1 00:00:02,394 --> 00:00:04,728 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,730 --> 00:00:07,840 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:11,493 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:11,570 --> 00:00:14,496 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:14,573 --> 00:00:18,166 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,244 --> 00:00:21,353 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:22,913 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:22,915 --> 00:00:23,856 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:30,195 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:30,847 --> 00:00:33,615 ♪ 11 00:00:35,594 --> 00:00:37,261 New shirt, Cleveland? 12 00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:39,763 Donna saw an unflattering picture of me on Facebook 13 00:00:39,765 --> 00:00:42,190 and only lets me wear black now. 14 00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:43,617 Is the picture that bad? 15 00:00:43,693 --> 00:00:45,377 It was the worst thing 16 00:00:45,454 --> 00:00:47,604 I would ever want to see myself be. 17 00:00:47,606 --> 00:00:50,774 Problem with these dark shirts is the dandruff shows. 18 00:00:50,776 --> 00:00:52,442 But when I wear light colors... 19 00:00:52,444 --> 00:00:54,778 The dandruff doesn't show, but you look bigger in the shirt. 20 00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:57,056 -Yeah, it's called "Guillermo's Paradox." -What's that now? 21 00:00:57,132 --> 00:00:59,558 Guillermo del Toro theorized that a fat man's shirt 22 00:00:59,635 --> 00:01:02,561 cannot simultaneously appear slimming and clean. 23 00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:05,822 Mm. That boy does look like he be gettin' dry. 24 00:01:05,824 --> 00:01:07,215 All right, Peter, what's going on? 25 00:01:07,293 --> 00:01:08,400 Well, truth be told, 26 00:01:08,477 --> 00:01:10,460 Meg wants me to give her a bunch of money 27 00:01:10,462 --> 00:01:12,387 so she can go to college, and I guess... 28 00:01:12,464 --> 00:01:15,056 I guess I'd rather spend that money on alcohol. 29 00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:17,317 Listen, I helped my daughter through college 30 00:01:17,394 --> 00:01:19,394 and it was the best thing I ever did. 31 00:01:19,471 --> 00:01:21,655 Well, it was just kind of us talking, but how so? 32 00:01:21,657 --> 00:01:24,750 Right after she graduated, she got a real good job 33 00:01:24,827 --> 00:01:26,660 and bought me a new car. 34 00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:28,754 Says she's gonna buy me a house one day, 35 00:01:28,831 --> 00:01:31,590 so I can sell this place and retire. 36 00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:34,927 Man, imagine how great it would feel to be retired? 37 00:01:35,003 --> 00:01:36,837 I knew a retired kid in high school. 38 00:01:36,913 --> 00:01:38,488 All he ate was Tater Tots. 39 00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:41,325 He smooshed a turtle like a ice cream sandwich. 40 00:01:41,327 --> 00:01:43,751 -He was severely retired. -Okay, Peter. 41 00:01:43,829 --> 00:01:46,330 Guys, I've got to help Meg get into a good college. 42 00:01:46,332 --> 00:01:49,333 Then I can have the golden years I've always dreamed of. 43 00:01:49,335 --> 00:01:51,668 I sure am gonna miss you, baby. 44 00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:54,738 New wife that's just one giant freckle? 45 00:01:57,767 --> 00:02:00,661 Come on, Florida, cancer, let's go! 46 00:02:02,606 --> 00:02:04,606 (Brian barking) 47 00:02:04,608 --> 00:02:06,291 What's going on? You okay? 48 00:02:06,368 --> 00:02:08,852 This-this squirrel, man... 49 00:02:08,854 --> 00:02:10,963 (squirrel chittering) 50 00:02:11,039 --> 00:02:12,689 Yeah, come down here and do it, huh? 51 00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:13,857 Come down here! 52 00:02:13,859 --> 00:02:15,375 Well, you're getting old, Bri. 53 00:02:15,452 --> 00:02:16,618 Might be time to pack it up 54 00:02:16,695 --> 00:02:18,286 and get out of the squirrel gettin' game. 55 00:02:18,364 --> 00:02:20,472 No way, man. That little bastard comes down here... 56 00:02:20,549 --> 00:02:21,865 Hey. 57 00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:24,125 (chittering) 58 00:02:24,127 --> 00:02:26,052 Get him, boy. 59 00:02:26,129 --> 00:02:28,480 -♪ -(Brian barking) 60 00:02:30,876 --> 00:02:32,876 (panting) 61 00:02:32,878 --> 00:02:35,237 (retches) 62 00:02:39,218 --> 00:02:41,218 You've got to get in shape, man. 63 00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:42,810 You know, you should meet my trainer. 