1 00:00:02,561 --> 00:00:04,819 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,898 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:11,735 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,828 --> 00:00:14,738 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:18,091 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,353 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:23,004 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,098 --> 00:00:24,414 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:30,195 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:35,444 --> 00:00:37,411 (laughter) 11 00:00:41,283 --> 00:00:43,709 (in Marge voice): Happy Halloween, kids! 12 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:45,377 Happy Halloween! 13 00:00:45,529 --> 00:00:47,771 Look, it's Matt Foley from Saturday Night Live. 14 00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:50,774 I don't know who that is. I just came from a meeting at work. 15 00:00:50,867 --> 00:00:52,109 Oh, good. Peter, you're home. 16 00:00:52,127 --> 00:00:53,627 You can help me pass out candy. 17 00:00:53,779 --> 00:00:56,129 Sorry, Lois, I have to go do a dangerous speedball 18 00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:59,616 and become the least surprising death in Hollywood history. 19 00:00:59,709 --> 00:01:02,302 (groans) 20 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,788 (laughter) 21 00:01:04,881 --> 00:01:07,382 Happy Halloween, Meg. 22 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,402 Wow, Mayor West. That's some costume. 23 00:01:10,629 --> 00:01:12,312 Well, thank you kindly. 24 00:01:12,464 --> 00:01:14,631 (imitating Borat): It-a me, Borat. 25 00:01:14,724 --> 00:01:16,633 You know, from that picture Borat. 26 00:01:16,726 --> 00:01:18,243 You ever seen it? 27 00:01:18,395 --> 00:01:20,654 Yeah, that movie came out, like, 15 years ago. 28 00:01:20,806 --> 00:01:22,472 Well, I'd never heard of it, 29 00:01:22,491 --> 00:01:25,267 but it was just about the funniest thing I'd ever seen. 30 00:01:25,327 --> 00:01:27,235 Anyway, have a good evening. 31 00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:29,571 (imitating Borat): My wife. 32 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,982 (laughter) 33 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,500 (crickets chirping) 34 00:01:33,652 --> 00:01:34,909 "This is my costume"? 35 00:01:35,003 --> 00:01:36,578 Come on, put in some effort. 36 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,323 Guys, just 'cause you showed up, doesn't mean you get an apple. 37 00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:41,491 -Apple. -We're here for candy! 38 00:01:41,585 --> 00:01:43,102 Kill yourself! 39 00:01:43,253 --> 00:01:44,937 There's a lot of sugar in an apple! 40 00:01:45,088 --> 00:01:46,939 If you saw the numbers, you'd be shocked! 41 00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:48,515 Trick or treat! 42 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,926 Wow, that's the first Frozen I've seen in 35 seconds. 43 00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:54,004 Oh, my God, I love your pilot costume. 44 00:01:54,097 --> 00:01:56,356 Thank you. I'm actually John Travolta walking 45 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,283 into my backyard airport in Florida 46 00:01:58,435 --> 00:02:00,285 to fly a passenger jet all by myself. 47 00:02:00,437 --> 00:02:02,696 That's right, I'm just a regular guy. 48 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,105 Your daughter is adorable. 49 00:02:04,199 --> 00:02:06,107 Oh, she's not my daughter. She's my niece. 50 00:02:06,201 --> 00:02:08,018 My sister and her husband ran into someone 51 00:02:08,111 --> 00:02:10,945 having an adult Halloween party and didn't have an excuse ready. 52 00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:12,113 Oh, I'm so sorry. 53 00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:13,874 Yeah, it was really tough for them, 54 00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,968 but I said earlier, "I'm not gonna cry," 55 00:02:16,195 --> 00:02:18,195 so I'm not gonna cry. 56 00:02:18,288 --> 00:02:20,213 And hi. My name's Carrie. 57 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,290 Hi, Carrie. My name is Glenn. 58 00:02:22,384 --> 00:02:24,292 It's really nice talking to you, Glenn. 59 00:02:24,386 --> 00:02:27,479 -You, too, Carrie. -Hey! Candy! 60 00:02:27,589 --> 00:02:29,706 STEWIE: Hey, Brian, check it out! 61 00:02:29,725 --> 00:02:31,466 (grunting) 62 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,820 This might be my biggest candy score ever. 63 00:02:35,047 --> 00:02:36,822 Probably thanks to my killer costume. 