1
00:00:32,340 --> 00:00:34,180
We now return to JAG.
2
00:00:34,260 --> 00:00:36,260
Harm, I found that evidence we need.
3
00:00:36,380 --> 00:00:39,020
Now we can finally clear
that Chief Petty Officer of all charges.
4
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,340
Oh, what's the point?
5
00:00:40,460 --> 00:00:41,796
Does anybody even watch this show?
6
00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:43,460
Well, yeah, old people.
7
00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,340
I mean, they don't really pay attention.
8
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,140
They just like the noise and the company.
9
00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:48,740
Hey, how you doing?
10
00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:50,580
How's that hip doing there?
11
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:52,780
Remember the '40s?
12
00:00:57,300 --> 00:00:58,500
Hey, everybody.
13
00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,020
I'm just here to let y'all know that
14
00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:02,380
movie night's been moved to Joe's place.
15
00:01:02,460 --> 00:01:04,420
What? But we always do it here.
16
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,660
Movie night at
the Griffin house is a tradition.
17
00:01:06,740 --> 00:01:10,340
Yeah, but Joe just
finished putting in his new home theater.
18
00:01:10,420 --> 00:01:12,300
It's gonna be tight, y'all.
19
00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:17,701
Oh, my God, Joe, how did you do this?
20
00:01:17,821 --> 00:01:21,141
I built it myself with supplies I got
at the Home Supply downtown.
21
00:01:21,261 --> 00:01:24,261
Between you and me, I think
Joe's got a little free time these days.
22
00:01:24,341 --> 00:01:26,301
I hear he hasn't touched Bonnie in months.
23
00:01:26,381 --> 00:01:28,421
Peter, you just whispered that to me.
24
00:01:28,501 --> 00:01:29,501
Shh. Here he is.
25
00:01:29,581 --> 00:01:31,821
Joe, what a great job you've done here.
26
00:01:31,901 --> 00:01:33,861
All right, let's get this started.
27
00:01:36,021 --> 00:01:38,781
Thank you for choosing
Joe Swanson Theaters.
28
00:01:57,261 --> 00:01:59,981
Rocky, please don't go to Mars
and fight the Martian.
29
00:02:00,101 --> 00:02:01,741
I got to do what I got to do.
30
00:02:01,861 --> 00:02:03,781
But there's no oxygen on Mars.
31
00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:06,581
Yeah? That means
there's no oxygen for him, either.
32
00:02:06,701 --> 00:02:08,661
That Martian wants a fight,
he'll get a fight.
33
00:02:08,781 --> 00:02:12,021
You can't win, Rock! You're 60 years old!
34
00:02:12,141 --> 00:02:14,621
Hey, look what Rocky
bought me with his money.
35
00:02:17,781 --> 00:02:19,461
Freaking Joe with his home theater.
36
00:02:19,581 --> 00:02:21,221
Has to top everything I do.
37
00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,181
Well, tomorrow
I'm gonna go to that Home Supply
38
00:02:23,301 --> 00:02:25,221
and I'm gonna build an entire multiplex.
39
00:02:25,301 --> 00:02:28,101
Well, let's just hope it looks
better than that balcony you built.
40
00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:30,821
Boy, that was a great episode of Lost.
Wasn't it, fellows?
41
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,597
Well, at least the show's
got the right name.
42
00:02:32,621 --> 00:02:34,061
Yeah, I couldn't follow any of it.
43
00:02:35,901 --> 00:02:38,181
They don't care for most things.
44
00:02:44,501 --> 00:02:45,741
- Can I help you?
- Yeah.
45
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:46,901
Uh, I hate my neighbor,
46
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:48,942
and I want to build something
crazy out of spite.
47
00:02:49,062 --> 00:02:50,878
Well, I'll take you
to our One-Upsmanship aisle.
48
00:02:50,902 --> 00:02:52,622
Man, this place has everything.
49
00:02:52,742 --> 00:02:55,062
I bet you can even get
one of those gay mailboxes.
50
00:02:55,182 --> 00:02:57,622
Hello, hello! Right here.
Yeah, just right here.
51
00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,078
Just go ahead and put that right in here.
52
00:02:59,102 --> 00:03:00,582
Yeah. Gulp.
53
00:03:00,662 --> 00:03:01,742
Just kidding.
54
00:03:01,862 --> 00:03:02,902
Uh, pardon me.
55
00:03:03,022 --> 00:03:04,582
I just bought a rottweiler and I need
56
00:03:04,702 --> 00:03:06,822
a sign to warn people how dangerous it is.
