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00:00:00,525 --> 00:00:03,680
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:03,780 --> 00:00:07,048
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,083 --> 00:00:10,618
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:10,653 --> 00:00:13,621
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:13,656 --> 00:00:17,124
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,428
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:20,463 --> 00:00:21,996
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:22,031 --> 00:00:23,364
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:23,399 --> 00:00:24,784
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:24,785 --> 00:00:28,785
♪ Family Guy 14x19 ♪
Run, Chris, Run
Original Air Date on May 15, 2016
11
00:00:28,786 --> 00:00:35,286
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
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00:00:35,311 --> 00:00:37,178
Well, Chris, looks
like another day
13
00:00:37,213 --> 00:00:39,146
of nobody joining
us for lunch.
14
00:00:39,182 --> 00:00:40,548
Yeah, we never
should've let
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00:00:40,583 --> 00:00:42,850
that blind girl
touch our faces.
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00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:46,787
Attention, students.
This is Principal Shepherd
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00:00:46,823 --> 00:00:48,856
with the lunchtime
announcements.
18
00:00:48,891 --> 00:00:50,858
And as a special treat,
I thought I'd deliver them
19
00:00:50,893 --> 00:00:54,295
in the rapping style you kids
are so enthused about.
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00:00:54,330 --> 00:00:56,797
♪ Later today you're gonna
have a big thrill ♪
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00:00:56,833 --> 00:00:59,467
♪ 'Cause shortly after lunch
there'll be a fire drill ♪
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00:00:59,502 --> 00:01:01,736
♪ And when you go out
to wait for the bus ♪
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00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:04,405
♪ Mm, go in orderly fashion,
or your hair will get mussed. ♪
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00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:05,406
You suck.
25
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:07,074
No, you suck.
26
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:09,043
I can't hear you, I just presume
27
00:01:09,078 --> 00:01:10,478
somebody must have yelled
"You suck."
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00:01:10,513 --> 00:01:12,313
Anyway, last announcement:
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00:01:12,348 --> 00:01:15,549
Don't forget it's time to vote
for homecoming king and queen.
30
00:01:15,585 --> 00:01:18,052
Nominations are due
by 3:00 p.m. today.
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00:01:18,087 --> 00:01:19,220
Peace out.
32
00:01:19,255 --> 00:01:22,056
No, you're a douche bag.
33
00:01:22,091 --> 00:01:25,760
Wow. Can you imagine if one
of us was homecoming king?
34
00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:27,928
Then people would want
to sit with us at lunch.
35
00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:29,764
Yeah, you should run.
36
00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:30,931
I'll nominate you.
37
00:01:30,967 --> 00:01:33,334
You know what?
I'll do it.
38
00:01:33,369 --> 00:01:35,035
Maybe I'll surprise everyone,
39
00:01:35,071 --> 00:01:37,104
like when you find out
a buttoned-up librarian
40
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:39,373
is actually super sexy.
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00:01:39,408 --> 00:01:41,175
Excuse me, ma'am?
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00:01:45,782 --> 00:01:47,114
♪ Hot blooded... ♪
43
00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,783
Yes?
44
00:01:48,818 --> 00:01:51,986
There's a dead homeless man
blocking the card catalog.
45
00:01:55,424 --> 00:01:58,025
Well, there goes Jerome,
46
00:01:58,060 --> 00:01:59,927
loading the urinal up with ice.
47
00:01:59,962 --> 00:02:02,963
Gonna go play me
my melting game.
48
00:02:02,999 --> 00:02:04,298
Man, I'm starting to get drunk.
49
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:05,566
Is it even noon yet?
50
00:02:05,601 --> 00:02:07,868
Uh, it's only 10:40.
10:40?
51
00:02:07,904 --> 00:02:09,136
Ah, crap,
we gotta get out of here.
52
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,471
That's when Taco Bell throws all
53
00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:12,306
the breakfast food
in the Dumpster.
54
00:02:12,341 --> 00:02:13,974
Can't let that raccoon
get all of it.
55
00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:15,142
Ooh, man, you're right.
56
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:16,310
You know,
this is great, guys.
57
00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:17,945
Drinking and
eating garbage.
58
00:02:17,980 --> 00:02:20,314
I'm glad we all took
a mental health day.
59
00:02:21,450 --> 00:02:23,217
Hey, where'd everybody go?
60
00:02:23,252 --> 00:02:24,552
I don't know where they went,
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00:02:24,587 --> 00:02:26,587
but someone's got
to pay this check.
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00:02:26,622 --> 00:02:29,557
Damn it. They left without me,
and now I'm stuck with the bill?
63
00:02:29,592 --> 00:02:32,560
Man, who do those guys think
I am, Mark Zuckerbrothers?
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00:02:32,595 --> 00:02:34,428
Seems like they
do that a lot.
65
00:02:34,463 --> 00:02:36,463
Tell you what,
this one's on me.
66
00:02:36,499 --> 00:02:37,631
Thanks, Jerome.
67
00:02:37,667 --> 00:02:38,732
Since there's
no one here,
68
00:02:38,768 --> 00:02:40,301
do you mind
turning the TV up?
69
00:02:40,336 --> 00:02:43,304
That little Lamisil guy
always makes me laugh.
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00:02:43,339 --> 00:02:45,639
Yeah.
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00:02:49,178 --> 00:02:50,811
What do you think he is,
like a Martian?
72
00:02:50,847 --> 00:02:52,179
Like a little
shoe Martian?
73
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,514
I don't know.
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00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,749
I just hope he ain't
down there in my shoes.
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00:02:55,785 --> 00:02:57,084
No, he's loud.
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00:02:57,119 --> 00:02:59,453
If he were down there,
we'd know it.
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00:02:59,488 --> 00:03:02,189
I ain't got
no toenails nohow.
