1 00:00:32,746 --> 00:00:35,026 Tuesday on Scarecrow and Mrs. King. 2 00:00:35,106 --> 00:00:37,866 My God, what did those drug dealers do to you? 3 00:00:37,986 --> 00:00:40,025 Oh, they took my chest out and threw it over there. 4 00:00:40,105 --> 00:00:42,425 Then they pulled my legs out and threw them over there. 5 00:00:42,505 --> 00:00:46,225 Brian, you're still watching TV? God, you've been sitting there since I left. 6 00:00:46,305 --> 00:00:50,105 Yeah. I spent all morning watching a VH1 special on Gwen Stefani. 7 00:00:50,305 --> 00:00:54,304 I don't know what a "hollaback girl" is. All I know is I want her dead. 8 00:00:54,424 --> 00:00:55,704 Hey, can you hand me the remote? 9 00:00:55,744 --> 00:00:58,424 You know, you've been laying around the house a lot lately. 10 00:00:58,544 --> 00:01:00,984 Why don't you get a part-time job like Peter used to have? 11 00:01:43,701 --> 00:01:47,861 Mom, guess what? I just found out I got that internship at Mayor West's office. 12 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,300 Wow, congratulations, Meg. 13 00:01:50,380 --> 00:01:53,300 Yeah, it was a really tough interview, but I totally nailed it. 14 00:01:53,580 --> 00:01:56,860 All right, Meg, we're going to start with a little word association. 15 00:01:56,980 --> 00:01:59,660 I'll say a word, and you say whatever comes into your head. 16 00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:00,820 - Okay. - Mosquito. 17 00:02:00,940 --> 00:02:02,419 - Bite. - Bite. 18 00:02:02,499 --> 00:02:03,899 - Mosquito. - Yes. Good one. 19 00:02:03,979 --> 00:02:04,979 - Mosquito. - Bite. 20 00:02:05,099 --> 00:02:06,099 - Mosquito. - Bite. 21 00:02:06,219 --> 00:02:07,219 - Mosquito. - Bite. 22 00:02:07,259 --> 00:02:08,539 - Bite. - Mosquito. 23 00:02:08,859 --> 00:02:12,059 Very good. You are a worthy opponent, indeed. 24 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,979 Congratulations. You're hired. 25 00:02:14,099 --> 00:02:17,258 Your first job is to go down to the corner and tell that hobo 26 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,058 I admire his spirit. 27 00:02:19,178 --> 00:02:21,218 I'm too self-conscious to do it. 28 00:02:21,538 --> 00:02:23,698 Honey, I'm so proud of you. 29 00:02:23,818 --> 00:02:27,738 - You see, Brian, Meg has a job. - Hey, Meg, if you're working for the Mayor, 30 00:02:27,858 --> 00:02:31,497 you know what that means? Even you're doing better than Brian. 31 00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:34,577 Hey, everybody, Brian's the new Meg. 32 00:02:36,817 --> 00:02:40,097 Brian's the new Meg. Brian's the new Meg. 33 00:02:40,217 --> 00:02:42,617 - Yeah, you're the new me. - Shut up, Meg. 34 00:02:46,736 --> 00:02:48,736 Let's go, kids. Time for school. 35 00:02:48,856 --> 00:02:52,256 Lois, I don't want to ruin your morning, but I flushed a diaper. 36 00:02:52,376 --> 00:02:53,376 It's a mess up there. 37 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:58,335 Brian, what is this? You're driving a cab? 38 00:02:58,455 --> 00:03:01,975 Well, Lois, I realized you were right. I mean, it's time I went out and got a job. 39 00:03:02,095 --> 00:03:03,815 For God sakes, I'm seven years old. 40 00:03:03,895 --> 00:03:07,095 Seven? That's not bad. You know, Todd was 15 when he died. 41 00:03:07,215 --> 00:03:08,335 The dog we had before you. 42 00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,414 Hey, Peter, did you call me? 43 00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:12,294 Yeah, I thought we'd go to the park, Todd. 44 00:03:12,374 --> 00:03:14,814 You're not taking me to the vet, are you? 45 00:03:14,934 --> 00:03:16,854 No, no, just a nice day at the park. 46 00:03:16,974 --> 00:03:19,734 I'm a little worried that you're gonna have me put down. 47 00:03:19,814 --> 00:03:23,734 I know there's been some concern about my sphincter's low shutter speed. 