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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:03,672 --> 00:00:07,025
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
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00:00:07,076 --> 00:00:10,161
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:10,228 --> 00:00:13,131
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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♪ Family Guy 9x13 ♪
The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair
Original Air Date on March 6, 2011
11
00:00:30,066 --> 00:00:33,368
-- Sync, corrected by elderman --
12
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Oh, hi, Bonnie.
What's up?
13
00:00:38,982 --> 00:00:41,600
Hi, Lois, um,
I hate to bother you,
14
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but I'm going out
of town for a few days
15
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to visit my father
in the hospital.
16
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I was hoping that
while I was gone,
17
00:00:47,724 --> 00:00:49,608
you could look in
on Susie and Joe.
18
00:00:49,676 --> 00:00:51,243
And go have sex
with Quagmire.
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Quagmire!
Quagmire!
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Aw, shucks, you can't
blame a guy for trying.
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Giggity-giggity-giggity!
22
00:00:58,835 --> 00:01:01,520
Well, of course, Bonnie.
I'd love to help.
23
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Meg, sweetie?
24
00:01:03,039 --> 00:01:04,189
Yeah, Mom?
25
00:01:04,257 --> 00:01:06,141
Bonnie wants you to look
after Susie and Joe
26
00:01:06,226 --> 00:01:07,976
while she's out of town.
27
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What?! Why me?!
28
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I don't want to
have to do that.
29
00:01:11,431 --> 00:01:13,599
And Bonnie said
you are very pretty.
30
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But I... How did
that come up?
31
00:01:15,735 --> 00:01:16,935
Oh, y-you know...
32
00:01:17,003 --> 00:01:18,670
we were talking
about pretty people.
33
00:01:18,738 --> 00:01:20,405
And-- and I said
Rachel Maddow,
34
00:01:20,473 --> 00:01:23,575
and she kind of took the baton
from there and said Meg Griffin.
35
00:01:23,643 --> 00:01:25,110
Who's Rachel Maddow?
36
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A model.
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Oh.
38
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Yeah.
39
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Okay, I'll do it.
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Whoops.
41
00:01:39,075 --> 00:01:40,992
Oh, hey, uh,
excuse me, fella?
42
00:01:41,044 --> 00:01:43,045
Yeah, what do
you want, shrimp?
43
00:01:43,129 --> 00:01:44,830
Oh, just a few moments
of your time.
44
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Hang on.
45
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Let me just get
this little guy assembled.
46
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♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,
doo, doo, doodie, doo. ♪
47
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So where you from?
48
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Newburyport.
What's it to you?
49
00:01:53,606 --> 00:01:56,275
Oh, I'm just always interested
in where people are from.
50
00:01:56,342 --> 00:01:58,410
Everybody's got a story,
that's what I believe.
51
00:01:58,478 --> 00:02:00,011
All right, I think
we're all set here.
52
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Wow. Never seen
that happen before.
53
00:02:08,438 --> 00:02:09,671
What the devil
happened here?
54
00:02:09,739 --> 00:02:11,173
I've assembled that
rifle a million times.
55
00:02:11,241 --> 00:02:13,141
Well, I don't know
if it's just the rifle.
56
00:02:13,209 --> 00:02:14,243
What are you talking about?
57
00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:15,761
I think you're going soft.
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00:02:15,828 --> 00:02:17,996
I mean, when was the last time
you tried to blow something up,
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or take over the world,
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or even used the phrase,
"Damn you"?
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00:02:20,884 --> 00:02:22,818
Hey, I got a lot
on my plate, man.
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00:02:22,886 --> 00:02:25,521
I'm learning to use the toilet,
I'm learning what shapes are.
63
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I-I spent half an hour laughing
at my own feet yesterday.
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Yeah, you're losing it, man.
You're losing your edge.
65
00:02:30,426 --> 00:02:31,994
Well, I don't care
for your tone
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00:02:32,061 --> 00:02:35,130
and I'd say you deserve a good
kick in the...
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00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:36,231
Oh, look!
68
00:02:36,299 --> 00:02:37,666
Oh, Brian, look at them!
69
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Come in.
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Drop it, creep-o!
