1 00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,937 * It seems today that all you see * 2 00:00:04,939 --> 00:00:08,374 * Is violence in movies and sex on TV * 3 00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:11,443 * But where are those good old-fashioned values * 4 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:14,713 * On which we used to rely? * 5 00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:18,117 * Lucky there's a family guy * 6 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:21,687 * Lucky there's a man who positively can do * 7 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,222 * All the things that make us * 8 00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,124 * Laugh and cry * 9 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:29,862 * He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! * 10 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,736 Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker. 11 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,738 Coming up, why one hello a day 12 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,074 to the receptionist at work is the magic number. 13 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:45,077 pilot strike at Quahog Airport. 14 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:48,547 Picketing began on Thursday-- weird day to start a strike-- 15 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,682 and both sides appear to be at an impasse. 16 00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,551 So Ground Control is telling Major Tom 17 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,353 this could be a long one. 18 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:57,322 Does anyone else like David "Booey"? 19 00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:58,924 Hey, what the hell is up with this letter? 20 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:01,226 It says I'm no longer covered on your health insurance. 21 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,028 Oh, yeah. They don't cover dogs no more. 22 00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,931 You could do COBRA for $7,300 a month, though. 23 00:01:05,933 --> 00:01:07,766 Would that be something you'd be interested in? 24 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,902 I need that health insurance. You know I have a hernia. 25 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:11,070 What if I need surgery? 26 00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:13,205 Well, if you need insurance that bad, 27 00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,706 maybe it's time for you to go out 28 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:16,175 and get a job of your own. 29 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,409 This sucks. 30 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,078 How did you get a hernia? 31 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,412 Actually, I got it performing 32 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,581 an incredible act of heroism. 33 00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:26,919 Oh, my God! 34 00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:29,521 Somebody help me! I'm sinking! 35 00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:33,092 Hurry! I can't hold it! 36 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:36,128 Okay, let me just unstrap my baby. 37 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:39,031 Oh! Oh! Oh! Slipping, slipping. Sorry. 38 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:43,902 What do we want? 39 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:44,903 Fair wages! 40 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,138 When do we want it? 41 00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,974 Originally now, but it's been delayed until 9:40 42 00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,976 due to weather in Philly! 43 00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:52,878 This is a mess. 44 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,248 It's working about as well as that animal sobriety checkpoint. 45 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,416 Excuse me, sir. 46 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,151 Is that a baggie of catnip on your seat? 47 00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,153 I have a card for that. 48 00:02:01,155 --> 00:02:02,621 What else you got in here? 49 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,323 Open container of cat food. 50 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,724 Feather on a string. 51 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,292 Is that a dead mouse? 52 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:09,728 Get him off me! 53 00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,797 Somebody get him off me! 54 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,445 Think catnip's a joke? 55 00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:27,846 Think again. 56 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,749 Vote yes on increased animal sobriety checkpoints. 57 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,818 Paid for by dogs. 58 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,159 Ah, bachelorette party. 59 00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:41,660 Can I fit this in? 60 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,533 Okay, cool. I got time. 61 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,868 Hello, ladies. 62 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,603 Wow, here comes the bride, huh? 63 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,805 More than once, if I have anything to do with it. 64 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,974 Finally, the stripper's here! 65 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:58,277 What? No, I'm not a stripper. I'm a pilot. 66 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,480 See? This is a real uniform. 67 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,016 Ooh. Take something else off, sexy. 68 00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,217 Oh, yeah! 69 00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,752 All right! 70 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,288 Oh, yeah? 71 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,822 You want a little more, huh? 72 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,161 Yeah! All right. 73 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,564 Who wants me to stow my bag under their seat? 74 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:27,906 Boy, and I thought the Federal Hill bakery had nice buns. 75 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:31,143 You're talented, Denise. 76 00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:33,312 You should really go for it. 77 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,483 Wow. 78 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:40,686 What... a... day. 79 00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:41,887 Please don't comment. 80 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,155 Oh, look at you. 81 00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:44,590 Did you get a job? Bitch. 82 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,024 Did I get a job? 83 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,560 Um, this ain't a life vest, sista. 84 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,863 It's a work vest from a little place called Mega Hardware. 85 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,832 'Cause that's basically what I am now. 86 00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:56,535 Just an everyday, working-class Joe. 87 00:03:56,537 --> 00:03:59,338 Well, good for you. 88 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,939 No. No, Brian. 