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* It seems today that all you see *
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* Is violence in movies and sex on TV *
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* But where are those good old-fashioned values *
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* On which we used to rely? *
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* Lucky there's a family guy *
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* Lucky there's a man who positively can do *
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* All the things that make us *
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* Laugh and cry *
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* He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! *
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We now return to The Terminator.
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I've been sent here from the future.
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I have to have sex with your housekeeper to save humanity.
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What?
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Bring me your housekeeper!
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I have to have sex with her now!
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I'm the Terminator!
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I don't have a housekeeper.
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And I think you're just
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present-day Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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No, I am a machine.
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Every second I'm not having sex with a housekeeper,
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robots are killing people in the future.
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Okay, I finish for the day.
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You lied to me!
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You do have a housekeeper!
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Let's go make a large-faced boy.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, cop, cop, cop.
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Peter, it's me, and you're an adult man drinking in a bar.
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Anyway, sorry I'm late.
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The pantry down at the station needed new shelf paper.
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That's what they got you doing down there?
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Well, that, and I'm also in charge of the office gerbil.
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And let me tell you, Lieutenant Nibbles is quite a handful.
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He'll only eat real cheese, not processed.
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You buy special cheese for a gerbil?
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Yeah, I have to, he outranks me.
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Jeez, Joe, what the hell happened?
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You used to be this badass cop out there on the street,
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busting heads and keeping us safe.
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Well, it may not sound exciting, but I play an important role.
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I go through all the body cam footage
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and take out all the parts where the cops go pee-pee.
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So you're just erasing cop wieners all day?
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Eh, not erasing, sort of cutting them together
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into a funny montage we show on birthdays.
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Speaking of which, Flannigan's got the big "four-oh" coming up.
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Got to go.
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Man, you guys think Joe's as happy as he says he is,
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just doing all that desk work?
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No way, he's just putting lipstick on a pig.
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This is called "Crimson Sky."
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What do you think?
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Mmm.
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Harold?
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Get this off of me!
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What are you doing in the women's department?
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Uh, waiting for you.
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Well, I'm ready. Let's go.
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Who are you?
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Ugh, she just put her tampons on top of the bread.
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Take the groceries out, we got start over.
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Mom, can I go barehand raisins from the bulk aisle?
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Okay, but if you get caught,
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just say, "oopsie-poopsie," like a simpleton.
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Hey, watch your fat arms!
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Excuse me, ma'am, your little girl dropped her teddy bear.
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What?
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"Little girl"?
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Yeah, she hates it when she drops that.
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He's actually a little boy, but thank you very much.
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Did she just think I was a girl?
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Why would she think that?
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I don't know, maybe she saw you try to throw that feather
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in the yard yesterday.
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Hey, don't watch me when I'm doing stuff.
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What are you doing, kid?
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Those aren't free!
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Oopsie-poopsie!
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Aw, God bless you.
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Help yourself.
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Car trouble?
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Ah, son of a bitch, Joe!
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Didn't even hear you coming.
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Yeah, I'm kind of quiet on grass.
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Thanks for giving me a ride, Joe.
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Hey, since we're in a cop car,
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let's talk about our hunches and how something doesn't add up.
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All right.
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I have a hunch Madea's not really a girl.
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Yeah, something doesn't add up about that.
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All units,
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reports of a drug deal in progress at Fifth and Maple.
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Shots fired.
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Suspect possibly armed.
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Well, shots fired, so definitely armed, duh.
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Dispatch much?
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Sorry, guys.
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Fifth and Maple? That's right near here.
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We got to go!
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No can do, I got to go to the station
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and tidy up the bulletin board.
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No one's biting on those guitar lessons.
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What are you talking about?
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There's a drug deal going down!
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Peter, there's a lot you don't understand about police work.
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What's to understand? I watch TV.
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Come on, Joe, let's put this 70's siren on your car and go.
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Did you just wipe a booger on my roof?
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Let's go! Let's go!
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Oh, crap! Cops!
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That's the house!
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Hold on, Peter, we can't go in there.
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We got to wait for backup.
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The hell we do!
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Peter!
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Reach for the stars!
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What?
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I think he's telling us to follow our dreams.