48 00:03:23,854 --> 00:03:25,613 No, no, we're just going to the park, Todd. 49 00:03:25,693 --> 00:03:28,253 Okay, well, I'll enjoy the ride, then. 50 00:03:30,373 --> 00:03:32,413 Around the park one more time, Bitterman. 51 00:03:32,533 --> 00:03:33,733 Peter, I'm not your chauffeur. 52 00:03:33,773 --> 00:03:35,693 Not for long with that attitude, Bitterman. 53 00:03:36,853 --> 00:03:38,212 This is living, Bitterman. 54 00:03:38,292 --> 00:03:41,612 This set of wheels is even better than those talking cars on that commercial. 55 00:03:42,452 --> 00:03:43,852 Hey, how you doing there? 56 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:47,612 Listen, I couldn't help but notice you across the parking lot and... 57 00:03:48,332 --> 00:03:50,772 You know, you're very attractive and... 58 00:03:50,892 --> 00:03:53,291 You want to go behind the Applebee's and do it? 59 00:03:53,371 --> 00:03:57,291 You want to just go have some dirty, stupid, insane parking-lot sex? 60 00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,731 - Chuck, it's me, Morty. - Yeah, 'cause we could... What? 61 00:04:01,011 --> 00:04:05,250 - Yeah, they had me painted. - Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. 62 00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:06,426 - Oh, my... - Hey, how do you think I feel? 63 00:04:06,450 --> 00:04:08,706 - No, no, that, too, but... - It's not all about you, you know. 64 00:04:08,730 --> 00:04:10,386 Morty, oh, my God, what are you doing? Look at you. 65 00:04:10,410 --> 00:04:13,066 Think I was like a birthday present for the kid or something like that. 66 00:04:13,090 --> 00:04:15,290 Oh, my God, look at you. You're hot. 67 00:04:15,410 --> 00:04:16,586 - I know. - I would've taken you... 68 00:04:16,610 --> 00:04:17,986 You know what I would've done to you back there? 69 00:04:18,010 --> 00:04:19,385 - Yeah? - Why didn't you say something earlier? 70 00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:21,889 - I said all that stuff. God! - Let's not rule anything out. 71 00:04:24,689 --> 00:04:26,449 - Hey, look, there's Lois. - Yeah. 72 00:04:26,569 --> 00:04:27,569 Hey, honk the horn. 73 00:04:29,729 --> 00:04:30,889 Hi, Peter. 74 00:04:31,569 --> 00:04:32,648 - Ram her. - What? 75 00:04:32,768 --> 00:04:35,408 - I said ram her! - What the hell? 76 00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:36,888 - Now shoot her tires out. - What? 77 00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:38,088 - You got a gun? - Well, yeah. 78 00:04:38,208 --> 00:04:40,808 - Every cabbie carries a gun, but... - Give me the gun. 79 00:04:46,248 --> 00:04:49,167 What the hell is wrong with you, Peter? You could've killed me! 80 00:04:49,287 --> 00:04:52,647 Yeah, but I got you good, Lois. Admit it. Just say it, I got you. 81 00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,607 All right, you got me. 82 00:04:57,767 --> 00:04:59,967 - I told you. - Oh, my God. 83 00:05:00,486 --> 00:05:03,486 - Oh, no, what happened here? - We got into a little accident. 84 00:05:03,566 --> 00:05:05,006 - It's all right. - Oh, no. 85 00:05:05,126 --> 00:05:08,006 Well, I guess accidents happen when you least expect them. 86 00:05:08,126 --> 00:05:10,606 That's how come they call them accidents. 87 00:05:10,726 --> 00:05:14,445 Look, you got the community events corkboard wedged in your grill. 88 00:05:14,725 --> 00:05:15,885 There, that's better. 89 00:05:16,005 --> 00:05:19,845 Don't you all forget to sign up for the Quahog Community Talent Show. 90 00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:22,925 Talent show? Peter, that could be fun. 91 00:05:23,085 --> 00:05:24,725 Do you think we have a chance at winning? 92 00:05:24,845 --> 00:05:26,885 Absolutely. I love being around the stage. 93 00:05:26,965 --> 00:05:29,205 Except for that time we went to see Phantom of the Opera. 