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00:00:01,940 --> 00:00:05,308
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,390 --> 00:00:08,692
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,777 --> 00:00:12,162
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:15,149
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:18,736
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:18,820 --> 00:00:21,956
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,557
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:23,625 --> 00:00:24,975
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:25,043 --> 00:00:29,334
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:29,335 --> 00:00:32,835
♪ Family Guy 10x18 ♪
You Can't Do That on Television, Peter
Original Air Date on April 1, 2012
11
00:00:32,836 --> 00:00:36,136
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
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00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,054
Need to move?
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00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,055
No problem.
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00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:39,957
Take it yourself with U-Haul.
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00:00:40,025 --> 00:00:41,558
But I've never driven
a truck before.
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00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:42,860
No problem.
17
00:00:42,927 --> 00:00:45,212
U-Haul lets anyone drive
a giant truck,
18
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:48,649
even though it's dangerous,
because, hey, you're moving.
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00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:55,239
Sorry, I'm making a go
of it in a new city.
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00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,441
All right, I'll see you
guys in a couple of days.
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00:00:57,509 --> 00:00:58,742
Where are you going?
22
00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:00,311
I'm off to take pictures
of lesbian butts.
23
00:01:00,378 --> 00:01:01,795
What?
24
00:01:01,863 --> 00:01:03,914
Joe and Quagmire and I are
making a coffee table book
25
00:01:03,982 --> 00:01:05,949
called Lesbian Butts
in '80s Jeans.
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00:01:06,017 --> 00:01:08,319
I already got the first
chapter right here.
27
00:01:08,386 --> 00:01:10,387
Where'd you take
all these pictures?
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00:01:10,455 --> 00:01:12,539
You know, coffee houses,
Chevy dealerships,
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all the usual places.
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00:01:13,992 --> 00:01:14,925
Peter, you're not
doing that.
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00:01:14,993 --> 00:01:16,460
I got a ton
of errands to run,
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00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,095
and I need your help
around here.
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00:01:18,163 --> 00:01:19,730
Well, fine, if I
can't do the book
34
00:01:19,798 --> 00:01:21,265
I'm gonna hurt
something you love.
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00:01:27,605 --> 00:01:29,039
You happy now?
36
00:01:29,107 --> 00:01:31,158
Maybe we should discuss this
in the other room.
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00:01:31,226 --> 00:01:32,760
I don't like fighting
in front of the kids.
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00:01:32,827 --> 00:01:34,561
No, I want to fight
in front of the kids.
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00:01:34,629 --> 00:01:36,447
I feed off the excitement
of an audience.
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00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:38,048
Peter, for once
you're going to stay here
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00:01:38,116 --> 00:01:39,316
and help
around the house.
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00:01:39,384 --> 00:01:41,418
Now, I need you to watch
Stewie till I get back.
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00:01:43,421 --> 00:01:45,622
Whoever did this, thank you.
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00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:51,345
All right, Stewie,
since Lois says
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00:01:51,413 --> 00:01:52,579
I got to keep
an eye on you,
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00:01:52,647 --> 00:01:54,848
we might as well have
some father-son time,
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00:01:54,916 --> 00:01:56,066
so I'm gonna measure
your penis
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00:01:56,134 --> 00:01:57,735
and then I'm gonna
measure my penis,
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00:01:57,802 --> 00:01:59,403
and we're gonna see
whose is bigger.
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00:01:59,471 --> 00:02:00,571
Doesn't really
seem fair.
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00:02:00,638 --> 00:02:02,523
All right, let's see
what you got.
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00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,975
Stupid game anyway.
53
00:02:05,043 --> 00:02:06,643
Hey, kids, coming up next,
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00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:08,946
it's the Jolly Farm Revue
marathon.
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00:02:09,013 --> 00:02:10,097
No, no, don't
switch it.
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00:02:10,148 --> 00:02:10,964
I want to watch
Jolly Farm.
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00:02:11,015 --> 00:02:12,433
Son of a bitch.
58
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,968
I got to spend the rest of the
day watching stupid kid shows.
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I'd rather watch paint dry.
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Nice.
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00:02:32,537 --> 00:02:34,238
Wakey, wakey.
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Good morning, Mother Maggie.
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Heh, who's this?
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I like this lady.
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00:02:38,843 --> 00:02:40,077
Hey, do you think
Mother Maggie
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00:02:40,145 --> 00:02:41,345
is married to
Father Fa...?
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00:02:41,413 --> 00:02:42,829
Oh, probably not.
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00:02:42,881 --> 00:02:44,181
And the unicorn slid
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00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:47,034
down the rainbow
to a field of jellybeans
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where she
and the other villagers decided
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it had been the best day ever.
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Oh, look, it's Pengrove Pig,
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00:02:54,192 --> 00:02:56,660
and he's sharing
his apples nicely, isn't he?
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Like a champ he is.
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♪ Head, shoulders, knees,
and toes, knees and toes. ♪
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00:03:03,435 --> 00:03:06,804
And that's how you make a duck
out of an oatmeal container.
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This is the greatest show
in the history of television.
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00:03:09,874 --> 00:03:12,776
Mother Maggie, you are
a kindred spirit.
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00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:14,778
This must be how twins
who are separated at birth
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feel when they first meet.
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00:03:21,069 --> 00:03:22,970
Trade house keys,
bang each other's wives?
