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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:08,006
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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We now return
to The Terminator.
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I've been sent here
from the future.
12
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I have to have sex with your
housekeeper to save humanity.
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What?
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Bring me your housekeeper!
15
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I have to have
sex with her now!
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I'm the Terminator!
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I don't have
a housekeeper.
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And I think you're just
19
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present-day Arnold
Schwarzenegger.
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No, I am a machine.
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Every second I'm not having
sex with a housekeeper,
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robots are killing
people in the future.
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Okay, I finish
for the day.
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You lied to me!
25
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You do have
a housekeeper!
26
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Let's go make
a large-faced boy.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa,
cop, cop, cop.
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Peter, it's me, and you're an
adult man drinking in a bar.
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Anyway, sorry I'm late.
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The pantry down at the station
needed new shelf paper.
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That's what they got
you doing down there?
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Well, that, and I'm also in
charge of the office gerbil.
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And let me tell you, Lieutenant
Nibbles is quite a handful.
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He'll only eat real
cheese, not processed.
35
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You buy special cheese
for a gerbil?
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Yeah, I have to,
he outranks me.
37
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Jeez, Joe, what
the hell happened?
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You used to be this badass cop
out there on the street,
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busting heads and
keeping us safe.
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Well, it may not sound exciting,
but I play an important role.
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I go through all
the body cam footage
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and take out all the parts
where the cops go pee-pee.
43
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So you're just erasing
cop wieners all day?
44
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Eh, not erasing, sort
of cutting them together
45
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into a funny montage
we show on birthdays.
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Speaking of which, Flannigan's
got the big "four-oh" coming up.
47
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Got to go.
48
00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:01,419
Man, you guys think Joe's
as happy as he says he is,
49
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,288
just doing all that desk work?
50
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:06,291
No way, he's just putting
lipstick on a pig.
51
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This is called
"Crimson Sky."
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What do you think?
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Mmm.
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Harold?
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Get this off of me!
56
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What are you doing in
the women's department?
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Uh, waiting for you.
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Well, I'm ready.
Let's go.
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Who are you?
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Ugh, she just put her tampons
on top of the bread.
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Take the groceries out,
we got start over.
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Mom, can I go barehand
raisins from the bulk aisle?
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Okay, but if
you get caught,
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just say, "oopsie-poopsie,"
like a simpleton.
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Hey, watch your fat arms!
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Excuse me, ma'am, your little
girl dropped her teddy bear.
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What?
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"Little girl"?
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Yeah, she hates it
when she drops that.
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He's actually a little boy,
but thank you very much.
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Did she just
think I was a girl?
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Why would she
think that?
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I don't know, maybe she saw
you try to throw that feather
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in the yard yesterday.
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Hey, don't watch me
when I'm doing stuff.
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What are
you doing, kid?
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Those aren't free!
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Oopsie-poopsie!
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Aw,
God bless you.
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Help yourself.
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Car trouble?
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Ah, son of a
bitch, Joe!
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Didn't even
hear you coming.
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Yeah, I'm kind of
quiet on grass.
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Thanks for giving
me a ride, Joe.
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Hey, since we're
in a cop car,
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let's talk about our hunches and
how something doesn't add up.
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All right.
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I have a hunch Madea's
not really a girl.
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Yeah, something doesn't
add up about that.
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All units,
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reports of a drug deal in
progress at Fifth and Maple.
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Shots fired.
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Suspect possibly armed.
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Well, shots fired,
so definitely armed, duh.
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Dispatch much?
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Sorry, guys.
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Fifth and Maple?
That's right near here.
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We got to go!
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00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,802
No can do, I got to
go to the station
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00:03:57,837 --> 00:03:59,704
and tidy up the
bulletin board.
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No one's biting on
those guitar lessons.
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What are you talking about?
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There's a drug deal going down!
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00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,978
Peter, there's a lot you don't
understand about police work.
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What's to understand?
I watch TV.
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00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:11,817
Come on, Joe, let's put this
70's siren on your car and go.
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Did you just wipe
a booger on my roof?
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Let's go! Let's go!
110
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Oh, crap! Cops!
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That's the house!
112
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Hold on, Peter,
we can't go in there.
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We got to wait for backup.
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The hell we do!
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Peter!
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Reach for the stars!
117
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What?
118
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I think he's telling us
to follow our dreams.
