1
00:00:01,490 --> 00:00:04,626
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,693 --> 00:00:07,962
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,030 --> 00:00:11,115
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,167 --> 00:00:14,068
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,136 --> 00:00:18,006
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,090 --> 00:00:20,842
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:20,926 --> 00:00:22,460
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,528 --> 00:00:23,811
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:23,896 --> 00:00:28,567
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:28,592 --> 00:00:31,592
♪ Family Guy 09x18 ♪
Foreign Affairs
Original Air Date on May 15, 2011
11
00:00:31,617 --> 00:00:34,007
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:34,009 --> 00:00:35,576
And now back to
13
00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:37,512
the Disney Channel's
exclusive presentation,
14
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,414
Aladdin 5:
Jafar Answers the Census.
15
00:00:40,482 --> 00:00:43,117
Okay, and how many people
live in your palace?
16
00:00:43,185 --> 00:00:45,086
Um, does the bird count?
17
00:00:45,154 --> 00:00:46,921
Does the bird live here?
18
00:00:46,989 --> 00:00:49,157
Yes.
Then, yes, the bird counts.
19
00:00:49,224 --> 00:00:50,691
Uh, okay. Two.
20
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,126
Great.
21
00:00:52,194 --> 00:00:54,028
What is your primary
source of income?
22
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,330
Um, sorcery.
23
00:00:56,398 --> 00:00:58,366
And a little
from political corruption,
24
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:00,101
but primarily sorcery.
25
00:01:00,169 --> 00:01:02,170
Yeah, I'll just
put sorcery.
26
00:01:02,237 --> 00:01:05,706
Okay. Um, are you gay,
straight or not sure?
27
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,909
Uh, why are you
asking me this?
28
00:01:07,976 --> 00:01:10,545
It's just... I-I don't...
I don't write the questions.
29
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,780
I know. It just seems a little personal.
Yeah, I-I understand.
30
00:01:12,848 --> 00:01:14,115
You're... you're free
not to answer it
31
00:01:14,183 --> 00:01:15,349
if that's your choice.
32
00:01:15,417 --> 00:01:17,485
No, no, no, it's okay.
You can put "not sure."
33
00:01:17,553 --> 00:01:19,720
All right.
I'm off to Paris.
34
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,039
You guys going to be okay
without me for a week?
35
00:01:22,107 --> 00:01:23,474
Ugh. I don't know.
36
00:01:23,525 --> 00:01:25,326
I mean, who's going to put
those three magazines
37
00:01:25,394 --> 00:01:27,111
in a neat stack
on the coffee table?
38
00:01:27,162 --> 00:01:28,763
Lois, I realize you're excited
about going away
39
00:01:28,830 --> 00:01:30,831
with Bonnie and all,
but could I... could I not
40
00:01:30,899 --> 00:01:32,867
have to hear about the trip
when you get back?
41
00:01:32,935 --> 00:01:34,402
I-I just...
I know you're going to have
42
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:35,970
pictures and stories,
and I-I just...
43
00:01:36,038 --> 00:01:38,289
I-I-I just don't want to be
involved in any of that mess.
44
00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,310
You ready to go, Lois?
45
00:01:42,377 --> 00:01:44,028
I sure am.
Oh, my God, Bonnie.
46
00:01:44,096 --> 00:01:45,730
We're going to have
such a good time.
47
00:01:45,797 --> 00:01:48,683
I know, and it's going to be
so much fun going with you.
48
00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:50,184
Joe hates to fly
49
00:01:50,269 --> 00:01:52,520
'cause they always put him
underneath with the dogs.
50
00:01:54,139 --> 00:01:56,707
Indonesia better be worth it.
51
00:01:56,775 --> 00:01:58,442
Okay. Bye, everyone.
52
00:01:58,510 --> 00:02:00,444
Kids, you mind your father
while I'm gone.
53
00:02:00,512 --> 00:02:01,646
Love you.
54
00:02:01,697 --> 00:02:02,947
Bye, Mom.
Bye!
55
00:02:03,014 --> 00:02:04,198
Oh, Peter,
I almost forgot.
56
00:02:04,266 --> 00:02:05,483
Here's some money
for groceries
57
00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:07,201
and a list
of the kids' schedules.
58
00:02:07,269 --> 00:02:08,836
The fat man in charge
for a week?
59
00:02:08,904 --> 00:02:10,605
He's going to be in
over his head.
60
00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,473
Like when he was a boxing coach.
61
00:02:12,541 --> 00:02:13,908
Punch him! Punch him again!
Punch him!
62
00:02:13,992 --> 00:02:15,526
Punch him now! Again!
Now you're getting punched!
63
00:02:15,577 --> 00:02:16,994
Punch back!
Don't let him hit you!
64
00:02:17,045 --> 00:02:18,696
Get out of the way!
Punch him!
65
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,648
You know what I'm going to tell you.
66
00:02:20,716 --> 00:02:22,583
I got to punch him...
You got to punch him more.