64 00:02:42,888 --> 00:02:44,221 I think you'd really like him. 65 00:02:44,223 --> 00:02:45,330 -You have a trainer? -Yes. 66 00:02:45,407 --> 00:02:47,574 You think it's easy looking zero for 20 years? 67 00:02:47,651 --> 00:02:49,484 All right, fine, I'll give it a shot. 68 00:02:49,561 --> 00:02:51,670 Right now I feel more useless than a chiropractor 69 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,321 in an emergency. 70 00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:55,565 Excuse me, is anyone here a doctor? 71 00:02:55,567 --> 00:02:57,234 I have a heating pad in my office. 72 00:02:57,236 --> 00:02:58,902 What seems to be the problem? 73 00:02:58,904 --> 00:03:01,329 (cheering) 74 00:03:01,331 --> 00:03:03,164 ♪ 75 00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:06,259 All right, Meg, now if we're gonna get you 76 00:03:06,336 --> 00:03:07,835 into a good school, we're gonna have 77 00:03:07,913 --> 00:03:09,188 to fudge your application a bit. 78 00:03:09,264 --> 00:03:10,764 Okay, how do we do that? 79 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:12,249 I don't know, I ate the fudge. 80 00:03:12,251 --> 00:03:13,583 But the good news is 81 00:03:13,585 --> 00:03:15,360 I got a letter of recommendation for you. 82 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,604 It's from Big Bird and I wrote it. 83 00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:19,589 -"When I first met..." -Read it as Big Bird, please. 84 00:03:19,591 --> 00:03:21,683 (nasally): "When I first met Peter, 85 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,428 I was impressed at how tall and handsome he is." 86 00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:26,854 That's coming from Big Bird? 87 00:03:26,932 --> 00:03:28,540 Think of all the celebrities he's met. 88 00:03:28,617 --> 00:03:31,268 Ryan Reynolds was on Sesame Street. 89 00:03:31,270 --> 00:03:34,104 -Wow. -"Also, have you ever noticed 90 00:03:34,106 --> 00:03:36,456 "that Grover and Super Grover are never 91 00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,792 in the same room at the same time?" 92 00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:42,221 As I said, Lois, not two days ago. 93 00:03:42,297 --> 00:03:44,056 ♪ 94 00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:47,117 Principal Shepherd, what's it gonna take 95 00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:48,785 to get Meg into a college? 96 00:03:48,787 --> 00:03:50,545 If Meg has any chance at all, 97 00:03:50,622 --> 00:03:52,397 she's going to need a little "extra help." 98 00:03:52,474 --> 00:03:54,399 We'll do anything. Whatever it takes. 99 00:03:54,476 --> 00:03:58,528 Good. Now you do understand how this works? 100 00:03:59,631 --> 00:04:01,073 We understand. 101 00:04:01,149 --> 00:04:04,076 I guess I'll, uh, I'll meet you in the car. 102 00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,227 He didn't mean you have to sleep with him. 103 00:04:06,305 --> 00:04:08,730 There are a few options. 104 00:04:08,732 --> 00:04:10,666 ♪ 105 00:04:12,736 --> 00:04:14,211 (lights buzzing) 106 00:04:15,905 --> 00:04:18,648 Now, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin, every college 107 00:04:18,650 --> 00:04:21,242 has spots set aside for athletic recruits. 108 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:22,928 We can make Meg look like a star athlete. 109 00:04:23,005 --> 00:04:24,096 With the click of a button, 110 00:04:24,490 --> 00:04:27,340 we can make Meg look like she played varsity lacrosse, 111 00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:29,509 won the Quahog Marathon, or had her head 112 00:04:29,511 --> 00:04:31,770 roll down a temple in Apocalypto. 113 00:04:31,847 --> 00:04:33,330 ♪ 114 00:04:33,332 --> 00:04:35,256 Lois, this is amazing! 115 00:04:35,334 --> 00:04:36,850 Meg's gonna look more successful 116 00:04:36,852 --> 00:04:38,944 than a businessman in a hard hat. 117 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,022 Hey! I came down here from the office to point at the plans, 118 00:04:42,098 --> 00:04:44,724 then at the building! Plans! Building! 119 00:04:44,726 --> 00:04:46,601 Building! Plans! 