1 00:00:06,343 --> 00:00:08,448 I thought I'd seen it all. 2 00:00:08,514 --> 00:00:11,153 But that's the thing about Quahog. 3 00:00:11,253 --> 00:00:14,794 You never know what's hiding under the hard shell of a clam. 4 00:00:16,297 --> 00:00:18,869 The Great Depression hit the town hard. 5 00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:22,676 FDR announced we had nothing to fear but fear itself. 6 00:00:22,744 --> 00:00:24,881 ROOSEVELT The only thing we have to fear 7 00:00:24,948 --> 00:00:26,885 is fear itself. 8 00:00:26,952 --> 00:00:28,688 And, also, bees. 9 00:00:28,756 --> 00:00:31,527 Or when a man has a beard and then shaves it. 10 00:00:31,627 --> 00:00:34,734 'Cause I don't recognize him immediately. 11 00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:37,205 If I watched him shave it, it would be different. 12 00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:39,610 If I saw the process. 13 00:00:39,676 --> 00:00:43,684 And there's this guy Hitler we should probably keep an eye on. 14 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,522 But mostly bees. 15 00:00:45,622 --> 00:00:47,994 It was also the height of Prohibition. 16 00:00:48,094 --> 00:00:49,798 Water or seltzer, anyone? 17 00:00:49,898 --> 00:00:52,369 Which of course meant drinking was very cool, 18 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:55,141 and everyone did it all the time. 19 00:00:55,241 --> 00:00:57,145 And of course, there was racism. 20 00:00:57,245 --> 00:00:59,049 A lot of it. It was horrible. 21 00:00:59,116 --> 00:01:02,222 Except for the laundromat, which served everyone. 22 00:01:02,289 --> 00:01:04,526 Thanks for doing my undergarments. 23 00:01:04,626 --> 00:01:06,765 They were really nice. 24 00:01:06,865 --> 00:01:08,134 So, who am I? 25 00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,472 The name's Mac. Mac Bookpro. 26 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:13,712 And I'm a private dick. 27 00:01:15,281 --> 00:01:17,152 A very private dick. 28 00:01:17,252 --> 00:01:19,289 And don't listen. 29 00:02:23,684 --> 00:02:26,590 My office was in the Cocaine‐Cola building. 30 00:02:26,657 --> 00:02:29,496 All the businessmen there had ideas for other businesses. 31 00:02:29,596 --> 00:02:31,534 Well, Mac, what did you find out? 32 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,139 Now hold on, it's 8:00 a. m. and we're two men in a room. 33 00:02:34,206 --> 00:02:36,477 Let me fix you a drink. 34 00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:41,353 So, I tailed your wife. 35 00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:43,491 Sorry, pal, she's having an affair. 36 00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:46,630 Ah, too bad. 37 00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:49,636 I guess she's the maple, but I'm the sap. 38 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,607 There you go. You're gonna be okay. 39 00:02:51,708 --> 00:02:54,413 But it's 8:00 a. m., and you're a man about to get in a car. 40 00:02:54,479 --> 00:02:57,686 Let me fix you another drink. 41 00:02:58,487 --> 00:03:00,158 Thanks, Mac. I owe you one. 42 00:03:00,225 --> 00:03:01,861 Mr. Bookpro? 43 00:03:01,962 --> 00:03:03,999 Yes, Ms. Patbottom? 44 00:03:04,099 --> 00:03:05,468 Oh, Mr. Bookpro. 45 00:03:05,535 --> 00:03:07,639 My secretary, Fanny Patbottom. 46 00:03:07,707 --> 00:03:09,509 She's my gal Thursday. 47 00:03:09,576 --> 00:03:11,146 She has choir practice Fridays. 48 00:03:11,247 --> 00:03:13,651 She's, uh, not available to me then. 49 00:03:13,719 --> 00:03:15,355 Now, a couple of items of business. 50 00:03:15,421 --> 00:03:17,225 First, we're going to have to postpone 51 00:03:17,292 --> 00:03:19,529 today's tangling of the Venetian blinds. 52 00:03:19,596 --> 00:03:21,200 I think we're gonna have to start sending the schedule 53 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:22,535 the night before. 54 00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:25,642 Also, there's a woman here to see you. 55 00:03:25,709 --> 00:03:27,980 May I come in, Mr. Bookpro? 56 00:03:30,184 --> 00:03:33,691 I'll never forget the day she walked through my door. 57 00:03:33,792 --> 00:03:37,365 Ah, damn it. And this was the smallest brim they had. 58 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:43,077 The name's Hedy. Hedy Toothgraze. 