1 00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:38,120 Hi, it's me, Peter, your TV cartoon pal. 2 00:00:38,170 --> 00:00:39,605 Y'know, Lois has bitchin' lately 3 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,140 that I watch too much TV and don't read enough books. 4 00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:44,390 So I went to the library and picked up three books 5 00:00:44,425 --> 00:00:47,350 by the greatest author of the last thousand years. 6 00:00:47,450 --> 00:00:48,905 Stephen King. 7 00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:51,040 And tonight I'd like to share them with you. 8 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,785 We begin with a little tale called "Stand by Me" 9 00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:56,660 about 4 young boys who went looking for a dead body 10 00:00:56,695 --> 00:00:59,270 and instead found ..... themselves. 11 00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:01,460 ... and also a dead body. 12 00:01:04,860 --> 00:01:07,260 The year was 1955 13 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,230 and the voice in my head was that of Richard Dreyfuss. 14 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:13,310 I never had friends like the ones I had when I was 12. 15 00:01:13,345 --> 00:01:15,215 There was me, Petey Lachance 16 00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:18,140 Anyone else fed up with this over-saturation of media? 17 00:01:18,175 --> 00:01:20,330 Three channels, and still nothin' on. 18 00:01:20,365 --> 00:01:21,905 Then there was Joey Duchamp 19 00:01:21,940 --> 00:01:24,240 The voice in his head was Roy Scheider. 20 00:01:24,275 --> 00:01:25,417 How are you, Richard? 21 00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:26,566 Fine, Roy, how are you? 22 00:01:26,601 --> 00:01:27,645 Good, good. 23 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,250 We should grab a drink sometime and catch up. 24 00:01:30,285 --> 00:01:32,020 Maybe reminisce about "Jaws". 25 00:01:32,070 --> 00:01:34,220 Great, you should give me a call sometime. 26 00:01:34,255 --> 00:01:35,870 My number's 555 ... 27 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,040 Wait, wait. What? 28 00:01:37,075 --> 00:01:38,575 555? 29 00:01:38,610 --> 00:01:39,585 Er ... yeah. 30 00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:40,635 You know what, Richard? 31 00:01:40,670 --> 00:01:42,540 If you don't want to have drinks, just say so. 32 00:01:42,575 --> 00:01:43,950 You don't have to be a dick about it. 33 00:01:43,985 --> 00:01:44,705 Oh, please! 34 00:01:44,740 --> 00:01:46,360 Make the voices stop! 35 00:01:46,670 --> 00:01:48,635 And then there was Quag Chambers. 36 00:01:48,670 --> 00:01:50,420 He was the leader of our gang. 37 00:01:50,455 --> 00:01:51,965 He had sex when he was five 38 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,390 and committed his first rape when he was ten. 39 00:01:54,425 --> 00:01:55,115 Rape, of course, 40 00:01:55,150 --> 00:01:56,750 being legal in the 50's. 41 00:01:56,782 --> 00:01:58,730 Ha ha. Beat those cards, fellows! 42 00:01:58,779 --> 00:01:59,579 Ha ha ha. 43 00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:01,390 Giggity, giggity, 50's, giggity 44 00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:02,535 Hey, you guys ... 45 00:02:02,570 --> 00:02:04,320 Finally, there was Cleve Brown 46 00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:06,070 my pudgy black friend. 47 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:07,810 I can still see him now 48 00:02:07,845 --> 00:02:09,355 all pudgy and black. 49 00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:11,585 Cleve, please, we're busy lookin' at Playboy. 50 00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:13,780 Look at the way these women starve themselves. 51 00:02:13,815 --> 00:02:15,835 This one can't be more that 180 pounds. 52 00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:18,180 This is way better than Playboy. 53 00:02:18,210 --> 00:02:20,480 Do you guys wanna see a dead body? 54 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,330 Cleve, it's 1955. 