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00:00:00,264 --> 00:00:03,588
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:03,688 --> 00:00:06,990
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,025 --> 00:00:10,693
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
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00:00:10,729 --> 00:00:13,930
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:24,298 --> 00:00:28,298
♪ Family Guy 14x17 ♪
Take a Letter
Original Air Date on April 17, 2016
11
00:00:28,299 --> 00:00:34,799
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
12
00:00:34,824 --> 00:00:36,038
Peter, we got to talk.
13
00:00:36,039 --> 00:00:36,634
Ugh.
14
00:00:36,635 --> 00:00:39,260
I'm concerned about
Stewie's preschool.
15
00:00:39,261 --> 00:00:41,395
Look what they're serving
at snack time.
16
00:00:41,429 --> 00:00:42,895
Is-is that...?
17
00:00:42,931 --> 00:00:44,130
It's dog milk.
18
00:00:44,165 --> 00:00:46,132
They're serving dog
milk to our children.
19
00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:48,067
Aw, sweet, dilk.
20
00:00:48,102 --> 00:00:50,169
I don't want Stewie
in that school anymore.
21
00:00:50,205 --> 00:00:52,205
It seems like it's
really gone downhill.
22
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,773
She's not wrong to worry.
23
00:00:53,808 --> 00:00:55,308
There's a sign
in the bathroom that says,
24
00:00:55,343 --> 00:00:57,343
"If it's brown, let it mellow."
25
00:00:57,378 --> 00:00:59,312
Sometimes it crests
the toilet lid.
26
00:00:59,347 --> 00:01:01,781
Peter, I think we should
send Stewie to Corridors.
27
00:01:01,816 --> 00:01:03,015
I know it's
a little pricey,
28
00:01:03,051 --> 00:01:04,650
but it's the best
preschool in the area.
29
00:01:04,686 --> 00:01:06,819
Really? Is that the one
where they make 'em dress
30
00:01:06,855 --> 00:01:09,388
in the little shorts and hats
like the guy in AC/DC?
31
00:01:09,424 --> 00:01:10,890
Yeah, why does he
wear that outfit?
32
00:01:10,925 --> 00:01:12,391
'Cause he rocks.
33
00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:15,962
When I picked this,
34
00:01:15,997 --> 00:01:19,532
I didn't know I'd have
to wear it when I'm 60!
35
00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:21,734
I'm very cold!
36
00:01:26,474 --> 00:01:28,641
You know what seems
like a lie to me?
37
00:01:28,676 --> 00:01:31,210
A Forever stamp that says
"Love" on it.
38
00:01:31,246 --> 00:01:33,312
Oh, you want to
go ahead of me?
39
00:01:33,348 --> 00:01:34,413
Hey, how are you?
40
00:01:34,449 --> 00:01:36,949
You know what seems
like a lie to me?
41
00:01:36,985 --> 00:01:39,352
I can help the fourth
person in line.
42
00:01:39,387 --> 00:01:41,721
One, two, three... yes!
43
00:01:41,756 --> 00:01:44,056
Cleveland,
you work here?
44
00:01:44,092 --> 00:01:46,359
Yup, finally landed
myself a job.
45
00:01:46,394 --> 00:01:48,995
Hey, what can
Brown do for you?
46
00:01:50,098 --> 00:01:51,397
That's our
competitor, though.
47
00:01:51,432 --> 00:01:52,899
I'm not supposed
to say that.
48
00:01:52,934 --> 00:01:55,735
It's grounds for dismissal
if anyone ever got fired here,
49
00:01:55,770 --> 00:01:56,736
but they don't.
50
00:01:56,771 --> 00:01:58,204
Well, good for you.
51
00:01:58,239 --> 00:01:59,972
Oh, could I get a
return receipt for this?
52
00:02:00,008 --> 00:02:02,808
It's Stewie's registration
form for his new school.
53
00:02:02,844 --> 00:02:04,610
Lil' Papa Stew-Stew's
off to college?
54
00:02:04,646 --> 00:02:05,878
No, just preschool.
55
00:02:05,914 --> 00:02:07,013
He's very young.
56
00:02:07,048 --> 00:02:09,448
Can you just charge me
my weirdly uneven price
57
00:02:09,484 --> 00:02:10,650
so I can be done?
58
00:02:10,685 --> 00:02:13,185
All right, that's $2.16.
59
00:02:13,221 --> 00:02:16,923
$4.37 if you want to
send it the priority.
60
00:02:16,958 --> 00:02:19,058
Oh, no, we got to start
saving our pennies
61
00:02:19,093 --> 00:02:21,193
now that we're sending
Stewie to a new school.
62
00:02:21,229 --> 00:02:23,396
I'm actually doing some
job hunting after this.
63
00:02:23,431 --> 00:02:24,564
Let's go up there!
64
00:02:24,599 --> 00:02:26,699
You know, Lois,
the post office is hiring.
65
00:02:26,734 --> 00:02:27,700
Really?
66
00:02:27,735 --> 00:02:29,435
Oh, wow, that'd be great.
67
00:02:29,470 --> 00:02:31,671
Yeah, I'd be happy to
get you an interview,
68
00:02:31,706 --> 00:02:34,173
and as a white woman,
you'd be a minority here,
69
00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:36,409
unless you're an alcoholic.
70
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:49,522
Wow, this place
is really fancy.
71
00:02:49,557 --> 00:02:52,191
Their Flat Stanley is
actually award-winning actor
72
00:02:52,226 --> 00:02:53,426
Stanley Tucci.
73
00:02:53,461 --> 00:02:57,263
Sometimes I wear glasses
and sometimes I don't.
