1
00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:05,830
♪♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪♪

2
00:00:05,914 --> 00:00:09,417
♪♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪♪

3
00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:12,795
♪♪ But where are those good
old-fashioned values ♪♪

4
00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:15,798
♪♪ On which we used to rely? ♪♪

5
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:19,177
♪♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪♪

6
00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:22,639
♪♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪♪

7
00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:24,140
♪♪ All the things
that make us ♪♪

8
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:26,059
♪♪ Laugh and cry ♪♪

9
00:00:26,142 --> 00:00:30,813
♪♪ He's...
a... fam... ily... guy! ♪♪

10
00:00:34,150 --> 00:00:36,653
DAD, CAN YOU HELP
ME WITH MY MATH?

11
00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:38,821
MR. SHACKLEFORD SAYS
IF I DON'T LEARN IT

12
00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:41,199
I WON'T BE ABLE TO FUNCTION
IN THE REAL WORLD.

13
00:00:41,282 --> 00:00:42,408
OKAY, NOW, WHAT
YOU GOT TO DO

14
00:00:42,492 --> 00:00:43,743
IS GO DOWN THE ROAD

15
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:44,911
PAST THE OLD
JOHNSON PLACE

16
00:00:44,994 --> 00:00:46,788
AND YOU'RE GOING TO FIND
TWO ROADS.

17
00:00:46,871 --> 00:00:48,706
ONE PARALLEL
AND ONE PERPENDICULAR.

18
00:00:48,790 --> 00:00:50,959
NOW, KEEP GOING
UNTIL YOU COME TO A HIGHWAY

19
00:00:51,042 --> 00:00:53,044
THAT BISECTS IT
AT A 45-DEGREE ANGLE.

20
00:00:53,127 --> 00:00:54,128
SOLVE FOR X.

21
00:00:57,298 --> 00:00:58,675
MATH... HUH.

22
00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:00,218
MATH, MY DEAR BOY

23
00:01:00,301 --> 00:01:03,179
IS NOTHING MORE THAN
THE LESBIAN SISTER OF BIOLOGY.

24
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:04,722
( knocking )

25
00:01:06,057 --> 00:01:07,058
HELLO, SIR.

26
00:01:07,141 --> 00:01:08,142
ENOUGH WITH
THE FOREPLAY.

27
00:01:08,226 --> 00:01:09,227
WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?

28
00:01:09,310 --> 00:01:10,687
WELL, I WAS GOING TO TRY

29
00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:12,313
TO SELL YOU
SOME HANDSOME CREAM

30
00:01:12,397 --> 00:01:13,398
BUT I CAN SEE

31
00:01:13,481 --> 00:01:15,066
YOU ALREADY BOUGHT OUT
THE STORE.

32
00:01:15,149 --> 00:01:16,901
GO ON.

33
00:01:16,985 --> 00:01:19,445
SO, PERHAPS YOU'D BE INTERESTED
IN SOMETHING

34
00:01:19,529 --> 00:01:21,489
EVERY HOMEOWNER
CANNOT BE WITHOUT:

35
00:01:21,573 --> 00:01:22,574
VOLCANO INSURANCE.

36
00:01:22,699 --> 00:01:24,200
GO ON.

37
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:25,827
ACCORDING TO MY UNCLE

38
00:01:25,910 --> 00:01:27,954
WHO'S A REAL WHIZ WITH VOLCANOES

39
00:01:28,037 --> 00:01:30,081
A VOLCANO IS COMING THIS WAY.

40
00:01:30,164 --> 00:01:34,043
HMM... I, TOO,
HAVE AN UNCLE.

41
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:35,128
COME IN.

42
00:01:35,211 --> 00:01:37,130
HOW MUCH IS THIS
VOLCANO INSURANCE?

43
00:01:37,213 --> 00:01:38,381
I-I DON'T KNOW.

44
00:01:38,464 --> 00:01:39,841
UH, LET'S SAY $200.

45
00:01:39,924 --> 00:01:41,426
$200? THAT'S MORE
THAN I SPENT

46
00:01:41,509 --> 00:01:42,802
ON ALL THAT
HANDSOME CREAM.

47
00:01:42,886 --> 00:01:44,304
I DON'T HAVE THAT
KIND OF MONEY.

48
00:01:44,387 --> 00:01:45,597
WHAT ABOUT
THAT JAR OF MONEY?

49
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:46,848
OH, WAIT

50
00:01:46,931 --> 00:01:48,182
THAT'S LOIS'S
RAINY-DAY FUND.

51
00:01:48,266 --> 00:01:49,267
AH, COME ON.

52
00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:50,894
IT NEVER RAINS
IN RHODE ISLAND.

53
00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:52,562
BUT-- YEAH, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE

54
00:01:52,645 --> 00:01:54,147
WE'VE NEVER HAD
A VOLCANO EITHER.

55
00:01:54,230 --> 00:01:57,025
WELL, DON'T YOU THINK
WE'RE OVERDUE FOR ONE?

56
00:01:57,108 --> 00:01:59,569
TOUCHE, SALESMAN.

57
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:02,614
( Stewie snoring )

58
00:02:08,453 --> 00:02:10,330
OH!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

59
00:02:10,413 --> 00:02:12,248
WATCHING YOU SLEEP, CUTIE-PIE.

60
00:02:12,498 --> 00:02:14,792
WHY YOU SICK, SICK
LITTLE MOO COW.

61
00:02:14,876 --> 00:02:16,044
YOU SHALL WATCH

62
00:02:16,127 --> 00:02:17,128
NO MORE!

63
00:02:17,253 --> 00:02:18,379
STEWIE!

64
00:02:18,463 --> 00:02:19,505
MY GLASSES!

65
00:02:19,589 --> 00:02:21,466
I CAN'T SEE A THING
WITHOUT MY GLASSES.

