1
00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:06,035
[Singing] It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:09,334
Is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:12,809
But where are those
good old-fashioned values

4
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,843
On which we used to rely?

5
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:18,847
Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:22,651
Lucky there's a man
who Positively can do

7
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,280
All the things that make us

8
00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:25,983
Laugh and cry

9
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:30,825
He's a family guy

10
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:35,692
Come on, everybody. Let's go.

11
00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:37,429
Oh, this is so exciting.

12
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:41,098
This is the tenth year my father's
raced his yacht in the Newport Regatta.

13
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,402
Man, I hope he lets me
on his team this year.

14
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:46,172
I haven't been part of a team
since I was with the Four Peters.

15
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:50,777
[Humming in harmony]

16
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:20,408
- Come on, Stewie. Let's go.
- Yes, yes. I'm just checking the mail.

17
00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:22,572
- I say, here's one from the vet.
- Give me that.

18
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:26,174
Good lord, worms? You have worms?

19
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:29,221
I don't have worms, all right?
I just got checked for worms.

20
00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:31,017
Oh, wait. No, I do have worms.

21
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:34,389
Oh, God. What am I gonna do?
I can't afford the medication for this.

22
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:37,156
- Well, you could ask Lois and the fat one.
- No. No. No.

23
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,128
You cannot tell them about this, please.

24
00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:41,325
Peter is not very discreet
with private matters.

25
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:45,037
PETER: Hey, everybody!
Meg just had her first period!

26
00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,663
JOE: Peter, shut up!
It's 3:00 in the morning.

27
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,072
CLEVELAND: What the hell's
going on out there?

28
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:51,734
GLENN: Damn it! People are
trying to sleep.

29
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,712
PETER: I'm just saying, I'm proud of her.
She's a woman.

30
00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:57,783
GLENN: Yes, that's very hot,
and I'll deal with it in the morning...

31
00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,442
but right now, I am exhausted.

32
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:00,981
Just please don't tell them.

33
00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:03,715
Perhaps you should worry
a little less about your pride...

34
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:05,484
and a little more about
the creepy-crawlies...

35
00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:07,924
shawshanking their way
out of your balloon knot.

36
00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:11,019
Come on, kids.
Off to Grandma and Grandpa's house.

37
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:16,595
Thank God I finally get some time away
from the evil monkey in my closet.

38
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,638
[Menacing music]

39
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:19,502
[Menacing music]

40
00:02:24,911 --> 00:02:28,642
[Slow Ride by Foghat]

41
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,516
[Soothing classical music]

42
00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:43,294
Mrs. Babs. Mr. Carter.

43
00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:45,159
La familia Griffin.

44
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:48,029
Lois, darling. It's wonderful to see you.

45
00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:49,601
Hi, Mom. Hi, Daddy.

46
00:02:49,702 --> 00:02:51,636
- Grandpa!
- Hello, everyone.

47
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,102
Hiya, Mr. Pewterschmidt.

48
00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,504
Peter, I see
you're still fatter than holy hell.

49
00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:57,473
You can read me like a book.

50
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:01,144
So, which of the Latin countries
are you from?

51
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,340
The one with the civil war,
the one with the cocaine...

52
00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:04,973
or the one with the fancy hats?

53
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,619
Isn't this fun, Peter?

54
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,154
You and I get to stay
in my old high-school room.

55
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,486
Wow. This looks
just like my room at home.

56
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:15,823
Yeah, except for all the trophies
and pictures of friends.

57
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,762
That's the second most impressive trophy
I've ever seen.

58
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,030
And the Grammy for Album of the Year
goes to...

59
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:24,870
Justin Timberlake.

60
00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:26,767
[Applause]

61
00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:28,902
It actually goes to Nelly.

62
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:30,442
Nelly.

63
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:33,338
Wow, Mom.
Were you a Miss Teen Rhode Island?

64
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:36,040
I sure was, Meg, when I was 16 years old.

65
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:38,911
In fact, your mom
was offered a modeling contract.

66
00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:40,986
Really? Why didn't you take it?

67
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,554
Well, I wanted to,
but your grandfather wouldn't let me.

68
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,918
But, Daddy, they offered me a contract.

69
00:03:47,026 --> 00:03:49,426
My girl is not lowering herself
to modeling.

70
00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:52,259
That sort of uncouth activity
is below this family.

71
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:54,162
Now go away. I'm busy.

72
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,400
- Farnsworth.
- The usual, sir?

