1 00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:05,766 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:05,872 --> 00:00:09,205 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,608 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:15,504 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:18,775 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:22,351 Lucky there's a man who Positively can do 7 00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:24,082 All the things that make us 8 00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,521 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:30,761 He's a family guy 10 00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:40,205 Peter, thanks a lot for having us out on your boat. 11 00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:43,070 - No problem. - Peter, are you sure Santos and Pasqual... 12 00:00:43,176 --> 00:00:45,736 don't mind coming in on a Saturday to serve us drinks? 13 00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,676 Are you kidding, Lois? They're Portuguese. 14 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,841 Work is their cocaine. Besides, look at them in their tuxedos. 15 00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:52,417 They look like little people. 16 00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:01,155 Hey, Meg. What's going on? 17 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,126 What's going on? You having a good time? 18 00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,459 Yeah, no, I'm having a good time. 19 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:08,027 Hey, what's going on? 20 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:12,104 Listen, you're 17 now, right? 21 00:01:12,205 --> 00:01:14,673 I was just throwing it out there. 22 00:01:14,774 --> 00:01:17,368 I was thinking, you know, if you ever want to... 23 00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:19,544 I don't know, screw around or something. 24 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:20,977 Hey, Joe. 25 00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:25,314 So, you know, it's just something to mull around in the old noggin. 26 00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:31,285 Damn. What is it about golf that always brings out the worst in me? 27 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:35,956 So, Annika Sorenstam, you're quite the female golfer, aren't you? 28 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:38,596 Yes, quite the female golfer. 29 00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:41,932 I knew it! Look! Everybody, look! Look! 30 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,263 She's a fraud! 31 00:01:44,170 --> 00:01:46,263 All right, I caught a fish! 32 00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:50,166 Sorry about that, Loretta. Hey, can I have my fish back? 33 00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:53,211 You're gonna have to reach into the cookie jar. 34 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:57,215 Well, I can't just... You're my best friend's wife. 35 00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:58,545 Reach into... All right! 36 00:01:58,651 --> 00:02:02,109 Yeah, you go in and get that. Show that fishy who's boss. 37 00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:06,591 Loretta, they have some of that three-bean salad you're so fond of. 38 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,388 Hey, Quagmire. 39 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,724 Well, we'll have to do this again sometime. 40 00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:14,322 You name the time and the place, little neck. 41 00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,134 I've always loved charades. 42 00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,906 - Your turn, Joe. - The category is Famous People. 43 00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,947 - Okay, guess who I am. - Ironside! 44 00:02:29,048 --> 00:02:30,743 - Larry Flynt! - Stephen Hawking! 45 00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:33,375 - Dr. Strangelove! - Roy Campanella! 46 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,249 - Richard Petty! - Lance Armstrong! 47 00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:36,845 Neil Armstrong! Stretch Armstrong! 48 00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:38,996 Stretch Cunningham! Howard Cunningham! Potsie Weber! 49 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,494 Natalie Wood. Definitely Natalie Wood. 50 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:49,534 - Somebody save him, he can't swim! - He's not even kicking. 51 00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:52,070 - Kick, Joe, kick! - Peter, he's a paraplegic. 52 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,436 That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick, Joe, kick! 53 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,171 Somebody help him! 54 00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:05,044 Gay! 55 00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:10,415 You were right, Peter. It was Natalie Wood. 56 00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:18,729 Lois, why the hell do we have to take a stupid CPR class? 57 00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:21,800 Because, Peter, none of us knew what to do when Joe was drowning. 58 00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:23,869 Now, be quiet and pay attention. 59 00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:27,235 Hi, there. I'd like to welcome you all to CPR. 60 00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:30,008 I see a lot of smiles here in this room. 61 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,873 There's one. There's another. 62 00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,477 That's good. 63 00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:38,044 I see that soda up under your chair. That's all right. 64 00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:42,918 Soda's all right on my watch. We also got Oreos here and fresh coffee. 65 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:46,056 Everybody likes a snack. 66 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:48,457 Now, who wants to go first? 67 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:51,121 No takers? Well, fine. I'll go first. 68 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,664 Peter, why don't you volunteer? 69 00:03:52,765 --> 00:03:55,393 No, I don't volunteer for anything since I helped those guys... 70 00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:56,968 repaint the Sistine Chapel. 