1 00:00:02,394 --> 00:00:04,728 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,821 --> 00:00:07,748 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:11,418 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,570 --> 00:00:14,421 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,573 --> 00:00:18,075 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:21,411 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:22,929 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,082 --> 00:00:24,189 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,416 --> 00:00:30,154 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:35,761 --> 00:00:37,202 Where's Dad? 11 00:00:37,354 --> 00:00:39,446 It's office birthdays today at the brewery. 12 00:00:39,598 --> 00:00:41,540 Ever since your father was put in charge, 13 00:00:41,691 --> 00:00:43,525 he's been taking it very seriously. 14 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,769 Okay, Brian, what do you got for me? 15 00:00:45,788 --> 00:00:47,379 Okay, birthday jokes. 16 00:00:47,531 --> 00:00:51,108 "We may be colleagues, but there's no one in your league." 17 00:00:51,126 --> 00:00:52,793 Boy, that's a brick off the backboard. 18 00:00:52,945 --> 00:00:54,127 Chris, what do you got? 19 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,780 "I drove the family to Disneyland for vacation, 20 00:00:56,799 --> 00:00:59,449 "and when we got off the highway, the sign said, 21 00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:03,103 'Disneyland, Left,' so we drove back home." 22 00:01:03,972 --> 00:01:05,880 Chris, that's going in the show. 23 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:06,973 See that, Brian? 24 00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:08,400 Don't be afraid to pull the heartstrings. 25 00:01:08,552 --> 00:01:10,903 Peter, don't you think you might be putting too much time 26 00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:13,388 into office birthdays and not enough into your job? 27 00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,224 Come on, Lois. It's the one thing I look forward to at work. 28 00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,801 It's the one thing I'm good at. 29 00:01:17,861 --> 00:01:20,079 I am to birthdays what J.K. Rowling is 30 00:01:20,230 --> 00:01:22,730 to now-problematic wizard stories. 31 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,641 Perhaps Slytherin 32 00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:27,235 or maybe Hufflepuff 33 00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:30,422 or trans women aren't really women. 34 00:01:30,574 --> 00:01:31,423 Wait, what? 35 00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:34,075 I mean, uh, the first two things. 36 00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:37,170 Okay, who's the next girl or boy? 37 00:01:37,323 --> 00:01:39,181 There's only those two. 38 00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:45,329 PETER: Who's ready for June birthdays? 39 00:01:45,347 --> 00:01:46,346 (cheering) 40 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,683 (lively orchestral music playing) 41 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:53,170 ♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪ 42 00:01:53,188 --> 00:01:56,264 ♪ Every birthday boy and girl who's on the clock ♪ 43 00:01:56,358 --> 00:01:58,358 ♪ First there's Annie from accounting ♪ 44 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,101 ♪ Just turned 40, but who's counting? ♪ 45 00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:03,163 ♪ And that old guy Frank down on the dock ♪ 46 00:02:04,274 --> 00:02:06,625 Ladies and gentlemen, Leslie Uggams. 47 00:02:07,870 --> 00:02:11,154 ♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪ 48 00:02:11,156 --> 00:02:14,282 ♪ Ah, tole, da, da-doe-da, tinkin' can ♪ 49 00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,193 ♪ All the hanna-manna wishes ♪ 50 00:02:16,286 --> 00:02:17,711 ♪ And the hanna-wenna fishes ♪ 51 00:02:17,863 --> 00:02:21,140 ♪ Out of all the morning glories on the spam ♪ 52 00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:23,867 ♪ Because it's June ♪ 53 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,369 ♪ Da-da-da ♪ 54 00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:28,963 ♪ Just because it's June, June ♪ 55 00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:32,042 ♪ June! ♪ 56 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:34,469 -(song ends) -(applause) 57 00:02:34,563 --> 00:02:36,321 Wait, isn't it November? 58 00:02:36,548 --> 00:02:39,366 Who cares? They are marvelous. 59 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,648 So I drove my family down to Disneyland for vacation. 