119
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Where are the drugs?
120
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What are
you doing?
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You are violating all
kinds of procedures!
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There's no drugs
here, pig.
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Ah-ha!
No drugs, huh?
124
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Well, what do
you call this?
125
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And I'll bet there's more
where that came from.
126
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They're trying
to flush their stash!
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Nice try, scumbag,
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but I got your squishy
drugs right here.
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Uh-oh.
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Peter, hand me my gun
and get out of here!
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I could get
fired for this!
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00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:06,371
And I can't go back to my job
as a magician's assistant.
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And now, to pull
the two sides apart.
134
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And wiggle your toes!
135
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I said, wiggle your toes!
136
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Yeah, that's, uh,
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that's why I wanted to
talk to you before the show.
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What's up, dudes?
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00:05:29,929 --> 00:05:31,329
Stewie, what the hell
is all this?
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Uh, only the most
manly thing ever.
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00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,835
A little something
called American football.
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00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,703
Is that a
Michael Sam jersey?
143
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,238
Yep. Two boy names.
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Doubly masculine.
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Like George Michael?
Shut up!
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Come on, Stewie, are you
still hung up about
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00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,251
that woman at the grocery store
thinking you were a girl?
148
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,546
Elton John.
149
00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:49,581
Is another.
150
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,216
It has nothing to
do with that, Brian.
151
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,585
I just thought it'd be
good to take up a sport.
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You know,
like boys do.
153
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You don't have to play football
to prove you're a boy.
154
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,757
Barney Frank.
155
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Is yet another one.
156
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Chris, please.
157
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:02,628
Actually, you know what?
Ricky Martin.
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00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:03,928
There's a bunch of these.
159
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:05,597
Anyway, they're not gonna let
you play football, Stewie.
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You're too little.
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Oh, don't worry.
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I'm gonna be bad news
for the other team.
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00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,103
And nobody likes bad news.
164
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Except for Larry, the
Self-Loathing Idiot.
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Larry, I'm afraid you only
have three months to live.
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Swanson!
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I need to see you right now!
168
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Captain.
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Lieutenant.
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You had no business
participating in that raid
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at Fifth and Maple.
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I know that, Captain.
I'm sorry that I...
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But I'm glad you did.
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Excuse me?
175
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,636
You brought down one of the
biggest drug rings in Quahog.
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Above and beyond, Swanson.
177
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,306
Well, sir, I...
178
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,108
I'm just like any other cop.
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My wife puts on my pants
one leg at a time.
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I appreciate your modesty,
but nice work.
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It's hard to believe
you did that all by yourself.
182
00:06:57,183 --> 00:07:00,452
Yep, did it all by myself,
I did, I did.
183
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,455
My little lonesome, says I.
184
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,657
That's weird phrasing, but
I'll tell you this, Swanson,
185
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you keep up this kind of work,
186
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there'll be no more
grocery runs for you.
187
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You'll be back on
the street full-time.
188
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,464
Thank you, Captain.
189
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:14,732
Sir?
190
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:15,767
Thank you, sir.
191
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:25,844
Hey, Peter.
192
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,313
You know, I was just thinking
about how much fun we had
193
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,582
the other day, and wondered
if you'd want to join me
194
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,150
for another ride-along.
195
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,419
Well, yeah, but I-I thought
you said I couldn't do that
196
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'cause you'd
get in trouble.
197
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,121
Eh, it'll be
our little secret.
198
00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:38,156
All right.
199
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,357
Hey, can I drive the car?
200
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,326
Yeah, I guess I can let you drive.
Awesome!
201
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,595
Hey, and-and can we go
slow up to a homeless guy
202
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,530
and go "joop-joop"
and see what he does?
203
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:46,698
That's half the job.
204
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,467
So, what do you say?
You think you're up to it?
205
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,534
You bet I am.
206
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,169
I'm in the best
shape of my life.
207
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:54,005
I've been working my Dave
Matthews Punching Bag.
208
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,940
Thank you very much
for using me today.
209
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,211
This isn't annoying enough.
210
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:01,680
I need my David Lee Roth bag.
211
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:15,126
Wow. So these are the
wife-beaters of tomorrow.
212
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,895
Which team is
Stewie gonna be on?
213
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,396
He's not gonna
be on any team.
214
00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,199
He's just overcompensating
because he was called a girl.
