1
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:09,075
MAN ON TV: We now return t
o Sunday Golf on CBS.

2
00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:12,579
COMMENTATOR 1: And Mickelson
here, trying to save par,
and there's Mickelson's wife.

3
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,081
God, is she hot.
COMMENTATOR 2:
Look at that rack.

4
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,083
There's a downhill
lie for you.

5
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:20,086
COMMENTATOR 1: They're just
out there begging to be
touched. Pleading.

6
00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:22,088
How many golf balls
do you think she can
fit in her mouth?

7
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:24,591
COMMENTATOR 2: I'd hit that
one in the rough, if you know
what I'm saying.

8
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,092
COMMENTATOR 1:
Who are you kidding, Greg?

9
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,594
You'd pork her for a week
and then get tired of her.

10
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,095
COMMENTATOR 2:
Yeah, you're right
.

11
00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:30,597
That's what I do.
That's my thing.

12
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:32,098
But a hell of a week,
though.

13
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:33,333
COMMENTATOR 1:
Hell of a week.

14
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:34,334
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

15
00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:36,336
Oh, my God,
the power's out.

16
00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:37,837
What are we
gonna do now?

17
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,340
Well, we could
light some candles
and read.

18
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,343
(ALL LAUGHING)

19
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,844
Yeah, right.
Yeah, that'd be great.

20
00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:46,813
Yeah, read the inside
of my butt.

21
00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:48,314
We could tell stories.

22
00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:50,316
Hey, Dad, why don't yo
u tell the story about
when I was born?

23
00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:52,318
Yeah, we got halfway home
with the afterbirth,

24
00:00:52,318 --> 00:00:53,319
before we had to go
back to the hospital

25
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:55,488
and swap it out for Meg.
The end.

26
00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:56,489
Now, I got a better one.

27
00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:00,493
This is a story
of love and loss,
fathers and sons,

28
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:04,097
and the foresight to
retain international
merchandising rights.

29
00:01:04,264 --> 00:01:07,200
This is
the story of Star Wars.

30
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,069
Let's begin with Part 4.

31
00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:21,781
(STAR WARS MAIN THEME PLAYING)

32
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:01,314
)
(LASERS FIRING

33
00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:29,909
You hear that?
Sounds like we're being
boarded from the rear,

34
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:31,911
and not the,
"Hey, take a deep breath,
let's experiment,"

35
00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:32,912
kind of boarded
from the rear.

36
00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:33,913
)
(CLEVELAND BEEPING

37
00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:35,782
?
Could you hold
on to this bag

38
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,902
What if they come
in a different door?

39
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,404
Well, I guess we'd
all just get up and
go to that door then.

40
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,673
Is it going to be
like this all day, Jeff?

41
00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:02,175
Hey, I'm just
trying to contribute.

42
00:04:02,175 --> 00:04:05,745
Yeah, well contribute
to pointing your
gun at that door.

43
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,747
Mark, why are you
always way nicer to me

44
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,549
when the other
rebels aren't around?

45
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:25,431
Damn! I was two
days from retirement.

46
00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:29,869
R2?

47
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,172
Help me,
Obi-Wan Kenobi.

48
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:34,674
You're my only hope.

49
00:04:35,174 --> 00:04:36,175
All right,
now what do I click?

50
00:04:36,175 --> 00:04:38,177
Click "preferences."

51
00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:40,179
Okay, I clicked
"preferences."

52
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:42,181
Now go to
"default media browser."

53
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:44,517
Okay, there's
a little hourglass

54
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,552
and it's not
letting me do anything.

55
00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:48,054
It says "buffering."
What is that?

56
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,055
Just give it a minute.

57
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:51,057
All I'm trying to
do is make an MPEG.

58
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,159
All I'm trying to do
is tell you to
wait a minute.

59
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:54,661
Okay, relax.

60
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:56,663
Now click
"import video file."

61
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,164
All right.

62
00:04:58,164 --> 00:05:00,667
It's telling me
I have to
download RealPlayer 7.

63
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,369
You know what?
I'll just bring
it to him myself.

64
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:04,604
There she is.

65
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,212
You still got
that bag I gave you?

66
00:05:13,212 --> 00:05:15,515
It's gonna be
a long ride.

67
00:05:20,753 --> 00:05:23,256
Hold your fire.
There's no
life forms aboard.

68
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:25,692
Hold your fire?
What, are we payin
g by the laser now?

69
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,860
You don't do the budget,
Terry. I do.

70
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,164
Hey, I'm gonna
do some crosswords,

71
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,166
but that doesn't mean
I don't want to talk.

72
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,667
.
Oh, yeah, yeah

73
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,717
My God, look at this mess.

74
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:52,218
"Hey,
Darth Vader's gonna be here,

75
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:53,720
"shall we maybe
clean the place up?

76
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,988
"No,
it's okay, he won't mind."

77
00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:59,492
Well, well, Princess Leia.
Are you prepared
to tell me

78
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:01,994
what you've done
with the stolen
Death Star plans?

79
00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:03,996
All right,
Lord Vader, you win.

80
00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:07,300
I've hidden the plans
in one of these
26 briefcases.

81
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,269
Ooh! Ooh!

82
00:06:10,269 --> 00:06:13,005
Okay,
okay, I'm feeling number 14,
let's go with number 14.

83
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:16,209
Ohh!

84
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,544
It's okay,
I'm just happy to be on TV.

85
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,380
All right,
take her away.

86
00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:25,651
Okay, here's another one.

87
00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:27,153
Who would you rather do?

88
00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:30,089
Jabba the Hutt
right after a shower
or a service droid?

89
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:32,558
My father was
a service droid.

90
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:34,060
Hey, where are you going?

91
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,561
You can kiss
the lower part of

92
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:38,064
the back of
the canister
that is my body.

93
00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:53,246
Oh, man, this looks like
the wrong neighborhood.

94
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:58,251
Oh, boy, it's okay,
R2, calm down, be cool.

95
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,754
I ain't done nothing
to antagonize nobody.

96
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:04,757
What, a droid can't
walk down the desert
no more?

97
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,159
I got rights, too.
Who's there?

98
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:07,994
(SHOUTING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

99
00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:10,229
(CIRCUITS SCRAMBLING)

100
00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:11,230
(GROANS)

101
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:29,182
(CHAMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

102
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:33,085
(SPEAKING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

103
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,933
Any attack made by
the rebels against

104
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:48,935
this station would
be a useless gesture,

105
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,170
no matter what
technical data
they've obtained.

106
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:54,273
This station is
now the ultimate
power in the universe.

107
00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:56,776
That is fantastic,
terrific work.

108
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,144
So no weaknesses at all?

109
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,146
No... No.

110
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,647
You, uh...
You hesitated there.

111
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,149
Is there something
I should know?

112
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,652
No, it's
virtually indestructible,
like 99.99%.

113
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:09,155
Uh, okay,
wouldn't be doing my job

114
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,157
if I didn't ask,
what's the 0.01?

115
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,659
Well, I mean,
there's this little hole.

116
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,596
It was kind of
an aesthetic choice
by the architect.

117
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:21,968
And if you shoot
a laser into this hole,
the station blows up.

118
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:22,969
!
Whoa, whoa
, whoa, whoa

119
00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:24,971
That sounds like
a pretty big
design flaw, then.

120
00:08:25,471 --> 00:08:27,373
No, no, the hole's
only 2 meters across.

121
00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:29,709
.
Well, that's no
bigger than a womp rat

122
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:30,877
Exactly.