59 00:03:43,177 --> 00:03:46,283 She was the type of girl who really left a mark on you. 60 00:03:46,383 --> 00:03:48,287 Please, have a seat. 61 00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:50,058 Do you mind if I don't smoke? 62 00:03:50,158 --> 00:03:51,460 I'm afraid I do. 63 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,366 Totally understand. 64 00:03:54,433 --> 00:03:57,339 So, we're two people in a room at 8:04 a. m. 65 00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:59,711 Let me fix you a drink. 66 00:03:59,811 --> 00:04:03,050 So, Mr. Bookpro, I'm here because my daughter is missing. 67 00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:04,419 She's a nun. 68 00:04:04,486 --> 00:04:05,956 Frankly, we weren't that close. 69 00:04:06,056 --> 00:04:08,996 I gave her to the Church after my husband died in the war. 70 00:04:09,062 --> 00:04:11,233 So, will you take the case? 71 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,705 I wasn't sure I could trust her, but I needed the dough. 72 00:04:13,805 --> 00:04:15,408 My rent was two bucks a month 73 00:04:15,475 --> 00:04:17,880 and I still owed 50 cents on my car. 74 00:04:20,518 --> 00:04:22,589 Since the missing gal was a nun, 75 00:04:22,656 --> 00:04:24,827 I decided to start at the Church. 76 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:30,571 Greetings, my son. 77 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,375 Cardinal St. Louis, likely bad guy. 78 00:04:32,442 --> 00:04:33,712 Mac Bookpro. 79 00:04:33,812 --> 00:04:35,648 Sorry to bother you about a case, Padre. 80 00:04:35,716 --> 00:04:36,851 Do you want to talk here, 81 00:04:36,918 --> 00:04:38,587 or should I come inside your rectory? 82 00:04:38,688 --> 00:04:40,558 Okay, Groucho, calm down. 83 00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:43,597 I'm here looking for a nun. Recognize her? 84 00:04:44,734 --> 00:04:46,103 Of course, that's Sister Megan. 85 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,605 She runs the church orphanage. 86 00:04:47,707 --> 00:04:49,209 And how about this photo? 87 00:04:50,611 --> 00:04:51,547 I don't know. 88 00:04:51,647 --> 00:04:53,250 Any dunking photo where you don't see the ground 89 00:04:53,351 --> 00:04:55,521 ‐is very suspicious. ‐I see. 90 00:04:55,621 --> 00:04:57,525 So, when was the last time you saw the sister? 91 00:04:57,625 --> 00:04:59,696 In the church garden, wearing giant nun boots 92 00:04:59,764 --> 00:05:01,233 and trying to step on squirrels. 93 00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:02,569 Yeah, that checks out. 94 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,074 If you think of anything, here's my card. 95 00:05:06,210 --> 00:05:07,780 "To my beloved niece." 96 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,218 Aw, and he wrote his own note 97 00:05:10,318 --> 00:05:11,755 instead of just signing his name. 98 00:05:11,821 --> 00:05:14,226 I like that guy now. He cares. 99 00:05:15,228 --> 00:05:16,363 Hey, Mac. 100 00:05:16,430 --> 00:05:19,036 Well, if it isn't my old pal Red Wiener? 101 00:05:19,102 --> 00:05:21,473 Red was the best newspaper guy out there. 102 00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:23,144 Except when the newspaper was rolled up, 103 00:05:23,244 --> 00:05:24,513 then he was kind of scared. 104 00:05:24,579 --> 00:05:27,152 So, what's got you sniffing around here today, Fido? 105 00:05:27,252 --> 00:05:28,789 Same as you, pal. Sister Megan. 106 00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:30,558 I heard you talking to the cardinal. 107 00:05:30,658 --> 00:05:32,730 Well, she called me a few days ago 108 00:05:32,797 --> 00:05:34,399 and said she had a big story. 109 00:05:34,499 --> 00:05:36,036 We were supposed to meet at a speakeasy, 110 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,374 but she disappeared before we could get together. 111 00:05:38,474 --> 00:05:41,046 A nun at a speakeasy? That doesn't figure. 112 00:05:41,146 --> 00:05:43,484 ‐Maybe we should check it out. ‐You got it. 113 00:05:43,584 --> 00:05:45,054 Say, can we go to the next scene with one of those 114 00:05:45,154 --> 00:05:47,760 cinematic sideways wipes they used to do in the '30s? 115 00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:50,064 I don't know, I did a sideways wipe this morning. 