60 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,650 When we got off the highway, the sign said, 61 00:02:48,744 --> 00:02:51,503 "Disneyland, Left," so we drove back home. 62 00:02:51,730 --> 00:02:54,581 (laughter) 63 00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:56,566 Thanks. I wrote that. 64 00:02:56,585 --> 00:02:58,468 Oh, I'll show him. 65 00:03:01,089 --> 00:03:03,515 I own the school paper. 66 00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,909 Get me dirt on Principal Shepherd's car. 67 00:03:05,928 --> 00:03:08,078 I also own the school car wash. 68 00:03:08,096 --> 00:03:10,063 Myeah. Myeah. 69 00:03:14,102 --> 00:03:16,177 Children, please continue independent play 70 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:19,681 while I go see if I just sneezed my tampon out. 71 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,517 Let's see. Any good reads here? 72 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,744 Hmm, what's this? 73 00:03:25,781 --> 00:03:27,431 Hmm. 74 00:03:27,449 --> 00:03:29,691 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 75 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,668 My word, this is brilliant. 76 00:03:33,697 --> 00:03:35,631 Now to find my mark. 77 00:03:36,775 --> 00:03:38,442 Hey, Stewie. What you reading? 78 00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:40,719 Something with different cloths to feel? 79 00:03:40,870 --> 00:03:43,447 No, not since, uh... not since COVID. 80 00:03:43,465 --> 00:03:47,300 I say, Doug, it appears you've got something on your shirt. 81 00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:48,618 Is that so? 82 00:03:48,637 --> 00:03:50,646 ♪ ♪ 83 00:04:01,766 --> 00:04:04,660 (slow-motion groaning) 84 00:04:08,307 --> 00:04:10,732 Ha-ha! There's nothing on your shirt! 85 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,376 It was all a ruse. 86 00:04:14,830 --> 00:04:17,981 (wailing) 87 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,758 Doug, are you okay? 88 00:04:19,909 --> 00:04:21,334 Oh, my God, what happened? 89 00:04:21,487 --> 00:04:23,837 -Who did this to you? -Stewie. 90 00:04:23,989 --> 00:04:26,098 Stewart Griffin-Suarez, is that true? 91 00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:26,914 No! 92 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:27,915 And thank you for that. 93 00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:29,493 Rupert and I decided to hyphenate. 94 00:04:29,586 --> 00:04:31,770 I hope it doesn't make me look like too much of a pushover. 95 00:04:31,997 --> 00:04:33,772 Now, where was I? Oh, yes. 96 00:04:33,923 --> 00:04:35,348 (sighs) Screw it. 97 00:04:35,501 --> 00:04:36,591 Yes, I hit him. 98 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,110 And it was glorious. 99 00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,670 This is your third strike, Stewie. 100 00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:42,114 That means no more time-outs. 101 00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:43,615 You get a detention. 102 00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:44,932 Detention? 103 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,526 (scoffs) You can't scare me. 104 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:49,029 The only thing that scares me is a sudden loud noise, 105 00:04:49,181 --> 00:04:50,455 even if it's only spoken. 106 00:04:50,607 --> 00:04:52,273 TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to Val Kilmer 107 00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:53,608 and Robert Downey Jr. 108 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,776 -in Kiss Kiss... -Ooh! 109 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,420 -...Bang Bang! -(screams) 110 00:04:59,358 --> 00:05:01,708 So, how did the birthday thing go? 111 00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:03,026 Amazing, Lois. 112 00:05:03,045 --> 00:05:04,803 I've even been asked to do a TED Talk. 113 00:05:05,030 --> 00:05:08,140 What is a birthday? 114 00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:10,291 I think it can best be understood by breaking down 115 00:05:10,385 --> 00:05:13,145 the word "birth" and "day." 116 00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:15,221 Where the hell is everyone? 117 00:05:15,374 --> 00:05:17,441 Ah, okay. Now it makes sense. 118 00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:24,714 (kissing) Bye-bye, Stewie. 119 00:05:24,733 --> 00:05:25,899 Yeah, buh-bye, whatever. 120 00:05:26,051 --> 00:05:27,308 Stewie, where are you headed? 121 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:28,885 You've got detention this morning. 122 00:05:28,978 --> 00:05:30,162 That's where I'm headed. 