123
00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:32,378
And even to get
within range of it,

124
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,380
you have to skim
along this whole trench.
It's not a big deal.

125
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,382
Can't we board it
up or, you know,

126
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:37,884
put some plywood
over it or something?

127
00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:39,385
Well,
that would look terrible.

128
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:40,887
I mean, we gotta
think about resale.

129
00:08:40,887 --> 00:08:42,388
Resale? What are you
talking about?

130
00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:43,890
.
This property is
right above Sunset

131
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,391
The value is
only gonna go up.

132
00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,326
Lord Vader,
your inside references

133
00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:49,328
to the Los Angeles
real estate market

134
00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:50,830
haven't given you
the clairvoyance to turn

135
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:53,566
a profit on that
condo in Glendale.
Nor has it...

136
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:56,068
(CHOKING)
I find your lack
of faith disturbing.

137
00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:58,571
That property is
in a prime location.

138
00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:01,073
20 minutes to the beach,
20 minutes to downtown.

139
00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:03,509
(CHOKING)
There's nothing
to do downtown.

140
00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:06,012
.
Enough of this.
Vader, release him

141
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,013
As you wish.

142
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:09,515
(GASPING)

143
00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:11,083
All right,
so we're gonna
plug up that hole?

144
00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:14,086
Yeah, we can
get it done tomorrow,
if price is no object.

145
00:09:14,086 --> 00:09:15,588
Uh...

146
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,089
We'll get estimates.

147
00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:19,058
(LAUGHING SHEEPISHLY)
Get estimates, yeah, yeah.

148
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,497
Someone was in the pod.

149
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,865
The tracks go off
in this direction.

150
00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:27,333
Look, sir, droids.

151
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,634
Look, a penny.

152
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:34,106
Hey, thanks for the sex,
early '90s printer.

153
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,282
All right,
bring him on out.

154
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:46,285
Oh, God,
it's 100 degrees
out here.

155
00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:50,289
If I pass out, please
note that I'm wearing
a LifeCall bracelet,

156
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:53,025
with all my
insurance information.

157
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,962
BERU: Luke? Luke!

158
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:58,097
Luke!
What?

159
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,099
u
Tell Uncle Owe
n not to tell yo

160
00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:02,335
that your father
is Darth Vader.

161
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,337
Aunt Beru, when are
you guys going to let

162
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,772
me join the Rebellion,
like all my friends?

163
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:10,443
Oh, stop whining, Luke,
and come have some blue milk.

164
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,945
One of these days,
I'm just gonna take off

165
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,881
.
and join the Rebellion,
whether you like it or not

166
00:10:15,881 --> 00:10:18,217
Over my burnt carcass.

167
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:19,719
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
Hey, shut up-a
with the noise-a.

168
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:21,721
Hey, shut up-a wit
h the shut up-a.

169
00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,089
You shut up-a with
the shut up-a.

170
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:24,490
Shut up-a
your face.

171
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:26,492
Now-a my dog-a
won't shut up-a.
Why you no shut up-a?

172
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:27,994
I'll make-a
you shut up-a.

173
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:28,995
You, too,
shut up-a.

174
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:29,996
Hey, I poke
out-a my head.

175
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:45,544
Some day,
I'll get off this rock
and fight the Empire.

176
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:53,352
John Williams and the
London Symphony Orchestra,
everybody.

177
00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:57,356
(SOMBER STAR WARSMUSIC)

178
00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:11,671
Now do the theme to
The People's Court.

179
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:17,376
(PLAYING PEOPLE'S COURTTHEME)

180
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:30,723
Oh, this oil bath is
gonna feel so good.

181
00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:33,659
Hey, you guys
think that '90s printer
looked clean, right?

182
00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:36,362
Hey, there's something stuck
in this R2 unit.

183
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,864
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

184
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:40,266
You're my only hope.

185
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,834
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

186
00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:43,669
You're my only hope.

187
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:46,672
Whoever she is,
she sounds like
she's in trouble.

188
00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:48,541
Is there any more
to this message?

189
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,610
Intergalactic Proton Powered
Electrical Tentacled
Advertising Droids.

190
00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:55,147
Intergalactic Proton Powered
Electrical Tentacled
Advertising Droids.

191
00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:58,150
Intergalactic Proton Powered
Electrical Tentacled
Advertising Droids.

192
00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:01,153
Hi! I'm Darth Harrington of
Darth Harrington's
Intergalactic Proton

193
00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:02,655
Powered Electrical
Tentacled Advertising

194
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,724
Droids Emporium
and Moon Base.

195
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,226
Due to a garbled
subspace transmission,
I am currently overstocked

196
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,228
on all
Intergalactic Proton Powered

197
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,730
Electrical
Tentacled Advertising Droids

198
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,466
and I am passing
the savings on to you!

199
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,901
She said "Obi-One" Kenobi.

200
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,904
I wonder if she means
old Obi-Wan Kenobi?

201
00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:21,941
Well,
I guess I'll go bulls-eye
some womp rats in my T-16.

202
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,944
My God, you shoot
small animals for fun?

203
00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:27,446
That's the first
indicator of a
serial killer, you freak.

204
00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:29,448
There's two suns
and no women.

205
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:32,685
What the hell am
I supposed to do?

206
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:35,187
Master Luke,
he's gone, he's gone.
What?

207
00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:38,190
R2, he took off in
the middle of the night,
we gotta find him.

208
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:41,594
Oh, what the phantom menac
e is that guy's problem?

209
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,865
Hey, mind if I
turn on the radio?

210
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:49,401
DJ: WTAT,
Tatooine's all-talk radio.

211
00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:51,904
HOST: My good friends,
the liberal galactic media

212
00:12:51,904 --> 00:12:53,906
is at it again,
they never stop.

213
00:12:53,906 --> 00:12:56,408
Now they're
trying to convince us
that Hoth is melting.

214
00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:57,910
Well, that's crazy,
just trying to scare us.

215
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,412
And if that weren't
enough to get you mad,

216
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:02,915
we now have news
that Lando Calrissian

217
00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:04,416
has been made
the chief administrator

218
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:06,919
of the Bespin
mining facility.

219
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,921
Gee,
I wonder how he got that job.

220
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,422
Well, let me tell you
how he got that job.

221
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:12,424
Affirmative action
strikes again.

222
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,326
The time is 8:50.

223
00:13:16,929 --> 00:13:18,931
R2, what are you
doing out here?

224
00:13:19,431 --> 00:13:20,432
(BEEPING)

225
00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:21,934
He says there are
several creatures

226
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,435
approaching
from the southeast.

227
00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:24,436
That's not
what I said.

228
00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:27,439
I said there ain't
a pack of menthols
on this planet.

229
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:32,812
Well,
I see some bantha tracks,
but I don't see any...

230
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,446
Wait a minute,
they're Sand People,

231
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,382
all right,
I can see one of them now.

232
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,921
(BARKING)

233
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:44,190
(WHISTLING)

234
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:50,429
(BARKING)

235
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,268
Who the hell are you?

236
00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,673
One lucky son of a bitch.

237
00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:07,413
So, Luke, what brings
your muscly arms
out this way?

238
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,914
I'll show you,
Mr. Obi-Wan.

239
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,916
R2, play him
the message.

240
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,420
General Kenobi,
many years ago

241
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,922
you served
my father in
the Clone Wars.

242
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:20,426
We need your help
again. And, not to
get too personal,

243
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:22,428
but you owe us
after that mess

244
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,929
you got into
back on Alderaan.

245
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,431
(FAST-FORWARDING)

246
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,433
And we paid to
keep the families

247
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,934
of those
children quiet, so...