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00:02:48,344 --> 00:02:50,712
Don't move,
Catherine Deneuve!
72
00:02:50,780 --> 00:02:53,582
Freezerino, Paul Sorvino!
73
00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:55,300
What are you doing,
Mr. Swanson?
74
00:02:55,368 --> 00:02:57,553
I'm tryin' out
some cop entrances.
75
00:02:57,620 --> 00:03:01,573
Oh, well, I'm here to help
you out while Bonnie's gone.
76
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Oh, great.
77
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Uh, do you have
any experience
78
00:03:04,644 --> 00:03:06,245
helping out people
with special needs?
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00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:08,981
Well, I did work for that
old lady down the street.
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00:03:09,048 --> 00:03:12,851
Meg, could you come
here, please?
81
00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:14,253
What is it?
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00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,089
Could you see if I'm getting
a bed sore on my back?
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00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:19,391
Sure.
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00:03:19,459 --> 00:03:20,892
It looks fine
to me, ma'am.
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Thank you, dear.
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I must have just
slept on it wrong.
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00:03:25,782 --> 00:03:27,082
I stole Meg's cutaway.
88
00:03:33,272 --> 00:03:35,407
What the hell
is going on in here?
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00:03:35,475 --> 00:03:37,175
Well, Brian, I thought
about what you said
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00:03:37,243 --> 00:03:38,810
at the park, and I've
decided you're right.
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00:03:38,878 --> 00:03:40,078
I have gone soft.
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00:03:40,146 --> 00:03:42,197
I've lost my
sadistic streak.
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00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:44,583
So I've built a concentrated
neural enhancement device,
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00:03:44,651 --> 00:03:46,168
designed to boost
my evil side.
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00:03:46,235 --> 00:03:48,720
All right, shall we take
this thing for a spin?
96
00:03:48,788 --> 00:03:50,772
Now, when I say so,
hit that button.
97
00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:55,460
Okay, hit it.
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00:04:10,476 --> 00:04:12,394
Well, how do you feel?
99
00:04:12,462 --> 00:04:13,578
I don't know.
100
00:04:13,646 --> 00:04:15,213
I don't feel any different.
101
00:04:15,281 --> 00:04:17,032
Well, why don't you
try insulting me?
102
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,133
Yeah, okay.
103
00:04:18,201 --> 00:04:21,003
Um, sometimes you
chase helicopters.
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00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:22,304
That's kind of lame.
105
00:04:22,372 --> 00:04:23,789
Yeah. Um...
106
00:04:23,856 --> 00:04:25,857
Besides, I do that
to protect the house.
107
00:04:25,925 --> 00:04:28,660
Helicopters are going to hurt
us, and I make them stay away.
108
00:04:28,728 --> 00:04:30,529
You know what?
Didn't look at it that way.
109
00:04:30,596 --> 00:04:32,230
Thank you for protecting us.
110
00:04:32,298 --> 00:04:33,699
Look, your machine
obviously didn't work.
111
00:04:33,766 --> 00:04:35,367
It just needs a few
adjustments, that's all.
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00:04:35,435 --> 00:04:37,636
Come on, help me get
some of Peter's tools out
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00:04:37,687 --> 00:04:39,054
of the "gay-rage."
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♪ ♪
115
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...97, 98, 99, 100.
116
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Ah, thanks, Meg.
117
00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:17,442
I really appreciate you helping
me out these past couple of days.
118
00:05:17,510 --> 00:05:18,844
Sorry I bit you yesterday.
119
00:05:18,911 --> 00:05:20,312
That's okay.
120
00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:23,081
I guess now I know not to get
too close to your bowl, right?
121
00:05:23,149 --> 00:05:24,850
Yeah.
122
00:05:24,917 --> 00:05:27,853
I know you're not trying to hurt
me, but part of me doesn't know.
123
00:05:30,857 --> 00:05:32,858
Oh my God, is it ten of 8:00?
124
00:05:32,925 --> 00:05:34,509
Aw, damn it, I missed the bus.
125
00:05:34,577 --> 00:05:35,911
Oh, well, that's
all right, Meg.
126
00:05:35,978 --> 00:05:37,179
I can drive you to school.
127
00:05:37,246 --> 00:05:38,830
That'd be great. Thanks.
