1 00:00:02,728 --> 00:00:05,170 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,397 --> 00:00:08,248 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,844 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,995 --> 00:00:14,847 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,998 --> 00:00:18,333 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,745 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,838 --> 00:00:23,247 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,265 --> 00:00:24,506 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,641 --> 00:00:30,404 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:39,780 Good morning, Peter. Hope you enjoyed sleeping in. 11 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,541 Oh, there's no sleeping in when you're an alcoholic, Lois. 12 00:00:42,768 --> 00:00:44,692 You just never go to sleep. 13 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,545 Happy Valentine's Day, honey. 14 00:00:46,696 --> 00:00:50,549 (gasps) You actually remembered it was Valentine's Day. 15 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,051 Of course I did. 16 00:00:52,202 --> 00:00:53,627 Look, I know in years past, 17 00:00:53,779 --> 00:00:55,612 I haven't always been the most thoughtful partner. 18 00:00:55,631 --> 00:00:59,058 I'm often self-centered, confuse my words, and shellfish. 19 00:00:59,209 --> 00:01:01,894 But I love you today and every day. 20 00:01:02,045 --> 00:01:04,304 You are our family's rock, 21 00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:06,957 which is why I got you this. 22 00:01:06,975 --> 00:01:09,293 Oh, jewelry. 23 00:01:09,311 --> 00:01:12,071 Like in a commercial. 24 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,724 A Pedalton? 25 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:21,080 Okay, can I talk to you upstairs for a near-the-vent argument? 26 00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:27,828 How dare you buy me something that suggests I need exercise! 27 00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,163 PETER: This is a loud way to say thank you. 28 00:01:30,316 --> 00:01:33,483 Anybody have Valentine's Day in the divorce pool? 29 00:01:33,502 --> 00:01:34,742 That would be Meg. 30 00:01:34,837 --> 00:01:35,836 Boom, boom, boom. 31 00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:38,672 Picked a holiday. Smart. She's smart. 32 00:01:38,824 --> 00:01:42,184 I just thought you'd like it. I saw it on The Today Show. 33 00:01:43,253 --> 00:01:45,345 Second hour with Hoda and Savannah 34 00:01:45,497 --> 00:01:47,331 or third hour with the nonsense people? 35 00:01:47,424 --> 00:01:49,608 -Second hour. -Where is it? 36 00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:56,365 ♪ ♪ 37 00:01:57,025 --> 00:01:58,099 Good morning. 38 00:01:58,193 --> 00:01:59,785 I'm your instructor, Cody Spraytan. 39 00:02:00,012 --> 00:02:03,288 Are you ready to pedal so hard your periods go away? 40 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,958 Yes! It's not healthy, but it's convenient. 41 00:02:06,185 --> 00:02:07,442 Now we're gonna sprint 42 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,294 while I tell a distracting personal story 43 00:02:09,446 --> 00:02:12,631 about how I almost met Adam Levine. 44 00:02:13,692 --> 00:02:15,300 It's 2016. It's Vegas. 45 00:02:15,452 --> 00:02:17,043 I'm coming off a horrible breakup. 46 00:02:17,196 --> 00:02:18,453 First pool party in, 47 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,788 I see who I think is a dirty man with tattoos, 48 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,048 and I'm like, "Ugh." 49 00:02:22,201 --> 00:02:25,227 But then I'm like, "Wait a minute." 50 00:02:28,223 --> 00:02:31,224 Huh, I think I'll try a scenic ride this morning. 51 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:34,711 Let's see. Uh, California Coastline, 52 00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,155 Gardens of Singapo... 53 00:02:36,306 --> 00:02:39,383 Oh, The Tour De Franz. 54 00:02:39,401 --> 00:02:41,718 Pull over here. Let's get a sausage. 55 00:02:41,737 --> 00:02:43,311 LOIS: We just started, Dennis. 56 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:46,147 I once watched a squirrel get hit by a car right here, 57 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,333 and I saw one get hit by a truck over there. 58 00:02:48,485 --> 00:02:50,076 Yeah, you've seen a lot of squirrels 59 00:02:50,229 --> 00:02:51,486 get hit by a lot of things. 60 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,488 There are a lot of stupid squirrels. 