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00:00:01,712 --> 00:00:05,025
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,125 --> 00:00:08,411
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,445 --> 00:00:11,964
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:11,999 --> 00:00:14,967
♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 11x19 ♪
Save the Clam
Original Air Date on May 5, 2013
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00:00:30,187 --> 00:00:35,187
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:35,188 --> 00:00:37,023
All right, Drunken
Clammers, this is it,
13
00:00:37,057 --> 00:00:38,824
the most important
game of the season.
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Now, is everybody drunk?
15
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Completely.
Okay, good.
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00:00:42,763 --> 00:00:45,531
And did nobody warm up?
17
00:00:45,582 --> 00:00:48,367
Good. 'Cause there's nothing
an unstretched middle-aged body
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00:00:48,402 --> 00:00:50,186
likes more than
explosive movements.
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00:00:50,220 --> 00:00:52,171
Now remember, we're here
to impress the girlfriends
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00:00:52,205 --> 00:00:53,522
of guys we barely know,
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00:00:53,557 --> 00:00:55,675
so when you get the ball,
throw it like a cannon.
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00:00:55,709 --> 00:00:58,027
You must throw your arm out
on every play.
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00:00:58,061 --> 00:01:00,029
Any other softball-related
questions?
24
00:01:00,063 --> 00:01:01,147
Yeah, I got a question:
25
00:01:01,181 --> 00:01:02,982
Can we leave
our bad-for-the-environment
26
00:01:03,016 --> 00:01:05,351
Styrofoam coolers behind
when we leave?
27
00:01:05,385 --> 00:01:06,686
Yes, you must
leave them behind,
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00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,421
and they must be
in a crumbly mess
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so that the city clean-up
workers have to chase
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00:01:10,390 --> 00:01:12,241
the little bits
when the wind blows.
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00:01:12,275 --> 00:01:13,826
You know, Stewie, this is
actually a good park.
32
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I've found a lot
of old tennis balls here.
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00:01:15,746 --> 00:01:17,179
Eh, I don't care
for this place.
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00:01:17,214 --> 00:01:18,447
Last time I was here,
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00:01:18,482 --> 00:01:21,083
I accidentally walked
into a Spanish picnic.
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00:01:21,118 --> 00:01:24,420
Excuse me, has anyone seen
a toy car around here?
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00:01:24,454 --> 00:01:26,088
Ooh. Es baby.
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00:01:26,123 --> 00:01:27,840
I make beautiful.
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00:01:34,564 --> 00:01:36,932
Don't get any ideas
about Julio.
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I'm his number one.
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00:01:38,969 --> 00:01:41,437
Here comes
Goldman's Pharmacy.
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00:01:43,140 --> 00:01:44,373
Hey, Goldman's Pharmacy!
43
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:46,892
Can you fill out a prescription
for us for diarrhea?
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We're about to get the runs!
45
00:01:50,797 --> 00:01:52,364
Oh, yeah?
Well, speaking of things
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00:01:52,399 --> 00:01:53,866
that are brown and can run,
47
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meet our new teammate!
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00:01:58,171 --> 00:02:00,156
Holy crap.
They got a ringer.
49
00:02:00,190 --> 00:02:02,158
What the hell?
Jerome's on your team?
50
00:02:02,192 --> 00:02:04,026
That's right.
We got to know each other
51
00:02:04,060 --> 00:02:06,362
while I was following
him around my store.
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00:02:06,396 --> 00:02:08,364
What's up, fools?
I'd like to dedicate
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00:02:08,398 --> 00:02:11,267
my performance today
to Miss Whitney Houston.
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Oh, we are.
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00:02:17,340 --> 00:02:18,307
Come on, Jerome!
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00:02:18,341 --> 00:02:20,076
Get a hit so I can bring
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00:02:20,110 --> 00:02:21,844
a sports trophy home
for my parents!
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00:02:21,846 --> 00:02:24,713
Jeffrey Lipsitz
has two soccerals!ed
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00:02:24,748 --> 00:02:27,583
I can't play soccer--
I have newborn-calf ankles!
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You know this, damn it!
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I'm gonna tear the cover
off this ball.
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But, hang on, first I got
to adjust myself.
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00:02:41,548 --> 00:02:43,699
Are you having
a nice morning, dear?
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Oh, yes, I love living here,
in the next town over.
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All right, chick batter!
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00:02:51,908 --> 00:02:52,858
Everyone bring it in!
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Bring it on in!
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00:02:53,944 --> 00:02:55,211
Get a hit, babe!
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You know it, babe.
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00:02:57,564 --> 00:03:00,382
All right, move it back!
Move it back!
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00:03:02,586 --> 00:03:04,203
Peter, why do you look
so nervous?
72
00:03:04,237 --> 00:03:07,873
I promised a kid in the hospital
I'd hit a home run for him.
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00:03:11,361 --> 00:03:12,928
Sorry, I struck
out looking.
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00:03:12,963 --> 00:03:14,930
Wait, you're not
the kid I promised.