120 00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:48,436 Yes, sir. Right away, sir! 121 00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:50,622 MAN (singing): 122 00:04:50,699 --> 00:04:53,700 I come down to the site once in a while. 123 00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:56,295 ♪ 124 00:04:57,372 --> 00:04:59,673 Hi, uh, you must be Stewie's trainer. 125 00:05:01,527 --> 00:05:04,361 Wh... How did you...? I thought I was gonna meet your trainer? 126 00:05:04,363 --> 00:05:06,305 You're looking at him, Bri. Look at my body. 127 00:05:06,381 --> 00:05:08,365 I'm jacked. You want to get jacked? 128 00:05:08,367 --> 00:05:10,383 -Uh... -Yeah, you want to get jacked. 129 00:05:10,385 --> 00:05:12,311 That's what having a trainer is. 130 00:05:12,387 --> 00:05:13,645 Just a couple of guys getting jacked. 131 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,705 -Sometimes twice a day. -Okay, you know what...? 132 00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:18,317 All right, before we start in, a little business to go over. 133 00:05:18,393 --> 00:05:20,819 I was just messing around about the jacked stuff, by the way. 134 00:05:20,896 --> 00:05:23,213 Uh, did you want to sign up for the full three years? 135 00:05:23,215 --> 00:05:25,324 Three years? Don't you just do it by the session? 136 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,701 Yeah, no, we can do, uh, sesh to sesh. 137 00:05:27,736 --> 00:05:29,886 Not committed. 138 00:05:29,888 --> 00:05:31,738 Did you want to do the supplement plan? 139 00:05:31,856 --> 00:05:33,223 Uh. uh, no. No, thanks. 140 00:05:33,225 --> 00:05:35,225 Going through the motions. 141 00:05:35,227 --> 00:05:37,819 All right, so what do you got going on for New Years? 142 00:05:37,896 --> 00:05:40,188 -What? -80% of being a trainer is 143 00:05:40,265 --> 00:05:41,656 asking clients what they're doing for New Years. 144 00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:44,234 And then not seeming interested when you tell me. 145 00:05:44,236 --> 00:05:46,086 I don't know, I might go over to a buddy's house 146 00:05:46,162 --> 00:05:47,587 and watch the ball drop. 147 00:05:47,664 --> 00:05:49,422 Oh, right on. 148 00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:51,257 -So, uh, what do you do for work? -I'm a writer. 149 00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,259 -Okay, so lot of sittin'? -Yeah. 150 00:05:53,336 --> 00:05:55,261 Hang on, I got to make a call. 151 00:05:55,263 --> 00:05:58,582 Hey, Death? I got a guy here just about ready for you. 152 00:05:58,584 --> 00:06:00,934 No, not really, I'm just trying to make a point. 153 00:06:00,936 --> 00:06:03,103 All right, and that is it for today. 154 00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:04,863 First sesh in the books. 155 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,515 Let's Ven' to the 'mo. 156 00:06:07,593 --> 00:06:09,493 ♪ 157 00:06:11,613 --> 00:06:15,690 CLEVELAND: ♪ Mail time, mail time, mail time, mail time ♪ 158 00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:18,101 ♪ Mail time. ♪ 159 00:06:18,103 --> 00:06:20,103 The mail's here! 160 00:06:20,105 --> 00:06:22,214 ♪ Here's the mail that never fails ♪ 161 00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:24,441 ♪ It makes me want to wag my tail ♪ 162 00:06:24,443 --> 00:06:29,170 ♪ When it comes I want to wail mail... ♪ 163 00:06:29,205 --> 00:06:30,872 "To Meg Griffin." 164 00:06:30,949 --> 00:06:32,682 (gasps) It's from Brown! 165 00:06:35,454 --> 00:06:37,879 (gasps) I've been accepted! 166 00:06:37,956 --> 00:06:39,398 Hey, that's great news. 167 00:06:39,474 --> 00:06:41,641 Let's clap it up my high school girlfriend 168 00:06:41,718 --> 00:06:44,528 and I still say I love you in e-mails. 169 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,740 I was hoping the good news and the clapping 170 00:06:48,817 --> 00:06:50,650 would offset this secret. 171 00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:52,202 But yay, Meg! 172 00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:58,625 ♪ 173 00:07:13,325 --> 00:07:16,176 Wow, I remember when my parents clapped their hands 174 00:07:16,252 --> 00:07:18,161 after moving something one time. 175 00:07:18,163 --> 00:07:19,921 You never forget those moments. 176 00:07:19,998 --> 00:07:22,499 Now remember, Meg, I want you to call us every week, 177 00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:25,168 and then every few weeks, and then never. 