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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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So this is sports.
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Where's the hosiery?
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Hi. I'm a 15-year-old
wild card, and...
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Well, let's get you
a gun already!
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Oh, Peter, I'm so glad
you're finally doing
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something positive
for your health.
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What do you think about
this treadmill?
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Yeah, this one's good.
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Let me ask a salesperson
for help like a complete beta.
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Excuse me, sir-- Oh, oh,
you're helping someone else.
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I'll be with you in one second.
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Yeah, no, no.
You're busy, I see.
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Help him, then help her,
then whoever's after them.
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I'll just wait here
and feel the running shirts.
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Sir, do you need help?
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I'm waiting for Josh.
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-(loud rattle)
-What the hell?
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Peter, what the hell is that?
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It's my new pitching machine,
Lois.
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And look, it can turn our car
into a silly tank!
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Watch me nail Cleveland.
(grunts)
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CLEVELAND:
I got one, too, bitch!
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All right, Chris,
time for your old man
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to teach you how to swing a bat.
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But I've been playing
Little League since I was seven.
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Oh, that's all right.
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After all, this is
about father-son bonding
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and not about hitting you
in the nuts
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to get on America's
Funniest Home Videos.
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Wait, why are you pointing
the pitching machine
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at my crotch? Ah! Hey!
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Come on, Chris.
You and me up there at AFV
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in boxy, six-button suits.
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The kings of 1991,
just for one night.
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ANNOUNCER: Or will it be
"Two Balls One Strike,"
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submitted by Peter Griffin
of Quahog, Rhode Island?
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And the winner is...
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"Fainting Groom,"
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sent in by Kevin
and Lisa Tarczynski
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of Berkley, Michigan.
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(all gasp)
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"...but it turns out,
the real Dianetics was
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the friends he made
along the way."
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(sighs)
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Uh-oh.
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Stand back.
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The pitching machine is
the only plumber we'll need.
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(pipes rattling)
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♪ ♪
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(both scream)
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(all screaming)
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And... I'm waking up outside
again.
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Got to sleep to grow, guys.
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Got to sleep to grow.
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Oh, thanks for letting us
stay here, Daddy.
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We'll be out of your hair
as soon as the house dries out.
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You know, Carter,
we don't mean to be a bother.
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Why don't we just stay
at a hotel,
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and you pay for the hotel
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and it should be
the LEGOLAND hotel?
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I'm not giving you money
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for almost drowning
my daughter and grandchildren.
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Besides, I have
to leave town for a couple days,
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and I need someone I can trust
to look after the place.
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Where's Babs?
Why can't she do it?
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I don't know.
The ransom note didn't say.
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Daddy, I didn't know
you were leaving town.
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-Where are you going?
-Ah, just some funeral.
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I'll be back
in a couple of days.
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I left food out for the butlers,
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just change their litter boxes
tomorrow if you think of it.
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A funeral? Who died?
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Just a... (stammers)
just an old family friend.
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Don't worry about it.
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Oh, a family friend?
Was it someone I knew?
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All right, look,
I didn't want to say anything,
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but it was Meredith,
your old nanny.
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Meredith?
Oh, I loved that woman.
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I was so sad when she quit.
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Wow, Lois, you were lucky
to have a nanny.
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My mom just left me with a radio
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possessed by the former owner
of our home.
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Can I have a snack?
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RASPY VOICE (on radio):
You're sitting where I died.
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Why are you even going, Daddy?
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People always want the richest
person they ever worked for
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to attend their funeral.
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They'll be, like,
"Oh, my God, a rich person!
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I guess it's okay
he's talking on his phone."
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Well, I can't miss
Meredith's funeral.
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Yeah, I'd better go, too.
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But I need you
to watch the house!
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Oh, Peter and the kids are
more than capable
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of watching the house.
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Kids? They're staying?
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-But they love funerals!
-Peter, enough.
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Daddy, I'm coming with you.
