1
00:00:32,675 --> 00:00:34,835
Guys, this is the best dirty bookstore
in town.
2
00:00:34,955 --> 00:00:36,196
Family owned, great hours,
3
00:00:36,316 --> 00:00:37,716
and lots of parking in the rear.
4
00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:38,836
Get it?
5
00:00:38,876 --> 00:00:40,556
Giggity Giggity Giggity Gig-gig-gig-gig!
6
00:00:40,636 --> 00:00:42,837
Wow. You usually expect
these places to be dirty.
7
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:45,877
No, it's pretty clean.
Carol Burnett works part time as a janitor.
8
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,999
You know, when she tugged her ear
at the end of that show,
9
00:00:53,118 --> 00:00:55,519
she was really saying
good night to her mom.
10
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:58,159
I wonder what she tugged
to say good night to her dad.
11
00:00:58,239 --> 00:01:01,560
Giggity Giggity Giggity Goo.
12
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,320
What you staring at, Joe?
13
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,440
These dolls all look
really surprised for some reason.
14
00:01:08,121 --> 00:01:11,561
I wonder
what they're all so surprised about.
15
00:01:12,041 --> 00:01:14,722
What? You've never seen
a handicapped man before?
16
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:17,522
They're polyurethane sex toys, Joe.
17
00:01:17,602 --> 00:01:19,442
They're not capable of judgment.
18
00:01:19,642 --> 00:01:21,483
And even if they were, who cares?
19
00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:22,643
They're whores.
20
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,683
Well, an old-time penny show.
21
00:01:24,803 --> 00:01:26,844
"The Naughty Flapper Girl."
22
00:01:27,204 --> 00:01:28,924
Oh, hot! She's voting!
23
00:01:30,684 --> 00:01:32,604
Yeah. You break all the rules, eh?
24
00:01:32,724 --> 00:01:35,645
Yeah, that's right.
Vote for Taft, you dirty girl.
25
00:01:35,885 --> 00:01:37,925
Hey, Quagmire. What's through that door?
26
00:01:38,045 --> 00:01:39,045
Oh, that's the exit.
27
00:01:39,125 --> 00:01:41,182
Of course, in this place
every exit's also an entrance.
28
00:01:41,206 --> 00:01:44,766
Giggity Giggity Giggity Goo.
29
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,810
Meg, I need you
to baby-sit Stewie tomorrow afternoon.
30
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,451
Mom, you know
I go to the mall on Saturdays.
31
00:02:12,531 --> 00:02:13,931
I mean, I do have a life.
32
00:02:14,011 --> 00:02:15,931
Hey, what time is it?
We're gonna miss the movie.
33
00:02:15,971 --> 00:02:17,892
Yeah. Let's go, everyone.
34
00:02:30,814 --> 00:02:32,494
Hey. Hey!
35
00:02:32,734 --> 00:02:33,774
Psst!
36
00:02:35,214 --> 00:02:36,935
Wow, Peter! That's a book, isn't it?
37
00:02:37,015 --> 00:02:38,911
That's the first time
I've seen you reading something
38
00:02:38,935 --> 00:02:40,711
that didn't later
turn out to just be a sandwich.
39
00:02:40,735 --> 00:02:43,056
Yeah. It's an erotic book.
I bought it at that sex shop.
40
00:02:43,176 --> 00:02:44,992
I got to tell you though,
I've read four chapters
41
00:02:45,016 --> 00:02:46,456
of this and it's not sexy at all.
42
00:02:46,576 --> 00:02:49,377
' "Much Ado About Humping. '"
Well, sounds sexy.
43
00:02:49,457 --> 00:02:50,897
Peter, would you put that away?
44
00:02:50,977 --> 00:02:52,817
I don't like you reading smut at the table.
45
00:02:52,937 --> 00:02:54,617
Yeah. If only this were smut, Lois.
46
00:02:54,737 --> 00:02:57,098
"He rubbed her shoulder sensually."
47
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:58,938
What the hell is that? That's not sexy.
48
00:02:59,058 --> 00:03:00,698
You can't do somebody in the shoulder.
49
00:03:00,818 --> 00:03:02,699
Why don't you and that book get a room?
50
00:03:02,779 --> 00:03:03,995
Did you hear what I said, Brian?
51
00:03:04,019 --> 00:03:05,435
I said, "Why don't you and that..."
52
00:03:05,459 --> 00:03:06,635
"That book get a room." Yeah.
53
00:03:06,659 --> 00:03:08,299
Okay. I just want to make sure you heard.