128
00:05:42,869 --> 00:05:45,253
So, uh... how are
your academics going?
129
00:05:45,338 --> 00:05:47,122
Good. Real good.
130
00:05:47,206 --> 00:05:49,007
That Puerto Rican street
gang give you any trouble
131
00:05:49,074 --> 00:05:50,575
on your way home from school?
132
00:05:50,626 --> 00:05:52,878
What Puerto Rican street gang?
You're welcome.
133
00:05:52,929 --> 00:05:54,379
Oh, hang on,
there's a red light.
134
00:05:54,430 --> 00:05:55,931
Got to hit the brakes.
135
00:05:58,668 --> 00:06:00,168
So, um...
136
00:06:00,236 --> 00:06:03,105
I hear you teenage girls are
pretty hot on that, uh...
137
00:06:03,172 --> 00:06:04,673
Nic Cage.
138
00:06:04,741 --> 00:06:07,876
Uh, no, not really.
139
00:06:07,944 --> 00:06:10,812
Okay.
140
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,381
Hey, can you tell me
what Lady Gaga is?
141
00:06:13,449 --> 00:06:17,969
Is that a band, or a
soda, or a store, or...
142
00:06:18,037 --> 00:06:20,605
one of those terms
like "donkey punch"?
143
00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:21,573
No.
144
00:06:21,641 --> 00:06:23,208
Is it a douche?
145
00:06:25,178 --> 00:06:27,245
Is Lady Gaga a douche?
146
00:06:27,313 --> 00:06:29,080
I don't think so.
147
00:06:29,148 --> 00:06:30,749
Well, whatever it
is, I like it.
148
00:06:30,817 --> 00:06:32,634
Ah, green light.
149
00:06:35,087 --> 00:06:37,756
Is... is it hard
being a paraplegic?
150
00:06:37,807 --> 00:06:39,508
Well, it's no picnic.
151
00:06:39,592 --> 00:06:42,511
Unless your version of a picnic
is being the basket.
152
00:06:42,595 --> 00:06:44,596
Well, you seem like you have
a good attitude about it.
153
00:06:44,647 --> 00:06:47,566
Yeah, you know, it's like we
handicapped people say:
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00:06:47,633 --> 00:06:50,602
"When life ruins your legs,
you just gotta make legonade."
155
00:06:50,653 --> 00:06:52,971
I can sort of relate to that.
156
00:06:53,022 --> 00:06:55,139
You know, sometimes
it's really hard being me,
157
00:06:55,191 --> 00:06:57,242
and I guess I just
make Megonade.
158
00:06:57,309 --> 00:06:58,643
That sounds disgusting.
159
00:06:58,694 --> 00:06:59,861
All right, we're here.
160
00:07:01,030 --> 00:07:03,548
This is my school.
161
00:07:03,616 --> 00:07:06,001
Yeah, isn't that where
you wanted to go?
162
00:07:06,068 --> 00:07:07,702
Well, y-yeah, but...
163
00:07:07,770 --> 00:07:10,005
most times people just
drop me off a block away
164
00:07:10,072 --> 00:07:11,840
so they don't have
to be seen with me.
165
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Aw, that's gay.
166
00:07:13,075 --> 00:07:14,376
I don't mind being
seen with you.
167
00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:15,360
You don't?
168
00:07:15,428 --> 00:07:16,561
Of course not.
169
00:07:16,629 --> 00:07:18,497
Wow.
170
00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:20,782
Well, I-I better go,
I don't want to be tardy.
171
00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:23,084
Ah, that's not going to happen
from missing one class.
172
00:07:23,152 --> 00:07:24,619
People are born that way.
173
00:07:24,687 --> 00:07:25,971
Now run along,
or you'll be late.
174
00:07:30,243 --> 00:07:32,611
Hey, who's that,
your boyfriend?
175
00:07:34,463 --> 00:07:36,231
Yeah.
176
00:07:36,315 --> 00:07:38,867
Yeah, that's my boyfriend.
177
00:07:44,677 --> 00:07:46,429
Meg, you're here early.