123 00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:32,998 Stewie, no, detention isn't in preschool. 124 00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:34,982 It's in the elementary school building. 125 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,501 (dramatic musical sting) 126 00:05:36,728 --> 00:05:38,228 The elementary school? 127 00:05:38,246 --> 00:05:40,005 But that's where the big kids are. 128 00:05:40,115 --> 00:05:41,414 (dramatic musical sting) 129 00:05:41,567 --> 00:05:44,509 Oh, I'm sorry. Did I ruins y'all's reveal? 130 00:05:44,661 --> 00:05:46,753 Let me go ahead and scooch back a little. 131 00:05:46,905 --> 00:05:49,239 Beep, beep, beep. 132 00:05:49,257 --> 00:05:50,574 (dramatic musical sting) 133 00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:54,728 Oh, no! Look at that big scary school! 134 00:05:56,248 --> 00:05:58,231 (dramatic musical sting) 135 00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,528 ♪ ♪ 136 00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:09,759 My God, these kids have their teeth. 137 00:06:09,778 --> 00:06:12,445 And where are their pacifiers? How do they ever sleep? 138 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,264 Detention kids are scary. 139 00:06:14,282 --> 00:06:17,000 Especially that fourth grader writing on the board. 140 00:06:20,864 --> 00:06:22,363 Ah, that is such a load of 141 00:06:22,457 --> 00:06:25,158 (Mickey Mouse voice): truth, a wonderful load of truth. 142 00:06:25,310 --> 00:06:27,386 (disco music playing inside) 143 00:06:29,205 --> 00:06:30,705 (disco music continues) 144 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,282 All right, birthdays. 145 00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:33,967 (disco whoop): Whoop, whoop! 146 00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:35,727 MAN: What the hell is this? 147 00:06:35,879 --> 00:06:37,211 It's happy birthday 148 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:38,622 (disco whoop): to you. 149 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:39,956 I didn't approve this. 150 00:06:39,975 --> 00:06:41,291 Oh, yeah? Well, who the hell are 151 00:06:41,384 --> 00:06:42,550 (disco whoop): you-you? 152 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:43,960 I'm Preston Lloyd, 153 00:06:43,979 --> 00:06:46,463 the new manager of the brewery and your boss. 154 00:06:46,481 --> 00:06:48,055 (disco whoop): Is that true-true? 155 00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:52,302 Yes. And I've been charged with improving brewery productivity. 156 00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:55,305 And it has become clear to me that the best way to start is 157 00:06:55,323 --> 00:06:58,324 by canceling office birthdays, effective immediately. 158 00:06:58,477 --> 00:06:59,976 I don't know how to stop on roller skates, 159 00:06:59,995 --> 00:07:02,379 so hang on until I run out of momentum. 160 00:07:04,666 --> 00:07:05,632 What?! 161 00:07:11,506 --> 00:07:14,599 But, Mr. Lloyd, you can't cancel office birthdays. 162 00:07:14,751 --> 00:07:16,509 I'm pretty sure I can. 163 00:07:16,662 --> 00:07:19,604 Mr. Griffin, I like focused, productive employees. 164 00:07:19,756 --> 00:07:22,682 But this is a brewery. Beer is supposed to be fun. 165 00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:24,851 I've been sober for 46 years. 166 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,761 -How old are you? -46. 167 00:07:26,855 --> 00:07:28,596 A brewery is not about getting drunk. 168 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:29,839 It's a business. 169 00:07:29,858 --> 00:07:32,676 I need disciplined, productive employees. 170 00:07:32,694 --> 00:07:34,027 Can you be that, Mr. Griffin? 171 00:07:34,179 --> 00:07:35,512 Oh, heavens, no. 172 00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:37,289 Then we're going to have a problem. 173 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,975 But, Mr. Lloyd, you can't take away office birthdays. 174 00:07:39,977 --> 00:07:40,942 People love 'em. 175 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,202 (sighs) 176 00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,796 If it means that much to the employees, fine. 177 00:07:44,948 --> 00:07:45,947 Yay! 178 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,373 -I'll do them. -Aw. 179 00:07:47,526 --> 00:07:49,693 -(feedback squeals) -Attention, employees. 180 00:07:49,711 --> 00:07:51,285 This is Mr. Lloyd, your manager. 181 00:07:51,379 --> 00:07:52,620 I will now resume 182 00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,364 the office birthday celebration from earlier. 183 00:07:54,382 --> 00:07:55,456 (clears throat) 184 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:59,369 Helen Daily, date of birth 12/10/1968. 