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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:03,805 --> 00:00:06,995
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,101 --> 00:00:10,687
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
*FAMILY GUY*
Season 15 Episode 20
"A House Full of Peters"
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00:00:29,955 --> 00:00:33,255
♪♪
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This program is brought to you
by Fruit Bouquets.
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00:00:37,334 --> 00:00:39,934
Got a birthday coming up for
someone you absolutely hate?
13
00:00:40,021 --> 00:00:41,947
Why not tell them
to go screw themselves
14
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,806
by sending a giant
Fruit Bouquet?
15
00:00:43,926 --> 00:00:45,566
With just a few clicks,
you'll be able
16
00:00:45,632 --> 00:00:48,640
to send someone 14 pounds
of unwanted decorative produce
17
00:00:48,710 --> 00:00:51,105
that will go bad
within an hour of arrival!
18
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:53,317
Hungry for a strangely-warm
strawberry?
19
00:00:53,407 --> 00:00:56,847
How about a hard green wedge
or a slime-glazed melon ball?
20
00:00:56,883 --> 00:00:58,933
Well, we have
all these gross things.
21
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Order now
and make someone feel guilty
22
00:01:00,710 --> 00:01:03,093
about throwing it straight
into the trash six hours later.
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00:01:03,226 --> 00:01:06,132
Fruit Bouquets: the rotting gift
with flies on it!
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00:01:06,379 --> 00:01:08,878
Okay, I'm heading out
for ladies' night.
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There's a casserole
in the refrigerator.
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I'll be home at 11:00.
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- Hey, Lois?
- Yeah?
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How would you find out the
name of the actual actress
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who plays the AT&T chick?
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I left a list
of hot commercial girls
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on the refrigerator.
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00:01:21,641 --> 00:01:23,871
What is this "refrigerator"
you keep mentioning?
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00:01:23,931 --> 00:01:25,955
Are you talking about
the sandwich house?
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00:01:26,575 --> 00:01:28,055
I guess I'm not the only person
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with a useless husband.
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I mean, look at
Mrs. Butterworth.
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I still don't understand why
we couldn't take my last name.
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Well, my last name
helps keep a roof over our head
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and pays for your hobby.
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Hobby?
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Oh, look at that.
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My business line is ringing.
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Hello? Lamps That Look
Like Soccer Balls.
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Yes?
45
00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:51,602
Okay. How many would
you like to return?
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Yeah, just send them
here, care of...
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Mr. Butterworth.
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♪♪
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Ah, it's so nice
getting out of the house.
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If I had to change one more
diaper, I was gonna lose it.
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I'm in exactly the same boat.
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I mean, what would
our husbands do
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00:02:12,036 --> 00:02:13,937
if they had to change
their own diapers?
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Different boat, Bonnie.
Much different boat.
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Hey, I got an idea.
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Let's crank call them.
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Me first.
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You're weak, Cleveland!
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You're worthless and weak!
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You found Brown.
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00:02:28,636 --> 00:02:29,730
Hello, Cleveland.
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This is Michelle Obama.
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It is?!
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Yes. I received
all your letters,
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00:02:34,829 --> 00:02:36,894
and I do like your mustache.
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00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:40,250
Oh. I've been doing
all your arm exercises.
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00:02:40,317 --> 00:02:43,396
Thank you, but those won't work
on your fat arms.
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How do you know my arms are fat?
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00:02:45,409 --> 00:02:47,819
I deliberately left them
out of all the photos.
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You're eating a pie on the
toilet, aren't you, Cleveland?
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00:02:50,842 --> 00:02:53,180
Who is this?
Is this a Jerky Boy?!
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It's your wife, you big dummy!
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I used to have my own show.
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00:03:06,845 --> 00:03:07,881
Hello?
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00:03:07,936 --> 00:03:09,572
Hello. Is this Joe Swanson?
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00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,292
Wait. You can
talk normal?
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What do you mean?
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Never mind.
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We're calling from WQHG,
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Quahog's Hottest Hits.
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00:03:17,046 --> 00:03:20,162
And we'll give you $500
if you can sing Britney Spears'
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"I'm Not A Girl,
Not Yet A Woman."
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You've got ten seconds to...
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♪ I'm not a girl,
not yet a woman ♪
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♪ All I need is time... ♪
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Oh, but you have
to be able to walk.