89 00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,941 This doesn't feel right today. 90 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,243 Yes. 91 00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,844 There's a rat trap in that cabinet. 92 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,512 With a foot in it. 93 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,781 And somewhere in this house, there's a footless rat. 94 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,950 Well, I'm off to watch some Fox News 95 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,719 in front of the old boob tube. 96 00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:16,021 * Tommy used to work on the docks * 97 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,356 * Union's been on strike * 98 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,857 * He's down on his luck * 99 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,460 * It's tough, so tough. * 100 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,299 Hey. No. 101 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:28,367 I wasn't sure. I'm sure. 102 00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:29,768 Okay. Well, got to go. 103 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,270 Got to do some more picketing. 104 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:33,538 Seriously? It's, like, 9:00 at night. 105 00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:36,541 Yeah, uh... well, it's, uh... 106 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:39,578 Cleveland's stealing shot glasses! 107 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:42,981 I don't like drinking NyQuil out of them little cups. 108 00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:48,887 Where the hell's Quagmire going? 109 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,489 The airport's that way. 110 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,957 He doesn't know we're following him, Joe. 111 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,292 You don't have to duck down. 112 00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:55,794 I'm not. You took a pretty hard right turn back there. 113 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,963 I've been like this for a while. 114 00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,171 What's he doing? 115 00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:07,506 This is one of them places 116 00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,741 where women go to see male strippers. 117 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,810 Some bisexual men go as well. 118 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:20,352 I don't see him. 119 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,756 Ladies, this is your pilot speaking. 120 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:28,360 I am in the full, upright and locked position. 121 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,568 Oh, my. 122 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,518 Oh, my God! What are you guys doing here?! 123 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,420 Crap. Our disguises didn't work. 124 00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:00,459 Quagmire, I didn't know you were a male stripper. 125 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,861 I wasn't. Not until the strike, anyway. 126 00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,463 I've been out of work for three weeks. 127 00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,531 I'm out of money. I-I had to do something. 128 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,367 God, I'm so embarrassed. 129 00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,402 Why? Stripping is a very respectable profession. 130 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,170 If it weren't respectable, 131 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,673 why would real estate agents go to strip clubs for lunch? 132 00:06:14,675 --> 00:06:16,541 He's right. This is tremendous. 133 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,210 Are you banging all these chicks? 134 00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,312 Hey, hey! That is offensive. 135 00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:22,214 I am a dancer, not a gigolo! 136 00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:25,384 Captain Cockpit, my friend is about to get married, 137 00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:28,987 and we were wondering if you'd have sex with her for $500. 138 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,557 I'm a gigolo. 139 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,092 Oh, hey, it's that guy. 140 00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,595 Are you gonna say, "Who else but Quagmire?" 141 00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,864 N... uh, no, I, uh, uh, 142 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:41,032 w-wanted to know if Quagmire 143 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,768 was available tomorrow evening? 144 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,436 Are... are you gay? 145 00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:45,871 Uh, of course not. No. 146 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:48,673 Uh, but I'm unable to properly 147 00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:52,377 have sex with my wife, so I figured, you know. 148 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,780 Eh, who else but Quagmire? 149 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,783 Hey, awesome cameo. 150 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:04,923 Hey, sorry I'm late, guys. 151 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,391 Had to stop at the dry cleaner. 152 00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:07,592 The dry cleaner? 153 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,194 Wow, somebody struck it rich. 154 00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:10,629 You know, I got to tell you, 155 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,264 I was sweating that pilot strike, 156 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:15,267 but now that I'm a gigolo, I'm making money by the fistful. 157 00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,701 Is that a giggity? 158 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,203 That is a giggity. 159 00:07:18,205 --> 00:07:19,805 Hey, Quagmire, I couldn't help but notice 160 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,306 you got some dry cleaning hanging up 161 00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:22,741 in the backseat of your car. 162 00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,476 Did you win the lottery? No. 163 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,078 Well, I hope you're not actually doing that gigolo thing. 164 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,147 You know, prostitution is illegal. 165 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,416 Uh, uh, no, no, no. It's, uh, it's something else. 166 00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:33,318 Uh, uh, Quagmire's, uh, 167 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,821 selling online Internet cyber stuff. 168 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,889 Wow. Good for you, Quagmire. 169 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,592 You and Gates, huh? 170 00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:45,464 Uh, geez, I got to go home and change into my Tarzan costume. 171 00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:48,066 Uh, uh... for... for... for the Web. 172 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,969 Huh. I got to get a computer. 