67
00:02:26,655 --> 00:02:28,439
Hey, you ever check
Joe's Facebook?
68
00:02:28,507 --> 00:02:30,291
Ugh, I know. Awful.
69
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:33,594
"Hittin' Cheesecake
Factory again. So amped."
70
00:02:33,662 --> 00:02:35,596
And then the symbol
that means "wink."
71
00:02:35,664 --> 00:02:37,598
Really? I mean, like,
why... why the wink?
72
00:02:37,666 --> 00:02:39,033
I mean, is there...
is there something
73
00:02:39,101 --> 00:02:40,434
that we're supposed
to be in on?
74
00:02:40,502 --> 00:02:42,169
Is he not going there?
75
00:02:42,237 --> 00:02:44,038
Is he... is
he not amped?
76
00:02:44,106 --> 00:02:46,307
And-and... and who cares
if he is, you know?
77
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,875
Dick.
78
00:02:47,943 --> 00:02:51,245
Coming up, our horribly outdated
scams reporter, Ken Redowski,
79
00:02:51,313 --> 00:02:53,314
gets angry about a product
you don't care about.
80
00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,116
Digital bathroom scales!
81
00:02:55,183 --> 00:02:56,484
Thanks, Ken.
This just in:
82
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,552
there has been a confirmed
outbreak of goat flu
83
00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:00,054
at James Woods High School.
84
00:03:00,122 --> 00:03:01,672
Goat flu?
You got to be kidding me.
85
00:03:01,740 --> 00:03:02,974
Every year, the stupid media
86
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:04,792
tries to scare us
with this kind of thing,
87
00:03:04,860 --> 00:03:06,677
and every year,
it turns out to be nothing.
88
00:03:06,745 --> 00:03:08,162
Yeah, it's nothing.
I know.
89
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,680
Every year, it's nothing.
Well, now, hang on.
90
00:03:09,748 --> 00:03:10,915
There might be
something to this.
91
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:12,083
Health officials have said
92
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,951
that a vaccine
is not yet available.
93
00:03:14,019 --> 00:03:15,786
And if you're not scared yet,
here's some footage
94
00:03:15,854 --> 00:03:17,788
of people sneezing
at a salad bar.
95
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,426
Oh, dear.
Here's some footage
96
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,028
of people licking
subway turnstiles.
97
00:03:26,732 --> 00:03:28,733
Oh.
Here's some footage of a man
98
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,768
with the flu making out with you
while you're asleep.
99
00:03:33,739 --> 00:03:34,939
Oh, my God!
100
00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,340
While James Woods High
remains open,
101
00:03:36,408 --> 00:03:38,809
students are reminded
to wash their hands frequently
102
00:03:38,877 --> 00:03:40,845
and watch for early signs
of infection.
103
00:03:40,912 --> 00:03:43,147
Oh, my God. I got to get
the kids out of there.
104
00:03:43,215 --> 00:03:44,415
What?
What are you talking about?
105
00:03:44,466 --> 00:03:45,733
I'm talking
about homeschooling, Brian.
106
00:03:45,801 --> 00:03:47,668
Just until the crisis is over.
107
00:03:47,736 --> 00:03:48,836
Peter, that's a complete
overreaction.
108
00:03:48,904 --> 00:03:50,237
I don't think
Lois would be happy
109
00:03:50,305 --> 00:03:51,955
if you pulled the kids
out of school.
110
00:03:52,007 --> 00:03:53,491
Well, she left me in charge,
didn't she?
111
00:03:53,558 --> 00:03:54,992
And besides, you know me.
112
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:57,611
When I set my mind to something,
I am not easily deterred.
113
00:03:57,679 --> 00:03:59,613
Like when I tried out
to be an Olympic gymnast.
114
00:04:06,755 --> 00:04:08,039
You did it, Peter.
115
00:04:08,106 --> 00:04:09,407
Why'd you shoot me?
116
00:04:09,474 --> 00:04:11,175
Because I'm weird,
creepy coach.
117
00:04:11,243 --> 00:04:13,844
Now, let me give you
inappropriate personal shower
118
00:04:13,912 --> 00:04:16,847
while I smoke and forbid
you to see parent.
119
00:04:16,915 --> 00:04:19,617
This is... Somebody should
look into this sport.
120
00:04:23,989 --> 00:04:26,057
Uh, I'd like to apologize
for yesterday,
121
00:04:26,124 --> 00:04:27,792
when I assigned you
lab partners.
122
00:04:27,859 --> 00:04:30,494
It has come to my attention
that this is an English class.
123
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:35,216
Griffin?
124
00:04:39,121 --> 00:04:41,622
Chris, Meg, I spoke to
your father on the phone,
125
00:04:41,690 --> 00:04:43,791
and he said you needed to
be removed from school.
126
00:04:43,859 --> 00:04:45,893
I didn't believe it was
really him at first,
127
00:04:45,961 --> 00:04:47,194
but then I received
another call
128
00:04:47,262 --> 00:04:48,963
from the very person
who I thought
129
00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:50,664
was pretending
to be him.
