1 00:00:01,533 --> 00:00:04,585 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,652 --> 00:00:08,005 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,056 --> 00:00:11,141 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:12,051 --> 00:00:14,954 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:15,021 --> 00:00:18,891 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,942 --> 00:00:21,744 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,828 --> 00:00:23,345 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,413 --> 00:00:24,780 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,865 --> 00:00:28,686 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:28,711 --> 00:00:32,611 ♪ Family Guy 9x14 ♪ Trading Places Original Air Date on March 20, 2011 11 00:00:32,636 --> 00:00:36,236 -- Sync, corrected by elderman -- 12 00:00:36,326 --> 00:00:39,095 We interrupt this program because I have had 13 00:00:39,162 --> 00:00:41,063 kind of a crap day, 14 00:00:41,131 --> 00:00:42,998 and I know all the station passwords to do it. 15 00:00:43,066 --> 00:00:45,935 So, smell that finger, Quahog! 16 00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:48,304 Ooh, a drunk news report from Tom Tucker. 17 00:00:48,371 --> 00:00:50,639 We haven't had one of those since they cancelled Passions. 18 00:00:50,707 --> 00:00:52,141 This should be good. 19 00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:55,878 Okay, our top story tonight: a local car dealer has announced 20 00:00:55,946 --> 00:00:59,181 a "Hands On A Hard Body" promotion in which 21 00:00:59,249 --> 00:01:02,518 a used dirt bike will be rewar- awarded to the one customer 22 00:01:02,586 --> 00:01:05,821 who can successfully outlast his competitors. 23 00:01:05,889 --> 00:01:09,925 And, and in other news, they're bringing back Passions! 24 00:01:09,993 --> 00:01:11,210 Yes, they are! 25 00:01:11,277 --> 00:01:12,711 Holy crap! A dirt bike! 26 00:01:12,779 --> 00:01:13,762 That's awesome! 27 00:01:13,830 --> 00:01:15,731 Lois, I'm gonna win that thing! 28 00:01:15,799 --> 00:01:17,633 Peter, why would you want a used dirt bike 29 00:01:17,701 --> 00:01:19,335 when you already have a car? 30 00:01:19,402 --> 00:01:21,270 Because this is 1978, Lois, 31 00:01:21,338 --> 00:01:22,771 and dirt bikes have never been hotter. 32 00:01:22,839 --> 00:01:24,456 Besides, I get one of those things, 33 00:01:24,508 --> 00:01:26,292 it's gonna be a buffet of beave. 34 00:01:26,359 --> 00:01:28,227 Mmm, I don't know. Seems stupid to me. 35 00:01:31,498 --> 00:01:33,666 Thanks to all of you for coming out today. 36 00:01:33,733 --> 00:01:35,100 In just a minute, we'll begin 37 00:01:35,168 --> 00:01:37,336 our "Hands On A Hard Body" contest. 38 00:01:37,404 --> 00:01:40,523 And the lucky one of you who can keep his or her hand on 39 00:01:40,590 --> 00:01:42,658 this dirt bike for the longest amount of time 40 00:01:42,726 --> 00:01:44,493 will get to take it home! 41 00:01:44,578 --> 00:01:46,712 Yeah, all right! Yeah! 42 00:01:46,780 --> 00:01:49,582 Okay, everyone who wants to win this dirt bike, 43 00:01:49,649 --> 00:01:52,051 come on up and put a hand on it! 44 00:01:55,589 --> 00:01:57,640 Mr. Pewterschmidt? What are you doin' here? 45 00:01:57,707 --> 00:01:59,341 You want a used dirt bike? 46 00:01:59,426 --> 00:02:02,228 Oh, not at all. But Lois told me how much you wanted it. 47 00:02:02,295 --> 00:02:03,696 So I decided to win it for myself 48 00:02:03,763 --> 00:02:05,481 just so I could destroy it in front of you. 49 00:02:05,549 --> 00:02:07,449 And the clock starts... 50 00:02:07,517 --> 00:02:08,784 now! 51 00:02:08,852 --> 00:02:10,269 How are you gonna destroy a dirt bike? 52 00:02:10,337 --> 00:02:11,670 You can't even open your own aspirin. 53 00:02:11,738 --> 00:02:12,571 With that. 54 00:02:14,574 --> 00:02:16,258 Aw, damn it! 55 00:02:16,326 --> 00:02:19,762 Ooh! Our first hand off the dirt bike! 56 00:02:19,829 --> 00:02:21,847 Huh. I guess you're out, Mr. Pewterschmidt. 57 00:02:21,915 --> 00:02:23,549 Well, I already paid for that thing. 