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00:00:02,506 --> 00:00:05,077
♪ ♪
2
00:00:06,343 --> 00:00:08,448
PETER:
I thought I'd seen it all.
3
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But that's the thing
about Quahog.
4
00:00:11,253 --> 00:00:14,794
You never know what's hiding
under the hard shell of a clam.
5
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The Great Depression
hit the town hard.
6
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FDR announced we had nothing
to fear but fear itself.
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ROOSEVELT (over radio):
The only thing we have to fear
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00:00:24,948 --> 00:00:26,885
is fear itself.
9
00:00:26,952 --> 00:00:28,688
And, also, bees.
10
00:00:28,756 --> 00:00:31,527
Or when a man has a beard
and then shaves it.
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'Cause I don't
recognize him immediately.
12
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If I watched him shave it,
it would be different.
13
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If I saw the process.
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And there's this guy Hitler we
should probably keep an eye on.
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But mostly bees.
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PETER:
It was also the height
of Prohibition.
17
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Water or seltzer, anyone?
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PETER: Which of course meant
drinking was very cool,
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and everyone did it
all the time.
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And of course, there was racism.
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A lot of it. It was horrible.
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Except for the laundromat,
which served everyone.
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Thanks for doing
my undergarments.
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PETER:
They were really nice.
25
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So, who am I?
26
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The name's Mac. Mac Bookpro.
27
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And I'm a private dick.
28
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(unzips)
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A very private dick.
30
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And don't listen.
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("Love Theme from Chinatown"
playing)
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(doorbell ringing)
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♪ ♪
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♪ ♪
35
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(horns honking)
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PETER:
My office was in
the Cocaine‐Cola building.
37
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All the businessmen there
had ideas for other businesses.
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Well, Mac,
what did you find out?
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Now hold on, it's 8:00 a. m.
and we're two men in a room.
40
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Let me fix you a drink.
41
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So, I tailed your wife.
42
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Sorry, pal,
she's having an affair.
43
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Ah, too bad.
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I guess she's the maple,
but I'm the sap.
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There you go.
You're gonna be okay.
46
00:02:51,708 --> 00:02:54,413
But it's 8:00 a. m., and you're
a man about to get in a car.
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Let me fix you another drink.
48
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Thanks, Mac. I owe you one.
49
00:03:00,225 --> 00:03:01,861
Mr. Bookpro?
50
00:03:01,962 --> 00:03:03,999
Yes, Ms. Patbottom?
51
00:03:04,099 --> 00:03:05,468
(laughs):
Oh, Mr. Bookpro.
52
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PETER:
My secretary, Fanny Patbottom.
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She's my gal Thursday.
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She has choir practice Fridays.
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She's, uh, not available
to me then.
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Now, a couple of items
of business.
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First, we're going
to have to postpone
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00:03:17,292 --> 00:03:19,529
today's tangling
of the Venetian blinds.
59
00:03:19,596 --> 00:03:21,200
I think we're gonna have
to start sending the schedule
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the night before.
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Also, there's a woman
here to see you.
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LOIS:
May I come in, Mr. Bookpro?
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♪ ♪
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PETER:
I'll never forget the day
she walked through my door.
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Ah, damn it. And this was
the smallest brim they had.
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(grunts)
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The name's Hedy.
Hedy Toothgraze.
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PETER:
She was the type of girl
who really left a mark on you.
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00:03:46,383 --> 00:03:48,287
Please, have a seat.
70
00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:50,058
Do you mind if I don't smoke?
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I'm afraid I do.
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Totally understand.
73
00:03:54,433 --> 00:03:57,339
So, we're two people in a room
at 8:04 a. m.
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00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,711
Let me fix you a drink.
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00:03:59,811 --> 00:04:03,050
So, Mr. Bookpro, I'm here
because my daughter is missing.
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She's a nun.
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Frankly, we weren't that close.
78
00:04:06,056 --> 00:04:08,996
I gave her to the Church after
my husband died in the war.
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00:04:09,062 --> 00:04:11,233
So, will you take the case?
80
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,705
PETER:
I wasn't sure I could trust her,
but I needed the dough.
81
00:04:13,805 --> 00:04:15,408
My rent was two bucks a month
82
00:04:15,475 --> 00:04:17,880
and I still owed
50 cents on my car.
83
00:04:20,518 --> 00:04:22,589
Since the missing gal was a nun,
84
00:04:22,656 --> 00:04:24,827
I decided to start
at the Church.