54
00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:13,940
Hey, guys.
Tell me if this letter sounds all right.
55
00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:15,621
"Dear Reek Publishing,
56
00:03:15,701 --> 00:03:18,461
"I was highly disappointed
by your erotic novel.
57
00:03:18,581 --> 00:03:19,941
"Here's what I would have wrote.
58
00:03:20,021 --> 00:03:23,982
"'Lt was past midnight when the blonde,
smoking-hot lab assistant,
59
00:03:24,102 --> 00:03:27,302
"'who looked a little like Heather
Locklear, only with bigger jugs,
60
00:03:27,382 --> 00:03:30,143
"'was grabbed and thrown
onto the lab table.
61
00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:34,264
"'He ripped off her lab coat
and she grabbed his metallic extension. '
62
00:03:34,664 --> 00:03:36,944
"Oh. Did I mention he was a robot?
63
00:03:37,024 --> 00:03:38,704
"'Cause that's kind of important.
64
00:03:38,784 --> 00:03:41,745
"Yeah, a robot. Awesome."
65
00:03:41,865 --> 00:03:44,185
Whoa! That is hot.
I got to get a copy of that.
66
00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:46,626
Yeah. You got some
serious talent there, Peter.
67
00:03:46,746 --> 00:03:49,386
- Really?
- I'm no school administrator,
68
00:03:49,466 --> 00:03:52,947
but there's an extension program
going on in my trousers.
69
00:03:55,707 --> 00:03:59,908
"And then Captain Leroy Hot Dog
Zanzibar and Gina from my work
70
00:04:00,028 --> 00:04:02,628
"got in the back seat
of his really cool spaceship.
71
00:04:02,748 --> 00:04:06,429
"Gina was finally wearing that tank top
I got her and nothing else.
72
00:04:06,509 --> 00:04:08,629
"Zanzibar knew he couldn't control
73
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,789
"his space horniness any longer,
74
00:04:10,909 --> 00:04:12,630
"and then they totally did it.
75
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:15,030
"And if I'd have been there,
I would have been like,
76
00:04:15,110 --> 00:04:17,510
"'Oh, sweet. '" What do you think?
77
00:04:17,630 --> 00:04:19,831
You certainly do paint a picture, Peter.
78
00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:22,111
I felt like I was right there
on Planet Niptune.
79
00:04:22,231 --> 00:04:23,551
You're not the only one.
80
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,232
Everyone down at the bar wanted a copy.
81
00:04:25,312 --> 00:04:27,712
Wow! Maybe you should
think about publishing it.
82
00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:28,912
Hey, if you ask Daddy,
83
00:04:28,992 --> 00:04:30,929
he might even
give you some money to do it yourself.
84
00:04:30,953 --> 00:04:33,593
That's a great idea, Lois.
I'll talk to him tomorrow.
85
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:35,473
If this works out,
I could make more money
86
00:04:35,553 --> 00:04:37,594
than when I had
that rat farm in the basement.
87
00:04:37,874 --> 00:04:39,434
Armando, do you have the rent?
88
00:04:39,554 --> 00:04:41,434
We are trying, Seсor Griffin.
89
00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:43,795
But the land, she gives us nothing.
90
00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:45,595
There is no sunlight.
91
00:04:45,795 --> 00:04:47,355
It's been two months, Armando.
92
00:04:47,435 --> 00:04:49,475
You're putting me
in a real awkward position here.
93
00:04:49,595 --> 00:04:50,796
Oh, please, Seсor Griffin.
94
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:51,916
Just one more week.
95
00:04:51,996 --> 00:04:53,316
I will pay you double.
96
00:04:53,436 --> 00:04:55,916
Perhaps we can work out
another arrangement.
97
00:04:56,036 --> 00:04:59,197
Oh, please, Seсor. Not my beloved!
98
00:04:59,317 --> 00:05:03,078
Armando, Armando, it is for the children.
99
00:05:06,918 --> 00:05:09,319
Yes. Yes.
100
00:05:11,359 --> 00:05:12,479
He takes the beam.
101
00:05:12,559 --> 00:05:15,319
The spectators
hold their breath as Stewie Griffin
102
00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:18,440
is America's last hope
to take home the gold.
103
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,120
Oh. Did you see that, Mitch?
104
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,201
I sure did, Kathy. That was impressive.
Here comes the dismount.
105
00:05:24,321 --> 00:05:26,121
Hey, Stewie, I just took a nap.
106
00:05:26,241 --> 00:05:27,401
You want an eye booger?
107
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,242
Damn you, Chris! Look what you've done!