71 00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:03,503 Listen, I thought the stuff that was there was kind of lame. So I put this up. 72 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,669 I figured Andre the Giant would be a little hipper. 73 00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:07,498 Get back some of those boys you scared away. 74 00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:09,875 And that's pretty much all there is to it. 75 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:12,577 It's hard, jagged, and tastes like alcohol. 76 00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:14,983 Just like kissing Faye Dunaway. 77 00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:17,380 Easy now. 78 00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:20,590 I can't believe we just did that. 79 00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:24,459 But, you know, that stuff about spending the day together tomorrow... 80 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:26,657 I forgot. Actually, I have a thing. 81 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,257 But, you know, you have my e-mail address. 82 00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:32,031 So drop me a line. And then I'll have yours. 83 00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:35,733 And we'll take it from there. So... 84 00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:40,110 Bellybutton. 85 00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:41,640 Well, I'll see you later. 86 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:45,143 So, it's official. Y'all are card-carrying lifesavers. 87 00:04:45,251 --> 00:04:47,481 Holy crap, a card with my name on it! 88 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:50,714 I am now Peter Griffin, certified CPR. 89 00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:52,848 Come on, Lois! I've got lives to save. 90 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,756 Thanks. Be safe. 91 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:56,920 Nobody had any of the coffee. 92 00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:00,932 Only a couple of Oreos gone. I'm gonna take the rest home to the cats. 93 00:05:03,903 --> 00:05:05,863 Sorry, I was dialing the phone. Are you all right? 94 00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:08,058 Don't worry about it. Doesn't look like there's any... 95 00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:10,667 Peter Griffin, certified CPR. Don't anyone panic! 96 00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:14,774 - What the hell are you doing? - You know, I don't think he's hurt. 97 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:17,543 I'll get to you in a moment, sir. I'm gonna have to check... 98 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:18,878 and see if he soiled himself. 99 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,180 - Sir? Sir? - What the hell is wrong with you? 100 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,732 - I've got to check if you've soiled yourself. - Get off of me. Are you crazy? 101 00:05:23,756 --> 00:05:25,768 Sir? I'm gonna need you to stop struggling, all right? 102 00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:26,935 - Leave him alone. - I hurt my elbow! 103 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,271 - I've got to get these trousers off. - Somebody call the cops! 104 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:32,321 - I gotta see if you soiled yourself. - Nobody asked you to get involved! 105 00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:33,831 Get off him, you jackass! 106 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:37,027 I'm gonna need you to step back. All right, Looks like we're clean down here. 107 00:05:37,136 --> 00:05:40,128 You guys take it easy. No need to thank me. Just pay it forward. 108 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:42,931 - So they revoked your CPR card, huh? - Yeah. 109 00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:45,306 This is worse than when they took away my library card... 110 00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:46,810 for reading while intoxicated. 111 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,180 Don't be ashamed of your hand, Johnny Tremain. 112 00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,808 You still live in exciting times. 113 00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:53,919 Crap! 114 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,147 Sir, do you know how loud you were reading? 115 00:05:56,255 --> 00:05:59,349 "The life of a silversmith's apprentice was not an easy one!" 116 00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,724 I got to figure out some way to get that card back. 117 00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:04,387 You could always take the class again. 118 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,297 I mean, I'm sure they'd give you another card. 119 00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:08,764 - Hey, do you hear that? - What? 120 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,096 Sounds like someone screaming. 121 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,847 What is it, boy? What are you trying to say? 122 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,248 It sounds like Loretta is screaming. 123 00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,184 - Trouble at the old mill? - What are you, insane? 124 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,785 - Somebody fall through the ice? - It's summer. 125 00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:18,106 Bobcat? 126 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,270 Loretta's in trouble? Come on, boy! 127 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,608 Peter Griffin, temporarily suspended CPR... 128 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:26,685 - Holy crap! - We should go. 129 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,153 Boy, that was embarrassing, huh? 130 00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,280 Walking in on Loretta and Cleveland having sex. 131 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,882 - Peter, that wasn't... - You know, for a large, heavyset... 132 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:36,033 black guy, Cleveland's got a cute, little white ass. 133 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,962 That wasn't Cleveland. It was some white guy. 134 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,971 - What was that? - Shut up and put some more... 135 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,057 of that sugar in my bowl. 136 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:49,603 Wait a minute. Brian? If that wasn't Cleveland doing it with Loretta... 