1 00:00:33,137 --> 00:00:35,497 - Chris, did you get your homework done? - Yup. 2 00:00:35,617 --> 00:00:37,457 Chris, I know when you're lying to me. 3 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,576 Just like Santa Claus knows when you're sleeping. 4 00:00:40,696 --> 00:00:41,776 What was that? 5 00:00:41,896 --> 00:00:43,136 Hey, what the hell? 6 00:00:43,296 --> 00:00:44,456 Uh, hey. 7 00:00:45,616 --> 00:00:47,336 - Get out of here! - Okay, okay! 8 00:00:47,456 --> 00:00:49,416 No, Mom. I got it all done. 9 00:00:49,536 --> 00:00:50,696 For my science homework, 10 00:00:50,775 --> 00:00:54,375 I had to make a shoebox diarrhea of the evolution of man. 11 00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:55,975 You mean diorama? 12 00:00:57,055 --> 00:00:58,055 Uh-oh. 13 00:00:58,175 --> 00:00:59,895 Hey, Lois, I got your pregnancy test. 14 00:01:00,015 --> 00:01:01,111 What the hell you need this for? 15 00:01:01,135 --> 00:01:03,574 I need it because I think I might be pregnant. 16 00:01:03,694 --> 00:01:06,054 What? My God, are you sure it's yours? 17 00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:07,294 Lois pregnant? 18 00:01:07,374 --> 00:01:10,214 I didn't think the fat man still had that kind of marksmanship. 19 00:01:10,294 --> 00:01:12,494 But that's what they said about Lee Harvey Oswald. 20 00:01:13,014 --> 00:01:14,293 Hey, Mr. President! 21 00:01:14,413 --> 00:01:17,053 Mr. President, up here! I voted for you! 22 00:01:17,173 --> 00:01:18,173 Wait a minute. 23 00:01:18,213 --> 00:01:20,213 That guy on the grassy knoll's got a gun. 24 00:01:20,333 --> 00:01:21,613 He's gonna shoot the President. 25 00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,533 Holy smokes, I've got to do something. 26 00:01:23,773 --> 00:01:24,933 All right, Lee. 27 00:01:25,053 --> 00:01:27,412 Time to become an American hero. 28 00:01:33,132 --> 00:01:35,932 Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines... 29 00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,412 Oh, God, I hope you're not pregnant. 30 00:01:37,452 --> 00:01:38,691 We can't afford another kid. 31 00:01:38,771 --> 00:01:40,491 We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, 32 00:01:40,611 --> 00:01:42,851 Joanie, Greg, Marcia, Bobby, Jan, 33 00:01:42,931 --> 00:01:46,291 Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley... 34 00:01:46,411 --> 00:01:47,547 Peter, those aren't your kids. 35 00:01:47,571 --> 00:01:48,667 That's the Nick at Nite lineup. 36 00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:51,570 Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda... 37 00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:52,610 That's Street Fighter. 38 00:01:52,690 --> 00:01:53,690 Red, blue, green. 39 00:01:53,770 --> 00:01:55,050 Those are colors. 40 00:01:55,170 --> 00:01:57,570 God, I can't believe we weren't more careful. 41 00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,330 This probably happened that night we tried role-playing. 42 00:02:00,530 --> 00:02:02,689 Oh, I need a spanking. 43 00:02:02,769 --> 00:02:05,049 I'm a bad, bad girl. 44 00:02:05,129 --> 00:02:09,169 I'm a paladin with 18 charisma and 97 hit points. 45 00:02:09,409 --> 00:02:13,208 I can use my helm of disintegration and do one-D-four damage 46 00:02:13,288 --> 00:02:17,088 as my half-elf mage wields his plus-five holy avenger. 47 00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:19,648 Paladins can't use the helm of disintegration. 48 00:02:19,768 --> 00:02:22,768 Oh. Okay, then I'm a black guy. 49 00:02:23,128 --> 00:02:24,687 Oh, thank God. It's negative. 50 00:02:24,807 --> 00:02:27,647 Ooh. Dodged a bullet there, right? Although, I got to tell you, 51 00:02:27,727 --> 00:02:29,367 I was kind of getting used to the idea 52 00:02:29,447 --> 00:02:31,047 of having a little brother or sister. 