1 00:00:02,561 --> 00:00:05,078 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:05,231 --> 00:00:07,247 PETER: I thought I'd seen it all. 3 00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:09,991 But that's the thing about Quahog. 4 00:00:10,085 --> 00:00:13,595 You never know what's hiding under the hard shell of a clam. 5 00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:17,683 The Great Depression hit the town hard. 6 00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:21,687 FDR announced we had nothing to fear but fear itself. 7 00:00:21,797 --> 00:00:23,747 ROOSEVELT (over radio): The only thing we have to fear 8 00:00:23,766 --> 00:00:25,749 is fear itself. 9 00:00:25,751 --> 00:00:27,509 And, also, bees. 10 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:30,270 Or when a man has a beard and then shaves it. 11 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,681 'Cause I don't recognize him immediately. 12 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:36,017 If I watched him shave it, it would be different. 13 00:00:36,111 --> 00:00:38,445 If I saw the process. 14 00:00:38,597 --> 00:00:42,449 And there's this guy Hitler we should probably keep an eye on. 15 00:00:42,601 --> 00:00:44,284 But mostly bees. 16 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,712 PETER: It was also the height of Prohibition. 17 00:00:46,939 --> 00:00:48,605 Water or seltzer, anyone? 18 00:00:48,698 --> 00:00:51,124 PETER: Which of course meant drinking was very cool, 19 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,111 and everyone did it all the time. 20 00:00:54,204 --> 00:00:55,946 And of course, there was racism. 21 00:00:56,039 --> 00:00:57,948 A lot of it. It was horrible. 22 00:00:57,966 --> 00:01:00,967 Except for the laundromat, which served everyone. 23 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,228 Thanks for doing my undergarments. 24 00:01:03,455 --> 00:01:05,472 PETER: They were really nice. 25 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:06,881 So, who am I? 26 00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:09,293 The name's Mac. Mac Bookpro. 27 00:01:09,311 --> 00:01:12,479 And I'm a private dick. 28 00:01:12,631 --> 00:01:14,055 (unzips) 29 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:15,966 A very private dick. 30 00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:18,135 And don't listen. 31 00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:21,805 ("Love Theme from Chinatown" playing) 32 00:01:21,824 --> 00:01:24,541 (doorbell ringing) 33 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,128 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:57,009 --> 00:01:59,159 ♪ ♪ 35 00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:22,290 (horns honking) 36 00:02:22,384 --> 00:02:25,293 PETER: My office was in the Cocaine-Cola building. 37 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:28,372 All the businessmen there had ideas for other businesses. 38 00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:30,149 Well, Mac, what did you find out? 39 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:32,876 Now hold on, it's 8:00 a.m. and we're two men in a room. 40 00:02:32,895 --> 00:02:35,112 Let me fix you a drink. 41 00:02:38,233 --> 00:02:40,066 So, I tailed your wife. 42 00:02:40,219 --> 00:02:42,119 Sorry, pal, she's having an affair. 43 00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:45,238 Ah, too bad. 44 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,333 I guess she's the maple, but I'm the sap. 45 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,243 There you go. You're gonna be okay. 46 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:53,079 But it's 8:00 a.m., and you're a man about to get in a car. 47 00:02:53,232 --> 00:02:56,300 Let me fix you another drink. 48 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,826 Thanks, Mac. I owe you one. 49 00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,587 Mr. Bookpro? 50 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,664 Yes, Ms. Patbottom? 51 00:03:02,758 --> 00:03:04,090 (laughs): Oh, Mr. Bookpro. 52 00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:06,259 PETER: My secretary, Fanny Patbottom. 53 00:03:06,412 --> 00:03:08,169 She's my gal Thursday. 54 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,763 She has choir practice Fridays. 55 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,265 She's, uh, not available to me then. 56 00:03:12,418 --> 00:03:14,008 Now, a couple of items of business. 57 00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:15,843 First, we're going to have to postpone 58 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,179 today's tangling of the Venetian blinds. 59 00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,847 I think we're gonna have to start sending the schedule 60 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,200 the night before. 