1
00:00:38,260 --> 00:00:39,860
Hey, guys, I didn't
know you were coming
2
00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:41,160
to the church raffle.
3
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,070
I will confess a mix-up to you.
4
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:46,440
I thought Donna said we were
going to the "church waffle."
5
00:00:46,470 --> 00:00:48,790
And we're only here for the
fantasy weekend at Fenway park.
6
00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:50,140
Fenway park?
7
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,410
Oh, yeah, the winner and
a friend get to hang out
8
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,610
and practice with retired
Red Sox players
9
00:00:54,650 --> 00:00:58,450
and then play in a real game,
right on the field at Fenway.
10
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,980
Oh, my god, that's always
been a dream of mine!
11
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:04,220
Well, that and tuning a guitar
in front of a live audience.
12
00:01:26,380 --> 00:01:29,450
This was in perfect tune
when they handed it to me.
13
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,350
Next up, our fantasy weekend
for two at Fenway park.
14
00:01:36,390 --> 00:01:37,590
Oh, man, this is it!
15
00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:41,020
And the winner is...
Peter Griffin!
17
00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:42,660
Holy crap, I won!
18
00:01:42,690 --> 00:01:44,460
Wow, good for you!
Congratulations!
19
00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:47,230
I like it when people
say your name out loud!
20
00:01:47,270 --> 00:01:48,800
How exciting, Peter.
21
00:01:48,830 --> 00:01:50,400
A weekend trip to Boston.
22
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:51,630
Yeah, and the best part is,
23
00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:53,500
I don't even have
to get on a plane.
24
00:01:53,540 --> 00:01:55,510
I always have trouble
at the airport.
25
00:01:58,010 --> 00:01:59,840
Sir, you're not allowed
to be on the carousel.
26
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,350
Well, then maybe you shouldn't
have named it such a fun word.
27
00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:05,073
Uh, excuse me, excuse me,
I'm not yours.
28
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,150
He's stealing me!
29
00:02:06,180 --> 00:02:07,280
I'm being stolen!
30
00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:08,750
Excuse me, I think
you've got mine.
31
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,520
Oh, that's a good idea.
32
00:02:19,630 --> 00:02:21,870
Oh, hey, quagmire.
Hey, Peter.
33
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,970
So I was just baking
a coffee cake,
34
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,500
and I figured I'd bring it over,
35
00:02:25,540 --> 00:02:26,970
'cause you like coffee cake.
36
00:02:27,010 --> 00:02:27,970
Wow, thanks.
37
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:29,110
Yeah, yeah, no problem.
38
00:02:29,140 --> 00:02:30,740
So, who are you taking to Fenway?
What?
39
00:02:30,780 --> 00:02:32,633
Well, I was just thinking,
you have that extra ticket,
40
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:33,610
maybe you'd want to...
41
00:02:33,650 --> 00:02:35,140
Peter, before you answer him,
42
00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:39,180
I've got that murdered jogger's
Discman you wanted last week.
43
00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:40,580
Still bloody.
44
00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:41,580
Hi, Peter.
45
00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,790
You know how you like $40 cash?
46
00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:45,960
Well, here's almost $40 cash.
47
00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:47,820
Guys, look, I know
you all want to go,
48
00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:50,090
but I-i need a little more
time to figure this out.
49
00:02:50,130 --> 00:02:52,100
I mean, I-it's a
tough decision.
50
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,930
Like what to do with that
big watermelon I bought.
51
00:02:54,970 --> 00:02:56,530
Griffin, I just wanted
to tell you...
52
00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,700
...that's a
great outfit.
53
00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:00,900
Keep it up.
54
00:03:00,940 --> 00:03:01,910
I knew it.
55
00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:04,740
I have to start trusting
myself more.
56
00:03:05,610 --> 00:03:07,010
Man, I don't envy you.
57
00:03:07,050 --> 00:03:08,673
Whichever one of them
you bring to Fenway,
58
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,280
the other two will
be mad at you.
