1
00:00:02,394 --> 00:00:04,652
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,730 --> 00:00:07,731
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:11,418
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,495 --> 00:00:14,421
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,498 --> 00:00:18,091
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
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♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:22,913
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,915 --> 00:00:24,189
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:29,987
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:37,279 --> 00:00:38,353
Well, here we are.
11
00:00:38,688 --> 00:00:40,855
Oh, and if you hear the guys
call me "Poopy Thumb,"
12
00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:42,190
i-it's just a fun nickname,
13
00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:43,767
it's not something
that actually happened.
14
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Hey, Poopy Thumb.
15
00:00:45,695 --> 00:00:48,288
It was Gulden's Spicy Brown
Mustard from my sandwich.
16
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How many times
do I have to say it?!
17
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(chuckles): Okay.
18
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No need to relitigate
what four of our peers saw.
19
00:00:53,946 --> 00:00:55,387
Hi, everyone.
20
00:00:55,464 --> 00:00:57,705
I'm your children's teacher,
Miss Laura,
21
00:00:57,783 --> 00:01:00,467
and like pretty much everyone
in America right now,
22
00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:05,122
I'm very high
on legalized edible pot.
23
00:01:05,124 --> 00:01:08,308
Ha-ha. (inhales sharply)
24
00:01:08,385 --> 00:01:13,313
It's crazy how much
your kids look like you.
25
00:01:13,390 --> 00:01:14,722
Wha....
26
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,483
Peter, pay attention.
27
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Sorry, I was having
a Fast Times daydream
28
00:01:18,971 --> 00:01:20,804
about that tank top mom.
29
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Yeah, that's disgusting.
30
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How would you like it
if she did that to you?
31
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("Moving In Stereo"
by The Cars plays)
32
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PETER:
I chocked on water
33
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and had to get mouth-to-mouth
from a guy.
34
00:01:42,845 --> 00:01:44,678
Five, four,
35
00:01:44,754 --> 00:01:47,755
three, two, one...
36
00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:49,090
Yay!
37
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All right, that's officially
38
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the latest any of us
have ever been up.
39
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-(yawns)
-Oh-ho!
40
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A little tired, Stewie?
41
00:01:56,508 --> 00:01:58,766
No. I just yawned
because somebody else yawned.
42
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I could do this all night.
You tired?
43
00:02:00,512 --> 00:02:02,621
Oh, no. At home,
they call me the night...
44
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,748
(all snoring)
45
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,186
Is Garrick Utley alive?
46
00:02:09,188 --> 00:02:11,296
I... (sighs)
I don't know, Peter.
47
00:02:11,373 --> 00:02:13,357
Hey, I've been meaning
to ask you all night--
48
00:02:13,359 --> 00:02:16,543
those vintage pants are amazing,
where did you get them?
49
00:02:16,545 --> 00:02:19,171
Oh, they were folded neatly
on a toilet in the gas station.
50
00:02:19,247 --> 00:02:20,806
Hey, you know,
we're starting a text chain
51
00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:22,532
with some of
the other young parents.
52
00:02:22,534 --> 00:02:23,475
Young parents?
53
00:02:23,869 --> 00:02:26,219
Yeah, new parents like us
have to stick together.
54
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(chuckles) Yes, we do.
55
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Because we're very young.
56
00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:30,874
Great. Can we get your number?
57
00:02:30,876 --> 00:02:32,726
Sure. We're Lakeside 4-7...
58
00:02:32,802 --> 00:02:35,303
He's kidding.
We'll hit you with the digits.
59
00:02:35,381 --> 00:02:36,880
Great.
60
00:02:36,882 --> 00:02:39,383
Oh, my God, Peter,
did you hear that?
61
00:02:39,385 --> 00:02:41,326
What? I'm chewing celery.
I can't hear anything.
62
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They think Stewie's our first.
63
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Ah! They think we're young.
64
00:02:45,391 --> 00:02:47,649
-You're hurting me.
-This is our chance.
65
00:02:47,726 --> 00:02:49,226
Our chance to break away
66
00:02:49,228 --> 00:02:51,395
from the Joes and Bonnies
of the world.
67
00:02:51,397 --> 00:02:53,488
Our chance to finally
make cool friends.
68
00:02:53,565 --> 00:02:54,898
Well, I don't know what
you're saying, Lois,
69
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:57,751
but that horse
is the dumbest horse
70
00:02:57,827 --> 00:03:00,012
I have ever seen in my life.
