1
00:00:01,151 --> 00:00:03,410
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:03,487 --> 00:00:06,821
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:06,899 --> 00:00:10,325
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:10,402 --> 00:00:13,328
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:13,405 --> 00:00:17,074
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:20,093
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:21,836
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:21,914 --> 00:00:22,855
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:23,082 --> 00:00:28,444
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:36,262 --> 00:00:37,778
Well, here we are.
11
00:00:37,854 --> 00:00:39,705
Time for everyone
to get new shoes.
12
00:00:39,782 --> 00:00:41,448
Hi. Can I help you
find something?
13
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:42,857
What's she gonna do?
14
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This place doesn't even
have a back room.
15
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All the inventory's
just out on the floor
16
00:00:46,196 --> 00:00:48,029
in ceiling-high library stacks.
17
00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:50,365
Yup, we got it, Stewie.
You're better than this place.
18
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,034
Yeah, I know that.
I'm better than every place.
19
00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,387
Yes, my son needs
a new pair of shoes.
20
00:00:55,464 --> 00:00:57,389
Okay, let's just
see what his size is.
21
00:00:59,042 --> 00:01:01,118
Looks like a ten and a half.
22
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:03,395
They're perfect. I'll take 'em.
23
00:01:03,472 --> 00:01:05,397
No, those aren't the shoes.
24
00:01:05,474 --> 00:01:08,975
(robotic): Do not speak
in that tone to the Iron Giant.
25
00:01:09,052 --> 00:01:11,987
Must destroy shoebox city.
26
00:01:13,056 --> 00:01:15,148
Sorry.
He's a little out of sorts.
27
00:01:15,225 --> 00:01:18,059
He saw a bra in the window
of Lane Bryant on the way over.
28
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They're, um...
they're pretty big.
29
00:01:20,063 --> 00:01:22,397
They are a remarkable feat
of engineering.
30
00:01:22,474 --> 00:01:25,084
That and the Ferris wheel
I will never understand.
31
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,160
Yeah, for me, it's paper bags.
32
00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:28,979
I mean, there's a door
in it, but no exit?
33
00:01:28,981 --> 00:01:31,090
-What's that about?
-(laughs)
34
00:01:31,166 --> 00:01:32,925
I was serious about the bag,
but, hi.
35
00:01:33,001 --> 00:01:34,259
-I'm Brian.
-Holly.
36
00:01:34,336 --> 00:01:36,837
Holly... are you free
on Friday night?
37
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Well, I don't know.
Are you a shoe store murderer?
38
00:01:39,007 --> 00:01:40,824
N-N-No.
39
00:01:40,826 --> 00:01:42,342
There's more than you'd think.
40
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,845
Like, if you were me, that's not
a ridiculous question.
41
00:01:44,847 --> 00:01:46,346
See you Friday.
42
00:01:46,498 --> 00:01:48,089
Good for you, Brian.
43
00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:49,942
Maybe you can take her
to the Cheesecake Factory.
44
00:01:50,018 --> 00:01:51,092
People seem to like that place.
45
00:01:52,354 --> 00:01:54,504
Did you folks find something
on the menu you'd like?
46
00:01:54,506 --> 00:01:58,433
No. 110 pages, and no.
47
00:01:58,510 --> 00:02:01,078
♪
48
00:02:08,187 --> 00:02:09,944
-What's all this?
-Oh, hey, guys.
49
00:02:10,022 --> 00:02:12,131
Uh, sadly, my Uncle Ray
passed away last week,
50
00:02:12,282 --> 00:02:14,858
but he left me
his vintage sports car.
51
00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:17,136
Joe, that's amazing
that your uncle died.
52
00:02:17,287 --> 00:02:19,396
But I'm really sorry
to hear about the car.
53
00:02:19,398 --> 00:02:21,140
He means that
the other way around.
54
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:23,308
Uncle Ray also left
strict instructions
55
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,385
for me to show his car
at the Classic Car Show
56
00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:26,961
in Providence this weekend.
57
00:02:27,039 --> 00:02:28,463
Classic Car Show?
58
00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:29,890
Isn't that one
of those gatherings
59
00:02:29,966 --> 00:02:32,042
of a bunch of guys
whose penises don't work?
60
00:02:32,044 --> 00:02:34,969
Correct. Anyone with
a perfectly-restored classic car
61
00:02:35,047 --> 00:02:36,713
for sure has a bum wiener.
62
00:02:36,715 --> 00:02:38,382
Uh, he also left me
everything I'd need
63
00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:42,161
to convert my garage
to a 1950s-style diner.
64
00:02:43,555 --> 00:02:47,374
See, here are all the 1950s
Coke signs from the 1980s.