178
00:07:46,506 --> 00:07:48,307
Oh yeah, I just
wanted to make sure
179
00:07:48,374 --> 00:07:51,159
you got a nice hot breakfast
before you head off to work.
180
00:07:51,227 --> 00:07:53,495
Oh. Well, thanks.
181
00:07:53,563 --> 00:07:54,730
What's with the getup?
182
00:07:54,797 --> 00:07:55,931
Oh, nothing.
183
00:07:55,999 --> 00:07:58,333
I just wanted
to look sexy for Susie.
184
00:07:58,401 --> 00:08:00,485
How are your eggs, Joe?
185
00:08:00,553 --> 00:08:03,388
If he doesn't say anything
about me calling him "Joe,"
186
00:08:03,456 --> 00:08:05,390
that means we're truly in love.
187
00:08:05,458 --> 00:08:07,242
She just called me "Joe."
188
00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:08,460
That's kind of weird.
189
00:08:08,528 --> 00:08:09,995
But I'll just let it slide.
190
00:08:10,063 --> 00:08:11,530
She's got nothing going on.
191
00:08:11,598 --> 00:08:13,599
Besides, what harm could it do?
192
00:08:13,650 --> 00:08:15,434
They're delicious,
Meg. Thanks.
193
00:08:15,501 --> 00:08:17,536
You're welcome, Joe.
194
00:08:17,604 --> 00:08:19,871
Ah, , I should have
said something.
195
00:08:19,939 --> 00:08:21,506
He let me say it twice now.
196
00:08:21,574 --> 00:08:23,242
It's like we're married.
197
00:08:23,309 --> 00:08:25,410
PATRICK STEWART:
This is Patrick Stewart.
198
00:08:25,478 --> 00:08:27,779
How are you liking
the program so far?
199
00:08:43,830 --> 00:08:46,865
Aah! Oh, geez, you scared me.
200
00:08:46,933 --> 00:08:49,001
What happened
to your clothes?
201
00:08:49,068 --> 00:08:50,152
Hey, what are you doing?
202
00:09:04,951 --> 00:09:06,001
Brian, have you seen...?
203
00:09:06,069 --> 00:09:07,653
Whoa, what the hell
happened to you?
204
00:09:07,704 --> 00:09:11,022
Easy, easy, man, easy.
205
00:09:13,826 --> 00:09:15,460
What the hell is
your problem?!
206
00:09:15,528 --> 00:09:16,928
Me? What did I do?
207
00:09:16,996 --> 00:09:18,730
You're the one going all
Michael Hutchence over here.
208
00:09:18,798 --> 00:09:20,616
You just stay away
from me, you psychopath.
209
00:09:20,683 --> 00:09:22,050
Hey, ow.
210
00:09:22,118 --> 00:09:23,835
Look, I don't know
what's going on here,
211
00:09:23,903 --> 00:09:25,771
but don't be throwing things,
because that's just not safe.
212
00:09:28,474 --> 00:09:30,225
What?
213
00:09:30,293 --> 00:09:32,477
Oh... my... God.
214
00:09:32,545 --> 00:09:35,380
Good Lord!
215
00:09:35,448 --> 00:09:37,916
I... am a genius.
216
00:09:37,984 --> 00:09:39,951
What... what is it?
217
00:09:40,019 --> 00:09:41,119
Don't you see, Brian?
218
00:09:41,187 --> 00:09:42,688
My machine did work.
219
00:09:42,755 --> 00:09:44,956
It created an evil clone
of me.
220
00:09:45,024 --> 00:09:46,325
That's why I didn't
feel more evil--
221
00:09:46,392 --> 00:09:47,926
all the evil energy
went into him.
222
00:09:47,994 --> 00:09:49,978
Well, kill it.
It almost choked me to death.
223
00:09:50,046 --> 00:09:51,580
I shall do
no such thing, Brian.
224
00:09:51,648 --> 00:09:53,081
It must be studied.
225
00:09:53,149 --> 00:09:55,584
If I can decode the genetic
puzzle of this being,
226
00:09:55,652 --> 00:09:57,486
perhaps I can determine
how to apply it
227
00:09:57,553 --> 00:09:59,004
to my own neurological makeup.
228
00:09:59,071 --> 00:10:00,806
Evil Stewie, come with me.