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Aw, nuts.
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Okay, my turn!
My turn!
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Hello. Don't say anything
about the 1998 Oscars.
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I'm watching it now.
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00:03:43,833 --> 00:03:45,979
Hello, is this Peter Griffin?
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If this is the fracking people,
I have made it clear
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that I am 100% on board.
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No, my name is Rebecca.
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You've never met me before
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and probably don't even know
I exist, but you're my father.
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00:04:00,381 --> 00:04:01,434
Hello?
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00:04:01,504 --> 00:04:04,233
How'd you get this number?
Don't you ever call here again!
99
00:04:04,540 --> 00:04:05,784
What the hell?!
100
00:04:05,898 --> 00:04:07,437
He just got mad and hung up.
101
00:04:07,512 --> 00:04:09,178
He what? Why?
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00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,345
I don't know.
He sounded weird.
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00:04:11,491 --> 00:04:13,911
Like when he was an NFL
announcer and had to pretend
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he cared about the
shows after the game.
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00:04:16,410 --> 00:04:18,921
Patriots calling
their third and final timeout.
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Hey, after the game,
keep it here
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00:04:20,676 --> 00:04:22,524
for an all-new
Madam Secretary.
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00:04:22,591 --> 00:04:24,183
Tonight, Madam Secretary faces
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00:04:24,243 --> 00:04:26,305
an international crisis
in Pakistan,
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00:04:26,370 --> 00:04:28,846
while her teenage daughter
faces her own crisis
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00:04:28,918 --> 00:04:30,417
finding a date for the prom.
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00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:33,063
Madam Secretary, tonight on CBS.
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Is this the longest time-out
of all time?
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♪♪
115
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Hey, Peter.
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00:04:42,511 --> 00:04:45,432
So, um, anything interesting
happen tonight?
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00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:48,672
Yup. I finally peed that chunk
of poo off the side of the bowl.
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00:04:48,725 --> 00:04:50,576
You know the one you've
been yelling at me about?
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00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,811
Nobody... called
or anything?
120
00:04:52,911 --> 00:04:55,310
Nope. So, hey, uh,
are you tipsy enough
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to let me have lazy
Tony Soprano sex?
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You know, where-where
I just lie there
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and arch my hips a little bit
and breathe like a dying whale?
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00:05:02,361 --> 00:05:03,787
Uh, I don't know.
125
00:05:03,854 --> 00:05:05,712
All right, well, just
in case, I'll be upstairs
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00:05:05,753 --> 00:05:08,830
getting into my boxers
and black socks.
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Do you think it's possible
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he actually has
an illegitimate child?
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00:05:28,212 --> 00:05:30,053
I don't know, but
something's going on,
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00:05:30,127 --> 00:05:32,620
because I'm telling you,
he lied right to my face.
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Sometimes friends put wine out
for each other.
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I just don't understand it.
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I mean, we don't keep secrets
in this house.
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We didn't even keep
the Pop Secret's secret.
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Psst. Hey, did you hear?
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Hear what?
137
00:05:47,057 --> 00:05:49,507
Orville Redenbacher is gay.
138
00:05:49,566 --> 00:05:50,848
But he has a son.
139
00:05:50,949 --> 00:05:52,126
He's in the commercial.
140
00:05:52,236 --> 00:05:55,003
His son's gay, too.
They're both gay.
141
00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:57,532
They have sex parties
in the Hollywood Hills.
142
00:05:57,629 --> 00:06:00,091
It sounds like
you're just making up stories
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00:06:00,164 --> 00:06:01,624
about your competitors.
144
00:06:01,669 --> 00:06:02,977
You're gay, too.
145
00:06:03,068 --> 00:06:04,583
What?
146
00:06:05,330 --> 00:06:07,362
Aah! You're a psycho!
147
00:06:07,602 --> 00:06:09,499
Dad, you're never
gonna believe what...
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00:06:09,567 --> 00:06:12,932
Chris, meet Orville Redenbacher
and his son. Watch.
149
00:06:16,521 --> 00:06:18,810
And that's where
we get the expression
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00:06:18,902 --> 00:06:21,158
"gay as a bag of popcorn."
151
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:22,797
All right, I'll see you later.
152
00:06:23,082 --> 00:06:24,220
What? Where
are you going?
