1 00:00:02,438 --> 00:00:04,576 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,643 --> 00:00:07,916 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,983 --> 00:00:11,524 ♪ But where are those good old‐fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:14,530 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,596 --> 00:00:18,203 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,270 --> 00:00:21,376 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,442 --> 00:00:23,146 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,213 --> 00:00:24,081 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,148 --> 00:00:30,327 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:30,929 --> 00:00:33,768 ♪ 11 00:00:35,672 --> 00:00:37,241 New shirt, Cleveland? 12 00:00:37,308 --> 00:00:39,813 Donna saw an unflattering picture of me on Facebook 13 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,251 and only lets me wear black now. 14 00:00:42,318 --> 00:00:43,721 Is the picture that bad? 15 00:00:43,788 --> 00:00:45,457 It was the worst thing 16 00:00:45,525 --> 00:00:47,662 I would ever want to see myself be. 17 00:00:47,729 --> 00:00:50,802 Problem with these dark shirts is the dandruff shows. 18 00:00:50,868 --> 00:00:52,471 But when I wear light colors... 19 00:00:52,539 --> 00:00:54,719 The dandruff doesn't show, but you look bigger in the shirt. 20 00:00:54,743 --> 00:00:57,247 - Yeah, it's called "Guillermo's Paradox." - What's that now? 21 00:00:57,314 --> 00:00:59,720 Guillermo del Toro theorized that a fat man's shirt 22 00:00:59,786 --> 00:01:02,458 cannot simultaneously appear slimming and clean. 23 00:01:02,525 --> 00:01:05,765 Mm. That boy does look like he be gettin' dry. 24 00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,267 All right, Peter, what's going on? 25 00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:08,537 Well, truth be told, 26 00:01:08,604 --> 00:01:10,307 Meg wants me to give her a bunch of money 27 00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:12,478 so she can go to college, and I guess... 28 00:01:12,545 --> 00:01:15,150 I guess I'd rather spend that money on alcohol. 29 00:01:15,217 --> 00:01:17,421 Listen, I helped my daughter through college 30 00:01:17,488 --> 00:01:19,492 and it was the best thing I ever did. 31 00:01:19,559 --> 00:01:21,730 Well, it was just kind of us talking, but how so? 32 00:01:21,797 --> 00:01:24,903 Right after she graduated, she got a real good job 33 00:01:24,970 --> 00:01:26,674 and bought me a new car. 34 00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:28,944 Says she's gonna buy me a house one day, 35 00:01:29,011 --> 00:01:31,784 so I can sell this place and retire. 36 00:01:31,850 --> 00:01:34,990 Man, imagine how great it would feel to be retired? 37 00:01:35,057 --> 00:01:36,994 I knew a retired kid in high school. 38 00:01:37,061 --> 00:01:38,597 All he ate was Tater Tots. 39 00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:41,369 He smooshed a turtle like a ice cream sandwich. 40 00:01:41,436 --> 00:01:43,708 - He was severely retired. - Okay, Peter. 41 00:01:43,774 --> 00:01:46,446 Guys, I've got to help Meg get into a good college. 42 00:01:46,513 --> 00:01:49,385 Then I can have the golden years I've always dreamed of. 43 00:01:49,452 --> 00:01:51,690 I sure am gonna miss you, baby. 44 00:01:51,757 --> 00:01:54,996 New wife that's just one giant freckle? 45 00:01:57,969 --> 00:02:00,875 Come on, Florida, cancer, let's go! 46 00:02:02,746 --> 00:02:04,683 (Brian barking) 47 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,452 What's going on? You okay? 48 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,924 This‐this squirrel, man... 49 00:02:08,991 --> 00:02:11,195 (squirrel chittering) 50 00:02:11,262 --> 00:02:12,766 Yeah, come down here and do it, huh? 51 00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:13,934 Come down here! 52 00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:15,505 Well, you're getting old, Bri. 53 00:02:15,571 --> 00:02:16,774 Might be time to pack it up 54 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,440 and get out of the squirrel gettin' game. 55 00:02:18,476 --> 00:02:20,681 No way, man. That little bastard comes down here... 56 00:02:20,748 --> 00:02:21,984 Hey. 57 00:02:22,050 --> 00:02:24,255 (chittering) 58 00:02:24,321 --> 00:02:26,225 Get him, boy. 59 00:02:26,292 --> 00:02:28,731 - ♪ - (Brian barking) 60 00:02:31,035 --> 00:02:33,006 (panting) 61 00:02:33,072 --> 00:02:35,511 (retches) 62 00:02:39,385 --> 00:02:41,389 You've got to get in shape, man. 63 00:02:41,455 --> 00:02:42,992 You know, you should meet my trainer. 