53 00:02:31,167 --> 00:02:33,407 Peter, we can't risk these things anymore. 54 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:34,767 You're absolutely right. 55 00:02:34,887 --> 00:02:36,327 Lois, you're getting your tubes tied. 56 00:02:36,446 --> 00:02:38,006 Why should I get my tubes tied? 57 00:02:38,086 --> 00:02:39,606 You should get a vasectomy. 58 00:02:39,686 --> 00:02:41,286 First of all, I don't know what that is, 59 00:02:41,406 --> 00:02:42,926 and, second of all, no freaking way. 60 00:02:43,046 --> 00:02:44,326 Peter, it's the male equivalent 61 00:02:44,446 --> 00:02:45,766 of a woman getting her tubes tied, 62 00:02:45,806 --> 00:02:47,806 except, it's actually a lot quicker and safer. 63 00:02:47,886 --> 00:02:49,085 Let these guys explain. 64 00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:16,603 Well, I'm starting to get the picture, but how's it done? 65 00:04:33,637 --> 00:04:36,596 Lois, I know how to settle our vasectomy dispute. 66 00:04:37,516 --> 00:04:40,796 A no-rules funny car race from here to Boston. 67 00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:42,676 Last one to Fenway gets snipped. 68 00:04:42,756 --> 00:04:43,996 Peter, what the hell? 69 00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:45,396 Where did these things come from? 70 00:04:45,436 --> 00:04:47,355 They were Loretta's. Please take them, 71 00:04:47,515 --> 00:04:49,475 they are no longer funny to me. 72 00:04:49,675 --> 00:04:50,675 Go! 73 00:05:18,113 --> 00:05:20,992 Almost there. Eat my dust, Lois. 74 00:05:41,991 --> 00:05:44,670 Well, it looks like I'm a man with no sperm. 75 00:05:44,790 --> 00:05:47,230 But I'll always be a man with no sperm 76 00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:49,670 who once had a wonderful day. 77 00:05:53,230 --> 00:05:55,190 Well, guys, my vasectomy is tomorrow. 78 00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:56,709 You poor bastard. 79 00:05:56,789 --> 00:05:59,749 After all, sex is pointless without potency. 80 00:05:59,829 --> 00:06:02,709 That's right. You take the venom out of a cobra and what do you got? 81 00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:04,909 You got a, a belt. 82 00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,509 It's not that big a deal. 83 00:06:06,629 --> 00:06:09,188 A bunch of the guys on the force have had vasectomies, 84 00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:11,148 and their lives haven't changed at all. 85 00:06:11,228 --> 00:06:12,508 Would you ever have one? 86 00:06:12,628 --> 00:06:14,028 Never! 87 00:06:15,788 --> 00:06:18,324 Well, yeah. But what if me and Lois do end up wanting another baby? 88 00:06:18,348 --> 00:06:19,348 Lt'll be too late. 89 00:06:19,428 --> 00:06:20,867 You could freeze some of your sperm 90 00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:22,667 at the sperm bank just in case. 91 00:06:22,747 --> 00:06:23,787 I don't know, Cleveland. 92 00:06:23,907 --> 00:06:26,027 It didn't work out so great that time I froze my nuts. 93 00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:30,307 No! No! Bad squirrel. 94 00:06:31,426 --> 00:06:33,826 Those are my nuts. My nuts! 95 00:06:33,906 --> 00:06:36,266 You're just a hungry little fellow, aren't you? 96 00:06:36,346 --> 00:06:38,026 But those are my nuts! 97 00:06:39,146 --> 00:06:41,226 No. Oh, God, no! My nuts! My nuts! 98 00:06:44,625 --> 00:06:46,265 - Hey, Brian. You want to play tag? - No. 99 00:06:46,385 --> 00:06:47,385 - Freeze tag? - No. 100 00:06:47,465 --> 00:06:48,465 - TV tag? - No. 101 00:06:48,505 --> 00:06:50,465 If I can get some guys you want to play Red Rover? 102 00:06:50,545 --> 00:06:52,025 No. Maybe. You get the guys first. 103 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:53,705 We'll talk about it. 104 00:06:55,024 --> 00:06:56,984 No! Jungle gym mine! 105 00:06:57,104 --> 00:06:59,184 Hey, where'd you get the Pete Rose haircut? 