59
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,613
I don't want to bring
any of them.
60
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:13,580
Those guys are all way better
than me at baseball.
61
00:03:13,620 --> 00:03:15,920
They'd just show me up
and ruin it for me.
62
00:03:15,950 --> 00:03:17,050
Why don't you bring Lois?
63
00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:18,353
She doesn't care about baseball,
64
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,220
and that way nobody gets
their feelings hurt.
65
00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:21,890
Brian, that's a great idea.
66
00:03:21,930 --> 00:03:22,890
Thanks.
67
00:03:22,930 --> 00:03:25,230
Is it new-tennis-ball
great?
68
00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:26,760
It's three-new-tennis-balls
great.
69
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,700
I'm gonna get 'em all,
I'm gonna get 'em all,
70
00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:29,700
I'm gonna get 'em all!
71
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:38,570
Mom, you're really
going to Boston?
72
00:03:38,610 --> 00:03:40,310
I didn't even think
you liked baseball.
73
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,110
Oh, I'm not going for baseball,
74
00:03:42,150 --> 00:03:44,710
I-I'm going for shopping,
the hotel spa,
76
00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,320
and two days of being away
77
00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:47,920
from you
life-sucking turds.
78
00:03:47,950 --> 00:03:49,990
Anyway, be good.
79
00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:52,120
And while we're gone,
Brian's in charge.
80
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,160
Where is Brian?
81
00:03:54,260 --> 00:03:56,790
What's up, bitches?
82
00:03:56,830 --> 00:03:58,190
Oh, come on, mom, really?
83
00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,600
I'm in high school,
84
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,900
and you're still putting
the dog in charge?
85
00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:03,570
Believe me, Meg,
you want me in charge.
86
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,200
Stewie can be a
bit of a handful.
87
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:06,370
He's right, you know.
88
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,710
I'm a total Taurus,
stubborn as they come.
89
00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:10,040
All right, fine, Meg.
90
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,280
While we're away,
you can be in charge.
91
00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:14,540
Come on, Lois,
time to get to Fenway.
92
00:04:14,580 --> 00:04:16,810
Wow, dad, you look awesome.
93
00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:19,420
But I thought you were gonna
dress like a baseball player.
94
00:04:19,450 --> 00:04:20,620
I am, Chris.
95
00:04:20,650 --> 00:04:22,443
I'm the type of player
who arrives at the stadium
96
00:04:22,450 --> 00:04:23,420
in a suit.
97
00:04:23,460 --> 00:04:25,320
With a tie knot
as big as an apple.
98
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,760
That's how you know
I got Mon-ay.
99
00:04:27,790 --> 00:04:30,260
All right, we'll see
you guys Sunday.
100
00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:34,030
Okay, now you heard mom say
I'm in charge,
101
00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:36,300
so I just want to lay a
few ground rules. Yeah.
102
00:04:36,330 --> 00:04:38,030
I promise we're gonna have fun,
103
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,770
but there will be a schedule,
uh-huh.
104
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,563
Just to keep everything running smoothly.
Sure, got to have boundaries.
105
00:04:41,570 --> 00:04:43,503
And I may assign a chore or two,
that's great, Meg.
106
00:04:43,510 --> 00:04:45,633
Because it's actually more fun sounds
like you got it all worked out.
107
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,343
When everyone pitches in.
Hey, by the way...
108
00:04:47,350 --> 00:04:48,880
Ah!
109
00:04:48,910 --> 00:04:50,710
I'm gonna flush your
retainer down the toilet.
110
00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:11,670
Look at this, Lois, the
Fenway park locker room.
111
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:12,940
All right, Peter, I'm gonna go.
112
00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:15,370
You want to hand me some cash
in front of the other men
113
00:05:15,410 --> 00:05:16,870
so you feel powerful?