248
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:33,439
This is just,
like, logistical stuff
. I'll check that later.

249
00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,441
...Joey Lawrence haircut.

250
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,443
So, I'll assume we
can count on your help

251
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:40,946
to get the Death Star
plans to my father
on Alderaan.

252
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:43,949
The plans are stored
inside this R2 unit.

253
00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:47,453
Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi,
you're my only hope.

254
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,455
All right now,
what do I click?

255
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:52,458
Luke, you must learn
the ways of the Force,

256
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,460
and come with me
to Alderaan.

257
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,961
What's the Force?

258
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:59,465
The Force is
what gives a Jedi
Knight his power.

259
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:02,468
It surrounds us,
it penetrates us.

260
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:04,603
Mmm...

261
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:06,238
Here, check this out.

262
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:09,208
Wow! This is cool.

263
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,610
Yeah, everyone
in the neighborhood has one.

264
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:18,083
Hey, why would you
hang that up?

265
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,985
It looks so tantalizing.

266
00:15:22,688 --> 00:15:25,557
You know, the Empire
is gonna come looking
for these droids.

267
00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:27,860
But if they find out
who the Jawa sold them to,

268
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,862
that could
lead them back...

269
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:30,930
Home!

270
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,933
Luke,
wait, it's too dangerous.

271
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,835
Get your fat
space ass back here.

272
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,181
Uncle Owen?

273
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,183
Aunt Beru?

274
00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:53,652
Oh, my God!

275
00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:58,524
John Williams!

276
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:04,997
Great, now we gotta do
the rest of this
thing with Danny Elfman.

277
00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:08,000
(PLAYING ELFMAN-ESQUE MUSIC)

278
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:29,455
HERBERT: Mos Eisley spaceport.

279
00:16:29,455 --> 00:16:33,459
You will never find
a more wretched hive
of scum and villainy.

280
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,961
My sister
Regina-D2 lives here.

281
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:36,962
Is she single?

282
00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:38,464
She's a lez-bot.

283
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:51,076
How are we gonna
get in here?

284
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:52,578
We don't have
any chicks with us.

285
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,580
It's way easier to
get into these clubs

286
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,081
if you have
chicks in your group.

287
00:16:56,081 --> 00:16:59,451
You ever notice that?
No, I never have.

288
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:02,554
Sorry, sir,
private party tonight.

289
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:05,057
I'm a friend of
Dave Navarro's.

290
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:06,558
You're a friend
of Dave Navarro's.

291
00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:08,060
You saw me here
last week.

292
00:17:08,060 --> 00:17:10,062
I seem like
a cool dude.

293
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:12,064
I saw you here last week.
You seem like a cool dude.

294
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:13,565
Move along.

295
00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:14,600
.
Move along
, move along

296
00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:19,605
(STAR WARSCANTINA MUSIC
PLAYING)

297
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:29,281
(GROWLING)

298
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:33,752
He doesn't like you.

299
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:35,154
Sorry.

300
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,389
I don't like you either.

301
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,258
You don't even know me.

302
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:40,759
You know what?
That's fair.

303
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:43,762
I'm Pig Nose,
and this is my
brother-in-law, Scott.

304
00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:45,264
He's visiting
from Hoth.

305
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:46,765
I don't know why
they call it Hoth.

306
00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:48,267
They should
call it Coldth.

307
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:49,768
Okay, settle down.

308
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,136
I'm up after the band.

309
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:53,138
Thank you.
We're the Cantina Band.

310
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,640
If you have any requests,
shout 'em out.

311
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,642
(THROWING VOICE)
Play that same song.

312
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,644
All right,
same song, here we go.

313
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:01,313
(STAR WARSCANTINA MUSIC
PLAYING)

314
00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,618
Oh, no, Stormtroopers.
Quick, R2, in here.

315
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,958
This door's locked,
move on to the next one.

316
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:14,460
Well, maybe they're
behind this door.

317
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,462
I just said it's locked.

318
00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:18,964
Well, can't you
knock or something?

319
00:18:18,964 --> 00:18:19,965
Hello?

320
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:22,968
Well, I guess
whoever's in there

321
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:24,970
won't be getting
this giant check

322
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:26,972
.
from Publisher
s Clearing House

323
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:29,975
CLEVELAND:
Publishers Clearing House!
QUAGMIRE: Shut up.

324
00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,478
Did you hear something
?
I heard voices,
but they've stopped,

325
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:35,948
so I'm gonna assume
there's no one in there.

326
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,450
Hi, my sexy friend
and I are looking for

327
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,452
a ship to take
us to Alderaan,

328
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,955
and I'm willing
to pay big money.

329
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,990
.
Well, you've come
to the right place

330
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:47,493
I'm Han Solo,
captain of
the Millennium Falcon

331
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:48,994
and the only
actor whose career

332
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:50,762
isn't destroyed
by this movie.

333
00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:52,764
Is it a fast ship?
Are you kidding?

334
00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:55,934
It's the ship that
made the Kessel Run
in less than 12 parsecs.

335
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:59,805
Um, isn't a parsec a unit
of distance, not time?

336
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,306
(STUTTERING)

337
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:03,475
Chewie, take these
guys to the ship
and get her ready.

338
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:05,911
(GARGLING)

339
00:19:07,012 --> 00:19:08,647
Always gargle
before a takeoff.

340
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,349
Wokka, wokka!
All right, let's go.

341
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:15,521
(IN ALIEN LANGUAGE
)

342
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,856
Greedo, as a matter
of fact, I was just

343
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,525
going to see
Jabba and tell him...

344
00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:22,528
(IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

345
00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:46,652
Well, what do you think?

346
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,554
What a piece of junk!

347
00:19:48,554 --> 00:19:50,556
Thank you,
this was my brother's.
He died of leukemia.

348
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:52,057
How do you feel now?

349
00:19:52,057 --> 00:19:54,059
You got any
strawberry milk
in there?

350
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,562
No, but she'll make
0.5 past light speed.

351
00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:58,063
If you want,
I'll show you around,

352
00:19:58,063 --> 00:19:59,998
since no one's
trying to stop
the ship or blast us.

353
00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:02,501
Stop that ship,
blast them.

354
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:03,502
Oh, now I can't
show you around.

355
00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:05,003
.
Quick, get in the ship

356
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,822
Looks like we got
Imperial Cruisers
on our tail.

357
00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:24,823
Oh, look at that one
on the left.

358
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,826
Get off your cell phone,
you are driving.

359
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:36,335
(RADAR BEEPING)

360
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:38,337
They're gaining on us.

361
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:40,339
We'll be safe enough,
once we make the jump
to hyperspace.

362
00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:42,808
Besides,
I know a few maneuvers
. We'll lose 'em.

363
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,782
That... That was
your maneuver?

364
00:20:50,782 --> 00:20:52,784
Moving slightly
to the left?

365
00:20:52,784 --> 00:20:55,787
?
Well, I mean, we'r
e not in the same
place we were, huh

366
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:56,788
That ought to
confuse 'em.

367
00:20:56,788 --> 00:20:59,291
Yeah, but you
hardly did anything.

368
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:02,294
You just started
listing lazily
to the left.

369
00:21:02,294 --> 00:21:04,029
I'm pretty sure
they can keep up.

370
00:21:04,029 --> 00:21:05,530
!
Where did they go?
There they are

371
00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:08,033
They're listing
lazily to the left
. Go left, left!

372
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:09,968
Boy, this guy
knows some maneuvers.