61 00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:24,277 Also, there's a woman here to see you. 62 00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:26,613 LOIS: May I come in, Mr. Bookpro? 63 00:03:26,765 --> 00:03:28,765 ♪ ♪ 64 00:03:28,858 --> 00:03:32,285 PETER: I'll never forget the day she walked through my door. 65 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,956 Ah, damn it. And this was the smallest brim they had. 66 00:03:36,108 --> 00:03:38,124 (grunts) 67 00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:41,795 The name's Hedy. Hedy Toothgraze. 68 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,872 PETER: She was the type of girl who really left a mark on you. 69 00:03:44,967 --> 00:03:46,874 Please, have a seat. 70 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,635 Do you mind if I don't smoke? 71 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,044 I'm afraid I do. 72 00:03:50,138 --> 00:03:52,898 Totally understand. 73 00:03:53,049 --> 00:03:55,901 So, we're two people in a room at 8:04 a.m. 74 00:03:56,052 --> 00:03:58,403 Let me fix you a drink. 75 00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:01,648 So, Mr. Bookpro, I'm here because my daughter is missing. 76 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:02,983 She's a nun. 77 00:04:03,135 --> 00:04:04,559 Frankly, we weren't that close. 78 00:04:04,653 --> 00:04:07,637 I gave her to the Church after my husband died in the war. 79 00:04:07,656 --> 00:04:09,748 So, will you take the case? 80 00:04:09,941 --> 00:04:12,309 PETER: I wasn't sure I could trust her, but I needed the dough. 81 00:04:12,402 --> 00:04:13,961 My rent was two bucks a month 82 00:04:14,070 --> 00:04:16,421 and I still owed 50 cents on my car. 83 00:04:19,151 --> 00:04:21,093 Since the missing gal was a nun, 84 00:04:21,244 --> 00:04:23,345 I decided to start at the Church. 85 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,101 Greetings, my son. 86 00:04:29,252 --> 00:04:30,994 Cardinal St. Louis, likely bad guy. 87 00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:32,329 Mac Bookpro. 88 00:04:32,422 --> 00:04:34,180 Sorry to bother you about a case, Padre. 89 00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:35,423 Do you want to talk here, 90 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,200 or should I come inside your rectory? 91 00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:39,260 Okay, Groucho, calm down. 92 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:42,114 I'm here looking for a nun. Recognize her? 93 00:04:43,509 --> 00:04:44,674 Of course, that's Sister Megan. 94 00:04:44,768 --> 00:04:46,176 She runs the church orphanage. 95 00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:47,703 And how about this photo? 96 00:04:48,938 --> 00:04:50,104 I don't know. 97 00:04:50,198 --> 00:04:51,773 Any dunking photo where you don't see the ground 98 00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:54,034 -is very suspicious. -I see. 99 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,036 So, when was the last time you saw the sister? 100 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,204 In the church garden, wearing giant nun boots 101 00:04:58,357 --> 00:04:59,706 and trying to step on squirrels. 102 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,074 Yeah, that checks out. 103 00:05:01,226 --> 00:05:03,593 If you think of anything, here's my card. 104 00:05:04,788 --> 00:05:06,363 "To my beloved niece." 105 00:05:06,456 --> 00:05:08,715 Aw, and he wrote his own note 106 00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,291 instead of just signing his name. 107 00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:12,728 I like that guy now. He cares. 108 00:05:13,797 --> 00:05:14,813 Hey, Mac. 109 00:05:14,964 --> 00:05:17,482 Well, if it isn't my old pal Red Wiener? 110 00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:20,134 Red was the best newspaper guy out there. 111 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:21,561 Except when the newspaper was rolled up, 112 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,046 then he was kind of scared. 113 00:05:23,065 --> 00:05:25,640 So, what's got you sniffing around here today, Fido? 114 00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:27,233 Same as you, pal. Sister Megan. 115 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:28,994 I heard you talking to the cardinal. 116 00:05:29,221 --> 00:05:31,163 Well, get this: she called me a few days ago 117 00:05:31,314 --> 00:05:32,831 and said she had a big story. 118 00:05:33,058 --> 00:05:34,558 We were supposed to meet at a speakeasy, 119 00:05:34,651 --> 00:05:36,910 but she disappeared before we could get together. 120 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,504 A nun at a speakeasy? That doesn't figure. 