64 00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:44,295 I think you'd really like him. 65 00:02:44,361 --> 00:02:45,598 - You have a trainer? - Yes. 66 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,802 You think it's easy looking zero for 20 years? 67 00:02:47,869 --> 00:02:49,706 All right, fine, I'll give it a shot. 68 00:02:49,773 --> 00:02:51,910 Right now I feel more useless than a chiropractor 69 00:02:51,977 --> 00:02:53,514 in an emergency. 70 00:02:53,581 --> 00:02:55,718 Excuse me, is anyone here a doctor? 71 00:02:55,785 --> 00:02:57,421 I have a heating pad in my office. 72 00:02:57,487 --> 00:02:59,091 What seems to be the problem? 73 00:02:59,158 --> 00:03:01,462 (cheering) 74 00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:03,534 ♪ 75 00:03:04,335 --> 00:03:06,472 All right, Meg, now if we're gonna get you 76 00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,009 into a good school, we're gonna have 77 00:03:08,076 --> 00:03:09,411 to fudge your application a bit. 78 00:03:09,478 --> 00:03:10,982 Okay, how do we do that? 79 00:03:11,048 --> 00:03:12,384 I don't know, I ate the fudge. 80 00:03:12,451 --> 00:03:13,687 But the good news is 81 00:03:13,754 --> 00:03:15,558 I got a letter of recommendation for you. 82 00:03:15,625 --> 00:03:17,662 It's from Big Bird and I wrote it. 83 00:03:17,729 --> 00:03:19,742 - "When I first met..." - Read it as Big Bird, please. 84 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,703 (nasally): "When I first met Peter, 85 00:03:21,770 --> 00:03:24,609 I was impressed at how tall and handsome he is." 86 00:03:24,676 --> 00:03:27,047 That's coming from Big Bird? 87 00:03:27,114 --> 00:03:28,817 Think of all the celebrities he's met. 88 00:03:28,884 --> 00:03:31,455 Ryan Reynolds was on Sesame Street Sesame Street. 89 00:03:31,523 --> 00:03:34,295 - Wow. - "Also, have you ever noticed 90 00:03:34,361 --> 00:03:36,733 "that Grover and Super Grover are never 91 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,071 in the same room at the same time?" 92 00:03:39,138 --> 00:03:42,512 As I said, Lois, not two days ago. 93 00:03:42,578 --> 00:03:44,582 ♪ 94 00:03:45,383 --> 00:03:47,354 Principal Shepherd, what's it gonna take 95 00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:48,958 to get Meg into a college? 96 00:03:49,024 --> 00:03:50,628 If Meg has any chance at all, 97 00:03:50,695 --> 00:03:52,732 she's going to need a little "extra help." 98 00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,569 We'll do anything. Whatever it takes. 99 00:03:54,636 --> 00:03:58,911 Good. Now you do understand how this works? 100 00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:01,349 We understand. 101 00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:04,321 I guess I'll, uh, I'll meet you in the car. 102 00:04:04,388 --> 00:04:06,359 He didn't mean you have to sleep with him. 103 00:04:06,425 --> 00:04:08,931 There are a few options. 104 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:11,002 ♪ 105 00:04:13,006 --> 00:04:14,542 (lights buzzing) 106 00:04:16,178 --> 00:04:18,784 Now, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin, every college 107 00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:21,489 has spots set aside for athletic recruits. 108 00:04:21,556 --> 00:04:23,527 We can make Meg look like a star athlete. 109 00:04:23,594 --> 00:04:24,674 With the click of a button, 110 00:04:24,729 --> 00:04:27,568 we can make Meg look like she played varsity lacrosse, 111 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,773 won the Quahog Marathon, or had her head 112 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:32,110 roll down a temple in Apocalypto. 113 00:04:32,177 --> 00:04:33,580 ♪ 114 00:04:33,647 --> 00:04:35,518 Lois, this is amazing! 115 00:04:35,584 --> 00:04:37,120 Meg's gonna look more successful 116 00:04:37,187 --> 00:04:39,191 than a businessman in a hard hat. 117 00:04:39,258 --> 00:04:42,364 Hey! I came down here from the office to point at the plans, 118 00:04:42,431 --> 00:04:45,003 then at the building! Plans! Building! 119 00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,873 Building! Plans! 