137 00:06:49,942 --> 00:06:51,739 then Loretta's having an affair. 138 00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:53,175 We can't tell anyone about this. 139 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:55,713 That is the last thing in the world we want to do. 140 00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:58,579 What a day! We've done everything in the world. 141 00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,244 So I guess the only thing left to do... 142 00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,331 is tell you that Loretta Brown is having an affair. 143 00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,754 - Good Lord! - Oh, no! 144 00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:05,016 Oh, God! I'm screwed. 145 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:07,490 This is worse than that time I had to fess up to the nation. 146 00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:11,787 My fellow Americans, I have not been entirely truthful with you. 147 00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,128 I did ga-googity that girl. 148 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:17,396 I ga-shmoigedied her ga-flavety with my googus. 149 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:18,868 And I am sorry. 150 00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:20,836 Yeah, any idea who it was, Peter? 151 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,498 No, we didn't see his face. 152 00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:24,909 All we know is it's a skinny white guy... 153 00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:26,535 with a tattoo on his left butt cheek. 154 00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:29,774 Well, I better tell Cleveland. I got a knack for delivering bad news. 155 00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:32,043 I don't know how to tell you this, Mr. DeVanney. 156 00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:33,516 So I'll let these guys do it. 157 00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:37,119 You have AIDS Yes, you have AIDS 158 00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:40,283 I hate to tell you, boy, that you have AIDS You've got the AIDS 159 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:44,625 You may have caught it when you stuck that filthy needle in here 160 00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:47,756 Or maybe all that unprotected sex put you here 161 00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:51,030 It isn't clear But what we're certain of is you have AIDS 162 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:55,471 Yes, you have AIDS Not HIV, but full-blown AIDS 163 00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,441 Be sure that you see 164 00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:05,279 That this is not HIV 165 00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:10,548 But full-blown AIDS Not HIV, but really 166 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,647 Full-blown AIDS 167 00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:16,558 I'm sorry I wish it was something less serious. 168 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:19,430 But it's AIDS 169 00:08:19,532 --> 00:08:24,265 You've got the AIDS 170 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,173 So, listen, Cleveland. 171 00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:32,938 The reason I asked you out here... 172 00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:35,411 I've been wanting to talk to you about something. 173 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:39,042 In Superman II, what is the story with that cellophane "S"... 174 00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:41,676 that Superman rips off his chest and throws at the bad guy? 175 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,456 Prepare to be destroyed, Superman! 176 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,657 - What was that? - Yeah, take that, you jerk. 177 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:54,289 - That was a minor inconvenience. - Yeah, well, that's the idea. 178 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,334 - Slowed you down. - I'll say. Ow. 179 00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:57,995 - Didn't see that coming, did you? - No. 180 00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,765 Yeah, well, you know, take that. 181 00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:01,735 Which actually brings me to my next point: 182 00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:04,241 - Your wife's cheating on you. - What? 183 00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:07,471 Yeah, it's actually a pretty funny story, true story. 184 00:09:07,580 --> 00:09:11,243 Brian and I walked into your house and she was with some guy going... 185 00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:12,748 Bam, bam, bam. 186 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,854 - Peter, maybe... - Hang on, I'm not done. 187 00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:16,988 Bam, bam. 188 00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:20,547 And then she's all, "Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah." 189 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:21,954 Bam, bam, bam. 190 00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:23,694 You want to take it from here, Bamm-Bamm? 191 00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:25,229 Bam-bam, bam-bam. 192 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,142 - You want to take it from here, Emeril? - Bam! 193 00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:29,246 So that's what we're dealing with here. Any thoughts? 194 00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:34,200 Loretta, is it true what they're saying? 195 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:37,936 Were you really having carnal relations with another gentleman? 196 00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:41,070 I'm a woman, Cleveland. I need some passion in my life. 197 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:44,343 I need a real man. And Lord knows that ain't you. 198 00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:48,887 Well, I admit after a long day at work, I don't always come home... 199 00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:53,357 with that "Riunite on ice, that's nice" mentality. 200 00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:55,324 And for that, I apologize. 201 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:59,194 Apologize? I cheat on you and you apologize to me? 202 00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:02,062 Cleveland Brown, you are pathetic! 