58 00:02:23,617 --> 00:02:25,201 So I'm just gonna stick around 59 00:02:25,268 --> 00:02:26,619 and smash other stuff you like. 60 00:02:28,588 --> 00:02:31,023 Hey, fatass, you like, um... 61 00:02:31,091 --> 00:02:32,374 you like, uh... 62 00:02:32,442 --> 00:02:33,576 this-this bus bench? 63 00:02:33,643 --> 00:02:35,678 Uh, I, it's okay. 64 00:02:35,745 --> 00:02:38,147 All right, that's good enough for me. I'm smashing it! 65 00:03:59,512 --> 00:04:02,214 Ha-ha! You loved that thing. 66 00:04:09,522 --> 00:04:11,590 ♪ ♪ 67 00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,484 Amazing! 68 00:04:22,552 --> 00:04:24,019 Nine hours with no break! 69 00:04:24,087 --> 00:04:26,138 Who's gonna win this thing? 70 00:04:26,206 --> 00:04:28,140 You might as well give up now, Mr. Mayor. 71 00:04:28,208 --> 00:04:29,375 This dirt bike is mine. 72 00:04:29,442 --> 00:04:30,826 Like heck, it is! 73 00:04:32,028 --> 00:04:33,329 Hey, check your phone. 74 00:04:33,396 --> 00:04:34,797 Why? 75 00:04:34,864 --> 00:04:37,199 I just sent you a picture of a kitten in sunglasses. 76 00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:38,934 Well, this I gotta see! 77 00:04:39,002 --> 00:04:40,969 Hello, cool kitty. 78 00:04:41,037 --> 00:04:42,004 Oh...! 79 00:04:42,072 --> 00:04:44,206 And we have a winner! 80 00:04:46,276 --> 00:04:47,710 Aw, darn it. 81 00:04:47,777 --> 00:04:49,712 Well, I guess I'll just disappear 82 00:04:49,779 --> 00:04:52,114 into that field of corn. 83 00:04:55,352 --> 00:04:58,854 Help! I'm lost in corn! 84 00:05:02,242 --> 00:05:04,009 Hey, where's Peter? 85 00:05:04,077 --> 00:05:07,363 I don't know. I haven't heard from him since he left work. 86 00:05:07,447 --> 00:05:09,715 Hope you made extra. I brought a guest. 87 00:05:09,783 --> 00:05:11,583 What the hell?! Who is this?! 88 00:05:11,651 --> 00:05:13,452 This is my dirt bike girlfriend. 89 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:14,486 Amber. 90 00:05:14,554 --> 00:05:15,921 I'm a dirt bike guy now, 91 00:05:15,989 --> 00:05:17,222 so I need a dirt bike girlfriend. 92 00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:18,424 Yes, she has small breasts, 93 00:05:18,491 --> 00:05:20,025 but she makes up for it by smoking. 94 00:05:20,093 --> 00:05:21,093 Peter, she has to leave. 95 00:05:21,161 --> 00:05:22,494 We're havin' dinner. 96 00:05:22,562 --> 00:05:25,064 No, Lois! I will not allow you to look down on Amber 97 00:05:25,131 --> 00:05:27,332 just 'cause she goes to an alternative high school! 98 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,501 There's different ways to measure intelligence 99 00:05:29,569 --> 00:05:31,036 besides someone's grade-point average! 100 00:05:31,104 --> 00:05:33,105 Fact is, she rumpled up some poetry she wrote 101 00:05:33,173 --> 00:05:34,907 and threw it away in a fit, 102 00:05:34,974 --> 00:05:37,242 but I unrumpled it, and it was really good! 103 00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:39,445 Fine. Amber, would you like to have 104 00:05:39,512 --> 00:05:40,946 some dinner with our family? 105 00:05:41,014 --> 00:05:42,247 Nah, I can't. 106 00:05:42,315 --> 00:05:44,950 I got a wicked bruise on the back of my throat. 107 00:05:45,018 --> 00:05:48,387 Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for our national anthem, 108 00:05:48,455 --> 00:05:52,591 performed this afternoon by Peter Griffin and his dirt bike. 109 00:06:17,650 --> 00:06:18,717 There it is, Meg. 110 00:06:18,785 --> 00:06:20,803 What do you say we take it for a spin? 111 00:06:20,870 --> 00:06:21,870 Chris, get off there. 112 00:06:21,938 --> 00:06:23,439 You shouldn't be sitting on that. 113 00:06:23,506 --> 00:06:24,473 Come on. 114 00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:31,814 That's fake. 115 00:06:31,881 --> 00:06:34,116 Come on, Meg, just get on! 116 00:06:45,628 --> 00:06:47,379 Hey, Meg, check it out. 117 00:06:47,446 --> 00:06:49,498 I'm gonna jump that fire hydrant. 118 00:06:49,582 --> 00:06:51,917 Chris, don't! You're gonna wreck Dad's bike! 119 00:06:51,968 --> 00:06:54,470 Too late, I already narrowed my eyes. 120 00:07:03,146 --> 00:07:05,314 Chris, you idiot! Look at what you did! 121 00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:07,766 You mean look what two black teenagers did 122 00:07:07,817 --> 00:07:09,485 when they stole Dad's bike. 123 00:07:12,755 --> 00:07:14,389 What were you kids thinking?! 