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00:03:14,965 --> 00:03:16,866
No, he died last night.
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Oh, phew.
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00:03:22,189 --> 00:03:24,106
All right, guys, one more out
and the game is ours.
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Come on, Horace!
Strike him out!
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00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:41,857
Horace! You okay?
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00:03:41,891 --> 00:03:42,908
Oh, my God!
He's really hurt bad!
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00:03:42,943 --> 00:03:44,126
You're out of the baseline,
by the way.
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00:03:44,161 --> 00:03:45,244
You're out. Game's over.
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00:03:45,278 --> 00:03:47,513
But, oh, my God,
Horace is really hurt.
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00:03:48,598 --> 00:03:50,032
He's dead.
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00:03:51,768 --> 00:03:54,203
Let him rest in peace.
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Let's put
some leaves on him
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and go get some ice cream.
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00:04:06,733 --> 00:04:08,701
I can't believe Horace is dead.
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00:04:08,735 --> 00:04:12,271
I can't believe we left Brian
in the car with the windows up.
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00:04:13,306 --> 00:04:15,274
I'm gonna pee!
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00:04:15,308 --> 00:04:17,943
Listen, I just
feel awful about this.
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00:04:17,978 --> 00:04:20,479
Horace was a good bartender
and a good guy.
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00:04:20,513 --> 00:04:22,498
I wish there was something
I could do.
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00:04:22,532 --> 00:04:24,466
Well, we know you
didn't mean it, Jerome.
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00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:26,068
It's just a
terrible situation.
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00:04:26,102 --> 00:04:28,020
Like when you're the
only one at the table
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00:04:28,054 --> 00:04:29,955
where the waiter doesn't
say, "Good order."
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00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:32,291
I'll have the halibut.
Ah, great choice.
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00:04:32,325 --> 00:04:34,460
One of the chef's specialties;
you'll love it.
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00:04:34,494 --> 00:04:36,962
It was caught fresh less
than ten miles from here.
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00:04:36,997 --> 00:04:38,631
I'll have the New York
strip steak.
102
00:04:38,665 --> 00:04:40,699
Mmm! My absolute
favorite dish here.
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00:04:40,734 --> 00:04:43,369
It is a spectacular cut,
superbly seasoned
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00:04:43,403 --> 00:04:46,205
and the marbling is some
of the best I've ever seen.
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00:04:46,239 --> 00:04:47,473
And I'll have
the chicken.
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00:04:47,507 --> 00:04:49,008
Mm-hmm.
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00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:52,177
Good afternoon.
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00:04:52,212 --> 00:04:53,846
I'd just like to say that...
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before today, I didn't know
the Munsters were driving around
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in a funeral car.
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I'm beginning to think
everything on that show
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00:05:00,620 --> 00:05:02,621
was a big joke.
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I'd, um... I'd just like...
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Whe... When you lose...
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00:05:17,737 --> 00:05:20,839
Um, there's
so... There's so mu...
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00:05:20,874 --> 00:05:23,575
There's so much...
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I... I...
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Thank you, Quagmire.
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Perhaps there are some men who
would like to say a few words.
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Horace owned the Clam
for over 30 years.
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During that time,
he touched all of our lives.
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He was a great bartender
and a great friend.
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00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:48,133
And so let us take
a look back on his life
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00:05:48,168 --> 00:05:51,019
through this video
commemorating all the DUI's
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that he was responsible for.
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♪ I will remember you
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♪ Will you remember me?
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♪ Don't let your life
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♪ Pass you by
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Ouch.
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00:06:17,764 --> 00:06:19,898
Is there a bathroom in here?
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00:06:19,933 --> 00:06:23,485
I've been yo-yoing a turd
for the last 20 minutes.
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Oh, sorry.
134
00:06:30,193 --> 00:06:31,560
I was looking
for the bathroom.
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00:06:31,594 --> 00:06:33,395
I shouldn't have left
the door open.
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Sorry if you're grossed out
by this.
137
00:06:35,165 --> 00:06:36,565
No. No, no, I'm just...
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not used to seeing corpses
that big and not in a toilet.
139
00:06:40,403 --> 00:06:42,538
Oh, here, let me
help you with that.
140
00:06:44,574 --> 00:06:45,924
There you go.
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00:06:45,959 --> 00:06:47,843
Now you're all set
for your big day.
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00:06:47,877 --> 00:06:50,996
Thanks. You know, I could use
some part-time help here
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00:06:51,031 --> 00:06:52,831
preparing the bodies,
if you're interested.
144
00:06:52,866 --> 00:06:54,833
Really? Yeah,
that'd-that'd be great.
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00:06:54,868 --> 00:06:56,068
I could use the money,
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00:06:56,102 --> 00:06:58,420
and I'm getting kind of
tired of my old job.
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00:06:58,455 --> 00:07:01,056
Only a half a point divides
our top two competitors
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00:07:01,091 --> 00:07:03,959
as we enter the last event,
the Meg Roll.
