1 00:00:01,151 --> 00:00:03,410 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:03,487 --> 00:00:06,821 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:06,899 --> 00:00:10,325 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:10,402 --> 00:00:13,328 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:13,405 --> 00:00:17,074 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:20,093 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:21,836 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:21,914 --> 00:00:22,855 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:23,082 --> 00:00:28,444 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,262 --> 00:00:37,778 Well, here we are. 11 00:00:37,854 --> 00:00:39,705 Time for everyone to get new shoes. 12 00:00:39,782 --> 00:00:41,448 Hi. Can I help you find something? 13 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:42,857 What's she gonna do? 14 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,359 This place doesn't even have a back room. 15 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,119 All the inventory's just out on the floor 16 00:00:46,196 --> 00:00:48,029 in ceiling-high library stacks. 17 00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:50,365 Yup, we got it, Stewie. You're better than this place. 18 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,034 Yeah, I know that. I'm better than every place. 19 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,387 Yes, my son needs a new pair of shoes. 20 00:00:55,464 --> 00:00:57,389 Okay, let's just see what his size is. 21 00:00:59,042 --> 00:01:01,118 Looks like a ten and a half. 22 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,395 They're perfect. I'll take 'em. 23 00:01:03,472 --> 00:01:05,397 No, those aren't the shoes. 24 00:01:05,474 --> 00:01:08,975 (robotic): Do not speak in that tone to the Iron Giant. 25 00:01:09,052 --> 00:01:11,987 Must destroy shoebox city. 26 00:01:13,056 --> 00:01:15,148 Sorry. He's a little out of sorts. 27 00:01:15,225 --> 00:01:18,059 He saw a bra in the window of Lane Bryant on the way over. 28 00:01:18,061 --> 00:01:20,061 They're, um... they're pretty big. 29 00:01:20,063 --> 00:01:22,397 They are a remarkable feat of engineering. 30 00:01:22,474 --> 00:01:25,084 That and the Ferris wheel I will never understand. 31 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,160 Yeah, for me, it's paper bags. 32 00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:28,979 I mean, there's a door in it, but no exit? 33 00:01:28,981 --> 00:01:31,090 -What's that about? -(laughs) 34 00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:32,925 I was serious about the bag, but, hi. 35 00:01:33,001 --> 00:01:34,259 -I'm Brian. -Holly. 36 00:01:34,336 --> 00:01:36,837 Holly... are you free on Friday night? 37 00:01:36,839 --> 00:01:38,931 Well, I don't know. Are you a shoe store murderer? 38 00:01:39,007 --> 00:01:40,824 N-N-No. 39 00:01:40,826 --> 00:01:42,342 There's more than you'd think. 40 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,845 Like, if you were me, that's not a ridiculous question. 41 00:01:44,847 --> 00:01:46,346 See you Friday. 42 00:01:46,498 --> 00:01:48,089 Good for you, Brian. 43 00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:49,942 Maybe you can take her to the Cheesecake Factory. 44 00:01:50,018 --> 00:01:51,092 People seem to like that place. 45 00:01:52,354 --> 00:01:54,504 Did you folks find something on the menu you'd like? 46 00:01:54,506 --> 00:01:58,433 No. 110 pages, and no. 47 00:01:58,510 --> 00:02:01,078 ♪ 48 00:02:08,187 --> 00:02:09,944 -What's all this? -Oh, hey, guys. 49 00:02:10,022 --> 00:02:12,131 Uh, sadly, my Uncle Ray passed away last week, 50 00:02:12,282 --> 00:02:14,858 but he left me his vintage sports car. 51 00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:17,136 Joe, that's amazing that your uncle died. 52 00:02:17,287 --> 00:02:19,396 But I'm really sorry to hear about the car. 53 00:02:19,398 --> 00:02:21,140 He means that the other way around. 54 00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:23,308 Uncle Ray also left strict instructions 55 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,385 for me to show his car at the Classic Car Show 56 00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:26,961 in Providence this weekend. 