373
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:11,136
All right,
strap yourselves in,

374
00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:12,638
I'm about to make
the jump to light speed.

375
00:21:12,638 --> 00:21:15,073
Did he say "strap
in" or "strap on"?

376
00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,816
.
Man, hyperspace
always looks so freaky

377
00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:29,254
(DOCTOR WHO THEME PLAYING)

378
00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:43,135
(HIP-HOP BASS BLARING)

379
00:21:46,171 --> 00:21:47,673
Governor Tarkin.

380
00:21:47,673 --> 00:21:50,676
I recognized your
foul stench as soon as
I was brought onboard.

381
00:21:50,676 --> 00:21:54,680
Um, actually, that's me,
I made a Darth doody.

382
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,682
I sithed my pants.

383
00:21:56,682 --> 00:21:59,685
My diaper's gone
over to the dark side.

384
00:21:59,685 --> 00:22:01,453
I got pages of these,
I could go on.

385
00:22:01,453 --> 00:22:03,455
Princess Leia,
we've chosen to test

386
00:22:03,455 --> 00:22:06,458
our Death Star
planet blower-upper gun

387
00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:08,727
on your home
planet of Alderaan.

388
00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:09,895
No!

389
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:12,264
She said no.
Should we still do it?

390
00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:14,266
Yeah.

391
00:22:16,968 --> 00:22:19,237
(WEAPON CHARGING)

392
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:29,781
(GASPING)

393
00:22:29,781 --> 00:22:32,784
So, anyway, I says,
"Forget the dental plan,
forget sick leave.

394
00:22:32,784 --> 00:22:36,288
"I just want
a railing. You know,
one railing right here."

395
00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:39,291
Yeah, I know,
I've almost fallen over
that thing so many times.

396
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:40,792
So, what did they say?

397
00:22:40,792 --> 00:22:43,295
Get this,
they said they're worried
we'd be leaning all day.

398
00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:44,796
They said that?

399
00:22:44,796 --> 00:22:46,298
(SCOFFS)
Yeah.

400
00:22:46,298 --> 00:22:48,266
Well,
none of this will matter
when we're famous singers.

401
00:22:52,003 --> 00:22:53,505
Good evening,
Death Star.

402
00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:57,008
Tonight a special report
on the controversial
attack on Alderaan.

403
00:22:57,008 --> 00:22:59,010
While some
view the attack
as unwarranted,

404
00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:00,512
the Empire has
obtained proof

405
00:23:00,512 --> 00:23:02,013
that Alderaan
was in possession

406
00:23:02,013 --> 00:23:04,015
of weapons of
mass destruction.

407
00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:05,517
And now, let's go to
our five day forecast.

408
00:23:06,017 --> 00:23:06,918
What's the weather like,
Ollie?

409
00:23:06,918 --> 00:23:08,286
Space weather.
Thanks, Ollie.

410
00:23:08,286 --> 00:23:10,288
Coming up,
we'll give you
the road closures

411
00:23:10,288 --> 00:23:12,290
for this week's
Ewok Pride Parade.

412
00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:13,191
Stay with us.

413
00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,232
How am I doing?

414
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:21,733
Just keep your
knees bent.

415
00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:25,737
Imagine you're
spreading butter on
a big piece of bread.

416
00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:26,738
That's it.

417
00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:29,708
Spread that butter
, with the Force.

418
00:23:29,708 --> 00:23:33,311
Ha! You guys seem like
crazy morons to me.

419
00:23:33,311 --> 00:23:35,547
You don't believe
in the Force, do you?

420
00:23:35,547 --> 00:23:37,048
Oh, you mean that thing
you just found out about,

421
00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:38,450
like,
three hours ago, and are now

422
00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:40,252
judging me for
not believing in it?

423
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:41,853
Do you believe in anything?

424
00:23:41,853 --> 00:23:44,189
Uh, yeah. Didn't you see m
y Cabala bracelet?

425
00:23:44,189 --> 00:23:45,357
What's Cabala?

426
00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:47,359
About $1.75.

427
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:48,860
Honestly, I have no idea.

428
00:23:48,860 --> 00:23:50,228
.
I'm just a slave to trends

429
00:23:53,331 --> 00:23:54,766
What the hell?

430
00:23:54,766 --> 00:23:58,236
Oh, my God!
We came out of hyperspace
into an asteroid field.

431
00:23:58,236 --> 00:24:03,508
(ELECTRONIC EXPLOSIONS)

432
00:24:03,508 --> 00:24:06,011
Alderaan's been
destroyed by the Empire.

433
00:24:06,011 --> 00:24:08,013
Maybe we should head
for that small moon,

434
00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:10,916
that's clearly
a small moon, and
not anything else.

435
00:24:13,985 --> 00:24:17,322
That's no moon.
It's a space station.

436
00:24:20,225 --> 00:24:22,561
Oh, crap.
They've got us
in a tractor beam.

437
00:24:22,561 --> 00:24:25,230
Well, they're not
going to get me
without a fight.

438
00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:30,669
You can't win.
But there are
alternatives to fighting.

439
00:24:31,002 --> 00:24:31,770
Like what?

440
00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:34,339
Like getting
the hell out of here!

441
00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:37,342
No, just kidding.

442
00:24:37,342 --> 00:24:38,777
?
Can you imagine
if I was like that

443
00:25:15,981 --> 00:25:16,982
(LASERS FIRING)

444
00:25:16,982 --> 00:25:19,684
(BODIES THUDDING)

445
00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:22,187
PETER: All right,
just follow my lea
d and act real cool.

446
00:25:22,687 --> 00:25:26,191
(MINNIE THE MOOCHER PLAYING)

447
00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:47,379
All right,
I'm gonna go knock out
that tractor beam.

448
00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:49,314
And we'll go
rescue the princess.

449
00:25:49,314 --> 00:25:53,318
You know, Luke, this
may be the last time
we see each other.

450
00:25:53,318 --> 00:25:55,820
So there's something
I want you to know.

451
00:25:55,820 --> 00:26:01,693
?? Now I've had
the time of my life

452
00:26:01,693 --> 00:26:06,798
?? And I owe it all to you

453
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,969
?? I've been waiting
for so long

454
00:26:10,969 --> 00:26:13,204
?? Now I've
finally found someone

455
00:26:13,204 --> 00:26:15,040
?? To stand by me

456
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,644
?? So we take
each other's hand

457
00:26:20,145 --> 00:26:25,350
?? 'Cause we seem to understand
the urgency

458
00:26:25,550 --> 00:26:27,919
?? Just remember

459
00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:31,523
?? You're the one thing

460
00:26:31,523 --> 00:26:36,461
?? I can't get enough of

461
00:26:36,461 --> 00:26:41,466
?? So I'll tell you something

462
00:26:41,466 --> 00:26:45,770
?? This could be love because

463
00:26:45,770 --> 00:26:50,809
?? I've had
the time of my life

464
00:26:50,809 --> 00:26:54,746
?? No,
I never felt this way before

465
00:26:54,746 --> 00:26:59,584
?? Yes, I swear
it's the truth

466
00:26:59,584 --> 00:27:05,290
?
?? And I owe it all to you ?

467
00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:08,460
(SQUEAKING)

468
00:27:11,062 --> 00:27:12,364
(GROWLS)

469
00:27:12,364 --> 00:27:14,366
Holy shit!

470
00:27:17,802 --> 00:27:19,804
You ain't never
gonna believe
what I just seen.

471
00:27:19,804 --> 00:27:21,306
Tyra Banks?