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(sighs) Fine.
Ass, gas, or grass?
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-No one rides free.
-I guess... gas?
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That's what all the prudes say.
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Did you know
this house is so large
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there's a 12-second echo?
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What are you talking about?
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The acoustics are such
that it takes the human voice
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12 seconds to bounce back
as an echo.
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That's ridiculous. Not even
the Grand Canyon has a--
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STEWIE'S ECHO:
Did you know
this house is so large
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there's a 12-second echo?
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-Ridiculous, huh?
-Okay, I'm hearing it now.
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-(echo continues)
-Well, next time,
maybe don't doubt me
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when I tell you
the acoustics are such
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that it takes 12 seconds
for the human voice to travel.
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-(echo stops)
-I think we should hang
some blankets in the hallway.
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-STEWIE'S ECHO: Ridiculous, huh?
-BRIAN'S ECHO: Okay,
I'm hearing it now.
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-(echoing voices continues)
-Guys, I have a great idea.
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(echoing flatulence)
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That's weird.
That fart was from yesterday.
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Great idea, Peter!
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Listen, I was thinking,
what if we make some extra cash
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by turning this place
into a hotel?
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PETER's ECHO:
Great idea, Peter!
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Awesome! We're all in!
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Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go apologize
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to the hotel towels for
what's about to happen to 'em.
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Men, tonight you will have
one last night of peace.
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I won't lie to you,
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a hotel guest has no regard
for your life.
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That means some of you
will not be coming back.
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Those who do will never be
one color again.
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Now, here are your assignments:
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Anderson,
you're late-night vomit.
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Russo, you'll be
in the ladies' room.
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-Ooh!
-(whistles)
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All right,
knock it off, at ease.
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Edwards, you're gonna be folded
into a monkey
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at the foot of the bed,
and then (bleep) on.
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Look at Edwards,
he's into it!
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-Ooh!
-At ease!
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Well, it'll be nice to have
a little road trip together.
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Yeah, we never had a lot of
daddy-daughter time
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when I was young.
You were always so busy.
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Not now, kitten.
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Oh, look!
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That's just like the pond
Meredith used to take me to.
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(sighs)
I miss her so much.
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Yeah, I could always talk to her
when I was having a hard time.
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(crying)
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Lois, what's wrong?
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All the kids at school said
I'm MADtv funny
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and not SNL funny.
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Oh, Lois,
kids can be so mean.
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Have you ever heard the story
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-of "The Ugly Duckling?"
-No.
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Well, there once was
a young duckling
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who had a hard time fitting in,
just like you.
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And one day, that duckling
went off to college
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and created a website
to rate women.
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Then he made $100 billion
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and mined user data
to rig an election.
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Wow! So am I also gonna be
a billionaire making websites?
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No, but you'll use his site
to post pictures of wine
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and passive-aggressively
body-shame other moms.
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All right, for this
hotel operation to work,
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we all got to pull our weight
around here.
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Chris, you'll be the affable
but dim bellhop.
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When you say, "Help those people
with their bags,"
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I'll ask, "How high?"
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Brian, you'll tend the bar
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and dole out snappy tidbits
of advice.
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All right!
Stop by Brian's Bar
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for some drinks,
thinks and winks.
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(chuckles) We can...
we-we can pitch on it.
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Uh, Meg, you'll handle
all the dish washing,
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floor scrubbing, laundry,
and anything else
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that involves
breathing in chemicals.
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And I'll be the concierge,
astutely learning
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everything there is to know
about our guests.
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That will be my one task.
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Well, that and looking out
for Dunstons.
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-What?
-Dunstons. They'll check in.
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They'll check right in.
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(vehicle approaching)
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Ah, and here come
our guests now!
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00:08:02,541 --> 00:08:04,483
♪ ♪
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STEWIE:
First to arrive is Tom Tucker,
195
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,140
here to celebrate
the anniversary of his divorce
196
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,826
with his annual bender.