130
00:04:50,732 --> 00:04:52,566
It caused quite a
stir in my office.
131
00:04:58,657 --> 00:04:59,690
Come on, children.
132
00:05:02,294 --> 00:05:03,561
Is everything
all right?
133
00:05:03,628 --> 00:05:04,562
Everything's fine.
134
00:05:04,629 --> 00:05:05,963
It's me.
135
00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:08,132
I just dressed up like your
father to jazz your teachers
136
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,100
and get you
out of here.
137
00:05:09,167 --> 00:05:10,134
What do you mean?
138
00:05:10,202 --> 00:05:11,202
I'm taking you
out of here.
139
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:12,736
That place is riddled
with goat flu,
140
00:05:12,804 --> 00:05:14,155
so I'm gonna homeschool
you kids.
141
00:05:14,222 --> 00:05:15,222
Oh, okay.
142
00:05:15,290 --> 00:05:16,724
Dad, where'd you
get this car?
143
00:05:16,792 --> 00:05:18,159
I borrowed it
from Quagmire.
144
00:05:18,226 --> 00:05:21,045
He's not home 'cause he got
abducted by aliens last night.
145
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:23,647
So, do you guys just not do
the anal probe anymore?
146
00:05:23,715 --> 00:05:25,850
Is that...?
No, that's more or less been retired.
147
00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:28,052
I see, I see.
148
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,020
D-Do you still have the thing?
149
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:36,477
Oh, my God,
what a beautiful room.
150
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,312
Paris is so incredible.
151
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,080
I can't believe
we're really here.
152
00:05:40,148 --> 00:05:41,482
I know.
153
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:45,052
Look at all the
people on the street.
154
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,720
Not a lot of people
of color here,
155
00:05:46,788 --> 00:05:48,923
but the ones that are
black are really black.
156
00:05:48,990 --> 00:05:50,691
I've noticed that, too.
157
00:05:50,759 --> 00:05:52,593
All right, I've got
our whole day planned.
158
00:05:52,661 --> 00:05:53,994
First, we'll go
to the Louvre.
159
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,664
Then we'll go shopping
along the Champs-Elysées.
160
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,933
Uh, Lois, I should
probably tell you
161
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,436
I didn't come all the way here
to go to museums and shops.
162
00:06:02,504 --> 00:06:04,004
Well, I-I don't understand.
163
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:06,106
Why'd you even want
to come here, then?
164
00:06:06,174 --> 00:06:09,276
Lois, I came here
to have an affair.
165
00:06:09,344 --> 00:06:10,444
An affair?
166
00:06:10,512 --> 00:06:11,612
With who?
167
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,981
Anyone.
My God.
168
00:06:14,049 --> 00:06:15,249
Well, can we
at least do
169
00:06:15,317 --> 00:06:17,885
some Muppet-style
sightseeing first?
170
00:06:40,236 --> 00:06:41,804
All right, settle down.
171
00:06:41,853 --> 00:06:42,936
Good morning, class.
172
00:06:43,004 --> 00:06:44,304
Morning, Dad.
173
00:06:44,389 --> 00:06:46,106
We're going to need a few
things for this class--
174
00:06:46,191 --> 00:06:48,475
an eagerness to learn,
a thirst for knowledge--
175
00:06:48,543 --> 00:06:51,378
but one thing we
won't need is this.
176
00:06:51,446 --> 00:06:53,247
That's right, I know
you're all used to teachers
177
00:06:53,314 --> 00:06:56,733
wearing tuxedos and Dracula
capes, but not this one.
178
00:06:56,785 --> 00:06:59,119
There will be no pretense
in this classroom.
179
00:06:59,204 --> 00:07:02,489
There will only be open
minds and new horizons.
180
00:07:02,557 --> 00:07:05,209
Get ready for adventure.
181
00:07:05,276 --> 00:07:07,144
I know some teachers
think class should be
182
00:07:07,212 --> 00:07:10,764
an exercise in structure,
but not Mr. Griffin.
183
00:07:10,832 --> 00:07:13,000
This is what my
class will be, this!
184
00:07:13,084 --> 00:07:13,967
Learn with me!
185
00:07:14,052 --> 00:07:14,968
Let's teach each other!
186
00:07:15,053 --> 00:07:16,920
Yay, learning!
187
00:07:19,057 --> 00:07:21,124
Chris, "A."
188
00:07:21,176 --> 00:07:23,010
Meg, "F."
189
00:07:27,465 --> 00:07:30,567
Ah, you know, this is
how you take a vacation.
190
00:07:30,635 --> 00:07:32,336
Oh, Bonnie, would
you look at that?
191
00:07:32,403 --> 00:07:34,671
I've never seen anything
like that before--
192
00:07:34,739 --> 00:07:37,107
a croissant with
almonds on it.
193
00:07:37,175 --> 00:07:38,909
And, and could you
bring me a beer?
194
00:07:38,976 --> 00:07:41,011
Oh, I feel
so elegant.
195
00:07:41,079 --> 00:07:42,012
What are you
going to have?