120 00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:48,844 Yes, sir. Right away, sir! 121 00:04:48,911 --> 00:04:50,981 MAN (singing): 122 00:04:51,048 --> 00:04:54,054 I come down to the site once in a while. 123 00:04:54,121 --> 00:04:56,927 ♪ 124 00:04:57,762 --> 00:05:00,100 Hi, uh, you must be Stewie's trainer. 125 00:05:01,770 --> 00:05:04,576 Wh... How did you...? I thought I was gonna meet your trainer? 126 00:05:04,642 --> 00:05:06,646 You're looking at him, Bri. Look at my body. 127 00:05:06,713 --> 00:05:08,617 I'm jacked. You want to get jacked? 128 00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:10,654 - Uh... - Yeah, you want to get jacked. 129 00:05:10,721 --> 00:05:12,457 That's what having a trainer is. 130 00:05:12,525 --> 00:05:13,965 Just a couple of guys getting jacked. 131 00:05:13,994 --> 00:05:15,954 - Sometimes twice a day. - Okay, you know what...? 132 00:05:15,998 --> 00:05:18,670 All right, before we start in, a little business to go over. 133 00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:20,951 I was just messing around about the jacked stuff, by the way. 134 00:05:20,975 --> 00:05:23,479 Uh, did you want to sign up for the full three years? 135 00:05:23,547 --> 00:05:25,718 Three years? Don't you just do it by the session? 136 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,055 Yeah, no, we can do, uh, sesh to sesh. 137 00:05:28,122 --> 00:05:30,160 Not committed. 138 00:05:30,226 --> 00:05:32,130 Did you want to do the supplement plan? 139 00:05:32,197 --> 00:05:33,499 Uh. uh, no. No, thanks. 140 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,538 Going through the motions. 141 00:05:35,604 --> 00:05:38,176 All right, so what do you got going on for New Years? 142 00:05:38,242 --> 00:05:40,446 - What? - 80% of being a trainer is 143 00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,026 asking clients what they're doing for New Years. 144 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,522 And then not seeming interested when you tell me. 145 00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:46,469 I don't know, I might go over to a buddy's house 146 00:05:46,526 --> 00:05:47,962 and watch the ball drop. 147 00:05:48,029 --> 00:05:49,566 Oh, right on. 148 00:05:49,632 --> 00:05:51,670 - So, uh, what do you do for work? - I'm a writer. 149 00:05:51,736 --> 00:05:53,674 - Okay, so lot of sittin'? - Yeah. 150 00:05:53,740 --> 00:05:55,611 Hang on, I got to make a call. 151 00:05:55,678 --> 00:05:58,884 Hey, Death? I got a guy here just about ready for you. 152 00:05:58,951 --> 00:06:01,155 No, not really, I'm just trying to make a point. 153 00:06:01,222 --> 00:06:03,459 All right, and that is it for today. 154 00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:05,163 First sesh in the books. 155 00:06:05,230 --> 00:06:07,835 Let's Ven' to the 'mo. 156 00:06:07,902 --> 00:06:09,906 ♪ 157 00:06:12,010 --> 00:06:16,051 CLEVELAND: ♪ Mail time, mail time, mail time, mail time ♪ 158 00:06:16,118 --> 00:06:18,422 ♪ Mail time. ♪ 159 00:06:18,489 --> 00:06:20,426 The mail's here! 160 00:06:20,493 --> 00:06:22,632 ♪ Here's the mail that never fails ♪ 161 00:06:22,698 --> 00:06:24,736 ♪ It makes me want to wag my tail ♪ 162 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:29,545 ♪ When it comes I want to wail mail... ♪ 163 00:06:29,612 --> 00:06:31,248 "To Meg Griffin." 164 00:06:31,315 --> 00:06:33,152 (gasps) It's from Brown! 165 00:06:35,824 --> 00:06:38,195 (gasps) I've been accepted! 166 00:06:38,262 --> 00:06:39,866 Hey, that's great news. 167 00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:42,037 Let's clap it up my high school girlfriend 168 00:06:42,103 --> 00:06:45,043 and I still say I love you in e‐mails. 169 00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:49,217 I was hoping the good news and the clapping 170 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:51,088 would offset this secret. 171 00:06:51,155 --> 00:06:52,725 But yay, Meg! 172 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,137 ♪ 173 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,606 Wow, I remember when my parents clapped their hands 174 00:07:16,673 --> 00:07:18,543 after moving something one time. 175 00:07:18,610 --> 00:07:20,079 You never forget those moments. 176 00:07:20,146 --> 00:07:22,885 Now remember, Meg, I want you to call us every week, 177 00:07:22,952 --> 00:07:25,524 and then every few weeks, and then never. 