64 00:02:37,049 --> 00:02:38,231 What are you dressed as? 65 00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:41,076 I'm the "Oh, my God" reaction GIF. 66 00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:46,056 And people get that? 67 00:02:46,149 --> 00:02:47,666 Yeah. Everyone's dressed as GIFs. 68 00:02:47,893 --> 00:02:49,001 Ain't that right, Pop? 69 00:02:56,493 --> 00:02:58,402 Wow. This place is great, Glenn. 70 00:02:58,420 --> 00:03:00,345 Yeah, they can really microwave eggs here. 71 00:03:00,497 --> 00:03:02,681 You know, I'm so glad you trick-or-treated at my house. 72 00:03:02,908 --> 00:03:04,241 I finally found someone 73 00:03:04,259 --> 00:03:06,668 I can just say names from Succession with. 74 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,470 I mean, oh, my God, Kendall? 75 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:11,190 -Kendall! And Shiv? -Love Shiv. 76 00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:13,841 -And what about Roman? -Yes! 77 00:03:13,936 --> 00:03:15,419 And Logan. 78 00:03:15,437 --> 00:03:17,178 -Oh, Logan. -(dog whines) 79 00:03:17,272 --> 00:03:18,513 Oh, look at that dog. 80 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,515 Yeah, who brings a dog to a coffee shop? 81 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,260 -I love dogs. -Without letting me pet it. 82 00:03:23,278 --> 00:03:25,537 Come here, you... dog. 83 00:03:25,764 --> 00:03:27,689 Oh, isn't he so sweet? 84 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,449 Oh, good boy. 85 00:03:29,601 --> 00:03:31,435 Yay, my hand smells like you now. 86 00:03:31,528 --> 00:03:34,454 Oh, I'm so happy you're a dog person. 87 00:03:34,606 --> 00:03:36,122 I don't think I could be with someone 88 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:38,050 who doesn't love dogs as much as I do. 89 00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:39,443 Yeah, it's great we like the same things 90 00:03:39,536 --> 00:03:40,961 as soon as you say what you like. 91 00:03:41,113 --> 00:03:42,870 So, what kind of dog do you have? 92 00:03:42,965 --> 00:03:45,115 Well, uh, uh, what kind of dog? 93 00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:47,041 Um... you know, I-I've never noticed. 94 00:03:47,061 --> 00:03:49,210 I... I'm... I'm more attracted to his spirit. 95 00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:50,878 Oh, they're so special. 96 00:03:50,973 --> 00:03:52,472 And you know what's right around the corner? 97 00:03:52,624 --> 00:03:54,566 The strip club where they spit in your face? 98 00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:56,309 No, the dog park! 99 00:03:56,462 --> 00:03:58,478 For our next date, we should bring our dogs there. 100 00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:00,239 Next date? Absolutely. 101 00:04:00,466 --> 00:04:02,890 -Oh, and cousin Greg! -Cousin Greg! 102 00:04:02,985 --> 00:04:05,452 Cousin Greg. 103 00:04:09,308 --> 00:04:11,157 Phew, that tummy time was killer. 104 00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:12,918 Totally blasted my core. 105 00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:14,828 But I think that earns me a little treat. 106 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,588 What the deuce? 107 00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:18,315 This bag was full last night, 108 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:19,816 and now half of it's gone. 109 00:04:19,835 --> 00:04:21,760 Oh, my God, I've been robbed! 110 00:04:26,658 --> 00:04:28,934 Rupert, check the jewelry box, see if anything's missing. 111 00:04:29,161 --> 00:04:31,011 "An engagement ring"? 112 00:04:31,163 --> 00:04:32,662 Oh, ha-ha, very funny, but not the time 113 00:04:32,681 --> 00:04:35,065 to have this conversation-- we've been burgled! 114 00:04:36,668 --> 00:04:39,669 Well, looks like they only stole some of my Halloween candy. 115 00:04:39,763 --> 00:04:41,262 But they're not going to get away with this. 116 00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,431 Like the fat man when he plays Clue. 117 00:04:43,525 --> 00:04:45,509 Okay, the murderer was "don't care," 118 00:04:45,602 --> 00:04:47,010 with a "this game sucks" 119 00:04:47,029 --> 00:04:48,936 in the "I regret having children." 120 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,773 ANNOUNCER: Clue-- you got someone pregnant nine years ago, 121 00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:54,293 so now you have to play this. 122 00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,540 Thanks for coming with me, Peter. 123 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,875 I need a dog for my date, 124 00:05:02,027 --> 00:05:03,242 but I don't know the first thing about 'em. 125 00:05:03,395 --> 00:05:05,195 No problem, Quagmire. But just know 126 00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:06,805 I'm gonna spend most of the time here 127 00:05:07,032 --> 00:05:09,366 finding the courage to hold an iguana. 