153
00:06:24,287 --> 00:06:26,481
Laser tag orientation.
154
00:06:27,168 --> 00:06:29,013
Well, that's obviously not true.
155
00:06:29,093 --> 00:06:30,990
Yeah, that boy
got lie-arrhea.
156
00:06:31,049 --> 00:06:32,710
Oh, my God. I-I got
to follow him,
157
00:06:32,782 --> 00:06:34,245
find out where
he's really going.
158
00:06:34,335 --> 00:06:35,867
Good idea.
If I was you,
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00:06:35,935 --> 00:06:37,671
I'd stick to him
like glue-arrhea.
160
00:06:37,851 --> 00:06:40,839
Okay, I think I'm starting
to crack your code.
161
00:06:40,992 --> 00:06:42,547
Quick, Brian, I need your car.
162
00:06:42,579 --> 00:06:43,627
I don't know, Lois.
163
00:06:43,668 --> 00:06:45,986
You're not on the insurance,
and I don't think that...
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00:06:54,216 --> 00:06:55,963
Fruit Bouquet for Brian Griffin?
165
00:06:56,055 --> 00:06:57,989
Happy birthday, buddy.
166
00:06:58,363 --> 00:07:01,831
♪ ♪
167
00:07:01,934 --> 00:07:05,557
♪♪
168
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What the hell?
169
00:07:21,801 --> 00:07:23,432
Peter, what are you doing here?
170
00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,808
Lois! Uh, uh...
171
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I was... I'm just, uh, shopping.
172
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Yeah, I'll-I'll take
a large sperm, please.
173
00:07:29,089 --> 00:07:31,023
Nice going,
now you've ruined Christmas.
174
00:07:31,163 --> 00:07:34,075
Peter Griffin, you tell me
what's going on right now.
175
00:07:35,126 --> 00:07:37,819
Okay, fine,
I'll be honest with you.
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00:07:37,972 --> 00:07:40,995
A long while back,
just before we got married,
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00:07:41,095 --> 00:07:42,715
I was a little short of cash.
178
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:44,350
What, to buy our rings?
179
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,978
No, I wanted to pay for dial-up
modem impression classes. See?
180
00:07:59,403 --> 00:08:01,703
Wow, that's
pretty good. I...
181
00:08:01,955 --> 00:08:03,495
You've got mail.
182
00:08:03,635 --> 00:08:06,255
Okay, but hang on.
You were a sperm donor?
183
00:08:06,336 --> 00:08:08,000
Yeah, I'd-I'd almost
forgotten about it,
184
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,726
but then last night,
I get this call from a woman
185
00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:11,900
who says she's my daughter.
186
00:08:12,089 --> 00:08:14,758
Peter, that was me.
I was prank calling you.
187
00:08:14,872 --> 00:08:15,872
You what?!
188
00:08:15,905 --> 00:08:17,631
I can't believe
you would do that to me!
189
00:08:17,694 --> 00:08:18,884
Can you guys argue elsewhere?
190
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:20,888
You're making it tough
to finish in here.
191
00:08:21,061 --> 00:08:23,409
No, fight louder!
Call her a bitch!
192
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:24,901
But I don't understand.
193
00:08:24,969 --> 00:08:26,470
Why did you come here today?
194
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:28,350
'Cause that call last night
gave me a scare.
195
00:08:28,403 --> 00:08:30,516
I figured if I do have
a kid out there,
196
00:08:30,569 --> 00:08:32,850
I want to make sure they're
not giving out my information.
197
00:08:33,002 --> 00:08:34,753
They're not supposed to;
I signed a form.
198
00:08:34,902 --> 00:08:35,902
Hold on, Peter.
199
00:08:35,928 --> 00:08:37,278
I'm sorry I tricked you,
200
00:08:37,368 --> 00:08:39,738
but if you do have
a child out there,
201
00:08:39,884 --> 00:08:42,723
isn't it only fair
to let him or her meet you?
202
00:08:43,183 --> 00:08:45,203
Eh, maybe you're right.
203
00:08:45,387 --> 00:08:46,673
I mean, as long as we're here,
204
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,904
maybe you should sign
a consent form.
205
00:08:49,013 --> 00:08:50,268
Okay, yeah.
206
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:52,156
All right, I'll do it.
207
00:08:52,356 --> 00:08:53,418
You know what?
