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00:00:02,561 --> 00:00:05,078
♪ ♪
2
00:00:05,231 --> 00:00:07,247
PETER:
I thought I'd seen it all.
3
00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:09,991
But that's the thing
about Quahog.
4
00:00:10,085 --> 00:00:13,595
You never know what's hiding
under the hard shell of a clam.
5
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The Great Depression
hit the town hard.
6
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:21,687
FDR announced we had nothing
to fear but fear itself.
7
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ROOSEVELT (over radio):
The only thing we have to fear
8
00:00:23,766 --> 00:00:25,749
is fear itself.
9
00:00:25,751 --> 00:00:27,509
And, also, bees.
10
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,270
Or when a man has a beard
and then shaves it.
11
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,681
'Cause I don't
recognize him immediately.
12
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If I watched him shave it,
it would be different.
13
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If I saw the process.
14
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And there's this guy Hitler we
should probably keep an eye on.
15
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But mostly bees.
16
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PETER:
It was also the height
of Prohibition.
17
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Water or seltzer, anyone?
18
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PETER: Which of course meant
drinking was very cool,
19
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and everyone did it
all the time.
20
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And of course, there was racism.
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A lot of it. It was horrible.
22
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Except for the laundromat,
which served everyone.
23
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Thanks for doing
my undergarments.
24
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PETER:
They were really nice.
25
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So, who am I?
26
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The name's Mac. Mac Bookpro.
27
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And I'm a private dick.
28
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(unzips)
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A very private dick.
30
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And don't listen.
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("Love Theme from Chinatown"
playing)
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(doorbell ringing)
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♪ ♪
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♪ ♪
35
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(horns honking)
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PETER:
My office was in
the Cocaine-Cola building.
37
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All the businessmen there
had ideas for other businesses.
38
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Well, Mac,
what did you find out?
39
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Now hold on, it's 8:00 a.m.
and we're two men in a room.
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Let me fix you a drink.
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So, I tailed your wife.
42
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Sorry, pal,
she's having an affair.
43
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Ah, too bad.
44
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I guess she's the maple,
but I'm the sap.
45
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There you go.
You're gonna be okay.
46
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:53,079
But it's 8:00 a.m., and you're
a man about to get in a car.
47
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Let me fix you another drink.
48
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Thanks, Mac. I owe you one.
49
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,587
Mr. Bookpro?
50
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,664
Yes, Ms. Patbottom?
51
00:03:02,758 --> 00:03:04,090
(laughs):
Oh, Mr. Bookpro.
52
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PETER:
My secretary, Fanny Patbottom.
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She's my gal Thursday.
54
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She has choir practice Fridays.
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She's, uh, not available
to me then.
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Now, a couple of items
of business.
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First, we're going
to have to postpone
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00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,179
today's tangling
of the Venetian blinds.
59
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,847
I think we're gonna have
to start sending the schedule
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the night before.
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Also, there's a woman
here to see you.
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LOIS:
May I come in, Mr. Bookpro?
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♪ ♪
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PETER:
I'll never forget the day
she walked through my door.
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Ah, damn it. And this was
the smallest brim they had.
66
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(grunts)
67
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The name's Hedy.
Hedy Toothgraze.
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PETER:
She was the type of girl
who really left a mark on you.
69
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Please, have a seat.
70
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,635
Do you mind if I don't smoke?
71
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I'm afraid I do.
72
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Totally understand.
73
00:03:53,049 --> 00:03:55,901
So, we're two people in a room
at 8:04 a.m.
74
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Let me fix you a drink.
75
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So, Mr. Bookpro, I'm here
because my daughter is missing.
76
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She's a nun.
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Frankly, we weren't that close.
78
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I gave her to the Church after
my husband died in the war.
79
00:04:07,656 --> 00:04:09,748
So, will you take the case?
80
00:04:09,941 --> 00:04:12,309
PETER:
I wasn't sure I could trust her,
but I needed the dough.
81
00:04:12,402 --> 00:04:13,961
My rent was two bucks a month
82
00:04:14,070 --> 00:04:16,421
and I still owed
50 cents on my car.
