1
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,900
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,200
"is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,900
"But where are those good,
old-fashioned values

4
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,000
"on which we used to rely?

5
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,800
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:22,500
"Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell you

7
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,200
"all the things that make us

8
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:25,700
"laugh 'n' cry

9
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:30,700
"He's a family guy"

10
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:36,500
Mother, this hot dog has been
on my plate for a full minute...

11
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,300
...and it hasn't yet cut itself.

12
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,000
Honey, I'll be right there.

13
00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:42,100
By all means, take your time.

14
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:45,700
When you do finally get around to it,
I'll be the one covered in flies...

15
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,500
...with a belly that protrudes
halfway to bloody Boston!

16
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,700
Mom, there is no way I'm sleeping
in Chris' room this weekend!

17
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,300
It smells like old milk in there!

18
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:55,500
If I could find it, I'd clean it up!

19
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:57,100
Kids, keep it down.

20
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:01,400
I haven't even told your father
that Aunt Marguerite is coming to visit.

21
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,100
Who said Marguerite?
Peter, it's just for a week.

22
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:08,400
A week! No. Please, God, kill me now.

23
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,400
Damn, crap, damn it to hell, son of a...

24
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:11,500
Peter!

25
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,800
Lois, sometimes it's appropriate to swear.

26
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,600
Do you swear to tell the whole truth...

27
00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:17,700
...and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?

28
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,600
I do. You bastard.

29
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:22,600
I love Aunt Marguerite.

30
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:26,200
Because if it wasn't for her,
I never would've met you, Peter.

31
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,800
Aunt Marguerite,
have you seen my towel?

32
00:01:28,900 --> 00:01:31,200
Have the towel boy bring you another.

33
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:32,800
I don't want to bother him.

34
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:36,600
Nonsense, dear. You're a Pewterschmidt.
Towel boy!

35
00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:46,400
Hi, my name is towel.
I have a Peter for you.

36
00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,900
My name is Peter.
I'll be your nipples... Towel boy!

37
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,000
Oh, jeez.

38
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,000
Okay, everyone.

39
00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:57,300
Give Aunt Marguerite
a big Griffin family welcome.

40
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,100
Aunt Marguerite!

41
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,200
Lois!

42
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,600
Oh, my God! She's dead!

43
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,200
Whoa!
Be careful what you wish for, huh, Lois?

44
00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:14,600
What if they bury her and she
wakes up because she wasn't really dead...

45
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:15,900
...she was only sleeping?

46
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,600
Yeah. That's what happened
to our big brother Jimmy.

47
00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:20,500
That's why Mom and Dad adopted you.

48
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:21,700
What?

49
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:24,900
Peter, you remember Coco,
my friend from Newport?

50
00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:28,500
Peter, I almost didn't recognize you
without a towel on your arm.

51
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:33,100
Lois, where are your parents?
Don't tell me they're still on safari.

52
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,200
You know Daddy.

53
00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:37,100
He won't rest until he kills something
on every continent.

54
00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:40,500
But I'm hoping they'll be back
in time for Christmas.

55
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,800
It just wouldn't be Christmas
without your parents.

56
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,600
I dropped my watch.

57
00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:50,500
Would you be a sport and fetch it for me?

58
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,100
Sure thing, Mr. Pewterschmidt.

59
00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,400
Peter, we've got to put that out!

60
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,000
I'm telling you, Brian, nothing changes.

61
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,200
These bluebeards still treat me like scum
'cause I'm not loaded.

62
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:09,500
I got news for them.
I'm as elegant as anyone in this room.

63
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,500
We have to meet
with Aunt Marguerite's lawyer tomorrow.

64
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,500
She left us something in her will.

65
00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:17,800
Holy crap!
You sweet old broad, I love you!

66
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,300
Oh, my God. She's dead.

67
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:28,800
Madam Pewterschmidt's passing
has saddened us all.

68
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,500
Yeah, it's a real tragedy.

69
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,400
What did we get? Come on, big money!
No whammy! Stop!