65
00:02:50,487 --> 00:02:52,337
Oh, cool, and a jukebox!
66
00:02:52,414 --> 00:02:54,564
Yeah, but since the songs
are from the '50s
67
00:02:54,566 --> 00:02:56,249
they're all about men
in their 40s
68
00:02:56,326 --> 00:02:58,235
wanting to have sex
with teenagers.
69
00:02:58,237 --> 00:03:01,238
♪ I wanna...
be-bop a teeny bopper ♪
70
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,331
♪ At the sock hop ♪
71
00:03:03,409 --> 00:03:06,243
♪ Or maybe after work
behind the malt shop... ♪
72
00:03:06,261 --> 00:03:08,245
(new 1950s song intro begins)
73
00:03:08,247 --> 00:03:12,082
♪ 13 candles ♪
74
00:03:12,084 --> 00:03:15,176
♪ Is probably enough... ♪
75
00:03:15,254 --> 00:03:18,012
♪ Nine, ten, 11-year-old,
12-year-old sex ♪
76
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:20,741
♪ I'm gonna sleep
with all the kids tonight! ♪
77
00:03:20,776 --> 00:03:22,868
Joe, stop pressing buttons.
78
00:03:22,945 --> 00:03:26,020
(Somethin' Stupid"
playing in distance)
79
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,022
♪ And then I go
and spoil it all ♪
80
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:30,375
♪ By saying somethin' stupid ♪
81
00:03:30,452 --> 00:03:33,787
♪ Like "I love you." ♪
82
00:03:33,863 --> 00:03:35,196
(scattered applause)
83
00:03:35,198 --> 00:03:37,365
Boy, I forgot
how great that song is.
84
00:03:37,443 --> 00:03:39,960
I know, right? It's definitely
my favorite romantic love song
85
00:03:40,036 --> 00:03:41,461
sung by a father
to his daughter.
86
00:03:41,538 --> 00:03:42,870
Ooh, we should
put in our next song.
87
00:03:42,872 --> 00:03:44,297
Good thinking.
88
00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:46,225
Yes, we'd like
to request "Witchcraft,"
89
00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:48,785
as arranged
by Mr. Nelson Riddle.
90
00:03:48,787 --> 00:03:50,211
(sighs)
Okay, give me a minute.
91
00:03:50,213 --> 00:03:51,879
You should just know
92
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,306
there's a 21st
birthday party here,
93
00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:55,692
and you're ruining it for them.
94
00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,887
Wow.
3:00 a.m.
95
00:03:59,889 --> 00:04:02,241
We practically
shut the place down.
96
00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:05,318
And quite a night.
We got to sing two songs.
97
00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:06,987
Do you mind if I kiss you?
98
00:04:07,139 --> 00:04:09,823
Actually, I should
chew some gum first.
99
00:04:09,825 --> 00:04:11,324
I had bologna for dinner.
100
00:04:11,477 --> 00:04:12,918
Get over here.
101
00:04:12,995 --> 00:04:14,962
(both moaning)
102
00:04:16,832 --> 00:04:18,882
Oh, yeah,
that's good kiss bologna.
103
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,429
Oh, hey, guys,
what's the word?
104
00:04:24,506 --> 00:04:27,266
Uh, bird.
Bird is the word.
105
00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:28,934
But we were wondering
if you'd take us
106
00:04:29,011 --> 00:04:30,510
for a spin in your new car.
107
00:04:30,512 --> 00:04:32,396
Yeah, that's a great idea.
Hop in.
108
00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:38,926
Vroom! Vroom!
Vroom! Vroom!
109
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,506
(imitates clicking,
engine revving)
110
00:04:42,508 --> 00:04:45,284
(imitates gear shifting)
111
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,268
Uh, what-what...
what's happening right now?
112
00:04:47,346 --> 00:04:50,271
Close your eyes, gang, as we hit
the Kancamagus Highway.
113
00:04:50,349 --> 00:04:51,990
Just four miles
to Mount Washington.
114
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,517
What the hell
are you doing, Joe?
115
00:04:53,519 --> 00:04:55,201
We want to go for a real drive.
116
00:04:55,354 --> 00:04:57,445
This is a real drive.
Just imagine it.
117
00:04:57,523 --> 00:04:59,614
Feel that New Hampshire air.
118
00:04:59,691 --> 00:05:01,949
Joe, we're not in New Hampshire.
We're in your driveway.
119
00:05:02,027 --> 00:05:04,303
Oh, great, some knucklehead
is tailgating us.
120
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,138
What's the hurry, pal?
121
00:05:06,289 --> 00:05:08,865
Oh, I see so many birds.