74
00:02:57,298 --> 00:02:58,864
Hi, I'm Chadley.
75
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:00,199
I've been kidnapped
three times
76
00:03:00,234 --> 00:03:01,467
because I come
from money.
77
00:03:01,502 --> 00:03:03,269
Oh, yes, I've heard
about your family.
78
00:03:03,304 --> 00:03:05,404
You've had two older
brothers die of drugs?
79
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:06,405
That's right.
80
00:03:06,441 --> 00:03:07,607
Stewie, what would you say
81
00:03:07,642 --> 00:03:09,308
to a playdate at
my house tomorrow?
82
00:03:09,344 --> 00:03:11,444
That sounds delightful.
83
00:03:11,479 --> 00:03:14,647
My word, it feels so good
to finally be where I belong.
84
00:03:14,682 --> 00:03:17,783
Like Judd Hirsch at
the gigantic sweater store.
85
00:03:17,819 --> 00:03:20,620
Hi, uh, all five of us
are Judd Hirsch.
86
00:03:20,655 --> 00:03:22,989
Do you have a sweater big
enough to fit all of us?
87
00:03:24,459 --> 00:03:26,325
Okay, everybody climb in.
88
00:03:27,495 --> 00:03:30,596
Ah, I can't wait
to spill soup on this.
89
00:03:30,632 --> 00:03:33,466
Okay, Judds, shamble away.
90
00:03:38,373 --> 00:03:39,939
Good having
you aboard, Lois.
91
00:03:39,974 --> 00:03:41,707
Let me show you around.
92
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:42,875
That guy right there?
93
00:03:42,910 --> 00:03:43,876
Larry.
94
00:03:43,911 --> 00:03:45,011
Okay, got it.
95
00:03:45,046 --> 00:03:46,012
A-And what's this giant,
96
00:03:46,047 --> 00:03:47,013
empty,
97
00:03:47,048 --> 00:03:48,914
football-stadium-sized room?
98
00:03:48,950 --> 00:03:50,883
Oh, the post office
anticipates
99
00:03:50,918 --> 00:03:52,551
that within the
next five years
100
00:03:52,587 --> 00:03:55,354
at least 200 million men
in this country will be
101
00:03:55,390 --> 00:03:57,723
ordering and
receiving RealDolls.
102
00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,559
Every man will have seven
to nine RealDolls.
103
00:04:00,595 --> 00:04:02,662
Asians, blonde
Southern girls,
104
00:04:02,697 --> 00:04:04,830
blonde Asians
capable of performing
105
00:04:04,866 --> 00:04:06,799
every possible sexual act,
106
00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:08,868
or at least
incapable of refusing.
107
00:04:08,903 --> 00:04:10,302
You can put one
in your car
108
00:04:10,338 --> 00:04:12,805
and drive in the car pool
lane with it and then
109
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,508
maybe you push her head down,
thus defeating the purpose
110
00:04:15,543 --> 00:04:17,877
of the car pool lane while
fulfilling the purpose
111
00:04:17,912 --> 00:04:19,145
of the RealDoll.
112
00:04:19,180 --> 00:04:20,546
Maybe a trucker goes by.
113
00:04:20,581 --> 00:04:23,215
You say, "Hey, Janine,
give him a show."
114
00:04:23,251 --> 00:04:25,985
Maybe later you ask yourself
some tough questions, like,
115
00:04:26,020 --> 00:04:27,687
"Why is it so
important to you
116
00:04:27,722 --> 00:04:29,455
to impress and
excite truckers?"
117
00:04:29,490 --> 00:04:31,257
Anyhoo, grab that
letter opener.
118
00:04:31,292 --> 00:04:34,160
I'm gonna show you why you
should never mail cash.
119
00:04:37,699 --> 00:04:39,565
Another good postal tip is,
120
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,500
if you wait to deliver
your mail at night,
121
00:04:41,536 --> 00:04:44,203
you can smell a lot
of really nice dinners.
122
00:04:44,238 --> 00:04:46,972
Oh, no, it's that
Amazon drone.
123
00:04:47,008 --> 00:04:48,240
Try to ignore it.
124
00:04:48,276 --> 00:04:49,842
Hey, Cleveland,
what are you doing?
125
00:04:49,877 --> 00:04:50,910
Taking a walk?
126
00:04:50,945 --> 00:04:52,545
No, I'm delivering mail.
127
00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:53,546
By foot?
128
00:04:53,581 --> 00:04:55,214
Yeah, that won't take too long.
129
00:04:55,249 --> 00:04:56,382
Well, got to go.
130
00:04:56,417 --> 00:05:00,219
Got to deliver these fat pants
to your fat son.
131
00:05:00,254 --> 00:05:02,488
He was harsh but
not untruthful.
132
00:05:02,523 --> 00:05:04,590
We got to special-order
Cleveland Jr.'s pants
133
00:05:04,625 --> 00:05:07,893
from a company that
manufactures grill covers.
134
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,366
Thanks for coming
over, Stewie.
135
00:05:14,402 --> 00:05:15,534
Oh, thanks
for having me.
136
00:05:15,570 --> 00:05:16,969
Quite a place
you've got here.
137
00:05:17,004 --> 00:05:18,304
Your mother seemed nice.
138
00:05:18,339 --> 00:05:21,107
Yeah, I've only met her
a couple of times, but yeah.
139
00:05:21,142 --> 00:05:22,341
This is my bedroom.
140
00:05:26,647 --> 00:05:29,215
Is that car bed
a Bentley?
141
00:05:29,250 --> 00:05:30,649
And is that guy
the driver?
142
00:05:30,685 --> 00:05:33,452
Ready for this evening's
trip to Snoozetown, sir?