185 00:07:59,387 --> 00:08:03,798 Martin Burke, date of birth 12/13/1969. 186 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,968 J.H. Christ, 12/25... 187 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:10,213 zero, zero, zero, zero. 188 00:08:10,232 --> 00:08:12,974 You now have two minutes to consume cake. 189 00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:15,994 (stopwatch ticking) 190 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,999 (lively chatter) 191 00:08:24,563 --> 00:08:26,913 Hey, do you know where I can get a pacifier in this place? 192 00:08:27,065 --> 00:08:27,989 I'm jonesing. 193 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,008 Anyone hears you say that in here, 194 00:08:30,159 --> 00:08:31,492 you'll get your ass kicked. 195 00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:34,738 You're the "something on your shirt" kid, right? 196 00:08:34,756 --> 00:08:35,755 How did you know? 197 00:08:35,907 --> 00:08:39,000 Well, I make it my business to know. 198 00:08:39,094 --> 00:08:40,760 You got purdy lips. 199 00:08:40,912 --> 00:08:42,579 Why, thank you. It's a new serum. 200 00:08:42,597 --> 00:08:45,098 Move over, lip balms. The secret is retinol. 201 00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:46,525 Let's talk later. 202 00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,863 I can't believe the new jerk manager 203 00:08:52,015 --> 00:08:53,347 canceled office birthdays. 204 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,516 It was the one thing in life I looked forward to. 205 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,762 Is this manager a no-nonsense, button-down man 206 00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:00,688 who's also been in the military? 207 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,541 -How'd you know? -Mm-hmm. 208 00:09:02,768 --> 00:09:04,525 -Well, what do I do? -Take it from a lawman, 209 00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,861 whenever authorities have tried to take away something 210 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,288 the people find precious, 211 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,882 the people have found ways around the law. 212 00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:13,718 They always find a way, like nature. 213 00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:15,220 -(birds chirping) -Look at that. 214 00:09:15,447 --> 00:09:18,390 Tree bent to keep growing toward the sun. 215 00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:22,561 Anyway, I'm Joe, and I don't do a lot of these. 216 00:09:25,457 --> 00:09:27,232 Boy, wouldn't you like to know 217 00:09:27,459 --> 00:09:29,642 what those little guys are saying? 218 00:09:29,795 --> 00:09:31,695 ♪ ♪ 219 00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:41,913 PETER: What's the password? 220 00:09:42,065 --> 00:09:43,540 (hushed): "Fat man." 221 00:09:45,234 --> 00:09:47,460 -(lively chatter) -(jazzy piano music playing) 222 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,260 I'd like to wish all you birthday boys and girls 223 00:09:55,411 --> 00:09:57,487 a special day with the help of... 224 00:09:57,580 --> 00:09:58,579 The Beatles. 225 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,557 One, two, three, hit it. 226 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,251 (crowd cheering) 227 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:07,272 (jazzy piano music playing) 228 00:10:08,091 --> 00:10:09,256 The boss is coming. 229 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,692 -(music stops) -(clamoring) 230 00:10:16,024 --> 00:10:18,358 And this is our final stop on the tour. 231 00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:19,359 What's this room? 232 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,119 Oh, this is an unused meeting room 233 00:10:21,270 --> 00:10:23,029 that no one pays attention to. 234 00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:24,848 Ah. Well, then, 235 00:10:24,866 --> 00:10:27,500 I suppose there's no need to pay any attention. 236 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,374 Okay, there was an elderly Jewish family hiding in there, 237 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,693 and I don't know what to tell them. 238 00:10:36,786 --> 00:10:39,471 -(school bell ringing) -(kids chattering) 239 00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:42,365 Well, Stewie, you've completed your detention. 240 00:10:42,384 --> 00:10:44,050 What have you learned from this experience? 241 00:10:44,202 --> 00:10:45,727 That your mother's a whore. 242 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,134 Hey, Stewie. How was your detention? 