173 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,777 Excuse me. How many BTUs does this grill have? 174 00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,178 Oh, man. That puppy? 175 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,314 More than you need, less than I want. 176 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,749 E-Excuse me. Do you have a small grocery cart 177 00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:06,785 I could put this boat-sized hunk of lumber in? 178 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,420 Probably out in the parking lot. 179 00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:10,021 Can you tell me where I can find extension cords? 180 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,923 Aisle 25. I was just there. 181 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,592 26. There is no 26. 182 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,760 15. 183 00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:16,862 So Goby gets up on the lift... 184 00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:17,996 Don't mind me. 185 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,764 Just grabbing myself a cup of mud. 186 00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,199 I like mine black. 187 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:22,834 Black as night. 188 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,703 Black as sin, know what I'm saying? 189 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,171 Haven't introduced myself. 190 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,807 Guys in my crew call me "The Ratchet." 191 00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,141 Brian, it's not your break. 192 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,810 Get out there and help the customers. 193 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,678 Brian? Who are you, my father? 194 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:34,946 Ha! This guy. 195 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,516 Get out there! Yes, sir. 196 00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:39,851 That guy's got no idea how hard I'm work-- 197 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,119 Bird! 198 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:43,522 A bird got in! Awesome! 199 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,230 Hello. 200 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,899 Hey, Quagmire, what's going on? 201 00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,066 Oh, you need a ride? 202 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,368 Yeah, sure. I can come get you. 203 00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:57,402 I'm not doing anything. 204 00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,074 Meg, that was the last guy, 205 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,143 so just lock up when you're done. 206 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,351 Thanks for the ride. 207 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,886 One of my tricks drove me here from the Clam, 208 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,521 and I didn't have any money for a cab. 209 00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,356 Why not? Didn't she just pay you for sex? 210 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,559 No. After it was over, she said she wasn't gonna pay. 211 00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,193 Well, that ain't fair. 212 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,563 You can't let these women take advantage of you like that. 213 00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:26,498 What apartment is she in? I'll go talk to her. 214 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,066 She's in unit 17. 215 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,601 You know, if you're going back in anyway, 216 00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:30,769 can you grab my belt? 217 00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,904 It's reversible, so I'd hate to lose it. 218 00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:39,010 Hey, you didn't pay my friend! 219 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,513 So I'm gonna play with your doorbell until you pay up. 220 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,950 Stop it! 221 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:46,918 I can do this all day. I love buttons. 222 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,720 Fine, here's your money! 223 00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,756 Here you go. 224 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,525 Peter, this is amazing. Thank you. 225 00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:54,926 Hey, you know what? 226 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,428 Here's a little something for your trouble. 227 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,696 You're giving me a cut? 228 00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,631 Wow, thanks! 229 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:02,133 No problem. It's just too bad you're not here every time. 230 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,768 Well, I could be. 231 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,704 I mean, my days are pretty open, 232 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,139 and I don't sleep a lot at night 'cause of health stuff. 233 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,141 Huh. That'd be kind of nice, actually. 234 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,577 Hey, maybe you could drive me around and help me out, 235 00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,746 and I could even pay you a little something for your time. 236 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,448 Sure, that sounds great. And you know what? 237 00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,949 It'll be nice having a little extra cash 238 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,784 to bet on college football. 239 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,486 Yeah, I'd like to bet a hundred bucks. 240 00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:22,821 You want to pick a team? 241 00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:24,789 No, just take it. 242 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,764 I thought you had the day off. 243 00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:34,799 Maybe from the store, but it's not like things 244 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,636 take a day off from needing repairs, am I right? 245 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,405 Oh, looks like this cabinet door is a good place to start. 246 00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,740 Yup, she's off-kilter. 247 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,308 I'm gonna have to plane her down. 248 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,276 Lois, what year was this house built? 249 00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,746 Uh, I don't know. Maybe 1945? 250 00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:49,948 Good, it's grandfathered in. Thought I'd need a variance. 251 00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,416 Don't want to get a code vi. 252 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,284 "Vi" is violation. 253 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,786 "Code" is just code. 254 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,955 I don't know, Brian, it looks straight to me. 255 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:57,956 What? 256 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,157 It's straight. 