116 00:05:50,131 --> 00:05:51,133 I don't recommend it. 117 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,705 Not a good way to make friends on the trolley. 118 00:05:57,780 --> 00:05:59,683 What's the word? 119 00:05:59,784 --> 00:06:03,257 ‐Bird. ‐Bird is the word. 120 00:06:03,324 --> 00:06:06,029 Welcome to The Sunken Clam. 121 00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:09,771 What can I get you fellas? 122 00:06:09,871 --> 00:06:12,041 Two this‐period fashioneds, please. 123 00:06:12,142 --> 00:06:14,379 We're looking for a girl who was supposed to show here. 124 00:06:14,479 --> 00:06:15,681 You ever seen her? 125 00:06:15,783 --> 00:06:18,087 Hmm. Doesn't ring a bell. 126 00:06:18,187 --> 00:06:20,124 Well, no one has any idea what happened to her. 127 00:06:20,224 --> 00:06:21,961 Not even her boss, the cardinal. 128 00:06:22,061 --> 00:06:25,836 The cardinal? Let me tell you, that priest is a shady cat. 129 00:06:25,936 --> 00:06:28,441 I heard that when the state voted on Prohibition, 130 00:06:28,541 --> 00:06:31,213 he rigged the vote to get alcohol banned. 131 00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:33,250 I tell you, something's going on at that church, 132 00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:36,190 and I'm not gonna rest until I get to the bottom of it. 133 00:06:36,290 --> 00:06:37,592 Yeah, I'm with you, pal. 134 00:06:37,692 --> 00:06:39,429 Two more Black girls recently went missing. 135 00:06:39,496 --> 00:06:41,233 Maybe you can look into that, too? 136 00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:43,839 ‐Oh, boy, you know, I am just so busy... ‐Yeah, I am absolutely swamped. 137 00:06:43,939 --> 00:06:46,677 ‐...with this Sister Megan thing. ‐Just buried in paperwork. 138 00:06:46,744 --> 00:06:48,080 With the case heating up, 139 00:06:48,180 --> 00:06:50,819 I decided to visit my friend down at the station. 140 00:06:50,919 --> 00:06:53,357 I hadn't been back since they kicked me off the force. 141 00:06:53,457 --> 00:06:55,963 For years they'd been letting horses poop on the street. 142 00:06:56,029 --> 00:06:58,334 But I do it one time and I'm out. 143 00:06:58,434 --> 00:07:00,471 But I still had one friend there. 144 00:07:00,571 --> 00:07:02,475 My old buddy Ace. 145 00:07:02,575 --> 00:07:03,979 Ace Hardware. 146 00:07:04,045 --> 00:07:05,581 So, Mac, what brings you here? 147 00:07:05,648 --> 00:07:07,720 ‐Looking for a girl. ‐A girl, huh? 148 00:07:07,786 --> 00:07:11,126 Yeah. You know, a skirt, a bird, a twist, a roundheel. 149 00:07:11,193 --> 00:07:14,466 I spent most of my time at the library looking up synonyms. 150 00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:16,436 She's a nun. Sister Megan. 151 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:17,973 I think the cardinal had something to do 152 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,844 ‐with her disappearance. ‐Oh, the cardinal? 153 00:07:19,944 --> 00:07:21,714 I'd be careful if I were you. 154 00:07:21,815 --> 00:07:23,350 He's a heavy hitter in this town. 155 00:07:23,417 --> 00:07:26,958 A big cheese, a head honcho, a real butter and egg man. 156 00:07:27,025 --> 00:07:29,563 I also spent most of my time at the library 157 00:07:29,629 --> 00:07:31,200 looking up synonyms. 158 00:07:31,266 --> 00:07:33,604 If I were you, I'd wheel away from this one. 159 00:07:33,705 --> 00:07:36,310 Wheel far, far away. 160 00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:39,516 The cops and the cardinal were both dead ends. 161 00:07:39,616 --> 00:07:40,618 I was starting to wonder whether the sister 162 00:07:40,719 --> 00:07:41,921 was even missing. 163 00:07:42,021 --> 00:07:44,961 And then, a couple of friends pulled up. 164 00:07:49,704 --> 00:07:51,440 They cornered me in Kirstie Alley, 165 00:07:51,507 --> 00:07:53,477 the widest alley in Quahog. 166 00:07:53,577 --> 00:07:56,483 Hey, Mac. Fancy meeting you here. 167 00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:58,521 Well, if it isn't Bogey and Bacaw. 168 00:07:58,621 --> 00:07:59,724 Oof. 169 00:07:59,790 --> 00:08:00,859 I hear you've been snooping around 170 00:08:00,926 --> 00:08:02,629 the disappearance of a nun. 171 00:08:02,695 --> 00:08:05,101 Well, I didn't mean to ruffle anyone's feathers. 