203 00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:05,228 I disagree, but I respect your candor. 204 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,033 Goodbye, Cleveland. 205 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:08,707 I love you. 206 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,172 Hi, Cleveland. 207 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,248 - Hey, what are you doing here? - Loretta kicked me out. 208 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:20,308 Cleveland, I am so sorry. You can stay here as long as you like. 209 00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:21,976 Cleveland, sit down. 210 00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:26,252 I want to sing a little song that kept me going when I had troubles. 211 00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:33,462 We were at the beach 212 00:10:34,266 --> 00:10:36,791 Everybody had matching towels 213 00:10:36,902 --> 00:10:39,234 Somebody went under a dock 214 00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:41,932 And there they saw a rock 215 00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,736 But it wasn't a rock 216 00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:47,277 It was a rock lobster 217 00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:53,751 Rock lobster 218 00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:59,090 Rock lobster 219 00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:05,791 Yeah, you're gonna be okay. 220 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:13,096 Now, everybody, Cleveland's gonna be staying with us for a few days. 221 00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:15,696 That's right, kids. So just treat him like one of the family. 222 00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:19,972 You mean like Cousin Janine who we're polite to but then mock her diabetes... 223 00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:21,706 on the drive home? 224 00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:23,372 She can't eat caramel. 225 00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:25,881 Exactly. 226 00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:27,680 Can I touch your hair? 227 00:11:27,787 --> 00:11:29,914 I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna touch it. 228 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,789 It's like a sheep! 229 00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:36,521 You know, Peter, I'm a little worried about Cleveland. 230 00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:38,960 His wife cheated on him, kicked him out of the house... 231 00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:40,575 and he doesn't seem at all affected by it. 232 00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:43,363 He's probably bottling up his emotions. That's not good for you. 233 00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:46,802 Right. I almost got an ulcer after you shelled out $200... 234 00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:48,840 for tickets to Crossing Over with John Edward. 235 00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:51,466 I'm sensing an "A." Does your name begin with an "A"? 236 00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:52,577 - No. - A "B"? 237 00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:56,671 - No. - C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P? 238 00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:59,114 - "P"! Peter! My name's Peter! - Is your name Peter? 239 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,584 Wow, you are some kind of sorcerer. 240 00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:05,346 What Cleveland really needs right now is to learn how to express his feelings. 241 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:08,120 Now, what he needs right now is a revenge lay. 242 00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,525 And I know just who to talk to. 243 00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:20,472 - Oh, God! - Sorry, guys. Let me throw something on. 244 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:26,443 - Peter, look! - Holy crap, that's the tattoo! 245 00:12:26,545 --> 00:12:29,514 Well, I think we're about to find out who the culprit is. 246 00:12:29,615 --> 00:12:31,810 5-5-5-0-1-4-3. 247 00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:34,078 - Peter, I... - Shut up, Brian! I'm sleuthing. 248 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,380 - Hello? - Quagmire? 249 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,979 - Yeah. - Hey, it's Peter. 250 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,388 What's going on, buddy? We're at your house. 251 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,893 Peter, he's the one we saw sleeping with Loretta! 252 00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:43,995 Oh, my God! 253 00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,474 Damn it, I knew this was gonna happen! 254 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,693 I didn't mean it, you know? I knew it was a mistake! 255 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,825 It never felt right! Please don't tell Cleveland! 256 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,926 Well, all right, Quagmire. 257 00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:54,232 Cleveland, Quagmire's sleeping with your wife! 258 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,865 - What? - Quagmire slept with Loretta? 259 00:12:57,009 --> 00:13:00,172 Oh, my God, Cleveland! I am so sorry. 260 00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,839 I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now. 261 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,006 It's okay. 262 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:07,608 It's okay? It's okay to be betrayed by your wife and best friend? 263 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,850 Better it be Quagmire than someone she could get a disease from. 264 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:15,188 Cleveland, don't you see? This is why your wife left you. 265 00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,091 You don't have any passion. 266 00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:19,994 Sometimes a woman wants to see her man be a man. 267 00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:21,566 You got to push back a little! 