55 00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:26,110 Please re-enter the clubhouse in a more stereotypically animated fashion. 56 00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,190 Lord a'mighty! I done seen me 57 00:02:29,225 --> 00:02:30,905 a dead body down by the lake! 58 00:02:30,940 --> 00:02:33,100 Sho' nuff, I thought I'd go deef and dumb 59 00:02:33,135 --> 00:02:34,540 when I saw me that dead body! 60 00:02:34,575 --> 00:02:35,335 Cleve, calm down! 61 00:02:35,370 --> 00:02:36,570 You're not making any sense! 62 00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:43,380 Anything was possible as we set out that day 63 00:02:43,415 --> 00:02:45,005 except contracting AIDS 64 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,570 because AIDS had not yet been invented by the government 65 00:02:47,605 --> 00:02:50,710 in an effort to eradicate the homosexual community. 66 00:02:50,810 --> 00:02:56,070 Have Gun, Will Travel, reads the card of a man 67 00:02:56,200 --> 00:03:01,320 A knight without armour in a savage land 68 00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:02,845 OK, I got another one. 69 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:06,590 - Show me that smile again - Ooh, show me that smile 70 00:03:06,660 --> 00:03:10,740 Don't waste another minute on your cryin' ... 71 00:03:11,270 --> 00:03:14,275 We decided to cut through old man Pressman's junkyard. 72 00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:17,846 Even though legend had it, that any kid caught scaling the fence 73 00:03:17,885 --> 00:03:20,900 ran the risk of being attacked by the old man's dog. 74 00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:24,410 who would charge to the cry of "Chopper, sick balls" 75 00:03:25,150 --> 00:03:27,280 I got a bad felling about this. 76 00:03:27,315 --> 00:03:28,175 Hey! 77 00:03:28,210 --> 00:03:29,310 What are you kids doin'? 78 00:03:29,345 --> 00:03:30,660 Oh no, it's him! 79 00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:31,365 That's right! 80 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,540 Old man Pressman. 81 00:03:32,575 --> 00:03:33,645 I own the junkyard. 82 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,970 I'm cranky 'cos all my stuff is junk. 83 00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:38,320 Why can't I have nice things? 84 00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:39,945 Chopper, sic 'em! 85 00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:40,940 Sic 'em, boy! 86 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,030 Now, he said "sic 'em, boy", 87 00:03:48,065 --> 00:03:49,620 but what I heard was 88 00:03:49,660 --> 00:03:52,680 "Chopper, talk to disfigured World War 2 veterans 89 00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:54,350 who aren't as bitter as they should be." 90 00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:56,420 Glad I could do my part. 91 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,330 I think you may have done too much. 92 00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:02,400 Hey, how about this brand new thing called rock'n'roll? 93 00:04:02,435 --> 00:04:03,902 Even though it was just invented, 94 00:04:03,937 --> 00:04:05,370 we already remember it fondly. 95 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,280 Here's Little Richard with "Piano Riff Woooo" 96 00:04:28,220 --> 00:04:29,630 My arse! 97 00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,580 Man, this trip is dangerous. 98 00:04:31,615 --> 00:04:33,100 Couldn't we have just taken a bus? 99 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,350 ..... black guy. 100 00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,905 Uh, guys, anyone know when the next train is scheduled? 101 00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:43,850 Don't worry. If a train comes I'll warn you in slow motion. 102 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:54,400 T-r-a-i-n! 103 00:04:57,181 --> 00:04:58,619 Aaaaaaahhhh!!! 104 00:05:06,502 --> 00:05:08,850 Aaaaahhh! Aaaaahhh! My legs! 105 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:13,290 A-n-o-t-h-e-r t-r-a-i-n! 106 00:05:13,578 --> 00:05:15,965 Aaaaaaahhhh!!! Aaaaaaahhhh!!! Aaaaaaahhhh!!! 