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00:03:06,162 --> 00:03:08,596
Hey, everybody,
guess what.
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00:03:08,631 --> 00:03:11,165
I'm running for
homecoming king!
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00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,200
You're what?
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00:03:12,235 --> 00:03:13,834
Yeah. Neil nominated me.
82
00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:16,103
Why are you home
from school and Meg's not?
83
00:03:16,138 --> 00:03:17,771
Has she taken a lover?
84
00:03:17,807 --> 00:03:20,541
Well, the voting is tomorrow,
so I've got to write my speech.
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00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:23,978
Luckily, "Chris Griffin"
rhymes with "homecoming king,"
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00:03:24,013 --> 00:03:26,013
so I've got my opening line.
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00:03:27,149 --> 00:03:28,315
Oh, my God.
88
00:03:28,351 --> 00:03:30,117
Did you see how
excited he is?
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00:03:30,152 --> 00:03:31,285
Yeah, isn't that great?
90
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,887
No, it's not great.
91
00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:35,289
Chris is not
homecoming king material.
92
00:03:35,324 --> 00:03:37,024
He doesn't have a
chance of winning.
93
00:03:37,059 --> 00:03:38,626
We got to be at
that school tomorrow
94
00:03:38,661 --> 00:03:40,227
to help pick up the
pieces when he loses.
95
00:03:41,364 --> 00:03:42,396
Oh, my Hot Pocket!
96
00:03:43,099 --> 00:03:45,266
Ow, it's hot!
97
00:03:50,706 --> 00:03:52,406
Oh, that must be Jerome.
98
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:53,674
What the hell
is Jerome doing here?
99
00:03:53,709 --> 00:03:55,042
We didn't order any drinks.
100
00:03:55,077 --> 00:03:56,977
No, he and I got plans.
101
00:03:57,013 --> 00:03:58,812
We're gonna go down
to Carver High School
102
00:03:58,848 --> 00:04:01,015
and look at that mural
of black achievement.
103
00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:05,052
Mm, they got a manila folder
taped over Dr. Cosby's face.
104
00:04:05,087 --> 00:04:06,887
What? Cleveland,
you didn't tell us
105
00:04:06,923 --> 00:04:08,656
you had plans with Jerome.
106
00:04:08,691 --> 00:04:10,157
Some things are
my business.
107
00:04:10,192 --> 00:04:12,493
You don't tell me when
you play with yourself.
108
00:04:12,528 --> 00:04:13,928
Well, if you checked
my Twitter feed,
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00:04:13,963 --> 00:04:15,529
I wouldn't have to.
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00:04:25,141 --> 00:04:27,074
And if you elect me,
I will be as good
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00:04:27,109 --> 00:04:29,743
a homecoming king
as a touchdown.
112
00:04:31,380 --> 00:04:33,013
And our final nominee
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00:04:33,049 --> 00:04:35,416
for homecoming king
is Chris Griffin.
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00:04:38,087 --> 00:04:39,386
Thank you.
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00:04:39,422 --> 00:04:40,854
I'm Chris Griffin.
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00:04:40,890 --> 00:04:43,924
Webster's dictionary
defines "smegma" as
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00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,859
"a sebaceous,
cheese-like substance
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00:04:45,895 --> 00:04:48,128
around the head of the penis."
119
00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:50,698
But what is a "king"?
120
00:04:50,733 --> 00:04:52,700
Oh, God,
this is already hard to watch.
121
00:04:52,735 --> 00:04:55,903
Like that Bourne movie where
they couldn't get Matt Damon.
122
00:04:55,938 --> 00:04:58,472
We're facing a biochemical
attack of untold proportions.
123
00:04:58,507 --> 00:05:00,240
Unfortunately,
Jason Bourne is not available.
124
00:05:00,276 --> 00:05:01,875
Who have we got?
125
00:05:01,911 --> 00:05:04,078
We have the sixth-billed
guy from The Avengers.
126
00:05:04,113 --> 00:05:05,980
The arrow guy
who frowns a lot.
127
00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:07,214
Uh, okay.
128
00:05:07,249 --> 00:05:08,615
Does he look
like Bourne?
129
00:05:08,651 --> 00:05:10,050
Yeah, yeah.
130
00:05:10,086 --> 00:05:11,919
He sort of looks
like a young Popeye.
131
00:05:11,954 --> 00:05:13,954
Well, sounds like he's
the right guy for this.
132
00:05:13,990 --> 00:05:16,757
Yeah... yeah.
133
00:05:16,792 --> 00:05:18,759
All right, students.
The votes have been tabulated,
134
00:05:18,794 --> 00:05:21,996
so if you could all look up
from your phones for a minute,
135
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:23,497
I'll tell you who won.
136
00:05:24,934 --> 00:05:27,735
Children.
A man is talking.
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00:05:27,770 --> 00:05:29,103
All right, I better
head down there.
138
00:05:29,138 --> 00:05:30,671
I brought a bag
of marshmallows
139
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:32,006
and a belt for
Chris to bite on
140
00:05:32,041 --> 00:05:33,640
during his meltdown.
141
00:05:33,676 --> 00:05:37,678
And this year's James Woods High
homecoming king is...
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00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,113
Chris Griffin.
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00:05:39,148 --> 00:05:40,681
Yay!
144
00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:43,517
Yay!
145
00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:44,985
Holy crap!
146
00:05:45,021 --> 00:05:47,121
I don't believe it.
Chris won!
147
00:05:47,156 --> 00:05:49,656
All right, now it's time
for these four poor kids
148
00:05:49,692 --> 00:05:51,859
to thank you for
subsidizing their lunches.
149
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:53,627
Thank you.
150
00:05:53,662 --> 00:05:55,162
Mean it.
151
00:05:55,197 --> 00:05:56,497
Thank you.
152
00:05:56,532 --> 00:05:57,798
All right.