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00:07:07,430 --> 00:07:08,981
You think it's cool
to go drinking
150
00:07:09,032 --> 00:07:10,199
right after Horace's funeral?
151
00:07:10,233 --> 00:07:12,368
Of course. It's what
he would've wanted.
152
00:07:12,402 --> 00:07:13,952
Listen, we all
got to move on.
153
00:07:13,987 --> 00:07:17,956
Like the Secret Service did
on November 23, 1963.
154
00:07:17,991 --> 00:07:19,808
All right, guys,
I know that yesterday
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00:07:19,843 --> 00:07:21,143
was a rough one for us.
156
00:07:21,177 --> 00:07:22,444
But it's with great pride
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00:07:22,479 --> 00:07:25,047
that I'm gonna turn this zero
into a one.
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00:07:25,081 --> 00:07:26,248
All right!
159
00:07:26,282 --> 00:07:28,333
Nichols, you should
go home and change.
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What the hell?
Hey, pal, what're you doing?
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This is our bar.
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Not anymore.
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00:07:34,174 --> 00:07:35,974
Horace owed more
than this place is worth,
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so it's the bank's now.
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00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:40,512
I'm sorry but The Drunken Clam
is permanently closed.
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Closed?!
167
00:07:41,848 --> 00:07:43,816
That was the start
of the dark times.
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00:07:43,850 --> 00:07:47,603
The banks took our bars, our
businesses and then our homes.
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A change had to be made.
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A change only one man
could make.
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I am the Wind Maker...
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00:07:54,627 --> 00:07:56,495
...and I shoot monkeys now.
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00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:06,295
We now return
to Joanie Loves Chris Brown.
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00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:08,964
Joanie! Chris!
175
00:08:08,999 --> 00:08:11,517
Welcome to the party.
Can I offer you some punch?
176
00:08:11,551 --> 00:08:13,852
No, thanks. I had
some in the car.
177
00:08:13,887 --> 00:08:15,888
Joanie Loves
Chris Brown was taped in front
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00:08:15,922 --> 00:08:18,123
of a very uncomfortable
studio audience.
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00:08:18,158 --> 00:08:20,626
Man, it really sucks
they closed down the Clam.
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00:08:20,660 --> 00:08:22,194
Yeah, but I... I mean,
this is good, right?
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00:08:22,228 --> 00:08:24,613
I mean, as long as we got a
place to drink and a restroom
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00:08:24,648 --> 00:08:26,949
for businessmen to have
homosexual encounters.
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00:08:26,983 --> 00:08:28,334
Hey, thanks for the sex.
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00:08:28,368 --> 00:08:31,370
Thank you for notarizing
those documents.
185
00:08:31,421 --> 00:08:33,389
Peter, what's
going on down here?
186
00:08:33,423 --> 00:08:35,491
Why are there beer bottles
all over the floor?
187
00:08:35,525 --> 00:08:37,559
Well, we needed a new spot
to drink, Lois.
188
00:08:37,594 --> 00:08:38,978
Forget it, Peter.
189
00:08:39,012 --> 00:08:40,546
You're not turning our
living room into a bar.
190
00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:42,898
Oh, come on, Lois, we got
to have a place to drink.
191
00:08:42,932 --> 00:08:44,049
Drinking is the only thing
192
00:08:44,084 --> 00:08:45,184
holding this friendship
together.
193
00:08:45,218 --> 00:08:48,053
Everything we try to do sober
just ends badly.
194
00:08:48,088 --> 00:08:51,056
I just don't think a good way
to start a screenplay is,
195
00:08:51,091 --> 00:08:53,726
"400 years ago
in Bethesda, Maryland."
196
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,961
Yeah, and don't you think it's
confusing that every character
197
00:08:55,996 --> 00:08:58,480
in the movie is named Movie Guy?
Come on, you guys.
198
00:08:58,515 --> 00:09:00,799
The Oscars are next week,
so let's get this done.
199
00:09:05,705 --> 00:09:08,273
Meg, I'm needed upstairs,
so I'll let you finish up.
200
00:09:08,308 --> 00:09:10,009
Just put some blush
here and here.
201
00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:13,362
It makes the eyes look
a little less dead and hollow.
202
00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:15,180
Wow, that really works.
203
00:09:15,215 --> 00:09:17,583
Hmm. Maybe I'll try
that on myself.
204
00:09:17,617 --> 00:09:21,954
Oh, uh... you have what we call
a "closed casket face."
205
00:09:23,239 --> 00:09:25,140
Hey, Meg,
who's your date?
206
00:09:25,175 --> 00:09:27,609
He looks like a real stiff.
207
00:09:27,644 --> 00:09:29,678
Chris, what the hell
are you doing here?
208
00:09:29,713 --> 00:09:31,680
I told you not to
bother me at work.
209
00:09:31,715 --> 00:09:34,316
I got locked out of the house,
and I need your key.
210
00:09:34,351 --> 00:09:38,320
No way! You get to work
with all these dead people?