215
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,902
But once he sees how big the
other kids are, he'll back out.
216
00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:26,905
Ooh! My shoes have
12 little heels.
217
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,039
They're cleats!
218
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,408
Okay, kids, let's
start practice.
219
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,576
Yeah! Football!
220
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,244
Boy stuff. Hitting the shower.
221
00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:34,412
Getting embarrassed.
222
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,513
Going home to shower.
223
00:08:35,548 --> 00:08:37,015
Okay, Stewie,
enough is enough.
224
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,750
All right, let's-let's
get you out of here.
225
00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:40,619
Yeah, you probably should
get him out of there,
226
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,186
'cause he's just
a little shrimp.
227
00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:43,821
Uh, okay, thank you.
228
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:44,923
I mean, look at him.
229
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,758
My Tyler would
kill him out there.
230
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:48,159
Okay, well, believe me, there's
231
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,361
there's more to him
than you think.
232
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,362
Come on, Stewie.
233
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,096
You know, ballet
is great exercise.
234
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:54,599
Maybe you should put
short stack in a tutu.
235
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:55,867
No, you know
what, Stewie?
236
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:57,435
Get the hell out
on that field!
237
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,704
And if you see
that Tyler, take his knee out.
238
00:08:59,739 --> 00:09:00,739
All right,
let's do it!
239
00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:01,773
Football game!
240
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:04,375
Then, reminder,
showering at home.
241
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:07,378
Okay, I guess we'll see who's
got the toughest kid here.
242
00:09:07,413 --> 00:09:08,880
Yeah, I guess
we will.
243
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,284
Hey!
244
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,285
Oopsie-poopsie!
245
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,720
Aw.
246
00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:17,755
♪ No sleep till ♪
247
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,328
♪ Brooklyn ♪
248
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:28,132
♪ Foot on the pedal ♪
249
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:30,134
♪ Never ever false metal ♪
250
00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:31,770
♪ Engine running hotter
than a boiling kettle ♪
251
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:34,973
♪ My job ain't a job,
it's a damn good time ♪
252
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,975
♪ City to city,
I'm running my rhymes ♪
253
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,010
♪ On location ♪
254
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,444
♪ Touring around the nation ♪
255
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,245
♪ Beastie Boys
always on vacation ♪
256
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,747
♪ Itchy trigger finger ♪
257
00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,482
♪ But a stable turntable ♪
258
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,984
♪ I do what I do best ♪
259
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,652
♪ Because I'm willing and able ♪
260
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:49,454
♪ Ain't no faking,
your money I'm taking ♪
261
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,990
♪ Going coast to coast to watch
all the girlies shaking ♪
262
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,659
♪ While you're at the job
working 9:00 to 5:00 ♪
263
00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:57,195
♪ The Beastie Boys at the
Garden cold kickin' it live ♪
264
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:02,801
♪ No sleep till ♪
265
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:07,605
♪ Another plane, another train ♪
266
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,007
♪ Another bottle in the brain ♪
267
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,282
♪ Another girl, Another fight ♪
268
00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:11,843
♪ Another drive all night ♪
269
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:12,878
♪ Our manager's crazy ♪
270
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:14,412
♪ He always smokes dust ♪
271
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,115
♪ He's got his own room
at the back of the bus ♪
272
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,583
♪ Tour around the world ♪
273
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,118
♪ You rock around the clock,
plane to hotel ♪
274
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,020
♪ Girls on the jock ♪
275
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,295
♪ We're trashing hotels like
it's going out of style... ♪
276
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:29,627
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
277
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:31,129
Our top story tonight:
278
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,797
local news anchor
too professional
279
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,600
to laugh at penis poked
through hole in cue card.
280
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,036
But first,
earlier today at city hall,
281
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,804
the mayor honored a hero cop
282
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:42,306
who has foiled
a string of recent crimes.
283
00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:45,309
Good afternoon, we had
a budget meeting that ran long,
284
00:10:45,344 --> 00:10:47,111
so I'm gonna eat my lunch
285
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:50,381
while I hold
this press conference.
286
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:52,283
Ooh, my favorite!
287
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:55,019
Loose Cobb salad in a lunchbox.
288
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:57,355
I'm gonna now shake this up
289
00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,858
like a lady in your office.
290
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:03,628
Okay, while the dressing
does its magic,
291
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,164
let's honor
Officer Joe Swanson,
292
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:10,869
who single-handedly cut crime
in Quahog by 75%.