107 00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:19,140 What an odd, clustered train schedule! 108 00:05:19,830 --> 00:05:21,700 Hey, sorry you paralyzed, Joey. 109 00:05:21,735 --> 00:05:23,000 Ah, it's alright. 110 00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:24,235 Thanks for goin' all the way back 111 00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:26,070 to the junkyard to get me this wheelchair. 112 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,900 Boy, was old man Pressman angry. 113 00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:30,294 O-o-o-o-o-h-h-h-h-h!!! 114 00:05:34,060 --> 00:05:36,105 Well, there it is. 115 00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:37,685 None of us could breathe. 116 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,115 The twisted and mangled body 117 00:05:39,150 --> 00:05:40,475 we had come to see 118 00:05:40,510 --> 00:05:41,860 was far more disgusting 119 00:05:41,895 --> 00:05:43,167 than any of us could 120 00:05:43,202 --> 00:05:44,440 ever have imagined. 121 00:05:45,790 --> 00:05:47,230 He's nasty. 122 00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,445 Out of my way, you little pipsqueaks! 123 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,660 I'm taking credit for finding this body. 124 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,480 It was the meanest guy in town. 125 00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:56,590 Ace, and his whole gang. 126 00:05:56,730 --> 00:06:00,740 Beast-man, Mer-man, and for some reason, Norm from "Cheers." 127 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:01,465 Hey, gang. 128 00:06:01,500 --> 00:06:03,120 What, are we beatin' somebody up? 129 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:04,325 Now, get lost! 130 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:05,880 We'll take it from here. 131 00:06:09,690 --> 00:06:11,165 Kiss my grits, 132 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,790 you cheap dime store hood. 133 00:06:13,825 --> 00:06:15,770 This ain't over, Lachance. 134 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,195 I mean, you have a gun right now, but tomorrow 135 00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:20,880 I'll get a gun and come to your house and kill you. 136 00:06:21,312 --> 00:06:24,280 Oh .... yeah, I guess you could do that, huh? 137 00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:26,035 I mean, we live in the same town. 138 00:06:26,070 --> 00:06:28,600 And I just can't be on my guard for the rest of my life. 139 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,770 Boy, that is a major hole in this story. 140 00:06:30,805 --> 00:06:32,090 OK, take the body. 141 00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:37,263 We never forgot that wonderful summer, 142 00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:39,953 and eventually, we all went our seperate ways. 143 00:06:39,954 --> 00:06:42,578 Joey learned to live without the use of his legs, 144 00:06:42,579 --> 00:06:46,137 and even went on to create a wheelchair type rugby game 145 00:06:46,138 --> 00:06:49,259 called "Don't-feel-sorry-for-us-ball" 146 00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:52,635 Cleve grew up and went on to marry Rebecca Romjin. 147 00:06:52,637 --> 00:06:54,794 Actually, I'm not even joking about that. 148 00:06:54,795 --> 00:06:58,812 The fat kid from "Stand by Me" is now married to Rebecca Romjin. 149 00:06:58,813 --> 00:07:00,137 Can you believe that? 150 00:07:00,138 --> 00:07:01,232 I swear to God! 151 00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:02,498 Look it up on the internet! 152 00:07:02,499 --> 00:07:03,901 Doesn't that piss you off? 153 00:07:04,361 --> 00:07:07,345 Quag grew up to become a famous Hollywood actor. 154 00:07:07,346 --> 00:07:09,421 Unfortunately, about a week ago, 155 00:07:09,422 --> 00:07:12,853 he took an overdose of designer drugs at the Viper Room. 156 00:07:12,952 --> 00:07:15,558 He died on the kerb outside. 