172 00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:06,503 Oof again. 173 00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,641 You used to be smarter than this, Mac. 174 00:08:08,708 --> 00:08:10,511 Before you got kicked off the force, 175 00:08:10,578 --> 00:08:12,382 you knew how to play ball. 176 00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:14,720 But now, here we are. 177 00:08:16,456 --> 00:08:20,431 Luckily, they let me go with a warning. 178 00:08:20,531 --> 00:08:22,468 My shadow wasn't so lucky. 179 00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,639 My cop friend told me to stay away from the case, 180 00:08:24,740 --> 00:08:26,643 and I was starting to think he was right. 181 00:08:26,744 --> 00:08:29,249 But then I got the call I'd been dreading. 182 00:08:29,316 --> 00:08:31,186 ‐ ‐Hello? 183 00:08:31,286 --> 00:08:34,392 American Dad's been picked up for three more seasons? 184 00:08:34,459 --> 00:08:37,031 God, when do I get a weekend? 185 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:39,704 Then I got another call. 186 00:08:39,804 --> 00:08:41,708 They found Sister Megan. 187 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,722 Well, one thing's for sure. 188 00:08:48,822 --> 00:08:51,560 We've got a killer shark on our hands. 189 00:08:51,627 --> 00:08:53,732 Close the beaches. 190 00:09:09,696 --> 00:09:12,135 I can't believe my daughter's dead. 191 00:09:12,235 --> 00:09:14,707 Doctor, are there any leads from the body? 192 00:09:14,807 --> 00:09:16,878 Anything that can tell us who did this? 193 00:09:16,978 --> 00:09:19,683 Well, not yet, but I've sent some DNA samples to the lab. 194 00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:22,021 ‐When will we get the results? ‐About 65 years. 195 00:09:22,121 --> 00:09:24,526 ‐Nuts. ‐I did find one thing, though. 196 00:09:24,626 --> 00:09:28,000 There was a roll of camera film hidden in her waistband. 197 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,971 Thanks, Doc. Maybe it's a clue. 198 00:09:30,071 --> 00:09:33,177 No problem, Mac. But there is one more thing. 199 00:09:36,516 --> 00:09:38,387 Uh... 200 00:09:38,454 --> 00:09:41,326 Uhp. Nope, no. I lost it. 201 00:09:43,397 --> 00:09:45,501 Oh, dear. What am I gonna do? 202 00:09:45,601 --> 00:09:48,007 My daughter's dead, and I'm single. 203 00:09:48,073 --> 00:09:49,877 Who wants a woman without a child? 204 00:09:49,944 --> 00:09:51,781 I think you got that backwards. 205 00:09:51,881 --> 00:09:53,217 Listen, it's been a long couple of days. 206 00:09:53,283 --> 00:09:55,021 What do you say I take you out tonight? 207 00:09:55,121 --> 00:09:56,758 We'll go to the Supper Club. 208 00:09:56,824 --> 00:10:00,064 Mr. Bookpro, what kind of a private dick are you? 209 00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:01,700 The kind that was a public one 210 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,203 until he got arrested in the park. 211 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,906 Say, I noticed you've only had three Scotches 212 00:10:21,006 --> 00:10:22,642 and five cigarettes. 213 00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:24,145 ‐Something wrong? ‐I don't know. 214 00:10:24,212 --> 00:10:27,051 I still can't believe you drove us here in a fudge Packard. 215 00:10:27,151 --> 00:10:29,656 Stop calling it that. It's just a dark brown car. 216 00:10:29,724 --> 00:10:31,360 So, you got a light? 217 00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:34,065 I got a lot of lights, but nowhere to plug them in. 218 00:10:34,165 --> 00:10:35,301 Maybe I could help with that. 219 00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,505 You help me? I'm gonna bust out crying. 220 00:10:37,605 --> 00:10:38,507 Hope you got a hanky. 221 00:10:38,574 --> 00:10:40,912 I'll bring the hanky, you bring the panky. 222 00:10:41,013 --> 00:10:42,950 You're awfully quick with the wit, Mr. Bookpro. 223 00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:44,987 ‐I hear you're quick with the feet. ‐You could say that. 224 00:10:45,054 --> 00:10:46,791 I was the lead dancer in The Nutcracker. 225 00:10:46,858 --> 00:10:48,460 Huh. Must be a ballet about my ex‐wife. 226 00:10:50,398 --> 00:10:52,335 Divorce was new, and I was the first guy 227 00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,406 to make that joke. 228 00:10:57,780 --> 00:10:58,948 Good morning, Mr. Bookpro. 