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00:00:02,404 --> 00:00:04,543
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,610 --> 00:00:07,716
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,782 --> 00:00:11,489
♪ But where are those
good old‐fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,557 --> 00:00:14,495
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,563 --> 00:00:18,169
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,236 --> 00:00:21,342
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,409 --> 00:00:22,913
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:24,315
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,382 --> 00:00:30,127
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:38,341
Well, here we are.
11
00:00:38,443 --> 00:00:40,915
Oh, and if you hear the guys
call me "Poopy Thumb,"
12
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I‐it's just a fun nickname,
13
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it's not something
that actually happened.
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Hey, Poopy Thumb.
15
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It was Gulden's Spicy Brown
Mustard from my sandwich.
16
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How many times
do I have to say it?!
17
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(chuckles): Okay.
18
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No need to relitigate
what four of our peers saw.
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00:00:54,075 --> 00:00:55,545
Hi, everyone.
20
00:00:55,612 --> 00:00:57,782
I'm your children's teacher,
Miss Laura,
21
00:00:57,849 --> 00:01:00,622
and like pretty much everyone
in America right now,
22
00:01:00,688 --> 00:01:05,163
I'm very high
on legalized edible pot.
23
00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:08,403
Ha‐ha. (inhales sharply)
24
00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:13,413
It's crazy how much
your kids look like you.
25
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:14,783
Wha...
26
00:01:14,850 --> 00:01:16,587
Peter, pay attention.
27
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Sorry, I was having
a Fast Times daydream
28
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about that tank top mom.
29
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Yeah, that's disgusting.
30
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How would you like it
if she did that to you?
31
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("Moving In Stereo"
by The Cars plays)
32
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PETER:
I chocked on water
33
00:01:37,829 --> 00:01:40,568
and had to get mouth‐to‐mouth
from a guy.
34
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Five, four,
35
00:01:44,910 --> 00:01:47,916
three, two, one...
36
00:01:47,982 --> 00:01:49,218
Yay!
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All right, that's officially
38
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the latest any of us
have ever been up.
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‐(yawns) ‐Oh‐ho!
40
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A little tired, Stewie?
41
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,938
No. I just yawned
because somebody else yawned.
42
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I could do this all night.
You tired?
43
00:02:00,675 --> 00:02:02,746
Oh, no. At home,
they call me the night...
44
00:02:02,812 --> 00:02:04,950
(all snoring)
45
00:02:07,822 --> 00:02:09,258
Is Garrick Utley alive?
46
00:02:09,325 --> 00:02:11,462
I... (sighs)
I don't know, Peter.
47
00:02:11,530 --> 00:02:13,433
Hey, I've been meaning
to ask you all night‐‐
48
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,439
those vintage pants are amazing,
where did you get them?
49
00:02:16,507 --> 00:02:19,378
Oh, they were folded neatly
on a toilet in the gas station.
50
00:02:19,445 --> 00:02:21,058
Hey, you know,
we're starting a text chain
51
00:02:21,082 --> 00:02:22,786
with some of
the other young parents.
52
00:02:22,852 --> 00:02:23,852
Young parents?
53
00:02:23,921 --> 00:02:26,392
Yeah, new parents like us
have to stick together.
54
00:02:26,459 --> 00:02:27,929
(chuckles) Yes, we do.
55
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Because we're very young.
56
00:02:29,666 --> 00:02:31,002
Great. Can we get your number?
57
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,705
Sure. We're Lakeside 4‐7...
58
00:02:32,772 --> 00:02:35,477
He's kidding.
We'll hit you with the digits.
59
00:02:35,545 --> 00:02:37,014
Great.
60
00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:39,485
Oh, my God, Peter,
did you hear that?
61
00:02:39,553 --> 00:02:41,590
What? I'm chewing celery.
I can't hear anything.
62
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They think Stewie's our first.
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Ah! They think we're young.
64
00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:47,836
- You're hurting me.
- This is our chance.
65
00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:49,405
Our chance to break away
66
00:02:49,471 --> 00:02:51,510
from the Joes and Bonnies
of the world.
67
00:02:51,577 --> 00:02:53,714
Our chance to finally
make cool friends.
68
00:02:53,781 --> 00:02:55,126
Well, I don't know what
you're saying, Lois,
69
00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:58,022
but that horse
is the dumbest horse
70
00:02:58,089 --> 00:03:00,293
I have ever seen in my life.
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00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,730
MAN:
It hurt to hear,
72
00:03:01,797 --> 00:03:05,403
but deep down,
I respected him for saying it.