94 00:05:34,764 --> 00:05:38,084 Let's see the gross half of your face! Come on! 95 00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:41,483 Let's see the gross half of your face so I can get out of here! 96 00:05:41,563 --> 00:05:43,323 - That nose better be piggy. - Shut up. 97 00:05:43,403 --> 00:05:44,403 You shut up. 98 00:05:59,962 --> 00:06:03,122 Oh, your old guitar. I haven't seen that thing in ages. 99 00:06:03,242 --> 00:06:06,082 Well, Lois, I thought you and me could do a song for the talent show. 100 00:06:06,162 --> 00:06:08,601 It could be just like the old days when we used to play. 101 00:06:08,681 --> 00:06:12,241 You remember, Lois? Remember our band, Handful of Peter? 102 00:06:12,481 --> 00:06:15,241 Hi, there. I'm Peter, and this is Lois. 103 00:06:15,321 --> 00:06:17,281 We want to talk to you about a friend of ours. 104 00:06:17,401 --> 00:06:18,761 He's not here tonight. 105 00:06:18,881 --> 00:06:20,841 Although, you know, he's kind of here, Lois. 106 00:06:20,961 --> 00:06:24,120 - You know, you're right. He kind of is. - Yeah, because he's in our hearts. 107 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,640 This is a song about that man and his world 108 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,400 that was taken from him. 109 00:07:17,796 --> 00:07:21,116 - They're gone now. - How could this have happened? 110 00:07:21,196 --> 00:07:22,356 - How? - How? 111 00:07:22,596 --> 00:07:24,996 I haven't thought about that in years. 112 00:07:25,116 --> 00:07:27,196 You know, it would be fun to write some new songs. 113 00:07:27,276 --> 00:07:29,676 You know what else is fun? Watching Mr. Belvedere 114 00:07:29,796 --> 00:07:31,795 without people talking so loud. 115 00:07:31,955 --> 00:07:33,315 So I was thinking we could... 116 00:07:45,154 --> 00:07:47,634 Hello. Hey, Lois, what's up? 117 00:07:47,754 --> 00:07:50,474 Milk? Yeah, I'll pick some up at the end of my shift. 118 00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:53,114 Gotta go. First fare of the night. 119 00:07:55,354 --> 00:07:58,193 I should really pick up that milk now before I forget. 120 00:07:59,393 --> 00:08:01,233 You son of a bitch! 121 00:08:03,553 --> 00:08:06,553 Hey, Brian, you see that magazine cover right there? See who's on it? 122 00:08:06,673 --> 00:08:09,593 - Yeah, that's Jessica Alba. - Yeah, you want to know a secret, buddy? 123 00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:10,953 - What? - I would do her. 124 00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:12,192 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 125 00:08:12,312 --> 00:08:15,432 I just wanted you to know a little bit about who I am. 126 00:08:15,552 --> 00:08:16,792 Thanks for the milk, Carl. 127 00:08:18,072 --> 00:08:20,952 What the hell? $400? 128 00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:24,752 My God, this is a bigger ripoff than Peter's Sounds of the Rainforest CD. 129 00:08:25,152 --> 00:08:27,431 This will help us fall asleep, Lois. 130 00:08:42,630 --> 00:08:44,870 All right, let's get rid of all these trees. 131 00:08:44,990 --> 00:08:47,870 Once they're gone, this'll be a great place to raise cheap beef. 132 00:08:47,990 --> 00:08:50,070 - Up yours, Sting! - Yeah, yeah! 133 00:08:50,190 --> 00:08:51,870 Hey, what's that song he does that I hate? 134 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,989 - Desert Rose. - Yeah, yeah, that song sucks. 135 00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,789 Meg, I'm going to lunch now, and I'm having pizza. 136 00:09:00,869 --> 00:09:05,309 So if you see the Noid running around, tell him if he ruins my pizza's freshness, 137 00:09:05,429 --> 00:09:07,148 I'll snap his neck. 138 00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:12,628 Hey, Meg, I need to see the Mayor about this $400 parking ticket. 139 00:09:12,708 --> 00:09:16,188 Brian, you can't just barge in here. You have to make an appointment. 140 00:09:16,308 --> 00:09:18,068 But this is flat-out extortion. 