1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:03,900 * It seems today that all you see * 2 00:00:03,930 --> 00:00:07,200 * Is violence in movies and sex on TV * 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,910 * But where are those good old-fashioned values * 4 00:00:10,940 --> 00:00:13,870 * On which we used to rely? * 5 00:00:13,910 --> 00:00:17,210 * Lucky there's a family guy * 6 00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:20,550 * Lucky there's a man who positively can do * 7 00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:22,080 * All the things that make us * 8 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:23,420 * Laugh and cry * 9 00:00:23,450 --> 00:00:29,090 * He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! * 10 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,930 We now return to The Terminator. 11 00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:40,430 I've been sent here from the future. 12 00:00:40,470 --> 00:00:43,400 I have to have sex with your housekeeper to save humanity. 13 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:44,440 What? 14 00:00:44,470 --> 00:00:45,770 Bring me your housekeeper! 15 00:00:45,810 --> 00:00:47,540 I have to have sex with her now! 16 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:48,910 I'm the Terminator! 17 00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:50,240 I don't have a housekeeper. 18 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,380 And I think you're just 19 00:00:51,410 --> 00:00:52,980 present-day Arnold Schwarzenegger. 20 00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,620 No, I am a machine. 21 00:00:54,650 --> 00:00:57,590 Every second I'm not having sex with a housekeeper, 22 00:00:57,620 --> 00:01:00,390 robots are killing people in the future. 23 00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:02,390 Okay, I finish for the day. 24 00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:03,620 You lied to me! 25 00:01:03,660 --> 00:01:05,230 You do have a housekeeper! 26 00:01:05,260 --> 00:01:08,500 Let's go make a large-faced boy. 27 00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:11,830 Whoa, whoa, whoa, cop, cop, cop. 28 00:01:11,870 --> 00:01:14,770 Peter, it's me, and you're an adult man drinking in a bar. 29 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,100 Anyway, sorry I'm late. 30 00:01:16,140 --> 00:01:18,610 The pantry down at the station needed new shelf paper. 31 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,270 That's what they got you doing down there? 32 00:01:20,310 --> 00:01:22,680 Well, that, and I'm also in charge of the office gerbil. 33 00:01:22,710 --> 00:01:25,850 And let me tell you, Lieutenant Nibbles is quite a handful. 34 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,150 He'll only eat real cheese, not processed. 35 00:01:28,180 --> 00:01:30,450 You buy special cheese for a gerbil? 36 00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:32,290 Yeah, I have to, he outranks me. 37 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:33,950 Jeez, Joe, what the hell happened? 38 00:01:33,990 --> 00:01:36,420 You used to be this badass cop out there on the street, 39 00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:38,360 busting heads and keeping us safe. 40 00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:41,530 Well, it may not sound exciting, but I play an important role. 41 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,260 I go through all the body cam footage 42 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:45,830 and take out all the parts where the cops go pee-pee. 43 00:01:45,870 --> 00:01:48,700 So you're just erasing cop wieners all day? 44 00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:50,870 Eh, not erasing, sort of cutting them together 45 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:53,170 into a funny montage we show on birthdays. 46 00:01:53,210 --> 00:01:55,710 Speaking of which, Flannigan's got the big "four-oh" coming up. 47 00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:56,740 Got to go. 48 00:01:58,180 --> 00:02:00,610 Man, you guys think Joe's as happy as he says he is, 49 00:02:00,650 --> 00:02:02,480 just doing all that desk work? 50 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,490 No way, he's just putting lipstick on a pig. 51 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,120 This is called "Crimson Sky." 52 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,290 What do you think? 53 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,460 Mmm. 54 00:02:09,490 --> 00:02:10,560 Harold? 55 00:02:10,590 --> 00:02:11,730 Get this off of me! 56 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,660 What are you doing in the women's department? 57 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,300 Uh, waiting for you. 58 00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:17,000 Well, I'm ready. Let's go. 59 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,740 Who are you? 60 00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:30,140 Ugh, she just put her tampons on top of the bread. 61 00:02:30,180 --> 00:02:32,410 Take the groceries out, we got start over. 62 00:02:32,450 --> 00:02:35,650 Mom, can I go barehand raisins from the bulk aisle? 63 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:36,880 Okay, but if you get caught, 64 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,420 just say, "oopsie-poopsie," like a simpleton. 65 00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:42,090 Hey, watch your fat arms! 66 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,760 Excuse me, ma'am, your little girl dropped her teddy bear. 67 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:45,760 What? 68 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,260 "Little girl"? 