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Yep.
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00:03:29,611 --> 00:03:32,179
I can't dissect
this pig, Mr. Kingman.
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It's against
my religion.
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00:03:33,715 --> 00:03:34,948
Believe me, Neil,
it's no thrill
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for the pig to
touch a Jew either.
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Okay, how about you,
Meg, how are you doing?
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Pretty good.
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00:03:40,021 --> 00:03:42,890
It's, it's kind of cool
cutting something that's not me.
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00:03:42,957 --> 00:03:44,925
Wow, that's some
very impressive work.
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00:03:44,993 --> 00:03:47,861
It's easy for Meg to dissect
a pig because she is a pig.
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Hey!
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All right,
I'll let that one slide.
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00:03:52,050 --> 00:03:53,717
Meg, you have some
real potential.
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00:03:53,785 --> 00:03:55,285
Have you ever thought
about becoming a doctor
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00:03:55,353 --> 00:03:56,487
when you grow up?
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00:03:56,554 --> 00:03:58,755
I always just assumed
I'd work on the docks.
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00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:00,157
Don't limit
yourself, Meg.
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00:04:00,225 --> 00:04:01,925
Doctors wear a mask
most of the time,
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00:04:01,993 --> 00:04:03,727
so this isn't
an issue.
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00:04:03,795 --> 00:04:05,512
If you're interested
the school has a program
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00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:07,080
where you can shadow
a real doctor
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00:04:07,148 --> 00:04:08,849
and learn more about
the medical field.
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00:04:08,917 --> 00:04:11,034
Yeah, wow, I'd love
to check that out.
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00:04:11,102 --> 00:04:12,286
Great, I'll
set it up.
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00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,971
I didn't know a pig
could be a doctor.
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00:04:14,038 --> 00:04:15,072
Hey!
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00:04:15,139 --> 00:04:17,140
You get
just a few more of those.
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00:04:20,411 --> 00:04:22,184
Now, children, we're going
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to learn who wears a hat.
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Can a fireman wear
a hat?
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Yes.
No? Yes.
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00:04:27,352 --> 00:04:29,253
Can a policeman
wear a hat?
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Yes.
No way.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.
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Yes, he can, I knew that.
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00:04:32,807 --> 00:04:36,043
Now, you at home, tell me,
who else wears a hat?
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A very formal horse?
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00:04:37,846 --> 00:04:39,279
Very good.
120
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:43,417
Even a bowling ball can wear a
hat if you use your imagination.
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00:04:43,468 --> 00:04:46,453
A bowling ball wearing a hat?
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00:04:46,521 --> 00:04:48,956
This is what high-def
was invented for.
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00:04:49,023 --> 00:04:51,124
Peter, what the hell
are you doing?
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00:04:51,192 --> 00:04:52,726
Being a good dad
like you asked.
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00:04:52,794 --> 00:04:54,294
I've been watching
Jolly Farm with Stewie
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for the last
three hours.
127
00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:58,265
That's not Stewie,
that's a pineapple.
128
00:04:58,333 --> 00:05:00,334
Oh, my God, where is Stewie?
129
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:01,602
I don't know, but
I'm sure he's fine.
130
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:02,603
Peter, he's a baby.
131
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,238
You can't leave him alone.
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00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,156
Come on, it's good to
have some alone time.
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00:05:06,224 --> 00:05:08,392
You know, I spent a year
alone on a desert island
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00:05:08,459 --> 00:05:10,360
with nothing but a monkey
to keep me company.
135
00:05:10,428 --> 00:05:12,963
You're saved, sir, we're going
to get you back to civilization.
136
00:05:13,031 --> 00:05:14,765
And how about we bring along
your monkey pal?
137
00:05:14,832 --> 00:05:15,983
Okay.
138
00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:17,434
Yeah, we can teach
him sign language
139
00:05:17,502 --> 00:05:18,802
and he can
tell us stories
140
00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:20,637
about what you two did
on the island together.
141
00:05:20,705 --> 00:05:23,257
No, n-no, no, no, let's, let's
not, let's not bring the monkey.
142
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,792
Um, I have a peanut M&M
up my nose
143
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:28,562
and it's now further up
than my finger can reach.
144
00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:30,664
I am ready to farm
this out to someone.
145
00:05:30,732 --> 00:05:32,633
Oh, Stewie, there you are.
146
00:05:32,684 --> 00:05:35,385
Peter, I asked you to do one
simple thing-- watch the baby--
147
00:05:35,453 --> 00:05:36,987
and you couldn't even do that.
148
00:05:37,055 --> 00:05:38,555
Come on, Stewie.
149
00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,557
Geez, why's she got
to be such a nag?
150
00:05:40,642 --> 00:05:42,559
I wish she was more
like Mother Maggie.
151
00:05:42,627 --> 00:05:45,529
Mother Maggie has an
announcement, lads and lasses.
152
00:05:45,597 --> 00:05:47,965
I've had such fun playing
and learning with you
153
00:05:48,032 --> 00:05:50,734
these last few years, but now,
154
00:05:50,802 --> 00:05:55,038
just as bees must leave the
hive, I must leave Jolly Farm--
155
00:05:55,106 --> 00:05:57,608
not that you asked, but to have
fertility treatments--
156
00:05:57,675 --> 00:06:01,311
so this will be our last episode
of Jolly Farm.