66
00:02:21,549 --> 00:02:23,092
WHY WON'T YOU LET ME
GET LASER SURGERY?

67
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:25,053
BECAUSE I JUST DON'T THINK
IT'S SAFE.

68
00:02:25,136 --> 00:02:27,305
OKAY, I JUST NEED TO MAKE
A QUICK INCISION HERE

69
00:02:27,388 --> 00:02:28,890
AND WE SHOULD BE
ALL DONE, MRS. WILSON.

70
00:02:28,973 --> 00:02:30,725
LUKE, USE THE FORCE.

71
00:02:30,808 --> 00:02:32,352
REALLY? 'CAUSE I
WAS JUST GOING TO...

72
00:02:32,435 --> 00:02:33,436
LUKE, USE THE FORCE.

73
00:02:33,519 --> 00:02:34,646
OKAY.

74
00:02:37,232 --> 00:02:39,400
( screams )

75
00:02:39,484 --> 00:02:40,693
ARE YOU HAPPY?

76
00:02:40,777 --> 00:02:42,779
I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPY.

77
00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:44,405
OH, DON'T WORRY, HONEY

78
00:02:44,489 --> 00:02:45,990
WE'LL GET YOU
A NEW PAIR TOMORROW.

79
00:02:46,074 --> 00:02:47,116
YES, AND IN
THE MEANTIME

80
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,284
HERE'S A LITTLE
VISION TEST.

81
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:49,494
WHAT IS THIS?

82
00:02:49,577 --> 00:02:51,037
A POOPIE OR TOBLERONE?

83
00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:54,999
TV Announcer:
We now return

84
00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,293
to Girlfriends on Lifetime.

85
00:02:57,377 --> 00:02:58,836
Barry was over last night
and he...

86
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,296
Don't tell me.

87
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,006
Both:
He left the toilet seat up.

88
00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:04,884
Oh, I ran into Frank.

89
00:03:04,968 --> 00:03:07,178
It's funny; he
fought in Vietnam

90
00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:08,721
he's an exorcist

91
00:03:08,805 --> 00:03:10,723
but there is one thing
that terrifies him...

92
00:03:10,807 --> 00:03:13,518
Both:
Commitment.

93
00:03:13,601 --> 00:03:15,687
Oh, Midge, you're
my third best friend

94
00:03:15,770 --> 00:03:16,938
in the whole world.

95
00:03:17,021 --> 00:03:18,648
Third? Who are
the first two?

96
00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:19,899
Ben and Jerry.

97
00:03:19,983 --> 00:03:21,442
( laughing )

98
00:03:21,526 --> 00:03:24,028
Announcer:
Lifetime: Television for Idiots.

99
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,239
PETER, DID YOU
TAKE THE MONEY

100
00:03:26,322 --> 00:03:27,699
FROM THE FAMILY JAR?

101
00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:28,950
WHO ME? YES ME.

102
00:03:29,075 --> 00:03:30,243
COULDN'T BE. THEN WHO?

103
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,411
YEAH, I DID IT.

104
00:03:31,494 --> 00:03:33,413
I BOUGHT US VOLCANO INSURANCE.

105
00:03:33,538 --> 00:03:34,873
VOLCANO INSURANCE.

106
00:03:34,956 --> 00:03:36,374
THAT'S RIDICULOUS!

107
00:03:36,457 --> 00:03:38,042
THAT'S THE SAME THING YOU SAID

108
00:03:38,126 --> 00:03:40,211
WHEN YOU TALKED ME OUT OF
GETTING THAT CLOUD INSURANCE.

109
00:03:40,295 --> 00:03:41,754
LOOK AT THEM UP THERE.

110
00:03:41,838 --> 00:03:44,048
JUST PLOTTING...
PICKING THEIR MOMENT.

111
00:03:44,382 --> 00:03:47,635
SO, BILL,
WE ATTACK TOMORROW.

112
00:03:47,719 --> 00:03:50,221
YES. TOMORROW.

113
00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,140
I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

114
00:03:52,223 --> 00:03:53,224
I DO, TOO.

115
00:03:53,308 --> 00:03:55,184
PETER, THAT WAS
OUR EMERGENCY MONEY

116
00:03:55,393 --> 00:03:57,103
AND YOUR DAUGHTER
JUST SO HAPPENS

117
00:03:57,186 --> 00:03:58,730
TO NEED A NEW
PAIR OF GLASSES.

118
00:03:58,813 --> 00:04:00,940
LOIS, NO ONE
REALLY NEEDS GLASSES.

119
00:04:01,024 --> 00:04:02,567
YOU WEAR GLASSES.

120
00:04:02,650 --> 00:04:05,320
THAT'S ONLY TO FOOL THE MAN
FROM THE DRAFT BOARD.

121
00:04:05,403 --> 00:04:07,864
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
SQUANDERED THAT MONEY.

122
00:04:07,947 --> 00:04:09,324
I SWEAR, SOMETIMES I FEEL

123
00:04:09,407 --> 00:04:10,992
LIKE I'M MARRIED
TO A CHILD.

124
00:04:11,367 --> 00:04:12,911
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT

125
00:04:12,994 --> 00:04:14,329
MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE

126
00:04:14,412 --> 00:04:16,247
EXCEPT MILK, MILK,
LEMONADE

127
00:04:16,331 --> 00:04:18,458
AROUND THE CORNER,
FUDGE IS MADE.

128
00:04:18,541 --> 00:04:19,667
( goofy laugh )

129
00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:23,922
YOU BETTER WATCH WHO YOU'RE
CALLING A CHILD, LOIS

130
00:04:24,005 --> 00:04:25,006
BECAUSE IF I'M A CHILD

131
00:04:25,173 --> 00:04:26,299
THEN YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT MAKES YOU?