153
00:05:57,833 --> 00:05:59,133
Time for my car nap.
154
00:06:05,806 --> 00:06:07,760
Hey, hey, hey,
there he is!
155
00:06:07,761 --> 00:06:08,827
The new king!
156
00:06:08,862 --> 00:06:10,662
I already called
and quit my job.
157
00:06:10,697 --> 00:06:12,831
Peter, he doesn't get money
for being homecoming king.
158
00:06:12,866 --> 00:06:14,098
Does he get land?
159
00:06:14,134 --> 00:06:15,333
No, of course not.
160
00:06:15,368 --> 00:06:16,634
Does he get this joke?
161
00:06:16,670 --> 00:06:18,770
"Shagadelic, baby!"
162
00:06:18,805 --> 00:06:20,472
Austin Powers!
163
00:06:20,507 --> 00:06:23,007
Oh, very good.
Very good, my liege.
164
00:06:23,043 --> 00:06:25,109
Well, Chris, since
you're royalty now,
165
00:06:25,145 --> 00:06:26,344
I made your favorites.
166
00:06:26,379 --> 00:06:27,579
Dinner for breakfast?
167
00:06:27,614 --> 00:06:28,813
That's right.
168
00:06:28,849 --> 00:06:30,815
Pork chops
and French onion soup.
169
00:06:30,851 --> 00:06:32,183
Oh, boy!
170
00:06:32,219 --> 00:06:34,419
Well, as king,
I shall eat this breakfast
171
00:06:34,454 --> 00:06:37,422
on a tray in front
of Wheel of Fortune.
172
00:06:37,457 --> 00:06:40,458
I'll get the TV tray,
Your Majesty.
173
00:06:40,494 --> 00:06:42,827
How does nobody see what's going
on with this Chris thing?
174
00:06:42,863 --> 00:06:44,095
What are you talking about?
175
00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:45,663
Well, it's obvious.
176
00:06:45,699 --> 00:06:47,632
The only reason they
elected him king
177
00:06:47,667 --> 00:06:50,034
is because they're gonna
prank him at homecoming.
178
00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:51,836
Shut up, Hat.
That's my brother.
179
00:06:51,872 --> 00:06:53,471
They're not gonna mess with him.
He's the man.
180
00:06:53,507 --> 00:06:56,007
He's got real Griffin beef
in those trousers.
181
00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:57,542
Meg, how can you be so sure?
182
00:06:57,577 --> 00:06:59,277
Because this kind of stuff
happens all the time
183
00:06:59,312 --> 00:07:00,678
to unpopular kids.
184
00:07:00,714 --> 00:07:02,280
They're just trying
to embarrass him
185
00:07:02,315 --> 00:07:03,715
and make him look stupid.
186
00:07:03,750 --> 00:07:05,183
You don't really think
they're going to pull
187
00:07:05,218 --> 00:07:06,484
a prank on Chris,
do you?
188
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:07,986
I don't know,
but if they are,
189
00:07:08,021 --> 00:07:09,787
we got to get down to that
school and talk 'em out of it.
190
00:07:09,823 --> 00:07:11,055
Good idea.
191
00:07:11,091 --> 00:07:12,290
And luckily,
I'm great at connecting
192
00:07:12,325 --> 00:07:13,825
with that generation.
193
00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:16,828
Like when I went on that
campout with One Direction.
194
00:07:16,863 --> 00:07:18,796
So they checked
into their hotel suite,
195
00:07:18,832 --> 00:07:21,065
but the minibar
had no sparkling water.
196
00:07:21,101 --> 00:07:22,367
Only still.
197
00:07:23,603 --> 00:07:25,003
Ah, stop. It's too scary.
198
00:07:25,038 --> 00:07:26,671
Oh, but that's not all.
199
00:07:26,706 --> 00:07:27,972
They looked
in the wardrobe
200
00:07:28,008 --> 00:07:29,741
and discovered
that the stylist
201
00:07:29,776 --> 00:07:31,543
had only brought
non-skinny jeans!
202
00:07:33,046 --> 00:07:35,179
Do mean like a
Levi's 513 skinny straight?
203
00:07:35,215 --> 00:07:37,348
No. Just regular
pants that fit normal!
204
00:07:38,852 --> 00:07:41,019
That's not real, right?
Those aren't real?
205
00:07:41,054 --> 00:07:42,754
Of course not, Louis.
It's-it's just a story.
206
00:07:42,789 --> 00:07:44,689
Well, I guess that means
these aren't real!
207
00:07:46,059 --> 00:07:47,659
Yeah, they're gonna die
in the woods.
208
00:07:47,694 --> 00:07:49,193
Simon, are they tagged?
209
00:07:49,229 --> 00:07:50,395
They're tagged, right?
210
00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:52,263
Oh, they're tagged.
Good.
211
00:07:52,299 --> 00:07:53,865
Simon, did I ever
tell you the one
212
00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:55,166
about the
loose-fitting T-shirt?
213
00:07:55,201 --> 00:07:58,102
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
214
00:08:02,142 --> 00:08:03,441
All right,
if we want Cleveland
215
00:08:03,476 --> 00:08:05,116
to stop spending
all his time with Jerome,
216
00:08:05,145 --> 00:08:06,578
we got to remind him
how much fun we are.
217
00:08:06,613 --> 00:08:07,845
So let's just have fun.
218
00:08:07,881 --> 00:08:09,047
How do we do that?
219
00:08:09,082 --> 00:08:10,248
I don't know.
220
00:08:10,283 --> 00:08:12,183
Little bit of this.
221
00:08:12,218 --> 00:08:13,918
Okay.
That seems like fun.
222
00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:15,520
What about one of these?
223
00:08:15,555 --> 00:08:16,921
Yeah, sure.
There's no wrong moves.