108
00:05:30,362 --> 00:05:31,642
I'm training for the Olympics,
109
00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:33,722
and I need absolute concentration.
110
00:05:34,483 --> 00:05:36,683
Look at him. Look how fat he is.
111
00:05:37,163 --> 00:05:38,403
Hmm.
112
00:05:42,764 --> 00:05:44,324
Oh, my God! That was even cooler
113
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:47,485
than playing with the speech function
on my Macintosh.
114
00:05:47,645 --> 00:05:50,405
So, computer,
what are you thinking about right now?
115
00:05:50,485 --> 00:05:52,365
Stewie is cool.
116
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,647
What do you want, homo?
117
00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:02,047
Listen, Mr. Pewterschmidt.
118
00:06:02,127 --> 00:06:04,047
You're a businessman. I'm a businessman.
119
00:06:04,167 --> 00:06:07,368
And I've got a proposal
that I guarantee you can't refuse.
120
00:06:07,448 --> 00:06:08,768
See, I wrote this erotica book.
121
00:06:08,848 --> 00:06:11,968
And I was hoping
you could loan me $7 billion to publish it.
122
00:06:12,048 --> 00:06:13,449
How about I loan you $5?
123
00:06:13,529 --> 00:06:16,649
It's at the bottom
of this jar of barbed wire and salt.
124
00:06:19,490 --> 00:06:21,970
Why do you keep these things together?
125
00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:27,011
All right. Who wants to buy
some Peterotica? Ten bucks a pop.
126
00:06:27,091 --> 00:06:28,131
- I'll take one.
- Me, too.
127
00:06:28,211 --> 00:06:29,291
Hey, give me one of those.
128
00:06:29,371 --> 00:06:31,772
I look forward to having a raging semi.
129
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:32,932
Wow, Peter.
130
00:06:33,012 --> 00:06:34,852
You're going into the publishing business?
131
00:06:34,932 --> 00:06:38,013
Yeah. Mr. Pewterschmidt gave me $5
for these Xeroxes,
132
00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:39,853
and I haven't looked back.
133
00:07:00,456 --> 00:07:02,776
I'm such a huge fan of Peterotica.
134
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,337
There you go. Thanks for reading.
135
00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:06,737
Hi. Would you be offended if I told you
136
00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:10,138
your prose suggests a male,
working-class version of Emily Bronte?
137
00:07:10,258 --> 00:07:11,858
No. Would you be offended if I said
138
00:07:11,938 --> 00:07:13,554
I'd like to use your ass as a bongo drum?
139
00:07:13,578 --> 00:07:14,578
Yes.
140
00:07:14,618 --> 00:07:18,739
Well, then we are
on two different wavelengths.
141
00:07:18,819 --> 00:07:21,459
Peter Griffin. Thanks for reading.
142
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:31,101
Welcome to Peterotica on tape.
143
00:07:31,221 --> 00:07:34,141
I'm Betty White reading
The Hot Chick Who Was Italian
144
00:07:34,261 --> 00:07:37,182
or Maybe
Some Kind of Spanish, by Peter Griffin.
145
00:07:37,542 --> 00:07:38,902
'"Chapter One.
146
00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:41,983
'"Oh, God!
You should have seen this one hot chick.
147
00:07:42,103 --> 00:07:43,983
'"She was totally Italian
148
00:07:44,303 --> 00:07:46,263
' "or maybe some kind of Spanish. '"
149
00:07:46,343 --> 00:07:48,264
Oh, yeah. Getting hot in here.
150
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:50,264
I better take my shirt off.
151
00:07:56,545 --> 00:07:59,665
Wow. You know, from the other side,
that's kind of annoying.
152
00:08:02,146 --> 00:08:04,066
Happy birthday, darling.
153
00:08:04,186 --> 00:08:07,707
Oh, honey, a fur coat. Thank you.
154
00:08:07,827 --> 00:08:10,627
Well, it's not real fur.
It's actually made from bald eagle.
155
00:08:10,747 --> 00:08:12,307
And it's weather-treated with a mixture
156
00:08:12,387 --> 00:08:14,348
of whale skin oil and children's tears.
157
00:08:15,588 --> 00:08:16,628
Yes?
158
00:08:16,708 --> 00:08:19,228
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
I'm Scott Greenberg, Attorney at Law.
159
00:08:19,348 --> 00:08:21,709
My client was injured
listening to this audio book.
160
00:08:21,829 --> 00:08:24,149
We're suing you
for every penny you've got.
161
00:08:24,229 --> 00:08:25,429
What? Why?
