1 00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:06,130 ♪♪ It seems today that all you see ♪♪ 2 00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:09,634 ♪♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪♪ 3 00:00:09,717 --> 00:00:13,012 ♪♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪♪ 4 00:00:13,095 --> 00:00:15,765 ♪♪ On which we used to rely? ♪♪ 5 00:00:15,848 --> 00:00:19,310 ♪♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪♪ 6 00:00:19,393 --> 00:00:22,855 ♪♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪♪ 7 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,357 ♪♪ All the things that make us ♪♪ 8 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,192 ♪♪ Laugh and cry ♪♪ 9 00:00:26,275 --> 00:00:31,030 ♪♪ He's... a... fam... ily... guy! ♪♪ 10 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,493 Gosh, some of this stuff 11 00:00:35,576 --> 00:00:37,537 you wonder who would ever need it in bulk. 12 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:38,704 I mean, like watermelons. 13 00:00:41,874 --> 00:00:44,043 Touché, CostMart. 14 00:00:44,168 --> 00:00:45,336 Brian, will you watch Stewie for a minute? 15 00:00:45,419 --> 00:00:46,420 Sure. 16 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,047 And please a close eye on him. 17 00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:49,924 Remember what happened last time. 18 00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:53,219 Stewie, get down before you hurt yourself. 19 00:00:53,302 --> 00:00:55,972 Shut up. You're not my mother! 20 00:00:56,055 --> 00:00:57,473 Good God, are you all right? 21 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:58,558 Fine. Why do you ask? 22 00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:01,978 Mmm, delicious. 23 00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:06,274 I will seriously consider purchasing this product. 24 00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:10,027 Oh, what have we here? 25 00:01:10,194 --> 00:01:11,445 May I partake? 26 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:12,947 Mmm... 27 00:01:15,032 --> 00:01:16,784 ( Asian accent ): Ah, sausage-san. 28 00:01:16,909 --> 00:01:19,161 Plan to buy great amount for samurai buddies. 29 00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:21,706 Sir, you don't have to keep moving to the back of the line. 30 00:01:21,789 --> 00:01:23,833 You can have as many as you want; they're free. 31 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,084 What are you talking about? 32 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,294 Hey, can I have some more sausage? 33 00:01:26,377 --> 00:01:27,378 Yeah, me, too. 34 00:01:27,461 --> 00:01:29,672 Oh, they got a great deal on pianos 35 00:01:29,755 --> 00:01:31,048 if you buy a four-pack. 36 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,675 Meg, help me get these down. 37 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:33,843 MAN: Lois? 38 00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:34,927 Oh, my God. 39 00:01:35,094 --> 00:01:36,095 ( Meg screams ) 40 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,263 I don't believe this. 41 00:01:37,346 --> 00:01:39,223 Ross Fishman, is that really you? 42 00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:41,100 I haven't seen you since college. 43 00:01:41,225 --> 00:01:42,226 How are you? 44 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,311 Great, great. 45 00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:45,730 Wow, Lois, you haven't aged a bit. 46 00:01:45,813 --> 00:01:46,981 ( chuckling ): Oh... 47 00:01:47,064 --> 00:01:48,399 Mm, thank you. 48 00:01:48,482 --> 00:01:51,777 This 12-pack of fungicide is for my daughter, Meg. 49 00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,070 ( clears throat ) 50 00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:55,281 Help... me. 51 00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,409 ( shoppers laugh ) 52 00:01:58,492 --> 00:01:59,869 He's funny. That was great. 53 00:01:59,952 --> 00:02:00,995 Is it 1981? 54 00:02:01,078 --> 00:02:02,246 ( inhales deeply ) 55 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,248 Ah, yes, there you are. 56 00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:06,709 You people at the Industrial Adhesives Corporation 57 00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:08,753 certainly know how to make a tasty glue. 58 00:02:08,836 --> 00:02:10,379 Now, then, let the banquet begin. 59 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,465 Whoa, whoa. What the hell are you doing? 60 00:02:12,548 --> 00:02:13,674 Don't eat that. 61 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:15,426 Oh, for God's sake, don't be such a nerd. 62 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,470 Look, I'm supposed to keep an eye on you. 63 00:02:17,553 --> 00:02:19,096 If Lois sees this, she'll kill me. 64 00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,681 You can let go of my hand now. 65 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:21,766 You can let go of mine. 66 00:02:24,268 --> 00:02:26,270 ( grunting and groaning ) 67 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,940 ( yelling ) 68 00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:31,526 ( breathing heavily ) 69 00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:35,780 Oh... 70 00:02:35,863 --> 00:02:36,864 Crap. 71 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,366 Well, Ross,I can't tell you 72 00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:40,076 how wonderful it's been to see you. 73 00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:41,744 It's a crime that it's been so long. 74 00:02:41,827 --> 00:02:43,538 We were so close. 75 00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,831 Maybe we could get together for a cup of coffee. Catch up. 76 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:48,125 Well... I don't know, Ross. 77 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:49,585 I'm married now. 78 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:50,711 ( chuckles ) 79 00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:51,796 Well, so am I. 80 00:02:51,879 --> 00:02:53,130 Does that mean we're not allowed 81 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:54,215 to stay in touch with old friends? 82 00:02:54,298 --> 00:02:55,424 Tell you what. 83 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,885 If you change your mind, here's my card. 84 00:02:58,886 --> 00:03:01,430 Hey, look, Dad, they have 12-packs of kidneys. 85 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,516 Yeah, but you got to buy the cooler, too. 86 00:03:03,599 --> 00:03:04,809 That's how they get you. 87 00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,437 Okay, thanks. 