57
00:03:06,942 --> 00:03:08,102
Well, we have exactly what...
58
00:03:08,182 --> 00:03:10,742
Ah, yes, here it is, "One way."
59
00:03:10,862 --> 00:03:13,622
So people will know
if they step into my yard,
60
00:03:13,742 --> 00:03:15,502
there's only one way out.
61
00:03:15,622 --> 00:03:18,782
In a body bag from dog injuries.
62
00:03:18,862 --> 00:03:20,142
Good day, ma'am.
63
00:03:21,622 --> 00:03:23,782
This'll teach Joe to steal my movie night.
64
00:03:23,862 --> 00:03:25,902
I'm gonna have my own multiplex theater.
65
00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:28,582
I haven't been this excited
since I learned how to speak Braille.
66
00:03:28,662 --> 00:03:31,422
Hey, bump, bump, no bump, bump,
67
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,382
three vertical bumps,
four bumps and a square.
68
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:36,662
Yeah, I've heard they all look alike.
69
00:03:39,422 --> 00:03:41,062
Hey, look what I found.
70
00:03:41,142 --> 00:03:43,502
Wow, authentic Native American remains.
71
00:03:43,622 --> 00:03:45,182
Peter, I'd put that back if I were you.
72
00:03:45,222 --> 00:03:47,022
You may be disturbing a sacred burial site.
73
00:03:47,142 --> 00:03:48,582
Hey, look, it's Robin Williams.
74
00:03:49,742 --> 00:03:51,182
Black preacher voice.
75
00:03:51,902 --> 00:03:53,302
Gay Elmer Fudd.
76
00:03:55,022 --> 00:03:57,582
The more you hear it, the funnier it gets.
77
00:04:01,102 --> 00:04:03,182
Want some more peas,
Chief Diamond Phillips?
78
00:04:03,302 --> 00:04:05,518
Peter, I really think you should
put that back where you found it.
79
00:04:05,542 --> 00:04:06,678
You know, Brian, I really don't think
80
00:04:06,702 --> 00:04:07,958
you should breast-feed the skull.
81
00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,062
Uh, I'm not breast-feeding.
82
00:04:09,102 --> 00:04:10,398
All right, fine. God, you're pushy.
83
00:04:10,422 --> 00:04:12,422
Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck.
84
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,358
- Hey, cut it out!
- So many nipples. Suck, suck, suck.
85
00:04:14,382 --> 00:04:16,278
- Knock it off!
- Oh, I'm Brian. I'm having sustenance.
86
00:04:16,302 --> 00:04:17,719
- What's wrong with you?
- Look at me, everybody.
87
00:04:17,743 --> 00:04:20,503
I'm breast-feeding in public
even though it's wrong.
88
00:04:21,863 --> 00:04:25,663
And now
back to 1943's Fast Talking High Trousers.
89
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,159
Well, isn't this a fine song and dance?
90
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,759
- What are you getting so hot about?
- Keep your shirt on.
91
00:04:28,783 --> 00:04:29,879
Where do you get off
making remarks like that?
92
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,039
Supposing I say you're a lunkhead?
93
00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:32,199
Well, I ain't much for supposing.
94
00:04:32,223 --> 00:04:34,119
- Well, supposing you were?
- Well, maybe I'm through supposing
95
00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:35,679
- and I fix to start figuring.
- Ah, horseradish.
96
00:04:35,703 --> 00:04:37,079
Well, aren't you
a pocketful of firecrackers?
97
00:04:37,103 --> 00:04:38,199
Oh, yeah?
You got something to say about it?
98
00:04:38,223 --> 00:04:39,223
I'll say plenty.
99
00:04:39,303 --> 00:04:41,103
I can't wait to see the expression
100
00:04:41,183 --> 00:04:43,143
on Joe's legs when I open my multiplex.
101
00:04:43,263 --> 00:04:46,063
I have to say I'm a little concerned
about the zoning for...
102
00:04:46,183 --> 00:04:48,343
Peter, are you peeing in that skull?
103
00:04:48,463 --> 00:04:50,063
No, Lois, I'm getting up and walking
104
00:04:50,183 --> 00:04:52,623
all the way to the bathroom
and doing it there.
105
00:04:52,743 --> 00:04:54,023
Pain in the ass.
106
00:05:11,423 --> 00:05:13,263
This concludes our broadcast day.
107
00:05:13,343 --> 00:05:14,983
The only time of the day I get to try out
108
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:17,063
my Fred Schneider B-52's voice.