57 00:02:27,039 --> 00:02:28,463 Classic Car Show? 58 00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:29,890 Isn't that one of those gatherings 59 00:02:29,966 --> 00:02:32,042 of a bunch of guys whose penises don't work? 60 00:02:32,044 --> 00:02:34,969 Correct. Anyone with a perfectly-restored classic car 61 00:02:35,047 --> 00:02:36,713 for sure has a bum wiener. 62 00:02:36,715 --> 00:02:38,382 Uh, he also left me everything I'd need 63 00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:42,161 to convert my garage to a 1950s-style diner. 64 00:02:43,555 --> 00:02:47,374 See, here are all the 1950s Coke signs from the 1980s. 65 00:02:50,487 --> 00:02:52,337 Oh, cool, and a jukebox! 66 00:02:52,414 --> 00:02:54,564 Yeah, but since the songs are from the '50s 67 00:02:54,566 --> 00:02:56,249 they're all about men in their 40s 68 00:02:56,326 --> 00:02:58,235 wanting to have sex with teenagers. 69 00:02:58,237 --> 00:03:01,238 ♪ I wanna... be-bop a teeny bopper ♪ 70 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,331 ♪ At the sock hop ♪ 71 00:03:03,409 --> 00:03:06,243 ♪ Or maybe after work behind the malt shop... ♪ 72 00:03:06,261 --> 00:03:08,245 (new 1950s song intro begins) 73 00:03:08,247 --> 00:03:12,082 ♪ 13 candles ♪ 74 00:03:12,084 --> 00:03:15,176 ♪ Is probably enough... ♪ 75 00:03:15,254 --> 00:03:18,012 ♪ Nine, ten, 11-year-old, 12-year-old sex ♪ 76 00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:20,741 ♪ I'm gonna sleep with all the kids tonight! ♪ 77 00:03:20,776 --> 00:03:22,868 Joe, stop pressing buttons. 78 00:03:22,945 --> 00:03:26,020 (Somethin' Stupid" playing in distance) 79 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,022 ♪ And then I go and spoil it all ♪ 80 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:30,375 ♪ By saying somethin' stupid ♪ 81 00:03:30,452 --> 00:03:33,787 ♪ Like "I love you." ♪ 82 00:03:33,863 --> 00:03:35,196 (scattered applause) 83 00:03:35,198 --> 00:03:37,365 Boy, I forgot how great that song is. 84 00:03:37,443 --> 00:03:39,960 I know, right? It's definitely my favorite romantic love song 85 00:03:40,036 --> 00:03:41,461 sung by a father to his daughter. 86 00:03:41,538 --> 00:03:42,870 Ooh, we should put in our next song. 87 00:03:42,872 --> 00:03:44,297 Good thinking. 88 00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:46,225 Yes, we'd like to request "Witchcraft," 89 00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:48,785 as arranged by Mr. Nelson Riddle. 90 00:03:48,787 --> 00:03:50,211 (sighs) Okay, give me a minute. 91 00:03:50,213 --> 00:03:51,879 You should just know 92 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,306 there's a 21st birthday party here, 93 00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:55,692 and you're ruining it for them. 94 00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,887 Wow. 3:00 a.m. 95 00:03:59,889 --> 00:04:02,241 We practically shut the place down. 96 00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:05,318 And quite a night. We got to sing two songs. 97 00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:06,987 Do you mind if I kiss you? 98 00:04:07,139 --> 00:04:09,823 Actually, I should chew some gum first. 99 00:04:09,825 --> 00:04:11,324 I had bologna for dinner. 100 00:04:11,477 --> 00:04:12,918 Get over here. 101 00:04:12,995 --> 00:04:14,962 (both moaning) 102 00:04:16,832 --> 00:04:18,882 Oh, yeah, that's good kiss bologna. 103 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,429 Oh, hey, guys, what's the word? 104 00:04:24,506 --> 00:04:27,266 Uh, bird. Bird is the word. 105 00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:28,934 But we were wondering if you'd take us 106 00:04:29,011 --> 00:04:30,510 for a spin in your new car. 107 00:04:30,512 --> 00:04:32,396 Yeah, that's a great idea. Hop in. 108 00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:38,926 Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! Vroom! 109 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,506 (imitates clicking, engine revving) 110 00:04:42,508 --> 00:04:45,284 (imitates gear shifting) 111 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,268 Uh, what-what... what's happening right now? 112 00:04:47,346 --> 00:04:50,271 Close your eyes, gang, as we hit the Kancamagus Highway. 113 00:04:50,349 --> 00:04:51,990 Just four miles to Mount Washington. 114 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,517 What the hell are you doing, Joe? 115 00:04:53,519 --> 00:04:55,201 We want to go for a real drive. 116 00:04:55,354 --> 00:04:57,445 This is a real drive. Just imagine it. 117 00:04:57,523 --> 00:04:59,614 Feel that New Hampshire air. 118 00:04:59,691 --> 00:05:01,949 Joe, we're not in New Hampshire. We're in your driveway. 