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00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:06,006
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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♪ ls violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:12,888
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely?
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us
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♪ Laugh and cry
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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ANNOUNCER: We now return to Bottom Chef.
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Daniel L.,
please pack your fudge and go.
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Fine!
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TOM TUCKER: We interrupt this
broadcast with breaking news.
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An aide to Mayor
Adam West has been found
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stabbed to death
at the mayor's mansion.
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That's right, Tom.
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Police say the
victim was killed
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by a knife
belonging to the mayor,
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who is considered the
prime suspect at this time.
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Oh, my God.
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Uncle Adam!
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Uhp, town emergency.
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Don't got to
finish my green beans.
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Peter, you stay there and
finish those green beans.
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But my stomach's upset
on account of the news.
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Also found
in the mayor's residence
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was a blackmail note
from the victim
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threatening to expose the mayor
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in a corruption scandal
unless the victim was paid off.
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You can put a picture of a note
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above my shoulder any time now,
Tony.
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No, that's the Rose Bowl Parade.
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That's the Pumpkin Festival.
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Okay, okay,
you think that humiliates me?
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You-- I-l don't care.
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Oscar De La Hoya does it.
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We now go live to
Tricia Takanawa,
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who is outside
the mayor's mansion.
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Torn, I'm standing outside
the mayor's mansion,
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where, against the wishes
of his attorneys,
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the mayor has agreed to an
impromptu press conference.
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(reporters calling out)
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What do you
know about the murder?
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Did you
kill that man?
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Yes, I'll take a question
from the reporter
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from the Quahog
Elementary School Gazette.
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Timmy?
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Are you afraid of the dark?
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00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,904
I thought
we had an understanding
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00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,656
that the dark was off limits.
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This press conference is over.
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This has been
Tricia Takanawa with the news.
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And now I will have
my normal post-news review
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from my mom in her car.
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You no good!
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You no good on news!
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You stiff, like
watching board!
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00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:11,173
Joan London
mother, so happy.
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00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:14,551
Tricia Takanawa
mother, so sad.
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00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,303
Wow, he really did it.
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00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,263
I always knew Mayor West
was a little crazy,
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but I never thought he was
capable of something like this.
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The mayor's going to jail.
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That means anything goes.
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(knocking on door)
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I pushed a lady.
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God, I can already
hear the jokes
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Jay Leno's gonna be
telling about our mayor.
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Oh, yeah,
like what?
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Oh, you know,
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it's like you can
already hear them.
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You know?
Like what?
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Like exactly
what jokes do you hear?
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Tell me one of the jokes.
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Brian, all I have to do is
start fake sneezing around you
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and you'll spend the rest
of your life outside.
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Oh, yeah, yeah, I can
hear some of the jokes.
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Well, I guess
you just never know
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what kind of rage
some people have bottled up.
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Well, we all
got anger, Chris.
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The important thing
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is finding a healthy way
to channel it.
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For me, as you know,
it's the family bath.
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Peter, how long
do we have to sit here?
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Until I'm
not angry anymore,
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you naked
bunch of bitches!
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(seagulls squawking)
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(indistinct chatter)
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J U DG E: Everyone,
please be seated.
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We will now hear
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the defense attorney's
closing statement.
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I switched seats.
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In closing, although
it seems pretty clear
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that my client
committed this murder,
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I would consider it
a personal favor to me
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if you found
him not guilty.
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That's your
closing argument?
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Whoa, those karate
lessons are really paying off.
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Thank you, Sensei.
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Welcome.
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He came.
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Jurors, you
have now heard
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all the facts
of this case.
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I remind you that because
we are a small town,
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many of you may have ties
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with the defendant
or the victim.
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You must set aside
these personal connections
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and render an impartial
and unanimous verdict.
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Does anyone have any questions?
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Yeah, is Toblerone
the fanciest thing in the world?
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00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,576
L-I just don't understand.
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00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,369
How could
Uncle Adam do this?
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He's the mayor
of our town.
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Well, Meg, life
isn't always as simple
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as what they
teach you at school.
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I don't know, Mom.
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I have a pretty realistic
home ec class.
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Okay, kids.
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Now I'm gonna take
the casserole out of the oven.
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Okay, it's a little burned.
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No reason to panic.
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(tires screech, car
door opens and closes)
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Oh, God, that's Daddy.
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He's home early.
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Let-Let's get some spices
in here and fix this.
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(door opens
and closes)
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Okay, he's inside the house.
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Let's-let's hope his meeting
went well.