121 00:05:39,731 --> 00:05:41,989 -Maybe we should check it out. -You got it. 122 00:05:42,084 --> 00:05:43,508 Say, can we go to the next scene with one of those 123 00:05:43,735 --> 00:05:46,178 cinematic sideways wipes they used to do in the '30s? 124 00:05:46,329 --> 00:05:48,663 I don't know, I did a sideways wipe this morning. 125 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,923 I don't recommend it. 126 00:05:50,075 --> 00:05:52,142 Not a good way to make friends on the trolley. 127 00:05:56,264 --> 00:05:58,172 CLEVELAND: What's the word? 128 00:05:58,266 --> 00:06:01,751 -Bird. -Bird is the word. 129 00:06:01,770 --> 00:06:04,446 Welcome to The Sunken Clam. 130 00:06:06,258 --> 00:06:08,200 What can I get you fellas? 131 00:06:08,427 --> 00:06:10,518 Two this-period fashioneds, please. 132 00:06:10,612 --> 00:06:12,854 We're looking for a girl who was supposed to show here. 133 00:06:12,948 --> 00:06:14,114 You ever seen her? 134 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,600 CLEVELAND: Hmm. Doesn't ring a bell. 135 00:06:16,693 --> 00:06:18,602 Well, no one has any idea what happened to her. 136 00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:20,437 Not even her boss, the cardinal. 137 00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:24,216 The cardinal? Let me tell you, that priest is a shady cat. 138 00:06:24,443 --> 00:06:26,868 I heard that when the state voted on Prohibition, 139 00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:29,721 he rigged the vote to get alcohol banned. 140 00:06:29,873 --> 00:06:31,706 I tell you, something's going on at that church, 141 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,559 and I'm not gonna rest until I get to the bottom of it. 142 00:06:34,786 --> 00:06:35,969 Yeah, I'm with you, pal. 143 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,896 Two more Black girls recently went missing. 144 00:06:38,047 --> 00:06:39,806 Maybe you can look into that, too? 145 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,475 -Oh, boy, you know, I am just so busy... -Yeah, I am absolutely swamped. 146 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,070 -...with this Sister Megan thing. -Just buried in paperwork. 147 00:06:45,221 --> 00:06:46,796 PETER: With the case heating up, 148 00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:49,299 I decided to visit my friend down at the station. 149 00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:51,801 I hadn't been back since they kicked me off the force. 150 00:06:51,895 --> 00:06:54,562 For years they'd been letting horses poop on the street. 151 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,806 But I do it one time and I'm out. 152 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,900 But I still had one friend there. 153 00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:00,902 My old buddy Ace. 154 00:07:00,996 --> 00:07:02,495 Ace Hardware. 155 00:07:02,648 --> 00:07:03,922 So, Mac, what brings you here? 156 00:07:04,073 --> 00:07:06,091 -Looking for a girl. -A girl, huh? 157 00:07:06,242 --> 00:07:09,502 Yeah. You know, a skirt, a bird, a twist, a roundheel. 158 00:07:09,655 --> 00:07:12,839 I spent most of my time at the library looking up synonyms. 159 00:07:12,991 --> 00:07:14,933 She's a nun. Sister Megan. 160 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,342 I think the cardinal had something to do 161 00:07:16,495 --> 00:07:18,252 -with her disappearance. -Oh, the cardinal? 162 00:07:18,346 --> 00:07:20,163 I'd be careful if I were you. 163 00:07:20,256 --> 00:07:21,756 He's a heavy hitter in this town. 164 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:25,277 A big cheese, a head honcho, a real butter and egg man. 165 00:07:25,428 --> 00:07:28,004 I also spent most of my time at the library 166 00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:29,597 looking up synonyms. 167 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,008 If I were you, I'd wheel away from this one. 168 00:07:32,101 --> 00:07:34,661 Wheel far, far away. 169 00:07:34,846 --> 00:07:37,864 PETER: The cops and the cardinal were both dead ends. 170 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,032 I was starting to wonder whether the sister 171 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,350 was even missing. 172 00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:43,295 And then, a couple of friends pulled up. 173 00:07:48,117 --> 00:07:49,859 They cornered me in Kirstie Alley, 174 00:07:49,878 --> 00:07:51,878 the widest alley in Quahog. 175 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,806 Hey, Mac. Fancy meeting you here. 176 00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:56,808 Well, if it isn't Bogey and Bacaw. 177 00:07:57,035 --> 00:07:58,051 Oof. 178 00:07:58,203 --> 00:07:59,219 I hear you've been snooping around 179 00:07:59,371 --> 00:08:01,037 the disappearance of a nun. 180 00:08:01,056 --> 00:08:03,540 Well, I didn't mean to ruffle anyone's feathers. 