61 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,340 Shouldn't you be wearing bike shorts 62 00:02:55,492 --> 00:02:58,010 -instead of jean shorts? -Eh, shorts are shorts. 63 00:02:58,161 --> 00:02:59,920 Oh, hey, there's a stop sign coming. 64 00:03:00,072 --> 00:03:02,406 Give it the finger and ride through. 65 00:03:02,424 --> 00:03:04,666 -(tires screech) -(horn honks) 66 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,410 Bite me! 67 00:03:06,428 --> 00:03:08,929 This isn't very fun. When are we done? 68 00:03:09,081 --> 00:03:10,672 We ride until my ass falls out. 69 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,082 It's already out. 70 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:13,525 Then we're done. 71 00:03:22,761 --> 00:03:24,620 (gasps) What the hell? 72 00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:27,264 (chuckles) 73 00:03:27,282 --> 00:03:30,167 You're not taking this from me, bitch. 74 00:03:32,287 --> 00:03:35,672 (chuckles) Suck it, Bon. 75 00:03:39,294 --> 00:03:41,887 I hope that mascara burns your eyes out. 76 00:03:42,038 --> 00:03:43,871 How's that cheap wine headache? 77 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,283 (chuckles) Go roll in dirt, you pig. 78 00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:48,209 Your hair dye stinks! Tell your daughter 79 00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:51,045 -to stop watching me change! -Tell your son to stop watching me change! 80 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,482 Peter, go cut her power! 81 00:03:54,884 --> 00:03:56,985 -Hey. -Hey. 82 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,816 (shower running) 83 00:04:02,968 --> 00:04:04,468 Oh, someone's in here. 84 00:04:04,486 --> 00:04:06,245 (shower turns off) 85 00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:08,330 ♪ ♪ 86 00:04:15,664 --> 00:04:18,423 Whoa, did we get that European exchange student 87 00:04:18,575 --> 00:04:20,050 I saw on TikTok? 88 00:04:21,653 --> 00:04:23,670 Hey, little man. 89 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,839 Lois? 90 00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:28,992 But you're... you're... hot. 91 00:04:29,011 --> 00:04:30,994 All right, everyone out. 92 00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:32,604 I got a soupy keister. 93 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,519 Wow, Mom. You are looking fit. 94 00:04:39,671 --> 00:04:40,762 Yeah, you're ripped. 95 00:04:40,856 --> 00:04:42,839 You look like Madonn... (choking) 96 00:04:42,932 --> 00:04:44,616 You want to say that again? 97 00:04:44,726 --> 00:04:46,176 Who do I look like? 98 00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:48,287 The mom from Modern Family. 99 00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:50,772 -(coughs) -That's right. Julie Bowen. 100 00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:52,958 That's the appropriate answer. 101 00:04:53,185 --> 00:04:54,459 What do you think of Lois's new look? 102 00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:57,129 I say this in the most respectful way possible, 103 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,946 but don't you think she looks a little... 104 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,115 -mannish? -Mannish. Yeah, awesome, right? 105 00:05:01,209 --> 00:05:03,710 Yeah, I got to say, Peter, I love that bike. 106 00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:06,530 Hey, maybe you should give it a try, huh? 107 00:05:06,548 --> 00:05:09,549 No way. Name one cool person who rides a bike. 108 00:05:09,701 --> 00:05:10,642 Kermit the Fro... 109 00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:13,478 Okay, skinny legs, here I come. 110 00:05:13,630 --> 00:05:16,315 WOMAN: Good morning. Are you ready to sweat? 111 00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:19,651 -I woke up sweating. -Okay, let's climb this hill! 112 00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:20,986 I want to impress you 113 00:05:21,137 --> 00:05:24,564 but also see if I can peek down your sports bra. 114 00:05:24,716 --> 00:05:28,142 Ow! Ow! Ow! My balls. 115 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,403 No, the other ones. 116 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,854 Ow! Ow! Ow! 117 00:05:31,856 --> 00:05:33,665 (high-pitched): Ow! Ow! Ow! 118 00:05:33,892 --> 00:05:35,241 Did you hear that? 119 00:05:35,394 --> 00:05:37,744 -I think Peter hurt his balls. -I didn't hear anything. 