178 00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:26,519 I promise, Mom. 179 00:07:26,521 --> 00:07:28,429 Got to admit, I'm kind of jealous you get to go 180 00:07:28,431 --> 00:07:30,431 to college and live in such a cool dorm. 181 00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:32,451 Look, they even have the pay phone Denise Huxtable 182 00:07:32,527 --> 00:07:34,602 would call from on A Different World. 183 00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:36,529 Hi, Dad. College is great. 184 00:07:36,531 --> 00:07:38,623 I'm doing what I want to actresses 185 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:41,626 and will get support from my wife Camille. 186 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,629 That stuff was more out in the open than I remember. 187 00:07:44,706 --> 00:07:46,631 (indistinct chatter) 188 00:07:46,708 --> 00:07:48,467 Well, I guess that's it. 189 00:07:48,543 --> 00:07:51,194 Our baby is all grown up and living at college. 190 00:07:51,196 --> 00:07:52,712 I know! She's so lucky! 191 00:07:52,714 --> 00:07:54,288 This place is awesome! 192 00:07:54,366 --> 00:07:56,533 You think I'll go to college one day? 193 00:07:56,535 --> 00:07:58,218 Oh... yeah. 194 00:07:58,294 --> 00:07:59,478 Sky's the limit, champ. 195 00:07:59,596 --> 00:08:01,128 Lois, I'll meet you down at the car. 196 00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:02,722 I got to take a dump that will live on 197 00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:05,358 in story and song. 198 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,302 No, I don't have a roommate. 199 00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,063 I guess he, like, died or something. 200 00:08:10,139 --> 00:08:12,306 So I've got a double all to myself. 201 00:08:12,384 --> 00:08:14,159 A double? Hey, roomie. 202 00:08:14,236 --> 00:08:16,386 Want to listen to The Doors for the next six months 203 00:08:16,388 --> 00:08:18,221 and then never again for the rest of your life? 204 00:08:18,223 --> 00:08:20,073 Wait, you're my roommate? 205 00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:22,000 You're Ashok Chandrasekhar? 206 00:08:22,077 --> 00:08:24,077 -God bless you. -(laughs) 207 00:08:24,079 --> 00:08:26,487 Classic Ashok. 208 00:08:26,565 --> 00:08:28,256 ♪ 209 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,826 Hey, why'd you tell me to meet you at Meg's room? 210 00:08:31,903 --> 00:08:33,419 Well, now that Meg is in college, 211 00:08:33,496 --> 00:08:35,588 I turned her room into a gym. 212 00:08:35,665 --> 00:08:37,599 Oh, my God. 213 00:08:39,745 --> 00:08:42,187 -How'd you do this? -Took a Limitless pill 214 00:08:42,264 --> 00:08:44,505 and played "Old Town Road" on loop. 215 00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:46,525 All right, why don't we start off with a plank? 216 00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:48,843 One minute, and I'm gonna go call my girlfriend 217 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,254 and the forget about you. And... go. 218 00:08:51,256 --> 00:08:53,681 -(phone beeps) -Hey. 219 00:08:53,759 --> 00:08:55,367 -I'm at the gym, why? -Stewie? 220 00:08:55,443 --> 00:08:57,761 Babe, you know I can't deal with your sister. 221 00:08:57,763 --> 00:09:00,446 Hey, babe... babe? Baby girl? 222 00:09:00,523 --> 00:09:03,116 -Stewie! -Babe! Babe, I'm not-- baby babe, 223 00:09:03,192 --> 00:09:04,876 ba-babe, baby, baby, come on. 224 00:09:04,953 --> 00:09:07,453 -(sharp snap) -(shouts, moaning) -Babe, I'll call you back. 225 00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:09,122 (moaning) 226 00:09:09,198 --> 00:09:11,383 Okay, right on, so you remember I was telling you 227 00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:13,777 about the magnesium supplement with the bone boost? 228 00:09:13,779 --> 00:09:16,279 So this is why you want to try and take that. 229 00:09:16,281 --> 00:09:18,205 -Right on? -No, not "right on"! 230 00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,391 My arm feels like it's broken! 231 00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:21,451 Oh, it's gonna need some P.T. 232 00:09:21,453 --> 00:09:23,228 Let me give you the card of my physical therapist. 233 00:09:23,305 --> 00:09:24,621 He's the best. 234 00:09:24,639 --> 00:09:27,065 This is gonna be you in another shirt, isn't it? 235 00:09:27,142 --> 00:09:29,067 Hey, what's the problemo? 236 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,885 Give me the rundown, go ahead. 