257 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,191 I-I don't know what that means. 258 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,192 "It's-it's straight"? 259 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,594 Oh, you mean plumb. 260 00:11:02,596 --> 00:11:04,129 Y-You're saying the door is plumb. 261 00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,831 Wow, Brian, you do know all the lingo. 262 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,634 Ah, come on, that's just stuff you pick up on the site. 263 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,836 I'm gonna go use a miter to jerry-rig a shim jamb 264 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,471 strap hinge quarter-round soffit 265 00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:16,675 two-by-six dowel cherry-picker flim-flam. 266 00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,677 You know, Rupert, Brian's douche-iness 267 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,713 should infuriate me, but the truth is he seems happy. 268 00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:24,115 So I guess I'll just do nothing and that's that. 269 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,822 Can't do it. Let's get him fired. 270 00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:37,395 * Some days won't end ever and some days pass on by * 271 00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,231 * I'll be working here forever, at least until I die * 272 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,535 * Damned if you do, damned if you don't * 273 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:44,736 * I'm supposed to get a raise next week * 274 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,004 * You know damn well I won't * 275 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:49,874 * Workin' for a livin', workin' * 276 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,510 * Workin' for a livin' Workin' * 277 00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:55,346 * Workin' for a livin', livin' and a-workin' * 278 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:56,815 * I'm takin' what they givin' * 279 00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,750 * 'Cause I'm workin' for a livin' * 280 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:02,020 * Workin' for a livin', livin' and a-workin' * 281 00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,088 * Whoo! * 282 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:15,366 Boy, I have a whole new respect for Hayden Panettiere. 283 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,001 Giggity. 284 00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:18,503 I'm pulling up. You ready? 285 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,004 Oh, hey, Peter, listen, I can't work tonight. 286 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,005 I'm spent. 287 00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,373 That last trick was like 288 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,242 trying to use an empty bottle of hand soap. 289 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,111 But you got to work. I set up five appointments. 290 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,246 That's a lot of money. Sorry, I can't do it. 291 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,514 You're just gonna have to cancel them. 292 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,549 What the hell did you say to me?! 293 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,684 Peter, what are you doing?! 294 00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,119 You trippin', boy?! 295 00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:36,454 You're going out if I tell you you're going out, bitch! 296 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:37,856 Okay. 297 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,724 What... what's in your pimp cup? 298 00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,093 Uh, it's actually a wheatgrass, ginger mixture. 299 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,628 I was in the middle of a cleanse. 300 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,430 I didn't know we'd be doing this pimp thing, 301 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,099 but I made a promise to my body. 302 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,267 Ah. 303 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,436 Not great. 304 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,546 Peter, what you doing all dressed up for church? 305 00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,781 This ain't Easter. 306 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,449 No, Cleveland, these are my work clothes. 307 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,617 You hosting Family Feud? 308 00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:07,051 No, I'm a pimp. 309 00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:08,953 Um, Big Pete, if we're gonna be sitting, 310 00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,455 may I use my penis donut? 311 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:11,656 Bitch, I don't care. 312 00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,725 Dang, Quagmire, you're lucky. 313 00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:15,059 He take care of you. 314 00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:16,394 Yeah, no, no, it's great. 315 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,796 Um, I'm making a lot of money. 316 00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:18,963 I'm actually really happy. 317 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,565 I'm actually very hungry. 318 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:21,966 Nobody's gonna want you if you're fat! 319 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,067 You want to eat? 320 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:25,003 Get up to that bar and earn your keep. 321 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,339 W-What should I ask for, $500? 322 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,974 You're not worth that much. You're trash! 323 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,309 Ask for two. 324 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,111 You know I hit you and whore you out 325 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,846 because I love you, right? 326 00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,816 Hi, there. You want to party? 327 00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:39,584 And can I have some of your bread? 328 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,652 Hi, handsome. 329 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,654 You can't have my bread, but you can have 330 00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,323 something of mine that smells like bread. 331 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,430 Okay, let's go. 332 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:58,069 Just so you know, it takes me a long time. 333 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,444 All right, Rupert, if we're going to teach Brian a lesson, 334 00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:08,112 we're going to need some muscle. 335 00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:10,949 You, you and you, 20 bucks for the day. 336 00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,016 Hop in the back. 337 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,284 No! 338 00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,153 Asiento trasero Trasero! 