197
00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:16,995
Doctor Hartman
and his overbearing mother.
198
00:08:17,146 --> 00:08:18,312
They never travel apart.
199
00:08:18,406 --> 00:08:19,831
If he could just meet
the right woman,
200
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he'd find the independence
he needs.
201
00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:25,411
Ah, Principal Shepherd,
newly single.
202
00:08:25,564 --> 00:08:27,714
Lost half the school
in the divorce.
203
00:08:29,751 --> 00:08:32,736
The Librarian, never married.
204
00:08:32,754 --> 00:08:34,179
Adult Disney woman.
205
00:08:34,330 --> 00:08:35,997
First kiss was with a boy
at theater camp
206
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,575
who would one day get beaten up
by David Hyde Pierce
207
00:08:38,593 --> 00:08:40,426
for being too fancy.
208
00:08:40,579 --> 00:08:42,579
I say, Brian, do you know
what these guests need?
209
00:08:42,672 --> 00:08:44,430
STEWIE'S ECHO:
First to arrive is Tom Tucker,
210
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,583
here to celebrate the
anniversary of his divorce...
211
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Damn it, I guess
the blanket fell down.
212
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Well, I've got 12 seconds.
213
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,363
What these guests need is
someone to arrange
214
00:08:51,514 --> 00:08:53,031
a little romance in their lives.
215
00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:54,758
And I'm the perfect man
for the job.
216
00:08:54,776 --> 00:08:57,351
After all, I do all
of Kevin Spacey's matchmaking.
217
00:08:57,371 --> 00:09:01,281
So, you're not interested in
having sex with Kevin Spacey?
218
00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:04,125
Oh, good,
Kevin's going to love that.
219
00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:09,047
Hey, you know anything
about podcasts?
220
00:09:09,274 --> 00:09:10,882
I've been getting
into podcasts.
221
00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:13,701
That's great! I love podcasts.
222
00:09:13,795 --> 00:09:15,278
Which ones are you listening to?
223
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I really like this one
called Cereal.
224
00:09:17,874 --> 00:09:20,300
(loud chewing over radio)
225
00:09:20,452 --> 00:09:22,452
SARAH KOENIG:
That was corn flakes.
226
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:23,895
Or was it?
227
00:09:24,047 --> 00:09:25,955
The answer
at the bottom of the bowl
228
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isn't always what you expect.
229
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,901
I'm Sarah Koenig,
and this...
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00:09:30,128 --> 00:09:33,963
-(loud chewing)
-...is Cereal.
231
00:09:33,982 --> 00:09:35,532
(engine stops)
232
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:38,318
Dad! Dad!
233
00:09:38,470 --> 00:09:40,745
I-I think I mixed up
Mayor West's bags
234
00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:42,305
with Bruce and Jeffrey's!
235
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BOTH:
Leather chaps.
236
00:09:43,992 --> 00:09:45,917
Saddle. Bullwhip.
237
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:48,569
Rope. Sheriff's badges.
238
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:53,258
Saddlebags. Saddle soap.
Fancy boots.
239
00:09:53,485 --> 00:09:55,218
-Yep, this is ours.
-Yep, this is mine.
240
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All right, Brian,
I've devised a way
241
00:10:01,751 --> 00:10:04,085
to get the Librarian
and Doctor Hartman together.
242
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,662
You see,
I've prepared a batch
243
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:07,755
of Martha Stewart's
chokiest scones.
244
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:10,500
So when the Librarian eats one,
she'll start choking,
245
00:10:10,518 --> 00:10:12,593
and Doctor Hartman over there
will save her
246
00:10:12,687 --> 00:10:14,070
with the Heimlich maneuver.
247
00:10:14,764 --> 00:10:16,698
Here she comes!
248
00:10:18,176 --> 00:10:20,026
(chuckling):
Oh, these are going to go
249
00:10:20,178 --> 00:10:22,195
straight to my thighs.