71
00:03:00,088 --> 00:03:01,588
MAN:
It hurt to hear,
72
00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:05,425
but deep down,
I respected him for saying it.
73
00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:07,577
Finally someone
had told me the truth.
74
00:03:07,579 --> 00:03:11,264
And that boy grew up to have a
multiplatinum recording career.
75
00:03:11,341 --> 00:03:13,358
Hi, I'm Richard Marx,
76
00:03:13,435 --> 00:03:15,843
and I suck
at making clay horses,
77
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but ask your wife if she cares.
78
00:03:18,757 --> 00:03:21,366
♪ Wherever you go ♪
79
00:03:21,443 --> 00:03:23,702
♪ Whatever you do ♪
80
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♪ I will be right here ♪
81
00:03:26,932 --> 00:03:29,666
♪ Waiting for you. ♪
82
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(phone vibrates)
83
00:03:38,293 --> 00:03:39,867
(gasps) Oh, my God,
it's from Matt and Kate
84
00:03:39,945 --> 00:03:41,053
on that text chain.
Uh,
85
00:03:41,463 --> 00:03:45,615
"Heading out for 'ritas downtown
with the other young parents.
86
00:03:45,617 --> 00:03:47,208
Meet in 15?"
87
00:03:47,210 --> 00:03:49,228
Oh, Peter, we have to go!
88
00:03:49,304 --> 00:03:50,604
Now?
89
00:03:55,644 --> 00:03:56,735
Peter, look.
90
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,812
The menu doesn't
have dollar signs.
91
00:03:58,888 --> 00:04:01,222
It just has a number
and a period.
92
00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,133
Ah!
I feel like I'm in Brooklyn!
93
00:04:03,135 --> 00:04:05,635
Damn it, all the employees
are wearing regular clothes,
94
00:04:05,637 --> 00:04:07,746
so it's impossible
to ask anybody for help.
95
00:04:12,828 --> 00:04:14,235
MATT:
Griffins.
96
00:04:15,314 --> 00:04:17,330
Uh, you want to sit at
the high-seat low-table,
97
00:04:17,407 --> 00:04:18,757
or the low-seat high-table?
98
00:04:18,834 --> 00:04:21,167
(indistinct chatter)
99
00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:23,095
How about those
four old barber chairs
100
00:04:23,171 --> 00:04:25,913
around the operating tables
from the state insane asylum?
101
00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:27,507
Ah, isn't this place great?
102
00:04:27,509 --> 00:04:28,675
Amazing.
103
00:04:28,752 --> 00:04:30,936
Hi, my name is Isaac.
I'll be your server.
104
00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:32,271
Have you all eaten
with us before?
105
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,439
No, but I get
how restaurants work.
106
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,525
Now, what can I get
for you, hon?
107
00:04:39,596 --> 00:04:41,280
Well, this is us.
108
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:43,673
Boy, I almost
don't want this night to end.
109
00:04:43,675 --> 00:04:45,525
-Me either.
-Well, I got an idea.
110
00:04:45,602 --> 00:04:48,120
You mind if I use your bathroom
to do number two?
111
00:04:48,196 --> 00:04:51,456
Wow, your place is amazing.
112
00:04:51,533 --> 00:04:54,851
A pool, a spa, and all
the lights are on dimmers.
113
00:04:54,853 --> 00:04:57,129
And a digital thermostat.
114
00:04:57,205 --> 00:04:59,372
Oh, my God, it's like
we're on a spaceship.
115
00:04:59,449 --> 00:05:02,359
Well, there's an open unit
if you guys are interested.
116
00:05:02,361 --> 00:05:04,786
-(toilet flush)
-Is the toilet a bit better
in that one?
117
00:05:04,863 --> 00:05:05,804
Actually,
it's kind of embarrassing,
118
00:05:05,881 --> 00:05:07,306
but the toilet
in that one is shaped
119
00:05:07,382 --> 00:05:08,765
like a Hungry Hungry Hippo.
120
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,392
I don't know, Peter.
121
00:05:19,469 --> 00:05:22,062
It just doesn't feel
like the responsible thing
122
00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:23,897
to abandon Chris and Meg.
123
00:05:23,973 --> 00:05:27,067
The polka dot top goes with
the white bottoms, too, right?
124
00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:29,219
Oh, definitely.
Very old Hollywood.
125
00:05:29,221 --> 00:05:32,222
Perfect. I mean,
I guess they are teenagers.
