1 00:00:00,390 --> 00:00:03,872 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:03,873 --> 00:00:07,175 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,176 --> 00:00:10,746 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:10,747 --> 00:00:13,749 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:13,750 --> 00:00:17,252 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,253 --> 00:00:20,555 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:20,556 --> 00:00:22,124 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,125 --> 00:00:23,492 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:23,493 --> 00:00:29,930 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:29,931 --> 00:00:34,336 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 11 00:00:34,337 --> 00:00:37,439 We now return to Rational Geographic. 12 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,508 Upon realizing a trip to Africa 13 00:00:39,509 --> 00:00:41,009 would be smelly and gross, 14 00:00:41,010 --> 00:00:43,210 our crew decided to stay in the office. 15 00:00:49,318 --> 00:00:52,187 Aah! Mom, Dad! A bat, a bat! 16 00:00:52,188 --> 00:00:54,055 Oh, my God, there's a bat in the house. 17 00:00:54,056 --> 00:00:55,690 Okay, all-all right, everybody just calm down, 18 00:00:55,691 --> 00:00:57,692 it might just be Grandpa Munster. 19 00:00:57,693 --> 00:00:59,261 Somebody set him up for a funny joke. 20 00:00:59,262 --> 00:01:00,762 Hey, Grandpa, 21 00:01:00,763 --> 00:01:03,398 how did you sleep last night? 22 00:01:03,399 --> 00:01:05,233 Yeah, see, if it was him, he would have said, 23 00:01:05,234 --> 00:01:07,765 "Like I do every night: upside down." 24 00:01:09,005 --> 00:01:10,505 Okay. But Peter, 25 00:01:10,506 --> 00:01:12,541 we can't have a bat flying around the house. 26 00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:13,942 We got to do something. 27 00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:15,644 Don't worry, Lois. I'll get rid of it. 28 00:01:15,645 --> 00:01:16,845 It'll be a piece of cake. 29 00:01:16,846 --> 00:01:18,814 Just like my penis enhancement. 30 00:01:18,815 --> 00:01:21,215 I want it to hang down to my knees. 31 00:01:22,537 --> 00:01:24,604 They moved up my knees. 32 00:01:28,424 --> 00:01:31,726 Everybody, I've come up with the perfect plan to catch the bat. 33 00:01:31,727 --> 00:01:34,095 I bought this remote- controlled toy helicopter, 34 00:01:34,096 --> 00:01:35,964 to which I have attached this handgun. 35 00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:38,433 And I tell you, this thing is not easy to fly. 36 00:01:38,434 --> 00:01:40,368 - Peter, that doesn't seem very... - Here goes. 37 00:01:40,369 --> 00:01:42,437 Now, I don't have anything to control the trigger with, 38 00:01:42,438 --> 00:01:43,905 so I put it on a timer. 39 00:01:43,906 --> 00:01:45,774 But I don't remember how long I set it... 40 00:01:45,775 --> 00:01:47,708 Aah! We're all gonna die! 41 00:01:50,413 --> 00:01:53,715 Okay, so, now the bat has a gun, and the knives I gave him. 42 00:01:53,716 --> 00:01:55,283 What? Why would you give him knives? 43 00:01:55,284 --> 00:01:56,651 I didn't think it would matter. 44 00:01:56,652 --> 00:01:59,186 I was counting on this helicopter thing working. 45 00:02:03,059 --> 00:02:05,193 Peter? Wh-where are you? 46 00:02:05,194 --> 00:02:06,428 What's going on? 47 00:02:06,429 --> 00:02:08,597 In order to understand the bat, 48 00:02:08,598 --> 00:02:11,533 we must first understand the vampire. 49 00:02:11,534 --> 00:02:14,069 So I watched Interview With the Vampire. 50 00:02:14,070 --> 00:02:16,071 Cast your gaze upon... 51 00:02:16,072 --> 00:02:17,739 Lestat. 52 00:02:17,740 --> 00:02:19,641 Peter, you're not a vampire. 53 00:02:19,642 --> 00:02:22,210 Oh? Then why am I clad in velvet pants 54 00:02:22,211 --> 00:02:24,412 tucked into soft leather boots? 55 00:02:24,413 --> 00:02:26,181 And why does my shirt billow so 56 00:02:26,182 --> 00:02:28,216 in the wind of that rotating fan? 57 00:02:28,217 --> 00:02:29,784 Peter, what's really going on? 58 00:02:29,785 --> 00:02:31,686 I'm just tryin' to reinvent my look. 59 00:02:31,687 --> 00:02:33,655 A guy at work said I dress like crap. 60 00:02:33,656 --> 00:02:36,001 Well, you show 'em tomorrow, Peter. 61 00:02:36,953 --> 00:02:38,126 How'd it go? 62 00:02:38,127 --> 00:02:40,495 I was sent home early and labeled a distraction. 63 00:02:40,496 --> 00:02:42,530 They're having a meeting about me tomorrow. 64 00:02:49,171 --> 00:02:50,572 Wha... Wh-What's wrong? 