250
00:10:22,347 --> 00:10:24,956
Now if only I could find
a man to do the same.
251
00:10:25,183 --> 00:10:27,517
(laughing)
252
00:10:27,610 --> 00:10:28,668
Oh.
253
00:10:29,779 --> 00:10:31,946
Ooh, these are a little...
254
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,115
(coughs)
These are a little dry.
255
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:37,135
(coughs, laughs)
256
00:10:37,286 --> 00:10:40,697
(coughing, choking)
257
00:10:40,715 --> 00:10:42,140
Okay, remain calm.
258
00:10:42,291 --> 00:10:44,625
I've done this before.
Stop, drop and roll.
259
00:10:44,719 --> 00:10:46,870
(choking, coughing)
260
00:10:46,888 --> 00:10:48,480
N-No, wait. No, wait.
I know this.
261
00:10:48,631 --> 00:10:50,464
Okay, remember
your medical training.
262
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:53,485
"If a patient chokes on food,
do the tummy-squeezy move."
263
00:10:53,636 --> 00:10:54,486
Yep, that-that-that's it!
264
00:10:54,637 --> 00:10:57,197
(grunting)
265
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,216
(gasps)
266
00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:02,902
You-you saved my life!
267
00:11:03,054 --> 00:11:05,571
Oh, how can I ever repay you?
268
00:11:05,666 --> 00:11:07,666
♪ ♪
269
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,575
Money?
270
00:11:09,728 --> 00:11:12,912
SHEPHERD:
May I have your attention,
please?
271
00:11:13,064 --> 00:11:15,465
I believe you dropped this.
272
00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:19,660
The blueberries are
still intact.
273
00:11:19,754 --> 00:11:22,621
Shame to let something so sweet
go to waste.
274
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,849
Oh! Thank you, sir.
275
00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:26,333
Uh-oh, Brian,
looks like we've got
276
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,669
a love triangle on our hands.
277
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:30,413
I'll treasure this forever.
278
00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:33,082
(chuckles):
Well, don't wait too long.
279
00:11:33,101 --> 00:11:36,528
It'll liquefy from the enzymes
in your saliva.
280
00:11:36,755 --> 00:11:38,655
(both laugh)
281
00:11:43,686 --> 00:11:45,945
Okay, last load.
282
00:11:46,097 --> 00:11:48,264
Chris, will you help me
fold these sheets?
283
00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:51,209
-Sure, sounds easy.
-They're fitted.
284
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:52,711
♪ ♪
285
00:11:52,862 --> 00:11:55,380
(projector whirring)
286
00:11:57,943 --> 00:12:00,093
♪ ♪
287
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,273
♪ ♪
288
00:12:23,726 --> 00:12:25,702
♪ ♪
289
00:12:29,398 --> 00:12:31,232
All right,
I got to find a bathroom
290
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,910
because that's mostly
what life is after 60.
291
00:12:34,904 --> 00:12:37,088
-(quiet chatter)
-(scattered crying)
292
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,245
Oh. Excuse me.
293
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,172
Oh, no, it's my fault, really.
294
00:12:46,324 --> 00:12:49,659
I have a brain thing where
I go blind every 45 seconds.
295
00:12:49,677 --> 00:12:52,437
Hi, I'm Jacqueline.
I'm Meredith's sister.
296
00:12:52,588 --> 00:12:55,348
Really?
Oh, it's so nice to meet you.
297
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:59,093
I'm Lois.
I-I'm so sorry for your loss.
298
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:02,188
Meredith was my nanny
a long time ago.
299
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:03,615
Oh, is that right?
300
00:13:03,842 --> 00:13:05,950
Oh, that-- well, that's so
nice of you to make the trip.
301
00:13:06,177 --> 00:13:09,120
You see, Meredith--
Dark, darkness,
302
00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:11,848
darkness,
just ride it out.
303
00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:13,958
And... we're back!