143
00:05:33,488 --> 00:05:34,453
Not yet.
144
00:05:34,489 --> 00:05:35,489
Sad story.
145
00:05:35,523 --> 00:05:36,889
He used to drive the bed
146
00:05:36,924 --> 00:05:38,224
for Michael
Jackson's monkey.
147
00:05:38,259 --> 00:05:40,326
I've seen some
terrible things.
148
00:05:40,361 --> 00:05:41,794
This is extraordinary.
149
00:05:41,829 --> 00:05:43,195
Oh, it's fine,
I suppose,
150
00:05:43,231 --> 00:05:44,463
but you probably have
151
00:05:44,499 --> 00:05:46,232
even nicer things
at your mansion.
152
00:05:46,267 --> 00:05:47,900
I'd love to come
see it sometime.
153
00:05:47,935 --> 00:05:50,136
Oh, um, y-yes,
yes, my mansion.
154
00:05:50,171 --> 00:05:52,338
Y-Yes, you-you should
come see my mansion,
155
00:05:52,373 --> 00:05:53,472
b-by all means.
156
00:05:53,508 --> 00:05:54,740
I mean, not-not
right this minute.
157
00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:57,076
I-I have the U.S.
men's wrestling team there--
158
00:05:57,111 --> 00:05:58,210
I'm gonna kill a wrestler--
159
00:05:58,246 --> 00:05:59,445
but then after that,
you should.
160
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:00,780
I can't wait.
161
00:06:00,815 --> 00:06:02,848
Come on, let's go see if
the maid brought her son,
162
00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:05,484
so we can push him and
he can't do anything.
163
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,020
God, I like it here,
but what am I doing?
164
00:06:08,055 --> 00:06:09,522
I don't have a fancy house.
165
00:06:09,557 --> 00:06:12,258
I'm living a lie, like FDR.
166
00:06:12,293 --> 00:06:17,062
And so I say to you, America,
we are going to win this war,
167
00:06:17,098 --> 00:06:19,098
we're going to end
this depression,
168
00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:22,535
and there's no reason
to suspect that I cannot walk.
169
00:06:22,570 --> 00:06:24,537
God bless America!
170
00:06:28,543 --> 00:06:29,575
And cut.
171
00:06:29,610 --> 00:06:30,610
The newsreel's over.
172
00:06:30,645 --> 00:06:32,411
Thank you, Mr. President.
173
00:06:32,446 --> 00:06:33,913
You're welcome, gentlemen.
174
00:06:33,948 --> 00:06:37,449
Now, if you'd kindly kick me
into the closet with the mops.
175
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:43,422
Ah, must be a Yale man.
176
00:06:43,457 --> 00:06:44,723
Shut up.
177
00:06:48,429 --> 00:06:50,429
Hello, loyal mailwoman.
178
00:06:50,464 --> 00:06:52,164
This is a letter
to Hollywood,
179
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,000
saying, "Keep it up!
Movies are great!"
180
00:06:56,037 --> 00:06:58,003
Cleveland, what should
I do with this?
181
00:06:58,039 --> 00:06:59,972
I-It just says
"Hollywood, U.S.A.,"
182
00:07:00,007 --> 00:07:01,340
and this isn't a stamp,
183
00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:03,008
it's the little
sticker from an apple.
184
00:07:03,044 --> 00:07:04,677
Oh, I can't never
get those off.
185
00:07:04,712 --> 00:07:05,712
I just eat them.
186
00:07:05,746 --> 00:07:07,346
Anyway, just put
it in here.
187
00:07:07,381 --> 00:07:08,414
But what's that?
188
00:07:08,449 --> 00:07:09,748
It's the dead letter bin.
189
00:07:09,784 --> 00:07:12,518
It's all the stale mail
what never got delivered
190
00:07:12,553 --> 00:07:15,754
for one reason or the other:
incomplete addresses,
191
00:07:15,790 --> 00:07:18,858
house at the top of a hill,
anyone who uses one of those
192
00:07:18,893 --> 00:07:21,093
French sevens with
a slash in it.
193
00:07:21,128 --> 00:07:22,428
Well, this is horrible.
194
00:07:22,463 --> 00:07:23,729
I'm going to organize these.
195
00:07:23,764 --> 00:07:25,264
There might be some
we could resend.
196
00:07:25,299 --> 00:07:26,999
That's above
and beyond, Lois.
197
00:07:27,034 --> 00:07:29,201
You know, you do
the uniform proud,
198
00:07:29,237 --> 00:07:30,636
like I like to think I--
199
00:07:30,671 --> 00:07:32,938
oh, chili dog got me.
200
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:33,939
Look at all these.
201
00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,007
This is a mess.
202
00:07:35,042 --> 00:07:37,610
Here's two that
are stuck together.
203
00:07:37,645 --> 00:07:39,011
What the hell?
204
00:07:39,046 --> 00:07:40,179
This is from Peter.
205
00:07:43,484 --> 00:07:45,818
Who the hell is Gretchen Mercer?
206
00:07:45,853 --> 00:07:49,255
And this is postmarked
a week before our wedding!
207
00:07:54,328 --> 00:07:56,962
Aw, there was a time
when the president
208
00:07:56,998 --> 00:08:00,266
of the Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Fan Club got a lot of mail.
209
00:08:06,187 --> 00:08:08,081
I don't know
what to do, Bonnie.
210
00:08:08,082 --> 00:08:09,548
Why would Peter
write a letter
211
00:08:09,583 --> 00:08:12,151
to another woman
just before our wedding?
212
00:08:12,186 --> 00:08:14,019
Why don't you just
open it and read it?
213
00:08:14,055 --> 00:08:15,055
What?!