83
00:04:19,151 --> 00:04:21,093
Since the missing gal was a nun,
84
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I decided to start
at the Church.
85
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Greetings, my son.
86
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Cardinal St. Louis,
likely bad guy.
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Mac Bookpro.
88
00:04:32,422 --> 00:04:34,180
Sorry to bother you
about a case, Padre.
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Do you want to talk here,
90
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or should I come
inside your rectory?
91
00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:39,260
Okay, Groucho, calm down.
92
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I'm here looking for a nun.
Recognize her?
93
00:04:43,509 --> 00:04:44,674
Of course, that's Sister Megan.
94
00:04:44,768 --> 00:04:46,176
She runs the church orphanage.
95
00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:47,703
And how about this photo?
96
00:04:48,938 --> 00:04:50,104
I don't know.
97
00:04:50,198 --> 00:04:51,773
Any dunking photo
where you don't see the ground
98
00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:54,034
-is very suspicious.
-I see.
99
00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,036
So, when was the last time
you saw the sister?
100
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,204
In the church garden,
wearing giant nun boots
101
00:04:58,357 --> 00:04:59,706
and trying to step on squirrels.
102
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Yeah, that checks out.
103
00:05:01,226 --> 00:05:03,593
If you think of anything,
here's my card.
104
00:05:04,788 --> 00:05:06,363
"To my beloved niece."
105
00:05:06,456 --> 00:05:08,715
Aw, and he wrote his own note
106
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,291
instead of just signing
his name.
107
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I like that guy now. He cares.
108
00:05:13,797 --> 00:05:14,813
Hey, Mac.
109
00:05:14,964 --> 00:05:17,482
Well, if it isn't my old pal
Red Wiener?
110
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Red was the best
newspaper guy out there.
111
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Except when the newspaper
was rolled up,
112
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then he was kind of scared.
113
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So, what's got you sniffing
around here today, Fido?
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Same as you, pal. Sister Megan.
115
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:28,994
I heard you talking
to the cardinal.
116
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Well, get this:
she called me a few days ago
117
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and said she had a big story.
118
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We were supposed to meet
at a speakeasy,
119
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but she disappeared
before we could get together.
120
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,504
A nun at a speakeasy?
That doesn't figure.
121
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-Maybe we should check it out.
-You got it.
122
00:05:42,084 --> 00:05:43,508
Say, can we go to the next scene
with one of those
123
00:05:43,735 --> 00:05:46,178
cinematic sideways wipes
they used to do in the '30s?
124
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I don't know, I did
a sideways wipe this morning.
125
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I don't recommend it.
126
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Not a good way to make friends
on the trolley.
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CLEVELAND:
What's the word?
128
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-Bird.
-Bird is the word.
129
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Welcome to The Sunken Clam.
130
00:06:06,258 --> 00:06:08,200
What can I get you fellas?
131
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Two this-period fashioneds,
please.
132
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We're looking for a girl
who was supposed to show here.
133
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You ever seen her?
134
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CLEVELAND:
Hmm. Doesn't ring a bell.
135
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Well, no one has any idea
what happened to her.
136
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Not even her boss, the cardinal.
137
00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:24,216
The cardinal? Let me tell you,
that priest is a shady cat.
138
00:06:24,443 --> 00:06:26,868
I heard that when the state
voted on Prohibition,
139
00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:29,721
he rigged the vote
to get alcohol banned.
140
00:06:29,873 --> 00:06:31,706
I tell you, something's
going on at that church,
141
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,559
and I'm not gonna rest
until I get to the bottom of it.
142
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Yeah, I'm with you, pal.
143
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,896
Two more Black girls
recently went missing.
144
00:06:38,047 --> 00:06:39,806
Maybe you can
look into that, too?
145
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,475
-Oh, boy, you know,
I am just so busy...
-Yeah, I am absolutely swamped.
146
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,070
-...with this
Sister Megan thing.
-Just buried in paperwork.
147
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PETER:
With the case heating up,
148
00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:49,299
I decided to visit my friend
down at the station.
149
00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:51,801
I hadn't been back since
they kicked me off the force.