114
00:05:16,910 --> 00:05:20,010
Instead, why don't you just
take my minions discover card?
115
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:22,350
Hey, there, sluggers.
116
00:05:22,380 --> 00:05:24,680
Welcome to Red Sox
fantasy weekend.
117
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,220
Well, who's this?
118
00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:28,280
We've never had a lady
come out for this before.
119
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,550
Oh, no, no, that's my wife,
she's just dropping me off.
120
00:05:30,590 --> 00:05:33,360
Yeah, you're nice,
but I'm not staying.
121
00:05:33,390 --> 00:05:35,460
I don't know the first
thing about baseball.
122
00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:37,390
Look, your spot's
already paid for.
123
00:05:37,430 --> 00:05:40,460
And besides, if you leave,
the teams will be lopsided.
124
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,270
So, as your coach, I insist
you stay and play with us.
125
00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:44,630
Right, fellas?
126
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,900
Well, I don't know.
127
00:05:47,940 --> 00:05:49,610
What do you think, Peter?
128
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,940
What do I think about
sharing fantasy baseball camp
129
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:53,040
with my wife?
130
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,650
Yeah, come on, let her play.
131
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:59,020
Wow, 1980s
all-star Wade Boggs!
132
00:05:59,050 --> 00:06:01,380
Hey, would you mind standing
next to a star of today?
133
00:06:01,420 --> 00:06:02,420
Sure.
134
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,520
Man, what happened to our game?
135
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,890
David Ortiz, will you
pick him up like a baby?
136
00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:09,130
It's your weekend.
137
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,830
Now let me put this
baby bonnet on his head
138
00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:14,160
and a cigar in his mouth.
139
00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:16,930
So, what do you say?
140
00:06:16,970 --> 00:06:18,370
Are you gonna let
your wife play?
141
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,540
Absolutely.
142
00:06:19,570 --> 00:06:21,000
Lois, stay here
and play with us.
143
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,340
I can't say no to baby Boggs.
144
00:06:23,370 --> 00:06:25,270
Coochie-coochie-coo...
ah, he bit me.
145
00:06:33,740 --> 00:06:35,840
Oh, my god,
I can't believe I'm here.
146
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,550
Lois, see that wall there?
147
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:39,810
They call that
"the green monster."
148
00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:43,350
And over there's where I threw a
d-cell battery at Jose Canseco.
149
00:06:43,390 --> 00:06:44,920
All right, let's play ball.
150
00:06:46,220 --> 00:06:48,360
Wow, you must be excited, Peter.
151
00:06:48,390 --> 00:06:51,230
Yep, guess I can cross this
one off my bucket list.
152
00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:54,660
All that's left now is living
the pueblo lifestyle.
153
00:06:56,470 --> 00:06:58,530
Peter, what the hell
did you do to the house?
154
00:06:58,570 --> 00:07:02,400
I know, it seems pretty lame
until you realize I'm 58.
155
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,870
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go lick the foot
156
00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:08,840
of a fleshy, pale woman
for real sex 34.
157
00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,280
Rupert, what do you think
of this fan fiction I wrote?
158
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,850
"Diego pressed Dora
against the wall,
159
00:07:18,890 --> 00:07:20,290
"her bosom heaving,
160
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,920
"her hot Latina breath
on his face.
161
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,630
For once, Diego was going
to do the exploring."
162
00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:30,100
Whew, just reading it...
Muy caliente.
164
00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:32,330
Okay, Stewie, time for
you to get dressed.
165
00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:34,700
Yeah, a closed door
means "come in," I guess.
166
00:07:35,940 --> 00:07:37,540
What the hell do you
think you're doing?
167
00:07:37,570 --> 00:07:39,510
Let's pick out a
cute shirt for you.
168
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:41,380
Then I thought we
can go to the park.
169
00:07:41,410 --> 00:07:42,510
Or, how about this?
170
00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:44,710
I press my butt against
the wall and dook on it?