157 00:07:15,722 --> 00:07:18,535 And now, we're left with a hair lipped reminder 158 00:07:18,536 --> 00:07:20,178 of what might have been. 159 00:07:24,265 --> 00:07:26,766 Hi. Welcome back from commercials. 160 00:07:26,767 --> 00:07:28,781 Joaquin Phoenix, if you're still watching, 161 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,858 you are a good sport and a trooper. 162 00:07:30,859 --> 00:07:32,414 And you passed our test, 163 00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:34,167 and you can be our friend. 164 00:07:34,226 --> 00:07:37,717 And now for a segment we like a little less than the first and the last ... 165 00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,073 Here's "Misery." 166 00:07:45,112 --> 00:07:46,186 Marcia, I've done it! 167 00:07:46,187 --> 00:07:48,513 I've finished the book and Snuggly Jeff is dead 168 00:07:48,514 --> 00:07:50,171 and the readers are just gonna love it. 169 00:07:50,172 --> 00:07:52,220 Paul, I still wish I could talk you out of this. 170 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:55,640 Snuggly Jeff is the most succesful children's book series ever. 171 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:58,202 Yeah, but I wanna get into writing more serious stuff. 172 00:07:58,203 --> 00:08:01,452 Y'know, something where the reader doesn't have a load in his pants while he's lookin' at it. 173 00:08:01,484 --> 00:08:03,399 Well, we'll talk about it when you get back. 174 00:08:09,045 --> 00:08:10,048 This just in ... 175 00:08:10,049 --> 00:08:13,056 The Weather Service has reported a big snow storm on its way. 176 00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:16,877 Oh, my God! 177 00:08:16,878 --> 00:08:17,828 Stephen King! 178 00:08:19,392 --> 00:08:20,618 Aaaaahhhh!!! 179 00:08:21,795 --> 00:08:23,622 Hey, this'd make a neat story! 180 00:08:25,908 --> 00:08:26,604 Done! 181 00:08:46,575 --> 00:08:47,776 I'm your number one fan. 182 00:08:48,229 --> 00:08:49,431 I'm your number one fan. 183 00:08:49,747 --> 00:08:51,068 I'm your number one fan. 184 00:08:51,433 --> 00:08:53,040 O-o-o-o-o-h-h-h ... 185 00:08:53,624 --> 00:08:56,054 Who ... wh-who are you? 186 00:08:56,055 --> 00:08:57,261 I'm Stewie Wilkes. 187 00:08:57,262 --> 00:08:58,371 I saved your life. 188 00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:00,109 You were in a terrible car accident 189 00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,538 and you broke both your legs. 190 00:09:02,389 --> 00:09:03,355 I taste lipstick! 191 00:09:03,356 --> 00:09:04,363 Am I wearing lipstick? 192 00:09:04,364 --> 00:09:05,802 Not any more. 193 00:09:09,357 --> 00:09:12,153 Um, Paul, quick question, and feel free to say no, 194 00:09:12,154 --> 00:09:15,261 but I couldn't help but notice the new Snuggly Jeff manuscript 195 00:09:15,262 --> 00:09:17,939 in your bag, and, I was wondering if I could read it 196 00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,276 then kill you if I hate it? 197 00:09:19,277 --> 00:09:20,761 Well, I guess that'd be OK. 198 00:09:20,762 --> 00:09:22,172 Oh, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! 199 00:09:22,207 --> 00:09:24,451 Can I read it while I touch your ear and suck my thumb? 200 00:09:24,452 --> 00:09:25,269 Uh, I guess. 201 00:09:25,358 --> 00:09:26,773 Oh, goody, goody! 202 00:09:48,483 --> 00:09:49,387 Stewie? 203 00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:52,895 I just finished the book, you dirty birdy! 204 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,355 How could you? 205 00:09:54,356 --> 00:09:55,544 He can't be dead! 206 00:09:55,545 --> 00:09:57,725 Snuggly Jeff cannot be dead! 207 00:09:58,360 --> 00:09:59,311 Aaaaaarrrr!! 208 00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:02,125 Look, Stewie, I've gone as far as I can with Snuggly Jeff, 209 00:10:02,126 --> 00:10:04,255 and I .. I wanna write something more serious 210 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:08,123 Well, you are gonna write Snuggly Jeff back to life, Mr. Man. 211 00:10:08,124 --> 00:10:09,181 Look, Stewie, first of all, 212 00:10:09,182 --> 00:10:10,136 you're insane. 213 00:10:10,137 --> 00:10:12,713 And second of all, I have to be inspired before I write. 