65 00:02:50,573 --> 00:02:53,174 Ar-Are we taking a terrible 7:00 a.m. flight? 66 00:02:53,175 --> 00:02:54,843 No no. I realized to catch a bat, 67 00:02:54,844 --> 00:02:57,379 I need to live like a bat. So I got to be up at night. 68 00:02:57,380 --> 00:02:59,281 It's a nocturnal mission, Lois. 69 00:02:59,282 --> 00:03:01,249 Okay, but what are you gonna do? 70 00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:02,450 Well, as everyone knows, 71 00:03:02,451 --> 00:03:04,920 bats watch a ton of Cinemax softcore porn, 72 00:03:04,921 --> 00:03:06,856 so that seems like the place to start. 73 00:03:10,693 --> 00:03:12,060 A-ha! 74 00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:13,828 Welcome back to CNBC's Moneyline. 75 00:03:13,829 --> 00:03:15,830 Oh come on, man, nobody's buyin' that. 76 00:03:15,831 --> 00:03:17,599 You expect me to believe you own stocks? 77 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,501 Bat Industries was up two dollars a share today 78 00:03:19,502 --> 00:03:20,702 in heavy trading. 79 00:03:20,703 --> 00:03:21,903 Huh. 80 00:03:21,904 --> 00:03:24,272 Get back here! Damn it! 81 00:03:24,273 --> 00:03:26,107 Aah! 82 00:03:47,296 --> 00:03:49,864 I got you now, Bat Damon. 83 00:03:49,865 --> 00:03:51,800 I named you Bat Damon. 84 00:03:51,801 --> 00:03:54,034 Aw, now I want you to live. 85 00:03:55,504 --> 00:03:57,238 Aah! Aah! What is it? 86 00:03:57,239 --> 00:03:59,440 - Aah! - Ow! 87 00:04:00,543 --> 00:04:04,112 You can beat me, but I am who I am! 88 00:04:04,113 --> 00:04:06,348 Peter, what the hell did you do to Stewie's hand? 89 00:04:06,349 --> 00:04:07,716 It could be broken. 90 00:04:07,717 --> 00:04:09,250 I didn't mean to. It's just, 91 00:04:09,251 --> 00:04:11,785 sometimes I don't think before I act. 92 00:04:12,855 --> 00:04:14,149 Oh, hey, high-five. 93 00:04:14,604 --> 00:04:16,591 Hey, did you just high-five that sign? 94 00:04:16,592 --> 00:04:17,792 Yeah. 95 00:04:17,793 --> 00:04:19,394 You think differently. 96 00:04:19,395 --> 00:04:20,467 Get in. 97 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,101 His name was Derek. 98 00:04:26,102 --> 00:04:28,603 But he went by the Prophet when times were good, 99 00:04:28,604 --> 00:04:31,072 or the Law Giver when times were bad. 100 00:04:31,073 --> 00:04:33,908 I moved onto his prayer farm with 45 other members 101 00:04:33,909 --> 00:04:37,345 of the Salvation Star Boys, who died in a mass suicide. 102 00:04:37,346 --> 00:04:39,681 But not me. 'Cause I don't like root beer. 103 00:04:39,682 --> 00:04:41,616 And I only drink what I like. 104 00:04:41,617 --> 00:04:44,419 After it was all over, I called Lois to pick me up. 105 00:04:44,420 --> 00:04:45,987 She was mad. 106 00:04:45,988 --> 00:04:48,957 But she's what Derek calls an Oppressing Doubter. 107 00:04:48,958 --> 00:04:50,925 May the light of Derek's Invincible Diamond 108 00:04:50,926 --> 00:04:52,926 shine through you. 109 00:04:56,732 --> 00:04:59,601 Oh, thank you so much for coming in early, Dr. Hartman. 110 00:04:59,602 --> 00:05:00,802 Oh, no problem. 111 00:05:00,803 --> 00:05:02,437 - Hell, I used to work here. - What? 112 00:05:02,438 --> 00:05:04,673 Good news. Stewie's hand looks fine. 113 00:05:04,674 --> 00:05:06,508 Oh, hey, high-five. 114 00:05:06,509 --> 00:05:08,043 Huh. As long as you're here, 115 00:05:08,044 --> 00:05:10,145 I see Stewie hasn't had his vaccinations yet. 116 00:05:10,146 --> 00:05:11,246 Should we take care of that? 117 00:05:11,247 --> 00:05:12,847 Well, I suppose so. 118 00:05:12,848 --> 00:05:15,150 Oh, but first, I'm required to have you read this pamphlet 119 00:05:15,151 --> 00:05:17,251 about the risks of vaccinations. 120 00:05:20,356 --> 00:05:22,891 God, you are aging so rapidly. 121 00:05:22,892 --> 00:05:24,259 "Possible side effects: 122 00:05:24,260 --> 00:05:27,829 fever, severe allergic reaction, muscle and joint pain?" 123 00:05:27,830 --> 00:05:29,230 Wait, and this can't be right: 124 00:05:29,231 --> 00:05:32,133 they actually put some of the disease in the shot? 125 00:05:32,134 --> 00:05:34,269 Hey, man, how many questions your lady ask? 126 00:05:34,270 --> 00:05:35,603 Uh, like, a million? 127 00:05:35,604 --> 00:05:37,505 But I don't remember having to read any of this 128 00:05:37,506 --> 00:05:39,874 when Chris and Meg had their vaccinations. 129 00:05:39,875 --> 00:05:41,609 Well, that was before Internet chat rooms 130 00:05:41,610 --> 00:05:42,777 made everybody an expert. 131 00:05:42,778 --> 00:05:44,012 It's a better world now. 132 00:05:44,013 --> 00:05:46,514 I-I don't know about this, Dr. Hartman. 