178 00:07:25,591 --> 00:07:26,926 I promise, Mom. 179 00:07:26,993 --> 00:07:28,833 Got to admit, I'm kind of jealous you get to go 180 00:07:28,864 --> 00:07:30,801 to college and live in such a cool dorm. 181 00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,972 Look, they even have the pay phone Denise Huxtable 182 00:07:33,038 --> 00:07:35,009 would call from on A Different World. 183 00:07:35,076 --> 00:07:36,946 Hi, Dad. College is great. 184 00:07:37,013 --> 00:07:39,084 I'm doing what I want to actresses 185 00:07:39,151 --> 00:07:42,090 and will get support from my wife Camille. 186 00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:45,163 That stuff was more out in the open than I remember. 187 00:07:45,229 --> 00:07:47,167 (indistinct chatter) 188 00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:48,970 Well, I guess that's it. 189 00:07:49,037 --> 00:07:51,643 Our baby is all grown up and living at college. 190 00:07:51,709 --> 00:07:53,179 I know! She's so lucky! 191 00:07:53,245 --> 00:07:54,782 This place is awesome! 192 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,986 You think I'll go to college one day? 193 00:07:57,053 --> 00:07:58,723 Oh... yeah. 194 00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:00,059 Sky's the limit, champ. 195 00:08:00,126 --> 00:08:01,563 Lois, I'll meet you down at the car. 196 00:08:01,629 --> 00:08:03,132 I got to take a dump that will live on 197 00:08:03,199 --> 00:08:05,904 in story and song. 198 00:08:07,173 --> 00:08:08,643 No, I don't have a roommate. 199 00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:10,547 I guess he, like, died or something. 200 00:08:10,614 --> 00:08:12,685 So I've got a double all to myself. 201 00:08:12,751 --> 00:08:14,689 A double? Hey, roomie. 202 00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:16,759 Want to listen to The Doors for the next six months 203 00:08:16,826 --> 00:08:18,666 and then never again for the rest of your life? 204 00:08:18,697 --> 00:08:20,567 Wait, you're my roommate? 205 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,538 You're Ashok Chandrasekhar? 206 00:08:22,605 --> 00:08:24,575 - God bless you. - (laughs) 207 00:08:24,642 --> 00:08:26,980 Classic Ashok. 208 00:08:27,046 --> 00:08:29,050 ♪ 209 00:08:30,086 --> 00:08:32,323 Hey, why'd you tell me to meet you at Meg's room? 210 00:08:32,390 --> 00:08:33,927 Well, now that Meg is in college, 211 00:08:33,994 --> 00:08:36,098 I turned her room into a gym. 212 00:08:36,164 --> 00:08:38,168 Oh, my God. 213 00:08:40,239 --> 00:08:42,745 - How'd you do this? - Took a Limitless pill 214 00:08:42,811 --> 00:08:45,016 and played "Old Town Road" on loop. 215 00:08:45,082 --> 00:08:47,120 All right, why don't we start off with a plank? 216 00:08:47,186 --> 00:08:49,357 One minute, and I'm gonna go call my girlfriend 217 00:08:49,424 --> 00:08:51,729 and the forget about you. And... go. 218 00:08:51,796 --> 00:08:54,034 ‐(phone beeps) ‐Hey. 219 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,971 - I'm at the gym, why? - Stewie? 220 00:08:56,038 --> 00:08:58,242 Babe, you know I can't deal with your sister. 221 00:08:58,309 --> 00:09:01,014 Hey, babe... babe? Baby girl? 222 00:09:01,081 --> 00:09:03,620 - Stewie! - Babe! Babe, I'm not‐‐ baby babe, 223 00:09:03,687 --> 00:09:05,423 ba‐babe, baby, baby, come on. 224 00:09:05,489 --> 00:09:07,928 - (sharp snap) - (shouts, moaning) - Babe, I'll call you back. 225 00:09:07,995 --> 00:09:09,632 (moaning) 226 00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:11,936 Okay, right on, so you remember I was telling you 227 00:09:12,003 --> 00:09:14,140 about the magnesium supplement with the bone boost? 228 00:09:14,207 --> 00:09:16,746 So this is why you want to try and take that. 229 00:09:16,813 --> 00:09:18,617 - Right on? - No, not "right on"! 230 00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,952 My arm feels like it's broken! 231 00:09:20,019 --> 00:09:21,889 Oh, it's gonna need some P. T. 232 00:09:21,956 --> 00:09:24,094 Let me give you the card of my physical therapist. 233 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:25,162 He's the best. 234 00:09:25,229 --> 00:09:27,668 This is gonna be you in another shirt, isn't it? 235 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,639 Hey, what's the problemo? 236 00:09:29,705 --> 00:09:31,408 Give me the rundown, go ahead. 