128 00:05:09,384 --> 00:05:10,475 Here he is. 129 00:05:10,627 --> 00:05:12,144 I'm not sure I'm ready! 130 00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:14,313 (barking) 131 00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:16,206 Uh, excuse me, how much is that one? 132 00:05:16,299 --> 00:05:18,132 Oh, he's a purebred Bichon Frise, 133 00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,301 so he's $1,500. 134 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:23,046 For a dog?! Um, and-and what's your return policy? 135 00:05:23,139 --> 00:05:25,231 Is it, like, full money back within ten days? 136 00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,475 Sir, if you're not interested, I have to comb feces 137 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,886 out of the guinea pigs' hair with a wet paper towel. 138 00:05:29,979 --> 00:05:32,331 Go ahead, you can touch him. 139 00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:33,890 (gasps) 140 00:05:33,983 --> 00:05:35,584 It's dry. 141 00:05:39,155 --> 00:05:40,897 Sorry we couldn't get you a dog. 142 00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:43,083 Come on in, we'll have however many beers it takes 143 00:05:43,235 --> 00:05:45,235 to forget how depressing the shelter was. 144 00:05:45,253 --> 00:05:48,680 I'll go get those aforementioned beers. 145 00:05:48,907 --> 00:05:51,016 Thanks, word-a-day calendar. 146 00:05:53,745 --> 00:05:55,854 Oh, hey, Quagmire. 147 00:05:56,005 --> 00:05:57,522 Mm. 148 00:05:57,749 --> 00:05:59,024 I mean, mmm, there he is! 149 00:05:59,175 --> 00:06:01,267 Brian the dog! 150 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,420 What's going on here? Why are you using my full name? 151 00:06:03,513 --> 00:06:05,422 All right, let's cut to the chase. 152 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:06,773 I like chases. 153 00:06:06,925 --> 00:06:08,425 Okay, look, I'm seeing this woman, 154 00:06:08,518 --> 00:06:10,202 and there's something different about her. 155 00:06:10,429 --> 00:06:12,854 I mean, it's not just that the sex is great, which it is, 156 00:06:12,948 --> 00:06:14,781 but I appreciate her as a person, 157 00:06:14,933 --> 00:06:17,358 which sounds kind of weird coming out of my mouth. 158 00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,861 Anyway, I told her I have a dog, so... 159 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,938 would you pretend to be my dog? 160 00:06:22,031 --> 00:06:24,441 (laughing) 161 00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:27,260 Well, well, well. 162 00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:30,722 Well, well, well. 163 00:06:30,874 --> 00:06:34,300 Well, well, well. 164 00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,286 Brian, come on, I'm serious. Will you help me out? 165 00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:38,121 Glenn Quagmire, there are not enough 166 00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,564 tennis balls in the world for me to-- 167 00:06:39,791 --> 00:06:41,233 -I have six. -I'll do it. 168 00:06:47,132 --> 00:06:49,241 (dogs barking, howling) 169 00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:52,226 Thanks for doing this, Brian. 170 00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,745 And remember, just act like a normal, 171 00:06:53,897 --> 00:06:55,655 well-behaved, non-talking dog. 172 00:06:55,807 --> 00:06:57,974 -Non-talking? -Yeah, just bark and stuff. 173 00:06:57,993 --> 00:06:59,993 Bark? Geez, it's been a while. 174 00:07:00,145 --> 00:07:01,478 Let me give it a try. 175 00:07:01,496 --> 00:07:02,587 Brack. 176 00:07:02,739 --> 00:07:04,330 "Brack"? What the hell is that? 177 00:07:04,483 --> 00:07:05,982 -I'm finding it. -Damn it, Brian! 178 00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:07,074 I knew you were gonna screw this up for me. 179 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,668 I thought you wanted to help. 180 00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:10,929 "Help"? I'm not doing this because I want to help. 181 00:07:11,156 --> 00:07:13,006 I'm only doing this so I can have a front-row seat 182 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,507 when you crash and burn. 183 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:16,493 Okay, first of all, it's incredibly insensitive 184 00:07:16,511 --> 00:07:18,603 to say "crash and burn" to a pilot. 185 00:07:18,755 --> 00:07:20,087 And, second, how dare you? 186 00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,107 How dare you, Brian the dog? 187 00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:24,258 You know I'm right-- you're gonna get tired of the sex, 188 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,777 and then you'll move on to the next one. 189 00:07:25,929 --> 00:07:27,170 Oh, 'cause you know everything, right? 