171
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:46,880
Stewie!
172
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:47,920
Don't do that!
173
00:07:47,950 --> 00:07:49,113
You're messing with my schedule,
174
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,890
so I'm giving you wall poo.
175
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,450
Stop that right now.
176
00:07:52,490 --> 00:07:54,120
You just earned
a time-out.
177
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,620
A what? Let go of me!
178
00:07:55,660 --> 00:07:56,860
Don't you walk away!
179
00:07:56,890 --> 00:07:59,330
Hey, don't bruise me,
I'm going dancing later.
180
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,400
You listen to me,
you little monster,
181
00:08:01,430 --> 00:08:03,600
I take abuse from
everybody around here,
182
00:08:03,630 --> 00:08:05,830
but I am not gonna
take it from you.
183
00:08:05,870 --> 00:08:08,070
Now sit here until
I say you can get up.
184
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:10,270
And if you move
one muscle before then,
185
00:08:10,310 --> 00:08:12,470
I'll smack you
in your weird head.
186
00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:14,040
Hey, it's not weird.
187
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,810
Mom says it's distinctive.
188
00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:26,720
Griffin, you're up.
189
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,060
It's always the fat one.
190
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:32,960
I heard that.
191
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,730
I said it right to you.
192
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:35,730
You know what?
193
00:08:35,770 --> 00:08:37,170
Let's just get Lois up to bat.
194
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,300
Where's Lois?
195
00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:40,270
I'm right here, coach.
196
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:42,700
Guess you don't have
a lot of babes out here.
197
00:08:42,740 --> 00:08:45,010
Except for babe Ruth.
198
00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:48,110
Babe Ruth.
Ha!
199
00:08:48,140 --> 00:08:49,840
That's funny 'cause she's hot.
200
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,580
Ah, it's a little like tennis.
201
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:57,390
Uh, did you see that, Peter?
202
00:08:57,420 --> 00:08:58,750
I'm doing it all!
203
00:08:58,790 --> 00:09:01,120
Damn it. This is supposed
to be my weekend.
204
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,400
Stewie?
205
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,540
What the hell's going on?
206
00:09:14,570 --> 00:09:15,800
Meg's awful!
207
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,510
She gave me a time-out and
she made me sit in this chair.
208
00:09:18,540 --> 00:09:20,910
My god, she put eye
shadow on you, too.
209
00:09:20,940 --> 00:09:23,140
I might've gotten up
from the chair.
210
00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:24,650
Brian, Meg's lost her mind.
211
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:25,880
You've got to talk to her.
212
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,550
Stewie, Lois put Meg in charge,
213
00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:29,850
and, honestly, once I knew that,
214
00:09:29,890 --> 00:09:31,050
I ate a pot cookie.
215
00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:32,890
So, um, yeah.
216
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,320
So good luck with all that.
217
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,660
Uh, you got any cool DVDs?
218
00:09:36,690 --> 00:09:38,030
Brian, please, I need help.
219
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:39,060
Totally.
220
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,260
Hey, where's Chris?
221
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:42,560
I wonder if he'll play
Wii bowling with me.
222
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,730
All right, that's it,
I'm not just gonna sit here
223
00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:46,270
and see what that psycho
does next.
224
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:47,270
All right, think.
225
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:48,370
Ah!
226
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,270
I shall fashion
a makeshift ladder
227
00:09:50,310 --> 00:09:53,070
with my diaper genie entrails,
shimmy down to the yard,
228
00:09:53,110 --> 00:09:54,840
and I'm free.
229
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,780
The trick, Chris,
is thinking of the wand
230
00:09:56,810 --> 00:09:59,110
as an extension of your arm.
231
00:09:59,150 --> 00:10:01,250
Wow, I can't believe
I'm pretend bowling
232
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,750
with a dog on drugs!
233
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,690
Ah! Son of a bitch!
234
00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:12,430
Oh, my god, a baby!