339 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,554 Forget it, just get in. 340 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,890 Anyone who doesn't enjoy the music of Josh Groban 341 00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:21,125 can get out of the car. 342 00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:24,495 * You raise me up... * 343 00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:27,298 Okay, if you had a friend who worked at Mega Hardware, 344 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,867 how would you get him fired? 345 00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,535 You ask him for papers? 346 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,836 Okay, good. 347 00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:33,872 Uh, that, unfortunately, won't work in this instance. 348 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,340 But I like your effort, Luis. 349 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,574 Uh, any other ideas? 350 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,876 You could kill a guy. 351 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:40,378 You know what, Carlos, you stay quiet for a while. 352 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,813 I really only need two of you. 353 00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:42,881 You'll still be paid. 354 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,816 You ask for papers? 355 00:14:44,818 --> 00:14:47,485 Okay, is there any idea out there besides killing a guy 356 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:48,887 or getting someone deported? 357 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,889 We do good job, we live with you? 358 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,724 Well, you just offered to kill a guy, 359 00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:55,059 so you're not exactly number one on my roommate list. 360 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,729 Now, let's go. I paid good money for you, I need answers! 361 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,731 I want your best, and I won't stand for 362 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,066 even one more stupid idea! 363 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,903 You shake up boss's soda and give to him. 364 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,272 When he open it, it explode! 365 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:11,109 This is why I pushed you. 366 00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:19,450 Huh. I guess that Brian Griffin is a good egg after all. 367 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,289 Griffin, you're fired! 368 00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,400 I never liked prostitutes 369 00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:38,937 because they sell their bodies to all types of men. 370 00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,605 I turned my first trick 371 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,907 when I had my first one-night stand. 372 00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:45,810 I had sex for dinner and drinks. 373 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:48,112 Being a prostitute is no fun. 374 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,882 You have to work nights, weekends. 375 00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:53,551 I hear on SNL the women are funnier than the guys now, 376 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,286 but I don't know, I'll never see it. 377 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,659 We meet Quagmire, 378 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,895 a small-town boy with big-city dreams 379 00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:06,631 who has fallen deep into the game of prostitution 380 00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:07,999 at the Point. 381 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,502 You know, some people ask me, 382 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,771 "Would you want your son to be a hooker?" 383 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,773 My answer is always, "Hey, lady, are we talking, 384 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,041 or am I beefing ya?" 385 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,346 I kind of want to see Guardians of the Galaxy, 386 00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:24,682 but I also kind of feel like there might be scary parts. 387 00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:27,618 Hey, honey, you shopping for groceries? 388 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,253 You know what that means? 389 00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,122 "Shopping for groceries" is what I say instead of, 390 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,790 "Do you want to pay me for sex?" 391 00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:34,058 so I can't get arrested. 392 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,147 Stewie, did you hire three Mexican guys 393 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,483 to shake a soda can and give it to my boss? 394 00:16:58,485 --> 00:16:59,851 What?! 395 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,119 One's Guatemalan. 396 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,720 Damn it, Stewie, you got me fired! 397 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,722 Oh, who are you kidding? You got yourself fired. 398 00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:05,957 Parading around there, 399 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,725 pretending you know the first thing about tools. 400 00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:08,860 You know what? 401 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,495 You're going down there with me right now 402 00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:11,829 to tell them what you did. 403 00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:12,997 Get your hands off me! 404 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,866 I'll go floppy dead weight on you! 405 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:18,736 Ah, crap! My stomach! 406 00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,138 I think my hernia ruptured! 407 00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,305 Oh, my God! 408 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:23,207 Damn it, it's bad. It's bad! 409 00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,043 I'll get Lois. She can take you to the hospital. 410 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,511 No, she can't. 411 00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,346 Thanks to you, I don't have insurance anymore. 412 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,414 What are we gonna do?! 413 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,715 I'll get the gun! 414 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,650 No, Stewie, you have to fix me. 415 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,318 What?! I'm not a doctor! 416 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,054 Just look it up on your phone or something! 417 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,856 Ugh, hold on. I've got to update iOS. 418 00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:39,891 Stewie! 419 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,526 Okay, okay, got it. 420 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,194 It says I have to make an incision, 421 00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,762 retract the hernia sac, 422 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,764 and then suture the abdominal lining. 