243 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,228 Brian Griffin, is that really you? 244 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:56,971 Been a long time, it has. 245 00:10:57,065 --> 00:10:58,398 I saw you this morning. 246 00:10:58,550 --> 00:11:01,567 The world's gone and got itself in a big damn hurry. 247 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,070 You lose track of time on the inside, Brian. 248 00:11:04,222 --> 00:11:05,238 You wouldn't know. 249 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,647 You ain't seen the things I've seen. 250 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,559 Preschool detention? No, I guess I haven't. 251 00:11:09,577 --> 00:11:11,394 -What'd you do in there? -Got jacked. 252 00:11:11,413 --> 00:11:14,464 -You look exactly the same. -And yet I got jacked. 253 00:11:17,419 --> 00:11:20,011 Okay, time to make this office my own 254 00:11:20,163 --> 00:11:23,072 and decorate it with my prized achievements. 255 00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:25,666 Ah, let's start with my Big Mouth Billy Bass 256 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,018 with the battery removed 257 00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:30,105 so I don't have to be interrupted by that nonsense. 258 00:11:31,599 --> 00:11:33,599 Ah, my framed ticket stub 259 00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:36,602 from opening night of Independence Day. 260 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,238 My Purple Heart. 261 00:11:39,515 --> 00:11:41,658 -(jazzy piano music playing) -(lively chatter) 262 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,111 Today, for a special birthdays treat, 263 00:11:45,263 --> 00:11:47,497 I've acquired Marty McFly's amp. 264 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,545 (low electrical humming) 265 00:12:00,111 --> 00:12:01,945 Who's ready to rock birthdays? 266 00:12:01,963 --> 00:12:03,722 (cheering) 267 00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:07,541 There. 268 00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:10,620 A lifetime of fragilely framed achievements. 269 00:12:10,713 --> 00:12:12,731 (electric guitar blares) 270 00:12:12,882 --> 00:12:14,232 What the hell? 271 00:12:19,314 --> 00:12:20,313 (gasps) 272 00:12:20,465 --> 00:12:21,406 Mr. Lloyd! 273 00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:22,890 What is going on in here? 274 00:12:22,984 --> 00:12:24,817 (gasps) 275 00:12:24,970 --> 00:12:27,320 Ow! Ow! Aah! 276 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,805 Sorry. 277 00:12:28,898 --> 00:12:30,081 Aah! That didn't work! 278 00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:31,657 Ow, my bones! 279 00:12:31,810 --> 00:12:33,810 I had a very good rotation guy work on this. 280 00:12:33,828 --> 00:12:35,478 Ow, though! 281 00:12:35,497 --> 00:12:37,589 Ow! Please stop! 282 00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,424 Sorry. Sorry. I-I don't know what to say. 283 00:12:39,575 --> 00:12:41,408 I'll call the guy. I-I don't know, I don't know what to say. 284 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,261 Griffin, is this some kind of 285 00:12:43,412 --> 00:12:45,430 secret birthday celebration room? 286 00:12:45,581 --> 00:12:48,674 I made a decision to cancel office birthdays, 287 00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:50,676 and it was very explicit. 288 00:12:50,829 --> 00:12:52,011 There was nudity? 289 00:12:52,163 --> 00:12:55,014 Mr. Griffin, you leave me no other choice. 290 00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:57,258 -You're fired. -Fired? 291 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,611 Can I still get paid and just not come? 292 00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:00,779 No. 293 00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:02,839 Well, I guess it's time to say goodbye 294 00:13:02,857 --> 00:13:05,675 to the security guards whose names I never learned. 295 00:13:05,693 --> 00:13:08,011 Take care, Cap'n. 296 00:13:08,104 --> 00:13:09,454 Stay golden, Chief. 297 00:13:09,605 --> 00:13:11,180 Be well, Buckaroo. 298 00:13:11,274 --> 00:13:13,124 Bye, Francesca Louise Allessandro. 299 00:13:13,276 --> 00:13:15,943 Say hi to Max and Samuel and your sister Eloise for me. 300 00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:17,629 And good luck with your night courses. 301 00:13:17,856 --> 00:13:19,856 Hey, do you have, like, a nickname on Instagram? 302 00:13:19,874 --> 00:13:21,257 I'm having trouble finding you. 303 00:13:27,048 --> 00:13:29,290 I can't believe you were fired from the brewery. 304 00:13:29,384 --> 00:13:31,551 I mean, how are we gonna pay our bills? 