472
00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:22,807
See, now you say
something better,

473
00:27:22,807 --> 00:27:24,309
so my thing don't
sound cool no more.

474
00:27:24,309 --> 00:27:25,810
Oh! Come on,
what did you see?

475
00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:26,811
I don't remember.

476
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,314
I just was thinking
about Tyra Banks.

477
00:27:29,314 --> 00:27:30,315
(EXCLAIMS)

478
00:27:30,815 --> 00:27:31,816
Can you imagine?

479
00:27:31,816 --> 00:27:33,318
Every night!

480
00:27:33,318 --> 00:27:34,319
Don't shake my hand.

481
00:27:34,319 --> 00:27:36,321
You ain't got no hand!
You a little truck.

482
00:27:39,891 --> 00:27:41,326
BRIAN: So, what are we on,
the first floor?

483
00:27:41,326 --> 00:27:43,294
CHRIS: We are
on the second floor.

484
00:27:43,294 --> 00:27:46,898
PETER: No, no, no,
here's the Banana Republic,
and we just passed that.

485
00:27:46,898 --> 00:27:50,268
It's right back there.
We parked on the Macy's side,

486
00:27:50,268 --> 00:27:52,537
so now we must be over here
by the JCPenney.

487
00:27:52,971 --> 00:27:55,440
CHRIS: It looks like
the first floor is
mostly men's stuff,

488
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,242
and there's
a Lady Foot Locker
right over there.

489
00:27:57,242 --> 00:27:58,777
BRIAN: All right,
so we're on the third floor.

490
00:27:59,144 --> 00:28:00,679
All right,
let's get in
the elevator.

491
00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:03,515
And hurry up, 'cause
the smell of that Mrs.
Fields is killing me.

492
00:28:03,948 --> 00:28:07,452
(THE IMPERIAL MARCH
MUZAK PLAYING)

493
00:28:25,303 --> 00:28:27,038
Wrong floor.
Stormtrooper church.

494
00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:29,040
And do you,
Allen, take Judith

495
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,042
to be your
lawfully wedded wife

496
00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:34,145
till death or a giant
explosion do you part?

497
00:28:41,019 --> 00:28:43,455
Where are you
taking this thing?

498
00:28:43,455 --> 00:28:45,990
Prisoner transfer
from cell block 1138.

499
00:28:45,990 --> 00:28:47,926
You think you could get me
a room by the pool?

500
00:28:47,926 --> 00:28:48,927
(LAUGHING)

501
00:28:49,427 --> 00:28:51,629
Is funny,
because you are a prisoner

502
00:28:52,130 --> 00:28:54,365
and there is no pool
because is Death Star.

503
00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:56,901
(MOANS)

504
00:28:56,901 --> 00:28:59,404
We've gotta find out
what cell this princes
s of yours is in.

505
00:28:59,404 --> 00:29:00,905
There it is, 2187.

506
00:29:00,905 --> 00:29:01,906
I'm on it!

507
00:29:01,906 --> 00:29:03,408
Everything's
under control here.

508
00:29:03,908 --> 00:29:05,410
Situation normal.

509
00:29:05,410 --> 00:29:06,411
STORM TROOPER:
What happened?

510
00:29:06,411 --> 00:29:08,413
We had a slight
weapons malfunction,

511
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:10,915
but everything's
perfectly all right.
We're fine.

512
00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:14,419
We're all fine here now.
Thank you.

513
00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:15,920
How are you?

514
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,156
(GROANING)
I've been better.

515
00:29:18,289 --> 00:29:19,290
Well, tell me what's up.

516
00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:20,959
Well,
I'm in this relationship

517
00:29:20,959 --> 00:29:22,961
and it doesn't seem
to be going anywhere.

518
00:29:23,461 --> 00:29:25,964
I like her, but we're
not really connecting.

519
00:29:25,964 --> 00:29:27,966
How long has it been?
About 10 months.

520
00:29:27,966 --> 00:29:29,467
And how often do
you see each other?

521
00:29:29,467 --> 00:29:30,969
Couple times a week.

522
00:29:30,969 --> 00:29:32,470
Well, why don't you try
seeing each other
a little more often,

523
00:29:32,971 --> 00:29:34,472
and see if you
connect a little more?

524
00:29:34,472 --> 00:29:36,374
And if not,
it may be time to move on.

525
00:29:36,374 --> 00:29:37,609
Thanks for calling.

526
00:29:38,109 --> 00:29:39,811
This is Han Solo
and I'm gonna be
keeping you company

527
00:29:39,811 --> 00:29:43,047
for the next few hours
, right here on
the midnight shift.

528
00:29:43,047 --> 00:29:48,553
?? Something's telling m
e it might be you

529
00:29:48,553 --> 00:29:52,724
?? It's telling me
it might be you ??

530
00:29:54,759 --> 00:29:56,761
Aren't you a little fa
t to be a Stormtrooper?

531
00:29:57,262 --> 00:29:59,264
Well, stay here and rot,
you stuck-up bitch.

532
00:29:59,264 --> 00:30:00,765
Wait, who are you?

533
00:30:00,765 --> 00:30:02,267
I'm Luke Skywalker.

534
00:30:02,267 --> 00:30:04,769
Me and Han Solo
and Obi-Wan are
here to rescue you.

535
00:30:04,769 --> 00:30:06,271
Wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi?

536
00:30:06,271 --> 00:30:07,272
Yeah!

537
00:30:07,772 --> 00:30:09,674
Suddenly,
I'm not so fat, huh?

538
00:30:19,717 --> 00:30:21,719
Come on,
into the garbage chute.

539
00:30:24,589 --> 00:30:26,057
She's right!
Come on, Chewbacca.

540
00:30:26,057 --> 00:30:27,058
What, are you kidding?
It's probably

541
00:30:27,058 --> 00:30:28,526
full of disease.
I'm not jumping in there.

542
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:30,962
Not even if I
throw this pig's ear?

543
00:30:30,962 --> 00:30:32,463
Oh, come on,
that's not fair.
Go get it!

544
00:30:32,964 --> 00:30:34,399
(BARKING)

545
00:30:36,701 --> 00:30:38,203
Oh, boy!
Great idea, Princess,

546
00:30:38,203 --> 00:30:39,704
diving into
a pile of garbage.

547
00:30:39,704 --> 00:30:41,706
Hey, when we get out of here,
maybe you can show me around

548
00:30:41,706 --> 00:30:42,707
your home planet of Alderaan.

549
00:30:43,208 --> 00:30:44,209
Aww...

550
00:30:44,209 --> 00:30:45,210
Too soon?

551
00:30:45,710 --> 00:30:46,711
Hey, it could be worse.

552
00:30:46,711 --> 00:30:48,713
(MECHANICAL ECHOING)

553
00:30:48,713 --> 00:30:50,014
It's worse.

554
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:55,353
The walls are closing.

555
00:30:55,353 --> 00:30:56,354
(ALL SCREAMING)

556
00:30:57,956 --> 00:30:59,224
LOIS: Oh, my God!

557
00:30:59,224 --> 00:31:00,225
Listen to them,
R2, they're dying!

558
00:31:00,725 --> 00:31:01,726
What do we do?

559
00:31:01,726 --> 00:31:03,728
Only one thing
to do, man.

560
00:31:03,728 --> 00:31:05,730
You still got
that bag I gave you?

561
00:31:10,435 --> 00:31:11,936
Man, I wish I could
listen to some

562
00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:14,939
Tatooine,
Wind & Fire right now.

563
00:31:14,939 --> 00:31:16,441
Hmm.