70
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:37,600
Peter, please! I'm sorry.
He's stricken with grief.

71
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:41,000
Before she passed,
your aunt recorded a message for you.

72
00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:42,600
Newport, Rhode Island...

73
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:45,800
...home of New England's
most elegant and historic estates...

74
00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:50,100
...the Breakers, Rosecliff,
and exquisite Cherrywood Manor...

75
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,700
...the palatial mansion
of Marguerite Pewterschmidt.

76
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,100
Marguerite is a shining example of how
people with a lot of money...

77
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,500
...are just plain better than everyone else.

78
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:01,100
Lois, you were always
my favorite niece.

79
00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,500
I just knew you'd find a wonderful man...

80
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,900
...who would make
all your dreams come true.

81
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,000
But I was wrong.

82
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,200
And now you're dead. Score one for Peter.

83
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:14,000
It's time you started living
like a Pewterschmidt.

84
00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:17,500
That's why I'm giving you
my summer home in Newport.

85
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,500
Cherrywood?
That's so generous of Aunt Marguerite.

86
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,100
Our own summerhouse!

87
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:26,000
Now I feel bad for doing that thing
with her toothbrush.

88
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,000
"We only live to kiss your ass"

89
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,300
Kiss it? We'll even wipe it for you.

90
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:42,300
"From here on in, it's Easy Street"

91
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,700
- Any bars on that street?
- 24 happy hours a day.

92
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:45,700
Oh, boy.

93
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,900
"We'll stop Jehovahs at the gate"

94
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,900
Can I see that pamphlet, sir?

95
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,500
"My God, this house is freakin' sweet

96
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,000
"I make brunch, Clive cooks lunch

97
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:07,300
"each and every day

98
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,400
"Chocolate cake ŕ la Blake

99
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,000
"Hundred bucks, Blake is gay

100
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,300
"We'll do the best we can with Meg"

101
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,400
Are you saying I'm ugly?

102
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:23,500
It doesn't matter, dear. You're rich now.

103
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,700
"We'll do your nails and rub your feet"

104
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:29,800
That's not necessary. Oh, my.

105
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:32,800
"We'll do your homework every night"

106
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:33,900
It's really hard.

107
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,800
That's why we got
that Steven Hawking guy.

108
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:39,800
"My God, this house is freakin' sweet

109
00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:48,300
"I used to pass lots of gas

110
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:51,400
"Lois ran away

111
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:54,700
"Now we've got 30 rooms

112
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,900
"Hello, beans, good-bye, spray

113
00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:04,700
"We'd take a bullet just for you"

114
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:06,600
What a coincidence. I've got one.

115
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,800
Stewie!

116
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:12,300
"Prepare to suck that golden teat

117
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,600
"Now that you're stinking rich

118
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,800
"we'll gladly be your bitch

119
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,600
"My God, this house is

120
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:24,900
"freakin' sweet"

121
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:26,600
Welcome!

122
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:29,100
That's a wrap, people.
Let's get the hell out of here.

123
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,400
Wait. Where are you going?

124
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:32,700
The old bag only paid us up
through the song.

125
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,200
We can just pick up after ourselves.

126
00:06:35,300 --> 00:06:37,700
After all, we'll only be here on weekends.

127
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:38,800
No, Lois.

128
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:42,000
It's time you started living
like the Piece of Schmidt you are.

129
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:43,600
That's "Pewterschmidt"!

130
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:45,200
Wait, you guys.

131
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:47,800
You're all hired to be
full-time Griffin servants.

132
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:51,200
Peter, where are we gonna get the money
to pay all these people?

133
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:53,500
Simple. I sold our house in Quahog.

134
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,100
You sold our home?

135
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,200
Surprise!

136
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:57,600
Peter, how could you?

137
00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:58,600
Whoops.

138
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,800
"I recognize that tone

139
00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:05,200
"Tonight I sleep alone

140
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:10,300
"But still, this house is freakin' sweet"

141
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,600
Peter, how could you sell our house
in Quahog without even asking me?