224
00:08:16,957 --> 00:08:18,890
What if I brush
my shoulders off?
225
00:08:18,925 --> 00:08:21,626
Original ideas
are preferred, but sure.
226
00:08:21,661 --> 00:08:24,395
Three fun guys,
room for four.
227
00:08:24,431 --> 00:08:25,563
I don't know if
it's working, Peter.
228
00:08:25,599 --> 00:08:26,731
I don't know
if it's fun.
229
00:08:26,766 --> 00:08:28,533
It's more than fun,
it's "foon."
230
00:08:28,568 --> 00:08:30,201
That's a fun way
to say "fun."
231
00:08:30,236 --> 00:08:32,904
Hey, how foon would it be
if we waved sticks around?
232
00:08:32,939 --> 00:08:34,806
I-I really don't know
what we're doing.
233
00:08:34,841 --> 00:08:36,441
It's foon,
from the word before.
234
00:08:36,476 --> 00:08:38,309
I don't see what's...
235
00:08:38,345 --> 00:08:41,112
All right, first,
let's take your blood pressure,
236
00:08:41,147 --> 00:08:42,614
'cause that's-that's
like our favorite thing
237
00:08:42,649 --> 00:08:44,415
to do around here.
238
00:08:47,954 --> 00:08:50,321
Okay, we all know how much
Cleveland loves Tecmo Bowl,
239
00:08:50,357 --> 00:08:51,723
so let's start playing.
240
00:08:51,758 --> 00:08:52,957
I'm the Raiders.
I'm Bo Jackson.
241
00:08:52,993 --> 00:08:54,459
And hopefully,
he'll show up.
242
00:08:54,494 --> 00:08:56,260
That's no fair.
Bo Jackson's too fast.
243
00:08:56,296 --> 00:08:58,296
Guys, do we want
Cleveland back or don't...
244
00:08:58,331 --> 00:08:59,497
Uhp, here we go.
245
00:08:59,532 --> 00:09:01,933
Bye-bye.
246
00:09:01,968 --> 00:09:03,167
See, Peter? He's too fast.
247
00:09:03,203 --> 00:09:04,569
You got to tackle me.
It's "B."
248
00:09:04,604 --> 00:09:06,070
You got to press "B."
249
00:09:06,106 --> 00:09:07,772
I'm pressing "B." He's too fast.
250
00:09:07,807 --> 00:09:09,340
Going over here.
251
00:09:09,376 --> 00:09:10,675
Going over here now.
252
00:09:10,710 --> 00:09:11,909
Never get tired.
253
00:09:11,945 --> 00:09:14,112
Change your guy, Quagmire.
254
00:09:14,147 --> 00:09:15,313
Change your guy.
255
00:09:15,348 --> 00:09:16,581
I'm trying.
Peter's cheating.
256
00:09:16,616 --> 00:09:17,949
You're cheating, Peter.
257
00:09:17,984 --> 00:09:19,183
I'm not cheating.
I'm following the rules.
258
00:09:19,219 --> 00:09:20,618
I'm just really good.
259
00:09:20,654 --> 00:09:22,954
You're not really good.
You just got Bo Jackson.
260
00:09:22,989 --> 00:09:25,957
Bo Jackson also played
professional baseball.
261
00:09:25,992 --> 00:09:27,925
Shut up, Joe.
Everybody knows that.
262
00:09:27,961 --> 00:09:29,127
Kansas City.
263
00:09:29,162 --> 00:09:30,261
Royals.
264
00:09:30,296 --> 00:09:32,130
Can't stop.
Won't stop.
265
00:09:32,165 --> 00:09:36,801
Bo... might...
go... all... the...
266
00:09:36,836 --> 00:09:38,636
Nope, going back
the other way.
267
00:09:38,672 --> 00:09:40,505
What? Are you going backwards?
Just score.
268
00:09:40,540 --> 00:09:42,340
Nah, I'm gonna run
out the quarter.
269
00:09:42,375 --> 00:09:44,475
I'm not playing now.
My controller's down.
270
00:09:44,511 --> 00:09:46,377
Seems like your controller's
been down the whole time.
271
00:09:46,413 --> 00:09:49,347
Who's Veris?
You got to switch off Veris.
272
00:09:49,382 --> 00:09:51,549
Get it to Ronnie Lott.
273
00:09:51,584 --> 00:09:54,385
Pretty much anyone
but Veris.
274
00:09:54,421 --> 00:09:57,155
Oh, no, I'm all the
way back here now.
275
00:09:57,190 --> 00:09:59,223
I'm in my own end zone.
What am I doing?
276
00:09:59,259 --> 00:10:00,958
Too bad I'm not
Bo Jackson.
277
00:10:00,994 --> 00:10:02,193
Oh, wait. I am!
278
00:10:02,228 --> 00:10:03,528
Ridiculous.
279
00:10:03,563 --> 00:10:05,296
Oh, yeah.
280
00:10:05,331 --> 00:10:06,731
There you go,
Quagmire.
281
00:10:06,766 --> 00:10:07,999
You're about
to tackle me.
282
00:10:08,034 --> 00:10:09,300
But then...
283
00:10:09,335 --> 00:10:11,335
Damn it!
284
00:10:11,371 --> 00:10:12,470
Less than a minute.
285
00:10:12,505 --> 00:10:13,805
Shut up, Joe!
286
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:14,972
He's gonna do it.
287
00:10:15,008 --> 00:10:16,240
He might do this.
288
00:10:16,276 --> 00:10:17,408
I don't know, a
lot of football
289
00:10:17,444 --> 00:10:18,576
still to be
played here.
290
00:10:18,611 --> 00:10:19,844
I'm hitting reset.
291
00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:21,179
Don't you dare
hit reset.
292
00:10:21,214 --> 00:10:22,513
You hit reset, you're
banned for life.