229
00:10:00,873 --> 00:10:02,924
We're going to run
a few tests on...
230
00:10:36,159 --> 00:10:38,160
Oh, my God, a baby!
231
00:10:38,244 --> 00:10:39,344
Are you okay?!
232
00:10:50,006 --> 00:10:51,306
Hi, honey.
233
00:10:51,374 --> 00:10:52,374
What?
234
00:10:52,442 --> 00:10:53,442
What'd you say?
235
00:10:53,509 --> 00:10:55,010
I just said hi.
236
00:10:55,078 --> 00:10:58,113
Is that, uh-- is that
Bonnie's dress?
237
00:10:58,181 --> 00:10:59,981
Oh, yeah.
Susie spit up on me,
238
00:11:00,049 --> 00:11:02,484
and I didn't want
to go all the way home,
239
00:11:02,552 --> 00:11:03,652
so I just threw
this on.
240
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:04,853
I hope that's okay.
241
00:11:04,921 --> 00:11:07,255
Yeah, it's fine,
I guess.
242
00:11:07,323 --> 00:11:09,691
Oh, here's that
juice box you asked for.
243
00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:11,410
Oh, thanks, Meg.
244
00:11:11,477 --> 00:11:12,978
Oh...
What's wrong?
245
00:11:13,045 --> 00:11:14,279
Oh, nothing.
246
00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:17,048
It's just that I like
to put the straw in myself.
247
00:11:17,116 --> 00:11:20,018
Oh, I-I'm sorry. Here.
248
00:11:20,086 --> 00:11:22,204
Yeah.
It's not the same now.
249
00:11:22,288 --> 00:11:24,656
I'll, uh, I'll just get
another one.
250
00:11:25,925 --> 00:11:26,925
I'll get it!
251
00:11:26,992 --> 00:11:28,610
Hello.
252
00:11:28,678 --> 00:11:30,011
Oh, hi, Meg, it's Bonnie.
253
00:11:30,079 --> 00:11:31,947
How is everything going there?
254
00:11:32,014 --> 00:11:32,981
Oh, great.
255
00:11:33,049 --> 00:11:34,049
Has Joe died?
256
00:11:34,117 --> 00:11:35,484
What? No.
257
00:11:35,551 --> 00:11:37,018
That's good.
258
00:11:37,086 --> 00:11:39,588
I was just calling to tell him
my father is recovering well
259
00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:41,623
and the doctors say
he'll be fine.
260
00:11:41,691 --> 00:11:43,658
That's great. I'll tell him.
261
00:11:43,726 --> 00:11:46,261
I'll be flying back
first thing in the morning.
262
00:11:46,329 --> 00:11:47,929
That's great, too.
263
00:11:47,997 --> 00:11:51,233
Okay, bye, Bonnie.
See ya tomorrow.
264
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,250
Bye.
265
00:11:52,318 --> 00:11:53,518
Who was that?
266
00:11:53,569 --> 00:11:55,270
Oh, uh, prank call.
267
00:11:55,338 --> 00:11:57,739
Oh, yeah, I, uh, get
a lot of those.
268
00:11:57,807 --> 00:12:00,108
I can never figure
out who it is.
269
00:12:00,176 --> 00:12:01,843
Who is this?
270
00:12:01,911 --> 00:12:04,246
Wheely-wheely stupid head,
but you wish that you were dead.
271
00:12:04,313 --> 00:12:05,881
Listen, I don't know who
this is,
272
00:12:05,948 --> 00:12:08,283
but you better cut it out!
I'm a cop, you know!
273
00:12:08,351 --> 00:12:10,819
Oh, what, are you gonna report
me on your can't walkie-talkie?
274
00:12:10,887 --> 00:12:12,354
I'm gonna hang up now.
275
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:13,755
No, no, no, wait, wait, wait!
276
00:12:13,823 --> 00:12:15,490
I got three more of these
I wrote on a napkin.
277
00:12:15,558 --> 00:12:17,626
All right, three more.
278
00:13:13,099 --> 00:13:15,550
Ma'am, is this your bag?
279
00:13:15,618 --> 00:13:18,053
I don't know how that cocaine
got in there.