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Where are the drugs?
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What are you doing?
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You are violating all kinds of procedures!
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There's no drugs here, pig.
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Ah-ha! No drugs, huh?
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Well, what do you call this?
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And I'll bet there's more where that came from.
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They're trying to flush their stash!
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Nice try, scumbag,
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but I got your squishy drugs right here.
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Uh-oh.
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Peter, hand me my gun and get out of here!
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I could get fired for this!
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And I can't go back to my job as a magician's assistant.
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And now, to pull the two sides apart.
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And wiggle your toes!
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I said, wiggle your toes!
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Yeah, that's, uh,
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that's why I wanted to talk to you before the show.
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What's up, dudes?
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Stewie, what the hell is all this?
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Uh, only the most manly thing ever.
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A little something called American football.
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Is that a Michael Sam jersey?
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Yep. Two boy names.
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Doubly masculine.
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Like George Michael? Shut up!
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Come on, Stewie, are you still hung up about
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that woman at the grocery store thinking you were a girl?
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Elton John.
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Is another.
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It has nothing to do with that, Brian.
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I just thought it'd be good to take up a sport.
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You know, like boys do.
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You don't have to play football to prove you're a boy.
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Barney Frank.
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Is yet another one.
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Chris, please.
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Actually, you know what? Ricky Martin.
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There's a bunch of these.
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Anyway, they're not gonna let you play football, Stewie.
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You're too little.
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Oh, don't worry.
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I'm gonna be bad news for the other team.
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And nobody likes bad news.
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Except for Larry, the Self-Loathing Idiot.
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Larry, I'm afraid you only have three months to live.
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Swanson!
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I need to see you right now!
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Captain.
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Lieutenant.
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You had no business participating in that raid
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at Fifth and Maple.
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I know that, Captain. I'm sorry that I...
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But I'm glad you did.
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Excuse me?
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You brought down one of the biggest drug rings in Quahog.
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Above and beyond, Swanson.
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Well, sir, I...
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I'm just like any other cop.
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My wife puts on my pants one leg at a time.
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I appreciate your modesty, but nice work.
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It's hard to believe you did that all by yourself.
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Yep, did it all by myself, I did, I did.
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My little lonesome, says I.
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That's weird phrasing, but I'll tell you this, Swanson,
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you keep up this kind of work,
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there'll be no more grocery runs for you.
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You'll be back on the street full-time.
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Thank you, Captain.
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Sir?
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Thank you, sir.
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Hey, Peter.
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You know, I was just thinking about how much fun we had
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the other day, and wondered if you'd want to join me
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for another ride-along.
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Well, yeah, but I-I thought you said I couldn't do that
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'cause you'd get in trouble.
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Eh, it'll be our little secret.
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All right.
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Hey, can I drive the car?
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Yeah, I guess I can let you drive. Awesome!
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Hey, and-and can we go slow up to a homeless guy
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and go "joop-joop" and see what he does?
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That's half the job.
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So, what do you say? You think you're up to it?
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You bet I am.
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I'm in the best shape of my life.
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I've been working my Dave Matthews Punching Bag.
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Thank you very much for using me today.
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This isn't annoying enough.
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I need my David Lee Roth bag.
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Wow. So these are the wife-beaters of tomorrow.
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Which team is Stewie gonna be on?
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He's not gonna be on any team.
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He's just overcompensating because he was called a girl.
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But once he sees how big the other kids are, he'll back out.
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Ooh! My shoes have 12 little heels.
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They're cleats!
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Okay, kids, let's start practice.
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Yeah! Football!
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Boy stuff. Hitting the shower.
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Getting embarrassed.
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Going home to shower.
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Okay, Stewie, enough is enough.
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All right, let's-let's get you out of here.
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Yeah, you probably should get him out of there,
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'cause he's just a little shrimp.
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Uh, okay, thank you.
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I mean, look at him.
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My Tyler would kill him out there.
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Okay, well, believe me, there's
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there's more to him than you think.
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Come on, Stewie.
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You know, ballet is great exercise.
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Maybe you should put short stack in a tutu.
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No, you know what, Stewie?
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Get the hell out on that field!