109
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:20,463
Now try to get some sleep out there.
110
00:05:20,983 --> 00:05:22,943
Not bad. Getting better.
111
00:05:42,183 --> 00:05:43,343
Yeah.
112
00:05:43,903 --> 00:05:45,103
Uh-huh.
113
00:05:45,903 --> 00:05:47,344
I don't know.
114
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,544
I don't know.
115
00:05:50,024 --> 00:05:51,144
Oh, you didn't see it?
116
00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:52,784
Uh, Ross and Rachel got back together.
117
00:05:52,824 --> 00:05:54,224
It wasn't that great.
118
00:06:11,864 --> 00:06:13,744
- Holy crap!
- What the hell was that?
119
00:06:13,864 --> 00:06:16,064
Stewie, what are you doing?
120
00:06:16,144 --> 00:06:17,864
They're here.
121
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:18,944
Who's here?
122
00:06:19,024 --> 00:06:20,224
The TV people.
123
00:06:20,304 --> 00:06:22,584
What? No, they did a spin-off.
124
00:06:22,704 --> 00:06:26,504
Um, he's still playing Joey,
but, uh, it's not doing so well.
125
00:06:35,744 --> 00:06:38,784
Uh, Lois, have you noticed
some spooky things going on
126
00:06:38,864 --> 00:06:40,864
ever since Peter
brought that skull into the house?
127
00:06:40,904 --> 00:06:42,424
No. What are you talking about?
128
00:06:42,544 --> 00:06:44,824
Well, like the whole
business last night with the TV.
129
00:06:44,944 --> 00:06:47,144
I'm just saying,
maybe we have a poltergeist.
130
00:06:47,264 --> 00:06:49,824
Brian, there's no such thing as ghosts.
It's all just...
131
00:06:51,584 --> 00:06:54,664
Oh, I must have accidentally stacked
all those things upside down
132
00:06:54,784 --> 00:06:56,424
and then just forgot about it.
133
00:06:56,544 --> 00:06:58,184
Yeah, that's probably what happened.
134
00:06:58,264 --> 00:06:59,744
I haven't seen this much denial
135
00:06:59,824 --> 00:07:01,824
since John Travolta married Kelly Preston.
136
00:07:01,904 --> 00:07:04,224
John, do you take Kelly to be your wife?
137
00:07:04,304 --> 00:07:07,464
I totally do. I mean, yeah, yes.
Absolutely.
138
00:07:07,584 --> 00:07:10,904
And I'm going to do
stuff to her, too, like, touch her.
139
00:07:11,184 --> 00:07:13,864
Yeah, touch her and, uh, kiss her
140
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,504
and touch her penis.
141
00:07:15,624 --> 00:07:17,425
I mean, no, not that. Not that.
142
00:07:22,585 --> 00:07:23,745
Good night, buddy.
143
00:07:23,825 --> 00:07:24,945
Hey, what's the matter?
144
00:07:25,065 --> 00:07:27,025
I'm scared of the storm, Dad.
145
00:07:27,145 --> 00:07:29,561
Why, you know, I think the storm is
moving away from us, Chris.
146
00:07:29,585 --> 00:07:30,585
You know how I can tell?
147
00:07:30,665 --> 00:07:31,665
Here's a little trick.
148
00:07:31,745 --> 00:07:34,505
When you see the lightning,
you count all the terrible things
149
00:07:34,585 --> 00:07:37,305
that can happen to a child,
until you hear the thunder.
150
00:07:37,425 --> 00:07:38,945
And if you count higher each time,
151
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,641
you know the storm is
moving away from you.
152
00:07:40,665 --> 00:07:42,065
- Okay, ready?
- Ready.
153
00:07:43,025 --> 00:07:44,705
Okay. Drowning.
154
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,505
Getting shot in a drive-by.
155
00:07:46,665 --> 00:07:48,425
Lyme disease from a deer tick.
156
00:07:48,585 --> 00:07:50,385
Good, good. Getting stabbed in the face.
157
00:07:50,465 --> 00:07:51,505
Getting shot in the face.
158
00:07:51,625 --> 00:07:52,681
Shot in the face. There you go.
159
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:55,745
I see you're kind
of stealing mine, but it's okay. Leukemia.
160
00:07:55,825 --> 00:07:57,985
Having a mosquito bite you on your scab.
161
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:00,145
Oh! There's your thunder.
162
00:08:00,185 --> 00:08:01,705
Okay, let's try again.