157
00:06:01,379 --> 00:06:02,579
What? No.
158
00:06:02,647 --> 00:06:04,481
They can't cancel Jolly Farm.
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00:06:04,549 --> 00:06:06,199
Peter, it's just a
stupid kids' show.
160
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:08,001
Just a stupid
kids' show?
161
00:06:08,052 --> 00:06:10,637
What about Pengrove Pig
and the Lollipop Luau?
162
00:06:10,705 --> 00:06:12,072
I-I-I don't know.
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00:06:12,140 --> 00:06:13,407
This is going
to leave a void,
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00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,058
and somebody's got
to fill it.
165
00:06:15,126 --> 00:06:16,193
I think you're
overreacting.
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00:06:16,260 --> 00:06:17,594
You don't understand,
Brian.
167
00:06:17,662 --> 00:06:19,646
What am I supposed to do
without Jolly Farm?
168
00:06:19,714 --> 00:06:22,582
I'll be like an Italian mom
without bad kids.
169
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:26,219
Hey, hey, hey, what the hell
is all the commotion in here?
170
00:06:26,270 --> 00:06:27,371
We're not doing anything.
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00:06:27,438 --> 00:06:28,805
You getting
fresh with me?
172
00:06:28,873 --> 00:06:30,874
I'm tired of bailing both
of youse out of prison.
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00:06:30,942 --> 00:06:32,075
We're both
in college
174
00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:33,710
and we consistently make
the dean's list.
175
00:06:33,778 --> 00:06:35,012
I'm telling
your father.
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00:06:35,079 --> 00:06:36,113
Good.
177
00:06:39,651 --> 00:06:41,685
Where the hell
is our food?
178
00:06:41,753 --> 00:06:43,186
Yeah, where are
Mom and Dad?
179
00:06:43,254 --> 00:06:44,888
And where's
that awesome finger painting
180
00:06:44,956 --> 00:06:45,856
Stewie did this morning?
181
00:06:45,923 --> 00:06:46,890
Oh, here it is.
182
00:06:46,958 --> 00:06:47,991
Thank you for bringing it up.
183
00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,359
I wasn't going to bring it up.
184
00:06:49,427 --> 00:06:51,128
Well, what's
going on?
185
00:06:51,195 --> 00:06:52,029
You haven't
eaten yet?
186
00:06:52,096 --> 00:06:53,030
No.
187
00:06:53,097 --> 00:06:54,331
Where's your father?
188
00:06:54,399 --> 00:06:56,199
He was supposed to put
the lasagna in the oven.
189
00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:58,902
I ask him to do one thing
while I'm at yoga.
190
00:06:58,970 --> 00:07:00,604
You go to an intro class
191
00:07:00,672 --> 00:07:02,172
and it's not even
at the yoga studio.
192
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,390
It's in someone's living room.
193
00:07:03,458 --> 00:07:04,925
And that's not even a yoga mat.
194
00:07:04,993 --> 00:07:07,094
That's the old pee pad
from my crib.
195
00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:09,696
Uh, Lois, you might want
to check this out.
196
00:07:09,764 --> 00:07:12,315
What is it, Brian?
Take a look.
197
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:17,237
And now, boys and girls,
it's time for Petey's Funhouse.
198
00:07:20,475 --> 00:07:23,410
♪ It's gonna be fun
and we'll have lots of yuks ♪
199
00:07:23,461 --> 00:07:25,979
♪ And maybe learn some stuff
but not definitely ♪
200
00:07:26,047 --> 00:07:29,299
♪ It's the Petey's Funhouse
show. ♪
201
00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:31,935
Ugh, another
Aaron Sorkin show
202
00:07:32,003 --> 00:07:33,937
that's way over
everyone's head.
203
00:07:39,852 --> 00:07:42,687
How the hell did you even get
a TV show, Peter?
204
00:07:42,755 --> 00:07:44,355
I just answered an
ad off Craigslist,
205
00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:47,291
and after several hours of
sexual torture, I had a show.
206
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:49,427
Don't answer that.
207
00:07:49,495 --> 00:07:51,095
I gave out that
number under duress.
208
00:07:51,163 --> 00:07:53,397
Lois, Peter's show is on the
local public access channel.
209
00:07:53,465 --> 00:07:54,899
Anyone can have one.
210
00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:56,701
Yeah, Petey's Funhouse
is actually replacing
211
00:07:56,769 --> 00:07:58,903
The Bad Audio Basement Show.
212
00:07:58,971 --> 00:08:02,540
And once the hot glue dries,
your birdhouse will be complete.
213
00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:04,575
Peter, you already do
nothing around the house
214
00:08:04,643 --> 00:08:07,011
and now you're wasting
more time with this nonsense.
215
00:08:07,078 --> 00:08:09,280
Geez, you're still getting
on my hump about this?
216
00:08:09,348 --> 00:08:10,481
I help out
around here.
217
00:08:10,549 --> 00:08:12,216
Just this morning I
changed Meg's diaper
218
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,651
and I sent her
off to school.
219
00:08:13,719 --> 00:08:16,220
Boy, can she kick, but
she left here spotless.
220
00:08:20,409 --> 00:08:22,510
Dr. Hartman, thanks for
letting me shadow you.