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And if you see that Tyler, take his knee out.
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All right, let's do it!
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Football game!
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Then, reminder, showering at home.
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Okay, I guess we'll see who's got the toughest kid here.
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Yeah, I guess we will.
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Hey!
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Oopsie-poopsie!
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Aw.
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* No sleep till *
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* Brooklyn *
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* Foot on the pedal *
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* Never ever false metal *
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* Engine running hotter than a boiling kettle *
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* My job ain't a job, it's a damn good time *
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* City to city, I'm running my rhymes *
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* On location *
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* Touring around the nation *
255
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* Beastie Boys always on vacation *
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* Itchy trigger finger *
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* But a stable turntable *
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* I do what I do best *
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* Because I'm willing and able *
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* Ain't no faking, your money I'm taking *
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* Going coast to coast to watch all the girlies shaking *
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* While you're at the job working 9:00 to 5:00 *
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* The Beastie Boys at the Garden cold kickin' it live *
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* No sleep till *
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* Another plane, another train *
266
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,200
* Another bottle in the brain *
267
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,470
* Another girl, Another fight *
268
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,040
* Another drive all night *
269
00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:12,040
* Our manager's crazy *
270
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,610
* He always smokes dust *
271
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,310
* He's got his own room at the back of the bus *
272
00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:17,780
* Tour around the world *
273
00:10:17,810 --> 00:10:19,280
* You rock around the clock, plane to hotel *
274
00:10:19,310 --> 00:10:21,220
* Girls on the jock *
275
00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:23,480
* We're trashing hotels like it's going out of style... *
276
00:10:27,590 --> 00:10:28,820
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
277
00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:30,320
ht:
278
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:31,990
local news anchor too professional
279
00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:34,800
to laugh at penis poked through hole in cue card.
280
00:10:34,830 --> 00:10:37,230
But first, earlier today at city hall,
281
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,000
the mayor honored a hero cop
282
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:41,500
who has foiled a string of recent crimes.
283
00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:44,500
Good afternoon, we had a budget meeting that ran long,
284
00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:46,310
so I'm gonna eat my lunch
285
00:10:46,340 --> 00:10:49,580
while I hold this press conference.
286
00:10:49,610 --> 00:10:51,480
Ooh, my favorite!
287
00:10:51,510 --> 00:10:54,210
Loose Cobb salad in a lunchbox.
288
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:56,550
I'm gonna now shake this up
289
00:10:56,590 --> 00:11:00,050
like a lady in your office.
290
00:11:00,090 --> 00:11:02,820
Okay, while the dressing does its magic,
291
00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:05,360
let's honor Officer Joe Swanson,
292
00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:10,060
who single-handedly cut crime in Quahog by 75%.
293
00:11:11,430 --> 00:11:13,730
What? "Single-handedly"?
294
00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:17,200
Officer Swanson, as thanks from a grateful city,
295
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,710
please accept this Certificate of Merit.
296
00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:24,610
And with that, I hereby declare this hero cop open!
297
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,580
Whoa, sweet bod.
298
00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:28,220
You lift, bro?
299
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:30,720
Damn it, I can't believe Joe's hogging all the credit.
300
00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:33,550
That bastard's just getting famous by tricking people.
301
00:11:33,590 --> 00:11:35,290
Like Orson Welles.
302
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,030
So the aliens have come to Earth
303
00:11:38,060 --> 00:11:40,430
to destroy all mankind.
304
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:42,730
And, uh...
305
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,900
they're going to start at McDonald's.
306
00:11:44,930 --> 00:11:48,300
So if you're in line there, you better run.
307
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:50,600
Whoa, whoa! N-Not the workers, though.
308
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,570
They've already said the workers are safe.
309
00:11:56,610 --> 00:12:00,980
Excuse me, Coach Herar-Herar-ra-ra-ra...?
310
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:02,150
It's Herrera.
311
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,780
Okay, well that's a lot of Rs, but listen,
312
00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:05,590
I-I noticed you're not starting Stewie.
313
00:12:05,620 --> 00:12:06,990
Oh, I can't put him in.
314
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,620
I mean, he can come out for limp handshakes
315
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,920
at the end of the game, but I can't play him. He's too little.