119 00:05:02,027 --> 00:05:04,303 Oh, great, some knucklehead is tailgating us. 120 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,138 What's the hurry, pal? 121 00:05:06,289 --> 00:05:08,865 Oh, I see so many birds. 122 00:05:08,867 --> 00:05:11,343 Well, we're in a tunnel, so I'm not sure how that's possible. 123 00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:13,145 Joe, stop this car right now. 124 00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:15,539 -The car is stopped. -(imitates gears grinding) 125 00:05:15,541 --> 00:05:17,465 (sighs) Always have trouble finding third. 126 00:05:17,543 --> 00:05:19,876 (imitates brake squeaking) Okay, what's up? 127 00:05:19,878 --> 00:05:21,987 You got this amazing car. Why can't we take it out? 128 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,471 Well, ever since I was nine, 129 00:05:23,549 --> 00:05:25,048 I've dreamed of driving this car someday. 130 00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,974 But I'm not allowed. It's in my uncle's will. 131 00:05:27,052 --> 00:05:28,568 Even when I take it to the car show, 132 00:05:28,645 --> 00:05:30,070 I have to put it up on a trailer. 133 00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:32,146 Malcolm in the Middle, five nights a week 134 00:05:32,224 --> 00:05:34,741 on Manchester's Channel 12. 135 00:05:34,818 --> 00:05:36,335 Cleveland, stop reading fake billboards. 136 00:05:36,411 --> 00:05:38,152 Now if you'll excuse me, 137 00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:42,749 I'm off to taste the delights of downtown Nashua. 138 00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:44,234 I don't care what Joe says. 139 00:05:44,236 --> 00:05:46,252 This is too nice a car not to drive it. 140 00:05:46,329 --> 00:05:49,163 Are you suggesting we take it out without telling Joe? 141 00:05:49,241 --> 00:05:50,907 He's left us no choice. 142 00:05:50,909 --> 00:05:53,243 I can't just sit in a car and pretend to drive, 143 00:05:53,261 --> 00:05:54,911 like-like I had to pretend to be impressed 144 00:05:54,913 --> 00:05:57,505 by Quagmire's new big, green grill. 145 00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:59,432 This is the largest high-performance 146 00:05:59,509 --> 00:06:01,360 ceramic cooker available, Peter. 147 00:06:01,436 --> 00:06:04,029 -NSF Certified. -Ah, yeah, cool. 148 00:06:04,106 --> 00:06:06,256 I'm starving. When do we... when do we fire this thing up? 149 00:06:06,258 --> 00:06:09,442 (laughing): Fire-fire this thing up? 150 00:06:09,519 --> 00:06:12,095 Get a load of this guy. You don't just fire it up. 151 00:06:12,097 --> 00:06:13,855 You slowly bring it to temperature. 152 00:06:13,932 --> 00:06:15,189 (sighs) Okay. 153 00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:16,783 When do we put the burgers on? 154 00:06:16,901 --> 00:06:19,285 B-B-Burgers? Are you hearing this? 155 00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:22,714 You don't put burgers on a grill of this quality, Peter. 156 00:06:22,791 --> 00:06:25,533 I've been brining a heritage breed chicken for three days. 157 00:06:25,611 --> 00:06:27,368 (sighs) Then can we put that on? 158 00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:29,554 Yes. At midnight, when it's reached temperature. 159 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,223 Then why am I here now? 160 00:06:31,299 --> 00:06:34,300 Because I need your help to move the grill a single inch. 161 00:06:34,377 --> 00:06:36,311 (both grunting) 162 00:06:37,881 --> 00:06:40,047 (sighs) Well, let's just listen to music 163 00:06:40,049 --> 00:06:42,142 on my high-end stereo system. 164 00:06:42,218 --> 00:06:43,977 Nice. Let's crank it. 165 00:06:44,053 --> 00:06:46,071 (laughing): C-C-Crank it? 166 00:06:46,148 --> 00:06:47,797 You hear this clown? 167 00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:49,315 I only use it to listen to podcasts. 168 00:06:49,468 --> 00:06:51,301 MAN: Today on The Moth, 169 00:06:51,303 --> 00:06:54,454 how a single pair of shoes reunited two sisters. 170 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,953 So, big date, huh? 171 00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,922 You must really like this girl. 172 00:07:03,999 --> 00:07:07,317 Honestly, I think Holly could be... the one. 173 00:07:07,319 --> 00:07:10,578 Brian, you strike me as a very selfless lover. 