208
00:08:53,469 --> 00:08:55,566
It feels good doing
something nice for others.
209
00:08:55,713 --> 00:08:58,137
Like when I was a mentor
for Kid Rock.
210
00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:00,754
Okay, I took a leak into
this can of Busch Light
211
00:09:00,894 --> 00:09:02,013
without spilling.
212
00:09:02,093 --> 00:09:03,113
You're ready.
213
00:09:03,306 --> 00:09:04,859
You don't need me anymore.
214
00:09:04,983 --> 00:09:06,401
Will I see you again, Peter?
215
00:09:06,469 --> 00:09:08,843
Wherever a father weighs
less than his daughter,
216
00:09:08,928 --> 00:09:10,426
I'll be there.
217
00:09:10,526 --> 00:09:12,746
Wherever someone has a banner
for a football team
218
00:09:12,846 --> 00:09:15,291
as a curtain, I'll be there.
219
00:09:15,545 --> 00:09:17,553
Wherever there's a fight
in a Waffle House,
220
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,388
I'll be there.
221
00:09:19,478 --> 00:09:20,478
Now go.
222
00:09:20,540 --> 00:09:23,718
People need a concert to go
to after the water park.
223
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,652
Hi, is, uh, is
Peter Griffin here?
224
00:09:37,865 --> 00:09:39,139
Oh, my God.
225
00:09:39,262 --> 00:09:40,716
Is everything okay?
226
00:09:40,808 --> 00:09:43,379
Yes, it's just...
you look just like...
227
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:45,466
What's going on?
Who's this supermodel?
228
00:09:45,568 --> 00:09:47,014
I'm Katie.
229
00:09:47,343 --> 00:09:48,702
I'm your daughter.
230
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,048
You're what?
231
00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:51,321
Holy crap!
232
00:09:51,486 --> 00:09:53,246
Yeah, I hope you don't
mind the drop-in,
233
00:09:53,319 --> 00:09:55,989
but the, uh, the sperm bank said
it was okay to contact you.
234
00:09:56,115 --> 00:09:59,281
Wow, I guess, I guess I just
didn't expect this so soon.
235
00:09:59,336 --> 00:10:01,432
Well, we were all pretty
excited to meet you.
236
00:10:01,632 --> 00:10:03,172
What do you mean "we"?
237
00:10:09,436 --> 00:10:11,044
Hi, Dad!
238
00:10:11,531 --> 00:10:13,993
We're all your children.
We came from your semen.
239
00:10:14,302 --> 00:10:16,039
"Semen."
240
00:10:17,802 --> 00:10:19,362
- "Semen." - "Semen."
- "Semen."
241
00:10:19,436 --> 00:10:21,062
Ha-ha!
242
00:10:21,482 --> 00:10:23,003
Oh, sorry. Wrong house.
243
00:10:23,563 --> 00:10:25,342
Look, Eddie's at
the wrong house.
244
00:10:25,436 --> 00:10:27,049
- Ha-ha! - Ha-ha!
- Ha-ha!
245
00:10:27,236 --> 00:10:28,669
- Ha-ha!
- Ha-ha!
246
00:10:29,564 --> 00:10:31,884
♪♪
247
00:10:37,224 --> 00:10:39,934
Peter, how many times
were you a sperm donor?
248
00:10:40,028 --> 00:10:43,285
Only once, but I had just seen
Uma Thurman in Beautiful Girls,
249
00:10:43,380 --> 00:10:44,946
so it was kind of
a ka-blamo.
250
00:10:45,081 --> 00:10:48,079
You ever seen those videos where
they put Mentos in Diet Coke?
251
00:10:48,161 --> 00:10:50,205
Uh, listen,
I want all of you to know
252
00:10:50,277 --> 00:10:52,042
how happy we are to meet you.
253
00:10:52,145 --> 00:10:55,290
In fact, this calls
for a celebration.
254
00:10:55,415 --> 00:10:56,994
Can you all stay for dinner?
255
00:10:57,061 --> 00:10:59,387
Aw, we'd love that.
Wouldn't we, guys?
256
00:10:59,515 --> 00:11:00,614
Yeah, absolutely.
257
00:11:00,684 --> 00:11:01,614
You said it, babe.
258
00:11:01,639 --> 00:11:03,455
Yeah, Chinese Peter very hungry.