221
00:08:22,578 --> 00:08:24,679
I just know I'm going
to learn so much.
222
00:08:24,746 --> 00:08:27,048
It's my pleasure, Meg,
and you're in good hands.
223
00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:28,449
You see that diploma?
224
00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:29,951
Yale Medical School.
225
00:08:30,018 --> 00:08:31,819
Wow, that's
impressive.
226
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:34,388
Thank you, I work very hard
on my calligraphy.
227
00:08:34,456 --> 00:08:36,991
So, how about we take a little
stroll around the hospital?
228
00:08:37,075 --> 00:08:39,109
This area is known
as a hallway.
229
00:08:39,161 --> 00:08:40,461
Don't worry,
you'll pick up
230
00:08:40,546 --> 00:08:42,947
on all the technical
doctor jargon pretty soon.
231
00:08:42,998 --> 00:08:45,883
Hey, is it prescription
or perscription?
232
00:08:45,951 --> 00:08:47,335
I think
it's prescription.
233
00:08:47,419 --> 00:08:50,338
Prescription... that just
feels weird in my mouth.
234
00:08:50,422 --> 00:08:53,057
Perscription is better.
235
00:08:53,124 --> 00:08:54,625
Oh, and there's the E.R.
236
00:08:54,676 --> 00:08:57,178
Don't go in there unless you
want everyone to yell at you.
237
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:06,137
Hi, kids, I'm Petey Griffin.
238
00:09:06,205 --> 00:09:07,738
Hi, Petey!
239
00:09:07,806 --> 00:09:10,324
We're going to have so much fun
on Petey's Funhouse today,
240
00:09:10,392 --> 00:09:14,262
but before we begin, your friend
Petey wants to sing you a song.
241
00:09:15,564 --> 00:09:18,015
♪ What makes you
so special? ♪
242
00:09:18,083 --> 00:09:20,801
♪ The fact
that you are special ♪
243
00:09:20,869 --> 00:09:23,154
♪ But if everybody's
special ♪
244
00:09:23,222 --> 00:09:25,873
♪ That kinda
waters it down ♪
245
00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:28,526
♪ So some of you
ain't special ♪
246
00:09:28,594 --> 00:09:31,279
♪ I can tell you
who is special ♪
247
00:09:31,346 --> 00:09:33,497
♪ Like you and you
ain't special. ♪
248
00:09:33,565 --> 00:09:35,299
And you are
and you're not.
249
00:09:37,436 --> 00:09:41,305
Okay, kids, it's story time here
on Petey's Funhouse.
250
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:44,809
Today's story is
Lesbian Butts in '80s Jeans.
251
00:09:44,877 --> 00:09:46,844
Ooh, that's a classic.
252
00:09:46,912 --> 00:09:50,448
Once upon a time, some chick in
a leather jacket in front of me
253
00:09:50,515 --> 00:09:52,750
in the parking lot walked
into Home Depot,
254
00:09:52,818 --> 00:09:55,453
and her butt looked like this.
255
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,054
Everybody see this?
256
00:09:57,122 --> 00:09:59,323
Everybody see
how shapeless this is?
257
00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:02,827
She walked out of there with
a bag of soil on each shoulder.
258
00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:04,495
Now, before I show you
this next one,
259
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:07,882
has anyone here ever heard
of the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally?
260
00:10:10,085 --> 00:10:12,653
I know we have a lot of yuks
here on Petey's Funhouse,
261
00:10:12,721 --> 00:10:15,323
but one thing
that's not fun is a bully.
262
00:10:15,390 --> 00:10:17,925
Now, how many of you kids out
there have ever gotten bullied?
263
00:10:19,027 --> 00:10:20,161
Aw, come on up here
264
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,330
and tell us
about it, champ.
265
00:10:22,397 --> 00:10:27,301
Well, my name is Winston,
and I'm quite fond of ballet.
266
00:10:27,369 --> 00:10:29,470
One time I tried out
for Little League
267
00:10:29,538 --> 00:10:31,973
in my ballet shoes,
and the other kids made
268
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,442
so much fun of me,
I wet my pants.
269
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:36,077
What, wait,
what, like pee?
270
00:10:36,144 --> 00:10:37,545
How old were you?
Eight.
271
00:10:37,613 --> 00:10:38,779
Aah, too old!
272
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,115
Too old to be peeing yourself,
Baby Pee Pants.
273
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:42,917
All right,
you kids finish him off.
274
00:10:47,623 --> 00:10:48,756
Hey, what do you
got there?
275
00:10:48,824 --> 00:10:50,391
Oh, I'm just playing
with some Lee Logs.
276
00:10:50,459 --> 00:10:51,859
What the hell
are Lee Logs?
277
00:10:51,927 --> 00:10:53,527
A little something I
created-- Lee Logs.
278
00:10:53,595 --> 00:10:54,895
Robert E. Lee.
279
00:10:54,963 --> 00:10:56,831
You know, you got Lincoln
Logs, you got Lee Logs.
280
00:10:56,898 --> 00:10:58,766
I don't get it, can,
can you build a house?
281
00:10:58,834 --> 00:11:00,101
You can build
quarters.
282
00:11:00,168 --> 00:11:01,569
And people live there?
283
00:11:01,637 --> 00:11:03,571
They live there if you
tell 'em to live there.