73
00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:07,709
Finally someone
had told me the truth.
74
00:03:07,775 --> 00:03:11,482
And that boy grew up to have a
multiplatinum recording career.
75
00:03:11,550 --> 00:03:13,621
Hi, I'm Richard Marx,
76
00:03:13,687 --> 00:03:16,025
and I suck
at making clay horses,
77
00:03:16,092 --> 00:03:18,931
but ask your wife if she cares.
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00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:21,536
♪ Wherever you go ♪
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00:03:21,603 --> 00:03:23,974
♪ Whatever you do ♪
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00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:27,080
♪ I will be right here ♪
81
00:03:27,147 --> 00:03:29,986
♪ Waiting for you. ♪
82
00:03:35,932 --> 00:03:37,669
(phone vibrates)
83
00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:40,373
(gasps) Oh, my God,
it's from Matt and Kate
84
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,440
on that text chain.
Uh,
85
00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:45,785
"Heading out for 'ritas downtown
with the other young parents.
86
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,421
Meet in 15?"
87
00:03:47,487 --> 00:03:49,559
Oh, Peter, we have to go!
88
00:03:49,626 --> 00:03:50,962
Now?
89
00:03:55,972 --> 00:03:57,040
Peter, look.
90
00:03:57,107 --> 00:03:59,111
The menu doesn't
have dollar signs.
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00:03:59,178 --> 00:04:01,415
It just has a number
and a period.
92
00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:03,319
Ah!
I feel like I'm in Brooklyn!
93
00:04:03,386 --> 00:04:05,791
Damn it, all the employees
are wearing regular clothes,
94
00:04:05,858 --> 00:04:08,062
so it's impossible
to ask anybody for help.
95
00:04:13,106 --> 00:04:14,709
MATT:
Griffins.
96
00:04:15,544 --> 00:04:17,615
Uh, you want to sit at
the high‐seat low‐table,
97
00:04:17,682 --> 00:04:19,051
or the low‐seat high‐table?
98
00:04:19,118 --> 00:04:21,422
(indistinct chatter)
99
00:04:21,489 --> 00:04:23,226
How about those
four old barber chairs
100
00:04:23,292 --> 00:04:26,165
around the operating tables
from the state insane asylum?
101
00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:27,902
Ah, isn't this place great?
102
00:04:27,969 --> 00:04:28,971
Amazing.
103
00:04:29,038 --> 00:04:31,175
Hi, my name is Isaac.
I'll be your server.
104
00:04:31,242 --> 00:04:32,578
Have you all eaten
with us before?
105
00:04:32,645 --> 00:04:34,716
No, but I get
how restaurants work.
106
00:04:34,783 --> 00:04:36,887
Now, what can I get
for you, hon?
107
00:04:39,926 --> 00:04:41,596
Well, this is us.
108
00:04:41,663 --> 00:04:43,767
Boy, I almost
don't want this night to end.
109
00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:45,871
- Me either.
- Well, I got an idea.
110
00:04:45,938 --> 00:04:48,476
You mind if I use your bathroom
to do number two?
111
00:04:48,544 --> 00:04:51,716
Wow, your place is amazing.
112
00:04:51,783 --> 00:04:55,156
A pool, a spa, and all
the lights are on dimmers.
113
00:04:55,223 --> 00:04:57,528
And a digital thermostat.
114
00:04:57,595 --> 00:04:59,666
Oh, my God, it's like
we're on a spaceship.
115
00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:02,605
Well, there's an open unit
if you guys are interested.
116
00:05:02,672 --> 00:05:05,043
- (toilet flush)
- Is the toilet a bit better
in that one?
117
00:05:05,110 --> 00:05:06,188
Actually,
it's kind of embarrassing,
118
00:05:06,212 --> 00:05:07,615
but the toilet
in that one is shaped
119
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,118
like a Hungry Hungry Hippo.
120
00:05:18,202 --> 00:05:19,739
I don't know, Peter.
121
00:05:19,806 --> 00:05:22,410
It just doesn't feel
like the responsible thing
122
00:05:22,477 --> 00:05:24,248
to abandon Chris and Meg.
123
00:05:24,314 --> 00:05:27,420
The polka dot top goes with
the white bottoms, too, right?
124
00:05:27,487 --> 00:05:29,526
Oh, definitely.
Very old Hollywood.
125
00:05:29,592 --> 00:05:32,532
Perfect. I mean,
I guess they are teenagers.
126
00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:35,771
- And helicopter parents, right?
- What?