229 00:10:59,015 --> 00:11:02,121 So, I'm turning 21 tomorrow, and my parents are throwing me 230 00:11:02,221 --> 00:11:03,892 a Miserable Spinster party. 231 00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:06,163 ‐Care to attend? ‐No, thanks, Ms. Patbottom. 232 00:11:06,229 --> 00:11:07,900 Me and my vaudeville group have a show, 233 00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:09,102 but if you maybe want to stop by... 234 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,808 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 235 00:11:11,874 --> 00:11:13,510 Say "cream cheese." 236 00:11:13,610 --> 00:11:16,216 We hadn't realized that just "cheese" would work. 237 00:11:16,283 --> 00:11:20,257 Hey, Mac, I developed that film you found on the girl. 238 00:11:22,328 --> 00:11:25,101 What? It's the cardinal with mobsters. 239 00:11:25,167 --> 00:11:26,336 How do you know they're mobsters? 240 00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:28,875 What other Italians can afford Italian suits? 241 00:11:28,975 --> 00:11:31,346 I wonder why a cardinal would meet with the mob. 242 00:11:31,413 --> 00:11:32,850 Well, maybe they were in cahoots, 243 00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:34,119 Sister Megan discovered it, 244 00:11:34,219 --> 00:11:36,223 and that's why the cardinal had her killed? 245 00:11:36,289 --> 00:11:39,295 Good thinking, Ms. Patbottom. Let me give you a raise. 246 00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:42,335 Oh, Mr. Bookpro, I don't know what to say. 247 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,105 Hey, Mac, there's a couple more photos. 248 00:11:44,205 --> 00:11:46,543 Including the cardinal with some broad. 249 00:11:48,113 --> 00:11:50,151 What the rumpus? That's Hedy. 250 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,121 I wonder what her connection is to the cardinal? 251 00:11:52,221 --> 00:11:53,657 Why don't you just call and ask? 252 00:11:53,725 --> 00:11:55,161 No way. We just went out, 253 00:11:55,261 --> 00:11:58,200 which means I got to wait three days, at least. 254 00:12:00,604 --> 00:12:03,510 The cardinal was definitely up to something fishy, 255 00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:05,281 and I needed to find out what. 256 00:12:05,347 --> 00:12:07,953 Luckily, I knew just the guy to see. 257 00:12:11,693 --> 00:12:13,063 Not so fast, Carol. 258 00:12:13,163 --> 00:12:16,737 Carol is a very acceptable man's name for this time period. 259 00:12:16,838 --> 00:12:20,277 That's a very defensive response for something I didn't bring up. 260 00:12:20,377 --> 00:12:22,415 Everyone knows you're dumb muscle for the mob. 261 00:12:22,515 --> 00:12:24,486 Tell me what you know about the cardinal. 262 00:12:24,586 --> 00:12:26,590 Sorry, pal. I ain't talking. 263 00:12:26,690 --> 00:12:28,895 I'll give you a peacoat to wear at the docks. 264 00:12:28,995 --> 00:12:30,899 ‐Collar up? ‐It's a peacoat, isn't it? 265 00:12:30,966 --> 00:12:33,003 Will the buttons have anchors? 266 00:12:33,070 --> 00:12:35,040 You want anchor buttons, start spilling. 267 00:12:35,141 --> 00:12:37,612 What's the connection between the mob and the cardinal? 268 00:12:37,678 --> 00:12:38,815 The mob works with the cardinal 269 00:12:38,915 --> 00:12:40,551 'cause he's the biggest bootlegger in town. 270 00:12:40,618 --> 00:12:43,457 He sneaks in booze from Italy aboard Church ships. 271 00:12:43,524 --> 00:12:45,795 And because the contents are supposed to be religious, 272 00:12:45,862 --> 00:12:47,331 no one checks. 273 00:12:47,431 --> 00:12:49,970 What? But the cardinal's against alcohol. 274 00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,841 He even rigged the vote to get it banned. 275 00:12:51,941 --> 00:12:55,447 Wake up. He didn't rig the vote because he's against drinking. 276 00:12:55,548 --> 00:12:58,320 He did it so he could have the market all to himself. 277 00:12:58,420 --> 00:13:00,658 It was a ruse, a sham, a snow job. 278 00:13:00,725 --> 00:13:02,128 Pure hokum all the way. 279 00:13:02,195 --> 00:13:04,098 Nothing but pork pie. 280 00:13:04,199 --> 00:13:08,373 I also spent most of my time looking up synonyms. 281 00:13:10,745 --> 00:13:13,350 I'd have to figure out Hedy's involvement later. 