162
00:08:25,509 --> 00:08:26,710
You're liable as publisher.
163
00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,710
I'm here to seize your assets.
164
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:32,831
Griffin.
165
00:08:32,951 --> 00:08:35,791
Well, Mr. Greenberg,
I'd like to see you try to seize my assets
166
00:08:35,911 --> 00:08:37,791
after battling the rancor.
167
00:09:00,355 --> 00:09:03,235
Huh. Didn't realize
Greenberg was a Jedi name.
168
00:09:07,596 --> 00:09:09,996
And now, back to Blind Justice.
169
00:09:14,557 --> 00:09:17,878
I need you to go down to 54th and Main,
talk to the suspect's wife.
170
00:09:17,998 --> 00:09:19,374
While you're there, see if you can get
171
00:09:19,398 --> 00:09:20,958
a sample of his hair to match his DNA.
172
00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,718
All right. I'm on it.
173
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,016
- Hi, Mr. Pewterschmidt.
- Hello, Peter.
174
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,480
- What's up?
- Good. Oh, damn it! I mean, not much.
175
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,480
- What you got there?
- Oh, this? It's a gun.
176
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,361
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. I'm going to kill you.
177
00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:38,761
Daddy, what are you doing?
178
00:09:38,841 --> 00:09:42,201
Your fat, bastard husband ruined me!
I lost my home, my money,
179
00:09:42,322 --> 00:09:44,442
and perhaps just as serious,
my wife left me!
180
00:09:44,562 --> 00:09:45,722
Mom left you?
181
00:09:45,842 --> 00:09:47,482
Yeah. She ran off with Ted Turner.
182
00:09:47,602 --> 00:09:48,939
God only knows what they're doing.
183
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,163
- Should we give Elmo a bath?
- Yeah.
184
00:09:51,283 --> 00:09:53,283
- Should we give Telly a bath?
- Yeah!
185
00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:55,524
- Should we give Ernie a bath?
- No.
186
00:09:55,604 --> 00:09:57,564
Ernie doesn't like the monsters.
187
00:09:57,684 --> 00:10:00,124
Look, you can stay
with us if you want, you filthy hobo.
188
00:10:00,244 --> 00:10:01,341
You shouldn't be embarrassed
189
00:10:01,365 --> 00:10:03,005
about mooching off your kids at age 70.
190
00:10:03,125 --> 00:10:05,325
Go to hell, fathead! Have I used that one?
191
00:10:05,445 --> 00:10:06,805
No, I haven't. Yeah, fathead.
192
00:10:06,925 --> 00:10:08,646
Daddy, don't talk to Peter like that.
193
00:10:08,726 --> 00:10:10,742
All you've done
his whole life is treat him like crap,
194
00:10:10,766 --> 00:10:12,166
and now he's offering to help you.
195
00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:13,686
The least you can do is be grateful.
196
00:10:13,726 --> 00:10:14,807
Oh, all right.
197
00:10:14,927 --> 00:10:16,503
Then it's settled. You're staying with us.
198
00:10:16,527 --> 00:10:17,727
I promise you'll love it here,
199
00:10:17,767 --> 00:10:20,167
even more than Julia Roberts loves herself.
200
00:10:20,247 --> 00:10:22,448
Hi, I'm Julia Roberts.
201
00:10:22,528 --> 00:10:24,888
You know,
a lot of people died in the tsunami.
202
00:10:24,968 --> 00:10:27,089
But don't worry. I didn't.
203
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:30,609
And I'll be here
to entertain you and love my life
204
00:10:30,729 --> 00:10:33,049
for many, many years to come.
205
00:10:33,770 --> 00:10:35,250
Me!
206
00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:37,050
Me!
207
00:10:37,530 --> 00:10:39,250
Me!
208
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,892
Daddy, you're not dressed!
209
00:10:47,972 --> 00:10:49,852
Huh? Oh, yeah.
I couldn't figure that one out.
210
00:10:49,972 --> 00:10:51,172
I used to have a guy for that.
211
00:10:51,212 --> 00:10:54,053
Mom, I can't believe
you came out of that belly.
212
00:10:57,013 --> 00:10:59,454
Um, what is that?
213
00:10:59,574 --> 00:11:01,854
Daddy? Did you
214
00:11:01,974 --> 00:11:04,534
- use the bathroom this morning?
- Yeah.
215
00:11:04,614 --> 00:11:07,775
And did you remember
to clean up afterwards?
216
00:11:08,295 --> 00:11:09,815
No. I was hoping you would...