120 00:05:37,896 --> 00:05:40,655 Hmm. Must have been at a frequency only dogs can hear. 121 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,258 (phone chimes) 122 00:05:47,589 --> 00:05:49,330 (dogs barking) 123 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,332 Excuse me, I have to go bark. 124 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:53,393 (barking) 125 00:05:59,142 --> 00:06:00,525 (high-pitched): So, what do you think happened 126 00:06:00,677 --> 00:06:01,843 to my voice, Doc? 127 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,010 Peter, I'm afraid you suffered 128 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,938 something called Pedalton Balls. 129 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,199 Here's a video explaining everything. 130 00:06:07,426 --> 00:06:09,442 Hi, I'm Oliver Platt, 131 00:06:09,595 --> 00:06:12,095 here to talk to you about Pedalton Balls, 132 00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:14,097 a painful condition where your testicles 133 00:06:14,116 --> 00:06:16,375 get lodged next to your voice box. 134 00:06:16,526 --> 00:06:18,377 It's actually part of a long list of ailments 135 00:06:18,528 --> 00:06:20,879 that fat guys suffer when they try to exercise. 136 00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:22,530 These include 137 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,049 Trapped Fart Disorder, 138 00:06:24,276 --> 00:06:25,609 Jump Rope Tangles, 139 00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:26,793 Push-Up Butt, 140 00:06:26,945 --> 00:06:29,279 Sock-Skin Foot and Jog Fog, 141 00:06:29,297 --> 00:06:32,632 where your sweat condenses into a functioning cloud. 142 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,801 But don't worry. With the help of gravity, 143 00:06:34,953 --> 00:06:36,561 Pedalton Balls will clear itself. 144 00:06:36,713 --> 00:06:38,045 While you're waiting, 145 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:41,474 check out my 1993 medium hit The Three Musketeers, 146 00:06:41,627 --> 00:06:43,126 because I only do movies 147 00:06:43,145 --> 00:06:45,887 with titles that are also candy bars. 148 00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:47,130 Isn't there anything I can do 149 00:06:47,149 --> 00:06:49,241 to help my voice get back to normal faster? 150 00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:50,817 I don't know, I just like putting on videos. 151 00:06:50,969 --> 00:06:54,729 I guess try doing something with a lot of needless standing? 152 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,623 All rise. 153 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,066 Before we start communion, 154 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,420 we have a few church announcements. 155 00:07:01,571 --> 00:07:05,165 First off, I'm seeing a lot of AirPods in ears, 156 00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:07,408 so let's get that under control. 157 00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:10,262 Secondly, all hymns now identify as "they." 158 00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:13,823 And, of course, "amen" is now "athem." 159 00:07:13,842 --> 00:07:15,600 Athem. 160 00:07:15,752 --> 00:07:17,102 ALL: Athem. 161 00:07:17,253 --> 00:07:19,253 (organ music playing) 162 00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,665 Stewie, how would you like 163 00:07:21,683 --> 00:07:24,276 to go to a Mommy & Me class with me tomorrow, huh? 164 00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:26,594 They haven't seen my new look yet, 165 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,947 and I feel like I need a win in front of the Range Rover mom. 166 00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:30,782 Are you asking me out on a date? 167 00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:33,526 Well, I'm gonna have to get waxed first. 168 00:07:33,679 --> 00:07:36,663 I want you to make it look like Caillou. 169 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,700 -The Body of Christ. -Thank you, Father. 170 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,110 Your voice. It's pristine. 171 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,131 You know, one of our altar boys called in sick today. 172 00:07:46,282 --> 00:07:48,950 How would you like to fill in for him in the choir? 173 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,785 Well, okay. 174 00:07:50,879 --> 00:07:53,972 But only if God will kill a bunch of babies for no reason. 175 00:07:54,123 --> 00:07:55,215 That's not a problem. 176 00:07:55,367 --> 00:07:57,476 God does that a lot in the Bible. 177 00:07:57,627 --> 00:07:59,561 ♪ ♪ 178 00:08:05,210 --> 00:08:07,360 ("To Jesus Christ, Our Sovereign King" playing) 179 00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:15,160 ♪ To Jesus Christ, our sovereign king ♪ 180 00:08:15,311 --> 00:08:21,057 ♪ Who is the world's salvation. ♪ 181 00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,984 They're falling asleep out there. 