235
00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:13,690
My name's Shelly.
236
00:10:13,730 --> 00:10:15,130
I can't have any of my own.
237
00:10:15,170 --> 00:10:17,000
Would you like to
come home with me?
238
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,200
I love you so much.
239
00:10:18,230 --> 00:10:20,070
Ah! Everywhere's a nightmare!
240
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:35,220
Wow, it's nice they put on
a banquet for you.
241
00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:37,320
It looks like I'm
the only woman here.
242
00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:38,520
Yeah, they're ex-athletes,
243
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:39,990
which means they're all
divorced.
244
00:10:40,020 --> 00:10:42,023
In fact, their ex-wives are
having a banquet next door
245
00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:43,260
with their money.
246
00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,730
Oh, they're having fun.
247
00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,860
They're doing a lot
of pointing dancing.
248
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:55,170
Well, at least somebody's
having fun here tonight.
249
00:10:55,210 --> 00:10:57,940
Oh, you're just nervous
about the big game tomorrow.
250
00:10:57,970 --> 00:11:00,410
I-is it 'cause of how pink
you turn when you run?
251
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,880
A couple guys mentioned
that today on the field.
252
00:11:02,910 --> 00:11:04,080
What? Who said that?
253
00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:05,950
I don't know,
"N-Nomar" something.
254
00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:07,280
You met Nomar?!
255
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,680
Hey, there you are.
256
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,850
We've been saving a spot
at the head table for you
257
00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:11,953
with all the
hall-of-famers.
258
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,250
Oh, thanks.
259
00:11:13,290 --> 00:11:15,060
Finally something's
going my way.
260
00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:17,830
Where should I...
Not you. Lois.
261
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:18,990
What?
262
00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:23,600
This is the one night
of the year
263
00:11:23,630 --> 00:11:26,070
they let me out
of the scoreboard.
264
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:29,170
Oh, I don't know if I deserve
to sit at the head table.
265
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:30,770
No, no, we took a vote.
266
00:11:30,810 --> 00:11:32,340
We all want to sit next to you.
267
00:11:32,380 --> 00:11:33,773
You're the only one
here who doesn't have
268
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:36,180
a fistful of baseball
cards for us to sign.
269
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:37,610
I wasn't gonna
have 'em sign 'em.
270
00:11:37,650 --> 00:11:39,380
I was just gonna
tell 'em their stats.
271
00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:41,250
But this is Peter's weekend.
272
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,850
Aw, don't worry about Peter.
273
00:11:42,890 --> 00:11:44,920
Now, come on, Lois,
we've got you sitting
274
00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:46,790
right between Pedro Martinez
275
00:11:46,820 --> 00:11:49,120
and Ted Williams' severed head.
276
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,890
There's a special place in hell
277
00:11:50,930 --> 00:11:54,100
for whoever's responsible
for me ending up like this.
278
00:11:59,540 --> 00:12:02,270
Hey, Meg, is anybody gonna
eat this grilled cheese?
279
00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:04,770
No, don't eat that.
That's Stewie's lunch.
280
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,610
Oh, my god, Stewie!
281
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,380
I forgot, he's been
in a time-out for six hours.
282
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,350
Stewie?
Oh, no, where is he?
283
00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:17,180
He's gone... I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.
284
00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:19,320
I tried to tell you,
watching Stewie wasn't easy.
285
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,460
Oh... aw, man,
this is terrible.
286
00:12:22,490 --> 00:12:24,560
Stewie could be anywhere.
287
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,740
Sorry, I forgot my jacket.
288
00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:49,520
Okay, everybody, we're gonna
do some double-play drills.
289
00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:50,890
Oh, yeah, a little infield.
290
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,350
Let's flash some leather,
huh, guys?
291
00:12:52,390 --> 00:12:54,020
Who wants to play second?
292
00:12:54,060 --> 00:12:54,860
I will.
293
00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:56,860
Lois, why don't you take second?