217
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:12,656
- Oh, Daddy. No. No.
- Okay.
218
00:11:12,736 --> 00:11:14,936
- Brian?
- Oh, God! No. No. No, no, no.
219
00:11:15,056 --> 00:11:16,056
I'll do it.
220
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,977
Daddy, I never thought you'd be so lost
without your money.
221
00:11:19,057 --> 00:11:20,577
You're right, Lois.
222
00:11:20,697 --> 00:11:23,097
Who the hell am I kidding?
I can't live like this.
223
00:11:23,177 --> 00:11:24,858
I should never have come here.
224
00:11:24,938 --> 00:11:27,538
Oh, I hate to see Daddy like this.
225
00:11:27,618 --> 00:11:29,714
Maybe there's something you can do
to help cheer him up.
226
00:11:29,738 --> 00:11:31,739
Don't worry, Lois. I know just what to do.
227
00:11:31,819 --> 00:11:35,059
I am gonna teach your father
how to be a regular guy.
228
00:11:35,139 --> 00:11:36,379
You think you can do that?
229
00:11:36,459 --> 00:11:38,780
Sure. I've steered our family
through bigger problems.
230
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:41,620
Like when we were cartoon sketches
on The Tracey Ullman Show.
231
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,061
Well, that's the end of Puss.
232
00:11:44,141 --> 00:11:46,461
He was the best cat anyone ever had.
233
00:11:46,541 --> 00:11:49,542
Hey, Lois, what do you say
we go downtown and buy a dog?
234
00:11:49,662 --> 00:11:51,462
Hey, wait a minute.
You already have a dog.
235
00:11:51,582 --> 00:11:52,582
So long, Puss.
236
00:11:52,702 --> 00:11:53,622
We'll miss you.
237
00:11:53,702 --> 00:11:56,583
It's gonna be quite a different place
with him gone. That's for true.
238
00:12:00,263 --> 00:12:02,304
All right, Kathy. It looks
like Stewie Griffin
239
00:12:02,424 --> 00:12:05,024
is preparing to begin the floor routine.
That's right, Mitch.
240
00:12:05,144 --> 00:12:06,624
And as we watch Griffin doing this,
241
00:12:06,744 --> 00:12:10,145
I want to remind everyone that
this is absolutely not gay.
242
00:12:24,907 --> 00:12:26,267
Boy, that was really gay.
243
00:12:26,347 --> 00:12:28,548
No, no! Didn't you just hear
the announcers?
244
00:12:28,668 --> 00:12:30,108
They said it's not gay.
245
00:12:30,188 --> 00:12:31,268
Stewie one, you zero.
246
00:12:32,108 --> 00:12:33,188
What are we doing here?
247
00:12:33,308 --> 00:12:35,325
Listen, I know you're upset
about losing your money.
248
00:12:35,349 --> 00:12:39,229
So I wanted to show you
it's not so bad living like a regular guy.
249
00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:47,751
- So these people live here?
- No, this is a bus.
250
00:12:47,831 --> 00:12:50,911
People ride it to get places
that they need to go.
251
00:12:51,311 --> 00:12:52,351
You look familiar.
252
00:12:52,431 --> 00:12:54,632
I was your gardener for 12 years.
253
00:12:54,712 --> 00:12:57,032
Oh. You look different
without my lawn under you.
254
00:12:57,112 --> 00:12:58,912
I don't take the lawn with me when I go.
255
00:12:58,992 --> 00:13:00,753
Well, I was right to
trust you with it then.
256
00:13:02,673 --> 00:13:04,793
And this is called waiting in line
at the movies.
257
00:13:04,913 --> 00:13:06,154
It's what us regular people do.
258
00:13:06,274 --> 00:13:08,274
Trust me.
It makes it that much more special
259
00:13:08,394 --> 00:13:10,354
when we finally get inside
and see Renee Zellweger
260
00:13:10,394 --> 00:13:12,475
doing her whole scrunch-face routine.
261
00:13:12,595 --> 00:13:13,835
Coming this March,
262
00:13:13,915 --> 00:13:15,595
Jude Law and Renee Zellweger
263
00:13:15,715 --> 00:13:16,915
in The Picnic.
264
00:13:17,035 --> 00:13:20,156
Oh, no. These ants are ruining our picnic.
265
00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:23,276
You mean this picnic is ruining our ants.
266
00:13:31,638 --> 00:13:34,238
You know, Peter, what you
showed me today was just awful.
267
00:13:34,358 --> 00:13:35,374
What are you talking about?