259
00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:05,292
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
slow down there, Lois.
260
00:11:05,378 --> 00:11:07,702
Just 'cause they're my kids
and they all look like me
261
00:11:07,789 --> 00:11:09,548
doesn't mean we have
anything in common.
262
00:11:16,168 --> 00:11:17,188
Daddy.
263
00:11:31,515 --> 00:11:35,735
I've never felt proud of
any of my children until now.
264
00:11:40,062 --> 00:11:41,628
This is so exciting.
265
00:11:41,708 --> 00:11:44,852
For years, I have dreamed of
one day traveling from Bavaria
266
00:11:44,943 --> 00:11:47,360
to play the accordion
for my birth family.
267
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:48,631
May I?
268
00:11:53,349 --> 00:11:55,469
I have just
one question for you.
269
00:11:55,822 --> 00:11:57,939
What are those?!
270
00:11:57,994 --> 00:12:00,009
Oh, I get that
because this comedy
271
00:12:00,096 --> 00:12:01,669
has just made it to Germany.
272
00:12:01,802 --> 00:12:04,608
Wow, you look exactly like me.
273
00:12:04,715 --> 00:12:06,434
Yes, I'm not actually part
274
00:12:06,514 --> 00:12:08,071
of sperm donation thing.
275
00:12:08,217 --> 00:12:09,509
I'm your secret clone.
276
00:12:09,793 --> 00:12:13,552
We have been Orphan Black-ed
and you soon will be dead.
277
00:12:18,315 --> 00:12:19,815
Meg, where are you?
278
00:12:19,875 --> 00:12:21,567
I'm right here, Mom.
279
00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:24,647
Well, look at your fine ass.
280
00:12:24,747 --> 00:12:26,417
Are you talking to me?
281
00:12:26,470 --> 00:12:27,490
Damn right.
282
00:12:27,537 --> 00:12:28,901
I've been looking
around this whole house
283
00:12:28,925 --> 00:12:30,005
for something to nibble on.
284
00:12:30,045 --> 00:12:31,145
I think I just found it.
285
00:12:31,214 --> 00:12:34,072
So many confusing feelings!
286
00:12:34,332 --> 00:12:35,517
Dad.
Sex.
287
00:12:35,602 --> 00:12:36,602
Black woman.
288
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,614
Historically-low mortgage rates.
289
00:12:38,769 --> 00:12:41,570
Ah! I got to go buy a house.
290
00:12:42,087 --> 00:12:43,087
Lois, Lois.
291
00:12:43,147 --> 00:12:44,914
Can I keep
the little person Peter?
292
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,347
No. They're
too much work.
293
00:12:46,582 --> 00:12:48,408
But I'll take care of it.
I promise.
294
00:12:48,524 --> 00:12:50,781
You always say that,
and I'm the one who ends up
295
00:12:50,867 --> 00:12:52,991
feeding him and walking him
and doing all the clean up.
296
00:12:53,015 --> 00:12:54,948
Excuse me, I'm a candidate
297
00:12:55,051 --> 00:12:57,272
for a doctorate
in Classics at Wesleyan.
298
00:12:57,339 --> 00:12:59,543
It talks!
Lois, it talks!
299
00:13:04,628 --> 00:13:06,127
Whoa, that was close.
300
00:13:06,234 --> 00:13:08,648
You almost dipped one of
your yabbos in the marinara.
301
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,835
Let me help you with those.
302
00:13:09,916 --> 00:13:12,199
Well, thank you.
That's so sweet.
303
00:13:12,352 --> 00:13:14,798
You're the first person who
looks anything like my husband
304
00:13:14,838 --> 00:13:16,171
who's offered to help
in any way.
305
00:13:16,266 --> 00:13:18,051
Oh, you must be
Peter's wife, Lois.
306
00:13:18,092 --> 00:13:19,134
I'm Larry.
307
00:13:19,159 --> 00:13:21,087
It's nice to meet you, Larry.
308
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,488
Weird hands-full
pinky shake?
309
00:13:25,870 --> 00:13:27,911
I got to tell you,
it's so strange,
310
00:13:28,021 --> 00:13:30,953
you look so much like Peter
when I first met him.
311
00:13:31,051 --> 00:13:33,210
Well, I'm guessing you look
exactly the same, too.