196
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,514
You know
what I'd really like?
197
00:07:43,581 --> 00:07:46,150
A piece of that.
198
00:07:46,217 --> 00:07:47,885
Bonnie, for God's
sake, stop it.
199
00:07:47,952 --> 00:07:51,522
Lois, I already told you, I'm
in Paris to have an affair.
200
00:07:51,589 --> 00:07:53,991
I'll even do a Muslim
if I have to.
201
00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:55,692
But I just can't believe
you'd throw away
202
00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,896
all those years with Joe just
to have some silly fling.
203
00:07:58,963 --> 00:08:01,298
I'm not throwing
anything away.
204
00:08:01,366 --> 00:08:04,401
Joe and I have been growing
apart for a long time.
205
00:08:04,469 --> 00:08:06,103
Besides, we've had
a good run.
206
00:08:06,171 --> 00:08:08,071
We've been married
for 80 years.
207
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,406
You what?
208
00:08:09,474 --> 00:08:11,942
Well, that's in married-
to-a-handicapped-guy years.
209
00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:13,577
Go, Dallas Cowboys, huh?
210
00:08:13,645 --> 00:08:14,611
Hello.
211
00:08:14,679 --> 00:08:15,746
Excuse me?
212
00:08:15,813 --> 00:08:17,548
You are American, no?
213
00:08:17,615 --> 00:08:20,350
I very much admire
your Garry Shandling.
214
00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:22,035
Look, I know where
you're going with this,
215
00:08:22,103 --> 00:08:23,237
and we're not
interested, okay,
216
00:08:23,321 --> 00:08:24,855
so you might as well
just keep moving.
217
00:08:24,923 --> 00:08:25,856
I'm interested.
218
00:08:28,326 --> 00:08:29,593
Bonnie.
219
00:08:29,661 --> 00:08:32,095
Would you like to sample
a warm French baguette?
220
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,430
Oh, my.
221
00:08:33,498 --> 00:08:35,999
My intention is to
void myself on you.
222
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:39,469
Oh, I'd almost forgotten
what it's like to be romanced.
223
00:08:39,537 --> 00:08:40,804
Come on, Bonnie,
we are leaving.
224
00:08:40,872 --> 00:08:41,872
What?
225
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:43,857
Look, I'm doing
you a favor.
226
00:08:43,925 --> 00:08:46,793
My stool will sleep
alone tonight.
227
00:08:48,513 --> 00:08:50,664
Bonnie, this is insanity.
228
00:08:50,732 --> 00:08:52,199
Promise me you'll put
this whole affair thing
229
00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:53,300
out of your head.
230
00:08:53,368 --> 00:08:55,369
Lois, I'm just
having fun.
231
00:08:55,436 --> 00:08:56,937
You're playing
with fire.
232
00:08:57,005 --> 00:08:58,705
Look, no marriage
is perfect,
233
00:08:58,773 --> 00:09:01,225
but Joe's the man you
gave your life to,
234
00:09:01,292 --> 00:09:03,477
and besides, you
have a little girl.
235
00:09:03,545 --> 00:09:05,979
You really want to be setting
this kind of example?
236
00:09:07,248 --> 00:09:08,849
I guess you're right, Lois.
237
00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:10,450
It's just that sometimes I feel
238
00:09:10,518 --> 00:09:12,819
like I don't even know
Joe anymore.
239
00:09:12,887 --> 00:09:16,840
It's like I've become a
different person and so has he.
240
00:09:19,577 --> 00:09:22,346
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
241
00:09:22,413 --> 00:09:26,183
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
242
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:29,119
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
243
00:09:29,187 --> 00:09:32,656
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
244
00:09:35,443 --> 00:09:38,595
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
245
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:42,399
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
246
00:09:43,768 --> 00:09:46,653
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
247
00:09:48,156 --> 00:09:49,823
All right, class, this
course is going to cover
248
00:09:49,891 --> 00:09:52,142
all the significant
moments in human history,
249
00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:54,061
starting with the settling
of the Old West,
250
00:09:54,128 --> 00:09:57,214
where brave pioneers survived
against long odds.
251
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:01,451
Honey, I have to go into town
to get some supplies,
252
00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:04,104
so I'm probably going to die,
but if I don't,
253
00:10:04,172 --> 00:10:06,640
I'll see you in 18 months
with a canvas bag of salt
254
00:10:06,708 --> 00:10:08,809
and a tin of whale fat
for the children.
255
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:10,711
I've dug graves out back
for all of you
256
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:13,013
in the likely event that you,
too, shall perish.
257
00:10:13,081 --> 00:10:14,948
You were a good man, Abraham.
258
00:10:15,016 --> 00:10:16,717
Please scrawl that
on a rough-hewn piece of wood
259
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:17,718
in my honor.
260
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,653
I shall.
261
00:10:22,407 --> 00:10:24,458
The reign of Henry VIII.
262
00:10:24,525 --> 00:10:26,827
Did you enjoy what I
just did for you, sire?