124 00:07:14,457 --> 00:07:15,791 You could have been killed! 125 00:07:15,859 --> 00:07:18,060 It was Chris' idea. He talked me into it. 126 00:07:18,127 --> 00:07:19,361 Is that right? 127 00:07:19,429 --> 00:07:20,863 So you like taking dirt bikes 128 00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:22,397 that don't belong to you, huh? 129 00:07:22,465 --> 00:07:24,349 Then here, have a whole carton of cigarettes! 130 00:07:24,417 --> 00:07:25,551 W-what?! 131 00:07:25,618 --> 00:07:27,169 Peter, that's not what this is about. 132 00:07:27,237 --> 00:07:28,537 See how you like 'em! 133 00:07:28,605 --> 00:07:30,172 Here, I'll even get you started. 134 00:07:31,858 --> 00:07:33,025 Dad, I don't smoke. 135 00:07:33,092 --> 00:07:34,793 Sure, you don't now. But keep at it. 136 00:07:34,861 --> 00:07:35,794 You'll get the hang of it. 137 00:07:35,862 --> 00:07:37,479 By the end of that pack, 138 00:07:37,547 --> 00:07:39,898 you'll be smoking like a real pro. Like a cool kid. 139 00:07:39,966 --> 00:07:41,049 There, that's it. 140 00:07:41,117 --> 00:07:42,017 Gettin' smoother, isn't it? 141 00:07:42,085 --> 00:07:43,352 Yeah. Oh, yeah! 142 00:07:43,436 --> 00:07:45,637 Wait till you try it after a meal. Delicious! 143 00:07:45,705 --> 00:07:47,356 And after sex? Forget about it. 144 00:07:47,423 --> 00:07:49,825 It's like puttin' your penis to sleep in a feather bed. 145 00:07:49,893 --> 00:07:51,610 I think I may want more cigarettes. 146 00:07:51,678 --> 00:07:52,895 Oh, I'll get you more cigarettes. 147 00:07:52,962 --> 00:07:54,496 But I'm pretty mad about my dirt bike! 148 00:07:54,564 --> 00:07:55,898 Kids, I'm sorry to say this, 149 00:07:55,965 --> 00:07:58,300 but I think the two of you need to be punished. 150 00:07:58,368 --> 00:07:59,735 Look, it was an accident, okay? 151 00:07:59,802 --> 00:08:02,037 I mean, you can always buy another one, right? 152 00:08:02,105 --> 00:08:03,338 Buy another one?! 153 00:08:03,406 --> 00:08:05,173 You know, I don't think you kids appreciate 154 00:08:05,241 --> 00:08:06,575 how hard your father and I work 155 00:08:06,643 --> 00:08:08,110 to provide you with everything we do. 156 00:08:08,177 --> 00:08:11,079 Sometimes you just seem to take us for granted. 157 00:08:11,147 --> 00:08:13,115 You know, it's very difficult bein' a parent. 158 00:08:13,182 --> 00:08:14,550 No, it's not. 159 00:08:14,617 --> 00:08:16,151 You get to do anything you want. 160 00:08:16,219 --> 00:08:17,886 And you get to make all the rules. 161 00:08:17,954 --> 00:08:20,322 Damn right I do, 'cause I make the money! 162 00:08:20,390 --> 00:08:22,791 I'm the big... mamoo around here! 163 00:08:22,859 --> 00:08:24,693 Now, w-w-when you start bringin' in a paycheck 164 00:08:24,761 --> 00:08:27,129 and providin' for this family, then you can make the rules! 165 00:08:27,196 --> 00:08:29,231 Well, I'd do a better job of it than you! 166 00:08:29,299 --> 00:08:30,866 Oh, you think so, huh? 167 00:08:30,934 --> 00:08:33,368 Well, maybe you'd like to try it for a little while. 168 00:08:33,436 --> 00:08:34,469 You be the adults! 169 00:08:34,537 --> 00:08:35,737 What do you mean? 170 00:08:35,805 --> 00:08:38,206 I mean, maybe we try a little experiment. 171 00:08:38,274 --> 00:08:40,642 You kids switch places with your dad and me. 172 00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:44,446 For the next week, you'll be the parents and we'll be the kids. 173 00:08:44,514 --> 00:08:46,014 Seriously? Yeah, that'd be awesome! 174 00:08:46,082 --> 00:08:47,182 That sounds great! 175 00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:49,418 That's a great idea, Lois. Crisscross! 176 00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,153 Yes, that is a crisscross. 177 00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,187 Yes! 178 00:08:52,255 --> 00:08:53,388 So we got a deal? 179 00:08:53,456 --> 00:08:54,623 Yeah, we got a deal. 180 00:08:54,691 --> 00:08:56,024 Face-off! 181 00:08:56,092 --> 00:08:57,292 No, Peter. 182 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,327 Road House. 