237 00:09:30,962 --> 00:09:33,196 ♪ 238 00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:36,633 H-Hey, Meg? 239 00:09:36,635 --> 00:09:38,076 Hi, I'm Xander. 240 00:09:38,153 --> 00:09:39,803 I'm-I'm in your bio class. I'm not a stalker. 241 00:09:39,805 --> 00:09:41,246 (laughs) Either way. 242 00:09:41,397 --> 00:09:44,231 Listen, me and my roommates are having people over tonight, 243 00:09:44,309 --> 00:09:46,585 and I was wondering if you'd want to come by. 244 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,253 Yeah. I'd love to. 245 00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:49,087 Awesome. 246 00:09:49,164 --> 00:09:51,238 Keeney, 325. 247 00:09:51,316 --> 00:09:52,591 PETER: Heads up! 248 00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:54,517 (Meg exclaims) 249 00:09:54,519 --> 00:09:56,836 Dad? What the hell are you doing? 250 00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:58,671 I'm going to college now. 251 00:09:58,748 --> 00:10:00,265 Wait, what? What about Mom? 252 00:10:00,342 --> 00:10:02,249 Well, I had to have a tough conversation 253 00:10:02,327 --> 00:10:04,269 with her by the lake. 254 00:10:04,346 --> 00:10:06,313 ♪ 255 00:10:10,335 --> 00:10:13,019 I'm just not a fan of long-distance relationships. 256 00:10:13,096 --> 00:10:14,687 Peter, I need to know if you're gonna 257 00:10:14,806 --> 00:10:16,263 pick Stewie up from school. 258 00:10:16,341 --> 00:10:17,690 I'll be home for Thanksgiving. 259 00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:19,676 We'll see where we're at then. 260 00:10:19,678 --> 00:10:21,620 (indistinct chatter) 261 00:10:22,697 --> 00:10:24,530 Hi, I'm Serena. 262 00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:25,790 This is Lily and Grace. 263 00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:27,125 -Weet up. -Hyai. 264 00:10:27,276 --> 00:10:29,686 Are you interested in pledging for Alpha Delta Pi? 265 00:10:29,688 --> 00:10:32,522 Yeah! I hear you guys throw all the best parties. 266 00:10:32,524 --> 00:10:35,116 ALL: Well, we've been waiting for you all summer, 267 00:10:35,193 --> 00:10:38,136 and we're so glad you're finally here. 268 00:10:38,213 --> 00:10:41,222 (all screaming happily) 269 00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:45,126 GIRLS (chanting): Boom, boom, I wanna go A D Pi... 270 00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:46,536 PETER: Meg, you gotta get me out of here. 271 00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:48,371 These people are out of their minds. 272 00:10:48,373 --> 00:10:51,298 Do not go A D Pi, Meg. Do not join this thing. 273 00:10:51,376 --> 00:10:53,559 They don't let us out of the pile. 274 00:10:53,636 --> 00:10:56,321 They're so mean, Meg. They're so mean. 275 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,739 SORORITY SISTERS: I wanna go A D Pi, don't you? 276 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:09,075 Hey, Meg, I'm a hippie now, and I'm feeling the burn. 277 00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:11,819 -Bernie Sanders? -No, none of my hippie girlfriends shower, 278 00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:13,246 and my crotch itches. 279 00:11:13,248 --> 00:11:15,248 You know, despite what we're doing here, 280 00:11:15,324 --> 00:11:17,175 -I'm still your daughter. -Right, right. 281 00:11:17,252 --> 00:11:18,343 Hey, uh, would you sign this petition 282 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,086 to help save the spotted owl? 283 00:11:20,163 --> 00:11:21,829 -Yeah, sure. -Awesome. 284 00:11:21,907 --> 00:11:23,682 You're our 50th signature. 285 00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:25,425 So what happens now? 286 00:11:25,427 --> 00:11:26,685 Buck, wait! 287 00:11:26,761 --> 00:11:28,669 -(chain saw revs) -Buck! 288 00:11:28,747 --> 00:11:31,189 They got 50 signatures. 289 00:11:31,266 --> 00:11:32,432 That's 50 all right. 290 00:11:32,508 --> 00:11:35,919 Well, let's get back in the truck. 291 00:11:35,921 --> 00:11:38,196 ♪ 292 00:11:38,273 --> 00:11:41,533 You don't have to be afraid anymore. 293 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,184 I'm still itchy. 294 00:11:43,261 --> 00:11:45,853 MEG: Dad, I'm holding the ladder! 295 00:11:45,931 --> 00:11:48,998 ♪ 296 00:11:50,602 --> 00:11:53,712 There he is, the big dog. You ready to sweat? 