214 00:10:12,714 --> 00:10:14,349 Well, how 'bout a little TV? 215 00:10:15,193 --> 00:10:17,590 We now return to Magnum B.M. 216 00:10:18,005 --> 00:10:19,662 Magnum, I've found a fingerprint 217 00:10:19,663 --> 00:10:21,174 smudge at the crime scene. 218 00:10:21,175 --> 00:10:23,530 Do you have poo on your hands? 219 00:10:24,253 --> 00:10:25,342 A little. 220 00:10:31,476 --> 00:10:32,567 No, no, no! 221 00:10:32,568 --> 00:10:33,955 This won't do, Paul. 222 00:10:33,956 --> 00:10:35,504 You can't just have Snuggly Jeff 223 00:10:35,505 --> 00:10:36,629 magically brought back to life 224 00:10:36,630 --> 00:10:37,989 by a child's wish. 225 00:10:37,990 --> 00:10:39,374 It's insulting to the reader! 226 00:10:39,375 --> 00:10:39,999 What do you mean? 227 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,702 Well, it's just bad story telling. 228 00:10:41,703 --> 00:10:43,365 Let's see ... How can I explain this to you? 229 00:10:43,366 --> 00:10:44,862 Did you ever see the movie Contact? 230 00:10:44,863 --> 00:10:45,560 Yeah. 231 00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:49,326 So, like, they spent a trillion dollars building this mile high space machine 232 00:10:49,327 --> 00:10:50,952 and Jake Busey blows it up. 233 00:10:50,953 --> 00:10:51,906 So, now they're all like: 234 00:10:51,907 --> 00:10:54,051 "Oh, no. We can't use the space machine" 235 00:10:54,052 --> 00:10:55,343 But then this other guy's like: 236 00:10:55,344 --> 00:10:56,781 "Hey, it just so happens, 237 00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:59,951 "I built another identical trillion dollar space machine 238 00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:02,121 at my own expense, on the other side of the world" 239 00:11:02,177 --> 00:11:03,341 And we're supposed to believe 240 00:11:03,342 --> 00:11:04,727 no-one noticed that? 241 00:11:04,782 --> 00:11:07,000 Well, I stood up in the theatre and I said: 242 00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,999 "No! You can't go into space 243 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,201 because the machine already got blown up 244 00:11:11,202 --> 00:11:13,871 by Jake Cock-a-Doody Busey!" 245 00:11:14,125 --> 00:11:15,374 Start over! 246 00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,008 Fine. But you're gonna have to go into town 247 00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:17,989 and get me some more paper. 248 00:11:18,083 --> 00:11:18,758 I'm all out. 249 00:11:18,793 --> 00:11:19,701 Uh, I don't know, Paul 250 00:11:19,702 --> 00:11:21,726 Let me see if I can get the Big Wheels started. 251 00:11:24,026 --> 00:11:25,026 Rurrr, rurr, rurr, rurr. 252 00:11:25,027 --> 00:11:27,054 Oh, I don't know, Paul. It's not starting. 253 00:11:27,151 --> 00:11:28,251 Rurrr, rurr, rurr, rurr. 254 00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:30,019 Oh, I'm afraid I'm gonna flood it. 255 00:11:30,117 --> 00:11:32,057 Rurrr, rurr, rurr, rurr.. Vrooooom! 256 00:11:32,188 --> 00:11:33,188 Vrooooom! Vrooooom! 257 00:11:33,189 --> 00:11:34,594 OK. I got it now. 258 00:11:34,595 --> 00:11:35,704 I'll see you in a bit. 259 00:12:11,296 --> 00:12:14,230 Heh heh. He's too big for that car. 260 00:12:23,278 --> 00:12:24,340 Mr. Sheldon? 261 00:12:24,341 --> 00:12:25,857 Oh, my God! I'm saved! 262 00:12:25,858 --> 00:12:27,589 Let's get outta here before Stewie gets back! 263 00:12:30,706 --> 00:12:32,322 Ah! My legs! 264 00:12:32,466 --> 00:12:35,821 Now I'm gonna have to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair! 265 00:12:35,861 --> 00:12:37,025 No you're not. 266 00:12:42,810 --> 00:12:43,840 Well, that's it, Stewie. 267 00:12:43,841 --> 00:12:44,890 The book is done. 268 00:12:44,891 --> 00:12:46,013 Can I go now? 269 00:12:46,014 --> 00:12:48,267 Oh, no, Paul. I'm not stupid. 270 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,605 If I let you go, you'll just run straight to the police 271 00:12:50,606 --> 00:12:52,527 and tell them I kidnapped you and held you hostage 272 00:12:52,528 --> 00:12:54,123 and fondled you while you were asleep. 273 00:12:54,124 --> 00:12:55,521 No, I ...wait ...What? 274 00:12:55,556 --> 00:12:56,919 You'll tell them that while you were sleeping 275 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,605 I did things to you that you don't remember. 