211
00:09:38,355 --> 00:09:40,689
Hey, look,
this guy's picking his nose.
212
00:09:41,958 --> 00:09:43,275
Look, now he's eating it!
213
00:09:43,326 --> 00:09:44,643
Chris! Knock it off!
214
00:09:44,677 --> 00:09:46,412
You're gonna get me
in trouble!
215
00:09:46,446 --> 00:09:47,730
Meg, they're dead.
216
00:09:47,764 --> 00:09:49,565
Would you stop being so uptight?
217
00:09:49,599 --> 00:09:51,300
You're like one
of those Asian-Americans
218
00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:52,968
who fought in Vietnam.
219
00:09:54,337 --> 00:09:56,305
Oh, it's just me.
220
00:09:59,976 --> 00:10:02,094
Peter, I thought you were taking
us to a new drinking spot.
221
00:10:02,128 --> 00:10:03,796
What are we doing at the Clam?
Look, guys,
222
00:10:03,830 --> 00:10:06,248
we tried other bars,
we tried drinking at home,
223
00:10:06,282 --> 00:10:07,816
we even tried the big
end-of-the-year
224
00:10:07,851 --> 00:10:10,219
high school party
that will change everything.
225
00:10:10,253 --> 00:10:11,887
If we don't lose our
virginity tonight,
226
00:10:11,921 --> 00:10:13,555
we're never gonna
make it in college!
227
00:10:13,590 --> 00:10:14,990
Hey, where's Peter?
228
00:10:15,024 --> 00:10:18,243
Only talking to Amanda Small,
the hottest girl in school.
229
00:10:18,278 --> 00:10:20,412
But aren't you going out
with Joanne Fuller?
230
00:10:20,447 --> 00:10:23,348
JoJo? No, she's my neighbor.
I've known her forever.
231
00:10:23,383 --> 00:10:24,917
She works at her dad's garage.
232
00:10:24,951 --> 00:10:26,418
She's practically a guy.
233
00:10:26,453 --> 00:10:28,654
JoJo?!
234
00:10:28,688 --> 00:10:31,490
♪ Looking from
a window above... ♪
235
00:10:31,541 --> 00:10:33,008
Hi, Peter.
236
00:10:33,042 --> 00:10:35,944
But I thought you was workin'
on your garbage sculpture.
237
00:10:35,979 --> 00:10:38,680
There was someone
I had to see first.
238
00:10:38,715 --> 00:10:41,016
Sorry, Amanda.
By the law of '80s movies,
239
00:10:41,050 --> 00:10:42,785
a newly transformed tomboy
240
00:10:42,819 --> 00:10:45,454
supersedes your
long-standing hotness.
241
00:10:46,439 --> 00:10:50,409
♪ And all I ever knew
242
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:52,144
♪ Only you...
243
00:10:52,178 --> 00:10:54,179
♪
244
00:10:56,282 --> 00:10:58,584
Let's face it-- there's only
one drinking spot for us,
245
00:10:58,618 --> 00:11:00,452
and it's the Clam.
But, Peter, it's closed.
246
00:11:00,487 --> 00:11:01,653
We can't go in there.
247
00:11:01,688 --> 00:11:03,368
Quagmire, when a girl
says she doesn't want
248
00:11:03,389 --> 00:11:05,908
to have sex with you,
do you take that as an answer?
249
00:11:07,143 --> 00:11:09,828
My lawyer has advised me
not to answer that question.
250
00:11:09,863 --> 00:11:12,197
Look, I bet you could squeeze
through that window.
251
00:11:15,268 --> 00:11:16,368
It's not even locked.
252
00:11:16,402 --> 00:11:18,203
And all the booze
is still in there.
253
00:11:18,238 --> 00:11:19,905
Come on, guys,
this is trespassing
254
00:11:19,939 --> 00:11:21,173
and it's against the law.
255
00:11:21,207 --> 00:11:23,108
Maybe we should
just let the Clam go
256
00:11:23,143 --> 00:11:24,543
and, I don't know,
spend more time
257
00:11:24,577 --> 00:11:25,544
with our families.
258
00:11:25,578 --> 00:11:26,545
Yeah, I tried that.
259
00:11:26,579 --> 00:11:28,147
I just spend most of the time
260
00:11:28,181 --> 00:11:30,149
testing Chris to see
if he's autistic.
261
00:11:32,085 --> 00:11:33,051
No!
262
00:11:34,437 --> 00:11:36,672
Not overly affectionate.
263
00:11:36,706 --> 00:11:39,074
Guys, this is where we belong.
264
00:11:39,108 --> 00:11:40,843
Yeah, no question
about that.
265
00:11:40,877 --> 00:11:42,010
Yeah, we got roots here.
266
00:11:42,045 --> 00:11:44,012
We've been coming
to this place for 15 years.
267
00:11:44,047 --> 00:11:45,597
Our roots go back
further than that.
268
00:11:45,632 --> 00:11:47,099
My grandfather
used to bring me here
269
00:11:47,133 --> 00:11:48,267
when I was a kid.