85
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:30,571
Greetings, my son.
86
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,375
Cardinal St. Louis,
likely bad guy.
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Mac Bookpro.
88
00:04:33,812 --> 00:04:35,648
Sorry to bother you
about a case, Padre.
89
00:04:35,716 --> 00:04:36,851
Do you want to talk here,
90
00:04:36,918 --> 00:04:38,587
or should I come
inside your rectory?
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00:04:38,688 --> 00:04:40,558
Okay, Groucho, calm down.
92
00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:43,597
I'm here looking for a nun.
Recognize her?
93
00:04:44,734 --> 00:04:46,103
Of course, that's Sister Megan.
94
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,605
She runs the church orphanage.
95
00:04:47,707 --> 00:04:49,209
And how about this photo?
96
00:04:50,611 --> 00:04:51,547
I don't know.
97
00:04:51,647 --> 00:04:53,250
Any dunking photo
where you don't see the ground
98
00:04:53,351 --> 00:04:55,521
‐is very suspicious.
‐I see.
99
00:04:55,621 --> 00:04:57,525
So, when was the last time
you saw the sister?
100
00:04:57,625 --> 00:04:59,696
In the church garden,
wearing giant nun boots
101
00:04:59,764 --> 00:05:01,233
and trying to step on squirrels.
102
00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:02,569
Yeah, that checks out.
103
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,074
If you think of anything,
here's my card.
104
00:05:06,210 --> 00:05:07,780
"To my beloved niece."
105
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,218
Aw, and he wrote his own note
106
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instead of just signing
his name.
107
00:05:11,821 --> 00:05:14,226
I like that guy now. He cares.
108
00:05:15,228 --> 00:05:16,363
Hey, Mac.
109
00:05:16,430 --> 00:05:19,036
Well, if it isn't my old pal
Red Wiener?
110
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Red was the best
newspaper guy out there.
111
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Except when the newspaper
was rolled up,
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then he was kind of scared.
113
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So, what's got you sniffing
around here today, Fido?
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Same as you, pal. Sister Megan.
115
00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:30,558
I heard you talking
to the cardinal.
116
00:05:30,658 --> 00:05:32,730
Well, get this:
she called me a few days ago
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and said she had a big story.
118
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We were supposed to meet
at a speakeasy,
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but she disappeared
before we could get together.
120
00:05:38,474 --> 00:05:41,046
A nun at a speakeasy?
That doesn't figure.
121
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‐Maybe we should check it out.
‐You got it.
122
00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:45,054
Say, can we go to the next scene
with one of those
123
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cinematic sideways wipes
they used to do in the '30s?
124
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:50,064
I don't know, I did
a sideways wipe this morning.
125
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I don't recommend it.
126
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Not a good way to make friends
on the trolley.
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CLEVELAND:
What's the word?
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‐Bird.
‐Bird is the word.
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Welcome to The Sunken Clam.
130
00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:09,771
What can I get you fellas?
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00:06:09,871 --> 00:06:12,041
Two this‐period fashioneds,
please.
132
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We're looking for a girl
who was supposed to show here.
133
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You ever seen her?
134
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CLEVELAND:
Hmm. Doesn't ring a bell.
135
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Well, no one has any idea
what happened to her.
136
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Not even her boss, the cardinal.
137
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The cardinal? Let me tell you,
that priest is a shady cat.
138
00:06:25,936 --> 00:06:28,441
I heard that when the state
voted on Prohibition,
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00:06:28,541 --> 00:06:31,213
he rigged the vote
to get alcohol banned.
140
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I tell you, something's
going on at that church,
141
00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:36,190
and I'm not gonna rest
until I get to the bottom of it.
142
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Yeah, I'm with you, pal.
143
00:06:37,692 --> 00:06:39,429
Two more Black girls
recently went missing.
144
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Maybe you can
look into that, too?
145
00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:43,839
‐Oh, boy, you know,
I am just so busy...
‐Yeah, I am absolutely swamped.
146
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‐...with this
Sister Megan thing.
‐Just buried in paperwork.
147
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PETER:
With the case heating up,
148
00:06:48,180 --> 00:06:50,819
I decided to visit my friend
down at the station.
149
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I hadn't been back since
they kicked me off the force.
150
00:06:53,457 --> 00:06:55,963
For years they'd been letting
horses poop on the street.
151
00:06:56,029 --> 00:06:58,334
But I do it one time
and I'm out.
152
00:06:58,434 --> 00:07:00,471
But I still had
one friend there.