268 00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:24,932 You got to get a little rough! Oh, God! Peter, hit me! 269 00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:26,504 Yeah! 270 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:32,274 Wow, so that's something, about Quagmire and Loretta, huh? 271 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,408 Cleveland, we got to get your manhood back. 272 00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:35,957 Now, the first thing we're gonna do... 273 00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,211 is take you to a good, old-fashioned, wrestling match. 274 00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:43,118 All right, Cleveland. Nothing like a good smackdown... 275 00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:44,587 to get the testosterone going. 276 00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:48,786 I must be in Quahog 'cause all I see is a bunch of hicks! 277 00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:51,454 You take that back, Macho Man Randy Savage! 278 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:53,041 Doesn't he make you so mad you just... 279 00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:54,828 - want to go down there and hit him? - No. 280 00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,511 Well, maybe not him 'cause he's kind of big. 281 00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:58,655 But don't you want to hit the guy sitting next to you? 282 00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:00,115 Not him 'cause he's kind of big, too. 283 00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:01,697 But don't you want to hit his kid? 284 00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:04,503 Take that, Macho Man Randy Savage. You jerk. 285 00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:10,948 All right, Cleveland. If this doesn't light a fire in your belly, nothing will. 286 00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:14,178 Hey, look at me. I'm Quagmire. I had sex with your wife. 287 00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,751 Those are so his mannerisms. 288 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:23,257 - Peter, what the hell are you doing? - I'm not Peter, I'm Quagmire. 289 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,592 - And I'm doing you, Loretta. - What the hell? 290 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,063 - You like that? Yeah. - Hey! 291 00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:29,206 - Much better than Cleveland. - Peter, knock it off! 292 00:14:29,235 --> 00:14:31,675 - Get you damn hands off me... - You like it dirty, don't you? 293 00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:34,228 What the hell are you doing? What is that in your pocket? 294 00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,968 - Lois! Somebody! - Quagmire's got you. Yeah. 295 00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:41,602 Glenn Quagmire, you're dead! 296 00:14:54,426 --> 00:14:55,950 All right, calm down, Cleveland. 297 00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,586 I'm gonna kill Quagmire! 298 00:14:58,697 --> 00:15:01,825 Oh, God, you're hyperventilating! Chris, get me a bag. 299 00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,698 Okay, Cleveland, breathe into the bag. It'll calm you down. 300 00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,815 - Peter, I'm not sure that that's... - Not now, Lois! 301 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:09,569 Okay, Cleveland, Cleveland, relax, relax, relax. 302 00:15:09,675 --> 00:15:10,937 Relax, relax. 303 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:14,739 There you go. There you go. Okay. 304 00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,144 It's okay. It's okay. 305 00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:19,046 - It's all gonna be okay. - Peter, you better do your CPR. 306 00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:22,120 There's no time. I got to go warn Quagmire while I got the chance. 307 00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:23,950 Quick, to the Peter copter! 308 00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,295 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, my God! 309 00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:37,130 - Peter, what the hell? - Joe, get inside! 310 00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:40,171 - The blades are still spinning! - Oh, my God, Peter! What is that thing? 311 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:42,103 - Joe! Get inside! - It's tearing up my yard! 312 00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:44,437 - Oh, my God! - No! 313 00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:51,614 - Joe, I am sorry, buddy. - It's okay. Look, it's okay. 314 00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:54,208 - Are you okay? You all right? - It's okay. I'm fine. 315 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:55,981 - Everybody's fine. - That was scary. 316 00:15:58,157 --> 00:16:00,421 - Peter, what are we doing here? - Trust me, Quagmire. 317 00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,393 Cleveland will never think to look for you at Mayor West's house. 318 00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:04,539 - Hey, there. - How you doing? 319 00:16:04,563 --> 00:16:05,587 Good evening, gentlemen. 320 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,938 Listen, Mayor West, my friend Quagmire here's in trouble. 321 00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:11,969 - He needs a place to stay tonight. - Say no more. I'll protect you, sir. 322 00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:16,064 It is my job. I only ask that you do not feed my cat, Bootsie... 323 00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:18,473 as he's already eaten and might throw up. 324 00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:26,314 Well, Derwood, now you really are the big man of the house. 325 00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:28,352 Mother, change him back. 326 00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:31,912 You know, Endora, I'm getting a little sick of this crap. 327 00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,682 You ever seen one of these? Huh? You know what this is? Huh? 328 00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:37,159 - No! - Yeah, it's holy water. Huh? Yeah. 329 00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:39,423 Try it. How's that feel? 330 00:16:39,531 --> 00:16:40,589 You like that? 331 00:16:40,699 --> 00:16:42,257 Power of Christ compels you, bitch. 332 00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,126 I hate Bewitched. 333 00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:49,063 Hey, so that's a pretty reasonable reaction, huh? 334 00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:54,635 It's all right to go to sleep, my friend. I'll stand guard. 