174 00:07:10,656 --> 00:07:13,432 Is that true? Are you a selfless lover? 175 00:07:13,508 --> 00:07:15,434 Stop saying "selfless lover." 176 00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,177 Have you been reading Lois' romance novels again? 177 00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:19,271 A few, but I'm just saying I bet 178 00:07:19,347 --> 00:07:22,999 your coital congress will send Holly into paroxysms of ecstasy. 179 00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:25,185 -Knock it off. -What? I'm being supportive. 180 00:07:25,187 --> 00:07:27,020 After all, confidence will help you 181 00:07:27,096 --> 00:07:29,355 maintain optimal stamina during your lovemaking. 182 00:07:29,357 --> 00:07:31,524 -That's enough. -Have it your way, Brian. 183 00:07:31,526 --> 00:07:35,770 I myself am a student of the pleasures of the flesh. 184 00:07:35,847 --> 00:07:38,957 (slurping) 185 00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:43,628 Listen to your lover, Brian. 186 00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:50,802 (stomach gurgling) 187 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,286 Ugh, damn it. Anxiety dump. 188 00:07:52,364 --> 00:07:54,288 (stomach gurgling) 189 00:07:54,366 --> 00:07:57,392 -(unzips) -Ah, that's better. 190 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:10,805 Oh, uh, is-is Holly here? 191 00:08:10,882 --> 00:08:13,233 You must be the new jerk my mom is dating. 192 00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:15,160 Uh, and you must be the kid 193 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,453 she never told me about. 194 00:08:20,559 --> 00:08:22,892 I host Family Guy repeats in Germany. 195 00:08:22,911 --> 00:08:24,503 GERMAN ANNOUNCER: German Family Guy is brought to you 196 00:08:24,579 --> 00:08:27,063 by rail-thin men in Internet pornos going, 197 00:08:27,082 --> 00:08:29,132 "Ooh-aah, ooh-aah, ooh-aah!" 198 00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:38,016 I'm sorry I never told you I had a son. 199 00:08:38,093 --> 00:08:39,500 Some guys get scared off. 200 00:08:39,578 --> 00:08:41,335 No, no, that-that's great. 201 00:08:41,413 --> 00:08:42,929 I'm-I'm terrific with kids. 202 00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:44,247 I actually have a kid. 203 00:08:44,249 --> 00:08:46,416 Aw, that's sweet. How old is he? 204 00:08:46,418 --> 00:08:48,935 Uh, I don't know. How long ago was Ratatouille? 205 00:08:49,012 --> 00:08:50,436 Well, I'm gonna go finish getting ready. 206 00:08:50,513 --> 00:08:53,156 Why don't you guys get to know each other a little? 207 00:08:58,430 --> 00:09:02,207 So, uh, is there a dad that you spend weeks of your time with? 208 00:09:02,284 --> 00:09:04,117 My dad moved to Florida. 209 00:09:04,193 --> 00:09:07,270 Sounds right. What, um... what grade are you in, bud? 210 00:09:07,272 --> 00:09:09,289 -Second. -You don't say. 211 00:09:09,365 --> 00:09:11,624 Boy, I bet things are different than they were in my day. 212 00:09:11,626 --> 00:09:13,385 Lot of school shootings now. 213 00:09:13,461 --> 00:09:15,962 -What?! -Oh, no. No, no, I... No, I just meant... 214 00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:17,889 Like-like, people bring guns to school? 215 00:09:17,966 --> 00:09:19,540 What? No, no, I'm-I'm not saying... 216 00:09:19,618 --> 00:09:21,059 And they just shoot kids?! 217 00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:22,952 Well, you can hide under your desk. 218 00:09:22,954 --> 00:09:25,288 The desks won't be enough! (crying) 219 00:09:25,290 --> 00:09:27,232 All set. You guys getting along? 220 00:09:27,309 --> 00:09:29,976 Yup, just great. All right, let's go eat at a waffle house, 221 00:09:30,128 --> 00:09:32,629 and then I'll show you all my bow-hunting carcasses. 222 00:09:32,631 --> 00:09:34,864 That sounds like a perfectly normal date. 223 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,744 ♪ 224 00:09:45,493 --> 00:09:46,993 Okay, I got a perfect way 225 00:09:47,145 --> 00:09:49,087 to distract Joe while we take his car. 226 00:09:49,164 --> 00:09:52,982 There's literally no phone survey he won't take. 227 00:09:52,984 --> 00:09:54,759 -(phone ringing) -Hello? 228 00:09:54,836 --> 00:09:56,502 Yes, Joe Swanson? 229 00:09:56,579 --> 00:09:58,096 On a scale of one to ten, 230 00:09:58,173 --> 00:10:01,007 how happy are you with your Wi-Fi service? 