133 00:05:46,515 --> 00:05:49,050 We might need a little bit of time to think this over. 134 00:05:49,051 --> 00:05:50,752 Yeah, 'cause we don't want to make a big mistake. 135 00:05:50,753 --> 00:05:53,154 Like when I peed next to the chatty guy. 136 00:05:54,890 --> 00:05:55,990 Hey, man, we should get out of here, 137 00:05:55,991 --> 00:05:57,125 the building's on fire. 138 00:05:57,126 --> 00:05:58,593 Hey, pal, not now, I'm busy. 139 00:05:58,594 --> 00:06:01,629 Anyway, I'll tell you what's on fire, my urethra. 140 00:06:01,630 --> 00:06:03,565 That's the last time I go to a water park, 141 00:06:03,566 --> 00:06:04,666 I'll tell you that much. 142 00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:06,367 Well, that's not completely true, 143 00:06:06,368 --> 00:06:08,570 'cause I have a Groupon, and I'd hate to waste it. 144 00:06:08,571 --> 00:06:09,838 Plus, the truth is, the kids... 145 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:11,806 Oh, my God... 146 00:06:11,807 --> 00:06:14,608 I was the chatty guy. 147 00:06:19,381 --> 00:06:20,782 Hey, you guys, is that my laptop? 148 00:06:20,783 --> 00:06:22,884 Yeah, sorry, we were looking something up. 149 00:06:22,885 --> 00:06:24,719 We were going to get Stewie vaccinated, 150 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,789 but now, after our research, we're definitely not. 151 00:06:27,790 --> 00:06:28,990 Ah, no, Lois, don't tell me 152 00:06:28,991 --> 00:06:31,159 you fell for all that anti-vaxxer crap. 153 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,761 It's not crap, Brian. 154 00:06:32,762 --> 00:06:34,763 There's a lot of evidence to suggest there's a link 155 00:06:34,764 --> 00:06:36,831 between vaccinations and autism. 156 00:06:36,832 --> 00:06:39,701 Lois, all that so-called evidence has been debunked. 157 00:06:39,702 --> 00:06:41,236 Listen to some of these ingredients: 158 00:06:41,237 --> 00:06:45,240 "mercury, thimerosal, aluminum, formaldehyde." 159 00:06:45,241 --> 00:06:47,375 Lois, deciding not to vaccinate Stewie 160 00:06:47,376 --> 00:06:48,576 is something that affects all of us. 161 00:06:48,577 --> 00:06:49,911 The only reason they work 162 00:06:49,912 --> 00:06:52,447 is that if a critical mass of society gets immunized, 163 00:06:52,448 --> 00:06:53,815 then the diseases won't spread. 164 00:06:53,816 --> 00:06:55,650 Look, Brian, I was skeptical, too, 165 00:06:55,651 --> 00:06:56,885 but then I did some research 166 00:06:56,886 --> 00:06:58,887 and I found some very interesting things 167 00:06:58,888 --> 00:07:00,989 from the leader of the anti-vaccination movement, 168 00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:02,389 Jenny McCarthy. 169 00:07:07,363 --> 00:07:08,830 See? Proof. 170 00:07:08,831 --> 00:07:10,064 Hard to argue with that. 171 00:07:10,065 --> 00:07:11,064 And look at this one. 172 00:07:12,701 --> 00:07:14,169 Glasses. 173 00:07:14,170 --> 00:07:15,670 Case closed. 174 00:07:15,671 --> 00:07:17,071 I can't believe you guys. 175 00:07:17,072 --> 00:07:18,339 Don't you realize you're contributing 176 00:07:18,340 --> 00:07:20,375 to a potential public health disaster 177 00:07:20,376 --> 00:07:21,943 by not vaccinating your child? 178 00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:24,679 That's exactly the point... My child. 179 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:25,914 He's my child, 180 00:07:25,915 --> 00:07:28,216 and nothing matters more than his well-being. 181 00:07:28,217 --> 00:07:31,052 Oh, God, this is going to be a Lois story, isn't it? 182 00:07:31,053 --> 00:07:33,454 Game of Thrones is on, just a reminder. 183 00:07:33,455 --> 00:07:35,323 Yeah, we made this mistake before. 184 00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:36,991 We got the other kids vaccinated, 185 00:07:36,992 --> 00:07:38,593 but Meg still got chicken pox. 186 00:07:38,594 --> 00:07:40,161 Dad, this is acne. 187 00:07:40,162 --> 00:07:41,696 Girl, you nasty. 188 00:07:41,697 --> 00:07:44,432 You realize the vast majority of people think you're wrong. 189 00:07:44,433 --> 00:07:46,167 Well, maybe that's the problem. 190 00:07:46,168 --> 00:07:48,069 We just got to change their minds. 191 00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:50,038 We're gettin' this town to change its mind 192 00:07:50,039 --> 00:07:51,206 about vaccinations. 193 00:07:51,207 --> 00:07:52,440 Yeah. I'm with you. 194 00:07:52,441 --> 00:07:54,442 Just as soon as I finish gettin' the word out 195 00:07:54,443 --> 00:07:56,444 about the one thing more important. 