183 00:09:04,924 --> 00:09:06,624 Here's your breakfast, Lois. 184 00:09:06,692 --> 00:09:08,460 Thank you, Mom. 185 00:09:08,527 --> 00:09:10,695 Wh-wh-what is, what is this? 186 00:09:10,763 --> 00:09:12,263 What's goin' on? 187 00:09:12,331 --> 00:09:14,049 Oh, apparently, Chris and Meg are switching places 188 00:09:14,116 --> 00:09:16,084 with Peter and Lois for the week. 189 00:09:16,152 --> 00:09:17,252 Myah! 190 00:09:17,319 --> 00:09:19,487 Hey, Mom, do you mind if I go shoppin' 191 00:09:19,555 --> 00:09:20,789 with Jennifer after school? 192 00:09:20,856 --> 00:09:22,590 No, Peter, no, no, you're still you. 193 00:09:22,658 --> 00:09:24,359 Y-you're just a teenager. 194 00:09:24,427 --> 00:09:25,493 You're not switching genders. 195 00:09:25,561 --> 00:09:27,762 Ah. I shall return. 196 00:09:29,965 --> 00:09:32,283 Well, I'm off to work at the brewery. 197 00:09:32,351 --> 00:09:34,219 Okay, have a good day, honey. 198 00:09:34,286 --> 00:09:36,421 You know, Brian, you and I should do... No. 199 00:09:36,489 --> 00:09:39,140 Okay, it just, it-it-it... it looked fun. 200 00:09:39,225 --> 00:09:42,627 All right, time to make all those popular kids pay 201 00:09:42,695 --> 00:09:44,195 for ignoring me! 202 00:09:44,263 --> 00:09:47,132 Peter, no, y-you're just a normal high school kid. 203 00:09:47,199 --> 00:09:49,851 Oh. 204 00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:51,336 Hey, Lance, it's off, it's off. 205 00:09:51,404 --> 00:09:53,104 It's off, it's off. 206 00:09:54,523 --> 00:09:55,990 Throw this phone away, Lois! 207 00:09:58,928 --> 00:10:01,963 Griffin, did you finish those reports I gave you? 208 00:10:02,031 --> 00:10:03,598 Right here, Angela. 209 00:10:03,666 --> 00:10:06,935 Wow. You know, I gotta say, when your dad told me 210 00:10:07,002 --> 00:10:08,670 about this whole switching places thing, 211 00:10:08,738 --> 00:10:10,271 I was kinda skeptical, 212 00:10:10,339 --> 00:10:12,507 but you're actually doing good work. 213 00:10:12,575 --> 00:10:14,576 Well, it's a lot easier than high school, 214 00:10:14,643 --> 00:10:15,760 I'll tell you that. 215 00:10:15,828 --> 00:10:17,078 Well, how do you mean? 216 00:10:17,146 --> 00:10:18,680 High school's like Lord of the Flies. 217 00:10:18,748 --> 00:10:20,215 It's a social nightmare. 218 00:10:20,282 --> 00:10:22,984 And I-I hear Canadian high schools are even worse. 219 00:10:23,052 --> 00:10:26,988 Well, well, look who matriculated to grade nine. 220 00:10:27,056 --> 00:10:29,290 Someone wants to get into university. 221 00:10:29,358 --> 00:10:31,326 Hey, guys, I'm sorry. 222 00:10:31,393 --> 00:10:32,660 Well, you're gonna be "sore-y" 223 00:10:32,728 --> 00:10:34,763 when we put you in the hospital for free, eh? 224 00:10:40,152 --> 00:10:41,986 I don't know what the kids are complainin' about. 225 00:10:42,054 --> 00:10:42,954 This ain't so bad. 226 00:10:43,022 --> 00:10:44,456 I know, this is fun. 227 00:10:44,523 --> 00:10:46,424 I haven't been to a pep rally in years. 228 00:10:46,492 --> 00:10:48,009 Do you have school spirit?! 229 00:10:48,093 --> 00:10:49,260 Yeah! 230 00:10:49,328 --> 00:10:51,262 Do you have school spirit?! 231 00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:52,464 Yeah! 232 00:10:52,515 --> 00:10:54,432 Who's got the most school spirit?! 233 00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:55,533 I do! 234 00:10:55,601 --> 00:10:58,486 Show me your school spirit! 235 00:11:03,442 --> 00:11:05,910 The players will remember this while they're playing. 236 00:11:08,848 --> 00:11:10,181 Hey, Mom, where the hell's dinner? 237 00:11:10,249 --> 00:11:11,249 I'm starving. 238 00:11:11,317 --> 00:11:13,485 Oh man, can you imagine the disaster 239 00:11:13,552 --> 00:11:14,886 she's gonna walk out here with? 240 00:11:14,954 --> 00:11:17,455 She has no idea how hard it is to cook. 241 00:11:17,523 --> 00:11:20,091 Yeah, yeah, I bet-- I bet she comes out with just like-- 242 00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:21,726 just like a poop on a plate, right? 243 00:11:21,794 --> 00:11:23,795 Poop on a plate would be good, because at least 244 00:11:23,863 --> 00:11:25,847 there'd be traces of my food still in there. 