282 00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:17,692 But first, it was time to pay another visit to the cardinal. 283 00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,038 Hello, Padre. 284 00:13:24,105 --> 00:13:26,376 Funny I'd find you here in the church bathroom. 285 00:13:26,476 --> 00:13:27,946 This is the confessional. 286 00:13:28,013 --> 00:13:31,253 Well, then, I have something to confess. 287 00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:32,956 Ugh, mother of mercy. 288 00:13:33,056 --> 00:13:34,359 How much mutton do you eat? 289 00:13:34,459 --> 00:13:35,996 Hey, you're supposed to be forgiving. 290 00:13:36,096 --> 00:13:37,465 This is a safe space. 291 00:13:37,532 --> 00:13:39,002 And anyway, Father, you're the one 292 00:13:39,102 --> 00:13:40,739 who's gonna do the confessing today. 293 00:13:40,839 --> 00:13:42,843 For the murder of Sister Megan. 294 00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:44,713 ‐Oof. ‐The truth hurts, 295 00:13:44,813 --> 00:13:46,049 doesn't it, Cardinal? 296 00:13:53,597 --> 00:13:55,267 What the rumpus? 297 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:57,271 ‐Freeze. ‐Ace, thank God. 298 00:13:57,371 --> 00:13:58,975 Somebody just stabbed the cardinal 299 00:13:59,075 --> 00:14:00,277 and ran out the back door. 300 00:14:00,377 --> 00:14:02,648 And they stole all the cardinal's Andes candies 301 00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:03,985 and put them in my pocket. 302 00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:05,654 Nice try, Mac. 303 00:14:05,722 --> 00:14:07,124 We got an anonymous tip 304 00:14:07,225 --> 00:14:09,529 that a heavyset man entered the church with a knife. 305 00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:12,201 And funny thing, we got that tip right after getting 306 00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:15,074 the ballistics report on Sister Megan's murder. 307 00:14:15,140 --> 00:14:17,713 She was killed with your gun. 308 00:14:17,779 --> 00:14:19,382 What? You don't think... 309 00:14:19,449 --> 00:14:21,854 Sorry. I have to take you downtown. 310 00:14:21,921 --> 00:14:23,858 Dinner and a show? 311 00:14:23,925 --> 00:14:25,694 No, Mac. Cuff him. 312 00:14:25,795 --> 00:14:28,133 Come on, Ace. You can't send me to the hoosegow, 313 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,739 the big house, the graybar saloon, the stir. 314 00:14:30,805 --> 00:14:32,408 And take his thesaurus. 315 00:14:32,475 --> 00:14:35,180 What? I need that. It's important. 316 00:14:35,281 --> 00:14:39,222 Just, you know, very, very, very, very important. 317 00:14:49,642 --> 00:14:51,479 Hey, Mac, you made bail. 318 00:14:51,579 --> 00:14:54,585 Really? Who in this town has three dollars? 319 00:14:54,652 --> 00:14:56,991 Listen here, Mac. I know you were framed. 320 00:14:57,058 --> 00:14:58,560 And I want you to figure out who did it 321 00:14:58,660 --> 00:14:59,964 so I can write the story. 322 00:15:00,064 --> 00:15:01,934 Yeah, it'll be front‐page news. 323 00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,337 Well, not‐not front‐page. 324 00:15:03,437 --> 00:15:05,842 A giant gorilla in Manhattan just escaped its restraints 325 00:15:05,909 --> 00:15:08,246 ‐and kidnapped a lady. ‐Oh, my stars. 326 00:15:08,313 --> 00:15:10,084 But either way, you'll get your story. 327 00:15:10,184 --> 00:15:12,688 I've got a pretty good idea who set me up. 328 00:15:12,789 --> 00:15:14,659 Taxi. 329 00:15:16,931 --> 00:15:18,500 Where to? 330 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,739 His whole face had been blown off in the war. 331 00:15:20,805 --> 00:15:23,677 Probably left it somewhere in the French countryside. 332 00:15:23,745 --> 00:15:25,782 Hey, guys? 333 00:15:25,849 --> 00:15:28,220 Did you go home? 334 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,226 Did we win, at least? 335 00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:41,646 Going somewhere, angel? 336 00:15:41,747 --> 00:15:45,087 Mac? Wh‐‐ I‐I thought you were in jail. 337 00:15:45,154 --> 00:15:48,593 ‐Yeah, for the murder you committed. ‐ 338 00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:50,164 Admit it, you never had a daughter. 339 00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:51,499 You were bootlegging with the cardinal. 