196 00:07:56,445 --> 00:07:58,947 The brothers who made The Matrix are ladies now! 197 00:07:58,948 --> 00:08:00,014 They're ladies! 198 00:08:00,015 --> 00:08:01,349 Just one of 'em? 199 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,117 That's the thing... It's both of 'em! 200 00:08:03,118 --> 00:08:04,319 What are the chances? 201 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:05,753 What are the chances?! 202 00:08:05,754 --> 00:08:08,576 The brothers who made The Matrix are ladies now! 203 00:08:13,375 --> 00:08:14,862 All right, come on, Peter, 204 00:08:14,864 --> 00:08:17,697 I've got all the stuff for our anti-vaccination rally. 205 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:18,698 I don't believe this. 206 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:19,699 It's bad enough you guys 207 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:20,867 aren't vaccinating Stewie. 208 00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,035 Now you're trying to convince other people 209 00:08:22,036 --> 00:08:23,570 to make the same reckless choice? 210 00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:26,039 I'm also gonna pet a bunch of dogs without asking. 211 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:27,407 Don't do that. We don't like that. 212 00:08:27,408 --> 00:08:29,209 Then I'm gonna try and look at their teeth. 213 00:08:29,210 --> 00:08:32,279 Brian, all we want is for parents to have the choice. 214 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,848 Because parents know what's best for their kids. 215 00:08:34,849 --> 00:08:37,650 I hear Sansa finally shows boob in this one. 216 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,755 You do realize they're putting your life in danger 217 00:08:41,756 --> 00:08:43,156 by not getting you immunized. 218 00:08:43,157 --> 00:08:46,026 You could get measles, mumps, rubella, whooping cough... 219 00:08:46,027 --> 00:08:47,327 Oh, my God, are you serious? 220 00:08:47,328 --> 00:08:49,696 Very serious. Even the tiniest germ 221 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:52,232 could make you very ill and, left untreated, kill you. 222 00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:53,233 Really? 223 00:08:53,234 --> 00:08:54,234 I'd expect this kind of thing 224 00:08:54,235 --> 00:08:55,969 from the fat man, but not Lois. 225 00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,771 Although she did act like a nutcase 226 00:08:57,772 --> 00:09:00,473 that time she went shopping right before Thanksgiving. 227 00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:02,209 Ready for Turkey Day? 228 00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:03,843 Clever. 229 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,579 Don't eat too much turkey tomorrow. 230 00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:07,747 Oh, I won't. 231 00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:10,450 Now, if only the meal would cook itself, huh? 232 00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,057 Parents of Quahog 233 00:09:17,058 --> 00:09:19,793 and weekend dads playing three minutes of catch, 234 00:09:19,794 --> 00:09:22,295 do you know that the number of childhood vaccines 235 00:09:22,296 --> 00:09:24,364 has tripled in the last generation? 236 00:09:24,365 --> 00:09:25,665 And why is that? 237 00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,835 Because heartless corporations make billions of dollars 238 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:32,238 by foisting garbage and poison upon our children. 239 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:38,745 We demand that these vaccines 240 00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:41,448 be tested by independent researchers, 241 00:09:41,449 --> 00:09:43,650 not by the companies who make them. 242 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,852 Excuse me, are you the lady selling the bullhorn? 243 00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,187 What? No. 244 00:09:47,188 --> 00:09:49,289 I'm over here. 245 00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:51,224 Damn it. 246 00:09:51,225 --> 00:09:52,959 This doesn't seem to be working. 247 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,194 Well, obviously, Lois. 248 00:09:54,195 --> 00:09:55,295 You can't just go to a park 249 00:09:55,296 --> 00:09:57,163 and list a bunch of boring facts. 