126
00:05:32,224 --> 00:05:35,408
-And helicopter parents, right?
-What?
127
00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:37,693
Helicopter parents.
It's something I read.
128
00:05:37,695 --> 00:05:39,320
-Oh.
-Now you say it.
129
00:05:39,398 --> 00:05:41,414
-Say what?
-Helicopter parents.
130
00:05:41,491 --> 00:05:44,343
-Helicopter parents.
-Exactly.
131
00:05:47,330 --> 00:05:50,423
Now, I stocked the freezer with
plenty to eat while we're gone.
132
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-On the top shelf...
-CHRIS: But all I heard was...
133
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Not pizza.
Not pizza. Not pizza.
134
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And finally, this is calamari.
135
00:05:59,175 --> 00:06:01,360
This is my placenta.
Are you listening?
136
00:06:01,436 --> 00:06:03,253
You're gonna want to watch
where I point.
137
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-Calamari, placenta.
-Who died again?
138
00:06:05,924 --> 00:06:09,034
Meg, listen to the lies.
Nobody died.
139
00:06:09,111 --> 00:06:12,204
An aunt of your father's
or mine is very ill.
140
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,930
And why is Stewie
going with you?
141
00:06:13,932 --> 00:06:15,599
Stewie loved Uncle Grandpa.
142
00:06:15,601 --> 00:06:17,283
Wait, uncle?
I thought you said...
143
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,461
Helicopter parents.
Let's go, Lois.
144
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Wow, they're really gone.
145
00:06:27,446 --> 00:06:29,221
You know what that means.
146
00:06:29,297 --> 00:06:31,556
BOTH:
We can finally crate Brian!
147
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:35,635
He tricked us, and we're
still waiting on that lasagna.
148
00:06:35,712 --> 00:06:37,562
Chris, that was the trick.
149
00:06:37,639 --> 00:06:38,730
Oh.
150
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,399
He tricked us!
151
00:06:44,963 --> 00:06:47,147
Ah, look, we're in apartment 4G.
152
00:06:47,223 --> 00:06:48,465
Like the iPhone.
153
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:50,634
That's stupid, Lois.
Don't ever say that again.
154
00:06:50,636 --> 00:06:53,078
Hey, how's everything going
in there?
155
00:06:53,155 --> 00:06:55,730
Great. We're in apartment 4G,
like the iPhone.
156
00:06:55,807 --> 00:06:57,323
(chuckles):
That's so twisted.
157
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,084
-Did you make that up?
-Yes.
158
00:06:59,161 --> 00:07:01,569
You guys get settled,
then a few of us are gonna sit
159
00:07:01,647 --> 00:07:04,238
by the firepit and say
"mid-century modern" a lot,
160
00:07:04,316 --> 00:07:05,757
if you want to join.
161
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,093
-They like us.
-This is it, Peter.
162
00:07:08,170 --> 00:07:10,336
We're gonna vape.
We're gonna vape!
163
00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:13,432
It's causing deaths,
but not that many yet.
164
00:07:17,663 --> 00:07:21,589
Ugh, I can't believe I ate
both Tupperwares of calamari.
165
00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:23,667
(belches, groans)
166
00:07:23,669 --> 00:07:24,851
But I'm still hungry.
167
00:07:24,928 --> 00:07:26,019
What do we have left to eat?
168
00:07:26,021 --> 00:07:27,504
I'm not gonna say
we're out of food,
169
00:07:27,506 --> 00:07:31,283
but anything still in
the fridge I have made love to.
170
00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:35,120
Man, this broom-handle-poked
tapioca is delicious.
171
00:07:35,197 --> 00:07:37,197
-Chris had sex with that.
-(spits)
172
00:07:37,273 --> 00:07:40,292
-Relax, I didn't finish.
-Oh.
173
00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:51,528
All right, Stewie,
you have a playdate
174
00:07:51,530 --> 00:07:54,547
with Cobain,
Siddhartha and Atticus.
175
00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:57,717
And if anyone asks,
you have plenty of sunscreen on.
176
00:07:57,794 --> 00:08:00,220
-But I don't...
-Bye.
177
00:08:00,296 --> 00:08:03,056
Hey, I'm Cobain.
Want a strawberry Quik?
178
00:08:03,132 --> 00:08:05,225
Sure, I want a strawberry,
but what's the hurry?
179
00:08:05,301 --> 00:08:07,319
Stewie Griffin, 4G,
like the iPhone.