127
00:05:35,838 --> 00:05:37,975
Helicopter parents.
It's something I read.
128
00:05:38,042 --> 00:05:39,679
- Oh.
- Now you say it.
129
00:05:39,746 --> 00:05:41,783
‐Say what?
130
00:05:41,850 --> 00:05:44,789
- Helicopter parents.
- Exactly.
131
00:05:47,427 --> 00:05:50,668
Now, I stocked the freezer with
plenty to eat while we're gone.
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- On the top shelf...
- CHRIS: But all I heard was...
133
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Not pizza.
Not pizza. Not pizza.
134
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And finally, this is calamari.
135
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This is my placenta.
Are you listening?
136
00:06:01,823 --> 00:06:03,492
You're gonna want to watch
where I point.
137
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- Calamari, placenta.
- Who died again?
138
00:06:06,298 --> 00:06:09,438
Meg, listen to the lies.
Nobody died.
139
00:06:09,505 --> 00:06:12,612
An aunt of your father's
or mine is very ill.
140
00:06:12,678 --> 00:06:14,248
And why is Stewie
going with you?
141
00:06:14,314 --> 00:06:15,918
Stewie loved Uncle Grandpa.
142
00:06:15,985 --> 00:06:17,688
Wait, uncle?
I thought you said...
143
00:06:17,755 --> 00:06:19,926
Helicopter parents.
Let's go, Lois.
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Wow, they're really gone.
145
00:06:27,708 --> 00:06:29,679
You know what that means.
146
00:06:29,746 --> 00:06:31,816
BOTH:
We can finally crate Brian!
147
00:06:31,883 --> 00:06:36,025
He tricked us, and we're
still waiting on that lasagna.
148
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:38,029
Chris, that was the trick.
149
00:06:38,095 --> 00:06:39,164
Oh.
150
00:06:39,231 --> 00:06:40,868
He tricked us!
151
00:06:45,376 --> 00:06:47,581
Ah, look, we're in apartment 4G.
152
00:06:47,648 --> 00:06:48,850
Like the iPhone.
153
00:06:48,917 --> 00:06:51,021
That's stupid, Lois.
Don't ever say that again.
154
00:06:51,088 --> 00:06:53,560
Hey, how's everything going
in there?
155
00:06:53,627 --> 00:06:56,131
-Great. We're in apartment 4
-G,
like the iPhone.
156
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:57,802
(chuckles):
That's so twisted.
157
00:06:57,868 --> 00:06:59,572
- Did you make that up?
- Yes.
158
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You guys get settled,
then a few of us are gonna sit
159
00:07:02,010 --> 00:07:04,615
by the firepit and say
"mid‐century modern" a lot,
160
00:07:04,682 --> 00:07:06,151
if you want to join.
161
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:08,456
- They like us.
- This is it, Peter.
162
00:07:08,523 --> 00:07:10,761
We're gonna vape.
We're gonna vape!
163
00:07:10,828 --> 00:07:13,934
It's causing deaths,
but not that many yet.
164
00:07:18,042 --> 00:07:21,983
Ugh, I can't believe I ate
both Tupperwares of calamari.
165
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,054
(belches, groans)
166
00:07:24,121 --> 00:07:25,289
But I'm still hungry.
167
00:07:25,356 --> 00:07:26,726
What do we have left to eat?
168
00:07:26,793 --> 00:07:27,938
I'm not gonna say
we're out of food,
169
00:07:27,962 --> 00:07:31,770
but anything still in
the fridge I have made love to.
170
00:07:31,836 --> 00:07:35,611
Man, this broom‐handle‐poked
tapioca is delicious.
171
00:07:35,677 --> 00:07:37,581
- Chris had sex with that.
- (spits)
172
00:07:37,648 --> 00:07:40,854
- Relax, I didn't finish.
- Oh.
173
00:07:49,705 --> 00:07:51,976
All right, Stewie,
you have a playdate
174
00:07:52,043 --> 00:07:55,049
with Cobain,
Siddhartha and Atticus.
175
00:07:55,116 --> 00:07:58,255
And if anyone asks,
you have plenty of sunscreen on.
176
00:07:58,322 --> 00:08:00,761
- But I don't...
- Bye.
177
00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:03,499
Hey, I'm Cobain.
Want a strawberry Quik?
178
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,671
Sure, I want a strawberry,
but what's the hurry?
179
00:08:05,737 --> 00:08:07,808
-Stewie Griffin, 4
-G,
like the iPhone.
180
00:08:07,875 --> 00:08:10,814
Ha. I like you.