132
00:04:26,382 --> 00:04:28,843
A PEDOPHILE. AND I'LL DAMNED
IF I'M GOING TO STAND HERE

133
00:04:28,927 --> 00:04:30,178
AND BE LECTURED
BY A PERVERT.

134
00:04:33,348 --> 00:04:34,599
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT,
CLEVELAND?

135
00:04:34,682 --> 00:04:36,017
LOIS THINKS
I'M BAD WITH MONEY.

136
00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:37,435
SHE'S GOT A POINT, PETER.

137
00:04:37,518 --> 00:04:39,020
YOU'RE THE WHITE VERSION

138
00:04:39,103 --> 00:04:41,648
OF A BLACK GUY WHO'S NOT GOOD
WITH HIS MONEY.

139
00:04:41,731 --> 00:04:43,191
HEY, GUYS AND DOLLS

140
00:04:43,274 --> 00:04:45,151
DRINKS ARE ON
DO-RE-ME!

141
00:04:45,235 --> 00:04:47,153
WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?

142
00:04:47,237 --> 00:04:49,030
THIS LOOT'S
THANKS TO MY STOCKBROKER

143
00:04:49,113 --> 00:04:50,865
IAN GREENSTEIN.

144
00:04:50,949 --> 00:04:53,409
HE MADE SOME SMART INVESTMENTS
THAT REALLY PAID OFF.

145
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:55,537
THAT GUY IS TO MONEY
WHAT MISS ANN-MARGRET

146
00:04:55,620 --> 00:04:57,914
IS TO EE-ER-EE-ER...

147
00:04:57,997 --> 00:05:00,375
LET ME BUY THE DRINKS, QUAGMIRE.

148
00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:05,505
MY ACCOUNTANT LARRY ROSENBLATT
JUST GOT ME A HUGE TAX REFUND

149
00:05:05,588 --> 00:05:08,091
AND TICKETS TO
BRING IN DA NOISE, BRING IN DA FUNK.

150
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:09,342
THE NOISE WAS GOOD

151
00:05:09,425 --> 00:05:11,094
BUT I THOUGHT
THEY PHONED IN

152
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:12,345
A LOT OF THE FUNK.

153
00:05:12,428 --> 00:05:13,429
WAIT A SECOND.

154
00:05:13,555 --> 00:05:14,847
ROSENBLATT? GREENSTEIN?

155
00:05:14,931 --> 00:05:17,892
SO YOU'RE SAYING I NEED
A JEWISH GUY TO HANDLE MY MONEY.

156
00:05:17,976 --> 00:05:20,270
PETER, NOT EVERY
JEWISH PERSON IS GOOD WITH MONEY.

157
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:22,397
WELL, YEAH, I GUESS
NOT THE RETARDED ONES

158
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:23,982
BUT WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT?

159
00:05:24,065 --> 00:05:25,567
FOR SHOCK VALUE?

160
00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:27,944
SHESH, CLEVELAND, THERE'S EDGY
AND THERE'S OFFENSIVE.

161
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:29,237
GOOD DAY, SIR.

162
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:33,241
MOTHER, YOU KNOW
HOW I HATE

163
00:05:33,324 --> 00:05:35,577
ASKING FOR MONEY,
BUT...

164
00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:38,162
MOTHER, PETER'S AN
EXCELLENT PROVIDER.

165
00:05:38,246 --> 00:05:40,248
NO, MOTHER,
I DO NOT THINK

166
00:05:40,331 --> 00:05:42,375
I'D BE BETTER OFF
MARRIED TO A CHIMP.

167
00:05:42,458 --> 00:05:46,254
I DON'T CARE HOW WELL THAT CHIMP
ACROSS THE STREET IS DOING.

168
00:05:46,337 --> 00:05:49,465
REALLY? WELL, YEAH, OKAY

169
00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:52,427
I GUESS YOU CAN TELL HIM
I SAID HI.

170
00:05:52,510 --> 00:05:54,053
BUT DON'T MAKE ME
SOUND DESPERATE.

171
00:05:54,137 --> 00:05:57,599
I GOT TO GET A GREENSTEIN
OR A ROSENBLATT

172
00:05:57,682 --> 00:05:59,017
OF MY VERY OWN.

173
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:04,898
♪♪ NOTHING ELSE
HAS WORKED SO FAR ♪♪

174
00:06:04,981 --> 00:06:06,941
♪♪ SO I'LL WISH ♪♪

175
00:06:07,025 --> 00:06:10,403
♪♪ UPON A STAR ♪♪

176
00:06:10,486 --> 00:06:15,533
♪♪ WONDROUS DANCING
SPECK OF LIGHT ♪♪

177
00:06:15,617 --> 00:06:21,289
♪♪ I NEED A JEW ♪♪

178
00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:26,628
♪♪ LOIS MAKES ME TAKE THE RAP ♪♪

179
00:06:26,711 --> 00:06:31,174
♪♪ 'CAUSE OUR CHECKBOOK
LOOKS LIKE CRAP ♪♪

180
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:36,054
♪♪ SINCE I CAN'T
GIVE HER A SLAP ♪♪

181
00:06:36,137 --> 00:06:41,726
♪♪ I NEED A JEW ♪♪

182
00:06:42,185 --> 00:06:46,940
♪♪ WHERE TO FIND ♪♪

183
00:06:47,023 --> 00:06:51,110
♪♪ A "BAUM" OR "STEIN"
OR "STINE" ♪♪

184
00:06:51,194 --> 00:06:54,697
♪♪ TO TEACH ME HOW TO WHINE ♪♪

185
00:06:54,781 --> 00:07:01,162
♪♪ AND DO MY TAXES ♪♪

186
00:07:31,859 --> 00:07:36,281
♪♪ THOUGH BY MANY
THEY'RE ABHORRED ♪♪

187
00:07:36,364 --> 00:07:41,286
♪♪ HEBREW PEOPLE I'VE ADORED ♪♪

188
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:47,000
♪♪ I DON'T THINK
THEY KILLED MY LORD ♪♪

189
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:50,211
♪♪ I NEED

190
00:07:50,295 --> 00:07:55,884
♪♪ A JEW. ♪♪

191
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:06,853
( knocking )

192
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:11,357
HI. MY NAME'S
MAX WEINSTEIN.

