1
00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,538
[Singing] It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:05,905 --> 00:00:08,965
Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:12,506
But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,314
On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:18,247
Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:19,285 --> 00:00:22,448
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do

7
00:00:22,555 --> 00:00:24,182
All the things that make us

8
00:00:24,290 --> 00:00:25,723
Laugh and cry

9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:30,896
He's a family guy

10
00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:38,400
TV HOST: And now back to
Old People Agree With Arnold Palmer.

11
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:41,406
Tomato soup, grilled cheese,
and a weak cup of tea...

12
00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:43,100
is the best lunch in my book.

13
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,305
- He's right.
- I enjoy things I remember.

14
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,271
Peter, I'm off to my book club.

15
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,474
Don't forget you have to go
to the PTA meeting.

16
00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:52,915
Me? Go to a PTA meeting?
What, are you high?

17
00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:54,782
Not anymore. I crashed hours ago.

18
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,152
By the way, we're out of chips,
cookies, and Funny Bones.

19
00:00:57,257 --> 00:01:00,158
Now, I'm going to my book club
and you are going to the meeting.

20
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,251
Hey, Brian, how about you go
to that meeting for me, huh?

21
00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:04,853
Yeah. I don't think so.

22
00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:06,591
Oh, come on, buddy. You owe me.

23
00:01:06,699 --> 00:01:08,724
You remember
what I did for you last week?

24
00:01:10,170 --> 00:01:13,435
[Singing] Sighing softly to the river

25
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:16,441
Comes the loving breeze

26
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,842
Setting nature all aquiver

27
00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:22,244
Rustling through the trees

28
00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:25,146
Through the trees!

29
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:26,886
[Sighing] All right. I'll go.

30
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:39,227
Quagmire, what are you doing here?
You don't have kids.

31
00:01:39,632 --> 00:01:42,499
Don't be so sure, Brian.
I've slept with chicks all over the world.

32
00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,502
Who knows, I could have kids in their 20s.

33
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:48,641
[Both talking in Spanish]

34
00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:05,752
- What are you doing here?
- I got roped into this by Peter.

35
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,433
Wow, that's a lovely color.

36
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,499
[Stammering] Your dress is...
The color of your dress is...

37
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:20,072
- I like... You're very pretty.
- Oh, thank you.

38
00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:22,164
I'm the 11th grade history teacher,
Miss Parks.

39
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:23,503
Oh! Like Rosa Parks.

40
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:26,170
Or, you know,
or someone white named Parks.

41
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:29,272
Nothing cuter than a nervous white dog.

42
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,147
[Stammering] Well, I'm Brian and...

43
00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:38,813
gosh, if I'm not being too forward,
it's lovely to meet you, Miss Parks.

44
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:40,688
Oh, please. Call me Shauna.

45
00:02:40,793 --> 00:02:44,354
[Singing in barbershop style]
Shauna! Shauna!

46
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,659
So, Brian, you ready
to go play some darts at The Clam?

47
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:53,295
Sorry, Peter. I can't make it tonight.
I have a date.

48
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:54,731
Dad!

49
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,571
You were supposed to drive tonight.
What am I supposed to do?

50
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:59,941
If I drive, I'll have to have
a bunch of drinks first...

51
00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:02,480
because I am very self-conscious
about my driving.

52
00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:04,607
Oh, you've got a date! What's his name?

53
00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:06,742
Do you see that? Do you see what I did?

54
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,185
I made it seem
as though you were a homosexual.

55
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,551
That's funny to me.

56
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:13,626
How exciting, Brian.
So who's the lucky lady?

57
00:03:13,726 --> 00:03:15,785
Well, actually, her name is Shauna Parks.

58
00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:17,089
Meg's teacher?

59
00:03:17,964 --> 00:03:19,864
Yeah, we really hit it off. She's great.

60
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,661
Brian on a date.

61
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:25,568
That'll be more pathetic than that game
of Marco Polo I played with Helen Keller.

62
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:26,798
Marco.

63
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:28,833
Marco.

64
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,002
Marco.

65
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,239
Marco.

66
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:35,314
Marco.

67
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:37,550
Marco.

68
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:39,852
Marco.

69
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:41,687
Marco.

70
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:43,822
Marco.

71
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:50,187
I don't know. I mean,
I think I want to have kids someday.

72
00:03:50,296 --> 00:03:52,821
Oh, I love kids. I just love them.

73
00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:56,095
I can't get enough of those little buggers,
let me tell you.