293
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,539
What? "Single-handedly"?
294
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:18,009
Officer Swanson, as thanks
from a grateful city,
295
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:20,511
please accept
this Certificate of Merit.
296
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:25,416
And with that, I hereby declare
this hero cop open!
297
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,385
Whoa, sweet bod.
298
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,020
You lift, bro?
299
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:31,522
Damn it, I can't believe
Joe's hogging all the credit.
300
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:34,358
That bastard's just getting
famous by tricking people.
301
00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:36,094
Like Orson Welles.
302
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,830
So the aliens have come to Earth
303
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,232
to destroy all mankind.
304
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,534
And, uh...
305
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:45,703
they're going to start
at McDonald's.
306
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:49,107
So if you're in line there,
you better run.
307
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,409
Whoa, whoa!
N-Not the workers, though.
308
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:54,379
They've already said
the workers are safe.
309
00:11:57,416 --> 00:12:01,786
Excuse me,
Coach Herar-Herar-ra-ra-ra...?
310
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:02,954
It's Herrera.
311
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,623
Okay, well that's
a lot of Rs, but listen,
312
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,390
I-I noticed you're not
starting Stewie.
313
00:12:06,425 --> 00:12:07,792
Oh, I can't put him in.
314
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:09,461
I mean, he can come out
for limp handshakes
315
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,763
at the end of the game, but I
can't play him. He's too little.
316
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:12,897
"Little"?
317
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:14,732
Oh, like that car
you drive over there?
318
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,769
Let's see if it looks bigger
when I throw a Sprite at it.
319
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,639
Well, that's not my
car, but I don't care,
320
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:23,407
I'm just a volunteer.
321
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:24,976
All right, Griffin,
get in there!
322
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:31,649
Come on, Stewie, give your dog
something to post on Facebook!
323
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,584
Something to post
on Facebook, let's go.
324
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,956
All right,
and nobody's blocking.
325
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:42,827
Oh, my God. Stewie!
326
00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:45,263
Are you okay?
327
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:46,964
Back off!
He may have a concussion.
328
00:12:46,999 --> 00:12:48,099
A concussion?
329
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,268
You do me an honor, Lieutenant,
330
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:53,605
but my dance card is full.
331
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,111
Officer Swanson,
as you requested,
332
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:02,280
here's a big stack of all
the cases you cracked.
333
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:05,149
Oh, great. Now I'm gonna go
ahead and brood over a photo
334
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:08,786
of the girl whose case
was the one I couldn't solve.
335
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,756
Your '70s sweater and
feathered hair let people know
336
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,125
this is a cold case.
337
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,128
Well, hello, Officer Swanson.
338
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,863
Peter? What are you doing?
339
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:20,531
You're not supposed to be here.
340
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:24,135
I saw you on TV, hogging all
the credit for my police work.
341
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:26,971
Look, I told you, I need you
to be a silent partner on this.
342
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:29,140
The truth is I could get
in a lot of trouble.
343
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:32,343
Oh, I see. You need me to be the
bad cop who kicks all the ass
344
00:13:32,378 --> 00:13:34,278
and then I'm supposed
to be quiet about it?
345
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:36,681
Well, my silence
is gonna cost you.
346
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:37,782
What are you saying?
347
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,984
I'm saying you get stuff,
I want stuff.
348
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:41,485
I've seen that evidence locker.
349
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,354
I know you got
Discmans in there.
350
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,323
I want
a murdered jogger's Discman.
351
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,058
Peter, you know I can't do that.
352
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,627
Yeah? Well, maybe
I accidentally reveal
353
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,662
that you're not the hero
everyone thinks you are
354
00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:53,031
and that you've been
letting your neighbor
355
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:54,665
do all kinds of cop stuff.
356
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,534
You wouldn't do
that, would you?
357
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:57,835
You bet I would.
358
00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,004
And one more thing.
359
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:01,405
Peter asked me to do this.
360
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,207
He, he said
it's something from before.
361
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,076
I, I don't know, I...
I hope it's funny.
362
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:16,520
All right, I'm here. But why
did you want me to bring this?
363
00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:18,589
I'll tell you why.
You're getting all the credit
364
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:21,192
for my police work,
so I want stuff from you.