214
00:08:15,089 --> 00:08:16,422
Th-That's a
federal offense.
215
00:08:16,457 --> 00:08:17,756
I can't do that.
216
00:08:17,792 --> 00:08:19,491
Don't you realize,
as a postal employee,
217
00:08:19,527 --> 00:08:22,294
I'm 6,004th in line
for the presidency?
218
00:08:22,329 --> 00:08:24,129
Well, then why don't you
just deliver the letter
219
00:08:24,165 --> 00:08:27,066
and see for yourself
who this Gretchen Mercer is?
220
00:08:27,101 --> 00:08:29,001
Bonnie,
that's a great idea.
221
00:08:29,036 --> 00:08:31,036
Although it could be
a little awkward.
222
00:08:31,072 --> 00:08:33,338
You could always just
ask Peter about it.
223
00:08:33,374 --> 00:08:35,507
No, he won't talk
about anything serious
224
00:08:35,543 --> 00:08:37,042
unless there's
a crackling fire
225
00:08:37,078 --> 00:08:40,012
to punctuate uncomfortable
family revelations.
226
00:08:42,516 --> 00:08:44,116
I didn't fall
off the roof.
227
00:08:44,151 --> 00:08:45,651
I jumped.
228
00:08:47,154 --> 00:08:48,887
I never found
you attractive,
229
00:08:48,923 --> 00:08:51,190
and what's more,
I never respected you.
230
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,726
I know about Maurice.
231
00:08:57,231 --> 00:08:59,598
Which Maurice?
232
00:09:03,471 --> 00:09:05,437
Oh, Brian,
I need your help!
233
00:09:05,473 --> 00:09:07,272
Chadley wants to
have a playdate,
234
00:09:07,308 --> 00:09:08,373
here at my house!
235
00:09:08,409 --> 00:09:10,142
Well, that's great.
No, it's not!
236
00:09:10,177 --> 00:09:11,543
I can't let him
see this dump.
237
00:09:11,579 --> 00:09:14,480
Come on, Stewie, Chadley should
like you for who are.
238
00:09:14,515 --> 00:09:16,081
Besides, this place
isn't so bad.
239
00:09:16,117 --> 00:09:19,284
Brian, Chadley's parents
each have their own bathroom.
240
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,854
I've seen the fat man
pee through Lois' legs
241
00:09:21,889 --> 00:09:23,388
while she's sitting
on the toilet.
242
00:09:23,424 --> 00:09:25,524
What I've got to do
is find a spectacular house
243
00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:28,026
that I can pretend is mine
to impress Chadley.
244
00:09:28,062 --> 00:09:29,828
Oh, why don't you just
use Babs and Carter's?
245
00:09:29,864 --> 00:09:30,996
I can't, they're having
246
00:09:31,031 --> 00:09:33,098
an Eyes Wide Shut
party all weekend.
247
00:09:33,134 --> 00:09:35,567
I can't find my wiener
with this mask.
248
00:09:35,603 --> 00:09:36,568
All right, time-out.
249
00:09:36,604 --> 00:09:38,036
Let's-let's all just find
250
00:09:38,072 --> 00:09:40,439
our wieners and then
put the masks back on.
251
00:09:45,779 --> 00:09:48,881
Okay, 940,
this is the house.
252
00:09:51,051 --> 00:09:53,152
Hi, are you
Gretchen Mercer?
253
00:09:53,187 --> 00:09:54,553
Yes, may I help you?
254
00:09:54,588 --> 00:09:59,224
Oh, yeah, we found an old
letter addressed to you.
255
00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:00,792
Peter Griffin?
256
00:10:00,828 --> 00:10:02,961
Wow, this is from
an old boyfriend.
257
00:10:02,997 --> 00:10:04,029
What?
258
00:10:05,366 --> 00:10:07,366
Wow, well, um,
here-here's the nutty thing:
259
00:10:07,401 --> 00:10:08,567
believe it or not,
260
00:10:08,602 --> 00:10:11,470
I'm actually married
to Peter Griffin right now.
261
00:10:11,505 --> 00:10:14,006
Huh, that is quite
a coincidence.
262
00:10:14,041 --> 00:10:16,108
I wonder why he
was writing me.
263
00:10:18,145 --> 00:10:19,444
I see you move
your finger along
264
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:20,445
as you read.
265
00:10:20,481 --> 00:10:22,114
That's what
little kids do.
266
00:10:22,149 --> 00:10:23,348
Oh, it was nothing.
267
00:10:23,384 --> 00:10:25,517
He was just writing
to say that he was excited
268
00:10:25,553 --> 00:10:27,753
about getting married
and that he finally had enough
269
00:10:27,788 --> 00:10:30,789
Camel Cash to get a leather
jacket and a pool floatie.
270
00:10:30,824 --> 00:10:32,591
Huh, well,
thank you, Gretchen.
271
00:10:32,626 --> 00:10:34,059
I am very relieved.
272
00:10:34,094 --> 00:10:35,360
I was thinking the worst.
273
00:10:35,396 --> 00:10:36,662
Oh, I understand,
274
00:10:36,697 --> 00:10:38,830
but you have nothing
to worry about.
275
00:10:38,866 --> 00:10:39,831
You're right.
276
00:10:39,867 --> 00:10:41,934
I guess jealousy's
my weak spot.
277
00:10:41,969 --> 00:10:43,435
Everyone has one.
278
00:10:43,470 --> 00:10:44,870
Even Achilles.
279
00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:47,439
So, you can only be injured
on your Achilles' tendon?
280
00:10:47,474 --> 00:10:48,474
That's right.