180
00:08:07,395 --> 00:08:10,322
Ha. I like you.
Our deck needed a wild card.
181
00:08:10,398 --> 00:08:12,382
Cobain, now that
you're my best friend,
182
00:08:12,384 --> 00:08:13,733
can I ask you a question?
183
00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:15,160
When is nap time?
184
00:08:15,237 --> 00:08:17,662
Because it's 2:15,
and I'm about to collapse.
185
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:18,813
Oh, we don't take naps.
186
00:08:18,815 --> 00:08:21,315
No naps?
Well, then, when is bed time?
187
00:08:21,393 --> 00:08:22,149
Whenever.
188
00:08:22,227 --> 00:08:23,484
My God, when do you grow?
189
00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:26,563
-We don't. I'm six.
-You're six?
190
00:08:26,565 --> 00:08:29,415
-Why are you so small?
-I only eat tofu and seaweed.
191
00:08:29,492 --> 00:08:32,402
-Nothing in a cage.
-You've never had parakeet?
192
00:08:32,404 --> 00:08:33,661
No.
Have you?
193
00:08:33,739 --> 00:08:36,598
No, but it looks really yummy
in the cartoons.
194
00:08:39,911 --> 00:08:42,336
(indistinct chatter)
195
00:08:43,339 --> 00:08:45,415
All right, Peter, we can't
look like we don't belong,
196
00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:48,418
so when they ask you what
you want to drink, just say
197
00:08:48,420 --> 00:08:52,922
-"Local. Micro. Brew."
-Local. Micro. Brew.
198
00:08:52,924 --> 00:08:54,382
Local. Micro. Brew.
199
00:08:54,459 --> 00:08:56,034
Hey, Peter,
what can I get you to drink?
200
00:08:56,111 --> 00:08:57,518
(British accent):
Give us a drop o' sherry, luv.
201
00:08:57,596 --> 00:08:59,596
-Peter!
-(regular accent):
I'm-I'm sorry. I mean...
202
00:08:59,598 --> 00:09:01,665
Local. Micro. Brew.
203
00:09:06,938 --> 00:09:09,714
Hi, we're Lois and Peter in 4G.
204
00:09:09,791 --> 00:09:11,457
I really like your green pants.
205
00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:14,052
Oh, thanks, I found them
folded neatly on a toilet.
206
00:09:14,129 --> 00:09:17,055
I-I mean, I...
I only buy pants from companies
207
00:09:17,132 --> 00:09:19,707
that donate the same pair
to a Third World country.
208
00:09:19,785 --> 00:09:23,136
Run home with these expired
military condoms, Ndugu.
209
00:09:23,212 --> 00:09:24,712
Run and make sure they use them.
210
00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:26,982
("Main Title (Golden Ticket/Pure
Imagination)" playing)
211
00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:35,222
-(music stops)
-(grunts)
212
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,409
(sucking on teeth
and clicking tongue)
213
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,261
(bicycle bell rings)
214
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,838
I found Mom and Dad.
215
00:09:58,915 --> 00:10:00,673
Wait, what?
Where are they?
216
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:02,917
Well, first I need to explain
how I found them.
217
00:10:02,994 --> 00:10:04,510
Let me start from the beginning.
218
00:10:04,587 --> 00:10:06,438
You know how I operate
a small Internet company
219
00:10:06,514 --> 00:10:08,756
where I buy and sell
chlorine, right?
220
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:11,109
-No. What?
-Chris' Chlorine?
221
00:10:11,186 --> 00:10:15,096
-Chris' Chlorine?
-Chris, I have no idea what...
222
00:10:15,173 --> 00:10:16,840
Chris' Chlorine!
223
00:10:16,842 --> 00:10:18,432
Stop just yelling that!
224
00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:20,693
Well, anyway, my guy
at Millennial Village
225
00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:24,347
Luxury Apartments was buying
extra chlorine this week.
226
00:10:24,349 --> 00:10:26,458
Seems they've been finding
a lot of loose burger meat
227
00:10:26,534 --> 00:10:27,684
in the pool.
228
00:10:27,686 --> 00:10:29,853
And who do we know
that likes to go swimming
229
00:10:29,855 --> 00:10:31,204
with loose burger meat?
230
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,524
-Oh, my God, Dad!
-Bingo.
231
00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:36,468
But more importantly,
are you satisfied
232
00:10:36,544 --> 00:10:38,470
with your
chlorine supplier, Meg?