150
00:06:51,895 --> 00:06:54,562
For years they'd been letting
horses poop on the street.
151
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,806
But I do it one time
and I'm out.
152
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,900
But I still had
one friend there.
153
00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:00,902
My old buddy Ace.
154
00:07:00,996 --> 00:07:02,495
Ace Hardware.
155
00:07:02,648 --> 00:07:03,922
So, Mac, what brings you here?
156
00:07:04,073 --> 00:07:06,091
-Looking for a girl.
-A girl, huh?
157
00:07:06,242 --> 00:07:09,502
Yeah. You know, a skirt,
a bird, a twist, a roundheel.
158
00:07:09,655 --> 00:07:12,839
I spent most of my time at
the library looking up synonyms.
159
00:07:12,991 --> 00:07:14,933
She's a nun. Sister Megan.
160
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,342
I think the cardinal
had something to do
161
00:07:16,495 --> 00:07:18,252
-with her disappearance.
-Oh, the cardinal?
162
00:07:18,346 --> 00:07:20,163
I'd be careful if I were you.
163
00:07:20,256 --> 00:07:21,756
He's a heavy hitter
in this town.
164
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:25,277
A big cheese, a head honcho,
a real butter and egg man.
165
00:07:25,428 --> 00:07:28,004
I also spent most of my time
at the library
166
00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:29,597
looking up synonyms.
167
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,008
If I were you,
I'd wheel away from this one.
168
00:07:32,101 --> 00:07:34,661
Wheel far, far away.
169
00:07:34,846 --> 00:07:37,864
PETER:
The cops and the cardinal
were both dead ends.
170
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,032
I was starting to wonder
whether the sister
171
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,350
was even missing.
172
00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:43,295
And then, a couple of friends
pulled up.
173
00:07:48,117 --> 00:07:49,859
They cornered me
in Kirstie Alley,
174
00:07:49,878 --> 00:07:51,878
the widest alley in Quahog.
175
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,806
Hey, Mac.
Fancy meeting you here.
176
00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:56,808
Well, if it isn't Bogey
and Bacaw.
177
00:07:57,035 --> 00:07:58,051
Oof.
178
00:07:58,203 --> 00:07:59,219
I hear you've been
snooping around
179
00:07:59,371 --> 00:08:01,037
the disappearance of a nun.
180
00:08:01,056 --> 00:08:03,540
Well, I didn't mean to ruffle
anyone's feathers.
181
00:08:03,558 --> 00:08:04,816
Oof again.
182
00:08:04,926 --> 00:08:07,043
You used to be smarter
than this, Mac.
183
00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:08,878
Before you got kicked off
the force,
184
00:08:08,897 --> 00:08:10,655
you knew how to play ball.
185
00:08:10,807 --> 00:08:12,991
But now, here we are.
186
00:08:14,811 --> 00:08:18,738
PETER:
Luckily, they let me
go with a warning.
187
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,999
My shadow wasn't so lucky.
188
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,984
My cop friend told me
to stay away from the case,
189
00:08:23,078 --> 00:08:24,986
and I was starting
to think he was right.
190
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,580
But then I got the call
I'd been dreading.
191
00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:29,566
-(phone ringing)
-Hello?
192
00:08:29,659 --> 00:08:32,752
American Dad's been picked up
for three more seasons?
193
00:08:32,904 --> 00:08:35,405
God, when do I get a weekend?
194
00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:36,589
(phone ringing)
195
00:08:36,742 --> 00:08:38,074
Then I got another call.
196
00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:40,001
They found Sister Megan.
197
00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:42,270
(gunshot)
198
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,008
Well, one thing's for sure.
199
00:08:47,102 --> 00:08:49,844
We've got a killer shark
on our hands.
200
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,988
Close the beaches.
201
00:08:56,444 --> 00:08:58,286
♪ ♪
202
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,249
(thunder crashes)
203
00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:10,364
(gasps) I can't believe
my daughter's dead.
204
00:09:10,458 --> 00:09:12,959
Doctor, are there any leads
from the body?
205
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,220
Anything that can tell us
who did this?