69 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,200 Yeah, she hates it when she drops that. 70 00:02:50,230 --> 00:02:53,270 He's actually a little boy, but thank you very much. 71 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:54,940 Did she just think I was a girl? 72 00:02:54,970 --> 00:02:56,440 Why would she think that? 73 00:02:56,470 --> 00:02:58,410 I don't know, maybe she saw you try to throw that feather 74 00:02:58,440 --> 00:02:59,710 in the yard yesterday. 75 00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:02,180 Hey, don't watch me when I'm doing stuff. 76 00:03:02,210 --> 00:03:03,340 What are you doing, kid? 77 00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:04,350 Those aren't free! 78 00:03:04,380 --> 00:03:06,350 Oopsie-poopsie! 79 00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:08,020 Aw, God bless you. 80 00:03:08,050 --> 00:03:09,820 Help yourself. 81 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:21,130 Car trouble? 82 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,360 Ah, son of a bitch, Joe! 83 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,460 Didn't even hear you coming. 84 00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:26,100 Yeah, I'm kind of quiet on grass. 85 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,640 Thanks for giving me a ride, Joe. 86 00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:32,240 Hey, since we're in a cop car, 87 00:03:32,270 --> 00:03:34,710 let's talk about our hunches and how something doesn't add up. 88 00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:35,810 All right. 89 00:03:35,850 --> 00:03:38,650 I have a hunch Madea's not really a girl. 90 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:40,610 Yeah, something doesn't add up about that. 91 00:03:40,650 --> 00:03:42,120 All units, 92 00:03:42,150 --> 00:03:44,390 reports of a drug deal in progress at Fifth and Maple. 93 00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:45,390 Shots fired. 94 00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:46,990 Suspect possibly armed. 95 00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:50,160 Well, shots fired, so definitely armed, duh. 96 00:03:50,190 --> 00:03:51,330 Dispatch much? 97 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:52,830 Sorry, guys. 98 00:03:52,860 --> 00:03:54,160 Fifth and Maple? That's right near here. 99 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,300 We got to go! 100 00:03:55,330 --> 00:03:57,000 No can do, I got to go to the station 101 00:03:57,030 --> 00:03:58,900 and tidy up the bulletin board. 102 00:03:58,930 --> 00:04:00,600 No one's biting on those guitar lessons. 103 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,670 What are you talking about? 104 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,340 There's a drug deal going down! 105 00:04:03,370 --> 00:04:06,170 Peter, there's a lot you don't understand about police work. 106 00:04:06,210 --> 00:04:08,080 What's to understand? I watch TV. 107 00:04:08,110 --> 00:04:11,010 Come on, Joe, let's put this 70's siren on your car and go. 108 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,450 Did you just wipe a booger on my roof? 109 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,050 Let's go! Let's go! 110 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,620 Oh, crap! Cops! 111 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:22,660 That's the house! 112 00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:25,860 Hold on, Peter, we can't go in there. 113 00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:27,160 We got to wait for backup. 114 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,930 The hell we do! 115 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,330 Peter! 116 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,170 Reach for the stars! 117 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,330 What? 118 00:04:33,370 --> 00:04:35,640 I think he's telling us to follow our dreams. 119 00:04:35,670 --> 00:04:36,640 Where are the drugs? 120 00:04:36,670 --> 00:04:37,710 What are you doing? 121 00:04:37,740 --> 00:04:39,870 You are violating all kinds of procedures! 122 00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:41,710 There's no drugs here, pig. 123 00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:46,450 Ah-ha! No drugs, huh? 124 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,850 Well, what do you call this? 125 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,320 And I'll bet there's more where that came from. 126 00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,520 They're trying to flush their stash! 127 00:04:53,590 --> 00:04:54,960 Nice try, scumbag, 128 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,790 but I got your squishy drugs right here. 129 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,230 Uh-oh. 130 00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:00,230 Peter, hand me my gun and get out of here! 131 00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:01,800 I could get fired for this! 132 00:05:01,830 --> 00:05:05,570 And I can't go back to my job as a magician's assistant. 133 00:05:07,770 --> 00:05:10,440 And now, to pull the two sides apart. 134 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,510 And wiggle your toes! 135 00:05:15,910 --> 00:05:18,410 I said, wiggle your toes! 136 00:05:18,450 --> 00:05:19,850 Yeah, that's, uh, 137 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,020 that's why I wanted to talk to you before the show. 138 00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:29,090 What's up, dudes? 