73
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:03,375
[Ride of the Valkyries by Wagner]

74
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:17,217
- Feeding the worms, are you?
- Stewie, shut up, all right?

75
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:20,554
Yes, I imagine those little fellows
are enjoying quite a feast.

76
00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:25,289
You know what's interesting?
I've only been alive for six weeks.

77
00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:28,458
I know nothing of the world
beyond this dog's stomach.

78
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,532
And I still find Six Feet Under pretentious.

79
00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:35,105
So, Mr. Pewterschmidt,
the big race is tomorrow, eh?

80
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,937
Bet you're gonna need
some big strapping men...

81
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,101
to help you with your boat.

82
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,200
Are you calling me gay?

83
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:41,803
No. No, I just thought you might want
some extra seamen...

84
00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:43,575
on your poop deck.

85
00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:53,949
Cashscam is your way
to make real money.

86
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,391
You could become rich
beyond your wildest dreams...

87
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,964
by selling these fine products
over the phone.

88
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:01,090
Rich beyond my wildest dreams.

89
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,395
I say, I could be a millionaire playboy.

90
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,968
Okay, girls. Are you all ready to play?

91
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:09,669
All right, then. One, two, three.
Green light.

92
00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:11,834
Red light. Green light.

93
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:13,002
Red light.

94
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:14,836
Brandy, you're out.

95
00:05:14,947 --> 00:05:17,507
Sorry, you have to sleep
with Rob Schneider tonight.

96
00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:21,109
"Making copies." Remember that?

97
00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,380
I was born in 1987.

98
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:25,384
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen...

99
00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:28,324
welcome to the 20th annual
NewPort Regatta.

100
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:30,756
NewPort would like to extend
a sPecial welcome...

101
00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:34,697
to all those here today who have children
stationed overseas in Iraq.

102
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,133
[Laughing] I'm just kidding.

103
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,165
There they are, team Pewterschmidt.

104
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:44,674
Say, where's your husband
or as I call him, "my son-in-lard"?

105
00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:46,337
Snap. Snap.

106
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,480
Oh, I'm sure he'll be along, Daddy.

107
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,843
Ahoy, Mr. Pewterschmidt.

108
00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:52,848
Peter, what the hell are you doing
in my bathtub?

109
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:54,579
Oh, this is not a bathtub.

110
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:57,053
This is the SS Pewterschmidt Kicker.

111
00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:58,145
This is ridiculous.

112
00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:00,748
I won't have a member of my family
racing in a bathtub.

113
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,851
Well, Daddy,
you didn't want Peter in your boat...

114
00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,624
so team Griffin is gonna give you
a run for your money.

115
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,393
ANNOUNCER: And now, to fire
the starting gun...

116
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,594
is recently Paroled Presidential assassin,
John Hinckley.

117
00:06:11,738 --> 00:06:13,501
You fired that gun real nice, John.

118
00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:16,507
Wow, Jodie Foster. Hey, thanks.

119
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:20,238
Maybe I was wrong about you.
Maybe I was wrong about all men.

120
00:06:21,514 --> 00:06:24,074
[Crowd cheering]

121
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,147
We're not going fast enough.

122
00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:30,586
- Loser!
- What did he say?

123
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,447
[Phone ringing]

124
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:34,651
- Hello?
- I said you're a loser.

125
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:36,123
Who is this?

126
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:41,825
There's the finish line.
We can't let him beat us.

127
00:06:41,934 --> 00:06:45,836
We gotta lose some extra weight.
Quick, everyone, take off your clothes.

128
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,505
[Exciting instrumental music]

129
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:52,009
- It's working.
- Just need a little more...

130
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,407
[Screaming and splashing]

131
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,241
We love you, honey.

132
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:02,177
Lois, what the hell were you doing
out there?

133
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:04,552
Not listening to you for once, Daddy...

134
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:05,951
and look what happened.

135
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:07,525
I had a lot of fun.

136
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:10,289
I should've stopped listening to you
a long time ago.

137
00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:12,330
- Let's go home, Peter.
- Right behind you.

138
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,763
Hey, where's Meg?

139
00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:15,634
What is it, sir?

140
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:17,828
That's what we call a manatee, boys...

141
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:20,997
or, in nautical slang, the sea-cow.

142
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,404
Damn these worms. Ow, this itch.

143
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:27,945
Brian, what the hell are you doing?

144
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:31,414
Nothing. Just some Pilates.

145
00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:34,111
Don't lie to me, Brian. I know what this is.