193
00:08:11,441 --> 00:08:12,442
MY CAR JUST BROKE DOWN.

194
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:13,860
MAY I USE YOUR PHONE?

195
00:08:13,943 --> 00:08:18,364
♪♪ NOW MY TROUBLES
ARE ALL THROUGH ♪♪

196
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:23,286
♪♪ I HAVE A JEW. ♪♪

197
00:08:23,369 --> 00:08:24,787
HEY!

198
00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:31,044
I PRAYED FOR YOU,
MAX WEINSTEIN

199
00:08:31,127 --> 00:08:32,212
AND HERE YOU ARE.

200
00:08:32,295 --> 00:08:34,005
OKAY.

201
00:08:34,088 --> 00:08:36,007
LISTEN, UH, THANKS
FOR LETTING ME USE THE PHONE.

202
00:08:36,090 --> 00:08:37,383
THANKS FOR SPACEBALLS.

203
00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:40,220
YEAH, WELL, IF THERE'S ANYTHING
I CAN EVER DO FOR YOU...

204
00:08:40,303 --> 00:08:41,846
-YOU CAN'T LEAVE.
-AAH!

205
00:08:58,029 --> 00:08:59,030
( screams )

206
00:09:00,782 --> 00:09:02,075
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

207
00:09:02,158 --> 00:09:03,201
FINANCIAL ADVICE.

208
00:09:03,284 --> 00:09:04,494
FINANCIAL ADVICE?

209
00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:05,995
HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW
I'M AN ACCOUNTANT?

210
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,456
HELLO? "MAX WEINSTEIN"?

211
00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:12,210
Max:
LOOK, I'LL DO WHAT I CAN.

212
00:09:12,293 --> 00:09:13,586
BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHY YOU THINK

213
00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:14,671
I CAN GET YOUR MONEY BACK.

214
00:09:14,879 --> 00:09:15,880
M-M-MAX, MAX, MAX.

215
00:09:15,964 --> 00:09:17,423
LET'S NOT DENY
OUR HERITAGES.

216
00:09:17,507 --> 00:09:19,133
YOU'RE JEWISH; YOU'RE
GOOD WITH MONEY.

217
00:09:19,217 --> 00:09:21,719
I'M IRISH; I DRINK
AND I BAN HOMOSEXUALS

218
00:09:21,803 --> 00:09:23,263
FROM MARCHING
IN MY PARADE.

219
00:09:23,346 --> 00:09:24,514
NOW HELP ME GET
MY MONEY BACK.

220
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:29,686
OH. IT'S YOU.

221
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:32,522
UM... I'M NOT IN RIGHT NOW.

222
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:33,731
PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE.

223
00:09:33,815 --> 00:09:34,941
( beeps )

224
00:09:35,024 --> 00:09:36,025
( sighs ): OH, MAN

225
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:37,193
I HATE THESE THINGS.

226
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,237
UH, YEAH, HI,
THIS IS PETER GRIFFIN

227
00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,572
UH, I'M SORRY
I MISSED YOU, UH...

228
00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:41,906
PETER, PLAY WITH THIS.

229
00:09:41,990 --> 00:09:44,200
LOOK, SIR, I HAVE REVIEWED
THIS CONTRACT

230
00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:45,743
AND IT OFFERS
NO COVERAGE AT ALL.

231
00:09:45,827 --> 00:09:47,745
IT JUST SAYS
"VOLCANO INSURANCE"

232
00:09:47,829 --> 00:09:48,997
OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

233
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,790
AND DOWN HERE IN
SMALL PRINT IT SAYS

234
00:09:50,874 --> 00:09:52,375
"HE'S SIGNING IT,
HE'S SIGNING IT

235
00:09:52,458 --> 00:09:53,960
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT."

236
00:09:54,043 --> 00:09:56,129
-SO?
-SO, JUST REFUND THIS MAN'S MONEY

237
00:09:56,212 --> 00:09:57,255
AND WE'LL BE ON OUR WAY.

238
00:09:57,338 --> 00:09:58,756
I DON'T HAVE YOUR MONEY.

239
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:00,133
HOW ABOUT THAT MONEY?

240
00:10:00,216 --> 00:10:01,551
NO WAY.

241
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,261
THAT'S LOIS'
RAINY DAY FUND.

242
00:10:03,344 --> 00:10:04,470
OH, DAMN IT.

243
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:07,432
So you couldn't date her

244
00:10:07,515 --> 00:10:08,516
because she was a tickler.

245
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:09,684
A tickler.

246
00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:11,060
And you're
not a stickler for a tickler.

247
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,395
Not a stickler
for a tickler.

248
00:10:12,478 --> 00:10:14,856
Not a tickler stickler?
Not a tickler stickler.

249
00:10:14,939 --> 00:10:16,733
Tickler, stickler.
Stickler, tickler.

250
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:18,735
WHERE THE HELL IS THE REMOTE?

251
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,945
HEY, HONEY, GUESS WHAT?

252
00:10:21,029 --> 00:10:22,697
I GOT BACK THE MONEY
FOR MEG'S GLASSES.

253
00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:23,865
REALLY?

254
00:10:23,948 --> 00:10:25,366
OH, HONEY.

255
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:26,784
OH, HELLO.

256
00:10:26,868 --> 00:10:29,370
THIS IS MY SPECIAL
FRIEND MAX WEINSTEIN.

257
00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:30,455
HE'S JEWISH.

258
00:10:30,538 --> 00:10:32,498
OH, MY, HOW EXOTIC.