233
00:10:38,546 --> 00:10:40,530
Do you realize that
most people don't have
234
00:10:40,532 --> 00:10:43,141
a personal relationship
with their chlorine dealer?
235
00:10:43,218 --> 00:10:45,143
How crazy is that?
236
00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:46,552
Chris, we got to go
to that apartment building
237
00:10:46,629 --> 00:10:48,388
-and bust Mom and Dad.
-(phone ringing)
238
00:10:48,464 --> 00:10:51,149
I'm on board, Meg, just
got to take this call first.
239
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:54,394
Christopher's Catamarans.
Been running a side business.
240
00:10:54,396 --> 00:10:55,654
Hello?
241
00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:56,804
Aw, wrong number.
242
00:10:56,882 --> 00:10:58,214
Anyway, Meg, are you happy
243
00:10:58,216 --> 00:11:00,325
with your catamaran supplier?
244
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:05,738
Shouldn't we be confronting
our parents right now?
245
00:11:05,815 --> 00:11:09,225
I know, it's so crazy
how they moved out of the house.
246
00:11:09,227 --> 00:11:11,169
But you know
what's really crazy?
247
00:11:11,246 --> 00:11:14,488
Paying big showroom
prices for catamarans.
248
00:11:14,566 --> 00:11:17,324
Meg, do you want to pay for
someone else's brick and mortar?
249
00:11:17,326 --> 00:11:19,585
Or do you want to pay
for your own fun
250
00:11:19,662 --> 00:11:21,254
and freedom on the waves?
251
00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:23,497
-I really think that
we should be getting back.
-(phone ringing)
252
00:11:23,499 --> 00:11:26,351
Hang on, hang on.
I got to get this call.
253
00:11:26,428 --> 00:11:28,244
Randy's
Screen and Window Supply.
254
00:11:28,246 --> 00:11:29,762
That's not
another one of my businesses.
255
00:11:29,839 --> 00:11:31,356
I run an answering service.
256
00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:33,358
Although I'd be remiss
if I didn't mention
257
00:11:33,435 --> 00:11:36,753
that I am dying to get into
the screen and window business.
258
00:11:36,755 --> 00:11:38,345
If you have an in, Meg,
259
00:11:38,423 --> 00:11:40,590
just anyone in the window game
I could take to coffee,
260
00:11:40,592 --> 00:11:42,926
you know, and just pick
their brains about win...
261
00:11:42,928 --> 00:11:45,261
No, Chris.
I'm sorry, I don't.
262
00:11:45,263 --> 00:11:47,706
Yeah, no, it's cool.
Sorry. I'm still here.
263
00:11:47,782 --> 00:11:50,450
(phone rings)
264
00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:53,962
Windows and Screens Unlimited,
we beat any price.
265
00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:00,460
So, Griffins,
266
00:12:00,462 --> 00:12:04,055
what do you think
of our little oasis in Quahog?
267
00:12:04,132 --> 00:12:05,372
I like it,
but I can't believe
268
00:12:05,450 --> 00:12:07,374
we're all going to college
next year.
269
00:12:07,452 --> 00:12:08,542
Peter, that's too young.
270
00:12:08,544 --> 00:12:10,470
I mean, have you gotten
a reverse mortgage
271
00:12:10,546 --> 00:12:13,064
-like Joe Namath suggests?
-Too old.
272
00:12:13,141 --> 00:12:15,400
KATE:
Hey, gang, there's
a new couple moving in.
273
00:12:15,477 --> 00:12:17,736
Look at that, Lois.
We're no longer the new couple.
274
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:19,320
The heat is off.
275
00:12:22,317 --> 00:12:24,242
-Oh, my God.
-I know.
276
00:12:24,319 --> 00:12:25,493
That's the guy
from the catamaran commercial.
277
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,644
So, you two just
moved to the complex?
278
00:12:34,646 --> 00:12:37,238
What did you say
your names were again?
279
00:12:37,315 --> 00:12:39,482
I'm Dylan
and this is my wife, Dylan.
280
00:12:39,484 --> 00:12:42,652
Oh... same name couple.
That's the dream.
281
00:12:42,654 --> 00:12:45,079
I have an idea, why don't
we all play a board game?
282
00:12:45,156 --> 00:12:46,506
Great idea.
283
00:12:46,658 --> 00:12:49,917
Have you guys ever played
The Wrath of the Star Eclipse:
284
00:12:49,995 --> 00:12:52,270
Empire:
Twilight of Destruction?