146
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:35,881
You're looking for an ass-race.

147
00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:38,081
First one to the kitchen wins. Go!

148
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:42,788
- Still got the worms, eh?
- Yeah, that stupid medicine's $300.

149
00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,754
Well, let me make you a proposal.

150
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,799
I'll front you the money,
and you pay it off by working for me.

151
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:51,631
Cashscam? Are you kidding? I don't want
anything to do with that pyramid scheme.

152
00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:54,171
- Very well, then. Enjoy your worms.
- Wait. Wait.

153
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,434
What would I have to do?

154
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:59,511
Just be in my room tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.
for orientation.

155
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,239
Until then, keep this in mind.

156
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:05,147
Whether you think you can
or you think you can't, you're right.

157
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:06,716
See you tomorrow.

158
00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:09,214
Hey, everybody. Wait till you see this.

159
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,916
Oh, my God. Movable printed type.

160
00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,582
We must keep this from the serfs
lest they gain literacy...

161
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,025
and threaten the landed gentry.

162
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:19,696
- What you got there, my lord?
- Nothing. Back to your turnips.

163
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,097
Look, it's a picture of us at the Regatta.

164
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:24,362
Wow, Mom. You look pretty.

165
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,995
Thank you, Chris. I thought so, too.

166
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,004
And you know what?
I'm gonna take that chance...

167
00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:31,303
my father never let me take
when I was younger.

168
00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:33,241
I'm gonna become a model.

169
00:08:33,379 --> 00:08:36,837
Hey, that's fantastic, Lois.
And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.

170
00:08:36,949 --> 00:08:38,541
- Me, too.
- Me, too.

171
00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:41,684
Oh, God. Meg, that's sick.

172
00:08:41,821 --> 00:08:43,982
- That's your mother.
- I'm just trying to fit in.

173
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:46,058
Get out. Get out of this house.

174
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:48,025
I said now!

175
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,757
That's good about your modeling, Lois.

176
00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:58,200
Here are your pictures, Lois.
They sure are terrific.

177
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:01,102
Thank you, Mort.
I'm trying to get into modeling.

178
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:04,199
That's great. Oh, hey! Get out of here.

179
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,810
Hey, go on. Get out.

180
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,210
- I didn't hurt anybody.
- Scat, Mister.

181
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:09,975
I know deep down I'm your friend.

182
00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:13,577
That greased-up deaf guy
is going to be the death of me.

183
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:15,779
Like business isn't bad enough already.

184
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,721
Well, gosh, Mort. You ever think
about sending out a mailer?

185
00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:21,952
'Cause I know where you could get
a good deal on a model.

186
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:25,493
- I'm touching on the candy.
- Get out. Get out.

187
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:41,674
What the hell is all this?

188
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:45,148
Oh, Brian, you're here. Good.
Okay, let me give you the rundown.

189
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,479
This is your work area.

190
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,315
Please keep personal knickknacks tasteful.

191
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:52,118
You get 25 minutes for lunch, and...
Enjoy it here.

192
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,520
Welcome aboard.

193
00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:57,855
- Yes?
- It's Brian.

194
00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:00,125
Oh, yes, the new fellow. Come on in.

195
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,934
What exactly am I supposed to do?

196
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:06,037
You'll pick up the phone
and you'll sell, sell, sell.

197
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:08,367
But before you go thinking
it's all seriousness...

198
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:11,500
the first Friday of every month
is Wacky-Tacky-Tie Day...

199
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:16,778
so, you know, start thinking up
some fun tacky ties to wear.

200
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:20,351
Oh, we're done.

201
00:10:23,155 --> 00:10:24,349
Here you go, guys.

202
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,790
Lois, could I be a son of a bitch
and impose on you...

203
00:10:27,893 --> 00:10:29,986
to sign one of your flyers for me.

204
00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:31,961
Of course, Cleveland.

205
00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:34,396
Oh, man.
I can't believe I'm sleeping with a model.

206
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,331
I'm luckier than the State of Rhode Island.

207
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:38,937
Well, I can't decide what to call this place.

208
00:10:39,038 --> 00:10:40,062
We'll flip a coin.

209
00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:43,733
All right. Heads, Rhode Island.
Tails, Ca-ca-poo-poo-pee-pee-shire.

210
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:47,968
Pardon me. Are you Lois Griffin,
the Goldman's Pharmacy girl?

211
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:50,412
Yes, I suppose I am.

212
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:52,711
Karin Parotta, modeling agent.

