1 00:00:00,340 --> 00:00:03,886 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:03,887 --> 00:00:07,170 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,171 --> 00:00:10,737 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:10,738 --> 00:00:13,738 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:13,739 --> 00:00:17,239 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:20,639 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:20,641 --> 00:00:22,207 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,207 --> 00:00:23,607 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:23,608 --> 00:00:29,248 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:29,249 --> 00:00:33,492 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com 11 00:00:33,976 --> 00:00:35,610 Hi. It's me, Peter. 12 00:00:35,611 --> 00:00:38,107 You may be wondering what I'm doing in a library. 13 00:00:38,108 --> 00:00:40,511 Well, I actually drove my car into this rich guy's house, 14 00:00:40,512 --> 00:00:42,945 and he locked me in here until the police come. 15 00:00:42,946 --> 00:00:44,278 Don't believe me? 16 00:00:44,279 --> 00:00:46,592 I don't know. I just locked him in the library. 17 00:00:46,593 --> 00:00:48,912 Seems like he's on something. He's got crazy eyes 18 00:00:48,913 --> 00:00:50,746 and keeps screaming, "I don't care." 19 00:00:50,747 --> 00:00:52,013 I don't care! 20 00:00:52,014 --> 00:00:53,580 Anyway, I've got some time to kill 21 00:00:53,580 --> 00:00:55,414 before this room is filled with tear gas, 22 00:00:55,415 --> 00:00:57,181 so I thought, "Why not finally read 23 00:00:57,181 --> 00:00:59,714 some of the classics I never read in high school." 24 00:00:59,715 --> 00:01:02,148 Here's one right here, The Great Gatsby. 25 00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:06,183 A book by the only respected guy in the world named Scott. 26 00:01:18,970 --> 00:01:21,819 It was my first summer staying at the shore, 27 00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:25,153 but I had a feeling that I, Nick "The Situation" Carraway, 28 00:01:25,154 --> 00:01:26,820 would fit right in. 29 00:01:29,355 --> 00:01:31,387 Hey, it's Nick from The Great Gatsby. 30 00:01:31,388 --> 00:01:34,754 I just checked in, and somebody left their teeth here. 31 00:01:34,756 --> 00:01:37,556 I-I don't know, it's just a set of teeth. 32 00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:39,389 I-I guess men's? 33 00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,157 No, I'm not putting them anywhere. 34 00:01:41,157 --> 00:01:42,856 You come and get them. 35 00:01:42,857 --> 00:01:45,924 Yecch. The neighbors are having a party 36 00:01:45,925 --> 00:01:47,625 with loud jazz music. 37 00:01:47,625 --> 00:01:49,857 Well, at least annoyingly scatting over jazz 38 00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,426 hasn't been invented yet. 39 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,109 Oh, that must have been invented today! 40 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,796 Hey, whose party is this? 41 00:02:12,797 --> 00:02:15,596 I'm not sure. Women aren't allowed to ask questions yet. 42 00:02:15,597 --> 00:02:16,997 So, what's your name? 43 00:02:16,998 --> 00:02:18,764 Madam, you forget yourself. 44 00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:25,332 That's when I first laid eyes on him. 45 00:02:25,333 --> 00:02:26,865 Jay Gatsby. 46 00:02:26,866 --> 00:02:29,032 He was clearly playing with himself through his pocket, 47 00:02:29,033 --> 00:02:30,566 but I pretended not to see. 48 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:31,866 Hello. Welcome to my party. 49 00:02:31,867 --> 00:02:33,866 Name's Gatsby. Good to meet you, old sport. 50 00:02:33,867 --> 00:02:35,300 Yeah, just a wave is fine. 51 00:02:35,301 --> 00:02:37,200 I-I'm your new neighbor, Nick Carraway. 52 00:02:37,202 --> 00:02:39,201 Oh, I hope we weren't too loud, old sport. 53 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,835 Yeah, this "old sport" thing, 54 00:02:40,836 --> 00:02:42,703 is this... is this something you're trying out, 55 00:02:42,703 --> 00:02:44,735 - or is this a keeper? - I just met you, 56 00:02:44,737 --> 00:02:46,703 so I want to tell you something very private. 