316
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,090
"Little"?
317
00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:13,930
Oh, like that car you drive over there?
318
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,960
Let's see if it looks bigger when I throw a Sprite at it.
319
00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:20,830
Well, that's not my car, but I don't care,
320
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,600
I'm just a volunteer.
321
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,170
All right, Griffin, get in there!
322
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,840
Come on, Stewie, give your dog something to post on Facebook!
323
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,780
Something to post on Facebook, let's go.
324
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,150
All right, and nobody's blocking.
325
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:42,020
Oh, my God. Stewie!
326
00:12:42,990 --> 00:12:44,460
Are you okay?
327
00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:46,160
Back off! He may have a concussion.
328
00:12:46,190 --> 00:12:47,290
A concussion?
329
00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:49,460
You do me an honor, Lieutenant,
330
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:52,800
but my dance card is full.
331
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,310
Officer Swanson, as you requested,
332
00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:01,480
here's a big stack of all the cases you cracked.
333
00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:04,340
Oh, great. Now I'm gonna go ahead and brood over a photo
334
00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:07,980
of the girl whose case was the one I couldn't solve.
335
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:10,950
Your '70s sweater and feathered hair let people know
336
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,320
this is a cold case.
337
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,320
Well, hello, Officer Swanson.
338
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,060
Peter? What are you doing?
339
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:19,730
You're not supposed to be here.
340
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:23,330
I saw you on TV, hogging all the credit for my police work.
341
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:26,170
Look, I told you, I need you to be a silent partner on this.
342
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,340
The truth is I could get in a lot of trouble.
343
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:31,540
Oh, I see. You need me to be the bad cop who kicks all the ass
344
00:13:31,570 --> 00:13:33,470
and then I'm supposed to be quiet about it?
345
00:13:33,510 --> 00:13:35,880
Well, my silence is gonna cost you.
346
00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:36,980
What are you saying?
347
00:13:37,010 --> 00:13:39,180
I'm saying you get stuff, I want stuff.
348
00:13:39,210 --> 00:13:40,680
I've seen that evidence locker.
349
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,550
I know you got Discmans in there.
350
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:44,520
I want a murdered jogger's Discman.
351
00:13:44,550 --> 00:13:46,250
Peter, you know I can't do that.
352
00:13:46,290 --> 00:13:48,820
Yeah? Well, maybe I accidentally reveal
353
00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:50,860
that you're not the hero everyone thinks you are
354
00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:52,190
and that you've been letting your neighbor
355
00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:53,860
do all kinds of cop stuff.
356
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,730
You wouldn't do that, would you?
357
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,030
You bet I would.
358
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,200
And one more thing.
359
00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:00,600
Peter asked me to do this.
360
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,400
He, he said it's something from before.
361
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,270
I, I don't know, I... I hope it's funny.
362
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:15,720
All right, I'm here. But why did you want me to bring this?
363
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:17,780
I'll tell you why. You're getting all the credit
364
00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:20,390
for my police work, so I want stuff from you.
365
00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:22,620
I want a minute in your house with this shopping cart,
366
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:24,020
like Supermarket Sweep.
367
00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,290
Here, time me.
368
00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:28,200
Peter, you expect me to let you ransack my house?
369
00:14:28,230 --> 00:14:30,630
Well, unless you'd rather I spill the beans to the chief
370
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,100
about who's been doing your dirty work.
371
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,070
Okay, go.
372
00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:38,910
Aw, sweet, board games!
373
00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:40,270
I'm taking the cannon from your Monopoly!
374
00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:43,040
Why is Peter in the house?
375
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,110
It's a police matter, Bonnie!
376
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,280
Hey, how come Kevin's room is locked?
377
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,920
He just wants some privacy!
378
00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:50,650
It's locked from the outside!
379
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,420
Don't open it, Peter!
380
00:14:54,090 --> 00:14:56,320
Hi, baby. Hi, baby.
381
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:57,920
Get out of Susie's room!
382
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,130
Your stuff sucks. I didn't need the full minute.
383
00:15:06,970 --> 00:15:10,300
Hey, Stewie, how's our little concussion guy?