263
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:28,462
Yes, very much so.
264
00:10:28,529 --> 00:10:31,765
Wow, when this is over, I am
definitely keeping her head.
265
00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:34,368
Joseph Smith discovering
the Book of Mormon.
266
00:10:34,452 --> 00:10:37,304
Oh, an old
Con Ed bill--
267
00:10:37,372 --> 00:10:39,089
I mean, a new testament
of Jesus Christ;
268
00:10:39,156 --> 00:10:40,340
everyone has
to sleep with me.
269
00:10:40,425 --> 00:10:42,059
What?
And no dancing.
270
00:10:42,126 --> 00:10:43,827
But recent years have also seen
271
00:10:43,895 --> 00:10:45,946
many important
historical events.
272
00:10:46,014 --> 00:10:50,083
1985 brought us the gayest
music video of all time.
273
00:10:53,521 --> 00:10:57,057
Okay, Tokyo.
274
00:10:57,141 --> 00:11:00,727
South America,
Australia, France.
275
00:11:00,812 --> 00:11:02,529
Germany, U.K.
276
00:11:02,597 --> 00:11:06,015
Africa!
277
00:11:13,458 --> 00:11:16,910
♪ Calling out
around the world ♪
278
00:11:16,994 --> 00:11:20,664
♪ Are you ready
for a brand-new beat? ♪
279
00:11:20,715 --> 00:11:23,884
♪ Summer's here,
and the time is right ♪
280
00:11:23,968 --> 00:11:26,670
♪ For dancing in the street ♪
281
00:11:26,721 --> 00:11:29,205
♪ Dancing in Chicago ♪
282
00:11:29,257 --> 00:11:30,640
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
283
00:11:30,708 --> 00:11:32,509
♪ Down in New Orleans ♪
284
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:33,877
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
285
00:11:33,928 --> 00:11:35,729
♪ In New York City ♪
286
00:11:35,813 --> 00:11:37,013
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
287
00:11:37,065 --> 00:11:40,434
♪ All we need is music,
sweet music ♪
288
00:11:40,518 --> 00:11:42,269
♪ Sweet music ♪
289
00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,053
♪ There'll be music
everywhere ♪
290
00:11:44,105 --> 00:11:45,489
♪ Everywhere ♪
291
00:11:45,556 --> 00:11:49,743
♪ They'll be swinging, swaying,
records playing ♪
292
00:11:49,827 --> 00:11:52,446
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
293
00:11:52,530 --> 00:11:54,614
♪ Whoa ♪
294
00:11:54,699 --> 00:11:56,783
♪ It doesn't matter
what you wear ♪
295
00:11:56,868 --> 00:11:59,903
♪ Just as long
as you are there ♪
296
00:11:59,954 --> 00:12:04,207
♪ So come on, every guy,
grab a girl ♪
297
00:12:04,258 --> 00:12:07,677
♪ Everywhere
around the world ♪
298
00:12:07,745 --> 00:12:10,297
♪ They'll be dancing ♪
299
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,432
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
300
00:12:12,517 --> 00:12:14,935
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
301
00:12:15,019 --> 00:12:19,139
♪ It's an invitation
across the nation ♪
302
00:12:19,223 --> 00:12:22,859
♪ A chance for folks to meet ♪
303
00:12:22,927 --> 00:12:24,778
♪ They'll be laughing
and singing ♪
304
00:12:24,862 --> 00:12:26,313
♪ And music swinging ♪
305
00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:28,815
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
306
00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:30,817
♪ Philadelphia, PA ♪
307
00:12:30,902 --> 00:12:32,486
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
308
00:12:32,570 --> 00:12:34,538
♪ Baltimore in DC now ♪
309
00:12:34,605 --> 00:12:36,239
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
310
00:12:36,290 --> 00:12:38,208
♪ Don't forget the motor city ♪
311
00:12:38,275 --> 00:12:39,793
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
312
00:12:39,877 --> 00:12:41,545
♪ On the streets of Brazil ♪
313
00:12:41,612 --> 00:12:43,446
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
314
00:12:43,498 --> 00:12:45,415
♪ Back in the USSR ♪
315
00:12:45,466 --> 00:12:47,083
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
316
00:12:47,135 --> 00:12:49,386
♪ No matter where you are ♪
317
00:12:49,453 --> 00:12:50,620
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
318
00:12:50,671 --> 00:12:53,974
♪ All we need is music,
sweet music ♪
319
00:12:54,058 --> 00:12:55,291
♪ Sweet music ♪
320
00:12:55,343 --> 00:12:57,561
♪ There'll be music everywhere ♪
321
00:12:57,628 --> 00:12:59,146
♪ Everywhere ♪
322
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:03,099
♪ They'll be swinging, swaying,
records playing ♪
323
00:13:03,151 --> 00:13:05,685
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
324
00:13:05,770 --> 00:13:07,020
♪ Oh ♪
325
00:13:07,104 --> 00:13:09,689
♪ It doesn't matter
what you wear ♪
326
00:13:09,774 --> 00:13:13,243
♪ Just as long
as you are there ♪
327
00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:17,697
♪ So come on, every guy,
grab a girl ♪
328
00:13:17,782 --> 00:13:21,251
♪ Everywhere,
around the world ♪
329
00:13:21,318 --> 00:13:23,170
♪ They'll be dancing ♪
330
00:13:23,254 --> 00:13:25,622
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
331
00:13:25,673 --> 00:13:27,323
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
332
00:13:27,375 --> 00:13:29,759
♪ Way down in L.A. ♪
333
00:13:29,827 --> 00:13:31,044
♪ Every day ♪
334
00:13:31,128 --> 00:13:32,963
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
335
00:13:33,014 --> 00:13:34,714
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
336
00:13:34,799 --> 00:13:37,033
♪ Cross in China, too ♪
337
00:13:37,101 --> 00:13:38,385
♪ Me and you ♪
338
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:39,886
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
339
00:13:39,954 --> 00:13:41,638
♪ Dancing in the... ♪
340
00:13:41,689 --> 00:13:44,357
That happened,
and we all let it happen.