231 00:10:01,009 --> 00:10:05,270 Well, I'd say it's Wi-Fine. (chuckles) 232 00:10:05,347 --> 00:10:06,846 I came up with that ten months ago 233 00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:09,274 in anticipation of this very call. 234 00:10:09,351 --> 00:10:11,334 Ha. Terrific. And would you be willing 235 00:10:11,336 --> 00:10:13,260 to take a half-hour survey 236 00:10:13,338 --> 00:10:16,172 in your far upstairs bedroom while facing the wall? 237 00:10:16,174 --> 00:10:18,842 Also, how loud does your TV get? 238 00:10:18,844 --> 00:10:21,286 BONNIE: Don't be long, Joe! I'm expecting a call. 239 00:10:21,363 --> 00:10:23,288 I'll take the time I need! 240 00:10:23,439 --> 00:10:25,531 This is the Wi-Fi call. 241 00:10:25,533 --> 00:10:27,792 (engine starts) 242 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,353 Great job hot-wiring the car, Cleveland. 243 00:10:30,355 --> 00:10:32,021 The key was in the ashtray, 244 00:10:32,023 --> 00:10:34,799 but your presumption will not be forgotten. 245 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,801 (engine revving) 246 00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:45,292 (sighs) You know, you're the Cub Scout. 247 00:10:45,370 --> 00:10:47,887 We're supposed to be making this Pinewood Derby car together. 248 00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:49,255 I don't care. 249 00:10:49,374 --> 00:10:53,151 Hey, you're one kid, and we're four kids, 250 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,545 -so we're gonna bully you. -(grunts) 251 00:10:55,547 --> 00:10:56,804 Knock it off. 252 00:10:56,882 --> 00:10:58,472 Or what, Kyle-Kyle-Dog-Poop-Pile? 253 00:10:58,550 --> 00:11:00,474 Hey, guys? Let's take it easy 254 00:11:00,552 --> 00:11:04,329 and maybe not use canine feces as a taunt. That's hurtful. 255 00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,072 What? (chuckles) 256 00:11:06,224 --> 00:11:08,892 He's just saying that Kyle's a little baby 257 00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:11,911 who's too stupid to even know how to stand up for himself. 258 00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:14,397 What are you gonna do, baby-- cry? 259 00:11:14,399 --> 00:11:15,781 -(growling) -(screaming) 260 00:11:15,859 --> 00:11:17,842 Let go of me! Stop! 261 00:11:17,919 --> 00:11:19,569 -You're crazy! -You leave him alone! 262 00:11:19,571 --> 00:11:21,721 (barking) 263 00:11:22,832 --> 00:11:25,241 Whoa. Thanks, Brian. 264 00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:27,852 Nobody's ever stood up for me like that before. 265 00:11:27,929 --> 00:11:30,171 Well, I think my instincts just kicked in. 266 00:11:30,248 --> 00:11:32,081 Want to help me sand your car? 267 00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:34,359 Yeah. Definitely. 268 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,588 Animal control? 269 00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:42,258 I'd like to schedule an emergency neutering. 270 00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:44,160 ♪ 271 00:11:46,431 --> 00:11:48,856 Man, I can't get over how old-timey 272 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,116 everything in this car is. 273 00:11:50,193 --> 00:11:52,118 I know. Check out what's on the radio. 274 00:11:52,195 --> 00:11:54,120 NEWSWMAN: President Kennedy has been shot. 275 00:11:54,197 --> 00:11:56,715 NEWSMAN 2: The martians are now traveling to New Jersey. 276 00:11:56,791 --> 00:11:58,717 MAN: ♪ Beatles song, Beatles song ♪ 277 00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:01,368 ♪ La, la, la, la, la. ♪ 278 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,963 Ah, that last one brings back a lot of memories. 279 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,724 Wow, this baby handles like a dream. 280 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,967 Do you guys mind if I drive with my knees 281 00:12:08,044 --> 00:12:11,471 while I make some last-minute fantasy football changes? 282 00:12:11,547 --> 00:12:12,897 -Look out! -(tires screeching) 283 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,310 -Oh, my God! -Holy crap! 284 00:12:17,462 --> 00:12:19,904 Aw, man, Joe is gonna be so pissed. 285 00:12:20,056 --> 00:12:22,056 Thank God all we hit were those trash cans. 286 00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:24,159 Oh, my God. Oscar! 287 00:12:27,155 --> 00:12:30,974 (grunts) Tell my ex-wife... 288 00:12:30,976 --> 00:12:33,126 to go (bleep) herself. 289 00:12:34,162 --> 00:12:36,070 Very on-brand. 