294
00:12:56,890 --> 00:12:58,890
How could he not see that?
295
00:12:58,930 --> 00:13:01,130
I even held up my arm
with my other hand.
296
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:02,600
That is the most noticeable way
297
00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:03,730
to raise your hand.
298
00:13:03,770 --> 00:13:04,863
Okay, Griffin, you go out there
299
00:13:04,870 --> 00:13:06,600
and be the base runner.
300
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,200
All right, Peter,
show 'em what you got.
301
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,770
Okay, Lois, catch the ball,
302
00:13:10,810 --> 00:13:12,270
and if your foot
comes off the bag,
303
00:13:12,310 --> 00:13:14,540
just tag Peter
on any part of his body.
304
00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:16,140
How could I miss, right?
305
00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:17,880
It'll be like tagging a barn.
306
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,550
Sorry, Peter, that's baseball.
307
00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:26,620
I'll show you baseball,
you sexually unsatisfied wife!
308
00:13:31,330 --> 00:13:33,890
Oh.
309
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:46,210
Yeah! Now, that's a
big-league slide, huh, coach?
310
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,810
Damn it!
311
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,540
I think it's broken.
312
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:51,280
Griffin, what are you, an idiot?
313
00:13:51,310 --> 00:13:53,110
Yeah, an idiot
who's gonna show up
314
00:13:53,150 --> 00:13:55,220
on Sportscenter tonight.
315
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:56,420
Coming up after the break,
316
00:13:56,450 --> 00:13:58,413
we'll have highlights
of the playoff game between...
317
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,790
Streaking. Unrelated.
318
00:14:05,990 --> 00:14:07,350
Yep, her leg is fractured.
319
00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:08,720
We should get her
to the hospital.
320
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,260
My only medical training
is to say "walk it off."
321
00:14:11,290 --> 00:14:12,960
Can you walk it off?
No!
322
00:14:12,990 --> 00:14:14,560
Oh, well, that's not good.
323
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,300
Okay, I'm gonna go fake-use
the phone in the dugout.
324
00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:19,430
Peter, what the hell
got into you?
325
00:14:19,470 --> 00:14:21,870
Nothing. I was just trying
to play hard, like Pete rose.
326
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:25,170
Look, I can even do
the Pete rose haircut.
327
00:14:25,210 --> 00:14:28,140
I bet you a thousand bucks
I have a drinking problem.
328
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:30,040
Guys, we got to get
that leg set.
329
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,740
I guess I should
ride in the ambulance.
330
00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:33,500
You think I'll be back
in time for the game?
331
00:14:33,510 --> 00:14:35,410
What? You're not
playing in the game.
332
00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:37,020
It's supposed to be
a fun day out here,
333
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:39,350
and you go nuts and
break your wife's leg.
334
00:14:39,390 --> 00:14:40,990
It's not my fault,
I'm all hopped up
335
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:43,690
on hard baseball card gum.
336
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,400
Mmm, it's like eating
a MasterCard.
337
00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:53,570
Let's get her out of here.
338
00:14:54,570 --> 00:14:56,100
And you, you're done.
339
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:58,270
Clean out your locker!
340
00:14:58,310 --> 00:15:01,240
Kicked out?
I'm totally screwed.
341
00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,800
Like those poor guys
who had to come up
342
00:15:02,810 --> 00:15:05,040
with a new ad campaign
for subway.
343
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,550
Hey, I'm Mike.
344
00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:09,110
I like sandwiches
and people my own age.
345
00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:12,480
Subway... please don't
think of pedophilia.
346
00:15:19,130 --> 00:15:20,960
You know what I'm
getting sick of saying?
347
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,000
"My husband did this to me,
but it's not what you think."
348
00:15:24,030 --> 00:15:26,470
Please forgive me, Lois.
I'm so stupid.
349
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,200
The reason I didn't
bring my friends is
350
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,300
'cause I didn't want 'em
hogging the spotlight.