245 00:11:25,915 --> 00:11:28,216 Oh ho ho, snap! Snap! Snap! 246 00:11:28,284 --> 00:11:29,417 Hey, guys? 247 00:11:29,485 --> 00:11:31,019 Give her a chance, all right? 248 00:11:31,086 --> 00:11:32,821 Here it is, gang. 249 00:11:32,888 --> 00:11:36,591 Seared ahi tostadas, grilled asparagus, couscous, 250 00:11:36,659 --> 00:11:39,561 and for dessert, molten chocolate lava cake. 251 00:11:41,630 --> 00:11:43,848 Wait a minute. 252 00:11:43,916 --> 00:11:46,384 Meg, when did you find the time to do all this? 253 00:11:46,452 --> 00:11:48,119 Oh, I had all day to do this. 254 00:11:48,187 --> 00:11:49,554 Mm. 255 00:11:49,622 --> 00:11:51,489 Oh my God, this is delicious. 256 00:11:51,557 --> 00:11:53,424 Wh-- what do you mean "all day"? 257 00:11:53,492 --> 00:11:54,993 W-What about all the housework? 258 00:11:55,060 --> 00:11:57,495 I did it in like an hour. I don't understand why 259 00:11:57,563 --> 00:11:59,297 you're such a freakin' martyr all the time. 260 00:11:59,365 --> 00:12:00,331 It's a house. 261 00:12:00,399 --> 00:12:01,816 It's a finite area. 262 00:12:01,884 --> 00:12:03,368 I'm not cleaning a town. 263 00:12:03,419 --> 00:12:05,653 Hey, family, I'm home. 264 00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:07,889 Ooh, that smells fantastic. 265 00:12:07,957 --> 00:12:10,558 Hey, buddy, how was your first day in the real world? 266 00:12:10,626 --> 00:12:12,227 It was actually really great. 267 00:12:12,294 --> 00:12:14,629 And Angela even told me I might get a raise 268 00:12:14,697 --> 00:12:16,130 for doing such a good job. 269 00:12:16,198 --> 00:12:18,116 Wow, guys, you hear that? 270 00:12:18,183 --> 00:12:19,167 A raise. 271 00:12:19,235 --> 00:12:20,435 Hm, interesting. 272 00:12:20,502 --> 00:12:22,337 Seems like the kids are doing pretty well 273 00:12:22,404 --> 00:12:23,671 at this grown-up thing, huh? 274 00:12:23,739 --> 00:12:25,840 I would suggest that you suck that. 275 00:12:25,908 --> 00:12:28,309 Wow, I am already so stuffed. 276 00:12:28,377 --> 00:12:29,844 Guess I shouldn't have had 277 00:12:29,912 --> 00:12:31,479 so many action figure guns for lunch. 278 00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:40,021 Well, hello, you two. 279 00:12:40,089 --> 00:12:41,656 How's your little experiment going? 280 00:12:41,724 --> 00:12:43,391 Horrible. 281 00:12:43,459 --> 00:12:46,661 Three girls I don't care about made me cry in the bathroom. 282 00:12:48,664 --> 00:12:50,815 Um, hey, you guys. 283 00:12:50,883 --> 00:12:54,002 I bet you Lois Griffin doesn't make the track team, 284 00:12:54,086 --> 00:12:56,321 which is an important thing in high school right now. 285 00:12:56,388 --> 00:12:57,906 Yeah, everyone who's anyone is running track 286 00:12:57,973 --> 00:12:59,591 at our high school right now. 287 00:12:59,642 --> 00:13:02,393 Yeah, and I bet she also doesn't live on the south side of town, 288 00:13:02,461 --> 00:13:03,845 which is suddenly important. 289 00:13:09,051 --> 00:13:11,970 I hate your north side face. 290 00:13:12,037 --> 00:13:13,972 Lois, that's terrible. 291 00:13:14,039 --> 00:13:15,523 My day was even worse. 292 00:13:15,591 --> 00:13:17,425 I got pegged by a new form of spitball. 293 00:13:28,003 --> 00:13:29,270 Hey, get up, you faker. 294 00:13:29,338 --> 00:13:30,738 It's just a spitball. 295 00:13:32,608 --> 00:13:35,460 Hi, family, I'm home. 296 00:13:35,527 --> 00:13:37,195 Oh, Chris, there you are. 297 00:13:37,262 --> 00:13:38,896 Good, now that you're both here, 298 00:13:38,964 --> 00:13:40,732 your father and I have something to say. 299 00:13:40,799 --> 00:13:42,967 Kids, we're callin' off the experiment early. 300 00:13:43,035 --> 00:13:44,452 What? Why? 301 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:45,937 Because you were right. 302 00:13:46,005 --> 00:13:48,373 Being a kid is a lot harder than bein' an adult. 303 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,658 High school sucks. Everything sucks. 304 00:13:50,726 --> 00:13:52,794 So let's just put things back the way they were 305 00:13:52,861 --> 00:13:54,479 and just forget all about this, all right? 