206
00:09:15,447 --> 00:09:17,889
Well, not yet, but I've sent
some DNA samples to the lab.
207
00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:20,225
-When will we get the results?
-About 65 years.
208
00:09:20,452 --> 00:09:22,727
-Nuts.
-I did find one thing, though.
209
00:09:22,954 --> 00:09:26,289
There was a roll of camera film
hidden in her waistband.
210
00:09:26,308 --> 00:09:28,291
Thanks, Doc. Maybe it's a clue.
211
00:09:28,384 --> 00:09:31,403
No problem, Mac.
But there is one more thing.
212
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,608
Uh...
213
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,536
Uhp. Nope, no. I lost it.
214
00:09:41,656 --> 00:09:43,823
Oh, dear. What am I gonna do?
215
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,309
My daughter's dead,
and I'm single.
216
00:09:46,328 --> 00:09:48,161
Who wants a woman
without a child?
217
00:09:48,313 --> 00:09:49,996
I think you got that backwards.
218
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,423
Listen, it's been
a long couple of days.
219
00:09:51,574 --> 00:09:53,240
What do you say
I take you out tonight?
220
00:09:53,335 --> 00:09:54,926
We'll go to the Supper Club.
221
00:09:55,078 --> 00:09:58,321
Mr. Bookpro, what kind
of a private dick are you?
222
00:09:58,414 --> 00:09:59,931
The kind that was a public one
223
00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:01,491
until he got arrested
in the park.
224
00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:03,560
♪ ♪
225
00:10:11,427 --> 00:10:13,361
♪ ♪
226
00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:19,100
Say, I noticed you've
only had three Scotches
227
00:10:19,194 --> 00:10:20,952
and five cigarettes.
228
00:10:21,104 --> 00:10:22,603
-Something wrong?
-I don't know.
229
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:25,515
I still can't believe you drove
us here in a fudge Packard.
230
00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:27,792
Stop calling it that.
It's just a dark brown car.
231
00:10:27,944 --> 00:10:29,535
So, you got a light?
232
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:32,205
I got a lot of lights,
but nowhere to plug them in.
233
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,523
Maybe I could help with that.
234
00:10:33,541 --> 00:10:35,467
You help me?
I'm gonna bust out crying.
235
00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:36,784
Hope you got a hanky.
236
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,120
I'll bring the hanky,
you bring the panky.
237
00:10:39,214 --> 00:10:41,288
You're awfully quick
with the wit, Mr. Bookpro.
238
00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:43,141
-I hear you're quick
with the feet.
-You could say that.
239
00:10:43,292 --> 00:10:44,976
I was the lead dancer
in The Nutcracker.
240
00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:46,703
Huh. Must be a ballet
about my ex-wife.
241
00:10:46,721 --> 00:10:48,480
(laughter)
242
00:10:48,631 --> 00:10:50,482
Divorce was new,
and I was the first guy
243
00:10:50,633 --> 00:10:52,525
to make that joke.
244
00:10:55,714 --> 00:10:57,138
Good morning, Mr. Bookpro.
245
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,307
So, I'm turning 21 tomorrow,
and my parents are throwing me
246
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,160
a Miserable Spinster party.
247
00:11:02,311 --> 00:11:04,311
-Care to attend?
-No, thanks, Ms. Patbottom.
248
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,072
Me and my vaudeville group
have a show,
249
00:11:06,224 --> 00:11:07,240
but if you maybe
want to stop by...
250
00:11:07,392 --> 00:11:09,984
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
251
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,728
Say "cream cheese."
252
00:11:11,821 --> 00:11:14,655
PETER:
We hadn't realized
that just "cheese" would work.
253
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:18,385
Hey, Mac, I developed that film
you found on the girl.
254
00:11:20,496 --> 00:11:23,181
What? It's the cardinal
with mobsters.
255
00:11:23,332 --> 00:11:24,498
How do you know
they're mobsters?
256
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:27,001
What other Italians
can afford Italian suits?
257
00:11:27,095 --> 00:11:29,503
I wonder why a cardinal
would meet with the mob.