153
00:07:00,571 --> 00:07:02,475
My old buddy Ace.
154
00:07:02,575 --> 00:07:03,979
Ace Hardware.
155
00:07:04,045 --> 00:07:05,581
So, Mac, what brings you here?
156
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‐Looking for a girl.
‐A girl, huh?
157
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Yeah. You know, a skirt,
a bird, a twist, a roundheel.
158
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I spent most of my time at
the library looking up synonyms.
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She's a nun. Sister Megan.
160
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I think the cardinal
had something to do
161
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‐with her disappearance.
‐Oh, the cardinal?
162
00:07:19,944 --> 00:07:21,714
I'd be careful if I were you.
163
00:07:21,815 --> 00:07:23,350
He's a heavy hitter
in this town.
164
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A big cheese, a head honcho,
a real butter and egg man.
165
00:07:27,025 --> 00:07:29,563
I also spent most of my time
at the library
166
00:07:29,629 --> 00:07:31,200
looking up synonyms.
167
00:07:31,266 --> 00:07:33,604
If I were you,
I'd wheel away from this one.
168
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Wheel far, far away.
169
00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:39,516
PETER:
The cops and the cardinal
were both dead ends.
170
00:07:39,616 --> 00:07:40,618
I was starting to wonder
whether the sister
171
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was even missing.
172
00:07:42,021 --> 00:07:44,961
And then, a couple of friends
pulled up.
173
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They cornered me
in Kirstie Alley,
174
00:07:51,507 --> 00:07:53,477
the widest alley in Quahog.
175
00:07:53,577 --> 00:07:56,483
Hey, Mac.
Fancy meeting you here.
176
00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:58,521
Well, if it isn't Bogey
and Bacaw.
177
00:07:58,621 --> 00:07:59,724
Oof.
178
00:07:59,790 --> 00:08:00,859
I hear you've been
snooping around
179
00:08:00,926 --> 00:08:02,629
the disappearance of a nun.
180
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Well, I didn't mean to ruffle
anyone's feathers.
181
00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:06,503
Oof again.
182
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,641
You used to be smarter
than this, Mac.
183
00:08:08,708 --> 00:08:10,511
Before you got kicked off
the force,
184
00:08:10,578 --> 00:08:12,382
you knew how to play ball.
185
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:14,720
But now, here we are.
186
00:08:16,456 --> 00:08:20,431
PETER:
Luckily, they let me
go with a warning.
187
00:08:20,531 --> 00:08:22,468
My shadow wasn't so lucky.
188
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,639
My cop friend told me
to stay away from the case,
189
00:08:24,740 --> 00:08:26,643
and I was starting
to think he was right.
190
00:08:26,744 --> 00:08:29,249
But then I got the call
I'd been dreading.
191
00:08:29,316 --> 00:08:31,186
‐(phone ringing)
‐Hello?
192
00:08:31,286 --> 00:08:34,392
American Dad's been picked up
for three more seasons?
193
00:08:34,459 --> 00:08:37,031
God, when do I get a weekend?
194
00:08:37,131 --> 00:08:38,200
(phone ringing)
195
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,704
Then I got another call.
196
00:08:39,804 --> 00:08:41,708
They found Sister Megan.
197
00:08:41,808 --> 00:08:44,012
(gunshot)
198
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,722
Well, one thing's for sure.
199
00:08:48,822 --> 00:08:51,560
We've got a killer shark
on our hands.
200
00:08:51,627 --> 00:08:53,732
Close the beaches.
201
00:08:58,140 --> 00:09:00,011
♪ ♪
202
00:09:01,781 --> 00:09:03,985
(thunder crashes)
203
00:09:09,696 --> 00:09:12,135
(gasps) I can't believe
my daughter's dead.
204
00:09:12,235 --> 00:09:14,707
Doctor, are there any leads
from the body?
205
00:09:14,807 --> 00:09:16,878
Anything that can tell us
who did this?
206
00:09:16,978 --> 00:09:19,683
Well, not yet, but I've sent
some DNA samples to the lab.
207
00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:22,021
‐When will we get the results?
‐About 65 years.
208
00:09:22,121 --> 00:09:24,526
‐Nuts.
‐I did find one thing, though.
209
00:09:24,626 --> 00:09:28,000
There was a roll of camera film
hidden in her waistband.
210
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,971
Thanks, Doc. Maybe it's a clue.
211
00:09:30,071 --> 00:09:33,177
No problem, Mac.