290 00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,964 Right up to the end. 291 00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:45,004 Thank you so much for having Kyle and me over for dinner. 292 00:12:45,081 --> 00:12:46,990 Everything is delicious, Mrs. Griffin. 293 00:12:46,992 --> 00:12:49,250 Well, I wasn't sure what a divorcée eats, 294 00:12:49,327 --> 00:12:51,252 so I just assumed fried things. 295 00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:52,937 No, that's perfect. 296 00:12:53,014 --> 00:12:55,440 What about this guy? Did he help with any of the cooking? 297 00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:57,834 Brian is not allowed to touch communal food 298 00:12:57,836 --> 00:12:59,836 because his feet smell like the street. 299 00:12:59,838 --> 00:13:02,355 I like when you measured my feet at the store, 300 00:13:02,357 --> 00:13:04,007 Brian's girlfriend. 301 00:13:04,009 --> 00:13:06,785 Well, it... it was my pleasure, Chris. 302 00:13:06,861 --> 00:13:09,954 I'm not actually sure if my shoes fit right now. 303 00:13:10,106 --> 00:13:12,123 Um, could you do that thing 304 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,518 where you push your thumb on my big toe? 305 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,204 Chris, you're within six years of the same age 306 00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:20,948 as this kid you've never met and have nothing in common with. 307 00:13:21,026 --> 00:13:22,300 Why don't you go up to your room 308 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,285 and have an awkward time together. 309 00:13:24,362 --> 00:13:26,954 Um, okay. Want to go upstairs 310 00:13:27,032 --> 00:13:29,974 and accidentally break one of my toys and I'll hit you? 311 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,100 I guess. 312 00:13:32,203 --> 00:13:33,978 CHRIS: Hey, don't touch that! 313 00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,146 -(thud) -(slap) 314 00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:39,042 Mom! He blocked my punch and hit me! 315 00:13:39,044 --> 00:13:40,543 I knew they'd get along. 316 00:13:40,545 --> 00:13:43,729 You know, Kyle and I actually have to get going anyway, 317 00:13:43,806 --> 00:13:46,065 but thanks so much. 318 00:13:46,217 --> 00:13:47,826 Hey, Holly, before you go, 319 00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:49,886 settle an argument between me and my wife. 320 00:13:49,888 --> 00:13:52,905 When measuring yourself, what do you count as the base? 321 00:13:52,982 --> 00:13:55,224 -Peter. -What? She measures stuff for a living. 322 00:13:55,226 --> 00:13:58,744 Let me start by saying I am taint inclusive. 323 00:13:58,821 --> 00:14:01,864 All right, I like where this is heading. 324 00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:03,066 Well, thanks again for coming. 325 00:14:03,084 --> 00:14:04,417 Oh, hey, you know, I was thinking 326 00:14:04,493 --> 00:14:07,236 we could take Kyle to Bob's Funland on Saturday. 327 00:14:07,255 --> 00:14:09,238 Oh. Really? 328 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,832 Yeah, I have to go there to buy Adderall anyway, so I thought... 329 00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:15,094 Brian, stop. I just... We can't go. 330 00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:18,172 -What? Why? -Honestly, I've been thinking... 331 00:14:18,174 --> 00:14:19,765 STEWIE: Uh-oh! 332 00:14:19,842 --> 00:14:21,175 Wh... W-What are you saying? 333 00:14:21,252 --> 00:14:23,695 Well, Brian, I'm still young. 334 00:14:23,771 --> 00:14:25,438 STEWIE: Oh, she's saying you're not. 335 00:14:25,514 --> 00:14:27,699 And the truth is I'd like to date other people. 336 00:14:27,775 --> 00:14:29,850 STEWIE (chuckles): Oh, nail, meet coffin. 337 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,019 In fact, my old boyfriend is single again, 338 00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:34,188 and he happens to be a very selfless lover. 339 00:14:34,265 --> 00:14:35,448 STEWIE: Dude, I told you. 340 00:14:35,524 --> 00:14:37,876 But i-if we break up, 341 00:14:37,952 --> 00:14:40,253 does that mean I won't get to see Kyle, either? 342 00:14:41,956 --> 00:14:43,923 I guess not. 343 00:14:47,370 --> 00:14:49,203 I'm sorry, Brian. 