304
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:16,110
Meredith loved her time
as a nanny.
305
00:13:16,204 --> 00:13:20,614
It's a shame she had to
give it up after the affair.
306
00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:22,375
Affair?
307
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:25,194
I know.
We try not to talk about it.
308
00:13:25,288 --> 00:13:27,472
Some rich guy
in Rhode Island. (scoffs)
309
00:13:27,699 --> 00:13:30,308
They were seeing each other,
but then his wife found out
310
00:13:30,459 --> 00:13:32,459
and forced him to fire her.
311
00:13:32,554 --> 00:13:33,728
(gasps)
312
00:13:35,131 --> 00:13:37,390
So that's what happened.
313
00:13:37,542 --> 00:13:38,966
Tragic, isn't it?
314
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,319
She had nowhere to go,
so she came back here
315
00:13:41,546 --> 00:13:44,547
to our childhood home
of ThreeStatesAway.
316
00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:46,157
I don't believe it.
317
00:13:46,384 --> 00:13:48,642
I don't believe the Earth
is round, so that's me.
318
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:51,645
Oh, excuse me,
the funeral director is here.
319
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,082
I'm trying to avoid paying him.
320
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,502
Daddy and Meredith had
an affair?
321
00:13:57,653 --> 00:13:59,153
That's why she left me!
322
00:13:59,247 --> 00:14:00,413
Oh, this is horrible.
323
00:14:00,565 --> 00:14:02,656
-I have to call my husband.
-(phone beeps)
324
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,843
PETER:
Pewterschmidt Hotel,
don't tell Lois.
325
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:07,070
-Peter?!
-I'll transfer you.
326
00:14:07,088 --> 00:14:08,738
-(hold music playing)
-(line rings)
327
00:14:08,831 --> 00:14:11,182
CHRIS:
The Spa at Pewterschmidt Hotel,
don't tell Mom.
328
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:13,184
-Chris?!
-I'll transfer you.
329
00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:16,354
-(hold music playing)
-(line rings)
330
00:14:16,581 --> 00:14:19,023
-MEG: Pewterschmidt Hotel
laundry.
-Meg?
331
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:20,692
-Mom?
-Yeah, I'll transfer you.
332
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,683
Daddy, you had an affair
with Meredith?
333
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,185
How could you?
334
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,020
Lois, honey,
you don't understand.
335
00:14:33,114 --> 00:14:34,764
The horn part in "Sussudio"
336
00:14:34,857 --> 00:14:37,283
gave your mother a headache
that lasted five years.
337
00:14:37,435 --> 00:14:38,710
What was I supposed to do?
338
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,119
Yeah, I don't want to hear it.
339
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,363
Do you have any idea
what that woman meant to me?
340
00:14:42,457 --> 00:14:46,050
While you were off working
or golfing or God knows what,
341
00:14:46,202 --> 00:14:48,111
she was at my piano recitals
342
00:14:48,129 --> 00:14:50,296
or-or teaching me
how to tie my shoes.
343
00:14:50,448 --> 00:14:52,298
She was the only person
in that house
344
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:55,226
who was really there for me,
and you took her away!
345
00:14:55,378 --> 00:14:57,044
Well,
what was I supposed to tell you,
346
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:59,155
how many Viagras
and what position?
347
00:14:59,157 --> 00:15:02,609
Six, and something I call
"The Old Pocketknife."
348
00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:08,222
Evening.
349
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,134
I'm looking forward
to the doctor being in.
350
00:15:11,152 --> 00:15:13,894
Oh. (laughs)
351
00:15:13,988 --> 00:15:15,079
Hello, there.
352
00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:17,898
Maybe I could see you
between periods.
353
00:15:17,992 --> 00:15:20,159
Oh. (laughs)
354
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:21,753
Looks like you've got
your hands full.
355
00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:23,588
(chuckling):
You're telling me.