293
00:10:22,549 --> 00:10:23,715
I hate this.
294
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:25,183
Joe, do you want to play?
295
00:10:25,218 --> 00:10:27,151
Nah, I like being
this guy.
296
00:10:27,187 --> 00:10:29,687
A zig. A zag.
A touchdown!
297
00:10:29,723 --> 00:10:31,989
Yeah!
298
00:10:32,025 --> 00:10:33,324
♪ I won the game ♪
299
00:10:33,359 --> 00:10:34,926
♪ And now I'm gonna jump ♪
300
00:10:34,961 --> 00:10:36,360
♪ Bo Jackson! ♪
301
00:10:38,131 --> 00:10:39,731
All right, if we want
to get Cleveland back,
302
00:10:39,766 --> 00:10:41,733
we should just put out
his favorite snack:
303
00:10:41,768 --> 00:10:43,234
an open can of tuna.
304
00:10:43,269 --> 00:10:46,104
Often he'll come running
when he hears a can opening.
305
00:10:46,139 --> 00:10:47,772
Peter, stop.
306
00:10:47,807 --> 00:10:49,407
Yeah, I think it's
time we addressed
307
00:10:49,442 --> 00:10:51,008
the elephant
in the room.
308
00:10:51,044 --> 00:10:52,410
There's a simple reason
309
00:10:52,445 --> 00:10:54,946
Cleveland is hanging out
with Jerome and not us.
310
00:10:54,981 --> 00:10:56,848
Jerome is black
and we're not.
311
00:10:56,883 --> 00:10:58,216
Yeah, I mean,
you can't blame him.
312
00:10:58,251 --> 00:10:59,951
It's just a thing
they have in common.
313
00:10:59,986 --> 00:11:01,352
Something they can bond over.
314
00:11:01,387 --> 00:11:02,954
Well, I guess
that makes sense.
315
00:11:02,989 --> 00:11:05,089
I suppose people do want
to be with their own kind.
316
00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:08,092
Like the audience at a
Decemberists concert.
317
00:11:08,128 --> 00:11:09,927
Good evening,
white guys who weigh less
318
00:11:09,963 --> 00:11:11,596
than their girlfriends.
319
00:11:19,472 --> 00:11:21,038
God, a lot
of gym teacher
320
00:11:21,074 --> 00:11:22,974
suicide memorials
in this place.
321
00:11:23,009 --> 00:11:24,709
All right, let's find
the coolest kids here,
322
00:11:24,744 --> 00:11:26,811
and see if they know anything
about a prank on Chris.
323
00:11:26,846 --> 00:11:29,046
Those chicks in the
skirts look pretty cool.
324
00:11:29,082 --> 00:11:31,616
Hey there.
Brian Rockwell.
325
00:11:31,651 --> 00:11:33,317
This is my friend,
Stewie Goldberg.
326
00:11:33,353 --> 00:11:34,719
What?
327
00:11:34,754 --> 00:11:35,987
I don't know my way
around the school,
328
00:11:36,022 --> 00:11:37,121
so I figured I'd get the deets
329
00:11:37,157 --> 00:11:38,222
from a couple of seniors.
330
00:11:38,258 --> 00:11:39,457
Download me.
331
00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:41,058
Brian-- it's not
Goldberg, by the way--
332
00:11:41,094 --> 00:11:42,226
we should ask
about the prank.
333
00:11:42,262 --> 00:11:43,761
I'm earning their trust.
334
00:11:43,797 --> 00:11:44,996
Hey, uh, I'm new here,
335
00:11:45,031 --> 00:11:46,564
but you know what'd be crazy?
336
00:11:46,599 --> 00:11:47,899
If me, a guy,
337
00:11:47,934 --> 00:11:49,967
went in the girls' room
with you two.
338
00:11:50,003 --> 00:11:52,270
I mean, that would be,
that would be so wild.
339
00:11:52,305 --> 00:11:54,071
We should, we should
totally just go in there.
340
00:11:54,107 --> 00:11:55,306
Brian, stop.
341
00:11:55,341 --> 00:11:56,474
That'd be hilarious.
342
00:11:56,509 --> 00:11:57,675
I'm in.
343
00:11:57,710 --> 00:11:59,076
Stewie, go wait
in the car.
344
00:11:59,112 --> 00:12:00,912
No, we are here to get
information about Chris.
345
00:12:00,947 --> 00:12:03,014
I said, go wait
in the car.
346
00:12:06,519 --> 00:12:08,853
They had security guards
in the bathroom.
347
00:12:08,888 --> 00:12:12,156
We-we live in such
a culture of fear now.
348
00:12:16,229 --> 00:12:18,763
Hey, guys, what are
you doing here?
349
00:12:18,798 --> 00:12:20,498
And why are you
dressed like that?
350
00:12:20,533 --> 00:12:22,366
Well, we realized you like
hanging out with Jerome
351
00:12:22,402 --> 00:12:23,835
because he's black,
352
00:12:23,870 --> 00:12:26,504
so we wanted you to know
we can be black guys, too.
353
00:12:26,539 --> 00:12:29,507
Yeah, in fact, we can even
be famous movie black guys.
354
00:12:29,542 --> 00:12:30,775
I'm Bagger Vance.
355
00:12:30,810 --> 00:12:32,543
I also am
Bagger Vance.
356
00:12:32,579 --> 00:12:34,645
I'm Kazaam from Kazaam.
357
00:12:34,681 --> 00:12:36,214
You really think
I'm only hanging out
358
00:12:36,249 --> 00:12:38,049
with Jerome 'cause he's black?
359
00:12:38,084 --> 00:12:41,219
I hang out with Jerome because,
unlike some people,
360
00:12:41,254 --> 00:12:43,788
he actually takes
an interest in my life.