280
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,188
Ma'am, this bag contains
a concealed weapon.
281
00:13:20,256 --> 00:13:22,324
I'm gonna have to place you
under arrest.
282
00:13:22,391 --> 00:13:24,993
Oh, my goodness,
how did that get in there?
283
00:13:25,077 --> 00:13:26,995
You're gonna have
to come with us, ma'am.
284
00:13:27,079 --> 00:13:28,346
What happened to the coke?
285
00:13:28,414 --> 00:13:29,915
There's no coke
in here.
286
00:13:29,982 --> 00:13:31,983
Oh, ,
Ricardo's gonna kill me.
287
00:13:40,149 --> 00:13:41,350
This is nice, Joe.
288
00:13:41,409 --> 00:13:45,328
A night out, a good dinner.
Thank you so much.
289
00:13:45,396 --> 00:13:46,796
Well, I wanted
to do something special.
290
00:13:46,864 --> 00:13:48,064
Show you how much
I appreciate
291
00:13:48,132 --> 00:13:49,633
all the hard work
you've been doing.
292
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:50,934
Oh, it's been my pleasure.
293
00:13:51,002 --> 00:13:52,369
So, listen,
there's something
294
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:54,354
I wanted to talk
to you about.
295
00:13:54,422 --> 00:13:55,555
What's that?
296
00:13:55,623 --> 00:13:58,158
Do you ever think
about having another baby?
297
00:13:58,226 --> 00:14:00,060
I don't know.
298
00:14:00,127 --> 00:14:01,294
I guess I'm open
to it.
299
00:14:01,362 --> 00:14:03,163
Really? Oh, that's great!
300
00:14:03,231 --> 00:14:04,631
So, I'll get off the pill...
301
00:14:04,699 --> 00:14:05,932
What do you mean?
302
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,101
Nothing. Nothing. Forget it.
303
00:14:08,169 --> 00:14:10,570
I-I think I'm just
a little scattered tonight.
304
00:14:10,638 --> 00:14:12,439
I'm probably just PMS-ing
305
00:14:12,507 --> 00:14:13,773
Oh, grody.
306
00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:15,642
Hey, this is supposed
to be a fun night.
307
00:14:15,710 --> 00:14:16,743
What's wrong
with you?
308
00:14:16,811 --> 00:14:19,012
You know, I could ask
the same of you.
309
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,515
We haven't made love
in two weeks.
310
00:14:21,582 --> 00:14:23,266
We haven't made
love ever!
311
00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:27,470
Oh, great!
Now you've upset the baby!
312
00:14:30,374 --> 00:14:34,144
Oh, God! Oh!
313
00:14:34,212 --> 00:14:38,131
This feels right, but
it tastes like a dirty penny.
314
00:14:41,335 --> 00:14:42,619
This is ridiculous.
315
00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:43,753
Evil Stewie could
be anywhere.
316
00:14:43,804 --> 00:14:45,472
You know, this really
is all your fault.
317
00:14:45,556 --> 00:14:47,424
If you hadn't told me
I was going soft
318
00:14:47,475 --> 00:14:48,725
I wouldn't have
created Evil Stewie,
319
00:14:48,792 --> 00:14:50,093
he wouldn't have escaped
320
00:14:50,144 --> 00:14:52,229
and we wouldn't be trying
to track down a murderer.
321
00:14:52,296 --> 00:14:54,781
For all we know he could be
killing someone else right now.
322
00:14:54,849 --> 00:14:55,782
Oh, no.
323
00:14:55,850 --> 00:14:56,783
Oh, no.
324
00:14:56,851 --> 00:14:57,684
Oh, no!
325
00:14:57,768 --> 00:14:59,002
Oh, yeah!
326
00:15:06,661 --> 00:15:09,296
Listen, guys, I got
something to tell you.
327
00:15:09,363 --> 00:15:11,598
And I don't really know
how to break it to you,
328
00:15:11,666 --> 00:15:14,100
so I'm just going to come
right out and say it.
329
00:15:14,168 --> 00:15:15,635
Meg has a crush on me.
330
00:15:19,807 --> 00:15:22,542
Oh, my God!
Get over yourself!