But there is one more thing.
212
00:09:36,516 --> 00:09:38,387
Uh...
213
00:09:38,454 --> 00:09:41,326
Uhp. Nope, no. I lost it.
214
00:09:43,397 --> 00:09:45,501
Oh, dear. What am I gonna do?
215
00:09:45,601 --> 00:09:48,007
My daughter's dead,
and I'm single.
216
00:09:48,073 --> 00:09:49,877
Who wants a woman
without a child?
217
00:09:49,944 --> 00:09:51,781
I think you got that backwards.
218
00:09:51,881 --> 00:09:53,217
Listen, it's been
a long couple of days.
219
00:09:53,283 --> 00:09:55,021
What do you say
I take you out tonight?
220
00:09:55,121 --> 00:09:56,758
We'll go to the Supper Club.
221
00:09:56,824 --> 00:10:00,064
Mr. Bookpro, what kind
of a private dick are you?
222
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:01,700
The kind that was a public one
223
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,203
until he got arrested
in the park.
224
00:10:03,304 --> 00:10:05,341
♪ ♪
225
00:10:13,157 --> 00:10:15,194
♪ ♪
226
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,906
Say, I noticed you've
only had three Scotches
227
00:10:21,006 --> 00:10:22,642
and five cigarettes.
228
00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:24,145
‐Something wrong?
‐I don't know.
229
00:10:24,212 --> 00:10:27,051
I still can't believe you drove
us here in a fudge Packard.
230
00:10:27,151 --> 00:10:29,656
Stop calling it that.
It's just a dark brown car.
231
00:10:29,724 --> 00:10:31,360
So, you got a light?
232
00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:34,065
I got a lot of lights,
but nowhere to plug them in.
233
00:10:34,165 --> 00:10:35,301
Maybe I could help with that.
234
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,505
You help me?
I'm gonna bust out crying.
235
00:10:37,605 --> 00:10:38,507
Hope you got a hanky.
236
00:10:38,574 --> 00:10:40,912
I'll bring the hanky,
you bring the panky.
237
00:10:41,013 --> 00:10:42,950
You're awfully quick
with the wit, Mr. Bookpro.
238
00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:44,987
‐I hear you're quick
with the feet.
‐You could say that.
239
00:10:45,054 --> 00:10:46,791
I was the lead dancer
in The Nutcracker.
240
00:10:46,858 --> 00:10:48,460
Huh. Must be a ballet
about my ex‐wife.
241
00:10:48,527 --> 00:10:50,331
(laughter)
242
00:10:50,398 --> 00:10:52,335
Divorce was new,
and I was the first guy
243
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,406
to make that joke.
244
00:10:57,780 --> 00:10:58,948
Good morning, Mr. Bookpro.
245
00:10:59,015 --> 00:11:02,121
So, I'm turning 21 tomorrow,
and my parents are throwing me
246
00:11:02,221 --> 00:11:03,892
a Miserable Spinster party.
247
00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:06,163
‐Care to attend?
‐No, thanks, Ms. Patbottom.
248
00:11:06,229 --> 00:11:07,900
Me and my vaudeville group
have a show,
249
00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:09,102
but if you maybe
want to stop by...
250
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,808
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
251
00:11:11,874 --> 00:11:13,510
Say "cream cheese."
252
00:11:13,610 --> 00:11:16,216
PETER:
We hadn't realized
that just "cheese" would work.
253
00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:20,257
Hey, Mac, I developed that film
you found on the girl.
254
00:11:22,328 --> 00:11:25,101
What? It's the cardinal
with mobsters.
255
00:11:25,167 --> 00:11:26,336
How do you know
they're mobsters?
256
00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:28,875
What other Italians
can afford Italian suits?
257
00:11:28,975 --> 00:11:31,346
I wonder why a cardinal
would meet with the mob.
258
00:11:31,413 --> 00:11:32,850
Well, maybe they were
in cahoots,
259
00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:34,119
Sister Megan discovered it,
260
00:11:34,219 --> 00:11:36,223
and that's why the cardinal
had her killed?
261
00:11:36,289 --> 00:11:39,295
Good thinking, Ms. Patbottom.
Let me give you a raise.
262
00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:42,335
Oh, Mr. Bookpro,
I don't know what to say.
263
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,105
Hey, Mac, there's a couple
more photos.
264
00:11:44,205 --> 00:11:46,543
Including the cardinal
with some broad.
265
00:11:48,113 --> 00:11:50,151
What the rumpus? That's Hedy.