250 00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:58,531 You got to spice things up. 251 00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:00,133 Like I did when I was a lounge singer 252 00:10:00,134 --> 00:10:01,935 with uneven lyric density. 253 00:10:01,936 --> 00:10:05,305 This is a song I wrote for my beautiful girlfriend. 254 00:10:05,306 --> 00:10:06,439 Her name is... 255 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,375 ♪ Kim ♪ 256 00:10:08,376 --> 00:10:09,776 ♪ I don't understand why your father ♪ 257 00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,044 ♪ Has such problems with us ♪ 258 00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:12,879 ♪ Kim ♪ 259 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,214 ♪ Mostly I think it's because ♪ 260 00:10:14,215 --> 00:10:15,949 ♪ I don't make my car payments on time ♪ 261 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:17,450 ♪ But also because I was dating someone else ♪ 262 00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,451 ♪ At the same time as ♪ 263 00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,053 ♪ Kim ♪ 264 00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,454 Two, three, four, 265 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:22,956 five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. 266 00:10:22,957 --> 00:10:24,324 ♪ Kim ♪ 267 00:10:24,325 --> 00:10:26,059 ♪ I love you ♪ 268 00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:28,961 ♪ But mostly I love that you let me eat crackers in the bed ♪ 269 00:10:30,298 --> 00:10:31,665 ♪ Kim! ♪ 270 00:10:31,666 --> 00:10:33,300 Thank you! 271 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,356 Eh, that's enough of that. 272 00:10:56,357 --> 00:10:57,457 What the hell? 273 00:10:57,458 --> 00:10:59,292 Peter, is that you on TV right now? 274 00:10:59,293 --> 00:11:02,195 Oh yeah, that's my anti-vaccination PSA. 275 00:11:02,196 --> 00:11:03,797 Hi, I'm a medical guy, 276 00:11:03,798 --> 00:11:07,600 and I'm here to give you the facts about vaccs. 277 00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:10,570 Fact... Vaccinations cause autism, 278 00:11:10,571 --> 00:11:12,605 paralysis, and even... 279 00:11:12,606 --> 00:11:13,907 death, death, death, death, death, death, death, 280 00:11:13,908 --> 00:11:15,375 death, death, death. 281 00:11:15,376 --> 00:11:18,611 Fact: "vaccinate" rhymes with "masturbate." 282 00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:21,281 Would you let a doctor do that to your kid? 283 00:11:21,282 --> 00:11:25,218 Fact: I still think Michelle Williams is Carey Mulligan. 284 00:11:25,219 --> 00:11:26,886 Fact! 285 00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,789 Medical delivery for badass karate doctor. 286 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:32,125 Ah yes, those must be the bones and skulls. 287 00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:36,763 I see no boob bones, the victim was a man. 288 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:37,864 Wow. 289 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:40,400 ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ 290 00:11:40,401 --> 00:11:42,335 Say "no" to vaccines. 291 00:11:42,336 --> 00:11:44,203 Paid for with Meg's college fund. 292 00:11:51,212 --> 00:11:52,612 What the hell is all this? 293 00:11:52,613 --> 00:11:54,647 I'm trying to protect myself from all those diseases 294 00:11:54,648 --> 00:11:56,349 I'm not vaccinated against. 295 00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:58,651 Speaking of which, do you have any idea the germs 296 00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:00,854 you routinely track into this house? 297 00:12:00,855 --> 00:12:02,956 From now on I'm going to ask that you wear these shoes 298 00:12:02,957 --> 00:12:03,957 while indoors. 299 00:12:03,958 --> 00:12:05,024 Where'd you get those? 300 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,226 Put 'em on and lick your lips! 301 00:12:06,227 --> 00:12:08,061 Stewie, you might be taking this too far. 302 00:12:08,062 --> 00:12:10,397 Proper hygiene depends on everyone, Brian. 303 00:12:10,398 --> 00:12:12,866 For instance, I've already saran-wrapped Chris. 304 00:12:12,867 --> 00:12:15,468 I'm a gas station sandwich! 305 00:12:17,138 --> 00:12:19,739 We interrupt this program with breaking news. 306 00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:22,275 Childhood vaccination rates in Quahog have dropped 307 00:12:22,276 --> 00:12:25,712 to an all-time low, fueled by a recent media campaign 308 00:12:25,713 --> 00:12:27,847 led by local meddler, Peter Griffin, 309 00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:31,251 shown here in the basket of Henry Thomas' bicycle. 