276 00:12:58,606 --> 00:13:01,054 You .. fondled me while I was asleep? 277 00:13:01,062 --> 00:13:01,769 Yeah. 278 00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:02,777 I don't think I like that. 279 00:13:02,778 --> 00:13:03,788 Well, it's done. 280 00:13:09,754 --> 00:13:11,020 Everybody still awake? 281 00:13:11,021 --> 00:13:12,534 Alright. Big finish. 282 00:13:12,535 --> 00:13:14,097 Now, you remember that Stephen King story 283 00:13:14,098 --> 00:13:15,506 when the guy went up to the empty hotel 284 00:13:15,507 --> 00:13:16,928 and there were those creepy twins 285 00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:18,584 and a guy was runnin' around with that axe 286 00:13:18,585 --> 00:13:20,084 and a kid talked to his finger? 287 00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:22,246 Ah ha, can't you see Stewie doin' that? 288 00:13:22,247 --> 00:13:24,313 Well, here's "The Shawshank Redemption" 289 00:13:42,298 --> 00:13:45,075 The first time I laid eyes on Andy Dufresne 290 00:13:45,076 --> 00:13:46,903 I didn't think much of him. 291 00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:48,915 He was a fat drink of water, 292 00:13:49,077 --> 00:13:51,501 the kind of drink of water that y'know your friend 293 00:13:51,502 --> 00:13:54,318 got from the bathroom and not from the kitchen. 294 00:13:54,732 --> 00:13:58,314 5 packs of cigarettes says the fat one breaks first tonight. 295 00:13:58,315 --> 00:14:00,840 You're on. I'll take the Don Martin looking one. 296 00:14:06,547 --> 00:14:10,382 A month went by before Andy said 2 words to somebody. 297 00:14:10,409 --> 00:14:13,276 As it turned out, that somebody was me. 298 00:14:13,277 --> 00:14:14,601 Vagina, boob. 299 00:14:15,348 --> 00:14:18,510 Later, Andy came back with more than 2 words. 300 00:14:18,576 --> 00:14:21,135 I understand you're a man who knows how to get things. 301 00:14:21,192 --> 00:14:24,480 I've been known to procure various and sundry items. 302 00:14:24,481 --> 00:14:26,795 I .. I .. I don't understand what you just said. 303 00:14:26,796 --> 00:14:27,596 I need stuff. 304 00:14:27,597 --> 00:14:28,295 Can you get it? 305 00:14:28,296 --> 00:14:29,135 What do you need? 306 00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,325 I need a rock hammer. 307 00:14:30,326 --> 00:14:31,295 What's it for? 308 00:14:31,296 --> 00:14:33,655 I carve Star Wars figurines outta stone 309 00:14:33,656 --> 00:14:36,106 but it's also for not tunneling my way outta here. 310 00:14:36,107 --> 00:14:38,022 Wow. Can you carve me a set of 311 00:14:38,035 --> 00:14:40,047 women's private parts out of stone? 312 00:14:40,136 --> 00:14:40,531 Sure. 313 00:14:40,532 --> 00:14:42,425 Or you could just have sex with Helen Hunt. 314 00:14:42,442 --> 00:14:44,176 - Ah ha ha ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha ha haa! 315 00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:46,165 Ah, we've only had one conversation 316 00:14:46,166 --> 00:14:48,725 but I can tell we're gonna be life long friends. 317 00:14:48,776 --> 00:14:50,544 And since you're black and I'm white 318 00:14:50,545 --> 00:14:52,913 that makes it more especial for the audience. 319 00:14:59,919 --> 00:15:01,145 Inspection! 320 00:15:09,031 --> 00:15:10,090 You Andy Dufresne? 321 00:15:10,091 --> 00:15:11,310 A little bit. You? 322 00:15:11,356 --> 00:15:12,056 Ah ha ha ha ha! 323 00:15:12,057 --> 00:15:13,274 I'm just tweakin' your bum. 324 00:15:13,275 --> 00:15:14,017 What can I do for you? 325 00:15:14,018 --> 00:15:16,911 I understand you make Star Wars figurines. 326 00:15:16,936 --> 00:15:18,818 Oh, Grievous! Wicked! 327 00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:20,823 Well, anyway, I'm a pretty corrupt guy 328 00:15:20,824 --> 00:15:23,717 so I figured I could sell your figurines and pocket the cash. 329 00:15:23,718 --> 00:15:24,539 What d'ya say? 330 00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:25,634 I don't know ... 331 00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:26,478 Oh, come on! 332 00:15:26,479 --> 00:15:28,793 I'll even cripple that guy who rapes you in the shower. 