106 00:07:01,784 --> 00:07:04,904 Anyone else want to feel my Weebok in their grapes? 107 00:07:05,664 --> 00:07:07,583 Then you'll all do as I say. 108 00:07:07,663 --> 00:07:09,663 - Hi. - Well, hello there. 109 00:07:10,783 --> 00:07:12,423 Yes, that's right, cry. 110 00:07:12,543 --> 00:07:15,023 Cry like Sauron when he lost his contact lens. 111 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,943 Nobody move! Nobody move! 112 00:07:17,063 --> 00:07:18,502 Does anybody see it? 113 00:07:18,622 --> 00:07:20,302 It might be stuck to a tree or a rock. 114 00:07:20,422 --> 00:07:21,542 Anyone? 115 00:07:21,622 --> 00:07:23,462 Oh, I am so grounded. 116 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:28,382 Hi, there. Peter Griffin. I've got an appointment 117 00:07:28,462 --> 00:07:31,341 to, uh, banish a White Russian from my Kremlin. 118 00:07:31,421 --> 00:07:34,341 Well, we don't have empty rooms right now, but if you'll have a seat... 119 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,941 Yeah. I kind of warmed myself up 120 00:07:37,061 --> 00:07:38,541 in the car if you catch my drift. 121 00:07:38,661 --> 00:07:41,421 - I could put you in the storage freezer. - That'll work. 122 00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:44,380 Nurse, I've got a splinter. 123 00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:47,140 Just come out whenever you're done. 124 00:07:48,460 --> 00:07:52,100 Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! 125 00:07:53,779 --> 00:07:55,179 Oh, God! I... 126 00:07:55,419 --> 00:07:57,379 I think I feel them moving. 127 00:07:57,499 --> 00:08:00,099 Hi. My partner and I want to have a baby. 128 00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:01,619 We'd like a vial of sperm 129 00:08:01,739 --> 00:08:04,859 and an applicator that looks like Jodie Foster's knuckles. 130 00:08:04,939 --> 00:08:07,618 Certainly. Let me just go to the freezer. 131 00:08:08,818 --> 00:08:11,418 Mr. Griffin, you were in there an awfully long time. 132 00:08:11,498 --> 00:08:13,658 - Are you all right? - Yup, yup. Fine, fine. 133 00:08:13,738 --> 00:08:15,618 And just so you know, everything in there 134 00:08:15,698 --> 00:08:17,537 is exactly the way it was when I went in. 135 00:08:17,617 --> 00:08:20,737 There is absolutely zero chance that I spilled all the jars 136 00:08:20,857 --> 00:08:22,353 and had to refill them with my own sperm. 137 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,377 Zero chance. 138 00:08:31,296 --> 00:08:32,576 It's a boy! 139 00:08:34,376 --> 00:08:37,096 Victory shall be mine! 140 00:08:44,655 --> 00:08:49,015 We now return to Tony Danza and Sylvester Stallone in What? 141 00:09:02,214 --> 00:09:03,614 Peter, we have to talk. 142 00:09:03,734 --> 00:09:05,933 We haven't had sex since your vasectomy. 143 00:09:06,053 --> 00:09:07,613 Yeah, I just don't feel like it, Lois, 144 00:09:07,733 --> 00:09:09,693 seeing as how I'm not a real man anymore. 145 00:09:09,773 --> 00:09:12,093 Honey, it was just a simple operation. 146 00:09:12,173 --> 00:09:14,373 It's no reason to give up on your sex life. 147 00:09:14,493 --> 00:09:16,812 I don't know, Lois. I'm just not feeling it anymore. 148 00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:18,972 Besides, it gives me time to try new things, 149 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,052 like that time I tried wearing adult diapers. 150 00:09:21,452 --> 00:09:22,692 Hey, Lois. Hey, kids. 151 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,292 Oh, boy, that smells delicious. 152 00:09:24,412 --> 00:09:26,132 You know, I'd love to stay and eat with you, 153 00:09:26,212 --> 00:09:29,251 but I got to go meet Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire down at... 154 00:09:31,651 --> 00:09:33,371 the bar. So just put my dinner 155 00:09:33,451 --> 00:09:35,131 in the fridge and I'll heat it up later. 