266
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,121
I wonder what her connection
is to the cardinal?
267
00:11:52,221 --> 00:11:53,657
Why don't you just call and ask?
268
00:11:53,725 --> 00:11:55,161
No way. We just went out,
269
00:11:55,261 --> 00:11:58,200
which means I got to wait
three days, at least.
270
00:12:00,604 --> 00:12:03,510
The cardinal was definitely up
to something fishy,
271
00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:05,281
and I needed to find out what.
272
00:12:05,347 --> 00:12:07,953
Luckily, I knew
just the guy to see.
273
00:12:11,693 --> 00:12:13,063
Not so fast, Carol.
274
00:12:13,163 --> 00:12:16,737
Carol is a very acceptable
man's name for this time period.
275
00:12:16,838 --> 00:12:20,277
That's a very defensive response
for something I didn't bring up.
276
00:12:20,377 --> 00:12:22,415
Everyone knows
you're dumb muscle for the mob.
277
00:12:22,515 --> 00:12:24,486
Tell me what you know
about the cardinal.
278
00:12:24,586 --> 00:12:26,590
Sorry, pal. I ain't talking.
279
00:12:26,690 --> 00:12:28,895
I'll give you a peacoat
to wear at the docks.
280
00:12:28,995 --> 00:12:30,899
‐Collar up?
‐It's a peacoat, isn't it?
281
00:12:30,966 --> 00:12:33,003
Will the buttons have anchors?
282
00:12:33,070 --> 00:12:35,040
You want anchor buttons,
start spilling.
283
00:12:35,141 --> 00:12:37,612
What's the connection between
the mob and the cardinal?
284
00:12:37,678 --> 00:12:38,815
The mob works with the cardinal
285
00:12:38,915 --> 00:12:40,551
'cause he's the biggest
bootlegger in town.
286
00:12:40,618 --> 00:12:43,457
He sneaks in booze from Italy
aboard Church ships.
287
00:12:43,524 --> 00:12:45,795
And because the contents
are supposed to be religious,
288
00:12:45,862 --> 00:12:47,331
no one checks.
289
00:12:47,431 --> 00:12:49,970
What? But the cardinal's
against alcohol.
290
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,841
He even rigged the vote
to get it banned.
291
00:12:51,941 --> 00:12:55,447
Wake up. He didn't rig the vote
because he's against drinking.
292
00:12:55,548 --> 00:12:58,320
He did it so he could have
the market all to himself.
293
00:12:58,420 --> 00:13:00,658
It was a ruse, a sham,
a snow job.
294
00:13:00,725 --> 00:13:02,128
Pure hokum all the way.
295
00:13:02,195 --> 00:13:04,098
Nothing but pork pie.
296
00:13:04,199 --> 00:13:08,373
I also spent most of my time
looking up synonyms.
297
00:13:10,745 --> 00:13:13,350
PETER:
I'd have to figure out
Hedy's involvement later.
298
00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:17,692
But first, it was time to pay
another visit to the cardinal.
299
00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,038
Hello, Padre.
300
00:13:24,105 --> 00:13:26,376
Funny I'd find you here
in the church bathroom.
301
00:13:26,476 --> 00:13:27,946
CARTER:
This is the confessional.
302
00:13:28,013 --> 00:13:31,253
Well, then, I have
something to confess.
303
00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:32,956
(sniffs)
Ugh, mother of mercy.
304
00:13:33,056 --> 00:13:34,359
How much mutton do you eat?
305
00:13:34,459 --> 00:13:35,996
Hey, you're supposed
to be forgiving.
306
00:13:36,096 --> 00:13:37,465
This is a safe space.
307
00:13:37,532 --> 00:13:39,002
And anyway, Father,
you're the one
308
00:13:39,102 --> 00:13:40,739
who's gonna do
the confessing today.
309
00:13:40,839 --> 00:13:42,843
For the murder of Sister Megan.
310
00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:44,713
‐Oof.
‐The truth hurts,
311
00:13:44,813 --> 00:13:46,049
doesn't it, Cardinal?
312
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:48,086
(thudding)
313
00:13:49,522 --> 00:13:50,725
(gasps)
314
00:13:53,597 --> 00:13:55,267
What the rumpus?
315
00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,271
‐Freeze.
‐Ace, thank God.
316
00:13:57,371 --> 00:13:58,975
Somebody just stabbed
the cardinal
317
00:13:59,075 --> 00:14:00,277
and ran out the back door.