57 00:02:46,704 --> 00:02:48,103 Let's go out to the dock. 58 00:02:51,889 --> 00:02:53,804 I come down here to think every night 59 00:02:53,806 --> 00:02:55,472 and gaze at that green light. 60 00:02:55,472 --> 00:02:57,604 It's where the love of my life lives, 61 00:02:57,606 --> 00:02:58,989 Daisy Buchanan. 62 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:02,840 Um, I hate to break it to you, 63 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,340 but that light you've been looking at 64 00:03:04,341 --> 00:03:06,306 is a gay gym called The Pump House. 65 00:03:06,308 --> 00:03:09,774 I-I only know that because I saw a coupon that came with my rental. 66 00:03:09,775 --> 00:03:12,342 Um... anyway, Daisy's house is over there. 67 00:03:12,343 --> 00:03:14,709 - She's my cousin. - Daisy's your cousin?! 68 00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:18,142 Yeah. Lot of weird coincidences for an American classic, huh? 69 00:03:18,143 --> 00:03:19,676 Wha... I have to see her! 70 00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:20,976 Well, I can set that up. 71 00:03:20,977 --> 00:03:22,577 Um, only thing is she's married. 72 00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:25,044 Yeah, and I hear her husband's a real heel. 73 00:03:25,045 --> 00:03:26,778 Whoa-hoa! Language! 74 00:03:26,778 --> 00:03:28,244 But yeah, I'll set it up. 75 00:03:28,245 --> 00:03:30,644 Um, tea tomorrow at my house, 2:00 p.m. 76 00:03:30,646 --> 00:03:33,446 Great. She's... she's gonna be there, right? 77 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,813 Yeah. Why wouldn't she be there? 78 00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:37,513 I don't know, I'm just getting a funny vibe from you. 79 00:03:37,514 --> 00:03:39,513 You asked me down to the docks alone, 80 00:03:39,514 --> 00:03:42,514 and you're getting a funny vibe from me? 81 00:03:46,866 --> 00:03:49,148 Wow. What an ugly little house. 82 00:03:49,150 --> 00:03:52,516 Oh, yeah, it's not that palace of domestic abuse you live in. 83 00:03:52,517 --> 00:03:54,783 Whassup...? 84 00:03:54,784 --> 00:03:57,250 Oh, my God! Is it really you? 85 00:03:57,251 --> 00:04:00,766 Oh, I've missed you, Daisy. You're as beautiful as ever. 86 00:04:00,767 --> 00:04:01,918 You know what else is beautiful? 87 00:04:01,919 --> 00:04:03,719 My bank account. Boom! 88 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,785 - Rich guy. - You're rich now? 89 00:04:05,786 --> 00:04:07,952 - Oh, my God, I love that! - I know, right? 90 00:04:07,954 --> 00:04:09,886 Come on, I'll show you my place. 91 00:04:09,887 --> 00:04:10,986 Oh, you're leaving? 92 00:04:10,987 --> 00:04:12,986 But I made all these deviled eggs. 93 00:04:12,988 --> 00:04:15,154 - You made? - You know what I meant. 94 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:17,455 Yeah, you made them. Great job. 95 00:04:28,275 --> 00:04:30,790 You know, one of the best parts of having an enormous mansion 96 00:04:30,791 --> 00:04:33,358 is being able to come out here and get some fresh air. 97 00:04:33,359 --> 00:04:35,691 You know, sometimes I just want to jump off this balcony 98 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,575 and into that pool down there. 99 00:04:39,111 --> 00:04:40,226 So do it. 100 00:04:40,227 --> 00:04:41,893 Yeah, I know, right? Do it! 101 00:04:41,894 --> 00:04:43,127 Yeah. Do it. 102 00:04:43,128 --> 00:04:44,994 I know. I totally should, right? Here I go. 103 00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,527 One, two, three... 104 00:04:46,528 --> 00:04:48,427 Whoa! Can you imagine? 105 00:04:48,428 --> 00:04:50,361 Yeah, I-I can imagine. It would be fun. 106 00:04:50,363 --> 00:04:52,929 - You should do it. - If only it were that easy, right? 107 00:04:52,930 --> 00:04:54,596 It is. It looks deep enough. 108 00:04:54,596 --> 00:04:56,262 It's your pool. It's your house. 109 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:58,262 - You can do whatever you want. - I know, right? 110 00:04:58,264 --> 00:04:59,964 Ah, you know what? I can't right now. 111 00:04:59,964 --> 00:05:01,230 My pool guy's cleaning it. 112 00:05:01,231 --> 00:05:04,331 Are you going to bone her? 113 00:05:09,584 --> 00:05:10,966 This is amazing! 