564
00:31:16,441 --> 00:31:18,943
So, you think
the Empire's gonna
fall, man?

565
00:31:18,943 --> 00:31:21,946
(STUTTERING)
I don't know, man.

566
00:31:21,946 --> 00:31:24,449
How you doing
right now?

567
00:31:24,449 --> 00:31:26,451
Good. Why?

568
00:31:26,451 --> 00:31:29,954
I think I may be
having sort of a
mini freak-out here.

569
00:31:30,455 --> 00:31:31,456
Oh.

570
00:31:31,456 --> 00:31:34,459
Just tell me I
don't have to stay
in this room.

571
00:31:34,459 --> 00:31:35,960
What?
Just tell me,
right now,

572
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:37,462
that I don't have
to stay in this room.

573
00:31:37,962 --> 00:31:39,464
You don't have to
stay in this room.

574
00:31:39,964 --> 00:31:41,432
Oh, thank Christ!

575
00:31:44,836 --> 00:31:45,837
(ALL CHEERING)

576
00:31:47,538 --> 00:31:49,641
.
Thank God! We're saved

577
00:31:50,141 --> 00:31:52,977
Look at this.
Who throws out half a pizza?

578
00:31:52,977 --> 00:31:54,479
.
And look at this couch

579
00:31:54,479 --> 00:31:57,482
Somebody threw out
a whole couch and
it's in great shape.

580
00:31:57,482 --> 00:31:59,984
Yeah, you put
a little Febreze on that,
scrub it out a little bit,

581
00:31:59,984 --> 00:32:01,486
it would look grea
t in your apartment.

582
00:32:01,486 --> 00:32:04,489
You know what? I know
we have a dangerous
job to do here,

583
00:32:04,989 --> 00:32:08,693
but I'm taking this.
I'm taking this couch.

584
00:32:08,693 --> 00:32:12,163
PETER: All right, ready?
All right, one, two, three.

585
00:32:12,163 --> 00:32:14,666
Okay! Easy, easy, easy...

586
00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:16,000
Easy, easy...
Wait! Wait, wait...

587
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,035
Stop! Stop, stop...

588
00:32:17,035 --> 00:32:18,036
What? What, what?

589
00:32:18,536 --> 00:32:20,038
No, no, no.
Twist it.
I am.

590
00:32:20,038 --> 00:32:22,040
No, no, no.
The other way.

591
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,441
Which way?
You're twisting
the wrong way.

592
00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:24,943
What do you
want me to do?

593
00:32:24,943 --> 00:32:26,945
Just look down, look at me,
look what I'm doing.

594
00:32:26,945 --> 00:32:28,446
All right,
see the way I'm twisting it?
Yeah.

595
00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:30,615
Right, turn it that
way from your end.
Okay.

596
00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:34,719
No, no, no. Just put
it down,

597
00:32:34,719 --> 00:32:35,720
just drop it.
Yeah, yeah, okay.

598
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:36,621
All right, all right.

599
00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:38,423
All right, let's...

600
00:32:38,423 --> 00:32:39,824
Just hang on and
figure this out.

601
00:32:39,824 --> 00:32:42,327
Han, there are
Stormtroopers
all over the place.

602
00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:43,828
Shouldn't we be
getting out of here?

603
00:32:43,828 --> 00:32:47,332
.
All right, okay,
all right,
I got it, I know..

604
00:32:47,332 --> 00:32:48,333
.
Here's what we're gonna do

605
00:32:48,333 --> 00:32:49,801
We're going to
take the cushions off,

606
00:32:50,234 --> 00:32:52,170
unscrew the legs,
take the mattress out,

607
00:32:52,570 --> 00:32:54,572
and this whole thing
is going to be
a lot simpler.

608
00:32:54,572 --> 00:32:56,040
It's easier than
we're making it.

609
00:33:13,124 --> 00:33:15,893
(POWER DRAINING)

610
00:33:17,695 --> 00:33:19,197
Hey, did you
hear something?

611
00:33:19,197 --> 00:33:21,699
Probably just
another drill.

612
00:33:21,699 --> 00:33:23,701
You know that
last drill we had?

613
00:33:23,701 --> 00:33:26,704
I was about to
finally bone
my girlfriend,

614
00:33:26,704 --> 00:33:29,207
and then we heard
that there was
this drill

615
00:33:29,707 --> 00:33:32,377
and she told me
there was no way.

616
00:33:38,316 --> 00:33:41,652
STEWIE: So, Obi-Wan,
we meet again.

617
00:33:41,652 --> 00:33:43,654
What part of,
"Stay 50 yards away

618
00:33:43,654 --> 00:33:45,957
"at all times,"
don't you understand?

619
00:33:47,959 --> 00:33:49,394
Uh-oh!

620
00:33:49,394 --> 00:33:51,796
Your powers are weak,
old man.

621
00:33:54,966 --> 00:33:56,234
!
CHRIS: Obi-Wan

622
00:33:57,735 --> 00:34:00,571
Boy,
you got here just in time.

623
00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:03,274
No!

624
00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:14,585
Right! Go! Go, go, go.

625
00:34:17,622 --> 00:34:18,823
All right, twist it
counter-clockwise.

626
00:34:18,823 --> 00:34:20,491
I am twisting it,
you're twisting
it the other way.

627
00:34:20,491 --> 00:34:23,861
I mean counter-clockwise
from where I'm standing...
So then you...

628
00:34:24,295 --> 00:34:25,797
So clockwise.
So, yeah! Okay,
all right.

629
00:34:25,797 --> 00:34:27,665
Yeah, so
you twist it clockwise.

630
00:34:27,665 --> 00:34:30,501
Okay. Go!
You know what?
Put it down.

631
00:34:30,501 --> 00:34:32,503
Put it down for a sec.
My fingers
are killing me.

632
00:34:32,503 --> 00:34:33,905
.
Han, they're
shooting at us

633
00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:35,306
All right, you know what?
Lift it up tall-ways.

634
00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:40,011
For Christ's...
It's wedged. It's wedged.

635
00:34:40,011 --> 00:34:42,013
All right, okay.
You know what?
It's not going anywhere.

636
00:34:42,013 --> 00:34:43,581
Let's just take off,
we'll deal with it later.

637
00:34:43,581 --> 00:34:45,650
You get in the cockpit,
and I'll just...

638
00:34:45,650 --> 00:34:47,485
I'll hang onto
this thing as we go.

639
00:34:59,263 --> 00:35:00,264
Easy!

640
00:35:11,142 --> 00:35:13,144
I can't believe he's gone.

641
00:35:13,144 --> 00:35:16,647
I know, Luke,
but it's true, he's gone.

642
00:35:17,148 --> 00:35:18,649
I mean,
you saw him get beheaded.

643
00:35:18,649 --> 00:35:20,651
Nobody lives
through that.

644
00:35:20,651 --> 00:35:22,153
Not for long anyway.

645
00:35:22,653 --> 00:35:24,655
I mean, sometimes
the brain is still active

646
00:35:24,655 --> 00:35:27,158
for a few minutes
after the beheading,

647
00:35:27,158 --> 00:35:30,161
but to be honest,
I can't imagine
a worse kind of hell.

648
00:35:30,161 --> 00:35:33,664
And unfortunately,
hell is probably
where he'll end up,

649
00:35:33,664 --> 00:35:35,166
because
the Christians don't look

650
00:35:35,166 --> 00:35:37,602
too kindly on
the whole Force thing.

651
00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:39,904
Come on, kid,
we're not out
of the woods yet.

652
00:35:43,741 --> 00:35:44,742
Here they come.