258
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,005
Well, maybe they were
in cahoots,
259
00:11:31,099 --> 00:11:32,190
Sister Megan discovered it,
260
00:11:32,417 --> 00:11:34,508
and that's why the cardinal
had her killed?
261
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:37,362
Good thinking, Ms. Patbottom.
Let me give you a raise.
262
00:11:38,514 --> 00:11:40,440
Oh, Mr. Bookpro,
I don't know what to say.
263
00:11:40,592 --> 00:11:42,275
Hey, Mac, there's a couple
more photos.
264
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,661
Including the cardinal
with some broad.
265
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,206
What the rumpus? That's Hedy.
266
00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:50,266
I wonder what her connection
is to the cardinal?
267
00:11:50,401 --> 00:11:51,710
Why don't you just call and ask?
268
00:11:51,861 --> 00:11:53,211
No way. We just went out,
269
00:11:53,438 --> 00:11:56,297
which means I got to wait
three days, at least.
270
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,553
The cardinal was definitely up
to something fishy,
271
00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:03,613
and I needed to find out what.
272
00:12:03,631 --> 00:12:06,015
Luckily, I knew
just the guy to see.
273
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,229
Not so fast, Carol.
274
00:12:11,456 --> 00:12:14,807
Carol is a very acceptable
man's name for this time period.
275
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,385
That's a very defensive response
for something I didn't bring up.
276
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,480
Everyone knows
you're dumb muscle for the mob.
277
00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,632
Tell me what you know
about the cardinal.
278
00:12:22,725 --> 00:12:24,650
Sorry, pal. I ain't talking.
279
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,911
I'll give you a peacoat
to wear at the docks.
280
00:12:27,138 --> 00:12:28,913
-Collar up?
-It's a peacoat, isn't it?
281
00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:31,140
Will the buttons have anchors?
282
00:12:31,159 --> 00:12:33,142
You want anchor buttons,
start spilling.
283
00:12:33,236 --> 00:12:35,812
What's the connection between
the mob and the cardinal?
284
00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:36,921
The mob works with the cardinal
285
00:12:37,148 --> 00:12:38,648
'cause he's the biggest
bootlegger in town.
286
00:12:38,666 --> 00:12:41,501
He sneaks in booze from Italy
aboard Church ships.
287
00:12:41,653 --> 00:12:43,987
And because the contents
are supposed to be religious,
288
00:12:44,005 --> 00:12:45,338
no one checks.
289
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,099
What? But the cardinal's
against alcohol.
290
00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:49,917
He even rigged the vote
to get it banned.
291
00:12:50,011 --> 00:12:53,438
Wake up. He didn't rig the vote
because he's against drinking.
292
00:12:53,665 --> 00:12:56,516
He did it so he could have
the market all to himself.
293
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,684
It was a ruse, a sham,
a snow job.
294
00:12:58,837 --> 00:13:00,261
Pure hokum all the way.
295
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,171
Nothing but pork pie.
296
00:13:02,265 --> 00:13:06,367
I also spent most of my time
looking up synonyms.
297
00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:11,364
PETER:
I'd have to figure out
Hedy's involvement later.
298
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:15,668
But first, it was time to pay
another visit to the cardinal.
299
00:13:20,191 --> 00:13:22,041
Hello, Padre.
300
00:13:22,193 --> 00:13:24,377
Funny I'd find you here
in the church bathroom.
301
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,029
CARTER:
This is the confessional.
302
00:13:26,047 --> 00:13:29,365
Well, then, I have
something to confess.
303
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,034
(sniffs)
Ugh, mother of mercy.
304
00:13:31,127 --> 00:13:32,310
How much mutton do you eat?
305
00:13:32,537 --> 00:13:34,037
Hey, you're supposed
to be forgiving.
306
00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:35,538
This is a safe space.
307
00:13:35,557 --> 00:13:37,056
And anyway, Father,
you're the one
308
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,724
who's gonna do
the confessing today.
309
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,877
For the murder of Sister Megan.
310
00:13:40,895 --> 00:13:42,654
-Oof.
-The truth hurts,
311
00:13:42,881 --> 00:13:43,988
doesn't it, Cardinal?