114 00:05:10,966 --> 00:05:13,232 I've never seen so many shirts. 115 00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:15,333 D-Do you have enough to, you know, throw? 116 00:05:15,334 --> 00:05:17,467 Yeah, you know, they're actually kind of expensive... 117 00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:18,734 Ah, there she goes. 118 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:22,167 Shirt! Shirt! Shirt! 119 00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:24,067 Shirt! Shirt! 120 00:05:24,069 --> 00:05:25,302 Okay, five is good. 121 00:05:25,303 --> 00:05:26,736 Five is-is probably good. 122 00:05:26,737 --> 00:05:28,236 Shirt! Shirt! 123 00:05:28,237 --> 00:05:29,603 Were you, uh... 124 00:05:29,604 --> 00:05:32,487 were-were you this crazy when we dated before? 125 00:05:37,456 --> 00:05:39,105 Mm, Gatsby, is it? 126 00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,672 I've been hearing about your vast newly acquired wealth 127 00:05:41,673 --> 00:05:43,672 and your attentions to my wife. 128 00:05:43,673 --> 00:05:45,605 So I thought I would have you over 129 00:05:45,607 --> 00:05:47,273 to my equally large and fancy 130 00:05:47,274 --> 00:05:49,273 but imperceptibly more classy mansion 131 00:05:49,274 --> 00:05:50,574 for an awkward dinner. 132 00:05:50,575 --> 00:05:52,707 And, Nick, have you met Jordan? 133 00:05:52,708 --> 00:05:56,641 She plays golf, and is what kids will someday call a "DUFF." 134 00:05:56,642 --> 00:05:58,742 Hey, yeah. Nice tam-o'-shanter. 135 00:05:58,743 --> 00:06:01,042 I'll drink your finger bowl if you don't want it. 136 00:06:01,044 --> 00:06:04,044 In the book, I actually go on a few dates with Jordan. 137 00:06:04,044 --> 00:06:05,643 We're gonna skip all that. 138 00:06:05,644 --> 00:06:07,777 Anyway, like I was saying, you're a trash, 139 00:06:07,778 --> 00:06:10,711 'cause you earned your money a little bit more recently than me. 140 00:06:10,712 --> 00:06:13,445 - What are you getting at? - I'm saying I invited you over 141 00:06:13,445 --> 00:06:15,313 and sat you next to my wife to say, 142 00:06:15,313 --> 00:06:17,012 "Stay away from my wife!" 143 00:06:17,013 --> 00:06:18,146 You know what we should do? 144 00:06:18,147 --> 00:06:19,646 Let's all drunk-drive into Manhattan 145 00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:21,047 and get a hotel room 146 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,614 and have the same conversation we're having here. 147 00:06:22,614 --> 00:06:25,197 I'm starting to think this isn't a very good book. 148 00:06:27,766 --> 00:06:29,748 I'd like to add another bit of pointless confusion 149 00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:31,049 that will make sense later. 150 00:06:31,050 --> 00:06:33,015 Let's everyone drive somebody else's car. 151 00:06:33,015 --> 00:06:34,497 Someone can take my coupe. 152 00:06:34,498 --> 00:06:35,917 I'm riding with Gatsby, I don't care which car. 153 00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,250 I'll take someone in Daisy's car. 154 00:06:37,251 --> 00:06:39,084 I don't think Daisy said you could drive her car. 155 00:06:39,084 --> 00:06:40,550 Tom, why don't you take Jay's car? 156 00:06:40,551 --> 00:06:42,051 - Who's Jay? - Gatsby. 157 00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:44,418 Okay, I have never heard anyone call him that. 158 00:06:44,419 --> 00:06:47,235 Look, if you're in your own car you're in the wrong car. 159 00:06:55,171 --> 00:06:56,787 All right, you guys get gas. 160 00:06:56,788 --> 00:06:58,654 I got to talk to this random mechanic's horny wife 161 00:06:58,655 --> 00:06:59,821 about some business. 162 00:06:59,822 --> 00:07:01,821 Wilson? Gonna need to fill 'er up! 163 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,772 Wilson's wife? Fill 'er up? Get it? 164 00:07:10,491 --> 00:07:12,690 I don't know what they do up there, 165 00:07:12,692 --> 00:07:15,525 but they sure do listen to Def Leppard pretty loud. 166 00:07:18,359 --> 00:07:21,592 So, seen any good movies lately? 167 00:07:21,593 --> 00:07:24,259 We just saw Woman Tied to Railroad Tracks 5. 168 00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:25,826 Pretty similar to 4. 