142
00:07:20,700 --> 00:07:24,800
Honey, this is where you belong.
You deserve a big house and nice stuff.

143
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:25,900
Like diamonds.

144
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,700
But I love our old house.
You have to buy it back.

145
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,700
It's too late. Our stuff is packed.

146
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,000
It's on its way here.

147
00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:45,200
Come on, Lois,
you'll love living in Newport.

148
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:48,200
Sure, this house is big,
but it's also very intimate.

149
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:50,600
Intimate.

150
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:52,500
So we're really gonna live here now?

151
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:55,000
That's right, honey.

152
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,400
I don't know, Peter.

153
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:59,000
Please, Mom. Look, there's a pool.

154
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,600
Yeah. And there's a chair.

155
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:04,100
The solarium is at the far end
of the west wing.

156
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:08,900
Come play with us, Stewie,
forever and ever and ever.

157
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:13,400
Yes. All work and no play
makes Stewie a dull boy.

158
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:19,800
Across the hall from the library
we have the billiard room.

159
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,500
And here we have the lounge.

160
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,100
Sweet Mary, mother of God! Jackpot!

161
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,600
What can I get you, sir?

162
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:31,700
We have 10 varieties of single malt scotch
and a wine cellar with over 10,000 bottles.

163
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:32,900
Don't make me beg.

164
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,000
I did love spending time here
when I was a kid.

165
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,600
All right, Mom!

166
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:43,800
Jonathan and I just returned
from sailing our yacht around the world.

167
00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:45,400
Funny sailing story.

168
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,800
A guy's on his boat,
in the middle of the ocean...

169
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:49,500
...and he sees a little black dog.

170
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,800
This dog's been swimming for days,
and he stinks like a dead otter.

171
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,800
Peter, maybe this isn't the place...

172
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:56,200
Hang on, Lois.

173
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:58,500
So the guy takes the dog into the vet.

174
00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:02,500
The freakin' vet tells him, get this,
"It's not a dog. It's a rat."

175
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,300
A big, stinking Mexican rat. True story.

176
00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,100
Dad, that's just an urban legend.

177
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:11,300
Hand to God.
I'm telling you, it was a huge freakin' rat.

178
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,200
Five times as big as that guy's steak.

179
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:16,900
Peter, that rat gets bigger
every time you tell this story.

180
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,300
I got a million of them.

181
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:22,800
Like the time my buddy's sister's boss
was drinking with a hooker in a Vegas bar.

182
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:24,300
Bam! Woke up without his kidney.

183
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,500
I can't believe they kicked me
out of the yacht club.

184
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,100
I barely had time
to stuff Lois' salmon in my jacket.

185
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,000
Face it, Peter. You have a knack
for saying the wrong thing.

186
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,200
This sucks.

187
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:39,800
Lois' friend "yacht boy" and
his lovely wife "Caca" invited us to some...

188
00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:43,600
...hoity-toity auction tomorrow afternoon.
I don't want to embarrass her again.

189
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:46,100
You gotta help me.
Teach me how to be a gentleman.

190
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:50,000
Peter, it's not really that hard.
Let's start with polite conversation.

191
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:54,100
For example, "It's a pleasure to see you
again. Lovely weather we're having."

192
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,100
Now you try.

193
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:57,000
It's a pleasure to see you again.

194
00:09:57,100 --> 00:10:00,100
After Hogan's Heroes,
Bob Crane got his skull crushed in...

195
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,700
...by a friend who videotaped him
having rough sex.

196
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,100
How's that?

197
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,500
Wow, perfect. My work is done.

198
00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,600
But just for the heck of it, let's try again.

199
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,200
More coffee, madam?

200
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:13,300
I can get that, Sebastian.

201
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:17,000
To tell you the truth, we're all
a little uncomfortable being waited on.

202
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,100
Cut my egg!

203
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:20,900
Your eggs are cut, sir.

204
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,000
Cut my milk!

205
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:23,300
I can't, sir. It's liquid.

206
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,100
Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it!