163
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:04,625
Okay. Swallowing
a razor blade accidentally.
164
00:08:05,745 --> 00:08:07,305
Oh, crap! It's getting closer.
165
00:08:08,145 --> 00:08:10,025
Okay, okay, try to think
of a happy place to be.
166
00:08:10,065 --> 00:08:11,225
Happy place. Uh...
167
00:08:11,345 --> 00:08:13,825
Okay, okay, I'm on MTV's Jackass.
168
00:08:13,945 --> 00:08:15,425
Hey, I'm Stewie Griffin,
169
00:08:15,505 --> 00:08:18,425
and I'm going to be kicking
my dad's ass all day today.
170
00:08:21,945 --> 00:08:24,985
What the hell? Stewie, stop, stop!
171
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,905
Knock it off! Knock it...
172
00:08:28,105 --> 00:08:29,305
Come on!
173
00:08:29,745 --> 00:08:31,265
Come on, Stewie.
174
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,745
You're acting crazy out there, man.
175
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:39,625
No!
176
00:08:40,305 --> 00:08:44,865
I haven't seen anything suck this much
since I Heart Huckabees.
177
00:09:03,866 --> 00:09:04,946
Propane.
178
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,826
I wish that scary-looking clown
179
00:09:07,906 --> 00:09:10,026
at the end of my bed would go away.
180
00:09:19,506 --> 00:09:23,146
Hey, skinny britches.
That there is my man.
181
00:09:23,346 --> 00:09:26,306
Why don't you pick on someone
your own size?
182
00:09:29,266 --> 00:09:31,906
You shall not pass.
183
00:10:01,386 --> 00:10:04,866
Stewie? Oh, my God, Stewie,
honey, where are you?
184
00:10:05,426 --> 00:10:06,986
Peter, I can't find him anywhere.
185
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,266
Mommy?
186
00:10:08,386 --> 00:10:10,506
Stewie? Where are you?
187
00:10:10,706 --> 00:10:12,666
Look behind you, you stupid cow!
188
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,026
Stewie?
189
00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:16,226
Oh, my God! What's happening?
190
00:10:16,346 --> 00:10:18,907
Oh, wait, hold on a second.
I want to try something.
191
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:42,307
Thank you for coming.
192
00:10:42,387 --> 00:10:44,427
We've never hired
a spiritual medium before,
193
00:10:44,507 --> 00:10:46,587
but I'll do anything to get my baby back.
194
00:10:46,707 --> 00:10:48,803
You know, Peter, we wouldn't have to be
messing around with ghosts
195
00:10:48,827 --> 00:10:50,987
if you hadn't desecrated
those Indian remains.
196
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,347
Probably a bad time to mention
197
00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:54,147
I'm wearing the skull as an athletic cup.
198
00:10:54,227 --> 00:10:56,907
Okay, let's talk to some spirits.
199
00:10:57,107 --> 00:10:58,827
Hey, how y'all ghosts doing?
200
00:10:59,027 --> 00:11:01,907
Y'all got a little friend of ours
named Stewart up there.
201
00:11:02,027 --> 00:11:04,667
We was just wondering
if you could send him back.
202
00:11:04,947 --> 00:11:05,947
Uh-huh.
203
00:11:06,547 --> 00:11:08,187
Well, yes, but I...
204
00:11:08,307 --> 00:11:11,427
Well, I don't see how
that's anybody's business but my own.
205
00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,107
Well, how about you and my father
206
00:11:13,227 --> 00:11:14,667
go and hang out at the gun range
207
00:11:14,787 --> 00:11:16,307
some afternoon and you can spend
208
00:11:16,427 --> 00:11:18,387
the whole day just
agreeing with each other.
209
00:11:18,507 --> 00:11:20,507
What are they saying?
Is my baby all right?
210
00:11:20,627 --> 00:11:22,347
They said that your baby had entered
211
00:11:22,467 --> 00:11:24,427
their world through the closet upstairs,
212
00:11:24,507 --> 00:11:27,427
and that the exit is...
Well, I don't know how else to say this,
213
00:11:27,507 --> 00:11:29,747
but the exit is your daughter's bum.
214
00:11:29,907 --> 00:11:31,267
Meg's ass!
215
00:11:31,347 --> 00:11:33,387
God, this is even weirder
than when Bob Costas
216
00:11:33,507 --> 00:11:36,907
insisted on getting into the tub with me
every time I took a bath.
217
00:11:37,307 --> 00:11:38,947
Ah, this will be relaxing.