169 00:07:25,827 --> 00:07:27,960 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 170 00:07:27,961 --> 00:07:30,359 Wow, looks like you guys are getting a head start 171 00:07:30,361 --> 00:07:31,794 on the Depression here. 172 00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:36,095 Thanks for stopping by, Mr. Buchanan. 173 00:07:36,096 --> 00:07:38,763 Yeah, sure. Don't tell anyone how bad I look naked. 174 00:07:38,764 --> 00:07:41,864 Have fun raising my bastard. 175 00:07:41,864 --> 00:07:43,096 All right, let's head out. 176 00:07:43,097 --> 00:07:44,597 Wait, but first I want to see 177 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,197 if we're in the funny horn era. 178 00:07:46,198 --> 00:07:48,714 Ah-ooga! Ah-ha! We are! 179 00:07:52,751 --> 00:07:55,199 All right, Gatsby, you think you're so hot? 180 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,533 Let me show you how a classy guy does classy stuff. 181 00:07:58,534 --> 00:08:00,334 Hello, room service? I'd like a bottle 182 00:08:00,335 --> 00:08:02,834 of your second most expensive champagne. 183 00:08:02,835 --> 00:08:06,068 And I'd like your most expensive bottle. 184 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:08,135 Wow. Walked right into that one. 185 00:08:08,136 --> 00:08:10,769 Okay, fine. Well, then let's see who has higher socks. 186 00:08:10,770 --> 00:08:12,102 Nya-ha! 187 00:08:12,103 --> 00:08:14,102 Whatever, Tom. None of that matters. 188 00:08:14,104 --> 00:08:15,604 Daisy's in love with me. 189 00:08:15,604 --> 00:08:17,770 In fact, she's never loved you. 190 00:08:17,772 --> 00:08:19,204 Oh, is that so? 191 00:08:19,205 --> 00:08:22,705 Well, I hear Gatsby didn't even fight in World War I. 192 00:08:22,706 --> 00:08:24,239 Wait, why is he calling it that? 193 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,956 Is there gonna be another big war? 194 00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:28,939 I'm sorry, Tom. 195 00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:30,939 That's right. I'm in love with Daisy, 196 00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:33,123 and she loves me, old sport. 197 00:08:34,159 --> 00:08:36,441 Would anyone like a deviled egg 198 00:08:36,442 --> 00:08:39,225 from a tea I had several days ago? 199 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,143 Well, that was awful. 200 00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:46,343 But I sure do enjoy driving your car 201 00:08:46,344 --> 00:08:48,077 instead of you driving it, 202 00:08:48,078 --> 00:08:50,077 even though we came in a different car. 203 00:08:50,078 --> 00:08:52,010 Drunk. Don't forget drunk. 204 00:08:52,011 --> 00:08:54,093 You're drunk-driving my car. 205 00:08:56,029 --> 00:08:57,278 Gas and sandwiches! 206 00:08:57,279 --> 00:08:59,745 Get your gas and sandwiches! 207 00:09:02,531 --> 00:09:06,697 Oh, that must be Tom, since I saw him in that car earlier! 208 00:09:07,932 --> 00:09:10,348 Tom! Tom! It's me! 209 00:09:13,349 --> 00:09:14,748 Oh-ho, no! 210 00:09:14,749 --> 00:09:16,114 Myrtle! 211 00:09:16,116 --> 00:09:18,249 Where will I ever find another woman 212 00:09:18,251 --> 00:09:21,267 with a hotter name than Myrtle? 213 00:09:25,403 --> 00:09:27,785 All right, pool, do your thing. 214 00:09:27,786 --> 00:09:30,552 You hungover? Uh, a little bit, yeah. 215 00:09:30,553 --> 00:09:33,453 Okay, we're sort of racing to the end here. 216 00:09:33,453 --> 00:09:35,719 And with that, I shall step 217 00:09:35,721 --> 00:09:37,787 slightly out of range. 218 00:09:37,788 --> 00:09:40,404 All right, I'm just gonna take a quick swim. 219 00:09:41,439 --> 00:09:43,221 Oh, my God! Where are the stairs? 220 00:09:43,222 --> 00:09:45,538 There's no stairs! I'm never gonna make it! 221 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,588 You were standing earlier in the day 222 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:51,839 next to the car that hit my wife. 223 00:09:58,691 --> 00:10:01,591 I would soon return to New York a changed man, 224 00:10:01,592 --> 00:10:04,292 because, for me, that will always be the summer 225 00:10:04,293 --> 00:10:06,893 that I finally put my head underwater. 226 00:10:06,894 --> 00:10:09,226 I did it! I did it! 227 00:10:09,227 --> 00:10:11,110 Aw, I wish somebody had seen that. 228 00:10:16,819 --> 00:10:18,134 Hi. Me again. 