74
00:03:56,202 --> 00:04:00,332
You know, it's like I tell the other
volunteers down at the adoption center:

75
00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:04,200
My God, you know, if I could just take
all the orphans in the world...

76
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:07,108
and just, you know,
buy a farm somewhere...

77
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,204
and let them all run free, you know.

78
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:13,183
Just let them do little macaroni-art
pictures of their dead parents.

79
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,785
[Stammering] So what's it like to work
at a high school?

80
00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:17,583
Oh, Brian, I just love it.

81
00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:19,157
Working at James Woods High is great.

82
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:22,626
You know, I've always wondered why they
named if after James Woods, you know?

83
00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:24,697
I mean, there's got to be somebody
more deserving.

84
00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:27,288
Like, just, you know,
off the top of my head, I don't know...

85
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:31,234
Sidney Poitier, Reggie Jackson,
Martin Luther King...

86
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,465
You know, those are just three names
that come to mind.

87
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,064
Brian, that's a great idea.

88
00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:38,609
We should get them to rename the school
after Dr. King.

89
00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:42,841
You like Dr. King? Because I love Dr. King.
I love... M.L. K!

90
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,084
Man, he's my guy.

91
00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:48,085
He's... I mean, I love all black people,
you know.

92
00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:51,088
I mean, if I could take
all the black people in the world...

93
00:04:51,190 --> 00:04:54,956
and just, you know, just buy a farm
somewhere and let them all...

94
00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:58,223
Whoa, you know what,
that actually didn't really come out right.

95
00:04:58,331 --> 00:05:01,789
Brian, relax. I'm having a great time.
You don't have to try so hard.

96
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:05,735
Great. Great. 'Cause, you know, I'm not
okay with slavery. Just so we're clear.

97
00:05:06,105 --> 00:05:09,131
[Stammering] I mean, if I was offered
a slave, I'd say no.

98
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:12,870
By the way, Bonnie...

99
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,504
we just finished reading
The Da Vinci Code at my book club.

100
00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:17,583
You were right. It's terrific.

101
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:22,212
Let me guess. Some flowery, 300-page,
menopausal masturbatory aid.

102
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,619
I loved it.

103
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:26,123
And the chapters are only
about two pages long.

104
00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:27,988
So you feel really smart when you read it.

105
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:29,652
Take it outside, Lois.

106
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,927
Good night, sweetie.

107
00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:38,198
Oh, yes. Just as I thought: France, art...

108
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:39,496
murder?

109
00:05:39,605 --> 00:05:43,336
Well, this is a bigger surprise
than that time Peter vanished into thin air.

110
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:46,774
- Hey, Stewie. Peekaboo!
- Yes, I see you, fat man.

111
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,210
Where's Daddy?

112
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:50,872
Where did you go? Oh, this is impossible.

113
00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:53,048
I can hear you, but I can't see...

114
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,051
Well, he must really be gone!

115
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,789
- Peekaboo!
- How the hell did you do that?

116
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:01,689
I thought you'd disappeared,
otherwise I wouldn't have picked my...

117
00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:03,625
Great, leave when I'm in the middle
of a sentence.

118
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:08,867
Hey, there you are, Brian.
We're all set for tonight, right?

119
00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:11,766
Oh, tonight's no good, Peter.
I have another date with Shauna.

120
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,236
Oh, come on. Again?

121
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:16,206
Well, fine, Brian. If that girl
is more important to you than me...

122
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:18,504
then I guess
I'll have to find a new best pal.

123
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:22,814
Boy, Barney, it's sure been great
hanging out with you.

124
00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:24,007
[Barney laughing]

125
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,516
BARNEY: I've enjoyed it, too, Peter.

126
00:06:25,618 --> 00:06:28,178
Hey, you almost done in the john?
'Cause we're late for darts.

127
00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:29,618
All done, Peter.

128
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:33,147
You think you have a crap job.

129
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:43,628
I don't need Brian to watch TV with.
I got you, Meg.

130
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:46,799
Hey, what's that? What's that?
Is that a dog?

131
00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:48,668
Is that another dog on the TV, huh?

132
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:51,039
You see that? Go get it. Go get it.

133
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:53,605
What's that? Who's that? Who's that?

134
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:54,737
Oh! Who's that?

135
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,609
Who's there?
Is there somebody at the door?

136
00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:58,183
Somebody at the door? Huh?