365
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:23,427
I want a minute in your house
with this shopping cart,
366
00:14:23,462 --> 00:14:24,829
like Supermarket Sweep.
367
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,097
Here, time me.
368
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:29,000
Peter, you expect me to
let you ransack my house?
369
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,435
Well, unless you'd rather
I spill the beans to the chief
370
00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:33,905
about who's been doing
your dirty work.
371
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,873
Okay, go.
372
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,710
Aw, sweet, board games!
373
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:41,112
I'm taking the cannon
from your Monopoly!
374
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:43,848
Why is Peter in the house?
375
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,917
It's a police matter, Bonnie!
376
00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:48,085
Hey, how come
Kevin's room is locked?
377
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:49,720
He just wants some privacy!
378
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:51,455
It's locked
from the outside!
379
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,224
Don't open it, Peter!
380
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,128
Hi, baby. Hi, baby.
381
00:14:57,163 --> 00:14:58,729
Get out of Susie's room!
382
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,935
Your stuff sucks.
I didn't need the full minute.
383
00:15:07,773 --> 00:15:11,109
Hey, Stewie, how's our
little concussion guy?
384
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,447
Oh, my God. Can you...
can you see me?
385
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,582
Yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.
386
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:21,085
I-Is anybody gonna
answer that telephone?
387
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,587
He keeps thinking
the phone is ringing, Brian.
388
00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:25,089
Well, at least
he's talking again.
389
00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:26,491
I think that means
he's getting better.
390
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,292
Is it day or night?
391
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,294
I don't-I don't care,
I just want to know.
392
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:31,796
Lois, answer the bloody phone!
393
00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,597
N-No, no! W-we don't
need Lois.
394
00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:35,299
Chris, pretend to
answer the phone.
395
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:37,168
Oh, uh, hello?
396
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,570
Okay. Yes, one second.
397
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,439
Mom, it's for you!
398
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,907
What? No! Damn it, Chris!
399
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,608
Um, um... I'll,
I'll take that.
400
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:46,510
Hello, this is Brian Griffin.
401
00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:49,113
Actually, I already receive
The New York Times,
402
00:15:49,148 --> 00:15:52,416
and I always enjoy finishing
the crossword puzzle.
403
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,352
You're bragging to nobody?
404
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,686
Phone's still ringing.
405
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,521
Crap, Chris, he's worse
off than I thought.
406
00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:58,856
We have to do something.
407
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:01,092
Well, on TV if somebody
gets hit on the head,
408
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:04,495
you hit them a second time and
that gets them back to normal.
409
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,130
No, no, Chris. This
is very serious.
410
00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:09,000
You see, what a concussion is
is the impact of brain matter
411
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,801
on the inside of the skull.
412
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:12,804
That's why you sometimes
hear this nonsense about,
413
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,339
"Oh, let's just give
them better helmets."
414
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,108
But you can't make a
helmet for the inside...
415
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,609
Chris, are you crazy?
416
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,779
Shh. Let's just let him
sleep this off.
417
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,614
Look how peaceful he is.
418
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,384
I wonder what's going on
in that little head of his.
419
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:32,156
♪ The world looks
mighty good to me ♪
420
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:35,659
♪ 'Cause Tootsie Rolls
are all I see ♪
421
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:38,896
♪ Whatever it is
I think I see ♪
422
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:43,034
♪ Becomes a Tootsie Roll
to me! ♪
423
00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:49,507
Joe, is something wrong?
424
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,676
I didn't hear you crying
in the shower this morning.
425
00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:54,678
I'm just dealing
with some stuff at work.
426
00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:56,680
But everything's going so well.
427
00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:58,516
You've been getting
all those commendations
428
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:02,486
and my online handmade lip balm
business is really taking off.
429
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,255
I don't even know
what you're talking about.
430
00:17:04,256 --> 00:17:05,990
Well, I'm proud of you.
431
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,060
And you should be
proud of yourself.
432
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,532
I want these:
rechargeable heated mittens.
433
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,567
Write it down.
434
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:17,902
Forget it, Peter.
435
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,437
I'm done being
blackmailed by you.
436
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:20,604
Oh, yeah?
437
00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:21,872
Well, fine, but remember,
438
00:17:21,907 --> 00:17:23,874
you're nothing
without your muscle.
439
00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:25,176
Any available unit,
440
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,212
we have a report of
an armed robbery in progress.