156 00:09:35,251 --> 00:09:36,251 Love you. 157 00:09:39,450 --> 00:09:40,730 You, go get me an ice cream. 158 00:09:40,850 --> 00:09:41,850 You, clear the slide. 159 00:09:41,890 --> 00:09:43,130 I'm going down in five minutes. 160 00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:45,530 You! Did you get me my Cheez Whiz, boy? 161 00:09:46,530 --> 00:09:47,770 You're my boyfriend. 162 00:09:47,930 --> 00:09:49,170 Yes, dear. Of course I am. 163 00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:51,089 Now, where's Lloyd with our Fun Dip? 164 00:09:51,169 --> 00:09:54,009 Good God! Running an empire is harder than finding diversity 165 00:09:54,089 --> 00:09:56,089 in the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. 166 00:10:00,049 --> 00:10:01,585 Ooh! Ooh! There he is. There he is. Right there. 167 00:10:01,609 --> 00:10:02,609 Ah, found him. 168 00:10:02,688 --> 00:10:04,168 That was a tricky one. 169 00:10:05,328 --> 00:10:06,528 No kidding. He looks weird. 170 00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:09,048 What the deuce is all the commotion? 171 00:10:09,128 --> 00:10:10,768 All right. Out of my way. Move aside. 172 00:10:10,848 --> 00:10:13,448 What the hell is so bloody fascinating? 173 00:10:13,568 --> 00:10:15,007 You! 174 00:10:15,127 --> 00:10:16,447 Well, well, well. 175 00:10:16,647 --> 00:10:18,967 If it isn't my half brother Stewie! 176 00:10:19,047 --> 00:10:22,127 Bertram! I haven't seen you since our microscopic encounter. 177 00:10:22,207 --> 00:10:24,207 How the deuce did you get out of Peter's testicles? 178 00:10:24,287 --> 00:10:25,847 - He donated sperm. - Gross. 179 00:10:25,927 --> 00:10:27,502 Well, I don't mean to be a discourteous host, 180 00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:29,006 but this is my playground. 181 00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:30,326 I rule this territory. 182 00:10:30,406 --> 00:10:32,766 My, my! What an amusingly misguided view. 183 00:10:32,846 --> 00:10:36,846 Very well, then. You leave me no choice but to declare war! 184 00:10:36,926 --> 00:10:40,965 So be it. I'll do to you what B.C. does to comedy on a daily basis. 185 00:10:41,085 --> 00:10:42,965 Hey, why is Juan so happy? 186 00:10:43,045 --> 00:10:45,365 I think he finally figured himself out. 187 00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:48,365 Huh, I guess it takes Juan to know Juan. 188 00:10:53,084 --> 00:10:54,964 Hey, boys. You having a midnight snack? 189 00:10:55,084 --> 00:10:56,084 - Hmm. - Mmm-hmm. 190 00:10:56,124 --> 00:10:58,484 I'm just gonna grab something, too, and go back to bed 191 00:10:58,604 --> 00:11:00,484 alone again. 192 00:11:00,884 --> 00:11:01,963 Night. 193 00:11:02,723 --> 00:11:04,363 You know, Lois has gotten kind of fat 194 00:11:04,443 --> 00:11:06,003 since you guys stopped having sex. 195 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:09,683 It might be time to, you know, have some sex. 196 00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,259 You know, at first I didn't want to do it 'cause of the vasectomy. 197 00:11:12,283 --> 00:11:14,522 But now it's just... I mean, look at her. 198 00:11:14,642 --> 00:11:16,402 She's got elbow cleavage. 199 00:11:16,522 --> 00:11:19,322 You know, that little wrinkle that fat people get on their elbows 200 00:11:19,442 --> 00:11:20,482 that looks like a schwa? 201 00:11:20,602 --> 00:11:22,562 I mean, you wouldn't have sex with her, would you? 202 00:11:22,602 --> 00:11:23,922 - Oh, yeah, I would. - Really? 203 00:11:24,002 --> 00:11:25,922 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I would do everything to her. 204 00:11:25,961 --> 00:11:27,241 I don't care what she looks like. 205 00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:28,681 I would wreck that chick. 