218
00:11:39,107 --> 00:11:41,507
Hello again, Peter,
and this is gonna be great.
219
00:11:41,587 --> 00:11:44,467
We can talk sports
and we can play with your tub toys.
220
00:11:45,107 --> 00:11:47,988
Yeah, listen, Bob, this is kind of my time.
221
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,708
Ah, a miniature boat.
And if I'm not mistaken,
222
00:11:50,828 --> 00:11:52,708
it's a replica of the Gretel II,
223
00:11:52,788 --> 00:11:56,348
which lost
the America's Cup to Intrepid in 1973.
224
00:11:56,468 --> 00:11:58,948
Yeah, uh, I'm going to dry off now.
225
00:11:59,068 --> 00:12:00,948
Peter,
now that you're getting out of the tub,
226
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:02,748
what will you miss most?
227
00:12:05,428 --> 00:12:06,828
You ready down there?
228
00:12:06,908 --> 00:12:08,228
Okay, Meg, if this works,
229
00:12:08,308 --> 00:12:10,508
then we might
just have a chance at getting Stewie back.
230
00:12:10,548 --> 00:12:11,788
- Are you ready?
- No.
231
00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:12,868
Ready!
232
00:12:12,948 --> 00:12:14,188
Okay, here we go.
233
00:12:15,988 --> 00:12:16,988
Got it!
234
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,828
Cool! Ass ball!
235
00:12:18,908 --> 00:12:20,108
Peter, it worked!
236
00:12:20,228 --> 00:12:22,348
We found the portal to the other side.
237
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:26,108
Peter, what the hell
are you doing up there?
238
00:12:26,228 --> 00:12:27,908
We're gonna get those terrorists.
239
00:12:27,988 --> 00:12:29,668
Now watch this drive.
240
00:12:31,828 --> 00:12:35,908
Stewie? Stewie, if you can hear me,
head for Meg's butt!
241
00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:37,868
Have you lost your mind?
242
00:12:37,948 --> 00:12:39,628
And, Lois, get ready to laugh.
243
00:12:39,748 --> 00:12:41,228
Get ready to laugh.
244
00:12:41,868 --> 00:12:44,428
Gee, must've taken
a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
245
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:52,428
Are you sure
Stewie can find his way out?
246
00:12:52,508 --> 00:12:54,628
We just got to be patient, Lois.
247
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:57,108
Like waiting on the
results of a blood test.
248
00:12:57,268 --> 00:12:59,868
A real important blood test.
249
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,828
Will I ever see
my baby brother again?
250
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,948
Only if he can find his way
into the light, Chris.
251
00:13:06,108 --> 00:13:08,508
For some people, it's easier than others.
252
00:13:08,668 --> 00:13:11,348
Some people just get lost
on the way to the light.
253
00:13:11,628 --> 00:13:13,668
They're walking along, they stop and say,
254
00:13:13,748 --> 00:13:15,748
"Oh, is that a new restaurant?"
255
00:13:15,988 --> 00:13:17,749
"That place must've just opened up
256
00:13:17,869 --> 00:13:21,029
"'cause I remember there was
another place there a few weeks ago.
257
00:13:21,109 --> 00:13:24,749
"I went in there once and there was a guy
with a harelip eating soup,
258
00:13:24,829 --> 00:13:25,869
"and I was like...
259
00:13:26,989 --> 00:13:29,429
"It wasn't the restaurant's fault, I know.
260
00:13:29,549 --> 00:13:31,629
"But I still never went back there.
261
00:13:31,829 --> 00:13:34,629
"I mean, I guess there's only, like,
a one in 50 chance
262
00:13:34,709 --> 00:13:37,389
"of me getting the same spoon that he had,
263
00:13:37,509 --> 00:13:39,629
"but I still don't like them odds."
264
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,309
Oh, I can't bear this anymore!
265
00:13:44,429 --> 00:13:46,509
If Stewie can't find
his way out of Meg's ass,
266
00:13:46,589 --> 00:13:49,349
we have to enter
the other realm and get him ourselves.
267
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,149
Lois, I told you it ain't safe.
268
00:13:51,229 --> 00:13:52,509
I'll tell you what's not safe.
269
00:13:52,629 --> 00:13:54,069
Going hunting with Dick Cheney.
270
00:13:54,189 --> 00:13:55,949
So, you all set to go hunting?
271
00:14:02,269 --> 00:14:04,189
Sorry, I thought you were a deer.
272
00:14:06,069 --> 00:14:07,269
Be careful, Lois.