306 00:13:54,546 --> 00:13:57,181 You kids go back to school, Lois goes back to groceries, 307 00:13:57,249 --> 00:13:58,466 I go back to my job. 308 00:13:58,534 --> 00:13:59,801 That's not gonna work out, Dad. 309 00:13:59,868 --> 00:14:01,002 Why not? 310 00:14:01,070 --> 00:14:02,737 'Cause you don't have a job anymore. 311 00:14:02,805 --> 00:14:04,572 What? Chris, what do you mean? 312 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,075 Angela fired you and hired me. 313 00:14:07,142 --> 00:14:09,744 She said I've been doing twice as good a job as you did. 314 00:14:09,812 --> 00:14:12,797 So from now on, I'm the breadwinner in this house. 315 00:14:12,865 --> 00:14:15,099 Hey, I forget. Were you in for this or not? 316 00:14:22,004 --> 00:14:24,072 Chris, you are not taking Peter's job. 317 00:14:24,158 --> 00:14:26,492 You're a 14-year-old boy, and you belong in school. 318 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,828 Why, so I can get a job someday? 319 00:14:28,896 --> 00:14:30,229 I already have a job. 320 00:14:30,297 --> 00:14:32,582 Chris, we're not gonna allow you to do this. 321 00:14:32,649 --> 00:14:34,384 I seem to remember somebody saying 322 00:14:34,451 --> 00:14:36,636 the breadwinner makes the rules. 323 00:14:36,703 --> 00:14:39,422 Well, I'm the breadwinner. And you know what? 324 00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:42,024 I like being a grown-up, and I wanna stay this way. 325 00:14:42,092 --> 00:14:43,693 Well, Lois, practically speaking, 326 00:14:43,761 --> 00:14:45,661 somebody's gotta pay the bills around here. 327 00:14:45,729 --> 00:14:47,480 Seems like you don't have a choice 328 00:14:47,548 --> 00:14:49,148 but to let Chris work at the brewery 329 00:14:49,216 --> 00:14:50,583 until Peter finds a new job. 330 00:14:50,651 --> 00:14:52,318 Well, I suppose that makes sense. 331 00:14:52,386 --> 00:14:54,887 I guess it could take Peter a long time 332 00:14:54,955 --> 00:14:56,422 to find a job in this economy. 333 00:14:56,490 --> 00:14:58,157 Well, it may not be that bad, Lois. 334 00:14:58,225 --> 00:15:00,026 I could see about getting back my old job 335 00:15:00,094 --> 00:15:01,527 as a police sketch artist. 336 00:15:01,595 --> 00:15:03,896 Now, did you get a look at the man who assaulted you? 337 00:15:03,964 --> 00:15:05,765 I did. Okay, can I get a description? 338 00:15:05,833 --> 00:15:08,234 Yeah, he was probably around five-nine, five-ten? 339 00:15:08,302 --> 00:15:09,535 Which is it, five-nine or five-ten? 340 00:15:09,603 --> 00:15:11,037 I'd say five-ten. 341 00:15:11,088 --> 00:15:12,438 Okay, we'll go five-nine and a half. 342 00:15:12,506 --> 00:15:13,639 And now, how old was he? 343 00:15:13,707 --> 00:15:15,575 Late 30's, maybe 37. 344 00:15:15,642 --> 00:15:17,343 I-I don't know, anywhere between 35 and 40. 345 00:15:17,410 --> 00:15:18,811 Okay, well, let's say 37. 346 00:15:18,879 --> 00:15:19,879 How about ethnicity? 347 00:15:19,947 --> 00:15:21,214 Yeah, he was Asian-American. 348 00:15:21,281 --> 00:15:22,515 Asian-American. 349 00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:24,066 Are we talking Korean? Are we talking Thai? 350 00:15:24,134 --> 00:15:25,084 Are we talking Vietnamese? 351 00:15:25,152 --> 00:15:26,352 Maybe Korean. 352 00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:28,871 Could have been Japanese, but I-I think Korean. 353 00:15:28,939 --> 00:15:30,323 Okay, Korean. 354 00:15:30,390 --> 00:15:31,674 Now how about identifying characteristics? 355 00:15:31,742 --> 00:15:33,142 Any-any marks, piercings? 356 00:15:33,210 --> 00:15:35,812 He may have had a tattoo. He may have had a tattoo? 357 00:15:35,879 --> 00:15:37,130 Did have a tattoo? Which one was it? 358 00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:39,198 I-I don't know, it-- it all happened so fast. 359 00:15:39,266 --> 00:15:40,433 You know what? It's fine. 360 00:15:40,501 --> 00:15:41,617 I have a preliminary sketch here. 361 00:15:41,702 --> 00:15:43,202 Is this the man who assaulted you? 362 00:15:43,270 --> 00:15:45,438 Peter, they're never gonna take you back. 363 00:15:45,506 --> 00:15:47,473 You got fired for racist drawings. 364 00:15:47,541 --> 00:15:48,891 I guess. 