237 00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:33,847 ♪ 238 00:09:35,182 --> 00:09:37,120 H‐Hey, Meg? 239 00:09:37,186 --> 00:09:38,657 Hi, I'm Xander. 240 00:09:38,723 --> 00:09:40,661 I'm‐I'm in your bio class. I'm not a stalker. 241 00:09:40,727 --> 00:09:41,929 (laughs) Either way. 242 00:09:41,996 --> 00:09:44,802 Listen, me and my roommates are having people over tonight, 243 00:09:44,869 --> 00:09:47,140 and I was wondering if you'd want to come by. 244 00:09:47,206 --> 00:09:48,877 Yeah. I'd love to. 245 00:09:48,943 --> 00:09:49,712 Awesome. 246 00:09:49,779 --> 00:09:51,816 Keeney, 325. 247 00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,252 PETER: Heads up! 248 00:09:53,318 --> 00:09:55,022 (Meg exclaims) 249 00:09:55,089 --> 00:09:57,460 Dad? What the hell are you doing? 250 00:09:57,528 --> 00:09:59,264 I'm going to college now. 251 00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:00,934 Wait, what? What about Mom? 252 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,838 Well, I had to have a tough conversation 253 00:10:02,905 --> 00:10:04,942 with her by the lake. 254 00:10:05,009 --> 00:10:07,013 ♪ 255 00:10:10,921 --> 00:10:13,693 I'm just not a fan of long‐distance relationships. 256 00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,362 Peter, I need to know if you're gonna 257 00:10:15,429 --> 00:10:16,899 pick Stewie up from school. 258 00:10:16,966 --> 00:10:18,368 I'll be home for Thanksgiving. 259 00:10:18,435 --> 00:10:20,272 We'll see where we're at then. 260 00:10:20,339 --> 00:10:22,343 (indistinct chatter) 261 00:10:23,412 --> 00:10:25,216 Hi, I'm Serena. 262 00:10:25,282 --> 00:10:26,753 This is Lily and Grace. 263 00:10:26,819 --> 00:10:27,855 - Weet up. - Hyai. 264 00:10:27,921 --> 00:10:30,326 Are you interested in pledging for Alpha Delta Pi? 265 00:10:30,392 --> 00:10:33,098 Yeah! I hear you guys throw all the best parties. 266 00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,804 ALL: Well, we've been waiting for you all summer, 267 00:10:35,871 --> 00:10:38,877 and we're so glad you're finally here. 268 00:10:38,943 --> 00:10:42,049 (all screaming happily) 269 00:10:43,385 --> 00:10:45,791 GIRLS (chanting): Boom, boom, I wanna go A D Pi... 270 00:10:45,857 --> 00:10:47,236 PETER: Meg, you gotta get me out of here. 271 00:10:47,260 --> 00:10:48,863 These people are out of their minds. 272 00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:52,003 Do not go A D Pi, Meg. Do not join this thing. 273 00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:54,307 They don't let us out of the pile. 274 00:10:54,374 --> 00:10:56,946 They're so mean, Meg. They're so mean. 275 00:10:57,013 --> 00:10:58,813 SORORITY SISTERS: I wanna go A D Pi, don't you? 276 00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:09,538 Hey, Meg, I'm a hippie now, and I'm feeling the burn. 277 00:11:09,605 --> 00:11:12,476 - Bernie Sanders? - No, none of my hippie girlfriends shower, 278 00:11:12,544 --> 00:11:13,913 and my crotch itches. 279 00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,951 You know, despite what we're doing here, 280 00:11:16,017 --> 00:11:17,754 - I'm still your daughter. - Right, right. 281 00:11:17,821 --> 00:11:19,099 Hey, uh, would you sign this petition 282 00:11:19,123 --> 00:11:20,827 to help save the spotted owl? 283 00:11:20,894 --> 00:11:22,531 - Yeah, sure. - Awesome. 284 00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:24,400 You're our 50th signature. 285 00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:26,137 So what happens now? 286 00:11:26,204 --> 00:11:27,473 Buck, wait! 287 00:11:27,541 --> 00:11:29,344 ‐(chain saw revs) ‐Buck! 288 00:11:29,410 --> 00:11:31,949 They got 50 signatures. 289 00:11:32,016 --> 00:11:33,185 That's 50 all right. 290 00:11:33,252 --> 00:11:36,559 Well, let's get back in the truck. 291 00:11:36,626 --> 00:11:38,997 ♪ 292 00:11:39,063 --> 00:11:42,303 You don't have to be afraid anymore. 293 00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:43,907 I'm still itchy. 294 00:11:43,973 --> 00:11:46,579 MEG: Dad, I'm holding the ladder! 295 00:11:46,646 --> 00:11:49,818 ♪ 296 00:11:51,321 --> 00:11:54,394 There he is, the big dog. You ready to sweat? 297 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,933 Today we got legs, and I'm gonna tell you everything 298 00:11:56,999 --> 00:11:58,402 I've ever watched on Netflix. 