229 00:10:18,135 --> 00:10:19,935 I'm not in that guy's library anymore. 230 00:10:19,935 --> 00:10:22,435 I snuck up to the attic just before the cops busted in. 231 00:10:22,436 --> 00:10:24,384 They're down there now. Look. 232 00:10:26,921 --> 00:10:28,903 Only problem is, I really want to get 233 00:10:28,904 --> 00:10:31,170 to that trunk of costumes in the corner. 234 00:10:31,171 --> 00:10:34,104 On the one hand, I don't want to give away my location. 235 00:10:34,105 --> 00:10:36,938 On the other hand, there might be a pirate hat. 236 00:10:40,090 --> 00:10:42,205 Hmm, no pirate hat, but I'll make it work. 237 00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:44,940 Argh! I'm a chef aboard a pirate ship! 238 00:10:44,941 --> 00:10:47,074 Now, who be wantin' pancakes? 239 00:10:47,075 --> 00:10:48,808 I think I hear something in the attic. 240 00:10:48,808 --> 00:10:50,807 Oh, crap. While I figure out my options, 241 00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:52,475 here's Huckleberry Finn. 242 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,343 Hi, Huckleberry Finn! 243 00:11:03,345 --> 00:11:04,944 Hi, Tom Sawyer. 244 00:11:04,944 --> 00:11:06,878 You're Tom, I'm Huck. 245 00:11:06,879 --> 00:11:08,211 Everybody good? Yup? 246 00:11:08,212 --> 00:11:09,545 All right, let's do this. 247 00:11:09,546 --> 00:11:12,145 Huckleberry Finn, you get inside this house this minute. 248 00:11:12,146 --> 00:11:14,613 It's Tuesday morning. It's time for church. 249 00:11:14,614 --> 00:11:15,813 Aw, Widow Douglas, 250 00:11:15,814 --> 00:11:18,013 I already been to church three times today. 251 00:11:18,014 --> 00:11:20,497 I want to stay home and play Angry Birds. 252 00:11:25,449 --> 00:11:27,448 This is addictive. 253 00:11:27,450 --> 00:11:29,250 Hey, I'm your abusive dad, 254 00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:31,916 and I've been drinkin' all day from this here jug. 255 00:11:31,917 --> 00:11:34,416 Oh, my God, is that a jug full of porn? 256 00:11:34,417 --> 00:11:36,350 Hey, Widow Douglas, I want to live with my dad! 257 00:11:36,352 --> 00:11:37,351 Shut your hole! 258 00:11:37,352 --> 00:11:38,951 Now come on, I need to use your pee. 259 00:11:38,952 --> 00:11:41,568 I'm taking a wagon test in the morning. 260 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:46,353 I wish you wouldn't drink so much. 261 00:11:46,354 --> 00:11:47,820 Stop countin' my drinks! 262 00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:49,969 Now get over here so I can whip you! 263 00:11:51,005 --> 00:11:53,521 Ow! Pap! No! 264 00:11:53,522 --> 00:11:55,120 Yeah, that's right, bitch. 265 00:11:55,122 --> 00:11:56,588 Now it's your turn... 266 00:11:57,922 --> 00:12:00,255 Geez, this is worse than the Widow Douglas' house. 267 00:12:00,257 --> 00:12:01,539 I got to get out of here. 268 00:12:03,975 --> 00:12:06,156 I know. I'll fake my own death. 269 00:12:06,156 --> 00:12:08,624 I just need enough blood to make it look real. 270 00:12:08,625 --> 00:12:10,157 Hey there! You must be Huck. 271 00:12:10,158 --> 00:12:11,358 Great to finally meet you. 272 00:12:11,359 --> 00:12:12,558 I hope you like it here. 273 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:14,092 I'm gonna stab you for your blood. 274 00:12:14,093 --> 00:12:16,893 Oh, come on! I just got shot in the pool in the last one. 275 00:12:22,345 --> 00:12:25,560 I can't remember why I needed the blood. 276 00:12:32,514 --> 00:12:34,229 Lord, I'm-a tell ya, 277 00:12:34,229 --> 00:12:36,362 being a slave is a much worse job 278 00:12:36,364 --> 00:12:38,363 than the temp agency made it sound. 279 00:12:38,364 --> 00:12:39,897 You gonna eat all that possum? 280 00:12:39,898 --> 00:12:41,697 I am. My name's Huck Finn. 281 00:12:41,698 --> 00:12:43,098 What's half of your name? 282 00:12:43,098 --> 00:12:44,764 Jim. Nice to meet you. 283 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,365 I'm a runaway slave. 284 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:47,965 I'm runnin' away 'cause people want me 285 00:12:47,966 --> 00:12:49,699 to wear shoes and comb my hair. 286 00:12:49,699 --> 00:12:52,382 So I guess we got the exact same problem. 287 00:12:55,418 --> 00:12:57,534 Hey, what's that sound? 