137
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:00,411
Somebody at the door?
What are you gonna do about it?

138
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,385
What are you gonna do about it?

139
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:03,921
What are you...

140
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:05,991
I'm not a dog, you fat bastard!

141
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:11,630
Wow, Stewie, you're up early.

142
00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:14,029
I'm up still. I've been reading all night.

143
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,192
Hang on, Lois. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.

144
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:19,863
Well, I loved this book.

145
00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:22,940
Nothing like a good story
to recharge your batteries.

146
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,072
[Snoring]

147
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,009
Hey, everybody, check this out.

148
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,309
This is wonderful. Look at this, Peter.

149
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:33,344
"Two hundred die in train derailment."

150
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,945
Oh, God, Lois. That is just morbidly obese.

151
00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:38,455
No, no, Peter. Right here.

152
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:41,823
I mentioned to Shauna that they ought to
change the name of James Woods High...

153
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,522
to Martin Luther King, Jr.,
and she really ran with it.

154
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,188
The school board is voting on it tomorrow.

155
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,994
Congratulations, Brian.

156
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:49,533
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait, wait, wait.

157
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:52,763
You and your girlfriend are taking the
name James Woods off the high school?

158
00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:55,363
- Well, yes. For Martin Luther King.
- That's crazy.

159
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,273
You're gonna name the school
after the star of SPace 1999?

160
00:07:58,377 --> 00:07:59,776
No, that's Martin Landau.

161
00:07:59,912 --> 00:08:02,244
- Oh. The guy who played Sheneneh?
- That's Martin Lawrence.

162
00:08:02,348 --> 00:08:03,679
- The drunk crooner?
- That's Dean Martin.

163
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:06,149
- The drink that's best served on the rocks?
- Martini & Rossi.

164
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:07,617
- The guy on The West Wing?
- Martin Sheen.

165
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,085
- The guy from Platoon?
- Charlie Sheen.

166
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:10,485
No, no, the other guy from Platoon.

167
00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:12,383
- [Pondering] It's...
- Come on.

168
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:13,718
Willem Dafoe.

169
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:17,057
No, it's Tom Berenger.
We were looking for Tom Berenger.

170
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,825
Well, thanks for playing.
I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

171
00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:22,526
Oh, that's okay. I had a lot of fun.
I'm a big fan of the show.

172
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:24,227
Wait a minute!

173
00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:28,272
Peter, Martin Luther King was
an inspiration to an entire generation.

174
00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:30,808
He was a driving force
behind the civil rights movement.

175
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:33,572
Lois, we're talking about
Rhode Island's own James Woods here.

176
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,977
He's a hero in these parts, huh?
Use your head.

177
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,276
Peter, you're acting like an idiot.

178
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:39,578
Oh, yeah? I don't like the way
you've been acting lately.

179
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:41,243
I think it has a lot to do
with that woman...

180
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,753
you've been spending so much time with.

181
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,948
Why don't you just mind
your own damn business, Peter?

182
00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:47,355
Will you guys stop fighting, please?

183
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:49,322
What's wrong with Meg?

184
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:51,896
Oh, nothing.
It's just her time of the month.

185
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,625
Not again.

186
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:07,010
Well, Mr. Griffin, your arguments
for the school's name change...

187
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,347
are quite compelling.

188
00:09:08,414 --> 00:09:10,109
Brian, I think you did it.

189
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,444
Oh, amen.

190
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,781
By the way,
I just want to remind everybody...

191
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,753
to put their e-mail address
on the list in the back there...

192
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:19,381
so we can send you
our quarterly newsletter.

193
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:24,155
It's chock-full of goings-on around
the school. It's got a word jumble.

194
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,321
A little hint:

195
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:28,525
All the answers have to do
with something here at the school.

196
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:30,727
Yes, I'm sure
we're all looking forward to that.

197
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:34,431
Now, unless there is any objection,
I move that the board pass this measure.

198
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,407
I've got an objection,
and so does this man.

199
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:40,138
James Woods!

200
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,713
- Oh, my God.
- I don't believe it.

201
00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,509
Hi. How are you? Hello, everyone.

202
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:46,380
He brought James Woods here?
What the hell is he doing?

203
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,612
Believe me,
Peter does stupid things all the time.

204
00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:50,245
That's why he got fired from that airline.

205
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,787
- Coffee for you, Capt. Griffin?
- Thank you, stewardess.

206
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,658
Hey, where are we right now?

207
00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:58,523
On an airplane?