213
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:56,948
Listen, sugar, I've seen your stuff.
You're a breath of fresh air in my stoma.

214
00:10:57,757 --> 00:11:01,215
I could get you a lot more work
if you sign with my agency.

215
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:04,694
Really? Oh, my God! How exciting.

216
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:06,856
Well, here's my card. Give me a call.

217
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:10,034
Now, perhaps some young gentleman
would like to light me up.

218
00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:11,228
Allow me.

219
00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:14,633
So, what's going on?

220
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,640
You ever get freaky
with that thing or what?

221
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:20,677
STEWIE: [On intercom] Brian, could you
come in here for one second?

222
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,641
Yeah, what is...
[Phone ringing]

223
00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,273
Hang on. Hang on one second.

224
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:27,583
Yes, Grover, what is it?
This has to be quick.

225
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,018
I am so pressed.

226
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,613
Yes, the letter "G" is wonderful.

227
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:33,624
Of course, and the number "6."

228
00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:35,225
Okay. Okay.

229
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:37,818
Grover. Grover. Grover.

230
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:39,894
Grover. Grover.

231
00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:43,465
You know what? If you're gonna shout,
we can just talk later.

232
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,672
Okay. All right, you know what?
Call me back when you calm down.

233
00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:47,739
You wanted something?

234
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,003
Oh, yes. Can you go ahead
and send Lois a congratulatory basket?

235
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:52,099
Thank you.

236
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:54,975
Oh, and if Cookie Monster calls,
tell him I'm not talking to him...

237
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,412
until he gets out of rehab.

238
00:11:57,917 --> 00:11:59,248
Contraband check.

239
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:01,952
- What are these?
- I don't know.

240
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:03,521
What do you mean, you don't know?

241
00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:05,249
I don't know how they got there.

242
00:12:05,357 --> 00:12:06,824
Well, I think you do know.

243
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:11,124
No. No, Derek was in here earlier.
He was making the beds.

244
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,991
He probably put them... I was in the john.

245
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,292
[Yelling]

246
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,333
You guys are Nazis, man.
You're freaking Nazis.

247
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:21,566
[Shushing]

248
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,944
Well, here we are, Lois.
Your first professional photo shoot.

249
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:30,607
Karin, this is so exciting.

250
00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:32,274
Knock them dead, honey.

251
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:35,247
Hey. Peter Griffin. How's it going?

252
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,655
I'm... I'm hitting that.

253
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:41,222
[Upbeat club music]

254
00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:54,597
Hi, is Mr. Donald Nguyen there, please?

255
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,775
And is he the head of the household?

256
00:12:57,877 --> 00:12:59,868
If I can just have a few moments
of your time...

257
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:00,968
Hello?

258
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,208
Oh, Brian, there you are.
Can I talk to you about something?

259
00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:05,283
Yeah, what is it?

260
00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:08,842
That coffee mug you have on your desk
that says, "Life's a beach"...

261
00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:13,456
that's dangerously close
to the word "bitch," isn't it?

262
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,026
Yeah, that's the joke.

263
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:18,187
Absolutely, and nobody
appreciates a joke like Stewie.

264
00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:21,026
And, you know, between you and me,
I think it's a stitch...

265
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,897
but some of the other employees
have found it offensive.

266
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:26,233
Other employees?
Who else works here besides me?

267
00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:27,965
...you. That's who works here!

268
00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:34,169
Dinner's almost ready, kids.

269
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,613
Wow, Lois, look at you.
You're like Britney Spears...

270
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:38,740
except you're not a fat guy.

271
00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:39,818
[Doorbell]

272
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,045
I'll get it.

273
00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:45,245
Dad, how could you be okay with Mom
parading herself around like this?

274
00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:48,292
I mean, she's half-naked.
It makes all women look bad.

275
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,190
Meg, who let you back in the house?

276
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,925
Oh, Karin. Come on in.

277
00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:58,663
Lois, I got your new headshots,
and I set up a shoot for you...

278
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,398
over at Glamour next Monday...

279
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:03,066
but, sugar,
you're gonna need these to stay on top.

280
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:05,643
Diet pills? Karin, I'm not gonna take these.

281
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:06,733
I don't need to.

282
00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:10,848
Lois, sooner or later
every model needs a little boost, huh?

283
00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:13,281
I just wanna make sure
you got everything you need.

284
00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:15,216
- Hey, you like Pez?
- Sure.

285
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:24,929
Hey, who's putting together a puzzle?
'Cause I just found a hot piece.