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MAN: God, that
meeting went awful!
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Oh, boy.
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What's that smell?
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Did you burn dinner,
you stupid pig?
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Okay, kids, put your heads down.
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00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:37,611
Put your heads down.
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And don't try to stand between
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me and your father;
it'll just make it worse.
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So I's been asked by the judge
to be the foreman,
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and I want y'all to know
that we's gonna run
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a fairjury and a clean jury,
so I brought some wet naps
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for everyone to wipe off
their areas.
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00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:01,134
'Cause one of us gets sick,
we's all gonna get sick.
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00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,427
And that may lead to some of us
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00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,179
getting sicker than others.
144
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:05,430
Look, can we
get this underway?
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00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,057
I mean, we were
all in that courtroom.
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What-what is
there to discuss?
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00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,434
It's obvious
he did it.
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00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:11,812
(overlapping chatter)
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00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,313
Plus, I got to get
back to the station.
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00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,648
If I'm not there by 5:00,
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00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,149
Joyce will anchor the news,
and I don't think
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00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,943
anyone wants
that to happen again.
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Our top story:
Guys, right?
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Yes, it's open and shut.
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Now let's just vote him guilty
and get out of here.
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Look, I know
everyone's in a hurry,
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00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,452
but shouldn't we at least
go over the evidence
158
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,287
once before we vote,
just to be fair?
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You know what would shed
some light on this case?
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If we huck water balloons
at people in the street.
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They were carrying a trampoline.
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Here's the facts:
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there was a note
from the victim,
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threatening to expose the mayor
in a corruption scandal.
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The murder weapon
was the mayor's own knife.
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00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,975
And finally, that lady with
the Peter Gallagher eyebrows
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00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,686
on the witness stand
saw the whole thing.
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00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:53,979
Okay, let's get
down to business.
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All in favor of "guilty,"
raise your hands.
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00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:57,482
(together):
Guilty.
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All "guilty."
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Good, well, that's it,
let's get out of here.
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00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,736
Anyone for "not guilty"?
174
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:09,327
(angry, incredulous remarks)
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00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,495
What the hell?
176
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:13,248
All right, looks like
we's gonna be here a while.
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00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,624
Who wants pizza for dinner?
178
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:19,254
And who wants
Purina Moist and Meaty Dog Chow?
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00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:23,508
(angry, incredulous remarks)
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00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,968
I had that
for breakfast!
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00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,642
What do you mean "not guilty"?!
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00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,643
What's wrong with you?
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00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,770
Oh, shoot,
that was a stomachache.
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00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,105
I told that guy he had polio.
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00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,399
Look, the system specifies
the defendant
186
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,277
must be proven guilty
beyond a reasonable doubt.
187
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:44,112
Mayor West's life
is on the line here.
188
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,364
I'm just saying,
it's possible he didn't do it.
189
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,033
(angry, incredulous remarks)
190
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,618
That's for the jury
to decide.
191
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,119
Mayor West is crazy.
192
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:53,413
He should've been locked up
a long time ago.
193
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,248
Yeah, there's definitely
something off about him.
194
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,374
I'm his physician.
195
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:59,377
Okay, now we'll just
test those reflexes.
196
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MAN (muffled):
Hey, did you hear that?
197
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:01,546
MAN 2:
There's someone out there.
198
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:02,797
Hello?
199
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,257
WOMAN (muffled):
We're in here!
200
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,550
MAN 3:
There are six of us!
201
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:07,552
Look, we all saw
that blackmail note.
202
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,304
Mayor West is
the only one with a motive.
203
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,889
I don't even know
why we're discussing it.
204
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:13,391
Well, was Mayor West
the only one with a motive?
205
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:15,310
I mean, there are
people who would benefit
206
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,561
if he were
put away for murder.
207
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,438
Political rivals,
special interests.
208
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,440
I mean, it's possible
he could have been framed.
209
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,443
(angry, incredulous remarks)
210
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,278
Enough!
211
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,155
Was a movie with Jennifer Lopez
212
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,282
that did not
live up to expectations.
213
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,285
Well, Mayor West did say
he never saw the letter.
214
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:33,662
And he was under oath.
215
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:34,704
Yeah, he lied.
216
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,289
Of course he lied;
he's a politician.
217
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,791
They're all liars.
Yeah!
218
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,418
John F. Kennedy swore he'd serve
a full four-year term.
219
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,670
Liar.
220
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:44,464
Look, we should be sticking
to the facts, not stereotypes.