299 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,007 Stewie, listen, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, 300 00:12:01,074 --> 00:12:03,211 but I got a new trainer. 301 00:12:03,278 --> 00:12:05,115 New trainer? Who? 302 00:12:07,486 --> 00:12:09,123 Doug? Ugh. 303 00:12:09,190 --> 00:12:12,564 That's right, Stewie, it's an ugh‐Doug moment. 304 00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:14,033 No hard feelings. 305 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,004 I think Brian here just wants to rev up 306 00:12:16,071 --> 00:12:18,308 - to a higher octane. - See you around, Stewie. 307 00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:22,216 So it might take me a little longer to train you, Brian. 308 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:25,122 You're going to have to unlearn everything Stewie taught you. 309 00:12:25,189 --> 00:12:27,594 Fortunately, that was almost nothing. 310 00:12:27,661 --> 00:12:29,097 (Brian laughs) 311 00:12:29,163 --> 00:12:31,602 Oh, man. 312 00:12:31,669 --> 00:12:33,873 ♪ 313 00:12:36,044 --> 00:12:37,079 PETER: Heads up. 314 00:12:37,146 --> 00:12:40,920 Ow! Dad, what the hell? 315 00:12:40,987 --> 00:12:42,223 Did you join a frat? 316 00:12:42,289 --> 00:12:44,293 I tried to, but I got the letters mixed up 317 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,097 and joined a fart. 318 00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:48,503 (flatulence) 319 00:12:48,569 --> 00:12:50,172 (laughs) 320 00:12:50,239 --> 00:12:53,913 Hey, everyone, I'm in college, but here's a test for you. 321 00:12:53,980 --> 00:12:56,017 We just gave you the easiest joke setup 322 00:12:56,084 --> 00:12:59,525 in Family Guy history: Peter joins a fart house. 323 00:12:59,591 --> 00:13:01,562 Is the correct punchline A? 324 00:13:03,566 --> 00:13:05,570 B? 325 00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:10,212 Or C? 326 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:16,057 Good luck to you. And now back to our story. 327 00:13:16,124 --> 00:13:20,032 Hey, ladies, toga farty tonight at I Delta PU. 328 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,002 - Tell your friends. - Ew, no. 329 00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:23,906 Heh, they all say that. 330 00:13:23,973 --> 00:13:26,077 - Hey, what are you reading? - Boning up for an exam. 331 00:13:26,144 --> 00:13:28,883 I boned up yesterday when I walked into the girls' shower. 332 00:13:28,950 --> 00:13:30,252 (classic slide whistle riff) 333 00:13:30,319 --> 00:13:31,354 Dad, please! 334 00:13:31,421 --> 00:13:33,492 Sorry, Meg, I've been smoking doobies all morning. 335 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:35,530 Talk about higher education. 336 00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,099 (classic up‐down slide) 337 00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:39,437 That's it. I can't take this anymore. 338 00:13:39,505 --> 00:13:41,174 Dad, get out of here. 339 00:13:41,241 --> 00:13:43,211 What? This is what college is. 340 00:13:43,278 --> 00:13:45,717 How do you know? You're not even a student here. 341 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,219 You're a total fraud. 342 00:13:47,286 --> 00:13:49,056 Me? You wouldn't even be here 343 00:13:49,123 --> 00:13:49,925 if your mother and I didn't 344 00:13:49,992 --> 00:13:52,263 - pay someone to get you in. - What?! 345 00:13:52,329 --> 00:13:54,568 Yeah, your whole application was fake. 346 00:13:54,635 --> 00:13:56,171 Meg, is this true? 347 00:13:56,237 --> 00:13:59,377 What? No, of course not, Dean Nearby. 348 00:13:59,443 --> 00:14:03,251 Well, if it is, you're going to be suspended. 349 00:14:03,318 --> 00:14:04,521 Oh, no. 350 00:14:04,588 --> 00:14:06,057 Well, that weekend on the Cape 351 00:14:06,124 --> 00:14:08,495 with Principal Shepherd was a waste. 352 00:14:12,369 --> 00:14:14,140 I know I said I wouldn't get clingy, 353 00:14:14,207 --> 00:14:16,311 but when can I see you again? 354 00:14:22,089 --> 00:14:24,427 I can't believe they suspended Meg. 355 00:14:24,493 --> 00:14:28,101 Suspended Meg? Peter, you and I could be going to jail. 356 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,472 I can't go to jail. Me and my fart brothers 357 00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,677 are supposed to streak the quad later. 