190 00:07:27,263 --> 00:07:28,505 Well, you're wrong, Brian. 191 00:07:28,523 --> 00:07:30,006 Okay, shut up, here she comes. 192 00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:32,358 Hi, Glenn. This is Dexter. 193 00:07:32,511 --> 00:07:34,844 Aw, and who's this little guy? 194 00:07:34,863 --> 00:07:37,772 Uh, uh, this is... Harvey. 195 00:07:37,866 --> 00:07:39,624 Named after Weinstein, uh... 196 00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:42,944 'C-Cause you can see his balls when he answers the door. 197 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,446 I may be dating myself, but in the '90s, 198 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:47,782 the funniest thing you could do was show people your balls. 199 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,117 C-Can you start talking now, please? 200 00:07:50,212 --> 00:07:51,786 Sorry, I couldn't hear you 201 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,379 'cause my dog was licking my ear. 202 00:07:53,532 --> 00:07:55,715 Oh, thank God. This is my dog, Bob... 203 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,217 Weinstein. 204 00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,459 He's man's best friend 205 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,053 because he's very good at keeping quiet. 206 00:08:00,205 --> 00:08:02,555 Do you mind if I take five minutes in the parking lot? 207 00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:05,275 This is Spot. 208 00:08:09,564 --> 00:08:11,397 All right, Rupert, when the thief comes back 209 00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:12,716 for the rest of my candy, 210 00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:15,118 he'll have to deal with my latest invention. 211 00:08:16,071 --> 00:08:17,721 Hey, Stewie, what are you d-- 212 00:08:17,739 --> 00:08:20,056 (exclaims) Aah! Help! Somebody help me! 213 00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:22,408 I won't survive on the inside! 214 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,669 (grunts) Thief! I've caught you! 215 00:08:24,896 --> 00:08:26,654 Chris? 216 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,989 Stewie, get off. 217 00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:29,674 I haven't been stealing your candy. 218 00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:31,676 -Dad has. -The fat man? 219 00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:34,571 He did the same thing to me when I was younger. 220 00:08:34,589 --> 00:08:36,998 The only way to keep him away from it is to hide it. 221 00:08:37,092 --> 00:08:38,517 And that's why I'm here. 222 00:08:38,744 --> 00:08:40,001 I'm gonna help you. 223 00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:42,336 Really? You'd do that for me? 224 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,247 Of course, Stewie. We're family. 225 00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:46,082 We look out for each other, 226 00:08:46,175 --> 00:08:47,600 like the people on Succession. 227 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,695 Well, don't leave me hanging like that-- throw out a name! 228 00:08:50,922 --> 00:08:52,939 -Tom. -Oh, Tom! 229 00:08:53,091 --> 00:08:55,283 Can you believe Tom? 230 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,354 Carrie's gonna be here soon. Can you give me a hand getting 231 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:03,190 -this cat stuff out of here? -Where is your cat, anyway? 232 00:09:03,285 --> 00:09:05,268 I don't know. No cat owner knows where their cat is. 233 00:09:05,361 --> 00:09:06,878 Okay, but I still don't know why 234 00:09:07,105 --> 00:09:08,454 you're going through all this trouble. 235 00:09:08,607 --> 00:09:10,215 I mean, you're just gonna bail and leave her in the dust. 236 00:09:10,442 --> 00:09:12,776 -Hey, how's your son, Brian? -Whoa! 237 00:09:12,794 --> 00:09:15,387 What happened to DEFCON four, three, and two? 238 00:09:15,538 --> 00:09:16,613 -(doorbell rings) -Okay, she's here. 239 00:09:16,631 --> 00:09:18,598 Get off the couch. 240 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,060 -Who is it? -It's The Purge. 241 00:09:22,287 --> 00:09:24,304 -We're here to beat you up. -(laughs) 242 00:09:24,398 --> 00:09:25,972 (smooching) 243 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:29,401 Coming up, one pizza with alternative crust. 244 00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:31,236 Oh! Yummy, yummy! 245 00:09:31,387 --> 00:09:34,147 Alternative crust pizza is really good, Brian. 246 00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:36,074 You can't taste the difference. 