312
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:46,032
(thudding)
313
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,660
(gasps)
314
00:13:51,573 --> 00:13:53,348
What the rumpus?
315
00:13:53,350 --> 00:13:55,241
-Freeze.
-Ace, thank God.
316
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,984
Somebody just stabbed
the cardinal
317
00:13:57,078 --> 00:13:58,336
and ran out the back door.
318
00:13:58,563 --> 00:14:00,654
And they stole all
the cardinal's Andes candies
319
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:01,989
and put them in my pocket.
320
00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:03,657
Nice try, Mac.
321
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,084
We got an anonymous tip
322
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,570
that a heavyset man entered
the church with a knife.
323
00:14:07,589 --> 00:14:10,331
And funny thing, we got
that tip right after getting
324
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,076
the ballistics report
on Sister Megan's murder.
325
00:14:13,094 --> 00:14:15,745
She was killed with your gun.
326
00:14:15,763 --> 00:14:17,413
What? You don't think...
327
00:14:17,432 --> 00:14:19,840
Sorry. I have
to take you downtown.
328
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,767
(gasps)
Dinner and a show?
329
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,603
No, Mac. Cuff him.
330
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,105
Come on, Ace. You can't
send me to the hoosegow,
331
00:14:26,257 --> 00:14:28,758
the big house,
the graybar saloon, the stir.
332
00:14:28,776 --> 00:14:30,517
And take his thesaurus.
333
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,112
What? I need that.
It's important.
334
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:37,125
Just, you know, very, very,
very, very important.
335
00:14:41,697 --> 00:14:44,132
♪ ♪
336
00:14:47,703 --> 00:14:49,445
Hey, Mac, you made bail.
337
00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:52,539
Really? Who in this town
has three dollars?
338
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,951
Listen here, Mac.
I know you were framed.
339
00:14:54,969 --> 00:14:56,469
And I want you to figure out
who did it
340
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,878
so I can write the story.
341
00:14:57,972 --> 00:14:59,898
Yeah, it'll be front-page news.
342
00:15:00,049 --> 00:15:01,382
Well, not-not front-page.
343
00:15:01,476 --> 00:15:03,809
A giant gorilla in Manhattan
just escaped its restraints
344
00:15:03,962 --> 00:15:06,145
-and kidnapped a lady.
-Oh, my stars.
345
00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:08,131
But either way,
you'll get your story.
346
00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:10,633
I've got a pretty good idea
who set me up.
347
00:15:10,726 --> 00:15:12,535
(whistles)
Taxi.
348
00:15:14,897 --> 00:15:16,563
Where to?
349
00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:18,583
PETER:
His whole face had been
blown off in the war.
350
00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:21,644
Probably left it somewhere
in the French countryside.
351
00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:23,663
Hey, guys?
352
00:15:23,815 --> 00:15:26,149
Did you go home?
353
00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:29,093
Did we win, at least?
354
00:15:31,747 --> 00:15:35,266
(grunting)
355
00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:39,512
PETER:
Going somewhere, angel?
356
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,941
Mac? Wh-- I-I thought
you were in jail.
357
00:15:43,092 --> 00:15:46,444
-Yeah, for the murder
you committed.
-(gasps)
358
00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:48,020
Admit it,
you never had a daughter.
359
00:15:48,173 --> 00:15:49,522
You were bootlegging
with the cardinal.
360
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,931
You killed the woman
who found you out
361
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,175
and then you killed the cardinal
362
00:15:52,193 --> 00:15:53,767
so you could have
all the dough to yourself.
363
00:15:53,861 --> 00:15:55,269
And you decided
to frame me for it
364
00:15:55,363 --> 00:15:56,955
while also making me
feel very bad
365
00:15:57,182 --> 00:15:58,456
about my erectile dysfunction.
366
00:15:58,683 --> 00:16:01,442
Well, you did call yourself
"The Big Mac."
367
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,944
But look, I didn't kill anyone.
368
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,130
Everything I told you
was on the level.
369
00:16:06,357 --> 00:16:08,466
Sister Megan is my daughter,
and I hired you
370
00:16:08,617 --> 00:16:11,360
because someone slipped
your card under my door.