297 00:11:53,788 --> 00:11:56,122 Today we got legs, and I'm gonna tell you everything 298 00:11:56,199 --> 00:11:57,774 I've ever watched on Netflix. 299 00:11:57,776 --> 00:12:00,276 Stewie, listen, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, 300 00:12:00,278 --> 00:12:02,462 but I got a new trainer. 301 00:12:02,538 --> 00:12:04,305 New trainer? Who? 302 00:12:06,785 --> 00:12:08,451 Doug? Ugh. 303 00:12:08,453 --> 00:12:11,804 That's right, Stewie, it's an ugh-Doug moment. 304 00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:13,231 No hard feelings. 305 00:12:13,308 --> 00:12:15,291 I think Brian here just wants to rev up 306 00:12:15,293 --> 00:12:17,551 -to a higher octane. -See you around, Stewie. 307 00:12:17,629 --> 00:12:21,406 So it might take me a little longer to train you, Brian. 308 00:12:21,483 --> 00:12:24,391 You're going to have to unlearn everything Stewie taught you. 309 00:12:24,393 --> 00:12:26,819 Fortunately, that was almost nothing. 310 00:12:26,896 --> 00:12:28,321 (Brian laughs) 311 00:12:28,397 --> 00:12:30,823 Oh, man. 312 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:33,001 ♪ 313 00:12:35,238 --> 00:12:36,254 PETER: Heads up. 314 00:12:36,331 --> 00:12:40,149 Ow! Dad, what the hell? 315 00:12:40,151 --> 00:12:41,484 Did you join a frat? 316 00:12:41,486 --> 00:12:43,428 I tried to, but I got the letters mixed up 317 00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,221 and joined a fart. 318 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,673 (flatulence) 319 00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:49,342 (laughs) 320 00:12:49,418 --> 00:12:53,087 Hey, everyone, I'm in college, but here's a test for you. 321 00:12:53,164 --> 00:12:55,348 We just gave you the easiest joke setup 322 00:12:55,424 --> 00:12:58,759 in Family Guy history: Peter joins a fart house. 323 00:12:58,761 --> 00:13:00,695 Is the correct punchline A? 324 00:13:02,765 --> 00:13:04,699 B? 325 00:13:07,362 --> 00:13:09,329 Or C? 326 00:13:12,608 --> 00:13:15,351 Good luck to you. And now back to our story. 327 00:13:15,353 --> 00:13:19,280 Hey, ladies, toga farty tonight at I Delta PU. 328 00:13:19,282 --> 00:13:21,132 -Tell your friends. -Ew, no. 329 00:13:21,209 --> 00:13:23,192 Heh, they all say that. 330 00:13:23,194 --> 00:13:25,286 -Hey, what are you reading? -Boning up for an exam. 331 00:13:25,363 --> 00:13:28,047 I boned up yesterday when I walked into the girls' shower. 332 00:13:28,124 --> 00:13:29,198 (classic slide whistle riff) 333 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:30,533 Dad, please! 334 00:13:30,552 --> 00:13:32,702 Sorry, Meg, I've been smoking doobies all morning. 335 00:13:32,704 --> 00:13:34,720 Talk about higher education. 336 00:13:34,722 --> 00:13:36,314 (classic up-down slide) 337 00:13:36,391 --> 00:13:38,558 That's it. I can't take this anymore. 338 00:13:38,634 --> 00:13:40,376 Dad, get out of here. 339 00:13:40,378 --> 00:13:42,320 What? This is what college is. 340 00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:44,823 How do you know? You're not even a student here. 341 00:13:44,899 --> 00:13:46,399 You're a total fraud. 342 00:13:46,401 --> 00:13:48,309 Me? You wouldn't even be here 343 00:13:48,386 --> 00:13:49,327 if your mother and I didn't 344 00:13:49,404 --> 00:13:51,329 -pay someone to get you in. -What?! 345 00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:53,665 Yeah, your whole application was fake. 346 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,316 Meg, is this true? 347 00:13:55,393 --> 00:13:58,561 What? No, of course not, Dean Nearby. 348 00:13:58,563 --> 00:14:02,415 Well, if it is, you're going to be suspended. 349 00:14:02,491 --> 00:14:03,675 Oh, no. 350 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,251 Well, that weekend on the Cape 351 00:14:05,253 --> 00:14:07,595 with Principal Shepherd was a waste. 352 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,259 I know I said I wouldn't get clingy, 353 00:14:13,336 --> 00:14:15,395 but when can I see you again? 354 00:14:21,252 --> 00:14:23,586 I can't believe they suspended Meg. 355 00:14:23,588 --> 00:14:27,198 Suspended Meg? Peter, you and I could be going to jail. 356 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,683 I can't go to jail. Me and my fart brothers 357 00:14:29,761 --> 00:14:31,777 are supposed to streak the quad later. 358 00:14:31,854 --> 00:14:33,187 (plays "Charge" riff) 359 00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:35,114 Now stop that. You're not in 360 00:14:35,191 --> 00:14:37,100 whatever you think college is anymore. 