288 00:12:57,535 --> 00:13:00,200 Oh, no! It sounds like... 289 00:13:00,202 --> 00:13:03,269 a waterfall! 290 00:13:03,269 --> 00:13:05,234 Hold on! 291 00:13:13,622 --> 00:13:15,887 We died. 292 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:19,071 So wait. We didn't die? 293 00:13:19,072 --> 00:13:21,121 I don't know. It's all just jokes. 294 00:13:28,092 --> 00:13:29,641 - Ah! Did you see that? - What? 295 00:13:29,641 --> 00:13:31,740 I just skipped that rock six times! 296 00:13:31,742 --> 00:13:33,408 That's a once-in- a-lifetime skip! 297 00:13:33,408 --> 00:13:35,607 - That's nice. - You don't believe me, do ya? 298 00:13:35,609 --> 00:13:37,942 I believe we've been out here a long time, 299 00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:40,743 and a man's mind begins to play tricks on him. 300 00:13:40,744 --> 00:13:41,976 It happened for real! 301 00:13:41,977 --> 00:13:44,110 I can't believe you didn't see it! 302 00:13:44,111 --> 00:13:45,710 Of course I saw it. 303 00:13:45,711 --> 00:13:48,578 Most amazing damn thing I ever did witness. 304 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,911 But I wasn't gonna tell Huck, 'cause he claimed 305 00:13:50,912 --> 00:13:53,444 he didn't see me hook-shot that apple core 306 00:13:53,445 --> 00:13:56,112 into the garbage from way far away. 307 00:13:56,113 --> 00:13:57,879 Hello, friends. 308 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,946 Why are you so friendly? You con men? 309 00:13:59,947 --> 00:14:01,480 No, we're businessmen. 310 00:14:01,481 --> 00:14:03,480 We're fake-selling the Brooklyn Bridge. 311 00:14:03,481 --> 00:14:04,880 Don't say "fake-selling." 312 00:14:04,881 --> 00:14:06,980 We're real-selling the Brooklyn Bridge. 313 00:14:06,982 --> 00:14:08,282 Stop qualifying the selling. 314 00:14:08,283 --> 00:14:09,949 We're just selling the Brooklyn Bridge. 315 00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:11,782 - I'll buy it. - Hold on, now, Huck. 316 00:14:11,783 --> 00:14:13,715 These fellas are con men. 317 00:14:13,716 --> 00:14:15,283 Push off, you grifters. 318 00:14:15,284 --> 00:14:17,349 We don't want to ever see you again. 319 00:14:17,350 --> 00:14:18,900 Fine, we're going! 320 00:14:22,136 --> 00:14:24,952 It's a river... we can't control how fast it goes. 321 00:14:24,952 --> 00:14:26,967 We can barely steer! 322 00:14:30,905 --> 00:14:32,387 Sorry. 323 00:14:36,238 --> 00:14:38,787 Hey, what if it's spelled with an A at the end of it? 324 00:14:38,788 --> 00:14:40,021 Is that okay? 325 00:14:40,022 --> 00:14:42,471 Jim? Jim? 326 00:14:44,973 --> 00:14:46,856 Jim? Jim? 327 00:14:46,857 --> 00:14:50,256 If you're looking for a gym, Ye Olde Pump House is that way. 328 00:14:50,257 --> 00:14:53,224 Can't miss it. Green light on a dock. 329 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:56,591 Tom Sawyer? What are you doing so far from home? 330 00:14:56,592 --> 00:14:58,591 Rush is playing here tonight. 331 00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,592 They wrote a song about me. 332 00:15:00,593 --> 00:15:02,926 Oh. Well, I'm looking for my friend, Jim. 333 00:15:02,927 --> 00:15:05,126 Huck! Great news! I'm free! 334 00:15:05,127 --> 00:15:07,393 You are? That's awesome! When did that happen? 335 00:15:07,395 --> 00:15:09,061 It's just being revealed now, 336 00:15:09,061 --> 00:15:11,327 but it happened hundreds of pages ago. 337 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,994 Oh. Huh. Weird. 338 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,161 So, uh, what's left to do? 339 00:15:15,162 --> 00:15:16,662 I'll tell you what: 340 00:15:16,663 --> 00:15:18,229 Rush concert! 341 00:15:29,299 --> 00:15:31,631 Hey. I'm Mark Twain. 342 00:15:31,632 --> 00:15:33,299 Pretty cool book, huh? 343 00:15:36,234 --> 00:15:38,611 Well, while I'm being booked and processed downtown, 344 00:15:38,612 --> 00:15:41,883 we have time for one more classic of American literature. 345 00:15:41,884 --> 00:15:44,133 This one's about idiots choking rodents. 346 00:15:44,134 --> 00:15:46,233 I give you Of Mice and Men. 347 00:15:46,235 --> 00:15:48,268 - Read him his rights. - You know what? 348 00:15:48,269 --> 00:15:50,268 I'm like to read 'em myself. 