341
00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:50,847
All right, class,
two things today.
342
00:13:50,915 --> 00:13:52,382
I'm no good at math,
343
00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:54,484
and I don't have a certificate
to teach driver's ed,
344
00:13:54,552 --> 00:13:56,753
so I hired a math tutor
and a driver's ed guy.
345
00:13:56,821 --> 00:13:58,855
Okay, so, do you use my car,
346
00:13:58,923 --> 00:14:00,524
or do you have, like,
a special one you brought?
347
00:14:00,591 --> 00:14:01,892
Um, I'm the
math tutor.
348
00:14:01,959 --> 00:14:03,760
Really? No way!
349
00:14:03,828 --> 00:14:05,028
So that means
you're the...
350
00:14:05,096 --> 00:14:06,663
Driver's ed
instructor, yes.
351
00:14:06,731 --> 00:14:08,648
Well, I'll be
a son of a gun!
352
00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:12,219
All right, time to learn math
from a black guy, I guess!
353
00:14:16,791 --> 00:14:19,526
Ah! This is such
an amazing city!
354
00:14:19,594 --> 00:14:21,528
L-Like, I could see them
having a special episode
355
00:14:21,596 --> 00:14:23,230
of The Biggest Loser here!
356
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:26,533
Uh, Lois, didn't you see I
tied a tampon to the doorknob?
357
00:14:26,601 --> 00:14:28,768
No. What does that mean?
358
00:14:28,836 --> 00:14:30,670
It's what we used to do
in our sorority
359
00:14:30,738 --> 00:14:32,806
when we had... company.
360
00:14:32,874 --> 00:14:34,174
Company? What are you...?
361
00:14:34,242 --> 00:14:35,575
Oh, my God.
362
00:14:35,643 --> 00:14:37,844
Look, Lois, don't make
a big deal about it.
363
00:14:37,912 --> 00:14:40,180
I just needed a
change from Joe.
364
00:14:40,248 --> 00:14:41,798
Bonjour.
365
00:14:41,866 --> 00:14:43,266
Lois, this is François.
366
00:14:44,869 --> 00:14:46,720
Oh, you're serious.
367
00:14:52,063 --> 00:14:54,664
Okay, students, 40 of you
will begin this course,
368
00:14:54,674 --> 00:14:56,134
but only ten of you
will finish it.
369
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,701
Why is every day an introduction
to the course?
370
00:14:58,769 --> 00:15:01,171
Now I know some teachers think
they're working outside the box
371
00:15:01,238 --> 00:15:02,472
when they have class
on the lawn.
372
00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:04,407
Well, I'm gonna take it
a step further.
373
00:15:04,475 --> 00:15:06,392
We're gonna do peyote
in the desert.
374
00:15:24,428 --> 00:15:26,462
Oh, it's beautiful!
375
00:15:26,547 --> 00:15:28,882
Everything is so beautiful!
376
00:15:28,933 --> 00:15:30,850
Come dance with me, Dad!
377
00:15:30,918 --> 00:15:32,802
Soon, Meg, soon.
378
00:15:32,870 --> 00:15:34,854
But first I must inhale.
379
00:15:36,724 --> 00:15:37,924
And again.
380
00:15:39,693 --> 00:15:41,060
And again.
381
00:15:43,597 --> 00:15:46,566
Let's go to the Hollywood Hills
and kill a bunch of people.
382
00:15:51,572 --> 00:15:54,407
Oh, Bonnie, if I were a skunk
383
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:57,010
and you were a cat
who kept repeatedly wandering
384
00:15:57,077 --> 00:15:58,912
into areas
where there was wet paint,
385
00:15:58,979 --> 00:16:01,047
I would look at that stripe
on your back
386
00:16:01,115 --> 00:16:02,282
and think you were
another skunk,
387
00:16:02,349 --> 00:16:03,917
and I would try to rap you.
388
00:16:03,984 --> 00:16:06,986
And it would be legal
because we are in France.