285
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,164
Wh-What is that? Is that...
is that like Sorry! ?
286
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:58,184
Um, does Sorry!
have a 900-sided die
287
00:12:58,261 --> 00:13:00,186
and its own language
of rules?
288
00:13:00,263 --> 00:13:01,838
Oh, we love that game.
289
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,282
Yeah, that sounds like fun.
290
00:13:04,359 --> 00:13:07,176
Why don't you guys set it up,
and we'll get our new friends
291
00:13:07,178 --> 00:13:08,678
drinks from the kitchen,
huh?
292
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,289
What the hell do you guys
think you're doing?
293
00:13:11,366 --> 00:13:14,275
I could ask you
the same question, and I shall.
294
00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:16,202
What the hell do you guys
think you're doing?!
295
00:13:16,279 --> 00:13:17,444
I'll tell you
what we're doing--
296
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:20,114
having fun for the first time
in our lives.
297
00:13:20,191 --> 00:13:21,541
And we're not gonna
let you ruin that.
298
00:13:21,617 --> 00:13:24,694
Well, we're gonna expose you
as the old farts you are.
299
00:13:24,696 --> 00:13:26,787
Oh, you're gonna expose us?
300
00:13:26,865 --> 00:13:27,864
Did you hear that, Peter?
301
00:13:27,866 --> 00:13:29,732
Don't care,
long as you don't pan
302
00:13:29,734 --> 00:13:31,392
no nuggets off me claim.
303
00:13:32,554 --> 00:13:34,270
I went way back.
304
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,652
Okay, Peter, your turn.
305
00:13:40,728 --> 00:13:42,303
Uh...
306
00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:43,804
Why are you looking
at your navigation chart
307
00:13:43,882 --> 00:13:45,139
when we're still
at the beginning
308
00:13:45,216 --> 00:13:46,399
of the first build phase?
309
00:13:46,475 --> 00:13:49,143
You know what I like to do
when I play games?
310
00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:51,145
Ask people when they were born.
311
00:13:51,222 --> 00:13:52,388
Pete, you go first.
312
00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:54,724
Oh, that's an easy question.
19...
313
00:13:54,726 --> 00:13:57,001
(stammering)
314
00:13:57,078 --> 00:14:01,747
Uh, uh, nine... 90. 90. 11.
315
00:14:01,824 --> 00:14:03,583
I was born on 9/11.
316
00:14:03,659 --> 00:14:05,176
Well, what about you guys?
317
00:14:05,253 --> 00:14:07,403
You seem like
a very happy couple,
318
00:14:07,405 --> 00:14:09,496
yet I haven't seen you
even kiss yet.
319
00:14:09,498 --> 00:14:12,166
This is why I said
we should've practiced.
320
00:14:12,243 --> 00:14:14,018
I can't kiss at the moment.
321
00:14:14,095 --> 00:14:16,429
I have raging HPV in my throat.
322
00:14:16,505 --> 00:14:19,506
Compliments
of m'lady's Florida sojourn.
323
00:14:19,584 --> 00:14:22,101
What a fun Gen Z time
we're having.
324
00:14:22,178 --> 00:14:23,753
We should take a photo.
325
00:14:23,755 --> 00:14:27,490
Lois, why don't you take a photo
and AirDrop it to us?
326
00:14:29,594 --> 00:14:32,095
Of course, AirDrop.
327
00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:33,329
That's easy.
328
00:14:34,690 --> 00:14:36,282
(gasps)
Oh, whoops.
329
00:14:36,359 --> 00:14:38,192
Dropped my phone.
(chuckles)
330
00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:40,361
Peter, can you help
me pick this up?
331
00:14:41,364 --> 00:14:44,031
What the hell is AirDrop?
Is that Wi-Fi?
332
00:14:44,109 --> 00:14:46,217
-I think it's a medical term
for a fart.
-Is that the button you hit
333
00:14:46,294 --> 00:14:47,719
-on the plane?
-I never turn it off on a plane.
334
00:14:47,795 --> 00:14:50,296
-How do you ask Siri?
-I think you mean "celery."
335
00:14:50,373 --> 00:14:52,448
-Hey, celery.
-It's definitely Siri.
336
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:53,799
-Yeah, I'm wrong.
-Peter, we got to get
out of this.
337
00:14:53,876 --> 00:14:55,542
I'll-I'll just throw up,
everyone will have to leave.