333 00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:29,825 But I like that guy. 334 00:15:29,826 --> 00:15:30,734 Too late! 335 00:15:32,736 --> 00:15:34,229 Ah, my legs! 336 00:15:34,536 --> 00:15:36,656 Two things never happened again 337 00:15:36,657 --> 00:15:37,711 after that. 338 00:15:37,712 --> 00:15:39,517 Boggs never walked again, 339 00:15:39,518 --> 00:15:40,687 and Andy's farts 340 00:15:40,688 --> 00:15:42,465 never made a sound again. 341 00:15:48,096 --> 00:15:50,970 Thanks to the Star Wars figurines Andy carved, 342 00:15:50,971 --> 00:15:54,155 he landed a cushy job cleanin' the warden's office. 343 00:15:54,156 --> 00:15:55,845 OK, you clean up the warden's office 344 00:15:55,846 --> 00:15:57,870 while I go pop out a pine cone. 345 00:16:08,572 --> 00:16:13,765 Plays "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani 346 00:16:18,483 --> 00:16:20,687 To this day, I have no idea what 347 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,421 that woman was singin' about. 348 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,649 Like, literally, no idea. 349 00:16:25,053 --> 00:16:27,748 I don't know what a hollaback girl is. 350 00:16:27,749 --> 00:16:29,094 But I have to imagine 351 00:16:29,095 --> 00:16:31,430 it's a foul disease ridden thing 352 00:16:31,470 --> 00:16:33,125 that wears too much makeup 353 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:37,554 to cover up the fact that it's a 47 year old fish dog. 354 00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:41,049 Andy, I think you know why I've called you in here today. 355 00:16:41,116 --> 00:16:43,429 A prison is an environment which requires 356 00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:45,468 the highest level of discipline ... 357 00:16:45,469 --> 00:16:47,969 and that little stunt you pulled today 358 00:16:49,049 --> 00:16:50,313 .. that little stunt you pulled today 359 00:16:50,314 --> 00:16:52,142 made a lot of people look very foolish. 360 00:16:52,143 --> 00:16:53,999 Look, warden .. we got it rough in here 361 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,550 I just thought we could use a little music. 362 00:16:55,551 --> 00:16:58,562 Music is expressly forbidden inside prison walls! 363 00:16:58,563 --> 00:17:00,491 My God! How can you be so obtuse? 364 00:17:00,492 --> 00:17:01,614 What did you call me? 365 00:17:01,615 --> 00:17:03,092 Obtuse. You're bein' obtuse. 366 00:17:03,093 --> 00:17:04,456 Two months in the hole! 367 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,838 Or am I being obtuse? 368 00:17:06,001 --> 00:17:07,515 Nope, now you're bein' acute. 369 00:17:09,244 --> 00:17:12,132 That time in the hole changed ol' Andy. 370 00:17:12,339 --> 00:17:14,650 I'm gettin' outta here tonight, Red. 371 00:17:14,651 --> 00:17:17,026 I'm gonna take the poop pipe to the crap swamp. 372 00:17:17,027 --> 00:17:19,385 Wow. Where you headed once you get out? 373 00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:20,892 Zihuatanejo. 374 00:17:20,893 --> 00:17:22,087 Sounds fancy. 375 00:17:22,088 --> 00:17:24,150 Eh, actually, it's a filthy Mexican village. 376 00:17:24,151 --> 00:17:25,200 Listen, Red 377 00:17:25,201 --> 00:17:26,370 when you get outta here, 378 00:17:26,371 --> 00:17:28,314 I want you to do somethin' for me. 379 00:17:28,477 --> 00:17:32,015 Up in a hayfield in Buxton, Maine, under an old oak tree, 380 00:17:32,016 --> 00:17:35,112 there's a rock that has no earthly business bein' there. 381 00:17:35,202 --> 00:17:38,611 Under that rock is a box with somethin' I want you to have. 382 00:17:38,795 --> 00:17:41,150 Course, now that I think about it, I've been in her 25 years 383 00:17:41,151 --> 00:17:44,120 All these landmarks are based on possibly outdated observations. 384 00:17:44,121 --> 00:17:46,210 That whole area could be a Wal-Mart by now. 385 00:17:46,211 --> 00:17:48,476 If it is, pick yourself up some nice cheap pants 386 00:17:48,477 --> 00:17:49,770 and good life to you. 387 00:17:51,416 --> 00:17:52,721 Inspection! 388 00:17:57,585 --> 00:18:00,083 Dufresne? Dufresne! 