141 00:09:18,148 --> 00:09:21,507 No, it's not. Adam can charge whatever he wants for a parking ticket. 142 00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:23,563 You know, Meg, that guy's been playing fast and loose 143 00:09:23,587 --> 00:09:25,507 with his position for years now, and I've had it. 144 00:09:25,627 --> 00:09:28,147 - He's a corrupt bastard. - That is not true. 145 00:09:28,227 --> 00:09:29,227 Yes, it is. 146 00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:32,067 Somebody's got to stand up and prove to this town that he's a crook. 147 00:09:32,187 --> 00:09:34,186 And it looks like it has to be me. 148 00:09:35,106 --> 00:09:36,466 What was all the commotion? 149 00:09:36,546 --> 00:09:37,826 Nothing, it was just... 150 00:09:57,545 --> 00:10:00,785 Perhaps it was the Noid who should've avoided me. 151 00:10:07,304 --> 00:10:08,784 You know what, Brian? 152 00:10:08,864 --> 00:10:11,544 It took me two hours to spell "hat" with these things. 153 00:10:11,664 --> 00:10:15,024 I finally got the "T" right side up, and then you come in here... 154 00:10:15,463 --> 00:10:17,863 You're a bastard. Where are you going? 155 00:10:17,943 --> 00:10:21,343 I'm going to expose Mayor West as the corrupt politician that he is. 156 00:10:21,463 --> 00:10:24,103 I'm on my way to meet a source who won't talk to me over the phone. 157 00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:26,263 Scandal in Quahog. Count me in. 158 00:10:28,823 --> 00:10:30,982 Oh, my God, speed up, speed up, speed up. 159 00:10:32,062 --> 00:10:35,502 There you are, you honky son of a bitch, come back here. 160 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:43,541 Thank you for coming, Deep Throat. 161 00:10:43,661 --> 00:10:45,861 You'll understand if I don't come out from the shadows. 162 00:10:45,941 --> 00:10:48,701 My identity will be safest if you never see my face. 163 00:10:48,821 --> 00:10:49,901 Okay. 164 00:10:50,021 --> 00:10:52,621 Mayor West hasn't slept at home for three nights. 165 00:10:52,741 --> 00:10:54,221 Kermit the Frog? 166 00:10:54,661 --> 00:10:57,140 Somebody talked! No one is safe! I'm getting out of here! 167 00:10:59,060 --> 00:11:00,340 What's his appeal? 168 00:11:12,459 --> 00:11:13,859 Well, that wasn't very good. 169 00:11:13,979 --> 00:11:15,979 We're never gonna win that talent show. 170 00:11:16,099 --> 00:11:19,179 Hey, now, Peter, you gotta remember that when we used to write the old songs, 171 00:11:19,299 --> 00:11:21,739 we had a lot of "inspiration," huh? 172 00:11:22,539 --> 00:11:26,578 You know, I think Brian may have some inspiration in a cigar box under his bed. 173 00:11:26,698 --> 00:11:29,058 I don't know, Lois. I don't think this is gonna work. 174 00:11:29,138 --> 00:11:31,178 Come on, we can't give up on our goals. 175 00:11:31,298 --> 00:11:32,818 What if Jesus had done that? 176 00:11:37,737 --> 00:11:40,137 Why is the ironing board still out? 177 00:11:42,297 --> 00:11:46,897 That's my favorite picture of Brian over there on that wall. 178 00:11:47,137 --> 00:11:50,737 He wants to have sex with me so bad. 179 00:11:53,896 --> 00:11:54,896 He's not... 180 00:11:55,056 --> 00:11:57,496 He's not gonna get to. 181 00:12:06,335 --> 00:12:08,455 All right. There he goes. Let's move. 182 00:12:10,215 --> 00:12:11,855 I say, what are we looking for? 183 00:12:11,975 --> 00:12:14,175 I don't know, some proof of Mayor West's corruption. 184 00:12:15,055 --> 00:12:17,375 Whoa, whoa, what the hell are you guys doing here? 185 00:12:17,455 --> 00:12:20,134 I'm sorry. We happen to be here to solve a case. 186 00:12:20,214 --> 00:12:22,134 - We were here first. - Well, 187 00:12:22,254 --> 00:12:25,414 you know, this is a free country, dude, and we are here to go to work. 188 00:12:25,534 --> 00:12:27,230 Free country, but this is our beat, you know? 189 00:12:27,254 --> 00:12:28,590 Yeah, but we are here to go to work. 190 00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:30,350 We've been called, and that's why we're here. 191 00:12:30,374 --> 00:12:31,294 You know what? I tell you. 192 00:12:31,374 --> 00:12:32,949 How about you just turn around and walk away? 193 00:12:32,973 --> 00:12:34,749 - No, I don't think so. - Hey, you know what... 194 00:12:34,773 --> 00:12:37,573 - We do not walk away. - I'll get you started. 