88 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:09,689 Well? 89 00:03:09,897 --> 00:03:10,898 Well, the good news is 90 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,233 the same company makes a solvent 91 00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:13,901 that'll get us unstuck. 92 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,570 The bad news is, it takes two weeks for delivery. 93 00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:17,697 You're telling me that we're stuck like this 94 00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:18,906 for a bloody fortnight? 95 00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,700 You cannot tell Lois about this. 96 00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:21,951 Oh? And what if I do? 97 00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:23,411 I'll show her those pictures of you 98 00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:24,787 wearing her wedding dress. 99 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,914 You said there was no film in that camera. 100 00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:29,208 Come on, Stewie, it's time to change your diaper. 101 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:30,918 Uh, mind if I watch? 102 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:33,921 And I'm just ashamed of myself, Brian 103 00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:35,381 that I let Peter's jealousy 104 00:03:35,464 --> 00:03:37,592 prevent me from rekindling an old friendship 105 00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:39,218 just because it was with a man. 106 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,679 Yeah, Peter's not exactly the most understanding guy 107 00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:43,306 when it comes to you and other men. 108 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:44,765 Like that time at the movies... 109 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:49,979 Uh, I-I-I... this is... 110 00:03:50,062 --> 00:03:52,273 this is terribly awkward 111 00:03:52,356 --> 00:03:55,067 but I-I-I-I wanted to tell you something 112 00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:58,738 but I-I... oh, I seem to be so charmingly befuddled. 113 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,157 Ah, that Hugh Grant is so handsome. 114 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,075 Oh, is that how it is? 115 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:04,660 Come here you home-wrecking bastard! 116 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:05,745 ( grunting ) 117 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,413 Don't do it, Dad. 118 00:04:07,496 --> 00:04:08,831 He's bigger than you. 119 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:09,999 And when you went to that concert. 120 00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:12,668 Thank you. Thank you very much. 121 00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,003 This next one 122 00:04:14,086 --> 00:04:15,963 is for all the ladies out there. 123 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,677 And then there was last Saturday night. 124 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:24,889 Oh, look at that handsome man. 125 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:27,308 You son of a bitch! 126 00:04:27,391 --> 00:04:29,685 I can't let Peter's irrational emotions run my life. 127 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,437 I'm going to call Ross 128 00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,773 and see if it's not too late to take him up on his offer. 129 00:04:33,856 --> 00:04:34,941 Would you mind finishing up? 130 00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,275 Uh, sure. 131 00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:39,403 Yes, yes, do you like cleaning my doodie, Brian? 132 00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:42,949 Say it. Say, "I like cleaning your doodie, Stewie." 133 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,450 Ha! Don't forget the 'taint. 134 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:49,705 ( theme music playing ) 135 00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,707 T.C., you fly the chopper around the island. 136 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,626 I'll go talk to the beautiful women 137 00:04:53,709 --> 00:04:56,087 and Tattoo here will keep an eye out for the kidnappers. 138 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,380 Higgins. 139 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:58,798 We'll need to have security 140 00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,508 unlock the gate for me out front. Okay, Tattoo? 141 00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:02,176 It's Higgins. 142 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,302 What? 143 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,054 The-the name is Higgins. 144 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:07,890 What's your name? 145 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,433 It's Tattoo. 146 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,352 Oh, um, Peter 147 00:05:11,435 --> 00:05:15,189 I'm just, uh... going to go out for a few hours. 148 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:18,734 Uh... so, I... I'll return in a few hours. 149 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,112 Yeah, I'll do it when this is over. 150 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:23,739 Hey, Lois, could you grab me a beer? 151 00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:24,824 Lois? 152 00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,033 Dad, I think she went out. 153 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,326 All right, then you be Lois. 154 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,578 Okay. 155 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:29,704 Hey, Lois, could you grab me a beer? 156 00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:31,664 Oh, my God, you've really let yourself go. 157 00:05:31,747 --> 00:05:33,249 Well, maybe if you bought me 158 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,251 some nice clothes once in a while. 159 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,462 ( over loudspeaker ): Peter Griffin, we know you're in there. 