268
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:37,999
I really don't see what's so great about
being a regular person.
269
00:13:38,119 --> 00:13:40,319
The bus smells like crap,
the movie theater is sticky,
270
00:13:40,439 --> 00:13:42,879
and Renee Zellweger should only be
the cute friend at best.
271
00:13:42,999 --> 00:13:45,280
You know,
I never thought about it till now,
272
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,760
but maybe being a regular person
does suck.
273
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,681
My God. Is this what my whole life
is destined to be?
274
00:13:50,761 --> 00:13:52,241
Not unless you do something about it.
275
00:13:52,281 --> 00:13:53,481
Yeah. But what?
276
00:13:53,561 --> 00:13:56,482
Carter, hand me my thinking grenades.
277
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:57,842
Where did you get these?
278
00:13:57,922 --> 00:13:59,642
Carter, I'm thinking.
279
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,443
Uh-huh.
280
00:14:05,163 --> 00:14:06,843
Oh, my God! He's dead!
281
00:14:06,963 --> 00:14:08,403
That might work.
282
00:14:09,884 --> 00:14:11,124
What's happening?
283
00:14:11,244 --> 00:14:12,244
I got it!
284
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:16,085
Carter, somehow you and me
are gonna find a way to get rich.
285
00:14:16,205 --> 00:14:17,565
Now you're talking my language.
286
00:14:17,645 --> 00:14:19,005
All right, then, let's do it!
287
00:14:21,605 --> 00:14:22,766
Hi. I'm Betty White.
288
00:14:22,846 --> 00:14:25,646
I just got a subpoena
regarding an erotic novel,
289
00:14:25,726 --> 00:14:28,126
and I'm looking
for the son of a bitch responsible.
290
00:14:32,927 --> 00:14:35,424
All right, Peter, how are we gonna do this?
How are we gonna get rich?
291
00:14:35,448 --> 00:14:37,048
Well, I say we start out small, Carter.
292
00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:38,168
Here's my plan.
293
00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:41,409
I'll distract Lois while you steal money
from her purse.
294
00:14:41,929 --> 00:14:43,609
Lois, look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
295
00:14:52,970 --> 00:14:54,971
Cacaw! I've got her wallet! Cacaw!
296
00:14:55,091 --> 00:14:56,531
Daddy, what are you doing?
297
00:14:56,611 --> 00:14:58,011
Look at the unicycle.
298
00:14:58,211 --> 00:15:00,172
Well, she's got $10 in here.
299
00:15:00,292 --> 00:15:03,652
And it cost me $900
for the six weeks of unicycle lessons.
300
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:05,412
So we're a little in the red right now.
301
00:15:05,532 --> 00:15:08,133
But you got to spend money
to make money, champ. Moving on.
302
00:15:11,293 --> 00:15:13,374
All right. Now we play it cool.
303
00:15:14,054 --> 00:15:16,214
Hey, Meg.
Uh, we're trying to make some money.
304
00:15:16,294 --> 00:15:17,934
And...
305
00:15:18,054 --> 00:15:20,695
Would you like to buy some pot
from your granddaddy and me?
306
00:15:20,775 --> 00:15:23,175
Um, wow! Sure.
307
00:15:23,295 --> 00:15:24,535
Fantastic.
308
00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:26,616
What the hell was that for?
309
00:15:26,696 --> 00:15:28,976
Now we have the pot and the money.
310
00:15:30,216 --> 00:15:31,656
You sure this is gonna work, Peter?
311
00:15:31,737 --> 00:15:33,697
All I know is there's a lot of money
to be made
312
00:15:33,817 --> 00:15:36,457
in these stupid teen dramas
they keep putting on TV.
313
00:15:36,577 --> 00:15:38,017
And we're gonna get our share.
314
00:16:02,981 --> 00:16:05,422
Come on, Joey. I wanna be with you.
315
00:16:05,542 --> 00:16:08,102
Dawson, I'm just not ready
to give up my virginity.
316
00:16:08,222 --> 00:16:09,863
- Come on.
- No!
317
00:16:09,983 --> 00:16:12,543
I promised myself
that I'd save it for the man that I marry.
318
00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:14,063
Come on. That's stupid.
319
00:16:14,143 --> 00:16:16,584
- I'm just not comfortable, you know?
- Well, I don't...
320
00:16:16,704 --> 00:16:18,184
This is, like, the '90s, man.
321
00:16:18,304 --> 00:16:20,144
I mean, like, everybody...
322
00:16:20,224 --> 00:16:23,665
Come on. You saw me on that boat.
I was wearing a blazer.