195 00:12:45,853 --> 00:12:48,852 What are you doing here, Brian? Still trying to smear my boss? 196 00:12:48,972 --> 00:12:52,972 No, no, no. I actually came to my senses and realized I was out of line. 197 00:12:53,092 --> 00:12:55,052 I'm just here to apologize. 198 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:59,452 Oh, and you're so pretty. 199 00:13:00,371 --> 00:13:04,691 - You're always pretty. - You guys are so sweet. 200 00:13:05,291 --> 00:13:08,691 - Well, it's my pleasure. - Hey, can you guys hold on a sec? 201 00:13:08,811 --> 00:13:11,811 - I gotta get this to Helen in Accounting. - Okay, bye. 202 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,170 Aha! 203 00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:19,010 The Mayor's datebook. This should tell us what we wanna know. 204 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,450 All right, let's get out of here. 205 00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:23,410 Oh, God, I feel more delirious than my cousin, Stewie Cruise. 206 00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,330 I'm in love with Katie Holmes! I'm in love with Katie Holmes! 207 00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:28,809 I'm not gay! Go see my new movie! 208 00:13:28,929 --> 00:13:31,089 I'm in love with Katie Holmes! I'm not gay! 209 00:13:33,049 --> 00:13:37,409 All we need is one incriminating entry in this datebook, and that's our ticket to... 210 00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:40,089 Hey, Brian. What's up? 211 00:13:41,048 --> 00:13:43,408 Hi, Lois, Peter. 212 00:13:43,528 --> 00:13:46,728 Brian, did you know this couch was here? 213 00:13:46,888 --> 00:13:49,408 It's so comfortable. 214 00:13:49,488 --> 00:13:52,128 Hey, Lois, look how short Stewie is. 215 00:13:52,968 --> 00:13:54,807 He's so short. 216 00:13:56,287 --> 00:13:58,727 Oh, my God. He is short. 217 00:14:03,687 --> 00:14:04,687 Hey. 218 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,287 Hey, Brian. 219 00:14:06,807 --> 00:14:09,246 He's knocking on the back door. 220 00:14:09,566 --> 00:14:11,166 What should I do? 221 00:14:11,246 --> 00:14:12,246 What? 222 00:14:12,326 --> 00:14:15,006 He's knocking on the back door. 223 00:14:15,086 --> 00:14:16,606 Should I let him in? 224 00:14:16,726 --> 00:14:18,206 I'm scared. 225 00:14:18,286 --> 00:14:20,446 Well, you two are busy being nude. 226 00:14:20,566 --> 00:14:24,325 So, we'll just head out and 227 00:14:25,085 --> 00:14:27,165 let you be nude. 228 00:14:27,925 --> 00:14:31,805 - Who were those guys? - I don't know. 229 00:14:31,885 --> 00:14:33,445 Room for one more? 230 00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,724 Well, this is the last entry in the datebook. 231 00:14:39,844 --> 00:14:43,284 "Super secret meeting at motel. Inform no one." 232 00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:44,644 I think we got him now. 233 00:14:44,764 --> 00:14:46,780 You know, you really shouldn't lie on that bedspread. 234 00:14:46,804 --> 00:14:50,083 I saw this report on TV about how filthy hotel rooms are. 235 00:14:50,163 --> 00:14:51,923 In a moment, we will use the special lights 236 00:14:52,003 --> 00:14:55,843 to see just how filthy this seemingly clean hotel room really is. 237 00:15:01,763 --> 00:15:03,522 Well? What do you see? 238 00:15:06,002 --> 00:15:09,402 Oh, Jem, you are truly outrageous. 239 00:15:09,522 --> 00:15:11,882 Truly, truly, truly outrageous. 