281
00:10:48,509 --> 00:10:50,075
My mother dipped me
into the River Styx
282
00:10:50,110 --> 00:10:51,577
and she held me by my heels,
283
00:10:51,612 --> 00:10:53,612
so that's the only part
that can be injured.
284
00:10:53,647 --> 00:10:55,047
How about you, Testiclies?
285
00:10:55,082 --> 00:10:57,849
It's the same--
it's-it's-it's similar.
286
00:11:05,726 --> 00:11:07,659
So, what do you think
of the house, Brian?
287
00:11:07,695 --> 00:11:09,861
As far as Chadley knows,
this is where I live.
288
00:11:09,897 --> 00:11:11,230
Stewie, who owns
this place?
289
00:11:11,265 --> 00:11:13,198
Oh, just some rich
idiot I saw bragging
290
00:11:13,234 --> 00:11:15,067
about his vacation
on Instagram.
291
00:11:15,102 --> 00:11:17,469
He posted a picture
of his feet in sand.
292
00:11:17,504 --> 00:11:19,104
You're a guy,
don't do that.
293
00:11:19,139 --> 00:11:20,239
What a dick.
294
00:11:20,274 --> 00:11:21,974
Hey, I'll swallow
his dental floss.
295
00:11:22,009 --> 00:11:22,975
You pull it out of me
296
00:11:23,010 --> 00:11:23,976
and put it back
on the roll.
297
00:11:24,011 --> 00:11:24,977
Good call.
298
00:11:26,013 --> 00:11:27,246
Ah, that must be Chadley.
299
00:11:28,616 --> 00:11:29,581
Hi, Stewie.
300
00:11:29,617 --> 00:11:30,749
I love your house.
301
00:11:30,784 --> 00:11:31,850
Where are your servants?
302
00:11:31,885 --> 00:11:33,418
Oh, probably
cooking bananas
303
00:11:33,454 --> 00:11:34,820
and doing the
cha-cha-cha.
304
00:11:34,855 --> 00:11:37,189
You know, this is a
great house for a party.
305
00:11:37,224 --> 00:11:38,890
You could invite
the whole class.
306
00:11:38,926 --> 00:11:40,892
I-I say,
that's a brilliant idea!
307
00:11:40,928 --> 00:11:42,127
What the hell
are you doing?
308
00:11:42,162 --> 00:11:44,263
Relax, these people
are gone for a few more days.
309
00:11:44,298 --> 00:11:45,330
I'll invite everyone over
310
00:11:45,366 --> 00:11:47,599
and impress the whole
class in one shot.
311
00:11:47,635 --> 00:11:49,735
That'll cover my
playdates for a year.
312
00:11:49,770 --> 00:11:50,902
You really think
that'll work?
313
00:11:50,938 --> 00:11:52,004
Absolutely.
314
00:11:52,039 --> 00:11:54,072
And when it does,
I'll be as popular
315
00:11:54,108 --> 00:11:55,240
as the first kid in school
316
00:11:55,276 --> 00:11:56,742
to get his driver's license.
317
00:11:56,777 --> 00:11:59,311
Hey, heard you
got your license.
318
00:11:59,346 --> 00:12:00,445
Maybe after school,
319
00:12:00,481 --> 00:12:02,547
you could take me
to get some groceries?
320
00:12:02,583 --> 00:12:05,284
Yeah, or maybe you and me
hop in that car of yours
321
00:12:05,319 --> 00:12:07,252
and do some
grocery shopping?
322
00:12:07,288 --> 00:12:09,788
Looks like you have
a roomy backseat.
323
00:12:09,823 --> 00:12:13,091
I'd love to fill that
with groceries after school.
324
00:12:13,127 --> 00:12:14,593
Hey, it's Stewie.
325
00:12:14,628 --> 00:12:17,729
All I know about cars
is what my mom does.
326
00:12:24,371 --> 00:12:25,771
Gretchen?!
327
00:12:25,806 --> 00:12:27,105
Wow, you look great!
328
00:12:27,141 --> 00:12:28,640
Yeah, I didn't have kids.
329
00:12:28,676 --> 00:12:30,008
Oh, yeah, of course,
330
00:12:30,044 --> 00:12:31,443
but what the hell
are you doing here?!
331
00:12:31,478 --> 00:12:33,145
I haven't seen
you in 20 years!
332
00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:35,314
Peter, I finally got
your letter.
333
00:12:35,349 --> 00:12:37,849
You know, the one where you said
that you were having doubts
334
00:12:37,885 --> 00:12:40,152
about marrying Lois
and you still had thoughts
335
00:12:40,187 --> 00:12:41,320
about marrying me.
336
00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:44,423
Gretchen, I wrote
that a long time ago.
337
00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,224
Well, my answer
is yes, Peter.
338
00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:48,593
Yes, I will marry you!
339
00:12:48,629 --> 00:12:50,429
Gretchen,
I am already happily--
340
00:12:50,464 --> 00:12:52,197
moderately hap--
relative-- I am--
341
00:12:52,232 --> 00:12:53,465
I am married.
342
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:56,101
Oh, then I suppose your wife
is entitled to know
343
00:12:56,136 --> 00:12:57,736
that you were still
in love with me
344
00:12:57,771 --> 00:12:59,471
just days before your wedding.
345
00:13:00,474 --> 00:13:01,540
Blackmail!
346
00:13:01,575 --> 00:13:02,641
Thank you, Cleveland.
347
00:13:02,676 --> 00:13:04,309
And I don't know
what to call the thing
348
00:13:04,345 --> 00:13:05,477
you're doing to me, lady.
349
00:13:10,846 --> 00:13:12,913
Look, Gretchen,
I-I know I wrote you
350
00:13:12,948 --> 00:13:15,549
that letter, and-and-and
I meant it at the time, but...