371
00:16:11,379 --> 00:16:13,196
Well, princess,
if you're so innocent,
372
00:16:13,256 --> 00:16:14,806
why you skipping town?
373
00:16:15,033 --> 00:16:16,215
Because after everything
that happened,
374
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,050
I'm scared for my life.
375
00:16:18,203 --> 00:16:19,310
And I wanted to go
somewhere safe,
376
00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:22,313
like 1930s Poland or Belgium.
377
00:16:22,540 --> 00:16:23,797
Or the Sudetenland.
378
00:16:23,891 --> 00:16:26,559
You really think you can
pull the wool over my eyes, huh?
379
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,544
Then explain this.
380
00:16:28,563 --> 00:16:30,971
It's about the pointlessness
of individual lives
381
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,824
within the relentless
march of time.
382
00:16:33,051 --> 00:16:35,326
Oh. And now, explain this.
383
00:16:36,554 --> 00:16:38,663
A photo of you
and your business partner,
384
00:16:38,890 --> 00:16:40,072
the cardinal.
385
00:16:40,225 --> 00:16:42,391
He's not my business partner.
386
00:16:42,410 --> 00:16:44,818
The father is my father.
387
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,245
What?
388
00:16:46,397 --> 00:16:47,654
I'm sorry I never told you.
389
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,124
We had to keep it a secret
due to his position.
390
00:16:50,235 --> 00:16:52,585
But that's why when I needed
to give up my own child,
391
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,161
I gave her to the Church.
392
00:16:54,255 --> 00:16:55,513
Save it for the cops, doll.
393
00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:59,091
You can't ballet-dance
your way out of this one.
394
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,168
Wait, you had Charleston Chews?
395
00:17:01,262 --> 00:17:04,272
When we hung out, you said
you had, like, no snacks.
396
00:17:06,342 --> 00:17:09,510
Huh. I guess this is the sister
with her orphans.
397
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,103
What the rumpus?
398
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:14,365
Why does this one orphan
have a football-shaped head?
399
00:17:14,592 --> 00:17:16,517
STEWIE:
Well, well, Detective.
400
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,353
I guess you made my party
after all.
401
00:17:19,447 --> 00:17:20,763
Ms. Patbottom?
402
00:17:20,782 --> 00:17:23,190
My name's not Patbottom.
403
00:17:23,284 --> 00:17:25,209
It's Marion Lynn Flowers.
404
00:17:25,361 --> 00:17:27,953
Which is a very typical man's
name for this time period.
405
00:17:28,106 --> 00:17:29,955
Like Carol.
406
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:33,109
You see, Detective,
I'm not the man, or woman,
407
00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:34,277
you think I am.
408
00:17:34,295 --> 00:17:36,888
My parents were very poor.
409
00:17:37,039 --> 00:17:38,964
I was born in a halfway house.
410
00:17:39,117 --> 00:17:41,434
My room was
on the unfinished side.
411
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,729
Ultimately, I wound up
in the church orphanage.
412
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:48,641
The nuns were quite cruel,
especially Sister Megan.
413
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:52,628
One morning, I was hungry,
so I asked for more.
414
00:17:52,721 --> 00:17:53,796
More?!
415
00:17:53,889 --> 00:17:56,324
STEWIE:
It was, like, a huge deal.
416
00:17:58,636 --> 00:18:02,080
And the cardinal turned
a blind eye to my mistreatment.
417
00:18:02,307 --> 00:18:05,399
All he cared about was
his bootlegging operation.
418
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,401
So, I called
that canine journalist
419
00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:09,736
pretending to be Sister Megan,
then I killed her
420
00:18:09,831 --> 00:18:11,547
with Mac's gun.
421
00:18:12,817 --> 00:18:15,151
I slipped Mac's card
under Hedy's door
422
00:18:15,244 --> 00:18:16,652
and I planted a roll
of film on the sister
423
00:18:16,671 --> 00:18:18,745
to lead Mac not only
to the cardinal
424
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,340
but also to his new lover.
425
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,342
Fine, you didn't like
Sister Megan and the cardinal.