365 00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:50,993 Hey, you know what else I draw really well? Bullwinkle. 366 00:15:51,078 --> 00:15:52,295 I'd probably still be working 367 00:15:52,362 --> 00:15:53,629 if more crooks looked like Bullwinkle. 368 00:15:58,785 --> 00:16:00,253 Early night, Griffin? 369 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:02,355 Well, actually, it's 8:00. 370 00:16:02,422 --> 00:16:04,724 Well, did you finish all the accounts payable 371 00:16:04,791 --> 00:16:05,958 and the accounts receivable? 372 00:16:06,026 --> 00:16:07,560 But that's not my department. 373 00:16:07,628 --> 00:16:09,228 It is now. 374 00:16:09,296 --> 00:16:10,730 The company's making cutbacks. 375 00:16:10,797 --> 00:16:13,799 You can handle it, it's just a little extra paperwork. 376 00:16:19,406 --> 00:16:21,157 ♪ ♪ 377 00:16:35,589 --> 00:16:38,424 Ugh. I am exhausted. 378 00:16:50,704 --> 00:16:53,589 Can this day get any more stressful? 379 00:16:59,763 --> 00:17:03,699 Muscular man for discreet pushing and pulling." 380 00:17:03,767 --> 00:17:05,451 Well, I'm not above manual labor. 381 00:17:05,519 --> 00:17:08,120 Oh, hi, Chris. How was your day? 382 00:17:08,188 --> 00:17:10,172 You know what would be great? 383 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,658 If I could come home and have five minutes 384 00:17:12,726 --> 00:17:14,694 before you jump all over my back. 385 00:17:14,761 --> 00:17:16,462 Also, she broke a plate. 386 00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:18,965 And what about you? Did you get a job today? 387 00:17:19,032 --> 00:17:21,500 I kind of got one. 388 00:17:21,568 --> 00:17:23,436 Right, Lois? Right? 389 00:17:23,503 --> 00:17:25,071 So, Chris, good day at the office? 390 00:17:25,138 --> 00:17:27,456 You know, actually, Angela said that the spreadsheets 391 00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:29,859 I presented were beyond the projections for last quarter. 392 00:17:29,927 --> 00:17:31,260 Oh, is that good? 393 00:17:31,328 --> 00:17:32,979 You know what?! Never mind! 394 00:17:34,765 --> 00:17:36,482 Now I'm mad at you! 395 00:17:40,487 --> 00:17:42,721 Peter, I'm really worried about Chris. 396 00:17:42,773 --> 00:17:45,141 All this pressure seems to be getting to him. 397 00:17:45,208 --> 00:17:46,676 I know, he's turning into a jerk. 398 00:17:47,911 --> 00:17:49,679 Oh, hey, Chris. 399 00:17:49,746 --> 00:17:51,347 You wanna keep it down in here? 400 00:17:51,415 --> 00:17:53,516 One of us has to work in the morning. 401 00:17:53,584 --> 00:17:55,651 Chris, have you-- have you been drinking? 402 00:17:55,719 --> 00:17:58,454 Yes. Have you been aging? 403 00:17:58,522 --> 00:18:01,190 I want you two to do it right in front of me. 404 00:18:01,258 --> 00:18:03,459 And I'm gonna throw 40 bucks on your sweaty bodies 405 00:18:03,527 --> 00:18:05,294 when you're done. 406 00:18:05,362 --> 00:18:06,679 Let's see the money. 407 00:18:06,746 --> 00:18:09,315 Why do you guys hate me? 408 00:18:09,383 --> 00:18:12,852 Ugh, that pain in my stomach is back. 409 00:18:12,919 --> 00:18:18,124 Ow! 410 00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:21,877 What? What? 411 00:18:21,945 --> 00:18:23,412 What are you looking at? 412 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,281 I could fight you both. 413 00:18:25,349 --> 00:18:28,200 You don't know what I go through every day. 414 00:18:29,703 --> 00:18:33,823 Now go to sleep, the both of you. 415 00:18:33,890 --> 00:18:36,559 PETER I think we should go live with Mom. 416 00:18:36,627 --> 00:18:38,194 I just heard all of that, 417 00:18:38,261 --> 00:18:40,896 and I just wanna say this family is disintegrating. 418 00:18:46,637 --> 00:18:48,104 Oh, hey, Chris, by the way, 419 00:18:48,171 --> 00:18:49,538 the roofer came today while you were at work. 420 00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:50,622 And? 421 00:18:50,674 --> 00:18:52,124 It's gonna be five grand to fix it. 422 00:18:52,192 --> 00:18:54,226 Oh that's just perfect. 423 00:18:54,294 --> 00:18:57,296 I love spending $5,000 on something nobody can see. 424 00:18:57,364 --> 00:18:59,015 Anyone got more happy news? 425 00:18:59,082 --> 00:19:00,983 I'm gonna need a check for the dentist. 