160 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:39,755 Come out with your hands up. 161 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:42,341 Fooled you. 162 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,634 ( laughing ) 163 00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,720 Yeah, you sure did. 164 00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,013 What the hell is this? 165 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:48,431 It's the new police surveillance van. 166 00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:49,557 We're going on a beer run. 167 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:50,683 Want to join us? 168 00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:51,767 No. I quit drinking. 169 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:52,977 I think I might be an alcoholic. 170 00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:54,729 -What?! Aw, man. -Oh, my God! 171 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:55,897 ( laughs ) 172 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,023 Fooled you. 173 00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:58,191 Come on, let's go drink 174 00:05:58,274 --> 00:05:59,984 till we can't feel feelings anymore. 175 00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:02,820 This van has the latest in law enforcement technology. 176 00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,238 Watch. 177 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,240 ( mechanical voice ): Suspect! Suspect! 178 00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,284 You have the right to remain silent. 179 00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:09,535 Ah, sweet. 180 00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:10,661 Hey, let me try. 181 00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:11,746 Cleveland, don't! 182 00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:12,872 Minority suspect! 183 00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,081 Minority suspect! 184 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,501 Danger! He's got a gun. 185 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:18,836 Oh, ow, ow! oh... 186 00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:23,716 Hey, Joe, the van's gone! 187 00:06:23,799 --> 00:06:25,593 No, no. It's got a cloaking device 188 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:27,553 that disguises it as two homeless guys 189 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,764 fighting over a wedge of cheese. 190 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,144 Hey, Peter, isn't that Lois over there in that diner? 191 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,438 Nah. What would Lois be doing at a diner? I already ate. 192 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,648 Take a look. 193 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:41,192 Oh, my God, that is Lois! 194 00:06:41,275 --> 00:06:42,360 Why the hell would she... 195 00:06:42,443 --> 00:06:43,778 Whoa, I can see your skin cells. 196 00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,071 Oh, hey, I saw your picture 197 00:06:45,154 --> 00:06:46,531 on the cover of Scientific American. 198 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,241 You looked great. 199 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,909 Oh, please, where my eyes are, like, half-closed? 200 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,661 God, just take the damn compliment. 201 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,708 What the hell is Lois doing with another man? 202 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,460 Is it possible she's a whore? 203 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:02,713 You know, just on weekends to help pay for her mom's dialysis? 204 00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,173 As in my fantasy? 205 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,092 You know what, let's just start over. 206 00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:07,301 Hi, I'm Quagmire. 207 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:08,970 I wish I knew what she was saying. 208 00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:10,805 I think I can help. 209 00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:12,932 Oh, your wife and children are beautiful. 210 00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:15,142 It's so good to catch up, Ross. 211 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,352 I'm glad I called. 212 00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:17,770 I'm glad you did, too. 213 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,772 So was your husband okay with you coming here? 214 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:23,067 Uh, yes. He turned out to be just fine with it. 215 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:28,364 All right, let's see what we can pick up. 216 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:29,824 ( static ) 217 00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,701 MORT GOLDMAN: Please don't spit in my eggs. 218 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:32,827 Please don't spit in my eggs. 219 00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,328 Thank you for the eggs. 220 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,289 God, I hope he didn't spit in my eggs. 221 00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:38,833 WAITER: Hey, Doug, I just spit in that guy's eggs. 222 00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,710 -DEEP VOICE: Our armies are ready. -( static ) 223 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:42,628 Soon it will be time to leave the sewers 224 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,089 and strike back at the humans in the overworld. 225 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,343 I'm glad we both found someone to make us happy. 226 00:07:49,427 --> 00:07:50,553 ( static ) 227 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:51,762 I really enjoy being with you, Ross. 228 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:52,930 I'm having a great time. 229 00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,974 Oh, my God, that's who that is. 230 00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:57,101 Ross Fishman, Lois's old boyfriend. 231 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,311 I think we're losing them. 232 00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:00,062 Wait, I got to hear more. 233 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,356 Peter, the power's not supposed to go that high. 234 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,816 QUAGMIRE'S VOICE: Damn, this itches. 235 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,484 I wonder who gave it to me. 236 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:08,070 Probably that skank who needed a ride to the gas station. 