351
00:13:15,584 --> 00:13:17,517
it was 20 years ago!
352
00:13:17,553 --> 00:13:19,820
I may have had some
doubts before my wedding,
353
00:13:19,855 --> 00:13:21,354
but what guy doesn't?
354
00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:22,522
And now I know
355
00:13:22,558 --> 00:13:24,791
I made the right choice
marrying Lois.
356
00:13:24,828 --> 00:13:27,161
Well, she's a lucky woman,
357
00:13:27,196 --> 00:13:28,795
and I'm sorry for what I said.
358
00:13:28,831 --> 00:13:31,431
I certainly don't want
to cause any trouble for you.
359
00:13:31,467 --> 00:13:33,400
It's just that when I got
this letter, it reminded me
360
00:13:33,435 --> 00:13:35,368
how sweet and funny
you always were.
361
00:13:35,404 --> 00:13:37,637
That's nice,
but I-I should go.
362
00:13:37,673 --> 00:13:39,339
Thanks for not making
fun of me for ordering
363
00:13:39,374 --> 00:13:40,407
a hot chocolate,
364
00:13:40,442 --> 00:13:42,075
and go ahead
and look into Facebook
365
00:13:42,111 --> 00:13:44,244
'cause this is kind of
what it's for.
366
00:13:44,279 --> 00:13:46,847
Wait, before we say
our final good-bye,
367
00:13:46,882 --> 00:13:49,316
what do you say we
have one last hurrah?
368
00:13:49,351 --> 00:13:50,517
I've got two tickets
369
00:13:50,552 --> 00:13:52,652
to a Ray LaMontagne
concert tonight.
370
00:13:52,688 --> 00:13:55,355
Oh, I-I'm not sure
that's a good idea.
371
00:13:55,390 --> 00:13:57,691
It feels a little weird
going out with another lady.
372
00:13:57,726 --> 00:14:00,827
Oh, come on, Peter,
I drove all this way.
373
00:14:00,863 --> 00:14:03,063
Let me go home
with one last good memory,
374
00:14:03,098 --> 00:14:05,132
and then I promise,
you have heard
375
00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:06,600
the last of Gretchen Mercer.
376
00:14:06,635 --> 00:14:08,668
Well, I should
probably say no,
377
00:14:08,704 --> 00:14:10,871
but I've never been
known for my good judgment.
378
00:14:10,906 --> 00:14:12,472
I mean, that's how
I got into trouble
379
00:14:12,509 --> 00:14:13,674
with the Peter Catcher.
380
00:14:16,912 --> 00:14:18,879
Oh, Peter!
381
00:14:18,914 --> 00:14:20,947
Come and get your lollipops!
382
00:14:20,983 --> 00:14:22,048
Lollipops!
383
00:14:22,084 --> 00:14:24,117
Come along, Peter!
384
00:14:24,153 --> 00:14:25,719
Peter, you mustn't.
385
00:14:25,754 --> 00:14:28,088
I've got cream pies.
386
00:14:28,123 --> 00:14:29,723
Trinkle tarts.
387
00:14:29,758 --> 00:14:30,957
Trinkle tarts!
388
00:14:36,932 --> 00:14:39,533
I'm gonna get so molested.
389
00:14:46,308 --> 00:14:49,042
Oh, Peter, you can take
off your hat and jacket.
390
00:14:49,077 --> 00:14:52,012
It's not illegal for two old
friends to go to a concert.
391
00:14:52,047 --> 00:14:53,213
Yeah, I guess you're right.
392
00:14:53,248 --> 00:14:54,981
I mean it's not like
anybody I know would be
393
00:14:55,017 --> 00:14:57,083
at a Ray LaMontagne concert.
394
00:14:57,119 --> 00:14:58,385
Peter!
395
00:14:58,420 --> 00:14:59,420
Where'd he go?
396
00:14:59,454 --> 00:15:00,821
I'm-I'm gonna
keep the hat on.
397
00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:01,856
I'm sorry, Gretchen.
398
00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:02,989
This-this was a mistake.
399
00:15:03,025 --> 00:15:04,391
I just feel too guilty
400
00:15:04,426 --> 00:15:05,759
being out with another woman.
401
00:15:05,794 --> 00:15:07,260
I can't do this to Lois.
402
00:15:07,296 --> 00:15:09,262
Ah, I understand.
403
00:15:10,299 --> 00:15:11,865
Well, I guess there's no shame
404
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:13,233
in coming in second, huh?
405
00:15:13,268 --> 00:15:14,234
That's right.
406
00:15:14,269 --> 00:15:16,369
Except in, like, wars.
407
00:15:16,405 --> 00:15:19,539
Aw, you are still
funny, sweet Peter.
408
00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:20,674
Yeah, I guess so.
409
00:15:20,709 --> 00:15:21,908
All right, I got to go.
410
00:15:21,944 --> 00:15:23,777
The beard inspector's
coming, anyway.
411
00:15:23,812 --> 00:15:25,512
Uh, sir, where's
your beard?
412
00:15:25,547 --> 00:15:26,747
I'm leaving.
I'm on my way out.
413
00:15:27,783 --> 00:15:29,983
That's my Peter.
414
00:15:30,018 --> 00:15:32,152
That's my Peter.
415
00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:42,796
Wow, looks like
you're actually gonna
416
00:15:42,831 --> 00:15:43,930
get away with this, Stewie.
417
00:15:43,966 --> 00:15:45,899
And you threw a good party.
418
00:15:45,934 --> 00:15:47,467
Yeah, it's getting
pretty wild.