122
00:05:08,867 --> 00:05:11,343
Well, we're in a tunnel, so I'm
not sure how that's possible.
123
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:13,145
Joe, stop this car right now.
124
00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:15,539
-The car is stopped.
-(imitates gears grinding)
125
00:05:15,541 --> 00:05:17,465
(sighs) Always have trouble
finding third.
126
00:05:17,543 --> 00:05:19,876
(imitates brake squeaking)
Okay, what's up?
127
00:05:19,878 --> 00:05:21,987
You got this amazing car.
Why can't we take it out?
128
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,471
Well, ever since I was nine,
129
00:05:23,549 --> 00:05:25,048
I've dreamed
of driving this car someday.
130
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:26,974
But I'm not allowed.
It's in my uncle's will.
131
00:05:27,052 --> 00:05:28,568
Even when I take it
to the car show,
132
00:05:28,645 --> 00:05:30,070
I have to put it up
on a trailer.
133
00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:32,146
Malcolm in the Middle,
five nights a week
134
00:05:32,224 --> 00:05:34,741
on Manchester's Channel 12.
135
00:05:34,818 --> 00:05:36,335
Cleveland, stop reading
fake billboards.
136
00:05:36,411 --> 00:05:38,152
Now if you'll excuse me,
137
00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:42,749
I'm off to taste the delights
of downtown Nashua.
138
00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:44,234
I don't care what Joe says.
139
00:05:44,236 --> 00:05:46,252
This is too nice a car
not to drive it.
140
00:05:46,329 --> 00:05:49,163
Are you suggesting we take it
out without telling Joe?
141
00:05:49,241 --> 00:05:50,907
He's left us no choice.
142
00:05:50,909 --> 00:05:53,243
I can't just sit in a car
and pretend to drive,
143
00:05:53,261 --> 00:05:54,911
like-like I had to pretend
to be impressed
144
00:05:54,913 --> 00:05:57,505
by Quagmire's
new big, green grill.
145
00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:59,432
This is the largest
high-performance
146
00:05:59,509 --> 00:06:01,360
ceramic cooker available, Peter.
147
00:06:01,436 --> 00:06:04,029
-NSF Certified.
-Ah, yeah, cool.
148
00:06:04,106 --> 00:06:06,256
I'm starving. When do we...
when do we fire this thing up?
149
00:06:06,258 --> 00:06:09,442
(laughing):
Fire-fire this thing up?
150
00:06:09,519 --> 00:06:12,095
Get a load of this guy.
You don't just fire it up.
151
00:06:12,097 --> 00:06:13,855
You slowly bring it
to temperature.
152
00:06:13,932 --> 00:06:15,189
(sighs)
Okay.
153
00:06:15,267 --> 00:06:16,783
When do we put the burgers on?
154
00:06:16,901 --> 00:06:19,285
B-B-Burgers?
Are you hearing this?
155
00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:22,714
You don't put burgers on a grill
of this quality, Peter.
156
00:06:22,791 --> 00:06:25,533
I've been brining a heritage
breed chicken for three days.
157
00:06:25,611 --> 00:06:27,368
(sighs)
Then can we put that on?
158
00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:29,554
Yes. At midnight,
when it's reached temperature.
159
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,223
Then why am I here now?
160
00:06:31,299 --> 00:06:34,300
Because I need your help
to move the grill a single inch.
161
00:06:34,377 --> 00:06:36,311
(both grunting)
162
00:06:37,881 --> 00:06:40,047
(sighs)
Well, let's just listen to music
163
00:06:40,049 --> 00:06:42,142
on my high-end stereo system.
164
00:06:42,218 --> 00:06:43,977
Nice.
Let's crank it.
165
00:06:44,053 --> 00:06:46,071
(laughing):
C-C-Crank it?
166
00:06:46,148 --> 00:06:47,797
You hear this clown?
167
00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:49,315
I only use it
to listen to podcasts.
168
00:06:49,468 --> 00:06:51,301
MAN:
Today on The Moth,
169
00:06:51,303 --> 00:06:54,454
how a single pair of shoes
reunited two sisters.
170
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,953
So, big date, huh?
171
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,922
You must really like this girl.
172
00:07:03,999 --> 00:07:07,317
Honestly, I think
Holly could be... the one.
173
00:07:07,319 --> 00:07:10,578
Brian, you strike me
as a very selfless lover.
174
00:07:10,656 --> 00:07:13,432
Is that true?
Are you a selfless lover?
175
00:07:13,508 --> 00:07:15,434
Stop saying "selfless lover."
176
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,177
Have you been reading
Lois' romance novels again?