312
00:13:33,288 --> 00:13:34,621
You're in such great shape.
313
00:13:34,709 --> 00:13:38,619
Well, I do have
tiny blue weights in my garage.
314
00:13:47,428 --> 00:13:48,841
Oh, hi, Larry.
315
00:13:48,934 --> 00:13:50,348
Hi, Lois.
Is Peter here?
316
00:13:50,436 --> 00:13:52,408
Larry, it's only 2:00
in the afternoon.
317
00:13:52,476 --> 00:13:54,716
Peter's still sleeping
off last night's party.
318
00:13:54,863 --> 00:13:57,878
Then why... why are you still
in your pajamas and bathrobe?
319
00:13:57,925 --> 00:13:59,848
Oh, that's because
I'm depressed.
320
00:13:59,971 --> 00:14:02,397
Is that why that sad
Shel Silverstein blob
321
00:14:02,523 --> 00:14:03,743
is following you around?
322
00:14:03,903 --> 00:14:06,189
Who would ever me?
323
00:14:06,489 --> 00:14:07,929
Anyway, we didn't
really get a chance
324
00:14:08,002 --> 00:14:09,608
to finish our
conversation yesterday,
325
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,842
and I thought maybe we could
grab some lunch together.
326
00:14:11,867 --> 00:14:15,573
Huh. That would give me a
reason to get dressed today.
327
00:14:15,959 --> 00:14:18,416
Oh. Would you, uh,
like to join us?
328
00:14:18,730 --> 00:14:21,551
That didn't sound like
a real invitation.
329
00:14:21,851 --> 00:14:25,015
See, this is why no one
ever wants to you.
330
00:14:29,384 --> 00:14:30,944
Thank you again
for lunch, Larry.
331
00:14:31,184 --> 00:14:33,681
Sorry I drew so many
Nazi symbols on the place mat.
332
00:14:33,836 --> 00:14:35,590
I was just nervous.
That's okay.
333
00:14:35,660 --> 00:14:38,246
I just wish we hadn't gone
to a kosher restaurant.
334
00:14:38,288 --> 00:14:39,759
Ugh, but look at me.
335
00:14:39,926 --> 00:14:41,448
I got ice cream
all over my fingers.
336
00:14:41,592 --> 00:14:42,781
Do you have a napkin?
337
00:14:42,876 --> 00:14:45,368
No, but let me help you
clean it off.
338
00:14:54,730 --> 00:14:57,358
Larry, are you
turned on or starving?
339
00:14:57,412 --> 00:14:59,122
Can't it be both?
340
00:15:09,621 --> 00:15:11,020
Mm.
Mm.
341
00:15:11,082 --> 00:15:13,648
Wow, Larry, that was unexpected.
342
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,591
Shh, we'll discuss this later.
343
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,631
- I have to get back to my high school...
- Oh.
344
00:15:17,944 --> 00:15:19,087
- ..where I work...
- Oh.
345
00:15:19,115 --> 00:15:20,472
- ..as a Janitor...
- Oh.
346
00:15:20,566 --> 00:15:22,918
to pay for medical school...
Oh.
347
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,567
- ..that I'm building...
- Oh!
348
00:15:24,682 --> 00:15:26,979
- ..out of popsicle sticks.
- Oh.
349
00:15:34,871 --> 00:15:36,947
That big one doesn't
blink a lot, does he?
350
00:15:37,244 --> 00:15:38,444
Hey, Lois, where's your purse?
351
00:15:38,531 --> 00:15:40,557
Me and some of my kids
are going to the movies.
352
00:15:40,630 --> 00:15:42,099
By the way, Dwarf Peter died.
353
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:44,362
I didn't know what he ate,
so I gave him nothing.
354
00:15:44,453 --> 00:15:46,537
His name was Tyler.
355
00:15:46,621 --> 00:15:47,830
He had a name.
356
00:15:47,914 --> 00:15:49,985
Everything you say,
you say with pride.
357
00:15:50,073 --> 00:15:51,240
I like that about you.
358
00:15:51,265 --> 00:15:52,300
Anyway, where's Larry?
359
00:15:52,353 --> 00:15:53,852
Maybe he wants
to go to the movie.
360
00:15:53,907 --> 00:15:54,982
Larry?
361
00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:56,661
Why would I know where Larry is?