323
00:16:24,145 --> 00:16:25,585
- Come on.
- No! I just...
324
00:16:25,705 --> 00:16:27,801
I don't want to! All right?
I don't want to right now!
325
00:16:27,825 --> 00:16:29,066
I told you I'm not comfortable.
326
00:16:29,186 --> 00:16:30,546
I think you could respect that.
327
00:16:30,626 --> 00:16:32,866
- You know?
- I do respect. I totally respect it.
328
00:16:32,946 --> 00:16:35,146
That just makes me
want you more, you know?
329
00:16:35,226 --> 00:16:37,867
Come on, man. Let's just...
Let's just go nuts. Let's just...
330
00:16:37,947 --> 00:16:40,067
- No, I said... I don't...
- Come on!
331
00:16:40,147 --> 00:16:42,748
I don't want... No!
No! Peter, stop! Just stop! All right!
332
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:43,908
Turn off the camera!
333
00:16:43,988 --> 00:16:45,548
God, I'm sorry, Mr. Pewterschmidt.
334
00:16:45,628 --> 00:16:47,324
I don't want to do this anymore, all right?
335
00:16:47,348 --> 00:16:48,628
You know what? You went too far.
336
00:16:48,669 --> 00:16:49,949
- What?
- You went too far.
337
00:16:50,069 --> 00:16:51,205
That's his character. That's how...
338
00:16:51,229 --> 00:16:52,285
I mean, he's that kind of...
339
00:16:52,309 --> 00:16:53,309
No! Forget it. Forget it.
340
00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:54,686
You know what? It's just weird, man.
341
00:16:54,710 --> 00:16:55,806
It's just weird. You're weird.
342
00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:57,150
All right? Just get off it.
343
00:16:57,270 --> 00:16:59,310
Let's just do something else
to make money.
344
00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:00,911
And we will be back.
345
00:17:05,831 --> 00:17:07,952
Stand back, Brian.
I'm preparing for my vault.
346
00:17:08,072 --> 00:17:10,512
You can't vault inside the living room.
You're gonna get hurt.
347
00:17:10,552 --> 00:17:12,712
Yeah. I'll get hurt
right onto a Wheaties box.
348
00:17:12,792 --> 00:17:13,872
I don't see that happening.
349
00:17:13,913 --> 00:17:15,233
Yeah? Who cares what you say?
350
00:17:15,353 --> 00:17:17,433
You're a dog. You can't see colors.
351
00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:20,234
Which means you can't see the colors
of the American flag.
352
00:17:20,314 --> 00:17:21,354
Commie.
353
00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:27,795
I think I'm okay.
354
00:17:35,996 --> 00:17:38,036
Oh, God! Somebody!
355
00:17:38,156 --> 00:17:42,117
Do I take it out or do I leave it in?
356
00:17:43,917 --> 00:17:45,558
- Got it! We'll rob a train.
- Love it.
357
00:17:52,159 --> 00:17:53,359
All aboard.
358
00:17:56,319 --> 00:17:58,080
All right, everybody. This is a...
359
00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,520
Hey, where the hell is everybody?
360
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,520
Oh, we haven't had
a paying customer in months.
361
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,640
Nobody rides the train anymore.
362
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,401
Oh, well, for God's sake!
363
00:18:06,321 --> 00:18:08,321
Are... Are you robbers?
364
00:18:08,441 --> 00:18:09,441
Yeah.
365
00:18:09,961 --> 00:18:11,482
Well, you could take my wallet.
366
00:18:11,602 --> 00:18:13,802
My MasterCard's in there.
Although, to be honest,
367
00:18:13,922 --> 00:18:16,722
I'll probably just cancel it
before you can use it. So...
368
00:18:16,802 --> 00:18:18,003
Oh, um...
369
00:18:19,643 --> 00:18:20,843
Give me that hole punch!
370
00:18:20,963 --> 00:18:22,683
Yeah!
371
00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:25,204
Is this your hole punch
or the train company's?
372
00:18:25,284 --> 00:18:26,484
Well, that's... You know what?
373
00:18:26,524 --> 00:18:27,604
I got to pay for that.
374
00:18:27,684 --> 00:18:30,085
That comes out of my paycheck
if you take it.
375
00:18:30,165 --> 00:18:32,285
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
376
00:18:32,405 --> 00:18:34,565
Well, I can't in all good conscience
take that, then.
377
00:18:34,685 --> 00:18:36,966
- Oh, good. Thank you. Thank you, that's...
- Yeah. Yeah.