318
00:14:00,377 --> 00:14:02,648
And they stole all
the cardinal's Andes candies
319
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:03,985
and put them in my pocket.
320
00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:05,654
Nice try, Mac.
321
00:14:05,722 --> 00:14:07,124
We got an anonymous tip
322
00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:09,529
that a heavyset man entered
the church with a knife.
323
00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:12,201
And funny thing, we got
that tip right after getting
324
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:15,074
the ballistics report
on Sister Megan's murder.
325
00:14:15,140 --> 00:14:17,713
She was killed with your gun.
326
00:14:17,779 --> 00:14:19,382
What? You don't think...
327
00:14:19,449 --> 00:14:21,854
Sorry. I have
to take you downtown.
328
00:14:21,921 --> 00:14:23,858
(gasps)
Dinner and a show?
329
00:14:23,925 --> 00:14:25,694
No, Mac. Cuff him.
330
00:14:25,795 --> 00:14:28,133
Come on, Ace. You can't
send me to the hoosegow,
331
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,739
the big house,
the graybar saloon, the stir.
332
00:14:30,805 --> 00:14:32,408
And take his thesaurus.
333
00:14:32,475 --> 00:14:35,180
What? I need that.
It's important.
334
00:14:35,281 --> 00:14:39,222
Just, you know, very, very,
very, very important.
335
00:14:43,731 --> 00:14:46,236
♪ ♪
336
00:14:49,642 --> 00:14:51,479
Hey, Mac, you made bail.
337
00:14:51,579 --> 00:14:54,585
Really? Who in this town
has three dollars?
338
00:14:54,652 --> 00:14:56,991
Listen here, Mac.
I know you were framed.
339
00:14:57,058 --> 00:14:58,560
And I want you to figure out
who did it
340
00:14:58,660 --> 00:14:59,964
so I can write the story.
341
00:15:00,064 --> 00:15:01,934
Yeah, it'll be front‐page news.
342
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,337
Well, not‐not front‐page.
343
00:15:03,437 --> 00:15:05,842
A giant gorilla in Manhattan
just escaped its restraints
344
00:15:05,909 --> 00:15:08,246
‐and kidnapped a lady.
‐Oh, my stars.
345
00:15:08,313 --> 00:15:10,084
But either way,
you'll get your story.
346
00:15:10,184 --> 00:15:12,688
I've got a pretty good idea
who set me up.
347
00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:14,659
(whistles)
Taxi.
348
00:15:16,931 --> 00:15:18,500
Where to?
349
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,739
PETER:
His whole face had been
blown off in the war.
350
00:15:20,805 --> 00:15:23,677
Probably left it somewhere
in the French countryside.
351
00:15:23,745 --> 00:15:25,782
Hey, guys?
352
00:15:25,849 --> 00:15:28,220
Did you go home?
353
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,226
Did we win, at least?
354
00:15:33,831 --> 00:15:37,405
(grunting)
355
00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:41,646
PETER:
Going somewhere, angel?
356
00:15:41,747 --> 00:15:45,087
Mac? Wh‐‐ I‐I thought
you were in jail.
357
00:15:45,154 --> 00:15:48,593
‐Yeah, for the murder
you committed.
‐(gasps)
358
00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:50,164
Admit it,
you never had a daughter.
359
00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:51,499
You were bootlegging
with the cardinal.
360
00:15:51,599 --> 00:15:53,036
You killed the woman
who found you out
361
00:15:53,103 --> 00:15:54,238
and then you killed the cardinal
362
00:15:54,305 --> 00:15:55,875
so you could have
all the dough to yourself.
363
00:15:55,975 --> 00:15:57,411
And you decided
to frame me for it
364
00:15:57,511 --> 00:15:59,115
while also making me
feel very bad
365
00:15:59,215 --> 00:16:00,651
about my erectile dysfunction.
366
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:03,457
Well, you did call yourself
"The Big Mac."
367
00:16:03,523 --> 00:16:06,062
But look, I didn't kill anyone.
368
00:16:06,129 --> 00:16:08,300
Everything I told you
was on the level.
369
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,637
Sister Megan is my daughter,
and I hired you
370
00:16:10,705 --> 00:16:13,443
because someone slipped
your card under my door.
371
00:16:13,510 --> 00:16:15,314
Well, princess,
if you're so innocent,
372
00:16:15,381 --> 00:16:16,984
why you skipping town?