351
00:15:30,340 --> 00:15:32,660
And then when I saw everyone
giving you all that attention,
352
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,010
I-I guess I kind of lost it.
353
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,840
You did a little.
354
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,210
But of course I forgive you.
355
00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:42,050
I just don't understand
why you went so crazy.
356
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,920
Well, ever since I was little,
357
00:15:43,950 --> 00:15:45,920
I was always the fat,
uncoordinated kid
358
00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:47,550
that nobody wanted
on their team.
359
00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:49,620
And I was excited
that for one weekend,
360
00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:51,360
if I could just step
on that field
361
00:15:51,390 --> 00:15:53,190
and get a hit at Fenway park,
362
00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:55,330
I could erase all that
and feel like a champ
363
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:56,960
for the first time in my life.
364
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,570
But I'm not a champ,
I'm a fat loser.
365
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,300
No wonder nobody ever picked me.
366
00:16:04,940 --> 00:16:06,610
I picked you, Peter.
367
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,240
And to me and our kids,
you will always be a winner.
368
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,040
Thanks, Lois.
369
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,780
And you know what?
If that's true,
370
00:16:13,810 --> 00:16:15,510
I don't need to play
in some stupid
371
00:16:15,550 --> 00:16:17,120
fantasy baseball game.
372
00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:18,250
Well, guess what.
373
00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:19,483
You're gonna play in that game,
374
00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:20,820
and you're gonna get that hit.
375
00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:22,890
And when you do, we're
all gonna be there
376
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:24,020
to cheer you on.
377
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:26,430
Really? Well,
how's that gonna happen?
378
00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:28,530
Peter, these guys have
been sexually harassing me
379
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:29,900
since the second I got here.
380
00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:31,960
Either you play, or
every one of these Red Sox
381
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,730
are going to jail...
even Ted Williams.
382
00:16:34,770 --> 00:16:36,330
Mmm, new meat.
383
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,870
I think we're gonna
get along just fine.
384
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,570
This is the
number-one fear
385
00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:42,940
of only being a head.
386
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:50,020
Brian, do you always listen to
the Sirius XM preview station?
387
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:51,810
Yeah, I'm thinking about
pulling the trigger,
388
00:16:51,820 --> 00:16:53,283
but they make you sign,
like, a two-year...
389
00:16:53,290 --> 00:16:55,050
Guys, who cares about
your dumb radio?!
390
00:16:55,090 --> 00:16:56,960
We can't find Stewie anywhere.
391
00:16:57,990 --> 00:17:01,430
Hello.
Oh, hi, mom.
392
00:17:01,460 --> 00:17:03,100
Hi, honey.
How you doing?
393
00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:04,430
How's Stewie?
394
00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:06,700
Oh, he's great.
Not lost or anything.
395
00:17:06,730 --> 00:17:08,670
How's fantasy camp going?
396
00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:10,870
Uh, your father broke
my leg out of jealousy,
397
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:12,440
but that didn't ruin
our honeymoon,
398
00:17:12,470 --> 00:17:13,770
and it's not gonna ruin this.
399
00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:16,210
So listen, I want all you guys
400
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,040
to drive up to Boston
this afternoon
401
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,110
to see your father play
in the big game.
402
00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:22,380
Uh, wow, we'd love to...
403
00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:24,950
Mom, but we promised Stewie
404
00:17:24,990 --> 00:17:28,620
we'd perform a puppet show
for him later today.
405
00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:31,590
Oh, you can perform it
for all of us up here in Boston.
406
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,090
The game's in two hours.
407
00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:34,860
Drive safely.
408
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:38,100
Crap! Now we got to find Stewie
and write a puppet show.
409
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,230
We could repurpose
my one-act farce.
410
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,470
Or we could write
something fresh.
411
00:17:44,510 --> 00:17:46,400
Look, just because it's
already been written
412
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,940
doesn't mean it's not fresh.