344 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,764 ♪ 345 00:14:59,382 --> 00:15:01,382 Touch my feet! 346 00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:04,027 -Touch my feet! -Aah! 347 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,830 (sighs) 348 00:15:16,899 --> 00:15:19,792 (sighs) 349 00:15:34,859 --> 00:15:38,436 -Oh. Hey, Stewie. -Hey... you. 350 00:15:38,513 --> 00:15:41,088 -Feeling down? -Yeah. 351 00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,107 Ah, don't worry about Holly. 352 00:15:43,259 --> 00:15:45,276 "There are other fish in the sea" 353 00:15:45,353 --> 00:15:48,020 is what is usually said at a time like this. 354 00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:51,098 -That's the thing. It's not even Holly. -Ugh. There's more? 355 00:15:51,176 --> 00:15:53,934 I mean, the person I actually miss hanging out with is Kyle. 356 00:15:54,012 --> 00:15:55,528 We'd formed a real connection, 357 00:15:55,530 --> 00:15:58,514 and I sort of liked being a father figure to him. 358 00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:01,108 That's... that's nice, Brian. 359 00:16:01,186 --> 00:16:03,352 Kyle and I had actual fun together. 360 00:16:03,354 --> 00:16:04,945 I mean, most kids suck. 361 00:16:05,023 --> 00:16:07,190 They just want to sit around and play Candy Land. 362 00:16:07,192 --> 00:16:10,193 -Yeah. Hell of a game. -No, it's not. Candy Land is terrible. 363 00:16:10,211 --> 00:16:11,452 There's not even any skill to it. 364 00:16:11,529 --> 00:16:14,046 Uh, okay. Um, you know what, Brian? 365 00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:15,531 You're hurt right now, 366 00:16:15,533 --> 00:16:18,034 and you're-you're saying things that you don't mean. 367 00:16:18,036 --> 00:16:20,294 But listen, if you miss Kyle that much, 368 00:16:20,371 --> 00:16:22,981 -you should go find him. -Thanks. Maybe I will. 369 00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:24,373 Just hope he doesn't want to play 370 00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:25,966 some stupid game like Go Fish. 371 00:16:26,044 --> 00:16:27,986 Go Fish is a thinking man's game 372 00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,879 of inquiry and consequence. You know what? 373 00:16:29,897 --> 00:16:32,215 You know, I-I don't... I don't have to explain myself to you. 374 00:16:32,217 --> 00:16:34,158 Go-go on. Go find your kid. 375 00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:41,057 Damn it, what the hell are we gonna do? 376 00:16:41,059 --> 00:16:43,317 -Joe's gonna be furious. -Relax, Quagmire. 377 00:16:43,394 --> 00:16:45,152 From what I know about car accidents, 378 00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:47,747 you can total your car, completely walk away from it 379 00:16:47,823 --> 00:16:49,232 and still be Caitlyn Jenner. 380 00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:51,884 Besides, I'm pretty sure I can pound this out. 381 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,422 What the hell are you doing? 382 00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:59,500 -Crap, Joe's gonna kill us. -Quagmire's right. 383 00:16:59,577 --> 00:17:02,186 Remember how upset he got when they canceled Psych? 384 00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:03,670 (crying) 385 00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:05,356 Now who's gonna expose charlatans 386 00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:09,110 by pretending to be psychic in the greater Santa Barbara area? 387 00:17:14,016 --> 00:17:16,159 Oh, my God. 388 00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,020 What? What is this? 389 00:17:20,098 --> 00:17:22,265 Is this Ferris Bueller? 390 00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:24,950 Yeah, it's Ferris Bueller. 391 00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:27,328 Hundred percent on Ferris Bueller. 392 00:17:27,363 --> 00:17:30,289 Well, I'm glad we got that settled. 393 00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:32,717 It's Fast Times at Ridgemont High, you idiot! 394 00:17:32,794 --> 00:17:34,886 Joe, we all watched it a week ago. 395 00:17:34,962 --> 00:17:38,297 Oh, yeah. You know, I enjoy movies while I'm watching them, 396 00:17:38,374 --> 00:17:40,950 but the second they're over, I can't remember a thing. 397 00:17:40,952 --> 00:17:42,134 Except Forrest Gump. 398 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,303 (imitating Forrest Gump): "Try one of my candies. 399 00:17:44,305 --> 00:17:46,956 It'll tell you about life." 400 00:17:46,958 --> 00:17:49,475 (chuckles) I can't forget that beauty. 