206 00:11:28,761 --> 00:11:30,121 Well, you are a trouper. 207 00:11:33,001 --> 00:11:34,601 Sorry. Fat wife coming through. 208 00:11:34,681 --> 00:11:37,040 Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. Fat wife. 209 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:38,400 Oh, hold on a sec. 210 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:42,640 All right, bring her through. 211 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:43,760 Peter, stop it. 212 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,000 For God's sake, you're embarrassing me. 213 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,280 Not as embarrassed as I was 214 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,519 when I got that job entertaining prison inmates. 215 00:11:49,639 --> 00:11:50,839 Do it again, Griffin. 216 00:11:50,959 --> 00:11:52,679 Come on. I just did it, like, five times. 217 00:11:52,759 --> 00:11:53,919 Do it! 218 00:12:03,918 --> 00:12:05,438 Look, honey, with all due respect, 219 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,998 you've gained some weight recently. 220 00:12:07,118 --> 00:12:08,518 It's five pounds at the most. 221 00:12:08,598 --> 00:12:09,678 It's not a big deal. 222 00:12:09,798 --> 00:12:13,157 It's a slippery slope, Lois. You start with five pounds and then one day, boom! 223 00:12:13,237 --> 00:12:16,237 You wake up and you're on The Practice with 16 rings in your ear. 224 00:12:16,357 --> 00:12:18,477 You're one to talk. Look how fat you are. 225 00:12:18,557 --> 00:12:19,797 Lois, men aren't fat. 226 00:12:19,917 --> 00:12:21,437 Only fat women are fat. 227 00:12:21,557 --> 00:12:24,596 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go warn the chef that you've arrived. 228 00:12:26,356 --> 00:12:28,596 He wants fat? I'll show him fat. 229 00:12:28,716 --> 00:12:31,116 The only reason I'm eating anyway is because of him. 230 00:12:31,196 --> 00:12:32,756 He won't touch me. 231 00:12:34,676 --> 00:12:35,915 Do you think I'm fat? 232 00:12:36,035 --> 00:12:37,331 Only if you think I'm a serial killer. 233 00:12:37,355 --> 00:12:38,355 - What? - Nothing. 234 00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:40,835 Attention, all hands. 235 00:12:40,915 --> 00:12:42,635 We're going to launch a massive air strike 236 00:12:42,715 --> 00:12:44,035 against Bertram and his army. 237 00:12:44,115 --> 00:12:45,715 Behold the armada. 238 00:12:49,234 --> 00:12:50,474 It's quite simple, actually. 239 00:12:50,554 --> 00:12:52,234 You press the smiling duck to take off, 240 00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:54,554 the cow with the bow tie to fire weapons, 241 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:57,514 and the clown face is just a clown face. Enjoy it. 242 00:12:57,594 --> 00:12:59,753 Now, battle stations, everyone! 243 00:13:00,793 --> 00:13:04,113 At my signal, unleash hell! 244 00:13:18,032 --> 00:13:19,552 What took you so long? 245 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,432 What took you so ugly? 246 00:14:07,148 --> 00:14:08,148 Well, now what? 247 00:14:08,188 --> 00:14:09,563 - You want to play 20 questions? - Sure. 248 00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:10,947 - Uh, is it a man? - Yes. 249 00:14:11,027 --> 00:14:12,027 - Is he famous? - Yes. 250 00:14:12,107 --> 00:14:13,107 - Is he under 40? - No. 251 00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,227 - Over 40? - Yes. 252 00:14:14,307 --> 00:14:15,307 - On television? - Yes. 253 00:14:15,347 --> 00:14:16,347 - On television now? - No. 254 00:14:16,427 --> 00:14:17,667 - In the past 20 years? - Yes. 255 00:14:17,747 --> 00:14:19,227 - Is it Richard Mulligan? - Yes! 256 00:14:20,187 --> 00:14:22,826 Up until now, we've been fighting Bertram on his terms. 