305 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:32,718 That depends. 306 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:34,295 When you use Venmo, do they just, like, 307 00:13:34,389 --> 00:13:36,147 believe you that you have the money? 308 00:13:36,299 --> 00:13:37,315 No. 309 00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:39,150 -Right? -CHRIS and MEG: No. 310 00:13:39,302 --> 00:13:41,060 Fine. Maybe they'll take me back 311 00:13:41,212 --> 00:13:43,822 as the Radio City Rockette with too-big shoes. 312 00:13:43,973 --> 00:13:46,074 (lively big band music playing) 313 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,204 Shoes! 314 00:13:56,744 --> 00:13:57,985 Shoes! 315 00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,879 Should we just get him smaller shoes? 316 00:14:00,031 --> 00:14:02,131 Wouldn't matter. He butters his feet. 317 00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,178 Stewie, breakfast! 318 00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:09,514 (harmonica playing somber music) 319 00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:21,342 When did this new slab of beef get delivered? 320 00:14:21,436 --> 00:14:23,177 My name's Chris. 321 00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,088 You don't have a name until I give you one. 322 00:14:25,106 --> 00:14:28,441 You're a little young and plump to be in a place like this. 323 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:29,609 You need a friend. 324 00:14:29,777 --> 00:14:31,944 Someone who can provide you with protection. 325 00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:33,613 I could be your friend. 326 00:14:33,765 --> 00:14:36,023 All we'll need is a BIC pen and a lighter. 327 00:14:36,117 --> 00:14:39,118 Why? So you can burn a swastika into my butt? 328 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:42,213 Well, you just ruined the surprise, you goofball. 329 00:14:48,630 --> 00:14:50,613 Oh. Stewie. 330 00:14:50,632 --> 00:14:51,948 (chuckles nervously) 331 00:14:51,966 --> 00:14:53,391 What brings you by? 332 00:14:53,618 --> 00:14:55,209 You're gonna give me what I want. 333 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,544 Um, wh-what are you talking about? 334 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,046 You know. 335 00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:01,715 We're doing this, and you're gonna find a way to enjoy it. 336 00:15:01,809 --> 00:15:04,027 (sobbing) 337 00:15:05,964 --> 00:15:08,031 (upbeat electronic music playing) 338 00:15:10,393 --> 00:15:11,910 (sobbing): I-I don't like it. 339 00:15:12,137 --> 00:15:14,637 I don't understand what's happening. 340 00:15:14,730 --> 00:15:16,989 The three sisters have a magic hopscotch board 341 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,583 that turns them into superheroes, 342 00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:20,660 but only at night and never if it's raining. 343 00:15:20,812 --> 00:15:23,312 It's too complicated and noisy. 344 00:15:23,406 --> 00:15:25,314 Yeah, it is both of those things. 345 00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,408 And their cat speaks French. 346 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,910 (sobbing) 347 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,638 Yeah. Yeah. 348 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,100 Oh, there you are, Rupert. 349 00:15:36,327 --> 00:15:38,585 Funny how I never got a visit in detention. 350 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,729 Not even a letter. 351 00:15:41,015 --> 00:15:42,774 What do you mean you couldn't find a stamp? 352 00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:44,016 Well, no need to mail it now. 353 00:15:44,169 --> 00:15:45,592 Show me the letter. 354 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,170 Show me the damn letter! 355 00:15:47,188 --> 00:15:48,780 I met a new friend in detention. 356 00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:50,931 His name is Thomas the Shank Engine. 357 00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,009 I think it's time you two met. 358 00:15:53,102 --> 00:15:54,768 You want to meet him? (grunting) 359 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,028 What's going on in here? 360 00:15:56,181 --> 00:15:58,122 You don't know what detention was like, Brian. 361 00:15:58,274 --> 00:16:00,516 I feel like I aged four years in there. 362 00:16:00,535 --> 00:16:04,278 On the first day, an older boy put two fingers on my nose 363 00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:07,023 and just took it right off my face and held it in front of me 364 00:16:07,041 --> 00:16:08,633 and said, "I got it. I got your nose." 365 00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:10,134 That ever happen to you, Brian? 