286
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,057
Wow. Lois, you look great.

287
00:14:28,167 --> 00:14:31,068
I'd like to split you in half
like a piece of lumber.

288
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:32,330
Thank you, Glenn.

289
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:35,339
Yeah, Lois.
I'd like to wear you like a hockey mask.

290
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,965
You guys!

291
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,373
Okay, easy, fellas.

292
00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:42,675
Lois, I'd like to make
a caramel-colored baby with you.

293
00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:43,873
Take it easy, Cleveland.

294
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:45,211
Take your jacket off.

295
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:49,083
Jacket off. Jacket off. Jacket off.

296
00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:51,019
All right. All right. That's it. That's enough.

297
00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:52,249
Peter, what are you doing?

298
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:54,952
Lois, if you being a model
means you're going to be eye-candy...

299
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,823
for the whole town,
then I ain't going for it.

300
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:59,796
Excuse me?
Who do you think you are, my father?

301
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,389
Lois, I think Meg was right.

302
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:04,264
Lowering yourself and women
and something and all that noise.

303
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,429
You can't stop me from modeling, Peter.

304
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:08,062
This is important to me.

305
00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:12,473
I am going to the top, and there's nothing
you or anyone else can do about it.

306
00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:15,510
Who the hell does he think he is?

307
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:17,681
[Luring instrumental music]

308
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:25,155
[Cookie Monster clearing throat]

309
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,153
Come on. Come on.

310
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,588
Go away!

311
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:37,468
[From TV] We now return to...

312
00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:38,536
Mmm-mmmh.

313
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,996
Mmm-hmmm.

314
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,433
Mmm-hmmmh.

315
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:43,642
Mmm-hmmm.

316
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:46,312
[Laugh track from TV show]

317
00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:46,835
[Laugh track from TV show]

318
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:48,777
Hey, there, sweetie.

319
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,974
I got a wax this morning,
and let's just say...

320
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:53,210
- you're cleared for landing, huh?
- Giggidy!

321
00:15:53,319 --> 00:15:54,809
Lois, what the hell's up with you lately?

322
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,184
You're acting all weird,
and you're staying out all night.

323
00:15:57,289 --> 00:16:00,850
I was just out with some of the girls,
and you're not gonna believe this.

324
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,020
I got invited to a Vogue magazine party.

325
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:08,425
That guest list is more exclusive
than the Garden of Eden.

326
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:11,901
So, basically, you can eat from
any tree you want, except this one.

327
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:12,971
Can we sit underneath it?

328
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,830
You know,
I would just not go near it at all.

329
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:22,508
Brian, thanks for showing up so promptly
for your quarterly evaluation.

330
00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:25,811
Now, then. I'm going to do something
I call the compliment sandwich...

331
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:28,944
where I say something good, then talk
about where you need improvement...

332
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,487
and then end with something good.

333
00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:31,749
Whatever you gotta do.

334
00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:33,188
Okay.

335
00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:36,056
Let's see. Something good.
Something good. Something good.

336
00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:39,729
You look like Snoopy,
and it makes me smile.

337
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:42,362
Where you need improvement.

338
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:44,827
You have smelly dog farts.

339
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,062
Something good. Something good.

340
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:50,833
You really dazzled that rep
from the Cincinnati office last week.

341
00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:55,436
That is sensational. You really made me
feel confident about those numbers.

342
00:16:55,547 --> 00:16:57,708
Listen, if you're ever looking
for a change of scenery...

343
00:16:57,816 --> 00:17:00,444
we could sure use
a fellow like you in Cincinnati.

344
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,213
- That was you in disguise.
- No, it wasn't.

345
00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:03,288
- Yes, it was.
- No, it wasn't.

346
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,084
- Fine, it wasn't.
- It was.

347
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,552
Mr. Pewterschmidt, I need your help.

348
00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:11,094
Lois is out of control.

349
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:14,723
I mean, she's acting crazier than I did
that time I tried Ecstasy.

350
00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:21,332
Oh, Brian, your fur is so soft.

351
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,372
Oh, your ears.

352
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,505
Your ears are like dog ears.

353
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:31,107
Oh, this couch.

354
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,752
[Stretching noises]

355
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:37,888
Stewie, your head is so smooth.

356
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:41,425
How is that even... How you doing that?

357
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:43,158
How you doing that?

358
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:46,830
Oh! Everything here is fantastic.

359
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:53,002
Oh, these clothes.