284
00:11:03,639 --> 00:11:05,473
I don't know if I like
the idea of Lee Logs.
285
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,141
Yeah, they're not
selling very well.
286
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:08,909
Peter, dinner!
287
00:11:08,977 --> 00:11:10,161
No dinner for
me tonight, Lois.
288
00:11:10,228 --> 00:11:12,430
I have to go work on
a bit for tomorrow's show.
289
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,665
If I can kill 25
butterflies in a minute,
290
00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:16,767
I won't have to show
the audience my balls.
291
00:11:16,835 --> 00:11:18,869
Peter, this is the
fourth night in a row
292
00:11:18,937 --> 00:11:21,038
you've skipped out on us
to work on your show.
293
00:11:21,106 --> 00:11:23,274
Once again, I'm gonna be stuck
cleaning up the kitchen,
294
00:11:23,342 --> 00:11:25,810
helping out with homework,
and bathing Stewie.
295
00:11:25,877 --> 00:11:27,678
You know, I'd lay off
the nagging if I was you.
296
00:11:27,746 --> 00:11:29,046
I'm a children's TV star now.
297
00:11:29,114 --> 00:11:30,815
I can have any three-year-old
girl I want.
298
00:11:30,882 --> 00:11:32,383
Just know that, Lois.
299
00:11:32,451 --> 00:11:34,518
Peter, I'm only asking
you to do your share.
300
00:11:34,586 --> 00:11:35,686
Well, it's getting
on my nerves.
301
00:11:35,754 --> 00:11:36,821
Like, right now,
302
00:11:36,888 --> 00:11:38,089
you are the most
annoying thing
303
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:40,691
in my life, with the
possible exception of Evite.
304
00:11:40,759 --> 00:11:42,560
What's this?
It's this Web site you can use
305
00:11:42,627 --> 00:11:43,828
to invite people
to stuff.
306
00:11:43,895 --> 00:11:45,813
Does it have to be
a significant event?
307
00:11:45,881 --> 00:11:47,298
No. Not at all!
308
00:11:47,366 --> 00:11:48,766
Well, do you just
get the invitation,
309
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,167
and that's the end of it?
310
00:11:50,235 --> 00:11:52,119
No, it'll remind you
about it constantly!
311
00:11:52,187 --> 00:11:54,522
Is there any way
I can customize this
312
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:57,358
to showcase my personality
through familiar clip art?
313
00:11:57,426 --> 00:11:58,726
Yes!
314
00:11:58,794 --> 00:12:00,277
And what about
those replying?
315
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,163
Can they demonstrate
their sense of humor
316
00:12:02,230 --> 00:12:03,564
through hilarious replies?
317
00:12:03,632 --> 00:12:06,033
Yes, yes, yes to
everything you're saying!
318
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,469
I'm so excited
to get started!
319
00:12:08,537 --> 00:12:10,705
You do that while
I jump out this window!
320
00:12:12,574 --> 00:12:15,376
Evite. Tell a friend
and then kill yourself.
321
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,314
And then when you
get a little older,
322
00:12:20,382 --> 00:12:21,949
stuff will come out.
323
00:12:23,819 --> 00:12:25,219
Uh-oh!
324
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:28,072
Sounds like my cranky
new neighbor just got home.
325
00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:29,740
I hope she doesn't
come over here
326
00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:31,175
and give me the business.
327
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,477
Peter!
328
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:35,746
Oh, hi, Saggy Naggy.
329
00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:37,431
Never mind with "hi!"
330
00:12:37,499 --> 00:12:40,634
It sounds like someone's
having fun over here!
331
00:12:40,702 --> 00:12:42,670
You know I don't
like that!
332
00:12:42,738 --> 00:12:45,005
Hey, kids.
Meet Saggy Naggy.
333
00:12:45,073 --> 00:12:47,141
Real nice lady, huh?
334
00:12:47,209 --> 00:12:48,709
No!
335
00:12:48,777 --> 00:12:50,344
What can I do for you,
Saggy Naggy?
336
00:12:50,412 --> 00:12:52,029
You can stop having fun!
337
00:12:52,097 --> 00:12:54,782
But we like fun,
don't we, kids?
338
00:12:54,850 --> 00:12:56,067
Yes!
339
00:12:56,134 --> 00:12:57,401
Well, too bad,
340
00:12:57,469 --> 00:12:58,936
'cause you're all gonna
eat your vegetables,
341
00:12:59,004 --> 00:13:01,222
listen to long stories
about my cousins,
342
00:13:01,289 --> 00:13:03,441
and help me
fold sheets!
343
00:13:03,508 --> 00:13:05,676
And you! You're gonna
help around the house,
344
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:06,844
take out the garbage,
345
00:13:06,895 --> 00:13:08,996
and give Stewie
his bottle!
346
00:13:09,064 --> 00:13:10,731
Yeah, I heard it.
They say my name
347
00:13:10,799 --> 00:13:12,967
on TV all the time;
calm down, bitch.
348
00:13:13,034 --> 00:13:14,802
Make me dinner,
and go rent Twilight,
349
00:13:14,870 --> 00:13:16,687
and do mouth
stuff on me,
350
00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:19,056
even though it's been a
day-and-a-half since I've showered,
351
00:13:19,124 --> 00:13:21,792
and I've used several public
bathrooms in the interim!