426 00:19:01,051 --> 00:19:02,485 Peter has two cavities. 427 00:19:02,552 --> 00:19:04,920 I'll bet if I go upstairs to that bathroom 428 00:19:04,988 --> 00:19:06,789 that toothbrush is as dry as a bone. 429 00:19:06,857 --> 00:19:08,591 Sometimes I forget. 430 00:19:08,659 --> 00:19:10,810 Anything else I should know about?! 431 00:19:10,877 --> 00:19:13,479 Well, my science class is taking a field trip 432 00:19:13,547 --> 00:19:15,081 to the water purification center. 433 00:19:15,148 --> 00:19:18,517 And? And it costs ten dollars for lunch and the bus. 434 00:19:18,585 --> 00:19:20,119 Ten dollars? 435 00:19:20,187 --> 00:19:22,271 What-- What the hell is it with that school 436 00:19:22,339 --> 00:19:24,640 that every time you walk in there somebody wants ten dollars?! 437 00:19:24,708 --> 00:19:26,559 Look, I-I'm really sorry, 438 00:19:26,626 --> 00:19:27,977 but if we're that desperate for money, 439 00:19:28,045 --> 00:19:29,462 isn't there something we can do? 440 00:19:29,513 --> 00:19:31,347 I mean, maybe we could ask 441 00:19:31,415 --> 00:19:32,815 to borrow some from Mr. Quagmire. 442 00:19:32,883 --> 00:19:34,617 Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? 443 00:19:34,685 --> 00:19:36,419 Like to see me walk next door, 444 00:19:36,486 --> 00:19:38,220 hat in hand, and ask him for money. 445 00:19:38,288 --> 00:19:40,189 Bet you'd have your nose pressed against the glass 446 00:19:40,257 --> 00:19:42,191 to watch that conversation. 447 00:19:42,259 --> 00:19:44,160 No, you know what? Instead, let's just go knock on all the doors 448 00:19:44,227 --> 00:19:46,028 of all our neighbors and tell 'em I'm a failure! 449 00:19:46,096 --> 00:19:48,881 No, that's not what I... No, no, no, it's a good idea. 450 00:19:48,949 --> 00:19:51,517 Let's just go right now and tell everyone how much of a failure I am. 451 00:19:51,585 --> 00:19:52,451 But I... 452 00:19:54,421 --> 00:19:57,189 Oh, hey, Chris. 453 00:19:57,257 --> 00:19:59,375 Meg has something she wants to tell you. 454 00:19:59,443 --> 00:20:01,894 Chris, please, I'm sorry. Say it! 455 00:20:01,962 --> 00:20:03,345 MEG Chris is a failure. 456 00:20:03,413 --> 00:20:04,880 Uh, okay. 457 00:20:04,948 --> 00:20:06,749 Now we're going to the Swansons! 458 00:20:13,340 --> 00:20:14,540 Oh, my God! 459 00:20:14,591 --> 00:20:16,425 I think Chris is having a heart attack! 460 00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:18,260 We're not aspose'ta leave the table. 461 00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,551 Be cool, be quiet, be quiet. 462 00:20:27,938 --> 00:20:29,455 All right, well, nothing to worry about. 463 00:20:29,523 --> 00:20:30,806 Chris is going to be just fine. 464 00:20:33,510 --> 00:20:36,429 Oh, Chris, I'm so glad you're okay. 465 00:20:36,496 --> 00:20:37,930 What-- what happened? 466 00:20:37,998 --> 00:20:39,882 You had a heart attack, sweetie. 467 00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:41,383 A heart attack? 468 00:20:41,451 --> 00:20:43,735 Yeah, you almost worked yourself right into the ground, buddy. 469 00:20:43,787 --> 00:20:46,255 Oh, it's all our fault. We never should have let you 470 00:20:46,323 --> 00:20:47,857 take on the pressure of being an adult. 471 00:20:47,924 --> 00:20:49,525 It's okay, Mom. 472 00:20:49,593 --> 00:20:51,260 Boy, I thought being a grown-up 473 00:20:51,328 --> 00:20:52,728 would be easier than being a kid. 474 00:20:52,796 --> 00:20:54,697 But it turned out it was just as hard. 475 00:20:54,765 --> 00:20:57,533 I guess what we all learned is that no matter who you are, 476 00:20:57,601 --> 00:21:00,402 or where you come from, life is a terrible thing. 477 00:21:00,470 --> 00:21:03,305 Yeah, but if you got your family to help you get through it, 478 00:21:03,373 --> 00:21:04,573 it's not quite as bad. 479 00:21:04,641 --> 00:21:06,809 And, hey, at least I get my old job back. 480 00:21:06,877 --> 00:21:09,278 You know, from now on, let's not complain so much. 481 00:21:09,346 --> 00:21:12,880 -- Sync, corrected by elderman -- 482 00:21:14,301 --> 00:21:16,302 Hey, what do you guys do after the screen goes black?