237 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,489 Last time I do somebody a favor. 238 00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,074 Oh, God, they must've heard me. 239 00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,826 Oh, God, I can hear me! 240 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,454 ♪♪ Ba da-da-da-da-da ba-dada ♪ 241 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:17,830 ♪♪ Bampa, bampa ♪♪ 242 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,043 ( wet, lapping sound ) 243 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,087 Ugh! 244 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,215 What the hell do you think you're doing? 245 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,842 I'm cleaning myself. 246 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,802 Ugh, you were clean 15 minutes ago. 247 00:08:31,886 --> 00:08:33,513 Now you're just on vacation. 248 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:37,225 So, Lois is seeing old boyfriends, huh? 249 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,018 Well, two can play at that game. 250 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,895 I just got to find my little black book. 251 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:58,996 Ah, here it is. 252 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:05,795 Uh, Brenda? 253 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:06,879 ( raspy-voiced ): Peter. 254 00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:09,423 Oh, my God, it's been 25 years. 255 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:10,633 Yeah. 256 00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:13,177 So, uh, I guess you're married now, huh? 257 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:14,720 Yeah. 258 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:16,389 ( thud ) 259 00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:19,308 Hey, Ricky, you were right. 260 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,185 I was pregnant. 261 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,524 Hey, what's up, Pete? Long time, no see. 262 00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,901 Gosh, Patty, the years have been great to you. 263 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,486 Well, I owe that to my better half. 264 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,989 Who is it, sir? 265 00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:37,159 Uh, Angie? 266 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:38,411 Peter? 267 00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,663 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, come in. 268 00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:51,174 Uh, what is all this stuff? 269 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:54,594 Peter, I have been waiting for this moment for 25 years. 270 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:57,722 I haven't washed my hand since you last touched it. 271 00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:59,307 Oh, my God, that's disgusting. 272 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,725 And look, look! 273 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,351 I've left the toilet just as it was 274 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:05,062 the night we went to prom. 275 00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:08,566 It's the little piece of you that's kept your memory alive. 276 00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:09,775 But now I have you back. 277 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,110 ( slams ) 278 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:14,322 Oh, well, at least I still have you. 279 00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,532 You hungry? 280 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,617 ( siren wailing ) 281 00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:20,369 Oh, crap. 282 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,830 All right, let me handle this. 283 00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:24,916 You were going 65, fella. 284 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:26,459 That's ten miles over the... 285 00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:28,753 Why are you holding that infant's hand? 286 00:10:28,836 --> 00:10:29,962 Oh, we met on the Internet. 287 00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,881 Shut up. Yes, he lured me down to the park 288 00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,550 with promises of candy and funny stories. 289 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,261 Officer, you ever hear of that Super Industrial Adhesive? 290 00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,846 Actually, yes, we have. 291 00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,689 Dad, how come you keep looking at the door? 292 00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:51,150 ( chuckling ): Oh, Meg, you and your drugs. 293 00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,443 ( doorbell rings ) 294 00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,070 Huh, I wonder who that could be. 295 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:56,906 Peter Gifford? 296 00:10:56,989 --> 00:11:00,368 My God, Dora, my old girlfriend. 297 00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:03,037 What a surprise that you would want to look me up. 298 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,997 You always thought I was so handsome. 299 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,208 Peter, can I see you in the other room? 300 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,502 Yeah, yeah, say it. 301 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,586 -Should I? -Yeah. 302 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,713 -I can't. -Just say it. 303 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,174 How far can you get this banana down... 304 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:17,176 I can't say it; she's looking right at me. 305 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,303 Peter, what the hell is this about? 306 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:20,805 I'll tell you what it's about. 307 00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:22,932 It's about you and Ross Fishman. 308 00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,017 -What? -I saw you with him the other day 309 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,352 breaking the fifth commandment. 