247 00:09:36,225 --> 00:09:37,892 What aren't you lying to yourself about? 248 00:09:37,986 --> 00:09:39,578 Okay, you want to know the truth, Brian? 249 00:09:39,729 --> 00:09:41,471 Brian the dog? I love her. 250 00:09:41,489 --> 00:09:43,290 You hear me? Love. 251 00:09:44,567 --> 00:09:45,750 This is priceless. 252 00:09:45,902 --> 00:09:46,993 I haven't had this much fun 253 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,712 since I went to that graveyard. 254 00:09:50,573 --> 00:09:52,816 -Yeah, how do you like how this sounds, huh? -(urine trickling) 255 00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:56,094 Try cleaning up this mess while you burn in hell! 256 00:09:56,321 --> 00:09:58,263 -Peter, you ready to go? -Almost! 257 00:09:58,414 --> 00:10:00,673 -What do you mean you don't like that? -(urine trickling) 258 00:10:00,826 --> 00:10:03,184 Just try it, maybe you will! 259 00:10:06,164 --> 00:10:08,106 Thanks again for having us over, Lois. 260 00:10:08,257 --> 00:10:09,682 Everything was so delicious. 261 00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,684 Oh, my pleasure, Carrie. 262 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,353 Yeah, I've got to say, Glenn, 263 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,596 I've never seen you this happy before. 264 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:18,024 Well, then you've never seen me at my best before. 265 00:10:18,176 --> 00:10:20,285 And it's all thanks to Carrie. 266 00:10:21,363 --> 00:10:23,529 Aw, not at the dinner table. 267 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,940 I'm sorry, Peter, I just can't help myself. 268 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,608 I'm crazy about this woman. 269 00:10:27,702 --> 00:10:29,669 (phone buzzing) 270 00:10:31,857 --> 00:10:33,781 Huh? 271 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,676 (panting) 272 00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:44,050 -"Will you marry me?" -What's this now? 273 00:10:44,202 --> 00:10:47,479 Oh, my God, Glenn, yes! Yes, of course I'll marry you! 274 00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:49,372 Mmm... 275 00:10:49,391 --> 00:10:50,315 Mazel tov! 276 00:10:50,542 --> 00:10:52,466 "Mazel tov"? Where did that come from? 277 00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:56,470 From Marvelous Mrs. Mazel Tov. Y-you should know that, Lois. 278 00:10:56,564 --> 00:10:58,031 Mmm. 279 00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:03,644 Engaged?! 280 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:06,906 Aw, come on, Quagmire, you're killing me, man. 281 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,558 Babe, babe, please-- Babe, please stop crying. 282 00:11:08,651 --> 00:11:11,336 Look, every couple needs to take things at their own speed. 283 00:11:11,563 --> 00:11:13,838 It doesn't mean I love you any less. 284 00:11:13,990 --> 00:11:16,900 Okay, look-- how about we look at rings this weekend? 285 00:11:16,918 --> 00:11:18,918 I-I don't know. Zales, probably? 286 00:11:19,070 --> 00:11:21,754 Well, that's what we can afford since only one of us has a job! 287 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,089 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 288 00:11:23,241 --> 00:11:24,665 Ugh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. 289 00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:25,925 (sighs) 290 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,852 "Why don't you join me for dinner?" he said, 291 00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,145 ruining his life. 292 00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:37,437 (humming) 293 00:11:37,589 --> 00:11:40,423 There he is, the bridegroom to be. 294 00:11:40,516 --> 00:11:43,517 That's right, the very happy bridegroom to be, 295 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,778 singing to himself. ♪ Dat da dat dee ♪ 296 00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:47,263 ♪ Da dee dee, da dee dee. ♪ 297 00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:48,856 Oh, come on, give it up. 298 00:11:48,950 --> 00:11:50,767 You're out of moves. Checkmate. 299 00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:52,452 Hi, honey, we're home. 300 00:11:52,604 --> 00:11:53,953 Will you help me move in his dog food, 301 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,131 like we're preparing for a flood? 302 00:11:58,701 --> 00:12:00,276 Dexter eats all this? 303 00:12:00,369 --> 00:12:02,369 Not just Dexter, but Dexter and all 304 00:12:02,464 --> 00:12:04,113 -his rescue brothers and sisters. -(dogs barking) 305 00:12:04,207 --> 00:12:06,282 Oh, my God, how many are there? 306 00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:09,710 Hmm, enough to do a slow pan with music from Airplane. 