207
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,800
If you question me again,
I'll put you on diaper detail.

208
00:10:27,900 --> 00:10:29,800
And I promise,
I won't make it easy for you!

209
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:34,100
Meg, you're gonna love Newport High.
It has a beautiful campus.

210
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:38,000
Filled with beautiful people.
And I'm gonna bag me a rich one.

211
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,600
Meg, that's a terrible thing to say.

212
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:44,300
You should marry someone you love.
That's what I did.

213
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,400
And he got us kicked out of the yacht club.

214
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:49,500
You can't be mad at your father
for being himself.

215
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:53,100
That's the reason I fell in love with him
in the first place.

216
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,200
He was so different from everyone else.

217
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,700
Coco,
the day I graduate from Harvard...

218
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,500
...l'm gonna carry you off into the sunset
on a white horse.

219
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,700
It better be a stretch horse
with leather seats and a chauffeur.

220
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,600
Isn't she a bit of terrific?

221
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:53,800
Kids, if you marry for love,
your life will be filled with its own riches.

222
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,500
Money doesn't buy happiness.

223
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:56,800
I beg to differ.

224
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,000
You!
Bring me The Wall Street Journal!

225
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,200
You two, fight to the death!

226
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,600
Okay, Peter, I was hoping I wouldn't
have to resort to shock therapy...

227
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,500
...but your progress has been...

228
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,200
Who are we kidding?
You haven't made any progress.

229
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:26,300
Now the left TV is tuned to Frasier.
The right TV has Ricki Lake.

230
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,700
If you so much as glance at the right TV,
I'm giving you 10,000 volts.

231
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:30,800
Got it.

232
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:33,300
You're so corpulent
that when you sit around...

233
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,500
...the magnificently appointed
Tuscan villa...

234
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,400
...you sit around the magnificently
appointed Tuscan villa.

235
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,900
This is the smartest show on TV.

236
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,500
Yo, Ricki. That's my girlfriend.
She ain't supposed to be having no penis!

237
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:51,000
Master Brian, do you really believe you can
pass him off as a gentleman at the auction?

238
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:54,600
We've got a long road ahead.
But I've worked miracles before.

239
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,900
And the Oscar goes to Marisa Tomei!

240
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,500
Peter was supposed to meet us here
an hour ago.

241
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,000
I hope he didn't change his mind.

242
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:13,400
Maybe he's already here.

243
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:17,200
Maybe he's fitting in so well, we can't
tell him from the other bluebloods.

244
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:20,100
I don't think we have to worry about that.

245
00:13:22,700 --> 00:13:25,000
Lord Peter Lowenbrau Griffin the First.

246
00:13:29,300 --> 00:13:31,000
Play me down the stairs, boys.

247
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:35,800
Good day.

248
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,100
Enchanté.

249
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:39,000
Pasta Fazul.

250
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:43,600
Looking good, fellas.

251
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,300
Brian, do you know anything about this?

252
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:50,400
Lois, please. I'm just a dog. A stupid dog.

253
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,900
Vodka stinger with a whiskey back.
And step on it!

254
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,300
Peter, you're simply enchanting.

255
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,900
You must join us tomorrow
for a game of baccarat.

256
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,200
Right baccarat at you.

257
00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:06,800
Brian, what happened to Peter?

258
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:11,200
He's not cramming hors d'oeuvres in his
mouth or asking anyone to pull his finger.

259
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,400
That's not the man I married.

260
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:16,500
So, I guess, technically,
that makes you available.

261
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:17,700
What?

262
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,100
Lighten up, toots. It's a party.

263
00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:24,700
Barkeep,
it's like the damn Sahara over here!

264
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:25,800
How you doing, honey?

265
00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:28,100
Welcome
to the Historical Society Auction.

266
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,300
Our first item is
a 17th-century gilded vessel.

267
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:34,600
We'll start the bidding at $140,000.

268
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,000
What a marvelous vessel.

269
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,800
It would look smashing in Lois's crapper.
I mean "crapier".

270
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,300
You are so right.