653
00:35:45,243 --> 00:35:50,148
(HUMMING STAR WARS
BATTLE THEME)

654
00:36:01,759 --> 00:36:03,094
Hey, Han!
What?

655
00:36:03,094 --> 00:36:04,595
Why do they call
them TIE fighters?

656
00:36:05,029 --> 00:36:05,997
No idea.

657
00:36:05,997 --> 00:36:10,735
(SPEAKING THAI)

658
00:36:18,376 --> 00:36:20,278
They're coming too fast!

659
00:36:20,278 --> 00:36:22,113
A nickel for every time
I've had that problem.

660
00:36:22,113 --> 00:36:23,047
Just keep shooting, Luke.

661
00:36:30,755 --> 00:36:34,192
Yeah! That's how we do it
in my neighborhood, bitch!

662
00:36:38,663 --> 00:36:40,298
I got him! I got him!

663
00:36:40,731 --> 00:36:42,166
Right, kid. Don't get penisy.

664
00:36:47,838 --> 00:36:49,840
I just want to tell
you both, good luck!

665
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:51,709
We're all counting on you.

666
00:37:12,763 --> 00:37:13,764
(EXHALES)

667
00:37:17,935 --> 00:37:20,438
Mom? Yeah, we won.

668
00:37:20,938 --> 00:37:22,940
Yeah, we won the battle.

669
00:37:22,940 --> 00:37:24,942
Yeah,
I'm calling, like you asked.

670
00:37:24,942 --> 00:37:26,944
Okay. Okay.

671
00:37:26,944 --> 00:37:28,446
Okay, but I gotta go.

672
00:37:28,446 --> 00:37:30,448
I got other stuff to do.

673
00:37:30,448 --> 00:37:34,452
.
Okay.
Okay, but I gotta go. Okay

674
00:37:34,452 --> 00:37:37,455
Okay. Yes. Yes.

675
00:37:37,955 --> 00:37:39,957
Yes. Yes,
Mom. I love you, too, Mom.

676
00:37:40,458 --> 00:37:42,226
Okay. All right. Goodbye.

677
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:43,327
(EXHALES)

678
00:37:46,931 --> 00:37:49,934
The Homing Beacon
is safely on board
theMillennium Falcon.

679
00:37:50,434 --> 00:37:52,436
I'm taking
an awful risk, Vader.

680
00:37:52,436 --> 00:37:54,438
It'd better work.

681
00:37:54,438 --> 00:37:55,940
You know,
I think they
took your old couch.

682
00:37:55,940 --> 00:37:57,441
What? I threw that away.

683
00:37:57,942 --> 00:38:00,444
Yeah, it was weird.
I just killed Obi-Wan,
and then I look over

684
00:38:00,444 --> 00:38:02,947
and there are these
two dudes scurrying
across with a couch.

685
00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:05,950
It had a stain on it,
from when we had
Hawaiian Punch night.

686
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:08,853
Yeah, that's my couch.
Rebel scum.

687
00:38:30,374 --> 00:38:31,876
)
(IMITATES LASER FIRING

688
00:38:31,876 --> 00:38:33,244
Gotcha!

689
00:38:35,946 --> 00:38:39,450
Thanks to the information
in this R2 unit provided
by Princess Leia,

690
00:38:39,950 --> 00:38:42,953
we should be able to mount
a successful offensive
on the Death Star.

691
00:38:43,454 --> 00:38:47,258
But first, please take
a moment to watch
this instructional video.

692
00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:54,332
Nothing but net.

693
00:38:54,332 --> 00:38:59,337
Hi! I'm Magic Johnson
with a few tips on
blowing up the Death Star.

694
00:38:59,337 --> 00:39:02,840
First off,
never forget your objective.

695
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:04,342
There are gonna
be so many folks

696
00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,344
coming at you
to slow you down,

697
00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:10,348
you might feel like you go
t a bull's-eye on your head.

698
00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:13,851
No, but they will be
trying to kill you.

699
00:39:13,851 --> 00:39:17,855
Also, don't forget
you have teammates
out there watching your back.

700
00:39:17,855 --> 00:39:19,357
Unless you've
been messing around

701
00:39:19,357 --> 00:39:21,859
with their wife
or girlfriend.

702
00:39:21,859 --> 00:39:24,862
No, but they will
be there to help you.

703
00:39:25,363 --> 00:39:27,865
Lastly, you wanna make sur
e you step back

704
00:39:27,865 --> 00:39:30,368
and take cover after
you sink that bucket.

705
00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:34,372
'Cause that sky
gonna light up
like the Fourth of July.

706
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:38,442
No, but there will
be a large explosion.

707
00:39:38,442 --> 00:39:39,443
Any questions?

708
00:39:39,443 --> 00:39:40,911
.
Yeah, I got a question

709
00:39:40,911 --> 00:39:43,881
Does Barry Manilow kno
w you raid his wardrobe?

710
00:39:45,549 --> 00:39:47,885
You'll get
the answer to that question
next Saturday.

711
00:39:47,885 --> 00:39:49,487
(SCOFFS)

712
00:39:49,487 --> 00:39:51,489
Don't mess with the bull,
young man,
you'll get the horns.

713
00:40:01,699 --> 00:40:03,033
Biggs? Jesus!

714
00:40:03,033 --> 00:40:04,535
What the hell
happened to you?

715
00:40:04,535 --> 00:40:08,038
Oh! Hey, Luke. I was
under a Y-wing working
on the space engine,

716
00:40:08,038 --> 00:40:10,040
.
and the whole thin
g just dropped on me

717
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:11,542
Holy crap!

718
00:40:11,542 --> 00:40:13,043
Yeah. Holy crap.

719
00:40:13,544 --> 00:40:16,046
?
So, you here for
the Death Star assault

720
00:40:16,046 --> 00:40:17,548
Yeah, yeah,
I can't wait.

721
00:40:17,548 --> 00:40:18,549
How about you?

722
00:40:19,049 --> 00:40:21,051
Well, no,
I can't really...

723
00:40:21,051 --> 00:40:22,553
Oh, yeah,
because of that...

724
00:40:22,553 --> 00:40:23,554
The chair.
Chair, yeah.

725
00:40:24,054 --> 00:40:25,556
Yeah, so
I'll just be here
making sandwiches

726
00:40:25,556 --> 00:40:27,057
for when you guys
get back.

727
00:40:27,057 --> 00:40:28,559
Oh...

728
00:40:28,559 --> 00:40:30,060
Well, that's cool.

729
00:40:30,060 --> 00:40:31,061
Yeah.

730
00:40:31,061 --> 00:40:32,563
You want anything special?

731
00:40:32,563 --> 00:40:34,565
What?
You mean like a sandwich?

732
00:40:34,565 --> 00:40:37,067
Yeah.
Oh, no, I mean,
I couldn't...

733
00:40:37,067 --> 00:40:39,870
You know, whatever
you make will be fine.

734
00:40:40,171 --> 00:40:41,672
Hey, Biggs.
Yeah?

735
00:40:41,672 --> 00:40:44,675
You're just as big
a part of this as...

736
00:40:44,675 --> 00:40:48,179
I mean, you're doing stuff,
and I think that's great!

737
00:40:51,248 --> 00:40:53,217
Well, kid,
I guess this is goodbye.

738
00:40:53,217 --> 00:40:55,686
So, you got your rewar
d and you're leaving?
Is that it?

739
00:40:56,086 --> 00:40:57,087
When you say it
that way, I sound like

740
00:40:57,588 --> 00:40:59,089
a douche, but, yeah,
that's what I'm doing.