307 00:12:09,804 --> 00:12:11,980 ♪ 308 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,303 Is-is that one just a back half? 309 00:12:27,322 --> 00:12:30,081 Oh, Backsy? Yeah. She's a fighter. 310 00:12:30,308 --> 00:12:32,308 Well, maybe she should stop fightin'. 311 00:12:32,401 --> 00:12:34,160 Okay, I'm gonna go bring in all their meds, 312 00:12:34,312 --> 00:12:36,479 and then I'll set the 19 different feeding alarms 313 00:12:36,614 --> 00:12:38,982 on your phone. Mm. 314 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:39,924 -(laughs) -Shut up! 315 00:12:40,151 --> 00:12:41,242 I didn't say a word. 316 00:12:41,336 --> 00:12:43,928 I'm just... I'm just thrilled you're getting 317 00:12:44,155 --> 00:12:45,671 all the happiness you deserve. 318 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,082 I am happy. Parade magazine says 319 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,602 owning a dog is the secret to having a happy life. 320 00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:52,328 You read Parade magazine? 321 00:12:52,421 --> 00:12:54,421 If you know a better magazine for ordering plates 322 00:12:54,516 --> 00:12:56,775 with people's faces on them, I would like to hear about it. 323 00:12:56,926 --> 00:12:58,334 (loud crash) 324 00:12:58,353 --> 00:13:01,428 Hey, babe, was the Princess Diana plate important? 325 00:13:01,523 --> 00:13:02,763 (sighs) 326 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,674 Brian, can you hand me that Parade magazine, 327 00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:07,844 that envelope, that stamp and that checkbook? 328 00:13:07,862 --> 00:13:10,163 (singsongy): Thank you. 329 00:13:13,109 --> 00:13:14,350 Who are we waiting for, Chris? 330 00:13:14,443 --> 00:13:15,943 I called in some professionals. 331 00:13:16,037 --> 00:13:18,946 They're gonna take us somewhere Dad'll never find your candy. 332 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,115 -And where's that? -I can't say. 333 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,042 There are ears everywhere. 334 00:13:23,194 --> 00:13:25,028 Good morning, Mr. Feldman. 335 00:13:25,046 --> 00:13:27,196 Morning, Chris. Couldn't help but overhear 336 00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:29,048 you're off on a little trip. 337 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,976 (chuckles) Never mind about that, Mr. Feldman. 338 00:13:32,128 --> 00:13:34,479 -(quietly): See? -MR. FELDMAN: I could hear that. 339 00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:35,480 (tires screech) 340 00:13:35,631 --> 00:13:37,398 Get in. 341 00:13:40,061 --> 00:13:41,694 (loud thump) 342 00:13:43,548 --> 00:13:47,116 You know, I should really be in a backwards-facing car seat. 343 00:13:48,978 --> 00:13:50,403 They're now saying kids through eight 344 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,164 should at least be in a booster seat. 345 00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:55,908 -You have any kids? -Don't make small talk with these guys. 346 00:13:56,061 --> 00:13:57,076 No, no, it's all right. 347 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,895 It's nice to have someone ask for a change. 348 00:13:58,988 --> 00:14:01,414 Yes, I have four children, all dead. 349 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,990 Ah. 350 00:14:03,084 --> 00:14:05,260 (van squeaking) 351 00:14:07,739 --> 00:14:09,013 Well, here we are. 352 00:14:09,165 --> 00:14:12,016 Quick, hide your candy in the tree. 353 00:14:12,243 --> 00:14:13,576 Is this our backyard? 354 00:14:13,595 --> 00:14:17,230 Yes. But we couldn't take a chance of being followed. 355 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,867 (grunting) 356 00:14:29,018 --> 00:14:31,944 Son of a-- I'm pinching and lifting. 357 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,413 (cries out) 358 00:14:47,946 --> 00:14:49,278 Oh! 359 00:14:50,281 --> 00:14:52,873 Hey, if you're making coffee, I'll have a-- 360 00:14:52,967 --> 00:14:54,133 Whoa, kind of a mess in here. 361 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,119 It's fine. Everything is fine. 362 00:14:56,137 --> 00:14:57,787 I'm happy and in love. 363 00:14:57,805 --> 00:15:00,139 Damn it, Brian, did you leave the doggy gate open? 364 00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:02,458 -(all barking) -No, no, no, stop it. 365 00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:04,477 Peppy, you're allergic to Frankie's food. 366 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,904 Malcolm, stop humping your brother. 367 00:15:06,131 --> 00:15:07,221 Backsy, outside! 