389
00:16:07,054 --> 00:16:10,490
Oh, François, it's
like I'm in a dream.
390
00:16:10,557 --> 00:16:13,559
Bonnie, I have something
very important to ask you.
391
00:16:13,627 --> 00:16:14,560
What is it?
392
00:16:14,628 --> 00:16:15,895
I have so enjoyed your intimacy
393
00:16:15,963 --> 00:16:17,397
these past few days.
394
00:16:17,464 --> 00:16:20,533
Will you stay here with me?
395
00:16:20,601 --> 00:16:22,568
Here? In-in Paris?
396
00:16:22,636 --> 00:16:23,987
Ugh, there you are,
Bonnie.
397
00:16:24,071 --> 00:16:25,655
I've been looking
all over for you.
398
00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:27,290
Lois, this is good timing.
399
00:16:27,358 --> 00:16:30,326
There's something I need to tell you.
What is it?
400
00:16:30,394 --> 00:16:33,763
François has asked me to
stay here in Paris with him.
401
00:16:33,831 --> 00:16:35,965
Oh, my God,
you're not gonna do it, are you?
402
00:16:36,033 --> 00:16:37,700
Well, I don't know.
403
00:16:37,768 --> 00:16:39,502
I'm thinking about it.
404
00:16:39,570 --> 00:16:41,771
I-I can't believe
what I'm hearing right now.
405
00:16:41,839 --> 00:16:43,506
You can't do this, Bonnie!
406
00:16:43,574 --> 00:16:45,024
Oh, is that right?
407
00:16:45,092 --> 00:16:47,176
Now you're telling me
what I can and can't do?
408
00:16:47,244 --> 00:16:49,479
I invited you on
this trip to hang out
409
00:16:49,546 --> 00:16:52,715
while I have sex with strangers,
and this is how you repay me?
410
00:16:52,783 --> 00:16:55,268
I'll see you back
at the hotel.
411
00:16:55,336 --> 00:16:58,204
I apologize for my
friend, François.
412
00:16:58,272 --> 00:17:00,206
So, will you stay with me?
413
00:17:00,274 --> 00:17:01,924
Well, it's tempting.
414
00:17:01,992 --> 00:17:04,060
Paris is such a perfect city.
415
00:17:04,128 --> 00:17:06,296
Ah, that is not entirely true.
416
00:17:06,363 --> 00:17:08,464
We have a lot
of mime-on-mime violence.
417
00:17:21,528 --> 00:17:24,030
All right, class, today's
final exam will consist
418
00:17:24,098 --> 00:17:25,932
of two parts:
oral and anal.
419
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,601
Dad, we got to go back
to school, real school.
420
00:17:28,669 --> 00:17:29,502
What do you mean?
421
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:30,837
The goat flu outbreak
422
00:17:30,904 --> 00:17:32,839
at school is over, and honestly,
423
00:17:32,906 --> 00:17:34,607
I'm afraid
we're not learning anything.
424
00:17:34,675 --> 00:17:36,342
Oh, Meg,
you couldn't be wronger.
425
00:17:36,410 --> 00:17:38,027
You're learning
everything. Watch.
426
00:17:38,095 --> 00:17:40,213
Chris, dates-- Battle of Hastings!
I don't know.
427
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,714
Franco-Prussian War!
I don't know.
428
00:17:41,782 --> 00:17:42,782
Sherman's March to the Sea!
I don't know.
429
00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:43,950
Cuban Missile Crisis!
No idea.
430
00:17:44,018 --> 00:17:45,134
Trail of Tears!
Never heard of it.
431
00:17:45,202 --> 00:17:46,552
Death of Charlemagne!
What is that?
432
00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:48,087
Treaty of Augsburg!
I got nothing.
433
00:17:48,155 --> 00:17:49,288
Cortez reaches South America!
Pumping a dry well.
434
00:17:49,356 --> 00:17:50,440
Teapot Dome Scandal!
Sounds fake.
435
00:17:50,507 --> 00:17:51,641
September 11, 2001!
Also sounds fake.
436
00:17:51,709 --> 00:17:52,825
The Bronze Age!
Nope.
437
00:17:52,893 --> 00:17:53,993
King James Bible!
No.
438
00:17:54,061 --> 00:17:55,161
San Juan Hill!
No!
439
00:17:55,229 --> 00:17:56,329
Wounded Knee!
Stop!
440
00:17:56,397 --> 00:17:57,530
Great Schism!
Dad!
441
00:17:57,598 --> 00:17:58,498
I'll take you
back to school.
442
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,253
Oh, there you are.
443
00:18:04,338 --> 00:18:05,538
Hurry up
now, Bonnie.
444
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:07,240
We're gonna miss
our plane.
445
00:18:07,307 --> 00:18:09,308
Lois, I've thought
a lot about this,
446
00:18:09,376 --> 00:18:11,110
and I'm not going with you.
447
00:18:11,178 --> 00:18:12,745
What?! What do you mean?