182 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,318 We got to kick this up a notch. 183 00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:27,172 -Follow my lead. -We don't know who you are. 184 00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:28,990 ♪ Tragedy ♪ 185 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:33,011 ♪ When church is lame and you miss the game, it's a tragedy ♪ 186 00:08:34,163 --> 00:08:35,997 ♪ When your bum goes numb from kneeling some ♪ 187 00:08:36,091 --> 00:08:39,576 ♪ It's a tragedy. ♪ 188 00:08:39,594 --> 00:08:41,077 (cheering) 189 00:08:41,096 --> 00:08:43,838 Wow, that was amazing! 190 00:08:43,932 --> 00:08:46,583 How would you like to be a regular member of the choir? 191 00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:49,027 I'll do it, buddy, under one condition: 192 00:08:49,178 --> 00:08:51,863 we shake like that epic handshake meme. 193 00:08:52,015 --> 00:08:54,324 You got a deal, buddy. 194 00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:05,544 Everyone, let's take out our drums for drum circle. 195 00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:10,048 You ready to play again? Me, too. 196 00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:12,884 My refraction period is very short. 197 00:09:13,036 --> 00:09:15,111 I finish fast, but I can go a lot. 198 00:09:15,130 --> 00:09:16,704 Some people prefer that. 199 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,515 A good refractor. 200 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,440 ("Tum Ho Toh Lagta Hain" by Amaal Mallik & Shaan playing) 201 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,344 Now let me do you. 202 00:10:03,511 --> 00:10:05,328 Is everyone watching? 203 00:10:05,347 --> 00:10:09,065 Are they impressed with how quickly I refracted? 204 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,944 ♪ He died for us, he died for us ♪ 205 00:10:13,171 --> 00:10:15,113 ♪ He died for us, he died for us ♪ 206 00:10:15,264 --> 00:10:16,856 ♪ He died for us, he died for us ♪ 207 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,875 ♪ He died for us, he died for us ♪ 208 00:10:18,877 --> 00:10:22,287 ♪ In the Bible, the holy Bible ♪ 209 00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:26,774 ♪ Messiah sleeps tonight. ♪ 210 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,369 That was wonderful, Peter. 211 00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,871 Way better than our previous choir 212 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,799 who killed half our congregation during COVID. 213 00:10:34,951 --> 00:10:37,043 You really think you can just come in here 214 00:10:37,195 --> 00:10:39,471 -and steal our spotlight? -Aw, Spotlight. 215 00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:41,881 Yeah, before you came, I was wrist-deep 216 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,216 in every old lady's casserole. 217 00:10:43,368 --> 00:10:45,143 Now I'm lucky if I get just a sniff 218 00:10:45,294 --> 00:10:46,311 of an old lady's casserole. 219 00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:47,871 I like this story. 220 00:10:47,889 --> 00:10:51,057 If you knew what was good for you, you'd quit right now. 221 00:10:51,209 --> 00:10:53,226 I'm not quitting. And I'm not gonna be bullied 222 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,302 by some noodle-armed kids. 223 00:10:55,397 --> 00:10:57,638 Hey, we're tough Catholic kids. We've been assaulted 224 00:10:57,732 --> 00:11:00,900 by an army of older brothers and sisters our entire lives. 225 00:11:01,052 --> 00:11:03,236 You ever have an older sister sit on your head 226 00:11:03,388 --> 00:11:05,238 for an entire Notre Dame football game? 227 00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,481 -Because I have. -Hey, Peter, 228 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,909 what did the kneeling apparatus say to the ankle? 229 00:11:10,061 --> 00:11:11,485 -"Pew." -(grunts) 230 00:11:11,579 --> 00:11:13,730 (boys laugh) 231 00:11:13,748 --> 00:11:16,966 I'm your rides home, guys. 232 00:11:19,829 --> 00:11:22,663 Okay, I'm gonna go heat up your bottle, Stewie. 233 00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,741 I'll be right back. 234 00:11:24,759 --> 00:11:27,168 Hey, how was your "date"? 