441
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,681
Go on, hero cop.
You don't need me.
442
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:34,752
Well, uh, maybe you and I
could do one last bust
443
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,053
for old time's sake.
444
00:17:36,088 --> 00:17:38,055
Yes! All right, let's do it.
Let's go be heroes.
445
00:17:38,090 --> 00:17:40,057
Like the designated Shriver.
446
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:44,028
Is there a skeleton with a wig
that can drive me home?
447
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,563
I can.
448
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,198
Look at this mess!
449
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,767
Where is the housekeeper?
450
00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:56,474
Well, you already look better.
451
00:17:56,475 --> 00:17:57,942
The doctor should be in
any minute.
452
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,078
Chris, what the hell?
453
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:04,582
There is a room where you can
go in and just get free people.
454
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,151
Yeah, you should give that back.
455
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,987
Look, I'm really sorry
I let you get hurt, Stewie.
456
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,289
I never should've pushed you
into that game.
457
00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:13,724
Oh, it's not your fault.
458
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,260
I just have to accept
that I'm not a man
459
00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:17,962
and I'm never going to be one.
460
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,263
That's ridiculous.
You can't let
461
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:22,600
what one woman says in a grocery
store define who you are.
462
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,101
Mom and Dad said it, too.
463
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:26,437
I heard it through
a vent in the wall.
464
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,072
Hey, knock, knock.
465
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,240
Coach Herrera?
466
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,608
You came to see Stewie?
467
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,644
Yeah, I wanted to check in
on this tough little guy.
468
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,513
"Tough little guy"?
469
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,848
It takes a real man
to take a hit like that.
470
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:39,984
Feel better, sport.
471
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,752
How about that?
472
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,354
"Real man."
473
00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:44,755
See? I told you, Stewie.
474
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,323
You're a big, tough boy.
475
00:18:46,358 --> 00:18:48,125
Yes, I guess I am.
476
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,326
That may be, Stewie.
477
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:51,595
But if I were you,
I'd stay off the field.
478
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,632
Concussions are the number one
problem in football today.
479
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,667
Recent brain scan studies
have shown...
480
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:02,006
...that brain injuries are
directly linked to dementia
481
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,475
and suicides in former players!
482
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,477
Yet the league...
483
00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:10,515
You can play the music louder
but you can't silence the truth!
484
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:14,985
Peter, slow down!
485
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:16,687
No can do, Joe.
I'm all hopped up
486
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:19,190
'cause I Vicks Vapo'd my sack.
487
00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:23,027
I also got some
of it in my eyes.
488
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:26,997
Am I getting them?
Am I getting the robbers?
489
00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:30,167
Peter, put the gun down!
490
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,203
On the floor, punks.
491
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,637
Everybody dies.
492
00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:37,041
My already-irritated eyes!
493
00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:42,813
Aw, damn it, Peter!
494
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,182
This is Officer Swanson,
I need backup at...
495
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:48,152
Ow! They're beating me
with vaping accessories!
496
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,855
Forget it, there's no time.
497
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,591
Freeze, police!
498
00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:56,093
Too late, Joe. I already
identify with my captors.
499
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,362
Don't hurt Max and Ken.
500
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:20,784
Holy crap, Joe.
That was freaking amazing!
501
00:20:20,819 --> 00:20:22,052
You kicked their ass!
502
00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,221
You're right, I guess I did.
503
00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:25,589
And without my help.
504
00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:27,591
See, this is the Joe I remember.
505
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:31,095
You know, maybe you had it
in you all along.
506
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:34,198
Wow. I guess I just got
ground down by years
507
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,400
of people treating me
like an errand boy,
508
00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:39,270
and I just let them
walk all over me.
509
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:41,739
You know, you were a real
pain in the butt as a partner,
510
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:43,941
but you helped me
find myself again.
511
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:45,409
Thanks, Peter.
512
00:20:45,444 --> 00:20:47,244
You're welcome, Joe.
513
00:20:47,279 --> 00:20:50,481
Excuse me, do you have any
Tab soda I can bring back
514
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:53,584
to the sex dungeon where I've
been held captive for decades?
515
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,152
Ma'am, this is a crime scene.
516
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:58,289
I'm gonna have to ask you
to move along.
517
00:20:58,324 --> 00:21:01,926
You're right, Peter.
I'm a pretty good cop.