310 00:12:31,252 --> 00:12:33,119 That can't be real, right? 311 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,356 Oh, I knew one of these had to be my house. 312 00:12:36,357 --> 00:12:37,724 Damn it, Peter, thanks to you, 313 00:12:37,725 --> 00:12:40,226 nobody in this town is vaccinating their kids anymore! 314 00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:42,262 Do you even realize the harm you've caused? 315 00:12:42,263 --> 00:12:43,596 Harm? What are you talking about? 316 00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:45,331 I'm making the world a better place. 317 00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:47,534 Like when I was the Instagram police. 318 00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,270 Sorry, lady, got to crop the chotch. 319 00:12:54,442 --> 00:12:57,677 I... will take this. 320 00:12:57,678 --> 00:12:59,312 And cutaway complete. 321 00:13:05,453 --> 00:13:08,888 Man, there is a lot of bad art in these hallways. 322 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,791 All right, Stewie, see you after school. 323 00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:14,027 Wait a minute, where are all the other kids? 324 00:13:14,028 --> 00:13:15,094 Haven't you heard? 325 00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,696 There's been an outbreak of measles. 326 00:13:16,697 --> 00:13:18,965 It's all because everyone stopped vaccinating their kids. 327 00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,533 Oh, my God! 328 00:13:20,534 --> 00:13:21,901 And it's not just our school. 329 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,436 Kids all over town are getting sick. 330 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,272 Attention! Attention! 331 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:27,940 What the hell? 332 00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:34,180 People of Quahog, 333 00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:36,382 your town is under quarantine. 334 00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:40,386 Until further notice, no one may enter or leave the city. 335 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:43,323 Oh, that's the guy who bought the bullhorn at the park. 336 00:13:43,324 --> 00:13:44,791 Oh, this is awful. 337 00:13:44,792 --> 00:13:46,292 It's all our fault! 338 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,961 And look, Joe's arguing with a state policeman 339 00:13:47,962 --> 00:13:49,529 over jurisdiction. 340 00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:51,598 Thanks, Swanson, we'll take it from here. 341 00:13:51,599 --> 00:13:52,932 It's a state matter now. 342 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:54,901 No way, this is my town. 343 00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:57,070 Thanks, guys, the feds will take it from here. 344 00:13:57,071 --> 00:13:59,138 Oh, no, this is my state. 345 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,274 Hi, I'm a crossing guard who can walk, 346 00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:03,643 so I have jurisdiction over all of you. 347 00:14:03,644 --> 00:14:05,178 Must be serious. 348 00:14:05,179 --> 00:14:06,925 They brought in the big guns. 349 00:14:13,131 --> 00:14:14,231 You happy now, Lois? 350 00:14:14,232 --> 00:14:16,033 Because of you, there's a measles epidemic, 351 00:14:16,034 --> 00:14:17,634 and the whole town is quarantined. 352 00:14:17,635 --> 00:14:19,036 Speak for yourself, Brian. 353 00:14:19,037 --> 00:14:22,172 I, for one, am enjoying the indoor family time. 354 00:14:22,173 --> 00:14:25,108 Who's up for another game of hot-breath telephone? 355 00:14:27,078 --> 00:14:28,779 We're all gonna die! 356 00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:30,914 Chris, you're supposed to whisper that to the next person. 357 00:14:30,915 --> 00:14:32,416 Peter, Brian's right! 358 00:14:32,417 --> 00:14:33,884 We were wrong about everything! 359 00:14:33,885 --> 00:14:36,720 We've got to get to the hospital and get Stewie vaccinated! 360 00:14:36,721 --> 00:14:38,589 Eh, it might be a little too late for that. 361 00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:41,458 I kind of destroyed all the vaccines in town. 362 00:15:04,983 --> 00:15:06,817 All right, what else did I have to do today? 363 00:15:06,818 --> 00:15:08,785 Ah, yes, overdose in my apartment. 