413
00:17:47,980 --> 00:17:50,180
What did I just say?
Shut up!
414
00:17:50,210 --> 00:17:53,040
We're in trouble.
I'm in trouble.
415
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,050
Hey, what's this, a
dickweed convention?
416
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,080
Stewie!
417
00:17:56,120 --> 00:17:57,420
Oh, thank god you're home!
418
00:17:57,450 --> 00:17:58,950
Where the hell have you been?
419
00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:01,390
As far away from her
as possible.
420
00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:02,820
I forgot her name, honestly.
421
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:05,190
Who, Meg? - Yes, yes, Meg.
She's scary and mean,
422
00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:08,060
and I don't ever want her
to be in charge of me.
423
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:10,200
Are you afraid of me,
little guy?
424
00:18:10,230 --> 00:18:13,970
Oh, Stewie, I'm really sorry
I left you in that time-out.
425
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,670
I love you very much,
and I'm so happy you're home.
426
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:19,670
You're my little brother.
427
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,440
Can you forgive me?
428
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,510
Well... all right.
429
00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:31,250
Can I have your baby?
430
00:18:31,290 --> 00:18:33,050
Don't let her in!
431
00:18:39,590 --> 00:18:41,390
We're all proud of you, Peter.
432
00:18:41,430 --> 00:18:42,790
N-now, don't be nervous.
433
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:44,730
I ain't nervous, Lois...
I'm just sweating
434
00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:47,470
'cause I was too embarrassed
to get nude in the locker room,
435
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,570
so I'm wearing all this
over long pajamas.
436
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,970
Ladies and gentlemen,
now batting
437
00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:56,140
for the Boston Red Sox,
Peter Griffin!
438
00:19:13,190 --> 00:19:15,930
Fair ball!
Run, Peter! Run it out!
439
00:19:20,570 --> 00:19:21,770
Peter's brain.
440
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,640
Yeah, uh, this is
the muscle department.
441
00:19:23,670 --> 00:19:25,300
What the hell is he doing?
442
00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:27,670
Uh, apparently,
he's trying to sprint.
443
00:19:27,710 --> 00:19:29,940
Sprint? He got winded
walking to the plate.
444
00:19:29,980 --> 00:19:32,810
And he's been out in the
blazing sun for two days.
445
00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:34,550
Has he had any water?
446
00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:37,580
No. He told his wife
there's juices in the hot dogs.
447
00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:39,480
Well, I'm sorry, I got no choice
448
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,850
but to call for a
complete muscle failure.
449
00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:49,160
Look! Dad's planking,
450
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,860
from, like, eight years ago!
451
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:52,860
Is there a Neiman Marcus
in Boston?
452
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,830
Peter! Get up!
Get up and run!
453
00:19:57,540 --> 00:19:58,970
Run, Peter!
Come on, dad!
454
00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:02,010
We love you! Copley place.
How far is that?
455
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:15,590
I ran like a champion that day,
pushing through the pain
456
00:20:15,620 --> 00:20:18,120
of two torn hamstrings
and a ruptured groin,
457
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,290
to leg out the hit
at Fenway park
458
00:20:20,330 --> 00:20:23,460
I had always dreamed of.
459
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:26,630
But nobody noticed, 'cause
the account manager from B of a
460
00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:29,070
who was playing third base
had a massive coronary
461
00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:32,070
trying to field
my crappy little nubber.
462
00:20:32,110 --> 00:20:35,640
The hit was amazing,
but what made it even better
463
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,540
was that my family was there
to share the moment with me.
464
00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:41,050
And on the car ride home,
they put on a puppet show
465
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,050
that made me laugh so hard
I crashed into a tollbooth
466
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,080
on the mass pike,
totaling the car
467
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,090
and breaking Lois's other leg.
468
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,890
The casts kind of smell,
469
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,590
so I won't let her sleep in
the bedroom till they're off.