361 00:14:37,102 --> 00:14:38,768 I can't believe you two did this to me. 362 00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:40,361 Maybe if you believed in me, 363 00:14:40,438 --> 00:14:42,213 none of this would have happened. 364 00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:44,549 Meg, honey, nobody wanted you out of this house 365 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,625 more than we did. 366 00:14:45,743 --> 00:14:47,126 You know, maybe there's a way 367 00:14:47,203 --> 00:14:48,444 none of you gets in trouble. 368 00:14:48,446 --> 00:14:49,721 What are you talking about? 369 00:14:49,839 --> 00:14:51,222 Well, you said you can do 370 00:14:51,299 --> 00:14:52,632 all those things on your application. 371 00:14:52,634 --> 00:14:55,284 If you show you actually can do those things, 372 00:14:55,286 --> 00:14:56,619 you're all in the clear. 373 00:14:56,621 --> 00:14:57,787 And then I can get back to 374 00:14:57,789 --> 00:14:59,138 hustling drunk women upstairs 375 00:14:59,215 --> 00:15:00,456 with Tobin and Squee. 376 00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:02,383 Well, I better get to work, then. 377 00:15:02,460 --> 00:15:05,236 But I seriously doubt that I'll be able to pull this off. 378 00:15:05,313 --> 00:15:07,572 Hey, come on. Anything's possible. 379 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,283 Like when that Starbucks cup made it onto Game of Thrones. 380 00:15:10,318 --> 00:15:12,410 This is it. Here it comes, here it comes. 381 00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:15,396 -Hey! -Oh, my gosh. -That's so cool. 382 00:15:15,473 --> 00:15:18,082 I can't believe this. What's the Internet saying? 383 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:21,419 They-they thought you were great. 384 00:15:24,315 --> 00:15:26,649 Okay, Brian, this many. 385 00:15:26,651 --> 00:15:29,485 -(straining) -This many. 386 00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:31,429 Come on, Brian, you can do it. 387 00:15:31,506 --> 00:15:33,656 (straining) 388 00:15:33,658 --> 00:15:37,584 And that's as many as I know. Good job, Brian. 389 00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:40,163 Hey, Stewie, congratulate your friend. 390 00:15:40,165 --> 00:15:42,423 He just did this many sit-ups. 391 00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:44,350 What? There's nothing after that. 392 00:15:44,427 --> 00:15:47,170 -That's as high as it goes. -(chuckles) Yep. 393 00:15:47,172 --> 00:15:49,280 Are you crazy, pushing him that hard? 394 00:15:49,357 --> 00:15:51,098 You're playing a dangerous game. 395 00:15:51,176 --> 00:15:53,176 Yeah, it's dangerous. 396 00:15:53,178 --> 00:15:55,328 And that's the way I like it. 397 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,188 Listen, Doug, I've been meaning to talk to you. 398 00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:08,708 I just got this new job, and the commute is... ugh. 399 00:16:08,784 --> 00:16:10,284 I can work around your schedule. 400 00:16:10,361 --> 00:16:12,545 Well, that's the thing. I don't have one. 401 00:16:12,621 --> 00:16:15,122 That's the way the suits figured it anyway. 402 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,216 What exactly is this job? 403 00:16:17,293 --> 00:16:19,126 I know, right? Anyway, you've been terrific, 404 00:16:19,204 --> 00:16:20,461 and I'm gonna keep at this. 405 00:16:20,538 --> 00:16:22,296 But I'm afraid this is goodbye. 406 00:16:22,373 --> 00:16:24,089 What if I went down to $300 a week? 407 00:16:24,167 --> 00:16:26,442 -STEWIE: You're paying him?! -I'm sorry. 408 00:16:29,230 --> 00:16:30,488 (blows raspberries) 409 00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:33,216 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. There's no need for that. 410 00:16:33,218 --> 00:16:35,234 (blows raspberries) 411 00:16:35,236 --> 00:16:37,811 -Thank you for that, Brian. -You're welcome, Stewie. 412 00:16:37,889 --> 00:16:40,890 You know, this whole thing has taught me an important lesson. 413 00:16:40,892 --> 00:16:42,667 I hate exercise. 414 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:44,076 Gay-men. 415 00:16:44,153 --> 00:16:47,321 Somebody has to help me walk down the stairs. 416 00:16:47,398 --> 00:16:49,298 ♪ 417 00:16:53,404 --> 00:16:56,180 MAN (through bullhorn): Everyone, if I could have your attention. 