270
00:11:48,301 --> 00:11:50,135
And his grandfather
brought him here.
271
00:11:54,924 --> 00:11:56,558
Good day, gentlemen!
272
00:11:56,593 --> 00:11:57,876
Welcome to the Drunken Clam!
273
00:11:57,911 --> 00:11:59,912
Can I get you boys
a mug of stout?
274
00:11:59,946 --> 00:12:01,146
Why, certainly.
275
00:12:01,181 --> 00:12:02,748
This is a bully establishment
you've got here.
276
00:12:02,782 --> 00:12:03,942
The doors are a little short,
277
00:12:03,967 --> 00:12:04,933
but that's okay,
278
00:12:04,968 --> 00:12:07,035
because we're smaller back now.
279
00:12:08,755 --> 00:12:09,755
To the Clam!
280
00:12:09,806 --> 00:12:11,039
Hear, hear!
281
00:12:11,074 --> 00:12:13,876
And to brain-damaging
venereal disease.
282
00:12:13,910 --> 00:12:15,961
I wake up with blood
on my penis pillow.
283
00:12:15,995 --> 00:12:16,962
I'm gonna go insane
284
00:12:16,996 --> 00:12:19,231
in a wheelchair,
staring at the sea.
285
00:12:22,235 --> 00:12:24,336
This is everything about..
286
00:12:24,370 --> 00:12:25,771
if it's the Clam, I love it.
287
00:12:26,973 --> 00:12:28,540
I was just
gonna... that's exactly.
288
00:12:28,575 --> 00:12:30,342
Hey, uh, remember...
remember-remember when...
289
00:12:30,376 --> 00:12:34,313
remember when... remember
when Quicktime here
290
00:12:34,347 --> 00:12:36,431
passed out in this...
in this booth...
291
00:12:36,466 --> 00:12:38,500
this booth,
and we did stuff to him
292
00:12:38,535 --> 00:12:41,453
that you do to ladies
and we-we promised
293
00:12:41,487 --> 00:12:42,721
we'd never tell you.
294
00:12:42,755 --> 00:12:43,889
Wha...?
295
00:12:43,923 --> 00:12:45,290
To the Clam!
296
00:12:45,325 --> 00:12:49,745
Joe, you-- wha...
your hair looks stupid.
297
00:12:49,779 --> 00:12:51,346
All... all the greatest...
298
00:12:51,381 --> 00:12:53,115
all the greatest
moments of my life,
299
00:12:53,149 --> 00:12:55,951
I spent right here
in-in this booth.
300
00:12:55,985 --> 00:12:57,553
Maggie's first word.
301
00:12:57,587 --> 00:12:59,655
Bart jumping that canyon.
302
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:00,789
Mr. Plow.
303
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:03,025
All the greatest
moments of my life.
304
00:13:03,059 --> 00:13:04,977
Why is... why is Label Guy
305
00:13:05,011 --> 00:13:06,778
trying to punch me?
306
00:13:06,813 --> 00:13:09,915
Punch you first, Label Guy.
307
00:13:09,949 --> 00:13:11,099
I got to go pee.
308
00:13:11,134 --> 00:13:12,935
I don't want to get up.
309
00:13:12,969 --> 00:13:14,469
Joe, where's the... that thing?
310
00:13:14,504 --> 00:13:16,405
Where's the thing?
Where's the catheter thing?
311
00:13:16,439 --> 00:13:17,873
No, it's mine,
it's private.
312
00:13:17,907 --> 00:13:20,242
Hey, what happens
if I blow in this end?
313
00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:21,610
Don't, I'll 'splode.
314
00:13:21,644 --> 00:13:23,512
I'm gonna.
315
00:13:25,315 --> 00:13:28,083
You do it better
than Bonnie.
316
00:13:28,117 --> 00:13:31,470
It takes a man
to know what a man likes.
317
00:13:35,842 --> 00:13:37,809
Meg, the Dougan family
called and they now want
318
00:13:37,844 --> 00:13:40,112
Mr. Dougan in a gray suit
for the wake tomorrow.
319
00:13:40,146 --> 00:13:41,546
'Cause it so matters.
320
00:13:41,581 --> 00:13:43,015
Could you change
his suit, please?
321
00:13:43,049 --> 00:13:45,984
Sure.
I'll be back in a bit.
322
00:13:48,271 --> 00:13:51,540
Oh... my... God!
323
00:13:51,574 --> 00:13:53,508
All right, Chris,
where is it?
324
00:13:53,543 --> 00:13:55,177
And don't try to act like
325
00:13:55,211 --> 00:13:56,778
you don't know what
I'm talking about.
326
00:13:56,813 --> 00:13:58,447
Fine, you caught me.
327
00:13:58,481 --> 00:14:00,248
So I borrowed your bra.
328
00:14:00,266 --> 00:14:02,801
My boobs hurt when I
go down the stairs!
329
00:14:02,835 --> 00:14:04,202
No, not that, you idiot.