139 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,520 Stewie, what the hell is all this? 140 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,930 Uh, only the most manly thing ever. 141 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,030 A little something called American football. 142 00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:37,900 Is that a Michael Sam jersey? 143 00:05:37,930 --> 00:05:39,430 Yep. Two boy names. 144 00:05:39,470 --> 00:05:40,870 Doubly masculine. 145 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:42,270 Like George Michael? Shut up! 146 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,170 Come on, Stewie, are you still hung up about 147 00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:46,440 that woman at the grocery store thinking you were a girl? 148 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,740 Elton John. 149 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:48,780 Is another. 150 00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:50,410 It has nothing to do with that, Brian. 151 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,780 I just thought it'd be good to take up a sport. 152 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,250 You know, like boys do. 153 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,520 You don't have to play football to prove you're a boy. 154 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:57,950 Barney Frank. 155 00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,790 Is yet another one. 156 00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:00,790 Chris, please. 157 00:06:00,820 --> 00:06:01,790 Actually, you know what? Ricky Martin. 158 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,120 There's a bunch of these. 159 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:04,760 Anyway, they're not gonna let you play football, Stewie. 160 00:06:04,790 --> 00:06:05,760 You're too little. 161 00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:06,960 Oh, don't worry. 162 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,030 I'm gonna be bad news for the other team. 163 00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:11,300 And nobody likes bad news. 164 00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:14,300 Except for Larry, the Self-Loathing Idiot. 165 00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:17,640 Larry, I'm afraid you only have three months to live. 166 00:06:24,110 --> 00:06:25,810 Swanson! 167 00:06:25,850 --> 00:06:28,020 I need to see you right now! 168 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,720 Captain. 169 00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:32,950 Lieutenant. 170 00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:35,320 You had no business participating in that raid 171 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:36,760 at Fifth and Maple. 172 00:06:36,790 --> 00:06:38,390 I know that, Captain. I'm sorry that I... 173 00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:39,660 But I'm glad you did. 174 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,100 Excuse me? 175 00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:43,830 You brought down one of the biggest drug rings in Quahog. 176 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,830 Above and beyond, Swanson. 177 00:06:45,870 --> 00:06:47,500 Well, sir, I... 178 00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:49,300 I'm just like any other cop. 179 00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:51,770 My wife puts on my pants one leg at a time. 180 00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:54,070 I appreciate your modesty, but nice work. 181 00:06:54,110 --> 00:06:56,340 It's hard to believe you did that all by yourself. 182 00:06:56,380 --> 00:06:59,650 Yep, did it all by myself, I did, I did. 183 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,650 My little lonesome, says I. 184 00:07:02,690 --> 00:07:04,850 That's weird phrasing, but I'll tell you this, Swanson, 185 00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:06,320 you keep up this kind of work, 186 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,360 there'll be no more grocery runs for you. 187 00:07:08,390 --> 00:07:10,360 You'll be back on the street full-time. 188 00:07:10,390 --> 00:07:11,660 Thank you, Captain. 189 00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:13,930 Sir? 190 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:14,960 Thank you, sir. 191 00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,040 Hey, Peter. 192 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,510 You know, I was just thinking about how much fun we had 193 00:07:27,540 --> 00:07:29,780 the other day, and wondered if you'd want to join me 194 00:07:29,810 --> 00:07:31,350 for another ride-along. 195 00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:33,610 Well, yeah, but I-I thought you said I couldn't do that 196 00:07:33,650 --> 00:07:34,820 'cause you'd get in trouble. 197 00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:36,320 Eh, it'll be our little secret. 198 00:07:36,350 --> 00:07:37,350 All right. 199 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:38,550 Hey, can I drive the car? 200 00:07:38,590 --> 00:07:40,520 Yeah, I guess I can let you drive. Awesome! 