259
00:10:32,582 --> 00:10:33,708
THANK YOU?

260
00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:35,668
SEE? HERE'S YOUR
RAINY DAY MONEY

261
00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:37,295
AND I BALANCED
OUR CHECKBOOK, TOO.

262
00:10:38,296 --> 00:10:40,340
YOU BALANCED
OUR CHECKBOOK?

263
00:10:40,423 --> 00:10:41,674
YEP. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MAX?

264
00:10:41,758 --> 00:10:43,426
HMM? OH, YEAH, SURE.

265
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,011
HE DID IT.

266
00:10:45,094 --> 00:10:47,722
WELL, I'M GOING TO GO CALL
MY MOTHER RIGHT NOW

267
00:10:47,805 --> 00:10:49,599
AND TELL HER TO TELL THAT CHIMP
ACROSS THE STREET.

268
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:51,935
( monkey-like screeching)

269
00:10:52,894 --> 00:10:55,146
OH, LOOK HOW LOW I'VE SUNK.

270
00:10:55,230 --> 00:10:58,024
TAKING CREDIT FOR SOMETHING
A SMART JEWISH PERSON DID.

271
00:10:58,107 --> 00:10:59,609
-OH, THAT'S OKAY, PETER.
-NO, NO, NO.

272
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:02,028
PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THAT
FOR TOO DAMN LONG.

273
00:11:02,111 --> 00:11:06,032
IT IS THE WHITE DEVIL THAT
HAS PROPOGATED, EXACERBATED,

274
00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:10,995
INSTIGATED... INSTIGATED...
LINE.

275
00:11:11,079 --> 00:11:13,665
INSTIGATED OUR HATRED
LIKE A BUICK.

276
00:11:13,748 --> 00:11:16,000
WHAT WAS I THINKING
WHEN I AGREED TO THIS?

277
00:11:16,084 --> 00:11:18,336
THIS IS SO DEGRADING.
IT'S... THIS IS... WORSE

278
00:11:18,419 --> 00:11:20,505
THAN THE TIME I WAS
AT THE FRIAR'S CLUB

279
00:11:20,588 --> 00:11:22,757
AND SOON-YI'S RETAINER
FELL OUT OF MY PANTS.

280
00:11:25,301 --> 00:11:28,179
LOIS, I APPRECIATE
THE MARSHMALLOW AND FISH CASSEROLE

281
00:11:28,263 --> 00:11:31,474
BUT, I'M SORRY, I...
I CAN'T EAT THIS.

282
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,726
OH, BECAUSE IT'S NOT KOSHER.

283
00:11:34,852 --> 00:11:36,104
YEAH, LET'S GO WITH THAT.

284
00:11:36,187 --> 00:11:37,772
CAN STEWIE AND
ME BE EXCUSED?

285
00:11:37,855 --> 00:11:40,024
HE'S GOING TO HELP ME
WITH MY MATH HOMEWORK.

286
00:11:40,108 --> 00:11:41,901
CHRIS, HE'S JUST A BABY.

287
00:11:41,985 --> 00:11:44,821
OH, AND YOU'RE
A REGULAR RHODES SCHOLAR?

288
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:47,657
WHERE WAS IT YOU GRADUATED FROM
AGAIN? HMM?

289
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,117
THE UNIVERSITY OF DUH?

290
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,077
I CAN HELP YOU WITH
YOUR HOMEWORK, SON.

291
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,080
OH, MY GOD, IS THERE NOTHING
YOU PEOPLE CAN'T DO?

292
00:11:54,163 --> 00:11:56,708
I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
OTHER THAN MANUAL LABOR?

293
00:11:56,791 --> 00:11:58,918
PETER, WHAT A RIDICULOUS
THING TO SAY.

294
00:11:59,002 --> 00:12:00,587
THEY BUILT THE PYRAMIDS.

295
00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:02,338
YOU'LL HAVE TO
EXCUSE PETER.

296
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:04,757
HE CAN BE A LITTLE
TACTLESS SOMETIMES.

297
00:12:04,841 --> 00:12:07,302
YES, LIKE THE TIME HE SOILED
HIMSELF AT THAT DINNER PARTY?

298
00:12:07,385 --> 00:12:10,889
I WAS SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT
YOUR FATHER PASSED AWAY.

299
00:12:10,972 --> 00:12:13,516
YES, IT SPREAD
THROUGH HIS BODY SO FAST

300
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,019
BUT HE'S AT PEACE NOW,
AND A WHOLE...

301
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:17,562
UH-OH.

302
00:12:17,645 --> 00:12:19,689
AHH... WELL, THERE'S
ONLY ONE THING

303
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:21,941
THAT WILL TOP
A GREAT DINNER LIKE THAT.

304
00:12:22,025 --> 00:12:23,359
OPERATION.

305
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,194
-MAY I PLAY?
-MOM?

306
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,654
-MOM?
-MOM?

307
00:12:26,738 --> 00:12:28,281
THANK YOU, BUT I CAN'T STAY.

308
00:12:28,364 --> 00:12:29,407
IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.

309
00:12:29,532 --> 00:12:30,700
I'VE GOT TO GO TO TEMPLE.

310
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:32,785
TEMPLE? AH, LIKE INDIANA JONES?

311
00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:49,761
WILL YOU JUST
PICK IT UP ALREADY?

312
00:12:51,804 --> 00:12:52,805
LOOK, THEY'D
BETTER NOT

313
00:12:52,889 --> 00:12:54,265
BE EXPECTING US
TO GIVE MONEY

314
00:12:54,349 --> 00:12:56,100
BECAUSE I ALREADY GAVE
AT CHURCH LAST SUNDAY

315
00:12:56,184 --> 00:12:58,144
AND I'M PRETTY SURE
IT ALL GOES TO THE SAME GOD.

316
00:12:58,228 --> 00:13:00,605
PETER! MAX, IT WAS NICE
OF YOU TO INVITE US ALONG.