271
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,000
Any woman would love to have that vase
adorn her crapier.

272
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,300
Jonathan!

273
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,200
$140,000.

274
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:51,500
$150,000.

275
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,400
Brian, that sounded like Peter.

276
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:54,900
Come here, you!

277
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,200
$160,000.

278
00:14:58,300 --> 00:14:59,300
$170,000.

279
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,700
- $180,000.
- $190,000.

280
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,400
$200,000.

281
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:10,100
We have a new record
for the Historical Society!

282
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:11,300
The vessel goes to...

283
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:13,800
$100 million!

284
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:20,000
To Mr. Peter Griffin
for an astonishing $100 million!

285
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:24,700
"Money, money, money"

286
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,700
Peter, we had no idea
you were such a philanthropist.

287
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,600
It's a fabulous vase, Peter, darling.

288
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,500
Do you collect objets d'art?

289
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:39,300
If that's French for "Star Wars
collectors glasses," then si.

290
00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:44,700
Mr. Griffin, you're the most generous man
since Ted Turner.

291
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:49,200
I'd like to announce I'm giving a gift
the whole world can appreciate.

292
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,800
I've colorized the moon.

293
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,800
Peter, you don't have $100 million!

294
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,800
Of course I do, my dear.

295
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,700
Now, would that be cash or check?

296
00:15:57,900 --> 00:15:59,600
Drop by Cherrywood this evening.

297
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:03,800
I'll have the money wired to me
from my Swiss bank account.

298
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,100
Very good, sir.

299
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,000
You don't have a Swiss bank account!

300
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,600
Right.

301
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,000
My lawyer's advised me
to keep some of my assets a secret...

302
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:13,500
...in case things don't work out.

303
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,100
I'm going home. Where's Brian?

304
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,800
I told this blonde inside I got a 500SL.
Can you help me out?

305
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,600
I'm sorry. But I've made my decision.

306
00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:28,400
We're moving back to Quahog
as soon as we can get packed.

307
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,700
Quahog, that one-horse town?

308
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:32,500
Shut up. No, you shut up.

309
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,900
No, you shut up. You're the one talking.

310
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,400
There's no one else here.
Everybody just shut up!

311
00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:40,000
What's that? The wind!

312
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,700
A pox on Quahog!

313
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,400
Easy!

314
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:49,900
If I ever go back to Quahog, it'll be just
so I can poke poor people with a stick!

315
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,600
Bon Jovi, everyone.

316
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,000
Now I remember why I left Newport!

317
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:59,200
It changes people.
You kids have lost your values.

318
00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:02,800
You've lost your mind! And I don't
much care for Stewie's new friends.

319
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:07,400
The Pacific Rim economy
is still a tad shaky for my taste.

320
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:08,700
Stop it!

321
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,500
You can't become a bloody
fiscal hermit crab...

322
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,700
...every time the Nikkei undergoes
a correction!

323
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,800
Asia's market has nowhere to go but up!

324
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,300
Interesting.

325
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,200
Indeed.

326
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,400
I wish we'd never come here
in the first place.

327
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,100
Go buy yourself some more money.

328
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,500
Hey, old bean.

329
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:34,400
What are you doing
with my Star Wars glass?

330
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:35,800
Illustrating a point.

331
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,300
Peter, when Han Solo took
the Millennium Falcon to Cloud City...

332
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:40,800
...he saw that Lando Calrissian...

333
00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:43,500
...had turned control of the station
over to Darth Vader.

334
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,300
Lando had forgotten who he was.

335
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,700
It was only after Han was
encased in carbonite...

336
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,000
...and taken by Boba Fett
to Jabba's palace...

337
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:52,500
...that he was able
to see the error of his ways.

338
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,000
Look inside yourself.

339
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:56,700
You're not a Newport millionaire.
I created you.

340
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:58,900
In a way, I am your father.

341
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,300
That's not true! That's impossible.

342
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:03,900
Damn it, Peter! Snap out of it!

343
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:05,200
No!

344
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:10,900
I just had the craziest dream
where I bought a $100 million vase.