330
00:14:04,237 --> 00:14:05,737
Where is the dead body?
331
00:14:05,772 --> 00:14:07,272
I know you took it.
332
00:14:07,307 --> 00:14:09,141
And don't lie, or I'll
tell Jennifer Connelly
333
00:14:09,175 --> 00:14:10,815
that you're the one
who's been mailing her
334
00:14:10,843 --> 00:14:11,910
those dog heads.
335
00:14:11,944 --> 00:14:15,213
Uh, yes, I'd like
to mail this to a whore.
336
00:14:15,248 --> 00:14:16,848
Okay, fine, Meg!
337
00:14:16,883 --> 00:14:19,151
I used the body to get me
into R-rated movies.
338
00:14:19,185 --> 00:14:20,552
After that,
I took him swimming
339
00:14:20,586 --> 00:14:21,853
and he fell apart.
340
00:14:21,888 --> 00:14:24,122
Chris, Mr. Dougan's
wake is tomorrow,
341
00:14:24,157 --> 00:14:26,858
and there's going to be
a body in that casket.
342
00:14:26,893 --> 00:14:29,261
If it's not his,
it's going to be yours.
343
00:14:29,295 --> 00:14:31,113
Hey, guys,
what's goin' on?
344
00:14:31,147 --> 00:14:32,714
And no one says anything,
345
00:14:32,749 --> 00:14:35,200
which means they hate it.
346
00:14:39,489 --> 00:14:42,090
Oh, God.
347
00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:44,092
I am so hung over.
348
00:14:44,127 --> 00:14:45,260
Me, too.
349
00:14:45,294 --> 00:14:46,828
But luckily,
when I'm hung over,
350
00:14:46,863 --> 00:14:48,764
I can just molt
into another Peter.
351
00:14:51,868 --> 00:14:53,368
Wow, that's amazing.
352
00:14:53,403 --> 00:14:54,870
Yeah, but for the next
ten minutes,
353
00:14:54,904 --> 00:14:56,538
I'll be very vulnerable
to predators.
354
00:14:57,573 --> 00:14:58,540
Mountain lion.
355
00:14:58,574 --> 00:14:59,741
Make yourself look big!
356
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,480
What the hell?
357
00:15:07,116 --> 00:15:08,984
There's a bunch
of bulldozers out there.
358
00:15:14,741 --> 00:15:16,625
Hold it, hold it!
What-what's going on?
359
00:15:16,659 --> 00:15:18,009
We're here to
demolish this building
360
00:15:18,044 --> 00:15:19,644
by order of the bank.
361
00:15:19,679 --> 00:15:21,012
Like hell you are!
362
00:15:21,047 --> 00:15:23,648
Wh-What are you
talking about, Peter?
363
00:15:23,683 --> 00:15:25,517
We ain't goin' nowhere.
364
00:15:25,551 --> 00:15:27,502
This bar belongs to us.
365
00:15:29,338 --> 00:15:31,406
Ice cream truck!
366
00:15:33,176 --> 00:15:34,609
You didn't get any ice cream?
367
00:15:34,644 --> 00:15:36,311
The ice cream man
was handsome.
368
00:15:36,345 --> 00:15:37,612
I got nervous.
369
00:15:46,718 --> 00:15:47,868
We interrupt this program
370
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:50,004
for a Channel Five
breaking news report.
371
00:15:50,038 --> 00:15:52,640
Three local men
have barricaded themselves
372
00:15:52,674 --> 00:15:54,442
inside a Quahog bar,
and are currently
373
00:15:54,476 --> 00:15:56,110
in a standoff with authorities.
374
00:15:56,144 --> 00:15:57,845
We now go live to Joyce Kinney,
375
00:15:57,879 --> 00:16:00,214
who attended her sister's
wedding last night.
376
00:16:00,248 --> 00:16:01,215
Thanks, Tom.
377
00:16:01,249 --> 00:16:02,383
One of the suspects has been
378
00:16:02,417 --> 00:16:04,118
identified as Peter Griffin.
379
00:16:04,152 --> 00:16:05,453
But the real story is,
380
00:16:05,487 --> 00:16:06,637
I'd be married, too,
381
00:16:06,655 --> 00:16:08,606
if I were willing
to date a Persian.
382
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:09,874
Guys, they found him.
383
00:16:09,908 --> 00:16:11,292
Don't bother
with the posters.
384
00:16:11,326 --> 00:16:12,827
My God,
what is Peter thinking?!
385
00:16:12,861 --> 00:16:15,196
Yes, he's crazy as
a serial killer.
386
00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:17,598
All right, what do you
want for your last meal?
387
00:16:17,632 --> 00:16:19,734
Uh, I think I'll
just have a salad.
388
00:16:19,768 --> 00:16:20,801
Dressing on the side.
389
00:16:20,836 --> 00:16:23,137
I had a huge last lunch.
390
00:16:26,308 --> 00:16:27,892
All right, listen up in there!
391
00:16:27,926 --> 00:16:30,494
Let's not make this
any harder than it has to be.