317
00:13:00,688 --> 00:13:02,523
YOUR HUSBAND'S GOT
A GOOD HEART, LOIS

318
00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:05,109
BUT HIS VIEWS ON JUDAISM
ARE A LITTLE MISGUIDED.

319
00:13:05,193 --> 00:13:07,111
I'D CONSIDER IT A MITZVAH
TO EDUCATE HIM A LITTLE.

320
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,076
NO, NO, NO. NO.

321
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:14,452
I DON'T THINK SO.

322
00:13:14,536 --> 00:13:16,788
IT IS NOT THAT I HAVE
IDEOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES.

323
00:13:16,871 --> 00:13:18,373
I'M JUST NOT A HAT PERSON.

324
00:13:18,456 --> 00:13:19,749
HEY, LOOK. I DIDN'T KNOW

325
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:21,751
THE PRINCIPAL
OF MEG'S SCHOOL WAS JEWISH.

326
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:24,879
HEY, THERE'S BILLY NYE
THE SCIENCE GUY, AND HALF

327
00:13:24,963 --> 00:13:26,047
OF LENNY KRAVITZ.

328
00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:27,924
OPTIMUS PRIME?

329
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:29,300
HE'S JEWISH?

330
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,097
AW, JEEZ, MAX, I...

331
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:35,265
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.

332
00:13:35,348 --> 00:13:36,599
I WENT TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL.

333
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:37,850
I'M NOT SURE THIS IS ALLOWED.

334
00:13:37,934 --> 00:13:39,811
AW, WHAT THE HELL.

335
00:13:41,563 --> 00:13:42,814
OH, DEAR.

336
00:13:42,897 --> 00:13:44,524
SISTER MARY JOSEPH,
IT APPEARS

337
00:13:44,607 --> 00:13:46,401
PETER GRIFFIN HAS
ENTERED A SYNAGOGUE.

338
00:13:46,484 --> 00:13:48,319
LOCK 'N' LOAD, BRIDES OF CHRIST.

339
00:13:55,326 --> 00:13:56,411
( quacking )

340
00:13:56,494 --> 00:13:57,871
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT.

341
00:13:57,954 --> 00:13:59,414
( quacking )

342
00:14:01,332 --> 00:14:02,458
HELLO.

343
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,335
OH, WE'RE NOT JEWISH.

344
00:14:04,419 --> 00:14:07,964
BUT I HEAR YOU PEOPLE
HAVE SUCH LOVELY SERVICES.

345
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:11,509
OH, MY GOD, I DIDN'T MEAN
"YOU PEOPLE."

346
00:14:12,302 --> 00:14:15,096
I DIDN'T MEAN,
"OH, MY GOD" EITHER.

347
00:14:15,179 --> 00:14:17,432
I KNOW HE'S YOUR GOD, TOO.

348
00:14:17,515 --> 00:14:19,517
I... SHH.
SORRY.

349
00:14:19,601 --> 00:14:24,022
AND ON THIS DAY, THE SABBATH
WE GATHER HERE TO...

350
00:14:24,105 --> 00:14:25,857
UH-OH!

351
00:14:28,359 --> 00:14:29,819
THAT WAS SO NICE.

352
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,195
A GOOD SERMON

353
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:33,323
AND SUCH BEAUTIFUL SONGS.

354
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,867
YEAH, IT WAS JUST LIKE THAT
OTHER JEWISH MUSICAL WE SAW.

355
00:14:35,950 --> 00:14:38,786
( bouncy violin music )

356
00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:40,330
A FIDDLER ON THE ROOF.

357
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,165
SOUNDS CRAZY, NO?

358
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:45,793
BUT HERE, IN OUR LITTLE VILLAGE
OF ANATEVKA, YOU MIGHT SAY

359
00:14:45,877 --> 00:14:47,045
EACH ONE OF US...

360
00:14:47,128 --> 00:14:50,548
CARD!

361
00:14:50,632 --> 00:14:54,177
CARD!

362
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:55,303
WELL, THERE'S MY CAB.

363
00:14:55,386 --> 00:14:57,096
IT WAS NICE MEETING ALL OF YOU.

364
00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:58,556
AW, THANKS
FOR EVERYTHING, BUDDY.

365
00:14:58,640 --> 00:14:59,682
WAIT, MR. WEINSTEIN.

366
00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:00,892
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING
TO HELP ME

367
00:15:00,975 --> 00:15:02,310
WITH MY HOMEWORK.

368
00:15:02,393 --> 00:15:03,978
I'M SORRY, SON.
I HAVE TO GO, BUT I'M...

369
00:15:04,062 --> 00:15:05,521
I'M SURE YOU'LL DO JUST FINE.

370
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:06,773
I DON'T KNOW, MAX.

371
00:15:06,856 --> 00:15:08,149
THE KID'S NOT EXACTLY
AN HONOR-ROLL STUDENT.

372
00:15:08,233 --> 00:15:09,234
WATCH.

373
00:15:09,317 --> 00:15:10,318
HEY.

374
00:15:10,401 --> 00:15:11,402
HE DID IT.

375
00:15:11,486 --> 00:15:12,570
SEE?

376
00:15:12,654 --> 00:15:14,405
PETER, YOU
TOOK ME IN, FED ME DINNER

377
00:15:14,489 --> 00:15:15,782
CAME TO TEMPLE
WITH ME.

378
00:15:15,865 --> 00:15:17,033
YOU'RE A NICE FAMILY.

379
00:15:17,116 --> 00:15:18,868
I HAVE FAITH THAT
CHRIS WILL GROW UP

380
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:20,078
TO BE A REAL MENSCH.

381
00:15:20,161 --> 00:15:22,455
YOU... OW! OW! DAD! DAD!