361
00:12:43,823 --> 00:12:45,623
And he would never
stick me with the bill
362
00:12:45,658 --> 00:12:47,758
by walking out
on me at the Clam.
363
00:12:49,529 --> 00:12:51,662
Well, we could have come over
and graciously apologized,
364
00:12:51,698 --> 00:12:53,231
but we took a chance.
365
00:12:53,266 --> 00:12:55,333
That's what I like about us.
366
00:13:00,373 --> 00:13:02,073
Sucks we didn't find
out what kind of prank
367
00:13:02,108 --> 00:13:03,407
they're gonna
pull on Chris.
368
00:13:03,443 --> 00:13:05,009
I know that book
is The Hunger Games
369
00:13:05,044 --> 00:13:06,344
with the cover taken off.
370
00:13:06,379 --> 00:13:08,145
Oh, look, something on TV.
371
00:13:08,181 --> 00:13:11,182
And finally, tonight, a moving
story from James Woods High,
372
00:13:11,217 --> 00:13:14,418
where the student body has made
their homecoming a special event
373
00:13:14,454 --> 00:13:16,587
for a very special boy.
374
00:13:16,623 --> 00:13:18,189
And this year's James Woods High
375
00:13:18,224 --> 00:13:21,859
homecoming king is
Chris Griffin.
376
00:13:21,895 --> 00:13:23,928
Yay!
377
00:13:23,963 --> 00:13:26,397
Yay!
378
00:13:26,432 --> 00:13:27,832
That's right. Chris Griffin,
379
00:13:27,867 --> 00:13:30,201
a tubby spaz
with a heart full of dreams,
380
00:13:30,236 --> 00:13:32,203
gets to feel normal for a night,
381
00:13:32,238 --> 00:13:34,405
thanks to the kindness
of his peers.
382
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,241
Oh.
383
00:13:37,277 --> 00:13:38,609
I just see him
walking around
384
00:13:38,645 --> 00:13:40,411
with his hands down
his pants all day,
385
00:13:40,446 --> 00:13:42,213
and he's just so
fat and weird,
386
00:13:42,248 --> 00:13:43,948
so we feel bad.
387
00:13:43,983 --> 00:13:47,585
Yeah, last year we did the burnt
up kid, so this was a slam dunk.
388
00:13:47,620 --> 00:13:49,787
Oh, my God, they just
elected him out of pity,
389
00:13:49,822 --> 00:13:51,622
because they think he's
mentally challenged.
390
00:13:51,658 --> 00:13:54,258
Kind of like we did
with George W. Bush.
391
00:13:54,294 --> 00:13:56,460
Huh? Right?
392
00:13:56,496 --> 00:13:59,130
I-I guess.
I guess, Brian.
393
00:13:59,165 --> 00:14:00,564
I-I don't--
I don't know.
394
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,160
Let's-let's just watch
some commercials.
395
00:14:06,375 --> 00:14:08,342
Well, that explains it.
396
00:14:08,377 --> 00:14:09,776
The only reason Chris
is homecoming king
397
00:14:09,812 --> 00:14:11,778
is that all the other
kids feel sorry for him.
398
00:14:11,814 --> 00:14:13,013
Do you think he knows?
399
00:14:13,048 --> 00:14:14,181
I can't imagine.
400
00:14:14,216 --> 00:14:15,415
And we can't tell him.
401
00:14:15,451 --> 00:14:16,717
It would destroy him.
402
00:14:19,388 --> 00:14:20,554
Look away!
403
00:14:20,589 --> 00:14:23,023
No one may meet
the king's gaze.
404
00:14:23,058 --> 00:14:24,524
So, uh, hey,
405
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,693
congratulations
again on that, uh,
406
00:14:26,729 --> 00:14:28,095
homecoming thing.
407
00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:29,696
Why congratulate
me on a right
408
00:14:29,732 --> 00:14:31,631
and natural
turn of events?
409
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:32,966
Now, if you'll
excuse me,
410
00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:34,434
I shall select
three things
411
00:14:34,470 --> 00:14:36,970
from Stewie's room
that I wish to be mine.
412
00:14:37,005 --> 00:14:39,473
There's a book in there
on how to eat healthy.
413
00:14:39,508 --> 00:14:41,641
Why don't you take that,
you fat bitch?
414
00:14:41,677 --> 00:14:44,077
Well, he obviously doesn't
know it's just a pity vote.
415
00:14:44,113 --> 00:14:46,046
In fact, this whole
homecoming king thing
416
00:14:46,081 --> 00:14:48,148
seems to have just gone
straight to his head.
417
00:14:48,183 --> 00:14:50,117
I know, he's acting like
an arrogant jerk.
418
00:14:50,152 --> 00:14:51,618
Quiet, Rupert!
419
00:14:51,653 --> 00:14:53,787
It is an honor to serve
the king in this manner.
420
00:14:53,822 --> 00:14:54,988
Brian, this can't go on.
421
00:14:55,023 --> 00:14:56,723
Chris is out of control.
422
00:14:56,759 --> 00:14:59,593
He's even more arrogant
than an actor/writer/director.
423
00:14:59,628 --> 00:15:02,262
Well, my script is brilliant,
and I'm a great director.
424
00:15:02,297 --> 00:15:06,032
The question is,
how bad do I want this part?
425
00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:10,170
Okay, I'll do it.
426
00:15:14,877 --> 00:15:16,009
Well, now we know.
427
00:15:16,044 --> 00:15:18,111
Neither of us
likes crepes.
428
00:15:18,147 --> 00:15:20,580
See, that's another thing
we got in common.
429
00:15:20,616 --> 00:15:22,649
In fact, you want
to hear something crazy?
430
00:15:22,684 --> 00:15:25,585
Peter and the fellas think that
you and I only hang out together
431
00:15:25,621 --> 00:15:27,187
because we're both black.