362
00:15:56,714 --> 00:15:57,737
And who is Larry?
363
00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:58,859
Well, never mind.
364
00:15:58,884 --> 00:16:00,362
All right,
everybody bring your phones
365
00:16:00,386 --> 00:16:02,730
so we can text each other
during the movie.
366
00:16:06,374 --> 00:16:08,780
Wow, you want to tell me
what that was?
367
00:16:09,088 --> 00:16:12,606
Oh, Brian, Larry and I sort
of crossed a line yesterday.
368
00:16:12,670 --> 00:16:15,105
I don't know, he's just
so sweet and fun-loving,
369
00:16:15,171 --> 00:16:16,200
and for God's sake,
370
00:16:16,286 --> 00:16:18,375
he looks just like Peter
did when he was his age.
371
00:16:18,473 --> 00:16:19,554
Yeah, but...?
372
00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:22,856
Well, he kissed me
and I kind of let him.
373
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,566
I told him it could never
happen again and that...
374
00:16:25,666 --> 00:16:27,326
What are you doing?
375
00:16:27,426 --> 00:16:30,714
Oh, I-I thought that was kind of
like, "I'm open for business."
376
00:16:30,787 --> 00:16:33,439
No! I'm confiding
in a friend.
377
00:16:33,579 --> 00:16:36,345
Oh! You're the safe friend.
378
00:16:36,406 --> 00:16:39,569
Look, I feel awful about it,
but I told Larry that was it,
379
00:16:39,615 --> 00:16:41,832
and we couldn't be anything
more than friends.
380
00:16:41,885 --> 00:16:43,122
So, you're still gonna see him?
381
00:16:43,193 --> 00:16:45,487
Yes, of course;
he's a nice young man
382
00:16:45,553 --> 00:16:47,233
and he's practically family.
383
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:48,499
Lois!
384
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,027
No! Zoloft Blob, don't!
385
00:16:58,761 --> 00:16:59,947
Is everything okay?
386
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,666
Yeah, I-I'm fine, I just
hurt my neck this morning
387
00:17:02,766 --> 00:17:05,425
vigorously nodding
approval to Judge Judy.
388
00:17:05,507 --> 00:17:08,025
Okay, all right,
the doctor is in.
389
00:17:08,098 --> 00:17:09,375
Come on, back it up over here.
390
00:17:09,442 --> 00:17:11,190
Somebody's got
a neck massage coming.
391
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:12,506
Ah, right there.
392
00:17:12,605 --> 00:17:14,780
Okay, but let's
keep this friendly.
393
00:17:14,873 --> 00:17:16,875
You can choke me
for just a second.
394
00:17:16,962 --> 00:17:19,402
You know, maybe I should just
go ahead and do your whole back.
395
00:17:19,454 --> 00:17:21,334
Yeah, your bra strap is
getting in the way here.
396
00:17:21,386 --> 00:17:23,530
I'll just bite it off
with my teeth.
397
00:17:25,798 --> 00:17:27,922
Lois, is a president
stronger than a king?
398
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:28,975
What the hell?!
399
00:17:29,008 --> 00:17:30,022
Oh, Peter.
400
00:17:30,055 --> 00:17:32,506
L-Look, calm down.
We're just friends.
401
00:17:32,572 --> 00:17:34,582
H-He's just giving me
a friendly massage.
402
00:17:34,696 --> 00:17:36,373
A friendly massage?!
403
00:17:36,475 --> 00:17:38,039
Yeah, and what do you care?
404
00:17:38,115 --> 00:17:40,373
When's the last time you
did anything nice for me?
405
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,830
I ate that gross pasta you made.
406
00:17:42,950 --> 00:17:44,603
I might as well just
tell you, Peter.
407
00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:46,449
I'm in love with Lois.
408
00:17:46,516 --> 00:17:48,295
I knew it the moment we kissed.
409
00:17:48,374 --> 00:17:49,375
Kissed?!
410
00:17:49,462 --> 00:17:50,562
Is that true?!
411
00:17:50,622 --> 00:17:51,637
Yes, Peter, but I...
412
00:17:51,697 --> 00:17:53,403
You son of a bitch!