201 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,790 Hey, and-and can we go slow up to a homeless guy 202 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,730 and go "joop-joop" and see what he does? 203 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:45,890 That's half the job. 204 00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:47,630 So, what do you say? You think you're up to it? 205 00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:48,730 You bet I am. 206 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,360 I'm in the best shape of my life. 207 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,200 I've been working my Dave Matthews Punching Bag. 208 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,140 Thank you very much for using me today. 209 00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,410 This isn't annoying enough. 210 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,880 I need my David Lee Roth bag. 211 00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:14,320 Wow. So these are the wife-beaters of tomorrow. 212 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,090 Which team is Stewie gonna be on? 213 00:08:16,130 --> 00:08:17,590 He's not gonna be on any team. 214 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:20,390 He's just overcompensating because he was called a girl. 215 00:08:20,430 --> 00:08:23,100 But once he sees how big the other kids are, he'll back out. 216 00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:26,100 Ooh! My shoes have 12 little heels. 217 00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:27,230 They're cleats! 218 00:08:27,270 --> 00:08:29,600 Okay, kids, let's start practice. 219 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:30,770 Yeah! Football! 220 00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,440 Boy stuff. Hitting the shower. 221 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:33,610 Getting embarrassed. 222 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:34,710 Going home to shower. 223 00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:36,210 Okay, Stewie, enough is enough. 224 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:37,950 All right, let's-let's get you out of here. 225 00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:39,780 Yeah, you probably should get him out of there, 226 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,380 'cause he's just a little shrimp. 227 00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:43,020 Uh, okay, thank you. 228 00:08:43,050 --> 00:08:44,120 I mean, look at him. 229 00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:45,950 My Tyler would kill him out there. 230 00:08:45,990 --> 00:08:47,350 Okay, well, believe me, there's 231 00:08:47,390 --> 00:08:48,520 there's more to him than you think. 232 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:49,520 Come on, Stewie. 233 00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,290 You know, ballet is great exercise. 234 00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,790 Maybe you should put short stack in a tutu. 235 00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:55,060 No, you know what, Stewie? 236 00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:56,630 Get the hell out on that field! 237 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,900 And if you see that Tyler, take his knee out. 238 00:08:58,930 --> 00:08:59,930 All right, let's do it! 239 00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:00,970 Football game! 240 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,570 Then, reminder, showering at home. 241 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:06,570 Okay, I guess we'll see who's got the toughest kid here. 242 00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:08,080 Yeah, I guess we will. 243 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,450 Hey! 244 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,480 Oopsie-poopsie! 245 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,920 Aw. 246 00:09:14,950 --> 00:09:16,950 * No sleep till * 247 00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:22,520 * Brooklyn * 248 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,330 * Foot on the pedal * 249 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,330 * Never ever false metal * 250 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,930 * Engine running hotter than a boiling kettle * 251 00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:34,170 * My job ain't a job, it's a damn good time * 252 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:36,170 * City to city, I'm running my rhymes * 253 00:09:36,210 --> 00:09:37,170 * On location * 254 00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,640 * Touring around the nation * 255 00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:40,440 * Beastie Boys always on vacation * 256 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,940 * Itchy trigger finger * 257 00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:43,680 * But a stable turntable * 258 00:09:43,710 --> 00:09:45,180 * I do what I do best * 259 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,850 * Because I'm willing and able * 260 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,650 * Ain't no faking, your money I'm taking * 261 00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:51,190 * Going coast to coast to watch all the girlies shaking * 262 00:09:51,220 --> 00:09:53,850 * While you're at the job working 9:00 to 5:00 * 263 00:09:53,890 --> 00:09:56,390 * The Beastie Boys at the Garden cold kickin' it live * 264 00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:02,000 * No sleep till * 265 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:06,800 * Another plane, another train * 266 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,200 * Another bottle in the brain * 267 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,470 * Another girl, Another fight * 268 00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,040 * Another drive all night * 269 00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:12,040 * Our manager's crazy * 270 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,610 * He always smokes dust * 271 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,310 * He's got his own room at the back of the bus * 272 00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:17,780 * Tour around the world * 273 00:10:17,810 --> 00:10:19,280 * You rock around the clock, plane to hotel * 274 00:10:19,310 --> 00:10:21,220 * Girls on the jock * 275 00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:23,480 * We're trashing hotels like it's going out of style... * 276 00:10:27,590 --> 00:10:28,820 Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. 