177
00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:19,271
A few,
but I'm just saying I bet
178
00:07:19,347 --> 00:07:22,999
your coital congress will send
Holly into paroxysms of ecstasy.
179
00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:25,185
-Knock it off.
-What? I'm being supportive.
180
00:07:25,187 --> 00:07:27,020
After all,
confidence will help you
181
00:07:27,096 --> 00:07:29,355
maintain optimal stamina
during your lovemaking.
182
00:07:29,357 --> 00:07:31,524
-That's enough.
-Have it your way, Brian.
183
00:07:31,526 --> 00:07:35,770
I myself am a student
of the pleasures of the flesh.
184
00:07:35,847 --> 00:07:38,957
(slurping)
185
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:43,628
Listen to your lover, Brian.
186
00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:50,802
(stomach gurgling)
187
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,286
Ugh, damn it. Anxiety dump.
188
00:07:52,364 --> 00:07:54,288
(stomach gurgling)
189
00:07:54,366 --> 00:07:57,392
-(unzips)
-Ah, that's better.
190
00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:10,805
Oh, uh, is-is Holly here?
191
00:08:10,882 --> 00:08:13,233
You must be the new jerk
my mom is dating.
192
00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:15,160
Uh, and you must be the kid
193
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,453
she never told me about.
194
00:08:20,559 --> 00:08:22,892
I host Family Guy repeats
in Germany.
195
00:08:22,911 --> 00:08:24,503
GERMAN ANNOUNCER: German
Family Guy is brought to you
196
00:08:24,579 --> 00:08:27,063
by rail-thin men
in Internet pornos going,
197
00:08:27,082 --> 00:08:29,132
"Ooh-aah, ooh-aah, ooh-aah!"
198
00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:38,016
I'm sorry I never
told you I had a son.
199
00:08:38,093 --> 00:08:39,500
Some guys get scared off.
200
00:08:39,578 --> 00:08:41,335
No, no, that-that's great.
201
00:08:41,413 --> 00:08:42,929
I'm-I'm terrific with kids.
202
00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:44,247
I actually have a kid.
203
00:08:44,249 --> 00:08:46,416
Aw, that's sweet.
How old is he?
204
00:08:46,418 --> 00:08:48,935
Uh, I don't know.
How long ago was Ratatouille?
205
00:08:49,012 --> 00:08:50,436
Well, I'm gonna
go finish getting ready.
206
00:08:50,513 --> 00:08:53,156
Why don't you guys get
to know each other a little?
207
00:08:58,430 --> 00:09:02,207
So, uh, is there a dad that you
spend weeks of your time with?
208
00:09:02,284 --> 00:09:04,117
My dad moved to Florida.
209
00:09:04,193 --> 00:09:07,270
Sounds right. What, um...
what grade are you in, bud?
210
00:09:07,272 --> 00:09:09,289
-Second.
-You don't say.
211
00:09:09,365 --> 00:09:11,624
Boy, I bet things are different
than they were in my day.
212
00:09:11,626 --> 00:09:13,385
Lot of school shootings now.
213
00:09:13,461 --> 00:09:15,962
-What?!
-Oh, no. No, no, I...
No, I just meant...
214
00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:17,889
Like-like, people
bring guns to school?
215
00:09:17,966 --> 00:09:19,540
What? No, no,
I'm-I'm not saying...
216
00:09:19,618 --> 00:09:21,059
And they just shoot kids?!
217
00:09:21,136 --> 00:09:22,952
Well, you can hide
under your desk.
218
00:09:22,954 --> 00:09:25,288
The desks won't be enough!
(crying)
219
00:09:25,290 --> 00:09:27,232
All set.
You guys getting along?
220
00:09:27,309 --> 00:09:29,976
Yup, just great. All right,
let's go eat at a waffle house,
221
00:09:30,128 --> 00:09:32,629
and then I'll show you
all my bow-hunting carcasses.
222
00:09:32,631 --> 00:09:34,864
That sounds like
a perfectly normal date.
223
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,744
♪
224
00:09:45,493 --> 00:09:46,993
Okay, I got a perfect way
225
00:09:47,145 --> 00:09:49,087
to distract Joe
while we take his car.
226
00:09:49,164 --> 00:09:52,982
There's literally
no phone survey he won't take.
227
00:09:52,984 --> 00:09:54,759
-(phone ringing)
-Hello?
228
00:09:54,836 --> 00:09:56,502
Yes, Joe Swanson?
229
00:09:56,579 --> 00:09:58,096
On a scale of one to ten,
230
00:09:58,173 --> 00:10:01,007
how happy are you
with your Wi-Fi service?
231
00:10:01,009 --> 00:10:05,270
Well, I'd say it's Wi-Fine.