413
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:56,298
♪ ♪
414
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:59,555
♪♪
415
00:17:59,658 --> 00:18:03,154
♪♪
416
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:06,844
♪♪
417
00:18:07,001 --> 00:18:10,578
♪♪
418
00:18:17,278 --> 00:18:19,639
Everybody says, "We don't need
a homeowners' association.
419
00:18:19,706 --> 00:18:20,973
That's stupid, Quagmire."
420
00:18:21,053 --> 00:18:23,892
Well, this is why
a homeowners' association.
421
00:18:50,107 --> 00:18:51,183
What the hell?!
422
00:18:51,379 --> 00:18:52,379
Lois?!
423
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:53,435
What'd you do that for?
424
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,804
I thought you and him were
girlfriend and boyfriend.
425
00:18:55,897 --> 00:18:57,858
He was not my boyfriend, Peter.
426
00:18:57,951 --> 00:19:00,577
And I wasn't about to stand by
and watch him kick your ass.
427
00:19:00,650 --> 00:19:02,224
I was holding my own there.
428
00:19:02,299 --> 00:19:03,465
You were getting beat up.
429
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:05,669
No, no, I meant I was
holding my own nuts
430
00:19:05,722 --> 00:19:06,789
so he wouldn't kick them.
431
00:19:06,832 --> 00:19:09,208
But if he's not your boyfriend,
why'd you kiss him?
432
00:19:09,321 --> 00:19:10,508
He kissed me.
433
00:19:10,632 --> 00:19:12,421
And I should've told you.
434
00:19:12,554 --> 00:19:14,798
I'm sorry if I hurt you, Peter.
435
00:19:15,330 --> 00:19:18,384
I guess Larry just reminded me
of a younger version of you,
436
00:19:18,508 --> 00:19:19,596
and the truth is,
437
00:19:19,665 --> 00:19:22,413
I liked that he was paying me
a little attention,
438
00:19:22,491 --> 00:19:24,557
the way you used to.
439
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,597
Maybe I have been
taking you for granted,
440
00:19:27,651 --> 00:19:29,704
but I promise
I'll make it up to you.
441
00:19:29,758 --> 00:19:31,337
I'll be the best husband ever.
442
00:19:31,457 --> 00:19:32,964
You already are.
443
00:19:33,110 --> 00:19:34,945
For God's sakes,
when push came to shove,
444
00:19:35,005 --> 00:19:37,995
you stood toe-to-toe with a much
younger man and fought for me.
445
00:19:38,569 --> 00:19:40,728
Oh, hey, by the way,
uh, thanks, all my kids,
446
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:41,803
for stepping in to help.
447
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,130
Really, really appreciate that.
448
00:19:43,289 --> 00:19:45,182
But you're right, Lois.
I'm gonna change.
449
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:48,326
I'm gonna do all the stuff
for you that Larry was doing.
450
00:19:48,492 --> 00:19:50,464
No, Peter, I don't need
any of that.
451
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:53,064
At our age, all I'm really
looking for in a husband
452
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:55,846
is someone who wants to watch TV
with me on a Saturday night
453
00:19:55,912 --> 00:19:58,029
and isn't afraid
to pop a zit on my back.
454
00:19:58,116 --> 00:20:00,356
"Afraid"?
I love doing that.
455
00:20:00,395 --> 00:20:01,416
It's like bubble wrap
456
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,532
you get to have sex with
every now and then.
457
00:20:03,644 --> 00:20:06,709
I got a pretty good one
going right now, Peter.
458
00:20:06,789 --> 00:20:08,469
You always do, Lois.
459
00:20:08,629 --> 00:20:09,857
I love you.
460
00:20:10,003 --> 00:20:11,852
Mm.
461
00:20:13,991 --> 00:20:17,243
From that day forward,
Peter and Lois never again...
462
00:20:17,323 --> 00:20:20,151
Ooh, nope, sorry, there's still
another scene left.
463
00:20:20,313 --> 00:20:24,135
♪♪
464
00:20:24,362 --> 00:20:27,231
Well, Peter, turns out your
initial instinct was right.
465
00:20:27,297 --> 00:20:29,759
You never should've let any
of your children contact you.
466
00:20:29,838 --> 00:20:30,870
You said it.
467
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,181
From now on,
I'm making sure my sperm
468
00:20:33,249 --> 00:20:37,248
stays right where it belongs:
in the bathroom sink.
469
00:20:55,783 --> 00:20:57,783
We have fun down here.