419
00:15:47,502 --> 00:15:48,535
Over in the guest bedroom
420
00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:50,303
there's a girl
pulling a train.
421
00:15:50,339 --> 00:15:52,472
This'll show my dad.
422
00:15:52,507 --> 00:15:54,341
Hey, by the way,
how'd you pay for all this?
423
00:15:54,376 --> 00:15:56,643
I dated Donald Sterling
for two weeks.
424
00:15:56,678 --> 00:15:58,211
He's a good man!
425
00:15:58,247 --> 00:16:00,780
You don't know him
like I know him!
426
00:16:02,184 --> 00:16:03,550
People.
People?
427
00:16:03,585 --> 00:16:06,786
As your rich host, I would
like to say a word if I may.
428
00:16:06,822 --> 00:16:10,223
I cannot tell you how pleased
I am to have finally found
429
00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:11,491
a group of peers with whom
430
00:16:11,526 --> 00:16:13,393
I share so many common
interests...
431
00:16:13,428 --> 00:16:15,528
and here come the people
who live here.
432
00:16:17,966 --> 00:16:19,332
Please let me explain!
433
00:16:19,368 --> 00:16:21,001
I was just worried
you wouldn't accept me
434
00:16:21,036 --> 00:16:22,235
because...
435
00:16:22,271 --> 00:16:24,170
I'm not wealthy
like you are.
436
00:16:24,206 --> 00:16:26,072
Stewie, it's not
that you're poor.
437
00:16:26,108 --> 00:16:28,875
It's that you lied
to us and you're poor.
438
00:16:34,249 --> 00:16:37,017
I'm sorry you lost your
rich friends, Stewie.
439
00:16:37,052 --> 00:16:39,252
Well, that's all right,
I don't need money.
440
00:16:39,288 --> 00:16:41,388
I already have
everything I need.
441
00:16:41,423 --> 00:16:44,090
Excuse me, is one
of you Chadley?
442
00:16:44,126 --> 00:16:45,992
You left your
wallet inside.
443
00:16:46,028 --> 00:16:47,994
Chicka-chickaw!
444
00:16:48,030 --> 00:16:49,729
Well, that "chicka-chickaw"
445
00:16:49,765 --> 00:16:51,865
makes me think
you're not Chadley.
446
00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:52,866
Oh, no!
447
00:16:52,901 --> 00:16:54,601
I chicka-chickawed
too early!
448
00:16:59,741 --> 00:17:01,875
Hey, Lois, you mind if
I cut out of here?
449
00:17:01,910 --> 00:17:03,176
Not at all.
Thanks.
450
00:17:03,211 --> 00:17:04,411
Not to be too intimate,
451
00:17:04,446 --> 00:17:06,046
but I need to have
a bowel movement
452
00:17:06,081 --> 00:17:07,414
and I can't go here.
453
00:17:07,449 --> 00:17:10,951
I can only go at home
or at the Koo Koo Roo.
454
00:17:13,889 --> 00:17:15,055
Hello?
455
00:17:15,090 --> 00:17:16,723
I-Is someone there?
456
00:17:16,758 --> 00:17:20,560
I thought I heard something
over the roar of my tinnitus.
457
00:17:20,595 --> 00:17:22,896
Oh, I'm-I'm sure it's nothing.
458
00:17:30,172 --> 00:17:31,972
Ooh, a text.
459
00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:34,441
"I'm taking care of our problem.
460
00:17:34,476 --> 00:17:35,842
"We'll be together soon.
461
00:17:35,877 --> 00:17:37,210
Love, Gretchen."
462
00:17:37,245 --> 00:17:38,445
Huh.
463
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,280
Meg, you're kind of
a loner psychopath.
464
00:17:40,315 --> 00:17:42,148
What does this mean?
465
00:17:42,184 --> 00:17:44,584
Oh, this woman is
clearly a spurned lover
466
00:17:44,619 --> 00:17:45,852
who's planning to kill Mom.
467
00:17:45,887 --> 00:17:47,821
Ah, thank you.
468
00:17:49,992 --> 00:17:51,291
You're a good dog, Meg.
469
00:17:55,864 --> 00:17:58,565
Well, well, well...
470
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,568
if it isn't the first
Mrs. Griffin.
471
00:18:01,603 --> 00:18:02,702
Gretchen?
472
00:18:02,738 --> 00:18:04,137
What are you doing here?
473
00:18:04,172 --> 00:18:06,206
Making sure Peter can
finally be with me,
474
00:18:06,241 --> 00:18:08,675
which is what
he's always wanted.
475
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:10,844
Gretchen, it's 3:15
on a workday.
476
00:18:10,879 --> 00:18:12,278
The post office is closed.
477
00:18:12,314 --> 00:18:13,279
Lois!
478
00:18:13,315 --> 00:18:14,481
Gretchen wants to kill you,
479
00:18:14,516 --> 00:18:16,750
and I have a slip that
says we've got a package?
480
00:18:16,785 --> 00:18:18,952
Peter, I'm glad
you're here to see this.
481
00:18:18,987 --> 00:18:21,421
You and I can
finally be together.
482
00:18:23,191 --> 00:18:25,158
Peter, what's going on?!
483
00:18:25,193 --> 00:18:26,826
She's nuts is
what's going on!
484
00:18:26,862 --> 00:18:28,261
I don't want
to be with her!
485
00:18:28,296 --> 00:18:29,262
Oh, yeah?
486
00:18:29,297 --> 00:18:30,630
That's not
what you wrote.
487
00:18:30,665 --> 00:18:31,798
That's right.
488
00:18:31,833 --> 00:18:33,967
I lied about what
was in that letter.