432
00:15:27,222 --> 00:15:28,455
Uh-huh.
433
00:15:28,490 --> 00:15:30,123
But I told them
that's insulting.
434
00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:31,425
Why is that insulting?
435
00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:32,993
People like to be
with their own.
436
00:15:33,028 --> 00:15:35,095
I mean, you don't think I
hang out with you because
437
00:15:35,130 --> 00:15:37,864
of your endless stories about
working your remote control
438
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:41,868
or your fat son or how you once
made a dog shake its head "no"?
439
00:15:41,904 --> 00:15:45,305
I manipulated the
cheeseburger what like this.
440
00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:46,873
You boring, man.
441
00:15:46,909 --> 00:15:48,508
But you're black,
so we cool.
442
00:15:48,544 --> 00:15:50,677
That's racist.
I'm offended.
443
00:15:50,712 --> 00:15:51,978
Whatever.
444
00:15:52,014 --> 00:15:53,647
I'll see you around,
Cleveland.
445
00:15:53,682 --> 00:15:57,684
Man, I guess this whole
friendship was a bad idea.
446
00:15:57,719 --> 00:16:00,887
Just like Goodyear's
advertising strategy.
447
00:16:00,923 --> 00:16:02,889
All right, we have $14 million
to play with.
448
00:16:02,925 --> 00:16:04,791
I say we spend it all on blimps,
449
00:16:04,827 --> 00:16:06,126
'cause who do we want to reach?
450
00:16:06,161 --> 00:16:07,861
Drivers.
451
00:16:07,896 --> 00:16:09,629
And where are people looking
when they're driving a car?
452
00:16:09,665 --> 00:16:11,164
Straight up.
453
00:16:15,170 --> 00:16:18,038
Squire, my chamber pot
needs emptying.
454
00:16:18,073 --> 00:16:19,406
What's he talking about?
455
00:16:19,441 --> 00:16:20,974
He's been pooping
in the waffle iron.
456
00:16:21,009 --> 00:16:22,075
Just plug it in
and close it.
457
00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:23,376
It'll burn off.
458
00:16:23,412 --> 00:16:24,578
Look, Chris.
459
00:16:24,613 --> 00:16:25,712
You know, being
homecoming king
460
00:16:25,747 --> 00:16:28,081
doesn't mean you can
just start acting crazy.
461
00:16:28,116 --> 00:16:29,916
I can do whatever I want.
462
00:16:29,952 --> 00:16:33,253
I've been acknowledged
by my peers as their superior.
463
00:16:33,288 --> 00:16:35,388
You're just jealous 'cause
you've never done anything
464
00:16:35,424 --> 00:16:37,324
that deserves
being elected king.
465
00:16:37,359 --> 00:16:38,892
Okay, you want
to know the truth?
466
00:16:38,927 --> 00:16:40,894
They only picked you
because they felt sorry for you.
467
00:16:40,929 --> 00:16:42,162
Sorry?
468
00:16:42,197 --> 00:16:43,763
Why would they
feel sorry for me?
469
00:16:43,799 --> 00:16:46,433
Well, because they all think
you're a, um, you know,
470
00:16:46,468 --> 00:16:50,270
"groundskeeper at a public
institution" kind of guy.
471
00:16:50,305 --> 00:16:51,404
A what?
472
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,707
A dope.
An idiot. A water head.
473
00:16:53,742 --> 00:16:56,276
You guys don't know
what you're talking about.
474
00:16:56,311 --> 00:16:58,912
Tonight, when they put
that crown on my head,
475
00:16:58,947 --> 00:17:01,381
it's gonna be the
greatest night of my life.
476
00:17:01,416 --> 00:17:04,718
Even better than when
I had my first kiss.
477
00:17:28,644 --> 00:17:30,377
I say, we were a
little hard on Chris,
478
00:17:30,412 --> 00:17:31,745
but I'm glad we came.
479
00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:33,280
He's still my brother.
480
00:17:33,315 --> 00:17:34,981
Hey, look, there's
the security guard
481
00:17:35,017 --> 00:17:36,657
that threw me out
of the bathroom earlier.
482
00:17:36,685 --> 00:17:38,318
And he's here
with his wife.
483
00:17:38,353 --> 00:17:40,453
This is like
a date for them.
484
00:17:40,489 --> 00:17:43,123
Good evening,
fingerers and fingerees.
485
00:17:43,158 --> 00:17:44,991
Sorry,
I had a little rum in the car.
486
00:17:45,027 --> 00:17:48,094
Anyway, please welcome your
homecoming king, Chris Griffin.
487
00:17:51,867 --> 00:17:54,234
Good evening, subjects.
488
00:17:54,269 --> 00:17:58,238
The boys' showers shall run red
with the blood of my enemies.
489
00:17:58,273 --> 00:17:59,606
We believe in you!
490
00:17:59,641 --> 00:18:00,607
Good for you, Chris!
491
00:18:00,642 --> 00:18:01,808
No one clap too loud.
492
00:18:01,843 --> 00:18:03,643
We don't want
to frighten him.
493
00:18:03,679 --> 00:18:05,145
Wait a minute.
494
00:18:05,180 --> 00:18:06,279
And now your queen,
495
00:18:06,315 --> 00:18:08,081
prom night car crash victim
496
00:18:08,116 --> 00:18:09,950
Kathleen Fitzpatrick.
497
00:18:11,853 --> 00:18:12,953
Aw.
498
00:18:12,988 --> 00:18:14,487
We miss you, Kathleen!
499
00:18:14,523 --> 00:18:16,156
You're heaven's queen now!
500
00:18:16,191 --> 00:18:17,591
Wow, she was hot.
501
00:18:17,626 --> 00:18:19,759
The queen is a dead girl?
502
00:18:19,795 --> 00:18:21,528
What does that make me?