221
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,342
It's unfair to say
that all politicians are liars,
222
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,177
therefore Mayor West is guilty.
223
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,428
Brian's right.
224
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:53,598
I was a county alderman once
and I never told no fibs.
225
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,475
I bent over
backwards and forwards
226
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,810
for them constituents.
227
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,104
It's important
to make sure everyone is happy,
228
00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,814
so I took a lot of polls.
229
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,232
(muttering):
Gay stuff.
230
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:05,110
Yeah, and I served honorably
as a U.N. interpreter.
231
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,445
(speaking foreign language)
232
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,239
Okay, he's mad about something.
233
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,491
He appears to be
talking really fast.
234
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,452
He spits whenever
he makes the "ch" noise,
235
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:16,871
which, in this language,
happens a lot.
236
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:19,040
I'm expected to entertain him
and his wife tonight,
237
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,292
so if anyone knows a good
restaurant in the area...
238
00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,503
Sushi or tapas,
something where they're always
239
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,671
bringing stuff to the table
240
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,006
so you have something
to talk about.
241
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,298
You know?
242
00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:28,800
"Hey, what's this?
This looks good..."
243
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,135
War, oh, war, war!
244
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,053
That last sentence
was about war!
245
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,680
Look, an expert
confirmed
246
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,682
that the blackmail note
was signed by the victim.
247
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,809
That points
irrefutably to West.
248
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:40,061
Well, maybe we should
take a look at that letter.
249
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,187
Yeah, I'd like to see that.
250
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,815
'Cause I can read it
just like everybody else.
251
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:46,192
And the charade continues.
252
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:48,403
Bailiff, please.
253
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:49,529
Yeah?
254
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,448
Mr. Bailiff, we
request that you
255
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,199
bring us the note
from the victim.
256
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,326
Joe, what the hell
are you doing out there?
257
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,828
You're a cop, not a bailiff.
258
00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,163
Eh, I'm undercover.
259
00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,914
Someone's been raping
all the bailiffs.
260
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:02,333
So you're just sitting around
waiting to be raped?
261
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,044
MAN (gruffly): Hey,
Bailiff, can I talk to you
262
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,837
for a second in
this broom closet?
263
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,172
Sure, strange man.
264
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:10,842
I can't wait to hear
what this is all about.
265
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,557
Well, there's your motive.
266
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,601
A note from the victim
threatening Mayor West.
267
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,061
What more proof
do you want?
268
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,063
Yeah, are you trying to
suggest that Mayor West's
269
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,355
enemy faked
a corruption letter
270
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:25,565
and then
killed himself?
271
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,608
That's idiotic!
272
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:32,363
But it just might work.
273
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,490
What?
274
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,372
You know, something bothered me
275
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:43,208
about the stationery
that note was on,
276
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:44,751
with the-the decorative
"M" border.
277
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:45,752
It's from the
office of the mayor.
278
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:46,753
The "M" is for "mayor."
279
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,505
What are you
getting at?
280
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,256
No, no, I'm pretty sure
the "M" is for "Marriott."
281
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,258
How do you know?
Becausel once got a note
282
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:56,387
from the Marriott
written on the same paper.
283
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,639
(gasping)
284
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,099
"Dear Brian.
285
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,475
"You were amazing last night.
286
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,726
Love, Ida.
287
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:02,977
(laughing):
This is from the night
288
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:04,979
you had sex with Quagmire's dad.
289
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,272
Ah, come on!
290
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,608
I did a dog once,
but I was in the Philippines,
291
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,276
and I sure as hell
didn't write him a letter.
292
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,112
What's-- w-w-what, so
what does that prove?
293
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,279
The victim had access
294
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,405
to all the "Office of the Mayor"
295
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:15,782
stationery he could ever want,
296
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,742
yet he hand-made a letterhead
297
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:19,744
on stationery from a Marriott?
298
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,496
As far as I'm concerned,
that casts doubt.
299
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:24,290
(angry, incredulous remarks)
300
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,625
Look, you guys
just say the word
301
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,627
and I'll put this ball with
cheese in it on the floor.
302
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,671
We won't hear from him
for an hour and a half.
303
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,426
Look, if I'm still the only
one who says "not guilty,"
304
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,303
I won't hold
things up any longer.
305
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,055
Let's vote again,
and I'll abstain.
306
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,306
If it's unanimous,
307
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,308
I'll change my vote
and we can all go home.
308
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,562
Okay, everyone take one of these
here and write their vote.