257 00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:25,226 Whoa, easy. Easy, girl. Easy, easy, easy. 258 00:14:25,346 --> 00:14:26,706 But I propose an invasion. 259 00:14:26,826 --> 00:14:28,786 We've got to fight him over there by the swing set 260 00:14:28,866 --> 00:14:30,866 so we don't have to fight him here at the sandbox. 261 00:14:30,986 --> 00:14:31,906 Stewie? 262 00:14:31,986 --> 00:14:32,986 What's this? 263 00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:36,705 A letter of surrender. We did it. 264 00:14:36,825 --> 00:14:38,465 Whew! It's a good thing, too, because 265 00:14:38,585 --> 00:14:40,185 I really didn't have an exit strategy. 266 00:14:40,265 --> 00:14:41,545 Yay, Stewie! 267 00:14:41,665 --> 00:14:43,345 Oh, thank you, darling. I... 268 00:14:43,545 --> 00:14:44,744 What is this? Makeup? 269 00:14:44,864 --> 00:14:46,264 Why are you wearing makeup? 270 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,384 Chicken pox! 271 00:14:52,104 --> 00:14:55,304 Damn you, Bertram. I thought we called no biological warfare. 272 00:14:55,424 --> 00:14:57,023 You swore on the seesaw. 273 00:15:01,503 --> 00:15:03,103 Stewie, there you are. 274 00:15:03,183 --> 00:15:04,983 Oh, my God. Your face. 275 00:15:05,063 --> 00:15:07,143 Oh, sweetie. You got the chicken pox. 276 00:15:07,263 --> 00:15:08,822 Come on, we got to get you out of here. 277 00:15:08,902 --> 00:15:11,422 No. No, damn you, I've got to finish what I've started! 278 00:15:11,542 --> 00:15:13,782 No... My God, you've put on weight. 279 00:15:13,862 --> 00:15:16,382 You're like one of those Memory Foam mattresses. 280 00:15:16,462 --> 00:15:18,222 Look, there's my face. 281 00:15:23,701 --> 00:15:25,021 Here you go, sweetie. 282 00:15:25,101 --> 00:15:27,701 A couple of more oatmeal baths and you'll be all better. 283 00:15:27,781 --> 00:15:29,381 Well, no need to clean up when I'm done. 284 00:15:29,501 --> 00:15:31,516 You'll probably just slice a couple of bananas in here 285 00:15:31,540 --> 00:15:33,500 and chow down, huh, porky? 286 00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:35,476 So what happened with that kid on the playground? 287 00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:36,540 He won this round, Brian. 288 00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:37,820 But I'm going back tomorrow. 289 00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,380 And when I've carried out my plan, he won't know what hit him, 290 00:15:40,460 --> 00:15:42,220 like that baseball team that Peter coached. 291 00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:43,819 Well, kids, just when I thought 292 00:15:43,939 --> 00:15:45,499 we'd never find an assistant coach, 293 00:15:45,579 --> 00:15:46,939 I ran into this drifter hanging out 294 00:15:47,019 --> 00:15:48,699 near the elementary school playground. 295 00:15:48,819 --> 00:15:50,299 He's got a clown costume in his trunk, 296 00:15:50,339 --> 00:15:51,699 so we know he's good with kids, 297 00:15:51,779 --> 00:15:53,819 and pictures of boys in their underwear, so 298 00:15:53,939 --> 00:15:55,499 he's probably had some medical training. 299 00:15:55,618 --> 00:15:57,418 Well, I'm gonna take off while he fits you 300 00:15:57,538 --> 00:15:59,258 for cups in that windowless supply shed. 301 00:15:59,378 --> 00:16:00,538 See you. 302 00:16:03,058 --> 00:16:05,298 This Friday on TNT, the world premiere 303 00:16:05,378 --> 00:16:07,577 of Morgan Freeman in The Narrator. 304 00:16:07,657 --> 00:16:09,737 Ever since I was a little boy, 305 00:16:09,857 --> 00:16:12,217 people have enjoyed the sound of my voice. 306 00:16:12,337 --> 00:16:14,937 And I figured you either get busy talking 307 00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,817 or you get busy dying. 