392
00:16:30,512 --> 00:16:32,546
We have a lot of dumb cops here.
393
00:16:32,581 --> 00:16:33,698
Guys, this is crazy.
394
00:16:33,732 --> 00:16:34,632
Plus, I'm a cop.
395
00:16:34,666 --> 00:16:36,067
I can't be a part of this.
396
00:16:36,101 --> 00:16:37,885
Come on, Joe, this is our bar.
397
00:16:37,919 --> 00:16:40,121
It's where the three of us
made that suicide pact
398
00:16:40,155 --> 00:16:42,790
that Quagmire and I are gonna
back out of at the last minute.
399
00:16:42,824 --> 00:16:44,959
I'm sorry, guys,
but it's my job.
400
00:16:44,993 --> 00:16:47,395
I got a family to support.
401
00:16:47,446 --> 00:16:48,446
That jerk!
402
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,613
How could he desert us?
403
00:16:49,648 --> 00:16:51,415
Relax, Quagmire,
he's just doing his job.
404
00:16:51,450 --> 00:16:52,683
You'll forgive him.
405
00:16:52,718 --> 00:16:54,952
Just like Kathleen Turner
forgave her mirror.
406
00:16:54,986 --> 00:16:55,986
Sorry.
407
00:16:56,021 --> 00:16:58,155
Turns out you were
right about me.
408
00:17:00,559 --> 00:17:01,792
Officer, wait!
409
00:17:01,827 --> 00:17:04,528
I'm his wife;
give me that bullhorn.
410
00:17:04,563 --> 00:17:06,464
Peter, you get out here
right now,
411
00:17:06,498 --> 00:17:08,065
or else I'm throwing away
412
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:11,168
all of your
Mr. Potato Heads, I swear.
413
00:17:11,203 --> 00:17:13,871
It's okay, she only knows
where the decoys are.
414
00:17:13,905 --> 00:17:15,823
Swanson, there you are.
415
00:17:15,857 --> 00:17:17,675
Listen, you hang out
at this dump.
416
00:17:17,709 --> 00:17:19,960
I want you to go in there
and end this thing.
417
00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:21,262
I'll do my best, sir.
418
00:17:26,217 --> 00:17:27,601
This is our bar.
419
00:17:27,652 --> 00:17:30,070
It's the cornerstone
of our friendship.
420
00:17:30,105 --> 00:17:31,655
Joe, this is Tim Gunn.
421
00:17:31,690 --> 00:17:33,157
I agree with your friend.
422
00:17:33,191 --> 00:17:36,143
I got to get that guy
out of my head.
423
00:17:36,178 --> 00:17:38,112
Look, they're sending Joe in.
424
00:17:38,146 --> 00:17:40,498
All right, listen up, fellas.
425
00:17:40,532 --> 00:17:42,767
Joe, wait, put your gun down.
426
00:17:42,801 --> 00:17:44,869
There's no point
in fighting anymore.
427
00:17:44,903 --> 00:17:46,837
We'll leave quietly.
428
00:17:46,872 --> 00:17:48,339
Like hell you will.
429
00:17:48,373 --> 00:17:49,607
This is our Clam,
430
00:17:49,641 --> 00:17:52,543
and we are not
gonna let them take it.
431
00:17:52,577 --> 00:17:55,045
Yay! All right!
All right! Yeah!
432
00:17:56,047 --> 00:17:58,065
We love Joe!
433
00:17:58,099 --> 00:18:00,785
Swanson, what the hell's
going on in here?
434
00:18:00,819 --> 00:18:02,069
I'm sorry, Chief.
435
00:18:02,103 --> 00:18:04,572
I just can't let them
bulldoze this building.
436
00:18:04,606 --> 00:18:06,207
Hey, Joe, is this
the same chief
437
00:18:06,241 --> 00:18:07,842
whose wife is a real hog?
438
00:18:07,876 --> 00:18:09,343
Swanson, don't be a fool.
439
00:18:09,377 --> 00:18:11,712
You really want to throw away
your career on this?
440
00:18:11,746 --> 00:18:13,481
Guys, your bar is gone.
441
00:18:13,515 --> 00:18:14,982
And since
it's bank property,
442
00:18:15,016 --> 00:18:18,269
I have no choice but to place
you all under arrest.
443
00:18:18,303 --> 00:18:20,738
It ain't
bank property no more.
444
00:18:23,475 --> 00:18:25,509
Jerome?!
What are you doing here?
445
00:18:25,544 --> 00:18:27,211
Listen, it's kind of
all my fault
446
00:18:27,245 --> 00:18:28,679
this happened
in the first place.
447
00:18:28,713 --> 00:18:31,182
I'm responsible
for Horace's death.
448
00:18:31,216 --> 00:18:33,384
Plus, as a former athlete,
it's my responsibility
449
00:18:33,418 --> 00:18:36,821
to invest my earnings
in a restaurant, bar,
450
00:18:36,855 --> 00:18:37,988
or car dealership.