349 00:15:50,269 --> 00:15:53,369 "Chapter one: eat my ass, pigs." 350 00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,619 Aah! The bones in my nose! 351 00:16:03,556 --> 00:16:08,338 Wow. I remember when this used to be all orange groves. 352 00:16:08,339 --> 00:16:11,622 It's... it's currently all orange groves. 353 00:16:14,858 --> 00:16:17,140 Tell me again about our dream, George. 354 00:16:17,141 --> 00:16:18,541 All right, all right. 355 00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:20,941 We're going to open a bed-and-breakfast in the country, 356 00:16:20,942 --> 00:16:23,542 and we won't be afraid to let our guests know 357 00:16:23,543 --> 00:16:25,742 that we are Steelers fans in this house. 358 00:16:25,743 --> 00:16:28,643 - What about the rabbits? - Yeah, we'll have rabbits, too. 359 00:16:28,644 --> 00:16:30,976 But we'll also have a sign in the front that says, 360 00:16:30,977 --> 00:16:33,076 "Steelers fan parking only." 361 00:16:33,077 --> 00:16:35,744 And sometimes we'll give our guests a fake hard time. 362 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:38,011 Like if they're Jets fans, we'll be all like, 363 00:16:38,012 --> 00:16:40,144 "Okay, I hope you don't get towed." 364 00:16:40,146 --> 00:16:41,312 But obviously, you know, 365 00:16:41,313 --> 00:16:43,029 of course, we're not gonna tow 'em. 366 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,081 Hey there, strangers. 367 00:16:54,082 --> 00:16:55,749 Welcome to Phelps Ranch. 368 00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:58,148 - People call me Slim. - Ironically, I assume. 369 00:16:58,149 --> 00:16:59,682 Listen, we're looking for field work, 370 00:16:59,683 --> 00:17:01,483 uh, if you need any extra hands. 371 00:17:01,484 --> 00:17:03,683 Well, three of our guys did just get squished, 372 00:17:03,684 --> 00:17:05,900 so we just might. Come on in. 373 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,284 So, have you done this kind of work before? 374 00:17:09,286 --> 00:17:11,250 Have we pulled an object off a plant 375 00:17:11,252 --> 00:17:13,019 and placed it in a burlap bag? 376 00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:16,020 Yes, I think we understand the nuances of this profession. 377 00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:18,418 Good, good. And how about you? Tell me about yourself. 378 00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:21,718 I like to kill animals and then a lady. 379 00:17:21,721 --> 00:17:24,838 I got a good feeling about you guys. 380 00:17:28,139 --> 00:17:30,254 All right, you guys are doing great. 381 00:17:30,256 --> 00:17:31,956 Hey, listen, my dog just had puppies, 382 00:17:31,956 --> 00:17:35,155 and I thought, since you're covered with feces and I barely know you, 383 00:17:35,157 --> 00:17:38,190 I'd give you a delicate, snow-white, newborn puppy. 384 00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:40,123 Okay, just don't give me to Dead-Eyes over there, 385 00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,524 'cause I've already been killed twice 386 00:17:41,525 --> 00:17:43,058 in the other two stories, and I don't want... 387 00:17:43,059 --> 00:17:44,892 - Puppy! - Aw,! 388 00:17:47,410 --> 00:17:49,675 This puppy doesn't work! 389 00:17:51,211 --> 00:17:53,760 Well, well, well... 390 00:17:53,761 --> 00:17:55,627 As you can tell by the "well, well, well", 391 00:17:55,628 --> 00:17:56,694 he's the bad guy. 392 00:17:56,695 --> 00:17:58,861 Looks like we got us some new employees. 393 00:17:58,862 --> 00:18:00,695 That's right, Curley, I hired 'em this morning. 394 00:18:00,696 --> 00:18:02,095 Well, tell 'em to get out. 395 00:18:02,095 --> 00:18:04,795 This is where I practice my karate, 'cause I'm a dick. 396 00:18:04,796 --> 00:18:07,095 I understand you like to pick fruit. 397 00:18:07,096 --> 00:18:09,729 You ever pick something bruised and pear-shaped? 398 00:18:09,730 --> 00:18:12,230 Fruit has seeds you can poo out! 399 00:18:12,231 --> 00:18:14,797 Hey, Hodor, stop coming on to my slutty wife! 400 00:18:14,798 --> 00:18:17,398 Look, I can tell by the fact that you wear a single, 401 00:18:17,399 --> 00:18:20,299 Vaseline-filled leather glove that you're a reasonable man. 402 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,465 So, let's all take a deep breath and calm down. 403 00:18:22,466 --> 00:18:24,166 No! Karate chop! 404 00:18:28,268 --> 00:18:29,334 Damn it! 405 00:18:29,335 --> 00:18:31,534 I tuck my jeans into my boots! 