418 00:16:56,257 --> 00:16:59,575 I'm Dean Distant Faraway, and we're here today 419 00:16:59,577 --> 00:17:02,912 to determine whether or not Meg Griffin can justify 420 00:17:02,914 --> 00:17:05,431 her admission to our university. 421 00:17:05,508 --> 00:17:07,674 -And we're Mom and Dad. Hi. -Go blue. 422 00:17:07,676 --> 00:17:10,844 DISTANT FARAWAY: What did they say? I-I'm very far away. 423 00:17:10,922 --> 00:17:13,364 ♪ 424 00:17:15,777 --> 00:17:17,777 Strike. 425 00:17:17,853 --> 00:17:19,287 (all cheering) 426 00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,295 (all cheering) 427 00:17:32,794 --> 00:17:34,126 (all cheering) 428 00:17:34,203 --> 00:17:36,554 Ah... Dr. Nassar? 429 00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:40,433 -(whispers indistinctly) -(gasps) Oh, my stars. 430 00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,655 Okay, I'm gonna try to kill two birds with one stone here. 431 00:17:46,657 --> 00:17:48,457 I'll be singing "Love is a Battlefield" 432 00:17:48,459 --> 00:17:51,069 -by Pat Benatar. -(murmuring) 433 00:17:51,145 --> 00:17:52,719 In Russian. 434 00:17:52,797 --> 00:17:54,238 (excited chatter) 435 00:17:54,315 --> 00:17:56,482 -Hit it. -(music starts) 436 00:17:57,635 --> 00:18:01,728 ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ 437 00:18:01,806 --> 00:18:03,998 ♪ My sil'nyy ♪ 438 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,827 ♪ Nikito Nam Ne Skazhet chto ♪ 439 00:18:07,829 --> 00:18:10,904 ♪ My ne pravy ♪ 440 00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:12,739 ♪ Dolgo ishchen vy ♪ 441 00:18:12,741 --> 00:18:15,835 ♪ Nashix serdtsa ♪ 442 00:18:15,911 --> 00:18:19,263 ♪ My oba znaem chto ♪ 443 00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:25,419 ♪ Lyubov eto battlefield. ♪ 444 00:18:25,496 --> 00:18:28,255 (cheering) 445 00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:31,109 Well, it appears you can do pretty much everything 446 00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,111 you claimed on your application. 447 00:18:33,187 --> 00:18:35,855 So that's it? I'm back in school? 448 00:18:35,857 --> 00:18:37,281 I think all you have to do now 449 00:18:37,358 --> 00:18:40,409 is prove you can windsurf over Providence Falls. 450 00:18:43,439 --> 00:18:44,697 Oh, right. 451 00:18:44,699 --> 00:18:46,791 You prove that, you're back. 452 00:18:46,868 --> 00:18:49,702 Wait, did we check that she can get dunked on by her dad? 453 00:18:49,704 --> 00:18:50,703 Dunked on by my d...? 454 00:18:50,779 --> 00:18:52,713 Oh! 455 00:18:53,858 --> 00:18:56,175 You gotta get big, Meg. 456 00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:03,457 (cheering) 457 00:19:03,534 --> 00:19:06,385 Guys, no matter what happens, I just want you to know 458 00:19:06,462 --> 00:19:08,721 that I forgive you for what you did. 459 00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:11,298 I know deep down you were just looking out for me. 460 00:19:11,376 --> 00:19:13,467 Whatever you think the lesson is here 461 00:19:13,469 --> 00:19:14,560 is fine by us. 462 00:19:14,637 --> 00:19:16,821 (fanfare plays) 463 00:19:16,898 --> 00:19:19,490 Good luck, Meg. We love you. 464 00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:21,367 (crowd cheering) 465 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,331 ♪ 466 00:19:30,077 --> 00:19:32,295 (breathes deeply) 467 00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:39,343 Aah... 468 00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:41,737 Aw, so close. 469 00:19:41,739 --> 00:19:43,088 (crowd screaming) 470 00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:45,165 (Meg yelling) 471 00:19:45,243 --> 00:19:46,667 Peter, call an ambulance. 472 00:19:46,669 --> 00:19:49,687 Can you do it? My number's blocked by 911. 473 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,110 Come on, you can do this. Stewie does it every day. 474 00:20:21,112 --> 00:20:22,445 -He does? -Yep. 475 00:20:22,447 --> 00:20:23,971 Just put one hand on the rail. 476 00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:29,785 Damn it, I can't. 477 00:20:29,787 --> 00:20:31,562 Uppies. 478 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,292 Adios, Doug. 479 00:20:36,294 --> 00:20:40,071 From hell's heart I stab at thee. 480 00:20:40,147 --> 00:20:45,317 With my last breath, I spit upon... 481 00:20:45,394 --> 00:20:47,286 (snoring) 482 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,249 Ha! What a baby.