360
00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:55,632
[Making happy mumbling noises]

361
00:18:06,151 --> 00:18:08,016
I'm really worried about her,
Mr. Pewterschmidt...

362
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,214
and I figured I'd come to you since
you were always good at reeling her in.

363
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:13,757
Well, Lois was always a wild stallion...

364
00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:15,759
but don't worry.
I know how to control her.

365
00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:16,987
And I'll help you...

366
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,428
but first, you have to do something for me.

367
00:18:19,531 --> 00:18:20,793
Eat this pine cone.

368
00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:23,231
- Well...
- Eat it. It will amuse me.

369
00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:27,662
- How is it? How does it taste?
- It's awful.

370
00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:29,706
- Finish it. Eat it.
- I hate it.

371
00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:31,639
Eat it. Eat it. Swallow it.

372
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:34,303
- It hurts.
- This is for Lois. Go on.

373
00:18:34,413 --> 00:18:38,042
- It hurts!
- Good.

374
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:39,378
- All right. We good to go?
- Yup.

375
00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:43,913
[Loud club music]

376
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,219
All right, how's my man-tan?

377
00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:47,553
There we go. All set.

378
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:49,786
Good. A little body glitter for you.

379
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:53,463
Yeah. Yeah. That's hot. That's hot.
All right, let's do this.

380
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,833
- What are you doing? Like... obvious.
- Shut up.

381
00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:58,459
Check out these ribs, Lois.

382
00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:00,561
Oh, yeah? That's nothing.

383
00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:02,865
Go ahead. Try them out.

384
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,743
[Ribs sounding like a xylophone]

385
00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:09,503
Hey, not bad.

386
00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:10,604
[Screaming]

387
00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:12,215
[Mumbling]

388
00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:18,621
- You see Jimmy Smits in there?
- Yeah.

389
00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:19,816
Yeah, that was cool.

390
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:23,556
So, what did you wanna see me about?

391
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:26,631
You know, Brian, there was a note
in the suggestion box that says:

392
00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:29,166
"Stewie should eat a steaming bag of..."

393
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:32,627
Well, I'm not gonna say the last word,
but I think you know what it is.

394
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:36,504
Look, Brian, a corporation
is a lot like a centipede.

395
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:40,378
It only works if all the legs are moving
toward the same end.

396
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,913
And you know what you are, Brian?

397
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,915
- You're a busted leg.
- What?

398
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:46,417
Are you firing me?

399
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,782
Don't think about coming back
and shooting up the place...

400
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:50,184
because security has your picture.

401
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,321
What the hell are you guys doing?

402
00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:57,554
You're not leaving this room until
you agree to stop this modeling thing...

403
00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:58,652
once and for all.

404
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:00,561
This isn't gonna work, you guys.

405
00:20:00,666 --> 00:20:03,567
Why can't you understand
I'm doing what I want?

406
00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:05,534
Jeez, Carter, what are we doing?

407
00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:07,901
I mean, if Lois wants to be a model...

408
00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:09,767
we don't got any right to stop her.

409
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,036
You really mean that, Peter?

410
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:14,612
Of course, I do.
I just want you to be happy.

411
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,181
This is ridiculous.
No daughter of mine is going to be happy.

412
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:19,750
Excuse me, Carter. I think I owe you this.

413
00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:22,819
That's for giving me a book last Christmas.

414
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:24,388
You're rich, you jerk.

415
00:20:24,489 --> 00:20:28,220
Well, Lois, I guess you should go ahead
and get back to your party.

416
00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:30,150
What's wrong?

417
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:33,254
Aren't you gonna go do your little turn
on the catwalk, Lois?

418
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:34,525
On the catwalk?

419
00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:36,123
Yeah, on the catwalk?

420
00:20:36,335 --> 00:20:37,996
Do your little turn on the catwalk?

421
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:40,037
Well, now that you say
you're fine with it...

422
00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:43,369
to be honest, I'm not really sure
I wanna do it anymore.

423
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:47,040
I think all I really wanted
was the freedom to know I could...

424
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,576
and now I have it because I have you.

425
00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:51,342
You sure do, Lois.

426
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,718
What are we gonna do with him?

427
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,748
Hey, you wanna make him
really mad, Lois?

428
00:20:56,855 --> 00:20:59,346
Let's have sex on his back like we used to.

429
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:01,356
[Groaning]

430
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:03,189
CARTER: What the hell's going on?

431
00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:05,625
[Screaming with disgust]

432
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:06,755
[Crashing]