181 00:08:03,558 --> 00:08:04,816 Oof again. 182 00:08:04,926 --> 00:08:07,043 You used to be smarter than this, Mac. 183 00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:08,878 Before you got kicked off the force, 184 00:08:08,897 --> 00:08:10,655 you knew how to play ball. 185 00:08:10,807 --> 00:08:12,991 But now, here we are. 186 00:08:14,811 --> 00:08:18,738 PETER: Luckily, they let me go with a warning. 187 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,999 My shadow wasn't so lucky. 188 00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,984 My cop friend told me to stay away from the case, 189 00:08:23,078 --> 00:08:24,986 and I was starting to think he was right. 190 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,580 But then I got the call I'd been dreading. 191 00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:29,566 -(phone ringing) -Hello? 192 00:08:29,659 --> 00:08:32,752 American Dad's been picked up for three more seasons? 193 00:08:32,904 --> 00:08:35,405 God, when do I get a weekend? 194 00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:36,589 (phone ringing) 195 00:08:36,742 --> 00:08:38,074 Then I got another call. 196 00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:40,001 They found Sister Megan. 197 00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:42,270 (gunshot) 198 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,008 Well, one thing's for sure. 199 00:08:47,102 --> 00:08:49,844 We've got a killer shark on our hands. 200 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,988 Close the beaches. 201 00:08:56,444 --> 00:08:58,286 ♪ ♪ 202 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,249 (thunder crashes) 203 00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:10,364 (gasps) I can't believe my daughter's dead. 204 00:09:10,458 --> 00:09:12,959 Doctor, are there any leads from the body? 205 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,220 Anything that can tell us who did this? 206 00:09:15,447 --> 00:09:17,889 Well, not yet, but I've sent some DNA samples to the lab. 207 00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:20,225 -When will we get the results? -About 65 years. 208 00:09:20,452 --> 00:09:22,727 -Nuts. -I did find one thing, though. 209 00:09:22,954 --> 00:09:26,289 There was a roll of camera film hidden in her waistband. 210 00:09:26,308 --> 00:09:28,291 Thanks, Doc. Maybe it's a clue. 211 00:09:28,384 --> 00:09:31,403 No problem, Mac. But there is one more thing. 212 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,608 Uh... 213 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,536 Uhp. Nope, no. I lost it. 214 00:09:41,656 --> 00:09:43,823 Oh, dear. What am I gonna do? 215 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,309 My daughter's dead, and I'm single. 216 00:09:46,328 --> 00:09:48,161 Who wants a woman without a child? 217 00:09:48,313 --> 00:09:49,996 I think you got that backwards. 218 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,423 Listen, it's been a long couple of days. 219 00:09:51,574 --> 00:09:53,240 What do you say I take you out tonight? 220 00:09:53,335 --> 00:09:54,926 We'll go to the Supper Club. 221 00:09:55,078 --> 00:09:58,321 Mr. Bookpro, what kind of a private dick are you? 222 00:09:58,414 --> 00:09:59,931 The kind that was a public one 223 00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:01,491 until he got arrested in the park. 224 00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:03,560 ♪ ♪ 225 00:10:11,427 --> 00:10:13,361 ♪ ♪ 226 00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:19,100 Say, I noticed you've only had three Scotches 227 00:10:19,194 --> 00:10:20,952 and five cigarettes. 228 00:10:21,104 --> 00:10:22,603 -Something wrong? -I don't know. 229 00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:25,515 I still can't believe you drove us here in a fudge Packard. 230 00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:27,792 Stop calling it that. It's just a dark brown car. 231 00:10:27,944 --> 00:10:29,535 So, you got a light? 232 00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:32,205 I got a lot of lights, but nowhere to plug them in. 233 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,523 Maybe I could help with that. 234 00:10:33,541 --> 00:10:35,467 You help me? I'm gonna bust out crying. 235 00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:36,784 Hope you got a hanky. 236 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,120 I'll bring the hanky, you bring the panky. 237 00:10:39,214 --> 00:10:41,288 You're awfully quick with the wit, Mr. Bookpro. 238 00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:43,141 -I hear you're quick with the feet. -You could say that. 239 00:10:43,292 --> 00:10:44,976 I was the lead dancer in The Nutcracker. 