310 00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:28,813 Congress passes these things for a reason, Lois. 311 00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,314 That's it. 312 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,024 Peter, you're suffocating me with your jealousy. 313 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,609 I can't take it anymore. 314 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,319 I'm calling a marriage counselor. 315 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,946 I can't even have coffee with a friend 316 00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,573 without you freaking out. 317 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,657 What is your problem? 318 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,117 You want to know what my problem is? 319 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,618 You want to know what my problem is? 320 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,412 I love too much. 321 00:11:44,495 --> 00:11:45,830 What are you talking about? 322 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:47,790 Don't you see, Lois? We're alive! 323 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:48,875 Peter, you're scaring me. 324 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,668 Good! Embrace the fear. 325 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:51,752 Dance with me, Lois. 326 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,546 Dance the dance of life. 327 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,925 Yeah, maybe you should call that marriage counselor. 328 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:03,222 Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, I've reviewed your situation 329 00:12:03,306 --> 00:12:04,599 and I have a suggestion. 330 00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,434 We're willing to do whatever it takes. 331 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:09,270 I'd like to put video cameras in every room of your house 332 00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:12,148 so that I can observe your uncensored behavior. 333 00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:14,150 Wow, just like that show Big Brother. 334 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,194 Except somebody will be watching. 335 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,865 All right, I've looked through all the video footage 336 00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,950 and I've compiled what I believe to be 337 00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,869 an accurate cross section of your home life. 338 00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:26,037 Here are the results. 339 00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,249 Peter, give Chris a spanking. 340 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,626 Okay. 341 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,711 Chris, I'm watching the game. You know what to do. 342 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:38,925 Ow, ow, ow, ow! 343 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,801 This hurts me more than it hurts you. 344 00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:41,969 Ow! 345 00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:45,389 "Dear Diary, Kevin is so hot. 346 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:48,059 Today he was out in the yard raking leaves." 347 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:49,477 ( laughing ) 348 00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,646 "God, I wish he'd throw me into that pile of leaves." 349 00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:54,899 ( laughing ) 350 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:57,610 Hey, what's everybody... Oh, my God, my diary! 351 00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:58,903 I hate you all! 352 00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:00,655 ( crying ) 353 00:13:00,738 --> 00:13:02,990 Keep going. 354 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,993 No! It's step, hip, step, pivot. 355 00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:08,120 Are you trying to piss off the volcano? 356 00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,748 Get my back, would you? 357 00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:12,625 Oh, that's it. 358 00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:14,293 Ooh, that feels good. 359 00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,295 Hey, Lois, can you give me a hand with this jar? 360 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,589 Oh, for heaven's sake, Peter. 361 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:19,924 ( screaming ) 362 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:21,175 ( laughing ): Gotcha! 363 00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:26,681 To be honest, I've never seen such dysfunction. 364 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,766 Mr. and Mrs. Griffin, what I'm about to suggest 365 00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,768 may seem unorthodox. 366 00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:33,145 I recommend a trial separation 367 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,940 during which time I advise that you date other people. 368 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:37,233 I believe this will help you 369 00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:38,943 gather perspective on your marriage. 370 00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:40,027 Date other people? 371 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,487 Oh, my God. 372 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,406 I realize that this is very upsetting for you. 373 00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:46,033 That's why I've invited Howie Mandel to lighten the mood 374 00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:48,327 by blowing up a surgical glove with his nose. 375 00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:49,996 ( inhales deeply ) 376 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:52,081 ( inhales deeply ) 377 00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,459 ( gasps ) 378 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,509 ( laughs ) 379 00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,099 Boy, this feels really weird, Lois. 380 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,185 I know, but maybe the doctor's right. 