378
00:18:37,086 --> 00:18:38,846
No. I'm a working man myself.
379
00:18:38,966 --> 00:18:40,022
- No. It's tough out there.
- Yeah.
380
00:18:40,046 --> 00:18:41,046
You know, you can't...
381
00:18:41,126 --> 00:18:43,567
- You got to find a way.
- It's tough, it is.
382
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:46,367
All right. Well, can you stop this thing
so we can get off?
383
00:18:46,487 --> 00:18:48,808
No. I mean, I'd love to.
384
00:18:48,888 --> 00:18:51,168
But it stops at the predesignated stops.
385
00:18:51,248 --> 00:18:53,768
You know, I don't have control,
you know, over that.
386
00:18:53,888 --> 00:18:55,185
- Oh.
- That's the engineer who does that stuff.
387
00:18:55,209 --> 00:18:56,209
Well, how...
388
00:18:56,289 --> 00:18:58,289
Well, how much are our tickets?
389
00:18:58,409 --> 00:19:00,929
Well, for this, this is
a first-class cabin.
390
00:19:01,049 --> 00:19:02,210
It's 25 bucks.
391
00:19:02,410 --> 00:19:04,330
Wow! And we're the robbers.
392
00:19:04,930 --> 00:19:07,891
- Okay. How much is coach?
- $12 for coach.
393
00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:09,291
Well, he's a senior...
394
00:19:09,331 --> 00:19:12,331
You know what? That's fine.
Just give me two coach tickets.
395
00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:14,172
All right, thank you.
396
00:19:14,252 --> 00:19:16,452
Oh, wow! When did Mamma Mia!
Come to the Oakdale?
397
00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:18,372
Oh, yeah. What... Just a week ago, I think.
398
00:19:18,452 --> 00:19:20,533
Oh, wow! We should go. Do you want to...
399
00:19:20,653 --> 00:19:21,813
You want to go see Mamma Mia?
400
00:19:21,933 --> 00:19:24,653
Peter, could I speak to you
over by the door?
401
00:19:27,134 --> 00:19:28,414
Good as new.
402
00:19:29,254 --> 00:19:30,694
Oh, come on!
403
00:19:33,094 --> 00:19:34,095
I give up.
404
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,615
We're gonna be
lower middle-class Americans forever.
405
00:19:36,735 --> 00:19:38,415
A fate worse than death.
406
00:19:38,535 --> 00:19:40,416
Seriously, we may as well just be dead.
407
00:19:40,496 --> 00:19:42,376
You know what, Peter? That's not true.
408
00:19:42,456 --> 00:19:44,936
In the time we've spent together,
I've learned something.
409
00:19:45,056 --> 00:19:47,657
When you're rich,
you don't own your possessions,
410
00:19:47,737 --> 00:19:49,377
your possessions own you.
411
00:19:49,457 --> 00:19:50,937
Oh, Carter, darling!
412
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,458
Babs, sweetheart!
413
00:19:52,578 --> 00:19:54,178
Honey, we're rich again.
414
00:19:54,298 --> 00:19:56,578
I divorced Ted Turner
and took half his money.
415
00:19:56,658 --> 00:19:58,218
We own half of CNN.
416
00:19:59,379 --> 00:20:01,059
- And TNT.
- Neat!
417
00:20:01,139 --> 00:20:03,819
- All right, buddy, we did it! We're rich!
- "We"?
418
00:20:03,939 --> 00:20:05,460
Go to hell, you fat peasant!
419
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:06,860
Crap!
420
00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:09,900
Peter, listen to me. Money doesn't matter.
421
00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:13,141
10 years ago Daddy offered
to give us $10 million,
422
00:20:13,261 --> 00:20:14,541
and I turned it down.
423
00:20:14,661 --> 00:20:15,661
- What?
- Yes.
424
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,261
And I'll always turn it down
425
00:20:17,381 --> 00:20:19,822
because money
just complicates everything.
426
00:20:19,942 --> 00:20:22,742
We don't need money
because we have each other.
427
00:20:22,902 --> 00:20:25,583
Happiness isn't about
buying expensive things,
428
00:20:25,703 --> 00:20:27,503
it's about being together.
429
00:20:27,863 --> 00:20:30,544
It's not about taking expensive trips.
430
00:20:30,624 --> 00:20:33,864
It's about holding each other
during a thunderstorm.
431
00:20:33,944 --> 00:20:36,384
And we have that kind of happiness, Peter.
432
00:20:36,504 --> 00:20:39,505
Real happiness
because we have each other.
433
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:41,225
Yeah.