240 00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:46,703 Huh. Must be a ballet about my ex-wife. 241 00:10:46,721 --> 00:10:48,480 (laughter) 242 00:10:48,631 --> 00:10:50,482 Divorce was new, and I was the first guy 243 00:10:50,633 --> 00:10:52,525 to make that joke. 244 00:10:55,714 --> 00:10:57,138 Good morning, Mr. Bookpro. 245 00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,307 So, I'm turning 21 tomorrow, and my parents are throwing me 246 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,160 a Miserable Spinster party. 247 00:11:02,311 --> 00:11:04,311 -Care to attend? -No, thanks, Ms. Patbottom. 248 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,072 Me and my vaudeville group have a show, 249 00:11:06,224 --> 00:11:07,240 but if you maybe want to stop by... 250 00:11:07,392 --> 00:11:09,984 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 251 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,728 Say "cream cheese." 252 00:11:11,821 --> 00:11:14,655 PETER: We hadn't realized that just "cheese" would work. 253 00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:18,385 Hey, Mac, I developed that film you found on the girl. 254 00:11:20,496 --> 00:11:23,181 What? It's the cardinal with mobsters. 255 00:11:23,332 --> 00:11:24,498 How do you know they're mobsters? 256 00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:27,001 What other Italians can afford Italian suits? 257 00:11:27,095 --> 00:11:29,503 I wonder why a cardinal would meet with the mob. 258 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,005 Well, maybe they were in cahoots, 259 00:11:31,099 --> 00:11:32,190 Sister Megan discovered it, 260 00:11:32,417 --> 00:11:34,508 and that's why the cardinal had her killed? 261 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:37,362 Good thinking, Ms. Patbottom. Let me give you a raise. 262 00:11:38,514 --> 00:11:40,440 Oh, Mr. Bookpro, I don't know what to say. 263 00:11:40,592 --> 00:11:42,275 Hey, Mac, there's a couple more photos. 264 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,661 Including the cardinal with some broad. 265 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,206 What the rumpus? That's Hedy. 266 00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:50,266 I wonder what her connection is to the cardinal? 267 00:11:50,401 --> 00:11:51,710 Why don't you just call and ask? 268 00:11:51,861 --> 00:11:53,211 No way. We just went out, 269 00:11:53,438 --> 00:11:56,297 which means I got to wait three days, at least. 270 00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,553 The cardinal was definitely up to something fishy, 271 00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:03,613 and I needed to find out what. 272 00:12:03,631 --> 00:12:06,015 Luckily, I knew just the guy to see. 273 00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,229 Not so fast, Carol. 274 00:12:11,456 --> 00:12:14,807 Carol is a very acceptable man's name for this time period. 275 00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,385 That's a very defensive response for something I didn't bring up. 276 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,480 Everyone knows you're dumb muscle for the mob. 277 00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,632 Tell me what you know about the cardinal. 278 00:12:22,725 --> 00:12:24,650 Sorry, pal. I ain't talking. 279 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,911 I'll give you a peacoat to wear at the docks. 280 00:12:27,138 --> 00:12:28,913 -Collar up? -It's a peacoat, isn't it? 281 00:12:29,065 --> 00:12:31,140 Will the buttons have anchors? 282 00:12:31,159 --> 00:12:33,142 You want anchor buttons, start spilling. 283 00:12:33,236 --> 00:12:35,812 What's the connection between the mob and the cardinal? 284 00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:36,921 The mob works with the cardinal 285 00:12:37,148 --> 00:12:38,648 'cause he's the biggest bootlegger in town. 286 00:12:38,666 --> 00:12:41,501 He sneaks in booze from Italy aboard Church ships. 287 00:12:41,653 --> 00:12:43,987 And because the contents are supposed to be religious, 288 00:12:44,005 --> 00:12:45,338 no one checks. 289 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,099 What? But the cardinal's against alcohol. 290 00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:49,917 He even rigged the vote to get it banned. 291 00:12:50,011 --> 00:12:53,438 Wake up. He didn't rig the vote because he's against drinking. 292 00:12:53,665 --> 00:12:56,516 He did it so he could have the market all to himself. 293 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,684 It was a ruse, a sham, a snow job. 294 00:12:58,837 --> 00:13:00,261 Pure hokum all the way. 295 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,171 Nothing but pork pie. 296 00:13:02,265 --> 00:13:06,367 I also spent most of my time looking up synonyms. 297 00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:11,364 PETER: I'd have to figure out Hedy's involvement later. 