423 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:48,166 How am I supposed to do that?! 424 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,567 Grab my tool belt. 425 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,170 Use the self-sharpening linoleum blade. 426 00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:57,742 And then hold the incision open with a vise grip, 427 00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:01,179 and use the slip-joint pliers to get the muscle back in position. 428 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,513 Okay, okay. 429 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,215 Now it's saying I have to suture it. 430 00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,350 I've got some monofilament line you can use. 431 00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:08,753 It's from aisle eight, above the chains and cables. 432 00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,089 "Monofilament line," "slip-joint pliers." 433 00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:13,624 I've got to say, Brian, it seems like you really did 434 00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,959 learn something on that job. 435 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:17,562 You're right. I guess I did. 436 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:18,930 But please stitch me up. 437 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,565 Just be careful and take your time. 438 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,033 This is the delicate part, because... 439 00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:23,801 Yeah, I'm gonna just use the staple gun. 440 00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,104 Ah! Damn it! Ah! 441 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,039 You know what? That was really easy. 442 00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:31,309 That guy who killed Joan Rivers must be terrible at this. 443 00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,249 Hey, there-- oh. What are you doing here? 444 00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,383 Quagmire? 445 00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:40,751 Uh, oh... uh, uh... 446 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:43,121 I have a hobby that takes me this way. 447 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:45,323 Hey, I'm freezing. You got a blanket in there or something? 448 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:48,926 I got a towel, but it's wet because I'm eating peaches. 449 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,595 I lied about the hobby. 450 00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:52,096 I was sinning. 451 00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:55,133 I'm going to drive away backwards now. 452 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,239 Hey, baby, you want to party? 453 00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,640 Get in. 454 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,983 You guys having a good night? 455 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,185 I like that it's getting dark earlier. 456 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,354 What are you guys gonna be for Halloween? 457 00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,421 Big Pete, help! 458 00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,157 She wants to do German things! 459 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,758 German things! 460 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,027 What? No! He hasn't eaten anything in days! 461 00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:24,529 It's not gonna work! 462 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,864 Nein! Nein! 463 00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,469 Ah! She's got us both! 464 00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,037 Help us, pimps and hos! 465 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:36,040 Help us, HBO camera crew! 466 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:43,147 God, Quagmire, most of that was horrible. 467 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:44,448 I know. 468 00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:46,317 Eventually, I might want to try it again. 469 00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,518 Hey, listen, buddy. 470 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,153 I'm sorry about all this. 471 00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,222 I guess I just got caught up in the money 472 00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,157 and-and assumed you were okay with it 473 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,659 because of the sex. 474 00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,227 I don't know, Peter. I think you're just mad 475 00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,362 I didn't come to see your Pretenders cover band. 476 00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,797 Yes, well, that may be. 477 00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:01,799 Speaking of which, the Pretend Pretenders 478 00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,367 are playing again this weekend. 479 00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,802 Uh, much like the real band, 480 00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:07,205 we have been described as "meh." 481 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,140 Still, I'm really sorry. 482 00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:11,075 Can you find it in yourself to forgive me, 483 00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,477 and maybe we can just go back to being friends? 484 00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,213 I'd like that. 485 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,681 Hopefully, the pilot strike will end soon 486 00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:18,216 and I can get my old job back. 487 00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:19,717 Oh, the strike ended a month ago. 488 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,052 What?! Why didn't you tell me?! 489 00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,420 I did. 490 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:25,089 Are you still GlennQ10@aol.com? 491 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,390 No. 492 00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,626 Ah, well. There you go. 493 00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:35,499 Well, I'm glad Quagmire's back to work for the airline 494 00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:38,336 and that whole gigolo and pimping thing is over. 495 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,937 You knew about that? 496 00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:41,439 You know what? You were sticking to your cleanse, 497 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:43,174 so I didn't really care. 498 00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:45,243 I got to hand it to you, Brian, you were a better 499 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:46,877 blue-collar guy than I expected. 500 00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,447 You finally earned this nice, cold beer. 501 00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:50,848 Thanks, Stewie. 502 00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,284 Ha! Nice work, Pedro! 503 00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,253 Let us know if you want us to kill a guy. 504 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,420 Okay. 505 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,189 It could be anyone. Got it. 506 00:20:58,191 --> 00:21:01,926 You have no idea how hard they tried to pierce my ears.