448
00:18:12,813 --> 00:18:14,981
I'm staying here
with François.
449
00:18:15,049 --> 00:18:16,749
I see. You know, I thought
450
00:18:16,817 --> 00:18:18,518
you might say something
like this,
451
00:18:18,585 --> 00:18:20,286
and that's why I called someone
452
00:18:20,354 --> 00:18:22,055
who might be able
to change your mind.
453
00:18:24,992 --> 00:18:27,860
Joe, what are you doing here?!
454
00:18:27,928 --> 00:18:29,812
I came as soon
as Lois told me, Bonnie.
455
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,531
Please don't do it.
456
00:18:31,598 --> 00:18:33,833
I'm sorry that I've been
neglecting you lately,
457
00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:36,636
but I love you, and I need you.
458
00:18:36,703 --> 00:18:38,538
Please come home with me.
459
00:18:38,605 --> 00:18:40,706
Oh, Joe, I'm sorry.
460
00:18:40,774 --> 00:18:42,508
This is so hard.
461
00:18:42,576 --> 00:18:44,343
Think about what we have
together, honey.
462
00:18:44,411 --> 00:18:46,112
Think about our little girl.
463
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:53,069
You need to come home with me.
464
00:18:53,137 --> 00:18:54,871
Bonnie, stay
with me.
465
00:18:54,938 --> 00:18:57,757
I promise, it will take
three years with this accent
466
00:18:57,808 --> 00:19:00,176
before you figure out
I'm just a normal jerk.
467
00:19:00,244 --> 00:19:02,945
Bonnie, listen to me.
I'm your husband.
468
00:19:03,013 --> 00:19:06,666
He may be your husband, but
I would do anything for you.
469
00:19:06,733 --> 00:19:09,769
Well, there's one thing
he can't do.
470
00:19:11,288 --> 00:19:13,556
Bonnie, I didn't think
it would have to come to this,
471
00:19:13,624 --> 00:19:15,224
but I can see
there's only one way left
472
00:19:15,292 --> 00:19:17,309
to prove my love to you.
473
00:19:29,072 --> 00:19:30,973
Joe! I don't believe it!
474
00:19:31,041 --> 00:19:32,775
You're walking!
475
00:19:32,843 --> 00:19:35,344
I am! I am!
476
00:19:35,412 --> 00:19:37,613
Aah! I would do anything
for love,
477
00:19:37,681 --> 00:19:39,816
but I won't do that.
478
00:19:39,883 --> 00:19:42,118
Oh, Joe, I love you!
479
00:19:42,186 --> 00:19:43,886
I love you so much!
480
00:19:43,954 --> 00:19:45,838
I love you, too, Bonnie!
481
00:19:51,645 --> 00:19:53,513
Let's go home, Joe.
482
00:20:00,954 --> 00:20:02,455
You know what?
483
00:20:02,523 --> 00:20:04,023
You can keep your
Paris, France.
484
00:20:04,091 --> 00:20:05,658
I'll take
Quahog any day.
485
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,660
I mean, all that
place is, is skinny guys
486
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,896
rubbing up against you
in buses and subways,
487
00:20:09,963 --> 00:20:11,647
jabbing you in the
thigh with their thing.
488
00:20:11,715 --> 00:20:13,432
Yeah, countries is weird.
489
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:15,635
But at least you helped save
Joe and Bonnie's marriage.
490
00:20:15,702 --> 00:20:18,271
I know. Those two lovebirds
haven't left their bedroom
491
00:20:18,338 --> 00:20:20,006
since we got back.
492
00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,380
Ah, romance.
493
00:20:27,447 --> 00:20:29,732
Speaking of which, we ain't
boofed in a whole week.
494
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,067
Yeah, but what
about the kids?
495
00:20:31,134 --> 00:20:32,535
Ah, they're back at school.
496
00:20:32,603 --> 00:20:35,054
Turns out I wasn't quite
the professor I thought I was.
497
00:20:35,122 --> 00:20:36,639
This is what my class
is all about!
498
00:20:36,707 --> 00:20:38,224
Learn with
me, children!
499
00:20:38,292 --> 00:20:39,442
Let's teach each other!
500
00:20:39,526 --> 00:20:43,946
Chris, you know this.
501
00:20:44,014 --> 00:20:45,915
Sherman's March to the Sea!
502
00:20:45,999 --> 00:20:48,567
Yes! Finally
someone gets it!
503
00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:51,043
Ah, ,
children!
504
00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:52,693
My elbow!
505
00:20:52,863 --> 00:20:54,797
Oh, all the saints
in Christendom!
506
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:55,985
My elbow's shattered!
507
00:20:56,053 --> 00:20:57,453
Oh, it's shattered
to !
508
00:20:58,065 --> 00:20:59,198
Somebody get
the nurse!
509
00:20:59,266 --> 00:21:01,629
Get that big,
black nurse!
510
00:21:01,790 --> 00:21:03,992
Oh, I am so
!
511
00:21:04,059 --> 00:21:07,559
== Sync, corrected by elderman ==