340 00:15:51,599 --> 00:15:53,036 You killed the woman who found you out 341 00:15:53,103 --> 00:15:54,238 and then you killed the cardinal 342 00:15:54,305 --> 00:15:55,875 so you could have all the dough to yourself. 343 00:15:55,975 --> 00:15:57,411 And you decided to frame me for it 344 00:15:57,511 --> 00:15:59,115 while also making me feel very bad 345 00:15:59,215 --> 00:16:00,651 about my erectile dysfunction. 346 00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:03,457 Well, you did call yourself "The Big Mac." 347 00:16:03,523 --> 00:16:06,062 But look, I didn't kill anyone. 348 00:16:06,129 --> 00:16:08,300 Everything I told you was on the level. 349 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,637 Sister Megan is my daughter, and I hired you 350 00:16:10,705 --> 00:16:13,443 because someone slipped your card under my door. 351 00:16:13,510 --> 00:16:15,314 Well, princess, if you're so innocent, 352 00:16:15,381 --> 00:16:16,984 why you skipping town? 353 00:16:17,084 --> 00:16:18,387 Because after everything that happened, 354 00:16:18,487 --> 00:16:20,090 I'm scared for my life. 355 00:16:20,157 --> 00:16:21,493 And I wanted to go somewhere safe, 356 00:16:21,559 --> 00:16:24,599 like 1930s Poland or Belgium. 357 00:16:24,699 --> 00:16:25,935 Or the Sudetenland. 358 00:16:26,036 --> 00:16:28,741 You really think you can pull the wool over my eyes, huh? 359 00:16:28,841 --> 00:16:30,677 Then explain this. 360 00:16:30,745 --> 00:16:33,116 It's about the pointlessness of individual lives 361 00:16:33,183 --> 00:16:35,054 within the relentless march of time. 362 00:16:35,154 --> 00:16:37,726 Oh. And now, explain this. 363 00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:40,899 A photo of you and your business partner, 364 00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,268 the cardinal. 365 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,405 He's not my business partner. 366 00:16:44,472 --> 00:16:46,977 The father is my father. 367 00:16:47,044 --> 00:16:48,380 What? 368 00:16:48,447 --> 00:16:49,817 I'm sorry I never told you. 369 00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:52,288 We had to keep it a secret due to his position. 370 00:16:52,354 --> 00:16:54,793 But that's why when I needed to give up my own child, 371 00:16:54,893 --> 00:16:56,362 I gave her to the Church. 372 00:16:56,429 --> 00:16:57,766 Save it for the cops, doll. 373 00:16:57,833 --> 00:17:01,306 You can't ballet‐dance your way out of this one. 374 00:17:01,406 --> 00:17:03,343 Wait, you had Charleston Chews? 375 00:17:03,443 --> 00:17:06,516 When we hung out, you said you had, like, no snacks. 376 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,727 Huh. I guess this is the sister with her orphans. 377 00:17:11,794 --> 00:17:13,230 What the rumpus? 378 00:17:13,330 --> 00:17:16,636 Why does this one orphan have a football‐shaped head? 379 00:17:16,737 --> 00:17:18,708 Well, well, Detective. 380 00:17:18,775 --> 00:17:21,546 I guess you made my party after all. 381 00:17:21,646 --> 00:17:22,916 Ms. Patbottom? 382 00:17:22,983 --> 00:17:25,320 My name's not Patbottom. 383 00:17:25,421 --> 00:17:27,458 It's Marion Lynn Flowers. 384 00:17:27,525 --> 00:17:30,197 Which is a very typical man's name for this time period. 385 00:17:30,264 --> 00:17:32,201 Like Carol. 386 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:35,307 You see, Detective, I'm not the man, or woman, 387 00:17:35,374 --> 00:17:36,476 you think I am. 388 00:17:36,543 --> 00:17:39,182 My parents were very poor. 389 00:17:39,248 --> 00:17:41,219 I was born in a halfway house. 390 00:17:41,286 --> 00:17:43,891 My room was on the unfinished side. 391 00:17:44,993 --> 00:17:47,031 Ultimately, I wound up in the church orphanage. 392 00:17:47,097 --> 00:17:50,872 The nuns were quite cruel, especially Sister Megan. 393 00:17:50,972 --> 00:17:54,813 One morning, I was hungry, so I asked for more. 394 00:17:54,913 --> 00:17:55,982 More?! 395 00:17:56,082 --> 00:17:58,587 It was, like, a huge deal. 396 00:18:00,825 --> 00:18:04,398 And the cardinal turned a blind eye to my mistreatment. 397 00:18:04,499 --> 00:18:07,638 All he cared about was his bootlegging operation. 