364 00:15:08,786 --> 00:15:10,354 I better get home. 365 00:15:10,355 --> 00:15:12,589 You destroyed all the vaccines? 366 00:15:12,590 --> 00:15:14,725 Yeah, but it's fine. There's nothing to worry about. 367 00:15:14,726 --> 00:15:16,660 Is anyone else feeling feverish, achy, 368 00:15:16,661 --> 00:15:18,328 and acutely sensitive to light? 369 00:15:18,329 --> 00:15:19,696 Oh, my God, Peter. 370 00:15:19,697 --> 00:15:21,365 Y-you've got measles! 371 00:15:21,366 --> 00:15:23,901 Now, hold on, hold on, before we all freak out, 372 00:15:23,902 --> 00:15:25,602 it might just be full-body herpes. 373 00:15:25,603 --> 00:15:28,372 Wait, you guys, Dad might not have been vaccinated. 374 00:15:28,373 --> 00:15:30,240 Didn't Grandma say he was born in Mexico? 375 00:15:30,241 --> 00:15:31,642 Nobody remembers that, Meg. 376 00:15:31,643 --> 00:15:33,644 We got to keep you away from Stewie. 377 00:15:33,645 --> 00:15:34,745 You'll get him sick. 378 00:15:34,746 --> 00:15:36,547 Oh, my little guy's gonna be fine. 379 00:15:36,548 --> 00:15:38,282 All he needs is a good, old-fashioned game 380 00:15:38,283 --> 00:15:40,217 of hot-breath telephone. 381 00:15:40,218 --> 00:15:41,518 Measles. 382 00:15:41,519 --> 00:15:43,053 I've got to get out of this house, 383 00:15:43,054 --> 00:15:45,622 or I'll be in worse shape than John Goodman! 384 00:15:45,623 --> 00:15:47,124 I've got your EKG here. 385 00:15:47,125 --> 00:15:48,292 How does it look? 386 00:15:48,293 --> 00:15:50,460 Well, it spells out "Pancakes." 387 00:15:50,461 --> 00:15:52,863 Oh, okay, so same as last time. 388 00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:55,966 I'm recommending you go on a strict diet immediately. 389 00:15:55,967 --> 00:15:57,234 Nope. 390 00:15:57,235 --> 00:15:59,069 Horses that make it look like I can walk, 391 00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:00,970 take me to Hollywood! 392 00:16:09,914 --> 00:16:11,815 All right, I'm almost done packing. 393 00:16:11,816 --> 00:16:14,384 I've got it down to four bags and a hatbox. 394 00:16:14,385 --> 00:16:15,719 I'm gonna need some help, Rupert. 395 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:16,820 Rupert? 396 00:16:16,821 --> 00:16:19,990 Ew, that's the tushie thermometer. 397 00:16:19,991 --> 00:16:22,059 Dear God, you're burning up! 398 00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:23,259 I have to get out of here! 399 00:16:24,996 --> 00:16:26,396 I'm sorry, Rupert. 400 00:16:26,397 --> 00:16:28,565 But the situation here has become unbearable. 401 00:16:28,566 --> 00:16:31,435 Like talking to someone with adult braces. 402 00:16:31,436 --> 00:16:33,637 So, yeah, last weekend, Sheila and I took the kids 403 00:16:33,638 --> 00:16:35,105 up to the lake, it was great. 404 00:16:35,106 --> 00:16:37,774 We had great weather, fired up the barbecue, 405 00:16:37,775 --> 00:16:39,743 Sheila's parents came up towards the end of the week... 406 00:16:39,744 --> 00:16:42,111 When are you gonna get those off? 407 00:16:46,751 --> 00:16:49,886 Meg, you must carry on my legacy. 408 00:16:49,887 --> 00:16:53,256 Promise me you'll crop the chotches. 409 00:16:53,257 --> 00:16:54,691 Crop them, Meg! 410 00:16:54,692 --> 00:16:55,926 Crop them all! 411 00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:57,728 Peter, Stewie's gone! 412 00:16:57,729 --> 00:16:59,262 I've looked everywhere! 413 00:16:59,263 --> 00:17:01,999 Oh, Lois, I feel a little better. 414 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,967 I think I could keep down deviled eggs. 415 00:17:03,968 --> 00:17:04,968 Lois, what's wrong? 416 00:17:04,969 --> 00:17:06,403 I can't find Stewie. 417 00:17:06,404 --> 00:17:08,171 He must've gotten out of the house. 418 00:17:08,172 --> 00:17:10,807 God knows how far he's gone. 419 00:17:10,808 --> 00:17:13,644 Well, look, there's a Family Circus dotted path. 420 00:17:13,645 --> 00:17:14,844 It'll lead us right to him. 421 00:17:19,651 --> 00:17:20,984 Ah, it's just Billy. 422 00:17:20,985 --> 00:17:22,552 He died of measles. 423 00:17:22,553 --> 00:17:25,989 And here comes Marmaduke to lick up the vomit. 424 00:17:25,990 --> 00:17:27,757 Lucky. 425 00:17:31,796 --> 00:17:33,563 If I can just escape this quarantine 426 00:17:33,564 --> 00:17:34,731 and make it to the next town, 427 00:17:34,732 --> 00:17:37,934 I'll be able to get that vaccine I need. 428 00:17:37,935 --> 00:17:39,936 Stewie! I'm you from the future! 429 00:17:39,937 --> 00:17:42,339 You've got to get the hell out of town before you get sick! 430 00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:44,174 Yeah, I know. That's what I'm doing. 