298 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:15,668 But first, it was time to pay another visit to the cardinal. 299 00:13:20,191 --> 00:13:22,041 Hello, Padre. 300 00:13:22,193 --> 00:13:24,377 Funny I'd find you here in the church bathroom. 301 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,029 CARTER: This is the confessional. 302 00:13:26,047 --> 00:13:29,365 Well, then, I have something to confess. 303 00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,034 (sniffs) Ugh, mother of mercy. 304 00:13:31,127 --> 00:13:32,310 How much mutton do you eat? 305 00:13:32,537 --> 00:13:34,037 Hey, you're supposed to be forgiving. 306 00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:35,538 This is a safe space. 307 00:13:35,557 --> 00:13:37,056 And anyway, Father, you're the one 308 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,724 who's gonna do the confessing today. 309 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,877 For the murder of Sister Megan. 310 00:13:40,895 --> 00:13:42,654 -Oof. -The truth hurts, 311 00:13:42,881 --> 00:13:43,988 doesn't it, Cardinal? 312 00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:46,032 (thudding) 313 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,660 (gasps) 314 00:13:51,573 --> 00:13:53,348 What the rumpus? 315 00:13:53,350 --> 00:13:55,241 -Freeze. -Ace, thank God. 316 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,984 Somebody just stabbed the cardinal 317 00:13:57,078 --> 00:13:58,336 and ran out the back door. 318 00:13:58,563 --> 00:14:00,654 And they stole all the cardinal's Andes candies 319 00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:01,989 and put them in my pocket. 320 00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:03,657 Nice try, Mac. 321 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,084 We got an anonymous tip 322 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,570 that a heavyset man entered the church with a knife. 323 00:14:07,589 --> 00:14:10,331 And funny thing, we got that tip right after getting 324 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,076 the ballistics report on Sister Megan's murder. 325 00:14:13,094 --> 00:14:15,745 She was killed with your gun. 326 00:14:15,763 --> 00:14:17,413 What? You don't think... 327 00:14:17,432 --> 00:14:19,840 Sorry. I have to take you downtown. 328 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,767 (gasps) Dinner and a show? 329 00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,603 No, Mac. Cuff him. 330 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,105 Come on, Ace. You can't send me to the hoosegow, 331 00:14:26,257 --> 00:14:28,758 the big house, the graybar saloon, the stir. 332 00:14:28,776 --> 00:14:30,517 And take his thesaurus. 333 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,112 What? I need that. It's important. 334 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:37,125 Just, you know, very, very, very, very important. 335 00:14:41,697 --> 00:14:44,132 ♪ ♪ 336 00:14:47,703 --> 00:14:49,445 Hey, Mac, you made bail. 337 00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:52,539 Really? Who in this town has three dollars? 338 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,951 Listen here, Mac. I know you were framed. 339 00:14:54,969 --> 00:14:56,469 And I want you to figure out who did it 340 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,878 so I can write the story. 341 00:14:57,972 --> 00:14:59,898 Yeah, it'll be front-page news. 342 00:15:00,049 --> 00:15:01,382 Well, not-not front-page. 343 00:15:01,476 --> 00:15:03,809 A giant gorilla in Manhattan just escaped its restraints 344 00:15:03,962 --> 00:15:06,145 -and kidnapped a lady. -Oh, my stars. 345 00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:08,131 But either way, you'll get your story. 346 00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:10,633 I've got a pretty good idea who set me up. 347 00:15:10,726 --> 00:15:12,535 (whistles) Taxi. 348 00:15:14,897 --> 00:15:16,563 Where to? 349 00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:18,583 PETER: His whole face had been blown off in the war. 350 00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:21,644 Probably left it somewhere in the French countryside. 351 00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:23,663 Hey, guys? 352 00:15:23,815 --> 00:15:26,149 Did you go home? 353 00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:29,093 Did we win, at least? 354 00:15:31,747 --> 00:15:35,266 (grunting) 355 00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:39,512 PETER: Going somewhere, angel? 356 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,941 Mac? Wh-- I-I thought you were in jail. 357 00:15:43,092 --> 00:15:46,444 -Yeah, for the murder you committed. -(gasps) 358 00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:48,020 Admit it, you never had a daughter. 