406 00:18:31,535 --> 00:18:33,951 I'll get you, you stupid, giant moron. 407 00:18:36,153 --> 00:18:37,735 Not great timing, I know, 408 00:18:37,736 --> 00:18:40,586 but can I leave early for a dentist appointment? 409 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:46,038 So, I should be home by 10:00. 410 00:18:46,038 --> 00:18:48,304 It's just this piano-bar-slash-cabaret place 411 00:18:48,306 --> 00:18:49,338 called "Tinkles." 412 00:18:49,339 --> 00:18:50,672 Rory told me about it. 413 00:18:50,673 --> 00:18:51,939 Who's Rory? 414 00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:53,138 You remember him. 415 00:18:53,140 --> 00:18:54,739 The field hand who gave me a shoulder ride 416 00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:55,773 back to the house? 417 00:18:55,774 --> 00:18:56,973 That was Rory. 418 00:18:56,974 --> 00:18:58,807 Anyway, it sounds like it's just a hoot. 419 00:18:58,807 --> 00:19:02,874 Wow, maybe you'll meet a pretty lady to get married to there. 420 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,074 Yeah, well, that's the idea. 421 00:19:05,075 --> 00:19:07,608 While you're gone, can I touch myself? 422 00:19:07,609 --> 00:19:10,108 Uh, again, you don't have to schedule that with me. 423 00:19:10,109 --> 00:19:11,776 But remember, if there's any trouble, 424 00:19:11,777 --> 00:19:13,976 we meet by the big tree on the edge of town. 425 00:19:13,977 --> 00:19:16,376 Everything in my head is screaming. 426 00:19:16,377 --> 00:19:19,693 All right, then, I am off. 427 00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:24,612 Well, hello there. 428 00:19:24,613 --> 00:19:26,912 If it isn't the sexy imbecile. 429 00:19:26,913 --> 00:19:28,179 Oh, hi. 430 00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:30,746 Sorry about what I did to your husband earlier. 431 00:19:30,747 --> 00:19:33,581 Yes, that was quite a hand job you did on him. 432 00:19:33,582 --> 00:19:36,682 You know, I'm not so bad at those myself. 433 00:19:36,682 --> 00:19:37,948 I'm not gonna lie to you, 434 00:19:37,949 --> 00:19:40,648 you're wasting your double entendres on me. 435 00:19:40,649 --> 00:19:42,548 I want you to destroy me. 436 00:19:42,549 --> 00:19:43,782 Okay! 437 00:19:51,468 --> 00:19:54,117 ♪ Jeepers creepers ♪ 438 00:19:54,118 --> 00:19:56,551 ♪ Where'd you get those peepers ♪ 439 00:19:56,552 --> 00:19:59,285 ♪ Jeepers creepers ♪ 440 00:19:59,286 --> 00:20:01,452 ♪ Where'd you get those eyes ♪ 441 00:20:02,787 --> 00:20:04,186 Thank you, thank you. 442 00:20:04,187 --> 00:20:07,519 Oh, I just love a song that explains what it just said. 443 00:20:09,889 --> 00:20:12,187 All right, evidently I have to go to the big tree 444 00:20:12,189 --> 00:20:14,188 on the edge of town to take care of something. 445 00:20:14,189 --> 00:20:15,188 This shouldn't take too long. 446 00:20:15,189 --> 00:20:18,289 Do not take my songs off the list. 447 00:20:23,008 --> 00:20:25,691 I'm sorry, George, I didn't mean to kill the girl, 448 00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:28,391 and now the whole town's gonna hang me by a rope. 449 00:20:28,392 --> 00:20:30,225 Oh, I would never let that happen. 450 00:20:30,226 --> 00:20:31,558 Thanks. 451 00:20:31,558 --> 00:20:34,292 - Tell me about the rabbits, George. - Yeah, sure thing. 452 00:20:34,293 --> 00:20:36,292 But while I do that, why don't you face away from me 453 00:20:36,294 --> 00:20:37,559 and count the stars. 454 00:20:37,561 --> 00:20:40,061 Okay. 455 00:20:40,062 --> 00:20:42,861 All right, so the B&B will have a rack of single-gear bikes 456 00:20:42,861 --> 00:20:45,528 for every guest, and yes, next to that, of course, 457 00:20:45,529 --> 00:20:47,995 is going to be the big, giant rabbit hutch. 458 00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,645 Buh-bye, Lennie. 459 00:20:50,681 --> 00:20:51,829 Goodnight, kids. 460 00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,262 Good luck with those book reports. 461 00:20:53,375 --> 00:20:56,242 Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com