382
00:15:23,873 --> 00:15:25,542
LOIS, I JUST
FIGURED OUT

383
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:28,711
HOW TO MAKE SURE CHRIS
BECOMES A BIG SUCCESS.

384
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,004
PLEASE TELL ME
THIS DOESN'T HAVE

385
00:15:30,088 --> 00:15:31,673
ANYTHING TO DO
WITH TONY ROBBINS.

386
00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:33,216
OH, NO. I LEARNED
MY LESSON.

387
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:34,801
COULD YOU SIGN
THIS BOOK, PLEASE?

388
00:15:34,884 --> 00:15:37,136
TONY ROBBINS HUNGRY.

389
00:15:41,099 --> 00:15:44,018
NO, LOIS, I'M GOING
TO MAKE CHRIS JEWISH.

390
00:15:44,102 --> 00:15:45,645
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

391
00:15:45,728 --> 00:15:48,147
HE THINKS IF CHRIS IS JEWISH,
HE'LL BECOME SMART.

392
00:15:48,231 --> 00:15:50,108
PETER, YOU CAN'T CONVERT SOMEONE

393
00:15:50,191 --> 00:15:52,485
BECAUSE YOU THINK
IT'LL HELP THEIR GRADES.

394
00:15:52,569 --> 00:15:54,988
NOW, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS.

395
00:16:04,706 --> 00:16:06,207
WHERE WE GOING?

396
00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:08,585
SON, IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME
AND MEG'S A GIRL

397
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,795
BUT FOR YOU,
THE SKY'S THE LIMIT.

398
00:16:10,879 --> 00:16:12,589
WE'RE GOING TO TAKE
YOU TO THAT SYNAGOGUE

399
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:13,673
AND TURN YOU JEWISH.

400
00:16:13,756 --> 00:16:14,924
OKAY!

401
00:16:17,093 --> 00:16:18,803
CHRIS, DUCK.

402
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,766
( sighs )

403
00:16:27,562 --> 00:16:30,189
MR. GRIFFIN, I STILL
DON'T UNDERSTAND.

404
00:16:30,273 --> 00:16:33,985
WHY EXACTLY DOES YOUR SON WANT
TO JOIN THE JEWISH FAITH?

405
00:16:34,068 --> 00:16:35,945
I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S BI-CURIOUS.

406
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,697
I APPRECIATE YOUR INTEREST

407
00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,866
BUT JUDAISM TAKES
A SERIOUS COMMITMENT.

408
00:16:39,949 --> 00:16:40,992
ELLIOT HERE

409
00:16:41,075 --> 00:16:42,243
HAS SPENT YEARS PREPARING

410
00:16:42,327 --> 00:16:43,745
FOR HIS BAR MITZVAH
THIS SATURDAY.

411
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:45,747
A BAR MITZVAH.
PERFECT.

412
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:47,040
HOW MUCH FOR ONE OF THOSE?

413
00:16:47,123 --> 00:16:49,000
YOU CAN'T JUST BUY
A BAR MITZVAH.

414
00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:50,960
IT REQUIRES A LOT OF STUDY.

415
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:52,378
WELL, CAN'T WE SKIP THAT PART?

416
00:16:52,462 --> 00:16:54,047
I MEAN, COME ON--
IF CHRIS KNEW HOW TO STUDY

417
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:55,506
HE WOULDN'T NEED
TO BECOME JEWISH

418
00:16:55,632 --> 00:16:56,633
IN THE FIRST PLACE, RIGHT?

419
00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,052
RIGHT?

420
00:17:00,178 --> 00:17:01,179
RIGHT?

421
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:06,559
DON'T WORRY, DAD.

422
00:17:06,643 --> 00:17:08,519
I DON'T NEED A BAR MITZVAH.

423
00:17:08,603 --> 00:17:10,313
I'M OKAY JUST THE WAY I...

424
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:11,397
OW, OW, OW!

425
00:17:11,481 --> 00:17:12,982
NOW, WE GOT NO TIME TO LOSE.

426
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:15,193
THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME PLACE
IN AMERICA

427
00:17:15,276 --> 00:17:17,695
WHERE YOU CAN TAKE
A SOLEMN SPIRITUAL CEREMONY

428
00:17:17,779 --> 00:17:19,447
THAT BEGINS
A LIFETIME COMMITMENT

429
00:17:19,530 --> 00:17:21,407
AND BLOW THROUGH IT
IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

430
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,258
ALL RIGHT, DAD!

431
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,553
SO HOW DO I LOOK
IN MY NEW GLASSES?

432
00:17:41,636 --> 00:17:43,221
HOW SHALL I PUT THIS?

433
00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:46,224
IN AN ATTIC SOMEWHERE, THERE'S A PORTRAIT
OF YOU GETTING PRETTIER.

434
00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:48,017
WOW. SOMEONE NEEDS A NAP.

435
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:50,895
AFTER LUNCH, IT'S STRAIGHT
TO BED, STEWIE.

436
00:17:50,979 --> 00:17:54,357
( groans ) THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME
MY WIT HAS GONE UNAPPRECIATED.

437
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,609
AND IN THE COMEDY COMPETITION,

438
00:17:56,693 --> 00:18:00,154
STEWIE GRIFFIN RECEIVES
THREE AND A HALF STARS.

439
00:18:00,238 --> 00:18:03,700
CHALLENGER SINBAD
RECEIVES FOUR STARS.

440
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,828
WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION-- SINBAD!

441
00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:09,622
STEWIE, ANY
PARTING WORDS?

442
00:18:09,706 --> 00:18:12,834
UM, YOU KNOW, I GOT BEAT,
PURE AND SIMPLE.

443
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:16,921
YOU, YOU ARE A VERY FUNNY MAN.

444
00:18:17,005 --> 00:18:20,425
MEN BE ACTING ALL LIKE ZOMBIES
AT THE MALL.

445
00:18:20,508 --> 00:18:22,552
GOD, AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH?