359 00:15:48,173 --> 00:15:49,522 You were bootlegging with the cardinal. 360 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,931 You killed the woman who found you out 361 00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,175 and then you killed the cardinal 362 00:15:52,193 --> 00:15:53,767 so you could have all the dough to yourself. 363 00:15:53,861 --> 00:15:55,269 And you decided to frame me for it 364 00:15:55,363 --> 00:15:56,955 while also making me feel very bad 365 00:15:57,182 --> 00:15:58,456 about my erectile dysfunction. 366 00:15:58,683 --> 00:16:01,442 Well, you did call yourself "The Big Mac." 367 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,944 But look, I didn't kill anyone. 368 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,130 Everything I told you was on the level. 369 00:16:06,357 --> 00:16:08,466 Sister Megan is my daughter, and I hired you 370 00:16:08,617 --> 00:16:11,360 because someone slipped your card under my door. 371 00:16:11,379 --> 00:16:13,196 Well, princess, if you're so innocent, 372 00:16:13,256 --> 00:16:14,806 why you skipping town? 373 00:16:15,033 --> 00:16:16,215 Because after everything that happened, 374 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,050 I'm scared for my life. 375 00:16:18,203 --> 00:16:19,310 And I wanted to go somewhere safe, 376 00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:22,313 like 1930s Poland or Belgium. 377 00:16:22,540 --> 00:16:23,797 Or the Sudetenland. 378 00:16:23,891 --> 00:16:26,559 You really think you can pull the wool over my eyes, huh? 379 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,544 Then explain this. 380 00:16:28,563 --> 00:16:30,971 It's about the pointlessness of individual lives 381 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,824 within the relentless march of time. 382 00:16:33,051 --> 00:16:35,326 Oh. And now, explain this. 383 00:16:36,554 --> 00:16:38,663 A photo of you and your business partner, 384 00:16:38,890 --> 00:16:40,072 the cardinal. 385 00:16:40,225 --> 00:16:42,391 He's not my business partner. 386 00:16:42,410 --> 00:16:44,818 The father is my father. 387 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,245 What? 388 00:16:46,397 --> 00:16:47,654 I'm sorry I never told you. 389 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,124 We had to keep it a secret due to his position. 390 00:16:50,235 --> 00:16:52,585 But that's why when I needed to give up my own child, 391 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,161 I gave her to the Church. 392 00:16:54,255 --> 00:16:55,513 Save it for the cops, doll. 393 00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:59,091 You can't ballet-dance your way out of this one. 394 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,168 Wait, you had Charleston Chews? 395 00:17:01,262 --> 00:17:04,272 When we hung out, you said you had, like, no snacks. 396 00:17:06,342 --> 00:17:09,510 Huh. I guess this is the sister with her orphans. 397 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,103 What the rumpus? 398 00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:14,365 Why does this one orphan have a football-shaped head? 399 00:17:14,592 --> 00:17:16,517 STEWIE: Well, well, Detective. 400 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,353 I guess you made my party after all. 401 00:17:19,447 --> 00:17:20,763 Ms. Patbottom? 402 00:17:20,782 --> 00:17:23,190 My name's not Patbottom. 403 00:17:23,284 --> 00:17:25,209 It's Marion Lynn Flowers. 404 00:17:25,361 --> 00:17:27,953 Which is a very typical man's name for this time period. 405 00:17:28,106 --> 00:17:29,955 Like Carol. 406 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:33,109 You see, Detective, I'm not the man, or woman, 407 00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:34,277 you think I am. 408 00:17:34,295 --> 00:17:36,888 My parents were very poor. 409 00:17:37,039 --> 00:17:38,964 I was born in a halfway house. 410 00:17:39,117 --> 00:17:41,434 My room was on the unfinished side. 411 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,729 Ultimately, I wound up in the church orphanage. 412 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:48,641 The nuns were quite cruel, especially Sister Megan. 413 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:52,628 One morning, I was hungry, so I asked for more. 414 00:17:52,721 --> 00:17:53,796 More?! 415 00:17:53,889 --> 00:17:56,324 STEWIE: It was, like, a huge deal. 416 00:17:58,636 --> 00:18:02,080 And the cardinal turned a blind eye to my mistreatment. 417 00:18:02,307 --> 00:18:05,399 All he cared about was his bootlegging operation. 