338
00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:58,062
-Can you really do that?
-Yeah, I taught myself
in sixth grade.
339
00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,356
-I'm gonna do it.
-Okay. Okay. I'm in. I'm in.
340
00:15:02,718 --> 00:15:05,128
(retches)
341
00:15:05,130 --> 00:15:06,571
Aw, gee whiz.
342
00:15:06,648 --> 00:15:09,298
Aw, sorry, guys.
Looks like the party's over.
343
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:11,367
We'll AirDrop another time.
344
00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:18,141
Ah, Sunday.
345
00:15:18,143 --> 00:15:20,326
Perfect day to dangle
my feet in the pool
346
00:15:20,328 --> 00:15:22,203
with the other heavier wives.
347
00:15:23,314 --> 00:15:26,633
Ah, loose burger meat
on a sunny day.
348
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,743
This is nice, isn't it, Beverly?
349
00:15:29,821 --> 00:15:31,337
Bev? Isn't it?
350
00:15:31,414 --> 00:15:33,264
-Uh-huh.
-Well, then say it.
351
00:15:33,341 --> 00:15:36,267
Uh, you guys, the Dylans
just had the best idea.
352
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,919
What do you say we all
go to Quachella with a Q,
353
00:15:38,997 --> 00:15:41,105
Quahog's three-day
music festival?
354
00:15:41,182 --> 00:15:43,257
Oh, music festival, huh?
355
00:15:43,334 --> 00:15:45,109
You think the von Trapps'll
stick around
356
00:15:45,186 --> 00:15:46,593
to pick up their award
this time?
357
00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:49,338
I don't know about them,
but they're gonna have holograms
358
00:15:49,340 --> 00:15:52,191
of Tupac and also Nipsey Hussle,
who I'd never heard of
359
00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:54,343
and then was told
to care immensely about.
360
00:15:54,345 --> 00:15:56,287
So, this was the Dylans' idea?
361
00:15:56,364 --> 00:15:58,197
Oh, oh, we can't
take credit for it.
362
00:15:58,199 --> 00:15:59,532
Any young person
would've thought of it.
363
00:15:59,608 --> 00:16:02,201
Do I have to wear a tuxedo
like Frank and Sammy
364
00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:04,520
or is that just
for the people on stage?
365
00:16:04,522 --> 00:16:06,464
♪
366
00:16:09,285 --> 00:16:11,636
Hey, Lois, will you snap
a 'gram for us?
367
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,531
So, the-the button
in the middle?
368
00:16:15,533 --> 00:16:18,217
Yeah, portrait mode.
Slap on a Hudson filter.
369
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:20,369
The-the big button?
Peter?!
370
00:16:20,371 --> 00:16:23,464
Lois, please, I'm doing my
Charles in Charge word find.
371
00:16:23,541 --> 00:16:26,526
Now, where are those
two Ds for "Buddy"?
372
00:16:34,477 --> 00:16:36,285
♪
373
00:16:37,146 --> 00:16:39,889
They-they just left?
374
00:16:39,891 --> 00:16:41,648
Huh. Thought you kids
didn't take naps.
375
00:16:41,726 --> 00:16:43,893
Now you're all just sleeping
at the bottom of the pool?
376
00:16:43,895 --> 00:16:45,712
Oh, my God!
377
00:16:52,237 --> 00:16:54,512
(quiet chatter)
378
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,921
Guys, we're here.
379
00:16:55,998 --> 00:16:59,166
Yup, there's the local mosquito
and gnat population,
380
00:16:59,244 --> 00:17:01,019
anxiously awaiting my arrival.
381
00:17:01,095 --> 00:17:03,229
(buzzing)
382
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:07,674
All right, time for
a fallen-arch, flip-flop
383
00:17:07,752 --> 00:17:09,527
two-mile walk to the gate.
384
00:17:21,933 --> 00:17:23,541
Uhp, I got a leaf.
385
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,431
(sighs)
386
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:43,352
-(groans)
-(wind whistles)
387
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,230
(sighs)
388
00:17:51,646 --> 00:17:53,988
Geez, we've been walking
for 20 minutes.
389
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:57,075
You guys can tap out any time.
390
00:17:57,151 --> 00:18:00,152
I know you both have
searing IPA sun headaches.
391
00:18:00,229 --> 00:18:02,305
There's ibuprofen
in my backpack.
392
00:18:02,307 --> 00:18:05,416
Admit you're old,
and it's yours.