426
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,345
Why me, though? Why do
all that stuff just to frame me?
427
00:18:26,497 --> 00:18:29,849
Because, Detective, your sin
was the greatest of all.
428
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,258
The only way I could stomach...
429
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,686
-Do it with pictures.
-Oh, sorry.
430
00:18:33,838 --> 00:18:35,855
The only way I could
stomach life in the orphanage
431
00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:40,993
was by holding on to a dream:
a dream of being a dancer.
432
00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:44,438
For years I trained,
and one day,
433
00:18:44,532 --> 00:18:48,126
I finally got my big audition
at the Quahog Ballet.
434
00:18:48,353 --> 00:18:50,369
♪ ♪
435
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,797
I was the best dancer in town,
and I knew it.
436
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,133
But then, tragedy struck.
437
00:18:55,284 --> 00:18:58,194
I slipped and fell,
438
00:18:58,287 --> 00:19:00,029
because someone
had pooped in the street.
439
00:19:00,047 --> 00:19:02,140
(sniffs)
What the literal deuce?
440
00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:03,883
I'd broken my leg.
441
00:19:04,035 --> 00:19:07,870
After all that training, I would
never be in The Nutcracker.
442
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:10,130
(gasps)
And I got the part.
443
00:19:10,224 --> 00:19:12,558
Yes, the part meant for me.
444
00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:15,319
Everything went according
to plan except for one detail.
445
00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:18,214
I only came here to kill her.
446
00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:19,715
How did you know she'd be here?
447
00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:21,066
Funny thing about that.
448
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,661
I got a friend at the harbor
who owed me one.
449
00:19:27,074 --> 00:19:30,317
-Thanks, pal.
-Anytime, Mac.
450
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,244
Oh, Mac, you saved us.
451
00:19:32,397 --> 00:19:34,154
Yeah. Your daughter
is still dead,
452
00:19:34,248 --> 00:19:35,989
but you get to continue
to outlive her,
453
00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:37,900
which is every mom's dream.
454
00:19:37,919 --> 00:19:39,585
Oh, just shut up and kiss me.
455
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,587
You got it, sweetheart.
456
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,406
Mmm.
457
00:19:43,424 --> 00:19:45,349
PETER:
It was the start
of a beautiful romance.
458
00:19:45,576 --> 00:19:48,594
Soon, we'd be engaged,
and we invited all our friends
459
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,354
to the wedding in Hawaii.
460
00:19:50,581 --> 00:19:55,842
"Please join Mac and Hedy in
Hawaii on December 7th, 1941,
461
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,196
"a date that will
live in intimacy.
462
00:19:58,347 --> 00:19:59,939
And on Friday,
please join us for..."
463
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,574
It's a whole weekend?
464
00:20:06,113 --> 00:20:07,538
(Stewie grunting)
465
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,434
Sorry for not
believing you, Mac.
466
00:20:11,527 --> 00:20:14,119
But thanks to you, the real
murderer is behind bars.
467
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:17,957
And the Greater Boston area
has seen its last bad priest.
468
00:20:18,109 --> 00:20:19,625
So, what's gonna happen
to Marion?
469
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:23,370
Well, he's a lunatic murderer
who cross-dresses in the '30s.
470
00:20:23,464 --> 00:20:25,556
My guess is he can
look forward to a life
471
00:20:25,783 --> 00:20:30,019
of loony bin craft projects
and staring out at the sea.
472
00:20:32,457 --> 00:20:33,806
You think that place
can hold me?
473
00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:36,459
You're dead, copper.
You're all dead.
474
00:20:36,552 --> 00:20:38,069
But all that's after
the castration
475
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:40,404
and full frontal lobotomy.
476
00:20:40,631 --> 00:20:42,740
Wait, what?
477
00:20:42,967 --> 00:20:46,802
PETER:
One week later,
they took his balls and brains.
478
00:20:46,895 --> 00:20:50,998
I'm Mac Bookpro, and I can
skip a rock six times.
479
00:20:52,234 --> 00:20:53,567
That wasn't a good rock.
480
00:20:53,661 --> 00:20:55,670
♪ ♪