489
00:18:34,002 --> 00:18:35,835
Lois, Lois,
before you read that,
490
00:18:35,871 --> 00:18:37,137
you need to know one thing:
491
00:18:37,172 --> 00:18:40,073
I'm the one throwing out
all your beige bras.
492
00:18:40,108 --> 00:18:42,375
Guys don't
like beige bras.
493
00:18:43,545 --> 00:18:44,644
You told an ex-girlfriend
494
00:18:44,679 --> 00:18:46,613
a week before our wedding
495
00:18:46,648 --> 00:18:48,014
you were having doubts?!
496
00:18:48,050 --> 00:18:49,215
Lois, Lois, listen to me.
497
00:18:49,251 --> 00:18:52,085
Yes, it is true,
just before we got married,
498
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:53,686
I was having some doubts.
499
00:18:53,722 --> 00:18:55,955
I mean, your family hated me.
500
00:18:55,991 --> 00:18:58,091
I-I didn't think I was good
enough for you.
501
00:18:58,126 --> 00:19:00,160
We were kids, I was scared.
502
00:19:00,195 --> 00:19:01,361
Weren't you?
503
00:19:01,396 --> 00:19:02,896
No, I was in love,
504
00:19:02,931 --> 00:19:05,198
which is what I thought
you were, too.
505
00:19:05,233 --> 00:19:07,233
I was in love, Lois....
506
00:19:07,269 --> 00:19:08,468
and I still am.
507
00:19:08,503 --> 00:19:09,969
Not a day goes by where I don't
508
00:19:10,005 --> 00:19:11,871
thank my lucky stars
for picking you.
509
00:19:11,907 --> 00:19:13,773
It was the best choice
I ever made.
510
00:19:13,809 --> 00:19:15,675
Now, put that gun down,
Gretchen.
511
00:19:15,710 --> 00:19:17,043
You don't have to do this.
512
00:19:17,079 --> 00:19:18,878
That's right, you don't...
513
00:19:18,914 --> 00:19:20,380
because you can have him.
514
00:19:20,415 --> 00:19:21,481
What?!
515
00:19:21,516 --> 00:19:23,116
I'll never forgive you
for this, Peter.
516
00:19:23,151 --> 00:19:24,151
We're through!
517
00:19:25,253 --> 00:19:26,253
Oh, Peter!
518
00:19:26,288 --> 00:19:27,420
I can't wait
for you to meet
519
00:19:27,456 --> 00:19:29,656
the dogs and
the squirrels.
520
00:19:29,691 --> 00:19:31,191
Hey, Gretchen?
521
00:19:33,795 --> 00:19:35,562
Get away from my husband.
522
00:19:39,668 --> 00:19:41,568
Wait, so you're not mad?
523
00:19:41,603 --> 00:19:44,604
No, Peter, I was lying so
she'd let her guard down.
524
00:19:44,639 --> 00:19:46,339
But what about the letter?
525
00:19:46,374 --> 00:19:49,109
Peter, do you remember me
crying at our wedding?
526
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:50,477
Sure, it's in
all our pictures.
527
00:19:50,512 --> 00:19:51,945
That's doubt.
528
00:19:51,980 --> 00:19:53,847
But there's no doubt anymore.
529
00:19:53,882 --> 00:19:56,549
You're the only man for me,
Peter Griffin.
530
00:19:56,585 --> 00:19:59,450
I love you, Lois.
531
00:20:01,299 --> 00:20:02,869
Oh, Peter.
532
00:20:02,893 --> 00:20:06,235
Now come on, let's get it
on thru a P.O. box.
533
00:20:06,753 --> 00:20:08,214
Peter, this isn't working.
534
00:20:08,238 --> 00:20:09,284
Well I'm at full go.
535
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:10,694
Are you sure
you're in the right box.
536
00:20:10,718 --> 00:20:11,300
Yes.
537
00:20:11,324 --> 00:20:12,236
Box 528.
538
00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:13,891
Yes, 528.
539
00:20:13,915 --> 00:20:15,395
Alright, just reach in
and grab it.
540
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:23,466
Wow Mom, I can't believe you
got fired from the Post Office.
541
00:20:23,658 --> 00:20:25,755
Well, they didn't like me
beating up Gretchen
542
00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:27,113
on federal property,
543
00:20:27,149 --> 00:20:29,516
and then after your father
plugged up that P.O. box,
544
00:20:29,551 --> 00:20:31,651
there was a mutual
parting of the ways.
545
00:20:31,686 --> 00:20:33,386
Well, Stewie, I guess
since Lois lost her job,
546
00:20:33,421 --> 00:20:34,587
you're not going
to be able to go
547
00:20:34,623 --> 00:20:36,222
to that fancy
preschool anymore.
548
00:20:36,258 --> 00:20:37,223
Eh, I don't need school.
549
00:20:37,259 --> 00:20:38,224
I'll be fine.
550
00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:39,559
I'll just become
a YouTube star
551
00:20:39,594 --> 00:20:40,594
like Jenna Marbles.
552
00:20:40,629 --> 00:20:41,629
Who's that?
553
00:20:41,663 --> 00:20:42,762
No one knows,
but she's rich,
554
00:20:42,797 --> 00:20:45,098
as rich as
Ray William Johnson.
555
00:20:45,133 --> 00:20:47,233
Who's that?
Nobody knows, but he's rich,
556
00:20:47,269 --> 00:20:49,002
as rich as Bethany Mota
557
00:20:49,037 --> 00:20:50,103
or Marcus Butler
558
00:20:50,138 --> 00:20:52,205
or Ingrid Nilsen.
559
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:53,773
This?
This is over.
560
00:20:53,774 --> 00:21:00,274
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man