352
00:13:21,860 --> 00:13:24,228
Sounds like this could
go on for a while, kids.
353
00:13:24,296 --> 00:13:25,379
Hey, Saggy Naggy,
354
00:13:25,447 --> 00:13:27,281
I know what'll cheer you up.
355
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:28,649
Do you like pie?
356
00:13:28,717 --> 00:13:30,067
I guess.
357
00:13:30,118 --> 00:13:31,986
Well, how does this taste?
358
00:13:35,107 --> 00:13:36,490
Well, I guess she thought
359
00:13:36,558 --> 00:13:38,793
it was a no-pies-in-the-face
kind of neighborhood.
360
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:42,496
Wrong assessment
of the neighborhood, sweetheart!
361
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:47,701
And how are you today, Mr...
362
00:13:47,769 --> 00:13:48,936
Pa-ti-ent?
363
00:13:49,004 --> 00:13:50,538
My last name is Saunders.
364
00:13:50,605 --> 00:13:52,523
That's an interesting
pronunciation.
365
00:13:52,591 --> 00:13:54,291
This is Meg; she's
shadowing me today.
366
00:13:54,359 --> 00:13:56,427
And boy, could she put
the applesauce away
367
00:13:56,495 --> 00:13:58,312
in the commissary.
Hi.
368
00:13:58,396 --> 00:14:00,264
Little tip, Meg:
The inside of this folder
369
00:14:00,332 --> 00:14:02,166
has a diagram
of the human body.
370
00:14:02,234 --> 00:14:03,501
Kind of a cheat sheet.
371
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,488
Now see, right now,
I'm listening for cancer.
372
00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:09,773
Do you mean
his heartbeat?
373
00:14:09,841 --> 00:14:11,826
Maybe. Here,
you take a turn.
374
00:14:13,245 --> 00:14:15,446
Wow, your heartbeat
sounds a little fast.
375
00:14:15,514 --> 00:14:17,681
Do you smoke?
Actually, I do.
376
00:14:17,749 --> 00:14:19,483
Ah, me, too.
Isn't it great?
377
00:14:19,551 --> 00:14:20,885
Well, that's
bad for you.
378
00:14:20,952 --> 00:14:21,986
You shouldn't do it.
379
00:14:22,053 --> 00:14:23,320
It raises your heart rate
380
00:14:23,388 --> 00:14:25,156
and can lead
to emphysema or cancer.
381
00:14:25,223 --> 00:14:27,107
That's impressive, Meg.
It's no big deal.
382
00:14:27,175 --> 00:14:29,109
It's just stuff
I learned in health class.
383
00:14:29,177 --> 00:14:30,811
Well, you're clearly
a bright, young lady.
384
00:14:30,879 --> 00:14:32,513
And you've got quite a...
385
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:34,565
head on your...
386
00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:35,766
shoulders.
387
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:37,067
Thanks.
388
00:14:37,135 --> 00:14:39,503
Dr. Hartman, you just got
this urgent message.
389
00:14:39,571 --> 00:14:40,988
Oh, dear.
Prilosec, huh?
390
00:14:41,056 --> 00:14:42,256
No, it's below that.
391
00:14:42,324 --> 00:14:43,490
Oh.
392
00:14:43,558 --> 00:14:44,625
Oh, my God.
393
00:14:44,693 --> 00:14:45,843
Meg, I'm afraid
my brother
394
00:14:45,911 --> 00:14:47,211
just tried to kill
himself in prison.
395
00:14:47,279 --> 00:14:48,746
I-I have to go.
396
00:14:48,813 --> 00:14:50,781
You're gonna have to take
things from here, I guess.
397
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,183
What?! What are you
talking about?
398
00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:54,401
Well, you now know
about as much as I do
399
00:14:54,469 --> 00:14:55,652
about this whole
doctor thing.
400
00:14:55,704 --> 00:14:57,204
But I have no formal
medical training.
401
00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:59,273
Ah, you'll be fine.
I think that book on the shelf
402
00:14:59,341 --> 00:15:01,008
has most of the
stuff in there.
403
00:15:01,076 --> 00:15:03,677
And don't forget the cheat sheet
if you need a helping...
404
00:15:03,745 --> 00:15:05,663
hand.
405
00:15:10,235 --> 00:15:11,402
Are we really
buying fish
406
00:15:11,469 --> 00:15:13,804
at the same place
we buy tires?
407
00:15:13,872 --> 00:15:16,106
And, w-what... "Fazio"?
408
00:15:16,174 --> 00:15:18,509
What, is that a brand
of Blu-ray player?
409
00:15:18,577 --> 00:15:20,928
Stewie, this sweatshirt
is so sophisticated.
410
00:15:20,996 --> 00:15:22,997
Look, it says New York.
411
00:15:23,064 --> 00:15:24,965
People will think
I'm from there.
412
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:30,354
Put your phone away;
we're at a funeral!
413
00:15:30,422 --> 00:15:31,956
Oh, my God.
414
00:15:32,023 --> 00:15:33,390
Look!
415
00:15:33,458 --> 00:15:35,125
It's Saggy Naggy.
416
00:15:35,193 --> 00:15:36,110
Boo!
417
00:15:36,177 --> 00:15:37,311
You're mean.
418
00:15:37,379 --> 00:15:38,846
I don't like you,
Saggy Naggy.