235 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,687 It's still going. (clicks tongue) 236 00:11:28,838 --> 00:11:31,672 -I'm pretty close to done with this. -When we parked the car, 237 00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,191 she did that thing where she leaned over 238 00:11:33,342 --> 00:11:34,859 and unbuckled me from my car seat. 239 00:11:35,052 --> 00:11:37,086 And she took a little extra time 240 00:11:37,105 --> 00:11:39,531 fishing around for that bottom safety belt. 241 00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,424 You know what that means. (clicks tongue) 242 00:11:41,443 --> 00:11:44,035 -Please stop. -The only downside is she has kids. 243 00:11:44,187 --> 00:11:47,113 But I said I'm cool with it, and whoosh, the doors flew open. 244 00:11:47,265 --> 00:11:49,690 That's a little tip. I've got a little tip, too. 245 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,042 -(clicks tongue) -Yes? 246 00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:53,269 -What? -Someone did... (clicks tongue) 247 00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:55,362 -I'm here now. What is it? -Oh. 248 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,699 Uh, n-no, I was using that to punctuate my sentences. 249 00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:01,277 Don't do that. I walked very far 250 00:12:01,296 --> 00:12:03,963 thinking I'd get a carrot. Very far. 251 00:12:04,115 --> 00:12:06,975 There's no carrots, guys. 252 00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:11,896 So, this is my place. 253 00:12:12,048 --> 00:12:13,306 I'm living with my parents right now, 254 00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:14,548 which isn't preferred, 255 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:15,942 but they always keep yogurt in the fridge, 256 00:12:16,093 --> 00:12:17,235 so that's pretty tight. 257 00:12:17,462 --> 00:12:19,053 All right, good night, Stewie. 258 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,449 I had a really nice day with you. 259 00:12:23,468 --> 00:12:25,744 -(door closes) -Wait, that's it? 260 00:12:25,895 --> 00:12:28,580 You're leaving? I thought... 261 00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:30,707 (crying) 262 00:12:33,069 --> 00:12:35,311 Oh, my little buddy. 263 00:12:35,404 --> 00:12:38,405 You're upset. Okay, okay, I'll tell you what. 264 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:42,668 You can sleep with Mommy in the big bed tonight, okay? 265 00:12:42,821 --> 00:12:44,078 The big bed? 266 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,580 Well, Rupert, don't wait up, 'cause I'm gonna be... 267 00:12:46,674 --> 00:12:48,558 (snoring) 268 00:12:51,663 --> 00:12:52,996 -(knock on door) -Father, 269 00:12:53,014 --> 00:12:54,255 can I talk to you for a minute? 270 00:12:54,349 --> 00:12:56,349 Peter, come in. What's on your mind? 271 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,851 It's just I really like singing here. 272 00:12:59,004 --> 00:13:02,355 I finally found a way I can positively contribute in church. 273 00:13:02,507 --> 00:13:05,300 But the other choirboys hate me. 274 00:13:05,302 --> 00:13:07,527 You know, a wise man once said, 275 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,270 "The thing about humanity 276 00:13:09,364 --> 00:13:12,515 is that we get stronger with adversity." 277 00:13:12,608 --> 00:13:14,183 Who said that? Jesus? 278 00:13:14,202 --> 00:13:16,777 No, it was Justin Bieber's dad on Twitter. 279 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:19,613 The answer to pretty much all of life's questions 280 00:13:19,707 --> 00:13:21,282 are on Twitter. Try there. 281 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,376 So you're not gonna help me? 282 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,212 Oh, I'm not allowed to talk to kids alone. 283 00:13:26,364 --> 00:13:28,214 Not because of anything I did. 284 00:13:28,366 --> 00:13:32,227 It was, you know, all the other dingbats. 285 00:13:34,964 --> 00:13:37,040 Well, I guess I'm on my own, then. 286 00:13:37,058 --> 00:13:39,892 MAN: Oh, no, you're not. 287 00:13:40,045 --> 00:13:42,195 ♪ ♪ 288 00:13:44,215 --> 00:13:45,231 Jesus? 289 00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:47,474 I am here to help you with your problem. 290 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,068 You're gonna help me win an Emmy? 291 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,554 Whoa, no, no, no. Your choir problem. 292 00:13:51,647 --> 00:13:53,665 There's some things not even I can do. 293 00:13:53,816 --> 00:13:56,751 -Maybe you can ask your dad? -I'm not gonna ask my dad. 294 00:14:03,751 --> 00:14:05,751 Uh-oh, someone better call Noah, 295 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:09,088 because I think one of his hippos fell off the ark. 296 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,924 (laughs) Bible burn. 297 00:14:12,077 --> 00:14:13,743 Come on, guys. I came here to make peace. 