418 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,401 So, I called that canine journalist 419 00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:09,736 pretending to be Sister Megan, then I killed her 420 00:18:09,831 --> 00:18:11,547 with Mac's gun. 421 00:18:12,817 --> 00:18:15,151 I slipped Mac's card under Hedy's door 422 00:18:15,244 --> 00:18:16,652 and I planted a roll of film on the sister 423 00:18:16,671 --> 00:18:18,745 to lead Mac not only to the cardinal 424 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,340 but also to his new lover. 425 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,342 Fine, you didn't like Sister Megan and the cardinal. 426 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,345 Why me, though? Why do all that stuff just to frame me? 427 00:18:26,497 --> 00:18:29,849 Because, Detective, your sin was the greatest of all. 428 00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,258 The only way I could stomach... 429 00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,686 -Do it with pictures. -Oh, sorry. 430 00:18:33,838 --> 00:18:35,855 The only way I could stomach life in the orphanage 431 00:18:36,007 --> 00:18:40,993 was by holding on to a dream: a dream of being a dancer. 432 00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:44,438 For years I trained, and one day, 433 00:18:44,532 --> 00:18:48,126 I finally got my big audition at the Quahog Ballet. 434 00:18:48,353 --> 00:18:50,369 ♪ ♪ 435 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,797 I was the best dancer in town, and I knew it. 436 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,133 But then, tragedy struck. 437 00:18:55,284 --> 00:18:58,194 I slipped and fell, 438 00:18:58,287 --> 00:19:00,029 because someone had pooped in the street. 439 00:19:00,047 --> 00:19:02,140 (sniffs) What the literal deuce? 440 00:19:02,291 --> 00:19:03,883 I'd broken my leg. 441 00:19:04,035 --> 00:19:07,870 After all that training, I would never be in The Nutcracker. 442 00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:10,130 (gasps) And I got the part. 443 00:19:10,224 --> 00:19:12,558 Yes, the part meant for me. 444 00:19:12,710 --> 00:19:15,319 Everything went according to plan except for one detail. 445 00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:18,214 I only came here to kill her. 446 00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:19,715 How did you know she'd be here? 447 00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:21,066 Funny thing about that. 448 00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,661 I got a friend at the harbor who owed me one. 449 00:19:27,074 --> 00:19:30,317 -Thanks, pal. -Anytime, Mac. 450 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,244 Oh, Mac, you saved us. 451 00:19:32,397 --> 00:19:34,154 Yeah. Your daughter is still dead, 452 00:19:34,248 --> 00:19:35,989 but you get to continue to outlive her, 453 00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:37,900 which is every mom's dream. 454 00:19:37,919 --> 00:19:39,585 Oh, just shut up and kiss me. 455 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,587 You got it, sweetheart. 456 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,406 Mmm. 457 00:19:43,424 --> 00:19:45,349 PETER: It was the start of a beautiful romance. 458 00:19:45,576 --> 00:19:48,594 Soon, we'd be engaged, and we invited all our friends 459 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,354 to the wedding in Hawaii. 460 00:19:50,581 --> 00:19:55,842 "Please join Mac and Hedy in Hawaii on December 7th, 1941, 461 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:58,196 "a date that will live in intimacy. 462 00:19:58,347 --> 00:19:59,939 And on Friday, please join us for..." 463 00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,574 It's a whole weekend? 464 00:20:06,113 --> 00:20:07,538 (Stewie grunting) 465 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,434 Sorry for not believing you, Mac. 466 00:20:11,527 --> 00:20:14,119 But thanks to you, the real murderer is behind bars. 467 00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:17,957 And the Greater Boston area has seen its last bad priest. 468 00:20:18,109 --> 00:20:19,625 So, what's gonna happen to Marion? 469 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:23,370 Well, he's a lunatic murderer who cross-dresses in the '30s. 470 00:20:23,464 --> 00:20:25,556 My guess is he can look forward to a life 471 00:20:25,783 --> 00:20:30,019 of loony bin craft projects and staring out at the sea. 472 00:20:32,457 --> 00:20:33,806 You think that place can hold me? 473 00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:36,459 You're dead, copper. You're all dead. 474 00:20:36,552 --> 00:20:38,069 But all that's after the castration 475 00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:40,404 and full frontal lobotomy. 476 00:20:40,631 --> 00:20:42,740 Wait, what? 477 00:20:42,967 --> 00:20:46,802 PETER: One week later, they took his balls and brains. 478 00:20:46,895 --> 00:20:50,998 I'm Mac Bookpro, and I can skip a rock six times. 479 00:20:52,234 --> 00:20:53,567 That wasn't a good rock. 480 00:20:53,661 --> 00:20:55,670 ♪ ♪