208
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,828
No. This room. What is this room called?

209
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:04,698
- The flight deck?
- No.

210
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:07,898
- Control room?
- No.

211
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:08,974
Cockpit?

212
00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,903
Oh, God! I told you I'd get her to say it.

213
00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:18,076
Oh, God!

214
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,674
All right. Go on. Get out of here.

215
00:10:19,885 --> 00:10:23,116
Look, I came as soon as
Peter contacted my website.

216
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:27,215
Let me just say, I'm all in favor
of renaming the school after Dr. King.

217
00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:28,588
- What?
- Wow!

218
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,753
A big star and yet so humble.

219
00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,922
James Woods High School it remains.

220
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:34,522
- What?
- You can't be serious.

221
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:38,126
Yes! This is more exciting than that time
I got to ride the washing machine.

222
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:54,080
Man, what a great lunch, Lois.
Thank you so much for having me over.

223
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:56,711
Well, it's not often
we get to meet celebrities.

224
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,655
Yeah, except when I was
Christina Aguilera's manager.

225
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:02,223
[Singing scales]

226
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:12,661
Okay, let me just go ahead and stop you
right there. You sound terrible, all right?

227
00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:16,731
You're doing this thing, which is just,
you know... What the hell is that?

228
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,937
And you look like if I touched you,
you'd be sticky...

229
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:21,445
and frankly, you smell bad.

230
00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:23,777
You're pretty much offensive
to all five senses.

231
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:24,850
That's only four.

232
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:28,249
Well, actually, you know when you smell
something and it gets stuck in there...

233
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:29,480
and you can sort of taste it?

234
00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:32,079
Yeah. Well, I'm tasting you right now
and it tastes awful.

235
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,785
Truly disgusting, like salty garbage.

236
00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:37,057
Yeah, I totally taste it.

237
00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:41,489
Oh, Brian, there you are.
Look who's here for lunch.

238
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,194
Hello, Mr. Woods.
Peter tells me you're in films.

239
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:45,895
Peter, can I talk to you in the living room?

240
00:11:47,606 --> 00:11:50,700
I can't believe you went
to that much effort just to sabotage me.

241
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:51,970
You're a jerk, you know that?

242
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,876
Listen, at least I wasn't trying to change
the name of the school...

243
00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:55,969
to impress my girlfriend.

244
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,049
Now that is not true.

245
00:11:57,149 --> 00:11:59,845
Oh, yeah?
Then why did you pick Martin Luther King?

246
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,817
Why not Ronald Reagan?

247
00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:04,446
He was always fun,
especially in his later years.

248
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,549
Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.

249
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,293
Tear it down.

250
00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:13,023
Reagan smash. Reagan smash.

251
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:17,163
[Banging on wall]

252
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:18,236
What's that?

253
00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:21,431
Oh, it's just Reagan.
Just leave him alone. He'll tire himself out.

254
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,337
Reagan sleepy.

255
00:12:23,976 --> 00:12:25,068
You're an ass, you know that?

256
00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:27,771
You're just jealous because
I'm hanging around with someone else.

257
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,677
Hey, I don't care, man.
Girls are stupid anyway.

258
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:31,773
Well, fine.
Then maybe I'll go see her right now.

259
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:34,318
Fine! I'll just hang out with James Woods.

260
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,411
Well, Peter, thanks for lunch.

261
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,786
- Guess I'll be heading back to old L.A. now.
- You're leaving?

262
00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:41,883
Oh, man, I thought maybe
you could stick around...

263
00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:43,825
and, you know,
maybe you and me could be pals.

264
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,460
You mean just hang around
like regular people.

265
00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:47,725
Regular people, sure, yeah.

266
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,892
That does sound appealing.

267
00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:53,165
You know what?
I'm gonna check back into my hotel.

268
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:55,102
Oh, screw that.
You'll stay with me right here.

269
00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:56,799
Come on,
we'll have a campout in the yard.

270
00:12:56,909 --> 00:12:58,035
Wicked cool.

271
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:00,205
[Using eerie voice]

272
00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:02,610
His sweater was neatly folded
on the grave...

273
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:04,046
so we went back to the car...

274
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:06,880
and the severed hook was hanging
from the door handle...

275
00:13:06,986 --> 00:13:09,853
because the calls were coming
from inside the house.

276
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:11,983
[Frightened oohing]

277
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:14,983
That's a scary story, Peter.

278
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:17,528
It's almost as scary as... boo!