384
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,640
Oh, my God. Can you... can you see me?
385
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,780
Yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.
386
00:15:17,810 --> 00:15:20,280
I-Is anybody gonna answer that telephone?
387
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,780
He keeps thinking the phone is ringing, Brian.
388
00:15:22,820 --> 00:15:24,280
Well, at least he's talking again.
389
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:25,650
I think that means he's getting better.
390
00:15:25,690 --> 00:15:27,490
Is it day or night?
391
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,490
I don't-I don't care, I just want to know.
392
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:30,990
Lois, answer the bloody phone!
393
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,790
N-No, no! W-we don't need Lois.
394
00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:34,490
Chris, pretend to answer the phone.
395
00:15:34,530 --> 00:15:36,360
Oh, uh, hello?
396
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,770
Okay. Yes, one second.
397
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,630
Mom, it's for you!
398
00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,100
What? No! Damn it, Chris!
399
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,800
Um, um... I'll, I'll take that.
400
00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,710
Hello, this is Brian Griffin.
401
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:48,310
Actually, I already receive The New York Times,
402
00:15:48,340 --> 00:15:51,610
and I always enjoy finishing the crossword puzzle.
403
00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:53,550
You're bragging to nobody?
404
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:54,880
Phone's still ringing.
405
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,720
Crap, Chris, he's worse off than I thought.
406
00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:58,050
We have to do something.
407
00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,290
Well, on TV if somebody gets hit on the head,
408
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,690
you hit them a second time and that gets them back to normal.
409
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,330
No, no, Chris. This is very serious.
410
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,200
You see, what a concussion is is the impact of brain matter
411
00:16:08,230 --> 00:16:10,000
on the inside of the skull.
412
00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:11,970
That's why you sometimes hear this nonsense about,
413
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,500
"Oh, let's just give them better helmets."
414
00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:16,300
But you can't make a helmet for the inside...
415
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:17,800
Chris, are you crazy?
416
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,970
Shh. Let's just let him sleep this off.
417
00:16:21,010 --> 00:16:22,810
Look how peaceful he is.
418
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,580
I wonder what's going on in that little head of his.
419
00:16:28,180 --> 00:16:31,350
* The world looks mighty good to me *
420
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:34,850
* 'Cause Tootsie Rolls are all I see *
421
00:16:34,890 --> 00:16:38,090
* Whatever it is I think I see *
422
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:42,230
* Becomes a Tootsie Roll to me! *
423
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,700
Joe, is something wrong?
424
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:51,870
I didn't hear you crying in the shower this morning.
425
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:53,870
I'm just dealing with some stuff at work.
426
00:16:53,910 --> 00:16:55,880
But everything's going so well.
427
00:16:55,910 --> 00:16:57,710
You've been getting all those commendations
428
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:01,680
and my online handmade lip balm business is really taking off.
429
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,420
I don't even know what you're talking about.
430
00:17:03,450 --> 00:17:05,190
Well, I'm proud of you.
431
00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:08,260
And you should be proud of yourself.
432
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:13,730
rechargeable heated mittens.
433
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,760
Write it down.
434
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,100
Forget it, Peter.
435
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:18,630
I'm done being blackmailed by you.
436
00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:19,800
Oh, yeah?
437
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,070
Well, fine, but remember,
438
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:23,070
you're nothing without your muscle.
439
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,370
Any available unit,
440
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:27,410
we have a report of an armed robbery in progress.
441
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,880
Go on, hero cop. You don't need me.
442
00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:33,950
Well, uh, maybe you and I could do one last bust
443
00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:35,250
for old time's sake.
444
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,250
Yes! All right, let's do it. Let's go be heroes.
445
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,250
Like the designated Shriver.
446
00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:43,220
Is there a skeleton with a wig that can drive me home?
447
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:44,760
I can.
448
00:17:44,790 --> 00:17:46,390
Look at this mess!
449
00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:48,960
Where is the housekeeper?
450
00:17:54,470 --> 00:17:55,640
Well, you already look better.
451
00:17:55,670 --> 00:17:57,140
The doctor should be in any minute.
452
00:17:58,940 --> 00:18:00,270
Chris, what the hell?