366 00:16:10,361 --> 00:16:13,120 You ever seen your own nose wiggling between two fingers 367 00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,955 right in front of your face? 368 00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,457 And he never gave it back. 369 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,310 -Stewie, what's going on in here? -(sobbing) 370 00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:20,979 Okay, you are coming with me. 371 00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:23,556 (sobbing): They've got my nose, Brian. 372 00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:25,799 They've got my nose. 373 00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,543 (sobbing) 374 00:16:27,562 --> 00:16:29,045 They've got my-- 375 00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:30,137 (sighs): Ah. 376 00:16:30,231 --> 00:16:31,714 This changes everything. 377 00:16:31,807 --> 00:16:33,140 Ooh, bubbles! 378 00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:36,661 Aw, looks like somebody was overdue for his bath time. 379 00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:39,388 That's why you've been so cranky. 380 00:16:39,407 --> 00:16:42,892 All right, after this, we'll get you into your footsie jammies 381 00:16:42,910 --> 00:16:45,077 and tucked into bed. 382 00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:48,748 Ah, finally, I can put that whole detention experience 383 00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:50,758 behind me and just live. 384 00:16:53,496 --> 00:16:54,178 Whoa. 385 00:16:54,405 --> 00:16:56,255 Yep, so that's how your granddad 386 00:16:56,407 --> 00:16:58,499 got his back tattoo and hepatitis. 387 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,243 Never share a needle with Ben Affleck. 388 00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:02,245 How did you and Other Granddaddy meet? 389 00:17:02,338 --> 00:17:03,763 That's a story for when you're older. 390 00:17:03,915 --> 00:17:05,931 The kids at school were asking if you're a bottom or a top. 391 00:17:06,084 --> 00:17:07,433 They should not be asking that. 392 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,935 They said if that was your answer, then you were a bottom. 393 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,604 Who are these (bleep) kids you're talking to? 394 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,699 I would like to have a word with their attractive fathers. 395 00:17:19,264 --> 00:17:21,205 And that's how you say "productivity" 396 00:17:21,357 --> 00:17:23,041 in 11 different languages, 397 00:17:23,192 --> 00:17:26,360 which, in hindsight, was not a productive use of time. 398 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,770 Oh, sorry to interrupt. 399 00:17:27,863 --> 00:17:29,955 I just came to clear the search history off my computer 400 00:17:30,108 --> 00:17:32,366 before the I.T. guy-- uhp, he's already got it. 401 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,278 Boy, you're really all in on Asa Akira. 402 00:17:35,296 --> 00:17:37,871 Way off, pal. This is the only place I can masturbate. 403 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:40,099 Griffin, just go. 404 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,436 ♪ ♪ 405 00:17:48,976 --> 00:17:51,811 Oh, fat man, my fat man. 406 00:17:51,963 --> 00:17:53,296 Mr. Pabian. 407 00:17:53,314 --> 00:17:55,281 Get down from there at once. 408 00:17:56,634 --> 00:17:57,983 ♪ ♪ 409 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,152 Oh, fat man, my fat man. 410 00:18:00,305 --> 00:18:01,895 Ms. Towers, get down. 411 00:18:01,989 --> 00:18:04,640 Do you hear me? I order you to get down. 412 00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:06,659 Oh, fat man, my fat man. 413 00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:08,920 Get down! Every one of you. 414 00:18:09,147 --> 00:18:11,572 That is a direct order. Do you hear me? 415 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,333 Oh, fat man, my fat man. 416 00:18:14,485 --> 00:18:16,152 Oh, fat man, my fat man. 417 00:18:16,245 --> 00:18:18,763 Oh... (speaking gibberish) 418 00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:21,516 Thank you all. Thank you. 419 00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:27,513 As someone who doesn't remember movies, 420 00:18:27,665 --> 00:18:31,091 I've never seen such an original display of faith in a colleague. 421 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,444 -Peter, you're rehired. -Really? 