331
00:15:22,610 --> 00:15:25,211
Well, look, all I'm saying is,
332
00:15:25,279 --> 00:15:27,981
I remember when Brian had
a similar difficulty with Meg.
333
00:15:28,049 --> 00:15:31,251
Maybe she's prone to quick
and severe infatuation.
334
00:15:31,319 --> 00:15:32,919
Yeah, with a dog,
not a cripple.
335
00:15:32,987 --> 00:15:34,754
Hey, easy there.
336
00:15:34,822 --> 00:15:36,523
All right,
look, maybe I'm wrong.
337
00:15:36,591 --> 00:15:39,192
Maybe I misread a few
of Meg's signals.
338
00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:41,695
Sorry I bothered you.
339
00:15:43,481 --> 00:15:46,816
Excuse me, Lois, I have
to go make a phone call.
340
00:15:48,319 --> 00:15:49,619
Hey, wheely stupid head,
341
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:51,321
I heard you think
Meg likes you.
342
00:15:51,389 --> 00:15:52,555
Who is this?!
343
00:15:52,623 --> 00:15:54,424
How are you getting
this information?!
344
00:15:57,128 --> 00:15:59,429
Oh, my God, Joe was here.
345
00:15:59,497 --> 00:16:00,597
Yeah, he just left.
346
00:16:00,665 --> 00:16:03,466
I know. I can feel him.
347
00:16:03,534 --> 00:16:05,218
I can smell him.
348
00:16:05,303 --> 00:16:07,037
Mm, I can taste him.
349
00:16:07,104 --> 00:16:09,439
Okay, I get the smell part.
350
00:16:09,507 --> 00:16:11,875
But, Meg, I think we
have to have a talk.
351
00:16:11,942 --> 00:16:13,943
Sweetheart, you don't--
352
00:16:14,011 --> 00:16:16,046
you don't have a crush
on Joe, do you?
353
00:16:16,113 --> 00:16:18,882
Um... I don't know.
354
00:16:18,949 --> 00:16:22,052
Oh, my God, you do have
a crush on him.
355
00:16:22,119 --> 00:16:24,237
What, Mom?
Why shouldn't I like him?
356
00:16:24,305 --> 00:16:26,356
When I'm with him,
he makes me happy.
357
00:16:26,424 --> 00:16:28,124
And he needs me.
358
00:16:28,192 --> 00:16:30,493
Oh, Meg,
you're fooling yourself.
359
00:16:30,561 --> 00:16:33,029
It's classic
Florence Nightingale Syndrome.
360
00:16:33,097 --> 00:16:35,298
You're taking care of him
and you're feeling a closeness
361
00:16:35,366 --> 00:16:38,068
that you're misinterpreting
as a romantic connection.
362
00:16:38,135 --> 00:16:39,602
But think about it, Meg.
363
00:16:39,670 --> 00:16:41,137
You two have
nothing in common.
364
00:16:41,205 --> 00:16:43,340
You know, you're right, Mom.
365
00:16:43,407 --> 00:16:46,009
I hear you loud and clear.
366
00:17:03,077 --> 00:17:05,128
Meg, what the hell
did you do?!
367
00:17:05,196 --> 00:17:07,397
I made us the same, Joe.
368
00:17:07,465 --> 00:17:10,033
We're exactly alike, you and I.
369
00:17:10,101 --> 00:17:12,669
Now we can be together.
370
00:17:12,737 --> 00:17:14,471
My God, we have to get you
to the hospital.
371
00:17:21,829 --> 00:17:24,097
No, but I mean after
soccer practice.
372
00:17:24,165 --> 00:17:25,932
You got anything
planned for then?
373
00:17:27,301 --> 00:17:28,418
I mean, nothing,
nothing.
374
00:17:28,469 --> 00:17:30,019
Keep walking.
You don't know me.
375
00:17:36,894 --> 00:17:38,712
The doctor says
you're going to be fine.
376
00:17:38,779 --> 00:17:40,346
And your family's on the way.
377
00:17:40,414 --> 00:17:42,949
But that was a crazy
thing you did, Meg.
378
00:17:43,017 --> 00:17:44,150
I know.
379
00:17:44,218 --> 00:17:46,453
I'm... I'm so sorry.