Our deck needed a wild card.
181
00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:12,785
Cobain, now that
you're my best friend,
182
00:08:12,852 --> 00:08:14,187
can I ask you a question?
183
00:08:14,254 --> 00:08:15,691
When is nap time?
184
00:08:15,757 --> 00:08:18,095
Because it's 2:15,
and I'm about to collapse.
185
00:08:18,162 --> 00:08:19,030
Oh, we don't take naps.
186
00:08:19,097 --> 00:08:21,769
No naps?
Well, then, when is bed time?
187
00:08:21,836 --> 00:08:22,638
Whenever.
188
00:08:22,705 --> 00:08:23,940
My God, when do you grow?
189
00:08:24,007 --> 00:08:26,813
- We don't. I'm six.
- You're six?
190
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:29,919
- Why are you so small?
- I only eat tofu and seaweed.
191
00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:33,025
- Nothing in a cage.
- You've never had parakeet?
192
00:08:33,092 --> 00:08:34,160
No.
Have you?
193
00:08:34,227 --> 00:08:37,200
No, but it looks really yummy
in the cartoons.
194
00:08:40,406 --> 00:08:42,878
(indistinct chatter)
195
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,884
All right, Peter, we can't
look like we don't belong,
196
00:08:45,951 --> 00:08:48,924
so when they ask you what
you want to drink, just say
197
00:08:48,990 --> 00:08:53,432
- "Local. Micro. Brew."
- Local. Micro. Brew.
198
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:54,869
Local. Micro. Brew.
199
00:08:54,936 --> 00:08:56,639
Hey, Peter,
what can I get you to drink?
200
00:08:56,706 --> 00:08:58,118
(British accent):
Give us a drop o' sherry, luv.
201
00:08:58,142 --> 00:09:00,088
- Peter!
- (regular accent):
I'm‐I'm sorry. I mean...
202
00:09:00,112 --> 00:09:02,250
Local. Micro. Brew.
203
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,266
Hi, we're Lois and Peter in 4G.
204
00:09:10,333 --> 00:09:11,803
I really like your green pants.
205
00:09:11,869 --> 00:09:14,609
Oh, thanks, I found them
folded neatly on a toilet.
206
00:09:14,675 --> 00:09:17,615
I‐I mean, I...
I only buy pants from companies
207
00:09:17,681 --> 00:09:20,052
that donate the same pair
to a Third World country.
208
00:09:20,119 --> 00:09:23,627
Run home with these expired
military condoms, Ndugu.
209
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,229
Run and make sure they use them.
210
00:09:25,296 --> 00:09:27,601
-("Main Title (Golden Ticket/
-Pure
Imagination)" playing)
211
00:09:33,847 --> 00:09:35,784
‐(music stops) ‐(grunts)
212
00:09:35,851 --> 00:09:38,055
(sucking on teeth
and clicking tongue)
213
00:09:55,423 --> 00:09:56,959
(bicycle bell rings)
214
00:09:57,761 --> 00:09:59,464
I found Mom and Dad.
215
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,134
Wait, what?
Where are they?
216
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,506
Well, first I need to explain
how I found them.
217
00:10:03,573 --> 00:10:05,009
Let me start from the beginning.
218
00:10:05,076 --> 00:10:07,113
You know how I operate
a small Internet company
219
00:10:07,180 --> 00:10:09,384
where I buy and sell
chlorine, right?
220
00:10:09,451 --> 00:10:11,789
‐No. What?
221
00:10:11,856 --> 00:10:15,731
- Chris' Chlorine?
- Chris, I have no idea what...
222
00:10:15,797 --> 00:10:17,433
Chris' Chlorine!
223
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:19,070
Stop just yelling that!
224
00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:21,308
Well, anyway, my guy
at Millennial Village
225
00:10:21,374 --> 00:10:24,949
Luxury Apartments was buying
extra chlorine this week.
226
00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,253
Seems they've been finding
a lot of loose burger meat
227
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,322
in the pool.
228
00:10:28,388 --> 00:10:30,459
And who do we know
that likes to go swimming
229
00:10:30,527 --> 00:10:31,896
with loose burger meat?
230
00:10:31,963 --> 00:10:35,102
- Oh, my God, Dad!
- Bingo.
231
00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:37,206
But more importantly,
are you satisfied
232
00:10:37,273 --> 00:10:39,210
with your
chlorine supplier, Meg?
233
00:10:39,277 --> 00:10:41,114
Do you realize that
most people don't have
234
00:10:41,181 --> 00:10:43,887
a personal relationship
with their chlorine dealer?