335 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:56,009 Okay. 336 00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:59,710 Don't worry. I'll be here all night. Just don't try to make me smile. 337 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,752 I'm forbidden to smile. 338 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,456 Oh, no. 339 00:17:05,557 --> 00:17:08,185 That episode of Growing Pains when Mike's friend Boner... 340 00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:10,727 ran for student council. 341 00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:11,829 Boner. 342 00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:15,263 His name was Boner. 343 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:35,382 - I've failed you. - This is kind of creeping me out. 344 00:17:35,487 --> 00:17:37,614 - I'm gonna go. - Take this, for protection. 345 00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:38,747 What the hell's this for? 346 00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:41,951 When the time comes, you'll know. 347 00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,960 I'll teach him to mess with my wife. 348 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:49,262 Hi, Cleveland. Will you be joining us for dinner? 349 00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:53,567 - Okay, then. - He's a Rocky machine! 350 00:17:54,339 --> 00:17:56,534 Peter, we have got to do something about Cleveland. 351 00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,269 I think you created a monster. 352 00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:00,017 Well, there's only one thing to do, Lois. 353 00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:02,513 We've got to get Loretta and Cleveland back together. 354 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:06,049 And I know just how to do it. To the Hinden-Peter! 355 00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:15,521 Oh, my God! Joe, I am so sorry. 356 00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:17,595 How can you afford these things? 357 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:23,724 Yeah, Cleveland, this is Quagmire. Listen, I feel awful. 358 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,413 Why don't you come on over and we can... 359 00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,382 try to get things back to the way they used to be? 360 00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:28,430 Remember how it was? 361 00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:32,271 Perhaps here there are many unsuspecting foxes... 362 00:18:32,377 --> 00:18:34,072 to have sex with us. 363 00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:38,582 That is why we wear tight pants to show our bulges. 364 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:42,518 - We are two wild and crazy guys! - Two wild and crazy guys! 365 00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:44,586 You guys look stupid. 366 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:46,949 Anyway, let's talk this thing through. 367 00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:52,092 Hey, Cleveland. I was just leaving you a message. 368 00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:55,564 You violated the sanctity of my marriage. 369 00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:12,511 When the time comes, you'll know. 370 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:16,654 Damn it! 371 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:22,960 This is awful! 372 00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:25,256 Somebody stop them! Do something! 373 00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:33,261 Good. Let the hate flow through you. 374 00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:34,896 You're not helping! 375 00:19:36,208 --> 00:19:38,301 I can't. 376 00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:41,379 It isn't in me to cause harm to anyone. 377 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,415 No matter how much someone has harmed me. 378 00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:46,313 I'm sorry, Cleveland. 379 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:50,043 Cleveland, I think this beautiful woman would like to say something to you. 380 00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:52,453 You told me this was Lois' intervention. 381 00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:57,427 - Nice. Cleveland? - Loretta, what you did was unforgivable. 382 00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:01,090 - This marriage is over. - Well, that's just fine, Cleveland. 383 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,191 'Cause I am through being your wife. 384 00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:07,363 Well, I may not be perfect, but I deserve better than you. 385 00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:08,564 Look at that, Lois. 386 00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:11,768 As beautiful as an HBO minority fairytale. 387 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,436 But, Peter, their marriage is ending. 388 00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:15,979 Look at the bright side, Lois. 389 00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:19,050 It's a chance for a fresh start for both Cleveland and... 390 00:20:20,652 --> 00:20:22,347 Oh, my God! 391 00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:23,716 What are you doing? 392 00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:26,154 - What's wrong with you? - What the hell, man? 393 00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:27,835 - Hurts, doesn't it? - What the hell... Yes! 394 00:20:27,859 --> 00:20:29,258 What the hell's your problem? 395 00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:31,329 - My friend? My friend? - What? 396 00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:34,365 - You've been kicked in the... - No way! 397 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:37,894 - You're gonna be on TV. - Oh, sweet! 398 00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:40,198 - Oh, my God. - Wow! We love that show. 399 00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,671 - That is awesome. Hey, hi. - You're on it. 400 00:20:42,774 --> 00:20:43,832 Oh, wow. 401 00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:50,210 Glenn, you sure you want to do this? I already told you I forgive you. 402 00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:54,843 - No, I feel like I got off too easy. - All right. If you insist. 403 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:58,480 - You wanna ring the bell, Apollo? - All right. 404 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,217 Ding, ding.