(chuckles)
232
00:10:05,347 --> 00:10:06,846
I came up with that
ten months ago
233
00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:09,274
in anticipation
of this very call.
234
00:10:09,351 --> 00:10:11,334
Ha. Terrific.
And would you be willing
235
00:10:11,336 --> 00:10:13,260
to take a half-hour survey
236
00:10:13,338 --> 00:10:16,172
in your far upstairs bedroom
while facing the wall?
237
00:10:16,174 --> 00:10:18,842
Also, how loud does your TV get?
238
00:10:18,844 --> 00:10:21,286
BONNIE:
Don't be long, Joe!
I'm expecting a call.
239
00:10:21,363 --> 00:10:23,288
I'll take the time I need!
240
00:10:23,439 --> 00:10:25,531
This is the Wi-Fi call.
241
00:10:25,533 --> 00:10:27,792
(engine starts)
242
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,353
Great job
hot-wiring the car, Cleveland.
243
00:10:30,355 --> 00:10:32,021
The key was in the ashtray,
244
00:10:32,023 --> 00:10:34,799
but your presumption
will not be forgotten.
245
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,801
(engine revving)
246
00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:45,292
(sighs)
You know, you're the Cub Scout.
247
00:10:45,370 --> 00:10:47,887
We're supposed to be making this
Pinewood Derby car together.
248
00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:49,255
I don't care.
249
00:10:49,374 --> 00:10:53,151
Hey, you're one kid,
and we're four kids,
250
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,545
-so we're gonna bully you.
-(grunts)
251
00:10:55,547 --> 00:10:56,804
Knock it off.
252
00:10:56,882 --> 00:10:58,472
Or what,
Kyle-Kyle-Dog-Poop-Pile?
253
00:10:58,550 --> 00:11:00,474
Hey, guys?
Let's take it easy
254
00:11:00,552 --> 00:11:04,329
and maybe not use canine feces
as a taunt. That's hurtful.
255
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,072
What?
(chuckles)
256
00:11:06,224 --> 00:11:08,892
He's just saying
that Kyle's a little baby
257
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:11,911
who's too stupid to even know
how to stand up for himself.
258
00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:14,397
What are you
gonna do, baby-- cry?
259
00:11:14,399 --> 00:11:15,781
-(growling)
-(screaming)
260
00:11:15,859 --> 00:11:17,842
Let go of me!
Stop!
261
00:11:17,919 --> 00:11:19,569
-You're crazy!
-You leave him alone!
262
00:11:19,571 --> 00:11:21,721
(barking)
263
00:11:22,832 --> 00:11:25,241
Whoa.
Thanks, Brian.
264
00:11:25,243 --> 00:11:27,852
Nobody's ever stood up for me
like that before.
265
00:11:27,929 --> 00:11:30,171
Well, I think my instincts
just kicked in.
266
00:11:30,248 --> 00:11:32,081
Want to help me sand your car?
267
00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:34,359
Yeah.
Definitely.
268
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,588
Animal control?
269
00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:42,258
I'd like to schedule
an emergency neutering.
270
00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:44,160
♪
271
00:11:46,431 --> 00:11:48,856
Man, I can't get over
how old-timey
272
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,116
everything in this car is.
273
00:11:50,193 --> 00:11:52,118
I know.
Check out what's on the radio.
274
00:11:52,195 --> 00:11:54,120
NEWSWMAN:
President Kennedy has been shot.
275
00:11:54,197 --> 00:11:56,715
NEWSMAN 2:
The martians are now
traveling to New Jersey.
276
00:11:56,791 --> 00:11:58,717
MAN:
♪ Beatles song, Beatles song ♪
277
00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:01,368
♪ La, la, la, la, la. ♪
278
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,963
Ah, that last one
brings back a lot of memories.
279
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,724
Wow, this baby
handles like a dream.
280
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,967
Do you guys mind
if I drive with my knees
281
00:12:08,044 --> 00:12:11,471
while I make some last-minute
fantasy football changes?
282
00:12:11,547 --> 00:12:12,897
-Look out!
-(tires screeching)
283
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,310
-Oh, my God!
-Holy crap!
284
00:12:17,462 --> 00:12:19,904
Aw, man,
Joe is gonna be so pissed.
285
00:12:20,056 --> 00:12:22,056
Thank God all we hit
were those trash cans.
286
00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:24,159
Oh, my God.
Oscar!
287
00:12:27,155 --> 00:12:30,974
(grunts)
Tell my ex-wife...
288
00:12:30,976 --> 00:12:33,126
to go (bleep) herself.
289
00:12:34,162 --> 00:12:36,070
Very on-brand.