279
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:23,896
Boy, James Woods, you're the best friend
a guy could ever have.

280
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:26,198
I feel the same way about you, Peter.

281
00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:31,774
[Singing] Someone to care for

282
00:13:32,211 --> 00:13:33,610
To be there for

283
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:36,476
I have James Woods

284
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:39,217
Someone to do for

285
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,019
Muddle through for

286
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,281
You have James Woods

287
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:48,459
Someone to share joy
Or desPair with

288
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,524
Whichever betides you

289
00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:55,192
Life becomes a chore

290
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:58,898
Unless you're living for

291
00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:03,137
Someone to tend to
Be a friend to

292
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:05,836
I have James Woods

293
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:08,839
Someone to strive for

294
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:10,447
Do or die for

295
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:13,245
You have James Woods

296
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:15,654
It's true

297
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:17,389
We two

298
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:21,086
Have a likewise Point of view

299
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:23,093
'Cause James Woods

300
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:25,090
has you

301
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,324
And I have James Woods

302
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:28,533
too

303
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:35,539
- Shauna?
- Brian, over here.

304
00:14:35,741 --> 00:14:36,969
I couldn't save your seat.

305
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,634
I know I'm late, I apologize.

306
00:14:38,744 --> 00:14:42,271
- Hello, fellow moviegoer.
- Sorry, I couldn't get him to move.

307
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,747
- Where have you been?
- I just had it out with Peter.

308
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,080
Would you like some corn?
I brought it from home.

309
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:50,155
Peter? You're still not friends
with that idiot after what he did?

310
00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:52,724
Well, I mean, that may be a little harsh.

311
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,623
I'm not going to avoid Peter
like the drunk chick at a party.

312
00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:56,728
[Party music playing]

313
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,093
I just smoked the wrong side
of a cigarette!

314
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:01,399
Who wants to go swimming?

315
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,194
This song is about me!

316
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,562
Look, Brian, Peter is a jerk.

317
00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:10,267
And as far as I'm concerned,
it's either him or me.

318
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:12,867
Shauna, come on, why you want
to play a brother like that?

319
00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:14,946
I think I have my answer.

320
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:17,481
You know what? I will have some of that.

321
00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:20,245
- What the hell is this?
- Creamed corn.

322
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:24,288
I brought it from home, because I don't
like the creamed corn they have here.

323
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:25,914
It's too crunchy.

324
00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:28,448
[Brian sighing]

325
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,825
Peter, I'm sorry, I was a jerk.
Let's be friends again. Okay.

326
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:35,192
- Peter, can I talk to you for a second?
- What is it, Brian?

327
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,826
Listen, I'm sorry for everything
that's happened between us...

328
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,873
and I figure, I don't know, I thought
maybe we could be friends again, huh?

329
00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:44,704
What do you say? I kind of miss
sleeping at the foot of your bed.

330
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:47,802
- I don't think so.
- Come on, can't we just go...

331
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:52,048
- I tried to tell you.
- This is my spot now, Brian.

332
00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:53,908
Oh. I see.

333
00:15:58,624 --> 00:15:59,613
[Sighing]

334
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:03,718
Look, Lois. Lois, look, look, look.
He's dreaming he's running.

335
00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:05,988
[Dog-like whimpering]

336
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:13,071
Okay, James, you ready?
Now catch it in your mouth like Brian.

337
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:17,867
- James, you got to bite down.
- I got a question, Peter.

338
00:16:18,177 --> 00:16:20,338
Motivation. What is my motivation?

339
00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:21,538
Just throw it back to me.

340
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,172
You know what? This is boring.
I got a better idea.

341
00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:26,711
James, do we really
have to watch Videodrome?

342
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,684
Yeah, I think you're really
going to appreciate...

343
00:16:28,787 --> 00:16:31,153
all the subtle nuances in my performance.

344
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:34,555
See? For example, see how even though
this other guy is talking...

345
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,150
your eye is drawn to me.

346
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,593
Yeah, that's neat.

347
00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:42,397
- Is there going to be any nudity?
- Yes, I get naked.

348
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:47,228
You know, it's bad enough
that Peter and I were fighting...

349
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:50,274
but ever since he met James Woods,
it's like I don't even exist.

350
00:16:50,376 --> 00:16:53,140
Do you really care about a man
who used to try and pick up girls...

351
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:54,542
at the Miss USA Pageant?