240 00:15:12,322 --> 00:15:15,002 I see a grown man enjoying cartoons. 241 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:19,961 Well, that's it, then. The only thing this guy is guilty of is being a whack job. 242 00:15:20,041 --> 00:15:22,041 Wait, wait, wait. Somebody's coming in. 243 00:15:22,161 --> 00:15:23,641 It's just some fat hooker. 244 00:15:24,161 --> 00:15:27,201 - Oh, my God, it's Meg! - What? 245 00:15:27,321 --> 00:15:29,241 Meg and Adam West. Ew! 246 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:31,840 Sorry, sorry. 247 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,240 God, this is incredible. 248 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:42,320 The Mayor is dating a teenage intern, and it's Meg. 249 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,480 What a story. 250 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,639 This is the perfect scandal to take him down. 251 00:15:45,759 --> 00:15:48,919 - All we need is taped evidence. - Well, I've got the disguises right here. 252 00:15:51,279 --> 00:15:53,919 I thought you were supposed to get the suit and the top hat. 253 00:15:54,039 --> 00:15:55,039 I liked this one better. 254 00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,959 Anything to wear a dress, huh? 255 00:16:00,118 --> 00:16:02,198 Gosh, you're swell, Meg. 256 00:16:02,318 --> 00:16:04,318 I really have a great time when I'm with you. 257 00:16:04,438 --> 00:16:06,998 Mayor West, I feel exactly the same way. 258 00:16:07,118 --> 00:16:09,398 Please, please. Call me Mayor ChapStick. 259 00:16:10,238 --> 00:16:12,397 Well, we should probably go. 260 00:16:12,477 --> 00:16:14,397 Here they come. Kiss me. 261 00:16:16,637 --> 00:16:18,437 Come on, we gotta follow them. 262 00:16:19,197 --> 00:16:20,197 Stewie? 263 00:16:20,237 --> 00:16:21,477 Huh? Oh. Oh. 264 00:16:21,597 --> 00:16:23,437 - Everything all right? - Yeah. 265 00:16:23,517 --> 00:16:24,517 Uh... 266 00:16:24,757 --> 00:16:26,676 Hey, listen, freaking shot in the dark. 267 00:16:26,796 --> 00:16:28,276 You wanna do something sometime? 268 00:16:31,356 --> 00:16:35,196 Great practice, Lois. We are totally ready for that talent show. 269 00:16:35,356 --> 00:16:37,996 Oh, my God, Peter, I am so wasted. 270 00:16:38,116 --> 00:16:41,555 All I want to do is make cookies. Oh, my God, I have a great idea. 271 00:16:41,635 --> 00:16:44,035 - Let's make cookies. - We don't have to, Lois. 272 00:16:44,155 --> 00:16:47,635 Look, there's a magical land of desserts right behind you. 273 00:16:59,874 --> 00:17:02,034 Help! Stop! 274 00:17:07,513 --> 00:17:11,193 - Oh, Brian. You scared me. - Another late night, huh? 275 00:17:11,393 --> 00:17:15,033 - Yeah, Mayor West keeps me pretty busy. - Yeah, I noticed. 276 00:17:17,073 --> 00:17:18,353 Where did you get that? 277 00:17:18,433 --> 00:17:20,353 Meg, what the hell have you gotten yourself into? 278 00:17:20,432 --> 00:17:22,632 You realize he probably does this with every new intern. 279 00:17:22,712 --> 00:17:24,912 That's not true. Adam and I are in love. 280 00:17:25,032 --> 00:17:29,032 Don't be ridiculous. Listen, I'm warning you because I care about you. 281 00:17:29,112 --> 00:17:30,792 I am going to the press with this story, 282 00:17:30,872 --> 00:17:34,151 and when it hits, it'll be bigger than Uncle Sam's nipples. 283 00:17:34,871 --> 00:17:38,351 - Jeez! What the hell? - They're called nipples, guys. 284 00:17:38,431 --> 00:17:39,791 They're freaking huge. 285 00:17:39,871 --> 00:17:42,631 You know what? Maybe we can just all relax and enjoy the sauna. 286 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:52,110 - I have to tell you something, Adam. - You're an alien. I know. 287 00:17:52,230 --> 00:17:56,270 No, no, my dog is gonna expose our relationship to the press. 288 00:17:56,350 --> 00:17:57,550 Well, so what? 289 00:17:59,990 --> 00:18:03,509 I told you that I'd wait for you until you're 18 or 21. 