273
00:14:07,349 --> 00:14:08,509
I will, Peter.
274
00:14:16,509 --> 00:14:18,269
I don't feel anything!
275
00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:21,629
Now she knows how I felt
when I was at her piano recital.
276
00:14:22,869 --> 00:14:24,549
No, you're doing fine, Meg.
277
00:14:25,669 --> 00:14:27,789
Oh, Stewie, you're all right!
278
00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:29,469
Oh, thank God you guys are...
279
00:14:29,589 --> 00:14:30,669
You're covered in slime.
280
00:14:30,749 --> 00:14:33,549
This must be how
Tom Arnold felt on his wedding night.
281
00:14:36,069 --> 00:14:38,029
Holy crap! Let's get out of here.
282
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,189
Wait a minute. Where's Meg?
283
00:14:42,269 --> 00:14:43,325
- I don't know.
- I didn't see her.
284
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:45,509
Yeah, I kind of thought
you guys would attend to that.
285
00:14:45,589 --> 00:14:47,646
- Peter, you got to go back and get her.
- Oh, yeah, right.
286
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:49,350
- Like I'm going back for Meg.
- Peter!
287
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,150
Lois, damn it, we both agreed, remember?
288
00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:52,910
If we could only save two, we leave Meg.
289
00:14:53,030 --> 00:14:54,670
- I know, but...
- You bastard!
290
00:14:54,750 --> 00:14:56,230
How could you leave me in there?
291
00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,510
She's... Okay, see? It resolved itself.
292
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,710
Oh, I forgot one thing.
293
00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:13,270
So, no hard feelings?
294
00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:15,190
No, no, let's just put it all behind us.
295
00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:17,430
You wanna come over
for some tea and cookies?
296
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:18,550
Sure.
297
00:15:19,110 --> 00:15:22,590
Are you a giving tree or a receiving tree?
298
00:15:26,710 --> 00:15:27,750
A bit of breaking news.
299
00:15:27,830 --> 00:15:30,470
A local family is forced
out of their home by ghosts.
300
00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:31,950
Who are they gonna call?
301
00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:33,190
Ghostbusters, Tom?
302
00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:35,190
No, Diane, their insurance company.
303
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,750
That's just stupid what you said.
304
00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:40,270
And now back to Disney's
Too Many Ostriches starring Don Knotts.
305
00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,950
There's way too many ostriches.
306
00:15:43,350 --> 00:15:45,750
Why are there so many ostriches?
307
00:15:46,310 --> 00:15:49,670
The brochure said
there'd only be a few ostriches.
308
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:52,550
This is a terrible vacation!
309
00:15:55,030 --> 00:15:56,710
So, what was it like on the other side?
310
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,230
Well, I met Jesus up there.
311
00:15:58,310 --> 00:15:59,310
Wow, what's he like?
312
00:15:59,350 --> 00:16:00,990
Uh, believe it or not, he's Chinese.
313
00:16:01,110 --> 00:16:03,150
- Really?
- Yup, Jesus is Chinese.
314
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:06,190
In fact, his last name is Hong. Jesus Hong.
315
00:16:06,390 --> 00:16:09,070
Says he has no idea
where people are getting Christ.
316
00:16:09,150 --> 00:16:11,750
Quagmire, you got to help us.
We pissed off a bunch of ghosts,
317
00:16:11,830 --> 00:16:14,110
and now our house is gone
and we got no place to stay.
318
00:16:14,230 --> 00:16:15,750
Uh, Peter, this is not the best time.
319
00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:17,351
Glenn, are you coming?
320
00:16:17,431 --> 00:16:18,751
Yeah, honey, I'll be right there.
321
00:16:18,871 --> 00:16:20,671
I'll be right there.
322
00:16:20,791 --> 00:16:22,047
Peter, I'm really slammed right now.
323
00:16:22,071 --> 00:16:23,247
Can you give me the short version?
324
00:16:23,271 --> 00:16:26,111
Uh, what's, uh... What's going on in there?
325
00:16:26,231 --> 00:16:27,231
Nothing.
326
00:16:30,391 --> 00:16:32,471
So, uh, as you can see, my family's here.
327
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:34,431
And, uh it's game night.
328
00:16:34,871 --> 00:16:36,151
We're playing...
329
00:16:36,791 --> 00:16:37,791
Sex.
330
00:16:42,391 --> 00:16:44,191
A soup kitchen, Dad?
331
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,151
Isn't there any other place we can go?
332
00:16:46,231 --> 00:16:47,231
We're homeless, Meg.