356
00:15:23,815 --> 00:15:25,239
I just don't know what to do.
357
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:27,241
Well, who do you think
I should choose?
358
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,260
Well, if it were me
in this situation,
359
00:15:29,412 --> 00:15:31,971
I'd just go along for the ride
and see what happens.
360
00:15:32,991 --> 00:15:34,991
That's it?
That's your advice?
361
00:15:35,009 --> 00:15:36,659
Well, it's just what I...
362
00:15:36,678 --> 00:15:39,345
You know, I'm trying to take
some agency in my life,
363
00:15:39,497 --> 00:15:42,348
and you're over here telling me
to just "see what happens."
364
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,776
-That's not helpful.
-Threesome?
365
00:15:45,003 --> 00:15:46,611
(gasps) Excuse me?
366
00:15:46,762 --> 00:15:48,854
Uh, not with me!
367
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,406
With me?
368
00:15:52,343 --> 00:15:54,177
Before we begin our service,
369
00:15:54,270 --> 00:15:56,846
I'd like to remind everyone
that I became a priest
370
00:15:56,939 --> 00:16:00,516
after my divorce, so yes,
I have had intercourse.
371
00:16:00,535 --> 00:16:03,461
-To start things off...
-(whispering indistinctly)
372
00:16:03,612 --> 00:16:06,872
-Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight?
-(whispering)
373
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,633
Oh, I misheard that completely.
374
00:16:08,784 --> 00:16:11,544
I've just been told that a
special friend of our Meredith
375
00:16:11,696 --> 00:16:14,472
has made a long trip
just to be here today.
376
00:16:14,623 --> 00:16:18,309
I'd like to ask Lois Griffin
to say a few words.
377
00:16:18,461 --> 00:16:20,144
(murmuring)
378
00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:21,721
That's the daughter
of the richest man
379
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,606
the dead lady ever worked for.
380
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,892
Hi, I'm Lois Griffin.
381
00:16:27,045 --> 00:16:29,562
I, uh, I-I just wanted to be
here today
382
00:16:29,714 --> 00:16:32,381
to say goodbye to Meredith
and thank you.
383
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,143
Thank you for raising me,
and-and-and for being there
384
00:16:36,237 --> 00:16:38,145
when no one else was.
385
00:16:38,239 --> 00:16:40,223
That's why I was so hurt
when you left,
386
00:16:40,241 --> 00:16:42,149
and I always held it
against you,
387
00:16:42,243 --> 00:16:45,394
but now I realize
i-it wasn't your fault.
388
00:16:45,529 --> 00:16:46,912
You know she can't hear you,
right?
389
00:16:47,065 --> 00:16:49,007
But no matter what happened,
Meredith,
390
00:16:49,158 --> 00:16:51,676
thank you for being my teacher.
391
00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:53,327
Even today, you're teaching me
392
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:57,348
that the people you love most
of all can still betray you.
393
00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:03,746
And now, a reading from Paul's
letter to the Corinthians.
394
00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:05,890
"Dear Corinthians,
camp is good.
395
00:17:06,042 --> 00:17:08,100
"Yesterday we had hot dogs.
396
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,528
"Please send strawberry
Big League Chew
397
00:17:10,679 --> 00:17:13,439
but wrap it in a towel because
we're not allowed to have it."
398
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,016
-Amen.
-ALL: Amen.
399
00:17:16,110 --> 00:17:18,161
(indistinct chatter)
400
00:17:23,951 --> 00:17:25,668
(engine starts)
401
00:17:29,957 --> 00:17:32,133
♪ ♪
402
00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:46,230
♪ ♪
403
00:17:50,553 --> 00:17:52,295
-(phone beeps)
-Hey, it's Pewterschmidt.
404
00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:54,739
You still have that
all-night construction crew?
405
00:17:54,890 --> 00:17:56,240
I need a favor.
406
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,801
Hey, you owe me.
I picked you up from LAX.