368 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,573 CARRIE: Babe, can you give me a hand 369 00:15:08,724 --> 00:15:10,057 moving my furniture 370 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,468 all around the room until I find a place I like for it? 371 00:15:12,561 --> 00:15:14,412 Kind of in the middle of something, babe! 372 00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:16,563 Ah, the seven-hour itch. 373 00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:18,307 Shut up, Brian. Why don't you go for a walk? 374 00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:19,825 -(dogs barking excitedly) -No, no, no, no, no. 375 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,085 No walk. No walk. No, no. 376 00:15:21,237 --> 00:15:22,403 We're not going for a walk. 377 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,404 I gotta stop saying "walk." 378 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,831 I said walk again. And there again. 379 00:15:25,984 --> 00:15:28,000 CARRIE: Honey, I want to make a stir-fry tonight. 380 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,669 -Have we unpacked the wok? -(dogs barking louder) 381 00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:31,930 No, no, w-O-K. 382 00:15:32,157 --> 00:15:34,081 W-O-K. She said wok! 383 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,934 (sobbing): She said wok. 384 00:15:36,161 --> 00:15:38,353 She said wok... 385 00:15:50,766 --> 00:15:52,033 (gasps) 386 00:15:53,695 --> 00:15:56,103 My candy, it's all gone. 387 00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,181 Even my West Hollywood candy. 388 00:15:58,199 --> 00:16:01,108 My Twinx bar. My very Milky Way. 389 00:16:01,202 --> 00:16:03,019 (gasps) My Reese's Penis. 390 00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:05,021 Who's done this to me? 391 00:16:05,114 --> 00:16:08,424 Who's taken candy from a baby? 392 00:16:15,124 --> 00:16:18,050 Well, we did it. Cheers. 393 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,144 We sure did, Chris. 394 00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:22,555 -Cool iguana. -He's dry. 395 00:16:22,707 --> 00:16:24,131 I named him Arid. 396 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,527 Thank you, word-a-day calendar, travel edition. 397 00:16:36,554 --> 00:16:38,221 Just met some of Carrie's friends. 398 00:16:38,281 --> 00:16:40,498 They are very excited for her. 399 00:16:40,725 --> 00:16:43,392 -Well, they should be. -Well, they should be. 400 00:16:43,486 --> 00:16:44,744 And they are. 401 00:16:44,896 --> 00:16:47,747 Anyway, expectations are high. 402 00:16:47,899 --> 00:16:49,490 (glass clinking) 403 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,843 Thank you, everyone, for coming to our engagement party. 404 00:16:51,994 --> 00:16:54,161 And an extra thanks to my airline buddies 405 00:16:54,255 --> 00:16:55,496 for organizing it. 406 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,907 Uh, folks, our party time tonight is 407 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,000 two hours and 48 minutes. 408 00:17:00,094 --> 00:17:01,594 We know you have lots of choices 409 00:17:01,746 --> 00:17:04,671 for terrible weekend activities, and we hope to see you soon 410 00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:08,100 on an inconvenient weekend for their destination wedding, 411 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:11,937 which I hear is on a Thursday in Lisbon, Portugal. 412 00:17:12,090 --> 00:17:12,530 -WOMAN: That's so far. -MAN: Come on! 413 00:17:12,757 --> 00:17:13,939 Yep. Yep. 414 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:16,259 It's been wonderful meeting all of Carrie's family 415 00:17:16,277 --> 00:17:18,036 and friends. (chuckles) 416 00:17:18,263 --> 00:17:20,538 I only wish you were all wearing nametags. 417 00:17:20,765 --> 00:17:21,539 (laughter) 418 00:17:21,766 --> 00:17:23,190 Isn't he adorable? 419 00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:24,934 My expectations are high. 420 00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:27,027 You know, I first met Carrie and her niece 421 00:17:27,121 --> 00:17:29,105 a couple of weeks ago on Halloween. 422 00:17:29,123 --> 00:17:31,340 Thank God they decided to take that walk. 423 00:17:32,868 --> 00:17:34,777 And now we're headed down the aisle; 424 00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:36,387 a very different kind of walk. 425 00:17:36,614 --> 00:17:38,705 (barking excitedly) 426 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,874 And, Carrie, if I may borrow a line 427 00:17:40,894 --> 00:17:42,285 from our favorite song, 428 00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,353 I would walk 500 miles... 429 00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:49,400 Stampede! 