389 00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:02,182 Dufresne, you better get your arse out here before 390 00:18:02,183 --> 00:18:04,572 here before you make me cut this sentence shor .... 391 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,168 Where is he? Where the hell is Dufresne? 392 00:18:11,169 --> 00:18:12,119 I don't know, Sir. 393 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,864 I want him found ... now. 394 00:18:13,899 --> 00:18:15,648 Not after breakfast 395 00:18:15,649 --> 00:18:17,569 Not after C.S.I. 396 00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:18,695 Now! 397 00:18:18,696 --> 00:18:19,710 God, I'm so angry 398 00:18:19,711 --> 00:18:22,455 I could just throw a rock at that poster of David Cassidy. 399 00:18:44,728 --> 00:18:47,125 What the warden and his boys didn't realise was 400 00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:50,500 that Andy Dufresne had escaped from Shawshank Prison 401 00:18:50,584 --> 00:18:51,703 the night before. 402 00:19:09,303 --> 00:19:10,759 Andy crawled to freedom 403 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,770 through 500 yards of foulness 404 00:19:12,771 --> 00:19:14,485 I can't even imagine. 405 00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,322 Andy Dufresne, 406 00:19:19,323 --> 00:19:21,575 the man who crawled through a river of poop 407 00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:23,943 and came out clean on the other side. 408 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,029 Why he chose enchilada night, 409 00:19:28,030 --> 00:19:29,429 I will never know. 410 00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:33,701 Do you believe, in your best judgement, 411 00:19:33,702 --> 00:19:35,298 that you have been rehabilitated? 412 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,658 Rehabilitated? 413 00:19:36,659 --> 00:19:39,377 It's just a stupid made up word 414 00:19:39,378 --> 00:19:41,713 so boys like you can sit behind a desk, 415 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:44,134 wear a fancy suit, and feel important. 416 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,671 You're a jerk! And I had sex with your mother last night! 417 00:19:47,672 --> 00:19:49,703 And I swear to God, you let me out of here, 418 00:19:49,704 --> 00:19:52,123 first thing I'm gonna do is kill again. 419 00:19:55,015 --> 00:19:56,518 When I got outta Shawshank, 420 00:19:56,519 --> 00:19:58,981 there was only one thing on my mind. 421 00:19:59,140 --> 00:20:02,322 A promise I made to a friend that I had to keep. 422 00:20:04,574 --> 00:20:07,612 Walk along the stone wall until you reach the tree, 423 00:20:07,719 --> 00:20:09,908 and that's where you'll find the rock. 424 00:20:24,498 --> 00:20:25,725 Dear Red, 425 00:20:25,726 --> 00:20:26,977 If you've come this far, 426 00:20:26,978 --> 00:20:29,009 maybe you're willing to go a little further. 427 00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:31,649 You remember the name of the town in Mexico, right? 428 00:20:33,038 --> 00:20:33,982 Crap! 429 00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:40,977 What? Oh! Oh, is that him? 430 00:20:40,978 --> 00:20:42,897 Is that..? No, no, beach dog. 431 00:20:43,853 --> 00:20:45,570 Oh! Oh! Is that Red? 432 00:20:45,571 --> 00:20:47,643 Is it? No, no. Not him either. 433 00:20:48,018 --> 00:20:51,381 Where the hell is that jagoff? There's like 1200 bucks in that box. 434 00:20:51,382 --> 00:20:53,228 Oh, my God, if he ran off with that ... 435 00:20:53,229 --> 00:20:55,422 Oh, I am gonna be so pissed! 436 00:20:55,541 --> 00:20:57,245 And what am I gonna do? Go to the authorities? 437 00:20:57,246 --> 00:20:58,493 I just broke out of prison. 438 00:20:58,634 --> 00:21:00,964 Now, what? I gotta spend the rest of my life here by myself? 439 00:21:01,476 --> 00:21:04,281 Well, at least I won't have to be self conscious about my farting. 440 00:21:05,975 --> 00:21:07,376 Well, that's our show. 441 00:21:07,444 --> 00:21:08,656 Thank you, Stephen King. 442 00:21:08,657 --> 00:21:09,971 We'll see you in court. 443 00:21:10,008 --> 00:21:11,974 Now stay tuned for whatever FOX 444 00:21:11,974 --> 00:21:13,326 is limpin' to the barn with. 445 00:21:13,827 --> 00:21:14,327 Subtitles by Keef