277 00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:30,320 ht: 278 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:31,990 local news anchor too professional 279 00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:34,800 to laugh at penis poked through hole in cue card. 280 00:10:34,830 --> 00:10:37,230 But first, earlier today at city hall, 281 00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,000 the mayor honored a hero cop 282 00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:41,500 who has foiled a string of recent crimes. 283 00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:44,500 Good afternoon, we had a budget meeting that ran long, 284 00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:46,310 so I'm gonna eat my lunch 285 00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:49,580 while I hold this press conference. 286 00:10:49,610 --> 00:10:51,480 Ooh, my favorite! 287 00:10:51,510 --> 00:10:54,210 Loose Cobb salad in a lunchbox. 288 00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:56,550 I'm gonna now shake this up 289 00:10:56,590 --> 00:11:00,050 like a lady in your office. 290 00:11:00,090 --> 00:11:02,820 Okay, while the dressing does its magic, 291 00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:05,360 let's honor Officer Joe Swanson, 292 00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:10,060 who single-handedly cut crime in Quahog by 75%. 293 00:11:11,430 --> 00:11:13,730 What? "Single-handedly"? 294 00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:17,200 Officer Swanson, as thanks from a grateful city, 295 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,710 please accept this Certificate of Merit. 296 00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:24,610 And with that, I hereby declare this hero cop open! 297 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,580 Whoa, sweet bod. 298 00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:28,220 You lift, bro? 299 00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:30,720 Damn it, I can't believe Joe's hogging all the credit. 300 00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:33,550 That bastard's just getting famous by tricking people. 301 00:11:33,590 --> 00:11:35,290 Like Orson Welles. 302 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,030 So the aliens have come to Earth 303 00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:40,430 to destroy all mankind. 304 00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:42,730 And, uh... 305 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,900 they're going to start at McDonald's. 306 00:11:44,930 --> 00:11:48,300 So if you're in line there, you better run. 307 00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:50,600 Whoa, whoa! N-Not the workers, though. 308 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,570 They've already said the workers are safe. 309 00:11:56,610 --> 00:12:00,980 Excuse me, Coach Herar-Herar-ra-ra-ra...? 310 00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:02,150 It's Herrera. 311 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,780 Okay, well that's a lot of Rs, but listen, 312 00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:05,590 I-I noticed you're not starting Stewie. 313 00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:06,990 Oh, I can't put him in. 314 00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,620 I mean, he can come out for limp handshakes 315 00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,920 at the end of the game, but I can't play him. He's too little. 316 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,090 "Little"? 317 00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:13,930 Oh, like that car you drive over there? 318 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,960 Let's see if it looks bigger when I throw a Sprite at it. 319 00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:20,830 Well, that's not my car, but I don't care, 320 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,600 I'm just a volunteer. 321 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,170 All right, Griffin, get in there! 322 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,840 Come on, Stewie, give your dog something to post on Facebook! 323 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,780 Something to post on Facebook, let's go. 324 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,150 All right, and nobody's blocking. 325 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,020 Oh, my God. Stewie! 326 00:12:42,990 --> 00:12:44,460 Are you okay? 327 00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:46,160 Back off! He may have a concussion. 328 00:12:46,190 --> 00:12:47,290 A concussion? 329 00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:49,460 You do me an honor, Lieutenant, 330 00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:52,800 but my dance card is full. 331 00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,310 Officer Swanson, as you requested, 332 00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:01,480 here's a big stack of all the cases you cracked. 