308 00:16:16,897 --> 00:16:18,776 The work is really quite easy. 309 00:16:18,856 --> 00:16:21,696 Why, even right now, I'm just sitting in a chair 310 00:16:21,776 --> 00:16:24,456 sipping some tea and reading from a script. 311 00:16:24,576 --> 00:16:28,296 The wall is covered with something that resembles egg crates, 312 00:16:28,416 --> 00:16:31,695 except they're soft and spongy like a Twinkie. 313 00:16:32,055 --> 00:16:33,495 Like a Twinkie. 314 00:16:33,615 --> 00:16:36,655 Oh, hey, Hogzilla. You happen to see my hot wife Lois around? 315 00:16:36,735 --> 00:16:37,855 No, I haven't. 316 00:16:37,975 --> 00:16:40,575 Maybe she's out looking for a man who can satisfy her. 317 00:16:40,695 --> 00:16:42,894 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Do me a favor. 318 00:16:42,974 --> 00:16:44,934 When you go to sleep, aim your butt the other way. 319 00:16:44,974 --> 00:16:46,470 Last night, for God's sake, you farted. 320 00:16:46,494 --> 00:16:47,590 I felt like somebody was sticking me 321 00:16:47,614 --> 00:16:49,334 with a cigarette lighter from the car. 322 00:16:49,454 --> 00:16:51,614 - You're fat. - Shut up and go to sleep! 323 00:16:53,094 --> 00:16:54,853 Lois, you weigh a ton! Get off me! 324 00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:56,693 - I'm trying, I... - Try harder! 325 00:16:56,813 --> 00:17:00,413 - Peter, if you just stop for one second... - Lois, that hurts. Quit it. 326 00:17:04,373 --> 00:17:05,892 Peter, are we having sex? 327 00:17:06,012 --> 00:17:08,972 Let's check. Just lift up that fold right there. 328 00:17:09,092 --> 00:17:10,132 Uh, yup. 329 00:17:13,692 --> 00:17:15,732 Lois, last night was amazing. 330 00:17:15,852 --> 00:17:17,131 It was, wasn't it? 331 00:17:17,211 --> 00:17:19,931 Fat sex is the hottest sex we've ever had. 332 00:17:20,051 --> 00:17:22,627 There were so many boobs, I didn't know whose boobs I was grabbing, 333 00:17:22,651 --> 00:17:24,011 your boobs or my boobs. 334 00:17:24,091 --> 00:17:25,771 I know. It was amazing. 335 00:17:25,851 --> 00:17:29,130 Much better than that night you pretended your penis was Danny Aiello. 336 00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:33,050 Oh, that is so interesting, Danny Aiello. 337 00:17:33,170 --> 00:17:35,530 You've got the best Spike Lee stories. 338 00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:37,930 What's that? You want to meet my wife? 339 00:17:38,010 --> 00:17:39,250 Peter, stop it. 340 00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:40,489 Lois, just say hello. 341 00:17:40,569 --> 00:17:43,009 You're embarrassing me in front of Danny Aiello. 342 00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:45,849 Now, come here, my fat concubine. 343 00:17:45,969 --> 00:17:47,849 Hey, I'm not even hungry. 344 00:17:47,929 --> 00:17:49,929 I want you bigger. I want you fatter. 345 00:17:50,009 --> 00:17:51,329 It will please me. 346 00:17:55,568 --> 00:17:56,744 With Stewart out of the picture, 347 00:17:56,768 --> 00:18:00,088 this whole playground is under my control. 348 00:18:15,007 --> 00:18:16,566 I sense something. 349 00:18:16,686 --> 00:18:18,926 A presence I've not felt since... 350 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,206 Stewie, you're alive. 351 00:18:22,326 --> 00:18:23,806 Yes, Bertram, I'm alive. 352 00:18:23,926 --> 00:18:26,726 And I think you'll find all your guards quite incapacitated. 353 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:30,565 You have an annoying habit of turning up where you're not welcome. 354 00:18:30,645 --> 00:18:32,661 Well, when I'm done with you, you're going to hate me more 355 00:18:32,685 --> 00:18:34,485 than the other vowels hate "Y." 356 00:18:34,725 --> 00:18:36,845 If you'll turn to Page 34 of your blue books, 357 00:18:36,965 --> 00:18:38,685 you'll see our projections for next quarter, 358 00:18:38,805 --> 00:18:40,740 - which I can tell are... - Okay, okay. Yeah, all right. 