> 00:19:52,162
Well, with my real mom gone,
462
00:19:52,163 --> 00:19:54,130
I-I guess maybe I just needed
463
00:19:54,131 --> 00:19:56,066
someone in my life to fill that role.
464
00:19:56,067 --> 00:20:00,003
Someone who loves me enough to
call me fat and lazy and stupid.
465
00:20:00,004 --> 00:20:02,272
Hmm, maybe you're right.
466
00:20:02,273 --> 00:20:05,909
And maybe I was just looking
for a way to feel young again.
467
00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:09,346
Hey, Carter? We're gonna be okay.
468
00:20:13,217 --> 00:20:15,919
Ah, crap. This thing was a rental.
469
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:17,453
Here's your tux back, bye!
470
00:20:21,425 --> 00:20:23,426
Well, I'm just glad all this nonsense
471
00:20:23,427 --> 00:20:25,328
with Tricia Takanawa is over.
472
00:20:25,329 --> 00:20:27,097
Hey, what ever happened with Grandma?
473
00:20:27,098 --> 00:20:28,899
Yeah, that's what everybody
was thinking about, Meg.
474
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:30,934
Trust me, she'll come back
if we need her.
475
00:20:30,935 --> 00:20:32,102
Hey, Stewie, seriously,
476
00:20:32,103 --> 00:20:33,270
thanks for everything you did
477
00:20:33,271 --> 00:20:34,504
to help me get my license back.
478
00:20:34,505 --> 00:20:35,805
My pleasure.
479
00:20:35,806 --> 00:20:37,307
But now you owe me.
480
00:20:37,308 --> 00:20:38,608
That means one day,
481
00:20:38,609 --> 00:20:40,543
I'm gonna come to you
and ask for a favor.
482
00:20:40,544 --> 00:20:42,078
But I need to know something.
483
00:20:42,079 --> 00:20:43,947
I need to know that you're gonna say yes
484
00:20:43,948 --> 00:20:45,215
when that day comes.
485
00:20:45,216 --> 00:20:47,217
Uh, o-okay.
486
00:20:47,218 --> 00:20:48,585
Can we go for ice cream?
487
00:20:53,673 --> 00:20:54,657
Come on!
488
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,720
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com