235
00:10:43,953 --> 00:10:45,824
How crazy is that?
236
00:10:45,891 --> 00:10:47,336
Chris, we got to go
to that apartment building
237
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,097
- and bust Mom and Dad.
- (phone ringing)
238
00:10:49,164 --> 00:10:51,869
I'm on board, Meg, just
got to take this call first.
239
00:10:51,936 --> 00:10:55,075
Christopher's Catamarans.
Been running a side business.
240
00:10:55,142 --> 00:10:56,411
Hello?
241
00:10:56,478 --> 00:10:57,514
Aw, wrong number.
242
00:10:57,581 --> 00:10:58,883
Anyway, Meg, are you happy
243
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,087
with your catamaran supplier?
244
00:11:03,258 --> 00:11:06,331
Shouldn't we be confronting
our parents right now?
245
00:11:06,398 --> 00:11:09,872
I know, it's so crazy
how they moved out of the house.
246
00:11:09,939 --> 00:11:11,909
But you know
what's really crazy?
247
00:11:11,976 --> 00:11:14,982
Paying big showroom
prices for catamarans.
248
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,988
Meg, do you want to pay for
someone else's brick and mortar?
249
00:11:18,055 --> 00:11:20,326
Or do you want to pay
for your own fun
250
00:11:20,392 --> 00:11:21,996
and freedom on the waves?
251
00:11:22,063 --> 00:11:24,176
- I really think that
we should be getting back.
- (phone ringing)
252
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,006
Hang on, hang on.
I got to get this call.
253
00:11:27,073 --> 00:11:28,910
Randy's
Screen and Window Supply.
254
00:11:28,977 --> 00:11:30,547
That's not
another one of my businesses.
255
00:11:30,614 --> 00:11:32,116
I run an answering service.
256
00:11:32,183 --> 00:11:34,153
Although I'd be remiss
if I didn't mention
257
00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:37,460
that I am dying to get into
the screen and window business.
258
00:11:37,527 --> 00:11:39,030
If you have an in, Meg,
259
00:11:39,097 --> 00:11:41,268
just anyone in the window game
I could take to coffee,
260
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,472
you know, and just pick
their brains about win...
261
00:11:43,539 --> 00:11:45,911
No, Chris.
I'm sorry, I don't.
262
00:11:45,977 --> 00:11:48,516
Yeah, no, it's cool.
Sorry. I'm still here.
263
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:51,187
(phone rings)
264
00:11:51,254 --> 00:11:54,828
Windows and Screens Unlimited,
we beat any price.
265
00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:01,207
So, Griffins,
266
00:12:01,274 --> 00:12:04,848
what do you think
of our little oasis in Quahog?
267
00:12:04,915 --> 00:12:06,115
I like it, but I can't believe
268
00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:07,955
we're all going to college
next year.
269
00:12:08,021 --> 00:12:09,157
Peter, that's too young.
270
00:12:09,223 --> 00:12:11,227
I mean, have you gotten
a reverse mortgage
271
00:12:11,294 --> 00:12:13,866
- like Joe Namath suggests?
- Too old.
272
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:16,104
KATE:
Hey, gang, there's
a new couple moving in.
273
00:12:16,171 --> 00:12:18,509
Look at that, Lois.
We're no longer the new couple.
274
00:12:18,576 --> 00:12:20,145
The heat is off.
275
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,888
- Oh, my God.
- I know.
276
00:12:24,955 --> 00:12:26,715
That's the guy
from the catamaran commercial.
277
00:12:32,203 --> 00:12:35,342
So, you two just
moved to the complex?
278
00:12:35,409 --> 00:12:37,881
What did you say
your names were again?
279
00:12:37,948 --> 00:12:40,219
I'm Dylan
and this is my wife, Dylan.
280
00:12:40,285 --> 00:12:43,358
Oh... same name couple.
That's the dream.
281
00:12:43,425 --> 00:12:46,164
I have an idea, why don't
we all play a board game?
282
00:12:46,231 --> 00:12:47,366
Great idea.
283
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,707
Have you guys ever played
The Wrath of the Star Eclipse:
284
00:12:50,774 --> 00:12:53,111
Empire:
Twilight of Destruction?
285
00:12:53,178 --> 00:12:55,950
Wh‐What is that? Is that...
is that like Sorry!?
286
00:12:56,017 --> 00:12:59,023
Um, does Sorry!
have a 900‐sided die
287
00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:01,061
and its own language of rules?