381 00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:13,853 This time apart could be good for us. 382 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,688 I don't know, Lois. 383 00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:18,149 Splitting up didn't work too well for Pac-Man and his wife. 384 00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:19,734 Hey, come on, buddy, forget about her. 385 00:14:19,817 --> 00:14:21,694 Yeah, you're too good for her, anyway. 386 00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:23,321 Cheer up, man. 387 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:24,822 Hey, hey, you want to eat us? 388 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,199 We're turning blue! 389 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,159 Oh, my God, we got nowhere to run! 390 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,744 He's going to get us! 391 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,120 He's going to get us! 392 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:33,039 Oh, he's not budging. 393 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,082 Come on, let's go to Q-Bert's. 394 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,375 I really appreciate 395 00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,085 you putting me up, Cleveland. 396 00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:40,463 Our house is your house, Peter. 397 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,298 I'd sit here and chat with you 398 00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,967 but I need to get back upstairs to Loretta 399 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:49,430 because it's our anniversary and the gettin's good. 400 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,390 -CLEVELAND: Ow! Ow! Ow! -( thumping ) 401 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:54,810 -Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! -( thumping ) 402 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,271 When is it going to be my turn? 403 00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:59,941 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! ( thumping ) 404 00:15:01,192 --> 00:15:02,860 Peter, you are welcome to stay with us 405 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,278 as long as you like. 406 00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:05,446 Oh, thanks, Muriel. 407 00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,573 So, what do you guys do for fun around here? 408 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,283 We like to watch old movies 409 00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,202 while listening to "Hotel California" 410 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,704 to see if it synchs up in a significant way 411 00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:16,290 and so far, no, nothing has. 412 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,502 ( phone rings ) 413 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,878 Hello? 414 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,338 Hey, Lois, is Peter there? 415 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:23,464 Oh, hi, Quagmire. 416 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,216 No, Peter's not home. 417 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:28,469 We're, uh... we're having some minor marital problems. 418 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,514 Our therapist has advised us to date other people. 419 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,724 Hey, Lois, you want to go out? 420 00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:35,059 What? 421 00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:36,310 I don't know, Glenn. 422 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,770 Peter and I just separated. 423 00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:39,438 I feel like I need more time. 424 00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:42,775 How about now? 425 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,236 Well, we are supposed to see other people 426 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,113 and I guess it's better to go out with you 427 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:48,322 than some sex pervert. 428 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:49,532 I'm in! Giggedy-giggedy 429 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:50,616 giggedy-giggedy-goo! 430 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,453 ( Stewie gasping for breath ) 431 00:15:56,038 --> 00:16:00,001 Oh! God blast it, will you hold it for five seconds? 432 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,794 ( panting ) 433 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,131 Okay. 434 00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:08,718 ( lisping ): So, Mr. Griffin 435 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:09,969 how's it feel to be 436 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:11,304 a bachelor on the prowl once again? 437 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,097 Eh, it's not as great as you might think. 438 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,265 I guess I just don't have 439 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,975 the same way with women that I used to. 440 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,269 ( coughing and choking ) 441 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:19,979 Mm, that was nice, that was nice. 442 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,397 I had a really great time 443 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,441 with you today, beautiful stranger. 444 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,567 What's your sign? 445 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,611 ( coughing ) 446 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:27,904 Ha, gross. 447 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,739 I still think you're neat, though. 448 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,033 You should try a video dating service, Peter. 449 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,784 That's how Muriel and I met. 450 00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,536 Let me show you Mort's tape. 451 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:37,163 He was so charming. 452 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:39,749 Ah, oh, my eyes! 453 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:42,752 Could you please turn down that very bright light? 454 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,129 It's burning my retinas. 455 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,924 Ladies, I'm a very desperate man. 456 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,092 My name is Mort and I live with my mother 457 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,512 and I have very low standards. 