333 00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:04,340 Oh, great. Now I'm gonna go ahead and brood over a photo 334 00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:07,980 of the girl whose case was the one I couldn't solve. 335 00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:10,950 Your '70s sweater and feathered hair let people know 336 00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,320 this is a cold case. 337 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,320 Well, hello, Officer Swanson. 338 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,060 Peter? What are you doing? 339 00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:19,730 You're not supposed to be here. 340 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:23,330 I saw you on TV, hogging all the credit for my police work. 341 00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:26,170 Look, I told you, I need you to be a silent partner on this. 342 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,340 The truth is I could get in a lot of trouble. 343 00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:31,540 Oh, I see. You need me to be the bad cop who kicks all the ass 344 00:13:31,570 --> 00:13:33,470 and then I'm supposed to be quiet about it? 345 00:13:33,510 --> 00:13:35,880 Well, my silence is gonna cost you. 346 00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:36,980 What are you saying? 347 00:13:37,010 --> 00:13:39,180 I'm saying you get stuff, I want stuff. 348 00:13:39,210 --> 00:13:40,680 I've seen that evidence locker. 349 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,550 I know you got Discmans in there. 350 00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:44,520 I want a murdered jogger's Discman. 351 00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:46,250 Peter, you know I can't do that. 352 00:13:46,290 --> 00:13:48,820 Yeah? Well, maybe I accidentally reveal 353 00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:50,860 that you're not the hero everyone thinks you are 354 00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:52,190 and that you've been letting your neighbor 355 00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:53,860 do all kinds of cop stuff. 356 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,730 You wouldn't do that, would you? 357 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,030 You bet I would. 358 00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,200 And one more thing. 359 00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:00,600 Peter asked me to do this. 360 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,400 He, he said it's something from before. 361 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,270 I, I don't know, I... I hope it's funny. 362 00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:15,720 All right, I'm here. But why did you want me to bring this? 363 00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:17,780 I'll tell you why. You're getting all the credit 364 00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:20,390 for my police work, so I want stuff from you. 365 00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:22,620 I want a minute in your house with this shopping cart, 366 00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:24,020 like Supermarket Sweep. 367 00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,290 Here, time me. 368 00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:28,200 Peter, you expect me to let you ransack my house? 369 00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:30,630 Well, unless you'd rather I spill the beans to the chief 370 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,100 about who's been doing your dirty work. 371 00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,070 Okay, go. 372 00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:38,910 Aw, sweet, board games! 373 00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:40,270 I'm taking the cannon from your Monopoly! 374 00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:43,040 Why is Peter in the house? 375 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,110 It's a police matter, Bonnie! 376 00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,280 Hey, how come Kevin's room is locked? 377 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,920 He just wants some privacy! 378 00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:50,650 It's locked from the outside! 379 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,420 Don't open it, Peter! 380 00:14:54,090 --> 00:14:56,320 Hi, baby. Hi, baby. 381 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:57,920 Get out of Susie's room! 382 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,130 Your stuff sucks. I didn't need the full minute. 383 00:15:06,970 --> 00:15:10,300 Hey, Stewie, how's our little concussion guy? 384 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,640 Oh, my God. Can you... can you see me? 385 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,780 Yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. 386 00:15:17,810 --> 00:15:20,280 I-Is anybody gonna answer that telephone? 387 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,780 He keeps thinking the phone is ringing, Brian. 388 00:15:22,820 --> 00:15:24,280 Well, at least he's talking again. 389 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:25,650 I think that means he's getting better. 390 00:15:25,690 --> 00:15:27,490 Is it day or night? 