373
00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:18,387
Because after everything
that happened,
374
00:16:18,487 --> 00:16:20,090
I'm scared for my life.
375
00:16:20,157 --> 00:16:21,493
And I wanted to go
somewhere safe,
376
00:16:21,559 --> 00:16:24,599
like 1930s Poland or Belgium.
377
00:16:24,699 --> 00:16:25,935
Or the Sudetenland.
378
00:16:26,036 --> 00:16:28,741
You really think you can
pull the wool over my eyes, huh?
379
00:16:28,841 --> 00:16:30,677
Then explain this.
380
00:16:30,745 --> 00:16:33,116
It's about the pointlessness
of individual lives
381
00:16:33,183 --> 00:16:35,054
within the relentless
march of time.
382
00:16:35,154 --> 00:16:37,726
Oh. And now, explain this.
383
00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:40,899
A photo of you
and your business partner,
384
00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,268
the cardinal.
385
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,405
He's not my business partner.
386
00:16:44,472 --> 00:16:46,977
The father is my father.
387
00:16:47,044 --> 00:16:48,380
What?
388
00:16:48,447 --> 00:16:49,817
I'm sorry I never told you.
389
00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:52,288
We had to keep it a secret
due to his position.
390
00:16:52,354 --> 00:16:54,793
But that's why when I needed
to give up my own child,
391
00:16:54,893 --> 00:16:56,362
I gave her to the Church.
392
00:16:56,429 --> 00:16:57,766
Save it for the cops, doll.
393
00:16:57,833 --> 00:17:01,306
You can't ballet‐dance
your way out of this one.
394
00:17:01,406 --> 00:17:03,343
Wait, you had Charleston Chews?
395
00:17:03,443 --> 00:17:06,516
When we hung out, you said
you had, like, no snacks.
396
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,727
Huh. I guess this is the sister
with her orphans.
397
00:17:11,794 --> 00:17:13,230
What the rumpus?
398
00:17:13,330 --> 00:17:16,636
Why does this one orphan
have a football‐shaped head?
399
00:17:16,737 --> 00:17:18,708
STEWIE:
Well, well, Detective.
400
00:17:18,775 --> 00:17:21,546
I guess you made my party
after all.
401
00:17:21,646 --> 00:17:22,916
Ms. Patbottom?
402
00:17:22,983 --> 00:17:25,320
My name's not Patbottom.
403
00:17:25,421 --> 00:17:27,458
It's Marion Lynn Flowers.
404
00:17:27,525 --> 00:17:30,197
Which is a very typical man's
name for this time period.
405
00:17:30,264 --> 00:17:32,201
Like Carol.
406
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:35,307
You see, Detective,
I'm not the man, or woman,
407
00:17:35,374 --> 00:17:36,476
you think I am.
408
00:17:36,543 --> 00:17:39,182
My parents were very poor.
409
00:17:39,248 --> 00:17:41,219
I was born in a halfway house.
410
00:17:41,286 --> 00:17:43,891
My room was
on the unfinished side.
411
00:17:44,993 --> 00:17:47,031
Ultimately, I wound up
in the church orphanage.
412
00:17:47,097 --> 00:17:50,872
The nuns were quite cruel,
especially Sister Megan.
413
00:17:50,972 --> 00:17:54,813
One morning, I was hungry,
so I asked for more.
414
00:17:54,913 --> 00:17:55,982
More?!
415
00:17:56,082 --> 00:17:58,587
STEWIE:
It was, like, a huge deal.
416
00:18:00,825 --> 00:18:04,398
And the cardinal turned
a blind eye to my mistreatment.
417
00:18:04,499 --> 00:18:07,638
All he cared about was
his bootlegging operation.
418
00:18:07,706 --> 00:18:09,642
So, I called
that canine journalist
419
00:18:09,743 --> 00:18:11,981
pretending to be Sister Megan,
then I killed her
420
00:18:12,081 --> 00:18:13,851
with Mac's gun.
421
00:18:14,887 --> 00:18:17,391
I slipped Mac's card
under Hedy's door
422
00:18:17,491 --> 00:18:18,794
and I planted a roll
of film on the sister
423
00:18:18,861 --> 00:18:21,032
to lead Mac not only
to the cardinal
424
00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:23,403
but also to his new lover.
425
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:25,641
Fine, you didn't like
Sister Megan and the cardinal.
426
00:18:25,742 --> 00:18:28,647
Why me, though? Why do
all that stuff just to frame me?
427
00:18:28,714 --> 00:18:32,154
Because, Detective, your sin
was the greatest of all.