393
00:18:05,493 --> 00:18:07,159
No.
Never.
394
00:18:07,161 --> 00:18:09,420
We're getting close.
I can see the stages.
395
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,340
Oh, there's nothing there.
That's just a mirage.
396
00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:15,343
(faint cheering)
397
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:20,306
The porta potties
are a mirage, too.
398
00:18:33,004 --> 00:18:35,354
Thanks for waiting, guys.
I really had to go number one.
399
00:18:35,431 --> 00:18:37,506
Oh, my God, what are we doing?
400
00:18:37,508 --> 00:18:39,117
Peter just crapped
in the parking lot.
401
00:18:39,193 --> 00:18:41,510
-We can't do this.
-What's wrong?
402
00:18:41,512 --> 00:18:42,620
Are you guys not super amped?
403
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,771
No!
No, we're old!
404
00:18:44,849 --> 00:18:46,198
We hate this (bleep)!
405
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,535
-W-Well, this is a surprise.
-Oh, shut up.
406
00:18:49,537 --> 00:18:52,204
And they're only teenagers,
and not cool ones.
407
00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:53,856
If you two idiots
weren't wearing
408
00:18:53,858 --> 00:18:57,426
terrible Warby Parker glasses,
you would have seen that.
409
00:18:58,546 --> 00:18:59,470
-Oh, my God!
-(groans)
410
00:18:59,547 --> 00:19:01,973
Look, we're sorry
we lied to you.
411
00:19:02,049 --> 00:19:05,050
We thought it would be fun
to act like young parents again.
412
00:19:05,127 --> 00:19:07,461
But you don't have kids
to have fun.
413
00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:09,647
You have kids
to use as an excuse
414
00:19:09,724 --> 00:19:11,131
to never leave the house.
415
00:19:11,209 --> 00:19:13,634
Can you guys at least Venmo
us for the tickets?
416
00:19:13,711 --> 00:19:16,562
I don't know what that is!
417
00:19:16,639 --> 00:19:19,064
And that's okay.
Ha.
418
00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:20,566
Chris, give us the ibuprofen
419
00:19:20,643 --> 00:19:22,885
and text the driver
to pick us up here.
420
00:19:22,887 --> 00:19:25,388
I don't know how to do it.
421
00:19:25,390 --> 00:19:27,390
Are we done?
Thank God.
422
00:19:27,392 --> 00:19:30,209
I'm gonna go get a water
at that 7-Eleven over there.
423
00:19:31,913 --> 00:19:33,337
(entry bell chimes)
424
00:19:41,906 --> 00:19:43,764
Ugh, I ruined my pants.
425
00:19:47,745 --> 00:19:49,312
Circle of life.
426
00:19:50,248 --> 00:19:51,397
(entry bell chimes)
427
00:19:55,269 --> 00:19:57,195
I hated every minute of this.
428
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:06,111
Well, we had quite an adventure,
but I think we learned
429
00:20:06,188 --> 00:20:08,689
a valuable lesson.
Isn't that right, Chris?
430
00:20:08,766 --> 00:20:10,449
I don't know.
I'd love to stay and talk,
431
00:20:10,451 --> 00:20:13,377
but I've got a catamaran client
I got to check on.
432
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:16,422
(gasps)
433
00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:20,051
-Uh, what's going on?
-Sorry, Chris.
434
00:20:20,127 --> 00:20:22,628
There's a hungry new player
in the catamaran game.
435
00:20:22,705 --> 00:20:26,465
While you were at Quachella,
I was building relationships.
436
00:20:26,542 --> 00:20:28,801
That's all the catamaran
business is, Chris--
437
00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:30,970
relationships.
438
00:20:31,046 --> 00:20:34,623
CHRIS:
Losing my best client like that
was a real epiphany for me,
439
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:38,218
and I knew immediately
that I had two choices:
440
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:42,055
I could give up or I could
sneak into a Ramada Inn
441
00:20:42,133 --> 00:20:44,149
and wander up
to an unguarded podium.
442
00:20:44,226 --> 00:20:46,151
I chose the latter.
443
00:20:46,228 --> 00:20:49,655
And it has made
all the difference!
444
00:20:49,732 --> 00:20:52,333
("Glory Days"
by Bruce Springsteen plays)
445
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,752
♪ Yeah ♪
446
00:20:54,829 --> 00:20:57,496
♪ Come on ♪
447
00:20:57,573 --> 00:20:58,464
♪ Whoo! ♪