290 00:18:03,629 --> 00:18:05,989 Or maybe 25, when you can legally rent a car. 291 00:18:06,069 --> 00:18:07,069 They don't care. 292 00:18:07,149 --> 00:18:08,909 They're gonna make you look like a monster. 293 00:18:08,989 --> 00:18:09,989 I see. 294 00:18:10,069 --> 00:18:13,189 Well, Meg, I'm a public figure. I'm used to the tabloids' doodie. 295 00:18:13,269 --> 00:18:14,629 It's you I'm worried about. 296 00:18:14,709 --> 00:18:17,868 You're just a sweet young lady with her whole life ahead of her. 297 00:18:17,948 --> 00:18:21,548 This story could ruin your future, and I can't let that happen. 298 00:18:21,748 --> 00:18:24,148 I'll take the fall, no matter what. 299 00:18:26,908 --> 00:18:29,907 Goodbye, Meg. I'll always value your friendship. 300 00:18:30,387 --> 00:18:32,307 I love you, Mayor ChapStick. 301 00:18:36,467 --> 00:18:39,027 Brian? What are you doing here? 302 00:18:39,147 --> 00:18:41,907 I just wanted to give you this. 303 00:18:42,306 --> 00:18:44,586 I don't think I'll be needing it anymore. 304 00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,826 I got so caught up in taking down Mayor West 305 00:18:46,906 --> 00:18:49,266 that I just lost sight of right and wrong. 306 00:18:49,786 --> 00:18:52,586 - Thank you, Brian. - Well, can I give you a lift home? 307 00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:53,746 My cab's right outside. 308 00:19:06,025 --> 00:19:07,905 Good evening. I'm Diane Simmons, 309 00:19:08,025 --> 00:19:11,264 and I'd like to welcome you to Quahog's Fifth Annual Talent Show. 310 00:19:11,344 --> 00:19:14,024 Let's have a round of applause for our first performer. 311 00:19:20,104 --> 00:19:21,504 Play me off, Johnny. 312 00:19:27,703 --> 00:19:29,823 What else be funny tonight? 313 00:19:30,023 --> 00:19:32,263 Star Jones got married. That was in the news. 314 00:19:32,383 --> 00:19:36,623 Married a black fellow, which is quite a surprise because I'd call her quite a catch. 315 00:19:36,703 --> 00:19:40,342 And black guys, by and large, they're not so helpful on a fishing vessel. 316 00:19:40,462 --> 00:19:42,862 Now, Portuguese, absolutely, absolutely. 317 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,742 I even had a couple of Japanese guys who worked out great. 318 00:19:45,862 --> 00:19:48,502 Thank you very much. You guys have been terrific. 319 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:52,141 And now, our final performance of the night. 320 00:19:52,301 --> 00:19:54,821 Let's hear it for Handful of Peter. 321 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:48,377 I can't believe we lost the talent show. What'd we do wrong? 322 00:20:48,457 --> 00:20:50,433 Well, Dad, I think I can shed a little light on that. 323 00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:51,937 You guys were so baked, 324 00:20:52,057 --> 00:20:54,777 you didn't sound anywhere near as good as you thought you did. 325 00:20:54,857 --> 00:20:55,977 I was in the audience. 326 00:21:06,176 --> 00:21:08,736 And here we thought the weed was inspiring us. 327 00:21:08,856 --> 00:21:11,136 Well, that's a popular misconception, Mom and Dad. 328 00:21:11,216 --> 00:21:15,015 But the fact is the chief ingredient in marijuana is THC, 329 00:21:15,175 --> 00:21:16,535 a mild form of acid, 330 00:21:16,615 --> 00:21:19,135 prolonged usage of which can cause adverse effects 331 00:21:19,215 --> 00:21:21,695 to your sexual potency, short-term memory loss, 332 00:21:21,815 --> 00:21:24,455 and can also severely damage your brain tissue, 333 00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,854 central nervous system and basic motor skills. 334 00:21:26,974 --> 00:21:30,734 To put it simply, Mom and Dad, there's a reason that they call it dope. 335 00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:33,374 Trying to watch Mr. Belvedere. 336 00:21:33,494 --> 00:21:35,374 So my advice to the two of you would be...