345
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:15,000
A Mr. Brandywine from
the Historical Society is at the front gate.

346
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:16,700
He'll be here in half an hour.

347
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,400
That wasn't a dream.
He's here for the money.

348
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,000
Brian, I'm screwed.

349
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,600
If I welsh on that debt,
I'm gonna prove to everyone...

350
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:25,900
...that I'm not good enough for Lois.

351
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,000
If I only had something
worth that much money.

352
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,100
I never should've dropped
Joe Green's jersey.

353
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:35,100
Good game, Mean Joe.
You want some of my Coke?

354
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:43,600
Hey, kid. Catch.

355
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,500
Wow. Thanks, Mean Joe.

356
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,900
What about this house?

357
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,000
I could give him the house and call it even.

358
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:57,900
Cherrywood isn't worth $100 million.

359
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,400
Brian, it's the Historical Society.
We just gotta convince him that...

360
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:04,000
...$100 million worth of history
happened here.

361
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,700
So you're saying that Jesus carved
his name into this mantle...

362
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,000
...51 years before he was born.

363
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:14,000
Yeah. He's Jesus. He can do anything.
And look over here.

364
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,600
That's where the market crashed.
Mr. Griffin!

365
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:21,600
You can't take a step in this house
without uncovering something historical.

366
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,600
Wait a second.

367
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,800
Could that be Harriet Tubman's
secret underground railroad?

368
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:31,100
It is! Go, Freedom Train!

369
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,300
I've seen enough.

370
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:36,200
I happen to know that nothing of
historical significance ever occurred here.

371
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,800
Please, have our money ready
by tomorrow. Good day!

372
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:39,900
Wait!

373
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,800
Look, this is where the Pilgrims
landed at Fraggle Rock!

374
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,700
Excuse me, Lord Griffin.

375
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,100
Your family is going back to Quahog.

376
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,900
If you get tired of being a snob, look us up.

377
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:58,000
Lord Griffin is dead.
It's just me, Peter the towel boy.

378
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:01,800
Peter, you're back! Let's go home!

379
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,600
We can't. I sold our home.

380
00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:05,800
Our beautiful home with the stolen cable...

381
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:08,100
...and the man with the penis
for a light switch.

382
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,700
We'll find another place.

383
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:13,300
Your Aunt Marguerite is laughing
at me while she's burning in Hell...

384
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:15,100
...may she rest in peace.

385
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,200
She was right. Everyone was right.

386
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,000
I'm not good enough for you.

387
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:24,000
Peter, I don't care what anyone else thinks.
All that matters is that I love you.

388
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,100
I love you, too, Lois.

389
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,800
Lois, our problems are over!

390
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:40,000
Our mansion is historical, all right.

391
00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:43,000
Cherrywood was America's
first presidential whorehouse!

392
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:46,500
See, there's Lincoln, Grant, Robert E. Lee.

393
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:47,500
Those are fake!

394
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:51,500
They're real.
And, FYI, Lincoln had the jungle fever.

395
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:59,000
So you see,
Chubby Franklin lived across the street.

396
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:03,000
Chubby Franklin would always
make a face like this.

397
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:07,200
Dad, you're not listening.
I have a serious problem.

398
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:10,200
I got a girl pregnant. What do I do?

399
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:15,800
And when we saw Chubby Franklin
make his face, we would all make this face.

400
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,700
Oh, God!

401
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,900
Dad, you never did tell us
how you got our house back.

402
00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:32,600
Simple. I just offered the people
I sold it to double what they paid.

403
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:34,600
What? But how could you afford that?

404
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,400
I kept one of those Lincoln pictures
and held a little auction of my own.

405
00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:42,800
Thanks to old Honest Abe we have our
house back and I learned a valuable lesson.

406
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:46,300
It doesn't matter if your family
doesn't think I'm good enough for you.

407
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:50,200
That's right, because all that's important
is that I love you.

408
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,800
No, because your ancestors were nothing
but a bunch of pimps and whores.



9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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