458 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,930 ( sneezes ) 459 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,015 Oh, God, there's blood in my mucous! 460 00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:57,183 ( fly buzzing ) 461 00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:02,897 Ahh! What the hell is wrong with you!?! 462 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,650 Hey, there's the mail! 463 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:06,901 Oh, finally. 464 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:11,572 All right, it says it takes an hour 465 00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,324 for this solvent to take effect. 466 00:17:13,407 --> 00:17:14,784 Well, let's see-- what takes an hour? 467 00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:17,662 We could watch Rita Rudner do five minutes of stand-up. 468 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,163 Ba-zing. 469 00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:20,248 Oh, boy, we're going 470 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:21,958 to have a swell time tonight, Lois. 471 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,001 Glenn, thank you for being such a good friend 472 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,378 and looking after me like this. 473 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,712 No problem. 474 00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:28,881 It's kind of chilly out, so I brought you a jacket. 475 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,716 No, thanks, I'll be fine. 476 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,134 Please? 477 00:17:36,097 --> 00:17:37,765 Peter, Muriel and I both feel 478 00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:40,768 that you need to follow your therapist's advice 479 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:42,144 and start dating. 480 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,355 Oh, jeez, Mort, I don't know if I'm ready. 481 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:45,523 Oh, come on, stud. 482 00:17:45,606 --> 00:17:47,066 We've got it all set up for you 483 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,526 to go out with our niece. 484 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:51,279 Honey, come on out here and meet Peter Griffin! 485 00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:54,657 Peter, this is our niece, Jennifer Love Hewitt. 486 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:55,741 Nice to meet you. 487 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,118 All right, I'm getting up. 488 00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,202 Hi. Peter Griffin. 489 00:17:58,286 --> 00:17:59,495 So where do you want to go? 490 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,247 We can go anywhere except the disco. 491 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,748 They don't let me in there anymore. 492 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:05,543 ( dance music playing ) 493 00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,425 Ah! Oh! 494 00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,886 Crafty Mexicans and your glass candy. 495 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,098 Hey, what's going on? 496 00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:20,641 There's a little girl down in that well. 497 00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:21,893 Oh, my God. 498 00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,060 Unfortunately, nobody's arms 499 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,562 are long enough to reach her 500 00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:26,314 except that one guy, but he's helping that woman 501 00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,398 tickle a midget in a tree. 502 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,901 Tee-hee. Oh, stop! 503 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:31,402 Tee-hee. 504 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:32,778 ( giggling ) 505 00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:36,741 Oh, God, you want to rescue her, don't you? 506 00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:38,117 Ugh. It's times like this 507 00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:40,161 I wish they'd used me for stem cell research. 508 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,830 Help me! 509 00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,582 "It rubs the lotion on its skin 510 00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:46,667 or else it gets the hose again." Ha! 511 00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,920 All right, I'm going to lower you in. 512 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,174 I just noticed-- how often do you see 513 00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:55,218 a 17th century well in this day and age? 514 00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:56,761 Hurry up! The glue's wearing off! 515 00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:58,179 All right, all right. 516 00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:06,687 We did it. 517 00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:07,813 Job well done. 518 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,315 And we're not stuck together anymore. 519 00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:10,733 Thank God. You said it. 520 00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,652 You want to hold hands on the walk home? 521 00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:13,736 Yeah, sure. 522 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:14,987 Oh, Suzie. 523 00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,656 Thank God, you're all right. 524 00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,074 Wait a minute, this isn't my little girl. 525 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,451 Hey, that was my wife! 526 00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:22,745 Tee-hee. Tee-hee. 527 00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,290 I Know What You Did Last Summer? 528 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:27,375 No, never heard of it. 529 00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,584 The Devil and Daniel Webster? 530 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:29,669 Nope. 531 00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:30,753 Party of Five? 532 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:31,838 Was that a porno? 