359 00:18:40,764 --> 00:18:42,620 You know what? I'm in a meeting. I'll call you back. 360 00:18:42,644 --> 00:18:45,324 Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. 361 00:18:45,444 --> 00:18:47,764 - So, what are we talking about here? - Well, before you... 362 00:18:48,684 --> 00:18:50,764 Oh, I'm sorry. F, what's up? 363 00:18:50,883 --> 00:18:52,203 No, no. I can talk. 364 00:18:52,283 --> 00:18:53,323 En garde! 365 00:19:47,999 --> 00:19:49,359 Any last words? 366 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:51,678 You wouldn't kill me, would you? 367 00:19:52,998 --> 00:19:55,438 Thanks for helping me dig this hole, Mr. Montesante. 368 00:19:55,558 --> 00:19:56,958 Hey, no problem, Stewie. 369 00:19:57,078 --> 00:20:00,078 This can be a pain in the ass when you got to do it all by yourself. 370 00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:03,437 You're telling me. All right. Go ahead and drop it in. 371 00:20:03,557 --> 00:20:06,197 Oh, boy. That's gonna be beautiful when it reaches adulthood. 372 00:20:06,317 --> 00:20:07,797 Yeah. I love plants. 373 00:20:07,917 --> 00:20:09,973 So what happened with that kid you were telling me about? 374 00:20:09,997 --> 00:20:11,477 He admitted defeat and ran off. 375 00:20:11,597 --> 00:20:12,677 What a mook! 376 00:20:15,316 --> 00:20:17,756 Oh, Peter, I love you so much. 377 00:20:18,876 --> 00:20:21,076 Oh, Lois. I have no idea if we're doing it 378 00:20:21,196 --> 00:20:22,692 or if that's just the back of your knee, 379 00:20:22,716 --> 00:20:24,995 but either way, it feels so good. 380 00:20:25,075 --> 00:20:28,075 Oh, Peter, you're on my arm. It hurts. 381 00:20:28,195 --> 00:20:30,075 Oh! My chest hurts, too. 382 00:20:30,155 --> 00:20:31,475 Oh, my God. 383 00:20:31,595 --> 00:20:33,995 Peter, I think I'm having a heart attack. 384 00:20:34,115 --> 00:20:35,675 Oh, me, too, sweetie. Me, too. 385 00:20:35,755 --> 00:20:37,954 No, no, Peter, I'm really having a heart attack. 386 00:20:38,034 --> 00:20:39,474 Oh, my God! You're serious? 387 00:20:39,594 --> 00:20:40,690 Oh, we should get you to the hospital. 388 00:20:40,714 --> 00:20:41,914 All right, hold-hold on a sec. 389 00:20:41,954 --> 00:20:44,034 - I... All right, almost done. Almost done. - Peter! 390 00:20:44,114 --> 00:20:46,554 Almost done. Almost done. Almost done. Okay, let's go. 391 00:20:48,393 --> 00:20:50,593 Well, it was a tough job removing all that fat 392 00:20:50,673 --> 00:20:52,033 to get to your heart, Mrs. Griffin. 393 00:20:52,073 --> 00:20:53,473 But you came through it beautifully. 394 00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:56,353 Honey, I'm sorry I tried to make you into something you're not. 395 00:20:56,433 --> 00:20:58,793 I love you no matter what size you are. 396 00:20:58,873 --> 00:20:59,913 Although, I got to admit, 397 00:21:00,032 --> 00:21:03,112 I'm gonna miss eating cereal out of the dimples on your ass. 398 00:21:03,232 --> 00:21:04,512 Well, Mrs. Griffin, you rest up 399 00:21:04,592 --> 00:21:06,512 for a few days and you'll be just fine. 400 00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:07,712 Thank you, Doctor. 401 00:21:07,832 --> 00:21:10,992 I realize now that eating is not the way to solve my problems. 402 00:21:11,112 --> 00:21:12,151 You hear that, Meg? 403 00:21:12,231 --> 00:21:15,391 For your information, Mom, I don't eat to solve my problems. 404 00:21:15,471 --> 00:21:17,911 I cut myself. Is that better? 405 00:21:17,991 --> 00:21:20,271 Chris, we all love your hat. 406 00:21:20,391 --> 00:21:21,631 Thanks, Mom. 407 00:21:21,751 --> 00:21:24,510 Hey, Doc, what did you do with my mom's fat? 408 00:21:24,630 --> 00:21:26,830 Oh, it's right here in this storage closet. 409 00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:28,870 Uh... 410 00:21:29,350 --> 00:21:31,230 It's exactly what it looks like.