503
00:18:21,563 --> 00:18:23,663
Brian and Stewie were right.
504
00:18:23,699 --> 00:18:25,532
This was a pity vote.
505
00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:26,967
We love you, Chris!
506
00:18:27,002 --> 00:18:28,335
You love me?
507
00:18:28,370 --> 00:18:30,270
You don't even know
anything about me.
508
00:18:30,305 --> 00:18:33,239
You just voted for me
to make yourselves feel better.
509
00:18:35,877 --> 00:18:38,545
She was on PCP that night,
you idiots!
510
00:18:45,554 --> 00:18:48,054
Chris, I-I'm so sorry.
511
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:49,222
That's okay.
512
00:18:49,257 --> 00:18:50,991
You guys tried
to warn me.
513
00:18:51,026 --> 00:18:52,692
I'm sorry I was
such a jerk.
514
00:18:52,728 --> 00:18:53,827
Ah, don't worry about it.
515
00:18:53,862 --> 00:18:54,894
Are you okay?
516
00:18:54,930 --> 00:18:57,731
You know what?
I am.
517
00:18:57,766 --> 00:18:59,165
I may not be king,
518
00:18:59,201 --> 00:19:01,501
but I learned
I don't need anyone's pity.
519
00:19:01,536 --> 00:19:02,869
That's the spirit, Chris.
520
00:19:02,904 --> 00:19:04,838
And, hey, you're not
the homecoming king,
521
00:19:04,873 --> 00:19:07,340
but you'll always
be my brother.
522
00:19:07,376 --> 00:19:08,642
Thanks, Stewie.
523
00:19:08,677 --> 00:19:10,176
It means a lot
to me to know
524
00:19:10,212 --> 00:19:13,013
I've always got my family
looking out for me.
525
00:19:13,048 --> 00:19:14,814
Oh, hey, Chris.
526
00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:16,583
This is Tyler.
527
00:19:16,618 --> 00:19:19,252
Don't make this weird now.
528
00:19:19,287 --> 00:19:21,688
Oh, what a gentleman.
529
00:19:29,564 --> 00:19:31,731
Well, Cleveland, it's good
to have you back, buddy.
530
00:19:31,767 --> 00:19:33,133
It's good to be back.
531
00:19:33,168 --> 00:19:34,534
Hanging with Jerome was fun,
532
00:19:34,569 --> 00:19:37,137
but my best friends are
right here in this room.
533
00:19:37,172 --> 00:19:39,205
Hey, to celebrate,
how about we play a little
534
00:19:39,241 --> 00:19:41,174
old-school Double Dribble?
535
00:19:41,209 --> 00:19:43,410
Okay, but no stupid-ass
shots from the corner,
536
00:19:43,445 --> 00:19:44,878
because that's a glitch
in the software and...
537
00:19:44,913 --> 00:19:46,112
Game on!
538
00:19:48,483 --> 00:19:51,451
All right, bring it up the
court, and corner three!
539
00:19:51,486 --> 00:19:53,620
No, no. That's what
I'm talking about!
540
00:19:53,655 --> 00:19:55,121
Steal.
541
00:19:55,157 --> 00:19:58,058
Uhp, corner three.
542
00:19:58,093 --> 00:19:59,093
All right, here we go.
543
00:19:59,127 --> 00:20:00,527
I got something cooking.
544
00:20:00,562 --> 00:20:02,529
Uhp, you dropped
something.
545
00:20:02,564 --> 00:20:04,197
Think I'll head over
in this direction.
546
00:20:04,232 --> 00:20:05,532
Corner three!
547
00:20:05,567 --> 00:20:07,133
It's a rout.
It's a blowout.
548
00:20:07,169 --> 00:20:08,768
It's some bullcrap.
549
00:20:08,804 --> 00:20:10,937
Couple nice passes
there... hey!
550
00:20:10,972 --> 00:20:12,305
See? Competitive ball game.
551
00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:13,573
What should I do?
552
00:20:13,608 --> 00:20:14,808
Pass and then go up?
553
00:20:14,843 --> 00:20:17,577
And corner three!
554
00:20:17,612 --> 00:20:19,446
All right, enough
of this mess.
555
00:20:19,481 --> 00:20:21,147
Shoot it!
Shoot it from there.
556
00:20:21,183 --> 00:20:22,749
The refs are lettin' 'em play.
557
00:20:22,784 --> 00:20:24,451
I do appreciate that.
558
00:20:24,486 --> 00:20:25,652
Yeah, that's what
I'm talkin' about.
559
00:20:25,687 --> 00:20:26,953
Now I'm playing
for reals.
560
00:20:26,988 --> 00:20:28,154
Yeah, you're
doing pretty good.
561
00:20:28,190 --> 00:20:29,456
What play
should I call now?
562
00:20:29,491 --> 00:20:31,291
Maybe... corner three!
563
00:20:31,326 --> 00:20:32,759
He's hot. He is hot.
564
00:20:32,794 --> 00:20:34,427
Keep feeding that guy.
565
00:20:34,463 --> 00:20:36,296
Hi, nice to meet you.
Can I have that?
566
00:20:36,331 --> 00:20:37,571
Hang out over here
for a second.
567
00:20:37,599 --> 00:20:39,132
Corner three!
568
00:20:39,167 --> 00:20:40,567
You got to get
out there, Cleveland.
569
00:20:40,602 --> 00:20:42,001
I'm trying.
570
00:20:42,037 --> 00:20:44,270
He's taking advantage
of poor technology.
571
00:20:44,306 --> 00:20:45,839
Oh, lot of dribbling. Swipe.
572
00:20:45,874 --> 00:20:47,841
Here we... aw,
I hit the wrong button.
573
00:20:47,876 --> 00:20:50,343
I think you all know I was
going for a corner three.
574
00:20:50,367 --> 00:20:56,867
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man