290
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,964
Right up to the end.
291
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:45,004
Thank you so much for having
Kyle and me over for dinner.
292
00:12:45,081 --> 00:12:46,990
Everything is delicious,
Mrs. Griffin.
293
00:12:46,992 --> 00:12:49,250
Well, I wasn't sure
what a divorcée eats,
294
00:12:49,327 --> 00:12:51,252
so I just assumed fried things.
295
00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:52,937
No, that's perfect.
296
00:12:53,014 --> 00:12:55,440
What about this guy? Did he help
with any of the cooking?
297
00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:57,834
Brian is not allowed
to touch communal food
298
00:12:57,836 --> 00:12:59,836
because his feet
smell like the street.
299
00:12:59,838 --> 00:13:02,355
I like when you measured my feet
at the store,
300
00:13:02,357 --> 00:13:04,007
Brian's girlfriend.
301
00:13:04,009 --> 00:13:06,785
Well, it...
it was my pleasure, Chris.
302
00:13:06,861 --> 00:13:09,954
I'm not actually sure
if my shoes fit right now.
303
00:13:10,106 --> 00:13:12,123
Um, could you do that thing
304
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,518
where you push your thumb
on my big toe?
305
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,204
Chris, you're within six years
of the same age
306
00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:20,948
as this kid you've never met
and have nothing in common with.
307
00:13:21,026 --> 00:13:22,300
Why don't you go up to your room
308
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,285
and have
an awkward time together.
309
00:13:24,362 --> 00:13:26,954
Um, okay.
Want to go upstairs
310
00:13:27,032 --> 00:13:29,974
and accidentally break
one of my toys and I'll hit you?
311
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,100
I guess.
312
00:13:32,203 --> 00:13:33,978
CHRIS:
Hey, don't touch that!
313
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,146
-(thud)
-(slap)
314
00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:39,042
Mom!
He blocked my punch and hit me!
315
00:13:39,044 --> 00:13:40,543
I knew they'd get along.
316
00:13:40,545 --> 00:13:43,729
You know, Kyle and I actually
have to get going anyway,
317
00:13:43,806 --> 00:13:46,065
but thanks so much.
318
00:13:46,217 --> 00:13:47,826
Hey, Holly, before you go,
319
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:49,886
settle an argument
between me and my wife.
320
00:13:49,888 --> 00:13:52,905
When measuring yourself,
what do you count as the base?
321
00:13:52,982 --> 00:13:55,224
-Peter.
-What? She measures stuff
for a living.
322
00:13:55,226 --> 00:13:58,744
Let me start
by saying I am taint inclusive.
323
00:13:58,821 --> 00:14:01,864
All right,
I like where this is heading.
324
00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:03,066
Well, thanks again for coming.
325
00:14:03,084 --> 00:14:04,417
Oh, hey, you know,
I was thinking
326
00:14:04,493 --> 00:14:07,236
we could take Kyle
to Bob's Funland on Saturday.
327
00:14:07,255 --> 00:14:09,238
Oh. Really?
328
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,832
Yeah, I have to go there to buy
Adderall anyway, so I thought...
329
00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:15,094
Brian, stop.
I just... We can't go.
330
00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:18,172
-What? Why?
-Honestly, I've been thinking...
331
00:14:18,174 --> 00:14:19,765
STEWIE:
Uh-oh!
332
00:14:19,842 --> 00:14:21,175
Wh... W-What are you saying?
333
00:14:21,252 --> 00:14:23,695
Well, Brian, I'm still young.
334
00:14:23,771 --> 00:14:25,438
STEWIE:
Oh, she's saying you're not.
335
00:14:25,514 --> 00:14:27,699
And the truth is
I'd like to date other people.
336
00:14:27,775 --> 00:14:29,850
STEWIE (chuckles):
Oh, nail, meet coffin.
337
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,019
In fact, my old boyfriend
is single again,
338
00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:34,188
and he happens to be
a very selfless lover.
339
00:14:34,265 --> 00:14:35,448
STEWIE:
Dude, I told you.
340
00:14:35,524 --> 00:14:37,876
But i-if we break up,
341
00:14:37,952 --> 00:14:40,253
does that mean
I won't get to see Kyle, either?
342
00:14:41,956 --> 00:14:43,923
I guess not.
343
00:14:47,370 --> 00:14:49,203
I'm sorry, Brian.
344
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,764
♪
345
00:14:59,382 --> 00:15:01,382
Touch my feet!
346
00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:04,027
-Touch my feet!
-Aah!
347
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,830
(sighs)
348
00:15:16,899 --> 00:15:19,792
(sighs)
349
00:15:34,859 --> 00:15:38,436
-Oh. Hey, Stewie.