288
00:13:01,127 --> 00:13:02,531
Oh, we love that game.
289
00:13:02,597 --> 00:13:05,102
Yeah, that sounds like fun.
290
00:13:05,169 --> 00:13:07,908
Why don't you guys set it up,
and we'll get our new friends
291
00:13:07,974 --> 00:13:09,410
drinks from the kitchen, huh?
292
00:13:09,477 --> 00:13:12,116
What the hell do you guys
think you're doing?
293
00:13:12,183 --> 00:13:14,955
I could ask you
the same question, and I shall.
294
00:13:15,022 --> 00:13:17,226
What the hell do you guys
think you're doing?!
295
00:13:17,293 --> 00:13:18,228
I'll tell you what we're doing‐‐
296
00:13:18,295 --> 00:13:20,900
having fun for the first time
in our lives.
297
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,379
And we're not gonna
let you ruin that.
298
00:13:22,403 --> 00:13:25,442
Well, we're gonna expose you
as the old farts you are.
299
00:13:25,510 --> 00:13:27,581
Oh, you're gonna expose us?
300
00:13:27,647 --> 00:13:28,649
Did you hear that, Peter?
301
00:13:28,716 --> 00:13:30,452
Don't care,
long as you don't pan
302
00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,323
no nuggets off me claim.
303
00:13:33,425 --> 00:13:35,195
I went way back.
304
00:13:39,738 --> 00:13:41,575
Okay, Peter, your turn.
305
00:13:41,642 --> 00:13:43,044
Uh...
306
00:13:43,111 --> 00:13:44,691
Why are you looking
at your navigation chart
307
00:13:44,715 --> 00:13:45,995
when we're still
at the beginning
308
00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:47,186
of the first build phase?
309
00:13:47,253 --> 00:13:49,992
You know what I like to do
when I play games?
310
00:13:50,058 --> 00:13:51,996
Ask people when they were born.
311
00:13:52,062 --> 00:13:53,198
Pete, you go first.
312
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,503
Oh, that's an easy question.
19...
313
00:13:55,570 --> 00:13:57,941
(stammering)
314
00:13:58,008 --> 00:14:02,584
Uh, uh, nine... 90.90.11.
315
00:14:02,651 --> 00:14:04,453
I was born on 9/11.
316
00:14:04,521 --> 00:14:06,057
Well, what about you guys?
317
00:14:06,124 --> 00:14:08,128
You seem like
a very happy couple,
318
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:10,265
yet I haven't seen you
even kiss yet.
319
00:14:10,332 --> 00:14:13,004
This is why I said
we should've practiced.
320
00:14:13,071 --> 00:14:14,942
I can't kiss at the moment.
321
00:14:15,008 --> 00:14:17,313
I have raging HPV in my throat.
322
00:14:17,379 --> 00:14:20,219
Compliments of m'lady's Florida sojourn.
323
00:14:20,285 --> 00:14:22,991
What a fun Gen Z time
we're having.
324
00:14:23,058 --> 00:14:24,360
We should take a photo.
325
00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:28,435
Lois, why don't you take a photo
and AirDrop it to us?
326
00:14:30,439 --> 00:14:32,944
Of course, AirDrop.
327
00:14:33,011 --> 00:14:34,313
That's easy.
328
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,186
(gasps)
Oh, whoops.
329
00:14:37,253 --> 00:14:39,056
Dropped my phone.
(chuckles)
330
00:14:39,123 --> 00:14:41,461
Peter, can you help
me pick this up?
331
00:14:42,263 --> 00:14:44,768
What the hell is AirDrop?
Is that Wi‐Fi?
332
00:14:44,835 --> 00:14:47,249
- I think it's a medical term
for a fart.
- Is that the button you hit
333
00:14:47,273 --> 00:14:48,652
- on the plane?
- I never turn it off on a plane.
334
00:14:48,676 --> 00:14:51,247
- How do you ask Siri?
- I think you mean "celery."
335
00:14:51,314 --> 00:14:53,151
- Hey, celery.
- It's definitely Siri.
336
00:14:53,218 --> 00:14:54,664
- Yeah, I'm wrong.
- Peter, we got to get
out of this.
337
00:14:54,688 --> 00:14:56,501
I'll‐I'll just throw up,
everyone will have to leave.
338
00:14:56,525 --> 00:14:59,063
- Can you really do that?
- Yeah, I taught myself
in sixth grade.
339
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:01,301
- I'm gonna do it.
- Okay. Okay. I'm in. I'm in.