446
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,512
WHERE'S YOUR FATHER AND CHRIS?

447
00:18:24,596 --> 00:18:26,639
IT'S NOT LIKE THEM
TO BE LATE FOR LUNCH.

448
00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:27,765
I THINK THEY LEFT A NOTE.

449
00:18:40,069 --> 00:18:41,321
( snickering )

450
00:18:41,404 --> 00:18:42,739
BRIAN, WHAT DO YOU
KNOW ABOUT THIS?

451
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,282
NOTHING.

452
00:18:44,365 --> 00:18:46,492
I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE
LYING TO ME, BRIAN.

453
00:18:46,576 --> 00:18:47,994
NO, NO, I SWEAR.

454
00:18:48,077 --> 00:18:50,580
MEG, TAKE STEWIE UPSTAIRS.

455
00:18:51,748 --> 00:18:53,458
WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

456
00:18:53,541 --> 00:18:55,293
OH, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT, EITHER.

457
00:18:57,545 --> 00:18:59,005
LAST CHANCE, BRIAN.

458
00:19:02,133 --> 00:19:03,134
( silent whistling )

459
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,427
( yelping )

460
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:05,929
( whining ):
THEY'RE IN VEGAS

461
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,096
GETTING A QUICKIE BAR MITZVAH.

462
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,181
WHAT?!

463
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,101
WELL, HEL-LOIS.

464
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:14,354
FORGIVE ME
FOR POINTING.

465
00:19:14,437 --> 00:19:15,855
QUICK, I NEED
TO BORROW YOUR CAR.

466
00:19:15,939 --> 00:19:17,273
I'VE GOT A BAR MITZVAH
TO STOP.

467
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,442
NO PROBLEM-- LET
ME GRAB MY KEYS.

468
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:50,265
( applause and cheering )

469
00:19:51,182 --> 00:19:52,684
AW, CHRIS,
IN A FEW MINUTES

470
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:55,103
YOU'LL BECOME A SMART,
SUCCESSFUL JEWISH MAN.

471
00:19:55,186 --> 00:19:57,272
I COULD MAKE
A FORESKIN JOKE RIGHT NOW

472
00:19:57,522 --> 00:19:58,940
BUT THIS
IS A SOLEMN OCCASION.

473
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,858
AND BESIDES, THERE'LL
BE PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT

474
00:20:00,942 --> 00:20:02,527
ON THE RIDE BACK.

475
00:20:02,610 --> 00:20:03,987
AW, I GOT SO MANY
OF 'EM, TOO.

476
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:06,698
I-I KNOW, I KNOW--
SHH, SHH, SHH! BUT LATER...

477
00:20:23,882 --> 00:20:26,593
( reading in Hebrew )

478
00:20:26,676 --> 00:20:28,344
CHRIS!

479
00:20:29,137 --> 00:20:31,598
CHRIS!

480
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:34,017
STOP THIS TRAVESTY RIGHT NOW!

481
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,769
SO, BAR MITZVAHS
ARE TRAVESTIES, HUH?

482
00:20:36,853 --> 00:20:39,772
NO, MY SON GETTING
BAR MITZVAHED IS A TRAVESTY.

483
00:20:39,856 --> 00:20:42,275
HE'S DOING IT FOR ALL
THE WRONG REASONS.

484
00:20:42,358 --> 00:20:44,569
WELL, LOOKIE
HERE, HERSCHEL.

485
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:47,947
WE GOT US ONE OF THEM
SELF-HATING JEWS.

486
00:20:48,031 --> 00:20:49,490
NOTHING I HATE
WORSE THAN A JEW

487
00:20:49,574 --> 00:20:52,035
WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE
HER OWN RICH HERITAGE.

488
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:53,828
COME ON, MORDECAI,
LET'S GET HER!

489
00:20:53,912 --> 00:20:56,206
( crowd clamoring )

490
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:14,724
I'M SORRY, LOIS.

491
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:17,518
I JUST WANTED OUR SON TO BE
JEWISH SO HE'D BE SMARTER.

492
00:21:17,602 --> 00:21:19,270
THEN MAYBE HIS WIFE
WOULDN'T BE SORRY

493
00:21:19,354 --> 00:21:20,772
SHE DIDN'T MARRY
THE CHIMP NEXT DOOR.

494
00:21:20,855 --> 00:21:22,482
OH, PETER...

495
00:21:22,565 --> 00:21:25,026
JUST BECAUSE STEVEN
MAKES MORE MONEY THAN YOU

496
00:21:25,109 --> 00:21:26,819
DOESN'T MEAN HE'S ANY SMARTER.

497
00:21:26,903 --> 00:21:29,030
AND I THINK
CHRIS WILL DO JUST FINE.

498
00:21:29,113 --> 00:21:30,114
HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

499
00:21:30,198 --> 00:21:31,616
BECAUSE I HAVE FAITH
IN HIM

500
00:21:31,699 --> 00:21:33,701
THE WAY I HAVE FAITH
IN YOU.

501
00:21:33,785 --> 00:21:37,205
BESIDES, A PERSON'S RELIGION
IS NO GUARANTEE OF SUCCESS.

502
00:21:37,288 --> 00:21:38,873
I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

503
00:21:38,957 --> 00:21:40,583
THE JEWISH ARE JUST LIKE US.

504
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:42,001
NO BETTER, NO WORSE.

505
00:21:42,126 --> 00:21:45,505
YEAH, AND AS THEY SAY:
"ZO ZION, MIT GLICK."

506
00:21:45,588 --> 00:21:46,589
WHAT?!

507
00:21:46,673 --> 00:21:48,466
I THINK WHAT HE'S
TRYING TO SAY IS

508
00:21:48,591 --> 00:21:50,176
EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE OKAY.

509
00:21:53,304 --> 00:21:55,348
( slapping and yelping )