-Hey... you.
350
00:15:38,513 --> 00:15:41,088
-Feeling down?
-Yeah.
351
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,107
Ah, don't worry about Holly.
352
00:15:43,259 --> 00:15:45,276
"There are other fish
in the sea"
353
00:15:45,353 --> 00:15:48,020
is what is usually said
at a time like this.
354
00:15:48,022 --> 00:15:51,098
-That's the thing.
It's not even Holly.
-Ugh. There's more?
355
00:15:51,176 --> 00:15:53,934
I mean, the person I actually
miss hanging out with is Kyle.
356
00:15:54,012 --> 00:15:55,528
We'd formed a real connection,
357
00:15:55,530 --> 00:15:58,514
and I sort of liked
being a father figure to him.
358
00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:01,108
That's... that's nice, Brian.
359
00:16:01,186 --> 00:16:03,352
Kyle and I
had actual fun together.
360
00:16:03,354 --> 00:16:04,945
I mean, most kids suck.
361
00:16:05,023 --> 00:16:07,190
They just want to sit around
and play Candy Land.
362
00:16:07,192 --> 00:16:10,193
-Yeah. Hell of a game.
-No, it's not.
Candy Land is terrible.
363
00:16:10,211 --> 00:16:11,452
There's not even any skill
to it.
364
00:16:11,529 --> 00:16:14,046
Uh, okay.
Um, you know what, Brian?
365
00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:15,531
You're hurt right now,
366
00:16:15,533 --> 00:16:18,034
and you're-you're saying things
that you don't mean.
367
00:16:18,036 --> 00:16:20,294
But listen,
if you miss Kyle that much,
368
00:16:20,371 --> 00:16:22,981
-you should go find him.
-Thanks. Maybe I will.
369
00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:24,373
Just hope
he doesn't want to play
370
00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:25,966
some stupid game like Go Fish.
371
00:16:26,044 --> 00:16:27,986
Go Fish is a thinking man's game
372
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,879
of inquiry and consequence.
You know what?
373
00:16:29,897 --> 00:16:32,215
You know, I-I don't... I don't
have to explain myself to you.
374
00:16:32,217 --> 00:16:34,158
Go-go on.
Go find your kid.
375
00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:41,057
Damn it, what the hell
are we gonna do?
376
00:16:41,059 --> 00:16:43,317
-Joe's gonna be furious.
-Relax, Quagmire.
377
00:16:43,394 --> 00:16:45,152
From what I know
about car accidents,
378
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:47,747
you can total your car,
completely walk away from it
379
00:16:47,823 --> 00:16:49,232
and still be Caitlyn Jenner.
380
00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:51,884
Besides, I'm pretty sure
I can pound this out.
381
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,422
What the hell are you doing?
382
00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:59,500
-Crap, Joe's gonna kill us.
-Quagmire's right.
383
00:16:59,577 --> 00:17:02,186
Remember how upset he got
when they canceled Psych?
384
00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:03,670
(crying)
385
00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:05,356
Now who's gonna
expose charlatans
386
00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:09,110
by pretending to be psychic in
the greater Santa Barbara area?
387
00:17:14,016 --> 00:17:16,159
Oh, my God.
388
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,020
What? What is this?
389
00:17:20,098 --> 00:17:22,265
Is this Ferris Bueller?
390
00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:24,950
Yeah, it's Ferris Bueller.
391
00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:27,328
Hundred percent
on Ferris Bueller.
392
00:17:27,363 --> 00:17:30,289
Well, I'm glad
we got that settled.
393
00:17:30,366 --> 00:17:32,717
It's Fast Times
at Ridgemont High, you idiot!
394
00:17:32,794 --> 00:17:34,886
Joe, we all watched it
a week ago.
395
00:17:34,962 --> 00:17:38,297
Oh, yeah. You know, I enjoy
movies while I'm watching them,
396
00:17:38,374 --> 00:17:40,950
but the second they're over,
I can't remember a thing.
397
00:17:40,952 --> 00:17:42,134
Except Forrest Gump.
398
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,303
(imitating Forrest Gump):
"Try one of my candies.
399
00:17:44,305 --> 00:17:46,956
It'll tell you about life."
400
00:17:46,958 --> 00:17:49,475
(chuckles)
I can't forget that beauty.
401
00:17:49,552 --> 00:17:51,460
But what happened to my car?!
402
00:17:51,462 --> 00:17:52,962
We're really sorry, Joe.
403
00:17:52,980 --> 00:17:55,464
We took it without asking
and wrecked it.
404
00:17:55,466 --> 00:17:57,224
I like When Harry Met Sally...