419
00:15:38,914 --> 00:15:40,831
You stink, Saggy Naggy.
420
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,566
My goodness, that's
a very rude thing
421
00:15:42,634 --> 00:15:43,801
to say to someone.
422
00:15:43,868 --> 00:15:45,369
Calling them Saggy...
423
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,155
What the hell?!
424
00:15:48,223 --> 00:15:50,140
Young man, what do
you think you're...
425
00:16:03,458 --> 00:16:05,659
Lois, I just saw
Jessica Alba on television.
426
00:16:05,743 --> 00:16:07,077
We've got 90 seconds;
let's go!
427
00:16:07,128 --> 00:16:08,278
Peter, I'm not
in the mood!
428
00:16:08,329 --> 00:16:09,780
That's okay. We can
do it anyway.
429
00:16:09,847 --> 00:16:12,049
Peter, I was assaulted
in public because of you!
430
00:16:12,116 --> 00:16:13,800
Oh, my God, what happened?!
431
00:16:13,868 --> 00:16:14,968
I'll tell you
what happened.
432
00:16:15,036 --> 00:16:17,137
A group of kids
attacked me at Costmart
433
00:16:17,222 --> 00:16:19,072
because you portrayed
me on your show
434
00:16:19,140 --> 00:16:20,807
as a raging
puppet bitch!
435
00:16:20,875 --> 00:16:22,175
Writers take
from their lives.
436
00:16:22,243 --> 00:16:24,378
You married a creative type.
You knew this was a risk.
437
00:16:24,445 --> 00:16:26,079
What's that
supposed to mean?
438
00:16:26,147 --> 00:16:28,649
Well, the last few weeks, you've
been nagging the hell out of me.
439
00:16:28,716 --> 00:16:30,250
Peter, you think
I like nagging you?
440
00:16:30,318 --> 00:16:32,552
One of us needs to be
an adult in this marriage,
441
00:16:32,620 --> 00:16:33,987
and it's clearly not you.
442
00:16:34,055 --> 00:16:36,290
Is this about me wetting
the bed just now?
443
00:16:36,357 --> 00:16:37,591
Peter, don't
you understand
444
00:16:37,659 --> 00:16:39,526
that I'm just looking
out for this family?
445
00:16:39,594 --> 00:16:40,694
Besides, without
my nagging,
446
00:16:40,762 --> 00:16:42,629
you'd probably
get yourself killed.
447
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:45,232
Or laid. Right,
frat house?
448
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:47,634
Yeah!
449
00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:50,537
Those knuckleheads
should be studying.
450
00:16:50,605 --> 00:16:52,572
Okay, you know what?
Fine, Peter, that's it.
451
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,241
From now on, I'm not
nagging you anymore.
452
00:16:54,309 --> 00:16:55,309
You're not?
453
00:16:55,376 --> 00:16:57,010
No, you're on your own.
454
00:16:57,078 --> 00:16:59,730
I'm done with it.
I'm done with all of it!
455
00:16:59,797 --> 00:17:02,165
Well, great, I should
probably get some sleep.
456
00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:04,368
Tomorrow on Petey's Funhouse,
we're doing who's on first.
457
00:17:04,435 --> 00:17:05,669
I'm gonna play
Costello,
458
00:17:05,737 --> 00:17:08,305
and Abbott is gonna
be played by live puma.
459
00:17:08,373 --> 00:17:10,907
Peter, that sounds
really d...
460
00:17:10,975 --> 00:17:12,743
you know what?
Sounds great.
461
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:14,011
Have fun.
462
00:17:14,078 --> 00:17:16,797
Thanks, Lois.
Good night.
463
00:17:16,864 --> 00:17:19,933
Lois? Other families
fight, too, right?
464
00:17:20,001 --> 00:17:21,535
Not this much.
465
00:17:21,602 --> 00:17:23,270
Do you think maybe
we should think about
466
00:17:23,338 --> 00:17:24,805
getting a...
It is what it is.
467
00:17:24,872 --> 00:17:26,840
Let's just get Stewie to
college and go from there.
468
00:17:30,078 --> 00:17:31,712
Sir, if you're gonna
want me to examine
469
00:17:31,779 --> 00:17:33,146
where you're
having an issue,
470
00:17:33,214 --> 00:17:35,615
you're gonna have to be more
specific than "thingee".
471
00:17:35,683 --> 00:17:38,018
Okay. It's not
the front thingee.
472
00:17:38,086 --> 00:17:39,803
What's going on in here?
473
00:17:39,871 --> 00:17:41,305
Where's Dr. Hartman?
474
00:17:41,372 --> 00:17:43,840
He had a family emergency.
I'm not really a doctor
475
00:17:43,908 --> 00:17:45,642
but I've been sort of
filling in for him.
476
00:17:45,710 --> 00:17:46,910
You what?!
477
00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:49,313
Well, I think I want
to go into medicine,
478
00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:50,814
so I was shadowing
Dr. Hartman.
479
00:17:50,881 --> 00:17:52,516
I've actually
been learning a lot,
480
00:17:52,583 --> 00:17:54,318
but then he just left me here!
481
00:17:54,385 --> 00:17:55,752
Well, you don't belong here!
482
00:17:55,820 --> 00:17:57,854
This is a professional
medical institution
483
00:17:57,922 --> 00:18:00,123
with standards
and regulations to adhere to!