298 00:14:13,761 --> 00:14:16,596 And I brought someone with me who I think you'll listen to: 299 00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,356 Jesus Christ. 300 00:14:18,507 --> 00:14:20,483 ♪ ♪ 301 00:14:22,103 --> 00:14:24,178 That's not Jesus. Why's he so tan? 302 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:27,198 Yeah, everyone knows that Jesus was Paul Bettany pale. 303 00:14:27,425 --> 00:14:28,533 Guys, it's really me. 304 00:14:28,684 --> 00:14:31,444 Now, let's talk about the power of forgiveness 305 00:14:31,596 --> 00:14:33,187 while I lean on my own knee. 306 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,056 Ew, look at his toenails. 307 00:14:35,058 --> 00:14:36,933 They're so long and yellow. 308 00:14:37,026 --> 00:14:38,951 They keep growing after you die, okay? 309 00:14:39,104 --> 00:14:41,296 You guys are supposed to listen to me. 310 00:14:43,942 --> 00:14:46,384 Hey, want to know what my favorite book of the Bible is? 311 00:14:46,535 --> 00:14:48,294 The Old Testes-ment. 312 00:14:48,446 --> 00:14:49,387 That's not how you say it. 313 00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:51,464 They're gonna kick you in the schnutz. 314 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,116 (groans) 315 00:14:53,134 --> 00:14:55,118 Those kids are really mean. 316 00:14:55,136 --> 00:14:56,619 Well, we're taking a new approach. 317 00:14:56,638 --> 00:14:58,621 You're gonna beat the crap out of them, 318 00:14:58,714 --> 00:15:00,064 and I'm gonna help you do it. 319 00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:01,715 But would I be the first person 320 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:04,885 to be violent to someone else in the name of Jesus Christ? 321 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:08,406 (chuckles) No, that's kind of religion's whole deal. 322 00:15:12,395 --> 00:15:14,913 Morning. Sorry if I'm walking a little funny. 323 00:15:15,064 --> 00:15:17,974 Crazy night. 324 00:15:17,992 --> 00:15:19,250 Hey, so don't tell anybody, 325 00:15:19,402 --> 00:15:22,236 but I slept with Lois last night. 326 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,647 Who are you gonna tell? Chris? 327 00:15:24,666 --> 00:15:25,815 You can tell Chris. 328 00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:27,074 I don't know what you think you're doing, 329 00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,152 but it's not what you think you're doing. 330 00:15:29,170 --> 00:15:30,428 Look, all I know is I woke up sideways 331 00:15:30,579 --> 00:15:32,764 on the other end of the bed from where I started. 332 00:15:32,915 --> 00:15:34,581 But tonight is the night. 333 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,935 It is going down. 334 00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:38,344 -What is? -It. 335 00:15:38,496 --> 00:15:41,664 -What's "it"? -Capital "I," capital "T." 336 00:15:41,683 --> 00:15:44,108 -That's still nothing. -Turn on Kenny Loggins, 337 00:15:44,335 --> 00:15:46,352 -because "This Is It." -What? 338 00:15:46,504 --> 00:15:50,006 The IT department called, and they asked for a lot of RAM. 339 00:15:50,024 --> 00:15:51,282 Well, that one kind of makes sense. 340 00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:54,360 After tonight, Cousin It isn't gonna be the only one 341 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,362 -covered in hair. -Okay, nope. I'm out. 342 00:15:56,514 --> 00:15:59,182 Gonna go finish my coffee in the sunroom. 343 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,960 Chris was FaceTiming with a foot in there. 344 00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:03,777 I'm gonna just call it a day. Go to sleep. 345 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,047 Dogs can just do that. 346 00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,634 (snoring) 347 00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:14,722 CHRIS: Does anyone know how to send athlete's foot spray to Romania? 348 00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:22,629 All right, that's all of 'em. 349 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,875 Good. Now go refill all the holy water. 350 00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:26,818 What am I doing here? 351 00:16:26,969 --> 00:16:28,544 Stow the hymnals, dust the altar. 352 00:16:28,563 --> 00:16:30,488 I'm supposed to be training to fight, 353 00:16:30,639 --> 00:16:32,156 and you're having me clean the church. 