333
00:16:47,351 --> 00:16:48,791
This is where homeless people go.
334
00:16:48,911 --> 00:16:50,831
Well, it'll just be good
to get some food in us.
335
00:16:50,911 --> 00:16:52,991
Hi, welcome to the soup kitchen.
336
00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:54,711
I'll just start you off with this basket
337
00:16:54,791 --> 00:16:56,551
of pizza crusts and apple cores.
338
00:16:56,631 --> 00:16:58,551
Oh, and we do have one special today.
339
00:16:58,631 --> 00:17:01,831
It's an avocado pit
with a little bit of avocado still on it,
340
00:17:01,911 --> 00:17:04,111
and that comes
on a ripped pair of boxer shorts.
341
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:05,831
Now, I'm trying to decide between
342
00:17:05,911 --> 00:17:07,791
the tossed spaghetti on a newspaper
343
00:17:07,871 --> 00:17:10,591
and the half yogurt
with the balled-up tissue in it.
344
00:17:14,191 --> 00:17:16,751
Hi, there. Do you have any books
on how to get rid of ghosts?
345
00:17:16,871 --> 00:17:19,951
Have you tried telling them
you're ready for a commitment?
346
00:17:22,711 --> 00:17:24,711
Oh, like a relationship.
347
00:17:24,791 --> 00:17:25,791
Exactly.
348
00:17:25,831 --> 00:17:27,791
That'll send them running, huh?
349
00:17:29,751 --> 00:17:31,311
I like her.
350
00:17:33,751 --> 00:17:35,711
Here you go. Maybe this'll help.
351
00:17:38,711 --> 00:17:39,751
All right, here it is.
352
00:17:39,831 --> 00:17:43,791
"To vanquish poltergeists,
one must restore all disturbed remains
353
00:17:43,871 --> 00:17:45,511
"to their original resting places."
354
00:17:45,591 --> 00:17:48,832
So all we got to do is
bring the skull back home and bury it.
355
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,272
What are you doing?
356
00:17:50,392 --> 00:17:52,472
You said you
were using the skull as an athletic cup.
357
00:17:52,552 --> 00:17:55,112
I was, but don't you remember,
I threw it in the garbage?
358
00:17:55,192 --> 00:17:56,312
Oh.
359
00:17:56,432 --> 00:17:58,672
- So, you're not wearing it now?
- No.
360
00:17:58,752 --> 00:18:00,952
That's, uh, pretty much
just me you're grabbing.
361
00:18:01,072 --> 00:18:03,752
That's how my old scoutmaster
shakes hands.
362
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:05,568
Boy, this is more awkward than
that threesome
363
00:18:05,592 --> 00:18:07,392
when the girl didn't show up.
364
00:18:07,832 --> 00:18:10,552
So, uh, you definitely
left her a voicemail?
365
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:11,592
Yeah. Two.
366
00:18:11,672 --> 00:18:13,568
- Home and cell.
- Oh, good, you got the cell, too.
367
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:15,392
Okay, I was gonna say.
368
00:18:24,632 --> 00:18:25,952
Ew! That is vile.
369
00:18:26,072 --> 00:18:28,272
I know. I hate myself, but it's so good.
370
00:18:30,472 --> 00:18:31,888
Can I help you folks find something?
371
00:18:31,912 --> 00:18:32,912
No, we're just browsing.
372
00:18:33,032 --> 00:18:34,808
God, I hate it
when they pester you like that.
373
00:18:34,832 --> 00:18:36,912
Peter! Yes, we need help.
374
00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:42,312
A skull, huh?
Then you want the human remains bin.
375
00:18:42,392 --> 00:18:44,888
But I should warn you folks,
we're pretty cleaned out right now,
376
00:18:44,912 --> 00:18:47,712
'cause Carrot Top comes by every morning
to rummage for new props.
377
00:18:47,832 --> 00:18:50,912
Well, then we'll just have to pay
this Carrot Top a visit.
378
00:18:51,032 --> 00:18:52,272
He's funny.
379
00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:54,032
Except for that one show he did
380
00:18:54,152 --> 00:18:56,392
in Ohio after the airline lost his luggage.
381
00:18:56,472 --> 00:18:59,072
Ladies and gentlemen, Carrot Top!
382
00:18:59,352 --> 00:19:01,472
All right, you guys look like a good crowd.
383
00:19:01,592 --> 00:19:03,728
I hope it goes well,
'cause I don't have my prop trunk.