428
00:18:32,254 --> 00:18:33,523
The only way I could stomach...
429
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,762
‐Do it with pictures.
‐Oh, sorry.
430
00:18:35,829 --> 00:18:38,166
The only way I could
stomach life in the orphanage
431
00:18:38,233 --> 00:18:43,310
was by holding on to a dream:
a dream of being a dancer.
432
00:18:44,512 --> 00:18:46,717
For years I trained,
and one day,
433
00:18:46,817 --> 00:18:50,490
I finally got my big audition
at the Quahog Ballet.
434
00:18:50,591 --> 00:18:52,695
♪ ♪
435
00:18:52,796 --> 00:18:55,200
I was the best dancer in town,
and I knew it.
436
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,471
But then, tragedy struck.
437
00:18:57,538 --> 00:19:00,277
I slipped and fell,
438
00:19:00,377 --> 00:19:02,281
because someone
had pooped in the street.
439
00:19:02,348 --> 00:19:04,820
(sniffs)
What the literal deuce?
440
00:19:04,887 --> 00:19:06,222
I'd broken my leg.
441
00:19:06,289 --> 00:19:10,163
After all that training, I would
never be in The Nutcracker.
442
00:19:10,264 --> 00:19:12,434
(gasps)
And I got the part.
443
00:19:12,535 --> 00:19:14,907
Yes, the part meant for me.
444
00:19:14,973 --> 00:19:17,712
Everything went according
to plan except for one detail.
445
00:19:17,779 --> 00:19:20,384
I only came here to kill her.
446
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:21,987
How did you know she'd be here?
447
00:19:22,054 --> 00:19:23,456
Funny thing about that.
448
00:19:23,557 --> 00:19:26,062
I got a friend at the harbor
who owed me one.
449
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:32,541
‐Thanks, pal.
‐Anytime, Mac.
450
00:19:32,608 --> 00:19:34,579
Oh, Mac, you saved us.
451
00:19:34,645 --> 00:19:36,449
Yeah. Your daughter
is still dead,
452
00:19:36,549 --> 00:19:38,320
but you get to continue
to outlive her,
453
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,190
which is every mom's dream.
454
00:19:40,257 --> 00:19:41,961
Oh, just shut up and kiss me.
455
00:19:42,061 --> 00:19:43,965
You got it, sweetheart.
456
00:19:44,065 --> 00:19:45,467
Mmm.
457
00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:47,772
PETER:
It was the start
of a beautiful romance.
458
00:19:47,872 --> 00:19:50,979
Soon, we'd be engaged,
and we invited all our friends
459
00:19:51,079 --> 00:19:52,749
to the wedding in Hawaii.
460
00:19:52,849 --> 00:19:58,193
"Please join Mac and Hedy in
Hawaii on December 7th, 1941,
461
00:19:58,260 --> 00:20:00,631
"a date that will
live in intimacy.
462
00:20:00,697 --> 00:20:02,368
And on Friday,
please join us for..."
463
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,971
It's a whole weekend?
464
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:09,950
(Stewie grunting)
465
00:20:11,619 --> 00:20:13,758
Sorry for not
believing you, Mac.
466
00:20:13,858 --> 00:20:16,529
But thanks to you, the real
murderer is behind bars.
467
00:20:16,629 --> 00:20:20,370
And the Greater Boston area
has seen its last bad priest.
468
00:20:20,437 --> 00:20:22,041
So, what's gonna happen
to Marion?
469
00:20:22,141 --> 00:20:25,782
Well, he's a lunatic murderer
who cross‐dresses in the '30s.
470
00:20:25,882 --> 00:20:27,786
My guess is he can
look forward to a life
471
00:20:27,886 --> 00:20:32,461
of loony bin craft projects
and staring out at the sea.
472
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,235
You think that place
can hold me?
473
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,808
You're dead, copper.
You're all dead.
474
00:20:38,908 --> 00:20:40,510
But all that's after
the castration
475
00:20:40,577 --> 00:20:42,882
and full frontal lobotomy.
476
00:20:42,983 --> 00:20:45,220
Wait, what?
477
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:49,195
PETER:
One week later,
they took his balls and brains.
478
00:20:49,295 --> 00:20:53,436
I'm Mac Bookpro, and I can
skip a rock six times.
479
00:20:54,605 --> 00:20:56,009
That wasn't a good rock.
480
00:20:56,109 --> 00:20:58,146
♪ ♪