309
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:51,192
Hey, Quagmire, y-you gonna
write something funny?
310
00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:52,443
No, Peter, I'm not.
311
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:54,696
I'm starting to think
all you do is dick around.
312
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,656
Sorry.
313
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,534
Everyone vote?
314
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,536
Okay, now let's count.
315
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:04,455
"Guilty," "guilty."
316
00:11:04,539 --> 00:11:07,333
Some hurtful slurs followed
by the word "guilty."
317
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,334
(laugh-S)
318
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,587
"Guilty," "guilty."
319
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:12,338
"El guilto."
320
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,340
"Guilty," "guilty."
321
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,718
This one's just a squiggly line.
322
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:19,971
That's, uh,
that's "guilty" in Latin.
323
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:22,473
You're playing
o dangerous game, Carl.
324
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:23,975
"Guilty."
325
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:25,852
"Not guilty."
326
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,854
(indistinct arguing)
327
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,982
ALL:
Ew!
328
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,859
I farted during the murmuring.
329
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,986
What monumental douche
voted "not guilty"
330
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,487
on this no-brainer?
331
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:38,865
I think we know who
the flip-flopper is.
332
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,075
Bruce didn't change his vote.
333
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,702
I did.
334
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,204
(all gasp)
335
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,331
I respect Brian's courage.
336
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,333
It's not easy to stand alone.
337
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,752
Or find the child
who stands alone.
338
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:53,379
But that's the one you want.
339
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,382
Look, we have been cooped up
in this room for five hours now.
340
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:59,010
I'm starting to feel
like an animal in a cage.
341
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,512
Yeah, or a T. rex
trying to masturbate.
342
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:04,015
All right,
Internet porn-- check.
343
00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,767
Tissues-- check.
344
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,644
Lotion-- check.
345
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,729
Okay, let's go.
346
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,024
Aw.
347
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,026
(roaring)
348
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,532
And that's why they were
such vicious killers.
349
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,869
♪ Oh, he couldn't masturbate
because his arms are too short ♪
350
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,746
♪ They feared him
from Kilpatrick ♪
351
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,623
♪ Down to Gamay Bay Port
352
00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:31,793
♪ Luckily he found a wife
so he could have sex ♪
353
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,544
♪ The non-masturbatin'
354
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:36,047
♪ Tyrannosaurus rex.
355
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:38,549
Okay, look, tempers are starting
to get a little heated,
356
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:41,261
so why don't we all go take us
a little potty break?
357
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,929
Now you're all gonna have
to witness me taking
358
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:46,140
an old-man pill that looks
way too big to swallow.
359
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,935
(sagging)
360
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,068
Oh, there we go.
361
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,906
It's his fault
we're still here.
362
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,075
How is it you think
you know everything anyway?
363
00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:06,703
You don't even understand
your feelings for the mailman.
364
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:08,955
(barking)
365
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:10,415
You (bleep) get out of here!
366
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:11,582
I'll kill you!
367
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,792
But come back
tomorrow same time.
368
00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:15,586
I get very sad on Sundays
when you're not here.
369
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:16,963
PETER:
Aw, damn it.
370
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:17,964
MORT:
What happened?
371
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,216
I dropped my phone
in the toilet.
372
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,592
(water splashing)
(Peter groans)
373
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:24,470
Oh, it's so cold and
it's under everything.
374
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:27,598
(groans) I feel like I'm rooting
around a pitcher of sangria.
375
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,684
(groans) Where is it?
376
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:31,978
Oh, my God, why haven't
I found it yet?
377
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,605
Oh, no, I didn't roll
my sleeve up far enough.
378
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:37,817
Oh, why didn't I flush
when I got in here?
379
00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:40,361
Aw, this isn't even all mine!
380
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,822
Oh, no, there's a spider
crawling on my face.
381
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:46,367
(smack) Aah, why didn't I use the
hand that was on the floor?!
382
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,494
Why did I use
my toilet hand?!
383
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,747
Oh, wait, here it is
behind the toilet.
384
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:57,503
This is ridiculous.
385
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,630
Even if you don't believe
the note was legitimate,
386
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,008
there was an eyewitness
who saw the entire thing.
387
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,135
Well, I have questions
about her testimony.
388
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:05,762
She said she was at a party.
389
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,847
Not just any party--
a sex party.
390
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,350
Now, how could a woman
at an orgy witness a murder?
391
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,643
The bedroom was a hundred feet
from the window.