384
00:19:03,752 --> 00:19:05,768
I normally have,
like, a case with all my little props
385
00:19:05,792 --> 00:19:06,992
and gadgets and whatnot,
386
00:19:07,072 --> 00:19:08,328
but, it's okay,
you can use your imagination,
387
00:19:08,352 --> 00:19:10,672
like maybe a piece of luggage
that shoots dog biscuits.
388
00:19:10,752 --> 00:19:13,248
So, like, if you had, like, weed in
your bag and you went to the airport,
389
00:19:13,272 --> 00:19:14,528
you could shoot the dog biscuits out,
390
00:19:14,552 --> 00:19:15,768
and then the drug dog would be...
391
00:19:15,792 --> 00:19:16,993
Would go away from your bags.
392
00:19:17,113 --> 00:19:18,593
Kind of if you can imagine the dog...
393
00:19:18,633 --> 00:19:20,273
And then, the dog...
394
00:19:20,353 --> 00:19:22,633
Man, it's a lot funnier if I had my prop.
395
00:19:24,513 --> 00:19:28,353
Well, there it is. Carrot Top Manor.
396
00:19:34,913 --> 00:19:36,969
So, you having a good time there,
Chief Diamond Phillips?
397
00:19:36,993 --> 00:19:38,929
Oh, that's funny.
He came up with the same thing that...
398
00:19:38,953 --> 00:19:41,153
All right, Carrot Top, I want that skull.
399
00:19:41,273 --> 00:19:42,273
Who the hell are you?
400
00:19:42,353 --> 00:19:44,913
I'm Peter Griffin,
and that skull belongs to me.
401
00:19:44,993 --> 00:19:47,473
Well, it's hardly just
a skull, Mr. Griffin.
402
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,833
I put it on my head, and it's a skullcap!
403
00:19:50,753 --> 00:19:53,433
Put it with David Duchovny,
and it's Agent Scully.
404
00:19:53,753 --> 00:19:56,753
You got to appreciate that...
Hey, don't distract me.
405
00:19:56,833 --> 00:19:58,593
Now, hand it over, Mr. Top.
406
00:19:58,713 --> 00:20:00,673
Very well, Mr. Griffin,
I'll give you the skull,
407
00:20:00,793 --> 00:20:02,673
but you have to catch me first!
408
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:09,353
Looks like you found me, Mr. Griffin.
409
00:20:09,473 --> 00:20:12,273
But which one of us is
the real king of prop comedy
410
00:20:12,353 --> 00:20:14,193
and not just an illusion, huh?
411
00:20:14,273 --> 00:20:16,033
That's right, Mr. Griffin.
412
00:20:16,193 --> 00:20:17,793
Just a little further.
413
00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:23,873
Sucker.
414
00:20:24,553 --> 00:20:25,633
What the hell?
415
00:20:25,753 --> 00:20:27,313
How'd you get through the trap door?
416
00:20:27,433 --> 00:20:28,913
I found this saw with glasses on it.
417
00:20:28,993 --> 00:20:30,513
Oh, that's my see-saw.
418
00:20:33,113 --> 00:20:36,073
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
419
00:20:36,233 --> 00:20:38,713
You are so fucking funny!
420
00:20:38,833 --> 00:20:39,953
You are so...
421
00:20:40,033 --> 00:20:42,073
God damn you for being so funny!
422
00:20:42,633 --> 00:20:45,913
Oh, my God! Oh, oh, God. You know what?
423
00:20:46,033 --> 00:20:47,170
Here, here, just, you know what?
424
00:20:47,194 --> 00:20:49,074
Keep it, keep it. You deserve it.
425
00:20:49,594 --> 00:20:50,714
Just take it.
426
00:20:51,314 --> 00:20:53,034
No, no, I need it. I need it.
427
00:20:55,034 --> 00:20:58,434
Well, Chief, time for you to go back
where you came from.
428
00:21:06,554 --> 00:21:08,274
Peter, you did it.
429
00:21:14,154 --> 00:21:15,594
What the hell?
430
00:21:20,754 --> 00:21:22,994
Oh, Peter, I'm so proud of you.
431
00:21:23,074 --> 00:21:25,554
Once again you brought our family
to the edge of the abyss,
432
00:21:25,674 --> 00:21:28,074
and at the very last minute,
you saved us all.
433
00:21:28,154 --> 00:21:29,554
I love you, honey.
434
00:21:29,634 --> 00:21:31,314
And I've grown fond of you, Lois.
435
00:21:31,434 --> 00:21:33,074
Let's go home.