453
00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:03,780
There is a room where you can go in and just get free people.
454
00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:06,350
Yeah, you should give that back.
455
00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:09,180
Look, I'm really sorry I let you get hurt, Stewie.
456
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:11,480
I never should've pushed you into that game.
457
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:12,920
Oh, it's not your fault.
458
00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:15,460
I just have to accept that I'm not a man
459
00:18:15,490 --> 00:18:17,160
and I'm never going to be one.
460
00:18:17,190 --> 00:18:18,460
That's ridiculous. You can't let
461
00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:21,800
what one woman says in a grocery store define who you are.
462
00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,300
Mom and Dad said it, too.
463
00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:25,630
I heard it through a vent in the wall.
464
00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:27,270
Hey, knock, knock.
465
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:28,440
Coach Herrera?
466
00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:29,800
You came to see Stewie?
467
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,840
Yeah, I wanted to check in on this tough little guy.
468
00:18:32,870 --> 00:18:34,710
"Tough little guy"?
469
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:37,040
It takes a real man to take a hit like that.
470
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,180
Feel better, sport.
471
00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:40,950
How about that?
472
00:18:40,980 --> 00:18:42,550
"Real man."
473
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:43,950
See? I told you, Stewie.
474
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:45,520
You're a big, tough boy.
475
00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:47,320
Yes, I guess I am.
476
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,520
That may be, Stewie.
477
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,790
But if I were you, I'd stay off the field.
478
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,830
Concussions are the number one problem in football today.
479
00:18:53,860 --> 00:18:55,860
Recent brain scan studies have shown...
480
00:18:57,730 --> 00:19:01,200
...that brain injuries are directly linked to dementia
481
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,670
and suicides in former players!
482
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,670
Yet the league...
483
00:19:05,710 --> 00:19:09,710
You can play the music louder but you can't silence the truth!
484
00:19:12,780 --> 00:19:14,180
Peter, slow down!
485
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:15,880
No can do, Joe. I'm all hopped up
486
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,390
'cause I Vicks Vapo'd my sack.
487
00:19:19,890 --> 00:19:22,220
I also got some of it in my eyes.
488
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:26,190
Am I getting them? Am I getting the robbers?
489
00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:29,360
Peter, put the gun down!
490
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,400
On the floor, punks.
491
00:19:31,430 --> 00:19:32,830
Everybody dies.
492
00:19:34,070 --> 00:19:36,240
My already-irritated eyes!
493
00:19:40,070 --> 00:19:42,010
Aw, damn it, Peter!
494
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,380
This is Officer Swanson, I need backup at...
495
00:19:44,410 --> 00:19:47,350
Ow! They're beating me with vaping accessories!
496
00:19:47,380 --> 00:19:50,050
Forget it, there's no time.
497
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,790
Freeze, police!
498
00:19:52,820 --> 00:19:55,290
Too late, Joe. I already identify with my captors.
499
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,560
Don't hurt Max and Ken.
500
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,980
Holy crap, Joe. That was freaking amazing!
501
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,250
You kicked their ass!
502
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,420
You're right, I guess I did.
503
00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:24,780
And without my help.
504
00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:26,790
See, this is the Joe I remember.
505
00:20:26,820 --> 00:20:30,290
You know, maybe you had it in you all along.
506
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:33,390
Wow. I guess I just got ground down by years
507
00:20:33,430 --> 00:20:35,600
of people treating me like an errand boy,
508
00:20:35,630 --> 00:20:38,470
and I just let them walk all over me.
509
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:40,930
You know, you were a real pain in the butt as a partner,
510
00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:43,140
but you helped me find myself again.
511
00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:44,600
Thanks, Peter.
512
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,440
You're welcome, Joe.
513
00:20:46,470 --> 00:20:49,680
Excuse me, do you have any Tab soda I can bring back
514
00:20:49,710 --> 00:20:52,780
to the sex dungeon where I've been held captive for decades?
515
00:20:52,810 --> 00:20:54,350
Ma'am, this is a crime scene.
516
00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:57,480
I'm gonna have to ask you to move along.
517
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:01,120
You're right, Peter. I'm a pretty good cop.