340
00:15:03,606 --> 00:15:05,977
(retches)
341
00:15:06,044 --> 00:15:07,514
Aw, gee whiz.
342
00:15:07,580 --> 00:15:10,152
Aw, sorry, guys.
Looks like the party's over.
343
00:15:10,218 --> 00:15:12,356
We'll AirDrop another time.
344
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,003
Ah, Sunday.
345
00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:21,207
Perfect day to dangle
my feet in the pool
346
00:15:21,274 --> 00:15:23,378
with the other heavier wives.
347
00:15:24,213 --> 00:15:27,654
Ah, loose burger meat
on a sunny day.
348
00:15:28,789 --> 00:15:30,660
This is nice, isn't it, Beverly?
349
00:15:30,727 --> 00:15:32,296
Bev? Isn't it?
350
00:15:32,363 --> 00:15:34,066
- Uh‐huh.
- Well, then say it.
351
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:37,239
Uh, you guys, the Dylans
just had the best idea.
352
00:15:37,306 --> 00:15:39,845
What do you say we all
go to Quachella with a Q,
353
00:15:39,911 --> 00:15:42,049
Quahog's three‐day
music festival?
354
00:15:42,116 --> 00:15:44,186
Oh, music festival, huh?
355
00:15:44,253 --> 00:15:46,023
You think the von Trapps'll
stick around
356
00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:47,393
to pick up their award
this time?
357
00:15:47,459 --> 00:15:50,165
I don't know about them,
but they're gonna have holograms
358
00:15:50,232 --> 00:15:53,204
of Tupac and also Nipsey Hussle,
who I'd never heard of
359
00:15:53,271 --> 00:15:55,275
and then was told
to care immensely about.
360
00:15:55,342 --> 00:15:57,312
So, this was the Dylans' idea?
361
00:15:57,379 --> 00:15:59,150
Oh, oh, we can't
take credit for it.
362
00:15:59,216 --> 00:16:00,596
Any young person
would've thought of it.
363
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:03,158
Do I have to wear a tuxedo
like Frank and Sammy
364
00:16:03,224 --> 00:16:05,395
or is that just
for the people on stage?
365
00:16:05,462 --> 00:16:07,466
♪
366
00:16:10,238 --> 00:16:12,677
Hey, Lois, will you snap
a 'gram for us?
367
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,451
So, the‐the button
in the middle?
368
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,089
Yeah, portrait mode.
Slap on a Hudson filter.
369
00:16:19,156 --> 00:16:21,294
The‐the big button?
Peter?!
370
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,433
Lois, please, I'm doing my
Charles in Charge word find.
371
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:27,574
Now, where are those
two Ds for "Buddy"?
372
00:16:35,489 --> 00:16:37,359
♪
373
00:16:38,161 --> 00:16:40,867
They‐they just left?
374
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:42,637
Huh. Thought you kids
didn't take naps.
375
00:16:42,704 --> 00:16:44,875
Now you're all just sleeping
at the bottom of the pool?
376
00:16:44,941 --> 00:16:46,812
Oh, my God!
377
00:16:53,258 --> 00:16:55,530
(quiet chatter)
378
00:16:55,596 --> 00:16:56,665
Guys, we're here.
379
00:16:56,732 --> 00:17:00,171
Yup, there's the local mosquito
and gnat population,
380
00:17:00,238 --> 00:17:02,042
anxiously awaiting my arrival.
381
00:17:02,109 --> 00:17:04,313
(buzzing)
382
00:17:05,616 --> 00:17:08,656
All right, time for
a fallen‐arch, flip‐flop
383
00:17:08,722 --> 00:17:10,593
two‐mile walk to the gate.
384
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,654
Uhp, I got a leaf.
385
00:17:38,014 --> 00:17:39,551
(sighs)
386
00:17:42,289 --> 00:17:44,493
‐(groans) ‐(wind whistles)
387
00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:47,366
(sighs)
388
00:17:52,777 --> 00:17:55,148
Geez, we've been walking
for 20 minutes.
389
00:17:56,250 --> 00:17:58,221
You guys can tap out any time.
390
00:17:58,287 --> 00:18:01,227
I know you both have
searing IPA sun headaches.
391
00:18:01,293 --> 00:18:03,297
There's ibuprofen
in my backpack.
392
00:18:03,364 --> 00:18:06,505
Admit you're old,
and it's yours.
393
00:18:06,571 --> 00:18:08,207
No.
Never.
394
00:18:08,274 --> 00:18:10,478
We're getting close.
I can see the stages.