358 00:14:32,744 --> 00:14:34,080 (plays "Charge" riff) 359 00:14:34,146 --> 00:14:36,017 Now stop that. You're not in 360 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,954 whatever you think college is anymore. 361 00:14:38,021 --> 00:14:39,591 I can't believe you two did this to me. 362 00:14:39,658 --> 00:14:41,261 Maybe if you believed in me, 363 00:14:41,327 --> 00:14:43,064 none of this would have happened. 364 00:14:43,131 --> 00:14:45,469 Meg, honey, nobody wanted you out of this house 365 00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:46,605 more than we did. 366 00:14:46,672 --> 00:14:48,074 You know, maybe there's a way 367 00:14:48,141 --> 00:14:49,277 none of you gets in trouble. 368 00:14:49,343 --> 00:14:50,713 What are you talking about? 369 00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:52,182 Well, you said you can do 370 00:14:52,249 --> 00:14:53,595 all those things on your application. 371 00:14:53,619 --> 00:14:56,157 If you show you actually can do those things, 372 00:14:56,224 --> 00:14:57,527 you're all in the clear. 373 00:14:57,594 --> 00:14:58,634 And then I can get back to 374 00:14:58,696 --> 00:15:00,098 hustling drunk women upstairs 375 00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:01,367 with Tobin and Squee. 376 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,204 Well, I better get to work, then. 377 00:15:03,271 --> 00:15:06,177 But I seriously doubt that I'll be able to pull this off. 378 00:15:06,244 --> 00:15:08,248 Hey, come on. Anything's possible. 379 00:15:08,315 --> 00:15:11,187 Like when that Starbucks cup made it onto Game of Thrones. 380 00:15:11,254 --> 00:15:13,358 This is it. Here it comes, here it comes. 381 00:15:13,425 --> 00:15:16,097 - Hey! - Oh, my gosh. - That's so cool. 382 00:15:16,164 --> 00:15:19,003 I can't believe this. What's the Internet saying? 383 00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:22,409 They‐they thought you were great. 384 00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,554 Okay, Brian, this many. 385 00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:30,359 ‐(straining) ‐This many. 386 00:15:30,425 --> 00:15:32,429 Come on, Brian, you can do it. 387 00:15:32,496 --> 00:15:34,568 (straining) 388 00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:38,509 And that's as many as I know. Good job, Brian. 389 00:15:38,576 --> 00:15:41,080 Hey, Stewie, congratulate your friend. 390 00:15:41,147 --> 00:15:43,351 He just did this many sit‐ups. 391 00:15:43,418 --> 00:15:45,322 What? There's nothing after that. 392 00:15:45,389 --> 00:15:48,094 - That's as high as it goes. - (chuckles) Yep. 393 00:15:48,161 --> 00:15:50,298 Are you crazy, pushing him that hard? 394 00:15:50,365 --> 00:15:52,069 You're playing a dangerous game. 395 00:15:52,136 --> 00:15:54,073 Yeah, it's dangerous. 396 00:15:54,140 --> 00:15:56,377 And that's the way I like it. 397 00:16:03,291 --> 00:16:06,030 Listen, Doug, I've been meaning to talk to you. 398 00:16:06,097 --> 00:16:09,671 I just got this new job, and the commute is... ugh. 399 00:16:09,738 --> 00:16:11,240 I can work around your schedule. 400 00:16:11,307 --> 00:16:13,344 Well, that's the thing. I don't have one. 401 00:16:13,411 --> 00:16:16,050 That's the way the suits figured it anyway. 402 00:16:16,117 --> 00:16:18,188 What exactly is this job? 403 00:16:18,254 --> 00:16:20,091 I know, right? Anyway, you've been terrific, 404 00:16:20,158 --> 00:16:21,327 and I'm gonna keep at this. 405 00:16:21,394 --> 00:16:23,264 But I'm afraid this is goodbye. 406 00:16:23,331 --> 00:16:25,068 What if I went down to $300 a week? 407 00:16:25,135 --> 00:16:27,507 - STEWIE: You're paying him?! - I'm sorry. 408 00:16:30,278 --> 00:16:31,481 (blows raspberries) 409 00:16:31,548 --> 00:16:34,153 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's no need for that. 410 00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,224 (blows raspberries) 411 00:16:36,290 --> 00:16:38,662 - Thank you for that, Brian. - You're welcome, Stewie. 412 00:16:38,729 --> 00:16:41,768 You know, this whole thing has taught me an important lesson. 413 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,706 I hate exercise. 414 00:16:43,772 --> 00:16:45,108 Gay‐men. 415 00:16:45,175 --> 00:16:48,314 Somebody has to help me walk down the stairs. 416 00:16:48,381 --> 00:16:50,385 ♪ 417 00:16:54,293 --> 00:16:57,266 MAN (through bullhorn): Everyone, if I could have your attention. 