391 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,490 I don't-I don't care, I just want to know. 392 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:30,990 Lois, answer the bloody phone! 393 00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,790 N-No, no! W-we don't need Lois. 394 00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:34,490 Chris, pretend to answer the phone. 395 00:15:34,530 --> 00:15:36,360 Oh, uh, hello? 396 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,770 Okay. Yes, one second. 397 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,630 Mom, it's for you! 398 00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,100 What? No! Damn it, Chris! 399 00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,800 Um, um... I'll, I'll take that. 400 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,710 Hello, this is Brian Griffin. 401 00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:48,310 Actually, I already receive The New York Times, 402 00:15:48,340 --> 00:15:51,610 and I always enjoy finishing the crossword puzzle. 403 00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:53,550 You're bragging to nobody? 404 00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:54,880 Phone's still ringing. 405 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,720 Crap, Chris, he's worse off than I thought. 406 00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:58,050 We have to do something. 407 00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,290 Well, on TV if somebody gets hit on the head, 408 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,690 you hit them a second time and that gets them back to normal. 409 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,330 No, no, Chris. This is very serious. 410 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,200 You see, what a concussion is is the impact of brain matter 411 00:16:08,230 --> 00:16:10,000 on the inside of the skull. 412 00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:11,970 That's why you sometimes hear this nonsense about, 413 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,500 "Oh, let's just give them better helmets." 414 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:16,300 But you can't make a helmet for the inside... 415 00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:17,800 Chris, are you crazy? 416 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,970 Shh. Let's just let him sleep this off. 417 00:16:21,010 --> 00:16:22,810 Look how peaceful he is. 418 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,580 I wonder what's going on in that little head of his. 419 00:16:28,180 --> 00:16:31,350 * The world looks mighty good to me * 420 00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:34,850 * 'Cause Tootsie Rolls are all I see * 421 00:16:34,890 --> 00:16:38,090 * Whatever it is I think I see * 422 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:42,230 * Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me! * 423 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,700 Joe, is something wrong? 424 00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:51,870 I didn't hear you crying in the shower this morning. 425 00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:53,870 I'm just dealing with some stuff at work. 426 00:16:53,910 --> 00:16:55,880 But everything's going so well. 427 00:16:55,910 --> 00:16:57,710 You've been getting all those commendations 428 00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:01,680 and my online handmade lip balm business is really taking off. 429 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,420 I don't even know what you're talking about. 430 00:17:03,450 --> 00:17:05,190 Well, I'm proud of you. 431 00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:08,260 And you should be proud of yourself. 432 00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:13,730 rechargeable heated mittens. 433 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,760 Write it down. 434 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,100 Forget it, Peter. 435 00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:18,630 I'm done being blackmailed by you. 436 00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:19,800 Oh, yeah? 437 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,070 Well, fine, but remember, 438 00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:23,070 you're nothing without your muscle. 439 00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,370 Any available unit, 440 00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:27,410 we have a report of an armed robbery in progress. 441 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,880 Go on, hero cop. You don't need me. 442 00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:33,950 Well, uh, maybe you and I could do one last bust 443 00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:35,250 for old time's sake. 444 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,250 Yes! All right, let's do it. Let's go be heroes. 445 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,250 Like the designated Shriver. 446 00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:43,220 Is there a skeleton with a wig that can drive me home? 447 00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:44,760 I can. 448 00:17:44,790 --> 00:17:46,390 Look at this mess! 449 00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:48,960 Where is the housekeeper? 450 00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:55,640 Well, you already look better. 451 00:17:55,670 --> 00:17:57,140 The doctor should be in any minute. 452 00:17:58,940 --> 00:18:00,270 Chris, what the hell? 453 00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:03,780 There is a room where you can go in and just get free people. 