401 00:17:49,552 --> 00:17:51,460 But what happened to my car?! 402 00:17:51,462 --> 00:17:52,962 We're really sorry, Joe. 403 00:17:52,980 --> 00:17:55,464 We took it without asking and wrecked it. 404 00:17:55,466 --> 00:17:57,224 I like When Harry Met Sally... 405 00:17:57,226 --> 00:18:00,912 "I'll have the food what made that lady came." 406 00:18:00,988 --> 00:18:02,896 You guys ruined my uncle's car. 407 00:18:02,898 --> 00:18:05,141 We're so sorry, Joe. 408 00:18:05,143 --> 00:18:07,993 -It's okay. I'm not mad. -You're not? 409 00:18:08,146 --> 00:18:10,313 No. In fact, uh, 410 00:18:10,315 --> 00:18:12,315 all I feel is relief. 411 00:18:12,317 --> 00:18:15,151 Caring for a car like that requires round the clock effort. 412 00:18:15,153 --> 00:18:17,153 Do you know how much of a pain in the ass that is? 413 00:18:17,155 --> 00:18:18,321 BONNIE: Yes! 414 00:18:18,323 --> 00:18:19,505 I mean, cars are meant to be driven, 415 00:18:19,507 --> 00:18:21,157 not kept in a garage. 416 00:18:21,159 --> 00:18:24,176 But it's too late now. I mean, look at it. 417 00:18:24,178 --> 00:18:27,063 I couldn't drive this car even if I wanted to. 418 00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:30,424 I'm not so sure about that. 419 00:18:30,501 --> 00:18:31,350 ♪ 420 00:18:31,686 --> 00:18:34,854 I'm doing it! I'm doing it! This is awesome! 421 00:18:34,856 --> 00:18:36,188 I'm really d... Oh, 422 00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:38,174 stop sign, Quagmire, stop sign! 423 00:18:38,176 --> 00:18:40,009 (tires screech) 424 00:18:40,011 --> 00:18:43,437 Joe's legs are, um... colder than I expected. 425 00:18:43,514 --> 00:18:45,206 No blood. 426 00:18:52,190 --> 00:18:53,714 (indistinct chatter) 427 00:18:59,864 --> 00:19:01,097 (cheering) 428 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,977 Brian, you made it! 429 00:19:06,053 --> 00:19:08,312 -Hey, buddy. -What are you doing here? 430 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:11,056 Holly, I was a terrible dad with my own son, 431 00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:13,893 but I feel like I've made a true connection with Kyle. 432 00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:15,378 Whoa, did you earn a ribbon? 433 00:19:15,396 --> 00:19:18,230 No, it's a bookmark with a Bible verse on it. 434 00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:19,548 The priest was giving them out. 435 00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:21,975 Oh. Weird. Well, how'd our car do? 436 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,811 Second to last. But I don't care. 437 00:19:24,889 --> 00:19:26,889 I had so much fun making it with you. 438 00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:28,482 Me too, Kyle. 439 00:19:28,559 --> 00:19:30,910 (whistle blows) 440 00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:32,486 Okay, thanks for a great event, everyone, 441 00:19:32,563 --> 00:19:34,063 but we need to clear out. 442 00:19:34,081 --> 00:19:36,232 There's a sex offender meeting in ten minutes, 443 00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,234 and we can't have any overlap. 444 00:19:38,252 --> 00:19:41,137 Thank you, Brian. It was sweet of you to come. 445 00:19:51,249 --> 00:19:56,068 Say, Brian, what are you doing Saturday night? 446 00:20:01,943 --> 00:20:03,701 Hi. I'm almost ready. 447 00:20:03,778 --> 00:20:05,953 Great. 448 00:20:08,023 --> 00:20:11,292 -How you doing, champ? -(knocking) 449 00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:15,396 Okay, Cliff and I should be back by midnight. 450 00:20:15,398 --> 00:20:17,381 I left money for you two to order a pizza. 451 00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:18,758 Sounds perfect. 452 00:20:20,127 --> 00:20:21,219 All right, Kyle, what do you say you and me 453 00:20:21,295 --> 00:20:23,462 watch some Stranger Things ? 454 00:20:23,539 --> 00:20:26,799 MORGAN FREEMAN: Brian made Kyle bread and butter, 455 00:20:26,875 --> 00:20:29,727 and kept the pizza money. 456 00:20:36,385 --> 00:20:39,070 Ich bin froh, dass alles wieder normal ist. 457 00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:41,388 Tut mir leid wegen deinem Auto, Joe. 458 00:20:41,390 --> 00:20:42,889 Es ist in Ordnung. 459 00:20:42,891 --> 00:20:45,301 Wo ist nun Jerome mit den wiener? 460 00:20:45,303 --> 00:20:47,828 (giggles) Wiener. 461 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:57,830 Guten nacht, 462 00:20:57,832 --> 00:21:00,091 von das Disney Corporation.