392
00:14:12,643 --> 00:14:14,645
Okay, first of all,
the term "orgy" is outdated.
393
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:16,981
We call them
"genital jamborees."
394
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,775
But still, I don't see
how she could look out
395
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:20,276
a window and witness a crime.
396
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,528
Trust me, you're banging
eight strangers who responded
397
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,739
to a flyer, at some point
you're gonna look out a window
398
00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:26,866
and question every decision
you've ever made.
399
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:27,867
Look, I'll demonstrate.
400
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,535
You people come here.
401
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,871
Okay, Torn, you're over
here on all fours.
402
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,539
Carter, I need
your face right here.
403
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:34,916
Nope, even closer.
404
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,876
You're gonna want to feel
the heat coming off him.
405
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,670
Okay, Consuela, I'm gonna
need you on your knees.
406
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,047
And we're probably
partway into it here,
407
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,174
so one of your eyes
is stuck shut.
408
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:46,302
All the way shut-- there
are 11 of us, dear.
409
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,181
All right, Tom,
you're squinting.
410
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,557
You're anticipating--
don't-don't do that.
411
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,393
Carl, you can take your fist
out of your own mouth.
412
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,435
Bruce, great work.
413
00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,396
Bruce seems like
the only garner here.
414
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,689
Thanks, it's okay
to look the other way
415
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:01,317
when y'all pass me on the
street with y'all's wives.
416
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:02,693
I understand.
417
00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,570
And that places
the witness right here,
418
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:05,696
next to the lubricating station
419
00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:07,323
and the terrible
smelling guest book.
420
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,408
Would she be face up?
421
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,076
No, she had small breasts
but a great ass.
422
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,786
She's definitely face down.
423
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:14,038
But then, how could
she see the window?
424
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:16,457
Oh, my God.
425
00:15:16,457 --> 00:15:17,834
You're right.
426
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,085
She couldn't have.
427
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,715
And now to take
my position.
428
00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,801
This is what I call
the Butter Pat.
429
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:39,814
Okay, y'all, so we's
now at six "guilty,"
430
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,232
six "not guilty."
431
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,234
So we's all gonna
have to stay here
432
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,111
until we's unanimous
in our verdict.
433
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,238
Well, so what if that woman
at the orgy couldn't see?
434
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,615
There's plenty of other evidence
that West is guilty.
435
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:51,451
Yeah, let's wrap this up--
I got the director's cut
436
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,245
of Raiders of the Lost Ark
waiting for me at home.
437
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,624
Don't look, Marion.
Okay.
438
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,585
By the way, I'm pregnant.
439
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:02,753
Maybe just one quick peak.
440
00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:04,630
Come on, people,
he obviously did it.
441
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,382
You know his type--
they're all guilty.
442
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,009
Well, what type is that?
443
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,385
He's one of those plain-Iippies.
444
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,637
You know, no mustache
like a normal person.
445
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,473
Prancing around
with his naked lip out
446
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,765
for all the world to see.
447
00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:17,768
Sir, you are talking
to a plain-lippy.
448
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,145
Oh, now,
don't take it like that.
449
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,605
Some of them are all right.
450
00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,982
But you know what I mean--
they're all over the place.
451
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,984
How about me, Tucker--
am I all right?
452
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,527
Well, of course
you're all right.
453
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:29,363
(all gasp)
454
00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,991
Huh, imagine that.
455
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,284
(sighs)
456
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,660
What happened to me?
457
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,622
I've become my father.
458
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:40,166
Not guilty.
459
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:43,002
That really hurt because
it was a real mustache.
460
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,921
Okay, the majority
of this room now believes
461
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,632
that there is reasonable doubt
about Mayor West's guilt.
462
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:49,008
And what do
the rest of you think?
463
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,260
Look, I just don't think
he could've done it.
464
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,261
Guilty.
465
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,387
(whispers indistinctly)
466
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,264
Oh, oh, guilty is
the other one?
467
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:57,225
Well, I don't know!
468
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,143
Okay, it's good
we're talking this out.
469
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:01,020
Now I'd really like to hear
from the holdouts
470
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,147
because a man's life hangs
in the bal...
471
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,357
Peter, what are you doing?
472
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,983
It's getting very tense in here.
473
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:08,402
Do you guys mind if I struggle
to open these blinds?
474
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:26,045
Damn it, come on, stay up there.
475
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,672
QUAGIVIIRE: You got to yank
it to the side, Peter.
476
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,048
I'm yanking it
as far as it goes.