398 00:18:07,706 --> 00:18:09,642 So, I called that canine journalist 399 00:18:09,743 --> 00:18:11,981 pretending to be Sister Megan, then I killed her 400 00:18:12,081 --> 00:18:13,851 with Mac's gun. 401 00:18:14,887 --> 00:18:17,391 I slipped Mac's card under Hedy's door 402 00:18:17,491 --> 00:18:18,794 and I planted a roll of film on the sister 403 00:18:18,861 --> 00:18:21,032 to lead Mac not only to the cardinal 404 00:18:21,132 --> 00:18:23,403 but also to his new lover. 405 00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:25,641 Fine, you didn't like Sister Megan and the cardinal. 406 00:18:25,742 --> 00:18:28,647 Why me, though? Why do all that stuff just to frame me? 407 00:18:28,714 --> 00:18:32,154 Because, Detective, your sin was the greatest of all. 408 00:18:32,254 --> 00:18:33,523 The only way I could stomach... 409 00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,762 ‐Do it with pictures. ‐Oh, sorry. 410 00:18:35,829 --> 00:18:38,166 The only way I could stomach life in the orphanage 411 00:18:38,233 --> 00:18:43,310 a dream of being a dancer. 412 00:18:44,512 --> 00:18:46,717 For years I trained, and one day, 413 00:18:46,817 --> 00:18:50,490 I finally got my big audition at the Quahog Ballet. 414 00:18:52,796 --> 00:18:55,200 I was the best dancer in town, and I knew it. 415 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,471 But then, tragedy struck. 416 00:18:57,538 --> 00:19:00,277 I slipped and fell, 417 00:19:00,377 --> 00:19:02,281 because someone had pooped in the street. 418 00:19:02,348 --> 00:19:04,820 What the literal deuce? 419 00:19:04,887 --> 00:19:06,222 I'd broken my leg. 420 00:19:06,289 --> 00:19:10,163 After all that training, I would never be in The Nutcracker. 421 00:19:10,264 --> 00:19:12,434 And I got the part. 422 00:19:12,535 --> 00:19:14,907 Yes, the part meant for me. 423 00:19:14,973 --> 00:19:17,712 Everything went according to plan except for one detail. 424 00:19:17,779 --> 00:19:20,384 I only came here to kill her. 425 00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:21,987 How did you know she'd be here? 426 00:19:22,054 --> 00:19:23,456 Funny thing about that. 427 00:19:23,557 --> 00:19:26,062 I got a friend at the harbor who owed me one. 428 00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:32,541 ‐Thanks, pal. ‐Anytime, Mac. 429 00:19:32,608 --> 00:19:34,579 Oh, Mac, you saved us. 430 00:19:34,645 --> 00:19:36,449 Yeah. Your daughter is still dead, 431 00:19:36,549 --> 00:19:38,320 but you get to continue to outlive her, 432 00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,190 which is every mom's dream. 433 00:19:40,257 --> 00:19:41,961 Oh, just shut up and kiss me. 434 00:19:42,061 --> 00:19:43,965 You got it, sweetheart. 435 00:19:44,065 --> 00:19:45,467 Mmm. 436 00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:47,772 It was the start of a beautiful romance. 437 00:19:47,872 --> 00:19:50,979 Soon, we'd be engaged, and we invited all our friends 438 00:19:51,079 --> 00:19:52,749 to the wedding in Hawaii. 439 00:19:52,849 --> 00:19:58,193 "Please join Mac and Hedy in Hawaii on December 7th, 1941, 440 00:19:58,260 --> 00:20:00,631 "a date that will live in intimacy. 441 00:20:00,697 --> 00:20:02,368 And on Friday, please join us for..." 442 00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,971 It's a whole weekend? 443 00:20:11,619 --> 00:20:13,758 Sorry for not believing you, Mac. 444 00:20:13,858 --> 00:20:16,529 But thanks to you, the real murderer is behind bars. 445 00:20:16,629 --> 00:20:20,370 And the Greater Boston area has seen its last bad priest. 446 00:20:20,437 --> 00:20:22,041 So, what's gonna happen to Marion? 447 00:20:22,141 --> 00:20:25,782 Well, he's a lunatic murderer who cross‐dresses in the '30s. 448 00:20:25,882 --> 00:20:27,786 My guess is he can look forward to a life 449 00:20:27,886 --> 00:20:32,461 of loony bin craft projects and staring out at the sea. 450 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,235 You think that place can hold me? 451 00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,808 You're dead, copper. You're all dead. 452 00:20:38,908 --> 00:20:40,510 But all that's after the castration 453 00:20:40,577 --> 00:20:42,882 and full frontal lobotomy. 454 00:20:42,983 --> 00:20:45,220 Wait, what? 455 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:49,195 One week later, they took his balls and brains. 456 00:20:49,295 --> 00:20:53,436 I'm Mac Bookpro, and I can skip a rock six times. 457 00:20:54,605 --> 00:20:56,009 That wasn't a good rock.