451
00:18:38,023 --> 00:18:39,323
What sport did you play?
452
00:18:39,357 --> 00:18:40,324
Lacrosse.
453
00:18:40,358 --> 00:18:42,359
Which is also
my brother's name.
454
00:18:42,394 --> 00:18:44,495
Look, I felt bad
about what I did to Horace.
455
00:18:44,529 --> 00:18:46,263
So, when I heard on the news
456
00:18:46,298 --> 00:18:47,731
that they were tearing down
his bar,
457
00:18:47,766 --> 00:18:51,035
I saw buying it as a way
to carry on Horace's legacy.
458
00:18:51,069 --> 00:18:53,470
So I own the Clam now.
459
00:18:53,505 --> 00:18:55,573
Chief, you can call
off your cops.
460
00:18:55,607 --> 00:18:58,475
And you can send those
bulldozers home.
461
00:18:58,510 --> 00:19:00,144
Yay, the Clam is saved!
462
00:19:00,178 --> 00:19:02,012
Yeah! All right.
463
00:19:02,047 --> 00:19:03,280
We pulled it off, guys.
464
00:19:03,315 --> 00:19:04,598
Oh, thank God.
465
00:19:04,633 --> 00:19:06,500
And all because
I believed in myself
466
00:19:06,535 --> 00:19:08,536
like Pop-Pop always said.
467
00:19:08,587 --> 00:19:10,621
Please give me rat poison,
468
00:19:10,655 --> 00:19:12,623
I want only to die.
469
00:19:12,657 --> 00:19:15,643
No, we did it, Pop-Pop.
470
00:19:18,847 --> 00:19:20,598
Meg, the family is here
471
00:19:20,632 --> 00:19:21,782
for Mr. Dougan's wake,
472
00:19:21,816 --> 00:19:24,168
so could you please
bring in the body?
473
00:19:24,202 --> 00:19:26,337
Meg, I'm not doing this.
474
00:19:26,371 --> 00:19:27,504
You have to, Chris.
475
00:19:27,539 --> 00:19:29,590
Siblings have to look
out for each other.
476
00:19:29,624 --> 00:19:30,958
Like the Mannings.
477
00:19:30,992 --> 00:19:33,427
Eli, you threw
for three touchdowns today,
478
00:19:33,461 --> 00:19:36,163
which isn't bad,
except Peyton had four.
479
00:19:36,197 --> 00:19:38,799
Well, Cooper got pre-approved
for a Visa card today.
480
00:19:38,833 --> 00:19:41,468
Come on, guys,
we all had a good day.
481
00:19:46,174 --> 00:19:47,474
Stop it.
482
00:19:47,509 --> 00:19:48,776
I have an itch.
483
00:19:48,810 --> 00:19:50,244
I don't care.
484
00:19:50,278 --> 00:19:52,079
Dead people don't
scratch their balls.
485
00:19:52,113 --> 00:19:53,330
Well, I can't help it.
486
00:19:53,365 --> 00:19:54,865
It's these damn wool pants.
487
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,216
I'm going bananas.
488
00:19:56,251 --> 00:19:58,419
If I can't scratch them,
you have to.
489
00:19:58,453 --> 00:20:00,087
Shh!
490
00:20:02,557 --> 00:20:05,292
Just, uh, straightening out
his pants a little.
491
00:20:05,327 --> 00:20:07,561
Oh, yeah...
yeah, that's good.
492
00:20:07,596 --> 00:20:09,563
Scratch it. Scratch it.
493
00:20:09,598 --> 00:20:11,532
Oh, thank you.
494
00:20:11,566 --> 00:20:14,268
Hello, I'm Helen Dougan.
495
00:20:14,302 --> 00:20:16,387
My husband had filled out
an organ donor card
496
00:20:16,421 --> 00:20:17,588
before he passed away,
497
00:20:17,622 --> 00:20:21,325
and a woman just lost
her face in a freak accident.
498
00:20:24,829 --> 00:20:28,832
Meg, though you cannot tell,
I am frowning.
499
00:20:32,203 --> 00:20:33,871
Wow, Jerome, the
place looks great.
500
00:20:33,905 --> 00:20:35,906
Yeah, look at you,
owning a bar.
501
00:20:35,941 --> 00:20:37,541
You guys are doing
pretty good.
502
00:20:37,575 --> 00:20:39,476
First you get to run
Somalia, now this.
503
00:20:39,511 --> 00:20:40,611
Well, it sure is good
504
00:20:40,645 --> 00:20:42,179
to be back in the old Clam.
505
00:20:42,213 --> 00:20:44,515
Hey, there's some guys
sitting in our booth.
506
00:20:46,117 --> 00:20:48,118
Maybe we should tell them
it's our booth.
507
00:20:48,153 --> 00:20:50,522
Uh-huh. Or we could
just sit on the floor,
508
00:20:50,547 --> 00:20:51,837
next to these garbage cans.
509
00:20:51,937 --> 00:20:56,937
== sync, corrected by elderman ==