354 00:16:32,308 --> 00:16:34,993 Show me "Sign of the Cross." 355 00:16:36,571 --> 00:16:38,571 No. Really show me. 356 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,314 (grunting) 357 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,001 Now show me "Stow the Hymnals." 358 00:16:43,152 --> 00:16:45,336 (grunting) 359 00:16:45,488 --> 00:16:48,731 Oh, you've been teaching me this whole time. 360 00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:50,733 I love these scenes. 361 00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:53,177 Now show me "Book of Mark." 362 00:16:53,329 --> 00:16:56,639 Ow! I didn't do the reading ones. 363 00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:04,838 Tonight is the night, Rupert. 364 00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,006 She's gonna be here any minute, 365 00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,525 and I need everything to be perfect. 366 00:17:07,676 --> 00:17:11,487 You finally get to watch, you little freak. 367 00:17:14,350 --> 00:17:16,868 Oh, well, look at you, Mr. Sleepyhead. 368 00:17:17,019 --> 00:17:19,095 Mind if I join you? 369 00:17:19,188 --> 00:17:20,663 Don't mind at all. 370 00:17:23,025 --> 00:17:25,877 Wait. Where's that rippling hot bod? 371 00:17:26,028 --> 00:17:28,271 Oh, it feels good to have my old body back. 372 00:17:28,289 --> 00:17:30,773 I used that Pedalton for three days. 373 00:17:30,792 --> 00:17:32,458 They said that was a world record. 374 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,386 And I am out of here. 375 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,281 No, you can't still watch. 376 00:17:38,299 --> 00:17:40,541 There's nothing to watch. It's not happening. 377 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,560 ♪ ♪ 378 00:17:43,638 --> 00:17:45,546 (boys laugh) 379 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,106 (doors open) 380 00:17:50,461 --> 00:17:52,645 We told you to get lost, Griffin. 381 00:17:52,797 --> 00:17:53,813 I did get lost. 382 00:17:53,965 --> 00:17:56,282 In the power of Christ. 383 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,995 Go get him, boys. 384 00:18:02,565 --> 00:18:04,207 (grunting) 385 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,424 Looks like someone learned how to fight. 386 00:18:13,576 --> 00:18:15,409 Yeah, I did a whole Karate Kid thing. 387 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,579 What's that? I'm only allowed to watch Kirk Cameron movies. 388 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,057 Aw, you poor dude. (grunts) 389 00:18:22,343 --> 00:18:24,268 (grunting) 390 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,178 -(groans) -Just give up already. 391 00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:43,937 You're finished. 392 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,165 (dramatic music playing) 393 00:18:52,690 --> 00:18:54,215 Finish him. 394 00:19:03,034 --> 00:19:04,550 (grunts) 395 00:19:04,702 --> 00:19:06,310 Yeah! Eat cross! 396 00:19:06,537 --> 00:19:09,421 -You did it, Peter. -Yeah! High five! 397 00:19:09,573 --> 00:19:11,040 Cool scar. 398 00:19:11,058 --> 00:19:12,733 (rumbling) 399 00:19:17,806 --> 00:19:18,714 (grunts) 400 00:19:18,733 --> 00:19:20,140 (normal voice): Ow, my balls! 401 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,160 Ow, my balls? 402 00:19:22,311 --> 00:19:23,995 Hey, my voice is back to normal. 403 00:19:24,146 --> 00:19:25,404 Oh, well, look at that. 404 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,665 I guess you can't sing in the choir anymore. 405 00:19:27,816 --> 00:19:29,149 I guess not. 406 00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,002 Hey, you guys want to call a truce? 407 00:19:31,153 --> 00:19:33,153 And maybe don't tell your dads I beat you up? 408 00:19:33,247 --> 00:19:35,080 Yeah. That's probably a good idea. 409 00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:36,582 Hey, why you guys so mean anyway? 410 00:19:36,734 --> 00:19:39,993 What did anybody ever do to a bunch of choirboys? 411 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,597 -(whispers indistinctly) -Oh, my stars. 412 00:19:47,261 --> 00:19:49,395 (instrumental version of "Tragedy" playing) 413 00:20:19,444 --> 00:20:21,385 ♪ ♪ 414 00:20:46,137 --> 00:20:48,487 Hi, I'm Lois Griffin. 415 00:20:48,639 --> 00:20:51,565 Please, before you buy one of these pieces of equipment, 416 00:20:51,659 --> 00:20:54,643 think about if it's gonna be better than watching Ozark. 417 00:20:54,662 --> 00:20:56,328 Thank you. 418 00:20:56,481 --> 00:21:00,091 (grunts) Damn it! Who put that weight there?!