422 00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:36,447 (sighs) Griffin, I guess I've learned 423 00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:39,692 that employees are willing to endure a crappy job, 424 00:18:39,844 --> 00:18:43,362 low pay, meaningless work, no upward mobility, 425 00:18:43,514 --> 00:18:46,515 laughable benefits packages, countless OSHA violations, 426 00:18:46,534 --> 00:18:49,368 exposure to hazardous waste and emotional abuse 427 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:53,205 as long as there are balloons and pieces of cake once a month. 428 00:18:53,358 --> 00:18:55,358 I guess I can allow that. 429 00:18:55,376 --> 00:18:57,209 (cheering) 430 00:18:57,362 --> 00:19:01,472 And I've learned that every office needs a worst employee 431 00:19:01,699 --> 00:19:04,049 that all the other employees can look down on. 432 00:19:04,202 --> 00:19:06,644 I can be that. I can be that guy. 433 00:19:06,871 --> 00:19:08,312 Now, if you'll excuse me. 434 00:19:08,464 --> 00:19:11,465 Hey-hey, Francesca Louise Allessandro! 435 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,317 Good news. I found your Instagram. 436 00:19:13,469 --> 00:19:15,561 Did you see the 90 photos I liked in a row 437 00:19:15,713 --> 00:19:17,155 last night at 2:00 a.m.? 438 00:19:17,306 --> 00:19:20,491 Also, who's @BeckyFitness96, and can you tell her to unblock me? 439 00:19:26,391 --> 00:19:28,982 Well, Peter, I'm glad you got your job back. 440 00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,984 Me, too, Lois, but I am gonna miss 441 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,336 getting to perform every week. 442 00:19:32,488 --> 00:19:35,748 You don't need to be in charge of birthdays to perform. 443 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:37,324 You know, you're right, Chris. 444 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:40,494 ♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪ 445 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,572 ♪ It's birthdays and na-na-na-na-na ♪ 446 00:19:43,591 --> 00:19:44,573 -♪ And a zabba... ♪ -(doorbell rings) 447 00:19:44,592 --> 00:19:47,000 (Peter continues singing gibberish) 448 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,261 (audience cheers and applauds) 449 00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:53,024 Oh, my! Tony Award-winning performer Leslie Uggams? 450 00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:55,008 What are you doing here? 451 00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,843 I heard you were singing my song, 452 00:19:56,938 --> 00:19:59,012 but I think you got the words wrong. 453 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,440 It isn't "hana-wanna-dada-baba." 454 00:20:01,592 --> 00:20:05,185 -It's "da-zalway-da-da-zee-za." -Oh, oh, okay. 455 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:07,613 And then is it, uh, something about Nash Bridges? 456 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:11,100 No, it's "all the little bit of dridges." 457 00:20:11,118 --> 00:20:13,102 Ah, "little bit of dridges," of course. 458 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:15,529 (laughs) Now you got it! 459 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,439 Come on! 460 00:20:16,457 --> 00:20:18,049 (lively orchestra music playing) 461 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,277 ♪ June is bustin' out all over ♪ 462 00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:24,780 ♪ All over the meadow and the hill ♪ 463 00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:26,373 ♪ And da-zalway-da-da-zee-za ♪ 464 00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:28,375 ♪ All the little bit of dridges ♪ 465 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:31,787 ♪ And the morning glories and the fez ♪ 466 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,880 ♪ Because it's June ♪ 467 00:20:33,975 --> 00:20:35,716 ♪ June, June, June ♪ 468 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:39,311 ♪ Bustin' out, it's June, June ♪ 469 00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:41,814 ♪ June! ♪ 470 00:20:41,966 --> 00:20:42,815 (song ends) 471 00:20:42,967 --> 00:20:44,242 Bravo! 472 00:20:44,393 --> 00:20:47,078 That's from the 1945 Rodgers and Hammerstein musical 473 00:20:47,229 --> 00:20:49,638 Carousel, about carousel barker Billy Bigelow, 474 00:20:49,657 --> 00:20:51,916 whose romance with mill worker Julie Jordan 475 00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:54,143 comes at the price of both their jobs. 476 00:20:54,161 --> 00:20:56,829 If you want to know more about it, ask your grandfather, 477 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,405 who was dragged to see it on a date 478 00:20:58,424 --> 00:21:00,591 and then had to get married to touch boob.