395
00:18:10,546 --> 00:18:13,484
Oh, there's nothing there.
That's just a mirage.
396
00:18:14,486 --> 00:18:16,490
(faint cheering)
397
00:18:18,896 --> 00:18:21,467
The porta potties
are a mirage, too.
398
00:18:34,026 --> 00:18:36,497
Thanks for waiting, guys.
I really had to go number one.
399
00:18:36,565 --> 00:18:38,434
Oh, my God, what are we doing?
400
00:18:38,502 --> 00:18:40,305
Peter just crapped
in the parking lot.
401
00:18:40,371 --> 00:18:42,409
- We can't do this.
- What's wrong?
402
00:18:42,476 --> 00:18:43,746
Are you guys not super amped?
403
00:18:43,812 --> 00:18:45,883
No!
No, we're old!
404
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,285
We hate this (bleep)!
405
00:18:47,352 --> 00:18:50,559
- W‐Well, this is a surprise.
- Oh, shut up.
406
00:18:50,626 --> 00:18:53,364
And they're only teenagers,
and not cool ones.
407
00:18:53,431 --> 00:18:54,834
If you two idiots
weren't wearing
408
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:58,675
terrible Warby Parker glasses,
you would have seen that.
409
00:18:59,844 --> 00:19:00,679
- Oh, my God!
- (groans)
410
00:19:00,746 --> 00:19:02,950
Look, we're sorry
we lied to you.
411
00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:06,157
We thought it would be fun
to act like young parents again.
412
00:19:06,223 --> 00:19:08,529
But you don't have kids
to have fun.
413
00:19:08,595 --> 00:19:10,766
You have kids
to use as an excuse
414
00:19:10,833 --> 00:19:12,235
to never leave the house.
415
00:19:12,302 --> 00:19:14,741
Can you guys at least Venmo
us for the tickets?
416
00:19:14,808 --> 00:19:17,713
I don't know what that is!
417
00:19:17,780 --> 00:19:20,218
And that's okay.
Ha.
418
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:21,721
Chris, give us the ibuprofen
419
00:19:21,788 --> 00:19:23,992
and text the driver
to pick us up here.
420
00:19:24,059 --> 00:19:26,463
I don't know how to do it.
421
00:19:26,531 --> 00:19:28,434
Are we done?
Thank God.
422
00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:31,440
I'm gonna go get a water
at that 7‐Eleven over there.
423
00:19:33,110 --> 00:19:34,581
(entry bell chimes)
424
00:19:43,064 --> 00:19:45,001
Ugh, I ruined my pants.
425
00:19:48,909 --> 00:19:50,579
Circle of life.
426
00:19:51,413 --> 00:19:52,650
(entry bell chimes)
427
00:19:56,490 --> 00:19:58,494
I hated every minute of this.
428
00:20:03,972 --> 00:20:07,345
Well, we had quite an adventure,
but I think we learned
429
00:20:07,412 --> 00:20:09,817
a valuable lesson.
Isn't that right, Chris?
430
00:20:09,884 --> 00:20:11,655
I don't know.
I'd love to stay and talk,
431
00:20:11,721 --> 00:20:14,694
but I've got a catamaran client
I got to check on.
432
00:20:16,865 --> 00:20:17,865
(gasps)
433
00:20:18,702 --> 00:20:21,373
- Uh, what's going on?
- Sorry, Chris.
434
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,912
There's a hungry new player
in the catamaran game.
435
00:20:23,979 --> 00:20:27,753
While you were at Quachella,
I was building relationships.
436
00:20:27,820 --> 00:20:30,091
That's all the catamaran
business is, Chris‐‐
437
00:20:30,158 --> 00:20:32,262
relationships.
438
00:20:32,329 --> 00:20:35,869
CHRIS:
Losing my best client like that
was a real epiphany for me,
439
00:20:35,936 --> 00:20:39,443
and I knew immediately
that I had two choices:
440
00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:43,184
I could give up or I could
sneak into a Ramada Inn
441
00:20:43,250 --> 00:20:45,488
and wander up
to an unguarded podium.
442
00:20:45,556 --> 00:20:47,492
I chose the latter.
443
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,899
And it has made
all the difference!
444
00:20:50,966 --> 00:20:53,739
("Glory Days"
by Bruce Springsteen plays)
445
00:20:54,941 --> 00:20:56,143
♪ Yeah ♪
446
00:20:56,210 --> 00:20:58,815
♪ Come on ♪
447
00:20:58,882 --> 00:20:59,884
♪ Whoo! ♪