533 00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:32,922 ( sighs ) 534 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,006 Don't worry about it. 535 00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:35,550 Sometimes you got to do a lot of crap 536 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:36,926 before they put you in anything decent. 537 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,886 Oh, the food here is fantastic. 538 00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,097 This is where I took Lois on our first date. 539 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,766 You ordered a pie for an appetizer? 540 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:44,934 Don't worry. I'll go to the john 541 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,727 and fire one out in about five minutes. 542 00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,229 That should make some room for dinner. 543 00:19:48,312 --> 00:19:49,814 Here's your table, Mr. Quagmire. 544 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:51,774 Thanks. Hey, how about a couple of drinks? 545 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,192 Certainly, sir. Martini for you 546 00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:55,111 and the usual roofie colada for your date? 547 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,362 No, no, no... 548 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,530 ( mumbling ) 549 00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:58,698 ...glass of wine. 550 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,743 Oh, my God, it's Jennifer Love Hewitt! 551 00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:05,079 Wow, I wonder who she's here with. 552 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,707 She could date any man she wanted to. 553 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:11,627 There, made lots of room. 554 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,504 Hey, waiter, that sign in the bathroom 555 00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:14,630 about washing your hands-- 556 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,299 that's only for the staff, right? 557 00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,884 Uh, technically, yes. 558 00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,677 That's what I thought. Great. 559 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,054 Oh, man, these all look good, every one of them. 560 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:23,264 Hey, you want some bread? 561 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,515 No! 562 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,267 Peter, is that you? 563 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:27,935 Peter? Oh, no! 564 00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:29,312 I can't let him see me! 565 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,771 It's okay, Quagmire. 566 00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,441 We're just doing what the therapist said we should do. 567 00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:34,859 Peter, I think it's great 568 00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,652 you're out with Jennifer Love Hewitt. 569 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,154 Hi. 570 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,655 I loved you in Heartbreakers. 571 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,115 You be on your best behavior. 572 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,285 Here you go, sweetheart, open up. 573 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:45,536 No! 574 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:46,662 There you go. 575 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,164 Isn't this romantic? 576 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,457 That's it. 577 00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:51,083 You have got to be the most vile 578 00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,127 disgusting human being I've ever met 579 00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:55,046 and I have never been 580 00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,340 more turned on in my life. 581 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,218 Hold on, toot! 582 00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:01,969 I don't care what our therapist says 583 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,096 I'm not going to stand by and watch my husband 584 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,181 lock lips with another woman! 585 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,265 Now beat it! 586 00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:07,975 What's your problem, grandma? 587 00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:11,270 You are, and I only saw Heartbreakers on a plane! 588 00:21:11,354 --> 00:21:14,774 And the flight was delayed, so the headphones were free! 589 00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,901 Wow, that was pretty cool, Lois. 590 00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:19,028 Huh, gosh, I guess I finally understand... 591 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,404 ( screaming ) 592 00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:25,493 Yeah, you better run, you little bitch! 593 00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,578 I guess I finally understand how you 594 00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:29,539 can get so jealous sometimes. 595 00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:32,625 Oh, seeing her kiss you like that just made me crazy. 596 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:34,961 Well, I-I guess we're just going to have to learn 597 00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,045 to control our jealousy... 598 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:37,129 together. 599 00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:38,297 Together. 600 00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:40,091 Ma'am, you dropped your napkin. 601 00:21:40,174 --> 00:21:41,509 Here's your drink, sir. 602 00:21:41,592 --> 00:21:43,135 Eh, we'll work on it later. 603 00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:44,637 I love you, Lois. 604 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,430 I love you, too, Peter. 605 00:21:49,225 --> 00:21:51,018 What a couple of freaks. 606 00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:52,645 God, I need a drink. 607 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:54,939 Waiter, martini and a roofie colada!