418 00:16:57,332 --> 00:17:00,540 I'm Dean Distant Faraway, and we're here today 419 00:17:00,606 --> 00:17:03,846 to determine whether or not Meg Griffin can justify 420 00:17:03,913 --> 00:17:06,384 her admission to our university. 421 00:17:06,450 --> 00:17:08,622 - And we're Mom and Dad. Hi. - Go blue. 422 00:17:08,689 --> 00:17:11,828 DISTANT FARAWAY: What did they say? I‐I'm very far away. 423 00:17:11,895 --> 00:17:14,433 ♪ 424 00:17:16,838 --> 00:17:18,809 Strike. 425 00:17:18,876 --> 00:17:20,378 (all cheering) 426 00:17:26,525 --> 00:17:28,394 (all cheering) 427 00:17:33,906 --> 00:17:35,108 (all cheering) 428 00:17:35,175 --> 00:17:37,647 Ah... Dr. Nassar? 429 00:17:37,714 --> 00:17:41,588 - (whispers indistinctly) - (gasps) Oh, my stars. 430 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:47,533 Okay, I'm gonna try to kill two birds with one stone here. 431 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,436 I'll be singing "Love is a Battlefield" 432 00:17:49,504 --> 00:17:52,209 - by Pat Benatar. - (murmuring) 433 00:17:52,275 --> 00:17:53,812 In Russian. 434 00:17:53,879 --> 00:17:55,348 (excited chatter) 435 00:17:55,415 --> 00:17:57,854 - Hit it. - (music starts) 436 00:17:58,722 --> 00:18:02,764 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 437 00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:05,135 ♪ My sil'nyy ♪ 438 00:18:06,203 --> 00:18:08,876 ♪ Nikito Nam Ne Skazhet chto ♪ 439 00:18:08,942 --> 00:18:11,882 ♪ My ne pravy ♪ 440 00:18:11,948 --> 00:18:13,752 ♪ Dolgo ishchen vy ♪ 441 00:18:13,819 --> 00:18:16,925 ♪ Nashix serdtsa ♪ 442 00:18:16,992 --> 00:18:20,432 ♪ My oba znaem chto ♪ 443 00:18:22,503 --> 00:18:26,511 ♪ Lyubov eto battlefield. ♪ 444 00:18:26,578 --> 00:18:29,316 (cheering) 445 00:18:29,383 --> 00:18:32,189 Well, it appears you can do pretty much everything 446 00:18:32,255 --> 00:18:34,259 you claimed on your application. 447 00:18:34,326 --> 00:18:36,798 So that's it? I'm back in school? 448 00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,434 I think all you have to do now 449 00:18:38,502 --> 00:18:41,608 is prove you can windsurf over Providence Falls. 450 00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:45,816 Oh, right. 451 00:18:45,883 --> 00:18:47,987 You prove that, you're back. 452 00:18:48,054 --> 00:18:50,826 Wait, did we check that she can get dunked on by her dad? 453 00:18:50,893 --> 00:18:51,893 Dunked on by my d...? 454 00:18:51,928 --> 00:18:53,932 Oh! 455 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:57,405 You gotta get big, Meg. 456 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,521 (cheering) 457 00:19:04,587 --> 00:19:07,527 Guys, no matter what happens, I just want you to know 458 00:19:07,593 --> 00:19:09,664 that I forgive you for what you did. 459 00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,402 I know deep down you were just looking out for me. 460 00:19:12,469 --> 00:19:14,541 Whatever you think the lesson is here 461 00:19:14,607 --> 00:19:15,709 is fine by us. 462 00:19:15,776 --> 00:19:17,880 (fanfare plays) 463 00:19:17,947 --> 00:19:20,653 Good luck, Meg. We love you. 464 00:19:20,719 --> 00:19:22,590 (crowd cheering) 465 00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:28,569 ♪ 466 00:19:31,273 --> 00:19:33,512 (breathes deeply) 467 00:19:38,487 --> 00:19:40,559 Aah... 468 00:19:40,626 --> 00:19:42,864 Aw, so close. 469 00:19:42,930 --> 00:19:44,266 (crowd screaming) 470 00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:46,270 (Meg yelling) 471 00:19:46,337 --> 00:19:47,807 Peter, call an ambulance. 472 00:19:47,874 --> 00:19:50,946 Can you do it? My number's blocked by 911. 473 00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:22,309 Come on, you can do this. Stewie does it every day. 474 00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:23,612 - He does? - Yep. 475 00:20:23,679 --> 00:20:25,315 Just put one hand on the rail. 476 00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:30,993 Damn it, I can't. 477 00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:32,897 Uppies. 478 00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:37,372 Adios, Doug. 479 00:20:37,439 --> 00:20:41,347 From hell's heart I stab at thee. 480 00:20:41,413 --> 00:20:46,624 With my last breath, I spit upon... 481 00:20:46,691 --> 00:20:48,662 (snoring) 482 00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:52,636 Ha! What a baby.