477
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,424
CARL: You got to catch
it on the thing.
478
00:17:30,424 --> 00:17:32,176
Oh, that's helpful.
479
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,178
HARTMAN: The left side's getting
lower than the right side.
480
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,429
I can see what's happening.
481
00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:36,430
QUAGMIRE:
Now twist it.
482
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,182
All right.
483
00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:39,433
See? Now it's open.
484
00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:44,272
Okay, we's
at 11 to one.
485
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:47,525
Carter, you're the only person
who still thinks he's guilty.
486
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,694
You're damn right I do--
look at the facts.
487
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,196
There was a dead guy found
in Mayor West's home.
488
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:53,906
There's no one else
with any motive.
489
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,033
And the police detective who
examined all the evidence
490
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,577
named him the prime suspect.
491
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,037
(scoffs) You guys paid
attention that whole trial?
492
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,414
Lame-- not me.
493
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,416
I was too busy
being cool.
494
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,418
The jury is instructed
to disregard
495
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,086
the witness' last remark.
496
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,921
Yeah, whatever, Judge.
497
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,424
None of this stuff's ever
gonna apply to my real life.
498
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,093
I'm just gonna go work in
the mines anyway like my dad.
499
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,429
How would you like to stay
for an hour after the trial?
500
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,306
Oh, I'm real scared.
501
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,600
Is your dad
hitting you, Peter?
502
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,101
Shut up, just shut up!
503
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,603
You have no right, man!
504
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,980
You don't know nothing
about my side of town!
505
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,732
Look, he's guilty,
I just know it.
506
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:30,359
He's a double-dealing
spineless politician.
507
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:31,736
But how do you know
he's guilty?
508
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:32,737
Oh, I know.
509
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:34,947
Mayor West has
let people down.
510
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,450
Guys, I feel like all
we talk about is Mayor West.
511
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,993
Like who, who has he let down?
512
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,494
Someone who got him elected.
513
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:42,330
Someone who padded
his expense account.
514
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:44,248
And all I wanted was
to fire a missile
515
00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:46,751
into a fault line to sink half
of Quahog into the ocean
516
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,836
and make
my real estate waterfront.
517
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,463
You got that from Superman.
518
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,505
Nobody likes you.
519
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:52,506
I even let him marry
520
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,133
my daughter
Carol, damn it.
521
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,509
I mean, doesn't that
mean anything?
522
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,262
No, not to West, that
ungrateful bastard.
523
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,264
It wasn't that aide that
got stabbed in the back,
524
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:02,475
it was me!
525
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,518
(crying)
526
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,230
Not guilty.
527
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,651
Well, I guess that's it.
528
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:14,278
Yeah, looks like
we've reached our verdict.
529
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:15,279
You know what
I just realized?
530
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,406
My jury duty's tomorrow.
531
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,662
Ladies and gentlemen of Quahog,
532
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,288
I feel vindicated.
533
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,666
Today the truth has prevailed.
534
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:29,293
And we've witnessed
the power of the greatest
535
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,629
justice system in all the world.
536
00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,422
(reporters clamoring)
537
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,049
Yes, Miss Ta kanawa.
538
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,425
Now that you've been acquitted,
539
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:40,012
what does the future hold
for Mayor Adam West?
540
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,306
Oh, I don't know.
541
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:46,435
♪ Into the great wide open
542
00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:52,566
♪ Under them skies of blue
543
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:58,155
♪ Out in the great wide open
544
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:03,077
♪ A rebel without a clue.
545
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:08,082
I'll probably just remain mayor
of this great city.
546
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:11,460
This also is part
of my fantasy sequence.
547
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:17,425
I'll probably just remain
mayor of this great city.
548
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:21,554
And I know this is real because
you're not rabbit-people.
549
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,434
Ah, what a day.
550
00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:29,854
You both did your civic duty
and you saved Mayor West.
551
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,564
Yeah, I mean, it was
a pretty intense experience,
552
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,482
but the important thing is,
in the end,
553
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,859
justice was served.
554
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,569
All you did was
let a guy go.
555
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,446
There's still
a murderer out there.
556
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:40,740
Yeah, but we saved
an innocent man today.
557
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,199
And that's something
to feel good about.
558
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:43,576
"Feel good about"?
559
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,244
They found eight more
bodies last night.
560
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,704
One of them was
on this block.
561
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:49,373
There's a maniac out there.
He's cutting people's power off,
562
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:53,586
breaking into their homes,
and slitting their throats.
563
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,588
And we're dead.