741
00:40:59,089 --> 00:41:01,091
What did you get
for a reward, anyway?

742
00:41:01,091 --> 00:41:05,496
Let's see.
I got 10% off
a Netflix membership,

743
00:41:05,996 --> 00:41:08,165
some nice
Cracker Barrel Cheddar,

744
00:41:08,165 --> 00:41:09,667
assorted lotions,

745
00:41:09,667 --> 00:41:13,170
and a little plastic
champagne bottle
full of jelly beans,

746
00:41:13,170 --> 00:41:17,174
and a little bear.
See? Little bear.

747
00:41:17,174 --> 00:41:19,677
"Hey, Luke, we had
fun on the Death Star."

748
00:41:20,177 --> 00:41:21,679
.
Well,
take care of yourself, Han

749
00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:24,482
I guess that's
what you're best at.

750
00:41:24,582 --> 00:41:26,984
Oh, look!
A light saber cheese knife!

751
00:41:30,988 --> 00:41:31,822
Yuck!

752
00:41:46,604 --> 00:41:47,638
All wings, check in.

753
00:41:47,638 --> 00:41:48,906
Red Three standing by.

754
00:41:48,906 --> 00:41:49,907
Red Six standing by.

755
00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:51,675
Red Five standing by.

756
00:41:51,675 --> 00:41:53,077
Red Buttons standing by.

757
00:41:53,077 --> 00:41:54,411
Redd Foxx standing by.

758
00:41:54,411 --> 00:41:55,679
Big Red standing by.

759
00:41:55,679 --> 00:41:57,047
SEAN CONNERY:
Red Octoberstanding by.

760
00:41:57,381 --> 00:41:58,782
Helen Reddy standing by.

761
00:41:58,782 --> 00:42:00,150
Simply Red standing by.

762
00:42:30,814 --> 00:42:33,250
I'm going in.
Cover me, Porkins.

763
00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:35,586
Having a little trouble here.

764
00:42:47,131 --> 00:42:48,132
Careful, Redd Foxx!

765
00:42:48,132 --> 00:42:50,067
There's one
right on your tail.

766
00:42:55,406 --> 00:42:57,608
I'm coming, Elizabeth!

767
00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:07,718
HERBERT: Use the Force, Luke.

768
00:43:07,718 --> 00:43:08,719
Obi-Wan?

769
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:12,723
Yeah, it's me. Use the Force.

770
00:43:12,723 --> 00:43:16,226
Force that thing in there,
just like I showed
you with those puppets.

771
00:43:16,727 --> 00:43:19,730
But don't tell nobody 'cause
you'll get in trouble.

772
00:43:27,438 --> 00:43:29,940
Clark,
I don't like the look
of this neighborhood.

773
00:43:29,940 --> 00:43:31,442
Come on, Ellen
, it's important
for the kids

774
00:43:31,442 --> 00:43:33,444
to witness the plight
of the Rebellion.

775
00:43:33,444 --> 00:43:35,879
Kids, you noticing
all this plight?

776
00:43:35,879 --> 00:43:36,814
Roll 'em up!

777
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,689
The Force is
strong with this one.

778
00:43:48,592 --> 00:43:49,393
(YELLING)

779
00:43:49,860 --> 00:43:51,128
Fuck you,
you son of a bitch!

780
00:43:51,562 --> 00:43:53,030
What am I, R2Pac?

781
00:43:53,030 --> 00:43:55,299
COMPUTER: The Death Star
is getting closer.

782
00:43:55,299 --> 00:43:58,168
And Leia's getting larger.

783
00:44:09,913 --> 00:44:11,915
I have you now,
young Skywalker.

784
00:44:11,915 --> 00:44:15,319
And with today's gas prices,
not a minute too soon.

785
00:44:17,788 --> 00:44:18,555
What the deuce?

786
00:44:19,723 --> 00:44:21,025
(WHOOPING)

787
00:44:21,291 --> 00:44:22,292
Look at us.
Look at how much more

788
00:44:22,793 --> 00:44:24,495
.
comfortable we are
now shooting stuff

789
00:44:51,155 --> 00:44:52,690
Whew!

790
00:44:52,690 --> 00:44:56,694
HERBERT: Luke, the Force will
be with you always.

791
00:44:56,694 --> 00:44:59,697
And so will I, always.

792
00:45:00,197 --> 00:45:01,699
Of course when you
get older and get

793
00:45:02,199 --> 00:45:05,102
some crow's feet,
I might lose interest.

794
00:45:11,308 --> 00:45:13,010
(CROWD CHEERING)

795
00:45:14,945 --> 00:45:17,347
You did it!
Yay!

796
00:45:17,347 --> 00:45:18,849
Hooray!
I have your sandwich.

797
00:45:18,849 --> 00:45:22,853
Yay! My what?
Oh! Thank you, Biggs.

798
00:45:22,853 --> 00:45:25,756
Yay! I'm part of things,
too. Yay!

799
00:45:25,756 --> 00:45:26,757
(ALL CHEERING)

800
00:45:29,226 --> 00:45:30,661
The end.

801
00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:34,064
(ALL CHEERING)

802
00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:36,567
.
Wow, Dad, thanks for
keeping us entertained

803
00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:38,068
.
That was a great story

804
00:45:38,068 --> 00:45:42,573
Yeah, but didn't
Robot Chickenalready
do this three months ago?

805
00:45:42,573 --> 00:45:44,074
I wouldn't worry
about it, Chris.

806
00:45:44,575 --> 00:45:46,577
I don't think
people are even aware
of that show's existence.

807
00:45:47,077 --> 00:45:48,078
Well, I don't know, Dad.

808
00:45:48,078 --> 00:45:50,080
I think a decent
number of people
watch it.

809
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:51,081
Oh, really?
Define "decent."

810
00:45:51,081 --> 00:45:53,584
I think it's
the highest rated show
on Cartoon Network,

811
00:45:54,084 --> 00:45:56,086
and the Star Warsepisode
doubled that audience.

812
00:45:56,086 --> 00:45:59,089
Well, yeah,
but double 10 people is,
like, 20 people,

813
00:45:59,089 --> 00:46:01,091
so what kind of numbers
are we talking
about here, you know?

814
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:03,594
,
Don't be glib
about this stuff, Dad.
It's a legitimate show

815
00:46:04,094 --> 00:46:05,596
and they beat
you to the punch.

816
00:46:05,596 --> 00:46:07,097
I don't know
about that, Chris.

817
00:46:07,598 --> 00:46:11,101
I mean, to me,
a legitimate show is
on ABC, CBS, NBC,

818
00:46:11,602 --> 00:46:13,604
you know,
one of the real networks.

819
00:46:13,604 --> 00:46:15,105
I don't know
about that, Dad.

820
00:46:15,105 --> 00:46:16,106
And besides,
what's up with that

821
00:46:16,106 --> 00:46:18,108
15 minute runtime?
What is that?

822
00:46:18,108 --> 00:46:21,111
That's like 15 minutes
of guys playing
with Star Warsdolls.

823
00:46:21,111 --> 00:46:24,114
Oh, yay, tune me in to that.
Oh, so you do
know the show!

824
00:46:24,615 --> 00:46:26,116
I read part of
a review online.

825
00:46:26,116 --> 00:46:28,118
I am not a fan.

826
00:46:28,118 --> 00:46:30,254
!
You know, Dad,
you're a real jerk

827
00:46:32,256 --> 00:46:38,262
(HUMMING STAR WARSTHEME)