380
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,288
I just wanted us
to be closer.
381
00:17:48,355 --> 00:17:50,156
Look, Meg, I do
care for you,
382
00:17:50,224 --> 00:17:53,093
but I care for you like
I... I would a niece
383
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,861
or a good friend's
daughter.
384
00:17:54,929 --> 00:17:57,530
I feel like such an idiot.
385
00:17:57,598 --> 00:18:00,266
Don't. I'm lucky
to have you as a neighbor,
386
00:18:00,334 --> 00:18:03,036
and even luckier
to have you as a friend.
387
00:18:03,104 --> 00:18:06,973
Thanks. I'm lucky
to have you as a friend, too.
388
00:18:07,041 --> 00:18:09,175
When is
Bonnie coming home?
389
00:18:09,243 --> 00:18:11,177
I have to
apologize to her.
390
00:18:11,245 --> 00:18:13,179
Well, you can
apologize right now.
391
00:18:13,264 --> 00:18:14,431
Hi, Meg.
392
00:18:14,498 --> 00:18:16,866
Bonnie, I'm so sorry
I got you arrested.
393
00:18:16,934 --> 00:18:18,735
No, it's all right, Meg.
394
00:18:18,803 --> 00:18:22,972
Look, I was a teenage girl
with a crush at one time myself.
395
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,009
I know sometimes
it makes you lose touch.
396
00:18:26,076 --> 00:18:27,343
Thanks for being
so understanding.
397
00:18:27,411 --> 00:18:29,746
I-I hope I didn't get you
into too much trouble.
398
00:18:29,814 --> 00:18:32,432
I mean, you're not gonna go
to jail or anything, are you?
399
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:34,334
No, I'll be around.
400
00:18:34,401 --> 00:18:38,037
I need these voice-over checks to
support my gambling addiction.
401
00:18:43,494 --> 00:18:44,694
Evil Stewie?
402
00:18:44,762 --> 00:18:46,830
Wherever you are,
if you can hear me,
403
00:18:46,897 --> 00:18:48,765
I'm completely
defenseless right now.
404
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:55,488
Okay, there you are.
405
00:18:55,556 --> 00:18:57,724
Well, this is a gift, Brian.
406
00:18:57,792 --> 00:19:00,560
Thank you for making it so easy.
407
00:19:00,644 --> 00:19:02,896
Hey, well, you know,
you're doing me a favor.
408
00:19:02,980 --> 00:19:05,615
I've had enough; I can't live with that
stupid family anymore.
409
00:19:05,683 --> 00:19:08,651
Do me a favor and end it
all for me, will ya?
410
00:19:08,719 --> 00:19:10,887
Delighted to
oblige, Brian.
411
00:19:14,825 --> 00:19:16,142
Aah!
412
00:20:25,963 --> 00:20:28,464
Oh, come on,
not this thing! Really?
413
00:20:28,532 --> 00:20:29,933
Brian, it's me, Stewie.
414
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,001
Shoot him!
No! Brian, you know me.
415
00:20:32,069 --> 00:20:33,536
Look at me.
Shoot him.
416
00:20:33,604 --> 00:20:35,872
All right, there's
only one way to settle this.
417
00:20:35,940 --> 00:20:37,173
Look at your feet.
418
00:20:37,241 --> 00:20:38,608
Why? They're just feet.
419
00:20:39,843 --> 00:20:41,311
Wh-What are they
doing down there?
420
00:20:41,378 --> 00:20:42,745
They're like leg hands!
421
00:20:49,286 --> 00:20:51,137
Nice job, man!
422
00:20:51,205 --> 00:20:52,405
Wow!
423
00:20:52,473 --> 00:20:53,907
That was really
brilliant.
424
00:20:53,974 --> 00:20:55,842
Thanks. Just glad
this nightmare is over.
425
00:20:55,910 --> 00:20:58,461
And I'm really glad I
didn't kill the wrong Stewie.
426
00:20:58,529 --> 00:20:59,696
Yeah, me, too.
427
00:20:59,763 --> 00:21:01,331
Hey, come on,
I'll take you home.
428
00:21:07,554 --> 00:21:10,840
-- sync, corrected by elderman --