431 00:17:44,175 --> 00:17:46,410 Okay, I'm really here because I know you have glue. 432 00:17:46,411 --> 00:17:48,812 Give me the glue. 433 00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:53,216 Stewie, listen to me, 434 00:17:53,217 --> 00:17:56,302 never, ever do this great thing I love. 435 00:18:04,195 --> 00:18:06,462 There's the bridge out of town! 436 00:18:08,833 --> 00:18:10,534 So we're all there at the Clam, 437 00:18:10,535 --> 00:18:12,402 just kind of making music together, 438 00:18:12,403 --> 00:18:14,571 and then Peter, of course, had to join in 439 00:18:14,572 --> 00:18:18,275 and clap his hands, and I said, "Eh, that's enough of that." 440 00:18:18,276 --> 00:18:20,543 Yeah, I kind of run the group. 441 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,080 I'll just have to go around them. 442 00:18:31,889 --> 00:18:33,190 Good Lord. 443 00:18:33,191 --> 00:18:35,092 I hope my shoe doesn't fall to make me realize 444 00:18:35,093 --> 00:18:36,358 how far the drop is. 445 00:18:41,132 --> 00:18:44,000 Oh, my orthotic was in there. 446 00:18:45,770 --> 00:18:47,270 Stewie? 447 00:18:47,271 --> 00:18:48,271 Where are you? 448 00:18:48,272 --> 00:18:50,140 Lois, what's going on? 449 00:18:50,141 --> 00:18:52,109 That's one of my sidekicks' wives. 450 00:18:52,110 --> 00:18:54,144 He says he's in charge of the group, is that true? 451 00:18:54,145 --> 00:18:57,047 No, not in the slightest, but, Joe, Stewie's gone missing. 452 00:18:57,048 --> 00:18:58,782 We can't find him anywhere. 453 00:18:58,783 --> 00:19:00,282 Lois, look! 454 00:19:03,654 --> 00:19:05,455 I don't know if he can hold on much longer. 455 00:19:05,456 --> 00:19:06,456 We got to get him down. 456 00:19:06,457 --> 00:19:07,891 Stewie, hang on! 457 00:19:07,892 --> 00:19:09,092 Mommy's coming! 458 00:19:12,597 --> 00:19:15,866 Oh, no, upside-down train! 459 00:19:17,902 --> 00:19:19,402 - Stewie! - Oh, no! 460 00:19:24,675 --> 00:19:26,009 Sean Penn? 461 00:19:26,010 --> 00:19:28,345 That's right, two-time Oscar winner Sean Penn. 462 00:19:28,346 --> 00:19:29,713 What are you doing here? 463 00:19:29,714 --> 00:19:32,182 I'm bringing vaccines into your quarantined town. 464 00:19:32,183 --> 00:19:34,785 Any time there's a public health crisis in a third-world land, 465 00:19:34,786 --> 00:19:35,852 I'm there. 466 00:19:35,853 --> 00:19:37,654 Third world? This is Rhode Island. 467 00:19:37,655 --> 00:19:38,922 Oh, really? 468 00:19:38,923 --> 00:19:40,957 Have you seen some of the delis on Federal Hill? 469 00:19:40,958 --> 00:19:42,626 Oh-ho-ho! Rhode Island slam! 470 00:19:42,627 --> 00:19:45,628 Ho-ho! I like you, Sean Penn. 471 00:19:47,165 --> 00:19:50,000 Oh, my God, you saved my baby! 472 00:19:50,001 --> 00:19:52,736 Thank you so mu... Oh. 473 00:19:52,737 --> 00:19:54,638 Sean Penn. 474 00:19:54,639 --> 00:19:56,916 You're the one who played that homosexual. 475 00:19:56,917 --> 00:19:57,674 Yeah. 476 00:19:57,675 --> 00:19:59,876 All right, well, I'll take my son now. 477 00:19:59,877 --> 00:20:02,312 I've brought enough vaccines for your whole town. 478 00:20:02,313 --> 00:20:04,214 I hope you've realized that vaccinations are not 479 00:20:04,215 --> 00:20:07,150 a freedom of choice issue, they're a public health issue. 480 00:20:07,151 --> 00:20:10,620 Thanks to them, countless serious diseases, mumps, polio, 481 00:20:10,621 --> 00:20:13,557 smallpox, and rubella, have been all but eradicated. 482 00:20:13,558 --> 00:20:15,559 Like clean water and functional schools, 483 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,061 vaccinations are a human right. 484 00:20:18,062 --> 00:20:21,531 Great, just what I needed, a lecture from liberal Hollywood. 485 00:20:21,532 --> 00:20:25,568 This whole thing has been a lecture from liberal Hollywood. 486 00:20:29,407 --> 00:20:31,741 Well, it's a relief that everyone's been vaccinated, 487 00:20:31,742 --> 00:20:33,276 and the quarantine has been lifted. 488 00:20:33,277 --> 00:20:35,345 Well, I'm just happy that Stewie is healthy, 489 00:20:35,346 --> 00:20:38,882 and only 150 people died, but not anyone we knew personally. 490 00:20:38,883 --> 00:20:41,351 Yeah, I know I sure learned something. 491 00:20:42,553 --> 00:20:44,695 Hey, do you like apples? 492 00:20:44,696 --> 00:20:46,056 Yeah. 493 00:20:46,057 --> 00:20:47,357 Well, I got her number. 494 00:20:47,358 --> 00:20:48,725 How do you like them apples? 495 00:20:48,726 --> 00:20:50,110 Oh, Bat Damon! 496 00:20:50,111 --> 00:20:52,030 You got the best of me again!