430 00:17:53,722 --> 00:17:56,157 (dogs barking) 431 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:21,582 -Isn't he adorable? -He loves those dogs. 432 00:18:21,676 --> 00:18:24,727 I'm hearing a lot of good things about that guy. 433 00:18:26,998 --> 00:18:27,772 That's it. 434 00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:29,440 Glenn, are you okay? 435 00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:30,924 No, I'm not okay. 436 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,777 I thought I could do this, but I can't. 437 00:18:33,004 --> 00:18:34,670 I've been lying to you, 438 00:18:34,763 --> 00:18:36,355 and I've been lying to myself. 439 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:37,931 There's something you need to know. 440 00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,859 I hate dogs. 441 00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,152 (all gasp) 442 00:18:41,379 --> 00:18:44,789 Uh, this party has begun its initial descent. 443 00:18:45,016 --> 00:18:46,349 That's not even my dog. 444 00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:49,109 That's Brian, my neighbor's dog. He can talk. 445 00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:50,519 Brian, say something. 446 00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:51,963 -Brack. -Bite me. 447 00:18:52,190 --> 00:18:54,373 Glenn... (scoffs) I can't believe this. 448 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,617 So you don't like dogs, that's fine. 449 00:18:56,636 --> 00:19:00,805 But you didn't have to lie and put me through all of this. 450 00:19:01,032 --> 00:19:03,224 Good-bye, Glenn. 451 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,538 Uh, folks, please use caution as you exit the party 452 00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:12,316 as some of your feelings may have shifted. 453 00:19:12,468 --> 00:19:14,210 Well, well, well. 454 00:19:14,303 --> 00:19:17,062 Save it, Brian. I'll concede that you were right. 455 00:19:17,215 --> 00:19:18,881 But you know what? So was I. 456 00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,140 Dogs are the worst. 457 00:19:20,234 --> 00:19:22,902 And I'm coming for you, Brian the dog. 458 00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:24,811 Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, 459 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,572 But one day. 460 00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,832 Maybe tomorrow. 461 00:19:28,059 --> 00:19:29,650 And when that day comes, you're gonna say, 462 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,244 ooh, Glenn got me good. 463 00:19:32,397 --> 00:19:34,988 Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to take a walk. 464 00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,008 Brack? 465 00:19:38,419 --> 00:19:42,138 Oh, no. Stay... 466 00:19:44,926 --> 00:19:46,225 You're coming back, though, right? 467 00:19:53,267 --> 00:19:56,268 Hey, Brian, I was just over talking to Quagmire, 468 00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:57,920 and he thought you might want to take a look 469 00:19:58,013 --> 00:19:59,030 at my new screenplay. 470 00:19:59,181 --> 00:20:00,180 Oh, I-I don't really, uh... 471 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,774 It's called Ocean's 1. 472 00:20:01,926 --> 00:20:03,426 Between you and me, I can't believe 473 00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:04,610 nobody's done it before, 474 00:20:04,762 --> 00:20:06,946 to say nothing of Ocean's 2 through 7. 475 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,207 Yeah, I-I could, uh, take a look, sure. 476 00:20:09,434 --> 00:20:10,783 It's a little long right now. 477 00:20:10,935 --> 00:20:12,601 It's about 430 pages. 478 00:20:12,695 --> 00:20:17,131 I have my "all is lost" moment on page 389, thereabouts. 479 00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:20,534 Quagmire! 480 00:20:20,628 --> 00:20:24,280 Now, if'n you don't know, most Hollywood screenplays 481 00:20:24,373 --> 00:20:27,132 wrap up at around 110 pages. 482 00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:30,728 And if'n it's a comedy, why, you want it in the 90s. 483 00:20:30,955 --> 00:20:34,381 Anyway, they said I could have these last few seconds 484 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,309 to mention something near and dear to me. 485 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:40,980 So, men, don't be afraid to have the doctor 486 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,908 put a camera up your old saddle masher. 487 00:20:44,059 --> 00:20:46,727 They knock you out now, and it's a good way 488 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:50,155 to make sure there's no bad beans in your mess wagon. 489 00:20:50,308 --> 00:20:53,400 We hope you've enjoyed the Family Guy. 490 00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:55,419 ♪