407
00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:02,080
You have to do anything I ever
ask for the rest of time.
408
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:04,457
(string quartet playing)
409
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,460
(lively chatter)
410
00:18:10,072 --> 00:18:12,315
Ah, there's our belle
of the ball.
411
00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:14,467
And she's chosen a suitor!
412
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,674
Well, you two look happy.
413
00:18:21,826 --> 00:18:24,268
-How'd you decide?
-Money.
414
00:18:24,420 --> 00:18:28,331
But I do feel bad for leaving
Principal Shepherd all alone.
415
00:18:28,349 --> 00:18:30,182
Oh, you leave that to me.
416
00:18:30,335 --> 00:18:34,028
I may have one more clever
scheme hidden up my sleeve.
417
00:18:41,437 --> 00:18:43,696
(both grunt)
418
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,999
♪ ♪
419
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,113
Oh, my. (laughs)
420
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,782
This may be one of
my ocular migraines talking,
421
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,618
but I see fireworks.
422
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,879
Can I ask, is that licorice
on your breath,
423
00:19:00,031 --> 00:19:01,955
or is that just
my licorice breath
424
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,957
bouncing out of your mouth?
425
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,126
Why don't you get in here
and find out?
426
00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:08,396
(moaning softly)
427
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,070
(brakes squeal)
428
00:19:16,898 --> 00:19:18,972
Wha-- Oh, are we home?
429
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:20,549
Why aren't we going
up the driveway?
430
00:19:20,568 --> 00:19:23,411
Come on. I have to show you
something first.
431
00:19:26,574 --> 00:19:28,833
♪ ♪
432
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:30,168
(gasps)
433
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,091
♪ ♪
434
00:19:41,255 --> 00:19:43,497
-Daddy, what is this?
-It's yours.
435
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:47,727
I had to call in a favor or two,
but it's all for you.
436
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:53,708
I figured you can come here to
sit whenever you miss Meredith.
437
00:19:53,710 --> 00:19:56,101
Daddy, this is beautiful.
438
00:19:56,254 --> 00:19:57,586
I'm sorry, Lois.
439
00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,681
You were right,
people you love can betray you.
440
00:20:00,775 --> 00:20:04,017
But if they're rich enough,
they can buy apology ponds.
441
00:20:04,111 --> 00:20:06,329
Thank you, Daddy.
442
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,541
(phone chimes and buzzes)
443
00:20:10,693 --> 00:20:13,211
Oh, no, Rafael,
the old gardener, died.
444
00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:15,362
I have a story
I have to tell you
445
00:20:15,456 --> 00:20:17,423
and, spoiler alert,
you'll be getting another pond.
446
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:27,258
Well, Dad, I guess
our hotel worked out,
447
00:20:27,485 --> 00:20:29,376
and we actually made
a decent profit.
448
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:32,546
We sure did, son,
but we still got work to do.
449
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,048
Hi, everybody, I'm your
karaoke host, Peter Griffin.
450
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:37,309
I will be up here
far too many times tonight.
451
00:20:37,462 --> 00:20:38,903
Just a quick reminder
to all of you
452
00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:40,629
that even though
we haven't started yet,
453
00:20:40,723 --> 00:20:42,406
there's already
an hour and 45-minute wait.
454
00:20:42,558 --> 00:20:44,742
So go ahead and write
down the song you want to sing,
455
00:20:44,893 --> 00:20:46,077
hand it to me,
and I will let
456
00:20:46,304 --> 00:20:48,562
15 musical theater people
go before you.
457
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,730
Remember, no repeats.
458
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,490
We want to give everybody
a chance to sing,
459
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,735
although there will be the same
rotation of five people up here
460
00:20:54,829 --> 00:20:56,254
over and over doing duets.
461
00:20:56,481 --> 00:20:58,739
All right, who's ready
for me to kick things off
462
00:20:58,833 --> 00:21:01,133
and then go third and sixth?