484
00:18:00,191 --> 00:18:01,191
But, but I...
485
00:18:01,259 --> 00:18:02,993
I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave.
486
00:18:03,061 --> 00:18:05,128
I'm sorry.
I'll go.
487
00:18:10,234 --> 00:18:12,602
My issue has
resolved itself.
488
00:18:16,074 --> 00:18:17,641
And don't go anywhere, kids,
489
00:18:17,709 --> 00:18:19,676
'cause coming up,
we got some classic comedy
490
00:18:19,744 --> 00:18:21,278
with me and a puma.
491
00:18:21,346 --> 00:18:23,213
Is Dad really gonna do this?
492
00:18:23,281 --> 00:18:25,349
I told your father I was
gonna leave him alone.
493
00:18:25,416 --> 00:18:27,517
Saggy Naggy is
keeping out of this.
494
00:18:27,585 --> 00:18:28,919
Is the puma ready?
495
00:18:28,986 --> 00:18:30,587
Maybe we should
poke him with the
496
00:18:30,655 --> 00:18:33,156
"is-the-Puma-ready?"
stick.
497
00:18:36,077 --> 00:18:38,145
Oh, my god, I can't
let him do this!
498
00:18:38,212 --> 00:18:40,747
Come on, kids! We got to get
down to that TV studio!
499
00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:42,399
Okay, yeah, just step
on the coloring book.
500
00:18:42,450 --> 00:18:43,333
That's cool.
501
00:18:48,873 --> 00:18:51,074
I'm asking you
who's on first?
502
00:18:54,846 --> 00:18:56,530
Oh, my God! Peter!
503
00:18:56,597 --> 00:18:57,881
Cut the camera! Cut it!
504
00:18:57,948 --> 00:18:59,883
Roll a
"Petey Learn-A-Long Song"!
505
00:19:03,805 --> 00:19:05,405
♪ Kentucky is a state ♪
506
00:19:05,473 --> 00:19:07,707
♪ Kentucky is a state ♪
507
00:19:07,775 --> 00:19:09,976
♪ All the people there
are dicks ♪
508
00:19:10,044 --> 00:19:12,879
♪ Kentucky is a state. ♪
509
00:19:12,947 --> 00:19:14,698
Oh, he's hurt bad.
Someone call 911!
510
00:19:14,766 --> 00:19:15,899
He's bleeding too much!
511
00:19:15,966 --> 00:19:17,434
He needs attention now!
512
00:19:17,502 --> 00:19:19,770
Somebody help him!
Do something!
513
00:19:19,837 --> 00:19:21,671
Now she's nagging everyone.
514
00:19:21,739 --> 00:19:23,507
Does anyone have
any medical training?!
515
00:19:23,574 --> 00:19:25,375
It looks like his
jugular is severed.
516
00:19:25,443 --> 00:19:27,144
I learned this
at the hospital.
517
00:19:27,211 --> 00:19:29,346
Mr. Swanson, find me
a first-aid kit!
518
00:19:29,414 --> 00:19:31,281
Mom, hand me those towels.
519
00:19:31,332 --> 00:19:34,351
Did I hold on to the ball?
520
00:19:34,419 --> 00:19:35,419
Hang in there, Dad.
521
00:19:35,486 --> 00:19:36,853
I'm gonna get you fixed up.
522
00:19:45,713 --> 00:19:46,980
You can do it, Meg.
523
00:19:47,048 --> 00:19:49,666
Come on, Meg.
You've got to save him!
524
00:19:49,717 --> 00:19:52,719
Peter, you need to let go.
525
00:20:04,182 --> 00:20:06,383
L-Lois?
526
00:20:06,451 --> 00:20:07,751
Oh, Peter, thank God!
527
00:20:07,819 --> 00:20:09,085
You're okay.
528
00:20:09,153 --> 00:20:11,421
I guess you were right
about that puma.
529
00:20:11,489 --> 00:20:13,056
I don't know what
I was thinking.
530
00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:14,558
I should've
listened to you.
531
00:20:14,625 --> 00:20:16,560
Peter, I don't
care about that.
532
00:20:16,627 --> 00:20:19,279
I acted like a real jerk,
and I'm sorry, Lois.
533
00:20:19,347 --> 00:20:21,148
I know you just
get on my case
534
00:20:21,215 --> 00:20:22,649
'cause you're
looking out for me.
535
00:20:22,717 --> 00:20:23,884
I am, Peter.
536
00:20:23,951 --> 00:20:25,585
And it's only because
I love you
537
00:20:25,653 --> 00:20:27,988
and I want the best for you
and our family.
538
00:20:28,055 --> 00:20:29,723
I love you, too, Lois.
539
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,827
Isn't anybody
gonna thank me?
540
00:20:33,895 --> 00:20:36,129
Yeah, I'll have a water
if you're getting one.
541
00:20:36,197 --> 00:20:38,415
Mr. Griffin,
you have a visitor.
542
00:20:38,483 --> 00:20:39,633
Hey.
543
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:41,134
Hey. I get it now.
544
00:20:41,202 --> 00:20:42,969
"Who" is the man's name.
545
00:20:43,037 --> 00:20:45,372
Aha, ah!
546
00:20:45,439 --> 00:20:49,439
== sync, corrected by elderman ==