405
00:17:57,226 --> 00:18:00,912
"I'll have the food
what made that lady came."
406
00:18:00,988 --> 00:18:02,896
You guys ruined my uncle's car.
407
00:18:02,898 --> 00:18:05,141
We're so sorry, Joe.
408
00:18:05,143 --> 00:18:07,993
-It's okay. I'm not mad.
-You're not?
409
00:18:08,146 --> 00:18:10,313
No.
In fact, uh,
410
00:18:10,315 --> 00:18:12,315
all I feel is relief.
411
00:18:12,317 --> 00:18:15,151
Caring for a car like that
requires round the clock effort.
412
00:18:15,153 --> 00:18:17,153
Do you know how much
of a pain in the ass that is?
413
00:18:17,155 --> 00:18:18,321
BONNIE:
Yes!
414
00:18:18,323 --> 00:18:19,505
I mean, cars are meant
to be driven,
415
00:18:19,507 --> 00:18:21,157
not kept in a garage.
416
00:18:21,159 --> 00:18:24,176
But it's too late now.
I mean, look at it.
417
00:18:24,178 --> 00:18:27,063
I couldn't drive this car
even if I wanted to.
418
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:30,424
I'm not so sure about that.
419
00:18:30,501 --> 00:18:31,350
♪
420
00:18:31,686 --> 00:18:34,854
I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
This is awesome!
421
00:18:34,856 --> 00:18:36,188
I'm really d...
Oh,
422
00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:38,174
stop sign, Quagmire, stop sign!
423
00:18:38,176 --> 00:18:40,009
(tires screech)
424
00:18:40,011 --> 00:18:43,437
Joe's legs are, um...
colder than I expected.
425
00:18:43,514 --> 00:18:45,206
No blood.
426
00:18:52,190 --> 00:18:53,714
(indistinct chatter)
427
00:18:59,864 --> 00:19:01,097
(cheering)
428
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,977
Brian, you made it!
429
00:19:06,053 --> 00:19:08,312
-Hey, buddy.
-What are you doing here?
430
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:11,056
Holly, I was a terrible dad
with my own son,
431
00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:13,893
but I feel like I've made
a true connection with Kyle.
432
00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:15,378
Whoa, did you earn a ribbon?
433
00:19:15,396 --> 00:19:18,230
No, it's a bookmark
with a Bible verse on it.
434
00:19:18,232 --> 00:19:19,548
The priest was giving them out.
435
00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:21,975
Oh. Weird.
Well, how'd our car do?
436
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,811
Second to last.
But I don't care.
437
00:19:24,889 --> 00:19:26,889
I had so much fun
making it with you.
438
00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:28,482
Me too, Kyle.
439
00:19:28,559 --> 00:19:30,910
(whistle blows)
440
00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:32,486
Okay, thanks
for a great event, everyone,
441
00:19:32,563 --> 00:19:34,063
but we need to clear out.
442
00:19:34,081 --> 00:19:36,232
There's a sex offender meeting
in ten minutes,
443
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,234
and we can't have any overlap.
444
00:19:38,252 --> 00:19:41,137
Thank you, Brian.
It was sweet of you to come.
445
00:19:51,249 --> 00:19:56,068
Say, Brian, what are you doing
Saturday night?
446
00:20:01,943 --> 00:20:03,701
Hi. I'm almost ready.
447
00:20:03,778 --> 00:20:05,953
Great.
448
00:20:08,023 --> 00:20:11,292
-How you doing, champ?
-(knocking)
449
00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:15,396
Okay, Cliff and I should
be back by midnight.
450
00:20:15,398 --> 00:20:17,381
I left money for you two
to order a pizza.
451
00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:18,758
Sounds perfect.
452
00:20:20,127 --> 00:20:21,219
All right, Kyle,
what do you say you and me
453
00:20:21,295 --> 00:20:23,462
watch some Stranger Things ?
454
00:20:23,539 --> 00:20:26,799
MORGAN FREEMAN:
Brian made Kyle
bread and butter,
455
00:20:26,875 --> 00:20:29,727
and kept the pizza money.
456
00:20:36,385 --> 00:20:39,070
Ich bin froh,
dass alles wieder normal ist.
457
00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:41,388
Tut mir leid wegen
deinem Auto, Joe.
458
00:20:41,390 --> 00:20:42,889
Es ist in Ordnung.
459
00:20:42,891 --> 00:20:45,301
Wo ist nun Jerome
mit den wiener?
460
00:20:45,303 --> 00:20:47,828
(giggles)
Wiener.
461
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:57,830
Guten nacht,
462
00:20:57,832 --> 00:21:00,091
von das Disney Corporation.