454 00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:06,350 Yeah, you should give that back. 455 00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:09,180 Look, I'm really sorry I let you get hurt, Stewie. 456 00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:11,480 I never should've pushed you into that game. 457 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:12,920 Oh, it's not your fault. 458 00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:15,460 I just have to accept that I'm not a man 459 00:18:15,490 --> 00:18:17,160 and I'm never going to be one. 460 00:18:17,190 --> 00:18:18,460 That's ridiculous. You can't let 461 00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:21,800 what one woman says in a grocery store define who you are. 462 00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,300 Mom and Dad said it, too. 463 00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:25,630 I heard it through a vent in the wall. 464 00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:27,270 Hey, knock, knock. 465 00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:28,440 Coach Herrera? 466 00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:29,800 You came to see Stewie? 467 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,840 Yeah, I wanted to check in on this tough little guy. 468 00:18:32,870 --> 00:18:34,710 "Tough little guy"? 469 00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:37,040 It takes a real man to take a hit like that. 470 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,180 Feel better, sport. 471 00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:40,950 How about that? 472 00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:42,550 "Real man." 473 00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:43,950 See? I told you, Stewie. 474 00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,520 You're a big, tough boy. 475 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:47,320 Yes, I guess I am. 476 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,520 That may be, Stewie. 477 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,790 But if I were you, I'd stay off the field. 478 00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,830 Concussions are the number one problem in football today. 479 00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:55,860 Recent brain scan studies have shown... 480 00:18:57,730 --> 00:19:01,200 ...that brain injuries are directly linked to dementia 481 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,670 and suicides in former players! 482 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,670 Yet the league... 483 00:19:05,710 --> 00:19:09,710 You can play the music louder but you can't silence the truth! 484 00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:14,180 Peter, slow down! 485 00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:15,880 No can do, Joe. I'm all hopped up 486 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,390 'cause I Vicks Vapo'd my sack. 487 00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:22,220 I also got some of it in my eyes. 488 00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:26,190 Am I getting them? Am I getting the robbers? 489 00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:29,360 Peter, put the gun down! 490 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,400 On the floor, punks. 491 00:19:31,430 --> 00:19:32,830 Everybody dies. 492 00:19:34,070 --> 00:19:36,240 My already-irritated eyes! 493 00:19:40,070 --> 00:19:42,010 Aw, damn it, Peter! 494 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,380 This is Officer Swanson, I need backup at... 495 00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:47,350 Ow! They're beating me with vaping accessories! 496 00:19:47,380 --> 00:19:50,050 Forget it, there's no time. 497 00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,790 Freeze, police! 498 00:19:52,820 --> 00:19:55,290 Too late, Joe. I already identify with my captors. 499 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,560 Don't hurt Max and Ken. 500 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,980 Holy crap, Joe. That was freaking amazing! 501 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,250 You kicked their ass! 502 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,420 You're right, I guess I did. 503 00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:24,780 And without my help. 504 00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:26,790 See, this is the Joe I remember. 505 00:20:26,820 --> 00:20:30,290 You know, maybe you had it in you all along. 506 00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:33,390 Wow. I guess I just got ground down by years 507 00:20:33,430 --> 00:20:35,600 of people treating me like an errand boy, 508 00:20:35,630 --> 00:20:38,470 and I just let them walk all over me. 509 00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,930 You know, you were a real pain in the butt as a partner, 510 00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:43,140 but you helped me find myself again. 511 00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:44,600 Thanks, Peter. 512 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,440 You're welcome, Joe. 513 00:20:46,470 --> 00:20:49,680 Excuse me, do you have any Tab soda I can bring back 514 00:20:49,710 --> 00:20:52,780 to the sex dungeon where I've been held captive for decades? 515 00:20:52,810 --> 00:20:54,350 Ma'am, this is a crime scene. 516 00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:57,480 I'm gonna have to ask you to move along. 517 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:01,120 You're right, Peter. I'm a pretty good cop.