352
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:58,609
Hey, how's it going? I'm Peter.
You want to go out sometime?

353
00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:00,275
Maybe you got a Saturday night free...

354
00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:03,048
You know what? To hell with you, then.
Yeah, go to hell.

355
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:07,182
I'm Peter. What do you say you and me go
get a couple of beers, maybe we could...

356
00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:09,453
Fine. You know what?
You got mosquito-bite boobs anyway.

357
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:11,222
I don't care. I don't care. I don't need you.

358
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:13,298
Hey, how are you? I'm Peter.

359
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,458
I got a coupon for Sizzler
with your name on it.

360
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:16,932
Maybe the two of us could...

361
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,594
You know what? I don't care.
You're a bitch.

362
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:22,333
Brian, I know you're upset now, but if
there's anything I've learned in this life...

363
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:24,238
is that you can't let the little things...

364
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,742
Hey! Hey!

365
00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:28,870
Where's my money?
Don't you walk out on me!

366
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,023
Hey.

367
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:39,791
Hey.

368
00:17:40,025 --> 00:17:42,459
So where's your good buddy,
James Woods?

369
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:45,792
Turns out he wasn't very good
at catching stuff with his mouth.

370
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,196
- Where's your girlfriend?
- Same problem.

371
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:01,239
[Eerie music]

372
00:18:03,048 --> 00:18:07,178
[Stammering] James, what are
you doing here?

373
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:09,584
- What's going on?
- Hello, Peter.

374
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:11,883
Would you like some cold roast beef?

375
00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:14,958
What do you mean?

376
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:17,620
I don't know, Peter, I had this crazy idea...

377
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:20,129
that you and I were supposed to
have dinner tonight.

378
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,097
But I guess you had other plans, huh?

379
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:24,601
Brian and I were just at The Clam.

380
00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:27,763
Oh, that's fun.
That sounds like you had a fun time.

381
00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:31,375
And where would I fit in with the fun time?

382
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:35,707
Where does James Woods fit into
the fun, you?

383
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,406
Look, James, you're acting kind of weird.

384
00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:40,747
I'll act however I want to act,
you son of a bitch!

385
00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,445
I'm sorry, Peter, I didn't mean that.

386
00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:45,751
Boy, I haven't been this creeped out
since I saw that episode of Star Trek.

387
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,618
- Number One.
- Yes, Captain.

388
00:18:50,729 --> 00:18:51,991
Let me ask you something.

389
00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:54,565
If I whispered in your ear
that Commander Worf's head...

390
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:57,533
Iooks like a fanny,
would you join me in a laugh?

391
00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:00,104
- Yeah, I could get in on that.
- All right!

392
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,763
Here it comes!

393
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,399
Commander Worf's head
looks like a fanny!

394
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:11,743
- You can both suck my ridges.
- Get a sense of humor, Rocky Dennis.

395
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:15,610
Boy, I tell you, Brian, James Woods
has been getting kind of obsessive...

396
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:17,518
ever since you and me
started hanging out again.

397
00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:18,817
How are you going to handle that?

398
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:23,327
We got to come up with some crazy
scheme like the kids on That '70s Show.

399
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,024
And I think I got it.

400
00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:28,730
[Rock music playing]

401
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,643
All right,
that's the last of the Reese's Pieces.

402
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,739
Good. Now we wait.

403
00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:48,151
Peter? A piece of candy!

404
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,011
A piece of candy!

405
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,449
A piece of candy!

406
00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:52,624
A piece of candy!

407
00:19:53,058 --> 00:19:54,025
A piece of candy!

408
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:55,786
A piece of candy!

409
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,188
A piece of candy!

410
00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,588
A piece of candy!

411
00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:00,031
A piece of candy!

412
00:20:00,332 --> 00:20:01,390
A piece of candy!

413
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,097
A piece of candy!

414
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,335
A piece of candy!

415
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:05,796
A piece of candy!

416
00:20:09,474 --> 00:20:10,736
Man, I hope that's James Woods.

417
00:20:10,842 --> 00:20:13,675
'Cause if it's me under there again,
I'm gonna be really pissed off.

418
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,413
It's good to have you back
in that spot, Brian.

419
00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:19,814
It's good to be back, Peter.

420
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:22,045
By the way, what did you end up doing
with James Woods?

421
00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:25,214
Don't worry, Brian.
He's being examined by top men.

422
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,952
- Who?
- Top men.

423
00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:34,459
[Theme music from
the first Indiana Jones film]